LONDON, Printed for Simon Neal, at the Sign of the three Pidgeons in Bedford-street in Covent-Garden. 1674.


AS when some dogrel-monger raises
Vp Muse, to flatter Doxies praises,
He talks of Gems and Paradises,
Perfumes and Arabian Spices:
Making up Phantastick Posies
Of Eye-lids, Fore-heads, Cheeks and Noses,
Calling them Lillies, Pinks and Roses.
Teeth Orient Pearl, and Coral Lips are,
Neck's Alablaster and Marble Hips are;
Prating of Diamonds, Saphyrs, Rubies,
What a Pudder's with these Boobies?
Dim Eyes are Stars, and Red hairs Guinnies:
And thus described by these Ninnies,
As they sit scribling on Ale-Benches,
Are homely dowdy Country VVenches.
So when this Plot quite purg'd of Ale is,
In naked truth but a plain Tale is;
And in such dress we mean to shew it,
In spight of our damn'd Fustian Poet,
Who has disguis'd it with dull Hist'ri's,
VVorse than his Brethren e're did Mistress,

THE SCENE OPENS. Morena the Apple-woman Empress of Mo­rocco discovered sleeping.

Thunder and Lightning.

The Ghost of Labas the Corn-cutter ascends and does not sing (lest it should be thought that the rare Fancy, was stolen from that singing Ghost of Pompey) but speaks.

FRom Tuttle Fields full speed I came
To tell you all y'are much to blame,
Great P—y's injur'd Ghost I am.
Sister Morocco pine no more,
Behold the man they lov'd before,
Though slighted now like common Whore.
When to Elyzium they shall come
Where all submit to Poets doom,
Wee'l be reveng'd on all and some.
Hectors shall take their Oaths away,
Poets their VVit they steal from Play,
VVenches their Claps—then what are they?
When thus the swelling thing's brought low,
How will poor naked Critick show;
Think Ladies, for you best do know.
As dull and cold you'l find his zeal,
As heart of Mob that home does steal,
Forc'd to leave Cloaths in pawn for Ale.
Then hungry Iilt that rails at Play,
'Cause Cully will not bite to day,
And's eager grown for want of prey,
Shall still in sight have Iolly Robin,
But all her tricks shan't make him bob in.
[Page]When passion's up, t' allay the flame o't,
Wee'l tickle her to death with straw moat.
But I must go—
When Pullen swell and rustle so,
And Critick Cock prepares to Crow,
All Ghosts but his unwelcome grow.
The Ghost descends.
Morena the Apple-woman wakes and speaks.
Is not my P—y here? then sure hee's gone,
How long his speech was and how soon'twas done!


Muly Labas a Corn-cutter, Empe­rour of Morocco.
Mr. Coysh.
Muly Hamet a Dray-man, and Ge­neral of the Emperours Armies.
Mr. Kew.
Crimalhaz a Strong-water-man, and Gallant to Queen-Mother.
Mr. Watson.
Hamet Alhaz a Country Vicar, and Friend to Crimalhaz the Strong-water-man.
Mr. Powel.
Abdrahaman a Chimney-sweeper, and Rival to Muly Hamet the Dray-man.
Mr. Bird.
Abdelcador a Porter and Em­bassador from Taffalet to Muly Hamet the Dray-man.
Mr. Carlton.
Messenger, a Coffee-man.
Mr. Kempton.
Eunuch, a Tapster.
Mr. Venner.


Laula an Hostess, Queen-Mother.
Mr. Griffin.
Mariamne a Scinder VVench, Daughter of the Empress, and Mrs. of Prince Muly Ha­met the Dray-man.
Mr. Goodman.
Morena an Apple-woman, young Empress and Daughter of Taf­falet.
Mr. Harris.
Bum-bailyes, Morris-dancers, Tapsters, Gypsies, Tinkers, and other Attendants.


SCENE OPENS and discovers the Court at HOT-COCKLES.

