Scarronides: OR, Le VIRGILE Travesty.

A Mock-Poem.

Being the First Book of Virgils AEneis in English, Burlésque.

Non minimum est insignitèr ineptire.

Imprimatur, Roger L'estrange.

LONDON: Printed by E. Cotes for Henry Brome at the Gun in Ivy-lane. 1664.

To the READER.

THE Reader is desired, for the better comparing of the Latin and English to­gether, to read on forward un­to the ensuing Letter of Di­rection, before he compare the former with the Original.


a I Sing the man, (read it who list,
A Trojan, true, as ever pist)
b Who from Troy Town, by wind & weather
To Italy, (and God knows whither)
Was packt, and wrackt, and lost, and tost,
And bounc'd from Pillar unto Post.
cLong wandred he through thick & thin,
Half-rosted now; now wet to'th skin;
By Sea and Land; by Day and Night;
d Forc'd (as 'tis said) by the Gods spite:
[Page 2] Although the wiser sort suppose
e 'Twas by an old Grudge of Juno's
A Murrain curry all Curst Wives!
He needs must goe, the Devil drives.
f Much suffer'd he likewise in Warr,
Many drie blowes, and many a scarr:
Many a Rap, and much adoe
At Quarter-staffe, and Cudgells too,
Before he could be quiet for 'um:
(Pox of all Knaves, for I abhor 'um)
But this same Younker at the last,
(All Brawls and Squabbles overpast)
And all these Rake-hells overcome,
g Did build a pretty Grange, call'd Rome.
[Page 3] i But oh my Muse! put me in mind,
To which o'th' Gods was he unkind?
k Or what, the Plague, did Juno mean,
(That cross-grain'd, peevish, scolding Quean,
That scratching, catter-wawling Puss,)
l To use an Honest Fellow thus?
(To curry him like Pelts at Tanners)
m Have Goddesses no better Manners?
n A little Town there was of Old,
Thatcht with good Straw to keep out Cold;
Hight Carthage, which (if not bely'd)
Was by the Tyrians occupy'd;
[Page 4] o The lustiest Carles all thereabouts,
Rich Chuffs, and very sturdy Louts.
p Now this same Carthage you must know,
Juno did love out of all whoe:
There are alive that yet will swear it,
No Village like it, no place near it:
q Except a place (forsooth) that's famous
For her known Birth, a Farm call'd Samos;
Here she her Trinkets kept, and odd things,
Her Needles, Poking-sticks, and Bodkins;
And here, (in house, which her own key-locks)
r She us'd to keep her Coach and Peacocks.
[Page 5] This place then mainly pleas'd her humor,
s But she had heard a scurvy Rumor;
That Trojans, Arm'd in Coats of Chamlet,
Should one day overthrow her Hamlet:
Plunder her Chests, Joynt-stools and Tables,
And burn her Cow-houses, and Stables.
t She fearfull of this sad Prediction,
(Which prov'd a True one, and no Fiction)
u And mindfull of her injur'd Honour,
When Paris gave the Apple from her;
Did many years bend her devotion,
To drown AEneas on the Ocean;
[Page 6] And many a slippery trick she playd him,
Till Jove at last o're Sea convey'd him,
w (So hard it is, where an old Grutch is,
To: get out of a womans Clutches.)
AEneas had not been o'th water
Above an hour, or such a matter;
Nor further row'd, then we may rate
'Twixt Rarsons-Dock, and Billinsgate,
Or say betwixt Dover and Calice,
x When Juno (full of her old Malice)
Thus with her self began to mutter,
Cannot I drown these Crowes i'th Gutter?
[Page 7] Must they go on fearing no Colours?
And cannot I squander their Scullers?
Must these same Trojan Rascals nose me,
y Because the Fates (forsooth) oppose me?
z Pallas could burn Wherries, and Gallies,
And clatter Mortalls bones like Tallies:
a But I, Jove's Sister, and his Wife,
Can do no Mischief for my life.
b Juno enrag'd, and fretting thus,
c Runs me unto one AEolus:
This AEolus, as Stories tell us,
Could backward blow like a Smiths Bellowes;
[Page 8] A Day, a Week, a Moneth together,
And by his farting, make foul weather:
Blow men, and Trees, and Houses down;
Great Ships, and almost Fishes drown.
He was, in fine, the loud'st of Farters:
Yet could command his Hinder-quarters,
Correct his Tayl, and only blow,
If there occasion were, or so:
d Whom Jove observing to be so stern
In the wise conduct of his Postern,
He made him King of all the Puffers,
Which he (because he knew them Huffers)
Durst no where venture, I must tell ye,
But in the Caverns of his Belly:
[Page 9] Which having but one Postern Gate
For these mad Boyes to sally at,
He might the faster peg them in,
And by the plucking out a Pin,
Then (at his ease) Arsing about,
To any Quarter let them out.
e To this same King, Queen Juno posted,
And thus in flatt'ring Terms accosted.
f Thou mighty King, whose potent sway
The Lawless Blust'rers do obey;
Whose Nod the stubborn'st Winds do dread;
(Even although in Scotland bred.)
Thou, whose unruly Empire reaches
As far as the wide Compass stretches,
[Page 10] Hear a poor Queens Request, and say
Thou'lt doo't; for I must have no Nay.
g There are a few Tatter-de-malions
That (with a Pox) would be Italians,
And into Latium now are going,
With Oars, and Skulls, tugging, and rowing
A Crew of drunken, roaring Ruffins,
Lewd, wandring, sturdy Ragamuffins;
Rascalls, I hate, as I do Garlick,
And yet the Rogues are stout, and warlike:
h If therefore, thou wilt smoak these Roysters
And sowse them all, like pickled Oysters,
[Page 11] There is a Pretty Maid of Mine,
Called Die, shall be thy Concubine.
AEolus harkned to this Story,
With no small Pride, no little Glory;
To have a Queen, so gay, and trim,
Come to request a Boon of him!
But th' Wench, ith' tail of the Preamble,
Oh that! That made his Bowels wamble.
(And Wind you know (under Correction)
Is a main Causer of Erection.)
He, listning stood, wrigling, and scraping,
But durst not bow, for fear of scaping;
Until at last, with Cap in hand Sr,
i He thus return'd his modest Answer.
[Page 12] O Queen (quoth he) my thanks are real,
That you will use your servant AEol:
And should I not pay your Civility,
Toth' utmost of my poor Ability,
Who are great Joves Sister and Wife,
It were e'ene pity of my Life.
I'll play these Rake-hells such a Hunts-up,
Shall make them glad to turn their Rumps up.
Say you no more, the Thing is done;
I'll drown 'em ev'ry Mothers Son.
But since your Grace is nice of smelling,
I wish you were at your own dwelling.
There's Reason for't, (saving your favour)
For truly (Madam) I shall savour.
But I beseech your Grace, in no wise
Forget the Woman, that you promise.
[Page 13] Juno at that, away does goe
As swift as Arrow out of Bow,
And in less while, then I am speaking,
Was got as high, as top of
Mons Sa­lopiensis.
