MAster Peacock the servant of God, in the beginning of his Visitation, for the space of two weekes and foure daies, was full of most heavenly consolations, shewing by sweet medi­tations, [Page 2]and gracious eja­culations, the entertain­ment he found with his God in his sicknesse, with whom he so much desired to be acquainted in his health.

We are (saith one com­ming to visit him) misera­ble comforters. Iob 16.2. Nay (saith he) you are good, for this is ever the priviledge of Gods children, that their very presence affords com­fort.

Sometimes hee craved pardon for his actions, and for the circumstances of them, badly observed.

Otherwhile, he desired to have some matter given him to meditate on; Fi­nally, hee said his hope was firmly setled on the rocke Christ Jesus; he ho­ped that the Lord would give him a place, though it were in the lowest roome of his Saints, and he thanked God that hee had no trouble of Con­science.

The Lord did not suf­fer Satan to vexe him, in­somuch, that one seeing his great comfort, feared lest hee would be overta­ken with sorrow before his death.

He much rejoyced that the Lord had so disposed of him, that he had seene his friends in the Coun­trey.

Here first was his yeeld­ing unto death suspected, and his hoped recovery doubted.

I thought (said he) I had been in a good estate, but I see it now far otherwise, for these things my Conscience laies against me.

1. I brought up my Schol­lers in gluttony. This some endeavoured to pull out, by putting him in minde of, 1. The preventing of [Page 5]many inconveniences. 2. His well knowne mo­deration. 3. The great care hee tooke for good conference when they were at Table with him. —But (saith he) while I was talking, they did undoe themselves; and further I did unadvisedly expound places of Scripture at the ta­ble many times; and for these now I feele a hell in my conscience. 4. Againe, I have procured my own death by eating and drinking often like a beast, when I was joy­sting up and downe to my friends in the countrey: and [Page 6]now I see before my face those dishes of meate where­with I clogged my stomack. Well (saith one to him) if all these things that you accuse your selfe of, were undone, would you doe them againe? Nay then doubt not but a reprobate would desire to be saved, if a desire would serve the turn. Indeed he may have a de­sire, but of bare willing­nesse, not with an intent and purpose in using the meanes.

Another time, a wor­thy friend of his, asking him how he did, he cryed [Page 7]out, Sin, Sin, Sin! What? doth any lie on your con­science? Yea. What? My inconsideratenesse. I did eat too much of such meat, at breaking my fast such a morning, (my selfe being witnesse of his great absti­nence, could not but ad­mire the tendernesse of his selfe-accusing consci­ence): well (said he) God be thanked there is no greater; as we must not extenuate our sins, so nei­ther must we too much aggravate them; Let drun­kards and gluttons have those most terrible hor­rours. [Page 8] I thanke God I ne­ver continued in any known sin against my conscience: He was willing that wee should pray with him, Kneeling downe he said, He was then uncapable of prayers; Afterward hee kneeled downe of his owne accord, shortly af­ter he broke out into such speeches, I damnable wretch. Those are not your words (saith one), you cannot deny but you have good experience of Gods mer­cy, &c. I cannot. Then be comforted, for, Whom he once loveth, he loveth for [Page 9]ever. Yet Satan took such advantage at his infirmi­ties, that though he could finde some comfort, yet no particular assurance; You have lived profitably, saith one.—I have endea­voured. You are now humbled, and the Lord lookes you should aske mercy. Master Dod was sent for, who being come, they were private awhile; afterward comming unto him againe, Master Dod put him in minde of Gods kindnesse, whereof hee shewed him foure parts. 1. To take small things in [Page 10]good part. 2. To passe by infirmities. 3. To be easie to be intreated. 4. To be entreated for the greatest sin there is now in you; Now for the image of the olde man Adam, sin and sorrow, there shall be in you the image of the new man, in holinesse, and hap­pinesse, and righteous­nesse.

The life to come, might be set out by three things; 1. By the estate it selfe, happinesse, holinesse, and glory. 2. By the company, every one shall love you better than any one, even [Page 11]the best can love you here. 3. By the place. There are three differences between the afflictions of the good, and bad. 1. From the cause, for they come to the good from Gods love. 2. In the measure, as far as they need and are able to beare. 3. In the end, for their good. Of those former doubts, we after heard not a word from him: upon the Sabbath day he desired to be alone; after noone he was fearefully trou­bled, In his countenance appeared evident tokens of a sorrowfull minde, [Page 12]borne up with a weake body; his spirit was wounded, Satan had foi­led him: Those his terri­ble wrastlings with tem­ptations, griefes of con­science, and restlesse ter­rours, none can under­stand, much lesse expresse, but he which felt them. Satan had winnowed him, and shewed him no­thing but chaffe; his ten­der conscience was grie­ved with the fiery darts of the devill, pointed with the edge of sin, and sense of Gods heavy wrath; as through a false glasse, the [Page 13]dazeled eye of his astoni­shed and amazed soule, could see nothing but hi­deously-appearing sinne, and the terrible image of death, and damnation: he had drunke deeply of the dregs of hell, his adversa­ry had represented unto him his owne most gra­cious God as a most severe Iudge, displeased, angry, and chiding with him, yea yeelding him up into his clawes, that so by this deadly stratagem, hee might take from him all hope of help that way: and so not only stop the [Page 14]sensible flowing of Gods grace, and cut the chaines of Gods love wherewith he had tyed him, and would draw him after him, but finally break his Christian soule. O that you had seen, and that wee which were present had had eyes to have seen his seeming forlorne soule, with what barkings of conscience, and with what too heavy burdens of