What a Projector is.

A Projector is derived from the Latine, and signifies a man of a good forecast, he is also said to be a crea­tor of Court suites, an Inventor and devisor of new things, and a pretended reformer of the old, which goe commonly by the name of Projects, provided that they had no other beginning or former Invention; for if they bee received, renewed, or reported upon any record, they cannot come truely within the compasse of Pro­jects.

But verily hee is the very Corne-cutter of the age wherein he lives, and hath a notable fault in the unsteadi­nesse of his hand, by reason whereof he doth often thrust his knife into the tender parts of a Common-wealth, to the very quicke, and never leaves untill he have brought out the very Coare of their purses: he imployes all his time, labour, study, and experience onely to search out the abuses of every Place, Profession, and Mystery whatsoe­ver, next his greatest study is to propose the faire outside of a reformation, and this he begins with a Petition to his Majestie, with such mighty pretences of enriching [Page] the Kingdome, that he dares most impudently to affirme that it shall bring to his Majestie, his Heires and Suc­cessors for ever many thousands yearely; yea, and im­ployment for all the poore people of the Realme (which how well all these late Projects have effected, I leave to judicious censure;) next comes a reference where he still averres what he in his Petition proposed, and thus by his large offers, and mediation of friends to the Re­ferrees he obtaines a slight approbation enough onely to procure a Patent, then he thinkes the worlds his owne, and then must there be an Office erected, wherby his Ma­jestie, his Heires and Successors shall receive wonderfll benefts, by augmenting his yearly Revenues, customes, and imposts, and the Common-wealth exceeding great good and profit, and many thousands of poore people at the least shall finde sufficient im­ployment.

Now the issues proceeding of these his paines and la­bour (which he pretends to be onely for the good of his Countrey, himselfe not getting by it one farthing) are com­monly called or knowne by the name of Projects, in re­spect of the Author that invented and devise them, to which hee gives divers names, such as their fancies best served; the better to gull the ignorant, one whereof is called Heuretica, and that is an Art or Invention tea­ching how to devise new, and to reforme old, and is the first and chiefest of all, and as the primum mo­bile; Likewise they give them other termes of Art as litterall Inventions, and Mechanick Inventions, a litterall In­vention is of Logicke, Rhethoricke, Grammer, the Mathema­ticall Sciences, and writing all which they say were only Projects; A Mechanick Invention is the art of the Projector [Page 3] which by effectuall Instruments and meanes bringeth forth, some new visible Worke, pretended good and profitable to the Common-wealth.

And hitherto they adde the Mystery of Printing, Shipping, the Art of Grinding, Building, making of Salt, Allomes, Coppers, Salt-peter, Felt-making, Sadlers, Carts, Ploughes, Harrowes, and consequent­ly they dare most impudently to affirme that all Arts, Trades, Crafts, Sciences, Mysteries, Occupations, Pro­fessions, Devises, and slights whatsoever, were meerely Projects, in respect of the Authors that devised them, whom they will needes have (to uphold their owne cre­dits) to be Projectors, and yet they pretend to mend all these, and to make them both more beneficiall, and more serviceable; likewise they will tell you that the first Discoveries of the West-Indies, by Columbus, Magellane, and Drake, were Projects, seeking thereby to bring into their ranke of Projectors, three such Ingenious, Noble, and Venturous persons, And thus they gull the Com­mon-wealth, by making many faire promises of wealth to fall upon them on a sodaine, telling them that the Pestle and Morter were good Primitive inventions, but the Water-Mill, Hand-mill, and Wind-mill, were derivative from them by a Projector, and much better, yet he will have another shall farre passe all these, and that he calls a Plegnicke Engine, which shall not onely grinde Corne as the Mills, but shall also serve to blow the Bellowes to any Furnace, and never stand still as the Milles doe, but be in perpetuall mo­tion.

Also the Smithes ordinary Bellowes are nought, a scurvie Primitive Invention, hee hath a Derivative [Page 4] Invention worth a hundred of them, more handsomly and strongly made, which shall blow forth not onely cold wind, but also flames of fire, water, and dust, at the same time, and at the same hole. And these are the chiefe heads of Projecting. Next I will shew you what they pretend the nature of every Project (of their devising) to be: to which I will adde the faults liable, and never wanting in them.

First therefore, they make every Project to be of two degrees, the lesser and the greater; and each degree is three-fold. The lesser vertues of every Project are, Equi-sufficiency, Equi-cheapnesse, Equi-excellency; but the greater are, more sufficient, more cheape, more excellent: This is the chiefe Axel-tree that upholds and carries all Projects; for all Projectors do pretend the three last in eve­ry new invention.

But now let us come to the faults, which although they are but three, yet I beleeve they will be found more fre­quently than the three Vertues; and these are lesse suffici­encie, lesse cheapnesse, and lesse excellencie. The greater faults are also three, that is, insufficiency, exceeding dear­nesse, and exceeding basenesse, uglinesse, or ilfavoured­nesse: and of these I must confesse I never saw any Project that had not the most part, if not all. These faults shall be compared to the vertues, when we come to speak of the successe that attended these new found Misteries.

