Pray do, the more you look, the worſe you like; there is enough to make all the Monkeys in the world tremble!

The more Danger the more Honour: Nothing Venter nothing Have: Oh Heavens what omiſſions you made, certainly you are the happieſt man in the world, both for Priviledges and Prerogative! What, to write any thing, whether True or Falſe! to Abuſe any perſon whether deſerved or not: to ſay White is Black, or Black is White, to obtain an end: to ſay Popery is Proteſtantiſm, or Proteſtantiſm Popery; to write one week in Vindication of one Party, and for diverſion ſake the next Monday Morning fall upon the perſons Vindicated; to perſwade the people that its the Intereſt of Proteſtants to be very cautious of entertaining any ill opinion of the Genteel Papiſts: to be a Commonſhore for Contribution to empty it ſelf into, as well from—Houſe, as Ely-Houſe, to write Hiſtories of Conſpiracies, to Correct the Plotters miſtakes in their own Diſcoveries: to perform ſomtimes the Prieſts Office in Marrying Popery and Presbyterianiſm together, and making a modeſt Son of the Church Father too; calling Parliaments the Rabble of the Nation, and repreſenting the Councels and Debates of their Houſe as Ridiculous as the Conſult of Addreſſers at the Wonder! Calling Lord Mayors and Courts of Aldermen a company of Impudent Fellows: and Zeal againſt Popery, Faction and Rebellion: Arraigning the Government, Appeals to the Rabble, and the like: to juſtifie the Papiſt as the Loyal Race of mankind, and wipe off Plots and Conſpiracies, as Aſperſions caſt upon thoſe men: and to excuſe all by vertue of that Honeſt Maxim, It is my Trade, I am paid for what I do.

Stay, ſtay, the old Diſtemper, my Tympany, begins again to ſeiz my Spirits, time is too ſhort a ſpace to Read it in, Il'e give it you in ſhort: I can be what I will, do what I will ſpeak what I will, write what I will, abuſe who I will, commend who I will, and all this without Reaſon, Sence, Honeſty, or Conſcience: under this one pretence of Loyalty, and being ſerviceable to the Church.

What is your Monkeyſhip of the Poetical Tribe, a company of Treacherous Raſcals: you ſhall be ſent to Oxford to Crack Nutts: to ſee a Loyal Gentleman inveſted with a Garment of many Colours, is that a thing ſo much to be admired at: I believe it rather an Object of Envy than Admiration.

You are miſtaken, I Envy neither the great Chair, nor the peaceable thing that ſits in it, but if I ſee a Fools Coat upon a Knaves back, and admire a little, who can hinder me? perhaps I have a mind to give my Eyes a Fairing in an Ocular glut upon ſo pertty an Object, for it falls out ſometimes, that he that is Andrew upon the Stage, is Maſter of the Show in the Booth; or which is all one, he that is a Papiſt about the Middle-Row, is a Son of the Church as by Law Eſtabliſht, at St. Giles's; or if you conſider him the other way, by that time he comes in Fanchurchſtreet, by his Arrival with Dr. Fell at the Hague, (you know the Sea is Purgative) its petty Treaſon then to queſtion the ſincerity of the Converſion, or a kind of making the Government hold up its hand at the Barr. But why Brother ſhould you be againſt the Poetical Tribe? Methinks this a kind of Reflection upon Marchiment Needham, and your Maſters Servant in Salisbury Court, a kind of Arraigning the Muſes, and the Menial Miſſes too: for my part I had rather go to Oxford to Crack Nuts, than to Rome for Filbirds, my Dinner upon a Courant in the Old Bayly, pleaſes me as well as Dining upon Obſervators at Sadlers-Hall, I had as live write for men, as Boys, and keep them Company when I have done; and have as much Fortune as my Standiſh will hold, to ſtand by them.

