Concerning the Wandring Jew. that Pha­laris's Epistles were written by a Turkish Spy, who resided 44 Years at Agrigentum. A Dissertation upon the Age of Lucius Bocius. The Novel of Nicthycranculus and Pollidona.

IT is but reasonable that in the Second Place, I should consider my own Be­nefit, not that I design to lock up All ‘— [...],’ and thereby endanger its dying with my self, as it too frequently happens by the selfish Humor of Discoverers; but only to make such a reasonable Profit, as ought to be allow'd for Encouragement [Page 64] to the Ingenious. What I propose is; to teach my Art at moderate Rates, not doubting to raise a sufficient Estate, from the great number of Scholars that I may reasonably expect. And I do here take Occasion to certify Gentlemen of both Sexes, whether Knights, Burgesses, Justi­ces of Peace or their respective Consta­bles; that, if they or any of them, will be pleas'd to send their Sons, or Daught­ers, of any Age between Twelve and Twenty-one, to my House near Flint­shire, they shall find decent and suitable Entertainment, and be faithfully in­structed in the Depths of my Art, if Ca­pable; otherwise my Wife will, not­withstanding, engage to teach them the choicest Rules for making sweet Powder, Pomatum, all kinds of Pastry-ware, be­sides Carving, Moulding Cockle-bread, Playing on the Jews-Harp, and all other necessary Parts of Genteel Education.

The Life and Exploits of SANCHO PANSA, After his Master's Decease.

AS the supreme Temporal Perfection is not found in any Times, but those which neither Are, have Been, no [...] shall Be at all, so is the second Honour very justly ascribed to those, which al­though they do not come up to the same Perfection of Not-being with the other yet keep however the greatest Distance from the Moment in Being Now namely, at my present Writing, or you present Reading, whenever that happen even tho' at a Thousand years Interval [Page 85] There is in Nature a parallel Case, that may illustrate this Philosophy. 'Tis not imaginable the nice and strict Analogy be­tween the Doctrines of Time and of Place, can possibly have escap'd the Observation of so discerning a Genius as my Reader. You see therefore (as I take for Granted) how the several Phaenomena of both depend upon the same Reasons, and may become assisting in the Solution of each other. Did Felicity chuse the Days of v [...]ronia And does not she chuse the Country of Vtopia? Are the most distant Times the next in her Favour? and are not also the most distant Climates? Are the most an­cient Writers the best in their kinds? Are they Giants in Learning, and the Mo­derns but Puncinello's and Pygmies upon their Shoulders? and are not the most Remote Inventers incomparably the most Inventive? Nay, is it not very remark­able, that the ancient Greeks and Romans have outstript, in all the Liberal Arts, their Cotemporaries, the modern French and English, chiefly by reason that the Chinese are great Wits? Nor is it less Remark­able, that no Kingdom, or Common­wealth, [Page 86] whatever (always excepting those unrival'd States in Vtopia) is al­low'd to be fram'd, model'd and consti­tuted with such a Vein, a Strain, a REACH, a RACE, a STRETCH,See Temple's Essay upon Heroick Virtue. a FETCH, a JIRK, a QUIRK, a SPIRIT, POWDER of Politick and Critique, as those of China and Peru, which are OUT-LYING [...] Nations, I don't know how far beyond the Worlds End.

Of Liberty and Property, and several other things that conduce to the better vnder­standing of this Famous History.

SInce all Parties are unanimous in this Principle, that Time becomes more pure and excellent in Proportion to the distance it recedes from the Nunc Temporis, the only remaining Controversy about it is, taking any Degree you please o [...] Distance or Latitude, whether it will not be equally Estimable on either side o [...] the Equator, or the Linea Praesentialis▪ [Page 87] either Arctick or Ant-arctick, Past or Future, (which is all one between Space and Time) or if they be not equally Estimable, which must be allow'd the Pre­ference? There are a Species of Philoso­phers, who setting up for Moderation, endeavour to defend the Equality, and urge us with the foresaid famous Ana­logy of Time and Place, which obtains, as they pretend, in this point as well as any. For, granting that at an equal Distance from the Torrid Zone on either side, the Force of the Sun's Malignancy does equally abate, it seems to them a plain Consequence, that at an equal Di­stance from the Punctum Tonunicum, which way you please, the Virulency of Praesentialness must in the same measure be taken off, qualify'd and debilitated. Now 'tis true indeed, that the Inference here seems very just and inevitable, but the Ground of it is fallacious and cannot be insisted on; for it supposes the Ana­logy between Time and Place to extend farther than it ever did, since we see that several Countries, tho' at the same Di­stance from the Sun, yet have various [Page 88] Degrees both of Heat and Fertility, oc­casion'd by their peculiar Situations, and such like Collateral Arguments; whereas in the case of Time, on the same side of the Present, and at the same Distance, Days and Years have always the same Excellence and Worth; because 'tis very evident, that nothing has any Influence upon the Happiness of Ages, but their Distance from the Present only.

A Section containing,

Two Receits out of Echard'sSee Echard's 2^d Dia­logue, where he treats of boil'd Cushions. Translation of Duns Scotus, viz. How to broil Hazle-Nuts with pickled Ivory-Sauce and Ablative Cases; and the best way of stewing Curds in a Visian.

These Levellers or Moderation-Men being set aside, since either the Future, or the Past, must have a Pre-eminence, we proceed to examine the next Point in Debate, viz. To which of them it ought to be awarded. There are hot Zealots, or High-Flyers, on both sides, and so great Animosities are kindled between them, that if either should get the su­pream [Page 89] Power into their Hands, their Opposites, or Dissenting-Brethren, will have cause to apprehend a Persecution. To state and represent the Cause at full length, and deduce all the Arguments Pro and Con, in Logical or Rhetorical Array, shall be thy Undertaking, O my next Philippick, ‘—quae Divina vulvêris proxima Famae.’

This present Oration, Dissertation, or Commentary (or whatever Name you shall please to honour it with) will be mightily satisfy'd, if it can but give hu­man Race a convenient Insight into the Business before us, by pointing at the chief Topicks, Offensive and Defensive, which the Parties militant employ against each other. Therefore ‘Pergite Pierides—’ on the part of the Futurists it is confi­dently talk'd, that a Minute to come is worth an Age that is gone; may, they pretend it to be an avow'd and current Maxim among Philosophers of all Ages, [Page 90] That a Week in Prospect is not only more valuable, but even apparently longer, than a Twelve-month that is slipt away, by the exactest measure yet known. Nor do they scruple to refer us to the univer­sal Sence of Mankind, who discover so great an Opinion of the Future, as to long for it with Impatience, while they always acknowledge the Past to be no better than Vanity; the days that are coming, at a distance, being Fine and Delightful, tho' they change to quite another thing, as soon as they are gone by, and begin to show us their Reverse. All this and a great deal more, they en­deavour to confirm by a great number of Instances, but chiefly insist upon the particular Case of a longing Nymph, who is always very well assured that the Future will make her Happy, but when once that future is converted into Past, perceives her Expectations deluded, and herself betray'd by it into Misery and Repentance. A thousand other Argu­ments that are mustered for the Defence of this Tenet, I shall reserve for my sub­sequent Volumes; nor will I now dis­miss [Page 91] miss the Subject without this Concession, which all Parties, Orders and Degrees of Men seem to conspire in, That the Future is the only proper Season for mending, and repenting of, Faults that are Past; that it is absolutely the most convenient Opportunity of setting upon any Work of great Labour and Difficulty; and the rather, if it be a thing of such Necessity, or Importance, as should not be enter'd upon with Precipitation; for 'tis plainly impossible to undertake Matters of that Nature, till the Future is come, though some prejudic'd Persons have a Conceit, that this Future tantalizes our Resolu­tions, and always flies before us.

The Novel of the Tall Inquisitive conti­nued, and that of the Lovely Amphi­bious begun.

THese are really very plausible Ar­guments, and many other things there are to be pleaded in Favour of the fame Cause, seemingly no less conclu­sive than these. Yet the prevailing Opi­nion [Page 92] runs on the other side, and has many Reasons to support it. In my other Volumes I design entirely to ex­haust the Argument, by displaying all that can possibly be said in Fa­vour of Days elapsed,Dr. B—y form'd a modest Design of this Nature, in the Case of Phalaris's Epist. which he promis'd that no Mortal should take to be Genuine, from the time his Dissertation came out, 'till the Confla­gration. so that for the time to come, no Man shall offer to write, speak, think, or opine any thing a­gainst the Dignity and Precedence of Times Past.

