Self-imployment in secret ... left under the hand-writing of that learned & reverend divine, Mr. John Corbet ...; with a prefatory epistle of Mr. John Howe. Corbet, John, 1620-1680. 1681 Approx. 68 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 49 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2004-11 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A34544 Wing C6265 ESTC R32518 12711243 ocm 12711243 66096

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Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A34544) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 66096) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1524:18) Self-imployment in secret ... left under the hand-writing of that learned & reverend divine, Mr. John Corbet ...; with a prefatory epistle of Mr. John Howe. Corbet, John, 1620-1680. Howe, John, 1630-1705. [16], 75 p. Printed for Thomas Parkhurst ..., London : 1681. "Containing I. Evidences upon Self-Examination. II. Thoughts upon Painful Afflictions. III. Memorials for Practice. Reproduction of original in the British Library.

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eng Contemplation. Spiritual life. 2004-08 Assigned for keying and markup 2004-08 Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2004-09 Sampled and proofread 2004-09 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2004-10 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion

Self-Imployment IN SECRET; CONTAINING I. Evidences upon Self-Examination. II. Thoughts upon Painful Afflictions. III. Memorials for Practice. Left under the Hand-Writing of that Learned & Reverend Divine, Mr. Iohn Corbet, Late of CHICHESTER. With a Prefatory Epistle of Mr. Iohn Howe.

LONDON, Printed for Thomas Parkhurst, at the Bible & Three Crowns, in Cheapside, near Mercers-Chappel, 1681

THE PREFACE.

THE Character of this Holy Servant of Christ, is already given by an every-way sutable In his Funeral-Sermon. Hand, in what Part it lay open to the Observation of others. His more Interiour Portrai ture, which is contained in these Papers, was (as it could only be) drawn by Himself.

Why it is now exposed to publick view, there is no need to be scrupulously careful in giving an Account. It must be acknowledg'd there is usually with the Holiest Men, a modest shyness of Communicating these privacies of their own Souls. Their Inner Man doth shew its own Face with the more difficulty, by how much it is more beautiful, and worthy to be beheld. And so it was with this excellent Person as his Inscriptions upon these Papers shew, [The State of my Own Soul] and [Qotes for my Self] signifying their intended Use, was that of a Mirrour to represent himself to his own Eye, not to other Mens.

Yet this Aversion (though great) hath not been always Invincible, or such as no Reasons to the contrary could oversway. What are the Psalms of David, and sundry Memoires of Holy Men in Scripture, that were remotest from Ostentation and vain Glory, but records of the most secret Dispositions and Motions of the hidden man of the Heart, made publick for the instruction of their own, and succeeding Ages. As also the other published Meditations, and Soliloquies, of some of the greatest Worthies in the Christian Church, must be understood to have had the same Pious Design. Nor, hath a generous Benignity, in some Heathens, permitted them to Ingross to themselves, or envy to the World those pleasant Sensations of their own Minds, which they thought might be some way Instructive and Useful to other Men. As that Marcus Antoni •• Renowned Philosopher and Emperour is instance, that scrupled not to Write and leave behind him for this purpose, Twelve Books concerning his own Life.

The thing cannot be Culpable if the Design be Innocent, which will in great part be discernable in the manner of doing it, when it is with unaffected simplicity, and without studied Disguise: As we commend a Picture, not so much for its being Specious, as that it is like the Face. So have good Men in giving Accounts of themselves not spared to put in the Distempers, and Disaffections of their Spirits, that are as great Blemishes and Deformities, as a Wart or Mole on the Face; which the faithful Pencil must as curiously Express, as the greatest Decencies.

However, if this Publication be Praise-worthy, nothing is to be Arrogated to the Author, as, if it be thought Blameable; nothing is to be Derogated. For though the Work it self (which carries its sufficient Praise with it) be owing entirely to him (or rather to the Grace of God in him) the making it publick, is from the advice, and desire of some Friends, willing to impart what was once most private, for a publick Good.

It is but the Dissection of his Soul; less to be regretted by Friends, when he is now cut of Sight, and much more Useful, than that of his lately Pained Body.

And as Anatomy discovers all the curious Contexture of our Bodily Fabrick: Here are •• ived Representations of Faith, Love, an Heavenly Mind, of Humility, Meekness, Self-denyal, Entire Resignedness to the will of God, in their First and Continued Motions: with whatever Parts, and Principles besides, Compose the whole Frame of the New Creature, as if we could perceive with our Eyes, how the Blood in an Humane Body, Circulates through all the Vains and Arteries, how the Heart Beats, the Spirits Fly to and fro, and how each Nerve, Tendon, Fibre, and Muscle, perform their several Operations. Here it may be seen how an Heart toucht from above, Works, and Tends thitherward, how it depresses it self in Humiliation, Dilates it self in Love, Exalts it self in Praise, Submits it self under Chastenings, how it Draws in its Refreshings, and Succours as there is need.

To many who have seen so Steady, Uniform, and Amiable a Course and Tenour of of Life; How grateful is it to behold the secret Motions of those inward latent Principles, from whence all proceeded? Though Some others, would look no further than the Advantages in external Respects that accrue by it. As though Some content themselves to know by a Clock, the Hour of the Day, or partake the beneficial use of some rarer Engine; The more curious, especially, any that design Imitation, and to Compose Some like thing, would be much more Gratify'd, if through some pellucid Inclosure, they could behold all the inward Work, and observe how every Wheel, Spring, or Movement, perform their several Parts, and Offices towards that Common Use.

What is here Presented, as it may be of great Usefulness to all that seriously design the Christian Life: so it hath a special Use for such as design it not, and who think there is no such thing.

It may peculiarly serve to Convince such, as are willing to think as Ill as they can of the Calling, and Office of the Ministry, that there are Some that serve the Lord in that Work, who do not Study such Subjects as are here Exemplify'd, only to frame Discourses of them, wherewith to entertain the People for an Hour; but for their own Use and Practice too. That do Live the things they Teach. And Eat of the Food they prepare for others. That are in good earnest, and most intent to Save themselves, and them that hear them: And do really venture their own Souls upon the same Bottom, upon which they would perswade their Hearers to venture theirs, taking all possible Care, Left when they Preach to others, they should themselves be Cast-awayes.

The very Opinion that we Preach, only for Forms sake, and to keep up the Custom, and believe, or regard not what we our selves say (as well as the thing it self) is no small (nor perhaps uncommon) hinderance to the success of Preaching at this Day. It is hard to be serious in Hearing, what I think, he is not serious in himself who Preaches it. If I Apprehend he Trifles, 'tis a great Temptation to me, to do so too! You may see this Worthy Man considered the Gospel, as a Gospel of Salvation, and not only Taught, but Used it accordingly. How Sollicitous was he to ground Substantially, and Strongly, his Hope of Eternal Life! How warily did he feel his Way; and Labour to Understand, and Know Practically, upon what Terms he might safely appear before his Judge!

