[Page] HUDIBRAS. THE FIRST PART. Written in the time of the late Wars.
LONDON, Printed in the Year, 1663.
Imprimatur.
TO: BERKENHEAD.
Novemb. 11 1662.
HUDIBRAS.
THE ARGUMENT OF The FIRST CANTO.
Sir Hudibras his passing worth,
The manner how he sally'd farth:
His Arms and Equi age are shown;
His Horse's Vertues, and his own.
Th' Adventure of the Bear and Fiddle
Is sung, but breaks off in the middle.
CANTO 1.
WHen civil Dudgeon first grew
(high,
And men fell out they knew not
(why;
When hard words, Jealousies and Fears,
Set Folks together by the ears,
And made them fight, like mad or drunk,
For Dame Religion as for Punk,
[Page 2] Whose honesty they all durst swear for,
Though not a man of them knew wherefore:
When Gospel-trumpeter, surrounded
With long-ear'd rout, to Batrel sounded,
And Pulpit, Drum Ecclesiastick,
Was beat with s [...]t, instead of a stick:
Then did Sir Knight abandon dwelling,
And out Le rode Colonelling.
A wight he was, whose very sight wou'd
Entitle him Mirrour of Knighthood;
That never bow'd his stubborn knee
To any thing but Chivalry,
Nor put up blow, but that which laid
Right Worshipfull on shoulder-blade:
Chief of Domestick Knights and Errant,
Either for Chartel or for Warrant:
Great on the Bench, Great in the Saddle,
That could as well bind o're, as swaddle:
Mighty he was at both of these,
And styl'd of War as well as Peace.
(So some Rats of amphibious nature,
Are either for the Land or Water.)
But here our Authors make a doubt,
Whether he were more wise, or stout.
Some hold the one, and some the other:
But howsoe're they make a pother,
[Page 3] The difference was so small, his Brain
Outweigh'd his Rage but half a grain:
Which made some take him for a tool
That Knaves do work with, call'd a Fool.
For't has been held by many, that
As Mountaigne, playing with his Cat,
Complains she thought him but an Ass,
Much more she would Sir Hudibras.
But they'r mistaken very much,
'Tis plain enough he was no such.
We grant, although he had much wit,
H' was very shie of using it,
As being loath to wear it out,
And therefore bore it not about,
Unless on Holydayes, or so,
As men their best Apparel do.
Beside 'tis known he could speak Greek,
As naturally as Pigs squeek:
That Latin was no more difficile,
Than to a Blackbird 'tis to whistle.
Being rich in both he never scanted
His Bounty unto such as wanted;
But much of either would afford
To many that had not one word.
For Hebrew Roots, although th'are found
To flourish most in barren ground,
He had such plenty, as suffic'd
To make some think him circumcis'd:
[Page 4] And truly so he was perhaps,
Not as a Proselyte, but for Claps.
He was in Logick a great Critick,
Profoundly skill'd in Analytick.
He could distinguish, and divide
A hair 'twixt South and South-west side:
On either which he would dispute,
Confute, change hands, and still confute.
He'd undertake to prove by force
Of Argument, a Man's no Horse.
He'd prove a Buzzard is no Fowl,
And that a Lord may be an Owl;
A Calf an Alderman, a Goose a Justice,
And Rooks Committee-men and Trustees.
He'd run in Debt by Disputation,
And pay with Ratiocination.
All this by Syllogism, true
In mood and figure, he would do.
For Rhetorick, he could not ope
His mouth, but out there flew a Trope:
And when he hapned to break off
I'th middle of his speech, or cough,
H' had hard words ready, to shew why,
And tell what Rules he did it by.
Else when with greatest Art he spoke,
You'd think he talk'd like other foke.
[Page 5] But when he pleas'd to shew't, his speech
In loftiness of sound was rich,
A Babylonish dialect,
Which learned Pedants much affect.
It was a particolour'd dress
Of patch'd and pyball'd Languages:
'T was English cut on Greek and Latin,
Like Fustian heretofore on Sattin.
It had an odde promiscuous Tone,
As if h'had talk'd three parts in one.
Which made some think when he did gabble,
Th' had heard three Labourers of Babel;
Or Cerberus himself pronounce
A Leash of Languages at once.
This he as volubly would vent,
As if his stock would ne'r be spent.
And truly to support that charge
He had supplies as vast and large.
For he could coyn or counterfeit
New words, with little or no wit:
Words so debas'd and hard, no stone
Was hard enough to touch them on.
And when with hasty noise he spoke 'em,
The Ignorant for currant took 'em.
In Mathematicks he was greater
Then Tycho Brahe or Erra Pater:
[Page 6] For he by Geometrick scale.
Could take the size of Pots of Ale;
Resolve by Sines and Tangents straight,
If Bread or Butter wanted weight;
And wisely tell what hour o'th' day
The Clock does strike, by Algebra.
Beside he was a shrewd Philosopher,
And had read every Text and gloss over:
What every Sceptick could inquere for;
For every why he had a wherefore:
Knew more than forty of them do,
As far as words and terms could go.
All which he understood by Rote,
And as occasion serv'd, would quote;
No matter whether right or wrong:
They might be either said or sung.
His Notions fitted things so well,
That which was which he could not tell;
But oftentimes mistook the one
For th'other, as Great Clerks have done.
He'd tell wl ere Entity and Quiddity,
The Ghosts of defunct Bodies, flie;
Where Truth in Person does appear,
Like words congeal'd in Northern Air.
He knew what's what, and that's as high
As Met aphysick wit can flie.
In School-Divinity as able
As he that hight Irrefragable;
[Page 7] A second Thomas, or, at once
To name them all, another Dunce.
For he a Rope of sand could twist,
As tough as Learned Sorbonist;
And weave fine Cobwebs, fit for; skull
That's empty when the Moon is full;
Such as take lodgings in a Head
That's to be let unfurnished.
He could raise Scruples dark and nice,
And after solve 'em in a trice:
As if Divinity had catch'd
The Itch, of purpose to be scratch'd:
Or, like a Mountebank, did wound
And stab her self with doubts profound,
Only to shew with how small pain
The sores of faith are cur'd again;
Although by wofull proof we find,
They alwayes leave a Scar behind.
He knew the seat of Paradise,
Could tell in what degree it lies:
What Adam dreamt of when his Bride
Came from her Closet in his side:
Whether the Devil tempted her
By a High Dutch Interpreter:
If either of them had a Navel;
Who first made Musick malleable:
Whether the Serpent at the Fall
Had cloven Feet, or none at all.
[Page 8] All this, without a Glosse o [...] Comment,
He would unriddle in a moment
In proper terms, such as men smatter
When they throw out and misse the matter.
For his Religion it was fit
To match his Learning and his Wit:
Twas Presbyterian true blew,
For he was of that stubborn Crew
Of Errant Saints, whom all men grant
To be the true Church Militant:
Such as do build their Faith upon
The holy Text of Pike and Gun;
Decide all Controversies by
Infallible Artillery;
And prove their Doctrine Orthodox
By Apostolick Blows and Knocks;
Call Fire, and Sword, and Desolation,
A Godly-thorough-Reformation,
Which alwayes must be carry'd on,
And still be doing, never done:
As if Religion were intended
For nothing else but to be mended.
A Sect, whose chief Devotion lies
In odde perverse Antipathies;
In falling out with that or this,
And finding somewhat still amiss:
[Page] More peevish, crosse, and spleenatick,
Then Dog distract, or Monky sick:
That with more care keep holy-day
The wrong, then others the right way:
Still so perverse and opposite,
As if they worshipp'd God for spight,
The self-same thing they will abhor
One way, and long another for.
Free-will they one way disavow.
Another, nothing else allow.
All Piety consists therein
In them, in other men all Sin.
Rather then faile, they will defie
That which they love most tenderly;
Quarrel with minc'd Pyes, and disparrage
Their best and dearest friend, Plum-porredge;
Fat Pig and Goose it self oppose,
And blaspheme Custard through the Nose.
Th' Apostles of this fierce Religion,
Like Mahomet's, were Asse and Wigeon,
To whom out Knight by fast instinct
Of wit and temper was so linkt,
As if Hypocrisie and non-sense,
Had got the Advouson of his Conscience.
Thus was he gifted and accouter'd,
We mean on th' inside, not the outward:
[Page 10] That next of all we shall discuss;
Then listen Sits, It followeth thus.
His tawny Beard was th' equall grace
Both of his wisdome and his face;
In Cut and Dy so like a [...]e,
A sudden view it would beguile:
The upper part thereof was Whey,
The nether Orange mixt with Gray.
This hairy Meteor did denounce
The fall of Scepters and of Crowns;
With grizly type did represent
Declining Age of Government;
And tell with Hieroglyphick Spade,
Its own grave and the State's were made.
Like Sampson's Heart-breakers, it grew
In time to make a Nation rue;
Though it contributed its own fall,
To wait upon the publick downfall.
It was Monastick, and did grow
In holy Orders, by strict vow;
Of Rule as sullen and severe,
As that of rigid Cordeliere.
'Twas bound to suffer Persecution
And Marryrdom with resolution;
T' oppose it self against the hate
And vengeance of th' incensed State.
[Page] In whose defiance it was worn,
Still ready to be pull'd and torn,
With red-hot Irons to be tortur'd,
Revil'd, and spit upon, and martyr'd.
Maugre all which, 'twas to stand fast
As long as Monarchy should last.
But when the [...] should hap to reel,
'Twas to submit to fatal steel,
And fall, as it was consecrate
A sacrifice to fall of State;
Whose [...]hred of life fatal Sisters
Did [...] together with its whiskers,
And twine so close, that time should never,
In life or death, their fortunes sever;
But with his rusty Sickle mow
Both down together at a blow.
So learned Taliacotius from
The brawny part of Porter's Bum,
Cut supplemental Noses, which
Would last as long as Parent breech:
But when the Date of Nock was out,
Off dropt the Sympathetick Snout.
His Back, or rather Burthen, show'd
As if it stoop'd with its own load.
For as Aene as bore his Sire
Upon his shoulders through the fire:
[Page] Our Knight did bear no less a Pack
Of his own Buttocks on his back:
Which now had almost got the upper-
Hand of his Head, for want of Crupper,
To poize this equally, he bore
A Paunch of the same bulk before:
Which still he had a special care
To keep well cramm'd with thrifty fare;
As White-pot, Butter-milk, and Curds,
Such as a Country house affords;
With other Victual, which anon
We further shall dilate upon,
When of his Hose we come to treat,
The Cup-bord where he kept his meat.
His Doublet was of sturdy Buff,
And though not Sword-yet Cudgel-proof:
Whereby 'twas fitter for his use,
That sear'd no blows but such as bruise.
His Breeches were of rugged woolen,
And had been at the siege of Bullen;
To old King Harry so well known,
Some writers held they were his own.
Through they were lin'd with many a piece
Of Ammunition-Bread and Cheese,
And fat Black-puddings, proper food
For Warriers that delight in blood,
[Page 13] For, as we said, He always chose
To carry Vittle in his hose.
And though Knights Errant, as some think,
Of old did neither eat nor drink,
Because when thorough Deserts vast
And Regions desolate they past,
Where Belly- [...]imber above ground
O [...] under was not to be found,
Unless they g [...]az'd, there's not one word
Of their Provision on Record:
Which made some confidently write,
They had no stomachs, but to fight.
'Tis false: For Arthur wore in Hall
Round-Table like a Farthingal,
On which, with shirt pull'd out behind;
And eke before, his good Knights din'd.
Though 'twas no Table, some suppose,
But a huge pair of round Trunk-hose;
In which he carried as much meat
As he and all his Knights could eat,
When laying by their swords and truncheons,
They took their Breakfasts and their Nuncheons.
But let that pass at present, lest
We should forget where we dig rest:
As learned Authors use, to whom
We leave it, and to th' purpose come.
His puissant Sword unto his side
Near his undaunted heart was ty'd,
[Page 14] With Basket-hilt, that would hold broth.
And serve for fight and dinner both.
In it he melted lead for Bullets,
To shoot at Foes; and sometimes Pullets,
To whom he bore so fell a Grutch,
He ne're gave quarter t'any such.
The trenchant blade, Toledo trusty,
For want of fighting was grown rusty,
And ate into it self for lack
Of somebody to hew and hack.
The peaceful Scabbard where it dwelt,
The Rancour of its Edge had felt:
For of the lower end two handful
It had devour'd, 'twas so manful;
And so much scorn'd to lurk in case,
As if it durst not shew its face.
In many desperate Attempts,
Of Warrants, Exigents, Contempts,
It had appear'd with Courage bolder
Then Sergeant Bum, invading shoulder.
Oft had it ta'ne possession,
And Pris'ners too, or made them run.
This Sword a Dagger had his Page,
That was but little for his age:
And therefore waited on him so,
As Dwarfs upon Knights Errant do.
[Page 15] It was a serviceable Dudgeon,
Either for fighting or for drudging.
When it had stabb'd, or broke a head,
It would scrape Trenchers, or chip Bread,
Toast Cheese or Bacon, though it were
To bait a Mouse-trap, 'twould not care.
'T would make clean shooes, and in the earth
Set Leeks and Onions, and so forth.
It had been Prentice to a Brewer,
Where this and more it did endure.
But left the Trade, as many more
Have lately done on the same score.
In th' Holsters at his saddle-bow,
Two aged Pistolls he did stow,
Among the surplus of such meat
As in his hose he could not get.
These would inveigle Rats with th' scent,
To forrage when the Cocks were bent,
And sometime catch 'em with a snap
As cleverly as th' ablest trap.
They were upon hard Duty still,
And every night stood Centinel,
To guard the magazine i'th' hose
From two-legg'd and from four-legg'd foes.
Thus clad and fortify'd, Sir Knight
From peaceful home set forth to fight,
[Page 16] But first with nimble active force
He got on th' outside of his Horse.
For having but one stirrup ty'd
T' his saddle, on the further side,
It was so short, h' had much ado
To reach it with his desperate roe,
But after many strains and heaves,
He got up to the saddle eaves.
From whence he vaulted into th' seat
With so much vigour, strength, and heat,
That he had almost tumbled over
With his own weight, but did recover,
By laying hold on tail and mane,
Which oft he us'd instead of reyn,
But now we talk of mounting Steed,
Before we further do proceed,
It doth he hove us to say something,
Of that which bore our valiant Bunkin.
The Beast was sturdy; large and tall,
With mouth of mea [...] and eyes of wall:
I would say eye, for h' had but one,
As most agree, though some say none
He was well stay'd, and in his Gate
Preserv'd a grave, majestick state.
At Spur or Switch no more he skipt,
O [...] mended pace, than Spaniard whipt:
[Page 17] And yet so fiery, he would bound,
As if he griev'd to touch the ground.
That Caesar's Horse, who, as fame goes,
Had Corns upon his feet and toes,
Was not by half so tender-hooft,
Nor trod upon the ground so soft.
And as that Beast would kneel and stoop,
(Some write) to take his Rider up:
So Hudibras his ('tis well known)
Would often do, to set him down.
We shall not need to say what lack
Of Leather was upon his back:
For that was hidden under pad,
And breech of Knight gall'd full as bad.
His strutting Ribs on both sides show'd
Like furrows he himself had plow'd:
For underneath the skirt of Pannel,
'Twixt every two there was a Channel.