sin, waves of fearefull thoughts, blustering blasts and surging stormes of Gods heavy displeasure; he was tossed, turmoiled, [Page 15]and dashed against rockes of despaire, more then in danger of his soules ship­wrack! happy were we, if neither through fro­wardnesse, nor blinde­nesse of judgement, wee did inconsiderately passe by, or prophanely deride Gods judgements, by thin­king that they either hap­pen casually, or by forget­ting of them suddenly. If we could but rightly dis­cerne it, we should finde nothing more profitable than to have the image of this gracious (though now afflicted) soule in our [Page 16]consciences; hereby wee may see that The righteous scarcely being saved, 1 Pet. 4.18.there is no place for the wicked and ungodly to appeare. And truly we may thinke, that our God even sent it for our sakes, that we (with whom it is too usuall to dally with God) might know, Heb. 10.31 that it is afearefull thing to fall into his hands. Our faith is tryed in ear­nest, when as the Lord hi­deth his face from us; for if we love God above all, it cannot be, but that at the losse of the rellish of his favour, or least taste of [Page 17]his displeasure, our soules should be in bitternesse, tormented, wounded, thrust through, yea and swallowed up with de­solation. It is a wonder to see in the world, how we will ride and runne and carefully will seeke physick, and use dyet by any meanes to avoid bo­dily paine; and how care­lesse we are of the unpro­fitable fits of the soules mortall sicknesse. It is not in our owne power to ap­prehend grace, when we will; and a harder mat­ter it is than we can con­ceive, [Page 18]to lift a poore soule up, that is cast downe with the sense of Gods wrath. If a violent passi­on may so far transport the minde; what may we thinke of this restlesse trembling, when the soul, after long tossings seeth it selfe drowned, and over­whelmed with a deluge of sorrow, proceeding from the everlasting threats of shame and con­fusion of face, in the pre­sence of the Almighty? Consider the body, laden with a burden neither portable, nor evitable; [Page 19]and thence gather the struglings of an overladen soule; Consider a man ready to fall from an high Tower, to the Earth; and thence gather the estate of another falling from hea­ven, with a spirituall ruin into hell. Consider a childe when the mother hideth her face from it, and terrifies it with a bug­beare, and therein take view of the estate of a poore Christian (whose chiefest happinesse having consisted in being joyned, and united to his heaven­ly Father) having now [Page 20]lost his presence; or being affrighted with the devill, as if he were ready to lay hands on him. Consider the estate of a debtor, cast off by his best creditors; and gather that of a Chri­stian being bankerupt with his God Consider the estate of a man once in favour, afterward ad­judged to death by his Prince, without hope of pardon and repriving; and gather that of a Chri­stian, who after his citati­on and arraignment at the tribunall seate of God, stands condemned, and is [Page 21]wholly deprived of ob­taining pardon, and deli­vered into the hands of the devill. The Lord needs not to seeke wilde beasts to punish us, or such like executioners of his wrath to torment us, he may finde enough within us, all the furies and devils cannot invent a grievouser torment then a wounded conscience. One by it ap­prehended, needs not more accusers or tormen­tors: his many thoughts of sins (as if he stirred a nest of Waspes) come buz­zing about his eares; and [Page 22](as a man indebted once laid hold of,) makes him faster daily. His loving friends may stand by the prison, and call him, but he being fast fettered can not come forth. You shall see him, now in his Purgatory (not that Papisticall, sin-satisfying fiction, the Popes Jayle) but that hot fiery furnace, wherein the Lord tries his mettal, whe­ther it be good or repro­bate. And by the way, Suppose he had dyed at the worst, (as in the Lords ju­stice he might) to the hardning of those that [Page 23]will not be foftned, as no man should rather judge him by the inch of his death, than the length of his life; so I for my part, neither did in him, nor doe in my selfe so much feare his death, as I did and doe desire his life. Gods course in visiting his children is diverse. You may observe the courses which God takes in visiting his children to be diverse. Some are com­fortable and without any great admixture of dis­comfort. Others heavy without horror. Others horrible, yet all in the end gracious But to leave any further digression, and to [Page 24]come aga [...]ne to the matter in hand. When one came unto him he brake out in­to these words, Oh how sinfull, wofull, and misera­ble is mine estate, that thus must converse with hell­hounds! He being with those words straightway moved, went to call some of his best able friends to comfort him; to them he complained, that the Lord had cursed him, Being de­manded how he knew it, he answered, Why the event shewes it; It being reply­ed, how such, and such, were cursed; he answer­ed, [Page 25] I have no grace: how doe you know then that once you had none? I was a foolish, vain-glorious hypocrite; it is against the course of Gods proceedings to save me, he hath otherwise decreed; he cannot. Put your trust in God. I can no more then a horse. Doe you desire to believe? No more then a post, then a horse-shoo. I know you cannot deny, but you have sought Gods glory. Not sincerely. There is a secret mixture of pride and hypocrisie in the best. I have no more sense of grace than those cur­taines; [Page 26]than a goose; than that block: Let the testi­mony of your life past comfort you, especially in the calling of a Tutour. I did the businesse thereof per­functorily, when I handled hard authors, I came often unprepared, and read shame­fully. Be of good courage, and the Lord will com­fort your soule. It is ended, there is no such matter. Why doe you thinke so? You shall see the event. God will bring it to passe. Tush, tush, trifles; What doe you thinke of your former do­ctrine? Very good. Let it [Page 27]comfort you; It cannot. You desire it could. If it might. There is nothing unpossible to God. Which