SAncho.

Sir.

We are now in pursuit of Valorous Adven • ures; enter'd into the pleasant Fields of Mon • iel, the Air is fragrant and delightf • l, and the Valley, near yonder Tuft of Virdant Trees, Cool and Shady; therefore let us alight — And prithee take the Bridle from • osinante's Head, that he may the better taste the Refreshment of this flowry Pasture; and when thou hast done so, shew the same Courtesie to thy own friend Dapple, for they have born us day with a fortitude and patience that exact from us, an answerable Return of Civility.

With all my Heart▪ Sir; and I wish that Dapples generosity could be as Civil to me, as I to him, and return me a good refreshing too, for as the Case of my Belly now stands, I find my fortitude and patience inclining to yield to the Giant Hunger; and methinks, I begin to wish my • elf an Ass too, that we might Improve good fellowship, and lovingly Dine together. Kissing Dapple.

Do not indulge thy self, too much upon thy Belly, good Sancho; an Epicure contradicts the function of the Squire of a Knight-Errant, entirely; go, do as I have order'd, and a • thy return I will give thee the honour of a Conference.

If the Conference were to be over a good piece of Beef and Cabbage, I could confe • no • like any Clergyman; but I don't like these windy Exhortations without meat,— aside. Now am I to be fed with a • edious Tale of Knight-Errantry, when my Guts are all in uproar within me for want of better provision.

The gross and sordid quality of this Fellow, gives me the better reflection upon my self, for as his thoughts are grovelling like his Nature, so mine are elevate like my Profession: On which let me now consider a little. What art thou? And what wouldst thou be, Don Quixote? A Renown'd Knight-Errant, a Tamer of Giants, a Righter of Wrongs, a Defender of Virgins, a Protector of Justice; In fine, a Scourge to the Infamous World, and a noble Retriever of the Golden Age; but hold Illustrious Don, you are not Knighted yet, and consequently incapable of these Performances. What then? as I have read in Books of Chivalry, I may still undertake an easie Adventure, under the Title of the Maiden-Knight, till I receive that honour; and then proceed the glory of that function, the terrour of all Miscreants, and the delight and wonder of ensuing Ages.

So, thanks be to Lady Flora, the Beasts are well provided for, Dapple is happy, he is exercising his Grinders yonder, whilst I carry mine here only for shew; for the Devil of any other use will my Master let me have for 'em; See — now is he making his Dinner upon Cogitations, and I am to have the Scraps of 'em for mine▪ Honour and Air is always our fa • e. Oh Sancho, Sancho! What hast thou brought thy self to?

Oh Dulcinea d • l Toboso▪ Thou light of all Eyes, Empress of my Soul, and Sovereign Princess of my Heart and Vitals.

Ay, 'tis so, Thought of his suppos'd Mist • ess, a Murrain take her, is the first Course, and no doubt a Conceipt of the next beating for her will be the second; Oo • s this is choice Dyet, I grow damnably • at upon't; Oh D • nce! You must leave Wife and Children to go a Squiring, must ye? Well! can you eat Grass, good Squire? Can your Worship Dine upon Clovet, you may find Salleds in abundance, but like the Spanish Boors, your Countrymen, the Devil of any meat to 'em, most Noble Squire.

Now Animal of little Faith, and less Ingenuity, what are you grumbling at?

Why troth, Sir, if your Worship will needs know, my Belly and I have had a sharp Combat, it was grumbling at me for a good Dinner, and I was cramming it as well as I could with the good hopes of the Island your Worship has promis'd me, when you come to be Emperour of—what d'ee call it.

Empires, Sancho, have their Titles as various as the ways to Atchieve 'em; but let it suffice thee, that when I am Dub'd Knight, as with the first opportunity I mean to be, Adventures of that Nature will flow in upon us; so that in the • pace that one may trim a Beard, an Empire may Drop into my Mouth, and an Island, or at least an Earldom into thine.

Pray Heaven my Government afford me Beef enough, to make amends for all these Days of Fasting: But I have found to my sorrow in your Service hitherto▪ that fair Words b • tt • r no Parsnips; he is blind enough that sees not through the Holes of a S • ive; Desert and Reward seldom keep Company, and none are Fools always, tho' every one sometimes; better on bare Foot then no Foot at all; and thou art known by him that doth thee feed, not by him that doth thee breed; and he that—

Wheiw! a plague on thee, where the Devil art thou running with thy flim flams? what time of Year hence dost think I shall answer thee, if thou runn'st on threading thy Proverbs at this rate.

Well, well, Sir, that's all one▪ Let every one be the Son of his own Works, for under the name of a Man one may become Pope; for my part, I see Land every day more then other, you promis'd Islands and Earldoms; but how you shall get 'em or I govern 'em is the question; the Sancho's know better how to govern a Plough than a Province; and since I have been your Squire I have got no preferment yet, but Cudgels and more Cudgels, blows, and more blows • I have been but three days out a Squiring, and if drubbing could get me an Island I have deserv'd one as big as Great Britain already.

Battles of Honour, Sancho, should not be disparaged by the base Epithete of drubbing; thou hast done Nobly, and as Noble shall be thy reward; therefore I once more tell thee, fear not thy Bones, and thou shalt be great, only because I know thou art an Admirer of Proverbs, always remember this— That Patience grows not in every ones Garden.

Ay, and pray, Sir, do you remember this, That there is not always good Chear where there's a Smoaking Chimney, and there's Proverb for Proverb;— But yet a plague on't, this plaguy Government wont out of my head, and methinks he promis • s it with as much Confidence as if he were Emperour already, and carried the Keys of it at his Girdle. —Let me see,—to be Don Sancho,—good; to sit upon my Velvet Cushions of State, and look big upon my Vassals,— good again; then to have my Wife be a Countess, and come to me in a Morning with—Good morrow my Lord the Governour, hah, ha, ha, very good, faith— Admirable! I am transported at the thoughts on't; therefore Bones ach, Guts grumble, I am resolv'd to be great in de • iance of ye both.

Hah! What do I see! — Thanks to those propitious Stars that Usher my Renown and Fortune, occasion offers it self in a most glorious Adventure.

What's the matter now?

Se • st thou that Giant, Sancho. points at the Scene.

Giant, Sir.

That monstrous Giant, with Arms almost two Leagues long! see how he swings 'em about, and fans himself to Cool his head.

I see no Giant, not I, I see a Windmill.

'Tis the dreadful Giant Caraculi • mbr • , Tyrant of the Island Mallindrania, who devours every day to appease his hunger, • 2 new born Children bak'd, whose Bones he grinds between his Teeth to powder.

Ha, ha, ha, ha,— 'Tis the Giant Windmilliambro you mean, Tyrant of the Island of Wheat, Barley, and Oats, twelve Bus • els of which he every day devours, and grinds the Grains between the Stones to powder.

See there, an Innocent Wretch dress'd all in White, whom the horrid Canibal is Just now drawing into his Mouth.

Oons! What Innocent? what Wretch? what Mouth? Why don't you see 'tis the Miller in his White Coat, going to carry a Sack into the Mill Door?

I tell thee 'tis one of the brood of A •• aeon, whom I am oblig'd to cut off▪ from the face of the Earth; therefore Saddle Rosina • te instantly, and i • thou art afraid go aside thy self, and pray whilst I enter into Cruel and unequal Battle.

Battle, Gadsbud, Sir, are ye blind, will ye Battle a Windmill, have ye a mind your Brains should be dash'd out with the Sails.

Jolthead, to thee, they may seem Sails, but to me they are like the hundred Arms of its Brother Giant Briareus, whom I will Instan • ly Lop off and destroy, with whose spoils we will begin to be Rich.— Away, I say, that I may perform an Exploit for aftertimes to wonder a • —Stand thou proud Miscreant, and fly me not; I will attack thee a • one, Oh Beautiful and Ador'd Dulcinea, In • luence now thy Knight, I b • seech thee, I come Canibal, I come,— Stay, stay, thou Monster,

Gone from her Fathers House?

Most certainly, and as 'tis thought in search of Don Fernando, who forgetting all his fo • mer Vows and Promises of Marriage to her, as common Fame reports, suddenly intends to Wed Luscinda.

Luscinda— Why 'tis in every ones Mouth that she has long since been Car • enio's Mistress.

Ay, and more than that— has been Betroth'd to him; but that's all one▪ the old Man her Fathers Love of Money, Luscinda's Frailty— and Don Fernando's Treachery, has it seems brought my poor Neece Dorothea to this Distress; and poor Cardenio to a worse; who, as 'tis said, stark Mad runs wild amongst yonder Mountains of Sierra Morena.

But leaving this discourse, now lets mind our new Affair that we agreed on last Night about Don' Quixote, when we heard the two Mad Fools, Master and Man, were gone a Knight Erranting.

I have been Cudgelling my Brains ever since, with studying how to retrieve 'em; for I confess it troubles me, that a Man of clear Sense, good Learning, and sound Judgment, on all other Subjects and Affairs, should be so strangely bewitch'd upon the most ridiculous of all, Knight Errantry.

'Tis indeed a strange Infatuation.

But I think I have employ'd my time very well to day in your absence, for whilst you have been enquiring which way the Whimsical Knight is gone, I, and the old Woman his House Keeper, have been burning his Books.

That was our last Resolve, I remember, and will no doubt contribute to his Cure; for 'tis most certain, that those Romantick Books of Knighthood and Poetry have been the main Cause of all his Frantick Humours — but see here comes mine Host.

Hah, hah, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha ha, —Oh my Heart, Oh my Lungs, —ha, ha, ha, ha, Don Quixote, Don Quixote, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Why what of him—

The Mad Fool has been charging a Windmill yonder, and swears 'twas a Giant; The Sails whisk'd him about like a Rat in a Mill Wheel, indangering his Neck every Minute, till at last, Fortune unwilling to spill the small quantity of Brains remaining, threw him some twenty yards off into a Fish▪Pond, ha, ha, ha, ha, Oh I shall burst, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And where is he prithee.

Here just by, with his Booby Sancho; but the best Jest is, he perswades himself that 'tis all done by Inchantment of some Magician that owes him a spite, and that this Misfortune has happened only because he was not Knighted; and therefore has intreated me to do that Honour for him; Calls me, Sir Constable, and my Lord; and my Inn, a Castle; and I am now going to get my Wife, my Daughter, and two or three other merry Fellows to assist me in the Ceremony, for I'm resolv'd to carry on the Jest; and if you'll stay with me till to morrow morning you shall share in't.

With all my Heart, the diversion must needs be surprizing Exit Vincent. Come, prithee lets go and find him out.

Oh yonder comes Sancho, first lets hear what he says.

Thanks be to good luck— he has sav'd his Neck, however, Gramercy Fish-Pond, our Adventures had all been at an end else Faith; and so had my Government too, with all the noble hopes of Sancho's Preferment: Yonder he is, as wet as a Water Spaniel that has just been Diving; and as Angry, as if the Windmill had call'd him Coward; or Son of a Whore; and to provoke him more, had rail'd against Knight-Errantry.

Oh— Neighbour well met, —well, how goes matters, how fares our noble F • iend, your Master; mine Host tells us he has been Fighting a Devilish Giant yonder; prithee how wa'st, for I am sure you must know.

Though I know no such matter, I'm re • olved to banter the Barber however, aside; Why, 'tis even too true Friend, 'twas a damnable Giant, his Name was Garlick de Gambo; And would you believe it Neighbour; Each Eye of him was a big as one of your Basons; each Tooth as long as one of your Poles, and as sharp as a Razor; His Chin had Beard enough to serve a whole Parish with Brushes; and his Mouth was as wide as your Shop Door Neighbour: This is truth upon my Squirehood▪ I saw him.

Bless us, why this was prodigious; come lets go and congratulate him immediately.

The Lye is prodigious indeed, aside, ay come, with all my Heart.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha▪ Exeunt Perez and Nicholas.

Good luck betide us, have I found ye so merry at last; there has been such a Noise within yonder, the House has been • oo Hot to hold us: There's two Women, or Furies, (for I know not what to make of 'em) inquiring for ye: One of 'em has a Tongue louder than a Sow-gelders Horn; She says, she has come three Leagues after ye this morning, and will have ye if ye are above Ground. She has a long lean wither'd Wallnut coloured Face; She's as dirty as a Gipsey, and as ill Dress'd as a Rag-Woman.

Oh Plague, that must be my Wife by the Description; and what kind of Creature is with her prithee?

A young Todpole Dowdy, as freckled as a Ravens Egg, with ma • ted Hair, • notty Nose, and a pair of Hands as black as the Skin of a Tortois, with Nails as long as a Kites Tallons upon every Finger.

Ah, that's my Daughter too, I know by her cleanliness▪ I stole away from 'em with design to surprize my Wife with a Countess-ship before she was aware; but since they have found me out by the Scent, let 'em come in with a Pox to 'em. Exit Hostess.

Oh, thou Dromedary, thou Founder'd Mule without a Pack-Saddle; o • what other soul Beast shall I call thee, for Man thou art not, nor hast not been to me, Heaven knows the time when; ar • not • hou ashamed to see me, t • ou Nicompoop.

Why how now Crooked Rib, how now Cro • kadile▪ can your Tongue wag this Morning, is the Matrimo • ial Horn Pipe Tuning already.

Oh Lord Vather, why would you run away so Vather; and how do you think I shall get my new pair of Green S • ockings home, and have my Sabbath days Shooes mended, if you leave me and my Mother in this Fashion, oh, ho, oh. Howls out.

If any one wants a pair of Marriage •• g Pipes, I can sell him now a rare Bargain: A Man that had her for a Wife, and an Acre of Thistles, need not care which • e burnt first▪ oons what a coil is here.

