HOW now Momus, what turn'd Porter?

Any thing for a quiet life theſe times: Better carry Burthens among Proteſtant Diſſenters, than grind at the Mill like Sampſon, with my eyes out among Philiſtian Papiſts.

Prithee what haſt got there?

A bundle of ſtollen Stuff.

Art thou turn'd Thief theſe Tory Times? have a care good Brother, of going the Jeſuits high way to Heaven.

What, to the Tripple Tree? there to get a Crown for Villany? and to be made a Martyr and a Saint for Treaſon? n'er fear, this is but pettit Larceny and under the value of 12. d.

Whence did you Steal it?

Out of the Warehouſe of the Anſwerer of the Character of a Popiſh Succeſſor. 'Tis a bundle of raſh Nonſence, new water'd and preſſed by Nat. Thompſon, and vended for good Sence and Reaſon: Fallere fallentem non eſt Fruus.

Nonſence, ſay you? I thought there had been no Haberdaſhers of ſuch ſmall Wares among the Papiſts: I thought the Diſſenting Proteſtants had got a Patent for ſelling Nonſence only.

You ſee Sir you are decieved; for I aſſure you that this Mr. Anſwerers Ware-houſe was full of it, and I only took a ſmall Fardel or two that came next hand.

What do you intend to do with it?

Fraught Heaclitus his Ship with it; he'l ſend it to Rome to be new dy'd, and then put it off for moſt excellent Papiſtical Sence and Reaſon.

Prithee let's ſee ſome of it.

That you ſhall, and hear it too if you pleaſe, for it rattles like gum'd Taffaty; look here; firſt by the way of Nonſence.

That the People of England may ſit down with their Hands in their Pockets, for that 'tis impoſſible either the Pope, the Devil, or any Succeſſor, ſhould bring in Popery. p. 2.

O Sir, there is a woof of ſence in this ſtuff, the meaning is, becauſe 'tis in a manner brought in already.

That's a Jeſt Sir—ſee another piece, hold it to the light, and ſee if there be e're a thred of Sence or Reaſon in it.

Item. The more Power a Popiſh Succeſſor has, the leſs able he is to accompliſh his Will. 3. Here is: A Popiſh Succeſſor can never attempt to bring in Popery, though he has an Army, becauſe he will be in fear of the People. 4. The perſonal excellencies of a Popiſh Succeſſor, ought to be an Argument for his legal admiſſion. 5. That it is ſo far from Sence, for any one to believe or think that a Popiſh King in England, can be any advantage or do any kindneſs to the deſigns of Jeſuitical Inſtruments for bringing in of Popery, that it is the greateſt Reaſon in the World, to believe that he muſt of neceſſity be the greateſt occaſion of their Deſtruction. 6. That to keep out a Popiſh Succeſſor is no leſs than Leſae Majeſtatis, and down right Treaſon, yet it is in the power of every Subject in the three Kingdoms, to be a Defender of the Proteſtant Religion, if it want it. 7. That all Proteſtants may be aſſured a Popiſh Succeſſor will infallibly be the Cauſe of the Deſtruction of the Jeſuits, by this Maxim, Suis & ipſa Roma viribus ruit. p. 5. 8. That a Popiſh Succeſſor can never bring in the Popiſh Religion, becauſe his Coronation Oath obliges him to the contrary. 9. He that Writes againſt a Popiſh Succeſſor, is ipſo facto, either a diſguiſed Prieſt, or a Papiſt in Maſquerade. p. 7. 10. Becauſe the late Popiſh Plot did not take effect, therefore no other in this Age can be effected. p. 8. 11. That a Popiſh Succeſſor is the beſt defence in the World againſt Arbitrary Government, for if he would, he could not ſet it up, becauſe of the watchful ſuſpicion of the Proteſtants. p. 8. 12. That 'tis not in the Power of Sheriffs, Juſtices of the Peace, Judges, and other Officers, be they never ſo Corrupt, or be they of what Religion they will, to bring in Popery under a Popiſh Succeſſor, becauſe hopes of preferment or fear of puniſhment will deter them. p. 8. 13. A Popiſh Succeſſor can never bring in Popery, becauſe the Tyde runs againſt it, and therefore it will be Folly and Madneſs for him to attempt it. p. 9. 14. That becauſe Queen Mary could not bring in Popery, therefore no other Popiſh Succeſſor can bring in Popery. p. 9.

I muſt interrupt you; I thought Q. Mary had ſet up Popery.

The meaning of the Anſwerer is, as I ſuppoſe, ſhe did not ſet it faſt enough: She ſhould have Burnt all the Proteſtants, and according to St. Coleman's Principles, not left any alive: But hear how good a Navigator he is.

15. That Beaſts running on the contrary ſide of the Ship, when ſhe leans to the Lee, or by the Larboard, ſinks the Ship: p. 10.