To them who do not so, this ought to be taken for a Reprehensive Example, and may be very Directive to them that do.

That it may attain its proper Ends, is the serious Prayer of

One desirous to promote the Common Salvation, Iohn Howe.
Mr. CORBET's ENQUIRY INTO THE State of his Soul. His Introduction.

IN order to peace of conscience and assurance of my good estate towards God, it must in reason be supposed, that I may rightly understand the marks of sincerity set down in Gods Word, as also the predominant inclination and motions of my own soul; and that I may be so far assured of my right understanding of the things aforesaid, as to have no reasonable ground of doubting thereof. For I have no other ordinary way to know my sincerity in order to the said peace and assurance, but to examine, it according to my best understanding by the marks thereof set down in Gods Word. In this Self-Examination it is requisite that I use all Diligence and Impartiality with Constancy; and that I earnestly pray for Gods assistance in it, and heartily offer my self to his search, as David did, Psal. 139. 23. Wherefore if upon the most impartial and diligent search, that I can make according to the best of my understanding, together with earnest and constant Prayer to God to assist me therein as in my greatest concern; it doth most rationally appear to me, that the predominant inclination and motions of my soul are agreeable to the marks of sincerity set down in Gods Word, then my conscience doing its office aright is to judge for me accordingly, viz. that I am sincere. And in this judgment I am to acquiesce, because it is the Judgment of Gods Agent and Minister, which he hath set up within me to judge under him of my internal state, according to his Law, by which he himself doth and will judge me. God hath the same aspect upon the Soul, which Conscience his Vicegerent hath, as it from time to time, or ordinarily judgeth not against him or without him, but under him and according to his judgment, either acquitting or condemning. To this purpose the Apostle speaketh, 1 John 3. 20, 21. If our heart condemn us, God is greater than our Heart and knoweth all things; If our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence towards God.

The State of my Own SOUL According to the strictest Search that I can make. Psal. 139. 23, 24. Search me O Lord and know my Heart, try me and know my Thoughts, and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way Everlasting, Amen.
The following particulars were set down in Decemb. Jan. Feb. An. 1663.

AS far as I am able to discern my heart and wayes, I have chosen the Lord for my portion, I take up my rest in him and not in the Creature. To love and fear and admire and bless him, and to have communion with him is my chief joy. And the eternal Vision and Fruition of God is my great hope. I would not only have God herafter, but here in this World for my chief good. He is even now better than all the World.

I come to God by Jesus Christ. And as I believe in God, I believe also in Christ, and rejoyce and glory in him, and acknowledging my own sinfulness and unworthyness, I rest intirely on him as the ground of my justification to Life, and of all favour and acceptance with God.

I receive Christ as my Lord, and give up my self to him. I let him into my heart by Faith. I esteem him precious and am willing to suffer the loss of all, that I may win him; I desire to know him in the Power of his Death and Resurrection, and am much grieved, that I do so weakly experience that power, and feel it no more operative in me in my dying to sin and 〈◊〉 World, and in living and walking in the Spirit.

I do not cease to lament the more heinous sins of my Life, and cannot forbear the continual imploring of the pardon of them. I do not return again to them, and I resolve never so to do; I watch and pray and strive against all sin, but especially against those sins, to which I am more especially inclined; my conflicts are daily, and am put hard to it. But I do not yield up my self to any sin, nor lie down in it, yea I do not suffer sinful Cogitations to lodge in me. Howbeit I am many times much discomposed, damped in Spirit, deadned in Duty, distracted in my Studies, and molested and hindered every way by the sin that dwelleth in me. But I resolve that sin shall have no rest in my soul, and that I will never injoy it. Though I cannot keep sin out of my heart, yet it doth not reign in my mortal body, nor do I yield my members to the service of it.

I would fulfil all Righteousness, and owe nothing to any man but love. I had a hundred - sold rather suffer wrong than do wrong.

It was said of Christ, that no guile was found in his mouth, and of the faithful Company that followed the Lamb, that no guile was found in their mouth. And that it may be so with me I indeavour with my whole heart.

I trust God with my chiefest outward Concernment, even with that, about which I am most Solicitous, and wherein to be satisfied is of great moment to me, for that it hath as great an influence upon my Spirit, as any outward thing hath. And I do believe that God will provide for me herein, or otherwise supply the want of it. My earnest desire of God is, that my outward condition may be so stated by his Wife and Gracious providence, as I may be least exposed to temptation, and best disposed, and furthered unto Duty.

I have an Inclination to seek Self, particularly in vain applause, and that in Religious services; and herein I have been highly guilty, but I shame my self for it before God, and I am willing to be satisfied in the Praise, that comes from him alone; and I trust through his Grace, that I can deny my self in matter of Reputation to do his Will.

I love the Lord Jesus Christ and all his Saints. The broken estate of the Church, especialy by intestine Evils, is a great trouble to my Spirit. The scandals of professors I am truly grieved at, and I would not by their weaknesses seek to excuse my own faults, or an advancing of my own Virtues.

I have no setled Bitterness and Revenge against my Enemies, but I love, pitty and pray for them. As concerning God's Enemies I am more provoked, but I would not be inhumane or cruel against them. For the wrath of Man worketh not the Righteousness of God.

I contemn none, I would not imbitter the Spirit of any. I would answer all obligations of courtesy, as accounting it a Righteousness. I would not insult over the weakness of any; and this is partly out of Natural tenderness and Moral Considerations, and I find that the goodness, and kindness of God, the meekness gentleness of Christ hath here unto made Impression upon me.

I find upon the review of my Life past according to the clearest judgment, that I can make, that I have not gone backward, but proceeded forward, in the wayes of Godliness. And this increase I reckon not by sudden fits now and then hapening, but by the main progress of the work in the total Sum.

I have been grieved that I am no more elevated in the hope of Heaven, and that I cannot attain to a longing desire to be gone hence, and to be there with Christ. I have laboured to raise up my heart, and have had enlargement, even when deadness and flatness had been upon me. I think with my self sometimes, were my Evidences clear for Heaven, I would exalt to be gone hence this very hour; but I find not this readiness at all times.

When I have had a good enterprize in hand for God's Glory and some publick benefit, I watched against Vanity of mind and vain Glory in carrying it on; and I desire purely to aym at God's Glory, and to be satisfied with my reward in him. And I take heed, that I forget not my Mortality, when I am pursuing that design; but I would fain bring up my self to this frame, to be contented to be taken hence in the midst of it, as judging that I shall be no looser by my removal, and God cannot stand in need of that Service.

