THE Antients, though learned, were so fondly Superstitious, that the crossing of a Hare, or the ominous noise of a Raven, wou'd deter them from Visits or Business that day; nor was it in the power of Rhetorick to dissuade them from such weak and groundless Resolutions: what wou'd they have said, had they been deputed for this Visit, when as Three Essexian Gentlemen, who in Masquerade designedly attempted it, to understand Otes his inclinations to the Govern­ment as now established by Law? In the first Rencounter, after some knocking at the door, there appears a lusty Fellow, the Servant of T. Otes, a strong Hatch spik'd with Iron, (as a wall of Separation between them) and after some dis­course that being opened, a Chain cross the door: these are terrifying objects, fit for the Emblem [Page 2] of Hell; a Prison, and the Devil Master of the Appartment. But why this walking Monument of Villany should be thus guarded; why this T. O. that hath no Wit, Wealth, nor Honesty, should be thus barricaded up for security, is a gra­velling Question; nor can I think of any ready answer, but his inward regret for Profligate Acti­ons, and a guilt of Conscience, ever expecting the reward of them, punishment condign by the hand of every thing that appears capable of be­ing the Executioner of Revenge. But to the purpose: after some tedious and impertinent (if a Man dare say so, for fear of being thr [...]st into the Plot by neck and shoulders) they had ad­mission, being first askt who they were, and some­what more strictly examin'd, they being at a door, answer was made, that they were all Three Essex-Gentlemen, and the Doctors very good Friends, they being men of interest in that County, and disguiz'd in a kind of a Riding Garb; and so dis­guiz'd, only to know of this Patron of Dissen­ters his Sentiments, and particularly who they were that the Factions intended to put up for Members the next Election, when His Majesty should be gratiously pleased to issue out Writs for a Parliament. Being thus, not without great difficulty introduc'd, they were accosted and re­ceived with all imaginable Caresses by the Doctor [Page 3] in Pontificalibus; though 'tis the astonishment of Modest Men, that he cou'd ever have so much impudence as to assume the Gown, Scarf, and Title of Doctor, which Degree he says he took in the Academie of Salamanca, the very Padua of Spain; and a Nursery for Physicians for the Bo­dy, and not for those of the Soul, as he pretends to be; but 'tis pardonable upon his account, old Men & Travellers may Lye by authority (and he that can Swear damnably, may à fortieri Lye most impudently) for he that has been so notoriously forsworn himself about Persons and Places, these little Peceadillo's, as the Spaniard calls them, may be Venial and pass uncensur'd as humane frailties with some pity and commiseration, which others turn into hatred and execration; and truly, give the Devil his due, I am satisfied he hath had more Curses thrown upon him, than there ever were mentioned in the Ash-wednesday Commination; and some concisely wish, that all the Plagues of Aegypt Epitomiz'd in one, might inevitably light upon him; how deservedly, I leave it to the Reader to judge.