Muly Labas the Corn-cutter being taken, and about to lay down his Head in Morena the Apple-womans Lap.
Muly La.
OH Morena I am took napping
And must lay my head thy blew Lap in,
And my poor fist upon my Rump lay
That ev'ry one of these there thump may.
[Page 2]
Is my Lap then such ill abiding
That you should need make all this chiding?
Enter Hamet Alhaz the Country Vicar, and speaks to Muly Labas the Corn-cutter.
Ham. Al.
Great Sir, your Hector Hamet's coming
From Car-men and stout Butchers thrumming
At the Bear-garden, he is crossing
From Bank-side on billows tossing:
River bright does change complexion
With his tatter'd Flags reflexion:
Boat does move as man does pull her,
In greater State you ne're saw Sculler:
Drum does rattle and Boys do bellow
Hamet up, for a pretty Fellow.
He all the way Tobacco puffing,
And in the smoak your praises huffing;
As School Boys use with little trouble
From Walnut-shell to blow up bubble;
Or as Nurse pleases Child in Cradle
With the dim smoak of an old Ladle.
Muly Lab.
This matter that you are relating
Does not merit half this prating.
Lays his Head down again in Morena's Lap.
Q. Moth.
[Page 3]
Come about the business roundly
And be sure you strike him soundly.
As Crimalhaz the Strong-water-man strikes with his Slipper, Muly Hamet the Dray­man Enters.
Who was that?
He rises up and looks about him.
Muly Lab.
It was some Brangler
That struck with Slipper, like a Wrangler:
By Iove if I knew who's the author
I in his porridg wou'd pour Water.
Ham. Albaz.
Labas though you be in such dudgeon
Yet you must swallow me this Gudgeon.
These are new Shoes, as I was saying
I came just now from Cudgel playing
Where from all the mad rout I won them,
So you may take them there, and don them.
Throws the Shoes.
Q. Moth.
Think'st thou with Shoes to beg thy pardon,
Those Shoes with which thou layd'st so hard on?
Ham. Alhaz.
—Who I?
Q. Moth.
—I thou.
Ham. Alhaz.
[Page 4]
—O errant Lyer!
Q. Moth.
Stand all away, let me come nigher
That I may scratch his copper Nose off.
Ham. Alhaz.
Peace Beldame, or I'le shake your Shoes off.
Muly Lab.
Good Mother peace, you make a squabble
In very truth abominable,
And with your bawling put the Youth out,
So I shall never find the truth out.
Ham. Alhaz.
Sir I came in but very newly,
Old Mother Bunch does not say truly.
Muly Lab.
Peace sawse-box, know it is Queen Mother.
Ham. Alhaz.
'Twas Crimalhaz made all this pother.
It was not I, no in good sooth Sir.
He tells you not one word of truth Sir;
When Bum was turn'd up I did watch it;
And I do say, 'twas Crimalhatchet.
Q. Moth.
But you may spare him tho' Morena
You know well enough what I mean a.
Fye, Fye, Fustilugs, be not yellow
For he is but a dungy Fellow.
Q. Moth.
Marry come up, my durty Cozen,
He may have such as you by th' Dozen,
And therefore make not such a bustle
For you are but an errant pussle.
Mot [...]er Shipton been't so testy,
You may perhaps find me as resty;
[Page 5]My Labas struck by Muly Hamet!
You may all be asham'd to name it.
Q. Moth.
Eunuch tell truth, for you stood by it;
Since they so shamefully deny it.
Tut all this scolding is but Non-sence,
'Twas Crimalhaz upon my conscience.
Q. Moth.
Out from my sight thou base mishapen
Ugly Dastard, Craven, Capon.
How Crimalhaz! upon my credit
'Twas Muly Hamet there that did it.
Now, I will haste me to our Village
And there look after Sheep and Tillage.
Crimalhaz the Strong-water-man steals off.
Muly Lab.
Is Crimalhaz so good at sneaking
To steal away thus without speaking?
Turns to Muly Hamet the Dray-man.
Hamet since thou hast caus'd this brabble
Converse hereafter with the rabble:
From Court and City I thee banish
Presto be gone, why dost not vanish?
Muly Ham.
In troth Sir I am verry sorry
So soon to quit your territory;
Tho' in it I must make no figure,
With all my heart I wish it bigger.
Muly Lab.
[Page 6]
—How bigger!
Muly Ham.
—Yes indeed and longer.
Muly Lab.
I find my Choler waxing stronger.
Labas were you ten times my Brother,
My love I can no longer smother:
Your anger now grows too unruly,
For my part I'le go with my Muly.
Muly Lab.
Mariamne I don't think it proper
That you so soon shou'd turn Hedg-hopper;
But since you are in such a taking,
As you do brew you may be baking.
Exeunt Muly Ham. and Mariamne.
Q. Moth.
Oh Son you have now quite undone us
If Crimalhaz does thus outrun us,
For we the Parson must be feasting
And with him there will be no jesting,
He'll be so cross, who can abide him
If we a Sheeps-head don't provide him?
He's such an errant Mutton-monger:
Wherefore let us stay here no longer,
But after Crimalhaz be creeping:
Who has got all the Sheep in's keeping:
And when we are all there together,
Be sure with him you make fair weather.
Muly Lab.
But Laula you who are his doxie
Had best bespeak him by your proxie;
[Page 7]For he'l be vapouring and bragging
If I go after him a begging.
Q. Moth.
No Labas, there you are mistaken,
We shall have Coleworts, Beans and Bacon,
Fat Mutton boil'd and Chesnuts roasted,
Parcht Pease, Potatoes, and Cheese toasted:
And fully to end all the quarrel,
Of humming Ale a lustly barrel.
Muly Lab.
If this be more than meerly Cogging,
Let's talk no more but straight be jogging.
Q. Moth.
Tis very true, you need not doubt it.
Muly Lab.
Then Come away, let's go about it.
Exeunt omnes.

