THE Main and Principal Study of all Persons of what condition soever is, how to divert and pass away their Time with most Ease and Satisfaction; and likewise how to [Page 2] soften and lessen that Perpetual Stock of Miseries which Sin and the Devil have so unhappily brought upon us. This makes mankind in a continual trouble, and causes them still to exercise their Parts, and set their Wits upon the Rack to find out New Arts and Tricks; and are always hoping for New Diversions to gratifie their hot and eager desire after Happiness, and to quiet and please their turbulent and unruly Passions; which when best of all, they may be compared to peevish troublesom and Froward Chil­dren, that must sometimes be hu­mour'd and plaid withall meerly out of policy. And this makes Humane Life so unquiet and di­sturbed, so strangely restless and uneasie, that nothing can satisfie us but the prospect, at least, of those flattering Joys, which Hopes throught a large Telescope pre­sent [Page 3] to our longing Eyes. It's Hope alone that makes us wish to live; and these are the puffing Bladders that raise us up, bear us above Water, and keep us from plunging our selves into the midst of an Ocean of racking Doubts and Despair; tho oft they carry us over each rolling Wave, and dash us against some secret Rocks. When a wise and think­ing man comes carefully and se­riously to reflect upon all his past and former Actions, he finds little but vain idle fooleries not worthy the consideration of a Man, and scarce deserving a serious thought; and in truth would sooner choose almost any sort of Life rather than have 'em plaid over once more; and the very best and pleasantest of 'em would be both dull and tedious, were they known before hand.

[Page 4] For this Reason it is that we can never be at rest, our Active Souls being perpetually in Mo­tion, like the Wide Seas, where Swelling Billows are always work­ing and beating upon the Shore, tho the Winds be ne'er so still and calm: so that we are always con­triving and inventing; always ex­pecting and desiring better things than what we already enjoy, let our Wants and Reasons be never so small and inconsiderable. And for this it is that every Man of what nature soever, so violent­ly pursues some sorts of Pleasures and Divertisements or others, tho but very little and mean, if they be such as they may hope for satis­faction from. Some we find who greedily desire nothing but the gross Delights of Sense; others please and hug themselves with the sordid hopes of Wealth and Riches; a third sort are for grati­fying [Page 5] their Curiosity with the more refined Pleasures of Books and Knowledge; and others feed upon the Airy Charms of Honour, and the loud Trumpets of uncer­tain Fame. And so for all others, who commonly follow those Plea­sures and Delights, which either the Dictates of the Natural Tem­per, or the common Rudiments of their Education guides them to.

But the surest and most certain way to gain Quiet and Satisfacti­on in this World is, some setled and Honest Imployment suitable to our Estates and Qualities; and that accompanied with an Unspotted Reputation and a Good Conscience. I mean such a setled Imployment as may keep us from being idle, and free us in a great measure from the sensual temptations of the De­vil. Then I don't question but I may bring in Marriage for a large [Page 6] and principal share of our Happi­ness. For this Blessing of all others, seems to be most solid and durable, and what is most universally a­greed upon by all men: it being a Sacred Order and Institution, ap­pointed by God himself when first he made the World; ingrafted by Nature, and sought after by most men, as a State of Life capable of affording all those Pleasures and Delights which a Voluptuous Man can seek for; all those Comforts that Vertue and Innocence can de­sire, and of sweetning the many bitter Portions of this Life. 'Tis this that encreases the World, up­holds Mankind, and keep 'em from being at an end; and by this we see our selves renew'd, the little Images of our selves still growing up as we go down. This is a principal means to keep us Chast and Honest, and free us from the Heavy Clogs of Consci­ence [Page 7] Which always attend Unlaw­ful Acts. 'Tis this, like the Uni­versal Cement, unites Society, joyns our Mutual Loves, and Blooming Joys, and makes us Happy; for before we were but half men, and all our Worldly Delights but half compleat. And as the moderate Pleasures of it are innocent, so are the Comforts in­estimable.

'Tis true indeed that notwith­standing all these Blessings of a Married Life, yet a Single One is much more to be preferred and esteemed beyond that, by reason of the many and vast advantages belonging to it. But then it must be sure to be always accom­panied with that perfect In­nocency and unspotted Chastity that is so wonderful strictly required of all that intend to keep to this con­dition. And then indeed this State of Life may well be termed the [Page 8] best and happiest of all others, it being perfectly strip'd and divest­ed of all the unhappy troubles and cares of this World; free as the unbounded light of the Sun, whose Glorious beams do shine o're all the World; and a life that most resembles that of the Angels. But these indeed are more peculiar Blessings, which Heaven bestows on a few, and never design'd 'em for all; there­fore a Single Life, in the greatest part of the World, is so far from being good or commendable, that it generally proves a dangerous trap for their Virtue, and a gilded Bait which the Devil sets to cor­rupt their Innocency. So I shall in­sist no longer thereon, nor on those Ungracious Wretches who damn and ridicule Matrimony as long as they can get Misses for their own use; but shall look upon Marriage as a thing not only most [Page 9] absolutely necessary to keep up and propagate the World, but also to keep it honest.

If this great and excellent Bles­sing of Matrimony be so very com­monly and frequently found so vastly contrary to mens expecta­tions, the Wonder is neither great nor strange, since the main De­signs and principal Ends of it are too often grosly perverted, and horribly abused, as tho it was an ordinary indifferent thing, scarce worth a taking notice of. And if such a State of Life as Matrimony begins rashly and wickedly, 'tis nothing strange if we find it ends foolishly and desperately. When Vertues, Mutual Love, equality in Humours and Ages, consent of Friends or themselves are never, or at least but very slightly conside­red; the Devil always comes in for a good part, and is certain to have a principal share in all such [Page 10] Matches. When he finds that he can so well insinuate himself in­to our Business, and can have so great a hand in the chief of all our concerns, there he finds a large and spacious Field to play and please himself withal; and there he is sure to take his full swing of Pleasure by so much indulging his chief Attribute, Envy.

Since then this is a State of Life of such a vast concern, and upon which depends so large a part of Humane Happiness or Mi­sery in this present World; it will be the highest piece of Im­prudence and Folly imaginable, to venture upon such a serious and solemn Ʋndertaking without either Caution or Consideration. Want of care is often reckoned as ill and as dangerous as want of Vertue; and if this will hold good in any place, certainly it will in a busi­ness of such importance as this, [Page 11] where all Persons ought to be more than ordinary thoughtful, and to consider that this is their last and best Stake, which should not be thrown away upon every slight and trivial Occasion. To see a man run desperately and rashly to his own certain Ruine, must be an unpardonable Fault, that Wise Men would ever be ashamed of; neither would the World ever acquit those Persons (who marry only to please o­thers) of the most extream mad­ness, were it not already so sor­didly wedded to Money, and for that reason alone most abomina­bly partial to all its Friends.

Now a main and principal thing that causes Marriages to be so unhappy, and makes this State of Life so miserable, is the ine­quality of them. This is the great mischief that is become so Epide­mical; and from hence arise most [Page 12] of those deadly Feuds and Brea­ches, and those sad Misfortunes and Sorrows that so usually at­tend a Marriage-Life, which like pestilential Diseases infect the whole Mass of Blood, and put all things out of order. It is this alone that so often deprives a Wedded Coople of that bright and inestimable Jewel Content: making all their Designs and Actions unsuccessful and unfortu­nate, and their ends most unhap­py and miserable. And it is this Content which is the main and only White to be levell'd at; it be­ing the very Throne of all our Happiness, and the utmost height of our Ambition. And when this is missed of, the Person is so far from being pitied, that he is often counted an obstinate Fool that would not, or at best but an Ignorant One, that could not attain to it.

[Page 13] As concerning Ʋnequal Mar­riages, it will be very difficult to determine any thing that shall please all; and I don't at all question but a great ma­ny Persons will think themselves very highly affronted, when they once come to find their own Faults expos'd in their true and proper colours; for every Person mortally hates to see his ugly Face in a true Glass. There is usually such a vast disagreement between Parents and Children in this case, that there is no hopes of ever reconciling them, for they are always so very partial in their own Cases, and so madly run into the Ex­treams, that they at last be­come insufferable; sometimes ur­ging things so far, that they seem to try who should bid most for the highest place in Bedlam. The Old Men always hug themselves [Page 14] with the Golden Thoughts of Interest and a Name; and the Young Men with the glittering hopes which proceed from their own Foolish or Vitious Humours. So that however the Case be given, one side must of necessity be ex­ploded, for to please two Oppo­sites at once, is next to impossi­ble. But to shew my self as im­partial as possibly I can, I shall aim at the middle way, and strive to split the Hair, chusing rather to displease both Parties in a just Case, than humour one in a false.

Now this same keeping exactly in the middle way in all things, is the great concern that has always been admired, and sought after by the wiser and more publick heads of all Ages; a thing much commended and talked of, but ever little practised and un­derstood. Men are always so [Page 15] much in love with themselves, that they believe nothing is Good or Bad, Just or Unjust, but only those things that are for or against their particular Interests. And if a Person has a setled mind perfe­ctly calm and serene, and as free from all Prejudice and Partiality, 'tis but at best like an exact and equal Ballance which stands still whilst nothing moves it, but yet is turn'd aside with the least breath or blast of Wind. So that this way must needs be very diffi­cult to hit on; and in truth 'tis like a Person forced to walk over a deep Well upon a small Cord; if the distant bottom or his gid­dy head should make him step aside, he's lost beyond hope; but if he keeps upon it, he hurts his Feet, and is still in danger of the bursting of the Cord. However I shall venture my Fortune, as [Page 16] some others before me, and shall endeavour to shew the unhappy consequences in both Cases; for in truth there are Vices not to be spared or humoured; tho I have a very unthankful sort of an Of­fice, when I am almost certain to displease all sides.