But now as to the condition of this Reverend, I know not by what Name or Title to distinguish him, (for dignifying he never will deserve) Fop, Baptist, Scaramouchi of the Gown, Buffoon of the Pulpit, the Sq [...]king Bag-pipe of little or [Page 4] no Divinity, or what you please; it seems was found in a dismal and painful condition, occasi­oned by some Paroxysms of a racking Gout; but what Gout, since there are so many sorts, and these so dangerous, (I had almost said scandalous) I shall leave it to conjecture. Notwithstanding this tormenting indisposition, he cou'd smile up­on the Triumviri his Visitants, imagining that they were persons wou'd be as forward and vi­gorous to promote his Rebellious Designs, and those of his Party, as they were capable of ma­king an interest in that County. After much loose Discourse about the Politick Affairs of the Nation, (some particulars most material you shall have an account of in what follows) he, accor­ding to the laudable custom of England, Do no­thing rashly, first let's drink, before we come to particulars, with no very audible or laudable, but a squeaking whining tone, like a slavish Irish­man, he was so generous as to call his Man Tom, commanding him to bring them a Bottle of Cla­ret, and another of Sider, to Treat his Worthy Friends with, though the Gentlemen proffer'd to send for Wine to treat the Doctor in his own A­partment; but that being denied with a kind of Spanish pride, (I dare not say gravity) they past it about one to the other, without remembring His Majesty or Royal Highness, I presume'd but [Page 5] T. O. wou'd not, durst not drink, by reason of the affliction of the Toe; nor was it his cu­stom abroad, as he said. But as to that, before I proceed, I must interrupt the series of this Dis­course with a true and convincing Argument of his abstemiousness in Potables of this nature; and that not only every night in the week, but on Sundays likewise: now Mr. Marshal, both by Name and Office, can give you the best account of his Sabbatical diversions, at the sign of Fif­teen Shillings on the black-side of the Royal Ex­change, till he was routed out of the House on those days, and at present keeps his Phanatical Nocturnal Cabal no longer there, where he sate as Chair-man of that unlawful Assembly, shaking his Noddle like an empty bottle, till he drown'd his little Wit and Brains in Claret; and then wou'd about the Noon of the night reel down the stairs like Boys down a hill, and his atten­dant Janizaries were forced to gather up the in­ebriated Pollicionello. These are his holy diver­sions, these his Religious Practices, Meritorious Works, for which the Gown-man deserves Ca­nonization, to be enroll'd as the leading man of all Factions, the prime promoter of Sedition, the Kid thwacker of the Nation; but 'twas a wonder that rain Action had not stirr'd up the Old Man in the rugged Millenarian, who some [Page 6] years since, with the rest of that Rebellious Crew, was so precipitate and villanous, as to Alarum our Metropolis, and endeavour to subvert the Government, upon the fond and groundless con­ceit of a Fifth-Monarchy of a thousand years duration here upon earth: that he shou'd be so Crest-fallen, and turn'd so great a Craven, as to suffer himself to be Cudgell'd by a Titular Soul­less Doctor, a Nominal Parson, in his own house, in a publick room, before a pack of profligate Ca­ballists, and all for the lucre of a dish of Coffee. Monstrum, horrendum—