Those that are willing to deale in any these new Busi­nesses, either by being Patentees, Clerks of the Patent, Sur­veyors of the Workes, by buying Shares, Halfe Shares, or Quarter parts, &c. must be sure to have their purse well li­ned, for they shall be at continuall expence, and it may be never receive farthing profit. As first, their share may cost a hundred or two hundred pounds, the use of the mo­ney [Page 5] is lost, and yet they shall be assessed to pay for every Full Part that costs an hundred pounds, ten or 12 pounds once or twice a yeare, towards the erecting the Works, and propagating the businesse. And thus they live in expecta­tion about fourteene yeares (the usuall limit for Patents in that kind) and if it chance to hold out so long, in any like­lihood then it comes to his Majesty. But they seldom last to that, for the State perceiving their fooleries, and that they can never accomplish the thousand part of their pre­tences, and the commonwealths expectation, calls in their Patents, leaving the Projector far ingaged to his friends, by bringing them into such a deale of trouble and expence to no purpose, by his faire promises and perswasions, inso­much that some have all their estate (which though per­haps but mean, yet might have honestly maintained them) layd at the stake, relying onely on the Projectors vain pro­mises; who deales much like the Turkish Alcharon, that if they will obey the Lawes and Decrees of their great Pro­phet Mahomet, they shall have after their deaths brave gardens, pleasant fountaines, and Wenches with great eyes. Even thus they play their part, promising thou­sands yearely to them that will lay downe any money to propagate a new invention: and the more to delude their Creditors, they will upon the least objection or mislike, be presently ready (like some sects of Hereticks) to prove their profession by Scripture to be right and straight, and call all Artificers Projectors, and all arts and sciences Pro­jects, which are nothing in effect but the vain issues of idle braines. Those (as I told you) that would deal in any Pro­jects, must be sure to have in readinesse good bags of mo­ney: for all your Projectors hold this as a generall maxim, That it is the wisest, safest, and most credible course for a Pro­jector, [Page 6] not to aske under hand, whereby he shall be driven to repaire to them againe the second time, but rather at the first let him agree for more money, and not for lesse then will serve the turne towards his expences in trials, and hereof every Sharer must beare pay, defray and discharge his part equally with the parties individent. And therefore they tell their Vndertakers, that they must expect some losse in the triall of new businesses, be the Projector never so perfect in his Theoricke, for though he endevours never so much to give his Workmen true and perfect directions, and instruct his Artificers never so carefully, yet they will often faile, and erre in their Worke, by which meanes the Instrument being experimented, and put to triall, becommeth insufficient for the appointed use, and many times (saith he) the Projector may faile himselfe in some one point, for which there is no helpe, but one­ly to redresse and amend the fault in the Instrument, or else to make a new Instrument in the others stead, neither of which can be done without further charge; and this must the Sharers disburse, and yet there must be (as they call it) an annuall charge, which is an assessing of every Sharer from time to time upon occasion, for monies to maintaine, repaire, and continue the said primary Instruments belonging to the said new busi­nesse, after the first Plantation.

For the errours, some the Projector (to save himself) layes on the Workmen, the Creditors on the Projector, so that after much trouble, paines, vexation, and charges, and daily expectation of the great summes which would arise and acrew thereby, doing their utmost endea­vours both by money and friends, to set forward, further and advance this admirable Worke, have in the end, just their la­bour for their paines, and are glad to sit downe by the losse, because either the Projector hath shewed them a faire [Page 7] paire of heeles (as most of them doe) or else not worth one groat whereby to give them the least satisfacti­on.

How he became a Projector.

HE became a Projector in this sort, and upon this very occasion following. Feeling a consumptive weak­nesse in his Shop and Warehouse, and continuall most terrible Convulsions in his Counterbox, he began most grievously to complaine, and cry out of the Collick, sud­denly expecting an Eruption; hereupon he day by day imployes himselfe in making a most strict scrutiny and review into his Shopbooks, as well for debtors solvent, as insolvent, he most diligently compares his Regi­sters together, and vowes to spare no man whom the Law puts into his hand, at length to his comfort he for­tunately lights upon a debt of his Cozen at Court, For such a piece of Stuffe, so much: this makes him; and although hee once thought it a very desperate debt, yet now hee will spend some time in adventuring his for­tune in the triall of procuring it; whereupon he makes many visits at Court, thinking with himself that perhaps his kinsman may have so much good nature remaine [Page 8] in him, as to take some occasion to speake of it himselfe: but his Cousine was crafty enough to worke best for his owne advantage, and so from time to time put him off with other discourse. But at last mistrusting what the mat­ter was, and that all his cunning could not rid him of this Hinchman, that neither the shewing of the Privy lodgings, nor a place for his she cousin at a Masque, nor the sending of Venison twice in a season, nor the bottle of the Kings wine, nor the Court tart, nor all the Court complements and protestations could once procure him to grant longer day; that neither the Winter journies, nor the Summer progresse could induce him to forget it, or at least to leave his opportunity, hee resolved the next time hee came to give him some satisfaction, and therefore upon his accu­stomed time of visitation, knowing his place and posture, found him waiting his comming out, and there with a most court nod he beckned him to come forward, and thus he accosted him.