But before I come to particu­lars in these Matters, I shall pre­mise thus much, that to compleat a true and happy Marriage are re­quired Vertuous Inclinations, Hearty Love, and True Liking, so that they may be both of the same Mind, and both have one and the same Interest and Concern; and to make up this, there must be a sui­table agreement in Ages, Humours and Breeding, as well as Religion, Fa­milies and Fortunes. Then when the Persons are so well and hap­pily joyned, they may expect to find all that's Good and Pleasant, all that's Sweet and Comfortable, [Page 17] and in a word all the Content and Satisfaction that this World will afford.

But when any of these main and principal Ingredients are want­ing, if God bestows his worldly Blessings upon such a Match, it will be much to be wondred at, because in every thing they will be tempted to clash and jar to­gether, making their Lives in continual trouble, like Furious Storms and Tempests, which often end with Ruine and Desola­tion.

In discoursing of Ʋnequal Mar­riages, I shall insist chiefly upon these three sorts, namely, First of Old Persons Marrying with Young; Secondly, of Marrying without Friends Consent; and Thirdly, of Marrying without their own Consent. And all these I may, with good reason, call Ʋnequal Marriages: [Page 18] The first more properly compre­hending Inequality of Ages and Humours; and the two latter, In­equality in Families, Fortunes and Breedings. Of these I shall endea­vour to treat with all the Justice and Equity Imaginable, and with all the Impartiality of an uncon­cern'd Stander by; not fearing the Surly Looks of the Old Men, nor the Insipid Scoffs and Jears of the Young.

THis Chapter contains a very odd sort of a Subject, which will, I am sure, afford matter enough for Ridicule; for to tye Old Age and Youth together in the Matrimonial Noose, is a thing that may well be ranked among the greater sorts of Extravagan­cies; and which neither Nature, Justice, or the World can justifie them in. As for Nature, there can be no manner of pretence of Incitement from thence by either or both Parties; for what can be [Page 20] more unnatural and preposterous than to go about to unite brisk and sprightly Youth with dull and sensless Age? They might as well have undertaken to have joyned Summer and Winter, Light to Dark­ness, or any other such likely piece of Business, as to think with all the Strength of Imagination to couple together a young lusty piece of Flesh with an old frigid Statue. Then as for Justice, it will never be satisfied, for what greater breach can there be of that, than to joyn two such diffe­rent Natures together, which will almost certainly be the Destru­ction of each other, and to entail a stock of Misery upon Persons for term of Life. But for the World, to be sure that will never excuse them, but I am confident will be as forward as possible to laugh at them; and in sober [Page 21] sadness such Matches seem as if they were designed for the laugh­ing purpose. As for my part scarce any thing can seem more ridiculous; for such Marriages look like some very strange extrava­gant Farce, intended only to set all the Spectators into a huge fit of laughter. And he that observes it well, would think they rather design'd to make mirth and sport for others, than to procure any manner of satisfaction to them­selves: For some persons are hugely pleased when they can say I'm glad I have made you sport Sir.

But to come a little closer to the matter in hand; I'll sup­pose an Old Gentleman, whose brisk days are over, that has a mind to take a turn or two in the World, and once more ven­ture [Page 20] [...] [Page 21] [...] [Page 22] the strength of his Body up­on that comfortable Text of In­crease and Multiply. What can be more unnatural, than for such a dull Walking Clod of Earth, an Old Doting Fellow of Sixty, to fall a Dying, Sighing, and lan­guishing for a Sprightly Girl of Sixteen? Certainly it must be very comical to see how featly and trim our sweet Sir Courtly dresses himself up for a Ball, or a Visit to his Mistress; how Spruce, Gay and Sparkish he ap­pears with his New Tricks and Fooleries about him; and with­al how antickly fine he is in all his Accoutrements, whilst a very Mon­keys Face and a Deaths Head, shall brave it out and be called a Beauty, forsooth. Nor can it be less plea­sant to see how Ape-like he mi­micks the Customs and Actions of the Young Sparks and shining [Page 23] Beaux of the Town (whom he continually envyes and mortal­ly hates) and to see him how neatly he practises the Bon Mien, the Good Grace, the exact pointing of the Sword to his right Heel, the genteel role in the Stocken, the Allamode combing of the Wigg, the careless placing of the Hat, and the other noble accomplish­ments of the Town.

But the best of all is to see him addressing himself, and paying his Devoirs to the bright Goddess his Mistress, where he falls down right to shewing and commend­ing all his Excellencies▪ especial­ly those which he fancies may be most pleasing and grateful to the young beautiful Sex. He tells her He's strong and lusty, tough and sound at heart; and that the Young Men of this present Age are all piti­ful, weak, half-gotten Milksops, nei­ther [Page 24] lasting nor able to do service; and all consumptive Puny Shrimps, fit for nothing but to make sauce of. His Mistress perhaps all the while stands listning, being struck dumb with the Charming Rhetorick of this Venerable Mumpsimus. But should Father Grey-Beard perceive any sort of Complacency in the Little Creature by simpering, smiling or the like, then he falls on a fresh to bragging of his Great and Mighty Feats of Activity, as how well he can Run, Leap and Ride, and the like. But if by chance at any time his Perfor­mances are found to be less than his Pretensions (for Old Men oft make tryals) then he comes off with an idle flam or excuse, that 'tis only a Fall, a Strain, or Hurt, or some other accidental Misfortune; but that he can still Drink and Wench with the best of the Town. [Page 25] And thus he goes on with such extravagant Commendations of his own deer self; all the while out-ranting a Common Game­ster, and out-hectoring a Town Bully.

The Poor Young Girl who knows little or nothing of the weighty concerns of Matrimony is perhaps caught at last, being allured into the snare with the gay expectations of being Mar­ried forsooth, and with the won­derful Honour of having a Hus­band before she has got over the long and tedious time of her teens; or rather (which is more probable) with the flattering hopes of riding in a fine gilt Coach and Six, or with the harmonious gingling of his Gui­nea's; or lastly she is forced up­on him by a seveer and ridged Father, or some base mercinary [Page 26] Guardian, who upon all accounts makes his Markets on her, and sells her at what price he plea­ses. Whilst jolly Sir Feeble Fain-would leaves no stone unturn'd, but bestirs himself on all sides to obtain his desire; is as busie as a Bee, and as merry as the wanton thoughts of a brisk young Wife can make him. But when the Wedding day is come, then he's all in raptures, and is transported beyond mea­sure with delicate hopes of a Sweet Encounter as he calls it; Methinks this conjunction seems far unlike that of Castor and Pollux, but rather like Mece­sius tying the living and dead to­gether.

But to what purpose is all this ado? Or wdat is the consequence of such a hopeful Match, but only the getting himself the [Page 27] right Worshipful Name of Fool, or that more honourable Title of Cuckold? And indeed these dignified Names are not very hard to be obtain'd, nor much harder to be deserv'd. For the last of these he is sure to have, let his Wife be never so Chast and Vertuous; except the World be wonderous civil in this Point; which I may venture to assure him is no common Obligation. For the Common People, as the times go now, have got an ugly scurvy trick of speaking as they think when they find no inducement to the contrary. But this is not all; from Sayings they'll commonly fall to asking of Questions; as What kindness she can have for such a Boyish piece of Gravity; what real Comforts can she find in the loath­some Society of a fond jealous Do­tard, [Page 28] who suspects all that either look at or speak to her, and dreads nothing like what he knows he de­serves? And what true satisfaction can she have by embracing a Sta­tue, and being all night by an un­wholsom Neast of Diseases, a Cold Lump of Clay, whose utmost Power is only to encrease desires, and set an Edge upon that Appetite, which he can by no means satisfie?

Those Persons that are so cu­rious and exact in asking Questi­ons of one side, without doubt won't be backwards in the o­other, but will stily demand, Where are the great Pleasures and sweet Delights such a Husband can take when he finds himself fetter­ed to a peevish ilnatur'd Wife that most certainly hates him, and at every turn wishes him hang'd, or at the Devil; a very kind Creature! Who instead of comforting and che­rishing [Page 29] him, plagues and torments him? One that cares for nothing but his Money, fears nothing more than his presence, and wishes for nothing more than her Gallants Company, and her Husbands End? These are only Questions 'tis true, but they are good comfortable ones however, and such as would make the Old Man's Wish tuna­ble all weathers. No doubt but our Heroe will find a huge deal of Pleasure in being al­most tongue wearied to death by a screaming shrill Voice, low­der than the Waters of London Bridge, or the Chataracts of Nile; and now and then for a pure breathing Diversion, to have his Bald Pate most civilly saluted with a good Brown Cudgel, in­stead of being gently rub'd by a cleanly young Girl; or to have a Bucket of fine cool Water [Page 30] thrown upon him, when he has far more need of a warm Bed and a good Cordial to chear up his Old Heart. It will al­so be a wonderful satisfaction to him to have two or three bawl­ing Brats got for him by some good Neighbour, hanging about him and calling Daddy, Daddy! Perhaps this wise Fool of a Fa­ther can hug himself with belie­ving he was instrumental in get­ting such bouncing Boys at this Age, when his kind Wife and Obliging World know to the con­trary.

