The devil's journey to London, or, The visit repaid Ned W--d being a satyr sent to Physicians College in Warwick-Lane / written by an apothecary.

The devil's journey to London, or, The visit repaid Ned W--d being a satyr sent to Physicians College in Warwick-Lane / written by an apothecary.

Table of contents

Title page

THE Devils Iourney to London, &c,

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THE Devils Iourney to London, &c,

IN Caverns of the black Abyss of Hell,

Where damned Souls in torment ever dwell,

Weeping, and mourning at their dismal state;

Repenting of their Sins; But ah too late!

Pluto retires, that he might espy,

What Order there was, how his Tyranny

Was exercis'd, and his Commands obey'd:

The Ghosts at his damn'd Presence are dismay'd;

They dreading his Commands, amazed stand;

The Furies quake, and trembling do demand,

Great Pluto, chief in Hell, what Force, or Arms,

Or mighty Monarch, now thy Court alarms,

That thou in person doest appear, or come

On some vile Wretch to order worser Doome;

If any here has done the least of Ill,

Tormented shall he be, by Devills Skill;

Example shall he be, that here below,

Damn'd Souls, and Devils may thy Power know:

Thus cringing did they stand, quaking with Fear,

What Answer Pluto gave, who did appear

Stark mad with Rage, which made the Devils quake;

And the dark Caverns of deep Hell to shake:

Amaz'd Powers of Hell come crowding down;

To know the cause; each Fiend now fears his own.

[Page] Pluto at last, to them does thus reply;

My Friend Ned W—d has told a cursed Lye;

Crouds of Lawyers, Doctors, and their Slaves,

He says, are here; Poets worst of Knaves;

Pimps, Whores, and Bullys, and another Throng;

Which now for to reherse would be too long:

Some of all sorts, are here, but if you view

London (I think) may equal this damn'd Crew:

Great Sinners come not to my Court, but they

Send lesser ones before, to make the way:

Besides what crouds come in; my Friend Ned W—d

Must have a place for him, and all his Guard

Of Scribling Poets; who do spy the Town,

Nay, Hell its self; (because it is their own)

Since my Friend now has twice been so civil;

To Journey down to Hell to see the Devil;

We must repay his visit, its unkind

His Tripps, and Journeys not at all to mind;

If we don't visit now as heretofore,

The Sot takes pet, by chance comes no more;

For ye all know, it is my constant way;

When Strangers do come here, I make them stay,

They're welcome as my self, this place is free,

As in Begining, to Eternity:

But him I did let go, for I knew well,

There's ne're a place, so fit for him as Hell:

The second time, I let the Knave pass on

For pitty sake, since that he Lives upon

The Spying Trade. But to the Court its known,

Next time he comes, the Devil knows his own:

[Page]

[Page]

[Page]First I intend a Journey for to take,

In Charons Boat, I'le cross the Stygian Lake:

And see how fares old England, Why main't I

The Earth, as well as they, dare Hell espy?

What Mortal can resist—

Just as he spoke in comes a sorry Tribe,

Of Lawyers Clients, who for want of Bribe;

And Doctors Patients, whom 'twas their Mishaps,

By trusting Warwick-Lane to cure their Claps,

To post to Hell, some sleep to death, some kills,

The misinterpreting their Doctors Bills:

Pluto asks whence they came, that he might know

His Friends above, as well as them below.

When all is told, crys, See there, make Room,

Then orders each Man what shall be his Doom;

I am ungrateful, if I should deny

That to the College, I'm oblig'd so high;

But as they come, I strive to quit the Score:

They daily by their Trade oblige me more,

Than Woman Doctor, Quack, or pocky Whore.

Pluto now ready strait with speed sets out;

Hells Gates are open'd, the Infernal rout

Of damned Fiends, come Crowding thick about,

To know their orders, who the Scepter sways,

While Pluto's gone to fetch some greater Preys.

Cerberus barks, and round the damned flys;

Until at last great Pluto there espyes,

Then silent by his word, he down him lyes.

[Page]The fiery Sulphurous waves doe rise,

As if they durst almost to touch the Skies:

Dam'd Souls all smear'd with Sulphurous Flame,

Colder then Ice, but burning in the same;

While Devils, with their Forks strives to asswage,

Their own dam'd Torment, shew their utmost rage;

That's ease of all their Torments, when that they

Other Torment; whose sins made them a prey

To Devils, Spirits, damn'd before the fall

Of Adam; for whose sin we suffer all:

What Mortal safe can be from their damn'd spite,

Since they in Heaven durst with God to fight.

Pluto takes care of all, and does Commend

The Care of Hell, to his chiefest Fiend;

Tell them he's sure, his Labour won't be lost,

His London Journey sure will quit his Cost.

