SECTION. I. What this ART is.

A Moderate care of a good Re­pute is laudable, as being commended to us by the Holy Writings, and a cer­tain ambition to conquer the Hearts of such as we are ordinarily conver­sant with, is a rational, and lawful sort of Self-love; but neither of these we shall ever attain to, unless we un­derstand perfectly the Art of Con­verse, and how to practise exactly [Page 2] its Precepts in every particular con­juncture. Hence we may easily con­jecture the Nature, or the Essence and End of this Art; for if you mind to play the Logician, and give an ac­curate definition thereof, you may call it a habit, teaching us how to demean our selves with our Neigh­bours, in order to gain their Love and Eeem, which two things have such a dependency the one of the other, that they go commonly to­gether: whether it be, that Esteem is the source of Love, or Love, which I am more apt to believe, causeth us to contemplate the beloved Object in such a byass as we magnifie in our corrupted judgments, its least perfections.

SECT. II. In what sence a civil Converse is taken here.

A Civil Conversation may be ta­ken either as related to our Actions, or to our Discourse; in the first sence 'tis a certain accurateness and decency in all our Actions, or in our outward Behaviour. I intend to speak little or nothing of this kind of Civility. 1. Because there is a French Treatise Englished on the same Sub­ject, accurate and particular enough; which, though it regards more espe­cially the French customs, may easily be adapted to the English Humour and Civility, now not much diffe­rent from the French. 2. Because I [...]hought it alwaies superfluous, or at [...]east of little use, to prescribe Rules or Ceremonies, that change not on­ [...] every Age, but almost every Year. [Page 4] 'Tis then best for every one as to this part, to observe and follow the customs of his own Country, provi­ded they be not intirely barbarous, and repugnant to the known practi­ces of Civility of these Nations that are commonly accounted Civil; as France and Italy ever were, and all Great Britain, England I mean, and Scotland, undoubtedly now are.

If we take a civil Conversation, as related not to Mens Actions, but to their Discourse, by the general Notion given above of the Art of Conversing; we shall say 'tis a cer­tain exactness in all our words and expressions, in order to gain, con­serve, or encrease the esteem and friendship of those we Converse with: The Rules then we must square our Actions by in a civil Con­verse, are unchangeable, and neithe [...] confin'd to time nor place, but ar [...] all of all Ages, and of a good relis [...] with all Nations, as being grounde [...] [Page 5] on common Sense, not on Mens changeable Fancies. These are but two, and easie to be retain'd: The first is, to say nothing that may di­minish the Esteem and Love Men have for us: The second is, to speak such things as may contribute to­wards the encrease of both: how, and with what accuracy we are to obserue these Precepts, the ensuing Section shall declare.

SECT. III. That Pride is destructive to Civility.

A Civil Converse, as I have said above, is a certain exactness in all our words and expressions, in order to gain, conserve, or encrease the Esteem and Friendship of those we converse withal; that nothing is more destructive to it than Pride, every one understands, that knows [Page 6] contraries to be inconsistent toge­ther, and that Civility is nothing else, if well reflected on, but a re­spectuous Humility.

I mean not here that inward Pride which we are neither concern'd with nor to judge of, but that outward and proud Behaviour, either in Gests or Speech, whereby those we speak to, understand we are wise in ou [...] own conceit, though perhaps simple and vain Fools in their thoughts Persons of Quality betray them­selves to a secret contempt of those they speak to, if they presume too much upon their Nobility, or seem to slight others on this account only that they are (as they speak some­times in Scotland) but bare Gentle­men.

'Tis a rudeness scarce pardonable especially before persons we are not acquainted with, to run out in the praise of our Ancestors, for that would be too visible a vanity, and a [Page 7] too affected desire of Honour. Some are so extravagant in this Point, as to entertain Strangers with nothing else but long Descriptions of their own Pedigree, and Grandure of their fore-Runners, true or false. I say true or false, because I have known several in Forraign Countries, and I wish none of my own Country-men may be guilty of this insufferable vanity; who, though they were in extream misery, pretended to be Cousin Germans, or near Relations to the greatest Noble-men of Scotland, upon this account only, That they were either Hamiltons, Douglasses, Gordons, Seatons, Maxuelles, &c.

Persons of Quality wrong them­selves more than they are aware of, when they rail so violently against disproportionate Alliances; where­in, though I grant they may have reason when the disproportion is too great, or the quality not recompen­ced by the quantity, yet, neverthe­less [Page 8] they are guilty of an extream rudeness, by discovering thus in a familiar Converse, what they call a Noble Spirit, and others of as sound Sense, think and call an An­ti-Christian Pride; which is as yet more insufferable in such, as by their Birth can pretend no advantage a­bove their Neighbours. If such make appear this passion to be their predominant amongst their equals, or before their superiours, they lose without doubt the Esteem of those, and the Love of these, and are whol­ly incapable of all civil Converse: whose limits we still out-go, to speak generally whensoever we say any thing tending directly or indirectly, to the discovery of our Secret Pride; as those do, who boast perpetually of their Warlike Exploits, with as great confidence, as if the Hearers judged them not to be Liars: and if they were put to it, extraordinary Cowards.

Others do out-weary your Pati­ence with a number of innumerable idle Circumstances of their Affairs, or their Suits in Law: How they have put a trick upon this Man, by what means they have engaged that other in their Interest: and if they had not been very active in the bu­siness, all had been gon, &c. And when they have spent half an Hour, and all your Patience, in saying the same thing, with these idle Repeti­tions of quoth he, and quoth she, they shall begin immediately the same Story to the first that comes in, without giving them so much time as to edge in a word.

