A BILL and ANSWER, Betwixt Jack Catch Plaintiff, and Slingsby Bethel, & al. Defendents.
Catch agt Bethel Bill in Equity.
HUmbly Complaining, and with reason good,
As will appear when he is understood.
Your Orator, John Ketch, St. Giles, Esquire,
Comes with all due submission, to desire,
That he of this High Court may Justly have
Justice against an Old True Prot'stant Knave;
(To wit,) 'gainst Bethelesky, who was late
Controuler of that strong and famous Gate
That holds the Thieves and Rebells of the Town,
When caught, 'till Sov'reign Justice cuts them down.
And being, as aforesaid, in that place,
Preferr'd by Knaves and Fools: He tells his Case,
In manner following: Worthy Friend and Brother,
Says he (and so we still did call each other;)
'Tis not unknown I am sure dear Jack, to you,
[Page 2] What my New Office does oblige me to.
'Tis true (my old acquaintance, Friend, and Brother)
That I can Hang and Head, well as another:
But having other business to dispatch,
(And then he hugg'd me close) my Dearest Catch,
I must if we agree, leave that affair
To your wise management, your Art, and Care,
I know y'are Active, Resolute, and Stout,
And able as my self (I'me old) to do't
And abler, for in truth, fince 48.
My loving friend, I never did the feat,
To speak on, tho' a friend to the profession,
And would again, upon the same occasion,
Faithfully serve the People of the Nation.
But to my great Content, dear Jack I see
While you survive, there'l be no need of me,
Thou art the Top of our Fraternity.
Thus he cajol'd your humble Orator,
Who having Brandy ta'ne too much, and Beer,
Was soon prevail'd upon with these fair words,
To take the management of th'Ax and Cords:
Which he perform'd for the Defendents Year,
As to this Court he hopes to make appear,
And That, he did it at so Cheap a rate,
Had he been paid 'twould scarce have found him meat.
[Page 3] Not then suspecting what would be the End on't,
Nor could believe this Canting damn'd Defendent
Had a design to Cheat, at least to differ
With one of his Profession, and in Nature
Not much unlike to him; but for all that,
Your Orator can't get a single Groat,
Altho' he hath performed every part
Of his Agreement, yet to his grief of heart
The just Reward of all his Care and pains
Still in this Bethelesky's hands remains;
And there for ever since deny'd, it must,
Unless the Court shall force him to be Just.
The Bargain being made only between
Our selves, and some good friends of his and mine,
Who since that time are either Hang'd, or gone,
So that in truth your Orator has none
To prove the Truth of the aforesaid matter,
Or if he had, what would he be the better,
Were they unhang'd? and here, what signifies
In this affair a thousand Witnesses;
For he (may't please ye)'s Hand and Glove with one
[Goodenough,]
That Juries make for Country and for Town;
By Nature bow'd that he may ne're look up,
For in his leaden face, Gibbet, and Rope,
[Page 4] In every meager line do's plain appear
His restless Eyes speak Jealousy and fear;
A gate so out of mode, and meen so odd,
He sins that dares believe him made by G.
The Nauseous Spawn of a seditious breed
A Sinner in his Fathers reins and seed▪
He first spoke Treason in his Mothers Arms,
Adapted to all villanies and harms:
Considering which, your Orator as well
May expect Justice from a Court of Hell,
Where Pluto and the damned perjur'd Furys,
Are Righteous, to this wretched Rascals Juries;
And you may please to know, both these Defendents
Are Presbyters, and have been Independents:
And any one of that profession may
Plot and speak Treason, Take and never pay;
Abuse the State, At Church and Church-men raile,
Protected by an Ignoramus Flayle,
'Gainst which, in Middlesex, there's no defence,
There's nothing like a Juries Impudence,
Prove all you can 'gainst Whigg, what then comes on't?
The Jury they return a Protestant:
And the Debt's paid, just so 'tis like to be,
With your poor helpless Orator, if he
In this high Court can have no Remedy;
[Page 5] As in this Case (an't please ye) is plainly seen
After your Orator had often been,
As he well hop'd, and was advis'd he might,
With the old Hamburgher to ask his Right:
We put him off still with one Trick or Fetch,
But after all, see how this wicked Wretch,
This lewd Defendent serv'd him, Sans remorse,
Avaunt he cry'd, go hang and take your Course.