Cousin, I have considered of your more than ordinary frequent visitations, which I conceive to arise from that little matter of debt that is betwixt us. You know we are seldome counted monied men, and I protest I have not wherewithall to satisfie your expe­ctation for the present; but I had thought that so many curtesies might have countervailed so small a matter, and have made you a little more respective. Yet that I may in some sort satisfie you I will put you in the way that shall make you for ever, and bee worth no lesse than thousands yearely into your purse.

This made the Citisen start, with such a kind of altera­tion, as if joy and feare had strove together within him: the onely naming of riches encreased joy, when on the sud­den a feare possessed him, lest it might not be true which he heard. But expelling this extasie, he attended the sequel [Page 9] of the story in this manner,) The businesse I have already very well considered and make no question, but I shall suddenly procure a Patent of Priviledge from his Majestie to engrosse it solely to my selfe for I thinke it will scarce come to more then a Copy-hold Project, which must not exceed ten thousand pounds per annum; for if it should exceed that, then it were a royall Invention, and due onely to his Majestie. And I can assure you, if ever there were an ingenuous Art consisting of heate without the sight of fire and smoake, for all mens uses in­vented questionlesse this is the same, or else it is not to be found upon the earth: but surely (Cozen) till our Times Warres, and Barbarity have never suffered so noble an Invention to ap­peare; or if at any time there hath beene any such Invention, it lyeth antiquated, and now is revived; and this is a kinde of new devised Furnace or Kilne, which shall Roast, bake, and Boyle, and starch Cloathes, dry Mault, Hoppes, Wheate, Oates, Felts, or any other thing, witbout sight of fire or touch of smoak.

First, and that without danger of fiering, for they are so perfectly made and framed, that they cannot take fire.

Secondly, they are made to divert smoake, the chiefe enemie to mans health, and particularly to his eyes, his head, his heart, and lungs.

Thirdly, they doe neatly and sweetly roast our meat, that no vapour or fume can come neare unto it, which is both a neat­nesse, and a singular safety; no Sout falleth here into the Pottage, nor fat into the fire.

Fourthly these Kilnes and Furnaces shall dry Mault more constantly in every part of the Kilne, because the sweet heate without smoake is dispersed proportionably into all parts at once, so that all the Mault shall bee dryed alike, and so your Sixe shillings Beare shall bee as strong as tenne shillings Beare made of ordinary dryed Mault, [Page 10] and the reason is partly beoause the old smoaky kilnes leave many cornes undryed, and partly, because the smoake piercing through the wet Mault, and there finding resistance maketh an exceed­ing deepe and strong impression into the very body and centre of the Mault, and there drieth, infecteth, and consumeth the very spirit (which is a kind of Balsamicall salt) and radicall moisture, juice, and substance of the Mault.

Fiftly, they dry Hoppes sweetly without smoake, and con­serve the Flower in its owne nature, which the smoaky Kilnes doe destroy, so Hoppes which are but a Flower and of tender parts by the smoaky drying Kilnes doe loose the best of their radicall moisture, and most of their Balsamicall spirit, and re­taine in a manner only their fixt Salt together with their excre­mentitious dead substance, and the Salt infection of the smoake.

Sixtly, they dry black or smotty Wheat, Oates, or any other graine, or fish.

Seventhly, they shall save much fewell as one fourth part.

Eightly, they will dry any thing that needs drying without the least touch of smoake, so that it may be termed an Invention, or rather a new and marveilous Art, to all men admirably usefull, injurious to none: moreover mans health (without which Honour, Fame, Riches, Friends, and Life it selfe seemes but troublesome and noisome) cannot be long conserved in per­fect estate, or once lost be well recovered without this invention, as the properties thereof doe clearly, and Philosophically, and Experimentally from our owne very sences demonstrate. Of this rare invention I had obtained a grant for the sole use of our late Soveraigne King James, but before his Letters could be made Patents, and passe the ordinary Offices of this Kingdome our peaceable King departed this life, and so by the disturbance of cruell fortune I was hindred from prosecuting my good de­signes, but notwithstanding all these my misfortunes, crosses, [Page 11] and losses in this world, I have againe adventured to publish my Workes, and petition his Majestie for his Letters Patents of Priviledge for the sole using, and licensing of this said Inven­tion, of the goodnesse and singularity thereof I will speake no more, for the workes themselves wilbe Vocall, and I shall make it appeare to be so beneficiall, and profitable to my countrey and commonwealth, that it shall bring to the Kings Majestie his Heires and Successors yearly, many thousands, with the imploy­ment of many thousands of poore people; And Couzen if you can but procure one thing, you make your selfe and me for ever, that is, I would have you to take up some store of money, be­cause you knew there must be some few Fees scattered a­mongst servants and Clarkes, and that we may be able to make our trialls for one part of the Organicke meanes of a Mecha­nicke is procuring, now the procuring meanes is money to be im­pended and disbursed in charges, for it is the instrument of in­struments and meane of Meanes, procuring all other instruments and meanes meerely operative, and when once they are procu­red, and provided by it, it measureth their worth and valuati­on, and these moneys I call primary and annuall; the primary moneyes are such as I would have you procure to be disbursed about the first foundation, erection, and setting up my new busi­nesse, in some one convenient place, whereby my work-house may be furnished with all Permanent and Transient Tooles, and Instruments; Transient Tooles are all kind of Fewell, and Oare, which serve but once, but Permanent Tooles are such as serve divers times as are the severall solid hand Tooles or other In­struments used by any kind of trade, likewise it wilbe requisite to build Models both Saperficiall, Reall, Directionall, and Mo­tionall, which cannot be done but with greate charge; as for the annuall disbursments the sharers shall expend equally, and that you may have such satisfaction as you expect by my discourse I [Page 12] shall not thinke it sufficient to offer you a share, but am willing to joyne you Patentee with me; and thus you may be sure, that by this meanes we shall both increase our estates, and advance our names. He tels him moreover, that such and so potent are his friends, that he should take it as a great trespasse to his reputation, once to question the obtaining of his suit; but be­cause of some urgent occasion, hee could not spend so much time in this Discourse, as he desired, nor utter his minde so fully to him, as he could wish he might, but if his occasions would permit him to give him a meeting, any day in the long Gallery that reaches over the middle Temple towards the water side, or under the Temple trees, he would most willingly imbrace that opportunity, where he would borrow more time to spend about this businesse, to his greater and more fuller satisfaction.