Others will trouble the whole company with a long Panegyrick of their good conduct in the guidance of their Domestick Affairs: they will give you an exact Account of the splendour of their Table, of their ordinary and extraordinary Expen­ces, of their Alms and Liberalities, [Page 10] and of their least Concerns, if they hope by such petty Narratives, ei­ther your Esteem or Applause. 'Tis odds to be in the company of some Women, but they will run out in the praise of their Children, and lull you asleep with the petty Dialogues they have dayly together. I was acquainted with a Gentlewoman in the South of Scotland, who was a burden to the whole Country she lived in upon this account: Her first Complement in her visits to her Friends, was alwaies, If they had not seen her fine, her lovely, her unparallel­able Boy? She was so Complaisant, as never to change this discourse, whatever byass ye had taken to be rid of it; If she had been interrupt­ed for a moment, that she might fetch her breath, she would instant­ly commence again her first unplea­sant Tune, and inform you of all the motions of her fine Boy; How he weep'd, how he laugh'd, how he [Page 11] mov'd his feet, his eyes, and his hands, how he utter'd to her in half words, his young and tender Af­fections.

Some again will force you Will ye Nill ye, to make an undeserv'd Elogium of their Children by their own good example: They are not (say they) like others, God be bless'd, they are Father-like, sharp, witty, and pretty, hopeful, and what not? as if you did take as much pleasure in hearing these little Tales, as they to tell them. Let these, and the like defects, true Off-springs of Pride, be diligently shun'd, by all such as pretend to be accounted civil Con­versants.

SECT. IV. That 'tis rudeness to speak ill of our Neighbours in Con­versation.

SOme have so little judgment, as to imagine they cannot Esta­blish their own Repute upon a surer ground, than on the Ruine of their Neighbours good-Name; they call all the World (themselves only ex­cepted) Fools, and on this account, they would be lookt upon as Wits, or Stars of the first Magnitude. Such Men are most of all uncivil; they may be perhaps admir'd, and be­liev'd by the undiscerning sort, and such as are as unprovided of sound Sense, and true Wit, as themselves: but they shall never please solid judgments, and such as have both Science to discern what is praise­worthy, and Conscience, not to un­dervalue [Page 13] through envy, the Endow­ments either of Art, or Nature, they see in others, and cannot attain to If you say to Men of this temper, such a one is a compleat Gentleman, they will presently, if Nature has be­stowed upon them any fluency of Language, make an Anatomy of him with their sharp Tongues, in aim to Ruine, if they can, his Repute, as over-shaddowing theirs. They will tell you, if you call him a Schollar, he is a Pedant, if Eloquent, he speaks much Non-sense, if he be a Judge, he is Partial: if you say he is an Author, and distinguisheth himself by his Learning, from the common sort, he will then undoubtedly be a mark for envy to aim at, especially if Native of the same Country, few being Prophets at home. They shall assure you his Works are not worth your while, though perhaps they never read what they condemn, and are not capable to write so well. [Page 14] We should on this account, abstain from censuring others, and not judge of Arts, till we be Artists. But such is the malice of some, that what they cannot reach to, they blame through jealousie in others: If you encou­rage such by approving of, or adding to these Affronts, they put upon the Dead sometimes, as well as the Li­ving, you ought to be accounted ill­bred as they are, and uncivil. De­traction so inconsistent, as we may gather out of the fore-going Lines, with the Rules of true Civility, is yet more ordinary amongst Women, than among Men, because they are generally an unthinking sort of Creatures, and scarce reflecsive on what they say, being easily over-rul'd by their passions, and commonly not capable to revenge themselves otherwise than with their Tongues.

When they meet together in a familiar Converse, after their ordi­nary [Page 15] Ceremonies, and mutual Inqui­ries of the price of every thing they wear: 'tis odds, but some of the company will take occasion to say, Such a Lady, or such a Gentlewoman, goes too fine, and far above her quality; she is talk'd of on that account all the City over, as if she had not all this for nothing, she nevertheless will judge no body: but such a thing is discours'd of in every Corner. The Ice being thus broken, another will utter her mind on the same matter more flatly, and call her base, infamous, and what not? as if she were Innocency it self, and not a Subject of discourse to the World on the same account. For 'tis observable, the most debauch'd Wo­men are pronest to condemn others for Crimes they know themselves guilty of.

If they imagine they are injur'd by any person whatsomever, they will make (I may so say) an exact dissection both of his Body and Soul, [Page 16] omitting nothing that rage can in­vent to black his Repute. Before they conceiv'd this Immortal hatred against him, they spoke to his ad­vantage on all occasions; but now, since 'tis his misfortune to displease them, he hath lost both his Wit and Judgment, he is silly, simple, &c. But this is only the defect of ordina­ry Women, seldom to, be met with in Ladies of a Noble Education, and Great Quality; whose Circles I con­ceive to be the best Schools of Civi­lity, because of an extraordinary complacency we are then resolv'd to, in compliance to their Imperious Humours: There you shall hear them excuse ingeniously the imper­fections though never so real, of such as are ill spoken of in their pre­sence, because they are fully per­swaded to demean themselves other­waies in such Conjunctures, would prove a breach both of Charity and Civility.

SECT. V. Tis rudeness to be too talka­tive in Conversation.

TO be too talkative in Conver­sing with our Friends, is a mark of a weak judgment, and prop­er to those, who by an overthrow of that Order Nature has Establish­ed, speak before they think, as ma­ny, yea, most Women do, especially those of a Cholerick Complexion; such are commonly most eloquent, or rather (if I may say so) most lo­quent, about trifles and small mat­ters, whereon a judicious Man, be­cause of the elevation of his Genius, finds nothing to say. What will they not say about a Hood, a Scarf, a Point de Venice? and how many words will they not spend to ex­press but little or no Sense?

You may observe them in Con­versation, [Page 18] little reflecsive on what is said, but infinitely desirous you put quickly an end to your Discourse that they may commence their end­less Tale, and often senseless too. If they happen to be silenc'd by ano­ther, whose Devil is more talkative than theirs, they become on a sud­dain ill humour'd, because their Tongue is tyed up: but the compa­ny once dismist, if they can have Patience till then, they let it furi­ously loose again against their Ser­vants, or what-ever presents it self first to their sight.