His dragling Tail hung in the Dirt,
Which on his Rider he would flurt
Still as his tender side he prickt,
With arm'd heel, or with unarm'd kickt:
For Hudibras wore but one Spur,
As wisely knowing, could he stir
To active tror one side of's Horse,
The other would not hang an-Arse.
That in th' adventure went his half.
(Though Writers, for more stately tone,
Do call him Ralpho; 'tis all one:
And when we can with Meeter safe,
We'l call him so, if not plain Raph.
For Rhyme the Rudder is of Verses,
With which like Ships they stea their courses.
An equal stock of Wit and Valour
He had laid in, by birth a Taylor.
The mighty Tyrian Queen that gain'd
With subtle shreds a Tract of Land,
Did leave it with a Castle fair
To his great Ancestor, her Heir:
From him descended cross-legg'd Knights,
Fam'd for their faith, and warlike fights
Against the bloody Canibal,
Whom they destroy'd both great and small.
This sturdy Squire had as well
As the bold Trojan Knight, seen Hell,
Not with a counterseited Pass
Of golden bough, but true gold-lace.
His Knowledge was not far behind
The Knight's, but of another kind,
And he another way came by't:
Some call it Gifts, and some New light;
A Liberal Art, that costs no pains
Of Study, Industry, or Brains.
[Page 19] His wits were sent him for a Token,
But in the Carriage crackt and broken,
Like Commendation Nine-pence, crookt
With to and from my Love, it lookt.
He ne're consider'd it, as loath
To look a gift-horse in the mouth;
And very wisely would lay forth
No more upon it then 'twas worth.
But as he got it freely, so
He spent it frank and freely too.
For Saints themselves will sometimes be
Of Gifts that cost them nothing free.
By means of this, with hem and cough,
Prolongers to enlightned Snuff,
He could deep Mysteries unriddle,
As easily as thread a Needle:
For as of Vagabonds we say,
That they are ne're beside their way:
Whate're men speak by this new Light,
Still they are sure to bei'th' right.
'Tis a dark Lanthorn of the Spirit,
Which none see by but those that hear it:
A Light that falls down from on high,
For Spiritual Trades to cousen by:
An Ignis Fatuus, that bewitches,
And leads men into Pools and Ditches,
To make them dip themselves, and sound
For Christendome in Dirty pond;
[Page 20] To dive like Wild-fowle for Salvation,
And fish to catch Regeneration.
This Light inspires, and playes upon
The nose of Saint, like Bag-pipe-drone,
And speaks through hollow empty soul,
As through a Trunk, or whisp'ring hole,
Such language as no mortal ear
But spiritual Eaves-droppers can hear.
So Phoebus or some friendly Muse
Into small Poets Song infuse;
Which they at second-hand rehearse
Through reed or bag-pipe, verse for verse.
Thus Ralph became infallible,
As three or four-legg'd Oracle,
The antient Cup, or modern Chair;
Spoke truth point-blank, though unaware:
For mystick Learning, wondrous able
In Magick, Talisman, and Cabal,
Whose Primitive tradition reaches
As far as Adam's first green breeches:
Deep-sighted in Intelligences,
Idea's, Atomes, Influences;
And much of Terra Incognita;
Th' Intelligible world could say:
A deep occult Philosopher,
As learn'd as the Wild Irish are,
[Page 21] Or Sir Agrippa; for profound
And solid Lying much renown'd:
He Anthroposophus, and Floud,
And Jacob Behmen understood;
Knew many an Amulet and Charm;
That would do neither good nor harm:
In Rosy-Crucian Lore as learned,
As he that Verè adeptus earned.
He understood the speech of Birds,
As well as they themselves do words:
Could tell what subtlest Parrots mean,
That speak and think contrary clean;
What Member 'tis of whom they talk,
When they cry Rope, and Walk, Knave, Walk.
He'd extract numbers out of matter,
And keep them in a Glasse, like water,
Of sov'raign pow'r to make men wise;
For dropt in blere, thick-sighted eyes,
They'd make them see in darkest night,
Like Owls, though pur-blind in the light.
By help of these (as he profest)
He had First Matter seen undrest:
He took her naked all alone,
Before one Rag of Form was on.
The Chaos too he had descry'd,
And seen quite through, or else he ly'd;
Not that of Past-board which men shew
For Groats at Fair of Bartholmew.
[Page 22] But its great Grandsire, first o'th' name,
Whence that and Reformation came:
Both Cousin-germans, and right able
T' inveigle and draw in the Rabble.
But Reformation was, some say,
O'th' younger house to Puppet-play.
He could fore-tell whats'oever was
By consequence to come to pass.
As Death of Great men, Alterations,
Diseases, Battels, Inundations.
All this without th' ecclipse of Sur,
Ordreadfull Corner, he hath done,
By inward light, a way as good,
And easie to be understood.
But with more luckie hit then those
That use to make the Stars depose,
Like Knights o'th' Post, and falsely charge
Upon themselves what others forge:
As if they were consenting to
All Mischief in the World mendo;
Or like the Dev'l, did tempt and sway'em
To Rogueries, and then betray 'em.
They'l search a Planet's house, to know
Who broke and robb'd a house below:
Examine Venus, and the Moon,
Who stole a thimble, or a spoon:
And though they nothing will confesse,
Yet by their very looks can gresse,
[Page 23] And tell what guilty Aspect bodes,
Who stole, and who receiv'd the goods.
They'l question Mars, and by his look
Detect who 'twas that nimm'd a Cloke:
Make Mercury consess and peach
Those thieves which he himself did teach.
They'l find i'th' Physiognomies
O'th' Planets all mens destinies:
Like him that took the Doctor's Bill,
And swallow'd it instead o'th' Piil.
Cast the nativity o'th Question,
And from Positions to be guest on,
As sure as if they knew the moment
Of Natives birth, rell what will come on't.
They'l feel the Pulses of the Stars,
To find out Agues, Coughs, Catarrhs;
And tell what Crisis does divine
The Rot in Sheep, or Mange in Swine:
In Men what gives or cures the Itch,
What makes them Cuckolds, poor or rich:
What gains or loses, hangs or saves;
What makes men great, what fools or knaves;
But not what wife, for only of those
The Stars (they say) cannot dispose,
No more then can the Astrologians.
There they say right, & like true Trojans.
This Ralpho knew, and therefore took,
The other course, of which we spoke.
[Page 24] Thus was th' accomplish'd Squire endu'd
With Gifts and Knowledge, per'lous shrewd,
Never did trusty Squire with Knight,
Or Knight with Squire jump more right.
Their Arms and Equipage did fit,
As well as Vertues, parts, and wit.
Their Valours too were of a Rate,
And out they sally'd at the Gate,
Few miles on horseback had they jogged,
But fortune unto them turn'd dogged.
For they a sad Adventure met,
Of which anon we mean to treat:
But e'r we venture to unfold
Atchievements so resolv'd and bold,
We should, as learned Poets use,
Invoke th' assistance of some Muse;
However Criticks count it sillier
Then Juglers talking to Familiar,
We think 'tis no great matter which:
They'r all alike: yet we shall pitch
On one that fits our purpose most,
Whom therefore thus we do accost.
Thou that with Ale, or viler liquors,
Didst inspire Withers, Pryn, and Vickars
And force them, though it were in spight
Of nature and their stars to write;
[Page 25] Who, as we find in sullen Writs,
And cross-grain'd works of modern wits,
With vanity, opinion, want,
The wonder of the Ignorant,
The praises of the Author, penn'd
By himself, or wit-ensuring friend,
The Itch of Picture in the Front,
With Bays, and wicked Rhyme upon't,
All that is left o'th' forked Hill
To make men scribble without skill,
Canst make a Poet, spight of fate,
And teach all people to translate;
Though out of Languages in which
They understand no part of speech:
Assist me but this once, I'mplore,
And I shall trouble thee no more.
In Western Clime there is a Town
To those that dwell therein well known;
Therefore there needs no more be sed here,
We unto them refer our Reader:
For brevity is very good,
When w'are, or are not understood.
To this Town People did repair
On dayes of Market, or of Fair,
And to crack'd Fiddle, and hoarse Tabor
In merriment did drudge and labour:
[Page 26] But now a sport more formidable,
Had rak'd together Village rabble.
'I was an old way of Recreating,
Which learned Butchers call Bearbailing:
A bold advent'rous exercise,
With antient Hero's in high prize;
For Authors [...]o affirm it came
From Isthmian or Nemean game.
Others derive it from the Bear
That's fixt in Northern Hemisphere,
And round about the Pole does make
A circle, like a Bear at stake,
That at the Chain's end wheels about,
And overturns the Rabble-ront.
For after solemn proclamation
In the Beat's name (as is the fashion,
According to the Law of Arms,
To keep men from inglorious harms)
That none presume to come so near
As forty foot of stake of Bear;
If any yet be so fool-hardy,
T' expose themselves to vain Jeopardy;
If they come wounded off and lame,
No honours got by such a maim.
Although the Bear gain much, b'ing bound
In honour to make good his ground,
When he's engag'd, and take no notice,
If any press upon him, who 'tis,
[Page 27] But let them know at their own cost
That he intends to keep his post.
This to prevent, and other harms,
Which alwayes waits on feats of Arms,
(For in the hurry of a Fray
'Tis hard to keep out of harm's way)
Thither the Knight his course did stear,
To keep the peace 'twixt Dog and Bear;
As he believ'd h'was bound to doe
In Conscience and Commission too.
And therefore thus bespoke the Squire;
We that are wisely mounted higher
Then Constables, in Curule wit,
When on Tribunal bench we sit,
Like Speculators, should foresee,
From Pharos of Authority,
Portended Mischiefs farther then
Low Proletarian Tithing-men.
And therefore being inform'd by bruit,
That Dog and Bear are to dispute;
For so of late men fighting name,
Because they often prove the same;
(For where the first does hap to be,
The last does coincidere)
Quantum in nobis, have thought good,
To save th'expence of Christian blood,
[Page 28] And try if we by meditation
Of Treaty and accommodation
Can end the Quarrel, and compose
The bloudy Duell without blows.
Are not our Liberties, our Lives,
The Lawes, Religion, and our Wives
Enough at once to lye at stake,
For Cov'nant and the Cause's sake;
But in that quarrel Dogs and Bears,
As well as we, must venture theirs?
This Feud by Jesuits invented,
By evil Counsel is fomented.
There is a Machiavillian Plot,
(Though ev'ry nave olfact it not)
A deep design in't, to divide
The well-affected that confide,
By setting Brother against Brother,
To claw and curry one another.
Have we not enemies plus satis,
That Cane & angue pejus hate us?
And [...] all we turn our fangs and claws
Upon our own selves, without cause?
That some occult design dothly
In bloudy Cynarctomachy,
Is plain enough to him that knows
How Saints sead brothers by the nose.
I wish myself a Pseudo-prophet,
But [...] [...] mischief will come of it:
[Page 29] Unless by providential wit
Or force we averruncate it.
For what design, what interest
Can Beast have to encounter Beast?
They fight for no espoused Cause,
Frail Priviledge, Fundamentall Laws;
Nor for a thorough Reformation,
Nor Covenant, nor Protestation;
Nor for free Liberty of Conscience,
Nor Lords and Commons Ordinances;
Nor for the Church, nor for Church-lands,
To get them in their own no hands;
Nor evil Counsellours to bring
To Justice that seduce the King;
Nor for the worship of us men,
Though we have done as much for them.
Th' Aegyptians worshipp'd Dogs, and for
Their Faith made internecine war.
Others ador'd a Rat, and some
For that Church suffer'd martyrdome.
The Indians fought for the truth
Of th' Elephant, and Monkey's tooth;
And many, to defend that faith,
Fought it out mordicus to death.
But no Beast ever was so slight,
For man, as for his God, to fight.
They have more wit, alas! and know
Themselves and us better then so.
[Page 30] But we, we onely do infuse
The Rage in them like Boute-feus.
'Tis our example that instills
In them th'infection of our ills,
For, as some late Philosophers
Have well observ'd, Beasts that converse
With Man, take after him, as Hogs
Get Pigs all th'year, and Bitches Dogs.
Just so by our example Cattel
Learn to give one another Battel.
We read in Nero's time, the Heathen,
When they destroy'd the Christian brethren,
They sow'd them in the skins of Bears,
And then set Dogs about their ears:
From whence, no doubt, th'invention came
Of this lewd, Antichristian Game.
To this, quoth Ralpho, Verily,
The point seems very plain to me.
It is an Antichristian Game,
Unlawful both in thing and name.
First for the name, The word Bear-baiting
Is carnal, and of man's creating:
For certainly there's no such word
In all the Scripture on record.
Therefore unlawful and a sin.
And so is (secondly) the thing.
A vile Assembly 'tis, that can
No more be prov'd by Scripture than
[Page 31] Provincial, Classick, National;
Mere humane Creature-cobwebs all.
Thirdly, it is Idolatrous.
For when men run a-whoring thus
With their Inventions, whatsoe're
The thing be, whether Dog or Bear,
It is Idolatrous and Pagan,
No less then worshipping of Dagon.
Quoth Hudibras, I smell a Rat;
Ralpho, thou dost prevaricate,
For though the Thesis which thou lay'st
Be true ad amussim as thou say'st:
(For that Bear-baiting should appear
Jure Divino lawfuller
Then Synods are, thou dost deny,
Totidem verbis so do I)
Yet there's a fallacy in this:
For if by sly Homoeosis,
(Tussis pro crepitu, an Art
Under a Cough to slur a Fart)
Thou wouldst Sophistically imply
Both are unlawfull, I deny.
And I (quoth Ralpho) do not doubt
But Bear-baiting may be made out
In Gospel-times, as lawfull as is
Provincial or Parochial Classis:
And that both are so near of kin,
And like in all, as well as sin,
[Page 32] [...]hat put them in a bag and shake 'em,
Yourself o'th' sudden would mistake 'em,
And not know which is which, unless
You measure by their Wickedness:
For 'tis not hard t'imagine whether
O'th two is worst, though I name neither.
Quoth Hudibras, Thou offer'st much,
But art not able to keep touch.
Mira de lente, as 'tis i'th' Adage,
Id est, to make a Leek a Cabbage.
Thou wise at best but suck a Bull,
Or shear Swine, All Cry, and no Wooll.
For what can Synods have at all
With Bears that's analogicall?
Or what relation has debating
Of Church-Affairs with Bear-baiting?
A just comparison still is,
Of things ejusdem generis.
And then what Genus [...]ightly doth
Compr'hend them inclusivè both?
If Animal, both of us may
As likely pass for Bears as they,
For we are Animals no less,
Although of different Speciese [...].
But Ralpho, this is no fit place
Nor time to argue our the Case.
For [...] the Field is not far off,
Where we must give the world a proof
[Page 33] Of Deeds, not Words, and such as suit
Another manner of Dispute.
A Controversie that affords
Actions for Arguments, not Words:
Which we must manage at a rate
Of Prowess and Conduct adaequate
To what our place and fame doth promise,
And all the Godly expect from us.
Nor shall they be deceiv'd, unless
W'are slutr'd and outed by success:
Success, the mark no mortal wit,
Or surest hand, can always hit:
For whatsoe're we perpetrate,
We do but row, w'are stear'd by fate,
Which in success oft disinherits,
For spurious causes, noblest merits.
Great Actions are not always true sons
Of great and mighty Resolutions:
Nor do the bolo'rt attempts bring forth
Events still equal to their worth;
But sometimes fail, and in their stead
Fortune and Cowardise succeed.