No bigger now then School-boyes Kite,
And now clean vanisht out of sight.
AEol, who all this while stood gaping
At her fine Peacocks gawdy-trapping,
Seeing her Mount Olympus stair-case,
Began t'untruss to ease his Carcase.
Twice belch't he loud from Lungs of Leather,
To call his roaring Troops together:
And twice (as who should say we come)
They roar'd 'ith concave of his womb:
[Page 14] k With that he turns his Buttock seaward,
And with a Gibing kind of Nayword;
Quoth he, Blind Harpers have among ye;
'Tis Ten to one but I bedung ye.
At that same word, lifting one leg,
And pulling out his trusty peg;
l He let at once his General Muster
Of all that ere could blow, or bluster;
And (like a Coxcomb) in his Tuell
Left not one puffe to cool his Gruell,
[Page 15] Have you not seen below the Sphear
A mortal drink call'd Bottle-Bear
How, by the Tapster when the Stopple
Is ravish't from the teeming Bottle,
It bounces, foams, and froths, and flitters,
As it were troubled with the squitters?
Even so, when AEol pluck'd the plugg
From th' Muzzle of his double Jugg,
The Winds burst out with such a rattle,
As he had broke the strings that twattle.
Bounce cries the Port-hole, out they fly
And make the World dance Barnaby;
Throughout the Seas, and Coasts they wander;
One Boreas was their Chief Commander;
A huffing Jack, a plund'ring Tearer,
A vap'ring Scab, and a great Swearer.
[Page 16] This Fellow, and his boist'rous Rout,
Finds Me 'oth' Sea, the Trojans out.
AEneas; and his Wandring Mates
Were, at that time, angling for Sprats;
Thinking no harm, no more then we do,
(For all was fine, and fair to see too)
When all 'oth' sudden; who would think it!
(By this good drink, I mean to drink it)!
It grew so dark, that wanting light,
They could not feel the Fishes bite;
And streight ere one could say, Whats This?
The winds began to howle and hiss,
And in the turning of a hand Sir
They grew so big, one could not stand Sir.
Then followed Rain, Lightning, and Thunder,
As the whole world would fly asunder.
[Page 17] AEneas, hearing the winds threatning,
By the Lightning
seeing Monstrous Billowes beating,
Knowing they purpos'd to dispatch him,
And that the Haddocks watch't to catch him,
m Presently fell in a cold sweat,
So sick he could not drink nor eat,
'Twas all the World to Twenty Pound,
He had not faln into a swound:
But by Joves favour being blest,
With Guts in's head above the rest,
Like to a cunning Chapman, He
Made Vertue of Necessity;
And in the midst of all Despayrs,
Thought it his best to fall to prayers;
[Page 18] n With wofull heart, and blubber'd eyes,
Lifting his Mutton-fists to'th skies,
He therefore pray'd, O Jupiter,
Either hear now, or never hear;
Now, now, thy Trusty Trojans cherish,
Help now, or never, else we perish.
o Could not Tydides, at Troy Town
Should he be hang'd, once knock me down?
Nor yet the Merry Greek Achilles,
When he kill'd lusty Hector, kill These?
And must we now be sent for Dishes,
To Sharks, and such like Greedy Fictes?
[Page 19] p Thus went he on with his Orisons,
Which if you mark them well were wise ones,
Now praying, now expostulating,
But he might e'en have held his prating,
For Jove if he had been more near him,
The noyse was such, could no wayes hear him.
q The winds grew louder still and louder,
And playd their Gambals with a Powder;
Then, then indeed began the pudder,
Here an Oare broke, and there a Rudder,
Here a Boat kicking on the Surges,
And there one sinking in a Gurges.
[Page 20] r Three Boats a Wind, call'd Notus russe [...]
Upon a paltry bed of Mussels,
s And three did roaring Eurus dable ye,
In Quick-sand deep most lamentably.
t One Wherry that the Lycians carry'd,
And one Orontes never marry'd;
Was just about the time of Dinner,
O're-whelm'd, and all the men within her.
Orontes, though he was confounded,
Yet very loth to be thus drownded;
Did all he could, with might and main,
To have swom back to Land again.
[Page 21] His skill he to the tryall puts,
But could not do it for his Gutts:
And therefore was sowst up for Cod-Fish;
(I doubt he prov'd but very odd-fish)
u Now might you see the Trojans triming
Upon the foaming Billowes swimming:
Sculls, Oars, and Stretchers with their Benches,
Floating amongst the Row [...]ing Trenches;
Hats, Capps, and Cassocks, Bands and Ruffs,
(Indeed I think, they wore no Cuffes)
Balk-staves, and Cudgells, Pikes & Truncheons,
Brown-bread & cheese that swam by luncheons
With Treasure past all Mortals matching,
That any man might have for fetching.
[Page 22] w In the mean time, this hurly-burly,
That still encreas'd more loud and surly,
Rous'd Neptune with the strange Commotion,
Who liv'd 'ith bottom of the Ocean.
This Neptune was of old, a Fisher,
And to AEneas a well-wisher:
'Cause on a time, Venus, that bore him,
Spoke a good word to her Father for hm;
And made him for his good Conditions
King over all his Pools, and Fish-ponds.
This Blade, when first he heard the Sea ring,
Was pickling, Pilchards, Sprats, and Herring,
But at the noyse he throwes his Tray,
Fishes, and Salt, and all away.
[Page 23] And taking up his three-forkt Trout-spear,
x Hey, hey (quoth he) what a brave rout's here!
Under his Arms he had two Bladders,
By which he mounted without Ladders,
And thrusting's head above the Water,
Sayes, What a Vengeance ho's the matter?
Then seeing round how things were vary'd,
And how the Trojans had miscarry'd;
He strait began to smell a Rat,
And soon peeceiv'd what they'd be at:
For he knew all Juno's contriving,
And spite as well as any living.
[Page 24] Have you not seen upon a River
A Water-dog, that is a diver,
Bring out his Mallard, and est-soons
Be-shake his shaggy Pantaloons?
So Neptune when he first appears,
Shakes the salt Liquor from his ears,
And made the winds themselves to doubt him,
He threw the water so about him:
Vext at the Plucks to see this clutter,
He scarce could speak, but spurt and sputter;
y Till beck'ning Zephirus, and Eurus,
He thus began in language furious.
[Page 25] How durst you Rogues take the opinion
To vapour here in my Dominion,
Without my leave, and make a lurry,
That men cannot be quiet for ye,
Rascals I shall! But well! go too,
I now have something else to do:
If ere again I catch you creaking,
'Tis odds I spoyl your Bag-pipes squeaking.
z And Sirrah, you there: goodman
Speaking to Boreas himself.
Go tell that farting fool your Master,
That such a whistling scab as he,
Was ne're cut out to rule the Sea;
[Page 26] a But that it to my Empire fell;
Bid him go vapour in his Cell.
There let him puffe and domineer,
But make no more such folsting here:
And for what's past, (if my aim miss not)
I'l teach him fizzle in my Pispot.
b Scarce had he bubled out his sentence
But that they fled to shew repentance,
And he that erst had made a din most,
Now, cry'd the Devil take the hindmost.