Why, thou she Cormorant, thou Man Devourer, have I been beating the Conjugal Drum this twenty years, and dost thou blame me now for Snoring: Oh Conscience, Conscience, Where art thou?

Yow dont do well Vather, so you dont, to call my Mother such Names, she's no Drum; lookee slidikins, if any one else had call'd her a Drum, Ide ha set my Nails in the Jaws of un.

Here's a mettled Whore too, sbud, a word or two more would make that young Cat set her Claws in my Face indeed.

Ay, you see the Child will take her Mothers part, however, go to him Mary, speak to him Child, dont be afraid of hi • whittle Truth, has a good Face, though the Quoif be torn, speak to him I say M • ry.

Nay, Mary's an admirable Speaker, I'll say that for her; Well, Offspring, mine Mary, the Buxome, What say you humph?

Why, I say, you shall go home with us now we have found ye Vather; I cant get the Cow home to Night without ye; And there's a Bag of Barley must be carried to the Mill too: Gadsniggers I'll hold fast by this Arm. Takes hold of his Arm.

And I'll stick close to t'other. Takes the other.

So, Now • s here the true sign of the Marriage Mousetrap; and I, a Pox on me, am the unlucky Vermin that's caught in't: I'm a notable Figure now I believe if my Picture were drawn: Sbud you Man Leaches let go my Hand; Or by my Hollidame.

O Lord, you maynt Swear Vather, the Devil will have you if you Swear.

And his Dam, there, will have thee, if thou follow'st her advice ye young Oaf. Here am I, that by seeking noble Adventures, am going to be an Ea • l; and in the twinkling of a Star to be able to make ye both Countesses; and yet this Devil of a Woman will be always crossing me, and daming her self • o Clouted Shooes, and a Canvas Smock all days of her Life.

A Countess! O Lord, Is that true Mother?

VVhy, there 'tis now; A Plague on't, who would put Honey into an Asses Mouth: I am making my self a Gove • nor, and setting her upon Velvet Cushions of State; and this Plaguy Woman of Barrabas, in spi • e of me will sit ba • e B • ttock'd upon a Dunghil.

And do yow say, that I should be a Governors Daughter, and sit upon a Cushion too, Vather.

Wowns, thou shalt be a Countess I tell thee in a Months time, if that Adder •• ere would leave her Hiss • ng, and let me be quiet: I would Ma • ry thee in • n instant to the great Lord Don W • irligigaric ▪ Son and H • ir to the tother great Lord Don Wha • hum: Thou • houldst walk in th • Streets wi • h • hy Train held up, and two Embroidered Laqueys holding an Umbre • over thee, to keep thy amiable Phiz from Tanning.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, — on Gemini▪ and that will fit my Humour to a Button, Vather: Well, the first thing I would do, should be to learn to be Proud, and look Scornfully, I warrant I'd carry my self like a Countess quickly.

Alas, poor Mawkin, she's bewitch'd already; I find this Earldom will be the undoing of the poor Jade do what I can: Why hear me, thou Father of Folly, thou willful Corrupter of thy own Flesh and Blood; Does that Child look as if she could walk in State with her Train held up, d • heart 'twill give me Gripes to hear how the Folks will Laugh at her; Look how Stately the Hoggrubber goes, says one; she that was yesterday at her Spinning Wheel, and went to Church with the Skirt of her Coat over her Head, to keep her from the Rain, has now a Tail three yards long, says another; and an Umbrel to defend her Olive coloured Countenance, with a Pox to her, says a third; This will be the cry all the Village over; therefore come away Mary, and dont • e a Countess Child.

Call thy Mother Fool, Mary the Buxom, and be a Countess in • pite of he • : Remember thou art to be Married, and Breed a Race for the Honour of the Panca's, think upon the young Lord Whirligigario, Child.

Think upon thy self, Mary, remember thou hast sometimes worn Shooes, and sometimes none Child.

Crooked Loggs make good Fires, think upon Don Whirligigario, M • ll.

Ay, ay, Vather, I'm for Don Whi • l • gigario, and there's no more to be • aid, but let my Mother sit • are B • ttock'd upon a Dunghill, if she will, I'll be a Countess, • .

Well Satan, I know thou dost it to break my Heart thou Cruel Man; for the very hour that I shall see that Girl a Countess, will be the hour of my Death; I'm sure, the Jade will never be able to know her self, she'll be every Minute hoydning and discovering her Course Thread: Well, she's thy own, do what thou wilt with her; but for my part I'll neer consent to't, and so farewell: A Countess, O Lord, I've no Patience to think ont. Exit Teresa.

Good Lord, now is my Mother as Rusty as an old Cow that has got the Belly Ach, but I care not; She dares not beat me, because she knows I'll beat her again. Well, de hear Vather, be sure you make me a Countess as soon as ever you can.

I warrant thee Girl; and let thy Mother go and Fume at home with the Smoke in the Chimney corner: He that looses his Wife and Six Pence looses a Tester: Thou art my Darling, and shalt ere long be a Lady; for she that has luck has better than a good Estate in Reversion; and the full Bags of Fools Command Wise-Men for Followers. I by following Adventures intend to be a Governor; and when I am so, I intend to make thee Rich; And when thou art Rich, no Body will say thou art Freckled, nor think thee a Dowry. For Gold makes Country Joan look fair and Bonny, Though old and chop'd, and Skinn'd like Orange Tawny.

HE's dress'd, and ready to come out; the Doctor tells me too his Sence is perfectly recovered, the Phrensie being only continued by Colds and ill Dyet, the Medicine has taken effect, which, assisted by his gentle Sleeps, have quite restor'd him.

The Sorrow and Distresses he has suffer'd, have chang'd him so, I fear he has forgot me.

Never fear it, Madam—Here he comes, pray step in there till I am ready for ye. Exit Lucinda.

My Lord, it seems I stand indebted to ye for Courtesies relating to my Health of Brain and Body, but my wounded Soul, in its most dear and tender part, my Love, stabb'd by your Falshood and unnatural Cruelty, stands yet unsuccour'd, that is, unreveng'd; the • efore as I must thank ye for the one, my Sword for th' other demands Satisfaction. Cardenio draws.

Oh, bring me not to my mad fit agen, from whence I'm just reliev'd, by such a cursed Repetition. Lucinda! think on Lu • inda.

Well, I'll speak the rest, I know I took her from thee.

And canst thou hope to live?Offers to fight.

Hold yet, and hear me speak: 'Twas my resistless Love, not I, betray'd thee; the God of Amity oppos'd in vain; all the soft Bonds of our endearing Friendship, were scorch'd and burnt, by her bright Eyes, to Ashes.

I'll hear no more; defend thy self, or die. Offers agen.

I will not fight with thee. Is this obscure Cottage a proper Stage to drink the Blood of Friends? No, I'll reserve it for some Amphitheatre, that when we play the Prize for fatal Beauty, no less than Thousands may admire the Action.

Away thou Trifler, I am loth to call thee Coward.

I believe thee, and know thou canst not do it with a safe Conscience; for I, too often in our days of Friendship, have proved my self so contrary, that well thou knowest I fear thee not, Cardenio; no, the reason why I refuse, is—I have wrong'd thee; and by my good Will, I would have my Blood be the last means of giving Satisfaction; therefore I charge thee first mark my Proposals: I took a Lady from thee—Well, to atone it, here is one in Exchange, whom if you use ill, or with undecent Obstinacy slight, we then must fight indeed. Brings in Lucinda veil'd.

And so we must, Sir; your Women shall not be your Bucklers long.—Hah!—This is a Face indeed that my Heart bows to, whose Eyes, tho guilty, are too fierce for mine. She unveils and embraces him.

My dear Cardenio, I am thine for ever; cheer thy sad Looks, and smile with Joy upon me; for Fate shall never, never part us more.

Oh thou sweet Vision, get thee from my sight, for I must love thee, tho' I know thee false.

By Heaven I am as true as Truth it self; the Letter thou receiv'st, was not of mine, but of Don Fernand's counterfeiting.

Hah! What is't I hear! Don Fernand's counterfeiting?

I must confess it was, Sir; for which I ask your Pardon; my headlong, rash, and most ungovern'd Passion, check'd at no Crime, that would indulge my Wishes: This caus'd her flight into a Nunnery, from whence I forced her, and had no doubt proceeded, had not my Guardian Angel, my dear Doro • hea, prov'd my good Genius to prevent my Mischief.

Oh Heaven! is this Dorothea!

Th • very same, Sir.

Let this atone then for my rash Offence, that I surrender back this precious Jewel, bright and unsullied; and for my Sin in seeking to corrupt her, with Shame and sorrow once more beg your Pardon.

My Lord, you've done me Justice, and I thank ye. Oh my sweet Life! I shall grow wild with Joy, such vast content crowds in, I cannot bear it. Oh, Madam! How shall I repay your Goodness too? To Dorothea.

Let me be happy in the re-uniting my Lord and you, I then am overpaid.

Let this declare my willingness, I have forgot what's past.

And this mine—we will be Friends for ever. They embrace.

Oh, my honest and worthy Friend, I am thy Debtor too.

My Care, Sir, was my Duty, and I'm heartily glad to see my Diligence so well succeed. And now if you please to change the Scene, and give your selves a little Diversion, there's Matter working within, will occasion it I'm sure.

Ha, ha, ha, ha,—what, Sancho has told his Master, I suppose, the Accident of the Beard?

Yes, and in the horriblest fright you ever knew; he is now with him; the Rogue begins to stumble upon our contrivance of the Princess too, Madam; so that we must set more Wheels a-going.

But 'prithee how wilt thou tope upon him now, for he must needs know thee now thy Face is bare?

We'll make him believe that all things are governed by Inchantment. The Inn-keeper has provided half a dozen merry Fellows, with Magicians and Devils Vizards, such as are used in Carnaval time, with other rare Anticks, and all to assist in the Frolick. He also has a rare Contrivance to carry him off, which is, a great woodden Cage, in which Two Eagles formerly were kept; the use of it, if you please to be present, you'll see with Satisfaction; and if you can laugh, you'll have cause I warrant you.

Your Lordship must take no notice that you know me, •• t look and speak as if you ne'er had seen me.

I'll warrant thee, my merry Face-Smoother, I'll humour the Jest.

And to confound Sancho the more, I'll go to his Master presently, and press him to go on with his Journey towards the Giant.

And then come I inchanted.

We must be Spectators of the Sport too, one way or other.

Oh, that may be easily done; and to help forward with the Jest, I'll go and act the part of an Enchanter, and assist in the Song. I long, methinks, to see this strange Knight-Errant, for I remember him not; tho' once in my Distress, I'm told I met him to his cost.

Ha, ha, ha,—I heard indeed you swing'd him once confoundedly. But come, 'prithee, let's make haste to him, and see this rare performance of Inchantment.

• Tis time we were there. Come Unkle, you are to second me. Exeunt.

THou tell'st me Wonders, Sancho.

Strange, and true, Sir—There's the Beard, and within is the Barber; I am sure these Eyes saw him; and I think I know his sniveling, Sheep-stealing Phiz too well to be mistaken in him.

I am not a Jot the more of thy Opinion because thou say'st thou hast seen him; for, Sancho, I am satisfied thou can'st not see.

Not see!—

No, thy Sense is often blind—thy Reason always; besides a Thousand strange Defects brood in thee to clog thy Understanding.

Very good: Well, will you do me the Favour to let me feel then, if I can't see? Will you let me be sensible of the Dash in the Chops, that damn'd Squire of the Horse-Tail gave me before I unbearded him; I hope I may with some Assurance say I felt that, mayn't I?

Why, according to the Stoical Philosopher—no.

No? 'Gadsbud, what a strange kind of a Creature am I then, that can neither feel nor see! But whatever you say of my Understanding, I'm sure I know this, That a Man's Life is a Winters Day, and a Winters way: A Cudgel that bruizes, is a thing that contuses ▪ I have a sore place here in my Shoulder, occasion'd by a Stone from one of the Galley Slaves, shall make me believe I can feel, whatever your damn'd Stockick or Philosopher, with a Pox to him, says to the contrary.

Ah, the Devil take your Suppose, will you make me mad? Won't you let me feel I am beaten, when the Cudgel is upon me? nor see that the sham Squire yonder, is that cunning Rogue, Nicholas the Barber of our Town, that comes to put a Trick upon ye? and that the Beard you hold in your Hand there is a White Horse Tail ty'd on to play his Prank in?

Why 'Faith as to the Beard, it may seem to thee a Horse Tail indeed, as I confess it does to me; but 'tis Obstinacy to be positive in't, because thou know'st too well how these Inchanters persecute me.

Ah plague, nay, if that Whim possess your Brain agen, you will find a number of Inchantments within yonder: There's your Lady Misrisoma, what a Devil d'e call her, is as much a King's Daughter too, as I am a Knight of the Garter, or Golden Fleece; the Giant Dandipratdando may dance a Jig in her Dominions as long as he pleases, for all your Prowess: for Curiosity tempting me to peep through the Key-hole of a Door this Morning, who should I see, but your chaste delicate Misrisoma, sitting in the Lap of the young Rampant Spanish Don that came with her, and clinging as close as two Faces in a Medal.

How's this! — O excommunicated Rascal, dar'st thou affront the Queen?

Queen! 'Oons, what Queen? 'tis a hopeful Queen that will let one of her Subjects ruffle her like a Bulker in a Bawdy-house. 'Sbud, I saw him brush his Whiskers upon her Face twenty times one after another.

Oh slanderous Villain, thou hast liv'd too long. Beats him.

Oh, good Sir, Mercy, Mercy, I may be mistaken—I do but suppose I saw all this—I do but suppose it, Sir.