Men are no less guilty of this Sin against the Laws of a civil Converse, especially those of an advanc'd Age, who because of their experience of things past, think it not lawful for greener years to speak in their pre­sence. Their gray hairs I confess, exact of us a particular respect, and on this account 'tis civil to applaud sometimes, through an Innocent [Page 19] complacency to what they say, though we be of a contrary Opini­on; yet on the other side, Discreti­on requires they should consider they cannot be but importune to us, by their long and languishing Narra­tives, tending alwaies to the blame of present times, and praise of the past.

Others will take not indeed the bit, but which is no less uncivil, the word out of your Mouth, and pre­vent the end of your discourse some­times by an insufferable rudeness, telling you to make haste, to put an end: or more Rustick like yet, to be silent, and let them speak; which is never lawful to do, unless those we treat thus familiarly, be our Ser­vants of the lowest rank.

We must then in our Speech, as in our Actions, make choice of what is judg'd to be a middle between the two vicious extreams: for if Loqua­city [Page 20] be forbidden us by the Rules of Civility, I am of Opinion, too much Taciturnity is no less contrary to it For if it be not the product of a Na­tural Stupidity, 'tis alwaies an evi­dent mark, we esteem little those we Converse withal, which above all things we must shun, if we desire to be accounted Civil. An obstinate silence is affected prudently by some in Conversation; either to hide their little Talent of Elocution, or to gain more esteem amongst Men, who commonly admire most what they are least acquainted with.

SECT. VI. That anger is against the Laws of a civil Converse.

AS moderation in our words and expressions, is the best disposi­tion can be imagin'd to a civil Be­haviour in Conversation, so nothing [Page 21] more destructive to it than an un­daunted passion, and a suddain an­ger, upon all Occurrencies: Some are as changeable as weather-Cocks in their humours, they know not what they would be at, and you can hardly say any thing that pleaseth them. If you offer them your ser­vice, and profess your zeal for their Concerns, they shall either return you no answer at all, or which is worse, a disobliging one, not reflect­ing what you have done for their Interest, but on some inconsiderable failures, you have perhaps admitted in the performance of that duty you are owing them.

Such people are the pests of all civil Converse, and on this account, if in Civility we can, are to be shun'd. They are (I may so say) the incen­ [...]ives of Quarrels, and restless Distur­ [...]ers of all those they Converse with; the Standers by, look as amaz'd at one another, whilest a Hellish fury [Page 22] vomits out a part of her ill hu­mour against either the Dead, or the absent, or which is yet a greater rudeness, against some of those which are present: such are little behold­ing to their Parents for their Edu­cation, they have never been curb'd in their Youth, and their being al­waies used to do their own will makes them now insufferably wil­ful.

They often forget so far the re­spect they owe to Strangers though of an inferiour quality, that in their presence upon all contingencies, they will rage and froth against their ser­vants, with most uncharitable ex­aggerations of their least, or fancied misdemeanours: You shall hear them the whole time of a Dinner, whosoever's at their Table, murmur­ing, repining, frowning at whom they know not, nor at what: no­thing rellisheth according to their taste, none can serve them to satis­faction; [Page 23] the fall of a Spoon, of a Glass, or some like accident, puts them in, or rather quite out of hu­mour again. What judgment can we frame of those, in whom we observe such continual Distempers? This discomposure of their passions, hinders us to conceive either a great Opinion of their Vertue, or to love tenderly their Persons.

There is then a certain calm we must endevour to attain to in Con­versation, a certain peaceable tem­per we must needs be possess'd of, if we will neither be troublesome to our selves, nor others. By this mo­deration we shall gain Authority over those we speak to, and regain their esteem, if perhaps by our for­mer indiscretion we had lost it; to demean our selves otherwise 'tis weakness, and holds too much of a Childish, or Womanish humour: though we cannot pull our passions out by the root, 'tis in our power to [Page 24] hold them down for a time at least, whilest we Converse with our Friends, or Strangers: and who is not able to dissemble thus far, is un­fit for all command, and not very apt neither to obey.

SECT. VII. Obstinacy in our proper senti­ments, is contrary to Civi­lity.

SOme are so possess'd with the Spirit of Contradiction, that they are ready to oppose whatever you shall advance, whether they think i [...] true or false; They are falsly perswaded they can take no better Method, to convince you of the sharpness of their Wit, which sometime I confess they do show, but on th [...] other side they lose all the esteem we had formerly conceived of thei [...] judgment. This is the ordinary defect [Page 25] of young and unexperienc'd Schollars, when they come first from the University, or as they say commonly, fresh off the Irons, they will undertake to prove every thing by a Sillogism in form, or an Argument in mode and figure. A little experience of the World, and some months Converse with the judicious sort, will soon rid them of this Pe­dantick Air, so opposite to Ci­vility, and common Sense.

I pretend not nevertheless to banish all disputes, and discre­pancy of Opinions, from a civil Converse: for that were nei­ther rational, nor possible, since Yes and No, are the very Soul and Life thereof. My design only here, is to Advertise you, we must submit sometimes our judgment to others, and shun upon all emergencies Obstinacy, [Page 24] [...] [Page 25] [...] [Page 26] the product either of great Pride, or little Insight: We may ex­pose our Reasons with modesty, which, if our Friends yield not to, we must Acquiesce, and let every Man abound in his own sense.

But to prevent prudently cer­tain necessary engagements, to stand stifly to our own senti­ments, we must shun all debates in matters, not understood by those we converse with; for they being not perhaps humble enough to submit to our judg­ment, will immediately oppose our sentiments; and if superi­our to us in quality, pretend to the advantage by Authority, when reason serves not their turn. With these, I say, for rests sake, let us have no de­bates, if we can avoid them, least we betray either them, or [Page 27] our selves, to an uncivility.

