How now Will. how comes this kindness betwixt thee and Tom. the Barge-man? last time I saw you toge­ther at Dochet, you were for heaving Stones at one an­others heads.

O, that's long since, and utterly forgot; we are now good Friends.

God-a-mercy Horse, this Rogue Will. was tugging up Stream whilst his Oars were ready to break at Way-bridge, and seeing us come up with three good Horses Towing our Punt, his Stomach came down, and he begg'd most devoutly to give him a Tow to Windsor; not a word of the Bell-Wether, or any of his usual Complements. I took mercy on the poor Rogue, and let him fasten his Wherry to us, and I think in my heart the Whelp has eaten us half a Stone of Beef to day.

Upon the honest word of a Waterman, Tom. I never eat daintier Beef in my Life, nor better Mustard, but not one mouth­ful of Mutton was to be seen.

Sirrah, one word more of Mutton and off you go; you cannot forbear your Roguery.

But pray thee, Will. whither art thou making at this Time of the year?

Why, faith Sam, thou knowest I follow the Court for the most part, and now I am going before it, and intend to get a good Birth at Oxford: Acquaintance is a main matter with a Waterman: besides, here's honest Tom. promises me Lodging at his House; and when he goes for London, his Wife and I can [Page 4]make as merry as if he were gone an East-India Voyage.

But, I hope, there will be another Voyage found out, they say the King will make us a way West-ward to Bristol for our Barges, and has sent for Dutchmen that can make Boats go by Land as well as by Water, and then Bristol will be London. The saucy Rogues t'other day at Qucen-Hith were ready to Brain us, and threatned to fire the Barges, because we belonged to Oxford. If the King would take my Counsel, he should come no more a­mongst them for one seven years, I would make the proud Rogues know themselves better.

I am not for that, Tom neither, for that would quite spoyl our Ferry: when all's done London is London.

And will be London, that is, a Nest of unthankful Rogues that hate us Country Gentlemen, tho' they get all they have by us: What would London be worth, if it were not for the Coun­try? And faith, since all the wealth of the Country is gotten thi­ther by the Kings living so long amongst them, I hope His Ma­jesty will even now live in the Country till their Money be brought into the Country again.

I could agree well enough to all thou say'st, but only for this Ferry, and that would quite be ruin'd if the King should leave London.

For that, if the Dutchmen come, they will dig so many Cuts to make the Thames run from our Town to Bristol, I warrant thee, thou may'st get a New Ferry, and better than this, upon some of those New Cuts.

But do'st think the King will keep his Court at Oxford any long time? I heard our Parson say, for all this the Parlia­ment would not be held at Oxford, because there was a Parlia­ment once held there, and it was called the mad Parliament.

Thou may'st tell the Parson from me, that there has been many Parliaments held at London, that have been worse than mad; and it's well if this last was not the madest that ever was yet.

I must confess there was a strange Touse whilst they were Sitting: Our Townsmen of Windsor would have talked so of the brave Acts they were a making, and what good they would have done to the Commonalty, and how they would have handled the Courtiers, and abundance more than I can remember. Thou [Page 5]wouldst have admired, but to say Truth, this Town of Windsor, though they be our Neighbours, is as Roguish a place as any is in England. If I were worth to advise the King, I would make a great Wall betwixt the Castle and the Town, that should reach down to the River on the one side, and down to Old Windsor on the other side, and never a Gate through it, but for the Kings conveniency to go a Hunting into the great Park, or the Duke into the Forrest, and shut at all other times. Then would I build a New Town to entertain the Kings Court, should reach to the Ferry.

Still, still this Ferry is the Burden of the Song,

But prethee Will tell us what this Parliament would have done for the good of the Commonalty that is talked on so much; thou carriedst Parliament-men in thy Boat every day, and I know thou hast heard all their Speeches; I have heard them make Speeches as they have pass'd over here at our Ferry-Boat.

Thou art in the right of that, for there is not one Mem­ber (for so we call them at London) of forty, but they are still making Speeches: I heard one of them make a Speech to Deaf Hugh, an old Sculler, from Westminster Stairs to the Temple. Hugh nodded at him now and then, and he went on as Policitly as if he vad been in the House all the while. When they landed at the Temple, where I also landed my Fair, he bid Hugh give him three pence, but wanting Change, he asked me for three pence, but I having ne're a three pence, sayes the Member to Hugh, I see thou art a right English man, a good Protestant, and, I dare say, hates the Popish Successor with all thy heart, and therefore I will give thee the whole Six pence.

'Twas well he had the Wit to Nod at him, being a could not hear him.

So it was, and that was enough, for I dare say, a Nod now and then, would have continued the Speech to Gravesend. O, our Water-men have thousands such Stories as these of their Worships, they were for the most part so full of it, they could not hold it in.

But prethee Will. tell us what thou heard'st they did in the House as well as out.

Well, in the first place they kept a Rehearsal at the Sun Tavern on the back of the Exchange a long time before they sate.

A Rehearsal! what's that?

Why, as the Players Rehearse or Act over the Play in the Morning, which they intend to Play in the Afternoon: So, did they make their Speeches, and set all their Matters in order in the Tavern, before they met in the House.

Methinks, if it were needful for a Parliament to have such a Rehearsing, his Majesty should provide them a place to rehearse in: It is not very handsome in my mind, that the matters which concern his Majesty and the Kingdom should be medled with in a Tavern.

It's very true: but the Master of the House, he got well by them; and the Drawers of that House are become notable Boyes, they can talk of State Affairs, it would do your Heart good to hear them: and for any thing that I know, when these Boyes come to set up for themselves, and keep Taverns in the City, they may be the fittest men they will have to serve in Par­liament: they will now, as young as they are, make fine Speeches to their fellow Prentices, when any Rout of them meets together, and have their Lessons full ready on any occasion; and will back a Petition of the Common Hall to the Purpose.

A Pox on 'em, 'tis such work as this that makes the King leave London, and will undo us all at Dochet: But this is all still out of the House.