Solemne leave is taken on both sides, the Citizen goes home almost extasied, scarce feeling the ground hee went on, he was so taken with his Cozens Project: well, he immediately goes home, takes up all the money he possi­bly can, and seekes all that he can by friends and other­wayes to get into some Parish Office, whereby hee may come to have the stock thereof in his custody: his Coun­trey-house is redeemed, and because it seemes too little, and hath no good forefront, nor prospect from his Balcone, therefore there must be laid out in building thrice as much as the Fee-simple of all when it is finished will af­ford; and last of all he vowes to forsake the plaine path­way of all Trades, Professions, and Mysteries whatsoever, and places more faith in a Project, then in all the probabi­lities of his own Trading, for by this he thinks to raise his fortunes on a sodaine: but take it for a generall rule, when a Citizen turnes Projector, he hath the very Tokens [Page 13] of the wonderfull cracke upon him, and so out of all hope of recovery although he may linger on.

After he had long beat his brains about this busines, he calls to minde a cunning crafty Scriviner, the very No­verint of his age, and one who had lived long in the City, and knew all their trickes to a haire; this man had also a great desire to become rich on a sodaine; him he meetes at the Ship behinde the Old Exchange, and there prepares him for his purpose, and the next morning he appointed to come to the Scriveners house, to know his opinion upon consideration of the businesse; which accordingly hee did, and sound him in his Cham­ber chopping up a few prayers (as one that was unwil­ling to trouble God Almightie too much) and withall (being a man that could rather do two things at once, then lose any minute of time) hee was crosse-gartering him­selfe, where without the least disturbance of his devotion, hee prayes and discourses of the businesse all at a breath, and commends much the course hee intended, seriously vowing to further and aide him all hee could or might, which hee delivered with a kinde of familiar wringing him by the hand, there­by to insinuate his meaning, as unto his Share. Hereupon they walke along to the Taverne to drinke their mornings draught, good compliance is on both sides, and the Scrivener (as the common use and practise of them is) was ever more ready in promising, then the other in propounding, insomuch that an unspeakeable and inseparable amity was con­cluded betweene them, and so for that time they parted.

Next he remembers a grave Counsellour, one whom few Clients gave leisure enough to think on the forme of drawing the conveyances and assignments of the shares, halfe parts, and deputations of Shires, besides an intimate friend of his, a learned man both in Philosophy and Divi­nity; he was further assured of some friends in the West Country, most Pragmaticall for new Inventions, who were busied in their Patents for extractions, and separations of Minerals, and Mettalls, by new invented meanes, some others also from the Allome Workes, who played the like trickes of Leger-de-Maine, with their Vndertakers, that if they and their Clearks can agree in their accounts they are like to make their dealers scarce able to retaine their Vrine, if they fall not into uncurable stran­gury.

Then hee goes to an old Vsurer, one whom he knew alwayes to be stored with plenty of Plutoes Corn, and tels him that he is likely to obtaine a Patent of Privi­ledge from his Majestie, to erect certaine new Projects in his Highnesse Realmes of England, Scotland, and Ireland, and Dominion of Wales: and because he wants some small matter to expend in trials, he desires him to let him have so much, and he will morgage him a full part of the cleare Profits arising and acrewing thereby. The Vsurer seeing him gravely clad, and withall, having knowne him before for a man sufficient (as he imagined) was content, so as he had his desire, and the other thought he could not bet­ter place his money,

Next he goes to a rich Widdow of his familiar ac­quaintance, and shewes her whole bagges of Silver, and tels her that if she would joyne in a bargaine with him, that he could now have, it would make them both for ever; [Page 15] the Widdow, when she had heard on his tale, began al­most to leape for joy, and her fingers itched to be telling out the money, that she should get yearely by her share, and therefore with much dexterity dispatched him, and thus he was througly provided towards his fundamentall expences.

