The Welch Traveller: OR, The Unfortunate WELCHMAN:
If any Gentleman do want a Man,
As I doubt not but some do now and than.
I have a Welchman though but meanly clad,
Will make him marry, be he nere so sad:
If that you read, read it quite ore I pray,
And you'l not think your penny cast away.
By Humphry Crouch.
London, Printed for William Whitwood at the sign of the Bell in Du [...]-Lane near Smithfield. 1671.
The Welch Traveller.
IN this Dull age to recreate
the minds of friends and strangers,
Her tell her of her evil Fate,
and her unlookt for dangers:
Was travel over mountains high
and in the vallies low,
Was see great wonders in the skie
that others little know:
Her was a welch Astrologer,
was tell of matters strange:
So déep was learn'd▪ was tell to her
how oft the Moon doth change,
Was tell her of a Shepherds star,
of wonders old and new,
If her have peace, her hade no war,
all this her prove is true.
Was tell her too in loving words
things shall be as before,
When English men lay down their swords
and mean to fight no more:
But all these things her will pass by
as matters light and small,
Her knows not her own destiny,
and that's the worst of all:
For as her gazed on the skie,
[Page 4]for want of better wit;
Poo [...] Taffie fell immediately
into a great deep pit:
Had not a Shepherd stood his friend
and helpt her quickly out,
Her surely there had m [...]de an end,
her makes no other doubt:
Her gave her thanks, the Shepherd then
spake to her when 'twas meet,
Bid her and other such like men
look better to her feet.
No more Astrologer I pray,
was glad her life was sav'd,
Her soberly walkt on her way
and food was all her crav'd.
O her was hungry and cold,
her strength began to fail,
Her had no silver nor no gold,
he tells her what her ail:
Her sold her lowste sherkin then,
but one poor groat was given,
Oh her was then a shentleman,
her thought her was in heaven:
For her had mony for to buy
victual for one meal,
That her might not for hunger die
nor yet be forced to steal.
Into an Ale-house went he streight
here an old wife did live,
Who sold then at too dear a rate
and had nothing to give.
Her sate her down and call'd for meat,
[Page 5]her Hostis brought her eggs
Had shickens in th [...]m, O base shade
these shickens they had leggs.
Her sh [...]kens and her eggs did stink,
her could no longer stay,
Had they been living sure her think
they would have run away.
Her best eggs that were in her dish
that had no shicks were rotten,
And then she brought her stinking fish
which her not forgotten.
Her cast her eggs her fish and all
into her hostis face,
And then to spewing her did fall,
was in a piteous case.
Her hostis cryed out piteously
and called her son in Law,
Who beat poor Taffie piteously
the like her never saw,
Those heavy blows her still doth feel
was laid on her alas,
As if her body had been steel
and bones were made of brass.
The cruel blows did her receive
from that hard-hearted elfe,
Was tell her if her give her leave,
made her bewray her self:
Was tell her how her self was freed,
was fain to use her wit,
With all dexterity and speed
was we [...]her was beshit.
Was put her lands into her breeks
[Page 6]and pul'd from off her thighs
A thing was made of cheese and leeks,
and cast it in her eyes:
Her son was blind, her mother blind,
no boot for her to stay,
Her left a filthy stink behind,
and so her run away,
Was glad was gone from them two tevils
from son and the old hag,
In midst of all those woful evils
there's none had cause to brag.
My bones did ake, their eyes did smart,
and such a stink was there,
Which men could not with all their art
make sweet in half a year:
But now her knows not what to do
her hunger to suffice.
At length with walking to and fro
an apple-tree esples,
The apples did so lovly look,
did move her unto laughter,
No delaies could her brook
Her shops so much did water:
Up in the tree her gets,
the owner came anon.
Made her almost besides her wits,
a cruel fight began:
The man at her did throw great stones.
and her did apples cast,
The stones did so be thumb her bones
that down her fell at last.
When her was down, mark what befell
[Page 7]her hostis and her son,
Came running when their eyes were well
beholding what was done:
He took her up was almost dead,
they laughed out amain,
They cuffed her, and thus they said,
was hope her had been slain.
They counsel took and did agree,
more mischief did befall,
They said they'd hang her on a tree
and I must pay for all:
To escape from this ungodly train
it was her chief desire,
Her cried out with might and main
your houses are on fire:
A gallant trick it was of mine
for to escape her foes.
A man a singeing of a Swine
from whence the smoak arose:
They run with speed to quench the fire
that never was begun,
And glad was her they did retire
that her away might run:
Over hill and over dale
till her was almost spent,
At last her legs began to fall
which wrought her discontent.
And then into a hedge her crept,
thinking to take a nap,
And then her sate her down and wept,
lamenting her mishap:
At last a handsome man came by,
[Page 8]with him a pretty Lass,
These Lovers did not her espy
But set them on the grass.
