ACT THE FIRST.

I, I, do Sir, my Garden's a good boy, he can say his Catechise.

Carry me, and my house too afore the Cardinal if you please Sir, set us but here again where you found us, and I am contented.

'Tis well, keep in your Lodgings Sir, there must be account given of you, come to the next house.

Go, and a good riddance on you, here's a pudder, ho! see if none of my Cups, or Silver Spoons be missing.

Well, how bravely were I made now, could I but light upon the Duke! five thousand crowns! that is to say, five times ten hundred crowns! most monstrous, prodigious, Gigantique, Pedantique, unarithmetical Sum; why, [Page 5] this would make me a Duke, well, I'le go to a Conjurer to find him; but hold then, the Rogue will find him for himself. But then I'le make him believe, I am a Conjurer as well as himself, and make him be glad to go half shares. But hark, I hear talking.

Shall I keep the Cloakbag? or shall I cry the Cloakbag? or shall I sell the Cloakbag; nay, then I may chance to stretch for the Cloakbag; so I may if I should keep the Cloakbag, if the right owner should come with an Officer, and find the Cloakbag; why then the Devil take the Cloak­bag, for never was any one so plagued with a Cloakbag, well, if no bo­dy comes to claim the Cloakbag, I'le sell the Cloakbag, buy Land, and marry a Lady with the Cloakbag, and then be Dub'd a Knight of the Order of the Cloakbag.

I have none at present but some fidling women, that come from Cracow, to see the choosing of the new King, a young Gentleman and a Cloakbag.

Now Sir it seems he hath given 'um the slip out of Muscovy, by the help o' the Russian Princess, and they are run away together; and here he lies lurking in Poland to fit his business; and now all the Ban and the Arrierban, are met arm'd in the field, to choose a King, he's come to Town in disguise, and so there's a heavy bussle, the Cardinal on one side, and the Princesson the t'other, and between u'm both he's got into Lobbs pound, and I am very glad on't; he's but a kind of a pittiful whiffling small-beer Duke; I ne're was drunk thrice in his house, all the time he was here. I can go into the Cardi­nals Cellar, and tye my nose to one barrel, and my horse to another, and tope who shall tope most for a wager; and he a sneaking hide-bound Duke of a Duke, hates the sight of us true Spaniels, that will take wa­ter at any time, dive o're head and ears in Liquor, and he would smell a red nose, as far as a Teale would Gunpowder.

And now he's come to Town, to be King, yes he shall be King, when I am Emperour of Morocco, or Muster-Master General of [Page 9] Bautam: we'l ha' no such thin-gut Kings, that shall in half a year dye o' the Gripes, and whilest he lives, shall starve the English Beer Mer­chants, set a Tax upon the Tap, and an Excise upon Rednoses: and there's one Count Sharnofsky, too, such another ambitious dry-chops, he hath not the grace to love good drink, and yet he hath the impudence to aime at the Crown. 'Tis true, he doth not goggle at it so plain, as Mr. Mumpsimus o' Curland doth; but he doth as I do now, he squints at it fearfully, and he hath an

itch at the Princess too; but I hope the Cardinal will feage 'um all; I hate such ambitious tantalizing Rascals; a loyal boy I have been from my cradle.

Madam, the Guards are broke into the Palace, the Common Hall glitters with naked swords, and hither they are running in confusi­on; escape, or you'l be murder'd; hark they 'r come, they've over­taken me; Madam you'r lost.

I, you may say, seize the Traytors, long enough you might have had the wit to have come with a stronger party.

The Second ACT.

Break down the doors, I care not for ne're a City Cuckold of 'em all.

Murder, murder, call up all our neighbours.

Hold your babling, or I'le set a pellet in the throat of you, I've authority to search your house for the Princess.

A Princess Sir, I'de have you to know I keep no such house, I keep no Princesses, and so get you from my doors.

Do I pay Tax and Contribution, and the Devil and all, to have my doors broken open at midnight to search for Princesses, I [...]le complain to the Councel.

Murder! murder! there's murder cryed in the streets, we shall be all kill'd in our beds; ho! where are you all? light a candle; call up all our Lodgers; ho, murder.

Oh! we shall be murder'd:

Here's a Steel hath as much fire in't as is in my tooth:

Oh! Madam, Madam; I have seen the

Duke, he lies in this very house: coming by a Chamber that had a light burning in't, I had a curiosity to look through the Key-hole, and I saw the Duke walking without any disguise, and talking to a Gentleman, his servant I suppose; and instantly hearing a noise, slips on a disguize, took his sword, and here he's coming.

Oh! thou ha'st surpriz'd me;

I faint.

Strange, what a fortunes, this?

See this is he.

Why ho, will you bring a light here? sleepy Rascals, are you all dead?

VVhere is this murder?

Nay what know I? all the Guards are about, Horse and Foot, this is about the Duke of Curland; I would I had him by the nose with a pox to him, I'de hold him as strong as Mustard; he might smell to a crust long enough I faith, nor should it be four thousand nine hundred ninety-nine crowns should excuse his head:

D'ee hear my Lord? this fellow's a Rogue.

I hear him.

A damp strikes to my heart at fight of him.

Where are these murders done?

In the Landlords pate.

Master:

Master, you Rogue, where's a light? shall we be all killed in the dark here?

All's over Sir.

Over or under, I'le have a light Sir, I won't loose my life in the dark, a light I say, whil'st I go call up all my peo­ple.

VVhat an impertinent cowardly follow is this?

Fear Sir, is natural to vulgar spirits.

VVhat people are those in the room here?

Your fellow lodgers Sir!

Follow, follow, Madam, he is going out.

Come, my Lord, y'ave slept but little, will you to your Cham­ber? or walk abroad?

'Tis too early yet, hardly day, and I feel my eyes a little heavy, I care not if I take the t'other slumber, and finish the remainder of my dream.