These and such like Misfor­tunes are the common and (I may say) almost certain con­sequences of all such Matches; and whatsoever Miseries and Troubles the Husband meets withal in these Cases, he can't so much as comfort himself [Page 31] with that poor and mean plea­sure of being pitied. The World, tho never in such a good hu­mour, will but laugh at all his complaints, and abuse him for what he has done, saying, Now he's paid for all his Old Tricks; the Old Sot is right enough ser­ved; who bid him play the Fool in his Old Days? Nay more than all this, the most abo­minable Rogueries, and grea­test pieces of Villanies shall be called Acts of Justice forsooth. Sometimes indeed we meet with a very extraordinary kind sort of Women, who stily to pre­vent the common and frequent distempers of Old Age; and to ease the dear sweet Husbands of their many cares and trou­bles of this present World, do sometimes give them a gentle Push into the next: but this falls [Page 32] out as their old Friend the De­vil and they can agree.

Having made a few Obser­vations, and consider'd the Tricks and Ways of the Old Men a lit­tle; let us face about to the o­ther side, and take a small View of the Old Women, who can't forget the pleasures of Youth, but must be sporting and playing still, tho just at the Graves Mouth. Certainly this sight can be no less ridiculous and strange than the other; to see an old decay'd worn out Wi­dow cast by a Vail and fairly set up for a Beauty and Fortune, when her shrivel'd Skin looks like so much Parchment, and serves only for a courser sort of Bag to carry her tatter'd Limbs and decay'd Joynts in: with an ugly Hags Face, [Page 33] looking like the true Pi­cture of Envy. And all this in expectation of catching some young Woodcock in a Fools Trap, whom she doubts not but to out-wit sufficiently, and shew him a sly trick for all his desimulation; or perhaps of striking up a Bargain with some Puny Small Wit, whom she sup­poses easily to bring up to her hand, and manage him which way she pleases. Tho by the way Fools for the most part are worst edg'd tools to meddle withal, and the most unma­nageable Creatures under the Sun.

Now to obtain her Ends (that is to say a Husband) 'tis neces­sary to seem brisk and Young again; and to run back ten years in such a case is but a [Page 34] small matter. For this reason she falls to using all the affected Smiles, antick Tricks, and toy­ish Actions she can think of; still practising the Genteel Mo­tion of the Body, the stately carrying of the Head, the neat side glance of the Eye, the grace­ful tossing of the Fan, &c. Then to shew that all her merry days are not over yet, she's chaunting, gigling, and moving her Body at every scraping tune she hears. And she prates and talks the whole Company to silence; (for when the Teeth are fled, the Tongue seldom lie still) and all her Discourse is of Fine Balls, Dancing Bouts, Weddings, Merry Meetings, Gay Gallants, Mistresses, Intreagues and the like. The defects of her Old Wrinkled Face must be carefully supply'd by Art, and Patch and Paint [Page 35] must be made use of to fill up those Furrows which Old Time with his Iron Teeth has so well and plentifully bestowed upon her. As for Body, whe­ther strait or crooked, her Tay­lor can best fit that. But these indeed are disguises too affected and mean, to be of any consi­derable use in these concerns, being in the readiest way to make the business more odious and ridiculous; for all such un­natural things carry with them a deformity so gross, as can ne­ver be conceal'd.

When she finds these little Tricks to fail in the intended promotion of her purpose (as one may venture to swear they will) more substantial Means are then to used; and the on­ly way left, is to give out she [Page 36] has good store of Gold, as a thing that seldom fails, and is suffici­ent to make amends for all o­ther Imperfections and Defects whatsoever: for that, like the glorious Sun, is never Old or Ugly, but always Brisk and Charming, Young and Beauti­ful. With these gay hopes she probably decoys some young Gaming Fop▪ or crack'd Debau­thee, who when he is admitted to the Favour of a Visit, swears to her by all that's Good, 'tis her excellent Person he admires and a­dores before all the Wealth and Granduer in the World; and 'tis her Discretion, Gravity, Vertue, and (sometimes for variety sake) Beauty, which he values and esteems infinitely beyond her Money; with a great many of such fashiona­ble pieces of Gallantry (as they are called) which every Block­head [Page 37] that is not blind and sensless may see through, and perceive both the Knavery and Folly of. And truly this is no great and wonderful thing now a-days to see such base persons as these so seriously to swear and lye for something, when they do it so very often for nothing at all.

This formal piece of Antiquity (you must suppose imagining something extraordinary in her self) believes all he says, and perhaps as much more; then pincking up her formal Face with a simpering kind of smile she tells him She cannot believe but he's a meer Wag, a very Wag all over, and only dissembles and flatters to wheedle kind hearted Creatures; but yet she vows that these same Young Men [Page 38] have always a very strange taking way with them, and will never be said nay when they are once set on. upon this with a Complement and a gracious Smile on her side, and a fawning Leer on his, with the Formalities of a second or third Visit, a Match is clap'd up between the Old Fool and the Young. She in­deed expecting great and migh­ty things, but he guessing before-hand what he is like to meet withal, seldom comes at her, passes away his time merrily, and cares but little (as long as the Money goes briskly about) which end goes forward; So that at best he is only as a kept Person in continual Fee. But this won't do with him, for he'll make her to know who's Lord and Master, and since his old Grannam of a Spouse can't [Page 39] please him, her Mony must then procure him such a one as can.

But what says the World to all this? O wonderous civil! as may be guessed by that obliging language which fol­lows. Oh hang her (says one) for an Old Beast; must she be for riding at this time of day? She's past Mans use now, 'tis high time to fall to procuring. Ay (says a second) what should she do but procure a good bit for her poor Hus­band and help him at a dead lift? Rot her Old Corps (says a third) she's good for nothing but to make mony of. But he, for his part, shall be applauded, and commended for what he does, and encoura­ged for all his fine Rogueries, and she her self must be con­tent to bear the brunt of all. [Page 40] People are strangely pleased to find she's met withall at last, and wonderfully pleased at every trick he serves her, if he should bring a Miss publickly to his House, or some such slighty bu­siness; or if he entertains her every day with the sweet Mu­sick of Damn me and Rot me Sparks. But if he chance to find the advantage of touching her Copy-hold; of making the dirty Acres fly about, the old Houses to go to Pot, and the tall stur­dy Oaks to rore; that's mirth and sport enough for a month at least.

I will not insist any longer upon the ill effects and unhap­py Misfortunes of such Matches as these; and shall omit the ma­ny grateful returns these Per­sons may expect from their Children and other Relations, [Page 41] who are very often fool'd out of good Estates by these means, and New Heirs seldom fail of being produc'd, tho 'tis not in every mans power to get 'em. In my opinion the best Use and greatest Advantage that can be made of such Matches is Pen­nance and Mortification. For such Old Wives and Husbands (be­sides the many Afflictions they cause) may indeed prove a bet­ter Memento Mori than any Deaths Head; and perhaps give persons a more lively hint of Mortality than a Skull can do. Such sort of Marriages may in­deed be well compared to ty­ing a man Neck and Heels, and leaving him to shift for himself, whilst his strugling only makes him worse. But how great soever the Misfor­tunes are, they have always an [Page 42] original so very ridiculous, that they are things more to be laugh'd at than pityed, which have made me less serious in this Chapter than I thought to have been, or perhaps will be counted agreeable to the per­fect Rules of Gravity and Modesty; and truly I am very much asha­med to handle this Subject any longer.

Before I finish this Chapter, I must desire the Courteous Rea­der to take notice, that in all this Discourse there is not any thing spoken with the least de­sign or intention to bring Old Age into contempt; for I always held that to be a thing that me­rits the greatest Esteem, Honour and Veneration imaginable. But let all Old Persons take this a­long with them, that it will e­ver be counted base and con­temptable, [Page 43] and a Curse instead of a Blessing, while it wants the Ornamental Marks of Gravity, Judgment and Discretion, which always ought to carefully attend it, and be inseparable; and that a merry Old Fool, and a gay apish Matron are things so un­natural, that a very Ingenious Person has deservedly reckoned them among the tamer sort of Monsters.

THE main design of this Chapter is to shew the great imprudence and impiety of all such as run rashly, or without Friends knowledg or consent, upon such a solemn thing as Ma­trimony; with the sad and fatal consequences thereof; which will be enough, I'm sure, to deter all Persons of any Sense or Religion from stealing of Matches, or suffer themselves to be stolen by others. This is a great and abominable Crime [Page 45] which has grown wonderful common in these late times; and for ought we can hear more frequent in our Nation, than in our Neighbouring Coun­tries, especially for the Female Sex, because they are allowed more Liberty here, than in most other Parts. Though within these few Years there hath some­what more care been taken to prevent these Inconveniencies, and Licences have been more cautiously deliver'd; yet still we find frequent Examples of this nature to the great Mis­fortunes of the Persons them­selves, and sometimes to the Ruin of their Families. And we can't expect it will be other­wise, as long as there are some at every turn ready in the Dukes-Place, the Mint, or some such Priviledg'd corner of the [Page 46] Town, who will do this small Job of Coopling without the in­considerable formality of a Li­cence, or the little consideration of the Canonical Hour.