Even as a flock of Geese do slutter,
When crafty Reynard comes to Supper.
[Page 27] So nimbly flew away these Scoundrels,
Glad they had scap'd, & sav'd their Poundrels.
c Now all was fair again and frolick,
The Sea no more troubled with Cholick,
The Sun shone bright as on a May-day;
Had there bin grass, one might have made hay,
But yet some Boats stuck on the Flatts,
Their men all dasht like Water-Ratts;
Neptune at that his speed re-doubles,
To ease them of their peck of Troubles:
He thrust his Muck-fork in two faddom,
Betwixt the Boats, and that that stayd um,
And lifted them shiere off, as clever
As he had had a Crow or Leaver;
[Page 28] Now Sirs (quoth he) you may go forward,
And row East, West, or South, or Norward,
If the Rogues come again, I'll swill 'um
I love a Dog that comes from Ilium,
And you AEneas, and your men,
If ere you come this way again,
I hope you'l call, or I'st be sorry,
I'll have a Dish of Lobsters for ye:
AEneas who was gentle-hearted,
Scrap'd him a leg, and so they parted.
They take their Sculls again and ply um,
Hanging their Jerkins out to dry nm:
Away they cut as swift as Swallowes,
Plowing the Sea as men do Fallowes;
Till ere a man could well tell Ten,
Or go to'th dore, and back again,
[Page 29] d They all as plainly saw the t'other
Side, as we now see one another:
Then there old tugging was and pulling,
Never such plying, and such sculling,
They whoop't and sung gladder and gladder,
I think March-hares were never madder.
At last, all dangers notwithstanding,
e They came unto a Place of Landing;
A pair of stayrs they found, not big stairs;
Just such another pair as Trigg-stairs:
Not made for Water-men, but Women,
That use to come, and wash their Linnen:
[Page 30] There was old striving then, and thrusting
Which with their Sculler should get first in.
Sirs (quoth AEneas) show some breeding,
Let's have no more haste than good speeding,
Have patience Gentles, I implore ye,
And let your betters go before ye.
With that they all gave place, and reason,
It else had been no less than Treason:
f Whilest our AEneas at two leapings,
Set the first foot upon the steppings;
Then all the Rest came in a bundle
As they would burst each others Trundle:
[Page 31] Weary they were, the wind had douc'tum,
And so they sate em down, and lous'd um.
g After a while, a fellow knocks
Fire with a Steel, and Tinder-box.
For each man had his Flint and Touch-wood,
The World besides could shew no such wood;
Then sticks they gather, leaves and Bryers,
And fall a making them good fires,
Then Skellets, Pans, and Posnets put on
To make them Porridge without Mutton.
h In the mean time AEneas got him
Up to a Hill, to look about him,
[Page 32] And as he there a while stood gazing,
i He saw some sheep below him grazing,
k Oh ho (quoth he) I'll soon be wy'ye,
Be sworn I'm glad at heart to see ye.
This said, away my youth does goe,
And fetches straight a good Yew-Bow,
His Arrowes under's belt he sticks too,
(For he could shoot at Butts, and Pricks too)
His head he put a good steel Cap on,
Because he knew not what might happen:
And thus as if he went to battle,
He goes to murder poor mens Cattle.
[Page 33] l His Arrow in the string he nocks,
And shoots among the harmless Flocks,
These prov'd by chance to be the fairest,
But he still shot at that was nearest.
m Seven Lordly Tups he wounded mortall,
The other shots he made were short all:
These to his hungry Mates he lurryes,
(Pray what's his due, that Mutton worries?)
n Here lads (quoth he) here's sides, & haunches,
Fall too, and fill your empty paunches.
Scarce had he made an end of boasting,
o But some to boyling fell, some roasting;
[Page 34] 'Twas soon enough, and too't they fall,
They eat up Mutton, gutts and all,
Yet scarce could satisfie their hungers,
These Trojans were such Mutton mongers.
p There was by chance a stoop of Liquor,
Cork't up in Bottles made of Wicker,
Giv'n by mine Hostess, I conceive,
When first AEneas took his leave,
This Drink (to make their feast the fuller)
AEneas fetcht out of his Sculler,
And like a man had something in him,
Gave it as free as ere 'twas gi'n him;
Himself a Dish, he first pour'd out,
For fear it would not goe about;
[Page 35] Then stroaking up his Whiskers greasie,
He thus begins, in Words most easie.
q Here Lads, have at ye, and be merry,
W'are got at last, safe o're the Ferry;
And though w'ave had but angry wark, yet
Let's make the best of a bad market:
To day let's drink, and hang to morrow,
A grain of mirth's worth pounds of sorrow;
r Be blith and jolly then, as may be,
Faint heart you know ne're won fair Lady:
[Page 36] What though a while we fare but hardly,
Yet in the end does our reward lye:
We shall have Houses, Lands, and Doxies,
With dainty patches, where no Pox is:
And then all this, that seems t'undo us,
Will be but sport, and pastime to us.
s Thus did this subtle Fornicator
Set a good Face on a bad matter;
As who would make 'um understand
How pretty a fellow he was on's hand;
When I (for all's brave n'alls) must tell ye,
His Heart then panted in his Belly.
t Down glides his Ale over his Pallat,
As glib as 't had been Oyl of Sallet;
[Page 37] And all the rest in their due order
Quafft' till their Drink would go no further.
u Now having spent their drink & vittles,
They rise, and wipe their greasie Thwittles,
And streaking then began to mind 'um,
Of those were left at sea behind 'um:
With that, AEneas made a motion
To climbe the Hills, and look on th' Ocean,
If from the Cliffs, and Promontories
They might espy their fellow Tories;
At that they went, some this, some that way,
Some went not farre, and some a great way,
[Page 38] Some whoopt, some hallow'd, & some shouted,
x Some thought'um fafe, and others doubted,
Some laid their ears to ground in cunning,
To list if they could hear 'um coming;
But all in vain, for none could spy 'um,
They feard their frends, when none were nie'um
At last by General Approbation,
They laid 'um down, as was the fashion,
And slept, being tyr'd, with pains and feasting,
When Belly's full, Bones would be resting.
Asleep they lie snorting and snoring,
With such a noyse, as made the shoar ring,
Or such a din as Dogs do utter,
When they by night together clutter;
[Page 39] Snarling and swearing in lewd fashion
For Bitch of evil conversation:
y When Jove, who was belike at leasure,
(Walking or for his health, or pleasure)
Looking about on ev'ry side him,
z O'th Lybian Coasts at last espy'd them,
And said in merry kind of Japing,
Indeed Sirs have I ta'ne you napping.
Scarce had he spoke, when all oth' sudden,
Whilest he was on the Trojans studd'ing,
Who should come there to do her duty,
But Venus, that was Queen of Beauty!
See Ser­vius upon Virgil.