You Uncharitable and unmannerly Raſcal, would I had but an Inquiſition for your ſake, and my great Chair in power, I would ſoon make you fell the weight of a Sentence that would ſire you and your Courant about your Eears: what do you take me to be Jack on both ſides, one half a Proteſtant, and the other a Papiſt?

A Wit, a wit! An excellent hand at gueſſing Il'e Vow, he has Robbed me of the very Secrets of my Soul. A Jack-an-Apes on both ſide? yes hang me if that be not my thoughts, and that the left is the Romaniſt, becauſe 'tis the Heart ſide; and you muſt not be affronted at my Opinion, for I am under the Conduct of one Mr. L. in the matter; inferior things you know muſt be guided, whether in Eccleſiaſtical or Civil Affairs. When Catholicks has ſpoke ſuſpiciouſly of your Sincerity in the Cauſe, you always had my good word. I challenge ſpoke ſuſpiciouſly of your Sincerity in the Cauſe, you always had my good word. I challenge the moſt unbelieving man of them all to produce one ſingle inſtance, that ever any Ape in the World ſpoke a word in his whole Life againſt the Church of Rome, and I am ſure you are too much a Gentleman to act Retrograde to your own Nature; for moſt of the publick Villanies charged upon the men of that Communion ſince the Diſcovery of the Plot, you have by a delicate kind of Habeas Corpus, removed the Guilt, and with Pen in one hand, and Paper in t'other, Aped behind the Diſſenters Aſſes, and at the Lappet of his Coat fixed the whole Information, and ſo by a STRANGE kind of Metamorphoſis his next Excrements becomes a Plot againſt the Government.

What need all theſe innumerations, Sirrah? for all this is within the power of my Commiſſion, that ſince I know their thoughts better than they do themſelves, why may not I be permitted to ſpeak their words, and to ſpeak any thing for ſuch too, and then Beacon like warn the people of the danger, and if the don't come in quickly with their Contributions as well as others; I will ſend a Regiment or Two of Obſervators amongſt them, to proceed to Millitary Execution, and then you ſhall ſee them Void nothing but Axes Hatches, and Gibbets, and the like Inſtruments of Death and Deſtruction: but who can charge the Genteel and Faſhionable Religion of the Romaniſts, with any ſuch Practice? they are too much Gentlemen to be Enemies to the King, or the Eſtabliſht Religion: to be concern'd in Plots, and Conſpiracies againſt the Government in ſuch low and diſhonourble things as Burnings and Maſſacres: theſe actions more ſute the Genius of the Mechanical Presbyterian, Dunghil-bred Diſſenter, or the Clowniſh Conformiſt, that never conſulted nothing but the Engliſh Bible, Biſhop Ʋſher's Body of Divinity, the Dutch Anotations, or ſo, but thoſe who have denoted themſelves Diſciples to Bellarmin, Thomas Acquinas, with the reſt of thoſe great and Heroick Souls, and have had their conſtant Converſation among Gentlemen, you may as well perſwade me that Endimions Palace is made of Green Cheeſe, or that Veſper once ſtole a Flitch of Bacon out of a Finchly Chimney, and carried it clear away from the poor Ruſtick into his own Region, as to talk me into a belief, that thoſe accompliſhed Gentlemen of the Church of Rome, ſhould be guilty of ſuch Clowniſh and home-ſpun Deportments as the late noiſe makes them, a man may ſweep away this Duſt, without doing any harm to Pavement, Altar, Chancel, nay Iſle, Belfrey or Steeple.