Lord forgive my inordinate self-love, which hath disturbed the Actings of pure Charity in divers passages of Moment. For self-love in my sensitive appetite hath had motions contrary to the Love of God and my Neighbour. Nevertheless my Judgment hath disallowed it, and I have for the most part acted against it, and for that, which the Love of God and my Neighbour did command.

O Lord forgive my ten thousand Talents. I come to Jesus Christ, who hath made satisfaction, and lay this heavy reckoning to his account. Lord forgive my Iniquity, for it is exceeding great.

These following passages were set down, March 4. An. 1675.

UPon the Review of the foregoing Evidences, after Twelve Years, I find through Grace the same abiding in me, and more and more Rooted. And some particulars which did make me more to doubt of my good Estate, I find to be since that time in a greater degree vanquished.

I have done what in me lies, to call to remembrance all my remarkable Sins, from my Childhood and Youth till now: And as far as I can Judg, I have Repented of them, both generally and particularly. And I now Repent of them all, from the bottom of my Heart, with a self Abhorrence, if I can know my own Heart by the strictest, and most impartial search that I can make.

Upon the best Judgment that I can make of the Nature of Sin, and the Frame of my own Heart, and Course of Life; I know no Sin lying upon me, which doth not consist with habitual Repentance, and with the hatred of Sin, and with an unseigned consent that God be my Saviour, and Sanctifier, and with the Loving of God above all.

The Mercy of God towards me, in the prolonging of the day of Grace, in the strivings of his Spirit, in his Chastisements, in the checks of Conscience, in the Recovery of my Soul out of Distempers and Backslidings, doth greatly affect my Heart, and strongly engage me to Him; and doth often call upon my Soul, and all that is within me, to Bless his holy Name.

Though my Spiritual growth be very low and slow; yet to this present time, I have not grown Worse, but Better, speaking of growth in the whole space, or greater spaces of my time past, and not every particular Day.

By Prayer, and Endeavours long continued, I have in some measure overcome a special very Sinful Distemster of Mind, and gained the contrary Temper against a natural Propensity.

Though my Faith in Christ be weak, yet to have part in his Promises, I am ready to part with all that is dear in this World, and I have no hope of Happiness, but in Christ.

Though I have had doubtings touching the promised Salvation, yet I know that as to my own Felicity, I prize nothing more than that Salvation, being the glorifying, and injoying God for Ever, and I Embrace it as my best Good. I Love Christ, whom I have not seen, and I am affected towards him, as towards a person, who taught and did the most excellent Things, and promised a most excellent State to his Followers, and purchased their Redemption at the dearest rate.

I am heartily grieved for loving God so little, yet I am sure, This I Wrote according to a full perswasion at that time. I Love nothing more than God, and in my esteem and choice, I prefer the Spiritual, Divine, and Heavenly Life, imcomparably before the Carnal, Animal, Earthly Life. And this esteem and choice, is made good by performance in Ordinary.

I Love to Love God. And I desire this Love not only as an evidence of my Salvation, but for it self. I had much rather have a heart to love him perfectly than to have all the Riches, Honours and Pleasures of this World.

My Conscience beares me witness that in the present exercise of my ministry, I have no self-end of Worldly Advantage, or Reputation among Men, or any Interest of the Carnal Mind: but if the Command of Christ, and the necessities of Souls did not oblige me to this Service, I should gladly retire to Privacy and Solitude.

My Temporal Estate is mean and low, yet I am Contented with it, and humbly bless God for what I have. I Live in as narrow a compass for Expences, as I can, that I might have something to give to the Poor, and to be helpful to those that are in Need, according to my Ability. And as God hath required of us to Love Mercy; and our Saviour hath said, It is a more Blessed thing to give, than to receive; so I have more pleasure in giving a Portion to the Needy, as far as my mean Estate will bear, than in laying out for the Delight of my own Sense, or Worldly Conveniences. And this proceeds not from a conceit of Merit in any thing that I can do, but from a Love to please God, and do Good.

Though I have a good Knowledge about the premises, yet I am apt to waver about the Conclusion. And though I apprehend the Evidences of my Sincerity to be clear, yet a Timorousness remains in me.

Though I have not as yet overcome the Fear of Death, yet I am sure that the unwillingness that is in me to Dye, is not that I might enjoy the pleasures of Sense, or any Gratification of the Animal Life.

I feel in my self a burden of Sin and Corruption, much Sensuality, Earthliness, Selfishness; nevertheless I judg, there is that Predominancy of Love to God, and Holiness, which I hope is unmoveably seated in my Soul; whereupon I hope that it cannot be, that I should be cast out of his blissful Presence into that Perdition, which is a State of immutable hatred of him. And I apprehend that the most horrid, and hellish state of Hell it self, lyes in its Everlasting, and utmost Enmity against God.

Thus I am searching and trying my heart and wayes, and what I find by my self I write down, that I may have it by me for my relief in an Evil day, and an hour of temptation. For I must expect the time, when by weakness or anguish of Body or mind I may be disabled to recollect my self, and duly to state the case of my own Soul. And the Powers of Nature may so fail, that I may have but a very weak Apprehension of what I have to do in this great Concernment. I am warned by the parable of the ten Virgins to look to it, that together with my Lamp I may have Oyl in my Vessel, and be ready to enter in with the Bridegroom at his coming.

Lord be Merciful to me a sinner, to me one of the chiefest of Sinners. O my exceeding sinfulness! O the Riches of thy goodness towards me! Should not I loath my Carnal self, should not I grieve for grieving thy Spirit? I desire to do so, I hope to do so. Do what thou wilt with me, so thou pardon, and Sanctify and save me. I am afraid of thy judgments, I can endure but little, O how weak is my heart! Nevertheless I will endeavour, and I trust through Grace that that I shall be enabled to bear thy correcting hand. Thou art Wise and Holy, Thou art Merciful and Gracious, Thou retainest not thine Anger for ever, because thou delightest in mercy. O spare me, and consider me, and deal with me not after my Sins, and reward me not after mine Iniquities; but as far as the East is from the West, so far remove my transgressions from me; comfort me and satisfy me, for I wait for relief from thee. Whatsoever befalls me, I will put my trust in thee. I believe, O Lord help my unbelief. Lord increase my Faith. O my God I lie at thy feet and Mercy, I put my sinful distressed Soul into the hands of Jesus Christ, and I rest on the Covenant of grace made in him, as all my Salvation, and all my desire, Amen.

More Observations touching the State of my Soul. March the 27th. 1676.

O The wonderful mercy of God towards me a most vile and •• etched sinner, in convincing, rebuking and awakening me unto a self-abhorrence, and an utter detestation of my sins, my special sins; so that I cannot be reconciled to them. Since the more powerful awakening of my Conscience I never have, and am perswaded never shall return to those former sins which made a breach between God and my Soul. I hate every sin impartially. A sinful state is in my internal sense an horrid and an hellish state.