Yet we have no great cause to doubt,
Our actions still have born us out.
Which though th'are known to be so ample,
We need not copy from example,
We're not the only person durst,
Attempt this Province, nor the first.
In Northern Clime a val'rous Knight
Did whilom kill his Bear in fight,
[Page 34] And wound a Fidler: we have both
Of these the objects of our wroth,
And equal fame and glory from
Th' Attempt or Victory to come.
'Tis sung, There is a valiant Mamaluke
In foraign Land, yclep'd—
To whom we have been oft compar'd,
For Person, Parts, Address, and Beard;
Both equally reputed sto [...],
And in the same Cause both have sought.
He oft an such Attempt, as these
Came off with glory and success.
Nor will we fail in th' execution,
For want of equal Resolution.
Honour is like a Widow, won
With bri [...]k Attempt and putting on;
With entring manfully, and urging;
Not slow approaches, like a Virgin.
This said, as yerst the Phrygian Knight,
So ours with rusty steel did smite
His Trojan Horse, and just as much
He mended pace upon the touch;
But from his empty stomack groan'd,
Just as that hollow beast did sound,
And angry answer'd from behind,
With brandish'd Tail and blast of wind.
So have I seen with armed heel,
A Wight bestride a Common weal;
While still the more he kick'd & spurr'd,
The less the sullen Jade has stirr'd,
THE ARGUMENT OF THE SECOND CANTO.
The Catalogue and Character
Of th' Enemy's best men of War;
To whom the Knight does make a speech,
And they defie him: after which
He fights with Talgol, routs the Bear,
And takes the Fidler Prisoner;
Conveys him to enchanted Castle,
Their shuts him fast in Wooden Bastile.
CANTO II.
THere was an antient sage Philosopher,
That had read Alexander Ross over,
And swore the world as he could prove,
Was made of Fighting and of Love:
Just so Romances are, for what else
Is in them all, but Love and Battels?
O'th' first of these w'have no great matter
To treat of, but a world o'th' latter:
In which to do the Injur'd Right
We mean, in what concerns just fight.
Certes our Authors are to blame,
For to make some well-sounding name
To copy out in Frays and Fights,
(Like those that a whole [...] do raze [...]
To build a Palace in the place.)
They never care how many others
They kill without regard of mothers,
Or wives, or children, so they can
Make up some fierce, dead-doing man,
Compos'd of many ingredient Valours,
Just like the manhood of nine Taylors.
So a wild Tartar when he spies
A man that's handsome, valiant, wise,
If he can kill him, thinks t' inherit
His Wit, his Beauty and his Spirit:
As if just so much he enjoy'd
As in another is destroy'd.
For when a Gyant's slain in fight,
And mow'd orethwart, or cleft downright,
It is a heavy case, no doubt,
A man should have his Brains beat out,
Because he's tall, and has large Bones;
As men kill Beavers for their stones.
But as for our part, we shall tell
The naked truth of what befell;
And as an equal friend to both.
The Knight and Bear, but more to Troth,
With neither faction shall take part,
But give to cach his due desert:
And never coyn a formal lye on't,
To make the Knight o'recome the Giant.
[Page 37] This b'ing profest, we hope's enough,
And now go on where we left off.
They rode, but Authors having not
Determin'd whether Pace or Trot,
(That is to say, whether Tollutation,
As they do tearm't, or Succussation)
We leave it, and go on, as now
Suppose they did, no matter how.
Yet some from subtle hints have got
Mysterious light, it was a Trot.
But let that pass: they now begun
To spur their living Engines on.
For as whipp'd Tops and bandy'd Balls,
The learned hold are Animals:
So Horses they affirm to be
Mere Engines, made by Geometry,
And were invented first from Engins,
As Indian Britans were from Penguins.
So let them be; and, as I was saying,
They their live Engines ply'd, not staying
Untill they reach'd the fatal champain,
Which th' Enemy did then incamp on,
The dire Pharsalian Plain, where Battel
Was to be wag'd 'twixt puissant Cattel,
And fierce Auxiliary men,
That came to aid their Brethren:
Who now began to draw in field,
As Knight from ridge of Steed beheld.
[Page 38] For as our modern wits behold,
Mounted a Pick-back on the Old,
Much further off; much further he
From off his aged Beast could see:
Yet not sufficient to descry
All postures of the enemy.
Wherefore he bids the Squire ride further,
T'observe their numbers, and their order;
That when their motions he had known,
He might know how to fit his own.
Meanwhile he stopp'd his willing Steed,
To fit himself for martial deed:
Both kinds of mettle he prepar'd,
Either to give blows, or to ward,
Courage and steel, both of great force,
Prepar'd for better or for worse.
His Death-charg'd Pistols be did fit well,
Drawn out from life-preserving vittle.
These being prim'd, with force he labour'd
To free sword from retentive Scabbard:
And after many a painful pluck,
From rusty durance he bayl'd Tuck.
Then shook himself, to see that Prowess
In Scabbard of his Arms sate loose;
And rais'd upon his desperate foot
On stirrup side he gaz'd about,
Portending Bloud, like Blazing Star,
The Beacon of approaching War.
Ralpho rode on with no lesse speed,
Then Hugo in the Forrest did;
[Page 39] But with a great deal more return'd,
For now the Foe he had discern'd,
Rang'd, as to him they did appear,
With Van, main Battel, Wings, and Rear.
In th'head of all this Warlike Rabble
Crowdero march'd, expert and able:
Instead of Trumpet and of Drum,
That makes the Warrier's stomach come,
Whose noise whets Valour sharp, like Beer
By thunder turn'd to Vineger,
(For if a Trumpet sound or Drum beat,
Who has not a [...] mind to combat?)
A squeaking Engine he apply'd
Unto his neck, on North-east side,
Just where the Hangman does dispose
To special friends the Knot of Noose:
For 'tis great Grace when Statesmen straight
Dispatch a friend, let others wait.
His warped Ear hung o're the strings,
Which was but Souce to Chitterlings:
For Guts, some write, e're they are sodden,
Are fit for Musick, or for Pudden:
From whence men borrow ev'ry kind
Of Minstrelsy, by string or wind.
His grizly Beard was long and thick,
With which he strung his Fiddle-stick:
For he to Horse-tail scorn'd to owe,
For what on his own chin did grow.
[Page 40] Chiron, the four-legg'd Bard, had both
A Beard and Tail of his own growth;
And yet by Authors 'tis averr'd,
He made use onely of his Beard.
In Stassordshire, where Vertuous worch
Does raise the Minstrelsy, not Birth;
Where Bulls do chuse the boldest King
And Ruler, o're the men of string;
[...] once in Persia, 'tis said,
Kings were proclaim'd by a Horse that neigh'd)
He bravely vent'ring at a Crown,
By chance of War was beaten down,
And wounded sore: his Leg then broke,
Had got a Deputy of Oke:
For when a shin in fight is cropt,
The knee with one of timoer's propt;
Esteem'd more honourable then the other,
And takes place, though the younger Brother.
Next follow'd Orsin, famous for
Wise Conduct, and successe in War:
A skilfull Leader, stout, severe,
Now Marshall to the Champion Bear.
With Truncheon tipp'd with Iron-head,
The Warrior to the lists he led;
With solemn march and stately pace,
But far more grave and solemn face:
Grave as the Emperour of Pegu,
Or Spanish Potentate Don Diego.
[Page] This Leader was of knowledge great,
Either for Charge, or for Retreat.
He knew when to fall on pell-mell,
To fall back and retreat as well.
So Lawyers, lest the Bear Defendant,
And Plaintiff Dog, should make an end on't,
Do stave and tail with Writs of Error,
Reverse of Judgement, and Demurrer,
To let them breath a while, and then
Cry whoop, and set them on agen.
As Romuius a Wolf did rear.
So he was dry-nurs'd by a Bear,
That fed him with the purchas'd prey
Of many a fierce and bloody fray;
Bred up, where Discipline most rare is,
In Military Garden-Paris.
For Souldiers heretofore did grow
In Gardens, just as Weeds to now;
Until some splay foot Politicians
T' Apollo offer'd up Petitions,
For licensing a new invention
Th' had found out, of an antique engine
To root out all the Weeds that grow
In Publick Garden at a blow,
And leave th' Herbs standing. Quoth Sir Sun,
My friends, that is not to be done.
Not done? quoth Statesmen; yes, an't please ye,
When 'tis once known you'l say 'cis easie.
Why then let's know it, quoth Apollo.
We'l beat a Drum, and they'l all follow.
[Page 42] A Drum (quoth Phoebus) troth that's true,
A pretty invention, quaint and new.
But though of Voice and Instrument
We are the undoubted President;
We such loud Musick do not profess,
The Devil's Master of that office,
Where it must pass, if't be a Drum,
He'l sign it with Cler. Parl. Dom. Com.
To him apply your selves, and he
Will soon dispatch you for his fee.
They did so, but it prov'd so ill,
Th' had better have let them grow there still.
But to resume what we discoursing
Were on before, that is stout Orsin:
That which so oft by sundry Writers
Has been apply'd t' almost all fighters,
More justly may be ascrib'd to this,
Then any other Warriour (viz.)
None ever acted both parts bolder,
Both of a Chieftain, and a Souldier.
He was of great descent, and high,
For Splendor and Antiquity,
And from Celestial origine
Deriv'd himself in a right line.
Not as the ancient Heroes did,
Who, that their base births might be hid,
(Knowing they were of doubtful gender,
And that they came in at a Windore)
Made Jupiter himself, and others
O' th' Gods Gallants to their own Mothers,
[Page 43] To get on them a race of Champions,
Of which old Homer first made Lampoons.)
Arctophylax in Northern Sphere
Was [...]as undoubted Ancestor:
From him his great Fore-fathers came,
And in all ages bore his name.
Learned he was in Medc'nal Lore,
For by his side a Pouch he wore
Replete with strange Hermetick Powder,
That Wounds nine miles point-blank would
By skilful Chymist with great cost (solder.
Extracted from a rotten Post;
But of a heav'nlier influence
Than that which Mountebanks dispense;
Though by Promethean fire made,
As they do quack that drive that trade,
For as when Slovens do amiss
At others doors by stool or piss,
The Learned write, a red-hot spit,
B'ing prudently apply'd to it,
Will convey mischief from the Dung
Unto the Breech that did the wrong:
So this did healing, andas sure
As that did mischief, this would cure.
Thus vertuous Orsin was endu'd,
With Learning, Conduct, Fortitude,
Incomparable: and as the Prince
Of Poets, Homer, sung long since,
[Page 44] A skilful Leech is better far
Than half a hundred men of Wa [...];
So he appear'd, and by his skill,
No less than Dint of Sword, could kill.
The Gallant Bruin marcht next him,
With Visage formidably grim,
And rugged as a Saracen,
Or Turk of Mahomet's own king
Clad in a Mantle della Guer
Of rough impenetrable Fur;
And in his Nose, like Indian King,
He wore for ornament a Ring;
About his Neck a three-fold Gorget,
As tough as trebled leathren Target;
Armed, as Heraulds cant, and langued,
Or, as the Vulgar say, sharp-fanged.
For as the Teeth in Beasts of Prey
Are Swords, with which they fight in Fray;
So Swords in men of War are teeth,
Which they do eat their Vittle with.
He was by birth, some Authors write,
A Russian, some a Muscovite,
And 'mong the Cossacks had been bred,
Of whom we in Diurnals read,
That serve to fill up Pages here,
As with their bodies ditches there.
Scrimansky was his Cousin-german,
With whom he serv'd, and fed on Vermin:
[Page 45] And when they fail'd he'd suck his claws,
And quarter himself upon his paws.
And though his Country-men, the Huns,
Did stew their meat between their Bums,
And th' Horses backs o're which they straddle,
And every man eat up his Saddle:
He was not half so nice as they,
But eat it raw, when't came in's way.
He had trac'd Countries far and near,
More then Le Blane the Traveller;
Who writes, He Spous'd in India
Of Noble house a Lady gay,
And got on her a race of Worthies,
As stout as any upon earth is.
Full many a fight for him between
Talgol and Orsin oft had been;
Each striving to deserve the Crown
Of a sav'd Citizen: the one
To guard his Bear, the other fought
To aid his Dog; both made more stout
By sev'ral spurs of Neighbourhood,
Church-fellow-membership, and blood;
But Talgol, mortal soe to Cows,
Never got ought of him but blows;
Blows hard and heavy, such as he
Had lent, repay'd with Usury.
Yet Talgol was of Courage stour,
And vanquish'd oftner then he fought
[Page 46] Inur'd to labour, sweat, and toyle,
And, like a Champion, shone with Oyl.
Right many a Widow his keen blade,
And many Fatherlesse, had made.
He many a Boar and huge Dun Cow
Did, like another Guy, o'rethrow.
But Guy with him in fight compar'd,
Had like the Boar or Dun Cow far'd.
With greater Troops of sheep h'had fought
Then Ajax, or bold Don Quixot:
And many a Serpent of fell kind,
With wings before & stings behind,
Subdu'd; as Poets say, long agon
Bold Sir George, St. George did the Dragon.
Nor Engine, nor Device Polemick,
Disease, nor Doctor Epidemick,
Though stor'd with Deletary Med'cines,
(Which whosoever took is dead since)
E're sent so vast a Colony
To both the under worlds as he.
For he was of that noble Trade
That Demi-gods and Heroes made,
Slaughter, and knocking on the head;
The Trade to which they all were bred;
And is, like others, glorious when
'Tis great and large, but base if mean.
The former rides in Triumph for it;
The latter in a two-wheel'd Chariot,
For daring to profane a thing
So sacred, with vile bungleing,
[Page 47] Next these the brave Magnano came,
Magnano great in martial [...]ame.
Yet when with Orsin he wag'd fight,
'Tis sung he got but little by't.
Yet he was fierce as forrest-Bore,
Whose spoils upon his back he wore,
As thick as Ajax sev'n-sold Shield,
Which o're his brazen Arms he held,
But Brass was seeble to resist
The sury of his armed fist,
Nor could the hardest Ir'n hold out
Against his blows, but they would through't
In Magick he was deeply read,
As he that made the Brazen-head;
Profoundly skill'd in the black Art,
As English Merlin for his heart;
But far more skilful in the Spheres,
Than he was at the Sieve and Shears.
He could transform himself in colour
As like the Devil as a Collier:
As like as Hypocrites in shew
Are to true Saints, or Crow to Crow.
Of warlike Engines he was Author,
Devis'd for quick dispatch of slaughter;
The Cannon, Blunderbuss, and Saker,
He was th' Inventer of, and Maker:
The Trumpet, and the Kettle Drum,
Did both from his invention come.
[Page 48] He was the first that [...] did teach
To make, and how to stop a breach.
A Launce he bo [...] with Iron. pike,
Th' one half would thrust, the other strike:
And when their forces h [...] had joyn'd,
He scorn'd to turn his Parts behind.
He Trulla lov'd, Trulla more bright
Then burnish'd Armour of her Knight:
A bold Virago, stout and tall
As Joan of France, or English Mall.
Through [...] both of Wind and Limb,
Through thick & thin she follow'd him,
In ev'ry Adventure h' undertook,
And never him or it forsook.
At breach of Wall, or Hedge-surprize,
She shar'd in th'hazard, and the prize:
At beating quarters up, or forrage,
Behav'd her self with matchless courage;
And laid about in fight more busily,
Thenth' Amazo [...]in Dame, Penthesile.