I shall first speak a word or two concerning such Men as steal Persons much above them­themselves in Fortune, (for I can afford such vile Practices no better title than stealing.) For though this at present is reckon'd little or no fault in the Man's part, and the most ridgid and censorious part of the World seldom lay any thing to his charge: Yet for my part I can most clearly and plainly see something in it that's most base and ungenerous, which is far beneath the great and noble Thoughts of Man. For to pretend Love in this case, is almost as ridiculous as the Tay­lor [Page 47] that very fairly fell in Love with Queen Elizabeth; so that the Person can have no manner of Colour for his Design in hand but a greedy thirsting after Mo­ney, and an eager persuing after those Riches which he hath no sort of Title to, and gets 'em as unjustly as Pirates and Robbers do their Booty. Besides, to Marry purely for Money, without any other considerations, seldom fails of causing an unhappy Life: And common Experience shews us that such Persons as these have very seldom any manner of real Love or Kindness for their Wives, though they be never such Accomplish'd, Beau­tiful and Deserving Ladies; then to what a fine pass have these poor Creatures brought themselves to?

[Page 48] Let all your High Lookers, and great Pretenders to large Fortunes but seriously consider, First, What a vast piece of In­justice 'tis to Rob a Loving Father of a Daughter in which he places so great a part of his Delight; to take his deerest Jewel from him; and violently to tear a lovely Blooming Sprig, which he has Nurished with so much care and tenderness: And though the Night promises well, the Horse stands at the Gate, the Doors open, the Riding-Grown's on, the Lady ready, the Par­son waiting, and all things smile and favour the Design, running very smothly a long; yet in a short time after they are chain'd together, the Ma­gick ceaseth, the Inchanted Castle Vanishes into fleeting Air; the Tempest rises, and whole [Page 49] showers of Afflictions fall thick, imbittering all their Joys, and destroying all their fine expecta­tions. Secondly, Let them all consider what a high piece of Imprudence 'tis for a man so dan­gerously to venture himself with a young Creature, whose fickle Fancy turns like the wind, and whose ungrounded Love oft upon such accounts meet with its cold and loathing Fits, and curdles to Hatred in a few hours time, which by the oversway­ing power of flattering and and threatning Friends may bring his Life at her Mercy. Besides, if he marry such when her Portion is not certain, he commits a double Folly to no purpose; and then his Love for Mony has left him in a very sweet pickle indeed.

[Page 50] But now to come a little closer to the business of Marry­ing without Friends consent, and to shew the greatness of this Offence. It always ought to be considered that Nature has gi­ven to Parents an extraordina­ry Power over their Children, making far greater distinctions here than in any other Persons whatsoever. And as this sort of Government is certainly the most natural of any, so all other Governments seem rather to have been made in imita­tion of this First Method; being for the most part Acquired by Usurpation and meer Force, and increased by the Strength and Policy of more crafty heads. As Parents Authority is great, so ought Childrens Obedience to be great too; and all the A­mends and Satisfaction they are [Page 51] ever able to make for their bringing of them into the World, Education, Estates, and the like, is only a dutiful complyance to all their just Commands, and a hearty desire of perform­ing all their good Wishes. Here it is that a Young Man shews his noble temper, as well as humble disposition; and 'tis this that Heaven promises such pe­culiar Blessings to, and that the World has so oft crown'd with its just Applauses.

As Marriage is the greatest concern, and the Principal thing in which a Parent always takes most care; and to see them well Matched is as much as to see 'em made happy: So for a Son or a Daughter to be dis­obedient to this, is the greatest piece of Rebellion, as well as the highest point of Ingratitude they [Page 52] can well be guilty of. This indeed has made many a Father (and that with Justice too) utterly cast off a hot-brain Son from all his future care; and whose unlucky Curses have hit him so right, and stuck so close to him ever after, as have dri­ven him to the utmost Miseries that attend Poverty and Rags. The greatness of this Crime few young Persons consider, espe­cially since they are common­ly so extreamly partial and self-conceited of their own Pru­dence and Judgment in choosing; laughing at their own Parents and Friends, thinking them all very unfit Persons to con­sult withal, and not Good or Wise enough to choose for them; but will run madly and furiously on, big with the ex­pectation of some wonderful [Page 53] Charms and extraordinary Bliss, till they are soon foundred and lost, like one that rides a fiery Steed that stops at nothing but runs at Swelling Rivers, Crag­gy Rocks and Deadly Precipi­ces, till the Rider is hurl'd off and dashed in pieces. These are the surious transports of Harebrain Youth, who run mad for a Face, and ruin them­selves for a meer trifle.

If all things be throughly and carefully considered, such a Crime as this must appear extraordinary soul and infa­mous, and of such a Base Na­ture as can never be excused by an unconcerned Stander by, such as I profess my self to be. To have a kind indulgent Fa­ther, whose softest Wishes, and greatest Joys, always attend his Sons good Fortune; careful of him [Page 54] even to the raging Passion of Jealousie, to bestow his utmost Pains, use his greatest endea­vours, and still racking his contriving Head both day and night; and all with the joyful expectation of his Sons being great and happy after his death, and placing the greatest part of his own Happiness in his: then to have a stubborn un­greateful Son to dash and over­turn the whole Fabrick of his great Designs, and by one un­lucky Cast, blast all his thri­ving hopes at once. This is too much for a Father to bear, and then 'tis no wonder to see a Parent (tho never so gen­tle and good Natured) decree the utmost severitys, and at one blow to lop off a Monstrous Excrescency.

[Page 55] That this Offence is punish­ed with Disinheritance, there's scarce any thing more com­mon; and a Father in this case is very seldom much blamed, or reckoned severe or unjust; for when a Son or Daughter have by their Disobedience broke their Fathers Heart, and and have thrown him off as a Person that has nothing to do with them; he has a good and honest Plea to leave them to themselves. Some Fathers in­deed are often glad to find such an Excuse when they have a mind to put off their Daugh­ters without Portions, because they are sure that this will cer­tainly vindicate their Proceed­ings to the inquiring World. So that it is most apparent that this is a far greater Crime than most young People take it to [Page 56] be; so that for a man of In­genuity and Generosity to be guil­ty of such a fault, to me seems very inconsistant Neither can I well conceive how a man of sense can ever excuse himself from such a prodigious piece of Ingratitude, since that of all other Vices is justly esteem'd the basest and meanest, and of such a Nature, that even those Persons who have seemed to make their business and design to act and brag of all other Rogueries, are yet ashamed of that, and are very careful to conceal it, as a thing that can get them no manner of Com­mendation or Applause, not so much as among their rude Companions.

But let us now spend a thought or two about the Female Sex. As for those, Nature has seem'd [Page 57] to take a more peculiar Care in moulding them and ma­king them more easie and com­pliant; and of giving them a softer and more flexible Dispo­sition, sinely adapted to Obedi­ence. But to the Male it has afforded a stronger and more governing Nature, and has gi­ven them more Power and Command. Therefore Obedi­ence and Compliance in the Fe­male seems more convenient and necessary, as being more suita­ble and natural. And if all things be rightly considered, they are not to expect to be their own Carvers in all things, nor to have so large a right in choosing as Men Their Friends Care and Judgment is always rationally looked upon as far more fit and proper for the choice of what will be for [Page 58] their happiness and Well-be­ing, than their own fond Hu­mours, which proceed from an unsetled Fancy. So that their main and principal care in this Life ought to be how to soften those troubles, and how to make that pleasant and ea­sie which falls to their share, if they should chance to meet with a Person and Humours, not altogether so well and agreea­ble as might have reasonably been wished for.

The truth of all this will easily appear, and become as clear as the Sun, if we come carefully to consider and reflect upon the Unsteady Nature and Unsatisfied Disposition of Youth, and especially of the Female Sex, whose Reasons are for the most part byassed by their Hu­mours, and not strong enough [Page 59] to discern and search into those things which are best for a Setled and Married Life. For their Fancies are almost always carrying them aloft, which makes their Brains giddy, over­ruling their Reasons, and lead­ing them about through by-Paths and uncertain Places, like an Ignis Fatuus, and at last looses them in a wild desolate Wilderness. It will be much more apparent and visible, if we look upon Examples, which frequently shews us how ex­treamly unfortunate many young Women are in their choice, when it has depended wholly upon themselves. And further, it is very common to find those very Ladies that have been so extreamly nice, so wonderfully curious and difficult to please, disdaining and laughing at all [Page 60] that look like the Vulgar, and scorning and dispising all that seem mean or common; so that one would think, nothing less could satisfie them than an Angel dropt from the Clouds: Yet (I say) 'tis very usual for these Mock-Criticks at last to throw themselves under the subjection of Whimsical Flutring Fop, or a meer starched and joynted Bartholomew Puppet, whose Stock of Wit and Mony is as small as his Impertinence and Impudence is large.