I finde my self firmly resolved to give up any part of my worldly Estate, that I shall be found to hold to anothers Wrong. If it be doubtful where the Right lies, I am resolved first to indeavour a Reference to Conscientious knowing Men; and if that cannot be fitly had, to submit it to a Legal Tryal, with a desire that Right may take place. I know not that I hold any 〈◊〉 Estate, or that there is any doubt of my Legal Right to any thing that I possess: but I have made supposition for the Tryal of my own Spirit.

When I had a Father or Mother, I would have trusted them, to defend or deliver me from any Evil, from which it was in their power to defend or deliver me. In the same manner I now trust to my loving Wife. Why then should I be suspicious of God, in whose Hands I am? Why should I doubt of his Dear Love, and Tender Mercy towards me, or call in question his good Will to preserve, or deliver me from any Affliction, that would be too hard for me to bear, or to sustain, and comfort me under any Suffering, which he sees fit to inflict upon me?

If when I was more careless, and forgetful of God, and when I ventured upon breaches with him, he was pleased to convince, me of my Sin, and to rouze me up to a greater Care, and to make me more earnest for Pardon, and for Healing, and for all needful Grace, and more throughly Resolved to follow him throughout; surely he will not refuse me in my Addresses for more Grace, and a more confirmed State of Holiness. If I follow on to know the Lord, I shall know him, and see his Salvation.

Though Death and Judgment be of dreadful Consideration; though God be Holy and Just, and I be vile, and guilty, and worthy of eternal Perdition; yet why should I doubt of Mercy and Forgiveness, and of Support and Comfort in the Darkness of Death, and of Justification in the Day of Judgment, from a Merciful and Faithful God, through a Powerful Redeemer and Advocate; seeing as a humble Penitent Believer, I lye at his Feet, and cast my self into his Arms, and wait on his Grace, and am resolved to keep his Wayes, and never to return to Folly.

I more desire to be Sincere, than to know that I am so. The comfort and delight of being and doing Good, I fet not so much by, as the very being and doing Good. To Love God, and to be Conformable to him, is that, which I most of all desire should be in me.

I will trust God in his Wayes. I will strive against an over-timorous sollicitude about my own Salvation, and will commit my self to God, who is the infinite Goodness and Love, and I will lye down, and take my Repose therein.

I am grieved, when I observe, or hear of the Scandals of some Professors, and the disorders of those, that are in Charity to bejudged Sincere, and the follies, and frailties of the more Sincere and Upright. And it humbles me, by causing me to reflect upon my self, and my own Faultiness, and Weakness, and Proness to Offend; and it makes me more to desire the Heavenly Society, and to be among the Spirits of Just Men made perfect.

My Sins of Sensuality in every kind and degree, I search out, and Repent of. I am kept by Grace, from gross Sins of this sort. In the Gratifications of Sense, which are Lawful in general, I Scrupulously dread Excess, and unduness of Circumstances. How earnestly do I desire an absolute Purity!

All Envy, Unrighteousness, Uncharitableness, Uncompassionateness, Undutifulness, and base Selfishness, which is the Root of all, I have Seen, Lamented, and Abhorred. The motions and stirrings of Mind, that way are suppressed and dislodged: I will never give way thereunto.

Self-applauding, Self-seeking in matter of Praise and Honour before Men, I strive against. I desire to be as Sincere to anothers Reputation, as to my own. I would not value others, by their regard to me, but by their true Worth. I would be contented to be little in the Eyes of others. This I unfeignedly desire and endeavour, and I hope that I have it in some good Degree.

All my Omissions, and Negligences in the Work of the Ministry, in Preaching, in Personal private Application I bewail, and heartily resolve upon more diligence and faithfulness.

Enter not into Judgment with thy Servant, O Lord, but Remember me, and Spare me according to thy great Mercy in Christ Jesus the great Propitiation for Sin, in whom I desire to be found, and under the Covert of whose Wing I stand, that I may be Saved from thy Wrath, and injoy thy Peace, and live in thy Presence, where is fulness of Joy, and Pleasures for evermore.

Feb. 22. 1678/9

GOd will never Damn in Hell any Soul, that hath the habitual, predominant Love of God, though culpably Remiss, and otherwise Sinful, while he remaineth such; yea Hell, and such Love of God are inconsistent.

I Love the Holy Will of God with all my Heart, and hate all Disconformity to it. Nothing is more Grievous to me, than to displease God, and nothing is more Pleasant to me, than to please him.

I strive after Christian perfection.

I labour to be unbottomed of Self, to dye to Self-advancement, to Self-gloriation, and to all selfish joys, and to live wholly in, and to God, and to have Self swallowed up in the Love of Him.

I labour in the work of Self-resignation, that my Will may be confined to, and included in the Will of God.

I strive after Patience in its perfect Work, and do find a willingness to yield to Gods Will in my Chastisements. I still Justify God, and do not entertain an hard Thought of his Dealing with me, but conclude that it is altogether Holy, Just, and Good, and for the best.

I feel my Sin a greater burden to me, than my Affliction. I had rather have Health of Soul in a Body full of Pain, than Health and Ease of Body with a Distempered Soul. And the Sense of my great Sinfulness disposeth me to Patience, under my Afflicting Infirmities of Body.

I narrowly watch my Heart, that it may not lodge, or admit a vain Thought. When I am surprized with Vanity, I suppress it as soon as I observe it.

I am very fearful of offending in a Word. When on the Sudden, and by Incogitancy I have spoken a Word, which upon Second Thoughts is doubtful to me, though I had not such doubt in the speaking of it, I have been much perplexed about it, and have engaged my self to a greater Watchfulness.

Aug. 1680.

SUrely Christ hath my Heart. Whensoever I swerve from Christ in a Thought, Word, or Deed, it is by inadvertency and surprizal against my fixed Principle; and I have great Regret at it, and Loath my self for it.

If I were out of all fear o damnation I had rather be holy then unholy; and I take pains and use Gods means to be holy in opposition to the flesh, and I make it my chief care. And I do this, because I make the enjoying of God my chief good, and rather than lose the hope thereof I would willingly undergo the sufferings of this Life, which lead to that blessed fruition, not excepting the fiery-trial it self.

Aug. 1680.

I Hope, when the end cometh, my God will say to me, dear Child thy warfare is accompilshed, thine iniquity is pardoned, enter thou into my Rest. Therefore I will both hope and quietly wait for the Salvation of God. I will hope to the end. Strengthen me O my God that I faint not.

October the 4. 1680.

I Have no design, I pursue nothing contrary to God's interest: but all my designes and pursuits are for God and Holiness. I think I am sure of this, if I be sure of any thing. My great aim and care and labour is to cleanse my self from all filthyness of Flesh and Spirit, and to perfect Holyness in the fear of God.