Then this black Prince, with his Curst Hellish Crew,

Like Lightning in the Air so swift he Flew

Over Hills, and Mountains which did over run

With those Men's blood; who were by sin undon.

Now past the dismal dark Eternal Night,

The gloomy Light appears to their Sight:

The Sulphur stunk upon the cursed Shore:

There might be hear'd the damn'd Spirits roar.

Pluto sends back the Infernal Spririts, he

Takes only one to bear him Company,

In his Adventure, orders to retain,

Ned W—d if he comes Spying here again.

Now come to the River Side they hollow,

Like Thunder, now the damn'd Spirits bellow

[Page]For Charon, that he would the River cross,

And bring his Boat, for Pluto fears the loss

Of time, he long'd to be at's Journey end,

To see Ned W—d his dear and loving Friend.

Charon (a lazy Dog) himself down lay

The other Side, that he might pass away

The time, waiting till Hermes now does bring

Sad Souls, the Place he us'd to take them in:

He hears a Noise sound from the other Side;

Thinks he this is some of the last curst Tribe,

Pluto's Court that went, their gone Astray;

They want Ned W—d to put them in their way.

Charon bethinks himself to see if none,

Had Stoln from Pluto's Court, and 'twas unknown:

Slily he rows back his Boat, that he might Spy,

Who twas that there; then answers by and by,

I'le wait on you, Pox take you there Tarry,

Am I your Spaniel Dogto fetch and Carry:

Though I wait here to carry Souls from hence,

I bring none back, that is the future Tense,

Nor like to Docters, Lawyersunjust Fee

Will take, but True to Plutoever be.

The Angry Devil now with Rage Possest,

Retarding of his Journey, strait he Curst

Charon his Servant, to be damn'd for Ever,

In the deep lake of Fire, and that he ne're

Should thence return; but there remain to be

Tortur'd as damn'd to all Eternity:

[Page]How dares he not his Masters great Command

Obey? Who dares the Devil here withstand?

The burning Flames did shine now from his Eyes,

Charon he finds it's Pluto, and he Fly's,

With all the speed he Rows unto the Shore;

With thick fetch Strokes, he presently is ore.

When Angry Pluto Charon doth come near,

He Trembles, first could not Speak for Fear;

But on his Knees, that Pardon'd he might be,

He Beggs, and Prays, Cause Ignorant that he;

The mighty Prince of Hell, did now design

To Cross the Stygian Lake, therefore not mine

I Begg the Fault may be, for no more I

Will dare to offer such Indignity;

But ever, will remain a Constant Slave

To Pluto's Court, O Pardon let me have!

Pluto says nothing, but in hast does make

Into the Boat, Commands him strait to take

His Oars, to the other Side to Row;

When he come back he does intend to Show;

What for his Crime shou'd be his Punishment,

Till then he ought to rest himself Content.

Like Angry College, who possest with Rage;

All Pharmacy could not the same Assuage;

We finding now our Fees begin to Cease;

And by degrees our Practice to Decrease:

Of Bankrupt Docters there is now such store;

That we'le be Glyster driver who before,

Was look on Docter: (Ah sottish Fools)

Leave our Practice to inspect close Stools,

[Page]When Doctors Prescribe and attend your A—,

Poets I hope will to the World rehearse,

And Justice to the World will sure Proclaim:

The Pharmark Art deserves the Doctors Name:

Poor Wretches we since College Trade decline:

What would we give, that we the first design

Had Crusht, and not so basely steal a Trade,

For now we find deservedly we made

A Rod for our Backs, they ye're our Friends,

And we knew well they had no other ends:

Those that in Coaches Ride, ful oft did goe

To their full Tables, but at Lord Mayors Show,

And other Treats, what Crowds come sharping then,

Ah Doctors, Doctors were ungrateful Men.

My Pen cant help the setting forth your Crimes,

I'le place them down for all succeding Times,

As Felon burnt in Cheek, to their Disgrace,

About their Neck, these Lines or worse we place,

The Colleges were they were bred Asham'd,

To own these Monsters they have so defam'd

That Place, true Doctors shun them as the Itch,

The Plague, the Scab, or nasty Pocky Bitch,

Which they pretend to Cure.

So Pluto, Charon does to Hell decree,

For his good Service, and his Constancy,

This mighty Prince set on the other Side,

Resolves for London now what ere betide,

Ore Hills, and Mountains with his Imp he goes,

He fly's so quick through Vallies, Plains ▪ that those

[Page]Which were his Friends, he might this once regard,

Being pleas'd to think of Visiting Ned W—d,

Prepar'd he was with Gold, which can controul

All Mortal Men; for that can buy the Soul,

When all Delusions, Cheats do prove but frail

That sure and certain, and does never fail.

What Murders, Rapes, to get it doe we chuse?