I am so well satisfy'd in the Proofs and Evidence of this Doctrine we are now defending, as to believe that the contrary Perswasion where-ever it be found, can arise from nothing in the World but meer Ingratitude. For is it not even visible, that Men shew a mighty Respect for the Future only, because they have great Ex­pectations from it, whereas the Hours which have left and bequeath'd to them all the Goods, Possessions and Enjoyments which they are Masters of, are often slighted, turned away, and out of mind, only because they are Past the Condition [Page 93] of doing them any further Service. Now instead of that Disingenuous Principle, we ought to forget only what Injuries the Age expir'd has done us; to forgive all that is past and gone of that Kind; be easily reconcil'd to its Memory, and willing to speak well of the deceas'd. This I esteem to be one of the most eminent Virtues, yet it has always been flourish­ing and triumphant, and so much the more conspicuously, because by this Virtue, which by its own Nature is solitary, and even self-subsisting, we are convinced that all other Virtues are either extinct or languishing; upon which Account there is Reason also to be the more fond of this. There is in the World a certain Society whose laudable Disposition, as to the point before us, must not be passed over without due Com­mendation; a Society well known, of a great Rank and Figure, and bearing a great Sway in sublunary Affairs, ha­ving produc'd more Persons of Note in all Kinds, than ever appear'd besides. My Meaning is doubtless obvious enough to conceive, for what can any charitable [Page 94] Reader think of me in his Conscience, but that I do most joyfully lay hold upon this happy Occasion of vindicating our Specifick Reputation, by doing Justice to the noble Race of Mankind; to whom I am known to bear a very singular Affection, as ha­ving the Honour to belong to that cele­brated Species, in the Quality of an Vnworthy Individual; so much at least I may say, that this Character is allow'd me by all that love and understand the Good of my Country. For such my Birth and Breeding, I own an infinite Obliga­tion to the Manes of Sir Samuel Luke, my much Honoured Grand-father, as like­wise to some others of my illustrious Pro­genitors, who were good old Men, true Zealots for the Good Old Cause, & ‘—nati melioribus annis.’

I take the Boldness therefore to main­tain the Honour of human Race, as to this most excellent Virtue of forgetting what Sufferings Times past brought upon them, as well as remembring and exagge­rating with the utmost Gratitude, what­ever [Page 95] Blessings they enjoy from the Goodness of those happy Days, now departed. Nay, I will venture to go a Point further, the more firmly to esta­blish my Cause, tho' by seeming to op­pose it; as some Persons of known Ho­nour and Integrity, are labouring to un­dermine something or other, 'tis hard to affirm what, by pretending themselves its Protectors.

For since the Press, the Pulpit and the Stage Conspire to censure and expose our Age, Provok'd too far, we resolutely must To the one Virtue that we have, be Just.

I assert therefore, for the Glory of our own Time, and will maintain it to the last Drop of my Ink, that it does not fall short of any other in this good Quality of preferring all others to its self; that it does not fail to pay due Honour and Re­spect to elder Ages, or to aggravate its own Degeneracy. I assert farther, for the Credit of my own Country, that without flattering our selves, we are not out-rival'd in this Point by any Nation [Page 96] whatever, let our Neighbours think of themselves as fondly as they please. How few among us can ruminate upon the last Century, or revolve in our Minds some glorious Scenes with which it was illustrated, without the sweetest Com­placency, and even Rapture of Delight? Could the same happy Days return, the same blessed State of things be restor'd, with what Joyous, what Triumphant Acclamations, would the Glorious Day be hailed, and usher'd in by Multitudes of British Souls, and how welcome ‘Quadr agesimus Octavus Revolubilis Annus?’ How celebrated even among the Ancient Writers are those Times which were Ancient to them?

Which some Iacobitish Fellow, I don't know who, but possibly it may be the Author of the Memorial, has translated against the present Ministry, or Liberty of Conscience, or what else you please, and deserves to be sent some where or other for his Pains, as you may see.

And we find this confirm'd by the Practice of Mankind,See the Theory of the Earth. which best dis­covers their real Sentiments; for, in the Primigenial Earth the Inha­bitants, or old Hero's, were content to live near a Thou­sand Years; whereas now-a-days, say all that can be said, you will never per­swade one Man in ten Thousand to live so much as a tenth part of that Time; and all because they are angry at the Degeneracy of the Times, and vex them­selves to Death to think that the Axis of the Earth should be grown so cross, as to stand in a skew Posture to the Obliquity of the Ecliptick. This Philosophy may seem [Page 99] not to want any poetick Authority to confirm it, yet it will not be amiss, how­ever, to use the following Verses as Col­lateral Proofs.

The Epicureans are subdivided into two Sects; the one hold that the Past and Future are equally Excellent at an equal Distance, and endeavouring to prove their Tenet by the allow'd Veracity of our Sences, form their Argument in this manner.

EVery Thing Is just as it appears; now 'tis certain Things appear the Greater, the farther they are from us; this they several ways demonstrate, and call even the Sun and Moon to witness, both which are evidently larger in Cir­cumference at their Rising and Setting, than at Noon while they hang over our Heads, and are nearer (especially to those that live within a few Degrees of the Line) by many a fair Mile. Now by Parity of Reason, say they, the Hap­piness of the Present Time, or such Times as are not far distant, must of necessity seem less, and consequetly be so, than the Past, or Future, Felicity of a Setting, or a Rising World.

[Page 108] The other Party pretend that the whole World must always be in a gradual and growing Declension, because all the very Atoms of which it consists, are for ever in a declining Condition; and that more and more violent every Age; as we learn from undoubted Records, that they declined more in Epicurus his time, than they did in the Days of Demo­critus.

As for the Stoicks, who are impla­cable Enemies to Epicurus, and all his Doctrines and Disciples, they assure us that Men are become miserable only by growing so besotted as to think Pain can do them any Hurt; whereas if they were but wise enough to love Pain and Pleasure alike, or to esteem Pain the more Eligible and Pleasant of the two— Why they might live as happy as their Ancestors ever did before them.

The Chymists believe that Time car­ries in it a very strong Menstruum, which debases the Purest Metals into the Grossest;See Boyle's Orig. of Forms and Qualities. has depreti­ated the Mundane Secul [...] from Gold to Iron, and [Page 109] proceeds to corrupt even the latter, by a certain Tincture infus'd into it of a Corrosive and Venomous Quality, by which it frets and maligns it self.

The Doctors of the Faculty, like their Brethren of the Corpuscularian Philoso­phy, are also at Daggers drawing about the Vitiation of the Serum temporis; some supposing that the Virtue of it evapo­rates through the Rapidity of its Mo­tion, others offering to demonstrate, that the Fault lies in its Sluggishness; that it begins to move too heavily, and tends violently towards a Stagnation. For the several Hypothesis concerning the Heart-burning Acid, the Alkali, and the Nausea Temporis, vide my next Volume; in which also shall be faithfully explain'd the Opi­nion of the Aristotelians, who impute all to the continual Ra [...]efaction of substantial Forms, by the intense Heat of the Sub­concavo-lunary Fire. Therein I shall like­wise dilate upon the Pythagorean Doctrine concerning the Abstracted Number, which they hold to be the Quintessence of Things. But, Whether any of these Sup­positions be the true Account, is more [Page 110] than I dare offer to determine; or, Whe­ther it be that the World is the worse for Keeping, like a Barrel of Oysters, or like the late Lord C—r, and other un­thrifty Fornicators; Whether it takes after the Microcosm that governs it, and equally affects to be

Whether the old Cavalier with the Hour-glass and Scythe grows more and more ‘Difficilis, morosus—’ querulous and untoward, the more he grows in Years, and loses of his Sand; Whether Time and Eternity, bear Ana­logy to a River and the Ocean, the for­mer rising pure at first, but becoming more and more turbid in its Course, till receiv'd again into the same Abyss, whence it took its Beginning; Whether the Felicity of an Age, like that of a Hero, depends entirely upon future Fame, or the After-judgment of succeeding Ages. [Page 111] However this be, it is undoubtedly true, that there are some five or six Per­sons, at least, in the World, who dis­believe the matter of Fact, and seem to be of the Sect of Sceptick Philosophers. You will be surpriz'd to hear what Para­doxical Notions these strange sort of People have set up. First, they pretend that former Times were, one with another, as bad as the present; and fu­ture Times also are like to be so, the World being never without Reason to complain of bad Times, if Complaints were to any Purpose towards making them better. For if former Ages have not suffer'd so much of the same Grie­vances which ours is troubled with, they have had others of their own, which we are insensible of; and all Vices have reigned in their Turns, like Diseases or Fashions, according as mortal Men are pleas'd to change, and grow weary of one after another. Hence they would infer, that for a Man of the present Ge­neration to tumble over worm-eaten Volumes, and hunt up and down Chro­nology, in quest of a better Time than [Page 112] this which keeps him alive, is to imitate the restlesness of a Bed-rid Patient, who when displeas'd, or grown out of con­ceit with his present Posture of Affairs, tumbles and takes Pains all in vain, to settle his crazy Tabernacle in some other Situation that shall please him longer.

Nor was I less restless in Mind during the Course of these sorrowful Medita­tions, till Morpheus in great Compassion step'd in to my Relief, and not only gave me present Ease, but an infallible Amulet against any Relapse; as will be more clearly understood by perusing the next Section, if you have but any tolera­ble good Success attending you in your Studies.

Of Truth, Prejudice, Delusion, Plato's Re­publick, Epicurus's Atoms, Blount's Oracles, Baxter's Divinity, Collier's Essays, Pilgrim's Progress, Crums of Comfort, and Mr. D—'s Epistolary Discourse.

WE travel'd on very Lovingly together, and pass'd thro' [...] Labyrinth (as I have since learnt) that has a single Path leading to Truth, but ten Thousand that draw you away from it.