It is impossible I should tell you a tenth part of what they did in the House: but the remembrance of Men and Things they fell upon will put me in mind best; and therefore the first I think on, is the Kings Majesty, God bless him, him they cryed Nochell.

What, as Gaffer Block of our Town cryed his Wife?

I don't know what he did, but they Voted that no body should either Borrow or Lend, nor Sell or Buy with him under pain of their Displeasure.

This is almost as ill as the Parson said of the Gun-Powder-Treason-day, that the Pope would have done with Queen Eliza­beth, for he forbade any Body to Borrow or Lend with her, Sell [Page 7]or Buy, Eat or Drink; Nay, he forbid her to come in either Church or Market.

But then to make him amends, they took care to kill him an Old Lean Lord at Christmass; and that's all I remember they have done for him since they met.

What did they then do?

Next they took the Duke into handling.

And what would they do with him?

They would have taken away his Birthright, whatever he had done to them I know not, but they were resolv'd to have worried him.

What was it provoked them so much against him?

They said he was a Papist, and was for the Pope and the Plot; but the Truth on't is, I think the true Reason of their Cruelty was, because he put his Brother in mind who were, and had been Rogues, and were sure to prove so in the end: and for this they would never forgive him; and with talking with one another, they were got to that pass, they matter'd not what they said; for they were permitted so long, they thought no body durst gainsay them.

Why, I thought no man living durst have medled with any of the Blood Royal.

Thou art a Fool, did not they behead the last King, and kept this banished a long time? and all that was still a House of Commons.

What would they have done with the Duke thinkest thou?

Hang'd him if they could have catch't him, but-being he was out of their reach, have taken away all his means, and all he was ever like to have, if (which God forbid) he should have surviv'd the King.

They were very bold.

Thou may'st swear that; when the Fore-man of Old Townsend's Shop, a blind Scrivener was so bold as to speak a saucy Speech against his Highness.

What was he, a Prentice?

No, he was out of his Time, and had set up for him­self.

Why, I thought no such Hand-crafts men had ever been chosen Members.

Any body that has money to pay for Drink, Gentle or Simple that will spend his Guinneys upon some Town in the West Country is good enough: for I'le tell thee, as I heard Squire Kites Huntsman say, that he cared not for above three or four Couple of Hunting Dogs amongst twenty Couple, so they would give their Tongues and go along with those that were Hunters; no more do they in the Parliament care whether the greatest part of their Members have any Wit, or none at all, so that they will Vote with the Old ones.

Well, though it was sore against my will, I was Press'd once into the Service when the Duke was our Ambral, and I dare swear never a man in the Fleet had a better Heart than he.

Pox on you Rogue, you staid but one Bout and run away; but we that staid and were in both the Hollands Wars, know the Duke well enough; and let them do what they will at Westminster, I am sure all the Seamen and Watermen in England will be for him against any Body but the King, God bless him.

And I am sure he'll never be a Rebel, as many of those that are his Enemies have been.

Rebel! they would like him better if he would stand in the Kings Face and do what he pleased, whether the King pleased or not; do'st not see how they love D. M. for coming home whether the King would or no.

Well, I hope to see the Duke at Oxford, and there he will be welcome, I dare say, let London and the Devil say what they will.

For London, surely it is not London that does all these ill things you talk of.

Thou art in the right of that, for I never heard that the Houses met together to Petition or raise Tumults, there's no fault in the place; 'tis some roguish People that lives in it, whom no­thing vvill ever make better Subjects than they have been: I have knovvn them long enough.

But prethee Will, go on vvith thy Story.

Novv I think on't, I should have told you, that I am novv going to say, first of all, that is, vvhat they vvould have [Page 9]done about the Church; for I have heard the Church should take place of both the King and the Duke.

Ay, but not of the Law, for I know a Wise man as any in Buckinghamshire, an Attorney, that says, That the Law was above both Church and King.

Why then, according to that Rule, I should first have begun with the Law.

No matter, amongst us we are not so punctual, go on, now thy hand is in, with the Church.

As for the Church, I carried a Member up to Putney, and he told me, they had resolv'd to Overhall all the Nine and Thir­ty Conditions of the Church, and that they had already heaved away Three and a half of them.

Belike, if they had gone on, they would have hove away most of them; Three and a half in one day was a great step.

No, I do'nt believe they would have hove them all away, but they would quite have new moulded them so, that one should scarce have known them. Ha'nt I seen an old Ship that has been a long time at Sea, when she has been in the Dock, her Rigging Overhall'd and Tarr'd, new Painted, Carved and Guilt, a man that has sayled in her, could scarce have known her.

Thou art in the right of that, and I do believe that the Church was grown very old and much decay'd, and had need of repairing, and it will never be done but by a Parliament. I was at Ʋxbridge last Saboath-day, and there at the Meeting the Mini­ster said, That the best Church in the World should be repaired once in a hundred years; and that the Church we now have, was repaired (but he had another Word for it) about a Hundred and Forty or Fifty years since.

Was it not Reformed? the Scholars at Oxford talk much of that Reformation.

Ay, Ay, it was Reformed, that he said; and that the Church (but more especlally the Church-men) should be Re­form'd.

Besides, this Member told me, the Parsons must use the Surplice no more.

That was only for the good of the Woollen Manufacture. I carried a Clothier over the Ferry not long since, that said they were [Page 10]hereafter to wear Flannel Surplices, and the Bishops were to wear white Crape, in stead of Lawn Sleeves.

And then for the Bishops Courts, that as we call the Bawdy-Court, they would have mauled those Rogues to some purpose.

A Pox on 'em, they made me pay above five Pounds about a Bastard, a Whore laid to me, that a Scholar of Oxford got, I dare say; for I kept reckning and the Child was got when I was gone down with the Barge to London; and for want of a Flash, we lay above ten Weeks before we came again.

It seems thou diserved'st for it however.

That which troubled me most, was, that I must have done Penance in a White Sheet, and then my Wife and all my Friends would have known it; and so faith, I was forced to borrow the Moneys, and make my Peace with them: And after all, they would have had Ten Shillings more for a piece of Parch­ment no bigger than my Hand: I was e'en glad to pay them a Noble to get clear of them.