If the Aggressor had had so much courage as to write Man, (for I'm sure he cannot Christian) somewhat might have been said by way of Apo­logy; but to be bang'd by an Urchin, is a piece of Tameness (not to say worse) unexampled. Herein this I must aver for Orlando Furioso, that herein, and herein only, he declared himself to be one of the Church Militant, the Don Quixot of Chivalry, the Sancho Pancho of thwacking At­chievements, the Blustring Don of Knight Erran­try, and the Millenarian Kill-Cow of the Nation. O Valiant Doctor! if I may so call thee without a Solecism. But we will now proceed to some of the rest of his virtuous qualifications, and give his true Portraict in some other of his Actions, for the benefit of these Kingdoms, and the promo­tion [Page 7] of Loyal Members to serve the King and Country in the Senate of England; in order to which, the Essexian Triumviri desir'd to under­stand his Sentiments of a Parliament; to which he replied secundum solitum, with a starcht formal gravity, that there might be a Parliament suddain­ly called; but he thought fit (a worthy Statist indeed to sit at helm, and steer the Ship of the Kingdom) —Mildmay and —Luther, or ra­ther in his opinion, —Mildmay & —Eldred shou'd be Elected to stand for the County of Essex. But as for Mr. Honywood, being askt what he thought of him, he said, There wou'd be no use for him; for in truth he did not know what to make of him. It seems he was not approv'd by the Judicious Do­ctor to be a person qualified for the promotion of Traiterous Designs, and therefore he must be raced out of the List of Parliament-men, and not be admitted into the House upon any terms whatsoever. But proceeding farther in their dis­course, the Gentlemen desired to know what he thought of Mildmay, lying under the dangerous circumstances of an Information, much discourst of about the Town, for high Misdemeanors; and whether he was a Man capable of Election upon that account. To which the Doctor made an­swer, Push! that will be [...] obstacle at all, he might be Elected for all those [...]inary circumstan­ces; [Page 8] and farther added, The Loyal Party have a design to put up Six to be chosen Members; and upon that consideration, We (a rampant style in the Plural number, for a Sawcie, Malapert, Diminu­tive Doctor) do not question to have the day; for that very thing wou'd no ways tend to their inte­rest. Thus you may see how vigilant and active this Mushrom-Machiavilian is ready to appear in Plotting and contriving any thing that may coun­tenance Rebellion, and promote the Hellish De­signs of his Lord and Master, the prince of dark­ness, in opposition to the good of the Nation, and the Interest of our Soveraign Lord the King, (whom God preserve from the Damn'd Machi­nations of such Hellish Boutefeux, such accursed Incendiaries as the Doctor and his Caballing Par­ty.) But to proceed: after he had thus learned­ly harangu'd them for some time, The Three Gentlemen in Masquerade farther said, seeming­ly to ingratiate themselves with him, but really to sift the thoughts of his heart, (if those of a false heart can be dived into or discovered) that at the last Electon, when he Jehu-like came dri­ving down furiously to Colchester in a Carosse with six horses, (a fine piece of State for a piti­ful Puny Fellow, whose Indigence and Impu­dence conten [...] for priority, and still sub Judice lis est which of these two will bear away the [Page 9] Bell) he was so throng'd after by those of that Country, that they cou'd not, without an un­pardonable interruption, pay their due respects to him, he being there so much concern'd in point of interest, that a person of great quality sent for him at Twelve of the clock at night, to have some discourse with him about the Election of Members to sit in Parliament for that County, and told him, that Sir Harbottle Grimston, Master of the Rolls, desir'd to be excused from standing as Candidate in their nomination for a Member of the House of Commons; to which Otes made no reply at the present before him, but embra­ced a more fit opportunity to promote his de­signs among the Phanatick Faction, (and a very fit place too, all things considered) which was on a Bowling-green, where he frankly declared, like a Worthy and Learned Gentleman of the Long Robe, (who could never write his Name right, if he ever had one) till he was taught to spell it by the industrious and sagacious Observator) that his intention in Coaching it down to Colchester, was not to oppose the Election of Sir Harbottle Grimston, before-mentioned, but only to use the interest of their Party against the choice of Sir Walter Clarges; so that it seems if he and his A­bettors can rule the rost, there shall be no person set up that has one grain of Loyalty in him, but [Page 10] only those persons, who when assembled, may take such measures as they did in 1641. and all this must be done in the fear of the Lord, for the repromotion of the Good Old Cause, the setling of the Government, the advancement of Religi­on, the good and emolument of the King and Countrey; which in plain English is no more than Protestantism in Masquerade, and the blackest of Crimes, Rebellion, against as Clement and Mer­ciful a Monarch as ever swayed the Sceptre, or wore an Imperial Crown, and the subversion of the best Government in the Universe, as now set­led and established in these Kingdoms; and all this under the specious Vizard of Religion, the common veil of all Horrid and Satanical De­signs; so that we may well cry out with the Prince of Poets, ‘Tantum Relligio potuit snadere malorum?’ Must Religion be still the Cloak of Villany? Must the Masque of Divinity veil the ugly Vi­sage of Impiety? Shall Reformation in Church and State be ever Synonymous to Rebellion and Subversion of the Government? Is there no o­ther rule or method in modern Politie to de­throne Kings, but by the specious pretence of setling Religion and Government? These are a kind [Page 11] of Political Brutes, that dare unman themselves to Unking their Lawful Prince and Monarch. But to go on with the remainder of this Dis­course: Otes farther acquainted the Gentlemen, That one Sir [...] Shame wou'd be put up to stand the next Election in Colchester; but with­al added, That wou'd do no good at all, their designs he must it seems have frustrated; and as for the County-Election, he did not at all question but that those Friends before-mentioned, viz. Mildmay and Eldred, wou'd he Elected Parliament-men, by reason of the Dissention between the Gentlemen of the Coun­ty, in endeavouring to set up Six to stand as Candi­dates at the next Election.