Among these there are many that carry a Man wrong the first Step he takes, and others that proceed some Length in the Right Course, and then turn aside from Truth, after having far advanc'd towards it. Each of them spreads into infinite Subdivisions, which running out every way at random, do often interfere and twine among themselves; so that one may imagine them to resemble either the Multiplicity of Tracks in a Wilder­nes, or the Propagation of Veins in an Animal, or rather the Branches of a Tree, which issue from the Trunk at different Heights; as secondary Branches [...]o also shoot out from them; and others still less, from these, in the same man­ner, frequently confounding themselves with one another.

[Page 120] It would be too long to enumerate all the Casualties that are incident to Men in this Labyrinth; causing them so fre­quently to deviate from the Sight of Truth, and run after Delusions. Many are biass'd aside by the Tendency o [...] their own Nature; many are wrong di­rected at first, and turn'd a-wandring by false Guides. Great Numbers mistak [...] their way thro' Inadvertency, Precipi­tation, or Confidence, and bear other along with them in the Crowd. No [...] a few are led astray by a kind of Ign [...] Fatui, or dazled by Appearances of Tr [...] in the grossest Falsities, like Parhelii, [...] Images of the Sun imprest upon a Clou [...] Some pursue Shadows, and lose the way in a Dream; some are corrupt [...] by Bribes, and consent either to hav [...] themselves blinded, or mis-led with the Eyes open. Habit facilitates their Pro­ceeding, and Pride swells them to an I [...] ­capacity of returning.

These Prejudices, and a thousan [...] others, and a thousand Species of eac [...] are the Emissaries of Error, that cont [...] ­nually lie in wait to spirit away our D [...] ­scernment, [Page 121] and seduce us from our true Guide, faithful and circumspect Reason. Hereby they have distracted Mankind into a Confusion of Sects, Philosophical and Religious; setting opposite Parties to demonstrate Contradictions, and re­proach each other with equal Justice, as well as Ignorance and Obstinacy. These drill'd on Democritus into an Abyss of Atoms, and have carry'd the Platonists from an Ideal Republick to a Universe of the same No-nature.

In my sixteenth or seventeenth Vo­lume you will find a most accurate Map of this famous Labyrinth, wherein shall be faithfully delineated the Traces of all wandring Philosophers that have been since the Deluge; and of those in par­ticular, who have ventur'd upon that Subject ‘—Pelago dare vela patenti.’ For, of the Antediluvians no Foot-steps are now remaining.

One Characteristick observed, by which the Path of Truth is distinguish'd from [...] others.

THE Path that leads to Truth, is said to be the only one, in this Intellectual Labyrinth, that gives a Man any solid Ground to proceed on, [...] support himself steadily. This, had [...] known in it time, would have damped all the fond Thoughts that I was possessed with of my Ideal Voyage; for the way I was conducted there was seldom any Footing at all to be felt under me. often thought my self treading the Air [...] sometimes by way of ordinary Steps, [...] [Page 123] more frequently skipping by uncertain Intervals, and springing forward I knew not how.

Of the Cartesian World and its Vortices. The Perfection of a Vortex. An extra­ordinary Way of Travelling. What happen'd to me in my Voyage, and to my Head. Of Gravitation. Our Arrival at the Ideal World. Our Reception there. Several Symptoms and Properties of Ide­ality. My Guides Complaisance. The calefying Quality, and remarkable Nature of a good Fire.

THE Vortex of the Intelli­gible World, According to Mr. Norris. like every thing else that appertains to it, is infinitely more perfect than any Vortex, Whirl-pool, or Whirl-gig that our Sensible World can boast of; now this Perfection consists in such a Rapi­dity cui nihil deest ad constituendum suun [...] [Page 124] Esse. As soon as we came within the Sphere of its Activity, you may imagine it was some Surprize to find my self very Gravely turning round upon my own Axis; which to me was a strange way of proceeding, and very much against my Inclination, having never travell'd in that manner before. And this probably might be the Reason that my Brain was seiz'd with a most violent Sickness; as if a great Number of Windmills had been very diligently at work within it; and I verily perswade my self, that there is no going over to the Ideal World without being so affected. We were easily suckt down by the Vortex; as you may guess that weighty Bodies have no great Appetite to resist in that Case; being seldom known so obstinate as to insist upon nothing, or fly upwards when they are mov'd to the contrary. My vertiginous Circumstances of Brain were not in the least abated by the continued Rolling of my Person, which grew more violent as we descended. At last I de­scry'd something that seem'd to be a Scull, and was making very discernible [Page 125] Circumvolutions about its own Center. My Guide bid me welcome to the Intelli­gible World, and immediately we were a [...] it; for this Scull was no other than the Shell of it, or the Ideal Scull. It is the Archetype of all Real Sculls, and a Promptuary of all Ideas whatsoever; from which, as from a never-failing Spring-Head, they are constantly drawn forth into Things; each at its appointed time, when summon'd by Fate to exert it self, and put on Real Existence. Within the Cranium, tho' for certain there is little or nothing of Brains, yet 'tis thought, there is the Idea of Brains, which is al­together as good, and accounted even far Preferable by the more subtile and refin'd Species of Philosophers. I saw also the Ideas of two Eyes; the Pupil of the one just discover'd it self peeping from behind the Lid, like the Sun half-set; but the other had turn'd its self quite inward. From this I concluded that if they had any Sight at all, they must fee things Double. However, they were evidently more Perfect than Real. Eyes; for the Perfection does not consist [Page 126] in external Seeing, but in pleasing the internal Sight; now these were endued with a very shining Je [...]. which may be esteem'd the true Emblem of Illuminating Darkness; and if they were not clear­sighted themselves, that was compen­sated by a more rare and admirable Vir­tue; for both of them were transparent, and might clearly be seen through. My Guide propos'd to my Choice, whether I would content my self with a distant View, or make Application for personal Admittance. We might take a Prospect conveniently thro' those Inlets of Sight, whereas there was no way to enter, but along the same Ductus, by which all kind of Vapours insinuate into the Pe­netralia of human Head. I declin'd the Proposal of getting in, being come only upon Likeing, and loth to be initiated at a Venture; conceiving also that for the present, it would be satisfaction enough to make my Observations at a distance. Thereupon we fix'd each at his Pos [...] like two considerable. Leeches; my Guide giving me as a Stranger the Com­pliment of his Right-hand. In this Po­sition [Page 127] were we rowl'd about by the Ro­tation of the Scull, so that (if you are in a very good Humour, and willing to over-look a small Disproportion in point of Magnitude) you may conceive us to have resembled either two Spots in a Planet, or a brace of Flies, should they chuse to plant themselves, for the Benefit of a warm Fire, upon some convenient part of a Goose as 'tis roasting.

The several Particulars of the foregoing Section apply'd. The Raree-show prov'd to be an Emblem of the Ideal World. How the Governour of it may represent Father Malebranche. How they both agree in their method of Instruction and Philosophising. That the Ideal Spheres Aequipol to the Raree Musick.

JUDGE now, by your own Experi­ence of this surprising Spectacle▪ how I was Wonder-struck to behold a new Universe beautiful and immense, opening it self so suddenly to my View; and within a Scull of no larger Propor­tions, than might have fitted a good reasonable Giant.

Imagine how my Guide's paternal Care explain'd the Scenes Ideal, and my curious Eye directed, to survey ori­ginal Forms naked of Being, and un­essential Essences, Specifick or Gene­rical, that lye for ever buried dark and deep, in the unfathom'd Womb of bot­tomless and inexhausted Nothing.

[Page 139] Nor did the intelligible Orbs surcease their Raree Harmony, but blest my Ear with Song unutterrable, (not carnal Ear, but that which inly hears the gentle Whispers and still Voice of Truth, in Philosophick Slumbers) nor does its Loudness drown the Harmony in Si­lence, as of old of Chrystal Spheres by learned Sage was sung. For Who is with the Faculty endued of innate Deafness, here has Priviledge undoubted to enjoy the rapturous Song.

How the Countess of Z—X fell upon the Turkish Fleet a-horse-back. How she overtook the same at St. Omers, and put them to flight with a Cross-Bow.

THE next Observation we shall ob­lige you with, will in all likelihood be that which follows. 'Tis well known, how the sensible World is disfigur'd by innumerable Blemishes, and a mis­shapen Brood of Monsters, that affront all the Laws of Nature, and disgust the judicious Observer. Now in the Ideal World, on the contrary, every Species keeps to its just Proportions, and never appears distorted, in any Instance, or otherwise than exactly as it should be.

[Page 146] There might you behold all shining, unsullied and compleat, the Essences of every Virtue and Grace, of Love and of Beauty; which, in the sequel of my Works, shall be drawn at full Length. Nay, the naked Essence of Deformity it self is so exquisitely Deform, that what is most Beautiful and most Charming, in the sensible World, can never compare with it for Handsomness.

How Geometry and Physiognomy were im­prov'd by the famous Mathematician [...] Malmesbury.

