I Receiv'd your obliging Letter, which I had answer'd much sooner, had I not been prevented by a Second Fit of Sickness, which I was in hopes would have been my last; and as it had brought me even to the Door of Death, would have also let me into Eternity; and thereby have prevented me from disclosing what I cou'd wish might remain Buried (as it has done hitherto) in Eternal Silence.—But since the good Providence of GOD has thought fit to bring me back from the Grave, I thought my self oblig'd to return you an Answer to your Letter. I cannot blame you for wondering at my Long Absence from my own House, which methinks even to Me appears so strange, that had I not those Reasons for it that I have hitherto conceal'd from all the World (and which I am sure are Iustifiable in the sight of GOD and Man) I shou'd not know how to answer it to my self.—But your kind Advice to me, To hasten my Return Home, (which I look upon as an Effect of our Old Friendship) has at last prevail'd with me to disclose to you what I always resolv'd to have lock'd up in the silent Closet of my own grieved and afflicted Heart. You will not wonder at what I have already writ, when I shall tell you, I must unavoidably reflect upon the great Unkindness of my Honoured Mother-in-Law and my Dear Wife, of whose Reputation both in England and Ireland, your Self are a Witness how very tender I have been: And I had some hopes that what Praises I gave 'em in the Dublin-Scuffle, would have Engag'd 'em Both to have been as kind as I there Represent 'em. But I was mistaken, for they were not to be flatter'd into Kindness.

But tho' my Praises were all lost, yet I still hop'd (for a Drowning Man will catch at any thing) that the Essay I writ on knowing our Friends in Heaven, (being more Satyrical) wou'd have made 'em Generous; and the rather (for so I was told) as my Reverend Neighbour came on purpose to desire 'em not to starve themselves, but rather as they had a Plentiful Fortune, to make some use on't: And I think this was good Advice, for who'd starve himself to inrich his Heir? ('Tis no Abuse to the good Creatures of God, moderately to enjoy them.)

Sir, You may remember I gave you one of these Essays in Ireland, but I told you nothing of what I design'd by it: Here in Dark Hints, that no body can understand but themselves (that so I might preserve their Reputation, and shew 'em their Error at the same time) is a History of the Furious Treatment This is own'd in two Letters sent to me in Ireland, and which I'll Print if I see Occasion. (or Honey-Moon, it being so soon after our Marriage) that I receiv'd from 'em, from the Second Day I was Marry'd, to the time I Embark'd for Ireland. And had you seen in what manner they began their Reign (which was too Arbitrary to last any long time) you'd think me very obliging to condescend to a Reconciliation.

But seeing none cou'd understand that Essay but themselves, I do intend (if they tye up my Hands from doing Iustice, or Print any false Stories) to write a Narrative of this March, from the time Madam Nicholas (my Pious Mother-in-Law) invited me by LetterA Copy of which I'll Print if they Answer this. to court her Daughter, to the time their Raving Carriage frighted me to Ireland; in which shall be inserted the Messages that were sent upon that occasion, and the PRIVATE LETTERS that afterwards past between the Mother and the Daughter; with a Diary of their Quarrels at my House, which was now chang'd from a Family of Love, to a meer Billingsgate. And this attested by TWO PERSONS that then liv'd in my Family. And (my Friend) did you but know (as all that came to my House observ'd) in what a Hell I liv'd, for the Four First Months after I was Marry'd, you'd rather Incourage, than Disswade me, from Writing of this Narrative.

For, Mr, Larkin, I tell it you as a Secret, (tho' I shou'd and will be Master of my own House) their Furious and Cavetous Treatment has frighted away all my Friends from the Raven, except Two, that come out of Curiosity to see 'em, that they may more sensibly lament my Case; which you will think doleful, when I tell you, That I am so very VXORIOUS, (as appears by my living with my First Read her Funeral Sermon entituled, The Character of a good Woman, and you'll be convinc'd of the Truth of this. Wife, 15 years, without hearing or giving one Angry Word) that had Mother or Daughter but One Obliging Quality, I cou'd yet doat upon 'em.