stands with his decree: Oh, oh, Miserable, and wofull! the burden of my sin lyeth heavy upon me, I doubt it will breake my soule. Behold your comforts. Nothing to me; I pray you hold your peace, doe not trouble your selfe idly; you vex me, your words are as daggers to my soule. Another time some of the yonger sort said, remember Sir what good counsell you have given us heretofore. These were [Page 28]ordinary. You may see ma­ny others in the like estate. Not such as mine. See Da­vid. What doe you speake to me of David? Good Sir endeavour to settle your minde: Yes, to play with hell-bounds. Will you pray? I cannot. You were wont heretofore. Yes, by a cu­stome, and for vain-glory. Suffer us to pray for you. Take not the name of God in vaine in praying for a re­probate. ‘(There you may see the glory of God preferred before his owne salvation, rather willing to have the [Page 29]meanes of his owne sal­vation neglected, than the Lord dishonoured.)’ Suffer us to pray for our selves. Looke to it. You would now shew your faculty in praying. Can you say Amen? No, but in a cer­taine generall fashion. One prayed, and in the meane time, he rested most quiet­ly; and when prayer was ended, I pray you, saith he, goe hence to bed, trouble not your selves in vaine. Let not the devill delude you, abusing your minde and tongue, I know you speak not these words. I wonder [Page 30]that intelligent Schollers should speake this. We are perswaded you are in as good estate as our selves. One that watched with him asked him, ‘Sir, how can you discerne this change by the absence of God, if you never en­joyed his presence?’ I thought I had once, but now I see it far otherwise. But God deales with you as he did with the Church, Isa. 54.8. hee forsooke it a while, and hid his face, but he return­ed to it againe: and so no doubt the case stands with you. Never adde moe [Page 31]afflictions to the afflicted. Oh me wretch! groaning pitti­fully. Hope no worse of your selfe (saith one) then we doe of you All of us have seene clearely which way your carriage was still set, after the Spirit; and we are assured you will come to the Spirit, howsoever you seeme to have lost your way. To all particulars he would answer generally, I doe de­sire grace; I did good out­wardly, but all hypocritically. One asked him, Doe you love such a one, his most deare (and worthy to bee [Page 32]deare) friend? Yes. Why? Because of his goodnesse. Why then you are Gods childe, 1 Ioh. 3.14. for by this marke we know we are translated from death, &c. Many like for­cible proofes he would put off with his former evasions; and afterward grew more wary against himselfe, either loath to grant any thing, or grant­ing it staggeringly, or (what then?) fearing he should be pressed. He wished that some were put in minde. 1. For their great care for buildings, and too small care for [Page 33]Schollers in them 2. Their giving so long leave of ab­sence from the Colledge, and desired amendment; After noone came a wor­thy Governour of a Col­ledge, in our Vniversity; He requested him to be of good comfort, and to pluck up his spirit. I can­not. Why can you not? Because I have no grace, no more then a stake. Why thinke you so? By this af­fliction. Doe you desire grace? I cannot, (he spake most strangely) I can as well leap over a Church. But are you not sorry you can­not [Page 34]desire it? I cannot. Would you not be in hea­ven? I would not. One standing by said, the devill would if he could.

By the way you shall have the opinion of a much respected Minister opposite hereto; which he gave in private. ‘A proud man, (saith he) will thinke scorne to seeke any good from his enemies; so the devils pride will not let him thinke himselfe be­holding to God for heaven, if he might get it.’

You have (saith one) the testimony of faith, you [Page 35]love the brethren? I did not. Doe you not love us? No. The devill now, saith he, should be cast in­to his streights, if you should grant this. What is it that doth most trou­ble you? I undertooke too much upon me foolishly. I had gotten a little Logick, and Greek, and meanly instru­cted in the Rules, did set my selfe to reade to Schollers, and afterward undertooke often businesse, which distra­cted my minde and body from them, I have destroyed a thou­sand soules. You may see the falshood of him that [Page 36]suggesteth this unto you, you never had a thousand, he puts a false glasse be­fore you; the good ef­fects of your paines ap­peares in many of your Scholters; Oh they were themselves capable. Name one wherein they do not, There is one (pointing at a Master of Arts then pre­sent) he justifi [...]d his care of him and thanked God that ever he knew him. It is not so. I did foolishly: You confesse you did foolishly, therefore not of malice. Againe, consider what would have become of [Page 37]them, if you had not taken them. 'Better, far better: All in the Colledge know to the contrary. But I feele it: It is false, believe not the devill. It is too true. Then will you make amends? God will give you your soules desire. Never. Are you sorry that he will not? No. There is no grace in the soule, it is dead. Such was Davids case. What doe you compare me with David? Behold Christ himselfe. Nothing to me. God can make his death availeable. He can­not. He is omnipotent. [Page 38] In me he cannot, because it stands not with his purpose. Whom God loveth once, &c. But he never loved me— You have tasted of his love. I deceived my selfe in a certaine vain-glory; I exposed my head to many things outwardly only. You could say the Lords pray­er, and therein call him Fa­ther. Hypocritically. I was wont to enquire of Master Mason, what was meant by Abba Father, rather in curiosity, then truly to be edi­fied. God will give a good issue. Never, I have no sense. We will pray with you. [Page 39] Doe not dishonour God. It is well that you will not have God dishonoured; Here he sticked, saying, I pray you trouble me not with distinctions: After­ward came one, who with vehement action of body pressed him, and ur­ged him that he would trust upon God. I cannot (said he) he will not have me saved, his sentence is passed. Doe you desire to be sa­ved? Noe. Doe you de­sire to