This Venus without counterfeiting,
Was a fine Lass on's own begetting,
[Page 40] Thou nee'r saw'st prettyer in thy life,
Although he had her not by's Wife,
But by a Fish-wench he was kind to,
And so she came in at the Window:
Now Venus was AEneas' Mother,
And him she had by such another
Royster as Jove was, when on Ground-sell
He and her Mother met in Councell,
In the behalf then of her by-blow,
Which had endured many a dry-blow,
a She weeping came, sighing, and throbbing,
And hardly could she speak for sobbing:
Untill at last, with a fine Linning
Wrought round with blew of her own spinning
[Page 41] Wiping her face with Tears, and snivel,
[...]he thus began in words most civil.
b O thou, of. Gods, and men, the King,
That canst do any kind of thing;
That past their wits dost Mortals frighten,
When thou or thunder do'st, or lighten,
What could AEneas do to thee!
Who car'st a fart for no body;
c Or thy[?] poor Trojans what have they done,
That thus they still must Fools be made on,
And that thou wilt for no perswasions
Let them go follow their occasions?
[Page 42] d I'm sure you promis'd me, and swore it,
(E'ven let who can forgive you for it)
That you would make'um, This, and That,
Kings, Captains, and I know not what,
And that out of your Bounteous Givings,
They should have all both Lands, and Livings,
And all live well in Italy;
But I perceive 'twas all a lye.
e Iove, (stroking up his great M [...]achoes)
Smil'd for to see her so out-rageous,
(For had she broke a Pot, or Platter,
He could not well be angry at her,
[Page 43] He lov'd her so, and 'tis so common,
[...]ither in Man, or else in Woman;
Their Bastards they will clip, and kiss ye
More dearly then their lawfull Issue,)
f Jove looking then most sweetly at her,
For she had made his Mouth to water)
[...]ook Venus by the Chin, and gave her,
A Kiss of no unwelcome savour.
g My pretty Wench (quoth he) I prethee,
[...]et's have no more such puling with thee:
All shall be well enough, ne're fear it,
And by my Beard once more I swear it:
[Page 44] Thy Son AEneas thou dost doubt so,
Which makes thee whimper, cry, and pout so,
Shall be a King, or Prince at least;
I speak in earnest, not in jest.
With that he whistled out most mainly,
You might have heard his Fist as plainly
From one side of the Skie to th' t'other,
As you and I hear one another.
Thrice whistled he when by and by,
Out came his Foot-boy Mercury,
And askt him without more ado,
What 'twas he whistled for, and who?
This Merc'ry you must understand Sir
Had formerly been a Rope-Dancer:
A nimble Rascal, and a Dapper,
Full deftly could he cut a Caper,
[Page 45]
See Plaut. in Amphytr.
Dance, run, and leap, frisk, and curvett,
Tumble, and do the Sommerset:
And fly with Artificial Wings
Ty'd to his head, and heels, with strings:
'Twas he first taught to fly i'th Aire,
As we have seen at Bartle-Faire;
A nimble witty Knave, I warrant,
And one that well could say his Errant;
An ex'lent servant (in plain-dealing)
But that he was enclin'd to stealing.
h Sirrah (quoth Jove) go take your Pumps,
And hast to Carthage, stirr your stumps;
[Page 46] And as thou art a cunning Prater,
Play me the fine Insinuator.
Dido and all her Carthaginians
Possess throughout with kind opinions
Of the poor Trojans, lest Queen Dido
Not knowing Things so well as I do,
Should shew 'um all a Trick of Passe-pass,
And chance t'indict them for a Trespass.
Away he flies sans further speech,
As he had had a Squib in's breech;
And suddenly without discerning
i Set all the Trojans Bowels yerning.
Dido for her part swore a Trojan
Should do the Feat for her, or no man.
[Page 47] Mean while the Trojans slept at ease,
Unless sometimes bit by white Fleas,
Their soft Repose in quiet taking,
k Only AEneas he was waking,
Who whilest the night was dark and ore-cast,
Like one that had an ex'lent fore-cast,
Lay thinking now his Gutts grew limber,
How they might get more Belly-Timber;
No sooner the first Light came creeping,
But that he cry'd, Ah fool! art peeping?
And up he starts, to goe a stealing,
Either a Mutt'ning, or a Vealing,
And yet he thought being a stranger,
To goe alone might be some danger;
[Page 48] l Therefore he deem'd it not amiss
To call a Trusty friend of his;
And that he might go on the bolder,
He layd a Two-hand Batt on's shoulder.
Thus going then abroad for food,
m He meets his Mother in a Wood;
So smug she was, and so array'd,
He took his Mother for a Maid:
A great mistake in her, whose Bum
So oft had been God Mars his Drum:
Full oft when Smug was blowing Bellowes,
Would she be trucking with good Fellowes;
And let her self be chuck't as tamely,
As if therein, there did no blame lye,
[Page 49] By Mars, and many a one beside,
Or else she fouly is bely'd.
n Well met (young man) quoth Venus kindly,
As you came through the Woods behind ye,
Pray did you not for all your hast, note
A Lass in Petti-coat and Wast-coat;
With such a Pelt as mine thrown o're her,
Driving a Sow, and Piggs before her?
o No truly, (quoth AEneas mild)
I saw nor Man, Woman, nor Childe;
Yet though I say't, had I been nigh her,
I could as soon as others spy her:
[Page 50] But who art thou, that speak'st so shrill,
As if thy words came through a Quill?
Thou art of gentle Kindred surely,
Thou look'st and speakest so demurely:
p Therefore good Mris. or good Lady,
I do beseech you, if it may be,
To put us out of fear of Dangers,
q Tell's where we are for we are strangers.
r Venus, at that, wriggling and mumping,
Cries, pray young man, leave off your frumping
For untill now I've met with no man,
E're took me for a Gentlewoman:
She that I ask for, is my Sister;
I wonder how the Pox you mist her!
[Page 51] We were this morning sent in haste
To fetch a Sow that lies at Mast.
s Your Town was built by one Agenor;
The Land's so good, it needs no Meanor;
t One Dido now is Queen on't, who,
Run hither a good while agoe:
She is a Queen of Gentle-bearing,
Whose story will be worth the hearing:
u But should I tell it all out-right,
I think 'twould last a Winters night.
x Therefore in short, this same Queen Dido,
Who now, alas! is left a Widow,
[Page 52] Had one Sichaeus to her Hony,
A wealthy man in Land, and Money;
y Whom one Pigmalion, unawares
Kill'd, as he was saying on's Prayers;
Only for Lucre of his Pelf,
Which he had thought t' have had himself;
z And fob'd Queen Dido off, some season,
(Who cry'd, and blubber'd out of Reason)
By telling her a Flim-flam prattle,
That he was gone to buy some Cattle:
But on a time, as without doubt
Murther at some odd time will out,
[Page 53] One night as she did sleep, and snore,
As she had never slept before,
a Into her Chamber, dores unlocking,
Comes me her Husband without knocking;
A Linck he in his hand did brandish,
His face was Paler, then your band is:
Near her he came, and would have kiss'd her,
At which she well nigh had bepiss'd her;
But being a Ghost of civil fashion,
He gave her Words of Consolation.