And though some Criticks here cry shame,
And say our Authors are to blame,
That (spight of [...] Philosophers,
Who hold no females sto [...], but Bears.)
Make feeble Ladies, in their works,
To fight like Ter [...]gants and Turks;
To lay their native Arms aside.
Their modesty, and ride a-stride;
[Page 49] To run a [...] at men, and wield
Their naked tools in open field;
As stout Armida, bold Thalestris,
And she that would have been the Mistress
Of Gundibert, but he had grace,
And rather took a Country Lass:
They say'tis salse, without all sense,
But of petnicious consequence
To Government, which they suppose
Can never be upheld in prose:
Strip Nature naked to the skin,
You'r find about her no such thing.
It may be so, yet what we tell
Of Trulla; that's improbable,
Shall be depos'd by those have seen 't,
Or, what 's as good, produc'd in print
And if they will not take our word,
We'l prove it true upon record.
The upright Cerdon next advanc't,
Of all his Race the Valiant'st;
Cerdon the Great, renown'd in Song,
Like Herc'les, for repair of wrong:
He rais'd the low, and fortisy'd
The weak against the strongest side.
Ill has he read; that never hit
On him in Muses deathless writ.
He had a weapon keen and fierce,
That through a Bull-hide-shield would pierce,
Though [...] than [...] Knight of Greece his;
With when his black thumb'd Ancestor
[...] [...] [...] in the ten years war:
For [...] [...] [...] Greeks, sare down
[...] [...] [...] before Troy sown,
And [...] [...]nown'd, as Homer writes,
For [...] Boots, no less than sights:
They ow'd that glo [...] only to
His Ancestor that made them so.
[...] [...] he was to Reformation,
[...] 'twas worn quite out of fashion.
[...] [...] of Wry Law,
And would make [...], to c [...]re one flaw.
Learned he was, and could take note,
Transcribe, collect, [...] [...] and quote,
But Preaching was his chiefest Talent,
[...] [...], in which [...]ng valiant,
He [...] [...] [...] about, and [...],
Like Run or Bulls at [...]
[...],
Do [...] with [...] [...] from Skulls.
[...],
[...]
[...].
[...],
[...]
[...]
[Page 51] Some other Knights, was true of this,
He and his Horse were of a piece,
One Spirit did inform them both,
The self-same vigor, fury, wroth:
Yet he was much the rougher part,
And always had a harder heart;
Although his Horse had been of those
That fed on mans flesh, as fame goes.
Strange food for horse! and yet, alass!
It may be true, for flesh is grass.
Sturdy he was, and no less able,
Then Hercules to clense a Stable;
As great: Drover, and as great
A Critick too in Hog or Neat,
He ripp'd the womb up of his Mother,
Dune Tellus, 'cause she wanted Fother.
And Provender, wherewith to feed
Himself, and his less cruel Steed.
It was a question, whether He,
Or 's Horse were of a Family
More Worshipful: till Antiquaries,
(After th'had almost por'd out their eyes,)
Did very learnedly decide
The bus'ness on the Horse's side,
And prov'd not only Horse, bur Cows,
Nay Pigs, were of the elder house:
For beasts, when man was but a piece
Of ea [...]h himself, did th'earth possess.
[Page 52] These Worthies were the Chief that led
The Combatants, each in the head
Of his Command, with Arms, and Rage,
Ready, and longing to engage.
The numerous Rabble was drawn out
Of several Countries round about;
From Villages remote, and Shires,
Of East and Western Hemispheres:
From foraign Parishes, and Regions,
Of different manners, speech, Religions,
Came men and mastives; some to fight
For fame and honour, some for sight
And now the field of death, the lists,
Were entred by Antagonists,
And blood was ready to be broached;
When Hudibras in haste approached,
With Squire, and weapons to attack them:
But first thus from his Horse bespake them.
What Rage O Citizens, what fury
Doth you to these dire actions hurry;
What Oestrum, what phrenetick mood,
Makes you thus lavish of your blood,
While the proud Vies your Trophies boast,
And unreveng'd walks—ghost?
What Towns, what Garrisons might you
With hazard of this blood subdue,
Which now y'are bent to throw away
In vain, untriumphable fray?
[Page 53] Shall Saints in Civil bloodshed wallow
Of Saints, and let the Cause lie fallow?
The Cause, for which we fought, and swore
So boldly, shall we now give o're?
Then because Quarrels still are seen
With Oaths and Sweating to begin,
The Solemn League and Covenant,
Will seem a meet God-dam-me Rant;
And we that took it, and have fought,
As lewd as Drunkards that fall out.
For, as we make War for the King,
Against himself, the self-same thing,
Some will not stick to swear we do
For God, and for Religion too.
For if Bear-baiting we allow,
What good can Reformation do;
The blood and treasure that's laid out,
Is thrown away, and goes for nought.
Are these the fruits o'th' Protestation,
The Prototype of Reformation,
Which all the Saints, and some since Martyre,
Wore in their hats like wedding-garters,
When 'twas resolv'd by either House
Six Members quarrel to espouse?
Did they for this draw down the Rabble,
With zeal, and noises formidable;
And make all Cries about the Town
Joyn throats to cry the Bishops down?
Who having round begirt the Palace,
(As once a month they do the Gallows)
[Page 54] As Members gave the sign about,
Set up their throats with hideous shout,
When Tinkers baw'd aloud, to settle
Church-Discipline, or patching Kettle
No Sow gelder did blow his horn
To get a [...]a [...], but cry'd Reform.
The Oyster-women lock'd their fish up,
And trudg'd away to cry No Bishop.
The Mouse-trap men laid Save-alls by,
And gainst Ev'l Counsellours did cry.
B [...]chers left old cloaths in the lurch.
And fell to turn and patch the Church.
Some cry'd the Covenant instead
Of Pudding Pics, and Ginger-Bread
And some for Broom, old Boots and Shooes,
Cry'd out to purge the Commons House:
Instead of Kitchin-s [...]uff, some [...],
A [...] preaching-Ministry;
And [...] Old s [...]i [...] Coats, or Cloak,
No [...]uplicer, nor Service book;
A [...] harmoni [...] in [...]on
O [...]all dog [...] in [...]
And [...] this All [...]
[...] these [...]
[...]
[...]
A [...]
[...]
D [...] [...] b [...]i [...]g in their Pla [...]e,
And [...] they [...]?
[Page 55] For when they thought the Cause had need on't,
Happy was he that could be rid on'r.
Did they coyn Piss-pots, Bowls, and Flaggons,
Int' Officers of Horse and Dragoons;
And into Pikes and Musketiers
Stamp Beakers, Cups, and Porringers?
A Thimble, Bodkin, and a Spoon
Did start up living men, as soon
As in the Furnace they were thrown,
Just like the Dragons teeth b'ing sown.
Then was the Cause all Gold and Plate,
The Brethrens off'tings, consecrate
Like the Hebrew-calf, and down before it
The Saints sell prostrate, to adore it.
So say the Wicked—and will you
Make that Sarcasmous Scandal true,
By running after Dogs and Bears,
Beasts more unclean then Calves or Steers?
Have Pow'rfull Preachers ply'd their tongues,
And laid themselves out and their lungs;
Us'd all means, both direct and sinister,
I'th' power of Gospel-preaching Minister,
Have they invented Tones, to win
The Women, and make them draw in
The men, as Indians with a female
[...] Elephant, inveigle the male?
Have they told Prov'dence what it must do,
Whom to avoid, and whom to trust to?
Disc [...]r'd th' Enemy's design,
And which way best to countermine;
[Page 56] Prescrib'd what way is it hath to work,
Or it will ne're advance the Kirk;
Told it the News o'th' last expresse,
And after good or bad successe
Made Prayers, not so like Petitions,
As Overtures and Propositions,
(Such as the Army did present
To their Creator th' Parliament)
In which they freely will confess,
They will not, cannot acquiesce,
Unlesse the Work be carry'd on
In the same way they have begun,
By setting Church and Common-weal
All on a flame, bright as their zeal,
On which the Saints were all a-gog,
And all this for a Bear and Dog?
The Parliament drew up Petitions
To't self, and sent them, like Commissions,
To Well-affected Persons, down
In ev'ry City and great Town;
With pow'r to levy Horse and Men,
Only to bring them back agen:
For this did many, many a mile,
Ride manfully in Rank and File,
With Papers in their hats, that show'd
As if they to the Pillory rode.
Have all these courses, these efforts,
Been try'd by people of all sorts,
[Page 57] Velis & Remis, omnibus Nervis,
And all t'advance the Cause's service?
And shall all now be thrown away
In petulant intestine fray?
Shall we that in the Cov'nant swore,
Each man of us to run before
Another still in Reformation,
Give Dogs and Bears a Dispensation?
How will dissenting Brethren relish it?
What will Malignants say? Videlicet,
That each man swore to do his best,
To damn and periure all the rest;
And bid the Devil take the hinmost,
Which at this Race is like to win most.
They'l say our businesse to reform
The Church and State, is but a worm;
For to transcribe a Church invisible,
As we have sworn to do, it is a bull:
For when we swore to do it after
The best reformed Churches that are,
What did we else but make a vow
To do we know not what, nor how?
For no three of us will agree
Where, or what Churches these should be.
And is indeed the self-same case
With theirs that swore Et caeteras;
Or the French League, in which men vow'd
To fight to the last drop of blood.
These slanders will be thrown upon
The Cause and Work we carry on,
[Page 58] If we per [...]t men to run headlong
T' [...] [...] fit for Bedlam,
Rather then Gospel-walking times,
When [...] sins are greatest Crimes,
But we the matter so shall handle,
As to remove that odious scandal.
In name of King and Parliament,
I charge ve all, no more soment
This seud, but keep the peace between
Your [...], and your Country-man;
And to those places streight repair,
Where your respective dwellings are,
But to that purpose first surrender
The Fidle, as the prime offender,
Th' incen [...]y vile, that is chief
Author and Engineer of mischief;
That makes division between friends,
For pro [...] [...]nd meligliant ends.
He and that Engine of vile noyse,
On which illegally he playes,
Shall (did [...]) both be brought
To [...] [...], as th' ought.
This must be done, and I would [...] see
Mortal [...] [...] as to gun-say:
For [...] [...] another course,
And soon Reduce you all by force.
Th [...] said, [...] [...] his hand on Sword,
To show [...] to keep his word.
[Page 59] But Talgol, who had long supprest
Enflamed wrath in glowing breast,
Which now began to rage and burn as
Implacably as flame in Furnace,
Thus answer'd him. Thou Vermin wretched,
As e're in Meazel'd Pork was hatched;
Thou Tayle of Worship, that dost grow
On Rump of Justice, as of Cow;
How dat'st thoy with that sullen Luggage
O'thy self, old [...], and other Baggage,
With which thy Steed of Bones and Leather,
Is lam'd and tir'd in halting hither;
How durst th', I say, adventure thus
T'oppose thy Lumber against us?
Could thin [...] Impertinence find out
No work [...]employ it self about,
Where thou secure from wooden blow
Thy busie vanity might'st show?
Was no dispute afoot between
The Catterwauling Brethren?
No subtle Question rais'd among
Those out-o-their-wits, and those i'ch' wrong?
No prize between those Combatants
O'th times, the Land and Water-Saints;
Where thou might'st stickle without hazzard
Of outrage to thy hide and mazzard,
And not for want of bus'nesse come
To us to be thus troublesome,
To interrupt our better [...]
Of Disputants, and spoil our sport?
[Page 60] Was there no Felony, no Bawd,
Cut-purse, nor Burglary abroad?
No Stollen Pig, nor Plunder'd Goose,
To tye thee up from breaking loose?
No Ale unlicen'd, broken hedge,
For which thou Statute might'st alledge,
To keep thee busie from foul evil,
And shame due to thee from the Devil?
Did no Committee sit, where he
Might cut out Journey-work for thee;
And set th'a task, with subornation,
To stitch up sale and sequestration;
To cheat with Holinesse and Zeal
All Parties, and the Common-weal?
Much better had it been for thee,
H'had kept thee where th'art us'd to be;
Or sent th' on bus'nesse any whither,
So he had never brought thee hither.
But if th' hast Brain enough in Skull
To keep it self in lodging whole,
And not provoke the rage of Stores,
And Cudgels to thy Hide and Bones;
Tremble, and vanish while thou may'st,
Which I'le not promise if thou stay'st.
At this the Knight grew high in wroth,
And lifting hands and eyes up both,
Three times he smore on stomack stour,
From whence at length these words broke out.
[Page 61] Was I for this entitled Sir,
And girt with trusty Sword and Spur,
For fame and honour to wage Battel,
Thus to be brav'd by foe to Cattel?
Not all the Pride that makes thee swell
As big as thou dost blown-up Veal;
Nor all thy tricks and slights to cheat,
And sell thy Carrion for good meat;
Not all thy Magick to repair
Decay'd old age in rough lean ware,
Turn Death of Nature to thy work,
And stop the Gangrene in stale Pork;
Not all that force that makes thee proud,
Because by Bullock ne're withstood;
Though arm'd with all thy Clevers, Knives,
And Axe [...], made to hew down lives;
Shall save or help thee to evade
The hand of Justice, or this blade
Which I her Sword-bearer do carry,
For civil deed and military.
Nor shall these words of Venom base,
Which thou hast from their native place,
Thy stomack, pump'd to sling on me,
Go unteverg'd, though I am free.
Thou down the same throat shalt devour 'em,
Like tainted Beef, and pay dear sor 'em.
Nor shall it e're be said, that wight
With Gantlet blew, and Bases white,
And round blunt Dudgeon by his side,
So great a man at Arms defy'd
[Page 62] With words far bi [...]er then wormwood,
That would in Job or Grizel stir mood.
Dogs with their tongues their wounds do heal;
But men with hands, as thou shalt feel.
This said, with hasty rage he snatch'd
His Gun-shot, that in Holsters watch'd;
And bending Cock, he level'd full
Against th' outside of Talgol's Skull;
Vowing that he should ne're stir further,
Not henceforth Cow or Bullock murther.
But Pallas came in shape of Rust,
And 'twixt the Spring and Hammer thrnst
Her Gorgon-shield, which made the Cock
Stand stiff as 'twere transform'd to stock.
Mean while fierce Talgol garh'ring might,
With rugged Trunche on smote at Knight.
But he with Petronel up-heav'd,
Instead of shield, the blow receiv'd,
The Gun recoyl'd, as well it might,
Not us'd to such a kind of sight,
And shrunk from its great Masters gripe,
Knock'd down and st [...]'d with mortal stripe,
Then Hudibras with furious haste
Drew out his Sword; yet not so fast,
But Telgol first with hardy thwack,
Twice b [...]iz'd his head, and twice his back.
But when his rugge [...] was out
With stomack [...] he [...] [...],
Imprinting many a wound [...] [...]
His mortal [...] the [...]
[Page 63] The trusty Cudgel did oppose
It self against dead-doing blows,
To guard its Leader from fell bane,
And then reveng'd it self again.
And though the sword (some understood)
In force had much the odds of wood;
'Twas nothing so, both sides were ballanc't
So equal, none knew which was valiant'st,
For wood with honour b'ing engag'd,
Is so implacably enrag'd,
Though Iron hew and mangle sore,
Wood wounds & bruises honour more.
