BY your leave, Mortals. Good Cozen Her­mes, your pardon good my Lord Ambassa­dour: [Page 177] I found the tables of your Armes and Ti­tles, in every Inne betwixt this and Olympus, where your present expedition is registred your nine thousandth nine hundred ninety ninth Lega­tion. I cannot reach the policy why your Master breeds so few States men, it suits not with his dignity, that in the whole Empyiaeum there should not be a god fit to send on these honoura­ble errands but your selfe, who are not yet so care­full of his honour or your owne, as might become your quality, when you are itinerant: the Hosts upon the high-way cry out with open mouth upon you for supporting plafery in your traine; which, though as you are the god of pet­ty Larciny, you might protect, yet you know it is directly against the new orders, and opposes the Reformation in Diameter.

Peace Rayler, bridle your licentious tongue.

Let it if it can; in the meane time I will acquaint it with my condition. Know, (gay people) that though your poets who enjoy by patent a particular privilege to draw down any of the Deities from Twelf-night till Shrove-tuesday, at what time there is annually a most fa­miliar enter-course between the two Courts, have as yet never invited mee to these Solemni­ties, yet it shall appear by my intrusion this night. that I am a very confiderable person upon these occasions, and may most properly assist at such [Page 178] entertainments. My name is Momus ap-Somnus-ap-Erebus-ap-Chaos-ap-Demorgorgon-ap-Eternity, My Offices and Titles are, The Supreme Theo­mastix, Hupercritique of manners, protonotary of abuses, Arch-Informer, Dilator Generall, Vniversall Calumniator, Eternall plaintiffe, and perpetuall Foreman of the Grand Inquest. My privileges are an ubiquitary, circumambulatory, speculatory, interrogatory, redargutory, immu­nity over all the privy lodgings, behind hang­ings, doores, curtaines, through key-holes, chinks, windowes, about all Venerial Lobbies, Skonces, or Redoubts, though it bee to the surprize of a perdu Page or Chambermald, in, and at all Courts of civill and criminall judicature, all Counsels, Consultations, and parliamentary Assemblies, where though I am but a Wool-sack god, and have no vote in the sanction of new lawes, I have yet a praerogative of wresting the old to any whatsoever interpretation, whe­ther it be to the behoose, or prejudice, of Iu­piter, his Crowne and Dignity, for, or against the Rights of either house of patrician or plebeian gods. My naturall qualities are to make Iove frowne, Iuno powt, Mars chafe, Venus blush, Vulcan glow, Saturne quake, Cyuthia pale, Phaebus hide his face, and Mercury here take his heeles. My recreations are witty mis­chiefes, as when Saturne guelt his Father; The Smith caught his wife and her Bravo in a net of Cobweb-Iron; and Hebe, through the [Page 179] lubricity of the pavement stumbling over the Halfpace, presented the Embleme of the forked tree, and discover'd to the tann'd Ethiops the snowie cliffs, of Calabria with the Grotta of Pu­teolum. But that you may arrive at the perfect knowledge of me, by the familiar illustration of a Bird of mine own feather, old Peter Aretine, who reduc'd all the Scepters and Myters of that Age tributary to his wit, was my parallell, and Franke Rablais suck'd much of my milke too; but your moderne French Hospitall of Oratory, is a meer counterfeit, an arrant Mountebank, for though fearing no other fortunes than his Sciatica, hee discourse of Kings and Queens with as little Re­verence as of Grooms and Chambermaids, yet he wants their fangteeth, and Scorpions tayl; I meane that fellow, who to adde to his stature thinks it a greater grace to dance on his tiptoes like a Dog in a doublet, than to walke like other men on the soles of his feet.