Quoth he, I murdred am, my Jewel,
By wayes most barbarous and cruel:
And for to shew I tell no Fibbs,
b Look what a hole here's in my Ribbs:
[Page 54] And if thou stay'st, that Rogue Pigmalion
Intends to use thee like a Stallion:
c Therefore be gone, thou and thy Meany,
But leave the Rascal ne'er a penny,
To bless himself, it lyes each farthing,
In an old Butter-pot i'th Garding.
d Dido, at this, rises up early,
And with her servants very fairly,
Not caring for Pigmalions Curses,
Steals all his Money-Baggs, and Purses;
[Page 55] And in a Boat prepar'd o'th nonce,
Ship't all his Goods away at once,
And got off safe, whil'st all this Gear,
Was order'd by a Wastcoteer.
e At last she came with all her People,
To yonder Town with the Spire-steeple,
And bought as much good feeding ground for
Five Marks as some would give five pound for;
Where now she lives a Hu [...]-wife wary,
Has her ground stockt, and keeps a Dairy:
f And now young man, I pray ye show me
Whence do you come, or whither go ye?
[Page 56] g This being said, our lusty Swabber
Groan'd like a woman in her Labour,
And looking rufully upon her,
Oh! Dame (quoth he) brim full of Honour,
Should I begin my story spinning,
From the first end, to'th last Beginning,
I doubt to finish we should miss time,
For it would last till t'morrow this time.
h We Trojans are of Troy-Town Race,
(If e'er: you heard of such a place.)
i And I th' AEneas fam'd in Battle,
But more ador'd for Tayle, and Twattle.
[Page 57] Who bring along our Countrey-Gods,
A company of smoaky Toads,
Catcht out o'th fire, from the Greek,
When all the Town was of a Reek;
And can derive my pedigree,
(Although I say't) with any He,
That is perhaps fuller of Pride,
Especially by th' Mothers side.
Did my Fame never, hither come?
I'm talkt of farr, and near at home;
To tell you truly as a friend,
k For Italy we did intend,
And put to Sea in paltry weather
l With twenty pair of Oars together:
[Page 58] Of which there hardly are left seaven,
Which put into the shoar last Even.
m Venus the while AEneas eyeing,
And seeing he could scarce hold crying;
Thus cut him off in courteous fashion,
I'th midst on's pitifull Rolation:
n Who e're thou art, take heart I say,
Rome can't be built all on a Day;
And though y' have suffer'd some dysasters;
Yet let me tell you this, my Masters,
'Tis a good sign that those Gods love ye,
For all your haste, that hither drove ye:
[Page 59] You might have walkt your Pumps apieces,
E'er light on such a Place as this is.
o Go me to th' Queen now out of hand,
And shew her how your matters stand;
She'll make you welcome for her part;
She loves tall fellowes in her heart:
p There, on my honest word, you'll meet
Your lost Companions, I foresee't;
And have all things that you would wish,
q Or surely I was taught amiss:
(And I a Father had, could make
For time of need an Almanack,)
[Page 60] Chear up your hearts, your spirits rally,
And ne're stand fooling, shall I, shall I,
But budge, jogg on, bestirre your Toes,
r There lies your way, follow your Nose.
s With that she turn'd to goe away,
And did her freckled Neck display;
By which, and by a certain whiffe
Came from her Arm-pits, or her Cliffe,
And a fine hobble in her pace,
AEneas knew his Mothers grace:
[Page 61] t Mother (quoth he) why dost thou run thus,
And with thy Mumming cheat thy Son thus?
Why may we not shake one another
By th'hand, and talk like Son and Mother?
Oh think upon our wofull Cases,
Whilest thus we wander in strange Places!
u But she was gone, for when she list,
She foist away could in a Mist;
Nor could she tarry, to say truely,
For she had made a promise newly,
To meet a friend of hers to dally,
x In a blinde street they call Ram-Ally:
[Page 62] AEneas then began to finde,
That there was something in the winde,
And said, my Mother's a mad-shaver,
No man alive knowes where to have her;
But I'de as live as half a Crown
We two could walk so into th' Town.
Venus heard what he said, for she
Could hear, as far as we can see;
And in a moment to befriend 'um,
Two Cloaks invisible did lend 'um.
Thus cloak't their Knavery to shelter,
y Away they trudge it helter skelter,
Untill AEneas, and his friend,
Safely arriv'd at the Towns-end.
[Page 63] z AEneas star'd about and wonder'd,
To see of Houses a whole Hunder'd;
But when he saw the Folks were there,
He thought it had been Carthage fair.
a The Town was full, all in a pother,
Some doing one thing, some another;
Some digging were, some making Mortar,
Some hewing stones, and such a Quarter;
For they were all, as story tells,
Building or doing something else;
b And to be short, all that he sees,
Were working busily as Bees.
[Page 64] c I'th middle of the Town there stood,
A goodly Elme o're-grown with Wood;
And under that were Stocks most duely,
To lock them fast that were unruly:
There sate they down to ease their travel,
Picking their sweaty Toes from gravel,
And look't about as they lay lurking,
d To see the busie Tyrians working:
But none could see them for their spell,
They were so hid, they might as well,
Though they had been never so nigh 'um,
See through a double-dore as spy 'um.
[Page 65] Near stood the Church, a pretty Building;
Plain as a Pike-staff without Guilding,
I cannot liken any to it,
Unless't be Pancrage, if you know it.
e This Church Queen Dido 'tis related
Built, and to Juno dedicated,
And was beholding unto none;
But built it all both stick and stone,
At her own proper cost, and charges,
No Church i'th' Country near so large is,
It was well laid with Lime and Mortar:
(For so the Workmen did exhort her.)
Because it would be so much stronger,
And so you know would last the longer.
[Page 66] It had a dore peg'd with a pin,
To shut Folks out, or let Folks in,
And in a pretty wooden-steeple
A Low-Bell hung to call the People.
AEneas, and his Friend went thither,
Seeing a many Folks together,
Whose misty Cloaks, so well did hide 'um,
That in they went, and no one spy'd 'um.
f But then they wondr'd to behold
The Images so manifold,
That staring stood in sundry places,
As if they would fly in their faces.
[Page 67] Then (quoth AEneas) to's Comrade
This Fellow, Master was on's Trade
That pictur'd These; Look, look, as I am
An honest man, yonders our Priam;
See where he stands in Silk, and Satten
As he would speak both Greek and Latin,
Whoop! yonder's Hector too, and Troylus,
Look thee, how here the Grecians spoil us;
g And there our Trusty Trojans do
Bang them and pay them, quid for quo.
Yonder Achilles gives a Rap,
With his Cock's feather, in his Cap;
And yonders one, for all's Bravado
Knocks him with lusty Bastinado.
[Page 68] How came These here t'be pictur'd thus?
Sure all the World has heard of us.
h Whilst thus AEneas sad, and muddy,
Stood musing in a dark brown study;
In comes Queen Dido, that fair Lady,
In Apron white as on a May-day;
A crew of Roysters waited on her,
Which there were call'd her men of Honour:
All clad in fair Blew-Coats, and Badges,
To whom Queen Dido paid good Wages.
i Even as a Proper Woman showes
When unto Wake, or Fair she goes,
[Page 69] Clad in her best Apparel, so,
Queen Dido all this time did show,
And was so brave a Buxom Lass,
That she did all i'th' Town surpass.