How many Professions he left to be­come a Projector.

NExt let me shew you how many Trades, Functions, and Occupations he left to become a Projector, for if he be a decay'd Merchant, this Profession may put him in hope of procuring a Protection, if an unpractised Lawyer, it may be a meanes to draw good store of Clients to his Chamber, if an old cast Auditor, it may finde him im­ployment enough to cast and calculate how many thou­sands yearely every Sharers part comes to in the conception of any these new Projects.

1 First, the Lawyers were found exceeding forward, and and because some of them had few Clients, and lesse ta­kings, they would mend the matter by getting the grant of a fift Terme.

2 The Merchant had too long trusted to Byling sleyes Bookes, and finding small profit thereby, hee hastens to the Court to present his suite, and expect the successe of new Inventions.

Thirdly, the Fishmongers if it were not for a poore Lent, now almost lost for want of custome, had but an ill yeare made up of Frydayes and Saturdayes, (which scarce would bee neither, if it were not for some, who being weary with glutting themselves with Flesh, did not desire Fish for varieties sake) therefore they all a­greed to goe to the Westerne Seas, where a certaine Pro­jector will finde imployment for them, and bring to this Kingdome forty Millions of pounds yearely.

Fourthly, the Baker mislikes his Oven utterly, and seekes to reforme it, which done, hee gets a Patent of Priviledge, that none may doe it but himsefe; but be­cause hee found not imployment sufficient to maintaine himself in this Kingdome, therfore they report he is gone into Holland.

Fiftly, the Brewer, poore melancholy man, cannot tell what to say to the businesse, but he findes Mault very deare, and never worse, which he conceives to proceed from the new Kilnes, & his customers cry out on him for hopping too much: wherupō he is resolved to Petition his Majestie, that the new Project of Kilnes may be suppres­sed, and likewise the Patent of incorporating Maulsters, and then hee is verily perswaded he shall afford us better Beere, and at an easier rate.

Sixtly, the Mettle-men, Brasiers, Cutlers, Smithes, Plummers, and the Mysterie of Alchimists, perceiving Trading begin to be very scarce in London, are all resol­ved very speedily to repaire to the Forrest a Deane.

Seventhly, next came the whole Rabble of poor Attur­neyes Clerkes, who were the chiefe upholders (and had for the most part beene there bred up) of the three-peny Ordinary in Warwicke-lane, where they ascend their dining [Page 17] roome with a Ladder, which (their dyet being once ser­ved in) was most ceremoniously taken away.

And these kinde of people having left their aforesaid Professions, had a great mind to become rich on a sudden, and therefore they quickly sought out our former Co­zen, who as I shewed you before was already be­come a most excellent proficient as any of his time; here he makes them begin (as he had formerly done) first with their accidence, which is Topliffes notes, then to their Grammar which is Pheltons Bookes, and thus they have good method for what they undertake. These are they who respect not the bredth of the Church doore, but bend all their endeavours, and imploy all their wits to be soun­ding the profundity, and measuring the circumference of other mens purses, nay, there shall not a trade, profession, mysterie, place, or office have a jadish tricke more than ordnary, but they will whip the bawd, and presently pro­cure a generall reformation. Moreover, these poore de­cayed Tradesmen, and the aforesaid ragged regiment of discontented Clerkes, will open the whole secrets of eve­ry profession; they will tell you what a quantity of Gum and Coperas the whole office spends in a yeare, and what store of calve-skins passe through their hands every terme.

8 I had almost forgot those that were to have had the first place in regard of their priority in Projects, and these are your eminent Citizens of Blackfryers, English Fea­thermakers, Dutch Iewellers, Scotch Taylors, and French Shoe­makers, with all their forraine forces, who are like to enjoy their ancient priviledges without molestation or inter­ruption of any kinde.

9 The Miller likewise had almost been slipt over, yet hee cannot fadge with his old Mill, it grindes not [Page 18] well, nor fast enough he cannot grow rich with it quickly enough, therefore he will have a horse-wind-water-mill, and engrosse it to himselfe. These and many more might be rehearsed, but I will give but a touch upon every one of them, whereby you may judge of the whole.

What successe attended his new found Mysteries, to the singular comfort of the Common-wealth, and the everlasting memory of so profitable a Profession.

THis Cozen of ours being so plentifully furnished, set them all on Worke, every one in his severall Function and Profession, wherein they laboured with much willingnesse and dexterity, that every one brought him so great variety of Art and Workemanship, that he tooke upon him to supply all manner of Courtiers with these kinde of commodities.