Sometimes pretending with Contempt and Scorn,
He had a hangman been e'er I was born,
And hop'd he should be so when I was dead,
And therefore of me had no use or need.
When he well knoweth how we did agree,
(As I before have said) for Sallery.
But these Reproaches made your Orator,
('Tho' poor enough) his angry heart to stir,
And boldly said, he hoped that he might
Find out a way to get his honest Right.
Then Splay-foot spoke, I meant' other Defendent,
And with a hanging look, Cry'd make an end on't;
For (my old Friend Jack Ketch) I here assure ye
If you an Action bring, I'le bring a Jury.
That Cut my very heart, 'twas then I knew
I could have no Relief except from you.
Your Orator then told them his sad State,
[Page 6] That if He were not paid he could not eat.
All's one the Rogues cry'd out, Sirrah avaunt,
'Twas you that hang'd our Friend the Protestant;
You might have staid at home, and not have gone
To hang the honest Joyner at Oxon.
Threatning sometimes how if I staid they'd serve me,
That is, lock me up in Prison, and then starve me,
As they had serv'd good men the year before
I'th Compter, it was then I slipt the door,
For I well knew their malice to the poor.
Possest with such a fear I never since
Durst ('till before this Court) make my pretence;
Knowing in truth no reasonable Cause
To expect help in Middlesex by Laws:
For these Defendents are those Wights so famous
For Murthering Justice with an Ignoramus,
'Gainst Fact prov'd ne're so positive and well,
On mighty Charles's side, and will they deal
Better with me? tho' I believe it's true
They love me much the better of the two.
We're told yet that an Action must be laid,
If it be brought where we the bargain made;
Now forasmuch as these Defendents may
By Answer, since there is no other way,
Set forth the truth, if possible, of all
[Page 7] The things before alledg'd, both great and small;
First whether Old Hamburgh did not agree
To pay your Orator a Sallary;
And he to have the Antient Fee, and all
The Cloaths the Malefactors dy'd withall.
And also whether he during the Year
Aforesaid, did not oft receive and wear
Much of the aforesaid Cloaths, and also sold
Great quantities for Silver and for Gold,
And how much he receiv'd for Goods so vended,
In ready Coin, before his Year was ended,
And in particular what part he wore
Of the said Wares, and what he has in store,
To lyne his Thrid-bare Cloak and Deck his Whore.
And that the said Defendent may set forth,
(He understands it well) what it was worth
To be a hangman for a year and better,
And whether he (Himself) knew any fitter
Besides himself, then your Poor Orator may
Shew cause (if any) why he does not pay
Your Orator the Summ agreed upon,
And whether he a Bargain made or none.
If there were no Agreement, then that he
On fair Accounts may pay a Moyety
Of the years profits to your Orator,
Which he believes but reasonable and fair:
[Page 8] And hopes to th' Court it will appear to be,
Duely Considered, but right Equity:
Also that Ignoramus Minor th'other
Defendent and the whiggish roguey brother
Of Bethelesky may on Oath declare
(It may be by a miracle hee'l Swear)
The truth of all the Matter that he knows
Of the aforesaid bargain and the Cloths.
And also whether he did not intend
(An Action being brought) for to befriend
Th'other Defendent with a whiggish Jury;
And whether once he did not in his fury
Declare to that Effect, as he was sitting
With Bethelesky in a Garret Eating
Some bread and butter, which was short of weight
Found in his time, and now his Worships meat;
And if he did not mean by such his doing
To break your Orators design of sueing;
But, (may it please the Court) as People say
This Betheleski means to steal away,
And further 'tis reported, that he does
(Your Orator comes lately by the News)
For Poland mean to go, to Warsaw, where
He's lately chosen Executioner:
And does in speech give out he means to live,
A hangman there, 'till the fools make him Shrieve;
[Page 9] And this is like enough, for they have there
A Common Councell just as we have here:
As wise as honest and as Loyall too,
And what can't such a worthy Councel do?
Who knows but that he may as well arrive
(Altho' a hangman) to be Warsaws Shrieve,
As Londons: London is as proud and great,
As Warsaw, and yet they did once think fit
To mount the Spark in Scarlet and yet ne're
Believ'd him worse, tho' Executioner
Even to his Proper Master, but should he
Get in this quality beyond the Sea
He had as good go quite to Hell for me:
For should your Orator send for his Debt
To Warsaw, what could he e're hope to get,
From the Defendent Betheleski thence,
But wicked words, or some as bad pretence?