Scene the second.

Enter Hamet Alhaz the Country Vi­car.
Ham. Alhaz.
SWeet Gentiles all, I am that Parson
They lay the fault of all this Farce on,
And thus most basely do belye me
Having no Friend here to stand by me,
Saying this Journey they were put on
Only to feast my Chops with Mutton.
Although the scandal on our Coat lies,
Who ever says it in his throat lyes;
As though I'de keep a Jewish pascal.
But I may thank Hamet that Rascal,
For he, and that same Jackadandy
Emperour, came here for Ale and Brandy;
Laula, Morena, and t' other Gipsy
Came hither only to be tipsy:
And when spent Crimalhaz his store is
They will come out, and dance the Moris:
And I my self the Hobby-horse am;
Thus treated I without remorse am.
[Page 9] Enter a Messenger, viz. the Coffee-man.
Hamet they have drunk all the fuddle
And straight will come here on a huddle.
Ham. Alhaz.
Then till they come I'le tell a story,
The strangest too, e're came before ye.
To day as I the wheat-Field stood in
The sky was alter'd on a suddain,
And look'd as thick as hasty pudding:
For lo, behold the Aiery Region
Had water in't to drown a Legion
Of Flies, had they been buzzing in it,
If you will credit one has seen it:
Then presently our goodly Sun shine,
Was grown almost as dusk as Moon shine:
And which did more encrease our wonder,
It did both lighten, rain, and thunder;
And wet to th' skin poor I, and Hamet,
But now it is too late to blame it:
Quoth I, let's find some place to sleep in,
This is no weather to keep Sheep in.
See what it is to be no Scholler,
This made the Woodcock grow in choller,
And at the gods to huff and spatter,
Swearing they were all drunk with water;
When I that stood but just behind him,
Besought their worships not to mind him:
Parson quoth he l'me not so silly,
changes his place and voice.
Though you do strut in Piccadilly
And are a greater cheat than—
[Page 10]E're to be frighted with your canting.
More than you are at all my ranting:
Then he began to stare and goggle
Like skittish Jade about to boggle.
Then straight cry'd I, Hamet I'le leave ye,
Still praise the Gods though they deceive ye;
Yet I no Parson with starch't face am,
But in good sooth Hamet Alhaz am.

The Scene opens.

