Strange and wonderful News, from THE LORDS IN THE TOWER, OR A DIALOGUE Between them, and my Lord Staffords Ghost.


HEll! Are you playing still at the old Game? can nei­ther Popish Plot, Presbiterian Plot, nor all your Inte­rest amongst Phanaticks, Quakers, and the rest of the Enthusiastical Tribe, cut a Sham for your enlarge­ment by Purgatory; What would you give to be so active as I am, from my purgation Chambers to my antient Tower-Quarters, hence to my Ghostlike Father at Rome in the twinkling of a star, here is Liber­ty without a Paradox.

Lord B.

Let's defer our Game till another time my Lord, pox on't we are turn'd back to eighteen, but thank my Stars, we have the Tip and a Go for't; upon my Honour here is Stafford the Proto-Martyr Lord.

Lord. P.

Where? Where? Let me be gon by the Mass I cannot a­bide to see him without his Head, no, though he glorioufly conferr'd Honour by it; It puts me in mind of creating Squires too, Hell take such squires, I wish there never had been, nor ever will be any more of them, such as holds your Honours in Capite with the subject, as we do our Lands of the King, Alas! sick, I shall spue a Plot out presently.

Lord A.

Have Courage my Lord, do not let his Head stick in your Stomack, and perhaps it were better there too, than upon his shoul­ders; it would not then be so apt to tell Tales; bubble Divines, or con­fess the Plot to the House of Commons, and after deny it briskly; but by [Page 2] St. Colly it was well he did the latter, otherwise we might have all shit and spu'd Plots, and had never an one to hold our Heads, like our infallible Master. at Rome, as is lively represently by the Rusty, Musty, Tusty Monky Pacquet Scrib­ler, in Copper Plates Alamode Protestant, as the Godly Rout calls them.


Hold a while my Lord, you named a hard word just now, which will cramp all our Mediterranian Inhabitants, I will vanish to Rome, Presto, begon for a Dispensation to have leave to enquire if there be any sort of those Cattel amongst them, Hey Jingo I am here again! I will [...]ow te [...] you as much Truth, as a Children that is unborn, I will were those advantage I might take [...]f this, and the last Dispensation I had upon the Hill; I never heard of any there, but Catholick Lords, Jesuites, Priests; and Secretaries, and may all have their Ha­beas Animas of his Holiness when he pleases, only paying their Fees, we have also Presbiter [...]ans, Quakers, and Dippers, but they pile them up as they do Fag­gots, and dare not give them overmuch Rope, lest they Covenant to hang them­selves; Rebell, or some such pretty thing, and after sw [...]are, verily they believe it to be all a Popish Plot, sometimes [...]e make fine Diversion with them, make them turn the Pig, and run round like a Cat with a Feather tied to her Tail; thus they make them as serviceable there, as you do here; before I was removed by an Habeas Carkas, I heard of nought but Protestant Petitioner: Pro. Abhorror; there is also Pro. Mahumedans: Pro. Athiests, not forgetting the Pro. Alias M. Horse, which two Epithets are Learnedly averr'd to be Termini Convertibiles: Vide alsaps mischiefs of imposition; ist: of the first, the Pro. Petitioners protests against Paraliament, who by the late Petitions dissolved them; the Second protests against the former and are consequently for Parliaments, not when they them­selves, but when his Majesty shall think fit to revoke them; Alias they are call'd Papists in Masquerade by the former, and are out ball'd by them with their Iron Lungs and Throats of Brass; they look like a Wench in Term time, with their Foreheads bound with black and white, the third protests against the Doctrine of Christ, whose Vicegerent the first against greater Light then ever Jews were Ma­sters of a Traiterously, Maliciously, and Fanatickly Murdered; the fourth protests against every thing, but pleasure; these are the brood of the First, Imprimis, they learn'd to speak evil of Dignities, Postea, to averr they are Politick Cheats; item, observing that the long Cloaks and little Bands were divided amongst themselves, and were together by the Ears, they began to form an Argument: of so great a variety of Religions 'tis impossible they should be all true, therefore 'tis best to be of none at all, because then it follows we cannot be of a false one.

Lord B.

My Lord, you are mighty ingenious, your understanding seems to be purg'd and refined, I suppose by your discourse you understand as well whats to come, as what is past; and that not as we understand things successively and by degrees, as the Learned say, but by one single Act of the Mind; therefore, what do you think will be come of the Parliament, if they sit at Oxford, whether the late Petition by our Peers to the contrary, be not an Abhorrence of his Majesties Royal Purposes, and Declaration, if so, whether it be more Criminal to be an Abhor­ror of the Subjects Petitions, or his Majesties Commands: Item, whether Eliz. Freeman's Apparition was the spawn of a Presbyterian or a Popish-Plot, Traiterous­ly, Maliciously and Falsly, hatched and nurs'd and designed for the subverting the Protestant Religion, and the convening the Parliament at Oxford; if either of them, whether she or the said Apparition, both, or either of them, may not upon the grant of a general Pardon, for all Burglaries, Fellonies, and Out-lawries for Fellonies, give in the Depositions upon Oath, and whether the said Depositions, let them be sence or non-sence, will not be of as much force, as if the foresaid Eliz. Freeman, and her Co-witness have or shall take thier degrees at Salamanca, and did actually obtain a Sallary never to be retrench'd; Let us hear your resolves my Lord. Hah! What is he vanish'd? Let us satisfie our selves, and retire to our respective Lodgings till to morrow Morning; so good Night:

Exeunt W. E.

London, Printed for T. B. 1681.

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