MY Reader being so celebrated a Well-wisher to the Mathematicks, (which is as much as to say, Student in Physick and Astrology) will doubtless re­ceive a very particular Satisfaction from the News I am to tell him, concerning all manner of Figures and Diagrams. These abound in the Ideal World, and are esteem'd the most excellent in their several kinds, that can any where be met with. There are Circles, for in­stance, many of them much resembling [Page 147] Hoops, which also are reputed the Causa [...] Exemplares, or primitive Patterns of all Hoops whatsoever. There are other Circles to be seen of Mr. Hobbes's Square sort, which 'tis possible a common Spectator might scarce know to be Circles. They are of great use in establishing a Common­wealth, and demolishing immaterial Sub­stances; but the Logicians disallow them as altogether unserviceable to a Dispu­tant. For, these Circles, say they, will afford no Assistance towards drawing up an Argument into the Round Figure; which is universally acknowledged the most compleat of all Figures, and to be of soverain use in War, as well as in Philosophy. The Difference in the two Disciplines is only this, that Warriours never conject themselves into an orbi­cular Body, but in Cases of Extremity; whereas Philosophers do not only recur to this expedient, when they act upon the Defensive, or when they are pressed by some Necessity of their Affairs; but frequently surprise the Enemy by it, and use it not unsuccessfully for a Feint, in making their Attacks. Nay, sometimes [Page 148] (so habitual is this most excellent Practice become to them) they run into it with­out thinking of it themselves, or so much as knowing what they are about. Witness a Thousand Demonstrations in the Works of C—s, M—che, N—s, S—t, H—s, S—ck, and a Thousand other worthy Authors, all either as round as Ideal Hoops, or at least, blest with as much Dissipability as ‘Carmina Cumaeae foliis mandata Sybillae.’ O Theorists! Foliographers! Cosmar­chitects! Enlightners and Distracters of Sense and Reason, [...] Cogit enim excedere propositi formam operis erum­pens animo & pectore indignatio. Nil egistis, O [...] nil inquam egistis, nis [...]

All Objections and Evasions answered. Diffi­culties solved. An Hypothesis proposed for assigning the Essential and Efficient Causes of the Perfection of the Ideal World, together with a perfect Idea of the said Causes, and the Causality of the said Idea.

THE Ideal Hoops, or Circles, are not without their Cylinder, or Ideal Tub; but this Vessel is now become a very empty and dry Subject,According to the Diss [...]rtator upon Aesop's Fables, and Monsieur de Meziarac's un­seen Biography. ha­ving lately been exhausted, as it were, in the Telling of a merry Tale. Yet still it can afford. ‘Or Pun ambiguous, or Conundrum quaint.’ Touching this Chapter, my Reader will doubtless agree with me, that thus far it is wretched Stuff, or at least, that it is not extraordinary Fine; but 'tis such as frequently comes into Tully's Head, and Mine, and likewise Dr. B—ly's.

Aesop was too short a Man to make a [Page 150] PROPER Ambassador. However,See Dissert. upon Aesop's Fables. We Three are not without something to say for our selves, for

Your Belief of this great Exactness in the Ideal Figures will be mightily eased, when I shall have informed you, that the Ideal Compasses, &c. by which they are described, are no less exact than the Figures. For Quod habet potest dare, and the Perfection of Diagrams must follow the Perfection of Instruments. Now 'tis certain, that material Tools are but so many clumsy and lame Busi­nesses, if compared to the admirable Contrivance of the Intelligible; and yet even these material Goods, how mean soever, were not of human Invention, but only copied from those exquisite O­riginals in the Ideal World. There, and there only, are reposited the Patterns of all things that are, or can be devised; and 'tis certain, that even the famous [Page 151] Standards at Winchester were, one time or other, all borrow'd from thence. The same we must acknowledge of all other Utensils, and all Contrivances what­ever; which may serve to take down the Vanity of our conceited Discoverers. For, Whoever first thought of Eating or Drinking, Living or Dying; or pre­tended to invent Shining, Sneering, Half-crowning; Acrosticks, Eclipses, Lord-Mayors, Bread'n'butter, &c. he did no more than look into the Ideal World, and make Transcripts of what he saw there.

How old Authors ought to be transfus'd into modern Languages, in such manner that the Spirit of them may evaporate. How the Caput Mortuum must be hermetically rimed up. The way of making Lucretius­Water, and Sirrup-o'-Virgil; of which the Reader shall have a Taste, when he he gets towards the end. How to tinge them both with a false Colour.

MY tenth Volume shall be imbellished with an account of these Essences, among others, viz. the Essence of a Chaffing-Dish, of a Bell-founder, of a Clock-maker, of Stewed-Prunes, of the Number 16, of Pain, of Mustard, and of Apples, which in the new World are generally Golden; besides which will be inserted the Effigies Amoris, the Idea Mo­ralis Philosophiae, 7258918 different Ideas of Wisdom, 12345678987654321 of Unity, and 392351782 41862749283163859 of Cushediship and Wee­weesiness.See Bp. S—t's Letter to Mr. Lock.

Tractatus de Suppositalitate suppositi sup­ponentis, seu de Alleg oriarum Mallea [...] ­lium Individuatione.

THE Idea of Harmony is infinitely more charming than the most ex­quisite Compositions of Purcel, Baptist, [...] Carissime. This Discovery does happily supply us with Answers to several acute and judicious Quaeries. What are become of the Charms of Musick (says the great Author that chose himself to represent the Ignorance of the modern People) Charms by which Men and Beasts, Fishes, Fowls and Serpents, were so frequently e [...] ­chanted, and their very Natures chang'd; by which the Passions of Men were rais'd [...] the greatest Height and Violence, and then as suddenly appeas'd, so as they might [...] justly said to be turn'd into Lyons or Lam [...]s, into Wolves or into Harts, by the Power and Charms of this admirable Art? There now remains no difficulty of solving th [...] important Doubt. What are become of these Charms of Musick? 'Tis evident they are all in the Ideal World, where they ever were, and ever will be; and [Page 155] safe enough from being lost by Inunda­tions, either of merciless Waters, or bar­b [...]rous Enemies; for either of these, it seems, hath at certain Periods, over­power'd the Charms of this admirable Art.

The Life of Merlin and Mother Shipton, extracted from the Miscellanea.

WE have found something also that may be reply'd to the following Demand—What have we remaining of Magick, by which the Indians, the Chal­daeans, the Aegyptians, were so renown'd, and by which Effects so wonderful, and, to common Men, so astonishing were produc'd, as made them have Recourse to Spirits, or Su­pernatural Powers, for some Account of these strange Operations? Though it must be granted, that the fore-mention'd Science is no where at that Perfection as in the Ideal, or Supernatural World, yet are there some visible Foot-steps, and Rudi­ments of it, that seem to be known, in the Natural. Witness that Sympathetick Pow­der, which being infus'd by Military [Page 156] People into long pieces of Brass, will kill a Man, by Conjuration, without coming near him, or letting him know any thing of the matter.

Tho' this Instance might be sufficient to our present purpose, a few more shall be added, and by that means we shall put the Case beyond all Dispute.

'Tis certain there is still extant in the Natural World, that famous Raree-show, so deservedly celebrated as an Ectype of the Intelligible; not to mention the En­chanted Labyrinth we travers'd in our way thither.

Besides, who has not seen the strange Operations perform'd by the admirable Art of German Magicians? Who has not had his Purse enchanted out of his Pocket, or been himself enchanted out of his Senses? Who knows not, that a Jargon of sound­ing Periods, tho' perfectly insignificant, shall carry a Cause against the most powerful unregenerated Arguments,See F. Malebranche's Treatise concerning Sir K. Digby's Grand Eli­xir, or regenerated Me­dicine. and con­vey Delusions by the Enchantment of mee [...] Sophistry?

[Page 157] Who knows not, that our modern Gypsies, either Stroulers or Domesticks, or by what other Title soever dignify'd and distinguish'd, have Power to Bewitch such Persons as take a Fancy to them, or bestow upon them any kind of Bene­volence?

And don't we every Day see a thou­sand strange Operations from the Power of Obstinacy and Conceit; which Be­witch Men, and Turn them to perfect Asses, in a most astonishing and unaccount­able manner?

Thus much we may modestly affirm in Vindication of our modern and natural Magick, that A—, and B—, and C—, and D—l are most certainly bewitched; the last especially in a very eminent degree, tho' by some erroneously taken for a Conjurer himself.

Did it not seem an Affront to the Me­mory of so great an Author as Sir W— [...] [Page 158] T— [...], I should be tempted to suspect, either that he had not duly perused, or did not well remember the learned History of the Renowned Dr. Faustus, or of our famous Fryar Bacon, toge­ther with the merry Waggeries of his Man Miles, and the Exploits of Vander­master the German, and Fryar Bungy the English Conjurer: how they studied the Art-Magick, in making a Brazen-Head, and a Brazen-Wall, to have Walled all England with Vinegar; which were Effects as astonishing to common Men, as most of those renown'd Operations per­form'd by the Ancient Indians and Chal­daeans.

You are desired to take particular notice, that there is not the least witty Passage in this Section, nor so much as two Words cleverly put together; at least, I am not conscious that any thing of that kind has here escaped me; but since Accidents may happen, 'tis but a reasonable Request, that, if you should here and there have met with a Period, or a Phrase, a little brighter than its Fellows, you would be pleased to believe [Page 159] the Author entirely innocent thereof; and that 'tis purely a Mistake of the Printers, or some Blunder occasion'd by Inadvertency.