desire? No. Would you be damned? No. Look at the sins of other men as great as yours, and yet they [Page 40]are saved. They were good and godly. They found grace—Here is the diffe­rence, my sins are horrible; he repeated that towards his Schollers—All of us know you tooke paines. Outwardly. You did your best. No. I see now what it is, you strictly looke back to your owne acti­ons, as a Justitiary, who will none of Gods mercy, and now he hath justly met with you: Your judgement is just: These words affected some strangely. Another wil­led him to looke to it, It [Page 41]seemed neare Popery. Doe you hope to be justified by your merits? I feare to be damned for my sins. The other asked him, whether he could say, Amen. No. Have you no tongue? What is that to the purpose? Name Jesus, at his name will flie away, &c. I can­not. If I had your tongue in my hand, I would make you speak. Turning his speech to a friend pre­sent, O (saith he) if you did feele my griefe an houre, you would have compassion! The other replyed, if you were in the fire you [Page 42]would wish to get out. I had rather be in the fire than here. I will pray for you. Sin not. Let the fault bee mine. ‘Although my purpose was barely to relate the passages of this gracious mans visi­tation, and to refer to your spirituall eye, what you could finde therein, yet let your gentle con­struction with-hold frō me the deserved censure of bold blindnesse, in that I now and then point at some things which your quick sight may sooner and better [Page 43]apprehend.’ The devils malitious policy was so great towards him, in that he assaulted him most strongly in that, which might and ought to have been his greatest comfort. Again, I saw the Physitians opinion helped some­what in bodily maladies, or diseases; whereas in that his estate, his soule re­mained (as it were) unca­pable of comfort from the soules physitian. He much respected some few, hee dolefully poured out his soule into the bosome of a well-willer of his on this [Page 44]manner. I tooke upon mee too proudly many things, and being negligent, performed nothing. Cursed be the day when I tooke Schollers: if I had not taken them, I had been happy with a good flou­rish. I was stirring many waies, and in the meane time left the essence of my calling, teaching of my Schollers. What (saith the other) shall I now doe, when I see you thus tossed? Well, I was an hypocrite, therefore there is no hope of comfort for me in Gods presence, I have no sense of it. The Sun is in the Firmament, though [Page 45]hid in a cloud. This com­parison agreeth not to me. What then would you counsell me to doe? Abide within the bounds of your calling, take not too much on you, and the Lord will blesse you. Will it availe me to heare Sermons? Yes, if you meane to be saved. What good shall I reap thence? Nothing from the bare hear­ing. Oh this heavy lumpish feare hath oftentimes shaked me, and now it hath broken out! Another said, You know the poore in spirit are blessed. I am not such. You see you are empty of [Page 46]all good, you feele the burthen. I pray goe your waies. He turned his head aside and stopped his cares. What though you have done but little good, if you have given but a cup of cold water? He thrusted him away with his foot, either as some thoght being troubled with his shrill voice, or as he reply­ed, through the devils sub­tilty. That evening hee was grievously afflicted: suddenly he breakes out, Oh if God! The standers by endeavoured to che­rish this good motion, [Page 47]and said unto him, God will give you grace. I doubt it. Then presently after he uttered this pray­er. Oh God, give me a spark of grace, and inlarge my soule that I may apprehend it. He asked a friend how he might give satisfaction for some speeches. Master Dod, although he depart­ed on Saturday, and had then an unfeasonable journey, yet being reque­sted by letters, returned on Tuesday following. He at the first sight started up as desirous to meete him. Oh Master Dod [Page 48](and in friendly sort com­plained) I have no grace; I will not (saith Master Dod) believe every one that saith he hath grace, nor every one that saith, he hath not any. Answer the devill as Christ did. A man must not alway bee lead by sense, let us en­quire by the effects, and it may suffice. A Christi­an must not alwaies be led by sense. If you can but finde one, even the least, it is enough; You forgive your enemies, and love them, and would do them no hurt if you can? Yes. Then your enemies are forgiven. An hypo­crite [Page 49]may give almes, and fast; this he cannot doe. That is a small matter. I thinke it to be a great one, yea such a one as I had need to pray for. That is put for a reason in the Lords prayer, and if Christ had thought any more forcible, he would have given it; Sir, thats true in those that are elected. Doe not put an exception, where God hath not; I would not handle you as I doe, but that I know your estate. I come hither to cherish you, you love [Page 50]your good friends? I can­not. Had you rather that bad, or good should bee with you? Good. Yet you say you doe not love them. A sowe would be with swine, 2 Cor. 6.14 there is no fellowship between light and darknesse; would you believe the physitian, or your selfe touching the life of the body? The phy­sitian. Believe not your selfe then now. You are sick, yet shall be restored. It is impossible. Why so? If you had sinned as much as you could, you could [Page 51]not have sinned as much as Adam, yet he is in hea­ven. It repented him. Doth it not you? No. Doth your sin, or sicknesse more trouble you? or had you rather have grace or health? Grace. Well then. But it cannot be. God will wash you. But I have no water. God will bring it with him. He hath denied it. He hath offered it by his Ministers, which are as the buckets to draw and poure it out. You must not look now, that God should come to you [Page 52]himselfe; doe you thinke it a small favour of God, that so many good friends come to you? God sent none to comfort Cain, and Achitophel. Think of that saying of Manoahs wife. If the Lord were pleased to kill us, he would not have received a burnt of­fering, and a meat offer­ing at our hands, neither would he have shewed us all these things, Iudg. 13.23. &c. Behold the properties of Christs sheepe. First, they are weake. Secondly, they are sick. Thirdly, broken. [Page 53]Fourthly, driven away. Fifthly, Lost. You are such. See your comfort. First, he will strengthen. Secondly, heale. Thirdly, binde up. Fourthly, bring againe. Fifthly, hee will seeke you. You finde your selfe a great debtor, The Lord hath pardoned, on­ly he lookes you should come to him for acquit­tance: This fight is not yours, but the Lords, put your trust in him. If you aske me, how may I? 2 Chron. 