Suppose this then too, Rascal—to confirm ye. Beats him.

Hold thy dead-doing Hand, most Noble Errant: Wonder of Wonders! What Empire's revolution, or other accident of vast and mighty moment, could raise the Anger of the great Don Quixote?

That Rat, that Vermin there, that but for the Reverence I bear to your Majesty's Person, my Foot should tread into his primitive Clod, amongst his fellow Worms that there inhabit: Would you believe it, Madam? the Blasphemous Varlet had the Impudence to tell me you were no Queen! And that you were as familiar with the Master of your Ceremonies, as if he had been privy to your Intellect, and had got ye an Heir to the Kingdom of Micomicon.

Oh! I forgive him freely; his Error, no doubt, is caus'd by some Illusion, that often happens in my Affairs: Therefore, Noble Sir, let's go with our best speed t' attack the Giant; when he is dead all these Chimera's vanish.

Desponding Hang dog, what say you to this now? Is she a Queen, or no?

Why? as well as a beaten Governour can give his judgment, I do suppose she is.

Miracles! Miracles! Bold Knight, stand on thy Guard; for here's a wonderful Adventure coming; the Inn's all in Confusion; and by the several Transformations there, we find the Inchanters are in search for thee: My Hostess within Mews like a Cat, and Maritornes answers like a Screech Owl; two bawling Carriers are turn'd into He-Asses, and Bray incessantly; and the good Reverend Squire here to this Sage Princess, seems in my Eyes, chang'd like to our Town Barber.

Oh Power of strong Inchantment! Is this possible? But that I know how I am persecuted, I should have sworn this was my very Neighbour, that oft with Razor-keen and Lathering Washball, mow'd the rough Stubble from my dented Chin, and snapp'd his Fingers with acute Agility.

This cannot be my Squire, I know him not.

Hah—ah— Sancho grins and shakes his head.

I am thy Squire, O Queen, but now Inchanted by the Sage Merlin, who is coming hither for endeavouring to deprive great Sancho Pancha of the Wife the Fates allot him, the Maid of Honour; for in short time the Destinies so order, Teresa shall bequeath to Death her Beauties, and he survive with the fair Rumpibella.

D'e hear this, Bacon-face? Are not you a damn'd desponding Son of a Whore, hah? What can you say now?

Why, I say, good News and a Bag-pudding, is better than ill with nothing to Dinner: If Mistress Rump, what d'e call her, fall to my lot by your means, you shall suppose me another drubbing as soon as you please; and as for Teresa's Beauty, let her bequeath it to the Devil, or where she pleases: All Shooes fit not all Feet; Sancho shall bear the loss of that well enough.

Prodigy on Prodigy! Stand forth, thou most Renowned, for an Adventure's coming hither to thee, has struck us blind with gazing: A Golden Chariot drawn by fiery Horses, descended from the Sky, and out of which came forth an Aged Man with a Majestick form.

He comes, he comes; O how I tremble!

Madam, dismiss your fear; whilst I am by ye, you are safe as in a Sanctuary.

To thee, O Knight of the Ill-favour'd Face, from my low Cell near hot Vesuvio's Mount, where our black Spirits with perpetual labour, surrounded with blue Flames and sulphurous Smoak, with horrid silence, forge our Magick-Spells; I, the Sage Merlin, come, sent by the Fates, to hinder for a time, thy present Enterprize: The Queen must Patience have, and Pandafilando revel and range within her large Dominions, till it shall come, that the Manchegan Lyon and the Tobosian Dove are joyn'd in Wedlock; for so 'tis fix'd, spite of Trinacrio and his Pristine Charms: Therefore, all you my Partners in the secret, dark and mysterious Art of Necromancy, appear, and with a Charm as strong as Destiny, seize on the most Illustrious Knight and Squire, and in the Inchanted Chariot bear 'em hence, to th' place the Fates have ordered. Dreadful sounds of Musick heard.

I feel the Charm already; my Blood freezes, and my Enervate Arms, inur'd to Battel, grow weak and spiritless.

What d'e feel? 'sbud, Sir, you only fansie so; for my part I feel nothing, not I, only my Fingers itch to be battering that old Fellow; who for all his disguise there, is as like mine Host of that plaguy Inn, where I was tossed in a Blanket • 'other day, as one Thumb is like another: Ay, and now I look nearer him, 'tis he, Sir, 'tis he:—A Trick, a Trick, 'Gadzooks, I know him.

Peace, sordid Wretch.

Oh Impudent Scoundrel! Darest thou affront the Great Merlin, that design'd so well for thee. The Inchantresses seize him, he struggles to get loose.

See, Merlin frowns; woe, woe be to thee, Sancho!

I fear we shall be punish'd for his sake.

Oh, naughty Sancho, hast thou no sense of fear, when thou seest the very. Off-spring of the Devil before thy Eyes? I shall laugh out; I am scarce able to contain— Lord, how the Fools look!

You must be Sawcy, with a Pox t'ye, and now see what comes on't: Had not Merlin been Gracious, the Queen and all this Company had been Inchanted through your Insolence; you see how narrowly they have 'scap'd.

I see! 'sbud, why, don't you say I can see nothing? I suppose I am in a Cage now, coop'd up like a green Goose with your wise Worship: But to say I see this were Madness, unless I resolve to have my Bones broke.

A Cage! Oh blind Stupidity! Now will I referr my self to any thing that's Wise, to know if thou dost not deserve to have thy Bones broke, to call th' Inchanted Chariot here a Cage?

Oh!—so then, this is a Chariot, is it?

Yes, Rascal, what else can it be? did not the great Merlin call it so?

Oh, very good— Nay, nay, I suppose it. Shaking his head at Don Q.

'Tis something odd, I confess: The Knights of old that suffer'd on these occasions, were carried through the Air in some strange Cloud, or mounted on a flying Hippogryphis:— But perhaps the Method's chang'd.

'Tis chang'd to a very pretty Method, truly:—If any one would see a Raree-Show, let him come hither: Here's the Emperor and the Governour Cheek by Jole, like two Paraguites hung up in a Hall Window: Lord, if we were in England now, what a World of Fools Six-pences we should get for a sight of us: A Groat to see the Emperor, and Two-pence the Earl; 'Oons we should put down all the Holiday Monsters clearly.

Very well, Dogbolt; you are Witty agen, are ye? and I suppose, know the Privilege of the place you are in.

The narrowness of the place I'm in, I suppose I do; 'tis in vain to be angry here, Sir, here's no room for drubbing.

No, I forgive thee, because I perceive the Inchantment works upon thee; besides the Fable says, That in the Toyl, once the Wolf and the Sheep were Friends: Then I know thou art nettled too about the delay of thy Preferment; which troth, as things stand, I must needs say I cannot now prefix a time to.

Why troth I as faithfully believe ye.

What grieves me most, is to see the trouble the Queen is in yonder: But, Madam, I beseech ye don't despair, these Accidents are common to Knights Errant; but 'tis only for a time, for I shall soon be free agen to aid ye—till when, confirm your hopes in my past promise—She thanks me with a Sign; but the rest, that by thy Fault are now deprived of Speech, by their Actions, Sancho, seem to threaten thee.

Why, let 'em threaten; if they will help me out of my Inchanted Castle here, I'll give 'em leave to take their Revenge: But a pox on my ill breeding and folly, Old Father Merlin has found another way, and there's no more to be done but Patience, and be wiser another time:—A scalded Cat fears cold Water: If Wishes could bide, then Beggers would Ride: The worth of a thing is best known by its want; and One Nightingale in a Bush, sings better than two Iackdaws in a Cage: And so, Sir, let's behold our selves, as one blind Fool said to t'other.

Oh Plague! why, thou art in thy Kingdom, I see now; this is the rarest place to string thy Proverbs and thy Flim-flams in; I must get Merlin to Inchant that Tongue of thine a little, I find there will be no peace else.

The Hour is come, and all the Sons of Art in Council sit; hast and set forward there.

Why Dolt, Madman, Ass; a Murrain take thee, whither wilt thou let them carry thee—thus like a Fool? 'D'sheartlikins, hast not Brains enough to see 'tis only a Trick upon thee to make thee a—mew—mew— Mews like a Cat, when Vincent waves his Rod.

And you, Jolthead Governour, don't you know a Proverb, that says, Bray a Fool in a Mortar, and you'll find all of him but his Brains. Where the Devil are you riding like a— whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo— Shrieks like an Owl.

Alas, sweet Ladies, I pity ye, I see you feel my Fate, but cannot help me. Till Merlin does ordain I shall be freed, Valour's in Bonds, and Chivalry lies dead.

Ha, ha, ha, ha,—rarely perform'd of all Hands: Gramercy mine Host, thou hast acted thy Part like any Comedian.

Ah, to divert your Lordship and the good Company here, I could do twice as much as this is.

There was no way to get him home but this, which has been excellently well-humour'd on all sides.

The Princess Micomicona deserves a real Kingdom for the Wit she has shown in't.

She has indeed done it to a Miracle; and manag'd, not only the Action, but the Romantick Stile so naturally, that a wiser Head than Don Quixote's might have been deceived.

Not unless he had some Sparks of his Phrensy. But what pleases me most is Sancho, who is every foot at a loss, whether he shall be a Governour or nothing.

Ha, ha, ha,—Come now, let's go dine, and laugh an Hour away about it within.

Ay, ay, a Jest sounds always most merrily at a good Dinner, my Lord; and to say the truth, the Squire of the Beard has been inchanted so long, that he begins to be hungry.

Oh, thy Mirth shall begin presently then; were thy Hunger as sharp as one of thy one Razors it should be blunted—Come▪ mine Hostess too, and little Maritornes—y' have all done admirably▪ Oh, how every little Subject pleases us, when Love has tun'd ou • Souls by his sweet. Harmony! Now, Embracing Dorothea. my dear Friend, I hope your Joys are perfect too. To Cardenio.

In my Lucinda's Love, mine are as perfect as Heaven has Pow'r to make 'em.

And mine in meeting with my dear Cardenio.

SO Gentlemen, are all things in order for the Dukes design of entertaining this whimsical Knight Errant?

They are Sir, every Servant in the house answers to his Cue as readily as if he had been brought up in a Theatre.

We find no one tardy in the business but Diego the Dukes Master of the Shepherds, who we hear has almost lost his wits for Love; and the Coxcomb grows every day so mop'd with it, that he neglects all other business.

There's something in that fellow more than ordinary, a swarth complexion, hot and Saturnine, you had best look to him Master Steward, for I know him to be of a mischievous nature, and not honest. Farewel, I must go seek the Duke, who is gone to the Grove, just by the Park side yonder, to meet Don Quixote, and bring him to his Castle.

Have they lodg'd the Knight then?

'Twas all the work of the neighbourhood to watch his motion: Sancho we hear was sent of an Errant to Toboso this morning, but about what we know not—and the Knight stays yonder, waiting for his coming—farewel, you had best make haste home before, to get all things in readiness. Exit Ambrosio.

I intend it Sir. Come Doctor, we shall have rare sport.

—'Sdeath! is't possible the Frenzy should still be so •• rong upon the Fool: 'tis not above a Month, since a Brother of my Profession, told me that he administred to him at his House, and had great hopes of his Cure.

There was such a report indeed. The manner of his ridiculous Inchantment, and bringing home in a Cage too, is very authentick— But Sancho and he one Night, made a shift to give 'em all the slip, and this is now his second Sally.

Ha, ha, ha—And in good time, he undertakes it to give the Duke and Dutchess diversion—Come let's be gone, that I may be ready for my part in the Scene.

The Chaplain must not know of it. Exeunt.

What are their Frollicks or their Sports to me, that have a burning Fever in my breast, that hourly consumes me. I know no Master now, but raging Passion, nor own Obedience, but to Love's great power; and my hearts Murdress, the ador'd Marcella, whom to enjoy, Ile hazard Credit, Fortune, nay venture at once, my Souls and Body's ruine, and ne're believe that I can pay too dear. Pulls out a Letter and muses.

I've r • iss'd the Duke and Dutchess strangely, who I believe, are gone the left hand way over the Pattock,—How now, who have we here, Diego the chief Shepherd,—This is the loving Fool they lately talk'd of. Ile stay a little to observe him. Absconds behind.

This Letter here, shews me the road to happiness, which is just sent me from a trusty friend that I employed to watch her Evening Haunts, and now 'tis done effectually— Reads.

Know she's the proudest of her Sex, as well as the most beautiful, and therefore shuns all Conversation with ours, and generally with her own; therefore to indulge her humour, I have observ'd her several evenings together to walk alone exactly about seven in the Mirtle Grove, that joyns to the Embassadors Garden, where at the aforesaid hour, you may securely seize her. I would assist ye, but the Embassador is this minute sent for to Court— But at my return, I expect the pleasure, to hear that you are reveng'd upon that proud Beauty, that so long has tortur'd ye—the account of which Action will give a secret pleasure, to your faithful Friend, &c.

The Action—Oh how my heart leaps in my breast to think ont! Remorse avaunt, I am resolv'd this Evening to force the scornful Fair to quench my flame, and glut my love with the sweet Spoyls of Beauty— Exit. Diego.

Here's a pretty business going forward; why what a damn'd Wolf or Satyr of a Fellow, have I discover'd here among the Sheep-coats—In Love, did they say?—ay, this is the very Devil of a Lover, a most admirable Monster to justify my quarrel to' the Sex: this sort of Coridons now, would fit the Female Devillings. Dam 'em • le take no notice on't; no usage can be bad enough for 'em,—But hold, is that resolution like a Gentleman? does it consist with honour? Pox on't, would chance had never led my feet this way. Now I'm a greater Villain than the Ravisher, if I permit the mischief. 'Tis so, and I must prevent it. In spite of Rancour she shall succour find, I'll save her honour, tho I hate her kind. Exit.