The Method of making a Chasm, or Hia­tus, judiciously; the great Reach of Thought required for the Contrivance thereof, together with the Difference be­tween the French Academies and the English.

SUpposing my Reader to be grown weary of the Words Sensible and In­telligible, I will so far comply with his Humour, as to change them for the Terms Old and New; being also the more inclinable to get them dismiss'd, because, though they have hitherto done me faithful and laudable Service, yet they seem now to Reflect upon me, and sel­dom agree to my Proceedings: Upon which account I make no doubt but

[Page 163] The Author very well understands that a good sizable Hiatus discovers a very great Genius, there being no Wit in the World more Ideal, and conse­quently more refined, than what is display'd in those elaborate Pages, that have ne're a Syllable written on them. Yet this Vacuity, now under your Conside­ration, was not designed, or compiled, upon that Inducement, but full sore against the Author's Will, who has been forced to suppress a Multitude of his choicest things, in Com­pliance with Mr. Stationer; a Person of so scrupulous Intellectuals, as to refuse to print Things which, he said, he could not under­stand.

[Page 164] These, O Europe, are wonderful Specu­lations, nice, dark and abstruse, but im­portant; the Philosophy lies deep abscon­ded, but may easily be drawn out, and laid open in the following Scheme. You are to keep in mind that Sensible and Intelligible, Old and New, are the Matter we have to work upon; and the very Words point out to us the Way we must proceed, namely Partakingly of both Algebra and Geometry; by the Equation of Cubick Sections and Conick Roots;See Hobbes's Treatise at the End of his Letter to Bp. Bramhall. for the most part Graphically, but always Parallelipipe­donically, when the thing can be con­veniently so done.

Explanation of Fig. 1.

N new. O old. w word. W world. I intelli­gible. S sensible. D december. T totum. P pronouns.

[Page 165] From which substracting the fourth Operation by Cylinders, it will stand thus,

All this the Ancients used to perform by nine Cyphers, though something more obscurely indeed; so that I must beg of the Learned Reader, that he would be­stow upon it the greater Application of Thought, in order to comprehend their way of proving it, as exhibited in this Scheme;

The Cyphers were carefully rang'd in the Order you see, as we may learn from the Description, or rather Directions, that Virgil has left us in the Second of his Georgicks.

Thus translated by Uncle Ogilby, Danc­ing Master to Mr. Wicherly's Muse.

[Page 167] Now the Spirit of Quotation is upon me, there is no Possibility of Suppressing Lucan's Noble Thoughts upon the same Subject.See Lib. V. Verse 237.

The translating of these Heroick Lines I most humbly recommend to the Inge­nious Dr▪ Br—n, or the most Ingenious Sir R—d Bl—, hoping that they will at their Leisure, make proper Reflections upon this other Semi-Distick, ‘Qui Bavium non odit, amet tua Camina, Maevi.’ For this, I can assure them 'tis to be found in a great Passable Writer of Ver­ses, [Page 168] if they please only to consult Dol­phin-Indexes with due Care.

Matters being thus prepar'd, and all things tending violently towards an En­gagement, the two Parties, Opponent and Respondent, stood in Posture, with Pencils and Compasses drawn, the one to mark Whence and Whether a Line of Communication should be describ'd, the other wholly bent to execute the said Orders, not without the utmost Con­tention of his Abilities; Trembling with high Ambition, and impatient Love of Applause.

Whoever had the best hand at bring­ing round his Lines a Quovis Cypher ad Quodvis Cypher, not allowing them to touch, or intersect each other, was in those learned Ages, accounted the wisest Philosopher; and great were the Honours decreed him, of which I shall but name one. This victorious Person was wheel'd round a publick School with much Pomp, in a kind of Vehicle contriv'd for that Purpose, and not unlike to a modern Barrow. During the Procession he kept his Face fronting directly towards the [Page 169] Spectators; which being all over planted thick with Plumage of Subfuse Appear­ance, not without the Ornament of a proportionable Beak affixt in its proper Place, did much resemble the graceful Countenance of an Athenian, or Palla­dian Bird, so call'd from being Favourite to Minerva. The Eyes only were suffer'd to show themselves, and these appear'd very Glaring and Illustrious, by the Ad­vantage of two Magnifying-Glasses, which were Concave, like the Chrystal of a modern Watch, of Blazing Dark-Lanthorn. Many other Ceremonies and Triumphal Decorations being laid out upon the Sucessful, lest too great an In­flation of Mind should ensue, there was appointed an Officer to follow at a cer-Distance, supplying him with frequent Sprinklings of Dust and Cinders, and at the same time loudly calling upon him, Not to forget that he was still but a Mortal. This Custom was afterwards reviv'd by the Romans, upon wise Considerations, and us'd for many Ages on warlike Oc­casions, among that noble People.

[Page 170] Aristotle is said to have rode Trium­phant in the foresaid manner, some five and thirty Times, and gain'd himself thereby so great a Reputation, for a shrewd Person at this way of disputing by Cyphers, that Alexander the Great chose him for his own Master. It must be ac­knowledg'd, that the Exercise we are speaking of, seems to have been in Vogue chiefly among the Stoicks, 'till it was taken up by Plato, some Years be­fore, for the Practice of his own Scholars; which is thought to be the only Reason why Diogenes so fiercely inveigh'd against it, as an Artifice design'd purely to serve the ends of Popularity and Vain-Glory. I think it has never been deny'd, that this very Thing occasion'd the famous Quarrel between Pythagoras and Archi­medes, concerning the Invention thereof; as likewise their late unhappy Duel at Roterdam, in which Archimedes de­bauch'd Semiramis, the Wife of Don-Confuchu, and Pythagoras was so success­ful, as to confute King Pepin Le Grand, by distinguishing directly through his Lungs.

Of the Building of Babel.

THE very Bottom of Designs being thus discover'd, and even laid be­fore your Eyes in the foregoing Schemes, you will doubtless acknowledge, that I have therein show'd a high Degree of Wisdom, as well as a great Insight into Philosophy, both Natural and Civil; though 'tis possible that you might other­wise have wonder'd what these Proceed­ings were driving at.

To manifest my Desire of dealing openly and fairly with my Reader, I judg'd it convenient to give this publick Notice of my Terms being alter'd, that all things being duly perform'd on my side, if any Mis-understanding should happen, the Fault may [...]ly entirely at his Door. I therefore farther advertise him, that by the Old World shall be un­derstood the Sensible; from which he may readily collect, that the Intelligible is to be meant by the new. For, altho' the Sensible World be in very Deed the Recenter of the two, in regard to Age; [Page 172] having been created but of late Days, whereas the Intelligible has been a World from the first Moment that Eternity it self saw the Light; yet the Discovery of the Intelligible is of later Standing than the Creation of the Sensible. The Discovery of the former is owing to a Lucky Accident in the Building of Babel, upon which I am not now at Leisure to dilate. This Accident gave the Hint; but had it not been favour'd and coad­juted by the Conjunction of certain Cir­cumstances and Planets, together with a benign Irradiation from the Moon, we had been buried in Darkness to this day, and the Curtain would still have con­tinued Drawn between human Minds, and that bright Region of Intellectual Light, tho' seated and residing even within them; such having been the Will and Pleasure of Fate, that not­withstanding the New, or Ideal World consists in nothing else but every Man's Knowledge, yet sublunary Things should be so nicely order'd, that for many Ages together no Man should know it.

A Disappointment that gave me much Vn­easiness and Astonishment. A very good Iest. The Nature of a Praedicable.

AMong all the Particulars I discover'd, there was one which dissatisfy'd, as well as surpris'd me, to such a degree, that I blest my self not a little for my happy Caution in keeping out of this Ideal Enclosure. Not one of my own Species could I set Eyes on, (I mean the Eyes of my Understanding) nor dis­cover the least Idea of a human Creature in any Corner of the Ideal World. This I remonstrated to my Guide, and plainly told him my Suspicion, that there was no being made Free of the Ideal World, without being first divested of the Ra­tional Nature, and assuming some other Specifick Essence. A very good Jest, said he, I thought I should catch you shewing your Ignorance; and now do I know, as well as can be, that you imagine the true Idea of a Man must be like such Men, as you are us'd to see and converse with—This 'tis to be [Page 174] under the Prejudice of Sense! But take it from me, that Men are not changed in the Ideal World, but 'tis the Idea that suffers an Alteration, when it be­comes a Man. Look about you now and see, tho' there be no Men in the Ideal World, whether you can't dis­cover the Idea of a Centaur. Plain enough reply'd I; there are several be­tween that same Chimaera [...] yonder, and the Dimunitive Hircocervus. Very well,See the Musae Anglicanae and Smiglefius. said my Guide; now a Centaur (de'e mark) is the compleat and original Idea; for, Centaur, or Animal, being the Genus, its two Species, Rational and Irra­tional, are only broken Ideas of a Centaur dismember'd, or distributed into the Parts of its self. This Division the Aristotelians, if they shall see fit, may pretend to have happen'd in the Life­time of their Master; but the Thing is undoubtedly of a much ancienter Date, as having been a necessary Effect of that great and ge­neral Dissolution at the Noe­tical Deluge.See the Sacred Theory of the Earth.