As far as I could understand, they would have taken these Courts away, and have made the Bishops spoor Gentle­men: They would have clipt their Wings, if not quite staved them. O this Member, as we passed by Lambath-House, shaked his Head at it, and said, There were Raggs of Popery kept there; and so did he at Eulhum, when I landed him at Put­ney.

What did he mean by that?

Why the Arch-Bishop of Canterbury lives at Lambeth, and the Bishop of London hath a Countrey-House at Fulham.

Well, but Will. Thou said'st, they would also have had a Fling at the Law.

For any thing of the Law it self, I heard not so much of it; but they were in hand, to have rockoned with almost all the Judges in Westminster Hall, some for one Fault, and some for others.

What had the Judges done?

Whether they had strained a Pin, to do something ex­traordinary for the King and the Court, I know not; but the main matter was, that most of the Talkative Men of the House, [Page 11]were Lawyers, and the only way for them to get Preferment, was by turning out of the Judges, that they might get into their Places.

I think in my very Conscience, these Lawyers are the Bain of the Kingdom: For they are so accustomed to talk against their Consciences for Moneys, at Westminster Hall; that when they come to talk in the House, it is the same thing: So that whatever they think for their Advantage, they never want broad Consciences, nor smooth Tongues, to drive on to the ut­most.

Pray thee Will. tell me one thing, are not these Law­yers the Men, that either doe, or should understand the Law?

No doubt of it.

Well then, when the Rebellion was begun, and carried on in our King's Father's Time, and in his own, did not the Lawyers know, that the War was contrary to the Law?

Certainly they did.

Then do I say, That as many Lawyers as Sided with the Rebells in those days, deserve yet to be Hanged for what they did then.

O! but they were wise enough for that: For they got the Act of Oblivion, to pardon, not only their Faults by-pas­sed, but those that were to come; and abundance of those ve­ry Men that talked the People into that Rebellion, are yet liv­ing, and as willing to do Mischief, as ever they were.

It goes beyond my Understanding, how, and why they are admitted to abuse the People at this rate: For if they can set poor ignorant Men on a Mischief, for which they may be Hang­ed, and can talk themselves off again, it is time for poor men to have a Care.

I am of this mind, that had I been the King's Advisar, when he forgave all the Rebells, I would not have forgiven one Lawyer; for they could not plead Ignorance.

And that it was a Rebellion is clear: For if it had not been, what need was there of an Act of Oblivion?

Thou art in the Right of that too.

Nothing troubles me so much, as that these Lawyers, are not only Lawyers to follow and maintain the Law; but [Page 12]they can make what they will to be Law, and what they like not to be no Law: Nay, they will hang the Honestest man in Eng­land, and find Law for it; and save the greatest Knave, and find Law for that too.

Did not Judge Bradshaw pronounce Sentence against King Charles, and Coke plead against him? And both these were great Lawyers: Nay, an a bungling Lawyer, that is a Justice of the Peace, at the Quarter Sessions, will take upon him to talk more than all the Bench, and be very angry at any Justice that dares oppose any thing he says.

There is reason for that: For there is not one Lawyer of twenty, but is certainly bribed (tho' they call it feed) of one Party in all Controversies, at the Sessions, and frequently by both. O they make great Gains at a Sessions; for there they are both Judge and Lawyer. and all goes as they will.

I'll tell thee, for that I had a wrangling Quarrel once with a Drunken Fellow at the Ferry; and upon some Words, I up with the Boat-hook, and broke his Head. He went and fetched a Warrant for me: I was advised to go my self to the same Justice, being a Lawyer, and bind my self over: Which I did, and would have given his Worship an Angel; for so my Friend advised me: He said, he would take no Moneys upon that Account: For indeed, it seemed, he had taken before from my Adversary; but he said, if I would give any thing to his Wife, I might: Upon which, I sent a sat Wether, worth a Mark, in the Night time to her Worship; and within two days, both he and I were sent for, before Mr. Justice; and after he had talked a great deal of Law, and seemed angry with us both, he made us good friends, and got both our Moneys.

There may a thousand Stories be told of them: I hope at one time, both the King and the Kingdom will see what they are, and never let them have more to do, than with matters of Law; and then those that employ them may take the monds in their own Hands, as I do, when I go to the Alehouse: for all mischief principally comes from them.

A Pox and Plague light on 'em, they will never be quelled: For they have always either one or other great Law­yer in Power with the King, and that keeps them up: So let us [Page 13]talk no more of them. What did the Parliament next fall up­on, honest Will. thou hast a pure Memory?

They would have banished a plain bundance of Courti­ers and Privy-Counsellors; and without any more ado, sent to the King to desire him (they called it Humbly) to turn them out of his Service.

But did they tell any good Cause, why they would have him turn them away?

None at all, but because they liked them not.

That was an humble Trick indeed; but sure they had some Reason for what they did.

For no reason, but because they were in Favor with the King, and themselves would have their Places: Nay, there be some of those men they complained of, were as ready to complain of those were in place before, such as the last Treasurer, and the like, as these are now against those they would have now turned off: for in all this Parliament-Doings, and Peaching one ano­ther, it is not for Faults done against the King, or the Govern­ment, but against the House of Commons.

But I hope these Noble Men are not turned out of their Services, are they?

No, they have scaped this Bout; how they will do at the next at Oxford, time will shew.

If they scaped at London, I'll warrant them at Oxford, no man is Gondemned there, but he has (as the Scholars call it) pro and con for it: But vvas that all their Faults, that they vvere in Favor vvith His Majesty?

God help thee, do'st not thou knovv, that it is a suffiicent Parliament-Crime to be a Favorite. I have heard my Father say, that he wore the Old Duke of Buckingham's Cloth, and was Master of his Barge; and that there was one Parliament before I was born, would have hanged him; but the Devil a Fault could they find, but his being in mighty Favor. So the King would not let him suffer.