If we do but observe the ge­nerality of the Young Ladies of this our Age▪ who pretend so much to Modishness and the like; we cannot but wonder to find so many Inconsistencies, and to see with what large mixtures of Fickleness, Ʋncon­stancy, Vanity and Ʋnsetled Fond­ness [Page 61] they are made up withal. How difficult to please, how critical in foolish trifles, how Extravagant and Finnical in their Attire; how wonderful­ly delighted with all that's gay and glittering, how strangely ubounding in Discourse, how toyish and freakish in their Actions; having vitiated Pa­lates that can relish nothing that's Grave or Serious, or can endure any thing that's pru­dent or discreet: We may (I say) when we consider all this, well enough conclude that that Person who courts one of them, and desires to gain her, needs only a gay lac'd Coat rather than a decent one, to please her nice Fancy; an Imperti­nent Tongue (like Sir Formal Trifles) overlaid with Fustian and Bombast Words rather [Page 62] than sense, to hold her in di­scourse; and a Maggotish Nod­dle well stuffed with Impu­dence (like Sir Positive at all) to make her believe any thing.

Upon such sort of Persons as these, common experience shews us that Dancing-Masters and Singing-Masters have chief­ly the greatest influence; the one by the nimble shaking of his Heels, and the other by the cunning quavering of his Voice, so melting and charm­ing the poor Pool, that she's all upon the sighing whining Vein, till she's stark mad to be delivered from her old Fathers Clutches. And this is much more likely if Age has not strengthned her Reason, or ripened her Understanding so far as to distinguish between gay [Page 63] things and good things, and to discern the fatal effects of such Baseness: and this brings her to laugh at the kind and wholesome advices of a Father, and to look upon her Friends as all peevish, silly and incon­siderate Persons that deserve not a serious thought to be thrown away upon them. After this indeed Years may harden her in her wickedness, and help her to a large stock of Impudence, but they seldom teach her any Prudence or Discretion, for her ridiculous Follies and stubborn Vices will yet grow stronger with her Age; like gliding Ri­vers and flowing Streams, still encreasing the further they run from the Fountain-head. But the poor self-deceiving Creature seldom looks about her, till the manifest appearance of approach­ing [Page 64] Ruin from an inhumane curst Husband opens her Eyes to some purpose, and shew her that all the Wit and Experi­ence she have got are the dear­est things she ever purchased before now.

Thus we find many sad Ex­amples of this Nature, of se­veral Young Persons who run rashly and without any sort of Consideration to get themselves married, never minding any thing that belongs to such a Condition, but those vain flat­tering Pleasures that their de­luded hopes present to their di­stant view through a corrupt­ed and false medium. 'Tis of­ten seen that many a poor Young Girl is trickt and cheat­ed into Matrimony to the great grief of her Parents, and her own lasting Torment; and that [Page 65] too when she has but a small knowledge of the troublesome cares and concerns of this World, and before she well understand what a Husband means, or what and where lyes the Conveni­encies and Inconveniencies that a Married Life is capable of. And perhaps the Person that did it is some debauched beg­garly Rakehel, some base un­generous Fellow, whose Dung­hil Passion will never raise his drowsie Soul above the smell of dirst; and desires nothing but Mony, which he so greedily devours and swallows down to his Wives ruine, and his own Destruction.

Now the main Source from whence these Passions (on the mans account) do rise, and the chief Spring that moves so ma­ny young mens Affections, and [Page 66] hurries away their Reasons from paying the Respects due to their Parents, is Beau­ty; an Object that always car­rys something with it so ex­cellent and Charming, as can never be well defined or descri­bed. And 'tis this that so ma­ny times sets Unsteady Youth all in a raging fire, so violent­ly tossing his tempestuous Soul, and so forcibly carrys him on towards his Imaginary Bliss, that the loud crys of Reason can ne­ver be heard, but only when it comes with a gentle smile, to favour the cause in hand, and plead for that soft Passion: and this causes them sometimes to be so extravagant as to make Goddesses of Women (An­gels at least) and place even Divinity it self in a poor silly Mortal. Then you'l hear no­thing [Page 67] from him but Wishing, Complaining, Sighing, Languishing and Dispairing; of Charming Pleasures, Gentle Flames, Bro­ken Hearts, Melting Tears, and the like; and all his Discourse shall be about his Mistress, of vindicating her to all the World, of undertaking all des­perate Attempts, and Dying for her three or four times a Day. These things tho foolish enough, are true, and oft de­serve more Pity than Laughter; for Beauty the chief cause of all this, is like a cruel Basilisk that often kills us at distance, and before we know any thing of it.

The Old Men indeed come bluntly to their Sons, and tell them that Beauty will buy no Beef; (a course Complement to one up to the Ears in Love) [Page 68] But the Young Men as pertly reply, It will buy Content which is far better; an Answer truly sufficient, and of full force we grant, if it were as true as the other. But this we frequently find so far from procuring any real satisfaction or Content, that it has many times been the pri­mary Cause of the greatest Mi­series and Afflictions that can befall a Marryed Life. And if Prejudice be wholly laid aside, 'twill easily be seen that scarce ever any Marriage has been on both sides happy, that had no other Foundation than what comes from the Charms of out­side Beauty; which indeed is far more fit to increase a Mans Appetite, than to settle any true Liking, and will sooner procure Fondness than real Love; the fatal Effects of which [Page 69] is Jealousie, that cursed Bane to all the Pleasures of the Marri­age-Bed, which makes their best Delights a raging Torment, and turns the greatest Blessings into the greatest Plagues. So that to have this without Vir­tue, is a thing that none but stupid and sensless Persons would endure; For then 'tis like a hot burning Coal whose bright and sparkling looks many may gaze on with admiration e­nough, but none but Fools and Madmen are willing or daring enough to touch. For who but such a Madman would for the gratifying of his fancy run and throw himself into the devouring Flames? Who for a few transient fits of Joy would part with all the Pleasures of his soft and sweet Repose? Who for the Honour of Embracing [Page 70] a painted Cloud, would for­feit both his Heaven of Content here, and his Heaven of Hap­piness hereafter, by being al­ways upon the rack of Jealou­sie, and tormenting Fears, least his Beautiful Jezebel prove false, and another admire that Phan­tastical Face which he himself formerly doated on.

Let us consider Beauty by its self, and quite stript of all those Ornaments she borrows from the Arts and Tricks of others; for her upper Decora­tions she gets from common Shop keepers and Tyre-women, her lower ones from Taylors and Brokers, and her sweet ravish­ing Complexion very often from a little Stuff that comes from a Painters Pencil, which sometimes dawbs her over like a Sign Post. There uniting all [Page 71] their Force do dress her up as gay as possible, and are as ex­travagant (if it can be) as our unbounded Fancies. I say, if we seriously reflect on all this, we should not find it so consi­derable as to make us forget our greatest Blessings our Free­doms to enjoy it; nor yet so permanent as to make us hope for any lasting Pleasures from it. For when 'tis never so natural, a small fit of Siokness oft takes away the superficial part of it, and a few years, Children, and Ill Nature do take away all the rest of the varnished Features. Then the hot fit of Passion soon turns to the cold one of loathing; and all those soft Joys and charming Pleasures, which raging and unruly Desires ex­pected to meet withal, dull Fruition and Experience finds ab­sent, [Page 72] and nothing left but a rotten decayed Vessel, bereft of all that's good, and emptied of all its Delights. So that Young Persons are under a very strange mistake when they think Beauty alone can make any Marriage happy; for this they may be most certain of, that whatsoever Love has no stronger legaments than what proceed from thence (besides the Racks of Doubts and Jea­lousies which so often attend it) can never last any longer than that will; no more than that Love which is grounded on Mony, can outlast the spend­ing of it.

There are several other things besides Beauty, which makes many a Woman be loved and admired, and oft cause Young Persons to transgress the Duty [Page 73] they owe to their Parents; as Good Nature, a fine Carriage, a quick Wit, and a sweet Voice: and all these have each their peculiar Charms, and are ad­mired by many men (and perhaps with justice too) as much as Beauty it self. Yet for all that, when every one of these unite their Power and Forces, and meet toge­ther in one Woman (which is certainly as strong and mighty temptation for Youth to encounter withal) they are many times misfortunes (when abstracted from vertue) rather than Advantages, and Plagues rather than Blessings, there be­ing all to be found in many a common Prostitute, and in the very worst of Women. Neither indeed can these pro­cure any manner of satisfacti­on [Page 74] or real content, when true Love, Vertuous Inclinations, and a Competency are wanting; the two former being absolutely necessary to make firm their Happiness, and keep it so per­petually; and the latter to gain Friends consents, and to crown all their Joys.

Now what man in his right wits that has the least grain of consideration in him, would ever be so grosly silly and sensless as to marry a Wo­man (though endowed with all the forementioned Charms) that he knew for certain did not really love him, or had not Vertue or Honour to continue that Love? Certainly he can have no manner of regard to his Quiet and Hap­piness in this Life, or must [Page 75] be most strangely ignorant of the means and way to it, who shall thus foolishly plunge himself into the midst of an Ocean of Doubts, which will be a devouring Torment and a perpetual Rack to his Mind, if he has any thing of Life or Soul in him. Yet he that marries a Person without his Parents consent, (the want of an Estate being supposed to hinder their consent) though perhaps he is not absolutely certain his Mistress don't love him, yet he can never be certain she does, or that she don't love his Mony far bet­ter than himself, which if he knows he's doubly mad to marry her. For when all such Persone first set their hearts upon that (as it is most fre­quent in this case) they mind [Page 76] little else but those ill Pro­perties and ridiculous vanities, that all mean Persons so much seek after; and what is more usual than to have Mercinary Spirits soon lose all sense of Ge­nerosity or Gratitude?