Oh that I had, as once young Phaeton, the rule of the bright Charriot of the Sun, that I might whip the Hours into more speed, or for a minute could disarm the Furies, to give one good smart lash to • agging Sancho, whom I this morning sent, with a Love Message, to my Ador'd and Charming Dulcinea. Post on ye sluggish Minutes, run dull Squire, and let thy Thoughts inform thy heavy Heels, the longings of my Soul: In the mean time, here in this Grotto, rest thou load of Love, think on thy lovely Charmer, and let thy amorous Soul, send forth no other sound but Dulcinea, oh Dulcinea. Exit.

Yonder he lyes, and as melancholy as a Cat in a Church Steeple, expecting my return, —and now good Brother Sancho—be pleas'd to go on with your design, and since you don't like the Mess • ge you are sent about, let's see how your Wit can bring you off—let me see, your maggot pated Master Don Quixot sends you to Toboso, to the P • incess Dulcinea—very good—Did you ever hear of any such Princess Sancho?—no—or has your Master ever seen such?—neither,—why then yo • r errand appears to be but a kind of mad whimsey Sancho—no doubt on't—well then, what remedy?—why thus Brother—if your Master can fancy Princesses, where none ere were—Windmils to be Giants, and flocks of Sheep, Armies—and say every foot that his sight is beguil'd by Inchantments—'twill be as easie for you to take the next Comer Sancho—and perswadehim to believe 'tis the radiant Dulcinea.

Come Couzin Ricotta, prithee come along; Udsliflikins, Ile be hang'd if the Bride b'ant gone to Church, before we can get thither.

Why prithee how can that be fool, when Father Iodolet • he Priest, and Gasper the Piper, are just gone before us.

Pshaw that's all one, the holy Cormorant has been at Breakfast already, he has devoured half a Turkey, and drank a Bottle of Malaga,—this Morning, so that he has nothing to do till Dinner, but to chop up Mass, and see 'em joyn'd according to custom.

He see 'em joyn'd according to custom, why how now you plaguy Hoyden you,— dee make a pimp of the Priest.

Why how now you young pert baggage, a pimp of a Priest, why is that such a miracle. This comes as pat as I could wish, these are two rare Jades for my purpose. Aside.

What ails the Slouch, can't you go on your way, I spoke to my Couzin Flora, I did not meddle with you swag-belly.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, it shall be so faith, this shall be the Princess Dulcinea Gadzookes,—and this other Dowdy here, shall be her waiting woman—ha, ha, ha. Sancho stops 'em.

What's the matter with the Paunch, what ails the bristle chops, can't y • u let us go and be hang'd.

Till my Lord Don Quixot, has kindled his amorous Taper at the Glow-worm Rays, of your Lady the Princess there, not for the world—my dear Lindabrides.

What Lady, what Princess? what a Dickins, is the Booby mad?

Therefore appear, thou mirrour of Knight Errantry, thy Queen, here is thy Dulcinea, Moon of thy hopes, North Star of thy desires, shining with all her fiery beams upon thee.

'Twas Sancho's voice,—and see yonder he stands—welcome thou blest, thou long'd for Messenger,—well and what success good Friend, hah! was the God of Love compassionate?

Success, sbud—kneel, kneel; Sir, oons are you blind, why there she is Sir, the Princess, the Peerless Dulcinea, the grand Toboso, the silver Trumpet of Renown, the fire Arms of Beauty, and the Touchhole of Love, attended by the most beautiful Babberlips of Spain, the lovely—Wiffundera. They kneel.

Where is the Princess Sancho. Staring about.

Ah Devil on ye, what game, what foolery's this? pray let's go will ye.

Oh Princess and Universal Lady of Toboso, why does not your magnanimous heart relent, seeing the Pillar, and prop of Chivalry prostrate before your sublimated presence: 'Sbud Sir are you dumb?—or a • e your senses ravish'd from you, at the beams of those fair Eyes, those lushious Bubbies, and Amber Locks, adorn'd with Pearl and Diamonds.

Pearl and Diamonds?Rubs his Eyes.

'Dsheart, what dee lye rubbing your Eyes so for? Why don't you see all this?

Upon my Knighthood—No.

The Devil were in ye if you should,—how the clownish Jades stare at one another. Aside.

I see no Princess: the objects that present themselves to me, are Faces most uncomely, dost thou see this rare sight, Sancho?Rises up.

Do I? I think I do, I see the Princess shining with Gold there, like a Sun beam, and the most bright and altified Whiffundera, blazing like a Star of the first Magnitude.

Well enough Brewis-belly; Adshdikins leave off your fooling, and let's be gone, or I'll call out to the Vineyard yonder.

There be Folkes there that will take our parts, you may chance to get a drubbing for your Jokes, if you han't a care, Bacon-face. Exeunt.

Zooks, Queen Blouze may be in the right in that, therefore I'll make haste.

If that be the Princess that spoke last, some Devilish Spell this moment is upon me, I am bereav'd of all my sight and senses.

How, how's that Sir? I hope not so—This is what I lookt for, ha, ha, ha, ha, the Trick fadges rarely. Aside.

Dost thou smell nothing, Sancho?

A perfum'd sigh or two, the Princess breath'd, Sir, nothing else.

Nay, then 'tis plain I'm inchanted—agen, by my Knighthood, • t seem'd to me of Garlick.

Todpoles! Witches! I have not seen two uglier.

Good lack a day, that these Devilish fellows can do this!— Keep in your breath, and be hang'd. Aside.

Keep you off and be hang'd. So ho, in the Vineyard there.

Pedro, Valasco, Tarzoe, so ho; odslid come near me agen— a couple of Cogging Scoffing Gibers, what a Murrain can't you let people go along the Road? did we meddle with you? odslid come near me agen, and I'll give thee such a gripe on the Weazon, I'll make thee kackle agen. They run out.

Ugh— • here's another whiff, the very — quintessence of Garlick. Oh thou extream of all wickedness, thou abhorr'd Inchanter, whoe're thou art, think not because thou canst pervert my Smelling faculty, and put these Clouds and Cataracts in my Eyes, to eclipse that dazling Beauty from me, that it shall serve thy turn; no Misc • eant, the time shall come, when by my powerful Arm all Charms shall be dissolv'd, and this bright Planet, hid by vile Inchantment, shine bright and clear for ever. Is she gone, Sancho?

Yes Sir, and upon so fast a gallop, that 'tis impossible for Rosinante to overtake her; therefore pray Sir consider the Proverb that says, To ill accidents apply patience; Let every Conscience fit itself to the times; we shall have a smiling minute, when we shall ferk these plaguy Inchanters before they are aware: In the mean time be pleas'd to think of being an Emperour as soon as you can Sir—that I may be a Governour, and raise my Family, for to my thinking I should become governing hugely. Well, and now I talk of governing, yonder comes a company that I think look like Emperours and Governours indeed.

Not a word more—I know 'em, 'tis the Great Duke of that noble Seat thou seest there, with his fair Dutchess: And I suppose my Fame has reach'd his Ears; he comes hither now to find me out.

Down swelling griefs a while be husht and silent, whilst from these great ones I receive that Ceremony my noble Function merits: And dee hear Sancho, be sure you behave your self with that Decorum as suits my Squire, and the place y'are in.

Well, well, Sir, a word to the wise is enough— Manners makes the Man, quoth William of Wickham—Now we are to deal with People that have a scence of governing; I warrant ye let me alone for behaving my self.

Lure off the Hawks, the day's too hot for sport, we'll out again in th' Evening— Most noble Knight Don Quixote de la Mancha— Fortune has now oblig'd me to my Wishes, thou Quintescence, thou Soul of Arms and Honour, welcome into my Province.

Your Graces most devoted, lives no longer, than whilst he is yours in all humble duty.

Illustrious Errant, I am proud to thank ye— Madam that you m • y know highly Fortune honours me, I am oblig'd to tell ye this is the Knight of the Ill-favour'd face, the shining Sun of Spain, the Mars of Arms and Chivalry, whom I desire you to invite to my Castle, that we may shew how we admire such Virtue.

I am his Greatnesses most humble Servant, and hope he'll so far honour us.

I kiss your beauteous Hand most excellent Lady, and wholly subject my self to your Commands.

Subject himself to her Commands,—Gadzooks very pretty, that,—well, this plaguy Devil my Master, has a notable way with him sometimes.

We are all—Valiant Sir, your humble Servants and most oblig'd.

But most of all our Sex—as to a Champion whose daily Indeavour is to right our wrongs, with Sword and Launce, on Mountain or in Valley, to vindicate the cause • f injured Ladies.

And this good Fellow, if I mistake not, must sure be trusty Sancho, the honest Pa • tner of this brave Knights dangers.

Your Mightiness h • s hit it to a hair— I am the very Sancho, indeed a Governour elect too, for all I look so▪ and as for dangers, why little said is soon amended, common fame is seldom to blame, but Patience is a plaister for all sores. My master and I have heard Wolves howl at Midnight before now,—we know how an Oaken Cudgel can bruise, and what danger is in cold Iron: we are no Flinchers, we.

You will forget blunderhead. To Sancho aside. A Clownish Prater, my Lord, I hope your Grace will excuse him. To the Duke.

Oh, Sancho is very pleasant, and his Proverbs become him extreamly—Go some of you and bridle this noble Knights Horse, that I see feeding yonder, and bring him to the Stable; we'll go in the back way over the Garden.

And pray Mrs. since I see you have nothing else to do, will you be so kind as to go to yonder Hedge, where to Rodrigues. you will find a dapple grey Ass,— ty'd and do so much as put him up with Rozinante, and pray take what care of him you can, because the poor fool is a little skittish, and I can't wait on him my self, by reason you see me oblig'd to follow my Master.

How now ignorant Bufflehead, d'e know who you talk to?

Oh confound him, did you ever hear such a sordid Son of a Whore? Why thou complicated lump of Dullness, does this good Gen • lewoman look like a Groom? Does she seem fit to manage in a Stable, thou incomprehensible Rascal.

No, no, 'twas a civillity any one might have begg'd; besides Dapple may be nearer related to Sancho than we imagine. I have bit my tongue almost through▪ I shall ne're be able to hold out.

Nor I, I dare not look that way for fear of laughing aloud.

How Mrs. Rodriguez swells, I warrant she could poyson Sancho now with all her Soul, for she knows nothing of the design. To Card.

I shall hardly expose my sense, to resent any thing from su • h a Rustical Brute; my Breeding and his, I suppose, have been in different stations, therefore the best way of expressing my self about it, is by contempt. I despise the Creature.

Well, well, since you despise him, so let it end then. Come most Heroick, shall I lead the way— My Wife attends your motion. Don Quixote leads out the Dutchess.

Her Grace extreamly honours me— Hah—Dunghil Vermin is this your manners with a Pox t'ee. Aside to Sancho.

Where the Devil's the harm ont? Gadzooks I thought Waiting Women might have gone into Lords Stables, as well as Footmen into Ladies Bed-chambers; hut Live and learn, and be hang'd and forget all; there's a good Proverb however. Exeunt.

COme, are the Musicians ready now for the Entertainment, the Duke and Dutchess are just at the Gate.

They are all tuning their Instruments in the next room.

Page, prithee run and tell the Cook and the Confectioner my Lord will have the Banquet after the Musick is ended. Exit Page.

And what's all this preparation for I wonder: What silly gambol is going to be plaid now?

And why silly gambol? Lord you are always so p ••• ish Mr. Cuff-cushion, there's no living with ye, any thing that does not suit your grave testy humour is silly presently. Pox methinks you should know your station of being unmannerly a little better, be civil here, and be rude when you get into your Pulpit.

Ah, thou art a pretty fellow to govern a Family with a flashy Head, and a Heart void of Conscience, Morality and Religion. How dar'st thou prophane the Pulpit, Reprobate; a Whore were a more natural thing for thee to talk of.

No, you must let him govern every thing, and then Sir gravity will be easie; let but the head Butler be his Croney, and my Ladies pretty Chambermaid sit on his Bed-side in a Morning, and mend his Stockings, and then you shall hear him rail no more, nor ever have a Sermon against Drinking or Whoring.

Why thou infect, bred from excrement; thou Quack, with not skill enough to cure a Lap-dog of the Mange? thou venery-promoter, art thou shooting thy Turpentine Pills at me too.

Put him but into a fret, and 'twill be better sport, than a Bearbaiting, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Fulsom Idiot, poor wretch.

Ha, ha, ha, ha,—poor Vestry dawber.

Come, come, prithee,—now let's leave him to chew the Cud upon contemplation — here comes my Lord.

Is he unarm'd?

They are doing it my Lord, and treating him in all points, as your Grace has order'd.

My Lady Dutchess will grow fat with laughing, I never saw her take so much pleasure in any Jest before

Go you and assist in the Ceremony, and be sure To Man. and Pedro. to use him according to the custom of Knight Errants of old, which I have read • 'e in books of Chivalry — how now Bernardo, what is your reverend solidity musing on, hah? Exit. Man. and Pedro.

I am musing my Lord, on those books of Chivalry, which I have of late often found you reading, and I profess I wonder that a man of your clear Sense and good parts, should waste your precious time so unprofitably.

Testy Fool, now if I would permit him, would this peevish Blockhead, be impertinent two long hours by the Clock,—Come, come, I'll endure no reproof now; if thou'lt be sociable, and take part of the Musick and the Banquet, 'tis well, if not.—

The Musick— No, not I, Heaven estrange my ears from hearing such Vanity,—as for the other part, it is my duty to give a Blessing to't, therefore I shall attend. Exit Bern.