Then he cals all his Associates (being bold Britaines) to a publique assembly, drils them in the Garden, and they make their set battels under the Trees in the new Walks, which piece of ground was listed in, and levelled for the same purpose; and here he began to shew them how easie a matter it was for them to strip themselves of their meane estate and condition, whereto they were collapsed, [Page 19] and on a sodaine become mighty Projectors, some should be Officers of superintendency, some generall Commissi­oners of reformation, others Dispensers of Law terrify­ing penalties, and in generall all most deare and naturall Patrons & Patricions of their mother country, telling them also how easie these wayes would seeme to them if the ingenuous reasons were once looked into, that there will accrew much joy and comfort unto them when they shall see the reasons of so Phi­losophicall profit, or profitable Philosophy; as on the other side (said he) I hold these most miserable men, or rather images, or Cyphers of men, then very men indeed, who imploy their busie time and care in idlenesse, vaine Pastimes, long sleepes, &c. as though they had no more time then might be well spent in the exalting of vertue, supplanting of vice, and profiting their countrey, friends, and consanguinity, but you onely are to be estee­med, and accounted happy, who use your time (being so great a treasure) in perfecting such good Workes, and rare Inventions as are both honest and profitable to whole Nations, and in parti­cular to our owne Kingdome, who keepe warre against ignorance that knoweth no vertue, honesty nor duty, and therfore meaneth no truth; for our parts (let malicious envie detract never so much) yet after Ages shall say, that we meant really and can­didly, and our endeavours aimed at such substantiall markes as containe the honour, fame, and perpetuall memory of our Graci­ous Soveraigne, and his Subjects health, profit, and pleasure.

These men thus tickled in the head thought that they had certainely now, and never till now found out the true way of thriving, protection, and good forecast, whereupon they all agreed, that this was the onely way to become sudden­ly rich, that ever was or could be discovered; and so from thenceforth (after the manner of their master) they [Page 20] tooke upon them the name of Projectors, men of the best forecast, utterly disclaiming all their former Trades, Pro­fessions, Arts, Sciences, Mysteries, Crafts, and Occupati­ons, to all intents and purposes whatsoever.

It would doe you good to heare the whole packe of these together, they are so excellent both for sent and cry, and because you shall see what varieties of Projects they daily brought in, I will endeavour to relate some of them to you, whereof some have failed long since, and are utter­ly abolish'd, others make a faire shew for the present, but are very likely to come to the same passe the former have done; and by these that I will describe you may judge what the rest are like to be.

Projects.

1 THe good old Scriviner hee would needs have a Monopoly, were it but the sole engrossing of all Loveletters in Prose and Verse in these his Majesties Do­minions of England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales.

2 The Lawyers had a great mind to have foysted in a fift Terme, and have encreased the multiplication of Offi­cers according to the augmentation of suites of this pre­sent age above the former.

3 The officer on the Banke side, beside certaine small impositions devised how to entitle the chiefe Butler to [Page 21] the sole Licensing of all Liters and small Vessels for car­rying and recarrying of all Merchandises whatsoever within the River of Thames.

4 The Engineer would drive backe the Ocean, and make firme land, not doubting but by that and certaine hidden Treasure, or Treasure Trover elsewhere whereof he had notice, the world should take more notice of him very shortly.

5 The Miller had invented a new Milne to grinde Corne, and because the old Windmill had not onely his Sailes mounted in the Wind, but also all the whole Fa­bricke of the Milne, by which meanes it is subject to bee blowne downe with stormes; hee therefore will have a Plegnicke Windmill to stand firme on the ground without any hazzard or danger of blowing downe; and as the old Milne hath his crosse Sailes to be haled, and turned to the Wind, this Milne shall have Sayles lye round on the top of the house, alwayes ready for all Winds; it shall grinde with three or four pair of Stones at once, and three or foure times as much Meale in one houre; and of these he would have five sorts; the first was called a Horsewin, be­cause it moved with the Horse and Wind; the second was a Horsewater, because it went by Horse, and Water; the third a Windwater, because it went by Wind and Wa­ter; the fourth a Horswinwater, moved with Horse, winde, and Water together; the fifth a Water Plegnicke which should move invisibly under the water by the Water.

6 There is a new Art and Invention Metalorganicke, which chiefly by the meanes of Plegnicke Instruments ma­keth another new kinde of Water Milnes, Windmilnes, Horse Milnes, and hand Milns for the grinding of Corn, Tanners Barke, Brazill, for the sawing of Woodes, [Page 22] making of Oyles, battering of Irons, and Coppers, and for Tuckeage and Fullage of Woollen cloth, or Yellow oyled Leathers, or for any other use or purpose whatsoe­ver, that other Milnes serve for, and these are lesse charge­able to make, set up, keepe, and repaire, and yet more ne­cessary, and convenient then any other sort of Milnes which be now in use.

7 There is a new Art and Invention of making an ar­tificiall kinde of Water-Work for the abundant raising, and mounting of Water after an easier order then those that are already used in the Common-wealth.

8 There is another new Art and Invention for the ma­king of very effectuall and beneficiall Instruments of Fishing, as new kinde of Burces, new kinde of Nettage, and Bateage, by which new devised meanes, great abundance of Fish might be caught with farre lesse charges, and in shorter time then by the ordinary Arts of Fishing.

9 There is another new Art and Invention of making divers kindes of House-hold moveables, as artificiall Doores, Windowes, Curtaines, Presses, Tables, Stooles, Bedsteads, Hangings, Chests, and divers other things, handsommer, and more convenient then heretofore is done by the ordinary way of other stuffe.