Some Persons are of Opi­nion, that if they marry with them of Inferiour Rank, they can manage them as they please; and do verily believe that gratitude will always be a sufficient Obligation to bind them to all Affection, Love, Respect and Obedience; and by this means they propose to themselves strange and won­derful things, and their con­trivances the best ordered, and the most ingeniously invented that can be for their quiet and content. But such a Per­son [Page 77] ought to be put among the Cautious Sir Solomons Pro­jectors, and be sure to meet with no better luck than he; for this is a vain and foolish supposition, fit for only the unthinking part of the World, and contradicting all common Experience. For that constant­ly shews us that he that takes his Maid for his Consort, finds her no less Proud and Impe­rious, than he that marries with one of the Highest Rank; nay very oftentimes more; for all Base Bron Inferiour Per­sons (though naturally of a Disposition good enough) are strangely changed and altered by such Honours, as being so much above their Compa­nions; which makes them have a vast conceit of their own Worth and Merits, their Pride [Page 78] and Insolency encreasing to that degree as they become altogether insupportable; while better Educations are far more noble and generous, being apter to own Obligations.

Not to insist too long upon this Head, nor to be too te­dious on this Subject; in short, all Young Persons whatsoever may observe and take this for a most certain and undenia­ble Truth, that they neither have nor can have a power of disposing of themselves as they please, as long as their Parents or Friends intrusted by them are alive, and they have any manner of depen­dence upon them; and let their Inclinations and Desires be how they will, they can­not enter into such a solemn and sacred Institution as Matri­mony [Page 79] of their own accord with­out their Parents consent; they being so far part of their Goods (and the clearest and most valuable too) that to give themselves away unknown to them, is a kind of Robbe­ry or Theft, or perhaps some­thing worse. This is a Crime which they can never answer to God or Good Men; for a Marriage is not real or truly compleat according to God's Laws, till Parents by their consent make firm the Con­tract. And this is the com­mon Opinion of the chief of our Divines, as far as I can un­derstand.

But some perhaps whose un­governed Passions have wholly led them away, will pretend that the soft Allurements, and [Page 80] sweet Temptations of Beauty, Good Nature, Wit and the like, have been so very strong and powerful, that they have not been able in any manner to resist them. I will not exa­mine how Humane Nature may reasonably be supposed to have power of encountring there; but however this Pre­tence will never serve, since the venturing to stand the brunt and force of them, and of favouring of Opportunities, is one of their Principal Faults. For those above all things, are ever to be most carefully and cunningly avoided; and shun­ned as the most dangerous In­fections; and like a full nest of inraged Hornets, disturbed by some unwary Traveller, more to be fled from than fought withall. Besides tempta­tion [Page 81] is a poor pretence that every common Prostitute makes use of to extenuate and ex­cuse her filthy Lusts, and e­very Perjured Villain to up­hold his Rogueries; and if this would hold good, the greatest Wickedness in the World might go unregarded, and Crimes of the highest and blackest nature go still un­punished.

Therefore let Children con­sider and dread the Unhap­py Consequences of all such Matches, as their own Rash­ness and most Unruly Desires leads them to; whose begin­nings are commonly with the violent and hot flames of Love, and do soon turn to the sad and cold fits of Loath­ing. By this means it is com­mon [Page 82] for a Man to have a tormenting Wife that plagues and hates him, stubborn and rebellious Children that despise and scorn him, an Estate quite shattered and wasted, his Un­happy Self upon the very brink of certain Ruin, not knowing how to avoid or escape it, and all the time perhaps the hatred and an­ger of his unreconciled Pa­rents; which last will always be as a devouring and gnaw­ing Worm, and a clog of some weight to his distract­ed Soul. For Disobedience (the Fatal cause of their troubles) is an aspersion so very vile and ugly, that nothing but Time and Repentance can wipe off in this World. And therefore once more let me earnestly desire and advise all [Page 83] Young Persons whatsoever to have a more than ordinary care of such things, and that their Stubborness and Disobedi­ence do not pull down God's just vengeance, and their Pa­rents curses upon their Head.

PArents I do not doubt but will be well enough plea­sed with most of the Passages of the former Chapter, since that speaks so much in behalf of their Prerogative, and a­gainst Childrens Disobedience; but I am afraid they'l scarce re­lish this following Chapter, nor well digest a business which touches them so near­ly; for this treats of the last sort of Ʋnequal Marriages, in which they themselves are the [Page 85] principal Actors and are most guilty, namely of marrying their Children without their Consents, or against their Wills. We may observe that every Person is very angry and uneasie when he comes to see his own vile Practices and Vices laid open to the censuring World; but above all, Old Persons take it most grievously, because their high conceit of their own Experi­ence leads them to believe themselves beyond doing of In­juries, or at least of deserving to be censured.

I am now arrived and just entring upon a most sad and Malancholly Subject, and I cannot but bestow a few se­rious reflections and some mournful thoughts upon it; [Page 86] a Subject that many are apt to start at, and cannot en­dure so much as to hear it once mentioned, having expe­rimentally found the sad and fatal Effects of it, either in themselves or their Relations. And this is a Curse that mean and Inferiour Persons are sel­dom or never liable to, and are but very rarely troubled with the Misfotunes that so com­monly attend it. But this ve­ry frequently accompanies the Gaudy Pomps and Airy Noise of Magnificence, Grandure and Riches, still aiming and stri­king at great and lofty Places, whilst little ones commonly escape free; like the ordinary and common Diseases which proceed from Luxury, being starved at Cottages do always shun them, and inhabit Courts [Page 87] and Palaces. So that this is a thing that lights more upon the heads of Great Persons Children than others, and that too upon the Female Sex more commonly than the Male.

As for the greatness of this Injury, there's nothing more apparent; being such, that all the pains and cares that a Pa­rent is able to take or per­form for a Child in this sad case, can never make amends, or give any reasonable satisfa­ction, the Misfortune being of­ten so large and compleat, that it is beyond the Power of Man to relieve, or give ease to: Tho a Married Life is very often found to be the happiest and most comfortable of all others; yet when it comes to begin thus dismally, [Page 88] it mostly proves the worst of all conditions whatsoever, and is very often one of the great­est Plagues that can well be­fall a Man, making their con­ditions more sad and misera­ble than the poorest Wret­ches who beg bread from door to door: and this may be confirmed sufficiently by too many lamentable and de­plorable Examples of this kind. So that a Wise and Think­ing Man (especially if he comes to consider the great sins that constantly attend it) would sooner choose the ba­sest and meanest Imployments, and most contemptible of all callings, than endure those rest­less Tortures, that so necessari­ly belong to all such Unfortu­nate Matches.

[Page 89] For a Parent to bring up his Child with all the kind­ness, tenderness and care ima­ginable; to be always ready to instruct him in every good and vertuous Exercise; to be most exact in teaching him all the excellent and noble Accomplishments which his Condition, Estate and Quali­ty so much deserve; to suffer him in, and to pro­cure him all the moderate and Innocent Pleasures and Recreations that may be had; and to indulge him and love him as his own Soul, is a thing tho frequently yet very commendable, and is something that will bind a generous Disposition far stron­ger than the Obligations that proceed from Power, Fear and [Page 90] constrained Obedience. But then for such a Parent by his over violent zeal, and too eager desire after his Sons Happi­ness, by an unlucky blow to ruin him at once beyond all relief, is a thing most strange, unaccountable and prodigious. I am extreamly sorry that I can truly say, 'tis a thing that has been often done and pra­ctised; and that too by such Parents, whose good Reputati­ons, Gravity, Prudence and In­genuity, would have spoke far better things for them, and (one would have thought) might have taught them more Vertue, Piety and Honesty, or at least more Wit and Discre­tion, than out of a foolish Humour, scarce worthy of such a care, to imbitter their Childrens Happiness, and en­tail [Page 91] Misery upon their Fame­lies for succeeding Ages.

When I come to consider the strange cares and troubles that Parents have for their Childrens sake, 'tis then, and only then, that I am ready to think almost all Marriages unhappy and unfortunate: but on the other side when I look upon the sweet comforts and pleasant satisfaction they receive from their good beha­viour, and their hopes they feed themselves withal of their proving well, when they see nothing to the contrary; I find those are Engines strong and powerful enough to hold them up, and to keep them from sinking under a load of cares and concerns. Parents Lives are often like those of Poets and [Page 92] Gamesters, who can very rare­ly arrive to the pleasure of being cool and at rest; their busie Souls and overwhelm'd Desires are continually in flame, which never suffers them to have a calm and even tem­per, but makes them always either in Raptures or Dispair, according as their good or bad Fortune requires it. 'Tis their overdoing of things which com­monly ruins their Designs, and breaks all their measures; their excess of Love makes their Chil­dren bold, impudent and sau­sie; their overmuch Care and desire for them, makes them idle, careless and undutiful; the Jealousie makes them mi­strustful, disdainful and to hate and slight their Com­mands; and their Rigidness cramps and destroys all their [Page 93] generous thoughts, and corrupts the Morals. Yet they think many times they can mould them as they please, and in­cline their minds as they think fit; and because they suppose their Children do not know what is good for themselves, their threats must drive them to it, which destroys the very essence and nature of Good of Marri­age; and when they have once got them coupled to an Estate and a few Titles, they think they have done all; tho per­haps they have undone all, and ruined them to all intents and purposes.