But so it is, my Friend, (my Two Sicknesses this year hindring me in the disposing of my Remaining Stock) things are now come to that Upshot, that I must lay my self under the Imputation of a very Vnkind Husband, or else make it appear that my Wife and Mother are very Vnkind to Me. And yet to Expose those for whom I have so Tender a Love, tho' it be only to your self (in whose Brest I am satisfied I may lock up these Secrets without fear of Discovery) is that which I know not how to do, without a very great Reluctancy: And yet without my Wife and Mother will be willing to Accommodate things better than at present I have any grounds to hope, what I now only impart to your self, I am afraid I must ere long be forc'd to declare to the whole World in my Iust Vindication.

But that I may leave you no longer in the dark, as to the Cause of my Present Retirement—You must know, my Friend, That my being Bound for my First Wive's Sister's Husband, and Five hundred Pounds loss at Sea, in a Ship that was Cast away; some hundred Pounds Loss in Printing a large Folio, two thick Volumes of the Edicts of Nants,—and the long and chargeable Sickness of my First Wife, together with the Charges of her Funeral (for I thought it my Duty to shew a great deal of Love to a Wife that despis'd the World, when it stood in Competition with my Esteem) had run me considerably into Debt; which notwithstanding by my own Punctual Payments, and the Prudent Silence of my first Wife, in altogether concealing my taking up Money upon my own Estate, was wholly hid from the World; so that my Reputation receiv'd no Diminution—Upon this, when I was to be married to my present Wife, I nakedly told my Mother-in-Law that I was 1300 l. in Debt by these fore-mentioned Losses, (for I had no reason to conceal 'em, having gain'd very considerably in Trade till these happen'd) I also told her that with my Wife's Portion I design'd to clear my own Estate, whch I also did, and Joyntur'd my Wife therein.

Sir, The Fortune that my Mother offer'd me down, was a Thousand Pounds; but besides that, I insisted on 500 l. more, to pay off my other Debts, and to carry on my Trade: And who cou'd have thought but I shou'd have obtain'd it, my Wife being the only Child of her Mother? But having, as I said, clear'd my Own Estate, (which is worth 2000 l. besides the Two Reversions, which in time may be 1800 l. added to it) and Joyntur'd my Wife therein, I drew up the State of my Case, with respect to my other Debts, and presented it to my Mother, who (to my great amazement) was so far from Answering my desires, that she refus'd so much as to read the Paper I drew up; which was a thing so very Unkind (I was about to say Barbarous) that had a Turk presented me his Case, I wou'd have Read it, tho' I had never Answer'd it.

When my hopes were thus frustrated with respect to my Mother, I then told the matter to my Wife, and desir'd her to tell her Mother of the Necessity I was under of having 300 l. which she did; but at the same time said, She'd Starve before she'd part with her Ioynture, which yet I never ask'd her to do.—And can you think now I have not Reason to absent my self from my Home, since I cann't go thither with Safety?