A further Account of Centaurs; A Mistake concerning them rectified. The Ancient Poets censured. That Pegasus was nei­ther Proteus, nor Ben Johnson. That— is neither St. Peter, nor St. Paul.

I could not but observe, to my great Amazement and Indignation, how basely Learned Men have all along been mis-led in their Notion of a Centaur; and that by taking up with such lame De­scriptions as the Poets have deliver'd, in their Metaphysical Histories. These Gen­tlemen have, most certainly, either had very poor Information themselves, or been very unfair in suppressing Part of the Truth. For though in their Chro­nicles concerning Ixion and his Ideal [Page 178] Iuno, they have given us a fair Account of a Centaur's Generation, yet there is another Point wherein the whole Na­tion of Poets have greatly deviated from the Truth, and brought an ugly Suspi­cion upon their own Veracity. For, with what Reason, or Countenance can it be pretended, that the entire Genus of Centaurs is comprised within the two Species of Risible and Hinnible, or Man and Horse? Doubtless they were induced to this Partiality, either thereby to do an Honour to their own Pegasus, or to make their court to some Knight-Errant, or other puissant Person that delighted in Chivalry. For, had they reported the Truth, we should have been informed, that the Generality of Centaurs [...] are of other Compositions, our Ideal Humanity being coupled with more irrational Kinds than Proteus could put on seeming Transformations, or than Human In­dividuals were really transformed into, when Metamorphoses were in Fashion. This I can fairly attest, that in my most accurate Survey of the Ideal World, I could not descry more Men-Horses, than [Page 179] Men-Bulls, Men-Camels, Men-Ele­phants, Men-Sharks, Men-Cuckows, Men-Foxes, or Men-Asses, which make as good Centaurs as the best.

An Essay towards the Theory of Human Nature.

'TIS from these primitive Copula­tions that mortal Men inherit the great Disparity in their Tempers and Constitutions; every one retaining a Tincture of that Nature to which his Human Essence is Individually, or In­telligibly united. This gives an amorous Disposition to one, and a revengeful to another;See what Aristo­phanes saith in Plato's Sympos. makes one a Friend, and another a Traytor. This makes Sir Midas C— love himself alone, and yet use himself as if he hated no Body else so much; and the same— inclines W—h, T—t, and G—er, to enjoy their own Wealth, but find the greatest Pleasure in that part of it which they communicate.

[Page 180] Hence it is that some prefer their Countries Interest to their own, and others betray the Common-wealth ra­ther than be a little eclips'd in their Do­mestick Greatness. Hanno, the Cartha­ginian, is said to have acted in this manner; I cannot certainly tell, whe­ther there are any other Instances that could be given.

How to deduce Ideal Genealogies by the Qualities observable in particular Per­sons.

SIR Satanides Goatham, the foremen­tion'd Animal, boasts his Ideal Pedi­gree from the Satyrs, or Man-Goats; a celebrated Branch of the Centaurean Race. There is in this Family an He­reditary Distemper, something allied to the Syphilis, and the Furor Priapeius, [Page 181] which ferments in their Veins with few Intermissions. It once threw Sir Satanides into a raging Fit, that most deplorably distress'd for some Relief, and even wild with Impatience, he demanded an Exchange of Blood with a Nymph de­scended from the Phoenix; but that be­ing attainable, neither by Love nor Money, nor the Charms of his Elo­quence, nor the Might of his Puissant Arm, in a most outragious Fury, to ease his Spleen of the Satyr, he transfused into his Jugular an incredible Quantity of Hounds-Blood; so that now remain­ing Man-Goat as to his Concupiscible, and Man-Hound as to his Irascible, his very Name is become frightful to Male and Female; neither of which can endure to meet him in the dark, being a dange­rous Person in Quality, either of an Enemy or a Lover; in the latter Capa­city especially; for, the meanest Opera­trix would be loth to transfuse with him since the unhappy Accident of Dr. Har­borough's Death; that convenient Gra­duate Physician, so Famous in the Daily Courant.

The Doctrine of intelligible Centaurs further prosecuted.

WHezius and Querpillo, the two Bre­thren Ramnusides, bear the Arms of so many Families, that a good He­rald might be at a loss where to begin their Pedigree.

Consider'd in their talkative Capa­city, they discover the Jay, Magpie, or Parrot; In their Port they bear great Resemblance to a Peacock, though their Pertidapperipragmaticofinicality betrays the perfect—.

Take them in their Poetical Dress, and Mr. P— will vow and swear that they are descended from the Aesopea [...] Daw; and the very P—that calls them both Virgil and Maecenas to their Faces, does really think them two Cuckoos or Ninnyhammers; or instead of being Transmigrated from the Mantuan Swan, to belong to the other Species, which once indeed preserved the Capitol by the obstreperous Sweetness of their Singing, ‘—argutos inter strepit anser olores.’

[Page 183] Some imagine they came from the Italian Wagtail, but Mr. B—ls pre­tended he knew them to be Canary Birds.

Notwithstanding this I have known others mistake them for City Mice, and plead several Arguments in Defence of that Error. The Principal of these are drawn from their Faculty of skulking, and creeping into fat Places; as likewise from the great Disorder of Mind, which has been visible in them at the very mention of the Fox and Weasel;See Aesop's Fables. and from the ex­cellent Courage they lately discovered in their single Combat with Sir Ioseph Fl—ton.

N. B. This Chapter was written about the time of that Transaction. See Ld. Cl—n's Hist. Vol. 3.

R— and S— will have them to be more probably Bat-Mice, having ob­served their Trick of shunning the Light, and that remarkable Weakness that renders them so subject to be dazled; especially by the Rays of a Louis'dor, or any splendid Body of that Nature.

[Page 184] Time was that Dr. D—r adjudged them to the Wolf-Men, and that with great Appearance of Reason:

could ever have proved so Redoubtable— in the Hesperian Fleecing. Office? See Ovid. Met. 7.

Were we at leisure to enumerate all Surmises and Allegations, there would be thrice as many Savages found to claim Kindred with Whezius and Querpillo, as Cities contended for Homer, or Re­ligions for Mr. Bays. ^† But in this there is a Disparity, that those Animals are all certainly a-kin to these Ramnusides in some or other Degree; whereas Homer might possibly be born in the Country, and Mr. Bays might possibly be of the same Lay-Religion with Smith, or Iohn­on, or Ramnusides themselves.

Concerning my Pedigree, and the present War.

I know not whether I may expect Thanks for my Discovery of a new World; See Dr. Bent­ly's Dissertat. for I am resolved to stand it out, that 'tis entirely my own Discovery, tho' the thing was long since discovered by my Predecessors. Therefore We the Author of this Theory, in our own Name and Person, pronounce [...], and challenge Mankind to appear, and do us Homage for the new Province put into their Hands. We may fairly presume, that a New-found World, so much more Per­fect, Fertile and Delightful than the Old, should reflect no little Glory upon our Age, and upon our selves the Dis­coverer. Let me add that we, who boast the Happiness of our Birth from this Noble Island, and our Descent from the Ancient Britons, are able so clearly to make out our Country's Title, that there is great Probability no other Nation will set up any Pretensions [Page 186] against our Propriety and peaceable En­joyment; for the King of France him­self discovers no Inclination to quarrel with us about any part of the Ideal World.

Concerning my impartial Distri­bution of the Preferments in my Gift.

THERE are, 'tis true, several Honourary Dignities now vacant, and several large Countries, that have neither Names nor Governours yet as­sign'd them. Finding these unoccupied, I have an indisputable Right to confer them on whom I please, producing for Precedents those late Discoverers that disposed of all the finest Dominions in the Moon by an Arbitrary Nomination.

There is a Province peculiarly re­markable for a People of great Loyalty, for Godfathers, to which I have provided two noble Brothers, the Joy and Glory of Ancient Rome, who have freely be­stow'd upon it the illustrious Name of [Page 187] Gracchia. In this Laudable Canton, purely to gain my Reader's good Will, I do constitute and appoint for Lord Lieutenant—any one he shall please to recommend.

Many a good Title have I granted away, either upon the Application of a Purse dexterously transferr'd, or in Re­compence for Passive Obedience at Bag­gamon. Many a one have I parted with freely (for the sake of Old Acquaintance or the Old Cause) to Persons of Prime Quality, and not a few also to my In­feriour Friends. The—, in Conside­ration of the Great Services he did to Me and my Family, during our unhappy Rupture with the late Grand Seignior, I have elected King of Bubleria and New Formosa; and when ever the Arch-Bishoprick— or—Dutchy of Puntillonia shall Fall, being a—Tatter'd— Superbe Im—s and August Oscitancy— I am very willing to entail it upon any Branch of the House of—or—or—or —or—

[Page 188] The other (especially the European) Monarchs shall have no reason to com­plain of any unequal Favour, or the least Neglect of any one's Merit; for having observed, that in making their Court, they have carefully avoided all those Squablings and Sinister Practices that are usual among Competitors, I have determined that they shall all have their Shares in my Bounty, and be pro­moted each to such Posts and Offices as he shall be found best qualified for.