No more impertinent Trifeler, you di­sturb

Sir, by your favour, though you have a more especiall Commission of employment from Iupiter, and a larger entertainment from his Exchequer, yet as a freedom God I have the li­berty to travell at mine own charges, without your passe or countenance Legacine; and that it [Page 180] may appear a sedulous acute observer, may know as much as a dull flegmatique Ambassador, and weares a treble key to unlock the mysterious Cyphers of your darke secrecies. I will discourse the politique state of Heaven to this trim Audi­ence—

—You shall understand that Iupiter upon the in­spection of I know not what vertuous. Presi­dents extant (as they say) here in this Court, but as I more probably ghesse out of the con­sideration of the decay of his naturall abilities, hath before a frequent convocation of the Super­lunary Peers in a solemn oration recanted, dis­claymed, and utterly renounced all the lascivious extravagancies & riotous enormities of his fore­past licentious life, and taken his oath on Iunos Breviary, religiously kissing the two-leave'd Book, never to stretch his limbs mor betwixt adutre­rous sheets and hath with pathetical remonstran­ces exhorted and under strict penalties enjoyned, a respective conformity in the severall subordi­nate Deities; and because the Libertines of An­tiquity, the Ribald Poets, to perpetuate the [Page 181] memory and example of their triumphs over chastity, to all future imitation, have in their im­mortall songs celebrated the martyrdom of those Strumpets under the persecution of the wives, and devolved to posterity the pedigrees of their whores, bawds, and bastards, it is therefore by the authority aforesaid enacted, that this whole Army of Constellations be immediatly dis-banded and casheered so to remove all impu­tation of impiety from the Caelestiall Spirits, and all lust-full influences upon terrestriall bodies, and consequently that there be an Inquisition erected to expunge in the Ancient, and suppresse in the modern and succeeding Poems and pamphlets, all past present and future mention of those ab­jur'd heresies, and to take particular notice of all ensuing Incontinences, and punish them in their high Commission Court. Am not I in election to be a tall States-man think you, that can repeat a passage at a Counsell-table thus punctually?

I shun in vaine the importunity, With which this Snarler vexeth all the gods, Iove cannot scape him: wel what els from heaven?

Heaven! Heaven is no more the place it was; a Cloyster of Carthusians, a Monastery of converted gods, Iove is grown old and fearfull, apprehends a subversion of his Empire, and doubts lest Fate should introduce a legal succession in the legitimate heir by repossessing the Titanian line, and hence springs all this innovation. Wee have had new orders read in the presence Chamber, by [Page 182] the Vi-President of Parnassus, too strict to be ob­served long, Monopolies are called in, sophistica­tion of wares punished, and rates imposed on commodities. Injunctions are gone out to the Nectar Brewers, for the purging of the heavenly Beverage of a narcotique weed which hath rendred the Idaeaes confus'd in the Divine intel­lects, and reducing it to the composition used in Saturnes Reign. Edicts are made for the resto­ring of decayed house-keeping, prohibiting the repayr of Families to the Metropolis, but this did endanger an Amazonian mutiny, till the females put on a more masculine resolution of solliciting business in their own persons, and leaving their husbands at home for stallions of hospitality. Bacchus hath commanded all Taverus to be shut, and no liquor drawn after ten at night. Cupid must goe no more so scandalously naked, but but is en­joyed to make him breeches, though of his mo­thers petticoats. Gauimede is forbidden the Bed­chamber, and must onely Minister in publike. The Gods must keepe no Pages, nor Groomes of their Chamber, under the age of 25. and those provided of a competent stocke of beard. Pan may not pipe, nor Proteus juggle, but by es­pecial permission. Vulcan was brought to an Ore­tenus and fined, for driving in a plate of Iron into one of the Suns Chariot-wheels, and frost-nailing his horses upon the fifth of November last, for breach of a penal Statute, prohibiting work upon Holi-dayes, that being the annuall celebration of [Page 183] the Gygantomacy. In brief, the whole state of the Hierarchy suffers a totall reformation, especi­ally in the point of reciprocation of conjugall affection. Venus hath confest all her adulteries, and is receiv'd to grace by her husband, who con­scious of the great disparity betwixt her perfe­ctions and his deformities, allowes those levities as an equall counterpoize; but it is the prettiest spectacle to see her stroaking with her Ivory hand his collied cheeks, and with her snowie fingers combing his sooty beard. Jupiter too begins to learn to lead his owne wife, I left him practising in the milky way; and there is no doubt of an uni­versall obedience, where the Lawgiver himself in his own person observes his decrees so pun­ctually, who besides, to eternize the memory of that great example of Matrimoniall union which he derives from hence, hath on his Bed-chamber doore and seeling, fretted with starres in capitall Letters, engraven the Inscription of CARLO-MARIA. This is as much I am sure as either your knowledge or Instructions can direct you to, which I having in a blunt round tale, with­out State, formality, politique inferences, or sus­pected Rhetoricall elegancies, already delivered, you may now dexterously proceed to the second Part of your charge, which is the raking of your heavenly sparks up in the Embers, or reducing the Etheriall lights to their primitive opaci­ty, and grosse dark subsistence; they are all unri­vited from the Sphere, and hang loose in their [Page 184] sockets, where they but attend the waving of your Caduce, and immediatly they re-invest their pristine shapes, and appear before you in their own naturall deformities.