Into the midst o'th' Church she marches,
And there betwixt a pair of Arches,
Upon a Stool set for the nonce,
She went to rest her Marrow-bones,
And on a Cushion stuff't with Flocks,
She clapt her dainty pair of Docks.
k There Dido sate in State each day,
To hear what any one could say,
[Page 70] Some to rebuke, and for to sooth some;
And give out Laws, wholsome, or toothsome;
To punish such as had Insolence,
And make them good Nolens, or Volens:
And there likewise each morning-tide,
She did the young-mens Tasks divide,
Wherein great Policy did lurk,
Each knew his Jobbe of Journy-work:
And fell about it without Jangling:
But that which kept them most from wrangling
Was that they still drew cuts to know,
Whether they should work hard, or no,
And who had th'longest cut, and th'best,
Had still more work, then all the rest.
[Page 71] l Here whilst AEneas squeez'd & thrust is,
To see Queen Dido doing Justice:
Who should he but his fellows spy?
Got into Dido's Company.
There Antheus was, (no mortal fiercer)
And one Surgestus too, a Mercer,
With other Trojans, that would vapour;
Cloanthus too the Woollen-Draper:
All which, and forty Trojans more,
Were wonderfully got to shore.
m At This, AEneas, and his friend
Were e'en almost, at their wits end;
[Page 72] Z'lid (Jove forgive me, that I swear)
Quoth he, how think'st thou came they here?
Nay quoth the t'other presently,
AEneas, what a Pox know I?
n AEneas was so glad on's kin,
He ready was t'leap out on's skin,
And so was t'other, for (in sadness)
They were e'en mad, 'twixt fear, and gladness,
And yet it seems, they were so wise,
To keep them safe in their disguise;
Until their friends, had try'd th' Opinions,
Of the kind-hearted Carthaginians.
[Page 73] o At last they saw one Ilioneus,
A Trojan very Ceremonious;
A Youth of very fine Condition,
A very pretty Rhetorician;
One that could write, and read; and had
Been bred at Free-School from a Lad,
Thrust up to Dido in good fashion,
And thus begins his fine Oration.
p O Queen, who here hast built a Village,
And keep'st thy Ground in hearty Tillage:
O Thou, who hast the Royal Science,
To Govern Men as wild, as Lyons,
[Page 74] Behold us here, who look like men,
New eaten, and spew'd up again.
So spitefully has fortune crost us,
So wofully the Seas have tost us.
A few poor Trojans here you see,
Even as poor, as poor may be;
Thrown on this Shore by Wind, and Weather,
Ill luck, the Divel and all together;
And humbly do beseech your Grace,
To pitty our most woful case.
Your Men are all in hurly-burly,
And look upon us grim, and furly,
So that if you be not good to us,
They'll burn our Boats, and quite undo us.
Therefore we pray you send some one,
To bid'um let our Boats alone.
[Page 75] q Alas! we come not to purloyne,
Either your Cattle, or your Coyne,
Neither to filch Linnen, or Woollen:
Nor yet to steal away your Pullen;
W'have no such knavish ends, as these;
But only to beg Bread, and Cheese.
r We were a going to a Place,
A hardish kind of Name it has,
Where once your what shal'call'ums (rot'um!
It makes me mad I' have forgot'um)
Liv'd a great while; but now do see,
'Tis known by th' Name of Italy:
[Page 76] s When on a sudden one Orion,
Poudr'd upon us, like a Lyon,
And squander'd us on Flats, and Shelves,
Enough to make us drown our selves:
So that of Sixscore men, and deft ones,
Even here (O Queen) are all are left on's.
t Then what should aile your Tyrians thus
To Scowle, and look askew at us;
Or where the Divel were they bred,
Sure rancker Clowns ne'er liv'd by bread;
And (for to tell your Grace my thought)
I think they're better fed, then taught.
[Page 77] For (as I am an honest man
Let'um deny it, if they can)
u No sooner landed we to bait us;
But that the Rogues threw Cow-turds at us;
But Queen, I hope, thou'lt teach the Wretches,
Henceforth to meddle with their Matches.
x AEneas once did us command,
A taller fellow of his hand,
Nor honester, ne'er did, or shall,
Draw out a Trapstick to a wall.
If he but live, and that already,
He be not drowned in some eddy,
[Page 78] You of your cost will ne'er repent you,
For to a penny he'll content you.
y Look then o'th' Trojans, and befriend'um,
Let's draw our Boats ashore, and mend'um.
We'll promise you if that we meet,
Our Captain with the rest o'th' Fleet,
And if he be not turn'd t'a Gudgeon,
We towards Italy will trudge on;
z And if that he shall still be lacking,
Then back again we'll streight be packing.
[Page 79] a Dido like woman of good fashion,
Gave special heed to his Relation;
And all the while he did relate it,
Mump't like a Bride, that would be at it.
At last, when he had told his Tale
Mantling like Mare in Martingale
She thus reply'd; Trojans be cherry,
Pluck up your Hearts, and rest you merry,
Our Towns-folks here are something wary,
Not that they any Ill-will bear you;
For they are very honest Fellows,
But that of late a Chance befel us.
To tell you true, the other day
When all my folks were gone toth' hay,
[Page 80] A lusty Rascal, such a one
As one of you (dispraise to none)
Comes into th' yard, and off o'th' Hedge,
Where all our Clouts, were hung to Bleach;
Whips me a bran-new Flaxen-Smock,
The very best of all my Stock;
And runs away w'it in a Trice:
('T had ne'er been on my back past Twice.)
But you I know such baseness scorn,
You all a [...]e men well bred; and born.
a Who has not heard o'th' Trojan People,
And of AEneas, and his Swipple;
Nor shall you find us Dames of Tyre,
So farr remov'd from Phoebus fire;
[Page 81] But we can cherish lusty Yeomen,
And carry Toyes like other Women.
b Therefore you shall, whether you go
Straight on to Italy, or no;
Or whether you row on the Main,
To your own Parish back again,
Have what you want; nor will I dun ye,
But pay me when you can get money:
c But if you'll tarry here; This Town,
That I now build shall be your own,
And be as free, you Trojans shall,
As any Tyrian on'um all.
[Page 82] A Man's a Man, as I have read,
Though he have but a Hose on's Head;
d And I could wish, that the same weather
That blew your tatter'd Scullers hither,
Would blow AEneas hither too,
And then there were no more to do;
e But I'll send out my Men, who knows
But he may now be picking Sloes
In our Town-Woods, or getting Nuts,
For very need to fill his Guts.
f AEneas in his Misty Cloak,
Heard every word Queen Dido spoke.