Here are other Fardels, which I ſtole from ſeveral of Heraclitus his Merchants of Popiſh ſmall Wares. As, 1. That to make the People of England of one mind, is to bring in Popery, and the way to make all Diſſenters conform to the Church of England, is to make them firſt Conform to the Church of Rome. That they being Jews, may firſt be Chriſtians before they be Musſle-men. 2. That the moſt prudent way, not to fear any Invaſion from the King of France, is not to believe it. 3. That the true way of ſecuring the Church of England againſt the Peſbyterians, is to joyn with the Papists to bring in Popery. 4. That the beſt way to help the King to Money, is to adviſe him to Prorogue his Parliaments. 5. That the beſt way of ſearching into the late horrid Plot is to Jear the People out of the belief of it. 6. That to be a true Church of England man, is to rail againſt all but the Papiſts. 7. That 'tis the beſt way to maintain Reputation abroad, by going together by the Ears at home. 8. That to give Honour and Reputation to the Supream Councel of the Nation, is to laugh at their Votes, and to term them factious.

So much for your Nonſence, good Mr. Momus; prithee, what Bag is that? is it ſtolen Wares too?

No, they are a few Nuts for Heraclitus to crack.

Out away, they are Queries.

Yes, Query Nuts, ſuch as Heraclitus his Squirrils, Jeſt and Earneſt, are weekly cracking in the ears of the People.

Let's have an handfull of them; I'le play at Cob-Query with them.

Whether Heraclitus his Fools Coat be long enough to hide his Knaves Jump? 2. Whether the Anſwerer of the Character of the Popiſh Succeſſor was not miſtaken, pag. 12. where he ſays, that Dagons Hands being broken off, he could have no Power to hurt the Iſraelites; When he ſhould have ſaid, according to the Scripture, that his Head being off as well as his Hands, he could not then hurt the Iſraelites? 3. Whether Dagon could not have found hands to have hurt the Iſraelites, if his Head had been ſtill remaining? 4. Whether all Laws to tye the hands of a Popiſh Succeſſor, will not prove like Sampſon's Cords, if ever he get into the Throne? 5. Whether the beſt way to eſtabliſh the Church of England, (according to the Maxims of the Anſwerer of the Character of a Popiſh Succeſſor) be not to ſet up a Popiſh Succeſſor? 6. Whether the maintaining and preſerving of Property, was not the firſt and main end of Government? 7. Whether the Grievances of the People do not ſound louder than the Checkling Laughter of Mr. Jeſt, or the Tooting horn of Mr. Tantivie? 8. Whether according to the Opinion of Heraclitus, it be not a certain mark of a Rebel and a Traytor of 41. to Complain of Grievances in 81. or ever hereafter. 9. Whether Heraclitus does not miſtake himſelf, who Numb. 2. ſays, that thoſe who Murthered the late King, never repented them of it (meaning the Presbyterians) and yet Numb. 8. he owns Mr. Love was Beheaded, for endeavouring with the Presbyterians the bringing in of his Majeſty? and whether the endeavouring to reſtore his Majeſty to his right, ſhew'd not that they were the true Friends of the Son; and a ſign of their not approving the Murther of the Father? 10. Whether a man may be properly ſaid to Repent of doing that he never did Commit, nor ever did approve of? 11. Whether the evil Actions of a few Rebels, ought in Juſtice to be imputed to the whole Body of the Presbyterians? and whether a third part of the Nation ſhould therefore be branded by Heraclitus's Jeſt and Touzers Earneſt, with the odious Names of 41. Top and Top-Gallant Villains and Rebels? 12. Whether his Majeſty has not had twenty years experience of the Loyalty and peaceable temper of the Diſſenters from the Church of England? and whether Heraclitus and others do not endeavour all they can to render them otherwiſe? 13. Whether a Worm that is trod on, by the Law of Nature, may not ſignifie by ſtrugling its Oppreſſion, without being call d Rebel and Traytor? 14. Whether a Water-man, who looks one way and rows another, be not a true Emblem of a right Tantivy, who preaches one thing and Acts quite contrary? 15. Whether B. Took be Fleſh, Fiſh, or good red Herring?

Theſe will ſerve me to play at Puſh-quaery with Hiraclitus: But look you, to requite your Kindneſs, here is a Copy of Verſes for you; and as Mr. Jeſt ſays, they have made me go all of one ſide with the weight of 'um.

I have known the Rogue go ſo this eight weeks, he is made as crooked as a Lesbian Squire; and has a bunch of Iniquity at hs Back, as big as a Camels. What are they? I love the Muſes mightily—This is Mournful Melpomine.

No Sir: 'Tis an Ode: Heraclitus's laſt Pindarique tranſvers'd. Here read it your ſelf, for I am at this time in haſte.

Reads. The Proſpect, a Pindaroque Ode.