Thus you have a short but true Narrative of Otes's designs, and those of his Factious Party. A fit person indeed to be the staggering guide of the unsetled and Whirlegig Faction; who has been since this Interview spied by a diligent and honest Observator, to reel out of one Tavern into another at Twelve of the Clock at night, (a proper gesture, and fit hour for a pretended Priest, who is the very Stigma and Scandal of the Gown) loaden with Wine, and empty of Wit, like an innated Sop fit to be swallowed in a Mornings draught by the Infernal Garagantua. The aery Monsieur has a Proverb, Le vin n'a point de chausses; Wine wears no breeches, but dis­gracefully [Page 12] exposeth every mans nakedness to pub­lick view, lays open his Imbecilities and Imper­fections to the whole world: not that he had any need to do that, since he has sufficiently sa­tisfied all men of Sense and Reason, what a person of Integrity and Wisdom he hath manifested himself to be in all his versatile and contradicto­ry Speeches and Actions; (to say no worse of them) but certainly the Devil (as we usually say) owes him a shame, and will be sure to pay him before he swings out of this world, and drops into Styx off the Triple-tree, if Justice hath not stored up a more exemplary punishment for his Worship.

One thing I cannot omit, which I was very cre­dibly informed, by an honest well-meaning Torie, which is this: Otes (for I will follow the Modern way of Spelling his Name) being one day at a Coffee-house, (the Receptacle and Nursery of Profligate Phanaticks and Dissenters) chanced to fall upon an unpleasant Argument to all persons of integrity, concerning some nominal distincti­ons of Factions and Parties; where he was heard publickly to lay this down as a Maxime, That a Christian Turk was far better principled than a Papist, (a worthy Tenet of a Protestant Black-Coat!) which did strike some of the hea­rers with so much horrour, who came out of [Page 13] mere curiosity to see and hear this prating Savi­our of the Nation, and particularly one Country-Gentleman then present, a person both of Ho­nesty and Courage, that he replied immediately, Say you so, Doctor, is that your Religious opi­nion? then take this Turkish reward for your pains; and threw a dish of hot Coffee in his face, which bedewed the Doctor with that warm li­quor, that bears a complection as black almost as his dark and fable Actions: but the peevish Doctor took it then very patiently, without ver­bal or actual resistance; his courage it seems was not then heightned with Wine, so as to make him fly to his ultimum refugium, reviling language, and his Argumentum baculinum, as he did to the Millenarian before-mentioned. This is the highest and most notorious passage of his signal patience, that I ever heard or read of; and God grant him more of that tame meekness, and all Gentlemen equal resolution and courage to baffle such prac­ling and ill-principled Dissenters. But before I take leave of him, give me leave to tell you with what Caresses and Ceremonies he intended to dismiss his Ternary of Visitants: the three Gentlemen having drained him as far as they thought at that present convenient, left he might discover their vizarded designs, by putting him upon any farther Interrugatories, being ready to [Page 14] depart, the Gowty Don made a shift to raise him­self, and say, Gentlemen, I must kiss your hands, after the —Manca-mode, though with more Spa­nish pride than gravity, (for he had gain'd a ha­bit of the Spaniards Vice, though not so much as a smatch of their Vertue) profered very ob­ligingly to give them all three a Bezo las manos, as Albrici [...]s for the good news of their real in­clinations (as he vainly conceiv'd) to himself and his Party; which they very modesty refused, and so departed with some usual Complements, very affectionately expressed, and passed between them, to the great content of the Doctor, and the sufficient satisfaction of the Colehester-Gentle­men, who had really effected what they had de­sign'd, under the vail of a rural Disguize, where­by Otes was frustrated of that imaginary service he had done the Factious Party; and may all his and their designs be for ever thus blasted in the bud, and crusht in the very egg, before they come to maturity and perfection: and as this is mine, so I question not but it is the cordial Prayer, and fervent Ejaculation of all true Christians and Loyal Subjects.

