AESOP AT RICHMOND.
SINCE nothing now but Dogrel Rhimes
Will please the Readers of our Times,
And every Scribler of the Town,
Of Little, Great, or No Renown,
Pesters the World with Frippery Stuff,
And thinks his Verses well enough.
Since Aesop stroles from Place to Place,
Like banish'd Tory in Disgrace,
And checks the Frenzy of the Age,
In Deathless and Immortal Page.
Since he at Tunbridge first appear'd,
With lowsie Head and mangy Beard;
And after that at Bath was seen,
With hideous Shape, and Face unclean.
[Page 2] Since after that, (and worst of all)
He took up Quarters in Whitehall,
And there, like Rochester of old,
Spoke Truth undauntedly and bold:
He cross'd the Thames, and travell'd strait
To Richmond-Wells, so fam'd of late,
Where soon the Air clear'd his Reason,
He did no longer utter Treason;
Nor ever canvas or debate
The great Intrigues of Church or State;
Nor in his merry Vein make Sport
With Lords or Noblemen at Court:
He scorns, he says, so base a thing,
But wishes well to Kirk and King;
No longer is a Polititian,
Or to the Frenzy-Times Physitian.
With Fables now, of Cat and Dog,
He scorns to set the Mob a-gog:
Or with the Story of a Stallion,
Incite Phanaticks to Rebellion.
[Page 3] He's heard it somewhere, that a Tale
Will strangely over Men prevail,
And wonderfully prompt 'em to,
What they before ne're thought to do;
And thinks it heinous and unjust,
He ever should betray his Trust;
And therefore like true Subject chuse
On other Theams to employ his Muse;
And of a Pimp or Bawd to sing,
Rather than Church, State, Trade or King.
High, on a steep and craggy Hill,
Stands the renowned Richmond-Well.
Whose Waters Excellence and Force
Has oft been prov'd by Man and Horse.
Hither great Gentry do resort,
From City, Country, Town and Court;
Nay, some from Holland, Spain and France,
And in promiscuous Order dance;
The Place no difference do's afford
Between th' Apprentice and the Lord.
[Page 4] Nor can a Chamber-maid be known
From any Lady in the Town.
The Father, Daughter, Son, and Mother,
In Country Dances make a Pother,
And crowd and bustle till they sweat,
From Crown of Head to Sole of Feet.
The Citizen to make his Life
More easie, hither brings his Wife;
The Yeoman brings up Joan his Daughter,
To give the Room a Fit of Laughter,
And she in harmless sort and Guise,
Sucks Passion in at Ears and Eyes,
And with her old new-fashion'd Cloaths,
Poor Creature! thinks to charm the Beaux;
She stares 'em wistly in the Faces,
And Eye's their whimsical Grimaces,
Observes their formal Bows and Congees,
Their low Observances, and Longees,
And finds so many pretty Features,
At last she dotes upon the Creatures.
[Page 5] But e're we farther do advance,
Let's know the Order how they dance,
Describe the Room, Musick, and Gallery,
Not in our wonted Stile and Raillery,
But seriously, and in the way
Which Quakers Preach in, Poets pray.
With that I whipt my Muse, but still
The lazy Jade goes at her Will,
And tho' I jerk'd from Bum to Face,
Denies to stir or mend her Pace,
But like your true-bred drinking Sot,
Keeps jogging on in wonted Trot.
Impal'd within an Oaken Wand,
Mounted aloft, the Musick stand,
Compos'd of Bass and Violin,
Besides a Flute and Haut-boys sine,
And, that it might be truly such,
Each Fiddler stands upon a Crutch;
[Page 6] And when he screws or heightens Peg,
Breaths forth a Curse on aking Leg.
Behind 'em all do's stand blind Jack;
With pocky Nose and lowsie Back,
Who, on his broken, winded Flute,
Sets up a hideous squeaking Tute,
Which, join'd in Chorus with his Voice,
Make a more formidable Noise
Than Hudibras's Herd of Swine,
In windy Weather when they whine,
These by a Wink, or Nod of Hand,
Play what the Company command.
But first our Gallants all stand ready,
Each Man attending on his Lady,
And at Green Sleeves and Pudding-pies,
Rig out a Dance, in Country-wise,
Cast off, and turn, and face about,
Now riggle in, and then hop out,
And by and by wheel'd round again,
Begin at Place where they began.