Had you a dream? I thought you slept so little, you had no time to dream.

'Twas a confus'd one: of the Duke, and my Princess, methoughts I met 'um in a Grove; and in a house I wounded him; she fainted, and they both vanisht: and a thousand such wild things.

This busie soul of ours cannot be idle;

It must be doing, and doth it knows not what.

Come I'le to my Chamber, take t'other flumber, and then in chase of the Duke, and I'le find him if all the arts of hell can dis­cover him.

Now you may venture to walk in the Garden, all's over; be­shrew me, I tremble like a quaking pudding.

How comes your Grove and Gardens to lie open?

How comes a Wench to lie open, and common? when no bo­dy will fence her? Your Grandfather: you wonder to hear me say, your Grandfather, I warrant. You must know, I call all my lodgers my sons; and so I being your Father, my Landlord is your Grandfather Now Sir, your Grandfather is in Law about it, with the Monastery of San­ta Clara? and did you never see a couple of Hectors fight for a Wench, here I tickle thee, and there I tickle thee; so, sa, sa, Co' your Grand­father, a homethrust Co' the Monastery! and so they fetch one ano­ther with whiscum, whascums, and I know not what; and neither of 'um will suffer it to be fenc'd, and so my Garden lies stark naked, with­out ever a rag to her back; but I keep the poor Jade as private as I can, and suffer none to pass, but those that go between the Counts Gardens and the Monasteries.

There is no speaking whil'st this fellow's here.

What Gardens are those, yonder?

One Count Colimsky's Gardens;

A very brave man, he hath a gallant house at the t'other end; ah! ma­ny sousing soakings have I had in his Cellar: There have I sail'd, top and top gallant, all Sailes aloft, and bravely boarded the French-man, the high Dutcher, the Spaniard, the Grecian; then Sir, there hath made up to me, a Fleet of Algerines, Tunis, and Salley men (for so I call the drunken dogs.) A Saile, a Saile quoth I; strike for Algier quoth they, strike for Dantzick quoth I; then to't we go, and board one another with small shot, pint glasses, and the like; from them we go to Cuddy-guns, and so to Demy-cannon, whole Cannon, and all our lower Teer, Romers of an Ell; and then there's bloody work; here sinks a Galley, there a Galleass; there a stout Frigot turns up his Keel, then high for the main boyes cry I.

What a tedious impertinent fellow is this?

And what high wall is that, that faces to the Counts Gar­dens?

That's the Monastery wall I told you of.

Will this fellow never ha' done?

You don't know who those young Gentlemen are, that lodge in your house, do you?

Not I, they are pretty youths, strangers, speak but bad Polish; I askt 'um when they came, Rosmepopolsky said I, no Rosmepopolsky quoth they; but one may make a shift to understand 'um.

How came you to have any room in your house, at so great a concourse as this, of all the Nobility and Gentry of Poland with their Trains, for the election of a King?

How came my neighbours wife to have any room in her? she was delivered of a boy, and my big-bellied house of a man; and both were brought to bed yesterday morning; the great Count Palatine of Smo­lensko (if you know him) lodged here; and he whipt out o' town up­on some bickerings betwixt him and the Cardinal: he told the Cardinal his own, he made a most brave mutinous speech in the Diett, which is highly applauded, I have a Copy on't in my pocket.

No matter for the Copy Landlord.

This fellow's tongue hath the perpetual motion;

Good my Lord, rid your self of him?

Well Landlord, I have a little business with my servant, you'l excuse me.

I think I ha' lost the Copy of this same Speech, I must run in to find it I'le be back presently.

Heaven be prais'd!

So now I'le venture to him.

Do, and we'l stay behind.

Ha! who's this follows the Duke?

My Lord, retire, here's some one follows you.

Some of the lodgers for the morning aire.

No, no, my Lord, he makes directly to you.

I think he doth, as if he'd speak with me.

My Lord.

To me Sir?

Yes, to you my Lord;

Come make it not so strange, I know you well enough.

Oh! heaven's, betray'd.

Nay, be not startled Sir;

I've no defign but what is honourable.

Surely you do mistake your person Sir;

I'me but a stranger here.

I know you are not Sir,

You lately came out of Muscovy;

You were a pris'ner there Sir, were you not? yes Sir, I'me sure you were, and your name is Ladislaus Duke of Curland.

Ha! he names my name,

How came I thus discover'd?

So 'tis he;

Now I have born him down with confidence.

I know him not, but since he names my name,

Let him be Man or Devil, Friend or Enemy,

I'le not disown it Sir, I am Ladislaus

Duke of Curland; what's your business with me?

That Letter Sir, that Letter will tell you.

Whence is this?

Read, and you'l see.

Ha! subscrib'd Demetrius:

What, is this from Muscovy? where's the Prince?

The Letter Sir, will tell you.

I am now at the Frontiers of Poland; my Errand you your self may conjecture, and I had rather tell you with my Sword then my Pen; which I had done, if an unhappy accident had not confin'd me to a small Village, and my Chamber; and enforc't me to make use of the kindness of the bearer, my Cousen, the Duke of Novo­grod, to seek you. The acquaintance you have had of my temper, will easily give you to believe, that I had rather fight ten battles, then write six lines, and therefore you must not expect long Epistles from me. Then in short you have abus'd me with dissembled friendship; affront­ed and ruin'd me, by stealing away my Princess; your crimes are un­expiable by any thing but your life, which I expect you tender me on the point of your sword. The circumstance, as of time, place, and weapon, I refer to your self; and you may acquaint my Cousen the Duke, whose return from you, I expect with impatience: Demetrius.

The Prince is very severe, and his charge is high.

Sir, I suppose he hath reason.

That he ought to' have been assur'd of, e're he had condemn'd his friend.

Well Sir, in short, your answer.

You seem disorder'd Sir.