Conformably to this Rule, 'tis alwaies safer to submit to the sentiments of such as we de­pend on, tho' perhaps not so well grounded on reason, as our own; at least if our familiarity with them permits us to oppose some­times what they say, we must do it so, that without giving the least advantage, we may still seem to yield to them the debate: alledging for instance, his Lordship taketh the disputed Point in such or such a sense, in which we shall say, and shew 'tis a pure Truth: You, and his Grace, or his Lordship, being by this industry, of the same Opinion, you shall draw the whole company to a consent without opposition.

If we be at variance with our equals upon any disputable [Page 28] Point, we may dispute it freely, shunning all rude and disdain­ful expressions; that it may ap­pear we pretend only to a clear discovery of the Truth, not to a Victory, or Triumph over our Friend, as our Enemy. If we debate, which we should not ea­sily do, with our inferiors, one thing particularly we must be aware of, not so much to over­awe them by a contemptful ex­pression, as by a convincing reason; which, if we cannot perform, let us not discover by a suddain fit of anger, our ridi­cule Ambition, to appear in all we either say, or do, Infallible.

SECT. VIII. 'Tis inconsistent with Civi­lity to force Drink on a Stranger, or any other in the company.

I Say, to force, for a kindly in­vitation once, or twice, is so far from being a rudeness, that it is a necessary duty of Civility; I confess, this sort of importunity is commonly the product of a noble, and generous Heart, desi­rous to welcome Strangers and Friends, at any rate: But if we reflect seriously on the undecen­cy of the action in it self, and the inconveniencies we expose our Friends to, by such a cruel kindness, we shall instantly blush, and be asham'd at our pre­tended [Page 30] Civility, which, though your Friend cannot but take well, and as a kindness, because of the Principle it comes from: yet, he cannot but be extreamly of­fended thereat, because you en­danger by this violence, his Health, Life, and Repute: tho' this abomination is become now so general, that some glory in it, as if it were a honourable thing, and praise-worthy: which rude­ness I observed no where so fre­quent, as in Great Brittain, and is I may say, without exaggerati­on, the vilest and most absur'd can be imagin'd.

I cannot compare this barba­rous custom of forcing Drink upon Men, to a thing it resem­bles more, than Treason: for under a colourable pretence of Love, Kindness, and Esteem, you betray your Friend. First, to [Page 31] Sin, Secondly, to Contempt, Thirdly, to a Thousand irregula­rities; which a Man, if he de­serves that Name, being now ra­ther a Beast, will be apt to com­mit in the heat of such immo­derate Riots. Yea, I say more, you are so far guilty of betraying your Friend, that you are (though per­haps not designedly) the cause of his being either Robb'd, or Murder'd: at least you expose him to such mischiefs, or which is all one, and no less to be feared, to a violent and suddain Death, by falling either in Fire or Wa­ter. The French are to be com­mended on this account, they Repute it, and with all reason, an unparallelable rudeness, to force a cup upon any Man, be­yond that measure he judgeth sufficient for his Health, and pre­sent Necessity: amongst them [Page 32] you have your freedom, all con­straint in a civil Converse being judged intollerable, every Man behaves himself in this case as he thinks fittest, he is not re­flected on, whether he taketh less or more: and being left to his own discretion, if he exceed, he can blame none, but himself.

I wish the English, who are so far above the French, in other things, would but equal them in this one, I mean in their mo­deration and behaviour, to­wards Strangers and Friends: who, sometimes through a duty of good Neighbourhood, and Civility, must repair to their Houses. The same rudeness is but too ordinary in Scotland, amongst the Gentry, though otherwise exactly civil, and well bred. If you pay there a visit to a Gentleman, or Nobleman, [Page 33] in his own House, he will have in readiness, or at a call, if he thinks not himself able to do your turn, two or three stout Drinkers, pitch'd upon designed­ly, to hold to your head: This Commission they will perform with all diligence by a general Conspiracy, to your utter ruine, you are without delay assaulted on all sides. First, with the strongest Ale, then with Brandy, at last with Wine, till at length overcome, you are forc'd to re­treat, and leave them victorious on the wet Fields, where they will triumph a while, till one af­ter another, they be either led or carried off, to vent the fumes of these heady Liquors.

Now, if there be any thing in this procedure looking like humanity, we must extinguish in us, the unbred light of rea­son, [Page 34] and confess against all com­mon sense, the greatest Civility is only to be met with in the practice of the most brutish and extravagant Debauchery.

SECT. IX. To speak too high is against the Maxims of a civil Converse.

THe reason of this is obvi­ous, because by crying aloud, or speaking with an ele­vated Tone, we discover our ambition to be consider'd, and harken'd to, according to that of the Poet, Vult digito monstrari & dicier hic est. Now Pride, as I made appear, elsewhere is the source of all our misdemea­nours, and most of all destru­ctive [Page 35] to Civility; such a rude­ness as this we are now speak­ing of, is more insufferable in Churches, and those places, where we should speak either little or none at all: as likewise in presence of Princes, and our other Superiours, we ought ra­ther to reverence by a respectu­ous silence, than disquiet by our boisterous clamours.

The deformity of this sort of immodesty, is represented to Life, by the ruder sort of peo­ple, gathered together in an Ale-house, or any other Assem­bly: there you shall hear them speaking all together, and with such a confusion, that you shall hear none of them distinctly. They call aloud one another by their Names or nick-Names, in a rustick and homely manner, and make commonly such a [Page 36] noise, that those who pass by, stand to listen if they quarrel not: as such people were ever, and are still Reputed most rude, we must with a watchful circum­spection over our own behavi­our, shun this barbarous way of Conversing; to which we may reduce all noise whatsomever in presence of our Friends, whether it be with our hands, feet, or otherwise: As also, a certain im­modest sort of laughter, where­by we either discover our own inconsiderateness, or that we are regardless of the company. The Precept of the ancient Phi­losopher must be followed in this case, Risus nec sit multus, nec ob multa nec effusus. To laugh too much is the Character of a childish and foolish Humour, to laugh on every slight Occurren­cy, betrayeth us to be light and [Page 37] silly: but to laugh as Women do sometimes, with our hands on both sides, and with a lasci­vious agitation of our whole Body, is the height of rudeness and immodesty; remember then, and practise that Golden Sentence, Risus non sit multus, nec ob multa nec ess [...]sus.