'Tis voiced or noised about the City, that his Doctorship intends to leave the Tumultuous Town, and retire himself to a Country-Apart­ment not far off, to enjoy himself in his rural re­cess [Page 15] with the greater privacie, and less interrup­tion, to practice his old Vices in a Monastick re­tirement, and hatch his mischievous and pernici­ous Plots to a higher and more undiscovered per­fection than hitherto he hath done; and in order thereunto, (as I am inform'd) shews himself a­broad without any Attendant, his Three Bum-Bilboa Blades being discarded, whether for want of Money or Pride, is the question; though 'tis thought the former and not the latter is the oc­casion of it: for the Factious begin to open their eyes, and seem to retrench their former Pensions to this Bully-Rock of Dissention, and check their profuse liberality with a close-fisted forbearance of their allowance to maintain this idle and Se­ditious Drone; and at last, 'tis hoped will drive him like industrious Bees out of the Hive of this City, and put the Doctor to his shifts, and try how his Wit and Ambition will supply him with Necessaries to support him with Life and Health, and make him the more able to wade through that Abysse of misery that certainly waits upon him.

But, on the other hand, some are of opinion, that if the Dissente [...]s do not open their pur [...]e­strings, and make him sensible of their orient mercy, he will like a Blood-hound, open his Jaws to their confusion, and then Plot upon Plot will [Page 16] be discovered, if any one is so much a Solifidian as to believe him; but his credit (if ever he had any) is now at the last gasp, and he himself not far from it.

This is no Prognostick, but a hearty wish, and so sans Adieu, as the French-man says; for I can­not, dare not bid you farewell, whilst you are contriving such disloyal and under-hand wicked practices; but shake hands with you, not as a Worthy Man, but a Man Worthy—the Ellip­sis I leave to be supplied by your own party, who are very well vers'd in such nice and modern di­stinctions, according to your new Systematical Rhetorick, But because so leading an Arch-Pa­triot of his Countrey ought not to pass without his deserved Character, take what follows, as a Co­rollarie to the preceding Dialogue.

H [...]dibras for that, with little variation. This is Hugh Peters redivivus, the Pulpit-Buffoon of this Nation, the squeaking Cushion-cuffer of Dis­senters, who to do him right, seldom troubles the suggestum, and the less the better; the crest­ed Bell-weather of the Good Old Cause, the [...] and shame of the Ministerial Function, the stain [Page 17] and disgrace of the Gown and Scarf, the Trum­pet of Sedition, the Ring-leader of Faction, the Kirk-Dragoon, the Demicaster Divine, the Ʋnge­doopt Mensche, as the Boorish Hollander styles an Unbaptiz'd or undipt person, in plain English a Heathen; Oates to day, and Otes to morrow; a Papist, a Calvinist, the Jesuits Letter-carrier, a Lay-Brother at St. Omers in Artois, a Petty Cu­rate in England, a Doctor without a Degree, Di­ploma, or Mandamus, and yet now, sometimes he appears in a Canonical Robe, then again swadled up in a long black Coat, the very Prote­us of Religion, the Boutefeu of the Nation, the Massinello of the Rabble, the Machiavil of ill-principled Politicks, the bad Genius of his Coun­try, the detestation of all Loyal Subjects, the Dar­ling of the Giddy and Factious Mobile, the By­blow of Nature, the Disgrace of Mankind, the Belzebub of Dissention, the roaring Boanerges of the expiring Old-Cause, the Geneva-Bull of Pres­bytery, the Propugnator of Independency, Patron and Pattern of Anabaptism, the Renegado [...] in propria persona, the Pantopola, or Jack of all Trades in Religion, and the only Scourge of the Millenarians, of which Kid is most feelingly sen­sible; every thing that is bad, nothing that is good, unless it be what is good for on-thing.

