A Miſs is a new Name, which the Civility of this Age beſtows on one, that our unmannerly Anceſtors call'd, Whore and Strumpet. A certain Help meet for a Gentleman, inſtead of a Wife; Serving either for prevention of the Sin of Marrying, or elſe as a little Side Pillow, to render the Yoke of Matrimony more eaſie. She is an excellent Conveniency for thoſe that have more money than Wit, to ſpend their Eſtates upon, and the moſt that can be ſaid in her Commendation, Is that ſhe will infallibly bring a Man to Repentance. Yet you may call her an honeſt Courtezan, or at leaſt a Common Incloſ'd; for though ſhe is an Out-lier, yet ſhe ſeems to be confined within the Pale, and differs from your ordinary Proſtitute, as Wholeſale men from Retailers, one perhaps has an hundred Cuſtomers, and to'ther but Two or Three, and yet this gets moſt by her Trade. Indeed ſhe may well thrive, ſeeing ſhe always carries her Stock about her, and every man is deſirous to deal in her Comodity: For ſhe is a Gallants Buſineſs, a Citizens Recreation, a Lawyers Eſtate in Fee-tail; a Young Doctors Neceſſary Experiment, and a Parſons comfortable Importance▪

The Royal Preacher calls her a Strange Woman, but we uſually term her a Common Woman, and have reaſon ſo to do; for ſins that were ſtrange in Solomons days, are common in ours. She is a Caterpillar that deſtroys many a hopeful Young Gentleman in the Bloſſom, a Land-Syren, far more dangerous than they in the Sea: For he that falls into her hands, runs a three-fold hazard of Shipwracking Soul, Body, and Eſtate.

She talks high of her Family, and tells a large ſtory how they were Ruined by the late Wars. But the true Hiſtory of her Life, is generally to this Effect: She is only the Cub of a Bumkin, lickt into a Genteel form by Town Converſation: Nature gave her a good Face and an indifferent ſtock of Confidence, which ſhe by prudent management, his improved into Impudence: like a forward Roſe Bud ſhe opened betimes, and loſt that trifle they call a Maiden-head ſo early, that ſhe cannot remember ſhe ever had any ſuch thing. She was ſcarce Thirteen when her Fathers Plow man, and the Squire their Landlord (the veryer Clown of the Two) were Joint Tenants to her Coppy-hold, but proving with Child ſhe had the wit to lay it to the Laſt, who for his Credit diſpatcht her Incognito with a Sum of Money on a Carriers Pack, to be disburthen'd at London, the goodlieſt Forreſt in England to ſhelter a great Belly: There the Bantling was expoſed to the Tuition of the Pariſh in a Handbasket, and the Charitable Midwife (who counts procuring in a civil way, a neceſſary part of her Office) ſoon brought her acquainted with a Third Rate Gentlewoman, who took her a Lodging in a Garret, and allow'd her ſix ſhillings a Week. But making a Sally abroad one Night, ſhe pickt up a Drunken Cully. and at a Tavern (whilſt he was no leſs pleaſantly imployed) pickt his pocket of a Gold Watch, and ſome ſtragling Guinnies, and left him to Pawn his Sword and Perriwig for the Reckoning. After this lucky Adventure, ſhe diſcards Monſieur ſhabby (her former Cuſtomer) and her Lofty Lodging, puts her ſelf in a good Garb, gets a Maid (forgive me, for I Lye, I mean a Shee-ſervam) whom ſhe teaches to call her Madam, and your Honour, and hires Noble Rooms richly Furniſhed, about Covent-Garden, there ſhe takes State upon her, and practiſes every day four hours in the Glaſs, how Greatneſs will become her. Her firſt buſineſs is to make her ſelf be taken notice of, to which purpoſe like Dinah, ſhe walks the Streets; ſometimes like Jael, ſhe ſtands at the Door; and ſometimes like Jezabel, ſhe looks out at the Window: But her main Market-place is the Balcony, which ſhe frequents as conſtantly as any Lady in a Romance; and the Language of her Eyes is, What do you lack Sir, By which ſhe at laſt attracts a Wealthy Gallant, who with a little Addreſs, obtains the mighty Honour of her Acquaintance; but ſhe ſeems extream nice, reſerv'd and modeſt, proteſts ſhe would not go to a Tavern for a VVorld, when the whole buſineſs is, ſhe is only afraid of being Pawn'd there. In brief, ſhe Manages him ſo diſcreetly, that ſhe Cheats him into Love Inſenſibly, like a Taylors Bill, wherein a man ſees himſelf Rookt abominably, yet knows not where to find fault. Having thus got the Wood-cock into the Pit-fall, ſhe reſolves to Pluck him: VVhen he importunes her for the Great kindneſs, ſhe talks of Honour and Conſcience, and vows ſhe will never ſtain her Reputation but for valuable Conſiderations, this brings them to Articles, he promiſes to allow her a hundred and fifty pounds a Year, and ſhe Swears a Thouſand diſſembling Oaths, how infinitely ſhe loves him, and that ſhe will prove conſtant, and true to him alone, and never be concern'd with any other man in the VVorld; and the ſilly Fop is ſo fatally bewitcht as to believe her; And continues a long time in that fools Paradice of Dotage, whilſt in the mean time ſhe drives a Trade privately, with two or three more. For the Concealing of which from the firſt, tis the whole Imploy of the little Harlotry her Chamber-Maid, to ſtudy Lyes, Pretences, and Excuſes, and ſhe makes them pay her even to Extortion; to quicken her invention, Sometimes ſhe is gone abroad in her Aunts Coach; Sometimes one of her Cozens, a Wollen Drapers VVife in the City is Sick, and ſhe muſt Viſit her. Nor is Madam her ſelf leſs full of Plot and Intrigue to Bubble her Gallant: Sometimes having pleaſed him well, ſhe begs the beſt Ring he has on his finger, or pretends her ſelf in Debt, and that unleſs he will ſuffer her to be Scandalized with an Arreſt, he muſt be Bound for her (to one of her Confederates you may be ſure) for Fifty pound, and the everlaſting Changling, cannot find in his heart to deny her: At other times ſhe ſhall purpoſely give him occaſion to be Jealous, and when he has rav'd, and Swore, and Curſ'd, and Ranted for two hours, as if he had been poſſeſt with a hundred and fifty Devils, ſhe ſhall cleaverly wipe of the Suſpition, upbraid his Jealous Coxcomb-ſhip; fall a Snivling, and call her ſelf the moſt unfortunate of VVomen, to love a man with ſo much paſſion, that thus abuſes her: Then he ſubmits, begs her Pardon on his Knees, and Cokſes her with all imaginable kindneſs, but ſtill ſhe pouts, looks Sullen, and will not let him have a bit of that ſame, till he has given her a New Gown, or a Neck-lace of Pearl, for Atonement, and Reconciliation.

But in time his Appetite being Cloy'd, his Purſe exhauſted, or his Eyes enlightned, he begins to withdraw, and ſhe ſoon finds out another, a verrier Fool than he, but for Security will not Trade, unleſs he ſettle an Anunity of 300l. a Year on her for Life; which being firmly done by an able Conveyancer in Sheep-skins, half as large as the Premiſſes: VVithin one Month ſhe abandons him for a more Noble and S • renuous Gallant. And now being arrived at the Zenith of her Glory, ſhe has her Boys in Livery, her Houſe ſplendidly furniſht, and ſcorns to ſtir abroad without a Coach and ſix: She glitters in the Boxes at the Play-houſe, and draws all Eyes after her in the Street, to the ſhame and Confuſion of all honeſt VVomen, and Encouragement of each pretty Girle that loves fine Cloaths, good Chear, and Idleneſs, to turn Harlot, in Imitation of ſuch a thriving Example.

She takes upon her more Pride, than would have ſerv'd ſix of Queen Elizabeths Counteſſes; uſes Sirrah at every word, and to a Lady of the beſt Quality, and Old enough to be her Mother: Nothing but—I tell 〈◊〉 ſweet-heart! She diſpiſes her Siſter, for looſing her Reputation, by being kept by a meaner Gallant than her own; and gets one to attempt to Steal her, that ſhe may be thought an extraordinay Fortune.

She hath always two neceſſary Implements about her, a Blackmoor, and a little Dog; for without theſe, ſhe would be neither Fair nor Sweet: The reſt of her Retinue conſiſts of her She-Secretary, that keeps the Box of her Teeth, her Hair, and her Painting. An Old Trot, that underſtands the Town, and goes between Party and Party, and a French Merchant to ſupply her with Dildo's, or in default of thoſe ſhe makes her Gallants Purſe maintain two able Stallions (that ſhe loves better than him) for performance of points wherein he is Defective. Her Skin is much Clearer than her Conſcience, which makes her go with her Neck and ſhoulders all Bare; and ſhe has reaſon, for her upper parts are the ſhop of Cupid, and thoſe below his Ware-houſe: But all that you are like to buy there, is Damnation, and Diſeaſes. She is a very Butcher, that expoſes her own Fleſh to Sale by the Stone, or if you pleaſe a Cook that is Dreſſing her ſelf all day with poinant Sauces, to be taſted with the better Appetite at Night. Like a Diſabled Frigot, that has received many Shots between Wind and Water. She is forc'd once a year to put in at Tunbridge, or Epſom, to Waſh and Tallow, and Refit her Leaky Bottom, after which ſhe Cruiſes up and down the Town as briskly as ever; till Age ſpoil her Sayling, and ingraves Wrinckles, where ſhe once Painted Roſes: Then her former Adorers diſpiſe her, the World hates her, and ſhe becomes a Loathſome thing, too unclean to enter into Heaven; too Diſeaſed to continue long upon Earth; and too foul to be toucht with any thing but a Pen or a Pair of Tongs: And therefore tis time to Leave her;—For, Foh how ſhe ſtinks.