To whom I yield my self a Servant, to obey, his Servant I am. But I do not yield my self a Servant to sin, to obey it; but I do yield my self a Servant to God to obey Him. The design and business of my life is to do his Will.

THE WORKINGS OF MY HEART IN MY AFFLICTION. Aug. the 5th. 1680.

THe Will of God in laying this affliction upon me, I unfeignedly approve as Holy, Just, and Good; And I am unfeignedly willing to bear the Affliction, as it is an Evil laid upon me by his Will, till the time come, in which he thinks fit to remove it. I watch and pray and strive that I may not give way to a repining thought against his holy Hand. In this point thē Spirit is willing, but the Flesh is weak. My mind doth really consent to Gods dispensation and to my submission, and being most agreeable to his wise and gracious Government, and most conducing to my Salvation. But my sensitive part, and my mind also as it is in part unrenewed, weak and sinful doth greatly reluctate, so that I am put hard to it, and I must say, I am willing, Lord help my unwillingness. I have not observed in the several dayes that a thought of direct or positive discontentment or vexatious commotion of mind hath been admitted by me, nevertheless I see to my grief, that I fall exceeding short of that quietness, contentation, and cheerfulness in my condition, and of that sreeness of Self Resignation to Gods Will, that I desire, and his goodness calls for.

I wrestle with God by importunate prayer, that this thorn in the flesh might depart from me; that this distemper might be removed, or so mitigated, that I might be in some comfortable ease, and get a more cheerful freedom in doing my duty. Yet I would not wrest this relief out of his hands unseasonably, and without his good Will, and his Blessing. I would wait his time, and desire to have it with his love and favour, and with a saving benefit. And so my earnest desire thereof is limited with submission to his holy Will. Yet I find that this submission is no easy matter, but that I must take pains with my own heart, and that it is God, who must work my heart to it, and keep under the flesh, which is alwaies ready to rebel. It is hard to be willing to bear my wearisom condition. And O how weak is my heart, and ready to sink, if it be not upheld by a strength above my own! O let His Grace be sufficient for me, and let His Power be made perfect in my weakness!

I feel my self bettered in the inner man by this chastening. It hath furthered Mortification and Self-denyal, and done much to the breaking of the heart of Pride, and to bring me on towards that more perfect Self-Examination, for which I labour. It hath much deadned the World to me, and my desire to the World. It makes me know in earnest the Emptiness of all creatures, and how great my concern is in God. It drives me close to him, and makes me to fetch all my comforts from him. I see of how little value all outward contentments are; and not only in my present afflicted state, but if I were at ease and in full prosperity. The sense of this benefit to my soul is the great means of bringing my Will to that weak degree of submission to God's Will, to which I have atatined.

O that I could live more by Faith in this trying affliction. I indeavour to impress upon my Soul those arguments, which the Scripture affords for Patience and Long-suffering with joyfulness. But this will not do the work, unless the Spirit of Faith and Patience be given from him, from whom comes down every good and perfect gift. I pray, I cry to my Father, that he would give me the Holy Spirit according to his Gracious promise, that I might shew forth the Power of his grace, and that I might not dishonour him, nor discourage his Children, nor reproach Religion by my weakness. And in my bearing of it well, my Reputation is nothing regarded by me in comparison of the honour of Christ. Him I desire to Gloryfy both in my obedience and patience.

I do not love God the less because of his correcting hand upon me. As my necessities drive me, so His Love draws me, and my Love brings me to him. I look to him as my Father. And shall I not honour my Father, and give him reverence, when I am chastned of him? The Lord is my Portion saith my Soul, therefore will I hope in him. I will wait for the Lord, who hideth his face, I will look after him; He retaineth not his Anger for ever, because he delighteth in Mercy. Therefore he will turn again, and have compassion upon me. If he kill me I will put my trust in him: for he will not cast me off for ever, if I cleave to him with Faith unseigned, but even through Death it self will he save me. He will bring me forth to the Light, and I shall behold his Righteousness. When I say, what shall I do in case of such or such troublesome or dangerous consequents, my heart answers, be not careful, God will provide, I will leave it to him.

Besides a Natural desire of ease and rest, the sense of the temptation which I am liable in this condition, makes me importunate to be delivered from it. I feellingly know the weakness of my own heart, and I am not ignorant of the Devil's malice and subtilty, and how he will make the fiercest assaults, where I am weakest. Whereupon I tremble in my self for fear of being tempted, and shaken and greatly amazed. And upon this ground respecting my Souls safety, I judg an humble and patient importunity with God for the removing or moderating of my distemper, to be my Duty. Yet to keep me from being over solicitous and anxious in this thing, I consider that God doth govern and limit all our temptations, and will not suffer us to be tempted above what we are able, but will with the temptation open a way for us to escape. Nevertheless I find, that I do much offend by too great a vehemence of desire to be delivered from this grievous burden without due submission; also by too much disquietness and dejection, when after some expectation of a benefit by that means, I perceive that my hope thereof is like to be frustrated. The Lord help me to carry it better, and as I ought to do, and keep my mind in its right frame.

My business under this Affliction is to be careful about my own part, and to leave God's part to his care. My part is to do my duty, and to get the benefit of the Affliction, but to remove it is God's part. Let me perform what belongs to me, and what belongs to God, he will certainly perform in his own time and way. The Sum of my duty is Graciously to comply with the dispensation and to behave my self suitably to it, and to please and honour God under it. Accordingly in this I Labour, and in this way I seek for comfort. And first I justify God and judg my self. God exercises his own holiness and justice in this Castigation. His justice and holiness I approve, and accept the punishment of mine Iniquity, and exercise an hatred of the Sin, for which I now smart. I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against him, and I repent with a self-abhorrence; And I lye in the dust at his feet, and wait on him, untill that he have Mercy upon me, and I am glad to receive Mercy upon his terms.