10 There is another new Art and Invention by divers new exact Mechanike Artes, Mysteries, Wayes and Se­crets, to melt, make and worke Irons, Steeles, Leades, Tinnes, Coppers, Brasses, and such like; also all kinde of Metalick concoctions, as Sandmettals, Ashemettals Ammels, and such like; also all kinde of burnt Earthes, as Tyles, Pavingstones, Brickes, and such like, with Seacoale, Pit­coale, Earthcoale, and Brush Fewell, and this wayes hee could save in this Kingdome, three hundred and thirty thousand pounds yeerely.

11 Another new Art and Invention is for the bree­ding of Fowle and Pullen, which he would have sold, but at the rate of eight pence a couple, one with another, and would be worth (as he sayes) in this Kingdome, yeerely foure hundred thousand pounds.

12 Another new Art and Invention is to plant great store of Fruit trees in this Kingdome, which would arise to twelve hundred thousand pounds per annum.

13 Another new Art and Invention is to suppresse halfe the Pigeon houses, and Pigeons kept over Gates, Chambers, and other places for that purpose, whereby he would yeerely save in this Kingdome, so much Corne as is worth two Millions of pounds at the least, which they destroy and spoyle.

14 Another by destroying all feathered Fowles, would save yeerely in this Realme as much Corne as is worth three Millions of pounds.

15 Another by destroying of Vermine, would save yearely the worth of five thousand pound at the least, be­sides young Fawnes, Hawks, and Rabbets.

16 Another by a generall destroying of Rats, and Mice, would save yearely, in Bread, Cheese, Corne, and other things, foure hundred thousand pounds at the least.

So that in these sixe last Projects, he would save yearely in this Kingdome nine Millions, two hundred thousand pounds, besides the good that should grow therby to the Common-wealth.

17 Another new Art and Invention was devised and erected for the Institution of Noblemen and Gentlemen, and all ingenuous men who will strive to deserve, called an Academy, but that was not the Inventors aime, for hee cared not how they profited, so his purse might have some feeling.

18 Another rare Art and Invention was put in execu­tion for the making of excellent good Barre Iron from the Iron Stone or Mine to the Barre without the help of a Furnace, and that with Small Coale; and in every Tun of Iron, whereas the old way of melting spent at the least sixe loads and a halfe of Charcoale, this way would spend in every Tunne but five loades of Small Coale.

19 Another new Art and Invention was to make and erect certain new Kilnes or Furnaces to dry Mault, Hops, washt Wheat, Oats, Flaxe, Hempe, Barke, Felt, Fish, Wooll, and such like without the touch of smoake, also with the selfe-same fire, and at the same time, will in a most perfect forme and equality of dispersion of heate, roast, bake, boyle, or brew, dry linnen, stove, bathe, distill, and such like things without the sight of fire or annoy­ance of smoake.

20 Another new Art and Invention is devised by the Fulling Milner, which was a Woodden Horse, that with Scrues and Devises should travell further in a day by much then the Dromedaries, carry a farre greater burthen and I warrant you fast much longer, and for profit hee is very reasonable, for hee craves but one of the new Far­things for every pound that all Brewers, Bakers, Carriers, Kidders, Maulsters, and others shall carry, or transport thereon from place to place through the Realmes of Eng­land, Scotland, and Ireland, and Dominion of Wales, toward the repairing of the crackt perricranion much de­cayed in the study of this rariety, which for Art and Workmanship surpasseth any that ever was Invented of that sort.

21 Another seeing Graine grow very deare, and mouthes daily increase, for a remedy Invented how to [Page 25] make good and perfect nutrimentall bread of Pompeons, Mellons and Cucumbers, and intended presently to pro­fesse the Mystery, unlesse the Company of Bakers would make composition with him for the suppression of the secret.

22 Another most rare and new Intendion was to pre­serve life by removing of any man from the cold into the warme, and from the warme into a more warmer cli­mate, exceeding in heat as Nature shall more and more decay, and old age draw on, whereby to supply that with Art, wherein Nature faileth. A brave Project to make the life of man (by observing of this order, and follow­ing the Sunne as he goes forward in age) to continue five times as long. An excellent Invention, certainely to foole the Fates, and a stratageme to overthrow the Vni­verse Fabricke of the Pharmacopea.

23 This puts me in minde of another, a very notable one, who pretended to lengthen life also by removing ill savours; And to this end his ingenuous Projecting braine devised that every man, and woman within the City of London should imploy two boxes made very close of Wood to keepe in the smell, and these must be removed with Carts every two dayes, and then brought againe be­ing discharged, and cleansed; and for these his extraordi­nary paines, and charges, hee would have but a pen­ny a Weeke of every house, onely the chiefest gaine he expected was out of that which he carried away, where­of hee intended to make Saltpeter, and so furnish the Realme extraordinarily with Gunpowder; this was not very well liked by the Goldfinders, for had it gone on, they must of necessity have turned Saltpetermen, because [Page 20] they know no other trade but what concerned such stink­ing businesse.

24 Another new Invention was the ingrossing of Soapemaking, which when all the Vndertakers were al­most beggered, they were glad to sell to the Old Soape­makers againe.

25 Another new Invention was to seale all the Butter that came into the Cities of London, Bristow, or Newcastle, pretending none but what was very good, and for every Firkin he engrossed two pence.