[Page 83] Her Hony-words made his Mouth water,
And he e'en twitter'd to be at her,
But he was so o're joy'd, he stood,
Like a great Sloven made of Wood;
And could not speak (though he were willing)
Would one have g'in him Forty shilling.
g At last his Friend jog'd him with's hand;
How like a Logger-head you stand,
Quoth he, for certainly I think,
Thou'rt either mad or in thy drink:
Dost thou not see our Friends all round,
Excepting one, whom we saw drown'd;
[Page 84] And all as well, as Heart can wish,
And yet thou stand'st as mute as Fish!
h Scarce had he spoke, but off he threw
His Mantle made of Mists so-blew,
And stood as plainly to be seen,
As any there, God blesse the Queen.
i For's Mother had so dizend him,
That he should shew both neat, and trim;
Though (truly!) he was but an od man,
(Pa [...]
Splay-mouth'd, Crump-shoulder'd like the Go [...]
[Page 85] Yet could he not i'th' nick invent
Her Majesty a Complement;
But scratcht his Head, and gan to sputter,
His elbow rub'd, and kept a clutter,
[...]opping, and mowing, till at last
All difficulties over-past,
k In Courtly-Phrase, it thus came out.
Madam (quoth he) your humble Trout,
[...]hat same AEneas whom you prize thus,
[...]s here without Deceptio Visus
[...] that same very man am here,
And come to tast of your good Chear.
[Page 86] l O Dido Primrose of Perfection,
Who only grantest kind Protection
To wandring Trojans, how shall wee,
E'er pay Thee, for this Courtesie!
We never can my dainty Friend,
Then let Jove do't, and there's an end.
m Thus having ended his fine Speech,
Towards the Queen he turn'd his Breech;
[Page 87] And spoke to's men, sayes Lads how ist?
Come give me every one a Fist,
How dost thou Guy, and Srs. how do ye?
Now by my troth, I'm glad to see you,
'Tis better being here I trow,
Then where we were a while a go,
No longer since, then yesterday;
Welcome to Tyre as I may say,
With that to shaking hands they fall,
And he most friendly shak't them all,
Surely he was no Counterfeiter,
No Bandog could have shak't 'em better.
n Queen Dido ravish'd to behold,
The Carriage Sweet of this Springold,
[Page 88] Star'd for a while, as she'd look through him,
And then thus brake her mind unto him.
o O Thou who'st so finely bin bred,
And com'n art such honest kindred,
By what strange luck hast thou been hurry'd
As if the Fates would thee have worry'd
'Tis strange thou hast not burst thy hoops
Th'ast been so bang'd about the stoops.
p Art Thou AEneas with great Ware,
So famous for a Cudgel-player
Whom Venus with her fine devices
Bore that old Knocker good Anchises?
[Page 89] q My Father Belus went with Teucer
(I think he had not many Sprucer)
To take possession of an Island,
That was some Twenty Rood of dry-land.
r And he still gave great commendations,
Of Trojans 'bove all other Nations;
He could have nam'd you all by dozens
And told me you, and he were Cousins.
s Therefore young Men to Carthage you,
Are welcome without more a do.
[Page 90] I have my self (I'de have you know)
Been driven to my shifts e'er now;
And therefore in my Jurisdiction,
Pitty a Beast, that's in Affliction:
t With that she stretched forth a hand,
So white, it made AEneas stand.
Amaz'd to see't. (for know that shee
Still wash't her Hands in Chamber-Lee)
And led AEneas in kind fashion,
Towards her Graces Habitation;
And made a Curtzy at the dore,
And pray'd him to go in before;
But he most courteously cry'd no,
I hope I'm better bred then so;
[Page 91] But let him say what he say could,
Dido swore Faith, and Troth he should;
Well (quoth AEneas) I see still,
Women, and Fools must have their will;
And thereupon, without more talking,
Enters before her proudly stalking.
Scarce were they got within the dores;
But Dido call'd her Maids all Whores,
And a great coyle, and scolding kept,
Because the House was not clean swept:
a Then all in hast away she sends
Victuals unto AEneas friends;
Pease-Porridge, Bacon, Puddings, Sowse;
O'th' very best, she had i'th' house;
[Page 92] Butter, and Curds, & Cheeses plenty,
To fill their Guts, that were full empty;
Bidding them eat, and never save it,
But call for more, and they should have it.
b This being [...]ne, the dainty Queen
Conducts the Trojans further in,
Into a Parlour neat she takes 'um,
And there most fairly welcome makes 'um:
She serv'd 'um drink, and victuals up,
As long as they would eat, or sup,
Whilst each one there so play'd the Glutton,
That he was forced to unbutton.
No sooner had the Trojans bold,
Stuff'd their Guts full, as they would hold;
[Page 93] But that AEneas streight begun,
c All-to-bethink him of his Son.
See Ser­ [...] upon [...].
Now you must know, that he had had,
A wench, and by that wench, a Lad.
The Lasse I reason had to name,
When (be it spoken to their shame)
The Greeks when first they took Troy City,
Did thrust to death, without all pity:
Of woman-kind sure as I breath
The first that ever dy'd that death.
d His Son, Ascanius hight, a Page,
About some dozen years of age,
This Boy, AEneas sent Achates
To fetch, quoth he, since we feed gratis,
[Page 94] Why should not now my little Bastard,
(That I dare swear will prove no dastard)
Come to Queen Dido's House, and Feast,
As we have done o'th' very Best?
Go fetch him then, e and let him bring's
Out of my Coffer, those gay things,
I sav'd at Troy; which for their fineness
He shall present unto her Highness.
There is a Riding-hood, and safe-guard
Of yellow Lace, bound with a brave guard,
Which Hellen wore; the very day,
That Paris stole her quite away.
[Page 95] f Then there's a Distaffe neatly wrought
That Paris too for Hellen bought,
For carved-work fit to be seen,
Betwixt the Leggs of any Queen.
And then there is a fair great Ruffe
Made of a pure, and costly Stuffe
To wear about her Highness Neck,
Like Mrs. Cockaynes in the Peake,
And last, a Quoife, wrought gorgeously
With Tinsell, and Blew-Coventry:
Then go as fast, as th' canst I preethee
And bring him, and these Presents with thee.
[Page 96] g Away goes he, as he was bidden,
Running as fast, as he had ridden;
But Venus, that same cunning Dame
Had yet another Trick to play 'um.
h She had no very good Opinion,
Of your so smooth tongu'd Carthaginian,
Nor knew she but the Queen might be
As full of Craft, as Courtesie.
i And she was sure that Juno would
Do all the Mischief, that she could;
Therefore she in all hast did run,
T'a Boy, call'd Cupid, was her Son.
[Page 97] This Cupid was a little tyny,
Cogging, Lying, Peevish Nynny;
No bigger then a good point-tag;
But yet a vile unhappy wag.
He ne'er would go to Schoole; but play
The Truant every other day;
Run men into th' Breech with pins,
Throw stones at Folks, and break their shins;
Kill peoples Hens, and steal their Chicks,
And do a Thousand Roguy Tricks:
But with a Bow the Shit-breech'd-elfe
Would shoot like Robin-Hood himself;
And had I warrant every dart,
Poyson'd with such a subtle Art,
That where they hat, their power was so
It made Folks love, would they or no:
[Page 98] And for this Trick, the hopeful Youth
Was call'd the God of Love forsooth.