He to this Maid a Ring did give
which she did well except:
And with a kiss old her relieve,
and close unto her crept:
This ring it seems did prove too wide,
which gallantly did shine,
From off her singer it did slide,
and so at last was mine.
This Ring her much did think upon,
they minded more their play,
So when these Lovers they were gone
her found it where it lay:
Her put it up into her poke
away her went amain,
For why her was afraid those folks
would quick return again.
Now her had got a gay gold Ring
her know not where to bide,
It was fine brave and gallant thing
was puff her up with pride.
But fortune often playes the Iade,
she's seldome constant known,
For why at last her was betray [...]d
her could not keep her own:
For going through a town got spot
amongst some ill-bred Curs,
Her shewd it to a cheating trot
who said the Ring was hers
Cuts plutteranails was tell a lie,
[Page 9]her found it as her went:
But she used such extremity,
which wrought her discontent.
Before a Iustice brought her then,
and there her kept such stirs,
The Iustice said before all men
that sure the Ring was hers:
Her called the Iustice great Boobee,
then her receiv'd some knocks
The Iustice made no more ado
but sent her to the stocks:
The boyes did jear her to her face,
and call'd her thief and knave,
O was it not a great disgrace
that boyes should her out-brave.
Now her hath mark'd what hath been past,
now mark but this one thing,
The man and maid came by at last,
that lost this gay gold ring:
How glad was her then in the end,
though her was but a thief.
Her hop'd that her would stand her friend.
to ease her of her grief:
Hoe shentleman, her pray her stay,
and likewise her fair maid,
Did not her lose her ring to day,
regard her what her said?
They wondred how he came to know
how she should lose the ring,
Nor did they know what they should do
for to regain this thing.
Have you any Ring kind man quoth they,
[Page 10]tell us if that you took it?
Her had the Ring as her may say,
but now her may go look it:
A woman cheated her of it,
her kept such grievous stirs,
For want of honesty or wit,
her justice said 'twas hers.
And can you tell where he doth dwell
that wrought us this despight,
For oft her knows her lives in hell
she [...]s such a wicked wight.
A little boy now standing by
told them where he did live,
The author of their villany
a groat to him they give.
Unto this womans house they go
before a justice bring her,
Where she was cast with much ado,
and in the stocks they flung her:
Now Taffie had his hearts desire,
he had her company.
But when he did begin to je [...]r
she in his face did flie,
[...] clawd him so with her nails
she made him almost mad,
He was not used so in Wales
[...]is luck was then so bad:
More [...]ver as I understand
to add to his disgrace,
The Que [...]n she p [...]ssed in her hand
and cast it in her face,
Cuts plutteranails be shrew her heart.
[Page 11]was scurvey Quean and whore,
His scrat: hed face did now so smart
which made him cry and rear:
Too soon I wisht her here quoth he,
but now I wish her further,
Or that from her I might be free
for fear she should me murther.
The company that stood about
did laugh at him a good.
And very friendly helpe [...]im out
because he pleased the mood:
Now glad was he that out did get,
and left this foe behind.
After they two so long had fight,
and found the people kind:
His scratched face did vex him now,
he thought upon this thing,
But not so much I tell you true
as loss of this gold Ring;
He d [...]d not know then what to do
or where to lye that night,
He wandreth now to and fro
and kept from peoples sight,
At last unto a house he came,
the people absent were,
No man, no master, maid nor dame,
and so he entred there:
Unto the smoakloft climb'd he then,
and to the Bacon crept,
Now Taffie is a jovial man,
his heart within him leapt,
He cut the Bacon which was rain,
[Page 12]no bread at all did eat
Resolv'd to fill his hungry maw,
he lust [...]y did feed.
He fill'd his pockets too besides
might serve him for to morrow,
He knew he must not there abide
'twas as but the fruits of sorrow.
But at the length the maid came in
then he could not get out,
To study now he doth begin
to bring this thing about
At length he was resolv'd to stay
all night untill the morrow,
For fear they two should have a fray
which might increase his sorrow,
Well now the iusty Plowmen came
to feed and to carouse;
As for the Master and the Dame,
they supt at the next house.
When the Plowmen well had fed,
to bed they took their way,
For I have often heard it said
they rise by break of day,
But time brings all things to an end,
now home the woman came,
With her her husband, her best friend
who was a Cock o'th game.
They wisht the Maid to go to bed,
she need not be intreated,
Whilst Taffie on the Bacon fed
and b [...]avely he was seated:
For he upon the saddle sate,
[Page 13]unknown unséen of all,
All be [...]w'd with Bacon fat,
not dreaming he should fall.