But they put away my Lord Strafford, I can remember, that my self, and they say, because they could find no Law to con­demn him, they made a Law.

So then, he suffered for breaking a Law before it was made.

So he did.

That is as much as to say, that if the Parliament have mind to hang a Man, or undo him, if they have not sufficient Law or Matter to do it, they will make some: God bless me and mine out of their Clutches.

But I have heard, they were so Civil, as when they made this Law against the Earl of Strafford, they then made it so, that no more should suffer by the same Law.

That was very kindly done to him indeed: I would rather, if I had been in his Cloaths, they would have saved me, and hanged who they would beside.

This shews plainly they had a particular Malice; and then down a must go, right or wrong: There are some of those Old Dogs yet alive that hunted him to Death, and would as willingly give their Mouth for making away more Noble­men.

I have heard many say, the King repented himself at Oxford, that he consented to the Earl's Death.

But those Rogues that procured his Death, never re­pented at all, nor does not do yet: Nay, they have tought some young Whelps to be as good Blood-Hounds as themselves. A Man has a brave time that should come to be tryed for his Life in any Court, and have half a dozen of these to chase him out of the World.

'Tis strange the Noble-men does not stand for one ano­ther against those Lawyers, who, if they might have their Wills, would hang them all: Especially, being there is no body of the Jury, when the Lords are to be tryed, but Lords.

They had such a Power when my Lord Strafford was Headed, that neither the King, nor the Lords, durst stand against them: They made Routs of Prentices to run down to Westmin­ster, and call out for Justice, and threaten all those Lords that would have saved him; and in the end they had his Blood.

I have heard many say, that there were very few of those many that prosecuted the Earl; but they were after Ring-leaders in the Rebellion against the King, and continued so to his Death, [Page 15]as violent against him, as they were against the Earl, and against our King that now is (God bless him) till the Souldiers and Seamen joyned with Monk to bring him in again.

And yet I'll warrant thee, these were as ready to wel­come Home his Majesty, and make shew of their Duty and Af­fection to him, as his best Friends.

Ay, and pretended they had as much a Hand in his Re­storation, as the General that brought him in; and talked them­selves, not only out of the Faults they had committed; but by Bribery, and means of some Lawyers, that had been Abroad with the King, they got suddainly into such Favor, that a Round-Headed Lawyer had more Power than a Cavalier Colo­nel that fought for the King all through the War: And so they have carried it ever since: And now thou may'st see what they have brought it unto, at long run: For nothing but the Ruine and Death of a great Number of the King's Courtiers and Coun­sellors will please them.

They will not stay there if they have leave to go on: The Old Game must be play'd over again; but I hope the King's calling them at our Town of Oxford, will mend this matter: For I have heard hundreds say, that if his Father had called the Rump Parliament thither, instead of Westminster, there had not been so much Mischief done as there was: But pray thee Will. was this all they did?

This, no, not the hundred part: For any one Man's Fault or Suspicion, that he was against them, they would have ruin'd a whole Countrey. There was a Waelsh Noble-man, I know not his Name, that they had a Spite to, that was Steward of a great Wapentake-Court in Wales; and out of Malice to him, they would have taken that Court away, tho' it was a great Be­nesit to all that Quarter of the Country: Nay, there was one day a Member, so angry at a Waterman, for asking an unusual Fare, for bringing him from some place, in the West-Country, that he said, he would have a Bill brought into the House, for his sake, to restrain the Numbers of Watermen; and that all the Wherries that go upon the River, should be forced to take a Licence, and should be Figured on the Back-Board, as the Hack­ney Coaches are. Upon which, the Waterman civilly reply'd, [Page 16]That God bless the King, he hoped that being a Freeman of Wa­terman's Hall, they could never make him take a Licence: with that the Member said, Sirra, for your sake, and such saw­cy Rogues as you are, we will have that Watermans-Hall pul­led down, as well as vve have pulled dovvn the Court of the Marshes of VVales: That vvas the Court I vvas talking of.

I hope thou heard'st them say nothing of the VVestern Barges VVill. did'st thou?

No, Hang you, you are belovv their Consideration; but they talked much about Seamen, and the Fleet, and against Souldiers: And then for the Papists, they vvould have utterly destroyed them; and no great matter if they had; for those Rogues have been the occasion of all this Poder, has been even since the Beginning of these Times: And they say, they Fired the City, and brought the Plague out of France, and set it a­mongst us at London.

How should that be? For vvhen the Visitation began at London, I heard of no Plague in France.

But I heard a Doctor, one of the Royal Society, say, as I carried him once, There be Rogues that vvill bring Bottles of Infected Air vvith them, if it vvere out of Turkey, that as soon as they are opened, vvill infect a whole House; then they take an Antilop, that no Infection can touch themselves: And that some Papists did this, I have heard a Justice in the City took Examinations upon it, and it was proved.

But what would they have done against the Presbyterians, Independants, Anabaptists, and Quakers: The Scholars at Oxford, say, those are as great Enemies to the Church and the University as the Papists.

They would have made them as good Protestants as any is in Oxford.

Which way must this have been?

Why, they would have made the Church-men have left out some of their Prayers, and given over the Surplice, and some other Popish Tricks; and then they would have come to Church, and been all one.

That is, the Church-men must have become Presbyteri­ans, and then all would have been right.

Indeed, I think they would not have yielded much to the Bishops: For they were bloody mad at them; and I think if they had sitten till now, they would have sent them to the Church from the House, to pray to God; but not to have letten them prate any more to the House of Lords.

It will be good for them to talk no such Talk at Oxford, the Bishops are in great Power amongst the Scholars.

Then as to their own Members, they turned them out, and took others in at their will and pleasure; and if they made any Fault, they expelled them; and wherever any stood in Compe­tition for any Town, him they knew, would give his Vote along with them was admitted, right or wrong: And then they terrifi­ed all the Sherriffs, Mayors and Bailiffs in the Kingdom, besides a­bundance of Gentlemen, and other honest Country-men: For on the least Complaint of any Man's misdemeanor, or Informa­tion from any Member, immediately a Serjeant at Arms was sent for them, and so much a Mile, and Hour paid, and down on their Mary-bones to their Worships, and a sound Scolding from Mr. Speaker; or else to the Tower, or the Gate-House they went: The King, God bless him, never took a quarter of that State on him they did.