You write me word indeed, That my Wife speaks of me with very much Tenderness and Affection; which I am very apt to believe, for she tells me in her last Letter, Let Business succeed as it please, she does not value that, so that she cou'd but see me at home; and in the next line adds, I'm mightily concern'd for your Illness, which is the same with mine; for you and I are one. But whilst she expresses Unkindness in her Actions, and refuses to do what lies in her Power to make me Easie, her words are but like those of whom St. Iames speaks, Iam. 2. 16. who said, 〈◊〉 warmed and filled, but gave them nothing that 〈◊〉 needful. For the Expressing of much Love, 〈◊〉 shewing None, does but aggravate the Unkindness 〈◊〉 Her Love to me therefore, notwithstanding all 〈◊〉 Tender Expressions, is very questionable; but 〈◊〉 and my Mothers Love to Money is very apparent 〈…〉 which they are so Tender, that they won't 〈◊〉 with it upon any Terms; and had rather I 〈◊〉 lie in a Goal for not paying my just Debts, 〈◊〉 supply me with so much as will do it. And 〈◊〉 can be more Ridiculous, than her being so desirous 〈◊〉 my Coming Home, and Continuing there, when She's the only Occasion of my Absence? For I do assure you, Mr. Larkin, whatever my Mother and my Wife may make you believe, That if my Mother will let me take up 500 l. upon my Own Estate; or (which will be a greater Kindness, and sooner done) lend me 200 l. and be bound her self for 300 l. more, that so I may pay my Debts and be made Easie, (which is all I ever desir'd) I will both immediately come Home, and also continue there, and Absent my self no more. But at present Cohabitation is no ways proper; for I have such an Abhorrence of any thing that looks Unjust, tho' 'twere but in the least Trifle, that I think 'tis a Great Sin (if I am mistaken, I ask Pardon) for any Man so much as to Try for an Heir that might probably Dispossess any one of a Iust Debt, tho' 'twere but of Two Farthings—But being Ambitious to be a Father, if either my Mother or Wife will contribute to my being so upon Honourable Terms, I will believe and say as much of the Reality of their Kindness, as I now do to the contrary; and will esteem such a Reconciliation the happiest day I ever yet met withal. But if they will rather chuse to expose my Reputation (which I have kept hitherto Vnblemish'd) than to comply with those Reasonable Terms I have mention'd, it is evident their Hearts and their Tongues don't go together: For the World knows well enough that my Mother has a FAIR ESTATE, and that my Wife is her only Child; and to whom upon our Marriage she promis'd to leave it; which Promise was made as a Motive to make Me consent to the Match: And since upon that Promise I marry'd her Daughter, and Joyntur'd her in a clear Estate of 2000 l. besides the Reversions; that she shou'd now suffer my Reputation to be slurr'd (as 'tis like to be) for want of 300 l. is what I believe your Self cou'd never have thought, had it not been told you.

But I know well enough they have their OBJECTIONS, with which they satisfie themselves, and I shoul'd not deal fairly by them (as I always have, and always will do) should I not inform you what they are.

They will say, That if they shou'd do this, there will be no end of it; for I shall quickly run my self as far in Debt again by Printing (being what I so much delight in.) But to obviate this, I answer, That I desire but 500 l. in all, of which I shall use 375 to clear the Bonds, and what I owe in Trade, and then there will be a well-furnish'd House, a clear Stock, a good Estate in Land, and 125 l. in Money to Trade withal; and that I may not be tempted to exceed those Bounds, I have resolved never to exceed 50 l. at once either in Printers or Stationers Debts. And if by Trading I shall happen to run that out, I will give over Trading, and live on what I have; which in Conjunction with my MOTHER's PROMISE,As I shall prove by the Letter that was sent to me by her Order. is more by 6000 l. than ever we are likely to spend, having neither Child nor Chick.

They may also object, That tho' I have Ioyntur'd my Wife in my Estate, yet I still keep the Writings in my own hand, and will not let them have them. To this I Answer, 'Tis true, I do so; but the Reason is, Because whilst I see they have no regard either to my Ease or Reputation, by enabling me to pay my just Debts, I cann't look upon 'em as my Friends, and upon that account have kept my Writings from 'em [and they are now in the hands of an Eminent Citizen.] But if they will Answer my Expectation, with respect to the Particulars above mention'd, I will, if my Mother desires it, put all my Writings into her hands, which at once takes off that Objection. Perhaps they'll also say,

That I have receiv'd Money from Ireland, for my Venture thither, that might have paid my Debts without their help. To this I Answer, The several Debts I contracted for Paper and Printing since my second Marriage—The Moneys which I paid that I took up upon Bond, to furnish out my Venture for Ireland; The Charges I was at in Ireland, for the King's Customs, Binders, Printers, five Servants, and the Sale, was about 440 l. The great quantity of Money I lost in Ireland, through the Dishonesty of some I trusted; The great Losses I have had in several Books I have Printed since my Return for England; The Sums I have paid for New Copies, of which Sir William Temple's Letters is one, and the Whole Duty of Man in Verse, is another, &c.