20.20. It followeth, Believe his Pro­phets, and you shall prosper. [Page 54]You may remember that Christ did pray for Peter, that his faith might not faile; Luk. 22.32 but it failed afterward: How came it to passe? That failing did rather strengthen it; for whereas he gloried, Mat. 26.33 that if all should forsake Christ, yet he would not, Had he been asked, Doest thou promise this by thine owne strength, or by mine? He must here needs have answered, mine. For otherwise he would have requested his helpe. This happens to you, because you credit the suggestions [Page 55]of carnall reason, and not the Word, rather, Oh, the cunning of the adversary! Deale with him, not by cunning, but hold him to the Word, seek for strength in God to resist sin. You may see the Apostles in the tempest, it was from their weaknesse, that they di­strusted, yet of God they prayed. I cannot pray. Heare what Saint James saith, Jam. 5.13. Is any man afflicted, &c. Af­flictions further prayer, but must sicknesse hinder? wherefore, behold your friends, whose mindes as [Page 56]the Lord hath stirred up to pray for you, so will he stir up himselfe to heare them; their prayers are yours: yea, you have the prayers of many which never knew you. And as God said to Cain, Gen. 4.7.Sin lyeth at the doore, ready as it were to devoure him; so his promised blessing, doth as it were, expect you. If your salvation were now in your owne hands, it is likely you would yeeld up all, but your name is written in the heart of Christ. Sir, let [Page 57]me watch with you this night. No. Why? Because it might hurt me. He fear­ing the conclusion said, Here is a snatching argu­ment. Nay rather I will not suffer you, because you would trouble me. In the morning M. Dod came to him againe, and asked him how he did? hee an­swered, Lamentably, wret­chedly, miserably. No stamp of grace in me. Doe you desire to be eased? Infi­nitely. Oh if God would give me but a drop! I was so foo­lish, I alwaies would be do­ing [Page 58]of something, yet nothing well. I pray you what was the calling of the good theefe upon the Crosse? Do you not think that God can put a distinction be­twixt his grace and your corruption? Behold the Church sometimes hope­lesse and helplesse, as Jo­nah in that his bed, God seeth your thoughts, but you see not him. But I feele horrour. Where misery is, there is grace much more. Then especially appeares the excellency of the phy­sitian, when health is [Page 59]the least hoped. The de­vill doth abuse your mind and tongue against your selfe: but doubt not, the Lord will cast downe the strong holds of carnall reason: only doe not sup­presse that grace of God, which although it appeare but small, 1 King. 18.44. as big a cloud as a mans hand, yet it shall be increased, as a mighty raine, by which your dry soule shall bee moistened. Christ rising againe from the dead, did first appeare to Mary Magdalen that sin­ner; Mat. 28. Luke 24. Joh. 20.16, 18. and after command­ed [Page 60]to tell it first to Peter Marke 16.7., which had denyed him: see there is mercy. The godly in their afflictions doe but forget their com­forts; God helpes their memory, helpes all; the godly losing the sense of Gods favour, is like to a man that hath lost his purse, which if he could finde, he is rich enough; but the wicked cannot be brought to remembrance, they never knew it. Thus hee suffered him to rest a while, afterwards turn­ing, he rested, and others [Page 61]prayed. Then hee was asked how he did? Mise­rably. Doe you not search into the secrets of God? It is too true and manifest. Sir, doe not alwaies bee digging at your sinne; a wound alwaies rubbed, cannot be cured; suffer the plaister of the word of God to rest upon it, that it may be holpen. Oh if I had, Oh if it would please God! I had rather than any thing in this, or twenty thou­sand worlds besides! Hee now giveth this good de­sire unto you, Of our selves [Page 62]we cannot thinke a good thought; 2 Cor. 3.5. Phil. 2.13. God giveth both the will and the deed: A desire is a sure token. But I cannot truly desire. You doe not desire falsely, and therefore truly. What do you dissemble? Here is a trick; you must needs di­stinguish betwixt imper­fect desire, and hypocriti­call; Would you know whether your desire bee true? There bee two signes thereof. First, Con­stancie; And secondly, a conscionable using of the meanes. You have found [Page 63]these in you. Doth this ar­gument hold? You doe not feele it, therefore you have it not. I know when you would have denyed such an argument. If that did follow, it should fare well with the reprobate, He hath no sense of the wrath of God, therefore he is not under it. Luk. 1.43. Eliza­beth said, Whence is it that the mother of my Lord should come to me? So say you. Whence is it that so many of the servants of the Lord doe come to me? Surely from their Christian hearts. [Page 64]Truly, I could hardly come to you, but that I thought I was bound in cōscience, because I know you to be the servant of the Lord. When you were well, if we should have come with proofes out of the word of God, you would have believed us. Yes. Why not now when your judgement is blind­ed? Oh the judgement of God! Call it as He calleth it, Correction. Oh my mise­rable heart! Oh death! A dead man cannot perceive himselfe dead, and God [Page 65]quickneth the dead. Oh if he would inlarge my soul! This desire is good. But it is without savour. God in mercy will yeeld you a comfortable rellish. Con­sider I pray you, whereas you may object, the Lord is strong, and terrible: Exod. 34.6 it followeth: Mercifull with­all. But I am backward in seeking it. He is