It seems they would have all the World to ask them Forgiveness, whether they made them any Fault or not; and they themselves would ask no body Pardon for what they had done.

It was brought to that pass, that two Foot-boys, Box­ing one day in the Palace Yard, he that was beaten, proved to belong to a Member, and told the other Boy, if he knew his Master, he would cause him to be sent for in Custody, for keep­ing such a Rogue as he was, that had committed a Breach of Priviledge, in beating a Member's Servant. The Boy replied, if it would do him any Kindness, he would beat him again, and tell him his Master's Name into the Bargain; and would lay him a Crown, that tho' his Master should bid the Speaker, and all the House of Commons kiss his — they durst not send a Serjeant at Arms for him. The beaten Boy much netled at his Speech, laid down his money, as the other did. Now, said the Boy, my Master is the King of France, and I am come [Page 18]over with some of his Servants, to fetch Horses out of England: Go bid thy Master, and the House of Commons send a Serjeant at Arms to fetch him over.

Before my Heart, is was a good Answer: I hope he won his Moneys.

So he did; but it was put into a Waterman's Hands, and when it was demanded, says the Beaten Boy, Sirrah, give it him if you dare, if his Master be the King of France, I'll make you answer it before the House of Commons. The Waterman durst do no other but give either their own Moneys: There is no contending with Parliament Men, or Parliament Men's Men, nor Boys.

And yet I know a Bayliff has nabbed several of them, and matters not a Straw to arreast any Member of the last Parlia­ment.

That's nothing, they are now no Parliament-men; but let's see if that Stout Fellow dare nabb any of them when they are new chosen.

That I don't know.

O those that are in any danger of Bayliffs, are mighty cunning at their Times, and know their Hits to a Minute; they appear abroad at London a certain Number of days before the Sit­ting of the House, as sure as Swallows against warm Weather; and after the Sessions they are Presto, begon, not one to be seen: except it be that we chance to carry them by Water from the Temple or White-Friars, to Scotland-Yard; they have a strong Garrison in either of those Places out of Priviledge time, as they call it.

Well, but pray thee Will. let us have it all out what they did.

It is impossible as I told thee, For me to tell a quarter what they did; they stopped Irish, Scotch, and Welch Cattel from coming to the City, and Pork, Mutton, Veal and Lamb, from any of those Places; and it was said, if they had sate long enough, they would have stopped Essex Calves, and Hampshire Hogs.

And yet the City still doats upon these Parliaments.

Nay, they would have made such Laws about wearing of Cloth, and Woollen Stuffs, as would have beggared an hun­dred [Page 19]thousand Souls that are Silk-Weavers, Silk-Dyers, and such like.

What matter they, if they can but find a way to make Acts, to set their Grounds dearer, and rack their poor Tenants, they care not if half of the Kingdom starve.

And yet they talk so much for the General Good, and a­gainst the absolute Power of the King and the Court, how can they make this out?

They call that Power which they themselves both do act by, and would govern all by, the Liberty of the Subject, tho' no Subject, but a few Members have any Liberty at all: But if his Majesty, God bless him, should act by the same Power, and do the same things which they do; then they call the very same Power flat down-right Tyranny.

Do'st not thee remember, Will. one day the last Sum­mer, when our Barge lay against York Stairs, there was a great Noise about the Head Bayliff of Westminster, breaking into an Embassenders House, to seize upon some Goods which belonged to a Man was condemned to be Hanged at Tyburn; and upon Complaint of the Embassender to the King, the said Bailiff was taken and clapt into the Tower; and every body said, he would be hanged at the least, for breaking the Common Law of all Na­tions: But the next News we heard, was, that he had got some sort of a Warrant, was made by the Long Parliament, that set him at Liberty within three Hours after he was committed.

I remember the time very well, they call those Warrants Habeas Corpuses, and they will fetch a Prisoner com­mitted by the King, out of any Goal in England; but not one Committed by the House of Commons: And this they call Pri­viledge of Parliament.

All these Gentlemen that were fetched up by Messengers and Serjeants, they might by the Common Law have chosen whether they would have come or not. There was a Knight in our County at Oxford, that was sent for by a Messenger, and he told the Messenger, he had something else to do, and would not come, and said he would justifie it.

Surely this was just about the time they were Dissolv'd, otherwise he durst not have been so bold.

He said he had been a Member himself many Years, and knew no Law to compell any Man to come before the House of Commons, unless they had a mind themselves; and therefore they sent to the King, to get his Majesty's Proclamation, to fetch him before them.

So then His Majesty's Proclamation, issued out at the desire of the Commons, is of Force; but when sent out by him­self is worth nothing at all.

Why so?

Because I remember there were several sent for in Cu­stody, for obeying the King's Proclamation against Petitions, and brought to their Knees: If therefore that had been a good Pro­clamation, why should any body have suffer'd for it? And for any thing I know, if his Majesty should have made a Proclamati­on to fetch up that Knight, or any body disobeyed their Messen­ger, it had deserved as much to have been disobeyed as that a­bout Petitions, unless the House of Commons can make a Procla­mation, contrary to Law, a good one, as this would have been: For, what need had they of the King's Proclamation, if there had been Law to have fetched those men before them.

Now if those Men were fetched up, did dare to sue, and the Lawyers did dare to do their Office, and the Judges did dare to give Judgment, I am of Opinion they might bring Acti­ons of false Imprisonment against the Messengers that fetched them up: For if they had not full Power to punish those who did not obey them, then surely those who were fetched had wrong done them.

But I dare assure thee, neither Lawyer nor Judge dare meddle with any such matter: If any of these Gentlemen would be so ventersome, they will find no Law to stand against the Votes of the Commons, till they find they are as much brought under, as they say Harry the Eighth brought them; they durst not prate in his Days, as now they do.

What did he do?