Are not these fine companions trim Play-fellowes for the Deities? yet these and their fel­lows have made up all our conversation for some thousands of years. Doe not you fair La­dies acknowledge your selves deeply engaged now to those Poets your servants that in the height of commendation have rais'd your beau­ties to a parallel with such exact proportions or at least rank'd you in their spruce society? Hath not the consideration of these Inhabitants rather frighted your thoughts utterly from the contem­plation [Page 185] of the place? but now that these heavenly Mansions are to be void, you that shall hereafter be found unlodged will become inexusable; espe­cially since vertue alone shall be sufficient title, fine and rent: yet if there be a Lady not compe­tently stock'd that way shee shall not on the in­stant utterly despair, if she carry a sufficient pawn of handsomenesse for however the letter of the Law runs, Iupeter notwithstanding his Age and present ansterity, will never refuse to stamp beau­ty, and make it current with his own Impression; but to such as are destitute of both, I can afford but small encouragement. Proceed Cozen Mer­cury, what followes?

This Crab, I confesse, did ill become the heavens; but there is another that more infests the Earth, and makes such a solstice in the poli­ter Arts and Sciences, as they have not been ob­served for many Ages to have made any sensible advance: could you but lead the learned squa­drons with a masculine resolution past this point of retrogradation, it were a benefit to mankind, worthy the power of a god and to bee payed with Altars; but that not being the worke of this night, you may pursue your purposes: what now succeeds?

From henceforth it shall be no more [...]id in the Proverb, when you would expresse [...]riotous Assembly, That hell but Heaven is broke [...]ose: this was an arrant Goale-delivery, all the [...]risons of your great Cities could not have vo­ [...]ed more corrupt matter: but Cozen Cylleni­ [...], in my judgement it is not safe that these infe­ [...]ous persons should wander here to the hazard this Iland, they threatned lesse danger when they were nayl'd to the Firmament: I should con­ceive it a very discreet course, since they are pro­vided of a tall vessell of their own ready rigg'd, membarque them all together in that goodship called the Argo, and send them to the plantation in New-England, which hath purg'd more viru­lent humours from the politique body, than Guai­ [...]m and all the West-Indian drugs have from the naturall bodies of this Kingdome. Can you de­vise how to dispose them better?

Before the entry of every Antimasque, the stars in those figures in the Spheare which they were to represent were extinct; so as by the end of the Antimasques in the Spheare no more Starres were scene.

Here is a totall Ecclipse of the eight Sphere, which neither Booker, Allestre, nor any of your Prognosticators, no nor their great Ma­ster Tico were aware of; but yet in my opinion there were some innocent and some generous Constellations, that might have been reserved for Noble uses: as the Skales and Swordto adorne the statue of Iustice, since she resides here on earth only in Picture and Esfigie. The Eagle had beene a fit present for the Germans in regard their Bird hath mew'd most of her feathers lately. The Dol­phin too had beene most welcome to the French, and then had you but clapt Perseus on his Pega­sus brandishing his sword the Dragon yawning on his back under the horses feet, with Phthon's dart through his throat there had beene a Divine St. George for his Nation: but since you have improvidently shuffled them altogether, it now refts only that we provide and immidiate succes­sion and to that purpose I will instantly proclaim a free Election.

[Page 189]Whereas we having observed a very commen­dable practice taken into frequent use by the Prin­ces of these latter Ages, of perpetuating the me­mory of their famous enterprizes, sieges, battles, victories, in Pictures, Sculpture, Tapistry, Embroy­deries and other manifactures, wherewith they have embellished their publike palaces, and taken into Our more distinct and serious consideration, [...]e particular Christmas hanging of the Guard Chamber of this Court, wherein the Navall Vi­ctory of 88. is to the eternall glory of this Na­tion exactly delineated; and whereas We likewise out of a propheticall imitation of this so lauda­ble custome, did for many thousand years before, adorne and beautifie the eighth room of Our cae­lestiall Mansion, commonly called the Star-cham­ber, with the military adventures, stratagems at­chievements, feats, and defeats, performed in Our Own person, whilst yet Our Standard was cre­cted, and we a Combatant in the Amorous war­fare, It hath notwthstanding, after mature deli­beration, and long debate, held first in our own inscrutable bosome, and afterwards communica­ted with Our Privie Counsell, seemed meet to Our Omnipotency, for causes to Our self best known, to unfurnish and dis-array Our fore-said Starre-Chamber of all those Ancient Coustellations which have for so many Ages been sufficiently notorious, and to admit into their va­cant places, such Persons only as shall be qualified with exemplar Vertue and eminent Desert, there [Page 190] to shine in indelible Characters of glory to all po­sterity. It is therefore Our divine will and plea­sure, voluntarily, and out of our own free and proper motion, meere grace, and speciall favour, by these presents to specifie and declare to all our loving people, that it shall be lawfull for any Per­son whatsoever, that conceiveth him or herselfe to be really endued with any Heroicall Ver­tue, or transcendent Merit, worthy so high a cal­ling and dignity, to bring their severall pleas and pretences before Our Right trusty and Wel-belo­ved Cozen and Connsellor, Don Mercury, and god Momus, &c. Our peculiar Delegates for that affair, upon whom we have transferr'd an absolute power to conclude and determine without Ap­peale or Revocation, accordingly as to their wisedomes it shall in such cases appeare behove­full and expedient. Given at Our palace in Olym­pus the first day of the first moneth, in the first yeare of the Reformation,

Who's this appeares?

This is a subterranean Friend, Plutus, in this Dialect term'd Riches, or the god of Gold; a poyson hid by Providence in the botome of the Seas, and Navill of the Earth, from mans discovery, where if the seeds begun to sprout [Page 191] above-ground, the excrescence was carefully guarded by Dragons; yet at last by humane curiosity brought to light, to their owne destruction; this being the true Pandora's box, whence issued all those mischiefes that now fill the Vniverse.

Plutus, the gods know and confess your power

Nay stay, and take my benediction along with you. I could, being here a Co-Iudge, like others in my place, now that you are con­demn'd, either rayl at you, or break jests upon you, but I rather chuse to lose a word of good counsel, and entreat you be more carefull in your choyse of company: for you are alwayes found either with Misers, that not use you at all; or with fooles, that know not how to use you well. Be not hereafter so reserv'd and coy to men of worth and parts, and so you shall gaine such cre­dit, as at the next Sessions you may be heard with better successe. But till you are thus reform'd, I pronounce this positive sentence, That wheresoever you shall chuse to abide, your [Page 194] society shall adde no credit or reputation to the party, nor your discontinuance, or totall absence, be matter of disparagement to any man; and whosoever shall hold a contrary estimation of you, shall be condemn'd to weare perpetuall Motley, unlesse he recant his opinion, Now you may voyd the Cout.

What Creature's this?

The Antipodes to the other, they move like Two Buckets, or as two nayles drive out one another; Of Riches depart, Poverty will enter.

I cannot but wonder that your perpe­tual conversation with Poets and Philosophers hath furnished you with no more Logick, or that you should think to impose upon us so grosse an inference as because Plutus and you are contra­ry therefore whatsoever is denyed of the one must be true of the other; as if it should follow of necessity, because hee is not Iupiter, you are. No, I give you to know, I am better vers'd in [Page 196] cavils with the gods, than to swallow such a fal­lacy, for though you two cannot be together in one place, yet there are many places that may be without you both, and such is heaven, where nei­ther of you are likely to arrive: therefore let me advise you to marry your selfe to Content, and beget sage Apothegmes, aud goodly morall Sen­tences in dispraise of Riches, and contempt of the world.

See where Dame Fortune comes, you may know her by her wheele, and that vayl over her eyes, with which she hopes like a seel'd pi­geon to mount above the Clouds, and pearch in the eighth Sphere: listeen, shee begins.

Madam, I should censure you, pro fal­so clamore, for preferring a scandalous crosse-bill of recrimination against the Gods, but your blind­nesse shall excuse you. Alas! what would it ad­vantage you, if vertue were as universall as vice is? it would only follow, that as the world now exclaimes upon you for exalting the vicious, it would then rail as fast at you for depressing the vertuous; so they would still keep their tune, though you chang'd their Ditty.

What wanton's this?

This is the sprightly Lady Hedone merry Gamester, this people call her Pleasure.

I concurre, and am grown so weary of these tedious pleadings, as Ile packe up too and be gone: Besides, I see a crowd of other sutors pressing hither, I'le stop'em, take their petitions and preferre'em above; and as I came in bluntly without knocking, and no body bid me welcome; so Ile depart as abruptly with­out taking leave, and bid no body fare-well.

At this the under-part of the Rock opens, and out of a Cave are seene to come the Mas­quers richly attyred like ancient Heroes, the Co­lours yellow, embroydered with silver, their antique Helmes curiously wrought, and great plumes on the top; before them a troop of young Lords and Noble-mens sonnes, bearing Torches of Virgin-wax, these were apparelled after the old Brittish fashion in white Coats, embroydered with silver, girt, and full gathe­red, cut square coller'd, and round caps on their [Page 207] heads, with a white feather wreathen about them; first these dance with their lights in their hands: After which, the Masquers descend in­to the room, and dance their entry.

The dance being past, there appeares in the further part of the heaven comming down a Pleasant Cloud, bright and transparent, which comming softly down-wards before the upper part of the mountaine, embraceth the Genius, but so as through it all his body is seen; and then rising again with a gentle motion beares up the Genius of the three kingdomes and be­ing past the Airy Region, piereeth the heavens, and is no more seen: At that instant the Rock with the three kingdomes on it sinkes, and is hidden in the earth. This strange specta­cle gave great cause of admiration, but especi­ally how so huge a machine, and of that great height could come from under the Stage, which was but six foot high.

[Page 211]The Song done they retire, and the Masquers dance the Revels with the Ladies, which con­tinued a great part of the night.

The Revels being past, and the Kings Maje­stie seared under the State by the Queene; for conclusion to this Masque there appeares com­ming forth from one of the sides, as moving by a gentle wind, a great cloud, which arriving at the middle of the heaven, stayeth; this was of severall colours, and so great, that it covered the whole Scaene. Out of the further part of the heaven begins to breake forth two other clouds, differing in colour and shape; and being fully discovered there appeared sitting in one of them, Religion, Truth, and Wisedome. Religion was apparelled in white, and part of her face was covered with a light vaile, in one hand a Booke, and in the other a flame of fire. Truth in a Wat­chet Robe, a Sunne upon her fore-head, and bearing in her hand a Palme. Wisedome in a man­tle wrought with eyes and hands, golden rayes about her head, and Apollo's Cithera in her hand. In the other cloud sate Concord, Govern­ment, and Reputation. The habit of Con­cord was Carnation, bearing in her hand a little faggot of sticks bound together, and on the top of it a Hart, and a Garland of corne on her head: Government was figured in a coat of Armour, bearing a shield and on it a Medusa's head; upon her head a plumed helme, and in her right hand a lance. Reputation, a young man in a [Page 212] purple robe wrought with gold, and wearing a laurell wreath on his head. These being come downe in an equall distance to the middle part of the Ayr, the great Cloud began to break open, out of which broke beames of light; in the midst suspended in the Ayr, sate Eternity on a Globe, his Garment was long, of a light blue, wrought all over with starrs of gold, and bearing in his hand a Serpent bent into a circle, with his tayl in his mouth. In the firmament about him, was a troop of fifteen stars, expressing the stellifying of our Brittish Heroes; but one more great and eminent than the rest, which was over his head, figured his Majestie. And in the lower part was seen a farre off the prospect of Windsor Castle, the famous seat of the most honourable Order of the Garter.