To make these Honours the more Honourable, and Illustrate the Noble List, I have faithfully enrolled my self, erect­ing my Pillars on a certain Hesperian Pro­montory, that is to rejoyce in the Deno­mination of Gabriel Iohannes; and be­cause some of my select Favourites, whom I admit to a great Degree of Fa­miliarity, have got a Custom at merry Seasons, to Salute me by the Name of Timothy; that I might deal impartially between both my Appellations, which are equally dear to me, I have appointed one of the most con [...]iderable Islands in [Page 189] New Vtopia to go by the Name of TIMLAND.

A CHAPTER In Imitation of—and Some­Body else that shall be Name­less.

I am not a Person of the same Humour, and Principles, with your Ordinary Preface-Authors, to fill my Worthy Rea­der with high Expectations of what he is invited to, and then put him off with a Flat and Beggarly Entertainment. 'Tis well known that I made Promise, some few Hours ago when we first met, to be at extraordinary Expence, for providing him a Treat in some Measure suitable to His great Quality. And now upon the nicest Review of all that has been set before him, I cannot but bless my Good Genius, that every thing has succeeded [Page 190] so well, and pleased him in so extraor­dinary a manner.

'Tis a mighty Satisfaction to reflect upon my Happy Performance; to find that the most sharp-sighted Philosopher can never de­scry the least Flaw in my Theory;See Theory of the Earth. nor charge me with an ill [...]grounded Position, Inconsequent Deducti­on, or the least Glimpse of Obscurity: to assure my self that the most Captious and Cynical Critick [...] can spy out no Failure in the Composition; the whole being compiled with so natural a Cohe­rency of its Parts, and enriched with such Delicate Sentiments, Surprising Turns, Ravishing Antitheses; and these all adorned with the most lively Beauty of the Brightest Phrase, and the Quaintest Harmony of most Elaborate Cadence.

Of my notable Meekness in taking Advice. Of judicious Advisers. Dr. B—y's Head, my own Pillow, and some other Matters no less considerable.

AS to the few Pages that are still be­hind, you must excuse me if I suffer my Pen to run a little more at Random. Thus I shall greatly ease my self, by relaxing that Intention of thought which is a Posture too wearisom for Human Mind to be long held in. And this I take to be the properest Season for taking out my Freedom, and entring upon the said Enlargement; for which you shall have my Reason immediately.

Be it known then, that after long con­sulting my Sagacious Pillow, and my Learned Friend Dr. B—y, I have at last come to a Resolution, that the con­cluding Word of this Paragraph shall be accounted the End of my Preface, so long as my Book and this Universal Frame of Things shall continue in Being; and I do hereby charge and command all dutiful Readers and other Loving Per­sons, [Page 192] wheresoever dispersed throughout the Face of the habitable Globe, that they so acknowledge and respect it ac­cordingly. Now this being declared, 'tis certain I shall drop some of my chief Readers the next Moment; being Per­sons that fall off, and prudently with­draw, as soon as the Preface is over. There are a Number of Persons in Eu­rope, who bearing an unaccountable Aversion to us learned Authors, esteem the Entertainment of our Compositions no less insipid than that of our Conver­sations; or if ever they grow a little re­conciled to either of them; yet still they will have it that We affect a ridiculous Singularity in Both. This, say they, puts us upon that preposterous Method of serving up our choicest Dainties in the first Course; which so palls the Ap­petite for any thing less delicate, that few Guests have Patience to sit out the Bill of Fare, or accompany the Author till he orders Finis to take away. This is Rea­son sufficient why I should not be so cu­rious in Cooking that plain, but sub­stantial Meat, which is still to come in▪ [Page 193] Wherefore in evidence of this, I do earnestly entreat all my worthy and well­disposed Readers, to bear Witness for me that this Instant, the First of April, Old Style, 1701, but of my own Age 57, We Gabriel Iohn, aliàs Timothy, do issue out Directions to our trusty and well­beloved Amanuensis Ezekiel Philodash, that in order to prevent all future Dis­pute between our Book▪ and its re­spective Preface, as likewise all erroneous Mistakes of the hasty and ill-advised Peruser; he, the said Ezekiel Philodash, lawfully begotten Son to Ananias Philo­dash and Tabitha his Concubine, of the same Name and Vocation, do instantly and carefully fix up an Index, with a brief Inscription in Capitals, notifying that

The Plot thickens. A Surprising Catastro­phe. The whole unravel'd. My merry Moments. How the self-enamour'd Youth died Ideally. My Ware-house and Garret. Of Shadows, and their strange Agility in vanishing.

TUrning, accidentally my internal Opticks towards my Ideal Garret in New Barbican, what should appear to me at the Window, but the Counterpart, or the beautiful Idea, of my self. It was [Page 198] sitting as solitary as a Hermit, but in a violent Fit of Mirth, and undoubtedly under the Operation of some pleasant Conceit, which is a thing very familiar to me in my Retirements. And as 'tis sung of the former Narcissus, that his Idea in the Water, as cruel as he found it, never refused to smile, when it saw that he smiled in Return; I on the other side, Narcissus alter, could not chuse but rejoyce to see my Idea so joyful. But here indeed I fell into a fatal and de­plorable Oversight—here was I seized with a rash Curiosity, which has proved the sad Occasion of so much Regret, and such grievous Lamentation, to me and to my poor Reader.

for by endeavouring to stare hard upon my Idea, my Eyes burst open, and I saw my self at that Instant, relapsed into the Sensible World. Thrice did I call for Help to my Guide, and thrice I endea­voured, [Page 199] but in vain, to clasp hold of him. My Guide, the Ideal World, and my own beloved, and lovely, Idea were all ravished from me, and vanished on the sudden; and, behold! I was sitting in the Place Father Malebranche and my own Idea had appeared to me, even by my Garret-Window in Barbican; where the Good Reader shall be very welcome to Paper-Diet, and may be furnished at reasonable Rates with all sorts of Ballads, Madrigals, Anagrams, Acrosticks, and Heroick Poems, either by Whole-sale, or by Retail; the Excellency of which I give him leave to judge by the following Samples.

Dissolved into English according to Art.

The Original might perhaps be thus render'd more tolerably.

Whether either of the following Dissolutions would be worse than this I cannot tell; they are all as bad as I would wish.

The 2d Dissolution.

The Third.

Three Versions of the same thing may excuse me from translating the next Line at all; which consisting of Terms above my Understanding, viz.

I desire Mr. London and Mr. Wise to English it between them, being abundantly better able to do it than I am.

The Words

are well render'd by Mr. Addison, in this manner,

Which I take to be Fustian, as indeed every thing should be that designs to be admired. The Meaning is only, that all his young Apples hung till they were ripe.

My Lord Roscommon's Essay.

Phoebus's Oration.
Canto IV.
The Argument.

The Sun kept some West-country Cows upon Houndslough-Heath, some time before the Reign of Queen Elizabeth, accord­ing to the best Chronology, having had a [Page 206] particular Fancy for that Imployment ever since he grew up from aAccording to Ptolomy. Little Star. Now it happen'd one Day, when the Sun's Back was turned, that half a Dozen Water-men, belonging to Ulysses's Barge, made bold with as many of the Sun's fattest Kine, and likewise Ravish'd his Milk-maid, Susanna Skimmington of Cheesewick, who would not have been ravish'd for Any Thing. Vpon which Phoebus unharnessing one of his Horses, leaves his Coach to its own Discretion, and trots away full Speed to tell his Fa­ther Jupiter how these naughty Men had abused him.

The way to become a Philosopher. How many Rare Philosophers have been quite spoiled by Dr. Tyson.—pol me occidistis, Amici.

DIsappointed as I was, in coming to my self again so unexpectedly, yet I cannot but rejoice and triumph in this, that my Mind is now become Illuminated, the Dimness of my Understanding cleared up, all the Film that ‘Mortales hebetat visus,—’ wiped away, and the Essence of all things grown Intelligible. The subtile Philosophy of F. Malebranch, the seraphick Speculations of Mr. Norris, and the irrefragable Argumenta­tions of Mr. Dodwel's Epistle; which (I must confess with Shame) appear'd formerly to my weak and dull Brain, in the Shape of visionary Imaginations, double-minded Sophisms, Sha­dows of Eccho; and Sick-men's Dreams, do [Page 209] now put on another Form, and show them­selves in the clearest Light, to be as finely de­duced, and as strongly coherent as if Truth her self had joined them together by way of De­monstration, as no doubt She has taken that Pains in some Cases.

From this strange Effect and admirable Elu­cidation of my Intellectual Powers, 'tis a reasonable Conclusion that whoever makes a Visit to the Ideal World, is as sure to return a Philosopher, as he that Dreams upon Par­nassus to awake a Poet.

The great Reason I have to rejoice for the Death of Mr. Scarron. That He would have been the most likely Person to have made a Iest of my Theory, or Tra­vested it into some whimsical Bur­lesque, as soon as ever Mr. Boyer shall have finish'd his French Translation.