I have heard a Fellow of Maudlin Colledge, say, he tumbled them, and made them do what he would himself, and not what they had a mind to; and not a word of Tyranny or Arbitrary Power.

But pray thee Will. some more of their Doings.

I have told thee it is without end; and therefore I will tell thee the last thing they did, which was, they Voted, that if any man advised his Majesty to Prorogue them upon any Ac­count but to disinherit the Duke, he was an Enemy to the King and Kingdom: Nay, he was a Pensioner to the French King.

What, whether he ever received any Money from the French King or not?

Ay, though he never received Penny of Mony from him, or any body else by his means or order.

For any thing I know, they might as well have said, that he had been my Lord Mayor's Bull-rider: I have often heard say, that a Parliament can make a Man into a Woman; and now I see, they can make a man into a Pensioner of France tho' he be none.

What then was done?

That very day, notwithstanding all this, they were Pro­rogued.

Then surely, they will say, either they were Prorogued by the Advice of some Body, who, for that Advice, are Pensio­ners; or if his Majesty Prorogued them on his ovvn Head, then they vvill think, tho' they dare not say, that he himself is a Pen­sioner.

And vvithin fevv days after they vvere Dissolved, and a­ther order'd to be called at your Tovvn of Oxford.

Well, for all that Sam's Parson said, There vvas a Par­liament called at Oxford, that vvas called the mad Parliament, yet vvill I be hang'd, if ever that vvas half so mad as this thou hast told us of: For according to thy Tale, this Parliament let nothing 'scape them; to his Majesty they vvould have given no­thing, nor let any body lend him any thing; but vvould get from him vvhat they could: From the Duke they vvould have taken his Birth-right; the Church and Religion they vvould have cast in a nevv Mould; the Bishops and Clerks, they vvould have nevv-fashioned, if not utterly laid aside, banished many of the Nobles, taught the Judges of Westminster-Hall nevv Lavvs, and made them pay for practising the Old, terrified most of the Loyal Gentry of the Kingdom, vvith Serjeants, Messengers, and [Page 22]Expensive Journeys, the same with Mayors, Sheriffs and Bayliffs, Fault or no Fault, taken away Courts and Priviledges from seve­ral Shires, to their great harm, to revenge themselves of particu­lar men; not only hinder'd Irish Cattel, and other Provisions, from the City, but Beggar'd many thousands of Families of Silk-Weavers, and other poor Handicrafts-men.

Nay, these very Men were got to that Height, they would have abused any Body they met with, Gentle or Simple, not paid a Farthing for crossing the Ferry, but said, they were Franke in Parliament-time, as their Masters Letters were at the Post-house.

Was not this then as mad a Parliament, as that Parlia­ment they talk on at our Town? If this next prove a mad­der than the last, if it sit at our Town, I'll give any man leave to hang me at the Mast of my Barge.

For all this, I believe they will not sit at Oxford: for they say, a many Noblemen have Petitioned the King's Majesty against it.

And I can tell thee, his Majesty said, they should Sit at Oxford for all that.

Pray thee, who were these Noblemen that Petiti­oned?

I cannot tell thee who they were by their Names; but he that was the Rump's first General delivered it.

He! thou art a Fool Will. he is dead at least thirty years since: I remember I have seen him, as if he had been alive, in a Buff Coat, amongst the Tombs at Westminster.

Well, I am sure he bears the same Name, and probably it may be his Son; for this man follows that man's Steps: Then there was him that was General of the Horse to the Rump, that I am sure is the very Man himself, and another Lord that sate in the Rump House of Commons, with a Blew Garter about him, a thing was never done before.

That cannot be, I remember that Lord my self, he is dead, I am confident.

It may be then it was his Son; there was besides another, whose Father some say Beheaded the King; but if he did not, 'tis certain he was in Disguise on the Scaffold: And then he that set [Page 23]them on all this, as it is talked, is a little, lame, purblind Lord, that has been a Man in all the Times ever since the first Rebellion, and still turned time enough to save himself, though others were Hang­ed for the same Fact: He now sets them upon all the Mischiefs done, and if he live to it, will leave them in the Lurch.

That's Old usual with him, and yet he's no better than those that stood it out to the last, and deserved Hemp many a fair Year since.

He'll come to it yet; for all his Cunning, the Devil will cozen him at last: All the rest were Covenanters, or their Sons, except one or two disguised Lords.

I hope his Majesty will remember what these men did with his Father, and not be advised by any such.

Well, when all this is said, I am still of Opinion Lon­don is the fittest place in the Kingdom for a Parliament; for there every Body finds their Conveniency: His Majesty his House at Whitehall, the Nobles their own Houses, the Members conve­venient Accommodation of Lodging, and every Body their Ease.

I question whether too much Conveniency for Par­liaments be not hurtful to Business: For when they are less com­modiously served, they will mind their Business the better, and make more haste with their Work, that they may get so much sooner home: Not but that I know, they may have all Conve­niencies at our Town, and sufficient Accommodation for all the Followers of a Parliament that are requisite to attend it.

The plain truth is, there are now-a-days abundance of People do follow Parliaments, over what there used to be in for­mer Times, as I have heard People say: And this London has such New Buildings, that it lodges them all conveniently, if they were five times as many.

Thou art in the right of it Will. that there does more People follow the Parliaments a late time, than formerly, that is, the Scoundrel Rabble of London, who are ready, and have been this Forty Years to back any Seditious Petition; and to come down to Westminster and Whitehall, like a Land-flood in our Ri­ver, that threatens all the Countrey: These encouraged by Dis­contented Members, when they cannot get the Lords to joyn in their [Page 24]malitious Acts, threaten no less now, than they did to his Maje­sty's Father, God bless him: And I think it no great loss if these Gentlemen be left at Home to mind their Trades at London.

But the Scholars of Oxford, are thought, by many, will be as unmannerly as the Prentices in London.