Ay to the eating part, I warrant thee, if any of thy Tribe are wanting at that I much wonder.

Vivat the Succourer of Widows and Orphans.

The Righter of Wrongs, and Retriever of the ancient and most noble Laws of Chivalry.

The Tamer of Giants, and undaunted Queller of Monsters and Furies.

Let the Sports begin to entertain him, and let no part be wanting to do him honour.

I do beseech your Grace, I shall dye with Blushing▪

The highest merit must have highest place.

My Lord, you confound me with excess of favour.

Nay, nay, it must be so, Sir.

O • my Conscience this is that Scare-crow Knight Errant Don Quixote, that I have heard the Duke talk so often of; oh the whimsical Idiot!Sits at the lower end.

Indeed, Sir Knight, if I may speak my thoughts, your Modesty is a great deal too nice: You needs must know your place, wheree're you are.

Now have I two Proverbs at my tongues end, that I'de give half my Government to vent— One is, He that has more manners than he ought, is more a Fool than he thought; and t'other is▪ there is more ado with one Jackanapes, than with all the Bears.

How now Friend Sancho, what are you muttering, come we must have no wit lost.

Ah blessing on your Noblenesses pratling place; y're a princely Jewel, I'll say that for ye: And now my Master Don Quixote has put me in the mind on't—I could tell ye a very pretty tale that happened in our Town, concerning places.

You will prate Jolthead—I beseech your Graces, let this Coxcomb be thrust out, we shall hear a thousand follies else.

By my sincerity these are both craz'd alike, and I shall ne're have patience to hear half their Fooleries.

By no means, my noble Sir, Sancho must needs go on with his tale.

Oh we lose our chief diversion else— for his wit and good humour must needs make it very pleasant.

Why then thus it goes, you must know then, that there was a Gentleman in our Town, nearly related to Don Alonzo de Maranon, Knight of the Order of St. Iaques, who was drown'd in the Heradura, about whom that quarrel was a little while since in our Town▪ Master mine, pray Sir, were not you in't— Where little Thomas the Madcap. Son to Balvastro the Smith, had a deep wound in the Scrotum as they call'd it, about the Widow Waggum.

A plague on thee for a Crust-grinder, dost thou begin a Tale without head or foot, and then ask me a question— Now do I sweat for the Rogue. Aside.

Well, well, then 'tis no great matter— And so this Gentleman that I told you fi • st of▪ invited a poor Husbandman to Dinner; and so the poor man coming to the Gentleman Inviters House, Heaven be merciful to him, for he is now dead; and for a further Token, they s • y, died like a Lamb—for I was not by, for at that time I was gone to another Town to reaping.

Ay, and prithee come back from reaping quickly, without • urying the Gentleman, unless thou hast a mind to kill us too with expectation.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh tardy Hellhound, I'm in a Feaver for him. Aside.

Ne're • ear, Sir, I'll be mannerly. To Don Quixote apart. And so, as I was saying, both being ready to sit down to Table, the poor man contended with the Gentleman not to sit uppermost, and the Gentleman with him that he should, as meaning to command in his own house, but still the Country Booby pretending to be mannerly and courteous, would not; till the Gentleman very angry, thrusting him down, said to him, sit there you Thrasher, for wherever I sit with thee shall still be the upper end: and now you have my tale forsooth, and I hope pretty well to the purpose. Don Quixote frowns on Sancho.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

A very admirable tale and quantity delivered, ha, ha, ha.

Poor Sancho will • ay for this anon; the Knight looks very angry, I'll try to divert it—My Lord, Don Quixote, I beseech ye, if my request be not improper, how fares the gracious Dulcinea del Toboso,— and what Giants, Bugbears and Captives have you sent her lately.

How could I mumble that Dog, if I had him in a corner. Aside.

What a plague's the matter, I've said something amiss now I see by's look.

Ah Madam, there you divide my heart in • under, the beauteous Dulcinea is inchanted.

Is't possible!

Ye Crack brain'd Idiot, I profess I can bear no longer. Fie, fie, my Lord and Madam, what dee mean — I vow your Graces are much to blame t' indulge the Frenzy of this Lunatick.

How? What's that Sir, Lunatick?

Now comes the sport.

The Priest has smothered his testy humour till he's black in the face.

Who thrust it into your brains Don Quixote, or Don Coxcomb, that you are a Knight Errant, with a murrain tee, and that you c • n kill Giants, Monsters, B • gbears— Or know of any Princess that's enchanted? Is not this Spain, incorrigible Dull pate? What Errants are 〈◊〉 here? Or what use of'em, hah?

Oh monstrous! Oh thou old black Fox with a Firebrand i • thy tail thou very Priest, thou Kindler of all Mischiefs in all Nations, dee hea • , Homily, did not the Reverence that I bear these Nobles bind my just rage, I would so thrum your Cassock, you Church Vermin.

I profess, I have a great mind to strip, I have much ado to forbear—but hold, I will not shame my Coat— I will absent me prudently—Well, Madman, passion is an ill arguer, some other time we will dispute this point—Till when farewel—Add • e pate.

Adie • Scriptures groper. Exit Bernardo.

A waspish strange old Fool: I hope, Sir, you take no offence.

None, none, my Lord, upon my Honour, Women and Priest • may say any thing.

He shall beg your pardon▪ Hey Page, bid the Chaplain wait m • in the Park. Exit Page.

Come will you retire, Sir, for an hour, and then we'll divert you abroad with Hawking.

I am your Graces ever. Exit leading the Dutchess.

I am glad of this; that Black Coat's prating has made him forget me.

—Where these Fools are, there must Diversion be. Exeunt.

HElp, help, for Heavens sake help.

You call in vain, nothing can help you now but fair compliance.

Yes I.

Thou art a Devil.

So, my Dear, art thou, a very Devil, and the Hell I've suffer'd, through thy nice Female Pride and Obstinacy, is greater than the Damn'd below endure; but I am now grown a profound Magician, and I can conjure that proud Daemon from thee, that late insulted o're all human kind. You now must love, Marcella.

Curst sound, and now more curst than ever, coming from the mouth of such a Fury.

Ay, this is well now— I am pleas'd to see that Lucifer keeps his old station in your proud heart; my Spell will work the better. Mildness perhaps had wrought me to a stile of whining Love, to court and sue for favour, look like a Fool, be modest, cringe and bow, lye like a Chambermaid, and at last get nothing, but Y'are an Ill-favour'd Monster, and I scorn ye.

No succour yet! no kind relieving Passenger!

But now you shew your Sex in their true quality you more oblige me; I now can bluntly seize thee without wooing, and like a man claim Beauty as my due, pattern the noble Savages of old, when Woman, like the rest of other Females, patiently couch'd under the Male Prodominance; and since you are obstinate and stubborn, instruct the rest of men by my example.

What dost thou propose, oh, thou most abhorr'd?

To make a Convert of thee— What a str • nge, coy, wild, impertinent, unnat • ral thing hast thou been hitherto, thou wo • est thy Eyes as if thou wert a Ba • ilisk, destroying others, still to please thy self; thou taughtst thy tongue to murder all thy Lovers by proud refusals— thy hands to tear their Letters, and thy feet to run away like an ungrateful Daphne, tho an Apollo followed.

'Tis my nature, born for my self; all men are my aversion.

Then know, that I was born to new create thee; I will not have those Beauties lost through Pride, which Nature first intended for Injoyment; your Eyes shall learn to smile, your Lips to kiss, your Tongue to praise your Lover; Arms t' embrace him: I'll mould your body to a proper form, make every part about you do its office, and fit ye for the business of the world.

The Devil shall have you • irst.

The Devil shall have me after, Child, as he and I agree upon't; but before hand I'll beg his Devilships pardon.

Oh, how I hate this fellow! What a rage I feel within my bosom glow against him? What! Shall I sue to any man for favour; I that have through the series of past years, made 'em the business of my jest and railery? Shall I submit and beg? I'll rather dye first.

If, (as the word has always been a stranger to me, when it related to thy Sex) i • I • ould be kind, canst thou believe, oh thou foul Crimin • l, such words • s these could win me!

Oons I have no Complements; all women have been spoil'd since men first us'd 'em. Kiss and Consent at first begot the Ioy; ' • was Sighs and • hinings bred the Pish and Fye— I will be fool'd no longer. Strikes him.

Stand off rude Hell-hound, I yet have some defence; when Innocence fights, each Pin, each little Bodkin, will prove a Lance to wound the curst Assailer! Oh, • hou most vile of Creatures • hat is, (th • u man) dost thou belie •• I wi • yield • amely to thee? No, I will make each Nail an E • gles Tal •• , my T • eth shall 〈◊〉 thy Fl • sh, my Eyes shall blast thee; and in this noble •• use, this lit •• e Arm, in my defence, be like the Club of Hercu •• s, thou worst of all Male Devils, Ravisher.—

Oh, I shall coo • your Cou • age. G • es to seize her.

And I you • s Sir, I must make bold to interrupt you • sport a little, the Duke shall have no S • tyrs in his Family. Come, come, Sir, deliver me your Sword.

My Sword? It must be this way then: • 'm upon the forlorn hope, and so have at ye, Sir, Fight and Ambro • io disarms him.

Ambrosio! He • vens! Is't he I am oblig'd to for thi • Succour! The Man of all • he World I've least deserv'd from— I'm so confounded with shame I cannot look on him. Aside.

Now Villain, you shall obey in spite of ye; but more of that presently, first let's see the Woman— Hah, Marcella! Oh blind, blind Chance, Oh ill con • riving Fortune, thou knowest I hate the curst Cleft Tribe in general; and couldst thou 'mongst the rout of female mischiefs, find me no other to oblige but thi • ! This worst of all • he Sex! This damning Eve, with not one only, but Legion of Serpents round her!

What do I feel! His words shoot through my heart, as if 'twere wounded with a Sheaf of Arrows; I am not angry neither to hear him rail, but chang'd so, that methinks I could hear more.

Oh thou dear Manes of my brave Friend Chrisostome, art thou not ang • y with thy poor Ambrosio whose ill plac'd stars maliciously compel him to vindicate the honour of thy Murdress?

Si • ce the good deed y' have don • , cause 'twas for me▪ so much offends your thoughts, oblige us both, and kill me; for I can bear death better than your words. Kill me, and I am then ou • of your debt, and you reveng'd for Chrisostome.

No, live however, and (if a woman can) repe • t; for 'twe're damnation certain, now to kill thee; live therefore, but let me see those baneful Eyes no more; lock from henceforth those Ignes Fatui up, that lead men wandring into Bogs and Ditches; veil 'em I say, that I agen may never be troubled to defend your Caterwawling; a creature that can purr, and • hen can squeak, that scratching can repulse the eager Lover, and yet be prompt and willing to inge • der: Away, there's counsel for ye. Come, Sir, now march before me; something remains for you too—go on.

Had I but done the deed I had not car'd. Exeunt.

Yet thou art brave: Oh Heaven what shall I do to pay the Debt of Gratitude I owe thee; what a forlorn and miserable Wretch had I been but for thee! Oh I am lost! What Beauty, Riches or the Gloss of Honour, with all th' allurements never could subdue, is conquer'd by this great, this generous Action: My Heart is melting, and a new strange passion fills all my bosom, that firm resolute will, that stood unshock'd to the deserts of Chrisostome, is wholly Captive to the brave Ambrosio. In vain is Art or Obstinacy now. In vain does weakned Force resist the stronger; The Fort's o're-pow'r'd, and can hold ou • no longer. Exit.

Is the Doctor ready with his disguise for Merlin.

He has be • n drest this hour my Lord; the Page too is perfect in his part of Dulcinea; we only wait my Lady D • tchesses coming back, who is gone after the Hawk the back side of the Wood—And then we shall begin the Comedy.

The Knight and the Parson are still in hot argument yonder; the Cassock and the Helmet are at mortal odds; the Church Militant scorns to truckle to the Camp, he'll not ask him pardon, he says, tho all the Knights of the Round Table were by to back him.

I took this opportunity of slipping from 'em, to take-breath a little, and laugh by my self—See here they come, away Mannel to your Fellows, and assoon as ever it begins to be dark do as I've order'd.

We'll be punctual as the minute, my Lord.

Well, Chaplain, is the business reconcil'd; have you done Justice to this noble Knight?

I profess, I think I have, I have told him plainly he is a Madman, and have conscientio • sly propos'd to him a certain remedy

Nay, if the Swo • d and the Gown can agree no better, we are like to see but an ill Reformation.

Once more, I say, ask him pardon Bernardo.

For what my Lord, I profess, I begin to fear, he has infected your Grace with • is own distemper.

Ha, ha, ha, ha,— He'll call me Fool presently.

For me that have swallowed and digested Sciences, as common as Loins of Mutton, to aff • ont Lear • ing so vilely, to compare with one that's ignorant of all— A downright Madman.

Good words, Priest, g • od words, did Religion teach you to be rude, Sir Cassock? Besides▪ to shew I am not so ignorant, as you'd make me, know I have learnt the Sci • nces—and made a • dition to excel your Gown by one much better than • he rest, Knight Errantry.

That a Science, oh ri • iculous, • harkee; prithee prepare thy brains a little, to answer me one question.

Ay, now they buckle to't.

What's a Knight Errant good for?