That no man might think that I have said any thing out of Ill Will or Prejudice, I do freely and sincerely de­clare, that I have so good [Page 94] an Opinion of all Parents, and particularly of these sorts I am treating of, that I cannot so much as suppose any of them to desire, or heartily wish their Children the least Hurt or Inju­ry, much less their lasting Misery or Ruin; (tho we find several upon the account of Faults and Disobedience, to have put extraordinary ill things upon their Children, and such as they themselves must needs know to be hard and cruel) But when I go about to aquit them of this Vice, I must of necessity accuse them of an in­sufferable piece of Folly (be­sides a horrible Sin which I shall mention to them by and by) when they think to make that Match happy which begins with hatred and loathing; and this is a ridiculous thing which [Page 95] men of their Age and Expe­rience can never be supposed to be ignorant of. They may as well hope to see the Poles of the Heavens meet, or make Fire and Water agree, as the Loves, Inclinations and Affe­ctions of some Persons. Young Peoples Humours and Passions are very often strange and un­governable, and such as are impossible to unite; and Fathers are not to imagine that their Children are like Trees, in which they can graft different Humours and Inclinations, as well as different Fruits.

But some Parents, who be­ginning to perceive and reflect upon the miserable and deplo­rable Effects of the hard and severe Usage, their Pity flow­ing in a-pace, do still flatter [Page 96] themselves with the hopes that time should ease them, and help to set all to rights again. And this is the common and threadbare Pretence that all Parents make use of to excuse their Severity and Injustice; for, say they, tho the Wound be wide and troublesom, yet the Cure is not very hard; time and bal­my Blood, with a little care, will make all well again. But sad Experience confutes this, and shews it to be altogether false and frivolous; for we constant­ly find that length of times and days do very rarely pro­duce any sort of cure for this Distemper (as it has been of­ten hoped for) but for the most part rather encreasing the Torment; for these Wounds are like the breaches of Ships and Vessels which time only [Page 97] makes wider, but can never stop up; which as the fre­quent and common Diseases of Old Age and Years, growing worse and worse, till kind Death comes and puts an end to all. Only sometimes we hap­pen of an Ingenious Pious Per­son, who has got the Stoical knack of slighting all troubles and caring for nothing, and to ease himself in this case will be sure to cause his Wives Money to gingle, make havock on her Cash, and the Yellow Boys fly merrily about like dirt, in his Cups once ran home to bestow three or four or half a dozen genteel curses upon his kind hearted Parents by way of thanks; and briskly and finely pass away his time among the honourable Soci­ety of Chimney Sweepers and Por­ters.

[Page 98] As for Emperors, Kings and such kind of Persons as those, I shall not dare to presume to meddle withall, or concern my self in this case; nor will I venture to determine any thing in the Mysterious Mat­ters of State: But to all others I must take the boldness to tell them that this is a very hei­nous Offence, and piece of Wickedness, that can never be let pass unregarded. They indeed may make the Mini­ster joyn their hands, but the Marriage can never be com­pleat or lawful till their hearts be joyned too; this being a most perfect violation of their Native Freedom, and to be forced this way is the worst and most miserable of all sla­veries. Neither can these Pa­rents [Page 99] any ways acquit them­selves of making their Chil­dren guilty of two mortal and most abominable Sins, name­ly Perjury and Treachery, and those of the basest and blackest Die too. For let any man seriously consider and see if they can find or imagine a greater and grosser Perjury, than to make the most sacred and most solemn Vow that can be thought of, in the aweful presence of God and the whole Congregation, to a thing that is absolutely false? Or indeed how can there be a baser piece of Treachery, than to make such a solemn Vow, when they neither can or will keep it; and in a concern upon which so nearly depends all that's good and happy in this world.

[Page 100] For my part, when I come to consider the greatness of these Crimes, I can but trem­ble, and am amazed at the very thoughts of such Mons;trous Impieties as these; and can but strangely wonder how either Parents or Children dare so much as appear in such a horrid Business, and are not afraid of the Divine Ven­geance in the very Act. For certain Experience shews us, that things done with so much Precaution, Consideration and So­lemnity, always strike a most sad and deep terror in mens hearts, more than sins com­monly practised, though never so great and heinous. This most sacred Order of Matri­mony is not to be plaid with­all, passed slightly over, or [Page 101] made a common property for Private Interest, but there ought to be a wonderful deal of Caution and Care in it. And when a Match begins with two such shameful Crimes as these; 'tis no wonder at all if the Almighty sends his Plagues upon their heads, punishing Parents in beholding their Chil­drens Miseries, and Children in feeling the deadly effects of their own Perjuries: nor is it strange if the Devil be suf­fered to sow his cursed Dis­sentions among them, and keeping them at such a vast di­stance that nothing can reason­ably be expected but Despair and Desolation.

Now a main and Principal Cause of all these troubles and disturbances, and that makes [Page 102] Old Men so raging mad and desperately hot, is Mony; a thing which always command­ed, ruled and governed the more degenerate and baser part of the World as it pleased, bringing them wholly and en­tirely to its own Devotion, and making them hazard all Troubles and Dangers, Ho­nours and Reputations, and their very Bodies and Souls; and all in hopes of obtain­ing Favours from, and enjoy­ing that Bright Beauty. This 'tis that casts such a deadly mist, and blinds Parents Eyes, perverts their Reasons, and cor­rupts their Understandings so much, that all Great and Ge­nerous Thoughts, all Glori­ous and Noble Designs are clog'd, pul'd down and de­stroyed; so that by this means [Page 103] they become so sordid and dull, as they cannot distinguish be­tween the best and worst things. 'Tis for this that many a Fa­ther toyls and torments him­self, racks and disturbs his Plotting Brains, for a stub­born ungracious Son, who won't so much as bestow upon him the ordinary Complement of Thanks, but will spend and and make it fly faster than ever they got it. This is so sweet and pleasant, that the most ridged Quaker, and most presise Puritan, who will scarce permit or endure the most common and innocent Recrea­tions, yet they shall finely re­create and solace themselves with this, and hug them­selves over their full Bags, whilst Beggars may starve in the streets for all any of them.

[Page 104] Parents do strangely please themselves with these hopes, and are continually endeavour­ing to imprint their infecti­ous Notions into their Children when they are young, telling them what strange things they may expect from a good For­tune, so that they may make it their chief Business to ob­tain it; for they themselves believe there is no Happiness equal to a large Estate, nor no pleasure like the sight of a huge heap of Guinea's; so that if they can but obtain this for their Children, they think their own and their Hap­piness is perfectly compleat. But this a vain and ridicu­lous conceit, which whole Multitudes please themselves withall; for Riches, if we con­sider the many slavish cares [Page 105] and troubles that so constant­ly attend them, are far short of that value that their gay and glittering appearance makes them seem to be. And in truth they are but Baubles and meer Trash at best if compa­red with a clear Ʋnspotted Re­putation, and a true Contented Soul; neither will all the Gold in Peru purchase one Moment of real Satisfaction to an un­satisfied and disturbed Mind; but will rather serve as a hea­vy Clog to his dejected Spi­rits, to plunge him the deeper into a Sea of Sorrows.

Covetousness is a very strange and inconsistant thing, and (as a very Ingenious Gentle­man observes) seems not so much a Vice as a deplorable piece of Madness; so that I can [Page 106] reckon it nothing but a tor­menting Disease and plague which is peculiar to some sort of Constitutions; and is more Contagious and Epidemical in Old Persons than the Gout, Stone, or Palsie, and very often a far greater Torment than any of them. In the spending Mony, I grant there may be several sorts of Plea­sures; but in the hoarding of it up, and keeping it under Lock and Key, (and very often for they know not whom) and making no use on't at all; for the pleasure of that, I own it goes beyond my concepti­ons to imagine, unless it be in weighing and telling of it, and then I reckon that pick­ing of Straws and catching of Flys are far more noble and innocent Recreations. This how­ever [Page 107] has been always observed, that all such Persons who de­sire and love it most of all, and hug and grasp it closest, do constantly make the least use of it, and find smallest comfort and satisfaction by it. As for the Pleasures and Joys that belong to much Riches, they are always more imagi­nary than real, and the Ease that so many expect in the enjoyment of Mony is common­ly found to be the most false and Chimerical of all things. And he that eagerly persues and thirsts after abundance of Mony, only with that expectation of living a Quiet and Ʋndisturbed Life, is as ridiculously silly as he that hid himself in the Water cunningly to avoid a shower of Rain.

[Page 108] For my part whensoever I carefully reflect upon the ma­ny sad Disquiets, Noyses, Envys and Gensures that so constantly attend Grandeur and Riches; I can but admire that they should be so hotly sought after; and also can but heartily pity the sad and mournful conditions of many excellent Young La­dies, who only for the sake of their Quality, Greatness and Fortunes, are forced and driven by the dreadful fears of threat­ning Ruin, to do that which is directly contrary to their Natures, and which their Souls most abhor; and that too by base Ʋncles and mercinary Guardians (oftentimes the worst of all People) as well as Pa­rents themselves. On the other side I can but almost envy the quiet and most happy state of [Page 109] many Inferiour Persons, whose Qualities and Fortunes are so small, as never to prove dan­gerous to their Ease, or be made a trap to their Ruins; and can bless themselves with the sweet satisfaction of Liberty, and with perfect Freedom of Choice, being truly happy in each o­thers Loves and Affections, not teas'd and troubled with those base and contagious Noise of Sueing for Portions, Tenants Com­plaints, Creditor-Duns, Neighbours Quarrels, &c. nor plagued with the naucious Impertinence of a whole Covy of griping Law­yers and merciless Atornys, and a House full of Writings at every Match.