[Page 7] But, Lord! 'tis wondrous strange to see
The Niceness of their Symmetry,
With what an artificial Pother
They almost stifle one another;
Dick has my Lady by the Hand,
And Doll a Squire at Command,
The Beau has Susan by the Paw,
The Crack a cully'd Man o'th' Law,
The Bawd a sneaking sniv'ling Cit,
The Country-Lass a Man of Wit,
The Alderman has Betty Frouze,
And Bully Rock his lawful Spouse,
The Poet has a sensless Drab,
The nice Sir Courtly Gammer Squab,
Th' Apprentice gets a common VVhore,
The Fool a VVench untry'd before,
The Country Clown a Lady fair,
The Gentleman a Horsing-Bear,
The Citizen a strapping Ramp,
His Neighbour one o'th' self-same Stamp,
[Page 8] The Countess has, for her Support,
A Gentleman o'th' Inns of Court,
The Hen-peck'd Knight the Parsons Daughter,
The Jilt a harmless Country Carter,
The Rich the Poor, the Great the Small,
And frisk it in Confusion all.
But now we must suppose 'em weary
VVith Jumping to the new Vagary;
And for the Ladies sake a Dance
Is call'd for, Alamode de France,
In which B—do's most excell,
VVitness his dancing the Sybell;
VVhen with such Grace he moves his Parts,
As softens all the Ladies Hearts,
So skill'd is he in Cupid's VVar,
He conquers round him near and far,
And, like a General in the Field,
Can make the stoutest Beauty yield;
And this, they say, he takes Delight in,
But is a F—l at real Fighting.
[Page 9] To match him, of the Female kind,
Is Mrs. Leer, as loose as Wind;
She trips with so demure a Motion,
You'd swear she was at her Devotion;
Nor cou'd you, by her Phiz or Carriage,
Guess she had e're committed Marriage:
She looks as charming, young and gay,
As Flowers in the Month of May;
But, envious of her Beauty, Fame
Casts vile Aspersions on her Name.
Next her is Madam Merryton,
The Pride and Glory of the Town,
Phillis to every rhiming Fool,
And Theam to all the Boys at School;
Her, Wits, in Verse, proclaim the fairest,
'Cause she's a Beauty and an Heiress,
But being given too much to prattle,
Has got the Name of Madam Tattle.
Miss Micklewell comes next in Play,
More glorious than a Summers Day,
Young, vigorous, charming and discreet,
In all her Looks and Graces sweet;
But, Ah! what Tongue or Pen can tell,
How fine she dances the Sybell!
The Minuet! and Rigadoon,
The Bory-Versaille! and Chacune!
With what a killing Mien and Air,
She charms the Foplings to Despair!
And by the Magick of her Eyes,
Turns stubborn Hearts to Sacrifice!
What Victims daily fall before her!
What Crowds of Fopingtons adore her!
For her the Generous dare and fight,
The Frenchmen fawn, and Poets write,
And justly too, nor can a Muse,
In praising her, be too profuse.
Nor's Mrs. Freemer to escape,
If 'tis but for her taking Shape;
[Page 11] Her Neck's but short, but thick about,
Her Eyes like Sawcers straggle out
Of large Dimensions, and her Waste
Is near four Yards about at least;
And when she walks 'tis hard to know
Whether a Snail or or she's more slow;
Howe're she's pleasant, and withal
Jocund, which makes amends for all.
To cope with her, is Captain Bluff,
Whom, all report, she loves enough
To wed; but he, like Man of Sence,
Still keeps the Damsel in Suspence,
Than which there is no greater Curse
To VVomen-kind, (as some discourse)
For Love, altho' it makes no Noise,
In Silence secretly destroys.
Next him is Mounsieur Addlesop,
That noisie, senceless, prating Fop,
A Prig, that all the Day in Glass,
Stands doating on his ugly Face,
[Page 12] He studies all the Ways and Arts
To overcome the Ladies Hearts,
And is more noted for an Ass
Than e're Sir Martin Marr-all was,
For, like that Fool, he spoils his Plot
Before 'tis to Perfection got.
The famous Noaks, or Tony Lee,
Were ne're so great a Nokes as he;
Nor could they with such Skill and Art
Play an admiring Coxcomb's Part;
For he's the very Fool in Fashion,
Within the Centre of the Nation.
Draw-can-sir is the next in Story,
A fighting Coward and a Tory,
A Pentioner to Petticoat,
And known to e'ry Whore of Note;
He bullies, kicks, and cuffs for Pay,
But in a Duel runs away;
He cocks and struts with Pride and State,
And do's of nought but Battles prate,
[Page 13] And every Word that comes from Mouth
Is coupl'd with a daring Oath;
Yet when a Quarrel claims his Aid,
He hides his Head and is afraid,
Will rather choose to run than fight:
But when he should a Cully fright,
His Valour is as fierce and bold
As the fam'd Hercules of old,
Tho' now the Fool is so well known,
He's beat by e'ry Boy in Town.