Every thing: He that is honoured with that Function understands a Science that contains in't all the rest, which thus I make appear. First, He must be skill'd in the Law, to know Justice distributive and commutative, to do • ight to every one: He must be a Divine, to know how to give a reason clearly of his Christia • Profession: He must be a Physician, and chiefly an Herbalist, to know in a Wilderness or Desar • , what Herbs have vertue to cure Wounds; for you • Knight Errant must not be looking out every pissing while for a Surgeon to heal him: He must be an Astronomer, to know in the night what a Clock 'tis by the Sta • s: He must be also a Ma • hematician, and principally a good Cook, because it may very often happen, he may have occasion to dress his own Dinner. Nor should he only be ador • 'd wi • h all divine and moral vertues, but he must descend to Machanicks also; for he must know how to shoe a Horse, to mend a S • ddle, to soal a Boo • , to dearn a Stocking, to stitch a Doublet; and in short, to do all things that reason can imagine. And all these things, and as many more, is your Knight Errant good for.

What say to this, my good Divinity Teacher; methinks the Knight has given ye a very fair accompt of his F • nction.

And now I have answered his question, I think 'tis but reasona • le to ask him one: I demand of hi • • hen, and put it fairly to his Co •• cience, I say, I desire to know of him— What a Chaplain's good for?

By my troth a shrewd question.

And p • t home too, as the case now stands.

Ay, 'tis plain now, the cause is lost, the Chaplain's confounded, he has not a word to say for himself, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, Eagerness and Rage have so choak'd him, he has no utterance—Ha, ha, ha, ha.

What am I become a jest, fye my Lord, where is the decency, where is the sagacity! Oh strange this is very unseemly— And I'll be gone lest choler arise, and I exceed the bounds of discretion: Oh, my Lord this is very unseemly. Exit.

Now will he be musty this month, and we shan't get a word from him.

Hah, what dreadful sounds are these. Horrid Sounds are heard within.

Most wonderful!A Noise like a Womans Shreeks.

Oh yonder are the Lights, I see they are coming. To Card.

That last to me seemd like the cry of women, this may be some Adventure worth my notice.

Oh save me, my Lord, save me.

How now, for Heavens sake what's the matter!Embr. her.

The Wood's all in a Flame, a thousand Spirits are in't, and all coming this way, oh—What will become of us?

One of 'em made me shreek so loud with a fright, that I'm sure I could not be louder, if I were to be ravished.

All Hell is broke loose yonder! There are Devils a foot, and Devils in Coaches, and Devils of all sorts, shapes and sizes, oh! Where's this plaguy Chaplain now; I never had such a mind to pray in my life? Fly, fly, good Sir, oh gadzooks, they'll be here in a twinkling.

Why let 'em come, stand by me and fear nothing.

This is something more than natural, and I confess amazes me.

Save us ye powers—What horrid thing is this?

I'll speak to't, for by Don Quixotes side, how terrible soe're it be I cannot fear, speak thou frightful Vision— What art thou—

I am a Devil.

Lucifer?

No, his Butler; I fill up molten Lead in Cups of Agat to all the Wretches that are damn'd for drinking.

My Master now has lent me out to Merlin, Prince of the Inchanters, who is coming yonder, bringing the Princess Dulcinea del Toboso with him inchanted, and I am sent before to seek a famous Knight they call Don Quixote de la Mancha, to tell him how the Princess may be freed.

If thou wert a Devil of Parts and Understanding, thou wouldst have known without my information, that I am Don Quixote.

By my Conscience and Soul, Sir, I think you are, and I beg your Pardon with all my heart, but I was so busied in my several cogitations, that I forgot the chief, as I hope to be sav'd.

Gadzooks, I am not half so much afraid now as I was, this Devil seems to be a very honest fellow, and I'll warrant him a good Christian, because he swears by his Soul and Conscience; but yet he makes me laugh to talk of Dulcinea's Inchantment, ha, ha, ha— Mum for that, I'm sure I know the trick of that better than any Devil of 'em all. Aside.

Prepare thy self therefore, oh most renown'd, for here they come, clear, clear thy Eyes from dust, and pick thy ears, that thou may'st take the secrets with attention; nor be thou daunted; for Merlin holds thee well—I can no more, the rest himself will tell.

I see impertinence is a vice amongst those in the other world as well as this, this foolish Spirit might have spar'd his bidding me not be daunted, if he had known how to manage a Speech wisely.

The Butler was in the right, Sir, here comes more of the Devils Officers.

Let him send all his Family, my Lord, I know how to answer 'em, I'll warrant ye—

I come, O valiant Knight, to let the see, tho all the rest of sage Inchanters hate thee, that Merlin is thy Friend; here is thy Mistriss inchanted to a soul rude Country Dowdy by the malice of thy cruel Foe Lyrgander, and if thou seest her now beauteous as formerly, 'tis through my present grace, and to move pity in those that are concern'd to disinchant her, for she must turn to her vile shape again till the curst Spell be ended, which to perform observe my words with care, and listen to what the destinies ordain.

Most reverently, and in all humble duty, I thank the gracious Merlin for his Clemency.

Now is Sancho at his wits end to know, whither he may believe his Eyes and Ears, or no.

But his Master there is wholly transported, the Lady Dulcinea's fair eyes have enchanted him more than she is by the Magician Lyrgander, ha, ha, ha.

Softly, sweet Love, they'll hear ye.

Why a man shant be sure, that he has his own Nose on at this rate; I would have laid my Earldom that I am to have to a Cucumber, that I had enchanted her my self, and now Mr. Merlin there makes it out, that it was done before▪ Gadzooks I believe we are a •• enchanted, and Swarms of Devils like G • ats and Flies are buzzing in every corner.

Peace Babbler, eternal Mill-Clack, let your Clapper lye still a while, that the great Merlin may unfold himself.

We have had the Prologue to't already, he has strok'd his Beard three times—now one good sound hem— and we have it. Pedro▪ speaking with a grave and loud voice. If Dulcinea, from an ugly Creature, Would be transform'd to this her former feature, The Powers, who now her Beauty do r • tain, To free her from the Curse, do thus ordain; That Sancho shall three thousand Lashes give Sancho starts, and looks dismay'd. Himself; and them on Buttocks bare receive: This done, from her Inchantment shall relieve her; But not perform'd, she shall be charm'd for ever.

A thousand Blessings fall on Merlins Tongue, that like an Oracle has now deliver'd these happy sounds—Oh Sancho, Brother Sancho, or how shall I stile thee, to express my self more tenderly; my Son, my Friend, how am I overjoy'd to know that thou art to be the glorious means of Dulcinea's freedom; for now I reckon it as good as finish'd▪

Oh not too fast, good Sir; there's a great deal to be said upon this matter yet; An old Ape has an old Eye: I know well enough Mr. Merlin has ow'd me an ill will ever since the Cage business, and now thinks to revenge himself upon my Buttocks for't; but 'tis all one, forewarn'd, fore-arm'd, better a fair pair of heels, than dye at the Gallows; tho I han't an ounce of Brains I may have a drachm—I can tell that four and five make nine, tho I am no Conjurer.

Oh prithee sheath, sheath up thy Proverbs now if • hou lov'st me, and prepare thy self to disenchant the Princess, dear Sancho.

Ay now 'tis dear Sancho, now you have occasion for my Buttocks 'tis dear Sancho; but just now I was a Babbler, a Mill-clack, and every foot a Hound, a Vermin, and I know not what; therefore I'gad Ile make much of one, good men are scarce, the Hound shall have more wit than to l • sh himself, Ile tell ye but that.

How's this! Darst thou provoke my Rage by a Denial?

Consider what you owe to the merits of your Master, Sancho that sure must soften your hard heart.

And to the Princess too—his Soul, his better part, from whose benign and wonderful Influence, all honours must arise.

'Tis but three thousand Lashes— and alas—what are those.

Alas those are nothing, I warrant nothing; Sancho mimicks her. • ut if your Ladyships render hide were to disenchant some body at this •• te, I believe you would be glad to bate some of those. Oons does your Grace believe my Buttocks are made of Buckskin?

Realiy 'tis great pity the world should be depriv'd of such an excellent Beauty, and I am very certain that generous Sancho will quickly relent, and willingly sacrifice his Backside to end the Inchantment.

Why there's another now, I warrant that squeaking Devil could fla • g a man to death by her good will. Why what a plague has my generous Backside to do with Inchantments? Mimicking her. or why must I be oblig'd to demolish the Beauty of my Backside, to recover the Beauty of her Face; 'tis my Masters business I think, and since he is to enjoy the one, let him take the tother along too, for my part Ile have nothing to do with it.

Is it then possible, thou Soul of Lead, thou Marble-breasted Rocky-hearted Squire, that thou shouldst boggle at such easie penance, to do thy Lord and me so great a favour? Hadst thou been doom'd to eat a hundred Toads, three thousand Lizzards or a peck of Vipers, to sheer thy Eye lids, flea thy Head and Face, or broyl thy self three hours upon a Grid-Iron, this ha • • een something for thee to refuse; but since the thing impos'd is but a flauging, a punishment each paultry School-boy laughs at, and which each rampant antiquated Sinner chooses for Pleasure; this to deny, especially when the performance would retrieve my Beauty, supple my Skin, and make this Olive-colour'd face as fair as now it seems, is a Barbarity unpardonable, and the World will hate thee for't.

And let thy sweetness know, that he shall do't, tho he could herd with a young brood of Giants, fierce as the old that combated with Iove— Harkee, Rascal, Garlick-eater, I will tye thee naked to a Tree, and instead of the three thousand Lashes give thee six, and each of those six inches deep, if I but hear thee breathe another word like a refusal.

Hold, noble Knight, thou errst, that must not be, for the great powers have order'd the Pennance done must not be forc'd but willingly.

Why then every one as you were, and face about to the right again; God a mercy for that i'faith Master Merlin. Getting from Don Quixote Lookee, Sir, there's no more to be said, you hear what the grand powers have ordered: Come, come, 'tis ill shaving against the hair; the wearer best knows where the Shoe wrings him; besides you know the old saying, Scratch my back, and I'll claw your elbow; there's nothing to be done but by fair means, think of that, Sir.

Why then a thousand times begging thy pardon, Sancho, I do intreat thy favour in this business.

Humh—humh—intreat my favour.

Consider friend our future rise depends on the performance; for wanting her influence I can be no Emperor, nor thou no Governor, which i • once done I promise thee within a month at farthest.

Why, ay, Sir, this is something now — but yet three thousand Lashes, humh—

Nay, as to that, if Sancho be so generous to disinchant the Lady, he shall not stay so long to have a Government, for I have now an Island at his service.

Oh fortunate Sancho, Oh most happy Squire, I shall be proud to wait on him.

And I.

And all of us.

Ay marry Sir, now you sound well indeed, there's no squeaking in this Bagpipe; why 'tis a wonderful thing to think now, how benefits have power to alter resolutions, and how merrily an Ass will trip it up Hill that's laden with Gold and Jewels; methinks I am strangely alter'd on the sudden, and am not so averse to this Lashing as before.

Well, are things yet according to thy wish, a • t thou now satisfied, that by my means, thou shalt become a Governor, does thy heart yet relent?

It does, Sir, and you may see it in my Eyes. weeping You may find by me too, that he that is obstinate wears his Coat soonest thredbare, and folly may hinder a man of many a good turn. I beseech ye, Sir, to pardon my Proverbs, and thank the Duke there for his noble favour, which I do now resolve to deserve by my speedy disenchanting the Lady Dulcinea, who yet e're morning shall find her business much better'd, if my Buttocks can be but in humour.

There spoke my Brother, my Right hand▪ my Genius.

The Islands name is Barataria—and here I do declare before ye all, Don Sancho is the Governour.

Long live the Governour of the Island Barataria.

'Tis well, and more to celebrate this hour, I by my Art will show how I approve it.

And Dulcinea smil'd most radiantly.

And at her going made a low bow to Sancho.

Come Governour, now let us home to Supper, where we'll confer about some publick matters relating to your Charge.

Take heed you are not cruel, our Islanders will ne're endure a Tyrant.

Oh let me alone for that Madam, I'll be as mild as a Milch Cow: I have nothing rough about me but my Beard. Thus goes the World Sirs, many must fall low, • hilst others rise up high; Many get Governments the Lord knows how, And so Gadzooks have I. Exeunt.

Oh, dear Ambrosio, good morrow to thee, what you come from seeing Execution done upon Diego?

I have seen him soundly whipt, and turn'd our of his Employment this morning.

Insolent▪ Villain! was there no one to attacque but the chief Beauty of our Groves, the Glory of the Plains, and Darling of the Shepherds, the admir'd Marcella. Leandro her Father it seems was there too, who, I hear, has made a particular Suit to the Duke about his Daughter.

Your Intelligence is good, Sir.

My Intelligence is good? Why, how now Friend, art thou grown resty, is that all, to say my Intelligence is good? nay, then you shall find my Intelligence is better; for I heard a Bird sing, that the old Man, weighing your late b • ave action done for her, and knowing you to be the Dukes kinsman, has made an offer of his Daughter for a Wife for you.

So S • r.

Very well, Sir.

Thou art the Duke's Relation, and I know he loves thee, and will do very well for thee, but still a fortune of thy own making is more honourable, and I know Leanardo dotes on his sine Daughter, and will give her a world of Wealth; nor is his Family to be despis'd for all he fancies a rural Life among the Shepherds, he being, as I'm inform'd, lineally descended from the noble Cid Ruy diaz.

And what of all this, Sir?

What of all this? Why then thou'rt a happy fellow, I think to have the prospect of enjoying so sweet a Creature with so plentiful a Fortune: Yet what most surprises me is, to hear that her sudden Love to thee, has quite alter'd her nature, and she that from her Infancy was noted for th' most reserved and coy of all her Sex, now talks of Love, blushes, sings amorous Sonnets, and lives quite contrary to her former custom.