SECT. X. That frequent Oaths are in­consistent with Civility.

I Can conceive nothing more rude, than this barbarous or rather Heathenish custom so ge­neral in this Age, of taking the Name of God in vain, or calling him as a Witness to every insig­nificant and impertinent propo­sition, we rashly advance. I have observed three great abuses [Page 38] in this matter, point blanck con­trary not only to Godliness, but also to good manners: some with great precipitancy, attest every Truth they say, by solemn Oaths, as if they could not otherwise gain trust. Others again, and these are worse than the first, swear with all imagina­ginable confidence, what to their certain Science and Conscience is most false, which is a Crime amounting to such a high mea­sure of malice, that in Charity, I shall suppose no rational Man to be ever guilty of it. There is a third sort that fills, or rather fouls the Ears of those that hear them, with a perpetual cursed Nonsense of God Damning, Sink­ing, Confounding, or such like Unchristian and Nonsensical ex­pressions.

That such Immortal practices [Page 39] are the meer products of rude­ness or uncivility; 'tis so evident, that I need not be at the pains to prove it, since every one is taught this Truth by the light of Nature, as uncapable to de­ceive us, as the Author of Na­ture himself: for amongst whom, I pray ye, are Oaths most usual? amongst those only we look up­on as the very scum of the World? and if I may so say, the very excrementitious part of Mankind? If then others consi­derable, either for their Birth, Riches, or Learning, be subject sometimes to this disorder, as I confess, but too many of them are; they are deservedly under­valued by the understanding sort, and all such as are natural­ly averse from rudeness.

After a serious enquiry into the causes of this disorder, I can [Page 40] imagine, none that looks like a rational inducement to such an abominable custom. For, 1. I am sure there is less pleasure in it than in any other Sin what­soever. 2. No Man in his Wits, can pretend to be more trusted, the more he swears, since 'tis an undoubted of Truth, that the greatest Swearers are commonly the greatest Liars. 3. The Re­pute of Wit, can methinks allure no Man, to put on such an ill and vile habit: is not Stupidity it self as capable thereof, as the sharp­est Wit of the World? 4. A shew perhaps of courage and resolu­tion, is the end some propose to themselves by these Imprecati­ons, and threatning Oaths: But how far they fall short of their aim, judge by this, that Men commonly make small account of these great Boasters, and think [Page 41] them destitute of true courage, yea, and great Cowards.

SECT. XI. When Railery is consistent, and when inconsistent with Civility.

'TIs alwaies the greatest rudeness imaginable, to play upon sacred things, as Church Ceremonies, our dread­ful Mysteries, and Divine Scrip­tures: this is the true Character of a Man, that neither loves God, nor Godliness, neither is Railery decent or lawful, if it reflect upon the natural defects of our Neighbours, or to be suf­fered in presence of Princes, un­less by their great intimacy with us, they make us an [Page 42] overture of a not ordinary fami­liarity.

'Tis as yet more insufferable, when we converse with Ladies, especially in matters relating to that Vertue they should look upon as the chief, if not the on­ly Ornament of their Sex: yet, this is a common rudeness, and covers sometimes smister designs, under the Names of Complacen­cy, and Gallantry: in which fa­miliar way of Conversing, some go such a length, as to pass be­yond all the limits of modesty, by their rough and flat expres­sions of these undecencies, you hear but too often, and modesty causeth me to conceal.

If Railery then must be made use of, 'tis with those that are either our equals, or have made us such by their privacy, or in­timate friendship; yet, least we [Page 43] fail, we are to reflect seriously upon three things: we are con­cern'd in the first, in the second, the persons we speak with, and the third, regards the fittest sea­son for this innocent Mirth. We must first consider if Nature has allowed us these qualities, with­out which, we cannot pretend to a good success in this way of Conversing; which may, me­thinks, be reduc'd to these three; A faculty easily reflexive upon every contingency, a quick ima­gination, and a sharpness of wit not ordinary. If Nature has used us so kindly, as to have im­parted to us these her favours in any considerable measure, we would disoblige her to hide our Talent, or deprive our Friends of that innocent joy, we are ca­pable to procure 'em: but if we find no such dispositions in us, [Page 44] or no ray of that extemporary subtilty, necessary for a suddain attack, surprize, repartee; let us abstain from Railery, least to our shame and confusion, it re­turn by reflex upon our selves. The second thing we are to take notice of, is, the person or per­sons we are in converse with: if we judge them not sharp enough to conceive at the first, a point d'lesprit, a senseful and witty word, we must deal plain­ly and seriously with such men, waving all in promptu's and sub­tilties, they could not understand without a commentary. The third thing to be consider'd is, the season fittest for Railery, we must make choice of those hours our Friends are freest from cares, and best dispos'd to mirth: for otherwise you would be thought extreamly rude, to say no more, [Page 45] if in lieu of a Complement of condoleance to your Friend, up­on the Death of his Wife, or his Child, you would undertake to dissipate his just melancholy by an unseasonable Railery.

SECT. XII. That excessive Flattery is a great rudeness.

THere are two dangerous extreams, to either of which we incline through vani­ty, rather than judgment; The first is Flattery, the other is Cri­ticism, or a censorious humour, condemning indifferently every thing, that we may appear wit­ty, by undervaluing that which is above the reach of our limit­ed Capacity. These two ex­treams [Page 46] we must by all means a­void, and search a middle, which I take to be a rational complacen­cy; I say designedly rational, for if it want this Character, it will cause us to put on a resolution to be complaisant at any rate in all Occurrencies, with all per­ons, to what is bad, as well as to what is good, which could amount to nothing else but a vile, base, and fervile Flattery: whereby we lose our Credit, and are laught at by the judicious sort, and sometimes undervalued by those we intend most to gain, by these flat, and officious Lies.