I am disorder'd Sir at what y'ave said, I only thought before the Princess lost to all her friends and fortunes; but now 'tis worse, I see she's lost to honour, and fallen into the hands of one that basely disowns her.

You are too quick and fierce in your assertions Sir.

Do you come here young Duke, to talk or fight?

Must it be so?

Oh! murder, murder.

Hold, hold your hand Sir, save that tender life,

Here is an enemy more fit for thee.

What Villains are these?

Ha! an ambush.

Then by those sacred things, by which you conjure me, by any thing that's more Divine then they, I know not of her flight, nor am I married to her.

Oh! horrid, horrid; I shall sink and die.

Sir, you look pale, how do you?

I could find in my heart to stab him.

Your countenance changes Sir, I fear you'r ill, and but dis­semble it in complaisance—pray let me wait upon you to your Chamber.

No, good my Lord, no Ceremony pray,

Sweetnatur'd Devil.

Ha! what is't I see? It is a Vision; Count Sharnofsky condu­cting a Lady out of yonder Monastery, she and her Train all Mask't, what should it mean? my Lord, I beg your pardon, I'le wait on you instantly.

Oh! my sweet Lord;

Ho there!

Madam, the news.

Curland's a Monster.

I'le run and kill him.

No, let me alone, I'le kill him, but it shall be with torments; Steel, Poison, Fire, Racks, Scorpions, Hell; oh me unfortunate!

She's grown distracted.

Lead me, I faint.

She swounes, help, help.

Who should these be?

Who 're these my Lord is gazing on so earnestly? ha, it should be his friend the Count; but what's that Vizard Lady? see, she un­masques.

Where are we now my Lord?

I'm sure, not far from Count Colimskyes Gardens.

It is the Princess.

Heavens! in what shady path's my fortunes leads me? And must I hide my head in Natures Nunnery, among these Virgin flowers to save my self

I die, ah Sir, t'will be a fate too glorious to die by your hand, thus saving of your friend.

Oh! how his passion, like a clap of Thunder, rends her great soul; but ha, they fire upon us, my Lord, you will be shot, a showre of bullets flies from each corner, see some Musqueteers upon the Battlements, the fa­tal Hail falls thick.

Poor men, how dangerously they stand against so numerous an Army? how bloudily they wound the drooping flowers?

The Third ACT.

MArry a Lady o' my quality, and then deny the marriage! oh perfidious ungrateful man! and was it then for this trampled on my self, my Honors, Fortunes, run on the pikes of my great [Page 24] Fathers anger, bestow'd thy life, when all thy friends abandon'd thee, and for thy sake am now become a poor and wandring Exile; and thou thus reward me, basely abandon me? oh horrid, horrid, weep, bleed, die, fall at my feet thou Tyrant, quick, quick, or see this Steel is in thy heart.

How wild she looks, and talkes; oh my poor Princess, how deadly pale she is? now weeps again.

Gone out to see what means these strange confusions, shouts, cla­mours, cryes, billows and tydes of people flowing in the streets, calling to arms, to arms.

But more of jealousie; I listned at his Chamber, and heard him groan of both; his soul is bubling, a little heat would boyle him to a height,

Our Landlord too 's a talking News-monger, I'le go and stuff the fools Cranny with all the rascally news I can invent.

To arms, to arms!

Not mounted yet my Lords; the Cardinal is ready to march in­to the field.

Heaven speed his Eminence, I hope he is in his Coach; for if he was a horseback, and his horse trotted as high as his designes, he would jolt the old mans bones.

I thought what would become of these violent proceedings.

So here's Machiavel, Policy in the abstract; the wind of t'other party blows a little dust in's teeth, and he wheeles about.

You thought, were not you as forward as any one?

So Blunderbuss, my Lord Grand Lubber; be sure if there be any simple knavery, thou wilt be forward enough in it, but thou want'st wit to be an ingenious knave; and yet this fool got the Marshal Batton from me, thank the good King.

As forward as any one? no, I was not as forward as any one Sir.

I hate this.

Well, and I hate Sir.

Nay Sir, ben't so passionate, farewel to you; I'le stand by the Cardinal my self.

So, these Lords will go to cuffs about State you shall see; come my Lords, no dissentions, we have enemies enow.

Sir, I am as ready to draw my sword i'th' Cardinals defence, as he can be.

No doubt, no doubt my sweet noble Lord, all the world knows you'r Royal, Wise, and Valiant. My sweet Count Simpleton, all the world knows you to be a Coxcomb, and so do I: well, I am so out o' humour, I could hate all mankind.

Then what need all this quarrelling among our selves?

Enough o' this my Lord; I must reconcile 'um for my own ends, or else they might fight and hang.

Well, what shall we do with these impertinent women that are engaged against us?

Is your Lady amongst 'um my Lord?

I, I have an impertinent Hen amongst 'um, that would crow o're all the Cocks in the Kingdom, if she could.

Sha's reason, for half the Cocks in the Kingdom have crowed 'ore her.

They'l have the wit to keep out o' dander. By this time the Cardinal is ready, bid 'um sound to horse.

So, thus am I forc't to soader 'um together to keep our rotten building from falling in pieces, till I requite the kindness of the King upon his Daughter, for opposing me in all the Offices of State, I stood candidate for, Great Seal, Gold Key, preferring these, and eve­ry Phlegmatick fellow before me; and now 'tis I have rais'd all this storm, and the overwise Cardinal thinks to make me a Tool in his De­sign, and I make him an Instrument in mine.

This is pretty, the women in arms; ha, ha! is thy Mistress amongst 'um, she with the high Roman Nose?

I, and thine too, she with the low flat French Nose.

Ha, ha, how I shall laugh to see the little pretty uptails come to make a home-thrust at a man; prethee let's follow our Lords, and see this desperate Camp.

But first let's arm, back and breast, bodkin proof.

Not one face here that doth resemble his.

My Lord, you'l be observ'd.

Stand back Battista? I'le view 'um all; and if thou dost provoke me, I'le fight 'um all.