Your Orator's undone if he gets hence.
Now to the end he may not leave the Kingdom,
I humbly beg that a Ne Exeat regnum
May Issue out to stay his Warsaws Journey,
Where he may hang and head by his Attorney,
Till this Cause heard, and matters be adjusted,
For he deceives where-ever he is trusted
Also your Orator does humbly pray,
That he may give security to pay
[Page 10] The Cost and Charge that may attend the suite,
Shou'd he be hang'd or broke e're the dispute
Be over, for (may it please ye) in reall truth
There is a great suspicion of them both,
And likewise that he may on no pretence
Make use of Salamanca Evidence,
Which will but give your Orator just occasion,
To shew great Cause against their Reputation,
Only they're Members of a Popish Nation:
Besides a thousand more that he could name
Which he forbears to speak for fear of shame:
In tender Contemplation of which
Your Orator most humbly does beseech,
That Process may 'gainst the Defendents both,
Issue to call them in and take an Oath,
And clear the Matter in the Bill in question
Which won't be hard for men of their digestion.
An Ignoramus Conscience puts off Oaths
For profit, as a Whore puts off her Cloaths,
Which gives your Orator great cause to fear,
They will his Honest Equity Forswear:
But since there is no other Lawfull way,
Let them appear, and at a certain day,
Come, and be damn'd, and Swear their Souls away.
And so unto this Court I now leave 'em,
With full assurance I at last shall have them.
ANSWER.
THo' this Defendent is advis'd he might
Justly demurr to the Complainants right,
Pretended by the Bill, and for this reason,
Because it charges him with Conscious Treason;
However that it plainly may appear,
He this Defendent's not afraid to Swear;
Tho' he's afraid of neither Oath or Action,
Yet meerly for the Plaintiffs satisfaction,
And his own Credit which he purely values,
For Answer, this Defendent Swears as follows.
'Tis true, that he was formerly a Tenant,
To Joan Ketch, Mother of the now Complainant,
During which time the Plaintiff was Engendred,
And by those very means came in the Kindred.
After all which, he travell'd, for good reasons
To Hamborough upon his own Occasions;
Where he Continued until 48.
When he was sent for over by the State:
And having with a Zeal Burning, and Hearty,
Shown his Affection to the Godly-Party;
For honest Cromwells and the Armys Good,
Taken a Mornings-Draught of the best Blood;
And in a Vizard too, altho' for proof,
[Page 12] His this Defendents face is well enough:
And being paid for't, after this Dispatch,
He went to Visit the Complainant Ketch.
His Mother being Hang'd some time before,
As this Defendent thinks 3 Months or more,
He at the Parish-Charge was then maintain'd
At the poor Cottage of a Pastry-friend,
Of this Defendents, Ever True unto
The Syre and Race of Reverend Doctor O.
But this Defendent absolutely denies,
That he at any time in any wise
Did ever call him the Complainant Brother,
Or that they ever so call'd one another:
Tho' for good reason he has call'd him son,
And then he own'd him so, And thus begun:
My dearest Child, my sweetest visag'd Boy,
Thy Mothers Comfort, and thy Fathers Joy,
I've kill'd the principall, the Cheif, the best,
And must leave thee to Execute the rest:
Mistake me not, be sure you hang nor draw
Not one of those that disobey the Law;
Be sure you spare the honest Presbyters,
But if you find the roguing Cavaliers,
Or fellows who pretend to love the King,
Give 'um no quarter (Jack) but let 'em swing.
[Page 13] I must to Hamborough 'bout my own affairs,
But if occasion happ's to go by th'Ears,
I'le soon come over, fear it not my Child,
And in a sort of Language, soft and mild,
He this Defendent treated the Complainant,
Not thinking then that he should hear again on't.
Alas! alas! he did not dream or doubt it,
He should be brought into a Suit about it:
And this Defendent further saith, that after,
As he had promised, so he went by water
To Hamb'rough, there to scrape and get a Portion,
Intended for the Plaintiff once, (that Whoreson)
But now he finds him such a Reprobate,
He ne're shall have from him one single Groat.
Tho' this Defendent doth Confess, it's true,
The Plaintiff for some time (give him his due)
Behav'd himself indifferently so so,
As this Defendent ordered him to do.
But this Defendent afterwards beyond Sea,
Having Intelligence that the Old Frenzy,
Or Feavour of True-Protestant Sedition,
Was raging ripe, thought he in that Condition
I'le soon be w'ye, no sooner said then done,
He came to blow the Coal and see his Son:
The now Complainant (tho' 'tis ev'n a Sin)
[Page 14] That two such Rascals are so near a-kin)
Where this Defendent finding Troy-novant,
Did only his desir'd assistance want,
And keeping people hot, just in the nick,
He this Defendent got the Bayliwick▪
And fold his under Bayliffs place to one
Call'd Richard Rogue-enough, a man well known
For Piety and Parts about the Town,
Nam'd a Defendent also in the bill,
Who in that Office had most wondrous Skill;
And then it was that the Complainant came,
And calling this Defendent by his name,
Desir'd to drink a Cup of beer or two,
At a by-Alehouse, which he was loath to do
Untill the Plaintiff shew'd his Coyn, and said
At his own Charge the Reckoning should be paid.
Two Quarts of beer they had, and by good fortune
There being some i'th house, they had a Quartern
Of Cool Nants Brandy, which is all they drunk,
Tho' th' Plaintiff like the bastard of a Punk,
Intimates by's Bill that he shou'd make him
Drink too much (if he did the Devil take him)
'Twas then the Plaintiff thus bespoke him: Sir,
I have been long the Executioner
To this most famous City, and the Country
[Page 15] Adjacent, how it lies still in your bounty
So to Continue me, I'le do it Gràtis,
At Common Price, and you know what the Rate is:
The Periwigs, the Cloaks, the Hats, the Shooes
Shall all be yours, Dear Father you sha'nt lose
One Slipper of the Profits, pray be i'th' way
I'le give a just Account each Hanging-day;
Thus was this Poor Defendent wheedled on,
By this his own Rebellious, Nat'rall Son,
Tho' that the Plaintiff was, he did not doubt
As Honest as himself, or thereabout,
Thus got he this Defendents free good will
To have the Hangmans Place, (and keeps it still)
Not by the means alledged in the Bill.
And saith, the matter being thus dependent,
Between the Plaintiff, and him this Defendent,
He did expect the Plaintiff would have done
All things on his part like an Honest Son,
According to agreement, but instead
Of doing so, the Plaintiff never did:
Detaining several Goods, some of good price,
And now has alter'd quite the properties,
For which he hopes the Court will not withdraw
His Hands, but he may take his Course at Law:
And this Defendent further answering, saith,
[Page 16] That Notwithstanding the Complainant hath
So often promised ne're to Execute
Dissenting-Protestants, never to do't:
Yet this Defendent to his Grief's assur'd
The Plaintiff is quite fallen from his word.
H' has hang'd an honest Joyner, for no reason,
Only for speaking and for acting Treason.
Nay more then that, as this Defendent's told,
The Plaintiff is become so very bold
To threaten all the Jury (tho' they are
Men of no Knowledge, and their Souls are rare
And tender as a Chicken's, who can Cant,
Distinguish 'twixt the League and Covenant,
Betwixt a Christian, and a Protestant;
Who call Church-Papists such as go to Church.
If such good Godly men are left i'th lurch
And like to fall into the Plaintiffs Pit-fall,
They'd better sure by far have been beshit all;
Which with the Plaintiffs threats made him to fly
Not long ago to a Court of Equity,
To Mr Dash.—
There to bespeak of him a Supplicavit,
Against the Plaintiff, and he hopes to have it,
Going in fear of 's life unless redrest,
The Plaintiff being his enemy profest:
[Page 17] And this Defendent holding up his hands
Brim-full of wonder, most amazed stands;
Why the Complainant, and on what pretence
Finds fault with Salamanca-Evidence,
For that they were (as this is verity)
Both bred together from their Infancy,
As he hath in his Answer said before
Upon the Doctors Fathers Reverend Score:
'Till they're both Hang'd, 'twill be a sad delay,
Without that that that, Et caetera.
J. B.
FINIS.