Yet, because Men are in­chanted with what ever contri­butes towards the encrease of their Honour, we must withal respect pay to them upon fit occasions the Homage of praise, but only upon the account of [Page 47] their real merits, as their natu­ral, and acquired Talents, their great actions in Peace and War, at home and abroad, their useful Writings and Enterprises, for the common good, &c. Such deserved praises are not to be blam'd, as making up a part of the civil Man, but these only we are press'd to by an unrea­sonable desire, to please at any rate those we are conversant with, of which end nevertheless, we fall commonly short; for, though our Friends seem to countenance our discourse with a smile or two, perhaps they rank us in their Hearts amongst the simple, airy, and light bal­last sort of Men.

Women above all others, are subject to be impos'd upon by Flattery, whether it be that they have a great conceit of their na­tural [Page 48] Endowments in what measure soever they have recei­ved them from God, or whether it comes from an innocent plea­sure they take, to hear their young airy Gallants display a World of Nonsense in polite terms, or whether some of them are so simple, as to trust the ex­aggerations of a passionate Lo­ver: who, because of this perswa­sion, that he either is believ'd or pleaseth, thinks he has said little to the commendation of his Mi­stris, unless he put the Lillies, Sun, Moon, and Stars, out of countenance in her presence. Such Affections, and specious Nonsense, ought never to be made use of by such as pretend to be a part of the civil World, nor listen'd to by modest, and virtuous Ladies. Yet, because they delight exceedingly in [Page 49] hearing their own praises, we may withal moderation, and proportionably to their merits, rather than quality, perform without great expence, this part of our duty towards that weak­er Sex: I have as yet one thing to say worth your reflection, That Flattery, provided it be not excessive, is more sufferable, and sometimes to be allowed of in Servants towards their Masters, and in Children towards their Parents: because the Kindness of a Master, is ordinarily gain'd, and the tender Affection of a a Father or Mother, increased by these Testimonies of Love from their Servants and Chil­dren.

Before I conclude this Section, I shall say one word of Criticism the other extream. Those that are of a too Critical humour, [Page 48] [...] [Page 49] [...] [Page 50] are not reckon'd up with the Civil sort, because they usurp an insufferable Empire, and an ab­solute Authority, over the whole World, their superiors as well as their equals; they approve of nothing, and of none but them­selves, they are alwaies ready to make comments, and malig­nant reflections on what ever is said, and will have nothing to pass as conformable to common Sense and Reason, what they judge not so. If they have any superficial tincture of Littera­ture, I pity the best of Authors, they shall censure and sentence them, though perhaps they are no more acquainted with them, than with those they had never seen; If any thing that gets a Name appear in Print, they shall strike at it through envy in all occasions, and pretend, because [Page 51] they can say what an Old Wife may say too, 'tis no great matter, to have as great capacity, and insight in the subject, as the Author himself.

SECT. XIII. How we may shun the two forementioned extreams, Flattery and Criticism.

FLattery we shall easily shun, by observing the following Precepts. 1. To say nothing to any Mans advantage but what is true. 2. To abstain from all affected exaggerations. 3. To pay the Homage of our praises in convenient time and place. Some have so weak a discern­ing faculty, that they never take notice by what byass Mens [Page 52] Hearts are sooner conquer'd: they commonly fancy the Art of pleasing consists in flat and officious lies, not reflecting that judicious Men are sometimes no less offended by false and unde­serv'd praises, than by contume­lies and calumniatory Imputati­ons, and certainly with all rea­son: For, since none but Fools delight in flat untruths spoken to their advantage, how can they take it patiently to be thought of this number, though called infinite in Scripture? Such must be your Opinion of a Man you extoll highly to his face for great things he never dream'd on: by this Childish procedure, you either betray your own folly, or his, if you believe him in his Wits: for than you may expect to be pu­nish'd rather than rewarded, his [Page 53] folly, by causing the By-standers to suspect he takes pleasure in such Notorious Lies: which would be a mortal blow to his Repute.

You must avoid with no less care, these two ordinary and childish exaggerations of the Truth, which in reality amount to nothing else but to as many magnificent Untruths: cannot ye praise for instance, a Lady, upon the account of her Beauty, unless ye call her a Deity; A Philosopher, unless ye say he is an Aristotle, a Poet, an Orator, unless they be Virgils, Ovids, Ci­cero's, and beyond them too: may we not speak before a great Captain, and to his advantage; though we tell him not pomp­ously. The past Ages furnish us with no example of Warlike Ex­ploits considerable in compare to [Page 54] his, that we are fully perswaded he shall be a scope to Envy in all future times. This you see is too much, and therefore nothing at all: let your Elogium's in your Converse, be alwaies within the circumference of common Sense and Reason, that those ye praise may be perswaded you think what you say. Some again fall into another inconveniency, no less to be shun'd, than the fore­going; They affect to run out in praise of their Friends upon all occasions, without regard to several circumstances, wherein silence would be thought more seasonable. This I confess, may be Laudable and Arbitrary in their absence, but when they are present, you must observe two things; 1. Remember not to touch alwaies upon the same string, I mean not to weary [Page 55] your Friend with an idle Repe­tition of his merits, great acti­ons, capacity, talents, for that would create a disgust of your Converse, because of such a visible affectation. 2. To be spa­ring of your Complements be­fore his Rivals, or declared Ene­mies, because the former would conceive against you, a not or­dinary hatred, as favouring those they love not, and the latter would defame you every where, as an interess'd Flatterer.

As to Criticism, you need do no other thing to avoid it, but only put on a firm Resolution to resist in all occasions your cen­suring Genius; or if you be a Mi­santhrop in such a measure, that you can praise nothing that is praise worthy, you may at least Command your unruly Tongue to be silent, unless your silence, [Page 56] as it happens frequently, prove an evident mark of your disdain; for in this juncture you are obli­ged by the Law of Civility to commend, what in reason you cannot blame.