Or Weathercock either. Ha boy Hal, well done Roger, Cokes him Pugg, is this one of the Tunes that was plaid before Oliver? This is a Genteel come off indeed, The Hiſtory of the Plot, The Diſſenters Sayings, Richard and Baxter, Ephraim and Ezekiel; The Caſe put are Idle and Ridiculous things to this: here's an exact account of the growth of Knavery indeed; Certainly none but Colledges Grand Jury can queſtion ſuch Evidence as this: here is the Doctrine of Probability all-over, and the Myſtery of Jeſuitiſm unvailed; without queſtion, this was blown out of a Roman-Noſe: I don't queſtion, hadſt thou but the Phanaticks in thy power, they ſhould all be cut out into two penny Chops, and Stued in a Philip and Mary Pipkin; doſt not think a good Honeſt Church-man, by way of Addition, would not make the Broth and Sippets the better? I believe to ſuck boths Bones would have an equal ſweetneſs in your Palate, but yet I commend thee, Roger, (for its pitty but the Devil ſhould have his Due) its an act of kindneſs to give them warning, thou ſcorneſt to let the Gentry be run down, being with in the Lines of Communication your ſelf, if one may run the hazard of believing you: for one of the Gadburian Tribe in the Antient Bailey (a good Care-full Fellow, tells the world he has Calculated your Nativity, and that a three penny Planet Ruled the Roſt, others ſay it is becauſe of an Apiſh Habit of lolling, that your Doublet is ſo often out at Elbows: Its pitty truly that a Gentleman ſhould be born under ſuch a Beggarly Influence, and under the inevitable controul of ſuch Apiſh and deſtructive Geſtures: but an Ape will be an Ape, what ſays Scoging? who can reaſonaby expect Oats in the Excrements, when the Horſe never eat any thing elſe but Hay and Straw? this is the ſtrenuouſeſt Argument againſt the Validity of the Evidence of a Popiſh Plot, that ever the world yet heard of what Clowniſh and unmannerly Generation of men thoſe are that aſperſe Gentlemen at this Rate who have parts and Breeding of their own, and Perſons of Quality to their Parents? Men that have ſuch Brave and Generous Principles Hereditary to them, to charge them with Plots, is a little hard, I confeſs, and upon a due Conſideration of the Premiſes, I am a little wavering in the matter my ſelf: (here is Obſervatoring for you, Care) enough to ſtop your Mouth to Eternity; but I know you'l ſay, It's either a Leſtrange or a Strange-Lee, and if you do I cant help it, Droll and Impudence are of as comfortable Importance to the Gent. as any Canterbury Divine ever had to his Back: well you have brought the People of the Church of Rome off with Drums beating and Colours Flying, I have nothing more to ſay, I am forc'd to yield to the Strength of Argument: But before we part Prethee lets have your Opinion about this new or Proteſtant Plot, do you think Its Real or no?

This Queſtion Tickles my Fancy, indeed I wayted for it all this while, for you muſt know I have a Double Obligation upon me to bring one off, and the other on, but when I talk of a Proteſtant Plot, I would not be miſunderſtood in the Definition, as if it was to be attributed ſolely to the Diſſenters from the Eſtabliſhed Church; for we have a ſort of Unthinking Church-Men now a days, underſtanding not Articles aright, think themſelves in Charity oblidged to have Reſpectful thoughts of their Diſſenting Brethren: that make a great ſtir about the Virtues of Love and Peace which the Goſpel enjoins. And look upon it as abſolutely neceſſary for the ſecuring the Proteſtant Religion that a good Correſpondence be maintained betwixt the two parties, ſo that I would be underſtood in this Conjunctive ſignification in the matter, for we have People under the Denomination of moderate Sons of the Church, that I can't in Conſcience Diſcharge, they carry it ſo fairly to the Diſſenters, and are in many particulars worſe; and to make the matter more plain, I muſt take up the Clergy too, that make too great Noiſe upon the fifth of November, and will not pay their Contribution mony to a Gentleman that ſpends himſelf for the ſervice of the Church, who to Render him the more Capable is oblidg'd to Dwell after the other end of Town Grandure, and I believe between theſe two, a thing call'd the Proteſtant Plot was begotten, and none but a ſort of Infidels will queſtion it; for my part, it hath found a Room in my Creed already, and I ſhall make it my buſineſs to maintain the Truth of it to the laſt drop of Ink in my Standiſh.