So let her live, prithee why dost thou trouble me with the recital of a Womans follies; their Wiles, their Mischief • , and their Protean Changes I know too well already; I am as well skill'd in the Philosophy of that damning Sex as e're was Aretine, and hate 'em as he did, with such a rancour, that I have an Odium even for her that bore me, for being female in her generation; if thou wouldst please me say the plague's amongst 'em. But he that bids me for a Wife prepare,

What the Devil ails him? the young fellow's bewitch'd I think, I thought he came hither on purpose to follow her, for I'm sure I saw her go down that walk just know — But since 'tis otherwise, I'm certain she must meet him, and then a kind word, and a sweet look or two I warrant willsoon convert him from his Heresie.

My Lord Duke has been looking for ye, Sir, this hour, he's now in the Hall with the Dutchess, ready to see the second Exploit which we are going to banter Don Quixote with, which is the Adventure of the Countess Trifaldi; if you intend to laugh, Sir, come away for we are just going to begin.

I'll follow thee; the Jest must needs be excellent. Exeunt

Was ever man so teiz'd with what he hated, the more I shun the Plague, the more I am infected, how dar'st thou follow me?

What dares not Courage do? I am in your debt, Sir, and like a generous Bankrupt am so honest I cannot rest, nor harbour any quiet till I have made repayment.

By tor • uring me, is that the way Tormentor!

Heavens can you talk of tortures I being here, that undergo the greatest that are possible: Is there a greater torture for a woman, than to suppress her humnour, vail her Pride which she sometimes calls Modesty, and be forc'd, blushing beneath a thousand thousand shames, to curse her Stars like me, and own she loves.

Why then Antipodes to Amity, dost thou pretend to Love?

Oh that thy tongue were a sharp pointed Dagger to wound my heart, that it might bleed an answer, as it does now my—Soul when it compels me to answer yes— I do.

What me, is't me thou lovest, speak sweet damnation.

I will not speak, thou Devil!— Gods what am I doing— Oh—give me back one minute of my past strength, that I may have the pleasure but of railing a little at him, and 'twill be heaven to me; where does thy Witchcraft lye, thou Sorcerer, in thy eyes, thy tongue, or in what other part? Tell me, that I may tear the fatal Charm, and give my poor tormented Soul some ease.

Hey, Fits, Eruptions! This is woman right now, there's now a Legion of Cub Devils within her, that tumble up and down and make her mad.

Forgive me, Sir, these strange effects of passion, these stubborn weeds, which I will now endeavor to root out and demolish.

That was a flattering Feind now; soft and moving to make us think she is a Foe to Pride.

I have seem'd proud, Sir, but 'twas all Hypocrisy, which Patience and warm pursuing had discovered, as now your Charms have done, and made me flexible.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, now dearest Chrisostome look down and smile to see the Victim offered to revenge thee.

A well tun'd Devil this, oh she has great variety —

There are a thousand frailties in our Sex which every day and hour succeed each other, uncertain natures with uncertain Passions, sway'd by the Ebb and Flowings of our Blood by Seasons, as the Tide is by the Moon; like Rowers we look one way—move another. Sooth with our Tongues to make Mankind obey, But scarely ever think the things we say.

Go on, for now thou'rt on a Theme that pleases me, rail at thy Sex, and I will hear with patience, nay help thee onwards thus— Even from your Infancy you shew the Serpent in your perverse natures. cry for each Bawble, then powt and be sullen: The stubborn Curse grows as 'twere seededin ye, and springs unculter'd from the first original.

We very often shew a bud, 'tis true of mischeifs, that bloom out in riper years.

Why that's honnestly own'd, and shews thou hast some conscience, prithee proceed; come to the Girl of ten.

Her cheif delight is, e're she can be one, to be thought a woman; she always stands on Tiptoes, and her hand is never from her Breasts to make 'em grow.

Right again, right dear Sin breeder, very right—proceed.

Boys of her own age she hates mortally, but still extremely pleas'd when men accost her; to call her Miss is an affront unpardonable; but tell her she's grown tall and fit to marry you win her heart, then you shall see her smicker, and make a thousand silly apish faces, to let you see how well she understands ye.

Young Crocodiles, but go on thou incomparable Orator, thou Cice • o in Petticoats, prithee, go on— Come to their Womanhood, their Pride of eighteen, and so to one and twenty; what are they the • thou Sibill?

He rallies me, this base invective pleases him. Aside. Then—Why then they are a second Race of Angels—The greatest Blessings Heaven e're gave Mankind. Angrily to him.

Aw— nay if thou flagg'st to thy old course I hate thee: come I'll refresh thy Genius with a scrap of Poetry I lately met with in an honest Satyr, that suits exactly with the present Theme. At fourteen Years young Females are contriving Tricks to tempt ye, At sixteen Years come on and woo, and take of Kisses plenty; At eighteen Years full grown and ripe, they're ready to content ye; At nineteen sly and mischievous, but the Devil at one and twenty. There, there's a Poetical touch now to inspire thee; come, prithee go on now.

Oh Heaven, he makes me his meer jest, and I ungratefully have been exposing my Sex to entertain his vanity.

Nay, either rail quickly or I'll be gone, I have no other business with thee.

Yes, thou insulting Monster, I will rail, but it shall be at thee, thou seed of Rocks, unnatural Brute, thou shame of all that call themselves of humane race.

Thou Woman.

Have I been from my Infancy ador'd, my Person been he Idol of thy Sex, and drawn more worshippers than often Heaven it self, to pay Devotion to my Beauty's Altar; and is it possible that thy humanity can so degenerate, to think me—

Woman.

Reject a joy too precious for thy hopes, and barbarously use me like—

A Woman— Woman, that I could wish with all her kind were doom'd to stand in one great field of Flax, and I had power to set it on a blaze. Remember Chrisostome, • here, there's the cause That 'twixt thy Sex and me breeds endless jar, And for'whose sake I shall till death abhor. Exit.

Do: But yet e're thy death, I beg the powers divine, thou mayst find one, one Woman, to give thee as little rest as thou hast left me now; for I shall never never rest agen: Racks, Poyson, Flames, Halters, and Cutting Swords, I long methinks, I long to use ye all; this comes of being coy, and of dissembling. All stubborn Maids, let my Example guide, Henceforth ne're sacrifice your Love to Pride: Take whilst you can the kind deserving he, Lest in Refusing, you Repent like me.

Your Grace has here a very pleasant Prospect, the Landskip fill'd with sweet variety; and then the Sea at distance near that Champian, makes the view more delightful.

A seat for sports, Sir, during the Summer season, I hope your Valour rested well to night Sir: How fares the noble Governour of Barataria too? have you seen him this morning?

Not yet my Lord, which in some little measure causes my wonder.

Oh you must consider Sir, the task he has undertaken; his zeal perhaps to disenchant your Lady speedily, might make him lash himself so much last night, as may require him to rest more i'th' morning. But see here he comes.

Your Grace has found the Reason, it must be so.

Mrs. Rodriguez there tells me he has been writing a Letter to his Wife this morning, to inform her of his change of fortune, and invite her to his Government.

He write it, I beg your pardon, good Madam, I told ye the Stewards Clerk writ it for him; for his part poor Peasant he can neither Write nor Read; he'll make a rare Governour.

Oh never the worse for that, Mrs. Rodriguez, the essential part of a Governour is Judgment.

And Rodriguez I'd advise you to take care how you vilifie him Sancho is very satyrical —and there's an old grudge depending between ye, about Dapple you may remember, here he comes, we shall now have an Accompt of his Letter and the rest.

How does my Friend, my Intimate, for since the Duke has honoured thee, and the Fates have ordain'd thee to do me such a signal Courtesy, 'tis fit I take thee into the List of Friends: Well, and how go matters, hah—troth thau look st lean upon't, I'm afraid thou hast overjerked thy self; no don't do so neither— Dear Sancho, come prithee tell me how many hundred hah.

Hundred, Sir, hold a blow there a little, sost and fair goes far, and let him that owns the Cow take her by the Tail, 'tis easy to be prodigal at another mans cost. Oons dee think a Governour has but one business in's head at a time— Charity, Master mine, begins at home, you know, and ever while you live, christen your own Child first; I have be • n cudgelling my brains all this night about writing a Letter to my Wife Teresa, and my Daughter Mary, (pray heaven she don' • dye of a fit when she hears she must come away and be a Countess) so that betwixt one and t' other, as concerning the Lashes, to be plain with ye, I could give my self but five of the three thousand yet.

But five, oh unreasonable Hang-dog, my Lord Duke did your Grace ever hear such a pitiful sneaking Accompt.

I faith, Friend Sancho, five was too few of all conscience.

'Tis a palpable affront to the Princess, five hundred had been too few.

Dee hear, pray Friend, will you meddle with your own matters, go too there's many will shuffle the Cards that won't play, and I beseech your Grace consider me rightly, I'll make my Master full amends another time, for tho the • were but five, yet they were laid on with my hand, and with a thumping good will I promise ye.

Blows with a hand, Friend Gove • nour, are rather Claps than Lashes, and yours, I see there, is so soft, that I fear the sage Merlin will hardly accept of such effeminate discipline.

Why then, if your Grace pleases to provide me a good Holly-bush against night, I will so fegue my Buttocks before morning, that you shall say I have earn'd my Government I'll warrant ye, and I propose this the more willingly, because I intend to enter upon't to morrow, as my Lord Duke has promis'd.

That indeed, Madam, may do something to the purpose.

Dee hear, Rodriguez — Let there be such a Bush got ready.

What means your Grace, I beseech ye consider my place, and what I officiate in; and since lashing the Buffoon is necessary, let some of the fellows of the Stable exercise him with a Horse Whip.

Marry gep goody Sock-mender, what you are too good are ye— Well from the Conscience of an old Bawd, and the Pride of a fusty Waiting-woman, good Lord deliver me. If I had desir'd ye to lead my Dapple after me to my Government, how you would have cock'd up your Nose, I warrant.

What Creatures of that course kind, what Asses are ever used to go to Governments, thou unpollish'd Animal.

Why, thou Pomatum Pot, didst never hear of an Ass that went to a Government in thy life—Ah pox on thee, where hast thou been bred.

Oh a hundred, a hundred, the grand Sancho speaks but reason.

What noise is this?Drum beats within, and Trumpet sound.

The sound is dismal, and it seems to me, as if some strange Adventure were at hand.

It must be so, see here they come upon us.

Some Embassy to the great Don Quixote without doubt.

A plague on their Embassy, who e're they are, I don't like their coming at this time— If this Adventure now should put any stop to my Government—I should make bold to wish their long nos'd Embassador hang'd there.

Most noble Prince, you must be pleased to know, that in the flourishing Kingdom of Candaya, I am known by the Name of Pierre • the hardy, otherwise called the Knight of the Roman Nose▪ only Brother to the Countess Trifaldi, otherwise called the afflicted Matron: The Lady you see yonder, who in her prosperity, was cheif Lady, or Waiting woman, to the Queen Dona Magunsia, Dowager to King Archipiello, and from his Territories, thus far is come to kiss your mighty hands, and your fair Dutchesses, and to intreat a favour.

Thrice worthy Knight—Your self and the good Countess are most welcom.

And tell her Sir, if any griefs oppress her, we shall be very glad to bring her comfort.

Your Beauty is most generous: but e • e I proceed to that, I must desire to know, whether the valorous and invincible Knight Don Quixot de la Mancha be in your Castle, in whose search principally, to say the truth, she comes.

Tell her then likewise noble Pierres, that here is the valiant Knight Don Q • ixot, from whose generous condition, she may safely promise herself all courtesy and assistance.

Then, blest be our happy Stars—I will inform her instantly.

Oh admirable function of Knight Errantry, beyond all other happy!

Oh Vertue excellent, to whom Ladies come from the remotest Regions of the Earth, to sue for succour.

Secure in his strong Arm and never failing Valour.

Now I could wish my Lord that prating Gownman, that dull Bag-pudding Priest, that lately rail'd at Chivalry—were by to see whither such Knights are necessary.

Oh, a home bred Bookworm, you must not think of him. Nay Madam this must not be, we are your Servants all.

Your Merit claims respect, Madam, from every one, therefore pray sit by us, and please to unfold your Griefs.

Illustrious Beauty, as soon as my full heart and faultring tongue will give me leave I shall: But in the first place, I must desire to know whether the most purifiediferous Don Quixote of the Manchissima and and his Squireiferous Panca be in this Company or no.

Why look ye forsooth without any more flourishes, the Governour Panca is here, and Don Quixotissimo too, therefore most afflictedissimous Matronissima speak what you willissimus, for we are all ready to be your Servitorissimus.

Upon my honour straighten'd Lady, let me but know the tenor of your wrongs, they shall not want redress, and now you hear Don Quixot speak himself.

Art thou the Man? blest be that Madrid Phiz, those Toothless Jaws, and that way beaten Body, here at thy Feet I prostrate my nuworthiness to beg assistance from thy Magnanimity.

And thou more Loyal Squire, than ever followed in past or present times, the ragged fortunes of so august and so renown'd a Master; thou second part of Errantry, longer in goodness th • n my Brothers Nose there; thus do I shake thy Fist and thus conjure thee to be • r thy part in my affair with willingness.

Why truly Mistriss, as to what you say, of my honesty in following my Master—Ragged or not ragged, wet or dry, I think you are pretty right; but when you say my Goodness is longer than that Gentlemans Nose, there I must beg your pardon, Gadzooks 'tis a meer Complement, faith it comes short of that, I assure you.

Be pleased to know then, valorous and untamed Sir, that in the Queen Donna Maguncia's Court, I being Governess to the young Princess Antonomasia, and hindring her from marrying the Giant Malambrurio, a great Inchanter; He to vent his rage more sensibly upon us, did it on our most tender part, our Faces, thatching our Chins as you may behold 'em, with these unseemly Beards and loathsome Bristles.