That rules our Hearts, we durst it not refuse:

O cursed Mineral! from whence didst thee

Derive thy self? vvhat Mortal now can be

Secure from all thy deadly poys'ning Charms?

Thou Curse of curses! who so oft Alarms

Poor Mortals Souls. from thee there is none free;

Those that possess, or unpossessed be:

Not Argos Eyes, Briareus hundred Hands,

No Earthly Monarch ever thee withstands,

If thou but shows'st thy self, we strait Comply,

Thou'rt like to Death, none can your claim deny

Pluto himself knew well what Arms to use;

What Mortal doe Reject and what they Choose

He ask't that Spy, when he was last in Hell,

Or else by old Tradition he could tell;

His Imp he orders, Charges that he stray

About the Town, to get as great a Prey

As he could get; now they are at the Place,

Where one crys Smoke the Beau, what with that Face?

And now begin the Devil to Disgrace;

Another calls out Sir, Pray take a Chaire,

A Coach Sir, you Son of a Whore my Fare,

The Noise so great the Devil could not tell;

Whether they make a greater here, or Hell.

[Page]Next Scene is shovv'd two Fopps does strait Appear,

Their Wiggs Perfumed, and so full of Hair;

Their empty Heads were loaded so for fear,

Least some should steal their Brains out of their Ear▪

The blinded Braves with Powder, can't agree,

This takes the Wall, the other thought that he

Deserv'd it better, Damns him, and Swears strait,

Before he goes, shall Satisfaction make.

The other Swears, and out he whipps his Sword,

Abuse a Gentleman, upon my word:

I'l make you know, and Satisfaction give,

As you desire, you Dog, if I doe Live,

Off goes the Wiggs the Swords begin to Clatter,

In comes the Mobb to know what is the Matter,

Part them crys one, another crys no, no,

VVho dares presume to touch a Powder Beau,

The Fray does end one's Kill'd, the other sent

To Newgate, where the Quarrel to repent:

The Beau now parts with Wigg, Sword, Coat for they

Must bribe the Jury, pay the Goalers fee;

At last comes out like Aesops Bird unknown,

To Beaus, and Bullys, Whores they will not own:

This Tatter'd Rake till he can someway get,

In Drapers, Cutlers, Barbers, Taylors Debt;

These easy Knaves are quickly put upon,

Their Profit is so great, that few, or none,

VVill here deny to trust you, though unknown.

These Beaus says Pluto in my first Troop Ride,

They go to Hell themselves without a Guide:

[Page]I need not teach them, for I now may see

They know the way to Hell, as well as me.

I'le leave this Crew, and further I will goe,

Seek out my Spy, and he I'm sure will show

The ways of London Tricks, and all their feats,

He knows them well cause uses all their Cheats;

The Devil hunts the Town to find his Spark;

Ranges from Aldgate to St. James's-Park;

Not knowing whom to ask, or what to do,

Vext was he, that he lost his labour so:

Spent all his Time in vain, but he is known,

To all the Sharpers, Bullys, in the Town:

Therefore I think there is no need to doubt,

But I in time may find this Sharper out,

He Strays about, till Newgate he comes to,

Goes up, and asks one of the Theving Crew,

Ned W—d's Lodging if such a one he knew,

Yes, yes, replyed he, I know him well;

I'ts he you mean that has been twice in Hell,

The same the Devil cry'd b'ing glad to hear

That like to Speed. I hope old Friend you bear

No harm against him, says the other, I

Do think he is, and none can here deny,

The best of Sharpers he does far out goe,

That Newgate ever had, or Hell can Show:

Well, well my Friend to the Point pray now mind;

Keep strait up Holborn, and at top you'l find,

A Place call'd Gray's-Inn, where if you inquire,

Ned W—d's Garret, that what's you desire;

[Page]You'l find him if at Home; I think you may,

Keep strait along, for that's the ready way.

Pluto he thanks him kindly, so they part;

Farewel he cry's, I wish with all my Heart,

That you might goe with me, but that can't be,

You'l come by turns, ye all belong to me.

The Devil now Directed right he walks

Unto Gray's-Inn, round about he stalks

Staring: He finds so many Garrets there,

He knew not which it was, or how to hear:

Up Stairs to one he goes, but there none knew,

This Spying Knave but one did kindly shew,

The Porters-Lodge; tells him, that he could tell,

He knows us all. (But W—d he knew too well)

The Devil thanks him and down Stairs does goe,

Was ever known poor Devil Hackned so,

To see what Love he had for him that none

Wou'd serve his turn; but only him alone:

The Town is large, the Devil might have think't,

Some greater Rogue, what say'st there is none in't

So great? why then my Pen must honour show,

To this great Master, from whom others know,

All Arts, all Tricks and Cheats, which they have us'd:

It breaks my Heart that I have him abus'd

If that could be: But hark now some more;

The Devil's got a Pounding at the Door,

He raps at first, and then he soundly beats,

Within Ned W—d, he through the Key-hole peeps,

Expecting Bayliff, Debtor, or some Whore

He Pox't, and Bilk't a day or two before;

[Page]To bring her Bully, to her just Defence;

Or Grays-Inn Porter to kick him from thence,

Bethinks himself how for to put them off;

At last he Opens, but was very loath

To see his Visitor. Pluto crys out,

How now Ned W—dwhy you are now grown Stout,

Not know your Friends, why surely you and I,

Must be Acquainted better by, and by,

I come on purpose to see you, what not know,

Your best of Friends, your dear and chief Pluto.

I begg your Pardon Sir, replyed W—d,

For I was now a thinking of the Guard

Of Poets; who against me daily Write,

It makes me Mad to think now of their Spite:

Pray mind them not but Satisfied be,

While I am here, take care and Wait on me:

While I am with you, I am sure none dare,

Affront you therefore let it be your Care,

For to promote my Intrest, by that way,

You'le gain your self a greater Name then they,

Methinks your Furnitureseems very sad,

Your Garretsdirty and your Bedis bad:

This Fleay Matnot keeps you from the Ground,

Indeed I thought in better Case to have found

You, Plutohere you cannot Entertain,

Those that you Visitdo exspect again,

The same returns of kindness to be shown,

Much more me, for thou art now my own:

The best of Places, that in Hellcan be,

I have Reserv'd, and do intend for thee;

[Page] Grieve not poor Nedfor if the World does Frown,

In HellI will for all thy Spying Crown:

Thou art NewgatesJoy Tiburnsonly Glory,

Thou hast outdone all that went before thee,

For never any went to Hellto Spy;

They think it soon enough when that they Dy:

I have not time to Tell, or to Pen Down,

What Tricks Ned W—d did show him of the Town,

That's for the next, I only now will Pray.

To Bless this Poet then I'l goe my way;

Since this Wretch durst Lampoon my noble Art,

It is but Justice that I speak in Part:

May all Deseases Doctors can invent,

And all the Plagues of Hell be on him sent,

Whilst he Lives here, with Scabs, with Sores, with Lice,

Then pocky Whores to Lust let him Intice;

Till he's Pox't so that in him there may be,

All Poxes in the Town, and none but me

To Cure him, When Sponging Bayliffs thumpt,

His pocky Bones, his Corps then after Pumpt,

To Jayl be Carry'd, where let him be Fed

With stinking Carrion, next for his Bed,

On harrow Spikes may he be for'st to lye,

And Drink such Drink, which I wish that I

May make: Let every Star that's in the Sky,

And every Sand, that's on the Shore,

Or in the Sea, a thousand Plagues send more:

When he can't turn himself from Back to Side,

A thousand Whores let him be for'st to Ride;

At last when Pluto no more Plagues can tell,

Let him be for'st, to Foot it down to Hell,

[...]

[Page]To ease his Pains here, which may they be,

Ten thousand more then ever he did see,

Or Fancys are in Hell: or can for me

Invent: That Fools and Knaves may let alone,

Others professions, meddle with their own;

From Scribling Wits all Quarrells do derive,

Till they are Stopt our Nation ne're will Thrive.

FINIS.

[figure]

§

§

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THE DEVIL^'S JOURNEY TO LONDON: OR, The Visit Repaid NED W—D.

Being a Satyr sent to Physicians College in Warwick-Lane.

Written by an Apothecary.

[figure]

LONDON, Printed in the Year 1700.

§

§

By reason of the Author being in the Countrey, at the time of the Printing of this Satyr, several Errata's have escaped the Press, which the Candid Reader is Desired to Correct, Especially in Page 8 and 9 Line lege Cause for Curse.

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Information about this book

Title statement

The devil's journey to London, or, The visit repaid Ned W--d being a satyr sent to Physicians College in Warwick-Lane / written by an apothecary.

Apothecary.

Edition statement

1700

Publication

Publisher

Text Creation Partnership,

Place of publication

Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) :

Date

2008-09 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

ID [DLPS]

A35805

ID [STC]

Wing D1227A

ID [STC]

ESTC R29712

ID [EEBO-CITATION]

11196278

ID [OCLC]

ocm 11196278

ID [VID]

46679

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Early English books online.

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(EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A35805)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 46679)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1439:43)

Source

— The devil's journey to London, or, The visit repaid Ned W--d being a satyr sent to Physicians College in Warwick-Lane / written by an apothecary., Apothecary..

Extent

16 p.

[s.n.],. London :: 1700.. (Reproduction of the original in the Harvard University Library.)

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