This I presume may serve for his Character in part, till opportunity gives my pen farther occa­sion to expatiate upon his merited Encomium; but no doubt we shall at one time or other have a larger field to discourse in his commendation, if we diligently observe his future designs, and pry into his Actions. Well! go on Doctor, if I may so call him; if not, pardon the expression, 'tis his own haughty Title, which he will still have the impudence ('tis too great a favour to call it Confidence) to assume; till he's both Un­scarfed and Ungowned, and receives a reward in a more sutable Garb to his condition and desert. And Hey then up goes he, and his empty Cranium is rais'd a Pole higher than his Shoulders, and ex­pos'd as a spectacle of villany by the hand of Justice to the Antimonarchical Multitude, from whom possibly he may with some pity receive a Nod from every Factious Noddle, lamenting his sad Catastrophe, and from others a sign of joy at his deserved Fate, intermixt with some afflicti­on that it hapn'd no sooner; and so bestow this Distich on him, which began the Epitaph of al­most (I dare not say altogether) as versatile and pretended a Religionist,

And let it come and welcome, for it will prove as glorious a day as e're did shine in our Hemis­phere, as noted an Epocha as e're was Registred in the Rolls of time; the year of our Christian Jubile in these Three Kingdoms, and a happy deliverance from so pestilent and Irreligious a Caitif, who design'd to involve this Nation in Rebellion, as sufficiently appears by all his sham-Plots and Contrivances.

And here I cannot pass by the story of an ex­quisite Artist (the Vulcan of his time) Perillus by name, who to gratifie the Sanguinary humor of the bloody Tyrant Phalaris, first invented a Brazen Bull, and he presented it to that Tyrant, which Malefactors should be put into, being first made glowing hot; insomuch that by their cry­ing (through the barbarousness of the Torment) a noise would issue forth like the bellowing of a Bull; on whom the Tyrant did this signal piece of Justice, to inclose him first therein, as a reward of his invention of other mens mischiefs, and so he proved experimentally the excellency of his work, with the loss of his own life, most unpittiedly miserable.

I will not trouble the Reader with any far­ther discourse concerning Otes, but only this en­suing Relation, which came to my knowledge since I set pen to paper upon this account (though some time since acted) to procure his veracity when he was in his Sacerdotal Grandeur, (if I may say so without offence to the Loyal and Learned Clergy) and in great imaginary re­putation with the vulgar.

The story runs thus: Some deserving Gentle­men of great esteem and fortune, meeting acci­dentally with T.O. as he fancied, though on their part, to be better acquainted with his integrity, told him, that there was a person who lived in Grace-Church street, who had Travell'd into se­veral Forreign parts, (having first related to him their design) desiring Otes to take cognizance of him when he should appear; upon which he was sent for immediately, and upon his admission into their Society, after some Complements past be­tween them, T. O. having asked the question, Whither he ever had been beyond-Sea, and he no way denied it; the Salamanca arose up, veiled his Bonnet to him, and with his usual fleering countenance, said, Sir, now your presence recol­lects my memory, I think indeed I have seen you there; but after several meetings, Otes by his discourse seeming to discover his good intentions [Page 21] to this unknown person, insomuch that he was forced at last to unmask the design, and appear with the infallible badge of his Profession, (a Blew Apron) before the unerring and Popular Doctor, for fear of being drawn into the Plot, to his scandal and disgrace, being both innocent and Loyal; upon which, the whole contrivance was blasted, the Doctor Ridicul'd for his notori­ous Swearing Faculty, to their great, but (I pre­sume) his own small satisfaction.

In fine, as it was said of the Jesuits, (the spawn of the deceased Loyola) when they had embroyl­ed the best part of Christendom with their per­nicious Tenets, and destructive Practices,

So may I without doubt examine O. and his Complices with the same Interrogatory, and if the question be put here in this case, in promptu responsio est, there needs no study for an answer, it so naturally follows; Ketch will soon give them a dispatch, when their Impieties are grown to so prodigious a height, as to be lopt off with their Lives according to Justice by the hand of [Page 22] the common Hangman: and 'tis great pity, in my opinion, that he and they who have made such a combustion and disturbance in our British Isles, while living, should creep [...]ut of the world sneakingly and silently; therefore I will close all with this Epitaph; (nor is it fit that the pen of any Poet but a Mars, shou'd compose one for the Coryphaus of Faction and his Party) on­ly with the alteration of a single word, and that a most significant and material one too.

Thus Exit the Reverend Dr. Otes and his A­bettors; the Curtain's drawn, the Farce is ended, and I am secure of a Plandita from the Essexian Triumviri.