'Tis wonderful!

Beyond all thought amazing!

Th' Inchanter shew'd his Malice to the height.

To make a Witch of a Woman before she comes to be fifty, is very hard. Sancho feels one of the Beards.

The hair is plaguy fast set on; the Inchanter as ye call him has bearded 'em with a vengeance; why this would undo the poor Devils in a little time: if they'r inclin'd to be cleanly they'l spend all their Portions in one year, only in paying for their shaving.

How my blood boyls against this dam'd Inchanter! for I perceive now this disgrace of theirs is done in spite to me, he knows I hate a Woman with a Beard—and now has plagu'd me with 'em in a Cluster.

But see how harmless Innocence gets Friends; we were no sooner bearded, as you see; but to our wonder, in the place appears this golden head, charm'd with prophetick speech by the great Merlin, who bid us instantly travel into Spain to find Don Quixot, and with him his Sword and Buckler Sancho Panca, in whose renowned presence, he would discover the remedy to ease us of our shames— This is our dismal story, and thus far are we come fam'd Knight in quest of you, and least you doubt the truth of my relation, question the head, and you will then know more.

Not that I question, most afflicted Lady, the truth of your strange story; but to be satisfied in the method I must use in your releif, I will presume t'interrogate the head.

Now for the Oracle, thus far 'tis rarely carried.

They act it to a miracle. Sancho is so confounded yonder, he cannot speak.

Pray Heaven, the Head be in a good humour, and has not got a cold, that we may hear distinctly, Merlins order.

Good Sir be pleas'd to begin as soon as you can, for els • the Head to my thinking by his gaping, will attack you with a Speech first.

Hem, hem, thou admirable Head, what is thy name?

Don Quixot de la Mancha, otherwise called the Knight of the Ill-favoured-Face.

O, Lord, and who am I pray Mr. Head?

the trusty Sancho-Pancha, and now the famous Governour of Barataria.

Th • Devil's in't, I see there's no keeping preferment secret, every ones Head, inchanted or not inchanted, will be medling with other peoples matters; and when am I to be settled in this Government, good Mr. Golden-pate?

Not till the Adventure of the Beards is ended.

Why then pray, let it be ended quickly, for my Cloths are making; and my Wife is coming, and I must govern to morrow, whether these good women have beards or no beards.

Be brief, incomparable Head, and let me know the way to disenchant the Countess.

This night between the hours of twelve and one, Merlin will send thee an inchanted Horse, on which thou and thy valiant Squire must ride through the Region of the Air, un • o Candaya, to Combat the Curst Giant Mala • bruno, who by thy hand shall f • ll, and from that instant, the hairs shall peel from these disconsolate faces, and every Chin be smooth as Infant Beauty▪

Thanks to the gracious Merlin, and let the Horse but come, ile in a trice be with this horrid Giant. Sancho, prepare, for I will lose my Beard among those Infidels, e're suffer these to grow a moment longer.

Dee hear, dee hear Sir, pray let d • scretion rule the roast with ye a little, I am a Governour now, and can speak Sentences by the Dozen, what a plague have we to do with Giants of Candaya? how do you think the Princess Dulcineas business will go on, if I am galling my Buttocks in a Journey towards Candaya? And as for these Gentlewomen, they'l do well to get into some Country or other where there's but little Sun-shine, they may do business well enough in the Dark, for the Proverb says, when Candles are out all Cats are Grey.

Oh, barbarous, art thou to be a Civil Judge, and canst thou want compassion; whither inhumane shall we fly for Succour, who'l take a Waiting-woman with a Beard on.

Truly Sir Governour, the Countess is in the right, a Lady with a Bea • d, will look but odly in a Queen's Bedchamber.

Oh, the grand Sancho, is a greater friend to our Sex 〈◊〉 • o suffer such ignominy through his default.

I've taught him more humanity I am sure.

Ay, you may talk, but this shan • t get me on Horseback, • or tho I am a friend good enough to the Sex, yet I am for letting •• ery one shave her self as she can. Now am I piping-hot just ready to enter upon my Government, and here's the devil of a Head would 〈◊〉 it, to send me of a fools Errant, as far as Candaya, gadzookes, • et Waiting-wo • en go hairy to their Graves, ile not jolt so far to take way any ones Beard; not I, if my Master has such a mind to't let him do • t alone, I've other business eno • gh he knows.

Why friend, the Island is rooted fast in the earth, 'twill stay for ye till ye come again, besides, I find there's a necessity for your going: what say • st thou fam'd Head? Can Don Quixote end the Charm alone?

No, 'tis impossible, Sancho must go, or these be Bearded ever.

Oons, ye damn'd chattering devil, ye lye, and ile see if I ca • Cunjure yo • into a better opinion; now I'm provok'd, ile see what • ind of witchcraft lurks w • thin ye here. How now. Snatches off the Golden-head from the Table, and discovers the Page barefaced, who is hid within it. What a plague have we here?

A Pox on him, the Chollerick fool has discovered us.

• Tis so, he has spoil • d the rest of the Scene, come let's take the Page away, and carry off all with a Laugh—ha, ha, ha, a trick, a trick, ha, ha.

A trick, a trick, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. They all get off, Ex.

'Tis pl • in now, this is a meer piece of Roguery.

Invented I warrant by some enemy to Knight Errantry.

And acted by some of the Mobile of the Village.

That heard of his high soaring fame no doubt, and therefore tho • ght to blast it with this jest.

Poor infects I despise 'em.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, — but what says Mr. Head here all this while to the business? Shall my Master and I go a voyage to Candaya? good Mr. Head, ha, ha, ha, ha, humph, what dee ye say nothing to't, to Shave a parcel of rotten Waiting-women? admirable Mr. Head, ha, ha, ha, ha, I think I have routed your inchantment, Ifaith, ha, ha, ha, what thinks your Worship of the business; as the Natural said to the Bishop, who's the Fool now?

Ay, ay, Don Quixote's in the right; and so is likewise the Grand Sancho, to honour whom for this last witty discovery, ile instantly send for his Robe, and prepare his Officers to wait on him to his Government. To do such feats Ages to come shall brag on, Nay, when I'm there, ile govern like a Draggon. Exeunt.

COme, come, Mother, pray be pacified and chear up a little better, and since my good Vather is got to be a Governour, and has sent for us hither to this curious place to be Countesses an vine Volk, slidikins let's go to't merrily, and not look sneaking, as if we were going to be hang'd for Sheep stealing.

Ah, Mary, if I am melancholly 'tis upon thy account, for thou'lt prove but an awkerd Countess I'm affraid, now the blessing is fallen upon us; hast left off blowing thy Nose between thy Fingers Mary, and wiping it upon thy Smocksleeves Child.

Yes that I have pray, and dipping my Knuckles in the platter too.

And playing at see-saw a stroddle cross a board with the Ploughmen; and above all thy dearly beloved delight, moulding of Cocklebread.

Aw, I have left 'em all off I fackins, my Va • her shall see when he comes, that his daughter Mary, shawnt disgrace her Gentillity, he shall find me so chang • d in my discourse, and my way so altr'd, that odslidikins, he shall hardly know me again.

Ah blessing on the good Man's heart, here's his Letter, and little did I think that my Sancho, could have made his words good that he said to me, when he left me to go a Squiring: Good-lack-a-day, I have been so overjoy • d ever since I had it, and have read it so • ften, and kiss • d it and thumb'd it so much, tha • • have almost worn the Letter out; it has had two or three mischances too, for the same day I had it, putting it into my Bosom as I was a washing, and being taken up with thinking, I dropt it into the Tub amongst the fowl Suds; but I warrant ye I snatch'd it out with hast enough; but then again, to see the ill accidents that come by being over fond of a thing, at night carrying it to bed with me, and reading it with joy, by an inch of Candle, which I he • d in my hand, I fell a sleep, the light went out I know not how, and in the Morning I found the Candle in my hand, squeez'd as flat as the Letter, and gad forgive me, the Letter in the Chamber-pot.

Goodnow let's see't a little, for I'm hughly pleas'd with the dress that the Dutch have found out for us here. Takes the Letter.

The Dutch have found out, why did every any one see such a simple Holden, 'tis not the Dutch that have found it out for us fool, 'tis a huge great Lady that • s Wife to one Duck, a huge great Lord that the Letter says has done it, ye silly Jade.

Duck, Duck, good lord Mother, that you should mistake so, why what a dickins, dee think I can • t read, here's no Duck nor Mallard neither, I tell ye 'tis th • Dutch, look here else; let's read again.

reads, Therefore now goody B.E.A.N. goody Beanbelly (Lord bl • ss us, my Vather you know us'd to Joake, and often call ye so Mother) ha, ha, ha, ha, l • ft up your G.O LL. S, and thank heaven that you are now a Governours Wife, My Lady the Dutch, ay here 'tis now.

Where, where, is't now, ye blind Oatmeal-e •• er, * Teres • reads. humh That you are now a Governours Wife, my Lady the Dutc • es, the Dutchess ye ignorant Jade, that is as I said before the Ducks Wife, has sent my Daughter Mary a rich p • ice of St • ff, to make h • r a modi •• • ress: 'tis she has sent it Clodpate, not the Dutch, wh • ever knew them mind any Modes or Dresses either, ye senseless Mawkin.

Well, well, but then here again a little farther Sh • takesthe Letter. is best of all, I intend to marry Moll out of hand ha, ha, ha, ha, for her B. V. B. her Bubbys grow large and seem to make motion for a Husband, ha, ha, ha. — Well my Vather's a parlous man ile say't, O my Soul and Conscience he knows ones mind as well as if he were in one.

Ay, Lord save him, the man had more in him than ever we thought Mary, and then lets see here I come in, in the She read • . next Line—humph. Come to me as best thou canst, and against thy coming I will provide thee a Coach, for I go to my Government to morrow, with intent to make money, as all other Governours do.— Dapple is well and commends him hartily to thee. She t • kes the Letter.

Ah Gimminy, I could eat the Letter up methinks: —well dear Sancho, or dear Governor, here I am come to thee at last; good Lord Mary! I can but think upon his former words, which odsdiggers I could n'er have believe then, tho now I find 'em true▪ Teresa, said he thou wert born to be a Countess, the what de'e call 'ems, Plannets I think he call'd 'em, have allo • ted thee Honours, said he, Thou hast an Eye like a Countess, says he a Cocking Nose like a Countess, says he, a shape like a Countess, a jetting Bum like a Countess, and a —every thing like a Countess, said he; and good lack a day, to see how the dear man's words fall out.

Odsl • dikins, I am so merry, I could l • ap out of my skin methinks; but come Mother, now lets settle our faces and enquire for the Governour Sancho's House pray.

It must be here about I'm sure, by the directions of the Letter: Oh! here comes a Gentleman, ile inquire of him. Now Mary look to your self, be sure

Well, they may talk of Proteus, and his changes, but in so • mall a time, if ever he wore so many shapes as I have done, I much wonder, the blunt fool Sancho by chance made shift to frustrate our last design; but ile try if he has brains enough to find me out in this disguise. I am now by my Lord Dukes order to be Secretary, and Civility Master to fool him and his Wife in there new Government: He I hear is upon his way hither, and she too ought to be here to meet • m, with the dowdy her daughter, I wonder their Tawny Ladiships sta • so lo • g.

Sir, Gentleman, if I may presume to be so bold.

Prithee hold thy Tongue, ile speak to him my self, hem, • em, if your business Sir, * Putting her by▪ Mak • s awkerd Curtesies. be not much in haste, be pleas'd to know Sir, that I am the Governor Sancho's Wife Sir, and therefore desire you would do your self the honour Sir, to conduct me to his house Sir.

It must be they, their Comical Figures shew they can be no other.

And look friend, I am his daughter Moll you must know, otherwise called Mary the Buxom; and now yo • know us, pray will you tell my Vather,—that we are come, de'e hear.

In happy time good Ladies, for I have been here ready this two hours, to attend your motion.

Humph, you will be prating still, you will shew your self a hoyden; why look Friend, to deal plainly, we had made our noble entrance sooner, but the Waggon broke, and we were forc'd for three hours to tarry the mending.

The Waggon, why did your Excellencies, then condescend to make your approaches to your Government, by the contemptible • onvenience of a Waggon.

Why truly yes friend, for want of better, our Excellencies for once made a hard shift.

There was ne'r a Cart to be had in Town, you must know but one, that was carrying Lime to make Morter to mend the Town Hall.

A Cart! a Chariot sure you must mean Misse-Pritty.

A Cart did you ever hear such a Jade, ay, ay Sir, Miss meant a Chariot as you say: Pox take her, would she were whipt at a Cart▪ a little; a thing that runs upon Wheels Sir, a fine stately thing that runs I say upon Wheels. To Mary aside.

Ay, it may run upon Leggs for any thing thou knowst of it. Aside.

Ay, ay, your Ladiship is in the right, it does run upon Wheels indeed: But come now I beseech you give me leave to usher ye to your House, I am my self a small Officer under the Governour and your Ladiship; to him I serve as Secretary, and to you as Civility Master.

Good Mr. • ivility, I shall • oon know your good qualities.

Oh, ho, ho, O Lord! I can • t keep from laughing for the life of me.

My duty at present, is to conduct you to the Chief Matron, to be new dress'd, as fits a Governours Wife,—it must be done instantly,— therefore pray follow me, that you may be ready to receive your Lord, who intends to be here at Dinner.

Well, pray lead the way friend, ile warrant ile keep touch with ye.

Lord bless us, what • s to be done now, I am in such a quandary I know not what I say nor do, for my part. Exeunt with Mannel.