There is one most ridicu­lous piece of Folly that I have often observed in several Pa­rents, [Page 110] which apparently shews that Mony has turned and made their Brains so muddy, that they are not right, that is, they will never consider of, nor suffer any thing, tho never so estimable and valuable to stand in competition with Mo­ny, no not so much as to make the Scale even. So that by this means none of those noble Acquisitions, and excel­lent Accomplishments as Learn­ing, Education, Nobility, In­genuity Vertue, Good Nature, and the like, shall ever be esteemed of or thought of any value; whilst their Grand Idol Mony, like a most So­veraign and Absolute Monarch shall rule the World, and ride Great Lord of the Uni­verse; the mean time these shall crouch beneath its Feet, [Page 111] and be content to go in Rags. This is a piece of Folly that one would think People of their Discretion, Experience and Prudence should above all men not be guilty of, being of that Age, as can never be suppo­sed not to know the real va­lue of these forementioned things. For my part I think 'twas most generously and no­bly done of the Old Merchant that granted his Daughter to that Ingenious Gentleman who valued his Education at fifty thousand Pounds, and his Bar­resters Gown at as much more.

Notwithstanding all that have or could be said by others in the exposing this most mani­fest piece of Ignorance and un­thinking Prejudice; yet still we see Parents run on in their [Page 112] old perverse ways, without either Fear, Wit or Honesty, so that neither Sense or Rea­son can no more be driven in­to their Heads than into a Mill Post; but still reckoning and judging all their Childrens Happiness by the rule of their own corrupted and byassed thoughts, and their depraved and (sometimes) doating Dis­positions; and so impertinent­ly cautious it seems some are, that after their Deaths, the consent of no less than six or seven must be had for the Marriage of a Daughter. Some we find so inconsiderate and rash, that they shall willing­ly choose for a Son in-Law the most Dull, Illiterate Block­head, the most Sordid Sensless Sot, the most Ill Natur'd De­formed Fellow, and the most [Page 113] Horrid Wicked Wretch that can be, for the sake of his Mo­ny; when at the same time an Ingenious, Vertuous, and most Accomplished Gentleman shall be cast off, and not look'd upon, and for nothing else but that poor and pitiful Rea­son, that his Estate was but half so large as the others. Now let any Person of Common Sence but consider and judge if these be not pitiful Incon­sistant Follies, beneath any Man that has any manner of Pre­tences to common Prudence, Piety or Honesty.

There is another Humour I have observed in some Pa­rents, which has the strongest tincture of Baseness and Partia­lity, that is, they shall use their utmost Power, and be [Page 114] strangely careful to put off a Daughter to any Pittiful Fel­low that has but an Estate bigger in Proportion than what she's like to have, tho it be never so much contrary to his Parents consent; and then at last perhaps find some foolish quibble and ridiculous pretence to fob her off with a few gay Promises, and give her nothing at all, especially whilst he is alive. It would certainly make a very plea­sant Farce but to take notice of and observe the many grave Instructions, cunning Ways and sly Tricks, such a Parent makes use of to obtain his ends; how wonderfully careful and exact he is in teaching his Daughter her Lesson, how ex­traordinary civil he is to the young raw Gallant, and how [Page 115] large and weighty are his Promises, till he once per­ceives the Gudgeon well hook­ed; then but to see how slily the Old Fox gives them the slip, leaves them both in the lurtch, and marches off as gravely with an idle Flam to his Father as if he knew no­thing at all of the Busi­ness.

Yet such a Fellow as this will never endure to hear of a Son to marry one a little below his Fortune, tho never so deserving a Woman, but will be always te [...]ing him what a vast happiness 'twill be for himself, and what a wonderful comfort 'twill be to his Old Father, to see him marry a mighty rich Wife. Ah Tom! (says he) a Fortune Tom! [Page 116] thou look'st like a good honest Boy; I tell thee there's nothing like a good Fortuue at last Tom▪ Thy Mother was a Fortune Tom, else Old Jack must have knock'd under board, and shrunk in his head, and been content with ma­king a less Figure in the World. Ay but (says Tom again) you won't allow me any good Cloaths, nor scarce a Shilling in my Poc­ket, and how shall I go to work to get a Fortune? Ah Tom (crys the Old Miser) times are very hard, and Mony is strangely scarce; you should learn to be a good Husband Tom; I save it all for thee Boy. But however since I have one in my Eye for thee, thou shalt wont for nothing if thou dost but get her? Ah brave Tom Boy! right Fa­thers nown Boy; shant we cheat the Old Fool her Father, Hah [Page 117] Boy? Upon this perhaps Tom gets new Cloaths, and he and his old Father fall to work upon some young Creature much above his Fortune, and perhaps gets her and marrys her to the great Grief of all her Relations. But if Matters should chance to come to the Pinch, and to the utmost Ex­tremities that may possibly be in this case; Old Jack will be sure to find a trick to slip his own Neck out of the Noose, and leave poor Tom fairly to hang for't.

Now are not these and the like things very gross pieces of partiality and injustice? Yet We frequently find those very Parents who are so very hot and violent in exclaiming a­gainst the Impiety and Ingrati­tude [Page 118] of Children that marry without their Parents consent; those Persons we often find to be most ready to transgress it themselves in the Persons of others (and that on the basest manner too) when they per­ceive it is for the advantage of the Family. And all their railings and bitter exclaimings against this Vice, is only a right down Forgery and Cheat, a pure piece of Hypocrisie to scare their own Children, and fright them into Obedience. This is the Nature and Disposition of a great many Parents (tho not all on such gross a manner) and (that which is more strange too) even of such as have very Prudent, Grave, Discreet, Ingenious Gentlemen; and such too as have had all the ap­pearances of Generous and Reli­gious [Page 119] Persons. But how much these things can agree with, or be any ways consistant with such Mean, Sordid, Base and Ignoble Actions, I shall leave to the Candor and Judgment of any Impartial and Unpreju­diced Man whatsoever.

I shall conclude all with a few words of Friendly Ad­vice. First for Old Persons who are on the other side Sixty, I would advise them not to marry at all, but rather em­ploy themselves on the thoughts of the other World (for they know they can have but a short time to stay in this) and in instructing and doing good to others; and this will be the only sure way to get true Honour and satisfaction. But if they must trouble themselves [Page 120] with the thoughts of Matri­mony (which upon some ac­counts may be reasonable e­nough too) let them pitch up­on some Grave and Pious Ma­tron, sutable to their Years and Fortunes, by which means they may prove mutual Helps and great Comforts to each o­ther, and not set their minds upon young Wild Creatures, who will be to hard for them every way, cause them to be made common Laughing-stocks to the enquiring World, plague and disturb all their Quiet and Ease, and help to send them to their Graves long before their times.

Next for Children, since they have not a Power of disposing of themselves as they think fit; and since such sad and de­plorable [Page 101] Effects do often follow from their making use of such a Power, let them not dare to venture upon this Sacred Order of Matrimony without their Pa­rents consent; but let them have a strict and more than ordinary care to avoid all Temptations till they have leave, as they would a most deadly Precipice. But for the Young Persons that have a larger power of disposing of themselves, 'twill be the highest piece of Folly to marry one that is much beneath them (except there be some extraordinary Ex­cellencies besides Beauty) for he can never be sure of her Love, the very Life and Soul of all their Hopes and Comports. Nei­ther would I have any Persons aim at those that are much a­bove their Rank (a Paradox in­deen to a great many People) [Page 120] for then the mind is often so horridly corrupted with base and ungenerous Desires, that the danger and ill consequences are much the other way.

Lastly, For Parents and the like, let them seriously consi­der the great Account they must give at the last day for many of their Childrens Failings, especi­ally those woful Misfortunes they have brought upon them by their own means, and with the heynous sins of Perjury and Trea­chery; therefore let them dread the very thoughts of all such Ʋnhappy Matches. For this rea­son let them not be extraordi­nary ambitious of marrying their Children above their For­tunes, but however they ought to take care to have them mar­ryed in time, least they prove [Page 113] Dishonest, Stubborn and Irreclaim­able. On the other side, let them not disdain to marry them be­low their Rank, nor stand too much upon Smithfield Bargains when they have a Competency themselves, and they find a So­ber, Vertuous Person, whose Edu­cation, Ingenuity and other good Properties will make amends for Mony and all other inconsidera­ble Trifles.

Before I quite conclude all, I must advise every Person whatso­ever, let 'em be Young or Old, Pa­rents or Children, to have a peculiar care of Marrying to any of diffe­rent Religions; for notwithstanding there be Content on all sides, Love, Mony, Good Inclinations, &c. this one thing is enough to ruine all, destroy all their Pleasures, and may make it the dearest piece of Folly to 'em they ever were guil­ty of in their Lives.