Dapper is next, a sneaking Cit,
That strives to be esteem'd a Wit,
A positive, conceited Fool,
Laugh'd at by ev'ry Boy at School;
He writes his Songs and Rondelays,
Of what he steals by Scraps from Plays,
And courts his Jilts by Name of Phillis,
Corinna, Cloe, Amarillis;
He aims at Raptures, Charms and Flights,
Describes heroick Love and Fights,
[Page 14] And doubtless is the greatest Ass
That ever was upon the Place.
To match with him, is Mrs. Score,
A Semstress, and a noted Whore,
A Yorkshire, goggle-grey-ey'd Jade,
But well experienc'd in the Trade,
She'll Kiss for very Cakes and Ale,
Or any thing rather than fail,
And is so very starv'd and poor,
She almost begs her Bread at Door;
Yet, with her haggard Face and Gown,
Confronts the Ladies in the Town,
And at a Masquerade or Ball
Shall take her Place amongst 'em all,
She serves for Theam to Dapper's Verses,
Which on her Vertues he rehearses,
And all her charming Graces shine
More bright in his heroick Lines.
[Page 15] These dance, and round about the Room
Sit all the Company that come,
On Forms and Buffets, Stools and Benches,
From Ladies down to Beggar-wenches,
From High to Low, nor can you see
Any Distinction of Degree.
Here sits a Lord, and there a Taylor,
A Justice here, and there a Jaylor,
A Hector here, and there a Cully,
A Squire there, and here a Bully,
A Statesman here, and there an Oph,
A Witling there, and here a Soph,
Here a subtle Politician,
And there a maggotty Musician,
A Tradesman here, and there a Robber,
Here a politick Stock-jobber,
A Lawyer here, and there a Clark,
Yonder his Wife, and there her Spark,
[Page 16] Here a Fool, there a Wit,
Here a Gentleman, there a Cit,
Here the Giver, there the Taker,
Here the Cuckold, there the Maker,
Here Men, there Boys,
And People of all sorts and size,
Some to be seen, and some to see,
A Miscellany-Company.
Nor is here all,—Besides these,
In Gardens, underneath the Trees,
Are Ladies and their Lovers walking,
And of their amorous Whimsies talking,
He thinks her Heart of Stone, and she
Taxes the Fool with Jealousie,
And vows that e're from him she'd part,
Or to another give her Heart,
She'd be content, alas! to die,
Aud then puts Finger in her Eye.
Some to a Vizor-Mask address,
And, with a Passion, Love profess,
Tell with what Vehemence they adore
A Face they never saw before;
Swear Cupid's Arrow was so keen,
It forc'd a Love, unsight, or seen,
That by her Shape they well could guess
The Beauty of her hidden Face'
And humbly beg she would Command
Their Person, Pocket, Sword, or Hand,
For they are hers alone, and would
Continue so, by all that's good.
Others of these admiring Fops,
You'll find within the Raffling-shops,
Where with such Grace they throw the Dies,
As wins the Ladies Hearts and Prize,
And for the sake of charming Fair,
Traffick their Gold for China-Ware.
[Page 18] While the more needy Bully Rock
Ventures his Sise at Royal-Oak,
He minds the Motion of the Ball,
Yet Gamester-like he loses all:
At ev'ry Throw he vents a Curse,
And having now unlin'd his Purse,
In sullen Mood, he sneaks away,
And for a while forswears to play,
With such, and such like Sports as these,
Our modern Beaux their Fancies please;
Some come to game, and some to woo,
But most their Foppery to show.
This courts in Prose, and that in Chime,
And tags each Vow of Love with Rhime,
Of nothing talks but Fire and Flames,
Cupid, Phillis,—and such hard Names,
While Country-Bumpkin treats Sweet-heart,
With Sugar'd Ale and Damson Tart,
[Page 19] And slyly by a Twich of Glove,
Lets Mopsa know, he is in Love.
In these Diversions they go on,
Until the Entertainment's done:
For now we must suppose it late,
The Moon is up, and honest Kate
Prepar'd for shutting up the Gate.
The weary Musick cease to play,
And all our Gallants walk away.
Some at a place assign'd to meet,
And some to serenade in Street,
Some to the Dog to suck Good Red,
One to a Miss, and one to Bed,
Another go's to meet his Dear,
And so, My Muse, let's leave 'em there.
FINIS.