Remember, your censorious humour will cause every one to shun your company, least as ye talk at random of others, you Treat them after the same man­ner in their absence: If you had but two Ounces of common Sense, you would easily be wrought into some feeling of your folly in this Point; for as you censure others, so likewise shall you be censur'd by turn, as you disprove what others do or say, they, through a just re­venge, shall observe with a pier­cing Eye, and discover the least of your failures. As you mis-in­terpret their best intentions, [Page 57] your sinister designs shall at length be laid open, or if good, misconstrued. Forget not then that most just command, and in­bred Principle: Quod tibi non vis fieri, alteri ne feceris, do as you would be done to.

SECT. XIV. That we ought to conform our Discourse to the in­clinations of those we Converse.

IF we desire to be agreeable to those we Converse, we must study with all diligence their humours, sound their inclinati­ons, and not regard what we but what they take most plea­sure in; for otherwise we de­ceive often our selves, conceiving [Page 58] sometimes we are acceptable to all, while we are troublesome, and please none but our selves: and this alwaies happens, when like talkative Women, we lull people asleep with our long and tedious Discourses, scarce fetch­ing sensibly our breath, so fast we run, and never giving time to any of the company to edg in a word. When this happens in France, they will offer you Money in a jest, to let them have a while to speak at their turn.

We are often of Opinion af­ter a long Narrative, which a solid judgment had concluded in three or four words, that all the By-standers admire us, and take us to be the fittest humours for Converse they could meet with; but how far we are imposed upon by our own credulous sim­plicity, [Page 59] we may judge by our proper experience, if ever we have suffered, as no doubt some­times we have a sort of long Martyrdom, by the Tiranny of of these Domestick Enemies, who are wont to put an end to our Patience with their endless and fabulous Tales. Purpos'd we not then to be upon our guards another time, least we should be redacted into the same straits again; and if we are put to the same torture in a con­juncture, we cannot Civilly fhun. By a profitable foresight, we give a Secret Commission to some of our Friends or Servants, to come to our relief, with some colourable pretence of a Friend, or an urgent Affair calling us other where.

Let us here reflect that what we suffer in this case, we cause [Page 60] others to suffer, and more too by that perpetual movement of our unruly Tongue: consider alwaies the condition of the per­sons you converse withal, and fit dextrously your Discourse to their capacity and strongest inclinations: as for instance, If you are to entertain a General of an Army, Battels, Sieges, Stratagems, Cannoning, Mining, Retrenching, Fortifying, &c. will open unto you a vast Field to run out upon, and a subject charmingly pleasant to him you speak to, whom you shall leave satisfied, and desirous to meet with you again; but remem­ber not to play the Master in an Art, wherein (as I suppose) he is experienc'd, and which you have but a meer speculative knowledge of, you must then Discourse of all this as de­sirous [Page 61] to learn, not to teach.

If you converse with a Man of a Noble and Ancient Family, mind him of his Ancestors, of their great Alliances, Glory, and Actions, show your self well vers'd in his Lineage, and well read in the History of his Fami­ly; for this hath somewhat of bewitching, and pleaseth in­finitely.

I had great intimacy with a French Gentleman, who had this Talent, and no other in a Sove­raign Degree: when he came to settle any time in a City, his study was to search into the par­ticular Pedegrees of every consi­derable Family, and in Conver­sation, made use of this know­ledge with such dexterity, as to shew to all their concernments still by the fairest side, giving an accurate account of their re­spective [Page 62] Predecessors, of their decay, or encrease; which cau­sed him to be exceedingly loved by all, and look'd upon as the only capable Judge of their de­bates about precedencies, and such like Punctilo's of Honour.

We must not imagine all is well, when we have contented our selves; but though we be unsatisfied, when we have pro­cured the satisfaction of others, by discoursing of things they can easily, and delight most to discourse of: for we would be Reputed rude and impertinent, if we entertain'd for instance, a Lady, with Phylosophical Pro­blems, Precisions of our Reason, and Metaphysical Beings; the very Names of such things, and all barbarous School Terms, are to be shun'd by the polite sort, who would take pleasure to hear [Page 63] a Man exorcising in a manner, those he speaks to, with these harsh words: Categonimatice, Sincategonematice, ut quo, ut quod, materialiter, formaliter, and other such like pedantick expres­sions.

Out of all this we may ga­ther these five things, ensuing to be indispensibly necessary in a perfect Artist of the Civil Mode. 1. A knowledge of no less extent than that of an Ora­tor. 2. A quick and clear ima­ginative faculty to conceive things in an instant, and with­out confusion. 3. A solid judg­ment to discern the truth from the meer appearance thereof. 4. A mortified will, and a de­sire to learn rather than to teach, to speak conformably to the re­lish of others more than our own: which is not so to be un­derstood, [Page 64] but if we are required to instruct, we must do it Cum specimine ingenii & modestiae mo­derately, and modestly, yet with a show of our Capacity and In­sight in the matter.

SECT. XV. That 'tis a Duty of Civility to converse sometimes with our Friends by Let­ters.

THat 'tis a part of our Du­ty to Write sometimes to our Friends, every one may clearly understand by the con­stant practice of all such as are accounted in every Nation the Models of Civility; we con­vince them by this Officiousness of our sincere Love, which could [Page 65] seem interess'd or ceremonial when they were present. Be­sides, since Friends cannot be al­waies together, their absence is supplied by Letters, without which, the strongest Friendship will at length decay; for no­thing more true than what is now become Proverbial, Out of sight, out of mind.