gracious, more forward than you can be backward But I have provoked him. Hee is slow to anger. But my sins are great. But he is abun­dant in goodnesse and truth; [Page 66]The Lord hath promised that He on his part, will be our God, and we on our part, shall be his people. For a while he commended him to God, shortly after returning, he prayed with him. Cast your burthen upon the Lord. He hath re­jected me. Who made you his counsellor? Deut. 29.29. Secre [...] things belong unto God, but revealed things to us: wil [...] you make Almanacks? He doth manifest it: Oh my abominable bringing up of youth! he withall groaned most deeply. If you had [Page 67]done as the justest man, you should stand need of Christs merits. I, or ano­ther may bring argu­ments, but it belongs un­to God to fasten them up­on the soule: I say to you as Noah said to Japhet, Gen. 9.2.God shall enlarge Japhet, &c. What if your sinnes were as crimson? God can make them as snow. Isai. 1.18. That is true of those that are capable. Be­hold we make your estate our owne, we have part of your sorrow: who hath thus disposed our soules thinke you? God. [Page 68]And doe you thinke that he which causeth us to love you, doth not love you himselfe? I feare I did too much glory in matters of private service to God. The nearer we come to God, the more we see our owne vilenesse; This is the use I make of it. Bles­sed be God, who hath not put our estate in the devils hands, but kept it in his owne. The devill hath now removed you, and you thinke that all is gone out, but God knows what, and who is his. An artifi­cer [Page 69]can distinguish drosse from mettall, and cannot God his from yours? Well, with Job lay your hand on your mouth, Job 40.4. and hold your peace: and so good rest have you. Only, consider your comfort, though it be but small, whence it comes; from Gods word, and servants, no other­wise. When he returned againe, to give and take farewell, he began to com­plaine, Oh great and grie­vous! The Lord knoweth what power he hath gi­ven you; A father will [Page 70]put a greater burden, on a stronger son: but see the difference. First, when an earthly father or Master, setteth his servant or son on worke, they must doe it with their own strength; but the Lord setteth on worke, & giveth strength too. Be not discouraged, you are now in your cal­ling. Oh my soule is misera­ble! What then: a father loveth his son as well when hee is sleeping as waking. Ioh. 14.26. The holy Ghost calls to remembrance, what you have heretofore [Page 71]taught, and now heard, and although I shall bee absent in body, yet shall I be present in minde: Be not covetous to seeke a­bundance, by and by. If Jacob could say to Esau, Gen. 33.10I have seen thy face, as if I had seen the face of God; much more should you thinke so of the children of God. Christ come unto you! I thanke God, he hath begun to ease me. He will in his good time. God grant. Thus hee tooke his last farewell. Although we de­part from our friends in the [Page 72]way, yet we shall meet in the end. One told Master Dod that he had uttered such words, Now the Lord hath made me a spectacle. Whereby he counselled one, that attended him, to be sparing in admitting commers in, or speakers, lest his braine should bee too much heated. A friend of his comming to him, asked him, Dare you any more repine against God? Why should I so? God bee blessed! It is a signe of grace. But I have no means. You have had them of­fered. [Page 73] But not given with effect. They shall I doubt not. God grant, but I feele it not. He received a let­ter from a friend very re­spectively, and much re­spected of them both, wherin these words were written. ‘I heard, I know not how true, that our deare Christian friend Master Peacock, is in great dan­ger, which hath much grie­ved and afflicted my soule, and wrung from me very bitter teares; if his extre­mities be such, his tentati­ons sure be like to be very [Page 74]sore. Tell him from mee, as one who did ever with dearest loving affection know, and converse with him, that I can assure him in the word of life, and truth, from a most just and holy God, whose Minister I am, that he is undoubted­ly one of his Saints, design­ed for immortality, and those endlesse joyes in ano­ther world.’ When it was read to him, at these words I can assure him, he said, Oh take heed, take heed. Do you thinke that he would or durst assure you, unlesse [Page 75]hee knew upon what grounds? I deceived my selfe, now God hath revealed more. Another time one requested him that hee would make his friends partakers of the least com­fort that the Lord had be­stowed upon him, as they had been partakers of his griefe. If I had it, I would gladly communicate it. Search and take notice of the least. How should I have any sense? God denyeth the meanes. Doe you thinke sense is a fruit of faith? Yes. At this season, For it was in the deepe of Winter, Decemb. 4. 1611. al­though [Page 76]though the husbandman hath sowne much, yet he sees nothing above groūd. Applications doe not prove, hold your peace, my soule is broken. Then the promise is yours. I would gladly aske you one thing. Now you will aske twenty. Doe you seeke for grace in your soule? I cannot. How then can you know whether it be there or not? It is dead. The Lord in whose hands the disposing there­of is, disposeth it for your good and his glory. I thanke you. What do you [Page 77]think of that place? Joh. 20.23. Whose­soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them.