I know the Malice of the World, and there­fore can well enough foresee that the Ho­nour I shall gain by this elaborate Work, will provoke a great many envious Persons to set upon me, with pretended Answers and real Abuses. This indeed I am little concern'd at,See Theory of the Intelligible W. P. 1. [...]. 149. being satisfied that no part of my Theory lies open to the least Objection; and therefore [Page 210] the only Adversaries I greatly apprehend are your unlucky Drolls, to whom these re [...]ined Speculations may appear like Unintelligible Iargon. These Persons being endued with sufficient Ill-Nature, and abundant Leisure-Time from their Business,See abundance of Places in the Sacred, and the Ideal, Theories. will probably endeavour, in­stead of answering my Theory, to turn the most Weighty Parts of it into Comical Con­ceits, or expose them in some Odd and Hu­mourous Disguise; thereby to Banter Man­kind into an Opinion, that 'tis all no more than a mere Fancy, or a kind of Philosophical Romance. I am sorely afraid if an Angel should write such a Theory as this, these Men of Parts would pass the same Iudgment upon it, by reason of the Narrowness of their Spirit and Vnderstand­ing. 'Tis certain, that a pleasant Vein of Rail­lery may sport it self with the noblest Composition, and make the most sublime Truths a Subject of Laughter; and there are a Crew of Little Wits, the very Pest of a Common-wealth, that will be nibling at every thing that's great; and by these I expect to be Digni [...]ied with the Title of Visionist, or Enthusiast; only because the Truths I deliver are above their Compre­hension. Be it known to them, that whether these, or whatever other Names, they shall chuse in their Great Wisdom, to sit me withal, I shall not think them worth a serious Answer; and to write in their trifling manner is below [Page 211] If any Learned Person shall make an Attempt upon my Book, in a Logical, or a Metaphysical way, he shall be considered; but this, as was said, I don't at all apprehend. If I here ex­press my self with some Assu­rance,See Preface to the First Volume of Mr. Norris's Theory. 'tis not that I prefer my Rational Abilities before those of other Men, but it must be consider'd, that I have been long Con­versant in this kind of Studies, and therefore may see things in a better Light than they do, though not with better Eyes. Nay, so many thoughtful and solitary Hours, so many nightly Lamps and Lucubrations, have these Studies cost me, that indeed my poor Eyes, what with Age, and what with assiduous Poring, have the one departed this World, and the other almost worn it self out with incessant Grief for the Loss of its Fellow. By this I am accidentally reduced very near to that State of Illuminating Blindness, which F. Male­branch had at first recommended to me; and I think therefore 'tis very hard, if by this Time, and with all these Advantages, I may not be allow'd to know something of the matter.

Another Panegyrick upon my own Perform­ance. An Epitaph upon some of my Abortive Works. The Causes of their Abortion. My Grief and Weepings there­upon. Polyuhemi lata Acies. The Beauty of an Excrescence.

'TIs with Tears in my Eye, and great Anguish of Mind, that I am going to mention how many Witty Things I have Iudiciously blotted out; how many Dainty Thoughts and Curi­ous Strokes, I have either cramp'd, or quite erazed, tho' it went grievously against my Will, and I could not be so cruel to my own dear Conceptions with­out a very tender Reluctancy of my Bowels. All this I was forced to in De­ference to the Authority of Milbourn, Dennis, Rymer, &c. Tyrannical as it is; because tho' the Sentences were ex­treamly fine and beautiful, it happenned that they were not much to the Purpose. The Reader will see that my Book as now it stands, is remarkable for the same Pre­cise Justness with the Writings of Virgil; [Page 213] there being nothing that can be taken from either without maiming the whole; nothing that can be added to either without the Deformity of an Excresence. This is the chief Point, and a very rare Piece of Mastery, ‘Never to say too little, nor too much;’ and yet it makes good Mr. Waller's Say­ing of us Poets, that we

This is my Case, and to satisfie you that it is, any Gentleman who will please to buy Six of my Books, shall command a Sight of my foul Copy and my Adversaria; both to see the Truth of what I am asserting, and to enjoy the Pleasure of those lively Sketches which must now be for ever lost to the World, and for the Loss of which, the World owes but small Thanks to those Cynical Criticks above-noted.

[Page 214] Among other Remarkables, you may see a Panegyrick upon Whip-stitch, Slap­dash, and Collier's Essays; another— touching—L—R—s Council during his Intowerment, and the—of—his Political Apostasy from G—B—'s Reli­gious Principles. You may see also a smart Saying upon Wise-acres, and a charming Phrase for opening an Oyster, both Fire-new; besides two various Lection of great Importance to History, upon the famous Garismachides, a lost Au­thor who is thought to have written nothing. Not one of these shall ever be seen but upon the Conditions proposed, and I am not a Man to be Wheedled out of a Purpose once settled in my Mind; tho' it were to translate Hickeringil's or To­land's Works into Latin Verses; any more than to be perswaded out of an Opinion I have once imbraced, tho' it were that Toland and Hickeringil are both Saints, or either of them a Phi­losopher.

Why the Author is so Desirous of being thought a Wit, now in his Old Age. An Humble Request that the Reader would Humour him therein.

I Am well aware that among Persons who Canvas matters Nicely, and are very Circumspect in putting Things and Things together, it may seem a Problem, how this Edition should so un­expectedly happen to be the Second. And because Wise Philosophers are back­ward to believe what they are unable to comprehend, (as I have frequently found in my own Disputes with the So­cinians, Atheists, and other Great Wits) they will probably imagine, that either the Bookseller, or the Printer, has made some Mistake in the Title-Page as to the Number of Editions; Nay, 'tis not im­possible but some unlucky Surmise may fall upon the Author himself, as if he had designed to impose upon the Pro­fessors of Title-Page-Learning, upon whose good Opinion he has so great De­pendance. And this would ruine his [Page 216] Credit for a Philosopher, by bringing into Question the Truth of his Narra­tion, and those very Positions that are the Hinges upon which his whole Theory turns. Now in such a case, 'tis evident the Theory could be of no Benefit to the Common-wealth of Philosophy, nor work its desired Effect upon the Under­standings and Opinions of Mankind. It doubtless lies upon me to obviate so grievous a Calamity as this by all Ways and Means that my present Circum­stances will bear. Accordingly I de­clare upon Honour, that had such a Mis­take happen'd either by the Printer's Neglect, or Librarii Incuriâ, it should have been acknowledged in ample Form as the Principal Erratum, viz.

In the Title-Page, instead of Second Edi­tion, lege

For your farther Satisfaction in the pre­sent case, you are to consider that Second, Third, or Fourth Edition, &c. among us [Page 217] Authors and our Respective Publishers, are no more than so many Terms of Art, which every one has the Liberty of applying to what Meaning, or Idea he shall see convenient; provided he freely explain himself, and make known what that Meaning or Idea is, either by a just Definition, or sufficient Descrip­tion. In Compliance with which Rule, I shall endeavour to Define, as concisely as may be, that Notion of a Second Edition which in my own Mind I have affixed to the said Term. A Second Edition then is.

Qualitas quaedam Sensibilis, Occulta, Instrumentalis, Bipes, Subjecti sui per Hysteron-Proteron, quodammodo Per­fectiva, quae Subjecto ejus Qualitatis capaci, ita super veniens, & inhaerens, ut sit veluti Praemissarum Altera, facit ut cui ejus rei, quae hujusmodi subjectum est, naturalis & antecedens inerat Appetentia, in eo genere­tur Duplum hujus Appetentiae versus idem Objectum, & cui nulla fuerat hujus objecti antecedens Appetentia in illo generetur ali­qua, it a ut plerumque consequatur Rei cu­jusdam [Page 218] contentae ex continente desumptio, quo fiat ut Objectum illud praedictum in ean­dem rem aptam natam aliquid continere, demitti possit naturali lege motus praeter & propter Fugam vacui.

This Definition being laid down, there will remain little Difficulty in the Sequel of our Argument; for tho' some Editions never disown themselves for the First, as if they were fond of Pri­mogeniture; yet 'tis evident from the Terms Duplum and Appetentiae, that for a Book to make its first Appearance in the Shape of a Second Edition, is a me­thod far more Auspicious. This will also save me, or my Publisher the Expence of a new Title-Page to the same Edition, which is commonly found a necessary Expedient for bringing these Affairs to a good Issue.

I am not a going to deny that Messieurs Gronovius and Le Clerk were very impor­tunate to Have this Be rather the Twen­tieth Edition than the Second, and so to have run down by the Nineteenth, &c. in a direct Line to the First: an Advice [Page 219] which notwithstanding all the Reasons they urged, I resolved to reject. I very well saw that it was a Proceeding so much out of the Way, and seemingly Ex­travagant, as would very ill become a Treatise of this nature; besides that, after the repeated Editions should have exceeded the Compass prescribed, and exhausted the Lower or Single Numbers, they must at last either have come to Nothing, or divided Unity it self into Innumerable Fractions to have re­ckoned by; as we see that though a Multitude of streight Lines, all from a single Point, may be produced in Infini­tum, yet whenever such Lines are con­tracted into a Point, from any Indefinite Distances, if their Occasions Require them to go farther, they are obliged to separate again, and expatiate on the other side in Proportion to their former Contraction. And thus, I think, we have clear'd the Controversy by a plain Demonstration.

[Page 220] N. B. The Reader must not take it ill, if I once again put him in mind of his Old Engagements to Secresy; for though this Doctrine touching Editions be im­parted to him as a Friend, I would not have it go any further for twice the worth of my Copy-money.