I have fled for refuge to lay hold on the hope that is set before me. I do most heartily take God for my portion, and I had rather Live the divine Life in Conformity to him and Fellowship with him, here in the firstfruits of the Spirit, and hereafter in the fulness of Glory, than live in the fulness of the delights and Contentments, that belong to the Natural Life upon earth in a way of Sin, and allienation from the Life of God. I do most heartily take Christ according to the offer of the Gospel, not only to be justified from my Sins and delivered from the wrath to come by his merits; but also to be Sanctified by his Word and Spirit, and to be governed by his Laws, and to be brought by him unto the aforesaid fellowship with God. And my Life and practice in the main Bent and ordinary course thereof is according to this choice, in a daily walking not by sight and sense, but by faith; not after the flesh, but after the Spirit, in setting my heart not on earthly, but on heavenly things. I cast off vain desires and hopes, and my expectations of good are from God according to the tenor of his promises. When I walk in darkness, and see no light of outward comfort, humane helps, and visible means, I will trust in the Name of the Lord, and stay my self upon my God. I strive with my own spirit to subdue it to the will of God; And in whatsoever I am tempted to be most impatient, therein I labour most for patience. My great care is that I may not sin against my God in any kind, and more especially that I may not sin by a rebellious impatience under his correcting hand. In this present distress I look upon my self, as being upon my Tryal, and therefore I look more diligently, to my behaviour in it. Now a price is put into my hand for the proof of my sincerity, and I labour accordingly to make good proof of it. I am willing to serve God in pain and patience, else I were unworthy of so good a Master. I am willing to be conformable to Christ in suffering, else I were unworthy of him. But here I must say again, the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak; Lord help my unwillingness. I am called to deny all the pleasures of sence and to mind them no more; and I am heartily willing of it. I am called to declare to others by the exercise of Faith and Patience the Righteonsness of the Lord, and his tender Mercies, and great Faithfulness, and that he alone is Alsufficent. O that the power of his grace may be thus magnified in me! This is the fruit of the Afflictions, that I look after; And in this will I labour more and more. And through the help of Divine Grace I will not doubt of a good Issue, while I am found in the Way of Duty. To them, who by Patient Continuance in Well-doing seek for Glory and Honour and Immortality, God, who cannot lye, hath promised to give Eternal Life.

I am desirous to be delivered from this Affliction (if it be the Will of the Lord) upon this account, that I might have a more notable proof of my freer choosing of God for my Portion, when I am not thus driven to Him, as now, because I can go no where else for Comfort; also of my freer turning from the World, even then when I am capable of injoying it. To have such a proof of these things in my self, I should take for a great Advantage, and be greatly Thankful. Nevertheless, for the quieting of my Mind, I consider that my present Afflicted State doth better secure me from Temptations, which might draw my Heart from God to the Love of the World; in which respect, Prosperity is far more Dangerous than Adversity. Moreover, my present State gives me Advantage for a higher proof of the Grace that is in me, and of the Power of Divine Aid, upholding me in a Life of Faith and Patience, by which I Live upon God alone, when Worldly Comfort fails me, and by which I am enabled to overcome things Grievous to Nature, and to get above, not only the Pleasures, but the sharp Pains of Sense, and to Live, and endure with little natural, or bodily Rest. Also, it gives me the advantage of exercising a resolved, willing Self-Resignation to God in this Dispensation, which is harsh to Flesh and Blood, and a resting in Hope, when there is no present appearance of help, and a waiting, and looking for the Lord, who hides his Face, and a cleaving to him by constant Love, though he doth fore Bruise me. If I continue in the exercise of these Graces, they will give me a Good Proof, that the Heavenly Nature is in me, and will make way for great Assurance towards God, and full Consolation in Christ Jesus. And yet further, I trust that I have long before this distress, chosen God for my Portion, and drawn off my Heart from the flattering Vanities of this World. And I know, that in this Distress, I do not come to Him constrainedly, or meerly as driven. For I delight to draw nigh to Him, to pour out my Heart before Him in Prayer and Meditation. My Meditation of Him is Sweet to my Soul, and I do not Love to be Diverted from it. And when my Distemper is any whit more easy, it Works unto a Rejoycing in Him. And it is for enlargement of Heart towards Him, that I chiefly desire bodily Ease and Rest.

Hear my Cry O God, Attend unto my Prayer. I will Cry unto Thee, when my Heart is overwhelmed: Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.

God the infinite Goodness and Love, will not cast off a poor Soul that lies at his Feet, and cryes for the Help of his Grace, when it is ready to sink under the Burden, and is willing to have Mercy upon his Terms.

Therefore, I will still cry to Him, and look for Him, and lean upon Him, & will not depart from Him by an Evil Heart of Unbelief. This I resolve in his Strength. Lord Strengthen me unto the perfect Work of Patience.

Lord, I heartily consent that Thou shouldest use me as Thou pleasest, so Thou use me, as one of those that Love thy Name. Disposal is an effect of Propriety, but it is alwayes a regular, and a loving Disposal of the Subjects of his Government. O! Deal favourably with thy Servant. Thou Knowest my Frame, Remenber that I am but Dust.

The Lord will Perfect that which concerneth me: Thy Mercy O Lord Endureth for Ever. Forsake not the Works of thine own Hands. O Lord, without Thee I can do nothing. Therefore I must Beg, and Thou wilt give Grace sufficient, without which I cannot Subsist. For therein is the Life of my Spirit.

For Ever, O Lord, Thy Word is settled in Heaven.

Pitty me O Lord, as a Father Pittyeth his Children.

Comfort me O Lord, as one whom his Mother Comforteth.

The Lord will wait, that He may be Gracious unto you: For the Lord is a God of Judgment; Blessed are all they, that wait for Him.

Can I be in a better Hand? As my professed Judgment is concerning Gods Proceeding, so let me stand Affected towards it.

NOTES FOR My Self.

KEep thy Heart with all Diligence; for out of it are the Issues of Life.

Death and Life are in the Power of the Tongue.

Entertain not a sensual Imagination for a Moment; and give not way to the least Glance of the Eye towards Vanity.

Be alwayes expecting some Trouble or other, to interrupt thy outward Peace and Rest.

Never expect any thing from the World; and when it offers thee any thing that is good for thee, receive it; but catch not at it greedily.

Be alwayes mindful what thou may'st do for thine own and others Salvation, in every Instant, upon every Occasion.

Dye daily.

In arguing with another, watch against every inordinate Heat of Passion, loud Speaking, and every rash Word.

If any neglect or slight thee, care not for it, yet observe it.

Any Matter of Tryal to thee, reckon among thy gains.

Take no delight of Sense, but in a manifest and direct Subserviency to Spiritual Ends; and use not that delight to irritate, but to allay Sensuality.

When a sensual Imagination or Passion breaks in, then excite a Tast of the Powers of the World to come; and delay not to recover the Divine Frame.

What thou doubtest, do not.

In thy Actions, consider not only what is lawful, but what is best in the present Circumstances; and do that.

In every Delight of Sense, watch against all Brutishness.

When thou art in Company, where the Talk is but vain, watch to put in a Word, that may be to Edification.

If any despise thee, do not bear a grudge against him for it. And be not offended with any, meerly because they do not honour thee.

When thou art framing Excuses, take heed of speaking an Untruth, or approaching near to it; lest in avoiding the Offence of Man, thou make too bold with God. Take heed of this also, when thou wouldst speak pleasingly, and avoid Offence in speaking.

Use no Recreation or Delight of Sense, but what thou canst at that very time desire of God, that it may be sanctified to spiritual Ends.

When thou hearest that another hath spoken any thing to thy Injury or Disparagement, beware of a Transport of Anger, that thou speak not harshly or unadvisedly against Him, or too passionately for Self, or as too much concerned for Self.