— You know how far they may goe. The bargaine howsoe­ver is not now to be made betwixt God and you. Short­ly after came one whom he much esteemed, Oh I love (said he) your company for the grace that is in you; and much more to the same purpose. Suddenly after he breakes out into this ejaculation. Oh God reconcile me unto thee, that I may taste one dram of grace, by which my miserable soule [Page 78]may receive comfort. One secretly willed that man to desire him to repeat it againe. Doe not trouble me with repetitions. There be­ing a Sermon, he bad them about him to goe thither. After he called one, and asked him, Whether the preacher (being acquaint­ed with his course of preaching) did use his ac­customed divisions. He told one, Satan had borne him in hand, and had deluded him. To whom the other an­swered: I hope that God will restore you as before [Page 79]to glorifie him. No, no. Yea, were you weaker, I would hope notwith­standing. I desire nothing more. God be thanked you have laboured carefully for his glory. I would la­bour after another fashion. In the night hee prayed, and repeated his Beliefe, and after, resting a while, he called those that wat­ched with him. Beare wit­nesse that I said not I be­lieve, but in generall, as de­siring I might believe. One comming to visit him, asked him, how is it with [Page 80]you? My minde was grie­vously possessed with sundry distractions this night, but I feele my burthen now more light, I thanke God. Hee was put in minde of that, Oh thou afflicted and tossed with tempests, Isai. 54.11. ver. 7, 8, 9.and not com­forted, &c. For a small mo­ment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee, &c. He lifted up his eyes. Thereupon he being askd what the Lord did say to his soule, that had long refused comfort. Take heed. Be not too bold, looke to the foundation: and [Page 81]then he prayed, Lord give me the comfort of thy delive­rance, and forgive me my foolishnesse, that I may praise thy name. When he com­plained of his idle spee­ches, on the Sabbath day, One came to him, willing him to put his hand to a certaine note of debts. This is not a day for that, We will goe to the Sermon. God speed you. Now you cannot goe to the Church to serve the Lord, I will pray him to come to you. Amen. He hardly suffered any to stay with him. At [Page 82]evening one did reade something of M. Downe­hams Warfare, and asked him, Doe you thinke it to be true? Yes. Therefore you must not trust your sense. What not such as mine are? but I will not now dis­pute. When they were helping of him up, and putting on his clothes, up­on some occasion one said unto him to this effect. A childe will not much grieve at the laying aside of an olde coat, when he hath a new one made: When you shall put on that, there shall be [Page 83]no longer nakednesse, the resurrection will amend all. To those that die in the Lord. No doubt you will die in the Lord, having lived in him: I have an­swered you before. But I would not believe you in that case. The next day a friend of his being to goe out of the towne, asked him, whether he would have any thing with him, for he was to leave him, and knew not whether he should ever see him againe or no. Here (quoth he) looke to your calling, [Page 84]that it be as well inward as outward. Hee counselled another, To be stirring for the glory of God. One stand­ing by; he said, I am think­ing how to get grace; Put your trust in God. So I do. I omit to tell you, how with great patience hee continually submitted himselfe to advise in any meanes, for his good; In putting his temporall e­state in order; he dealt mercifully with his poore debtors, yea, with some which were able enough to pay it. His worthy [Page 85] Patron (for so he often called him) whom for ho­nours sake I name, Sir Robert Harlo, sent his man to him, with some potable gold, together with a booke which a Doctor had made in praise thereof: comming to him, asking him how he did, Oh said he, If it would please God that I might live with him! Anon after, he said to one, I have been thinking of arguments, by which I might plead my cause with God, and I have found. But what if dying thus, I should [Page 86]be judged an Apostata. Man is not the judge at whose Tribunall you must stand or fall. There came in many of our chiefe fellows. One of them requested him to make confession of his faith. Willingly, but I will thinke of it first: Mu­sing a while, he said, here, Truly my heart and soule have been far lead, and deep­ly troubled with tentations, and stings of conscience, but I thanke God, they are eased in good measure. Wherefore I desire that I may not bee branded with the note of a [Page 87]forlorne reprobate, and cast­away, such questions, and op­positions, and all tending thereunto, I renounce. Now help me once, and put me in minde. What do you think of your former doctrine? Most true, in it have I lived, and in it will I die. I dealt hypocritically in it. Are you willing to die? Truly, I will tell you. My Patron who of late sent me potable gold, hath taken order, that J might live with him in the Ministery, but J commit my selfe to the will of God. Doe you desire the glory of [Page 88]God, and the salvation of your brethren? What more? Doe you forgive all wrongs? Yes, and desire that mine might be forgiven me. And now I thanke you Sir, I remember a thing wan­tonly done towards you, (pointing at one present) you sent me a knife for a new yeares gift; and I [...]yed two verses to it, and sent it back. I pray you pardon me it. If in any thing I have offended by my inconsiderate speeches in the time of my tentations, I heartily, and humbly aske mercy and forgivenesse of [Page 89]God for them all: You did then (saith one) relie upon inherent righteousnesse, as if you sought in your selfe whereby you should bee saved. Indeed, we know your conversation to bee unreproveable. No, I dare not affirme it. I trust in no­thing but in the name of Je­sus. Have you any cer­tainty in him? I would not he pressed to a particular as­surance, in this grievous a­gony. We desire you to in­forme them, that come to you, of your estate. My un­ability is great. They then [Page 90]prayed, giving God thanks, that whereas before they had craved his mercy for his servant, he had heard them, and manifested to his glory, how he never for­saketh his: and besought him, because he knew the malice of his enemy, to perfect his good worke, and not suffer him to bee tempted above his strēgth. Now Sir, we tell you one thing for your comfort, we never heard you speak ought against God or man, throughout the time of your visitation, but whol­ly [Page 91]against your selfe. I have been bold thus to argue with God, if he hath shewed mercy to such, and such, why should not I likewise have hope? Hee complained once, while he was visi­ting the sick (in which worke many poore soules found the ready merci­fulnesse of his soule, and now feeles a great want) he lighted upon doubts, that he might more fully satisfie, when the like might be moved, he stu­died too earnestly. One brought him a Note-booke [Page 92]which he had lent, he be­ing alwaies willing to communicate what hee had most private: Here is a booke (quoth he) of great paines. To a stranger, a worthy Gentleman, that came to visite him, he said, The Lord is mercifull to me, and I have cause of rejoycing. Afterward a reverend go­vernour came to him, to whom he complained of his sin, and misery. You looke not (saith he) for any thing in your selfe? No. You would amend if you had space? Oh if I [Page 93]had, certainly. Thinke on this, the Lord hath heard the ejaculations of your spirit in your infirmities. So he will now, If he will be glorified by your life, submit your selfe to him. Let him chuse for you. My saith is weake. All (you know) here, are but in part sanctified. You desire now notwithstanding, to come to that which is perfect, for you may see how many have beene brought home to the Lord. Some have beene Idolaters: was not Ma­nasseh [Page 94]such a one? 2 Chro. 33.12, 13. Yes. And behold Gods servants from the beginning of the Bible to the end, have slip­ped. Gen. 19.33 35. Lot had shrewd slips, but yet heare the testimo­ny of the Apostle concern­ing him. 2 Pet. 2.7, 8 He was just and righteous, &c You have been weary and heavy la­den. Yes. For such is the end of Christs comming. Come unto mee all that are weary, Mat. 11.28.&c. Your desire is a token of favour, for by how much the nearer we come to Christ, the more we thirst. Thinke now [Page 95]of his loving kindnesse, he that began, he will finish, Phil. 1.6. whom you have served. I did. But with what vile imperfections? It is the greatest perfection here, to see your imperfe­ctions. Shortly after came to him many young Gen­tlemen, to whom he said. Live in Gods feare, that you may die in his favour, other­wise the Oxe and the Asse will condemne you. I spent my time foolishly, and prodigally. You have said and re­membred that sufficiently: remember also Christ, [Page 96] That is true, Christ is to bee remembred, and our sins to be remembred also; Then he told us also that the use of reason did begin to faile him. The night follow­ing (which was Wednes­day at night) the Sun of Righteousnesse spread gra­cious beames at his set­ting, Mal. 4.2. which were com­fortable tokens of a glo­rious rising. This last Swan-like-Song, as he ut­tered it, was penned by some as he uttered it: One comforting him by his bed-side, some two houres [Page 97]or more before his death, he brake out into these speeches. Quid de salute measentiam, expectatis ex­plicarem? us (que) adeo indul­get Deus iis, quos semel di­lexerit, ut eos nunquam de­serat, at (que) ideo in coelos me transiturum pro certo habeo; foelicissima sunt ea vincula, in quibus me confixit Deus meus benignissimus. Doe you expect to heare from me, what I believe con­cerning my eternall salva­tion? Truly God doth for ever so endearedly ten­der, and is so unconcei­vably [Page 98]mercifull to all those whom he hath once loved, that he never final­ly doth forsake them; and therefore I am most assu­redly confident, that I shall depart from hence into heaven. Happy! thrice happy be those cords of affliction in which my most gracious God hath tyed and bound me! One telling him, You have fought a good fight. Ex­pedit, expedit, ut contendam ad coelum, tollite, tollite, eri­pite, ut coelum adeam: De­ [...] indulget ingenuitati bono­rum. [Page 99]It behoves, it be­hoves me to strive for hea­ven. Lift me up, help me out, rid me hence, that I may passe straight to hea­ven. God favourably ac­cepts the endeavours of his Saints. Being put in minde of Gods mercy to­wards him, he answered, Oh the sea is not so full of water, nor the Sun of light, as God of goodnesse: His mercy is ten thousand times more. Being likewise re­membred of Gods good­nesse toward him, in fil­ling his soule with such [Page 100]comfort, after so great tentation; he said, I doe (God be praised) feele such comfort from that (what shall I call it?) Agony; saith one that stood by: Nay, that is too little, that if I had five thousand worlds, I could not make satifaction for such an issue. Being mo­ved to lift up his soule, in token of thanksgiving to his God, he uttered these words, What should I ex­toll the magnificence of God, which is unspeakable, and more than any soule can con­ceive? Nay rather, let us [Page 101]with humble reverence ac­knowledge his great mercy. What great cause have I to magnifie the goodnesse of God, that hath humbled, nay rather, that hath exalted such a wretched miscreant, and of so base condition, to an estate so glorious and stately? The Lord hath honoured me with his goodnesse: I am sure he hath provided a glo­rious Kingdome for me. The joy that I feele in my soule is incredible. Hee made like use of that which he al­waies before taught, tou­ching Justification by impu­ted [Page 102]righteousnesse; and ap­pealing to the knowledge of some there present, what he continually maintained, in that (saith he) I still remaine a Prote­stant. After three Chapters read to him, in Revel. 19.20, 21. and the eighth to the Romanes: Oh said he, they be glorious comforts! Will you have any more read? Yes, A Psalme if you please, and named the hun­dred three and twentieth. One beginning to reade it, he desired that it might be sung. One asking him, [Page 103]will you sing? Yea, said he, as well as I can. The Psalme being sung, after­ward the seventeenth of S. John was read unto him. One comforting him in applying that in parti­cular, which Christ in ge­nerall performed, for the good of the faithfull, hee said, Blessed be God! often. I am a thousand times happy, to have such felicity throwne upon me, a poore wretched miscreant. After a little rest, Lord Jesus (said he) into thy hands I commit my spirit. Lord receive my soul, [Page 104]Lord lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon me, and be mercifull unto me. Then, very weake, he repeated the Lords prayer twice, and his Beliefe once, very plainly and distinctly, with a strong voice, to the great admiration of the hearers. And so hee slept in the Lord. December 4. 1611.