To this young Squire Dame Venus trotted
As I (if you have not forgot it)
Told you before, and thus begun,
To Flatter up her Graceless Son,
k My Goldylocks, (quoth she) my Joy,
My pretty, little-tyny-Boy;
Thy Mother Venus comes to thee
T' implore thy little Deity.
l Thou knowest as well as any Other
How Juno vile has us'd thy Brother
[Page 99] Our poor AEneas, what a Clatter,
She made to drown him on the water;
Nay she would do more mischief still,
If the Curst Quean might have her will.
m AEneas now is at a Place
Call'd Carthage with a handsome Lass,
Queen Dido nam'd, where now he is
Made on as much, as heart can wish;
n But least the Queen should change her mind
As Weather-Cocks do with the wind,
And thorough Juno's wiles at last,
Show him a Womans slipp'ry cast;
[Page 100] My pretty Archer let us Two
Show the Proud Slut what we can do.
My Son AEneas does dispatch
Achates, to the Wharfe to fetch
My little Grand child, who must come,
To sup in Dido's dining-roome.
Now since that thus in short the Case is
And that thou canst so well cut faces:
o p I would have thee to set thy Phys'▪
Nomy in such a shape as his;
[Page 101] And go along as meek, and mild,
As any little sucking Child.
When thou com'st there, I know the Queen
Will clip, and kisse thy Cheek, and Chin;
Dandle, and give thee Figgs, and Reasons;
Then must thou play thy Petty-Treasons,
Lick her Lips, Flatter her, and Cog,
And set her Highness so o'th' Gog,
That when she'as layd by Fame and Honour,
Thy Brother may to work upon her.
q This is my Plot, and that nought cross it,
[...]'ll make the Child a sleeping Posset.
And when hee's fast, I will him hide
[...]'th' top o'th' Garret upon Ide.
[Page 102] a Cupid, who Mischief lov'd, I think,
Better by half then Meat, or Drink;
Without all manner of Reply,
Prepares him for his Roguery.
His wings he from his shoulders throwes,
Because they'd not go into's Clothes,
And drest himself to such a wonder,
That none could know the Lads asunder.
b But Venus gave t'other a Sop,
That made him sleep like any Top;
And whilst he taking was a Nap,
She layd him neatly in her Lap,
[Page 103] And Carryed him to a House that stood
Upon an Hill in a old Wood:
And when she had the Urchin there,
She laid him up in Lavander.
c In the mean time, Sir Cupid goes
To th' Court in young Iülus Clothes;
d Who should he see when he came there;
But Dido sitting in a Chaire,
I'th' midst of all the Trojan Blades,
Vap'ring, and Swearing at her Mayds.
Under her Feet a Cricket stood,
Whereon she stampt as she were Wood;
[Page 104] And likewise there was finely put,
A Cushion underneath her Scut.
There as she fate upon her Crupper,
e She bad her Folks to bring in Supper,
And in they brought a Thundring Meal,
Great Joynts of Mutton, Porke and Veal,
Hens, Geese, and Turkies, Ducks, and Bustards,
And at the last, Fools, Flawns and Custards,
The Trojans eat, and make good Chear
Tunning themselves with Ale, and Beer,
There was old drinking, and old singing,
And all the while, the Bells were ringing,
[Page 105] One would have thought, by the great Feast,
T'ad been a Wedding at the least.
Whilest thus they eat, and drink, and chat,
f Cupid, that little Cogging Brat,
So cunning was in Counterfeiting,
AEneas thought him on's own getting.
At last Queen Dido in her Lap,
Sets me the Mounte-banking-Ape,
And kist his Lipps all of a Lather,
Then thus bespeaks the new-made Father.
By th' Mack (quoth she) thou Trojan trusty,
Thou gott'st This Boy, when thou wert lusty;
[Page 106] And any one that does but note him,
May soon know who it was begot him;
I dare be sworn t'was thou didst get him,
Hee's e'en as like thee, as th'adst spit him.
g Whilst thus the Youth she kist, & dandled,
Cupid had so the matter handled,
That she began to feel a Grumbling
As People do that would be Tumbling.
h When they had Supt, & that the waiters,
Had Trenchers ta'ne away, and Platters;
[Page 107] i Up from her Chayre Queen Dido starts,
And takes a Mug, that held Two Quarts
Of Drink, that she with much forbearing
Had sav'd long since for her Sheep-shearing:
And thus begins, Here Sirs, here's to you,
And from my heart much good may do you:
k AEneas, here's a Health to thee,
To Pusse and to good Company;
And he that will not do, as I do,
Proclaimes himself no friend to Dido.
I do pronounce him to be no Man,
And may he never kisse a Woman.
[Page 108] l With that she set it to her Nose,
And off at once the Rumkin goes;
No drop besides her Mussel falling,
Untill that she had supt it all in.
Then turning't
Aliàs K [...]ly.
Topsey on her Thumb
Sayes look, here's Super-naculum.
AEneas, as the story tells,
And all the Rest did bless themselves,
To see her trowle of such a Pitcher,
And yet to have her Face no richer,
By Jove (quoth he) knocking his knuckles;
I'de not drink with her for Shoe-buckles:
But Madam (sayes he) sweetly bowing,
I hope your Grace does not make
Ending one and Beginning [...]nother.
[Page 109] For if you do at this large rate,
There will be many an aking pate;
m With that he took a lusty Swimmer
Here Sirs (quoth he) I drink this Brimmer
In kind return for our Protections,
Unto Queen Dido's best Affections.
n Down went their Cups, and too't they fell,
Roaring and Swaggering pell mell,
o Whilst a Blind-Harper did advance,
That wore Queen Dido's Cognizance,
A Minstrel that Iopas hight;
Who play'd, and sung to 'um all night,
[Page 110] He sung them Songs, Ballads, and Catches,
Of Mens Devices, Womens Patches;
With antient Songs of high Renown
And even one, they call'd Troy Town:
At that, AEneas shak't his Noddle,
As one would do an empty Bottle,
(Quoth he) if he that wrote this Ditty,
Had been with us i'th' midst o'th' City.
When Faggot-sticks, flew in Folks Chopps,
And knock't men down, as thick as Hopps,
I do believe for all's fine Chiming,
He would have had small mind of Riming:
Yet for to give the Divell his due,
Who e're he was the Ballads true.
[Page 111] p From Dido then a belch did fly,
'Tis thought she meant it for a sigh,
And tears ran down, her fair long Nose,
The Queen was Maudlin I suppose.
q (Quoth shee) AEneas out of Jesting,
Thou needs must tell at my Requesting,
All the whole Tale of Troyes Condition,
Since first you troubled were with Grecian;
Hectors great Fights, and Priams Speeches,
And eke describe Achilles Breeches,
[...] [...]
[Page 112] How strong he was, when he did grapple,
And if Tydides horse were dapple.
Tell me I say of Paris Lechery,
The Grecians Quarrels, and there Trechery,
Your Challenges, your Fights, and Battles,
And how you lost your Goods and Chattles;
And to what Places you have wander'd
E're since you were so basely Squander'd.
All these things would I know most duly,
Then tell me speedily, and truly.

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