I'll tell thee Sam. if the Parliament will behave them­selves as they ought, to the King's Majesty, and the Royal Line, and offer no Injury to the Church, Bishops, Clergy, University, nor Scholars, and give the King his reasonable Requests, I'll warrant thee, the Scholars will be as civil as can be; but by my Faith, if they find either the Church, or themselves touched upon, it will be a hard matter to rule them: They are like Sea­men, one and all.

Still I am for Old London, thou knowest the King has borrowed many Hundred Thousand Pounds of the City and the East-India Company, and never needed to want Moneys for a fair word to the City.

It's very true; but he always paid double Interest for what he had of them: So that it was a greater Courtesie to the City, to lend it, than to the King to have the Loan. But now that Business is over, they will lend no more Money, but upon Parlia­ment-Security: Had they continued to have been the same City they were in 1660, and some Years after, I believ the King would never have removed the Parliament to Oxford; but since they now are become that City they were in 1640. I think the King does wiser to remove the Parliament to Oxford, that True, Loyal Ci­ty, where every man loves the Name of the King, and that shew­ed so much Fidelity to his Father: Then let the Parliament and the Factious City of London send him to Oxford as they did his Father.

Then let us all go to Oxford, and pray for the good Suc­cess of this Parliament.

A SECOND DISCOURSE BETWIXT Sam. The Ferryman of Dochet, Will. The Waterman of London, AND Tom. The Bargeman of Oxford; Upon the Coming of the Two Last down the River, from OXFORD.

HOW does all our Friends at the Court at Ox­ford? 'Tis strange, Will. thou shouldst come a­gain so soon!

Thou knowest, I told thee, I mostly follow the Court; and 'faith, at this time, he had been a cun­ning man that had gone before it; his Majesty gave not so good warning of his Return to London, as he did of his going to Oxford.

But what says Tom. now to his mad Parliament? I hope he has no reason to complain of this Parliament.

But the Town of Oxford will have reason to complain while they live: But the best op't is, some Londoners will have Houses to set in Oxford, at as good Rates as they took them: Had his Majesty made a Cocking, or a Hunting-Match at Oxford, he had done it a better Turn, than to have brought such Guests as these were.

I heard some say, they were so mad they were called from London, that they resolved to do something at Oxford, should make them be suddainly sent away again; and so bilk the Town of their Expectation.

They say the Town much matter'd not the Court, and the Mayor, and the Aldermen of Oxford, were as much against it as the Common Council is at London.

O, that is because the University is so much for the King, God Bless him, and his Houshold: For this is a certain Rule, if the University be for the Court, the Town will be for the Country, as they call it: Nay, if the University be for Je­sus Christ, the Town holds themselves obliged in Conscience to be for the Devil.

But still Tom. this does not answer what thou said'st of this Parliament, which thou would'st a warrant would do such brave things, if they sate at Oxford.

I must confess I was mistaken, as my Father was before me: For he took once a London Boy to be his Prentice; and tho' he knew him to be a little light-finger'd, and given to Ly­ing and Swearing, yet he hoped if he could get him to Oxford, he could cure him; and took infinite Care and Pains about him, and daily told him what would be the end of him, if he would not lay aside his London Tricks, and become a down-right, ho­nest Oxford Bargeman; but all in vain, what was bred in the Bone, would never out of the Flesh: He fell by little and little, to down-right Thieving, and Hang'd he was in the End; and as my Father afterwards learned, the Rogue's Father and Grand-fa­ther, and many of his Kindred had been Thieves before him.

What's all this to the Purpose, what have either we or the Parliament to do with thy Father or his Thievish Prentice? He was not the first Bargeman by a hundred, that have been Hang'd.

Well said Will. here's a precious Story indeed, and no­thing to the Purpose.

You don't know the meaning, I perceive, of a Parable, or an Aesop's Fable; when ye have taught these Shavers at Lon­don, with your Rehearsals, and at Westminster, with their Votes, Resolves and Stories, to nose their Master, and abuse their Fel­lows, then you send 'em down to Oxford, to be cured of the R— When 'tis too late they are no more be reclaimed than a Sheep-Worrier; nor will any thing cure them, but that which cured my Father's Prentice: Now there's the precious Story you talked of so much. And yet for all this, you cannot dash us in the Teeth with any Oxford Acts of Parliament: Had their No­ses been kept to the Grindle-stone as close at Westminster, as it was at Oxford, they would not have been so high in the In step. I was sure, if they sate at Oxford, they must either make good Acts, or none at all.

A will have it one way or other; these Oxford Rogues learn to wrangle of the Boys, and will never yield Right or Wrong.

Well, but for all his Bragging, there was that done at this Parliament at Oxford, was never done at Westminster.

Pray thee what was that?

There was as near a Lye, not to be the down-right Lye, given to the King, as Heart could think.

How so man?

I'll tell thee, for Example sake, If I should say, it is an un­warrantable thing for any man to pull down Windsor great Park Pail, and ride through to Bagshot Market, if thou sayest this is a warrantable Trick, tho' all the World knew the contrary, do'st not thee come very near to give me the Lye, what thinkest thou by this?

Surely he that did this, had his Breeding at Billingsgate, or at Hog Norton.

But if he had a foul Tongue, he had a good pair of Heels, for he gave Ground a Hundred miles, in a very few Hours.

That was but to be out of the way while the thing was hot, it will quickly be forgot I'll warrant thee, once in a short time, I shall see this very man come in his Coach to Westminster [Page 28]Hall, with a Quoif on, if not a Red Gown. Such mannerly Behavior as this, has been an only way to Preferment.

But I think he better deserves to go up Holborn in a Wooden Chariot, and have a Horse Night-Cap put on at the farther end.

These kind of People do no more matter what they say, than a Dog does that has stolen a joint of meat from the Cook: they only run away for a while, and when they think all's quiet and forgotten, then they come again with as much Confidence, as if they had never done no mischief at all.

The reason of this is, because they never light of the Whip for their Roguery, and so scaping Scot-free, makes them so bold.