A Table furnish'd with Brandy, Ale, and Tobacco-pipes. Enter King, Queen, &c. with Attendants; their Trains supported by Porters and Gypsies; a Heathen dance is presented by Tinkers and Jack-puddings, who bring in an artifi­cial broad spreading broom about which they dance to Drum-stick and Kettle, Tongs and Key, Mo­rish, Timbrel and Salt-box, &c. [Page 11] In the Intervalls of the dance, this Song is sung by the Court, and the Chorus excellently perform'd by all the voices and instruments.
Stanza I.
YOur North-down Ale is muddy,
French Wine quite spoils your studdy,
'Twill make your Brains so addle,
As any jog i'th' Cradle.
'Twill make your &c. Chorus.
Stanza II.
All strong Beer makes you duller,
Than Porter, Groom, or Sculler:
Excess of Sack does dull some,
And Chocolate is fulsome,
And Coffee now does gull some.
Excess of Sack, &c. Chorus.
Stanza III.
It elevates the Reason,
No higher than damn'd Treason;
Which makes the Saints to love it,
And all new lights approve it.
Which makes the &c. Chorus.
Stanza IV.
Brumsick Mum's meer puddle,
And Rhenish Wine base fuddle,
But Brandy is the Liquor,
Makes all your veins flow quicker:
Brandy the best of Nectars,
Makes us bolder than Hectors,
Fearing no Ghosts nor Specters.
Brandy the best &c. Chorus.
After they have Danced a while, Muly Labas the Corn-cutter falls down, being dead drunk.
[Page 13]
Woe and alas, help, help some Brandy;
Oh help me some body that's handy.
Q. Moth.
Pernicious Woman thou hast kill'd him,
And with base tipple over fill'd him.
Mother it makes me more astonisht
To be by you now thus admonisht.
Did you not cry, Ply him with liquor,
Yawling out fill, fill, Daughter quicker.
Q. Moth.
Was I of drink so very craving?
I pitty her, this is meer raving,
She rages worse than huffing Players;
Go try if you can say your Prayers.
I'le wing'd by love for you be groping,
Nor can I miss where you lie moping.
Turning to Muly Labas.
What's the cause of all this rumble?
What was it ho, did make him tumble?
You need not ask me what he aileth,
Do not you see his memory faileth?
Then thus in short, the all and sum is
My poor Labas, so drunk, as drum is:
Though he thus sweetly seems to slumber,
His Breeches are bedight with scumber:
Oh drunken Sister, Maudlin Mother,
Thus to disguise your Son and Brother.
[Page 14]Muly Labas wakes and speaks.
Muly Lab.
VVhen Gods are in Olympus fluster'd,
And for a while half hufft and bluster'd:
Breeches for Petticoats they're chopping
In Masquerade to come hedg-hopping
Amongst us here to bellow.
Iove in disguise has been a Sculker
On Earth, to find him out a Bulker:
You know he once came down a trulling,
The shape of beastly great Town Bull in;
And so in twenty other dresses,
In Villages to find out Misses;
VVhich shews no Game i'th' upper Region,
chucks Mo­rena the Ap­ple-woman under the Chin.
Can be compar'd to the sweet Pidgeon,
VVho e're disputes this is a widgeon.
Lies down and sleeps again.
Crimalhaz the Strong-water man addresses himself to Morena the Apple-woman.
Sweet blouz you make us all look sadly,
To see you still take on thus madly;
But shou'd you blubber till to morrow,
There's no drink left to ease your sorrow.
[Page 15]
Oh Crimalhatchet, you are cruel
To use him thus, loves you but too well.
Fresh as the Honey-suckles flower,
Say wilt thou be my Paramour.
Stand off, bold impudent Invador,
Think'st thou I am of Copper made, or
Brass, that I my Labas shou'd wrong thus,
Now he but sleeps Dog-sleep among us.
Crimalhaz puts by her hood.
Just so the blushing Morn appeareth,
VVhen from behind black Cloud it leareth:
So falling rain doth look on Cherries,
VVhen baskets full come here in VVherries.
Thus Orange looks new rub'd with piss-clout,
Or scullions face besmear'd with Dish-clout;