Let all the gazing crouds withdraw, and place strict Guards about the Tents.

Come let's withdraw in time among the crowd.

A Traytour, you Mercenary slaves.

Oh Gods, what work is here?

Deliver, Sir!

Who employ'd you Sir, on so wise an errrand?

A thing, which I'm afraid Poland ne're heard of yet, cal'd Ho­nour; 'tis to seek a person hid in your false Cabals, as false as they.

The youth's distracted.

This generous person is but a stranger, one of high quality, and only comes in curiosity to see th' election.

Sirrah, you lie; I come to seek the Duke, and I will have him here, or fire their Tents about their ears.

He is a little craz'd, he hath his liberty, conveigh him home, and send for one of my Physicians to him.

I humbly thank your Highness.

Am I your Buffoone then? send your Physicians to me.

Go young Sir, another time you shall be welcome hither, at pre­sent Sir, indeed you must excuse us.

Take notice Sir, I will revenge th'affront when y'are a King, at present you are all beneath my anger.

What a mad fiery youth is this?

In th'interim I'le divertize my self and these noble Ladies; Command my Musick to sing a song of Triumph:

Madam, the Cardinal's come into the Feild, and all the Lords that joyn with him.

We have a braver appearance then could b' expected on so little warning.

Madam, the Cardinal desires to treat in person with you, and demands caution, for the security of himself and those that shall attend him.

Let sufficient caution be given.

Open to the right and left to make way for the Cardinal.

Offer to let my Master go out in this condition?

I could not hold him Sir, he would go out whether I would or no; but there's no danger, his wound's not great, nor was the ar­row venom'd, as first you fear'd.

Nay, I thought 't would be as I said, the Count is to be King, and marry the Princess: How now, where's your Master? I've news for him.

Get you gone with your news you prating bufflehead, or I'le set you down stairs; come here with your news?

Prating Bafflehead; and you'l set me down stairs? do you know who you speak to, Sirrah? come, come, you lie, you lie, you don't know who you speak to, and you'r drunk Sirrah, you would not talk to me at this rate else Sirrah; get me down stairs with my news Sirrah? I'de have to know, the best men in the Kingdom are glad of my intelligence, you drunken rascal you.

Yes, no doubt you have all the intelligence—pray Mr. Corantoe-Master-General, what may your Envoyes and Spies in Forraign Courts cost you yearly?

What may they cost me Sir? pray what may your Envoyes and Spi [...]s which you maintain with the Duke of Gally-pots, Count Pa­latine o' Glister-pipes, Marquess o' Mouth-glue, and Baron o' Bathing­tubs, for the support o' your rotten body politick, cost you yearly? ha, Sir-Ragmanners, my intelligence comes from better men then you or your Master either. I met no less now (because you prate) then six Lords of my old acquaintance coming out of the field together all of a knot.

What knot? a bow-knot?

A bow knot saucy-chops; when did you see six Lords tyed of a bow-knot? ha! can you tye your nose of a bow knot? you had not best provoke me sirrah; but so, here comes my man, now it shall be seen whether I am a lyer or no.

How, not here! where did we loose her?

I'le hold a wager the person we met in the Cloak was the Duke, and she went after him somewhere, and is lost in the crowd.

Come, come Sir, you Mr. Peagoose that stand peeping there, pray Sir thrust in your nose a little further, I have some employment for you.

The Rogue will discover all my design, and render us suspi­cious to the Duke's servant, I am afraid, come in Alexey and help me to out-face the fool.

Come Sir, did not you hear in the field, as much as to say, as if the Count was to be made King, and to marry the Princess? come an­swer directly to the point; why don't you speak Sir?

Who, me do you mean?

I, you sir, who should I mean else?

I hear it, how should I hear it? was I in the field to day?

Why, you impudent stinking lying Rascal, you won't tell me such a lie, will you?

You mistake me Landlord, and ha' met some body like him.

No sir, I don't mistake; I can see, when I see, surely, I don't carry my eyes in a Hand-basket, and more then that, 'cause he goes to't, he's the very man, and no other, from whom I'de all this news now.

Is this your six Lords of a knot you Ninny? I see you can invent for a need.

Oh, a most grievous impertinent lying fellow, I'm so plagu'd with him sometimes!

Hark you Landlord, are not you troubled with a dizziness in your Noddle, a Megrim sometimes; I am afraid you eat too much mu­stard, and such hot things.

Some snush would purge your simple brain.

A little more would make me run distracted, don't you tell me,o' your Megrims, your Snush, and your Mustard, a company of Ras­cals: Sirrah, did not I meet you coming out o'th' field, and I ask't you what news, 'cause I was loath to go farther, 'cause I was to go buy a pole o'Ling for the womens dinner that lie in my house here; and you told me all this bibble babble, and bid me go no farther, but go to my Lodgers with it, deny't if you dare sirrah, I'le promise you if you do, I'le churn those Buttermilk-chops o' yours, and let your Master take it off; I care not if you and your Master both get out [...] my house, I can ha' customers for my rooms.

Come, enough o' this Landlord.

I han't enough Sir, I won't be made a lyar on

Why, what a troublesome fellow art thou?

And what a troublesome fellow art thou? I won't be born down by a company o' saucy Valets that are good for nothing but to twirle a whisker, and a shave the crown o' some Sir Nicolas Emptipate his Master, and be kickt thrice a day for a cast suit, and Bread and Cheese.

Come Landlord, I perceive you are abusive; this is not to be endured, you must be corrected out o' this humor, it will be for your good another day; and now our Masters backs are turn'd, we'l make bold to give you a tast of our Parmesau.

And I [...]le give him one lick for the sake of his Corantoes: Come Sir, since you 'r so good at Corantoes, pray let's see how you can dance a Coranto, come; up with your news quikcly.

Rogues, you won't murder me, will you?

