Licensed.
The DEATH and BURIAL OF Mistresse MONEY.
With her Will she made at her Departure: And what happened afterwards to the Usurer that Buried Her.
London Printed by E. Cotes, and are to be sold by Charles Tyus at the Three Bibles on London-Bridge. 1664.
ARGVMENTVM hujus Libri.
THE DEATH AND BURIAL OF MISTRIS MONEY.
WHen the earth for her wantonnesse in Summer did pennance in a white sheete of Snow; and when the short dayes, and long Evenings gave assured tokens that it was the depth of Winter: The covetous wretch, old Avarez, to save fire and candle, went to Bed, where having meditated a while on his Trunke of Golden earth, which stood in his Chamber, and now finding himselfe dispased to sleepe, hee made this short Prayer.
And no sooner had spoke these words but hee fell fast asleepe before he could say Amen. But yet though his senses were bound up with the silken chains of sleepe, yet his minde (ever watchfull over his gold) and jealous of the losing it, drew him into a fearfull dreame, Which was that theeves had assaulted his house (hee living alone with an old Mayde called Kerdona) & that they were ready to breake open that Chest wherein all his trrasure lay. The feare of this Dreame had so surprized his fancie, that thinking hee heard the locke cracke; and that his angels were taking their flight, be leapt out of his bed; and his cloathes hapning to lye upon his Trunke, thinking it to bee one of the Theeves, catching fast hold thereon; and so holding the Trunke and cloathe fast in his armes, calls out aloud for helpe. Kerdona his Mayde hearing this noise, and having sayde by her Smocke when shee went to bed, because it should not weare out, come running unto him starke naked: Where you may thinke what a strange sight it was to see the mayde perswade [Page]her master that there wa [...] [...] [...]se of fear? No, sayes old Avarez, [...]hy I have one of the Theeves under me, come helpe me to hold him fact. Alas saies the Mayde, it is your owne clo [...]ths. I will not beleeve that sayes he, till I see more. With that the Mayde lights a candle, and coming towards her master, I hope sir sayes shee you will now see the truth of all: with that her master looking upon her, and seeing her starke naked, hee fals backward into a swound, crying O Cupid, I never knew the power of thy bugle how till now, tis pitty (saies hee) thou shouldst live a Mayde longer, and therewithall embracing his Mayde Kerdona, he fitted his own Arrow to her Bow-string, and that night got a bastard on her, called senne in the hundred.
How Kerdona did rise from her Master old Avarez: and how he went the next day to Bury his Gold.
KERDONA having all this night laine with an old Man, and beeing weary with his tedious sumbling, at last lightly slipt ont of the Bed, as good a Mayde as shee came in. And so stealing down, shee intended to send for her sweetheart, who should finish that taske of pleasure which the other had so flightly begun, and accordingly shee sent a messenger for him. Now in the mean time Old Avarez calling to minde the terrour and feare of his former Dreame, presently resolves upon a new course, which was, to avoyde the like perplexitie, he meant to bury his Money, being the safest way, (as hee thought) that posibly could be invented, [Page]For sayes he, then I may sleepe securely on my Pillow, nor can any Dreames affright me with the fear of loosing my beloved Gold. Being thus resolved, up hee gets, and having put on his old furr'd Gowne, away he goes into the fields, with a spade in one hand, and a great bagge of Gold in the other hand, meaning to bury his money privately without any Ceremonies, himselfe being both Priest and Sexton: so having made a deep hole under the roote of a tree, he layes therein his bagge of money; and as he was going to say Earth to Earth, a Spirit sitting upon the bagge in the likenesse of a Reden, spake thus unto him in the behalfe of Mistresse Money. I hope Master Avarez you will not commit so soule a deed as to bury Mistresse Money alive, for know that all the world lives by her, and shee being buried, the whole world would be all amort. Shee is the life of the living, the comfort of the rich, the hope of the poor, and therefore shee dying and being buried, all worldly hope and comfort dies with her. However, I hope if you will needs bury her, yet [Page]suffer her to make her Will. Avarez willingly agreed hereunto, and did the spirit tell him what shee desired. Why saies the Spirit, this is her Will.
MIstresse Money, being sicke in body as you may perceive by her pale looke, but healthful in minde, bequeaths her body to be buryed under this Tree, and her soule to the infernall Vault below.
Also shee gives and bequeaths unto her Friends in manner and forme as followes.
To young Mistresse Tireby, who for my sake first lost her mayden head, and afterwards turned a common whore, I give five pound to fetch her best gowne out of pawne.
To young master Rastley a Gamester, who hath often quarrelled in my behalfe, I give forty shillings to sweare and drinke sacke withall.
To master All sup the Broker I give six pence for a halter.
To master Fatling an Inn-keeper, I give twenty shillings to paint his signe withall.
To the incurable Hospital of Knaves and Fooles I give three pence per annum for Whips and Coxcombs.
To the Schollers I give nothing.
Item, to those Drunkards that have spent all their money over-night, I give six pence for a mornings draught.
Item, to Master Nonsence a young heire, I give four pence to buy Greenes Groatsworth of wit.
Item, to Maydes that have no portions, I give five shillings to buy a chaine to lead Apes in hell withall.
Item, to him that hath a scoulding wife, I give twelve pence to go to the alehouse; and if shee follow him thither, I give him sixe pence to buy holly wands to swaddle her withall.
Item, to maides that are in Love, I give pence apeece, to buy the next new ballet of Love, that so they may sing it over their Milking pails.
Item, to a grave chamber maid that very gracelesly has lost her mayden-head, I give six pence to carry her water to the Doctor.
Item, to Tobacconists, I give six pence for a brush to scoure their smoaky throats.
Item, To the poore of the Towne of Nonesuch, I give three pounds sacking threescore shillings.
Item, to them that keepe the Roade way of preferment, otherwayes called highwaymen or theeves, I give five shillings for a false Beard and Pistol.
Item, to Country Book-sellers, I give three pence to buy this new book withall.
And so him that writ it, I give what hee can get, and so he will thanke you for nothing.
THese are all the poo [...]e legacies which Mistresse Money intends to trouble you withal at this time, hoping you will be a just Executor in performing her last Will and Testament. Old Avarez having heard what the spirit said, consents to all that was demanded of him; Avarez tyes the strings of the leather bag so close together, that he strangled Mistresse Money by letting no ayre come unto her, and afterward buries her, and the paper which shee had made, both in one grave: and so having laid Earth upon his golden Earth, thinking now it safe enough, he goes merrily home, while his braine seemed to ring a peals of bels in this manner.
How Kerdona and her Sweetheart having stood by all this while unseene, found Avarez gold.
NO sooner was the old Avarez gone home, reioycing that his money was now past theeves handling, when Kerdona and her sweet-heart came forth from behinde a bush, where they had laine in amorous dalliance, and had beheld what had past between Avarez and the spirit; and had seene how injuriously hee stiffed, & then buried Mistris Money. But Kerdona a long time through duty to her Master, perswaded him to let the body rest: How? sayes her lover, I will not be guilty of her death for a Hundred pounds, and therefore let us make haste to digge her up againe, for perhaps the warmth of my pocket may recover her. So they both went to the [Page]Grave which Avarez had made under the Tree, and scratching away [...]he Earth with both their hands, they found Mistresse Money starke dead, in which manner shee has ever since continued, for your tradsemen complaine that money is dead, and your Countrymen finde fault that money is dead too. So that ever since Avarez buryed his money, there has been a dead time of money both in Country and City. But let that passe: Kerdona and her lover having taken up the Vsurers gold, and having found the Will which was buryed with it, her lover sweare he will performe all that was contained therein, seeing that it was Mistresse Moneys charity to bestow it upon such members of the Commonwealth: as Whores, and Knaves, and the like. Nay then sayes Kerdona, since you have gain'd this by my Fortunate Love, which brought you to these fields, let us send for a License, and let this buriall bee turned into our Bridall, I am contented said the Lover, but first (sayes he) that Avarez when bee digges up this earth againe may say that we are [Page]conscionable theeves, I meane to leave him this halter and this paper, which conteined these Verses.
So having cast in the Earth upon the halter and paper, they both went homeward, meaning to be married the next day.
How Kerdona, and her Sweet-heart were married, and how Avarez would have hanged himself, but that he was prevented.
THe Sun was no sooner risen fr [...] his Rosie b [...]d, but the two Lovers made hast to rise after him, and away they went to Church, where the Parson quickly [...]e them man and wife; and thinking to st [...]l home again together, they h [...]pned to come to that [...], from whence the day before they espyed Avarez burying his Gold. And so being invited by the natural del [...]ght of the place, and the flames of love beginning to blaze forth at their lip [...]; they both consented to lye down a while, and quench that rising flame with the hony dew of [...]isses. But they had not lain here long, when they might perceive Avarez comming towarde the tree, where he had buryed his gold, and looking round about, finding the co [...]st cleere, a [...]d that no body saw him, he began to scrape with [...]oth hands li [...]e a do [...] that would fain hide a marry bo [...]e, [...] [...]ing that he could not see his b [...]g of Gold, at l [...]st he [...] the [...]nd of [...] ro [...], which being pluckt out of [...] E [...]r [...]h [...]id [Page]end in a fair halter, and brought forth with it the former paper of verses; the old man not knowing what to think, open she paper, and there reading the two last lines,
He begins thus to reason with himselfe: Hang my selfe, saith he, yes I will hang my self, for now I perceive that my gold is stolne from hence, and that the arrant theefe in [...]orne hath left me this halter to end my dayes withal; well, I will hang my self I need no Iury to pronounce me guilty, for I confesse my self guilty of much folly in biding my gold, and thinking to save it: Was it not safe enough in my Trunk? (foele that I was) but I must have new devises of my own to bury it without bell, booke, or candle; but I see we old men doat, and thinking to be over-wise, prove extreamly ridiculous. Having thus said, cursed himself often, and fearing his [...]ver [...]a [...]e for the losse of his golden coyn, he get [...] at last upon a high hedge, and having fastned one end of the halter to a bough of the same tree (under which hee [Page]had buried his gold) he puts the noose over his neck, and then begins to confesse in t [...]i [...] manner. [...]ear me you wood and trees, while I conf [...]sse that I have worthily deserved of is kinde of death, for know all, that it is such as I am, that makes money so dead in the world as it is: while we ccvetous wretches hide and bury our Gold; for mee I hope the world will forgive mee, but for my sake I wish, that those that hereafter bury their Gold, may first loose it as I have done, and then hang themselves as I mean to doe; and herevishal being ready to caste himselfe off the hedge, the two Lovers (who all this while had heard his confession) came in and safed him from the gallowes, and comforting him for the losse of his Gold, which they had gotten, at last with many perswasions brought him home, where for very griefe not long after he hung himself in his owne Gartere. And thus have you seene that marriage and hanging goes by destiny, for the finding of this Gold made Kerdona and her sweet-heart marry & the loosing of this gold made the Vsurer hang himselfe, which was a fit end for an Vsurer, and so I end with Finis, Funis.
The Morall Meaning of this BOOKE.
AVAREZ fearful dreame shewes, that the Poore man sleepes more quietly than the Rich man. Kerdena is as much as to say gaine, from lucrum; so that Avarez getting his Mayde Kerdona with childe, does shew, that Usury does beget upon gaine, ten in the hundred. Avarez burying his gold, and yet loosing it, does shew that we should rather lay up our Treasure in Heaven than in Earth. Kerdona's marrying with a young gallant and making him finde Avarez gold, does shew, that which is gotten miserably does at last come to some prodigal hand, and so is spent wickedly. And this is the morall meaning that this short story doth afford.