Such looks the VVelkin puts on even
VVhen Cuckolds are going to Heaven.
Though on my shoulders you are leaning,
Yet I don't understand your meaning.
So when Aurora's Dew doth scatter,
Rose-buds do smile quite through her water;
And whil'st your Roses are distilling
Of their sweet Liquor, I'le be swilling.
[Page 16]Crimalhaz the Strong-water-man, offers to kiss Morena the Applewoman, and bites her Pendents which are two Pears.
Fie, get you gon you nasty swabber,
For I do hate your ugly slabber.
I gave you wherewithal to paint ye,
Therefore you need not be so dainty.
flings away and comes again.
Against all these I'le fight your battle,
And give each of them a sound rattle;
One Brandy bottle is behind yet
And hid, where none but I can find it.
And you shall have your share on't,
Before your company is 'ware on't;
Come tell me now, will you not love me?
I'le do in that as shall behove me.
Then stay not here, but let's together.
I will do both —I can do neither.
Revenge says go, honor does no say,
Truly I do not know what to say.
[Page 17]Laula the Hostess strikes at Crimalhaz the Strong-water-man, and hits Morena the Apple-woman, they make a great scuffle and Hamet Alhaz the Country Vicar runs out with Mariamne the Scinder VVench, Muly Hamet the Dray-man a little after at another Door.
Q Moth.
Out fornicator are you billing,
And is your Franion too so willing?
Ham. Alhaz.
Come thou with me thou pretty Harlot,
And I will be thy loving Varlot.
They all fall in confusion, tumbling one over another, Muly Hamet the Dray-man Enters as they go out.
Muly Ham.
That I my baggage now shou'd lose so,
Does make me wilder than Furioso:
I shou'd have kill'd all that came near me,
Nay even those that did but hear me,
Made all the Furies stand affrighted,
Like trembling Children when benighted.
But they most basely have outrun me,
Alas, alas, they've quite undone me;
[Page 18]And left so many woes to grieve me,
That Divine Brandy can't relieve me;
If you'd describe grim Pluto's dwelling,
'Tis done by my sad Story telling.
Enter Abdelcador (a Porter, smoaking a Pipe of Tobacco,) Ambassador from Taf­filet to Muly Hamet the Dray-man.
Kind Taffilet hearing your praises,
H'as turn'd his army to pick Daysies;
And gives to you our great Metropolis
With all Excises and Monopolies;
Swearing I pray you Sir observe it,
That your stout drinking does deserve it;
And soon he'le privately come hither,
That you two may be drunk together.
Muly Ham.
All this alas, to me 's no blessing,
Now my kind Bona-Roba's missing;
For neither conquest, thrones, nor treasure,
Without a Wench, yield any pleasure.
Enter Hamet Alhaz the Country Vicar, Bound.
Thus stript of thy black gowns protection,
I order thee Gentle correction;
[Page 19]Tyed up to post, instead of Gaunches,
Thou shalt be drubb'd on both thy haunches.
Ham. Alhaz.
Princox, I scorn thee, and thy malice;
And in thy Guts, wish all thy Tallyes.
Ham. Alhaz is led off to Execution.
Enter Abdrahaman the Chimney-sweeper, leading Mariamne the Scinder-VVench.
I found your Trull behind you Bushes,
Sleeping upon a Tust of Rushes;
Stretcht out at length on her back lying,
Some warm thoughts thereby signifying:
Louder, than any Porpus snoring;
Oh, what man cou'd forbear adoring?
Muly Ham.
Thanks brave Heroick Chimney-sweeper;
Hold, thou shalt be my Tally keeper.
How? I keep your Tallyes! no such matter,
She in my chops makes too much water,
I'le fly from her for all this pother,
Yet I scarce know, where's such another.
[Page 20]Abdrahaman the Chimney-sweeper offers to go, but is stay'd by Muly Hamet the Dray-man.
Muly Ham.
Oh stay and drink some Ale that's nappy,
And make me just as th'ast made he happy.
I'le not stay, though you had the Town full,