My Dear Friend, These several Payments and Disappointments, together with the vast Charges I have been at, in defraying Two Fits of Sickness this Summer [for had I neglected my self, I had perish'd, my Wife nor Mother never sending once to know if I wanted any thing in my Two Sicknesses] have ingross'd all the Moneys I receiv'd in Ireland, except a small Sum remaining for my present Support; and I cann't see, as I told my Wife, why these Disappointments shou'd Diminish her Love, for they Increase mine.—However, 'Twas by Reason of these Disappointments, that I never paid off the Bonds I had told 'em of, nor gave 'em any Account of my Irish-Venture: For seeing my Mother and Wife so unkindly refus'd to Assist me, (chusing rather to venture my Life on the Irish-Seas, tho' I was but newly Marry'd) I thought they shew'd a very Selfish Temper, so Industriously to enquire about what I had receiv'd, but no ways to concern themselves about what I wanted: And, which adds to their Unkindness, (if they don't permit me to do Iustice) I had several Proposals made of a Thousand Pounds [without 〈…〉 rejected for the sake of my Present Wife.

Shou'd I have any Debates with 'em upon this Subject, it wou'd run us into New Quarrels, and therefore I Resolve [for my own Quiet] to forget all their Provocations; and sure I am, Ill Husbandry [for Losses in Trade cann't be so Accounted] can be no excuse for their being Unkind; perhaps a Drunken Swearing Husband might have frighted 'em to a Complyance; but I do averr, I was never disorder'd with Drinking in my whole Life; and Challenge all the Servants that have liv'd with me, to prove one single instance to the contrary:—Nay, Mr. Larkin, I appeal even to you, whether ever you saw any thing in all the time that you have been acquainted with me [which is 20 years] that look'd like Extravagance? Nay, I'm sure, you have rather thought me too Covetous, but it was because you knew not where the Shoo pinch'd me; and had I not met with these Disappointments in Trade, I intended not to have troubled them: And yet why shou'd this be thought such a Trouble? You know I was bound for a Thousand Pound for my first Wive's Sisters Husband [at my Wife's desire] and forc'd to pay a great part of it, and yet never lov'd my Wife the worse, nor once upbraided her with it, as she declar'd upon her Death-Bed.

My Wife and Mother have now such an Opportunity to oblige me as may never fall out again; but I desire they'd remember that the 500 l. I am asking for, is not Money Given, but only Lent Me, and that upon my Own Estate, in which my Wife, [a very sickly Woman] has no further Interest than her bare Life: But tho my Dear has no more than her Life in my Estate, yet her free and generous granting my present Request, will be so gratefully taken by me, that I shall make it the Business of my whole Life to study to Requite it.—I say, Provided it be done Freely, and without Reflections. There is indeed a way of doing Kindnesses that takes away the Kindness of the thing done; but when I see a Kindness is done Kindly, there's nothing can oblige me more—Nor will the Kindness be more to me than to my DEAR SPOUSE; for, a Wife shines by her Husbands Honour, but must be darkened if he suffer an Ecclipse.—If she believed this, she'd be forward to grant my Request; but whether she does or no, I look upon it an indispensible Duty to pay my Just Debts, and cann't die with a good Conscience till it be done; and wou'd no more have put my self out of a Capacity of doing it, than I wou'd have Eaten Fire, had I not thought I shou'd have had that Money from my Mother which would have inabled me to do it. And do you Judge whether I had not Reason to think so, for when her Attorney, whom I mentioned before, ask'd her before our Marriage to lend me 300 l. she did not say she would not, which made him tell me, he did not doubt but she wou'd lend it. I say, looking upon the Payment of my just Debts, as I do, to be an Indispensible Duty, if both my Wife and Mother refuse to assist me in it, I must Endeavour to raise it from my Estate by Cutting down the Timber, there being several Acres of Wood upon it, which being sold, I doubt not will raise me a considerable Sum. 'Tis true, I am very loth to do this, because it will disgrace the Estate; but seeing they first expose my Reputation, why should I be solicitous about it? And I have no ways left to help my self, but either this, or else the Selling the Reversion of it after my Wives Life: And for my self, I am no ways solicitous; for, I'd rather Beg, than not pay my Debts.

This, and our Living from each other, will be the unhappy Consequences of their Refusing to assist me: When on the contrary, shou'd they comply with my Desires, we might live happily together, and the Estate kept Free and Undisfigured. Besides, if Providence shou'd take me hence before her, I shou'd think I cou'd not do better than to leave all to her, who was willing to part with all to serve me, and make me Easie.