On the fourteenth instant, at the Port of Hucklebone, was drove in by storm a Vessel call'd the Royal Cudgel bound for back, bum, belly, noddle, or any part of the Kingdom of Coxcomb.

And near the same Port another.

And another laden with Snush, for the cure of the Me­grim.

They'l kill their Landlord.

Pray Gentlemen—

How now Sirrah? do you prate, shaver o' shin-bones, Drawer of Gum-stakes, Grafter o' broken Stilts, Trapanner o' crackt Coxcombs, I'le teach you more manners.

Murder, murder.

See our Lords.

And is it thus? come Theodore, my Sword.

Oh heavens, what is't I hear?

Come Sir, I know they'r wrong'd, by the fond talking world: they'r constant, generous, they'r Angels, Angel's, not a pound o' flesh about 'um Sir; and doth it sting thy soul? crawl, crawl about

his heart (thou Serpent jealousie) until he foames with poyson.

Heavens! I fear something is strangely amiss with

with the young Duke, he hath talk't all day at this distracted rate. What should the reason be? some secret sorrow sets heavy on him; but I'le take no notice. Come Theodore.

My Lord, upon my knees—

The Fourth ACT.

But see Prince Radzevile, Commander of the Transilvanian horse; what news from the dead? did not I see thee fall under thy horse feet?

Never did such a gale of fortune blow, I'le sail in tides of blood up to their Tents, and take the Duke o' Curlands Mistress prisoner, carry her to Moscow, and keep her captive till Poland ransomes her with Curlands blood; follow brave men.

Must we not only fight with men, but Devils? Radzevile Commander of the Transilvanian horse, who fell by my sword, is mount­ed afresh, hath broke through all our Troops, and Stands o' Pikes, and flies like lightning to the Princes Tent, and doth greater things, now dead, then living. Pursue the Warlike Ghost; all, all to the Princes Tent—But see whole Troops of flame; (A flame flashes through the Tents) a thousand fiery Spears pierce every way, and a bright Cloud of fire breaks from the Town; what should it mean?

It is some valiant stranger, but who I know not, that hath flown about just like a Fire-ship in Seas of blood to grapple with whole Fleets; and seeing the enemy flow all in Tides up to the Princes Tent, hath [Page 37] set the Tents and all the Town on fire; and here with five hundred re­solute Cavalry he comes to force his passage.

Brave men, I'le lead the way to glory; all, all to th' Princes Tent.

Murder, murder, the Princess will be murdered.

Madam, for heavens sake do not deprive me in the last moment of my life, of that which I have liv'd and fought for all this while;

Oh! whether doth she rush? for shame ye cowards set not your swords against a Ladies breast, your Princess too: she bleeds; you saucy Villains, y'ave wounded a Divinity, th' Americans would have kneeled and prayed to; ye Powers, what are ye all asleep above the Clouds? if ye are, lend me your thunder: oh! she's lost.

You are my prisoner Sir.

You Princess, are mine.

So now shall I have a full draught of revenge.

Now know fond Poles, I have deluded you; I am not Radze­vile, but Demetrius, a Prince o' the Imperial house of Muscovy; a mortal, [Page 38] an eternal enemy to you all; I come to search your General, the Duke of Curland, who like a treacherous Pole, after I had took him prisoner, shew'd him kindness, hath stole my Princess, and I'le enslave his, and the next time I come, enslave you all: And now stand by me valiant Transilvanians, I'le give you all a hundred crowns a man.

Oh! the good heavens, he betrayes himself.

Ha! what saith Radzevile?

This is distraction.

Must I be carried then a slave to Moscow?

Oh, the Princess! oh, this Russian slave!

He's mad, he raves.

Hold Sir, cleave the Rebels head, slaves.

Heaven! what stupid Lethargy hath seiz'd thee? assist, unbind me, or else strike me dead, rather then torture me with such a sight.

Hold Rebel, Villain.

My Lords, command all your men, Horse and Foot, to surround the Transilvanian Troops, and make 'um fling down their Arms, or dye.

Let all the Cossacques wheele.

Fire, give fire; a hundred of you stay, and guard the pri­soners.

Oh! the unruly fire that governs thee, Where will it lead thee?

Now to guard the Prisoners shall be my work:

How am I made the sport and scorn of Fortune, abus'd by Cur­land, trampled on by slaves; and now led bound to follow the Trium­phant Chariot of Scarlet perjury?

My soul is torn with grief and rage.

Come then, I'le ease you both; alas I pity you; but chiefly you, good Princess: your kind Father I thank him eas'd me of many a burthen some employment; and I in gratitude will ease your shoulders of such a weighty head laden with sorrow.

Oh bloody Villain!

Insolent slave; dares such a thing as thee threaten a Princess life?

Barbarous Dogg, bring me but to him, I le kick his dirty soul out of his body.

I'le snap thy saucy head from off thy shoulders first. Guards kill the prisoners, I'le not allow the formality of praying; and he that asks what Orders I have for it, let 'um know, I wear my Orders by my side; this is my Cardinal, Senate, and my King, off with their heads, his crooked Majesty com­mands it.

Thou Monster of mankind, hast thou no sense of pity or huma­nity, nor of thy own, nor of thy Countries honor, which such a hor­rid act will render infamous to all the world? here quench thy barbarous thirst of blood with mine, open all my veins, take my life, my fortune, honour, all I have, but spare, oh spare the Daughter of thy King.

No more my Lord, swell not the Villains pride by falling pro­strate to it; Quick Hypolita, give me a Ponyard.

Fetch a Wrack, an Engine, I'le torter him to death: But ha! more sport, de'e come to put affronts upon the Kingdoms.

In the face of the whole Army Sir, Ile cool your fiery in­solence.

My Lord, convey your self away with speed, All's lost; your men are fled, your Tent is plunder'd; the Princess Crown'd, and all your friends betray you; my Lord Grand Marshal's [...]oming with a Guard from the Queen to secure you.