But will suppose I have my Crown full;
And my self banish from her presence,
Of all my joys the verry Essence;
And to what place so e're I blunder,
I'le think I see this Cole-yard wonder.
Exit Abdraham. the Chimney-sweeper.
Muly Ham.
I do not value all their talking,
Now I have got agen my Maulkin;
Then since thou art my only dowdy,
Fie, do not wear thy face so cloudy.
Abdrahaman, I must not forget yet,
For I am sure y' are in his debt yet.
Hamet Alhaz the Country Vicar discover'd, tyed to a Post.
Muly Ham.
My justice on you scounded ended,
I with a Crown shall be befriended;
[Page 21]Pish, what are Crowns to a fine Woman,
Though most of them are very common;
All blessings not compar'd with drinking,
Aretine shews, (to my thinking,)
Drink in the first place I adore thee,
Next Woman, I fall down before thee;
Therefore I'le take thee my sweet Trallop
Behind me, and so homeward gallop:
Empire's but toil, though Commons wou'd leave grumbling;
And age in that's not worth an hour in tumbling.
going out.
Enter Labas the Corn-cutter hastily, with his Sword drawn to Muly Hamet the Dray-man.
Muly Lab.
Turn scoundrel turn thee and thy Trull resign,
Know I will have her, if she will be mine.
Muly Ham.
Come from my Punk, why dost thou tempt thy fate,
She's my concern—
Muly Ham.
—this shal the brawl debate
meanes his Sword.
Who can the toughest Fox and longest show,
Will find all doxies his, or make them so.
Muly Ham.
Are you not asham'd—de'e come here to brawl?
Begone—I'le tear thee from my Natural.
[Page 22]
Unhand me Caitiffs for I hate you both.
Muly Lab.
Both—Both—did you say
spreading his arms.
O murrain luck!
thumping his breast.
Can Iove hear this? I'le to prevent this wrong,
Scold with my Eyes, and blubber with my tongue.
Muly Ham.
Dost thou come here to whine—
What wilt thou dare to do for her, wou't weep,
Wou't drink, wou't swear; wou't rant, wou't sleep,
Wou't toss a Bottle, eat a Custard, or Mince-pye,
VVou't go to bed with her, why so will I.
Muly Lab.
Ha, ha, he.—
Dost thou know what th'ast said now? If I do
Not do all this, and a thousand things more—
Nay if I do not eat, drink, sleep, go to bed with her,
Play at Scotch-hoppers, chuck-farthing, or any thing
And all that, I am the verry'st Son of a VVhore breathing.
Spoken laughing, but very positively.
Muly Ham.
O Villain dost thou grin, dar'st thou believe
After my Drab is gone, that thou shalt live?
Muly Lab.
VVhat—am I slighted, then I will not die,
Till I from you obtain what you deny.
[Page 23] They fight, and after several Passes Mully Ha­met the Dray-man falls, and Muly La­bas the Corn-cutter full of remorse beating his Brest speaks.
Muly Lab.
What Murrain luck, did urge me to contend
Against this honest Fellow, my old Friend?
And yet the baggage I must still pursue,
Let Quean which made the brawl, excuse it too.
Exit Muly Labas the Corn-cutter.
Muly Hamet the Dray-man rises and speakes.
Muly Ham.
Doxie! Doxie!
O thou hast a tender thing!
I'de rather lose a bit of both my Eares,
Did I her warlike Pimp full fourteen years,
Outswear her Hectors, and outface her Dun,
While the vile Girl to Coverlet did run;
Out-cheat the Ale-house when we run o' tick,
Out-last the Headles Penitential whip;
Out-eat old Mariot—out-huff Bottle Beer,
Out-cant the Gypsie and the Maunderer;
[Page 24]And there where last Night's reck'ning was unpay'd,
When Watchmen furr'd like Bears made all afraid:
I did with hands in Pocket door maintain,
'Gainst show'res of marrow bones and Piss pot Rain,
Have I made Wive's secur'd by Husbands yield,
Sent snotty Rascals cursing from loves Field;
Must I for fop Labas all this forgo,
For which I did so impudently throw?
He steales my Doxie e're my job is done,
Who can but dream of Claps that I have won.