And now both Knights were out of breath,
Tir'd in the hot pursuit of death;
While all the rest amaz'd stood still,
Expecting which should take or kill.
This Hudibras observ'd, and fretting,
Conquest should be so long a getting,
He drew up all his force into
One body, and that into one blow.
But Talgol wisely avoided it
[...]y cunning sleight; for had it hit
The upper part of him, the blow
Had slit, as sure as that below.
But now fierce Colon 'gan draw on,
To aid the distrest Champion.
Him Ralph encountred, and straight grew
A dismal Combat 'twixt them two:
[Page 64] Th' one arm'd with mettle, th' other wood;
This fit for bruise, and that for blood.
With many a stiff thwack, many a bang,
Hard Crab-tree, and old Iron rang;
While none that saw them cold divine
To which side conquest would encline:
Until Magnano, who did envy
That two should with so many men vye,
By subtle s [...]ratagem of brain,
Perform'd what force could ne're attain.
For he, by soul hap having found
Where Thistle grew on barren ground,
Her [...] [...] underneath the Tail
Of [...] [...] as sharp as nail.
The angry beast did straight esent,
And feel regret on fundament,
[...] to kick, and fling, and wince,
As if h' had been beside his sense,
Striving to dis-engage from thistle,
That gall'd him sorely under his tail.
Instead of which he threw the pack
Of Squire, and baggage from his back;
And blundring still, with smarting rump,
He gave the Knight's Steed such a thump,
As made him feel. The Knight did stoop,
And sate on further side a slope.
This Talgol viewing, who had now
By slight [...]eap'd the fatal blow,
He rally'd, and again fell to't;
[...] catching ice by nearer foot,
[Page 65] He lifted with such might and strength,
As would have hurl'd him thrice his length,
And dash'd his brains (if any) out.
But Mars, that still protects the stout,
In pudding-time came to his aid,
And under him the Bear convey'd;
The Bear, upon whose soft fur-gown,
The Knight with all his weight fell down.
The friendly rug preserv'd the ground,
And headlong Knight from bruise or wound:
Like feather-bed betwixt a wall,
And heavy brunt of Cannon-ball.
As Sancho on a blanket fell,
And had no hurt; ours fat'd as well
In body, though his mighty spirit,
B'ing heavy, did not so well bear it.
The Bear was in a greater fright,
Beat down and worsted by the Knight.
He roar'd, and rag'd, and flung about,
To shake of bondage from his snour.
His wrath enflam'd, boil'd o're, & from
His jaws of death he threw the foam.
Fury in stranger postures threw him,
And more, than ever He rauld drew him.
He tore the earth, which he had sav'd
From squelch of Knight, and storm'd, and rav'd;
And vext the more, because the harms
He felt were 'gainst the Law of Arms:
For men he always took to be
His friends, and Dogs the enemy:
[Page 66] Who never so much hurt had done him,
As his own side did falling on him.
It griev'd him to the guts, that they
For whom h' had fought so many a fray,
And serv'd with loss of blood so long,
Should offer such inhumane wrong;
Wrong of unsouldier-like condition:
For which he flung down his Commission,
And laid about him, till his nose,
From thrall of ring and cord broke loose.
Soon as he sel himself enlarg'd,
Through thickest of his foes he charg'd,
And made way through th' amazed crew.
Some he o'reran, and some o'rethrew,
But took none, for by hasty flight
He strove t' escape pursu'e of Knight,
From whom he fled with as much haste,
And dread, as he th [...] Rabble chas'd.
In hast he fled, and so did they,
Each and his fear a sev'ral way.
Crowdero only kept the field,
Not stir [...]g from the place he held,
Though beaten down, and wounded sore,
I'th' Fiddle, and a Leg that bore
One side of him, not that of bone,
But, much its betters, th' wooden one.
He spying Hudibras lye strow'd
Upon the ground, like log of wood,
[Page 67] With fright of fall, supposed wound,
And loss of Urine, cast in swound;
In haste he snatch'd the wooden limb
That hurt in th' ankle lay by him,
And listing it for sudden fight,
Straight drew it up, to fall on Knight.
For getting up on stump and huckle,
He with the foe began to buckle,
Vowing to be reveng'd for breach
Of Crowd, and skin upon the wretch,
Sole Author of all Detriment
He and his Fiddle underwent.
But Ralpho (who had now begun
T' adventure resurrection
From heavy squelch, and had got up
Upon his legs, with sprained Crup)
Looking about, beheld pernicion
Approaching Knight from fell Musician.
He snatch'd his Whiniard up, that fled
When he was falling off his Steed,
(As Rats do from a falling house,)
To hide it self from rage of blows;
And wing'd with speed and fury, flew
To rescue Knight from black and blew.
Which e're he could atchieve, his Sconce
The Skin encounter'd twice and once;
And now 'twas rais'd to smite agen,
When Ralpho thrust himself between,
He took the blow on side and arm,
To shield the Knight entra [...]nc'd from harm;
O [...] th' wooden [...] such a load,
That [...] [...] with [...] bore
Crowdero whom it propp'd be [...]re.
To him the Squire right [...] run,
And seeing conquering [...]oor upon
His [...], thus [...]: What desp'rate frenzie
Made th [...] (thou whelp of sin) to fancy
Thy self and all that coward Rabble
T' encounter us in battel able?
How [...] th', I say, oppose thy Curship
'Gainst Arms, Authority and Worship?
And Hudibras, or me provoke,
Though all thy limbs were heart of Oke,
And th' other half of thee as good
[...] our blows as that of wood?
Could ot the whipping post prevail
With all its Rhet'rick, [...] the Gaol,
To keep from flaying [...] thy skin,
[...] [...]nkle free from Iron gin?
Which [...] thou shalt—but first our care
[...] see how Hudibras doth [...]re
This [...] gently rais'd the Knight,
And [...] him on hi [...] [...] upright:
[...] [...] from [...] dump,
[...] weak'd nose with gentle thump,
[...] on his breast, as if't had been
[...] [...] the [...] lodg'd within.
[...] [...] with the noise, did slye
From [...] [...]oom to window eye,
Lookt out, but yet with some amazement.
This gladded Ralpho much to see,
Who thus bespoke the Knight: quoth he,
Tweaking his nose, You are, great Sir,
A self-denying Conquerout;
As high, victorious, and great,
As e're fought for the Churches yet,
If you will give your self but leave,
To make out what y' already have;
That's Victory. The foe, for dread
Of your Nine-worthiness is fled,
All save Crowdero, for whose sake
You did th' espous'd Cause undertake:
And he lies pris'ner at your feet,
To be dispos'd as you think meet,
Either for life, or death, or sale,
The Gallows, or perpetual Goal.
For one wink of your pow'rful eye
Must sentence him to live or dye.
His Fiddle is your proper purchase,
Wone in the service of the Churches;
And by your doom must be allow'd
To be, or be no more a Crowd.
For though success did not confer
Just Title on the Conquerer;
Though dispensations were not strong
Conclusions whether right or wrong;
Although Out-goings did not confirm,
And Owning were but a meer term:
To th' Creature, though usurp'd by might,
The property is in the Saint,
From whom th' injuriously detain't;
Of him they hold their Luxuries,
Their Dogs, their Horses, Whores, and Dice,
Their Riots, Revels, Masks, Delights,
Pimps, Buffoons, Fidlers, Parasites:
All which the Saints have title to,
And ought t' enjoy, if th' had their due.
What we take from them is no more
Then what was ours by right before.
For we are their true Landlords still,
And they our Tenants but at will.
At this the Knight begnn to rouse,
And by degrees grow valorous.
He stat'd about, and seeing none,
Of all his foes remain but one,
He snatch'd his weapon that lay near him,
And from the ground began to rear him;
Vowing to make Crowdero pay
For all the rest that ran away.
But Ralpho now in colder blood,
His fury mildly thus withstood:
Great Sir, quoth he, your mighty spirit
Is rais'd too high, this Slave does merit
To be the Hangmans bus'ness, sooner
Then from your hand to have the honour
[Page 71] Of his Destruction. I that am
A Nothingnesse in deed and name,
Did scorn to hurt his forfeit Carcasse,
Or ill intreat his Fiddle or Case.
Will you, Great Sir, that glory blot
In cold blood which you gain'd in hot?
Will you employ your Conqu'ring Sword,
To break a Fiddle and your word?
For though I fought, and overcame,
And Quarter gave, 'twas in your name.
For great Commanders alwayes own
What's prosperous by the Souldier done.
To save, where you have pow'r to kill,
Argues your Pow'r above your Will;
And that your will and pow'r have lesse
Then both might have of selfishnesse.
This pow'r which now alive with dread
He trembles at, if he were dead,
Would no more keep the slave in awe,
Then if you were a Knight of Straw:
For Death would then be his Conqueror,
Not you, and free him from that terror.
If danger from his life accrew,
Or honour from his death to you;
'Twere policy, and honour too,
To do as you resolv'd to do.
But, Sir, 'twould wrong your Valour much,
To say it needs or fears a Crutch.
Great Conquerors greater glory gain
By foes in Triumph led, then slain:
[Page 72] The Law [...]s that adorn their brows
Are pull'd from living, not dead boughs,
And living foes the greatest fame
Of Cripple slain, can be but lame.
One half of him's already slain,
The other is not worth your pain.
Th' Honour can but on one side light.
As Worship did, when y'were dub'd Knight.
Wherefore I think it better far,
To keep him Prisoner of War;
And let him fast in bonds abide,
At Court of Justice to be try'd:
Where if h'appear so bold or crafty,
There may be danger in his safety;
If any Member there dislike
His Face, or to his Beard have pike;
Or if his death will save, or yield,
Revenge, or fright, it is reveal'd,
Though he has Quarter, ne'rethelesse
Y' have pow'r to hang him when you please.
This hath been often done by some
Of our great Conquerors, you know whom:
[...] has by most of us been held
Wise Justice, and to some reveal'd.
For and promises that yoke
The Conquerour, are quickly broke,
Like Sampson's Cu [...], though by his own
Direction and advice put on.
For if we should fight for the Cause
By rules of military Laws,
[Page 73] And only do what they call just,
The Cause would quickly fall to dust.
This we among our selves may speak;
But to the Wicked, or the Weak
We must be cautious to declare
Perfection-truths, such as these are.
This said, the high out ragious mettle
Of Knight began to cool and settle.
He lik'd the Squire's advice, and soon
Resolv'd to see the bus'ness done:
And therefore charg'd him first to bind
Crowdero's hands on rump behind,
And to its sormer place and use
The Wooden member to reduce:
But force it take an Oath before,
Ne're to bear arms against him more.
Ralpho dispatch'd with speedy hast,
And having ty'd Crowdero fast,
He gave Sir Knight the end of Cord,
To lead the Captive of his Sword
In triumph, while the Steeds he caught,
And them to further service brought.
The Squire in state rode on before,
And on his nut-brown Whyniard bore
The Trophee-Fiddle, and the Case,
Leaning on shoulder like a Mace.
The Knight himself did after ride,
Leading Crowdero by his side,
[Page 74] And tow'd him, if he lagg'd behind,
Like Boat against the Tide and Wind.
Thus grave and solemn they march on,
Untill quite through the Town th' had gone.
At further end of which there stands
An antient Castle, that commands
Th' adjacent parts; in all the fabrick
You shall not see one stone nor a brick,
But all of wood, by pow'rfull Spell
Of Magick made impregnable.
There's neither Iron-bat, nor Gate,
Port-cullis, Chain, or Bolt, or Grate
And yet men durance there abide,
In Dungeon scarce three inches wide;
With Roof so low, that under it
They never stand, but lye, or sit,
And yet so foul, that whoso is in,
Is to the middle-leg in Prison,
In Circle Magical confin'd,
With walls of subtle Air and Wind,
Which none are able to break thorough,
Untill th'are freed by head of Burrough.
Thither arriv'd, th' advent'rous Knight
And bold Squire from their Steeds alight,
At th'outward wall, near which there stands
A Bastile, built t'imprison hands;
By strange enchantment made to fetter
The lesser parts, and free the greater.
For though the Body may creep through,
The Hands in Grate are fast enough.
[Page 75] And when a circle 'bout the wrist
Is made by Beadle Exorcist,
The Body feels the Spur and Switch,
As if 'twere ridden Post by 'witch,
At twenty miles an hour pace,
And yet ne're stirs out of the place.
On top of this there is a Spire,
On which Sir Knight first bids the Squire
The Fiddle, and its Spoyls, the Case,
In manner of a Trophee, place.
That done, they ope the Trap-door-gate,
And let Crowdero down thereat.
Crowdero making dolefull face,
Like Hermit poor in pensive place,
To Dungeon they the wretch commit,
And the survivor of his feet:
But th' other, that had broke the peace,
And head of Knight hood, they release,
Though a Delinquent false and forged,
Yet b'ing a Stranger, he's enlarged;
While his Comrade, that did no hurt,
Is clapt up fast in Prison for't.
So Justice, while she winks at Crimes,
Stumbles on Innocence sometimes.
[Page 77]
THE ARGUMENT OF THE THIRD CANTO.
The scatter'd Rout return and rally,
Surround the Place; the Knight does sally,
And is made Pris'ner: then they seize
The Inchanted Fort by storm, release
Crowdero, and put the Squire in's place.
I should have first said, Hudibras.
CANTO III.
AY me! what perils do inviron
The man that meddles with cold Iron!
What plaguy mischiefs and mishaps
Do [...] him still with after-claps!
For though Dame Fortune seem to smile
And leer upon him for a while;
She'l after shew him, in the nick
Of all his Glories, a Dog-trick.
This any man may sing or say,
I'th' Ditty call'd, What if a day.
For Hudibras, who thought h'had won
The field as suer as a Gun,
And having routed the whole Troop,
With Victory was Cock-a-hoop;
[Page 78] Thinking h'had done enough to purchase
Thanks giving-day among the Churches,
Wherein his Mettle and brave Worth
Might be explain'd by Holder-forth,
And register'd by fame eternal,
In Deathlesse Pages of Diurnal;
Found in few minutes, to his cost,
He did but Count without his Host;
And that a Turn-stile is more certain,
Then in events of War Dame Fortune.
For now, the late-faint-hearted Rout,
O're thrown and scatter'd round about,
Chac'd by the horrour of their fear
From bloudy fray of Knight and Bear,
(All but the Dogs, who in pursuit
Of the Knight's Victory stood to't,
And most ignobly sought to get
The Honour of his bloud and sweat)
Seeing the coast was free and clear
O'th' Conquer'd and the Conquerer,
Took heart of grace, and fac'd about,
As if they meant to stand it out:
For by this time, the routed Bear
Attaqu'd by th' Enemy i'th' Rear,
Finding their number grew too great
For him to make a safe retreat,
Like a bold Chieftain fac'd about,
But wisely doubting to hold out,
Gave way to Fortune, and with hast
Fac'd the proud soe, and fled, and fac'd,
[Page 79] Retiring still, until he found
H' had got th'advantage of the Ground,
And then as valiantly made head,
To check the foe, and forthwith fled;
Leaving no Art untry'd, nor Trick
Of Warrior stout and politick.
Until in spight of hot pursuit,
He gain'd a pass to hold dispute
On better terms, and stop the course
Of the proud foe. With all his force
He bravely charg'd, and for a while
Forc'd their whole Body to recoil:
But still their numbers so encreast,
He found himself at length opprest,
And all evasions so uncertain,
To save himself for better fortune,
That he resolv'd, rather then yield,
To die with honour in the field,
And sell his hyde and carkase at
A price as high and desperate
As e're he could. This resolution
He forthwith put in execution,
And bravely threw himself among
The enemy in the greatest throng.
But what could single valour doe
Against so numerous a foe?
Yet much he did, indeed too much
To be believ'd, where th'odds was such:
But one against a multitude,
Is more than mortal can make good,
[Page 80] For while one party he oppos'd,
His Rear was suddenly enclos'd,
And no room left him for retreat,
Or fight against a foe so great.
For now the Mastives charging home
To blows and handy-gripes were come;
While manfully himself he bore,
And setting his right-foot before,
He rais'd himself, to shew how tall
His Person was, above them all.
This equal shame and envy stirr'd
In th'enemy, that one should beard
So many Warriors and so stout
As he had done, and stav'd it out,
Disdaining to lay down his Arms,
And yield on honourable terms.
Enraged thus some in the rear
Attack'd him, and some ev'ry where;
Till down he fell, yet falling fought,
And being down still laid about;
As Widdrington in doleful Dumps
[...]s said to fight upon his stumps.
But all, alas! had been in vain,
And he inevitably slain,
[...] [...] and [...] in the nick
To [...] him had not been quick,
For [...] who was [...]ight of foot.
[...] which long-field [...] shoot,
[Page 81] (But not so light as to be born
Upon the ears of standing Corn,
Or trip it o're the Water quicker
Then Witches when their staves they liquor,
As some report) was got among
The foremost of the Martial throng;
Where pitrying the vanquisht Bear,
She call'd to Cerdon, who stood near
Viewing the bloudy fight, to whom
Shall wee (quoth she) stand still hum drum,
And see stout Bruin all alone
By numbers basely overthrown?
Such sears already h'has atchiev'd,
In story not to be believ'd:
And twould to us be shame enough
Not to attempt to fetch him off.
I would (quoth he) venture a Limb
To second thee, and rescue him:
But then we must about it streight,
Or else our aid will come too late.
Quarter he scorns, he is so stout,
And therfore cannot long hold our.
This said, they wav'd their weapons round
About their heads, to clear the ground:
And joyning forces laid about
So fiercely, that th'amazed rout
Turn'd tail again, and straight begun,
As if the Devil drove, to run.
[Page 82] Mean while th' approach'd the place where
Was now engaged to mortal ruin: (Bruin
The conquering foe they soon assail'd;
First Trulla stav'd, and Cerdon tail'd,
Until the Mastives loos'd their hold:
And yet, alas! do what they could,
The worsted Bear came off with store
Of bloody wounds, but all before.
For as Achilles dipt in Pond,
Was anabaptiz'd free from wound,
Made proof against dead-doing steel
All over but the Pagan heel:
So did our Champion's Arms desend
All of him but the other end,
His head and ears, which in the martial
Encounter lost a leathern parcel.
For as an Ausirian Archduke once
Had one ear (which in Ducatoons
Is half the Coin) in battel par'd
Close to his head; so Bruin far'd:
But tugg'd and pull'd on th'other side,
Like Scrivener newly crucify'd;
Or like the late corrected Leathern
Ea [...] of the circumeised brethren.
But gentle Trulla into th' ring
He wore in [...]s nose convey'd a string,
With which she mareht before, and led
The Warrior to a grassy Bed,
As [...]uthors write, in a cool shade,
Which [...] glentine and Roses made,
[Page 83] Close by a softly-murm'ring stream
Where Lovers us'd to loll and dream.
There leaving him to his repose,
Secured from pursuit of foes,
And wanting nothing but a Song,
And a well-tun'd Theorbo bung
Upon a bough, to ease the pain
His tugg'd ears suffer'd, with a strain.
They both drew up, to march in quest
Of his great Leader, and the rest.
For Orsin (who was more renown'd
For stout maintaining of his ground
In standing fights then for pursuit,
As being not so quick of foot)
Was not long able to keep pace
With others that pursu'd the Chace,
But found himself left far behind,
Both out of heart and out of wind;
Griev'd to behold his Bear pursu'd
So basely by a multitude,
And like to fall, not by the prowess,
But numbers of his Coward foes.
He rag'd and kept as heavy a coil as
Stout Hercules for loss of Hylas,
Foreing the Vallies to repeat
The Accents of his sad regret.
He beat his breast, and tore his hair,
For loss of his dear Crony Bear:
[Page 84] That Echo from the hollow ground
His dolesull wailings did resound
More wistfully, by many times,
Then in small Poets splay-foot [...]es,
That make her, in their ruthfull stories,
To answer to inter'gatories,
And most unconscionably depose
To things of which she nothing knows:
And when she has said all she can say,
Tis wrested to the Lover's fancy.
Quoth he, O whether, wicked Bruin,
A [...]t thou fled to my—Echo, ruine?
I thought th'hadst scorn'd to budge a step,
For fear. (Quoth Echo) Marry guep.
Am not I here to take thy part?
Then what has quail'd thy stubborn heart?
Have these bones rattled, and this head
So often in thy quarrel bled?
Nor did I ever winch or grudge it,
For thy dear sake. (Quoth she) Mum budget.
Think'st thou 'twill not be laid i'th' dish,
Thou turn'dst thy back? Quoth Echo, Pish.
To run from those th'hadst overcome
Thus cowardly? Quoth Echo, Mum.
But what a-vengeance makes thee slie
From me too, as thine enemy?
Or if thou hast no thought of me,
Nor what I have endur'd for thee,
Yet shame and honour might prevail
To keep thee thus from turning rail:
[Page 85] For who would'grutch to spend his bloud in
His honor's cause? Quoth she, a Puddin.
This said, his grief to anger turn'd,
Which in his manly stomack burn'd;
Thirst of Revenge and Wrath, in place
Of Sorrow, now began to blaze.
He vow'd the Authors of his woe
Should equal vengeance undergo;
And with his bones and [...] pay dear
For what he suffer'd and his Bear.
This b'ing resolv'd, with equal speed
And rage he hasted to proceed
To action straight, and giving ore
To search for Bruin any more,
He went in quest of Hudibras,
To find him out, where e're he was:
And if he were above ground, vow'd
He'd ferret him, lurk where he wou'd.
But scarce had he a furlong on
This resolute adventure gone,
When he encounter'd with that Crew
Whom Hudibras did late subdue.
Honor, Revenge, Contempt and Shame,
Did equally their breasts enflame.
'Mong these the fierce Magnano was,
And Talgol foe to Hudibras;
Cerdon and Colon, Warriors stout
And resolute as ever fought:
[Page 86] Whom furious Orsin thus bespoke,
Shall we (quoth he) thus basely brook
The vile affront, that paultry Ass,
And feeble Scoundrel Hudibras,
With that more paultry Ragamuffin
Ralpho, with vapouring and huffing
Have put upon us, like tame cattel,
As if th' had routed us in battel?
For my part, it shall ne're be sed,
I for the washing gave my head:
Nor did I turn my back for fear
O'th' Rascals, but loss of my Bear,
Which now I'm like to undergo;
For whether these fell wounds, or no,
He has receiv'd in fight are mortal,
Is more then all my skill can foretel.
Nor do I know what is become
Of him, more then the Pope of Rome.
But if I can but find them out
That caus'd it, (as I shall no doubt,
Where e're th'in Hugger-mugger lurk)
[...]e make them rue their handy-work;
And wish that they had rather dar'd
To pull the Devil by the Beard.
Quoth Cerdon, Noble Orsia, th'hast
Great reason to do as thou sayst;
And so has every body here
As well as thou hast or thy Bear,
Others may do as they see good;
But if this Twig he made of wood
[Page 87] That will hold tack, l'se make the fur
Flie 'bout the ears of the old Cut,
And th' other mungrel Vermin, Ralph,
That brav'd us all in his behalf.
Thy Bear is safe, and out of peril,
Though lugg'd indeed, and wounded very ill.
My self, and Trulla made a shift
To help him out at a dead lift;
And having brought him bravely off,
Have left him where he's safe enough.
There let him rest; for if we stay,
The Slaves may hap to get away.
This said, they all engag'd to joyn
Their forces in the same design:
And forthwith put themselves in search
Of Hudibras upon their march.
Where leave we them a while, to tell
What the Victorious Knight befel:
For such, Crowdero being fast
In Dangeon shut, we left him last.
Triumphant Laurels seem'd to grow
No where so green as on his brow:
Laden with which, as well as tit'd
With conquering toil, he now retir'd
Unto a neighb'ring Castle by,
To rest his body, and apply
Fit med'cines to each glorious bruise
He got in fight, Reds, Blacks, and Blews;
[Page 88] To mossifie the uneasie pang
Of ev'ry honourable bang.
Which b'ing by skilful Midwife drest,
He said him down to take his rest.
But all in vain. H' had got a hurt
O'th' inside, of a deadlier sort,
By Cupid made, who took his stand
Upon a widows joynture-land,
(For he, in all his amorous battels,
No 'dvantage finds like goods and chattels)
As now he did, and aiming right,
An arrow he let flie at Knight;
The shast against a rib did glance,
And gall him in the Purtenance.
But time had somewhat swag'd his pain,
After he found his suit in vain.
For that proud Dame, for whom his soul
Was burnt in's belly like a coal,
(That belly, that so oft did ake,
And suffer griping for her sake,
Till purging Comfits, and Ants eggs,
Had almost brought him off his leggs)
Ha'd him so like a base Rascallion,
That Old Prg- (what d' y' call him?) malion,
That cut his Mistress out of stone,
Had not so hard-a-hearted one.
She had a thousand jadish tricks,
Worse than a Mule that flings and kicks:
M [...]g which one cross-grain'd freak she had,
As insolent, as strange, and mad:
[Page 89] She could love none but only such
As scorn'd and hated her as much.
'T was a strange Riddle of a Lady;
Not love, if any lov'd her? ha day!
So Cowards never use their might,
But against such as will not fight.
So some diseases have been found
Only to seize upon the sound.
He that gets her by heart, must say her
The back-way, like a Witch's Prayer.
Meanwhile the Knight had no small task,
To compasse what he durst not ask.
He loves, but dares not make the motion;
Her ignorance is his devotion.
Like Caitiff vile, that for misdeed
Rides with his face to rump of steed,
Or rowing Scull, he's fain to love,
Look one way, and another move;
Or like a Tumbler that does play
His game, and look another way,
Untill he seize upon the Coney:
Just so does he by Matrimony.
But all in vain: her subtle snout
Did quickly wind his meaning out;
Which she return'd with too much scorn,
To be by man of honour born.
Yet much he bore, untill the distresse
He suffer'd from his spightfull Mistresse
Did stir his stomack, and the pain
He had endur'd from her disdain
[Page 90] Turn'd to regret, so resolute,
That he resolv'd to wave his suit,
And either to renounce her quite,
Or for a while play least in sight.
This resolution being put on,
He kept some months, and more had done;
But being brought so nigh by fate,
The Victory he atchiev'd so late,
Did set his thoughts agog, and hope
A dore to discontinu'd hope.
That seem'd to promise he might win
His Dame too now his hand was in;
And that his valour, and the honour
H' had newly gair'd might work upon her.
These reasons made his mouth to water
With amorous longings to be at her.
Quoth he unto himself, Who knows
But this brave Conquest o're my soes
May reach her heart, and make that stoop,
As I but now have forc'd the Troop?
If nothing can oppugne love,
And vertue envious ways can prove,
What may not he confide to do,
That brings both love and vertue too?
But thou bring'st valour too and wit,
Two things that seldom sa [...]l to hit.
Valour's a Mouse-trap, wit a gin,
Which women oft are taken in.
Then, Hudibras, why shouldst thou fear
To be, that art a Conquerer?
[Page 91] Fortune th' audacious doth juvare
But let the timidous miscarry.
Then while the honour thou hast got
Is spick and span-new, piping hot,
Strike her up bravely thou hadst best,
And trust thy fortune with the rest.
Such thoughts as these the Knight did keep,
More than his bangs, or fleas, from sleep.
And as an Owl that in a Barn
Sees a Mouse creeping in the Corn,
Sits still, and shuts his round blew eyes,
As it he slept, until he spies,
The little beast within his reach,
Then starts, and seizes on the wretch:
So from his Couch the Knight did start,
To seize upon the widows heart;
Crying with hasty tone, and hoarse,
Ralpho, dispatch, to horse, to horse.
And 'twas but time, for now the Rout,
We lest engag'd to seek him our,
By speedy marches were advanc'd
Up to the fo [...] where he ensconc'd,
And had all th' avenues postest
About the place, from East to West.
That done, a while they made a halt,
To view the ground, &c where t'assault:
Then call'd a Council, which was best,
By fi [...]e or onslaught, to invest
The enemy: and 'twas agreed.
By storm and onslaught to preceed.
[Page 92] This being resolv'd, in comely sort,
They now drew up t'attack the fort.
When Hudibras, about to enter
Upon another gate's adventure,
To Ralpho call'd aloud to arm,
Not dreaming of approaching storm.
VVhether Dame Fortune, or the care
Of Angel bad, of Tutelar,
Did aim, or thrust him on a danger,
To which he was an utter stranger;
That Foresight might, or might not blor
The glory he had newly got;
Or to his shame it might be sed,
They took him napping in his bed:
To them we leave it to expound,
That deal in Sciences profound.
His Courser scarce he had bestrid,
And Ralpho that on which he rid;
VVhen setting ope the Postern gate,
VVhich they thought best to sally at,
The Foe appeat'd, drawn up and drill'd,
Ready to charge them in the field.
This somwhat startled the bold Knight,
Surpriz'd with th'unexpected sight,
The bruises of his bones and flesh
He thought began to smart afresh;
Till recollecting wonted Courage,
His fear was soon converted to rage,
And those he spoke: The Coward Foe,
VVhom we but now gave quarter to,
[Page 93] Look, yonder's rally'd, and appears,
As if they had outrun their fears.
The Glory we did lately get,
The fares command us to repeat.
And to their wills we must succumb,
Quocunque trahunt, 'tis our doom,
This is the same numerick Crew
Which we so lately did subdue,
The sel-same individuals that
Did run, as Mice do from a Cat,
When we couragiously did wield
Our martial weapons in the field,
To tug for Victory: and when
We shall our shining blades agen
Brandish in terrour o're our heads,
They'l straight resume their wonted dreads.
Fear is an Ague, that forsakes
And haunts by turns those whom it takes.
And they'l opine they feel the pain
And blows, they felt to day, again.
Then let us boldly charge them home,
And make no doubt to overcome.
This said, his Courage to enflame,
He call'd upon his Mistress name.
His Pistol next he cock [...] anew,
And out his nut-brown whiniard drew,
And placing Ralpho in the front,
Resolv'd himself to be bear the brunt;
[Page 94] As expert Warriors use: then ply'd
With Iron-heel his Courser's side,
Conveying Sympathetick speed
From heel of Knight to heel of Steed.
Meanwhile the soe with equal rage
And speed advancing to engage,
Both Parties now were drawn so close,
Almost to come to handiblows.
When Orsin first let flie a stone
A Ralpho: not so huge a one
As that which Diomed did maul
Aeneas on the Bum withall:
Yet big enough, if rightly hurl'd,
T'have sent him to another world:
Whether above-ground, or below,
Which Saints twice dipt are destin'd to,
The danger startled the bold Squire,
And made him some few steps re [...]e.
But Hudibras advanc'd to's aid,
And rouz'd his spirits half dismay'd.
He, wisely doubting lest the shot
Of th'enemy, now growing hot,
Might at a distance gali, prest close,
To come, pell-mell, to handiblows:
And that he might their aim decline,
Advanc'd still in an oblique line;
But prudently forbore to sire,
Till breast to breast he had got nigher.
[Page 95] As expert Warriours use to do,
When hand to hand they charge the foe.
This order the advent'rous Knight,
Most Souldier-like observ'd in fight:
When Fortune (as she's wont) turn'd fickle,
And for the foe began to stickle.
The more shame for her Goody-ship,
To give so near a friend the slip.
For Colon chusing out a stone,
Levell'd so right, it thumpt upon
His manly panch with such a force,
As almost beat him off his horse.
He loos'd his whiniard, and the rein;
But laying fast hold on the mane,
Preserv'd his seat: And as a Goose
In death contracts his talons close;
So did the Knight, and with one claw
The tricker of his Pistol draw.
The Gun went off: and as it was
Still fatal to stout Hudibras,
In all his feats of Arms, when least
He dreamt of it, to prosper best;
So now he far'd: the shot let fly
At random 'mong the enemy,
Pierc'd Talgol's Gabberdine, and grazing
Upon his shoulder, in the passing
Lodg'd in Magnano's brass Habergeon,
Who straight a Surgeon cry'd, a Surgeon.
He tumbled down, and as he fell,
Did Murther, murther, murther yell.
[Page 96] This startled their whole body so,
That if the Knight had not let go
His Arms, but been in warlike plight,
H'had won (the second time) the fight.
As Ralpho might; but he with care
Of Hudibras his hurt forbare,
To press th'advantage of his fortune,
While danger did the rest dishearten.
For he with Cerdon b'ing engag'd
In close encounter, they both wag'd
The fight so well, 'twas hard to say
Which side was like to get the day.
And now the busie work of death
Had tir'd them so, th' agreed to breath,
Preparing to renew the fight;
When the disaster of the Knight
And th' other party did divert
Their fell intent, and forc'd them part.
Ralpho prest up to Hudibras,
And Cerdon where Magnano was;
Each striving to confirm his party
With stour encouragements & hearty.
Quoth Ralpho, Courage, valiant Sir,
And ler revenge and honour stir
Your spirits up, once more fall on,
The shatter'd soe begins to run:
For if but half so well you knew
To use your Victory as subdue,
They durst not, after such a blow
As you have giv'n them, face us now;
[Page 97] But from so formidable a Souldier
Had fled like Crows when they smell powder.
Thrice have they seen your Sword aloft
Wav'd o're their heads, and fled as oft.
But if you let them recollect
Their spirits, now dismay'd and checkt,
You'l have a harder game to play,
Then yet y'have had to get the day.
Thus spoke the stout Squire; but was heard
Of Hudibras with small regard.
His thoughts were fuller of the bang
He lately took, then Ralph's harangue;
To which he answer'd, Cruel fate
Tells me thy counsel comes too late.
The knotted blood within my hose,
That from my wounded body flows,
With mortal Crisis doth portend
My days to appropinque an end.
I am for action now unfit,
Either of fortitude or wit.
Fortune my foe begins to frown,
Resolv'd to pull my stomack down.
I am not apt upon a wound,
Or trivial basting, to despond:
Yet I'd be loath my days to curtal.
For if I thought my wounds not mortal,
Or that we'd time enough as yet
To make an honourable retreat,
[Page 98] Twere the best course: but if they find
We flie, and leave our Arms behind,
For them to seize on, the dishonour
And danger too is such, I'le sooner
Stand to it boldly, and take quarter,
To let them see I am no starter.
In all the trade of War, no feat
Is nobler than a brave retreat.
This said, the Squire with active speed
Dismounted from his bonny Steed,
To seize the Arms which by mischance
F [...]ll from the bold Knight in a [...]rance.
These being found out, and restor'd
To Hudibras, their natural Lord,
As a man may say, with might and main
He hasted to get up again.
Thrice he assay'd to mount aloft,
But by his weighty bum as oft
He was pull'd back: till having found
Th' advantage of the rising ground,
Thither he led his warlike steed,
And having plac'd him right, with speed
Prepar'd again to scale the beast.
VVhom Orsin, who had newly drest
The bloody scarupon the shoulder
Of Talgol with Promethean powder,
And now was searching for the shot
That said Magnano on the spot,
[Page 99] Beheld the sturdy Squire aforesaid
Preparing to climb up his horse-side.
He left his Cure, and laying hold
Upon his Arms, with courage bold
Cry'd out, 'Tis now no time to dally,
The enemy begins to rally:
Let us that are unhurt and whole
Fall on, and happy man be's dole.
This said, like to a thunderbolt
He flew, with fury, to th' assault,
Striving the enemy to attack,
Before he reacht his horse's back.
Ralpho was mounted now, & gotten
O'rethwart his Beast with active vaut-
Wrigling his body to recover (ing,
His seat, and cast his right leg over;
When Orsin rushing in, bestow'd
On horse and man so heavy a load,
The Beast was startled, and begun
To kick and fling like mad, and run,
Bearing the tough Squire like a Sack,
Or stout King Richard, on his back:
Till stumbling he threw him down,
Sore bruis'd, and cast into a sown.
Meanwhile the Knight began to rouse
The sparkles of his wonted prowess;
He thrust his hand into his hose,
And found both by his eys and nose,
[Page 100] 'Twas only Choler, and not blood,
That from his wounded body flow'd.
This, with the hazard of the Squire,
Inflam'd him with despightful ire;
Couragiously he fac'd about,
And drew his other Pistol out,
And now had half-way bent the cock
When Cerdon gave so fierce a shock,
With sturdy truncheon, thwart his arm,
That down it fell, and did no harm;
Then stoutly pressing on with speed,
Assay'd to pull him off his steed.
The Knight his Sword had only left,
With which he Cerdon's head had clest,
Or at the least cropt off a limb,
But Orsin came and rescu'd him.
He with his Launce attack'd the Knight
Upon his quarters opposite.
But as a Bark that in foul weather,
Toss'd by two adverse winds together,
Is bruis'd, and beaten to and fro,
And knows not which to turn him to:
So far'd the Knight between two foes,
And knew not which of them t' oppose.
Till Orsin charging with his Lance
At Hudibras, by spightful chance
H [...]t Cerdon such a bang, as stunn'd
And laid him flat upon the ground.
At this the Knight began to chear up,
And raising up himself on stirrup,
[Page 101] Cry'd out Victoria; lie thou there,
And I shall straight dispatch another,
To bear thee company in death:
But first I'le halt a while and breath.
As well he might: for Orsin griev'd
At th'wound that Cerdon had receiv'd
Ran to relieve him with his lore,
And cure the hurt he made before.
Meanwhile the Knight had wheel'd about,
To breath himself, and next find out
Th' advantage of the ground, where best
He might the ruffled foe infest.
This b'ing resolv'd, he spurr'd his steed,
To run at Orsin with full speed,
While he was busie in the care
Of Cerdon's wound, and unaware:
But he was quick, and had already
Unto the part apply'd remedy;
And seeing th' enemy prepar'd,
Drew up, and stood upon his guard.
Then like a Warrior right expert
And skilful in the martial Art,
The subtle Knight straight made a halt,
And judg'd it best to stay th' assault,
Until he had reliev'd the Squire,
And then (in order) to retire;
Or, as occasion should invite,
With forces joyn'd renew the sight.
Ralpho by this time disentranc'd,
Upon his Bum himself advanc'd,
[Page 102] Though sorely bruis'd; his limbs all o're
With ruthless bangs were stiff and sore.
Right fain he would have got upon
His feet again, to get him gone;
When Hudibras to aid him came.
Quoth he (and call'd him by his name)
Courage, the day at length is ours,
And we once more as Conquerours,
Have both the field and honour won,
The Foe is profligate and run:
I mean all such as can, for some
This hand hath sent to their long home;
And some lye sprawling on the ground,
With many a gash, and bloody wound.
Caesar himself could never say
He got two Victories in a day,
As I have done, that can say, twice I,
In one day, Veni, vidi, vici.
The Foe's so numerous, that we
Cannot so often vincere
As they perire, and yet enough
Be left to strike an after-blow.
Then lest they rally, and once more
Put us to fight the bus'ness o're,
Get up, and mount thy Steed, dispatch,
And let us both their motions watch.
Quoth Ralph, I should not, if I were
In case for action, now be her [...];
[Page 103] Nor have I turn'd my back, or hang'd
An arse for fear of being bang'd:
It was for you I got these harms,
Advent'ring to setch off your Arms.
The blows and drubs I have receiv'd,
Have bruis'd my body, and bereav'd
My limbs of strength: unless you stoop,
And reach your hand to pull me up,
I shall lie here, and be a prey
To those who now are run away.
That thou shalt not (quoth Hudibras:)
We read, the Antients held it was
More honourable far Servare
Civem, then slay an adversary.
The one we oft to day have done;
The other shall dispatch anon.
And though th' art of a diff'rent Church,
I will not leave thee in the lurch.
This said, he jogg'd his good Steed nigher,
And steer'd him gently toward the Squire:
Then bowing down his body, stretcht
His hand out, and at Ralpho reacht;
When Trulla, whom he did not mind,
Charg'd him like Lightening behind.
She had been long in search about
Magnano's wound, to find it out:
But could find none, nor where the shot
That had so startled him was got.
[Page 104] But having found the worst was past,
She fell to her own work at last,
The Pillage of the Prisoners,
Which in all feats of Arms was hers:
And now to plunder Ralph she flew,
When Hudibras his hard fate drew
To succour him; for as he bo'wd
To help him up, she laid a load
Of blows so heavy, and plac'd so well,
On th' other side, that down he fell.
Yield, Scoundrel base (quoth she) or die;
Thy life is mine, and liberty.
But if thou think'st I took thee tardy,
And dar'st presume to be so hardy,
To try thy fortune o're afresh,
I'le wave my title to thy flesh,
Thy Arms and baggage, now my right:
And if thou hast the heart to try'r,
I'le lend thee back thy self a while,
And once more for that Carcase vile
Fight upo [...]tick—Quoth Hudibras,
Thou offer'st nobly valiant Lass,
And I shall take thee at thy word.
First let me rise, and take my sword;
That sword, which has so oft this day,
Through Squadrons of my foes made way,
And some to other worlds dispatcht,
Now with a feeble Spinster matcht,
[Page 105] Will blush with blood ignoble stain'd,
By which no her [...] ur's to be gain'd.
But if thou'lt take m' advice in this,
Consider while thou mayst, what 'tis
To interrupt a Victor's course,
B' opposing such a trivial force.
For if with Conquest I come off,
(And that I shall do sure enough)
Quarter thou canst not have, nor grace;
By Law of Arms, in such a case;
Both which I now do offer freely.
I scorn (quoth she) thou Coxcomb silly,
(Clapping her hand upon her breech,
To shew how much she priz'd his speech)
Quarter or counsel from a soe:
If thou canst force me to it, do.
But lest it should again be sed,
When I have once more wore thy head,
I took thee napping, unprepar'd,
Arm, and betake thee to thy guard.
This said, she to her tackle fell,
And on the Knight let fall a peal
Of blows so fierce, and prest so home,
That he retir'd, and follow'd's bum.
Stand to't, quoth she, or yield to mercy,
It is not fighting Arsie-versie
Shall serve thy turn—This stirr'd his spleen
More than the danger he was in,
[Page 106] The blows he felt or was to feel,
Although th' already made him reel.
Honour, despight, revenge, and shame,
At once unto his stomack came;
Which fir'd it so, he rais'd his arm
Above his head, and rain'd a storm
Of blows so terrible and thick,
As if be meant to hash her quick.
But she upon her truncheon took them,
And by oblique diversion broke them;
Waiting an opportunity
To pay all back with usury.
Which long she fail'd not of, for now
The Knight with one dead-doing blow,
Resolving to deside the fight,
And she with quick and cunning slight
Avoiding it, the force and weight
He charg'd upon it was so great,
As almost sway'd him to the ground.
No sooner she th' advantage found,
But in she flew, and seconding
With home-made thrust the heavy swing,
She said him flat upon his side,
And mounting on his trunk a-stride,
Quoth she, I told thee what would come
Of all thy vapouring, base Scum.
Shall I have quarrer now? you Ruffin;
Or wilt thou be worse than thy huffing? (thou:
Thou saidst th' woud'st kill me, marry woud'it
Why dost thou not, thou Jack-a-Nods thou?
[Page 107] Why dost not put me to the sword?
But cowardly flie from thy word?
Quoth Hudibras, the day's thine own;
Thou and thy stars have cast me down:
My Laurels are transplanted now,
And flourish on thy conqu'ring brow:
My loss of honour's great enough,
Thou need'st not brand it with a scoff:
Sarcasmes may eclipse thine own,
But cannot blur my lost renown:
I am not now in Fortunes power,
He that is down can fall no lower.
The antient Heroes were illustrious
For being benigne, and not blustrous,
Against a vanquisht foe: their swords
Were sharp and trencheant, not their words;
And did in fight but cut work out
T' employ their courtesies about.
Quoth she, Although thou hast deserv'd,
Base Slubberdegullion, to be serv'd
As thou didst vow to deal with me,
If thou hadst got the Victory,
Yet I shall rather act a part
That suits my fame, than thy desert.
Thy Arms, thy liberty, beside
All that's on th' outside of thy hide,
Are mine by military law,
Of which I will not bate one straw:
[Page 108] The rest, thy life and limbs, once more,
Though doubly forfeit, I restore.
Quoth Hudibras, it is to late
For me to treat, or stipulate;
What thou command'st I must obey:
Yet those whom I expugn'd to day.
Of thine own party, I let go,
And gave them life, and freedom too,
Both Dogs and Bear, upon their parol,
Whom I took pris'ners in this quarrel.
Quoth Trulla, Whether thou or they
Let one another run away,
Concerns not me: but was't not thou
That gave Crowdero quarter too?
Crowdero, whom in Irons bound,
Thou basely threw'st into Lob's pound:
Where still he lies, and with regret
His generous bowels rage and fret.
But now thy Carcase shall redeem,
And serve to be exchange for him.
This said, the Knight did straight submit,
And laid his weapons at her feet.
Next he disrob'd his Gaberdine,
And with it did himself resign.
[Page 109] She took it, and forthwith divesting
The mantle that she wore, said jesting,
Take that, and wear it for my sake;
Then threw it o're his sturdy back.
And as the French we conquer'd once,
Now give us Laws for Pantaloons,
The length of Breeches, and the gathers,
Port-canons, Perriwigs, and Feathers,
Just so the proud insulting Lass
Array'd, and dighted Hudibras.
Mean while the other Champions, yerst
In hurry of the fight disperst,
Arriv'd, when Trulla'd won the day,
To share in th' honour, and the prey,
And out of Hudibras his hide,
With vengeance to be satisfy'd;
Which now they were about to pour
Upon him in a wooden showre.
But Trulla thrust her self between,
And striding o're his back agen,
She brandisht o're her head his sword,
And vow'd they should not break her word;
Sh'had giv'n him quarter, and her blood
Or theirs, should make that quarter good.
For she was bound by Law of Arms,
To see him safe from further harms,
[Page 110] In Dungeon deep Crowdero cast
By Hudibras, as yet lay fast,
Where, to the hard and ruthless stones,
His great heart made perpetual mones.
Him she resolv'd that Hudibras
Should ransome, and supply, his place.
This stopt their fury, and the basting
Which toward Hudibras was hasting.
They thought it was but just and right.
That what she had atchiev'd in fight,
She should dispose of how she pleas'd;
Crowdero ought to be releas'd;
Nor could that any way be done
So well as this she pitcht upon:
For who a better could imagine?
This therefore they resolv'd t'engage in.
The Knight and Squier first they made
Rise from the ground where they were laid;
Then mounted both upon their Horses,
But with their faces to the Arses,
Orsin led Hudibras his beast,
And Talgol that which Ralpho prest,
Whom stout Magnano, valiant Cerdon,
And Colon waited as a Guard on.
All ush'ring Trnlla, in the Rear,
With th' Arms of either Prisoner.
[Page 111] In this proud order and array
They put themselves upon their way,
Striving to reach th' enchanted Castle,
Where stout Crowdero in durance lay still,
Thither with greater speed, then shows
And triumphs over conquer'd foes
Do use t' allow, or then the Bears,
Or Pageants born before Lord Mayors
Are wont to use, they soon arriv'd,
In order Souldier-like contriv'd,
Still marching in a warlike posture,
As fit for Battel as for Muster.
The Knight and Squire they first unhorse,
And bending 'gainst the Fort their force,
They all advanc't, and round about,
Begirt the Magical Redoubt,
Magnan' led up in this adventure,
And made way for the rest to enter.
For he was skilful in Black Art,
No less than he that built the Fort;
And with an Iron Mace laid flat
A breach, which straight all enter'd at,
And in the wooden Dungeon found
Crowdero laid upon the ground.
Him they release from durance base,
Restor'd t' his Fiddle, and his Case,
And liberty, his thirsty rage
With lushious vengeance to asswage.
For he no sooner was at large,
But Trulla straight brought on her charge,
[Page 112] And in the self-same Limbo put
The Knight and Squire, where he was shut.
Where leaving them in Hockly i' th' hole,
Their bangs and durance to condole,
Confin'd and conjur'd into narrow
Enchanted Mansion, to know sorrow;
In the same order and array
Which they advanc'd, they marcht away.
But Hudibras, who scorn'd to stoop
To Fortune, or be said to droop,
Chear'd up himself with ends of verse,
And sayings of Philosophers.
Quoth he, Th' one half of man, his mind,
Is Sui juris, unconfin'd,
And cannot be laid by the heels,
What e're the other moity feels.
'Tis not restraint or liberty
That makes men prisoners or free;
But perturbations that possess
The mind or Aequanimities.
The whole world was not half so wide
To Alexander, when he cry'd
Because he had but one to subdue,
As was a paultry narrow tub to
Diogenes, who is not sed
(For ought that ever I could read)
To whine, put finger i' th' eye, and sob
Because h' had ne're another Tub.
[Page 113] The Antients make two several kinds
Of Prowess in heroick minds,
The Active, and the Passive valiant;
Both which are pari librâ gallant:
For both to give blows, and to carry,
In fights are equenecessary,
But in defeats, the passive stout,
Are always found to stand it out
Most desp [...]rately, and to out-do
The active, 'gainst a conqu'ring foe.
Though we with blacks and blews are suggill'd,
Or, as the Vulgar say, are cudgell'd:
He that is valant, and dares fight,
Though drub'd, can lose no honour by't.
Honour's a leaf for time to come,
And cannot be extended from
The legal Tenant: 'tis a Chattel,
Not to be forfeited in battel.
If he that is in battel slain,
Be in the Bed of Honour lain;
He that is beaten may be sed
To lye in Honour's Truckle-bed.
For as we see th' eclipsed Sun.
By mortals is more gaz'd upon,
Than when adorn'd with all his light,
He shines in serene sky most bright:
So Valour in a low estate
Is most admir'd, and wonder'd at.
[Page 114] Quoth Ralph, How great I do not know
We may by being beaten grow;
But none that see how here we sit,
Will judge us over-grown with wit.
As gifted Brethren preaching by
A Carnal Hour-glass, do imply
Illumination can convey
Into them what they have to say,
But not how much: so well enough
Know you [...]o charge, but not draw off.
For who without a Cap and Bauble,
Having subdu'd a Bear, and Rabble,
And might with honour have come off,
Would put it to a second proof;
A politick exploir, tight fit,
For Presbyterian zeal and wit.
Quoth Hudibras, That Cuckow's tone,
Ralpho, thou always harp'st upon:
[...] [...] [...] any thing wouldst rail,
[...] [...] Presbytery thy scale
[...] [...] height ou'r, and explain
To what degree it is prophane.
Whats' ever will not with thy (what d' y' call)
Thy light jump right, thou call'st Synodical.
[...] Presbytery were a standard
[...] whats ever's to be slander'd.
[...] not remember, how this day,
Thou to my beard wast bold to say,
[Page 115] That thou couldst prove Bear-baiting equal
With Synods, orthodox and legal?
Do if thou canst, for I deny't,
And dare thee to't with all thy light.
Quoth Ralpho, Truly that is no
Hard matter for a man to do
That has but any guts in's brains,
And could believe it worth his pains.
But since you dare and urge me to it,
You'l find l've light enough to do it.
Synods are mystical Bear-gardens,
Where Elders, Deputies, Church-wardens,
And other Members of the Court,
Manage the Babylonish sport.
For Prolocutor, Scribe, and Bearward,
Do differ only in a meet word.
Both are but sev'ral Synagogues
Of carnal Men, and Bears and Dogs:
Both Antichristian Assemblies,
To mischief bent as far's in them lies:
Both stave and tail, with fierce contests,
The one with men, the other beasts.
The dist'rence is, the one fights with
The tongue, the other with the teeth:
And that they b [...]it but Bears in this,
In th' other Souls and Consciences;
Where Saints themselves are brought to stake,
For Gospel-light, and Conscience sake;
Instead of Mastive-Dogs and Curs;
Then whom th' have less humanity,
For these at souls of men will flie.
This to the Prophet did appear,
Who in a Vision saw a Bear,
Prefiguring the beastly rage
Of Church-rule in this latter age:
As is demonstrated at full
By him that baited the Pope's Bull,
Bears naturally are beasts of Prey,
That live by rapine so do they.
What are their Orders, Constitutions,
Church censures, Curses, Absolutions,
But sev'ral mystick chains they make,
To tye poor Christians to the stake?
And then set heathen Officers,
Instead of Dogs, about their ears,
For to prohibit and dispence,
To find out or to make offence,
Of hell and heaven to dispose,
To play with souls at fast and loose;
To set what Characters they please,
And mulcts on sin or godliness;
Reduce the Church to Gospel-order,
By Rapi [...], Sacriledge, and Marther:
To make Presbytery sup [...]am,
And Kings themselves submit to them;
And force all people, though against
Their Consciences, to turn Saints,
[Page 117] Must prove a pretty thriving trade,
When Saints Monopolists are made.
When pious frauds, and holy shifts,
Are dispensations and gifts,
There godliness becomes meer ware,
And ev'ry Synod but a Fair.
Synods are whelps of th' Inquisition,
A mungrel breed of like petnicion,
And growing up became the Sires
Of Scribes, Commissioners, and Triers:
Whose bus'ness is, by cunning sleight,
To cast a figure for mens Light:
To find in lines of beard and face,
The Physiognomy of grace;
And by the sound and twang of Nose,
If all be sound within disclose,
Free from a crack, or flaw of sinning,
As men try Pipkins by the ringing.
By black caps, underlaid with white,
Give certain guess at inward Light;
Which Serjeants at the Gospel wear,
To make their spiritual calling clear.
The hand kercher about the neck,
(Canonical Crabat of Smeck,
From whom the institution came,
When Church & State they set on flame,
And worn by them as badges then
Of spiritual warfaring men)
[Page 118] Judge rightly if Regeneration
Be of the newest cut in fashion.
Sure 'tis an Orthodox opinion,
That grace is founded in dominion.
Great piety consists in pride;
To rule, is to be sanctifi'd:
To domineer, and to controul,
Both o're the body, and the soul,
Is the most perfect Discipline
Of Church-rule, and by right divine.
Bell, and the Dragon's Chaplains were
More moderate than these by far:
For they (poor knaves) were glad to cheat,
To get their Wives and Children meat;
But these will not be fobb'd off so,
They must have wealth and power too,
Or else with blood and desolation,
They'l tear it out o'th' heart o'th' Nation.
Sure these themselves from Primitive
And Heathen Priesthood do derive,
When Butchers were the only Clerks,
Elders and Presbrters of Kirks,
Whose Directory was to kill;
And some believe it is so still.
The only diff'rence is, that then
They slaughter'd only beasts, now men,
For then to sacrifice a bullock,
Or now and then a child to Molock,
[Page 119] They count a vile Abomination,
But not to slaughter a whole Nation.
Presbytery does but translate
The Papacy to a Free-state,
A Common-wealth of Popery,
Where ev'ry Village is a See
As well as Rome, and must maintain
A Tithe-pig-Metropolitan:
Where ev'ry Presbyter and Deacon
Commands the Keyes for Cheese and Bacon;
And ev'ry Hamlet's governed
By's Holinesse, the Church's head,
More haughty and severe in's place
Then Gregory and Boniface.
Such Charch must (surely) be a Monster
With many heads: for if we conster
What in th' Apocalyps we find,
According to th' Apostle's mind,
'Tis that the Whore of Babylon
With many heads did ride upon;
Which heads denote the sinfull tribe
Of Deacon, Priest, Lay-elder, Scribe.
Lay-elder, Simeon to Levi,
Whose little finger is as heavy
As loyns of Patriarchs, Prince-Prelate,
And Bishop-secular. This Zealot
Is of a mungrel, diverse kind,
Clerick before, and Lay behind;
A lawlesse linsie-wolsie Brother,
Half of one Order, half another;
[Page 120] A Creature of amphibious nature,
On land a Beast, a Fish in water;
That alwayes preys on Grace, or Sin;
A Sheep without, a Wolf within.
This fieroe Inquisitor has chief
Dominion over mens Belief
And Manners; can pronounce a Saint
Idolatrous, or ignorant,
When superciliously he sifts
Through coursest boulter others gifts.
For all men live and judge amiss,
Whose Talents jump not just with his.
He'l lay on Gifts with hands, and place
On dullest noddle light and grace,
The manufacture of the Kirk,
Whose Pastors are but th' Handiwork
Of his Mechanick Paws, instilling
Divinity in them by feeling,
From whence they start up chosen vessel:,
Made by Contract, as men get Meazels.
So Cardinals, they say, do grone
At th' other end the new-made Pope.
Hold, hold, quoth Hudibras, Soft fire
They say, does make sweet Mault. Good Squire,
Festina lente, not too fast,
For haste (the Proverb sayes) makes waste.
The Quicks and Cavils thou dost make
Are false, and built upon mistake.
[Page 121] And I shall bring you, with your pack
Of Fallacies, t' Elenchi back;
And put your Arguments in mood
And figure, to be understood.
I'le force you by right ratiocination
To leave your Vitilitigation,
And make you keep to th' question close,
And argue Dialectic [...].
The Question then, to state it first,
Is which is better, or which worst,
Synods or Bears. Bears I avow
To be the worst, and Synods thou.
But to make good th' Assertion,
Thou say'st th'are really all one.
If so, not worst; for if th' are idem,
Why that Tantundem dat tantidem.
For if they are the same, by course
Neither is better, neither worse.
But I deny they are the same,
More then a Maggot and I am.
That both are Animalia,
I grant, but not Rationalia:
For though they do agree in kind,
Specifick difference we find,
And can no more make Bears of these,
Then prove my Horse is Socrates.
That Synods are Bear-gardens too,
Thou dost affirm; but I say no.
[Page 122] And thus I prove it, in a word,
Whats'ever Assembly's not impow'rd
To censure, curse, absolve, and ordain,
Can be no Synod: but Bear-garden
Has no such pow'r, Ergo 'tis none.
And so thy Sophistry's o'rethrown.
But yet we are beside the Question
Which thou didst raise the first Contest on;
For that was, Whether Bears are better
Then Synod-men; I say, Negatur.
That Bears are Beasts, and Synods Men,
Is held by all: They'r better then.
For Bears and Dogs on four legs go,
As Beasts, but Synod-men on two.
'Tis true, they all have teeth and nails;
But prove that Synod-men have tails;
Or that a rugged, shaggy fur
Crows o're the hide of Presbyter;
Or that his snout and spacious cars,
Do hold proportion with a Bear's.
A Bear's a savage Beast, of all
Most ugly and unnatural,
Whelpt without form, until the Dam
Have lickt him into shape and frame:
But all thy light can ne're evict
That ever Synod-man was licki;
Or brough to any other fashion
Then his own will and inclination.
[Page 123] But thou dost further yer in this
Oppugne thy self, and sense, that is,
Thou wouldst have Presbyters to go
For Bears, and Dogs, and Bearwards too.
A strange Chimara of beasts and men,
Made up of pieces Heterogene,
Such as in Nature never met
In eodem subjecto yet.
Thy other Arguments are all
Supposures, hypothetical,
That do but beg, and we may chuse
Either to grant them, or refuse.
Much thou hast said, which I know when,
And where, thou stol'st from other men,
(Whereby 'tis plain, thy light and gifts,
Are all but plagiary shifts;)
And is the same that Ranter sed,
That arguing with me, broke my head,
And tore a handful of my beard:
The self-same cavils then I heard,
When b'ing in hot dispute about
This controversie, we fell out;
And what thou know'st I answer'd then,
Will serve to answer thee agen.
Quoth Ralpho, Nothing but th' abuse
Of humane learning you produce;
Learning, that cobweb of the brain,
Profane, erroneous, and vain;
[Page 124] A trade of knowledge as repreat
As others are with fraud and cheat;
An Art t'incumber Gifts and wit,
And render both sor nothing fit;
Makes light unactive, dull and troubled,
Like little David in Saul's doublet;
A cheat that Scholars put upon
Other mens reason and their own;
A fort of Errour, to ensconce
Absurdity and ignorance;
That renders all the avenues
To Truth impervious and abstruse,
By making plain things, in debate,
By Art, perplext and intricate:
For nothing goes for sense or Light
That will not with old rules jump right.
As if Rules were not in the Schools
Deriv'd from Truth, but Truth from Rules.
This Pagaen, Heathenish invention
Is good for nothing but Contention,
For as in Sword-and-Buckler fight,
All blows do on the Target light:
So when men argue, the great'st part
O'th' Contest falls on terms of Art,
Untill the sustian stuff be spent,
And then they fall to th' Argument.
Quoth Hudibras, Friend Ralph, thou hast
Out-run the Constable at last;
[Page 125] For thou art fallen on a new
Dispute, as senseless & untrue,
But to the former opposite,
And contrary as black to white;
Mere Disparata, that concerning
Presbytery, this, Humane Learning;
Two things s'averse, they never yet
But in thy rambling fancy met.
But I shall take a fit occasion
T' evince thee by Ratiocination,
Some other time, in place more proper
Then this w'are in: Therefore let's stop here,
And rest our weari'd bones a while,
Already tir'd with other toil.
FINIS.
ERRATA.
PAge 26. line 7. for po read do. ibid. line 16. for Beat's read Bear's. page 28. for nave olfact read nare olfact.