Uphold the Reputation of thy Colleague, or any that is joyned with thee in Service, as thou wouldst thine own.

Watch against all secret Pleasure, in the lessening of another for advancing thy self.

Pray heartily for the Success of thy Colleague and others, who perform the same Service that thou art ingaged in. And rejoyce in whatsoever good is done by them, as in what is done by thy self, and own it before Men.

Use not Animosity and Contention in any Matter, that may be brought to a good Issue in the way of Peace.

Engage not hastily as a Party in a Difference between others; but reserve thy self impartial, and uningaged, that thou mayest moderate between them.

Whil'st thou lamentest thy Weakness in some Cases, and seekest more Strength, be sure to use that greater Strength in all other Cases, whereunto thou hast attained; and be not remiss or forgetful in any Duty, that is more facil to thee: So shalt thou have Comfort in thy willing Mind, and honest Care, and do much towards the Attainment of that, which thou yet wantest, and reachest after.

In the Time of Prayer, let no Business divert thee from it, that is not of present Necessity.

When thou hast an Opportunity of speaking a Word for the Good of anothers Soul, defer not the doing of it till another time.

Watch against all bitter, and over-passionate Speeches against malignant Opposers of the Truth. For Meckness of Spirit and Behaviour, is more according to Christ, than wrathful Zeal.

Be not transported with Passion against those Conformists, who are more sober than many others; yet manifest too little Compassion to their suffering Brethren. For even in the Regenerate, there is a Remainder of the Spirit of Envy, Partiality, and Selfishness, and too much of Wrath, and Bitterness, and other Parts of the Serpentine Nature, though in a mortifyed Degree. And we are to yield Grains of Allowance, for the Temptations of Prejudice, Interest, &c. to which good Men, as well as others, are obnoxious.

In thy Zeal against the Sins of others, be mindful of thine own exceeding Sinfulness: Call to remembrance thy great Offences, which though they be unfeignedly repented of, give thee to understand what cause thou hast to be meek, and humble, and patient towards all Men.

Watch against the Motions of Pride and Hypocrisie, in the Presence of any Person, whose Favour and Opinion thou much esteemest. What is Man that thou shouldst pass to be judged by Man's Judgment, or seek Applause from Man!

Be not discomposed about some petty Absurdities of Behaviour, or little Indecorums, or Over-sights: For so to be, is Pusillanimity.

When thou hast conceived a dislike of any Person, his Wayes, or Actions, or dost ill resent his Carriage towards thee; take heed, thou do not take any secret Pleasure in the Fore-sight of Evil coming upon him; or in hearing or observing any such Folly of his, as tends to his Reproach or Ruin, or notable Dammage.

If thou hast fore-spoken the Calamity, or any Evil, that in Reason is like to befal one, who doth unadvisedly manage himself, and his Affairs, take heed of wishing or willing, that the Evil should come to pass, lest thy Judgment or Fore-sight should seem to be disparaged; yea, take heed of any Motion rising towards such a Wish or Will.

My own exceeding Faultiness ingages me in seeing and hearing the Faults and Follies of others, to pitty them, rather than to rejoyce or glory over them; and to cover or lessen those Faults, rather than to aggravate, or display them.

The Mercy and Forgiveness, that I have found and hope for at the Lord's Hand, ingages and disposes me to forgive Injuries and Abuses done to me. And I should not think it much, that I, who am so sinful, should bear some Contumelies, or Abuses from Men.

It is displeasing to me, to hear the Faults of others insisted on, whether they be Matters of Folly and Inconsiderateness, or of Perverseness and Malice; but especially if the Matter be not evident.

I find, that petty Dammages and Injuries are apt to be Vexatious, especially in a matter the Whole whereof is but Little; as in a litile Farm or Living. Wherefore, I endeavour, that I be not surprized with a troublesom Appearance, and consider the Moment of a thing, how light it is.

Abhor every Thought, Word, and Deed, which is contrary to Love, and tends to the Hurt of others.

The more Men wrong thee, the more watchfully maintain thy Love towards them.

After thy publick Ministrations in Prayer and Preaching, be not thoughtful or much concerned, how Men like thy Performance; but be concerned for this, how acceptable it is to God, and how effectual and successful to holy & saving Means.

If God single me out for special great Suffering, I have no reason to judge amiss of it: For such is the state of things in the World to come, that some Individuals must of necessity suffer for the good of the People. And, Why not I, as well as another? God is my Owner, and he may do with me, as with any other, even as he pleaseth; and he is my Father, and he will use me well, and make me sufficient Amends for all my Suffering; and I shall be no Loser, but an exceeding Gainer thereby in the End.

In this present State of Tryal, it is requisite that there be a sufficient Difficulty and Hardship, for all those that shall be saved, to grapple with.

For all our Boasts of Free-will, unless there were some heavy Weights of Sufferings cast by Providence into the Ballance, to poise against our Propensions to follow Lusts, and Pleasures, and Worldly Allurements, we should never seriously set our selves to the severe and selfdenying Duties, which belong to true Godliness.

To avoid Inconveniences to thy self, expose not any to Danger, whose Safety thou art bound to provide for.

In all Accusations, whether publick or private, when thou hast made a sufficient Defence, enter not into needless Matters for Ostentation, or such further Vindication, as is not necessary, if thou stand in a slippery Place; but lye at a close Guard, lest thou be entangled, or in some point circumvented.

I will never wittingly and wilfully do amiss, by Commission or Omission, in a greater or lesser Matter, because I shall too often do amiss, at least in smaller Matters, through Ignorance, or Inadvertency, or Surprizal of Passion, do what I can.

Watch every Opportunity to put in a savoury Word, for the good of a Soul, with whom thou hast occasion of Converse.

Remember thou hast nothing of thine own, but all is the Lords; and accordingly use all that thou hast to no Carnal Interest, but to serve Him, as being wholly devoted to Him.

Be as serious and hearty in thy Prayers to God for the Concerns of others, as for thine own.

Watch against Selfishness, lest it work unto great Uncharitableness.

When thou hast Evidences of thy Sincerity, which cannot in reason be gain-said, hold to them, and take Comfort in them; yet still endeavour by Reviews, and further Searchings, to clear it more and more.

We keep our Evidences, by keeping our Graces in their Lively Exercise.

Fetch thy Comforts from Heaven, and not from Pleasures or Hopes here below.

Do not overvalue any Worth that is in thy self; but think it rather less than more, than it is indeed.

If any slight thee, be neither dejected nor provoked.

Do not value Men according to their Esteem of thee, but according to their true Worth.

Watch against the Expectation of hearing thine own Praise; and when such a Thought arises, instantly suppress it.

When thou art commended, let not thy Thoughts dwell on it with Delight; but let it be to thee as nothing.