An Epilogue spoken by Witches, after the mode of Macbeth.

EPILOGUE Being a new …

EPILOGUE Being a new Fancy after the old, and most surprising way OF MACBETH, Perform'd with new and costly MACHINES.

Which were invented and managed by the most ingenious Operator Mr. Henry VVright. P. G. Q.

LONDON, Printed in the Year 1674.


Mr. Powel.
1 VVitch.
Mr. Harris.
2 VVitch.
Mr. Adams.
3 VVitch.
Mr. Lyddal.
Mr. Goodman.
Mr. Kew.
Spirits, Cats, and Musicians.

AN EPILOGUE Spoken by Heccate and three WITCHES, According To the Famous Mode of MACBETH.

The most renowned and melodious Song of Iohn Dory, being heard as it were in the Air sung in parts by Spirits, to raise the expectation, and charm the audience with thoughts sublime, and worthy of that Heroick Scene which follows.

The Scene opens.

Thunder and lightning is discover'd, not behind Painted Tiffany to blind and amuse the Senses, but openly, by the most excellent way of Mustard-bowl, and Salt-Peter.
Three Witches fly over the Pit Riding upon Beesomes.
Heccate descends over the Stage in a Glorious Charriot, adorn'd with Pictures of Hell and Devils, and made of a large Wicker Basket.
Heccate and 3 VVitches.
What, you have been at Hot-Cockles I see,
Beldames! how dare you traffick thus, and not call me?
'Tis I must bear the Brunt—
Where's VV—?
[Page 31]
Where's W—?
Where's Mack'rel back and Jilting-Sue.
All the three VVitches.
We want but you: We want but you.
You Lazie Hags! what mischief have you done?
1 VVitch.
I was with Templer lock'd from Night till Noon,
My case he open'd thrice and once
Actions he entred three and one,
But grown with study dull as dunce
His deeds I burnt, his Fees I spent;
And till next Term or quarters Rent
I left him poor, and Male-content.
Thou shalt have a Spirit—What hast thou done?
2 VVitch.
I pick'd Shop-keeper up, and went to th' Sun▪
He Houncht—and Houncht—and Houncht;
And when h' had done,
Pay me quoth I,
Be damn'd you VVhore! did fierce Mechanick cry,
And most unlike a true bred Gentleman,
Drunk as a Bitch he left me there in Pawn.
[Page 32]
His Shop is in Fleetstreet
2. VVitch.
In Hackney Coach, I'le thither sail,
Like wanton VVife with sweeping Tail;
I'le do! I'le do! and I'le do!
3. VVitch.
A running Nag I'le thee lend;
2. VVitch.
Thou art my Friend▪
1. VVitch.
I'le give thee Shancker and Buboe.
2. VVitch.
I can have all the rest of Friends below.
pointing to the Pit.
To sweating Tub I'le youth confine,
VVhere he shall dwind'le flux and pine,
Though white VVitch Surgeon drench and noint.
I'le have at least a Joint.
And what hast thou done?
3. VVitch.
VVith Cock of Game I fought a Match,
VVhile his—my—did catch,
I stole his money and Gold Watch.
Thou shalt have an Incubus;
[Page 33]Come to our Friends to make their charms more quicker,
Here's six go-downs of humming Stygian Liquor.
Enter two Spirits with Brandy burning, which drink while it flames, Heccate and the three VVitches Sing.
To the Iune of, A Boat, &c.
A health, a health to Mother C
From Moor-fields fled to Mill-bank Castle,
She puts off rotten new rig'd Vessel.
1. VVitch.
A health, a health to G—that Witch,
She needs must be in spight of fate Rich,
VVho sells tough Hen for Quail and Partridg.
2. Witch.
A health, a health to Sister T
Her Trade's chief beauty and example,
She'll serve the Gallant, or the Pimp, well.
3. VVitch.
[Page 34]
A health, a health to Betty B
Though she began the Trade but newly,
Of Country Squires there's not a few lye.
But of all the brisk Bawdes 'tis M—for me,
'Tis M—the best in her degree;
She can serve from the Lord, to the Squire and Clown,
From a Guinny she'll fit ye to half a Crown.
1 Witch.
Fei! Fah! Fum!
By the itching of my Bum,
Some wicked Luck shou'd that way come.
pointing to the Audience.
Stand still—by yonder dropping Nose I know,
That we shall please them all before we go.
[Page 35]Heccate speaks to the Audience.
Hail! hail! hail! you less than wits and greater!
Hail Fop in Corner! and the rest now met here,
Though you'l ne're be wits—from your loins shall spread,
Diseases that shall Reign when you are dead.
Deed is done!
VVar's begun!
Great Morocco's lost and won.
Bank-side Maulkin thrice hath mew'd, no matter:
If puss of t' other house will scratch, have at her.
T' appease your Spirits and keep our Farce from harm,
Of strong Ingredients we have powerful charm,
To catch Bully Critick whose wit but thin is:
Yonder sits empty Cully stuft with Guinnies,
Then for the wary squeamish Critick Lover,
A Dainty Virgin Pullet sits above there,
[Page 36]And those two Vizards hide a brace of Jinnyes,
Enough to hamper all the Critick Nynnyes:
Besides all this, our charm is stronger made yet,
VVith Dock of Harlot hasht and grylliaded,
Carcass of Country Girl that's fresh and wholsome,
Haunch of whetstone Doe, but that is fulsome.
Moreover Friends! in ev'ry place to fit ye,
Goose Giblets, Rumps, and Kidneys for the City.
Heccate and all the three Witches.
Huff no more!
a Hellish noise is heard with­in.
He that wou'd damn this Farce does strive in vain
This charm can never be o'recome by man,
'Till Whetstones Park remove to Distaff Lane.
Within Singing.
Heccate! Heccate! Come away.
Heark I am call'd—
[Page 37] She Sings.
I come; I come; Alack and well a-day.
Alack and well a-day.
The Pot boyls over while you stay—
In Basket Chariot I will mount,
'Tis time I know it by my count.
Thunder and Lightning: while they are flying up Heccate Sings.
[Page 38]The Goose and the Gander went over the Green,
They flew in the Corn that they could not be seen.
They flew, &c.
The three Witches Sing.
Rose-mary's green, Rose-mary's green,
derry, derry, down.
When I am King, thou shalt be Queen,
derry, derry, down.
[Page 39]If I have Gold, thou shalt have part,
derry, derry, down.
If I have none thou hast my heart.
derry, derry, down.