They warm'd their leggs and eke their féet,
the man now wanton grows,
For why he thought it not unmeet
to play with his wives toes.
Thou hast a pretty foot quoth he
a handsome leg besides,
A soft plump thigh, a fair white knee
which I have nigh espi'd.
Now Taffie had a great desire
to play the sawcy Iack,
He peepeth down and fell i'th fire,
the saddle on his back,
I've brought your saddle home he cry'd
I borrow'd of your maid,
The man and woman stept aside,
for they were sore afraid:
They cried out most piteo [...]sly
their case was then so evil,
Hoe Cob hoe Rob, rise speedily
and help to kill the Devil:
So when the Plowmen did awake
the best was but a Clown,
They each of them a Cudgel take
and knock poor Taffie down:
They threw him in the fire again,
who was but new crept out;
They said they had the Devil slain
even by their valour stout.
His Bacon fried in h [...]s poke
[Page 14]which moved them to laughter
Whilst he lay broiling in the smoak
and curst them ever after:
He tumbled out and thus did say,
I take these things in snuff,
Pray give me leave to go my way
has punishment enough.
The good man quickly did agree
and [...]eared him with his whimsey
Pray if you come again quoth he,
friend comenot down my Chimney,
The night was cold and dark got wot,
no star was in the skie,
But as for Taffie he was hot
you know the reason why.
He was afraid of every Dogg
when he was out of town,
Almost as naked as a frog
with grief he sate him down,
Upon a bed of Nettles there
which stung him grievously:
What with pain, with grief and care,
he wished he might die.
He all in darkness travelled,
his nettled flesh did smart,
His blistered feet were gravelled
which grieved him to the heart,
Yet he was musing in his mind
what house to go to next.
Where he might some provision find
for nothing more perplext.
Though he had Bacon in his poke
[Page 15]might yield him some relief,
Yet Taffie I have heard it spoke
was bred and born a thief:
When her saw people work and toyl
her Shentleman was born;
What was her think, her horse or mule,
her work no, think it scorn.
By this time it was break of day
and he a Barn espied,
He to this Barn did take his way
his nakedness to hide:
He had not been there half an hour
or hardly sate him down,
But Gypsies came in number four
who came from Guilford town:
They took poor Taffie for a spright
and stood upon their guard,
They were prepared with him to fight
which when they saw and heard,
He cried out her was a man
though by misfortune crost,
That her did swear by good Saint Nan
her wits was almost lost;
Her to [...]d her all her travels great,
and her misfortunes many,
How oft her have been kickt and beat
no comfort had from any:
And all because her would not work
but lead an idle life,
And up and down the Country lurk
as cause of all her strife.
Kind friend, quoth they, you shall be one
[Page 16]of our fraternity,
Our secrets to you shall be known
and we'll live happily.
We live as you do easily,
but have our wits about us;
We never suffer'd injury
nor give them cause to flout us.
I am your servant and your friend,
poor Taffie then replied,
I hope my grief is at an end
if I with you abide:
The first design we'll set upon
if you'l our secrets keep,
Shall be for ought we know anon
when people are asleep:
And what is that quoth Taffie then?
I do desire to know,
You look like good plain dealing men,
what is it I must do?
Nothing but rob a house quoth they
of Bacon we tell you:
Quoth he I was in such a fray,
her's some, I pray fall too:
He pull'd a piece out of his poke,
The Bacon it was warm,
Quoth he this was in fire and smoke
but I had all the harm:
He shew [...]d his burned back and side
his hands and eke his face,
They laughed at his burned side
which he took in disgrace.
They eat the Bacon greedily,
[Page 17]but they found bread and drink:
They praised it exceedingly,
although the same did stink:
Well now themselves to sleep they lay
no dangers them affright,
Most commonly they sleep all day
and do their work by night.
They all concluded at the last
a rope should him befriend,
That when their dangers it was past
it might be Taffies end.
This practice wise men will observe
a subtill villany,
Some are not though their country starve
so they may gain thereby:
Taffie quoth they your office mind,
we'll let you down the chimney
With this same rope, and you shall find
'twill be a gallant whimsey
When thou art down the Bacon bind
with this same rope we give you,
And we to you will then be kind,
and with the same relieve you:
When this is done observe us then,
we straight then up will hale you,
And you do think us honest men
think not that we will fail you;
They let him down, to work he falls,
the Bacon straight doth vind,
The Gyystes up the Bacon hale,
and leave the fool behind.
Taffie we thank thée for our swine,
[Page 18]we can no longer stay,
The Bacons ours the halters thine,
make haste and get away.
They cast their halters on his head
and calld him foolish elf,
And with the Bacon streight they fled,
and bid him hang himself:
Same take you all, was serve her so,
her best dries now are gone
Now out alas what shall her do,
her now was quite undone;
Was find her heart to hang her self,
was take her for a tief:
More misery her must endure
and so add grief to grief:
Or else was broil her on the coles,
as her once did before:
The world is full of knaves and fools,
O there was never more!
Her will stand here, let what will come,
out-face the worst of evil,
Her will not speak, her being dumb
was take her for the Tevill.
Was all bedawb'd her self with crock,
was warrant her will scare her,
And stand as still as any stock
no matter though her fear her:
Taffie now doth domi néer
with face as black as hell;
Her means to put them all in fear,
who in the house do dwell,
Now down into the house her comes
[Page 19]unto the Cubbard goes,
The bread and butter so bethumbs
at last the maid arose,
Beholding there his ugly face
she cried out amain,
She runs up stairs in little space
for fear she should be stain,
Master quoth she, O save my life!
insuch a fear he put her,
The Devils below with his lon [...] Knife
cutting of bread and butter:
What art thou mad quoth he, my wench,
or art thou in a [...]ream?
He took a sword lay on a Bench,
and down at length he came:
The good wife cried out amain,
heaven keep us from all evil,
Good husband come to bed again
will you fight with the Devil?
I prethee wife let me alone,
the man did thus reply,
If that this Devil be not gone
my manhood I will try:
But when he came the Devil to eye
he looked wondrous pale,
His manhood then he durst not try,
his courage now doth fail,
The man afraid, the Devil afraid,
stood gazing on each other:
At last the good wife and the maid
call'd down the good mans brother:
Brother lend me your sword quoth he,
[Page 20]and i'le lend you my aid,
But when he came this Devil to see
he was as much afraid:
When Taffie see them all amaz'd
he stoutly marcht away,
Upon each other then they gaz'd
and knew not what to say:
They dined well mark what ensued,
when as they came to sup
They mist the Bacon and conclude
The Devil had eat it up.
Now Taffie is a lusty blade,
pessessed with strange fits
Made all the children sore afraid,
almost beside her wits:
The children hiding places sought
he put them in such fear,
Lest Taffie who the Devil was thought
would them in pieces tear.
They durst not go to school by day
nor rest in beds at nights,
For fear he should fetch them away,
he put them in such frights.
The women at this matter frown,
and they conclude with speed
To beat the Devil out of town
that did this mischief breed:
With shovels, spades, staves, and stones
they beat poor Taffie so,
That they had almost broke his bones
such cruelty they show,
Upon his hands and feet he creeps,
[Page 21]to shew that he was almost lam'd
And then he sets him down and weeps
his courage now is tam'd:
Unto a Church at last goes he,
to hide him out of sight,
So then he thought he should be free
from all their hate and spight.
Within a Pew he closly lay,
all night untill the morrow,
Untill the Sexton came, they say,
which did increase his sorrow,
Taffie peept out with his black snont
which made him sore afraid.
He like a mad man run about
and call'd aloud for aid:
Two hundred armed men he brought
the Church encompast round,
And for this Devil there they sought,
and him at length they found:
Art thou the Devil quoth they that dost
scare all our children so?
Or art thou some disturbed Ghost
that wandreth to and fro?
No, her was Taffie, was a man,
of flesh and blood and bone,
Was not believe her, feel her then,
or else let her alone,
Thou art a counterfeit quoth they
a false dissembling knave,
Come Gentlemen bring him away
he his reward may have,
Two hundred men to guard him then
[Page 22]with Musquets, Pikes and Swords,
And they were not the meanest men
the country then affords.
Taffie long time with them did trudge,
his heart was wondrous sad,
They brought him then before the judge
where he his judgement had:
He was to stand it'h Pillory
for four long hours or more,
That all the children might him spy
that he had scar'd before.
A many then against him came
running with all speed
And their Indictments thus they frame
if you please them to read.
Will you hear more, in time you may,
my pen's at your commanding,
I have no more as yet to say,
for there I left him standing.
FINIS.
Taffies Indictment.
Inprimis, for troubling the Shepherd to help him out of the pit.
Item, for selling the lowsie Jerken for a groat, which was borrowed of his Country man Pinken.
Item, for casting stinking fish and rotten eggs into his Hostis face.
Item, for casting dung in his Host is sons face.
Item, for casting Apples at the Country man from the tree, when he had the worst himself.
Item, for going away with the gold Ring.
Item, for calling the justice Boobee.
Item, for sitting in the stocks with an old woman.
Item, for creeping up into the smoak-loft, and then falling down into the fire with a packsaddle at his back.
Item, for acting the Devils part, when he put all the house into a bodily fear.
Item, for scaring all the children in the town.
Item, for scaring the Sexton in the Church, for which loose behaviour he was adjudged to stand in the Pillory, where I leave him till the next mad prank he shall play.