But if they do not agree to these Terms, instead of Marrying a Wife of a Fortune, [as many a man has done, whose Estate is not worth so many Pence as mine is worth Hundreds] I have fairly married my own Ruine, and must have the Scandal of Owing (I won't say Breaking for) 300 l. tho my own Estate with the Reversions, is worth ten times more, besides her MOTHERS PROMISE of giving me Sampsil, (which is a Noble Estate it self) and the several hundreds she Dyed Possess'd of, which I am so far from desiring, that wou'd she but make me easie, there's not a Person in the World wou'd more heartily desire her Life than my self. But the Whole Duty of Man tells us, that A Promise is a Debt, and I thought I might depend upon it, (and therefore refus'd a Note she offer'd to secure Sampsil to me and my Wife, in Case she Marry'd her self) when made to influence such a Solemn thing, as a Marriage. Neither do I doubt, at her Death, the Performance of the Marriage Promise, tho she shou'd think good, to make me a Vagabond in the mean time.

But though at present I labour under the Misfortune of being forc'd to ask a Favour at their hands [I word it so, for were it in my Power, and I saw them so pinch'd as I am, I shou'd voluntarily propose doing that which I am forc'd to intreat for, and perhaps in vain.] Yet my Comfort is, the Printing of this Letter will let the World (and my Few Creditors) see that I wou'd be Honest, if my Mother, or Wife either, had so much Love for me as to let me; and therefore all the Injuries others suffer by me, will lie at their Doors; which will be a greater Clog upon their Consciences than they'll be able to bear; and therefore I hope they'll consider that Covetousness [especially in a Husband or Wife] is a more provoking Sin than is generally thought; for how often have SMITHFIELD-BARGAINS been made, to add Land to Land, not Love to Love; and to unite Houses to Houses, not Hearts to Hearts; which hath been the Occasion that Men have turn'd Monsters, and Women Devils.

Thus have I fairly represented my Whole Case, with respect to my Honoured Mother and my Dear Wife. I shall not need to desire you to keep it private, having told it as a Secret [unless you shall think it proper to shew it to my Wife and Mother] for I would not it should be made Publick whilst there remains any hopes of an Accommodation; and therefore to question your Faithfulness herein, wou'd look like a Reflection upon you; or rather upon my self, in communicating a Secret of this Importance to one that I thought coudn't keep it. But I have no such thoughts, only having been thus free with you, let me beg your Advice herein.—I cannot think but with Extream Trouble, of doing any thing that may Expose my Dear Wife and Mother, whom [upon their Compliance with my Just Desires] I cou'd Embrace in the Arms of a Sincere and Vnfeigned Affection, and bury all that has hitherto look'd like Vnkindness, in the Grave of Eternal Oblivion. But since Self-Preservation is the Great Fundamental Principle and Law of Nature, if they refuse to comply with me herein, and go about through their inordinate Love of Money, to Banish me from my own Home, and Expose my Reputation to the World; I shall then be under a Necessity of Exposing them to the World in their proper Colours, being furnish'd [as I hinted before] with Materials for that Purpose, but they shall never be Publish'd, if I can but meet with that Compliance from my Wife, which both the Law of God and Man has made her Duty.

These things, I think to lay before my Wife and her Mother, but wou'd willingly have your Thoughts about it first, which I shall very much depend upon, as being one whom I always found my Faithful Friend: Pray be not long in sending me your Best Advice, for at present my Mind is very much disorder'd, and the Disorder of my Mind, has 'twice this Summer, like to have prov'd fatal to my Body. I am glad to hear your good Wife is come safe to London, and shall be glader to see her there, when my Circumstance will permit me. I have only to add, That my very Bowels Yearn towards my Dear Wife; and if you can direct me how to 〈…〉 as my De • res, with Respect to the 〈…〉 Debts, may be Answer'd, and a good Agreement with Her and her Mother Effected, whereby we may live in that Vnity, Love and Concord, which might make us happy both here and hereafter, you will Eternally Oblige