THis Farce—
Not like your Country Girl made proud at Court,
Because she there first learn'd the naughty sport,
She'd now take place of all and's grown so haughty,
Those that debauch'd her, dare not say she's faulty,
Asham'd to own she jilted them with low dress,
As stroling Punk did once in Somers progress:
No, this like Sutlers Doxie, came from Black-heath,
Long'd but to be as fine as Witch in Mackbeth.
High though it looks 'twill stoop to all good fellows,
As most proud Women will for Story's tell us,
They now will do from Room of State to Ale-house.
Like blith Scotch Maggy Cloaths in River bucking,
T'has shew'd you all the flowers it had worth plucking,
It thinks you Gentle-folks, are all for—looking.
Farce and Heroick tale use but one fashion,
Love and affection Layes the first foundation
Then Gyant noyse and show set cheating Glass on.
So little cruising punk and first rate Harlot,
Though one Don's stuff t'others clad in Scarlet,
Use but one Mouse-trap to catch trading Varlet.
Those that adore the Ghosts and Devils yonder,
The Powder Lightning and the Mustard Thunder;
Who though they can't of Plot and Language prattle,
Can mew like Cats, and roar like Drum in battle.
When scourged Vermin from the Stage do Crall
Whipp'd off—
As some are from Estates with Lusty Tail,
Those we shall hardly please—
When Heccate calls, they thither swarm till full 'tis,
Like humours drawn to boil by old VVifes Poultice,
Because at you Show-house you liked such doings,
VVe thought to purchase Cake-bread and stew'd Pruines;
But you look all like Lovers cloy'd sie on ye,
When deed is done you should not grudg your money.
Have we not seen, O whorson Rogue Iohn Dory?
You that Damn most, you know not wherefore nor why,
Catch'd ten times o're with one old new dress'd Story.
Be to this joy thus kind you'l rouse up yet,
Much better Farce, one more Heroic Puppet;
When little Worm is prais'd it will so brag o't,
That 'twil set Tail on end of bigger Maggot;
Since with success great Bard's grow proud and resty,
To get good Plays be kind to bad Travesty.

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal. The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission.