WIt of late is grown so wanton, and the humour of Affecting it, become so common, that each little Fop whose spungy Brain can but coyn a small drossy Ioque, or two, presently thinks himself priviledg'd to Asperse every Thing that comes in his way though in it self never so Innocent, or beneficial to the Publick; To the Influence of this predominant Folly, we may not improperly refer the Production of those swarms of Insect Pamphlets which the Press weekly spawns into the World, and particularly the Nativity of that Folio-Impertinence which occasions our present Reflections; A Peice whose flanting Title raised our thoughts to an expectation of somewhat extraordinary; But finding little in it but down-right Abuse, The Quintessence of Billingsgate Rhetorick Dreggs of Canting, and such Rubbish Language, as Bubbling, Bully-Rock.,Fluxing, Gonorrhea, &c. Charity it self could not but suspect the Authour more conversant some­where else then in Coffee-houses, and conclude those places being too Civil for a debaucht Humour, had given occasion for his exposing them As Lay-Conventicles, &c.

However we shall preserve that equal regard to Solomons double-fac'd advice, To Answer and not Answer such as our characterizing Authour, That we shall decline Retorting any thing par­ticularly to his scurrilities; Let the Town-witt (whom we leave to take his own satisfaction) [Page 2] Fence with him if he please at those Weapons; a formall Answer would be too great an Indul­gence to his Vanity, and make him think too considerably of himself; Besides to reply in the pit­tyful stile of his pedling Drollery is to ingage in a Game at Push-pin, And to say any thing s [...]ri [...] will be no more (to borrow his Phrase) than reading a Lecture to a Monkey; Instead therefore of wasting our own or the Readers time so Impertinently, We shall briefly endeavour to give you an Account of the Vse and Vertues of Coffee, and next consider some of those many conveniences Coffee-houses afford us both for business and conversation.

Though the happy Arabia, Natures spicery prodigally furnishes the voluptuous World with all kind of Aromaticks and divers other Rarities, yet I scarce know whether Mankind be not still as much obliged to it for the excellent fruit of the humble Coffee-shrub ▪ As for any other of its more specious productions, For since there is nothing we here enjoy next to Life valuable beyond Health, certainly those things that contribute to preserving us in good plight, and eucrasy and fortifie our weak bodies against the continual Assaults and Batteries of Diseases deserve our re­guards much more, than Those which only gratifie a liquorish Palat, or otherwise prove subservi­ent to our delights; As for this salutiferous Berry, of so general a Use through all the Regions of the East, 'tis sufficiently known when prepared to be moderately hot and of a very drying at­tenuating and cleansing Quality, whence Reason infers That its decoction must contain many good Physical properties, and cannot but be an Incomparable Remedy to dissolve Crudities, comfort the Brain, and dry up Ill Humours in the Stomach, In brief to prevent or redress in those that fre­quently drink it All cold drowzy Rheumatick Distempers whatsoever that proceed from Excess of Moisture, which are so numerous, that but to name them would Tire the Tongue of a Mountebank.

This consideration alone should methinks be sufficient to Ingratiate it to our Esteem, since the use thereof does thence appear absolutely necessary, especially to us in whom Phlegm is apt to a­bound both by reason of the Northern scituation of our Countrey and the ill habit of extraordi­nary drinking grown too Epidemicall among us.

Experience proves; That there is nothing more effectual than this reviving Drink to restore their senses that have Brutified themselves by immoderate Tipling heady Liquors which it per­forms by its exsiccant property before-mentioned, that instantly dries up that cloud of giddy Fumes which boyling up from the over-charged Stomach, oppress the Brain; But this being only a kindness to voluntary Divels (as my Lord Cook calls common Drunkards) we should scarce reckon amongst Coffe's virtues did it not evidence its quality and shew how beneficial it may prove by parity of Reason, when designed to more worthy and noble uses, Such as expelling Wind, fortifying the Liver, refreshing the Heart, Corroborating the Spirits, both Vital and Animal, quickning the Appetite, assisting Digestion, helping the Stone, taking away Rheums and Defluxions, with a thou­sand other kindnesses to Nature, which we might Enumerate, did we not think it a sufficient Ar­gument of its Excellency only to observe, How Vniversally it takes in the World, For we cannot without an Affront to our Nature imagine mankind so sottish As greedily to entertain a Drink that has nothing of sweetness to recommend it to the Gust, nor any of those pleasant blandishments wherewith Wine and other Liquors tempt and debauch our Palates, unless there were some more then ordinary vertue and efficacy in it, yet we see without any of these insinuating advantages, Coffee has so generally, prevail'd that Bread it self (though commonly with us voted the staff of Life) Is [Page 3] scarce of so universal use, For of that the Tartars and Arabians vast and numerous people Eat little or none, whereas both they and the Turks, Persians and almost all the Eastern World are so devoted to Coffee, that besides Innumerable Publick houses for sale of it, There is scarce a private Fire without it all day long; As any that are but moderately acquainted with Shashes and Tur­bants can witness, Is it not enough to silence the Barking of our Little Wits against this Innocent and wholesome Drink That is so generally used by so many mighty Nations, and those too cele­brated for the most witty and Sagavious.

Nor wants this Liquor the Suffrages of excellent Authors; The famous Parkinson in his ex­quisite Herbal p. 1622. commends it for the strengthning weak Stomacks, Helping digestion and obstructions, and Tumours of the Liver and Spleen; The Incomparable Verulam in his Natural History fo. 155. amongst other encomiums asserts that it comforteth the Brain, and by condensing the Spirits expelleth fear and maketh them strong and chearful; Sandy's in his Travels, and the Judicious Sir H. B. both in his Voyage to the Levant and elsewhere speaks very advantagiously of it, Nor did the Ingenious Mr. Howel in his Life time deny it his publick testimony in Print, In a Letter to Mr. Just. R. before his Organon salutis;

After so many worthy Names have given it their Votes, what have our puisne Quiblers to ob­ject? Only this, Tis black and therefore Wit must be shown to call it Stygian Puddle; And besides this, Tis bitter, and therefore a Lye must be fram'd, That it is made of Soot.

For the first, were they but so well acquainted with the Prince of Latine Poets As our Cha­racter-maker would make us believe he is with Ovid by his dull tedious and Impertinent Quotation, They might remember ‘Alba Ligustra cadunt, vacciuia Nigra Leguntur.’

'Tis the opinion of better Heads than any on their Shoulders That this Liquor is no other than that famous Black Broath of the Lacedemonians so much celebrated by Antiquity.

For it's Tast 'tis a pittyful childish humour always to Indulge our Palates, Diseases are remo­ved by bitter Pills, and the most sanative Potions are oft-times very ungrateful to swallow, But the truth is, this Drink has nothing in it of Nauseousness, nor any Tast but what familiariz'd by a lit­tle use will become pleasant and delightful.

The dull Planet Saturn has not finished one Revolution through his Orb since Coffee-houses were first known amongst us, yet 'tis worth our wonder to observe how numerous they are already grown, not only here in our Metropolis, but in both Vniversities and most Cities and eminent Towns throughout the Nation; Nor indeed have we any Places of entertainment of more use and general conveniency in several respects amongst us.

First, In regard of easie expence, being to wait for or meet a Friend, A Tavern reckoning soon breeds a Purse-Consumption, In an Ale-house you must gorge your self with Pot after Pot, sit dully alone or be drawn in to club for others reckonings, be frown'd on by your Landlady As one that cumbers the house and hinders better Guests, But here for a penny or two you may spend 2 or 3 hours, have the shelter of a House, the warmth of a Fire, the diversion of Company and con­veniency if you please of taking a Pipe of Tobacco, And all this without any grumbling or repining.

Secondly, For Sobriety, 'tis grown by the Ill Influences of I know not what Hydroptick Stars [Page 4] almost a general custome amongst us, That no Bargain can be drove, or business concluded between Man and Man, but it must be transacted at some Publick House, This to Persons much concerned in the World must needs be very Injurious, should they always run to Taverns or Ale-houses, where continual sippings, though never so warily would be apt to fly up into their Brains, and render them drowsie and indisposed for business; Whereas having now the opportunity of a Coffee-house, they repair thither, take each Man a dish or two (so far from causing that it cures any diz­ziness or disturbant Fumes) and so dispatching their business, go out more sprightly about their af­fairs then before; The like may be said of Mornings draughts which taken in Wine Ale or Beer, most times either destroy or very much mayhem the business of the whole day, whereas if people would be perswaded to play the Good-fellows in this wholesome wakeful Innocent drink, They would find it do no less good to their bodies, and much more promote and advance their business and Imployments.

Lastly, For diversion, Tis older than Aristotle, and will be true when Hobs is forgot, that Man is a sociable creature, and delights in Company, Now whether shall a person wearied with hard study or the laborious turmoils of a tedious day repair to refresh himself, or where can young Gentle­men or Shop-keepers more Innocently and advantagiously spend an hour or two in the Evening then at a Coffee-house; where they shall be sure to meet Company, and by the custome of the house not such as at other places stingy and reserved to themselves, but free and communicative, where every Man may modestly begin his story, and propose to, or Answer another as he thinks fit; Discourse Is Pabulum Animi, cos Ingenij, The minds best Dyet, and the great Whet-stone and Incentive of Ingenuity, By that we come to know Men better than by their Physiognomy's, Loquére ut te videam speak that I may see thee, was the Phylosophers Adage, To read Men Is acknowledged more useful then Books, but where is there a better Library for that study generally than Here, amongst such a variety of Humours all expressing themselves on divers subjects according to their respective Abilities?

But our Pamphlet-monger (that sputters out senceless Characters faster than any Hocus can vo­mit Inckle) will needs take upon him to be dictator of all Society, and confine company to sit as mute in a Coffee-house As a Quaker at a silent meeting, or himself with a little Wench when be­hind the Hangings they are playing a Game at Whist, To this purpose he babbles mightily against Tatling, and makes a great deal of cold mirth with three or four stale Humours that you may find a thousand times better described in a hundred old Plays, yet to collect those excellent obser­vables cost the poor Soul above half a years time in painful Pilgrimage from one Coffee-house to a­nother, where planting himself in a dark corner with the dexterity of short-hand he recorded these choice Remarks, whilst all the Town took him for an Excise-man counting the number of dishes; the World is now obliged with the fruits of his Industry, which proves no more then that some giddy-headed Coxcombs like himself (whose S [...]lls instead of Brains are stuft with Saw-dust) do sometimes intrude into Coffee-houses, A doctrine we are easily perswaded to believe, For if their doors had been kept shut against all Fops 'tis more than probable Himself had never known so much of their Humours, We confess In multiloquio non deest vanitas amongst so much Talk there may happen some to very little purpose, But as we doubt not but the Royal Proclamation has had the good success to prevent for the future any dangerous Intelligence sawcy prying into Arcana Imperij or Irrevent reflections on Affairs of State, so for the little Innocent Extravagancies we hold them very divertising, Every Fool being a Fiddle to the Company, for how else should our [Page 5] Author have raised so much laughter through the Town? Besides how infinitely are the vain pra­tings of these ridiculous Pragmaticks over-balanced by the sage and solid Reasonings Here fre­quently to be heard of Experienced Gentlemen, Judicious Lawyers, able Physitians, Ingenious Merchants, and understanding Citizens, In the abstrusest points of Reason, Philosophy, Law and publick Commerce?

In brief 'tis undenyable That as you have here the most civil so 'tis generally the most Intelli­gent Society, The frequenting whose Converse, and observing their Discourses and Department cannot but civilize our manners, Inlarge our understandings, refine our Language, teach us a ge­nerous confidence and handsome Mode of Address; And brush off that Pudor Subrusticus (As I re­member Tully somewhere calls it) That clownish kind of modesty, frequently incident to the best Natures, which renders them Sheepish and Ridiculous in company.

So that upon the whole matter, spight of the idle Sarcasms and paltry reproaches thrown upon it, we may with no less truth than plainness give this brief Character of a well regulated Coffee-house (for our Pen disdains to be Advocate for any sordid holes that assume that Name to cloak the Practice of Debauchery) That it is

• The Sanctuary of Health.
• The Nursery of Temperance.
• The Delight of Frugality.
• An Accademy of Civility ▪ AND
• Free-School of Ingenuity.