Ay, Ay, let a man suffer a Prentice to prate and talk, and the next, he gives you two words for one; and then, if you offer to correct him, have at your Ears, Black Tom. of Lambath, that was an honest, good Fellow, as ever took an Oar by the end, suffered his Prentice so long, that when he would have cor­rected him, it was too late; and being a lusty young Rogue, he threw him o're Board into the Thames; and had not I come by, by chance, he had been drown'd.

Nay, nothing madded me so much, as that the House of Commons praised this Fellow, and order'd him Thanks for his Complement he made.

O brave Oxford still; for at Westminster, they always used to have so much good manners, as to give his Majesty Thanks for his Speech, whether it pleased them or not; and now they thank a man that gives him the Lye.

But pray, my Masters, what did they do that little time they sate; or, at least-wise what would they have done?

I'll tell thee, thou sayest, the Parson told thee of a Par­liament once at Oxford, was called the Mad Parliament; I think this may be called the Foolish and K—vish Parliament: They were in hand to make such a King of the Duke, if he should have Survived his Brother, as thou never heard'st of in thy life.

A King, why, the Portingals King, that they keep a Close Prisoner, in an Old Castle, at the Rock of Lisbon, is an [Page 29]Emperor in Comparison of that they would have made him: A must have had the Name of a King, but none of the Power; nor have lived in any of his Dominions, or within 500 Miles. Would not this have been a brave King?

Pray thee tell me, what have they to do with Scotland?

With Scotland? O, they make a good Title to Scotland: For Oliver Conquer'd it for the Rump, and these being the Rump's Heirs, they think Scotland belongs to them as well as England: For as sure as thou stands there, they keep the Commonwealth's Title a Foot in their minds, though they dare not publickly own it.

How should that be?

I'll tell thee, if I have a Crown in my Pocket, and thou hast a mind to have it from me, there is but three ways to get it, either by Slight of Hand, to pick it from me, or by words, to persuade me out of it, or take it from me by Strong Hand. Now the first and last not being so convenient nor easy: if thou canst use Words to make me give it thee, is not that the best way?

No doubt of it Tom. then Words have prevailed a great way, and will possibly be attempted farther; but if those will not do, thou knowst what follows next: Besides, it is apparent, they aimed now to make a Push for a Commonwealth: For they affronted the King in the first place, as I have told you; then in the next place, they Voted the Lords Denial to Try Fitz-Harris, was a Denial of Justice, and Hinderance of Discovering of the Popish Plot, and twenty Stories more they called it; which was as much as to say, they were not fit to sit in that House: For if they were unjust in their Doings, and countenanced the Popish Plot, what worse could have been said of them? And if this had taken, at the next Vote they had been useless, and then welcome the Rump again; they would only have wanted him that was Headed at Tower hill Twenty Years ago, what did you call him?

I believe thou meanest Sir Har. Vain.

Ay, Ay, that was he, if he had been alive to have joyn­ed with the Purblind Lord, and the Colonell with Cut Fingers, and a few more, all had been right.

Pray thee Tom. what would they have done with this Fitz-Harris, what is that Fellow?

'Faith, I think no Body knows what he is; but I take him to be a Cross-Biter; but if he chance to be Hanged, as he is like to be, it is doubtful he will be Cross-bitten himself.

Why the Parliament were Bloody mad at him, and would needs have Hanged him themselves.

O Sam. thou knowest not Parliament-Craft, the next way Home, sometimes is the farthest about: If they could have gotten the Lords to have received the Impeachment against him, they would have kept him alive, and played more Tricks than thou can imagine; they would have made him Bowl off and on, as thou doest at Nine pins; and made his Evidence good and right in what they had a mind; and errand Lyes in what they liked not: And he had been as far from Hanging by their means, as the Lords in the Tower; only they would possibly have found Law to have Bailed him; which could not be found for the Treasurer Danby, whom they know they have no power to Hang, unless they do with him, as with the Old Earl of Strafford.

But for all their Cunning he may yet come to be Hang­ed; and if he be, stand clear, I believe there will be Stories told, some will not be willing to hear.

Before my Heart, you two are gotten very cunning at State Affairs, I believe you did nothing but listen and hearken after News.

If the Parliament had sate at our Town a Twelvemonth, I would not have wrought in my Barge an Hour; but if ever Parliament deserved a By-Name, this little Short Ars'd one, de­served that I have given it, both for medling with what they did so simply, and medling with those People and Places out of their Power.

Well, but now this Parliament is Dissolved, all this is over, and now they have power to Vote, nor Act, nor nothing; neither and I hope we shall have Quietness, and the Court at Windsor.

It's true, they are unroosted from their Publick Sitting Places, both at Westminster and Oxford; but the Men that shape out all the Work are not idle; that will appear e're long in the [Page 31] Common Hall of London, and from other places where they have Power to set Mischief on Foot.

I remember Gaffer Tompson of Abbington, had a Dozen Men and Boys that laboured his Barge; and to his Cost, he found they were all plotted together to Rob, Steal, and do him any Mischief they could: Nay, would almost tell him to his Face, they would have what they list: He was a Quiet, Honest Man, and loved not Trouble, and hoped, in vain, for Amendment a long time; but at last, he took a Resolution, and turned them all off at once, and got a New Floor full, that knew nothing of the Ro­guery of the other Crew; and then all things went well with him.

He was in the Right of that: For if he had left any of the Old ones in the Barge, they would have corrupted all the rest.

Do'st not think, there are some Old Rumpers has done a great hurt amongst the Members?

I am for a New Floor full, or none at all; there's no Hopes of any Good from Tompson's Old Crew.

Gaffer Tompson had a special Care, not only to keep his New men from companying with the Old Ones at London and at Abbington; but also, that they should not come and Rob him by Strong Hand.

They durst hardly do that; for then it had come to Hangum tuum: However it was Wisdom in him to have an Eye to them: For they met often together, to consult which way to be revenged of him; and however he knew the Laws of the Land would protect him, vvhich must protect every Body.

I pray God Bless His Majesty, and give him Povver to put his Lavvs in Execution; and then, I think, none but his Ene­mies vvill have occasion to repine; and let the Disbanded Refor­madoes do what they dare. Amen.