To guard me as a Victim for Sacrifice; I am at last outwitted in Villany.

And let 'um come, I have a friend in private will not betray me.

Heavens! where is she wander'd; and how came we to lose her?

What do'st thou do crowding in here? idle body, come help us to look our Master.

I look your Master, go hang your self with your Master.

What murmurings that?

See Guards, what means that noise?

No Rascals, I remember your Megrim, your Snush, and your Mustard; I'le make you pay dear for that Mustard, it shall be costly Mustard.

Oh! is it you Sir?

Guards keep off the Rabble; take that rude fellow, clap him neck and heels.

Begone, quick, quick, and leave the Rogue i'th' Bilboes.

Oh, good your Honour, I beseech your sweet Honour.

Sirrah, what's your business here?

Nothing an't like your honour, but a couple of idle quarrel­some Rascals that lie at my house, ha' lost their Master, and they'd make me look for their Master; Now if they ha' lost their Master, I'm not bound to make good their Master by no Law in Poland; I refer it to your Honour.

Get you about your business Sirrah, and make no references to me.

I thank your Honour, I believe your Honour knows me, don't you remember where you lay when your Honour kept the fat Lady, the Lady Clumsky? you could make references to her for all your pride.

B [...]gone Sirrah.

I thought I should put you in mind of a reference; I've done an't like your Honour.

Now my Lords, what news of the Cardinal.

Nigh to this part of the field is the Grotto where I commanded him to be conveigh'd, and see the Officer I sent to guard him.

My Lord the Cardinal.

Where is he?

Dead.

Dead.

He lies so near, Torches may shew him you.

Oh, bominable! kild? and is the Councel o' Trent, and Pope Paul come to this? thou must know honest Guard I'm a merry man, and I us'd to visit this good man's back Cellar o' Rhenish, and then I call'd it the Council o' Trent, and there was a great Tun, great Grandfather, or Gossip at least to the great Tun o' Heydelburgh, and that I us'd to call Pope Paul the third, and there did the Beef-eaters o' the Guard and I—

Beef-eaters you Rascal!

Sit in Councel about the good o' Christendom, till at parting we did our reverences to Pope Paul, fall down and kiss his great Toe, the Spigot, and let the heavenly Benediction drop into our mouthes.

You'd have my Halbeard drop into your mouthes, would you Beef-eater, you saucy Cur?

A mournful spectacle; how died the Cardinal?

What a wicked fellow was this? oh, sye upon him! not say his Prayers when he died! how doth he ever think to come to good; my Lord, he was as arrant a—

Guard—

I ha' done, an't like your Honour.

Sirrah, I could find in my heart to Beef-eat you.

I'm sorry for his soul, but heaven's merciful! ah! had this great [Page 45] mans piety been equal to's wisdom, and his many other Noble Vertue he had been a man too glorious.

Nay truly, he had as good a Study of Books I'le say for that him, good old Authours, Sack and Claret, Rhenish and old Hock; come said I to the Library keeper, tap me St. Gregory, or that good old Father a tilt that looks like St. George a Horse back; take his Nag by the Spigot, and give our brains a leap, said I.

Thou hast a mind to be laid by th' heels with thy Pope Paul.

I ha' done honest Guard.

He was something self-conceited indeed, that's the truth on't.

He had a soaring spirit.

Reaching wisdom.

Unsatiably ambitious, and inexorable.

He was a notable man.

No more my Lords; what he hath done, he's gone to answer for; then for the reverence we owe Religion, let him be Interr'd with decency.

And for the reverence I owe burnt Claret, I'le be at's Fu­neral.

Well, I swear this is a delicate woman, I'de give all I'am worth in the world I were a young Prince for her sake, I'de so jumble her and tumble her, I'de set her upon her head, and her heels, and kiss this end, and that end, and all in an honest way too.

These words are of dubious and mysterious sense.

To a Cloyster I fear.

Let's attend her to the Palace, and then meet in Councel.

Well, it's a lovely Creature; I love her so well, I could be contented to be a little Shock [...]or her sake, that I might lye in het lap, lick her lips, and be stroak't, but hang't it would but puff me up, I should be too proud and self-conceited: But here's a devillish fall in my [Page 47] wishes, now I think on't, from a Prince to a Puppy-Dog, but love is humble. Well now, there's a Harvest a coming, a Coronation; oh, what a crop of Dollars will I reap for my windows, and Belcony: I'le have a Rix Dollar for every quarry in my window, and a hundred for my Belcony; that is to say, fifty for my Bell, and fifty for my Coney.

There the dying voice fainted away, by that old wall—no lyar, that was an eccho.

Heark, the Guards are near, I will avoid 'um, and go fetch a Torch, and seek my Lord among the dead, in those pale Groves he is un­kindly wander'd, t'avoid his poor Paulina.

Paulina still; what faucy Spirit mocks me with that name? could I but find thee, I'de tear thy aerial body into Atomes; and I'le have light, or I'le fire this Grove, I, & set thee on a Rack of flame to make thee confess, who, and what thou art? and a light comes from behind that wall, a youth with a Torch, I'le run and fetch it.

He's grown distracted, I must speak to him Sir.

And dost appear at last!

'Tis I; Battista Sir.

I know I might have kil'd thee so; I'm led about with voices, groans, illusions; fetch me that Torch.

A fair and lovely youth walking among the dead; sure 'tis some Spectre.

Let's leave this dismal place? there's a Cabal of melancholly Spirits that haunt it; see two flying shapes come towards this youth.

I think the dead hold here their Rendesvouze; heark, there are more come from yonder Grove? I'm tortur'd, plagu'd; fetch me the Torch I say?

Heark, the Perdues call to the Guard; I'le in my Chariot to Town; do you ride before, Theodore, and get Post-horses ready this night, I'le onward on my way to Curland.

To Curland! Ye Powers, stand, stand, come with the Torch you slave.

Are you distracted Sir? yonder's your Princess; I've overheard their talk.

Yonder's Curlands Chariot, and the slave holds me.

Ha! I see a Chariot, I'le after it, do you go to your Princess: here, here Sir.

Curse on my folly, I've lost 'um in the dark.

Ha, lost them and the Chariot both? curse on this rashness; here, here they flee.

Here, here's a path.

I see the Chariot going straight to Town.

I see the shape flying on the wind before me.

The Last ACT.

WIth much ado I've overtaken the Chariot, and I'm so out of breath I cannot speak; ha, stop't her, by that Belcony! this is our Lodging, it is, and see the persons coming out of the house with a light, where do they go, I'le watch 'um.

Oh! I am faint with running, and the fright; where's Alexey?

He stay'd behind to guard us, but see he hath been here before us.

Oh! Madam, the Duke is newly alighted at the door, and on some news I know not what it is; He's gone straight to the Palace.

Heavens! what should it be?

They talk the Queen is gone into a Cloyster, some say to marry.

Oh! what comes into my head? Joanna slip to my Chamber, and get a Feather and a better Perriwig, and follow the Duke with all the speed you can.

I run, I run.

'Twas here they came; this was the house I'm sure: ho, ho, the house!

Ha! my Landlord, what, am I at home?

You Rogue, you Dog, I'le kill you Sirrah, I [...]le murder you; would not you tell me this before.

Murder, murder.

Hold, come along with me quickly, shew me all your rooms, here's a Princess lodges here.

Don't tell me o' Princesses? the Rogue hath undone me.

Sirrah, come along, or I'le send your Soul before me.

Sirrah, hold your prating, I've lost more then thee and all thy generation are worth; I've lost five thousand Crowns, and I'le stop it out of his wages, I'le not pay one of 'um a farthing. But what will that do? that's some fifty Dollars; what's that to five thousand Crowns? undone, undone.

Dog, I'le set fire on's house.

Will you so Sirrah? a brave amends for my loss; but Sirrah, I'le keep you fast enough for that, go quickly boy, run and fetch a Con­stable.

A Constable, Rascal.

Murder, murder; ho! there Sirrah, come back again, I shall be kil'd: you bloudy Rogue, will you murder me?

Good Sir, don't kill my Master.

Hold him whil'st I go run and fetch a Constable and secure his Cloakbag, and then I must to the Palace after this base cheating Duke. I've a pack of brave Lodgers: here's one young blade, that I'm much mista­ken if he or his man be n't a Whore; and the Duke's run away and paid me no Rent; and this vapouring Jack would kill me, and then set fire on my house; brave doings, is't not? but I'le feage you all.

What Duke's that?

The Duke o' Curland's an't please you Sir.

Curland, where, where, quickly slave.

I chanc't to spy him, and came and told my Master, and for this he would ha' kill'd me.

Where I say, Villain?

Sir, he is just gone to the Palace; a young Gentleman that lodges here brought a Courtier that told him the Queen was to be married to night, and they are all run to the Palace together.

I'le make one o' the company, his soul shall dance Levoltoes in the Aire at the Queens wedding.

VVell, I was a fool he did not let this Gentleman kill my Master, or fire his house, I would he had,—teach him to be labour me for my good will.

So, I have overtaken 'um,

And here's some great mysterious thing in hand,

The Duke hath some design about the Crown.

Knock at the Gate Theodore.

Indeed my Lord, this Courtier is mistaken; all say positively [Page 50] the Queen's resolv'd t'resign the Crown, and go into a Cloyster, and that she spends this night among her Priests, and women in devotion to prepare for it; and now all the Lords of the Council are gone in to dis­swade her.

Knock when I bid you.

Come good my Lord, do not expose your self to so much dan­ger; the Gentleman's misinform'd.

Perhaps so Sir, I only told you what my sister, who is a Maid of Honour to the Queen, told me.

Your Sister!

My Lord, let it be true or false, I am resolv'd to be conceal'd no longer:

I do my Lord, and none will answer within, h [...] there, open the Gate!

What would you have there? here can none come in.

Give the fellow forty crowns.

Here are persons o' great quality, you shall have forty crowns to open the Gate.

Bear back there, Guard keep off the crowd.

Oh, pray Mr. Porter.

I dread th'event, I wish I had not done this.

Take notice Sir, if any mischief befalls my Lord, you and your Dukes lives shall answer for it.

Do you threaten Sir—Alexey.

I hear the slave, let him have a care I don't cut his throat, and his Masters the worthy Duke.

I'le after you all to see the meaning o' this.

Now I warrant shall I ha' much ado to get into the Gate after this cheating Knave the Duke, I must speak 'um fair; Porter: honest [Page 51] old Crony, friend and fellow Souldier in the Wars o' Bacchus, open the door, my drunken Bulley.

What saucy fellow's that? get you from the Gate, Sirrah, or the Guard shall lay you by the heels.

Oh, the Rogue, he pretends not to know me, he knows me well enough; why honest Bulley Cerberus, Corporal-turnkey, Squire o' the house, 'Nointer o' Page-bums, Engineer General o' double Locks, Spring-locks, Pad-locks, and Mouse-traps, open the Placket o' the house, call'd the Wicket, and let's in boy. Dost not remember the Council o' Trent, and Pope Paul the third.

Prating Rascal! you 've a mind to be laid by th' heels.

Oth' cunning Rascal! he thinks I ha' company with me now, he's as cunning! but here comes my slaves, what ha' you set fire on my house yet?

How now, the Gate barr'd? open the door here.

Nay, if I can't get in, I believe you'l hardly get in, for all your brave Cloakbag.

Open the door, or I'le set fire on't.

De'e threaten Sirrah! Guard, out quickly, here's a Traytour threatens to fire the Palace Gate.

Bear back there, let's come out;

Oh, you crowd me.

So, so, you have done finely, we shall have our brains knock't out; come, come, a spell quickly afore they come, I know the Rogues as well as if I were in the bottom of their bellies; come half a Doller or so—

Open the door fellow, thou shalt have fifty Dollars.

If I do let you in, you ca'nt get into the Presence—the Guard-rooms are all crowded; I let in a Gentleman just now, and he stands in the crow'd still.

The Rogue begins to be plyable.

Open the door I say, here's thy money.

Bear back there, keep off the crowds.

Now you can bear back with a pox to you, now you hear o' money; well, I see this money will make every thing bear back, and flie open.

Ah Mr. Porter, we'l give a Rix-Dollar, betwixt four of us.

A Rope between four of you.

The trust is high, and great, and needs many solemn thoughts, and you must give me some time to pause.

My Lords, here is a person of unknown quality desires admission; by's habit we conjecture 'tis the same that fought to day ith' head of all our Troops, and sav'd the Count and Princess in the field.

I have considerd on't, my Lord Sharnofsky, heaven and your own merits design you for the Crown.

Sharnofsky draw, there's one obstruction more lies in your way to all your glories; the Duke o' Curlands Sword.

The Duke of Curland!

Ye Powers! the Dukel I faint Hypolita, Emilia hold me?

Hold Villains! 'tis the Duke your General; what cursed Devil poyson'd the Dukes soul with jealousie of his brave friend?

Ha! doth he go? and leave me thus in scorn,

Guards, stop the Traytors! I le revenge my honour, and the Counts blood; in the interim, carry him out, and use your utmost skill and care about him

Madam, he breathes, and whil [...]st there's life, there's hope, Guards stop the Duke.

Hold Madam, your soul's disorder'd, it must be calm'd with pe­nitence and prayer, before you can be fit.

Heavens, 'twas this the Cardinal took advanage on to breed all this disorder.

I think my Landlord, the Prince perhaps was the other strang lodg'd in the same house: petty humour of fortune!

Nay, I told you Id'e get you in, if any body could; the Rogues all know me as well as a beggar knows his Clap-dish.

Why, what a mad fellow's this? draw in the presence; why Sirrrah, do you know where you are, you malapert lad you? I shall be hang'd for bringing in a quarrelsome Jackanapes, if I had known, I would ha' kept him at home, I warrant him.

O! hold, and turn your eyes on that sad object that there lies weeping, bleeding for your crimes.

My Princess, I'm in a trance; oh bloody Vision! what cursed hand hath done this wretched deed?

What art mad? wilt thou kill thy self, sweetheart? bless me, he makes my heart ake; take the sword from him, fie upon't, who lets such young fools ha' swords, that don't know how to use 'um?

Hold Prince Demetrius! live, your wife Paulina doth beg it of you.

Your wife Paulina; what, I warrant this young man is that young mans wife; why sure my house was inchanted to day, lodg'd Princes, and Dukes, like Mummers and Masqueraders; and Women and Wenches in mens cloathes, and Cloakbags, and scufflings, and they kill one another▪ and they'r alive again, and this, and that, and I know not what; here's work indeed.

Yes, my dear Demetrius, I have charity enough to pardon you, and vertue enough to love you.

Yes Madam, and perhaps with an affection as generous as theirs

Celestial sight!

With all my heart truly, though I must tell you, you'r none of th'honestest to run away and pay me no rent.

Long live Ladislaus King of Poland, and Duke of Curland.

Long live Juliana Queen of Poland, and Dutchess of Curland.

My Lords, we thank you all for this great honour, And shall endeavour still to make this Crown Rather the Kingdoms glory than our own.

Your humble servant; no body questions it; well now an't please your Majesty—

Go, I forgive thee.

Forgive me; thank you heartily: I come to dun him for money, and he cries he forgives me; right Courtier I'faith; but if you forgive me, I won't forgive you: in the first place, for cheating me of five thou­sand Crowns, but that I'le take no notice of (aside Why Sir, for my Rent, and several other courtesies, as procuring, conniving, angling for Trouts; no courtesie in this age; come, come Sir, a feeling, a feeling, and I'le take no notice, otherwise my tongue doth naturally hang so loose,—but nothing is better for it than a little Aurum Potabile.

This fellow is strangely impertinent.

Besides, do I deserve nothing for my honesty for concealing you? I knew you well enough.

I doubt Landlord, if you had, my head had not stuck fast upon my shoulders.

It may be Sir, if I had been put to a great straight indeed, I might have borrowed a little money upon your Nose, or so—

Rid me Theodore of this fellow, and give him a hundred Dollars.

Thank your Mijesty.

Sir, the Grand Marshal and the other Lords desire to have ad­mission to your Majesty t' implore your Grace and pardon. to the King.

Bring them in.

Heaven Crown your Majesty with a long and happy Reign.

Oh my good Lords; what ha' you chang'd your tunes?

My Lords, you have your pardons; your Lives and Fortunes we shall not touch, your Offices and Governments we must bestow on men of better maxims: Count Colimsky, the Batton of Grand Marshal we confer on you: Their Governments and Palatinates we shall consi­der of.

I'le beg a command of the King for you, good Count Alexey.

No Madam, I'le serve none but your Highness; let me but live in your favour, 'tis all the glory I am ambitious of.

Now will I go home and hang one half of my Slaves, starve the other; kick my wife out o'doors, be drunk nine and fifty hours to­gether, breed a mutiny at home, and a Rebellion in the Kingdom; and at last loose my head for my pains, and there's an end of good Count Cass [...]nofsky.

Now let us all go visit my brave friend.

Great Sir, I now came from him, his wound is search't, and is found not so dangerous as first was fear'd; at his return to sense, he seem'd amaz'd, as having lost all memory, how he came wounded so, nor was he concern'd, but only enquir'd about the Queens health.

Brave friend!

The Count was ever generous.

Lights for the King and Queen.