Take heed of too great a Valuation of thine own Work, or Usefulness in thy Place; and lay not too great a stress thereon.

When Friends out of Love over-value thee, it concerns thee not to over-value thy self; nor to take more than thy due, though they give it.

Have a Habit of Compassion towards the Afflicted, firmly fixed in thee, that the Motions thereof may be sutably stirred up on every Occasion.

Let an Abhorrence of any Content in anothers Sufferings, be deeply imprinted on thee; that every Thought thereof may be prevented, or instantly suppressed: Yea, hate all Disregard to anothers Misery.

Watch against all Eagerness, and immoderate Delight in Eating and Drinking; and against minding any kind of Food, for the pleasing of the Sense. Come to thy Meals not like a Bruit, but as becomes a Saint. Never terminate in the sensitive Pleasure, but make use of it to raise thy Heart to God.

When thou hast eaten so much, so that thou thinkest more is not expedient, or is better forborn than taken, proceed not to a Bit more, lest thou be intangled or disturbed.

Still consider, Is this Act, I go about, agreeable to one that hath Communion with God? Will this Act promote Communion with God? Do I come to this Act, so as to have Communion with God thereby promoted.

Seek the lawful Contentment of any that are about thee, as thou dost thy own; and be as glad to gratify them as thy self, so far as it is convenient for them. Hate and shun all Motions of unworthy Selfishness: And see, that others be sharers with thee in thy pleasant Things, and be not content to have them to thy self alone.

Be not over sollicitous, for humouring thy self in sensitive Suavities, but rather suspicious of it, and be abstemious from it.

Always mind and do the present Duty. Comply with the present Dispensation, and make the most of it. Thy business is to please God, and God will provide for thy Comfort.

Lay thy Heart to Rest in the Will of God. For there is no other Rest for the Soul, to be thought on.

I will not indent with God for any good, but what is included in the Covenant of Grace. I will expect no good but according to the Tenor of that Covenant, which is all my Salvation, and all my Desire.

I am resolved that Pride shall not set me to Study, or Preach, or Pray, or carry me on in any Service. If thoughts of Men-pleasing or Mans Applause, steal in with my honest intentions, I will instantly cast them out, as soon as they be discovered, and I will VVatch and Pray for the preventing of them. I will Watch, when I go forth in my service for God, that Pride do not send me forth: Mens Opinion of me shall be nothing with me, but the pleasing of God and the doing of good, shall be my whole scope.

In performing Prayer, I am intent upon God, and his Hearing, and observing my Thoughts and Words; and I earnestly purpose and strive against Thoughts about mens observing and judging of my Performance. Nevertheless, I do find that together with my sincere and earnest Intention directed to God, Thoughts of Regard to Mens Esteem, and Judging, will too often thrust in, do what I can, so as either to be pleased, or troubled, as I think they judge. These Thoughts have greatly troubled my Spirit. Hereupon I consider, That a due Regard to Expressions for Mens sake, that they be Affecting and not Offensive, is not faulty but necessary; and therefore must be heeded. And I think that my thoughts above mens judging have this intention at last chiefly, that my Expressions be Affecting, and not Offensive, yet I am jealous of the mixture of Corruption and Vanity. I earnestly indeavour to have my Heart so filled with the Apprehension of God's infinite Majesty, and my Infinite Concernment in him, that all Impertinent thoughts may be quite swallowed up. All designing and indeavouring to please men for my own praise I do at that very time detest and abandon, yea at that very time I am sure I do very little regard either the Approbation and praise, or the disallowance and dispraise of those very Persons, about whom my thoughts are apt to run out, as aforesaid. I do my uttermost to prevent, restrain, and suppress all such thoughts, they are a burden to me. There is scarce any thing that stirs within me, which hath less of my Will, than these thoughts have. There is scarce any thing, against which I do more watch and pray and strive, than against these thoughts. And whatsoever tincture of Vanity and Corruption be found in them, I am Heartily sorry for it, I hate and loath it, and I hope that the merciful God will not Impute it to me, to the rejecting of my Prayer or to any breach between him and me.

I find that my very fear of this Evil, and desire to avoid it, doth draw my thoughts to it, as a mans great desire to sleep, and his fear that he shall not sleep doth commonly keep him waking.

These thoughts I abhor, not only before and after, but in the very time they come in. And I strive with might and main against them. If God approve my Service and own me in it, I shall be abundantly satisfied, though men (what soever or how-many soever they be) should despise and loath it. On the contrary, If men should never so highly approve it, I can never be satisfied, if God do not accept and bless it. This I am sure of, if I be sure of any thing.

I discern that by care I have brought it to that pass, that my thoughts of others present with me in prayer are not with regard to their praise which I value not, but to what is fit to be done by me in that service, and to their being affected with it.

I find I am prone to be anxiously scrupulous: yet I should consider that there be insuitable weaknesses (as Impertinent thoughts) accompanying the best Performances.

FINIS.
His WRITINGS Published are:

1. HIs History of Col. Massy's Military-Actions at and near Glocester.

2. The Interest of England, 1st and 2d Part.

3. A Discourse of the Religion of England, asserting, That Reformed Christianity, setled in its due Latitude, is the Stability and Advancement of this Kingdom: In two Parts.

4. The Kingdom of God among Men: With a Discourse of Schism: and an Account of himself about Conformity,

Books Printed for Thomas Parkhurst.

THe Art of Divine Meditation by Edmund Calamy late of Aldermanbury, London.

Mr. Thomas Wadsworth's Remains, with Remarkables of his Holy Life and Death.

There is Printing a Discourse of Mr. Nathaniel Vincent, of Self-Examination, and Meditations on the Sacrament.

One Hundred Select Sermons of Thomas Horton, late of St. Hellens, London.

A Discourse of Actual Providence, by John Collings, D. D.

An Exposition on the Six First Chapters of the Revelations, by Charles Phelps.

Sermons of Grace and Temptation, by Thomas Froysel.

Ark of the Covenant by George Gelaspy.

A New-Years-Gift, by Thomas Lamb.

Christ Display'd, by Nathaniel Heywood.

Heaven or Hell, in a Good or Bad Conscience, by Nathaniel Vincent.

Incomparable Excellencies of God, in his Attributes and Word, by George Swinnock.

Glimpse of Eternity, by Abram Coley.

An Exposition on the Assemblies Catechism, by Thomas Doolitle.

Another Exposition by Thomas Lye.

Another by Thomas Vincent.

Morning-Exercise against Popery, by sundry Ministers of the Gospel.

Four useful Discourses by Je Burrough, Published by Matthe Mead.

Present State of New - England.

Husband-man's Companion, it divers suitable Meditations, by Edward Bury.

Revival of Grace, by Henry Hurst.

Shepherdy Spiritualized, by John Wood.

Antidote against the Fear of Death, by Edward Bury.