26 Another most rare Invention was that because Vsu­ry is held unlawfull by the lawes of God and Man, and only connived at for tradings sake, therfore he would have all Vsurers pay to the King twelve pence in every pound of money taken for Interest, so that out of the yeares use of one hundred pounds, his Majestie should have eight shillings.

27 Another would have an halfepeny a joynt for eve­ry joynt of Meat drest by any common Cooke, on a Fri­day or Saturday.

28 Another considering the great inconvenience to the City of London by the smoake of the Brickilns, would have a Patent to make them pay sixepence in every thou­sand of Brickes.

I could increase my booke to a greater Volume, if I should name all the Projects which I have knowne, but because I intend this booke for an houres recreation I will conclude with one more.

29 The next therefore comes the whole rabble of thredbare Clerkes, and bankerupt Tradesmen, who having already discovered and laid open the abuses, deciets, and [Page 21] slights of all Offices, and Occupations fit for reformation, would now in all the haste have an Office erected to pro­cure Assigners, create Registers, Surveyors, deputy Sur­veyors, Clerkes of the Patent, Masters of the Workes, and the like, together with Clerkes of every severall Shire the better to attend & see to the reformation, and to gather up the yearely revenues, and returne them into the Office, and all this should be for the ease and releife of the poore subject, and great revenues to his Majestie, his Heires, and Successors.

32 Of this ragged regiment, the one had stolne an In­vention of making an Engine with a Plegnicke Screw, for this service of purpose, tenne whereof being plied with three able men a piece should beat an Army of thirty thousand armed men out of the field; but sayes he, when it hath kill'd a whole Army of men, and they very thicke on heapes, how shall the Engine goe.

33 Another of them had got a fine device to make Vessels rowe themselves against Wind and Tide, also he would have a most curious Dinner served by invisible hands out of the water, on a Table, and be set into a Barge; and a Dragon should flye all the while over the Barge, and spit out of his mouth Bottles of most rich Wine; this should have beene showed upon the Thames, but when it came to the serving up of the Dinner, it would not doe; whereupon he had no other excuse, But a poxe on't, some body had cut his Cable: Now you must understand that none of these famous fellowes, but either had or sought most earnestly to have a Patent of Priviledge to engrosse these Projects solely to themselves, pretending no benefit at all to them, but onely so farre forth as to defray their necessary expences, but all the profit to acrew onely to [Page 28] his Majestie, and the good of the Common-wealth, which how false they are, the successe of these severall Projects in this Age will shew to every one. These Projects had very ill successe, because as I have shewed you, they had every one of them some great faults, as insufficiency, exceeding dearnesse, exceeding basenesse or uglinesse.

The new Waterworkes to raise Waters being lesse sufficient for the purpose then the old way, and more chargeable to be erected, and in regard of excellency more imperfect, became a worthlesse Project.

The new Invention of melting Iron from the Oare with Seacoale, had one of the before recited faults; for though it may be melted that way, yet the good Mettali­call quality of the Iron is destroyed, or at least the greatest part of it; for there is a certaine Arsenicall, or Antimoni­all quality in all subterraneall substances combustible, both which are poysons to Iron, and make it altogether insufficient.

The Engine to sowe Wheat was lesse excellent then the old ordinary way of sowing.

The Invention of making Windowing of pure Ve­nice Glasse, the sale Mechanicke was exceeding deare, and costly, and therfore although it be more excellent or more sufficient then the ordinary kinde of Windowing by greene Glasse, yet the Projector can doe no good of it, be­cause it hath the fault of exceeding dearenesse.

The great Imperiall Engine before spoken of was to bee tryed amongst the whole Company of Projectors but when the fire was given, it being overtaken by mistake of measure, and moderation (a matter which Projectors sel­dome regard, and spends so much money in fundamentall tryals as they call them) it sodainly recoyled and break­ing [Page 29] in the discharge tooke Pompeon Bread such a blow on the bosome, that he was presently carryed off, and is ne­ver likely to repaire to the Court againe, untill a deare yeare repaire his reputation.

The Fulling Milners famous woodden Horse not like the Trojan Horse used to Warre, started at the mighty cracke, cast his burthen, and before he came to Islington, brake one of his hinder legs, by which he became utter­ly unserviceable, and not long after also gave up his un­paraleld life, bequeathing his vaste body (like Tom Lank­fords Gelding) to his Master for Winter fuell to comfort his melancholly soule.

These things and many others falling out very contra­ry to this brave couragious minde, cast him into an in­curable consumption of Conceit, although he was a while palliated by some letters from others his fellowes, of a bet­ter successe upon another triall, but all would not serve turne; his Physitians found that he was much troubled with a Reference, but was a little lightned by a cordiall Cer­tificate, yet in the end no Physicke could be administred that could worke with him, but of an extraordinary ob­struction, and stopping at the Great Seale, he shortly after dyed.

Since whose death I finde that in the time of his sicknes, be made his last Will and Testament in writing, desiring that there might be an Office erected of purpose for the enroling of the same, and of others his successors, where­in he shewed himselfe a true Projector both in life and death.