But in what manner we must acquit ourselves of this so neces­sary a Duty towards our Friends, 'tis not easie to declare: yet ge­nerally we may say, whether our Letters be meerly Comple­mental, or of Affairs, they must alwaies bear a certain proporti­on. First, To the matter we Writ of: Secondly, To the persons we Writ to: and Thirdly, To our own condition. This Rule com­prehends all other particulars, which cannot be usefully set [Page 66] down, but are to be left to each Mans particular judgment; I say, nevertheless we must shun the defects above mentioned, in our ordinary converse with our Friends present, since we are apt to fall into several of the same in our Letters. First, We ought to avoid scrupulously whatever tends to our own Praise direct­ly or indirectly, as certain ex­pressions whereby we may ap­pear too desirous of esteem, which defect is observable in Ci­cero and most of the Antients, but in this they are not to be fol­lowed. Secondly, Let us take care our Letters contain nothing Satyrical, or tending to the stain of our Neighbours good Name. Thirdly, As in our Discourses, so in our Letters, Prolixity is never allowed of, idle Digres­sions, superfluous Repetitions, [Page 67] and such like Exorbitancies, ought to be retrench'd, especial­ly if we write to those that have but few spare moments from their own Affairs or pub­lick Employments. Fourthly, Tho' a Letter blush not, we must be asham'd to discover therein our weakness, by wrathful Ex­pressions, bitter Invectives, Oaths and Curses. Fifthly, A too excessive Flattery is far from the Character of an exact and judicious Letter, we may nevertheless be more prodigal of our praises when we write, than when we speak in presence. Sixthly, As to the stile and manner of writing 'tis alwaies irregular, unless it be Confor­mable; 1. To the subject we write of; 2. To our present condition; 3. To the quality of those we write to; If the Mat­ter [Page 68] require a serious deliberati­on, all intermixture of Jest will be unseasonable: If the person we write to is much above our quality, we must pay to him exactly, yet without Affectation, the Homage of a due Respect. If our present and pressant exi­gencies oblige us to implore the help of such as may supply our wants, let our Letter contain true and forcing motives; but to say all in one word, for parti­cular Precepts are numberless, we must reflect upon all the Circumstances that engage us to this Duty, and from them take our measures Conformably to the Rules of Civility, and our own particular Designs.

SECT. XVI. That all Jest or Earnest tending to Impiety, is an extream rudeness.

'TIs not now as of Old, when the Wicked said only in his Heart, There is no God; some, yea and too many, dare defend it openly in publick Assemblies, pretending on this account to be look'd upon as Wits capable to Dispute Princi­ples; Of all those you converse with, you shall meet with none more void, both of Christian and Civil Nurture, than this sort of Men.

Such Extravagants, for I know not what other Name to give them, betray themselves to [Page 70] the hatred and contempt of the Godly and understanding sort, they are look'd upon, and with all reason, as destitute of all true Wit and Vertue, because they neither acknowledge a Reward­er of Vertues, nor a Punisher of Crimes; they are not come this length in an Instant, Nemo deripente fit pessimus, but by Degrees, adding Sin to Sin. And lastly, Atheism to the heap, the greatest of all Sins, as being de­structive to Divine Faith, the only Ground-Stone of our Spi­ritual Building; whensoever any Man forgets himself so far as to say any thing, whether it be in Jest or Earnest, in opposi­tion to this Fundamental Arti­cle of our Faith, There is a God, all complacency laid aside, you ought to reprove him gene­rously as rude and impious, I say [Page 71] as rude or uncivil in a Soveraign Degree; for reflecting on it, you shall observe, that all such as either in Jest or Earnest, de­ny a God, demean themselves in a manner, point blanck con­trary to the Maxims above mentioned, of a Civil converse. For 1. Their Discourse is nothing else but Self-praise; 2. They speak ill of all, God himself not excepted; 3. They are talkative beyond measure, tho' they say just nothing; 4. They are prone to anger, and at the first attack fall into a fury; 5. Their ordinary converse is like the roaring of a raging Sea, unquiet and tumultuous; 6. 'Tis a loss of time to oppose their un­seasonable sentiments, they nei­ther yield to common Sense nor Reason, how evident soever; 7. They'l force you if they can in­to [Page 72] their sentiments, and the same Debaucheries; 8. They are not content with ordinary Oaths, they invent new ones, and ne­ver as yet heard of, nor thought on perhaps by the Devil him­self; 9. Because they cannot wholly extinguish the inbred knowledge of a Deity, they en­deavour to be rid of all fear of his Justice in the other, World by ranking themselves in the order of Beasts, as to the State of their Souls after Death; they will tell you flatly, they believe no such thing as an Immortal Soul, whereby they discover their de­sires rather than their senti­ments: because if nothing of 'em had a Being capable of feel­ing after Death, they would thereby shun the punishment they deserve for their Sins.

If then there can be any [Page 73] rudeness parallelable to that of these abominable Atheists, I ap­peal to all Men of a sound Judg­ment, if you will not endanger, yea, undoubtedly lose your Re­pute, and which is much more to be valued, your Soul; you must fly swiftly from such Mon­sters, tanquam a facie celubri, as if they were Venemous Serpents and Basilicks, killing with their very sight.

SECT. XVII. That 'tis an extream rude­ness to speak to the dis­advantage of any Nation, in presence of the Na­tives.

I Can imagine no rudeness more insufferable, than to [Page 74] fall foul upon any Nation, whe­ther it be in Jest or Earnest, in presence of the very Natives, because, besides that every Man is extreamly concern'd in the Honour of his own Country, nescio qua natale solem dulcedine cunctos allicit, Men are apt to look upon such reproaches as re­turning by reflex upon them­selves; we are then indispensi­bly obliged by all the Laws of Civility, to give Forraigners all imaginable encouragements to love us, and trust to us, not only by saying nothing derogatory to the Honour of their Nation, which we must alwaies be aware of, but affecting rather to praise it upon the account of these ad­vantages that every Country pretends to, above another. This is the Practice of all noble Spi­rits and true Gentlemen, they [Page 75] do in this case as they would be done to, and love Wit and Ver­tue where-ever they see it; who behave themselves other­wise, are either ill bred at home, or have never been abroad.

'Tis an Infallible mark of a base and barbarous Education, to undervalue a Man only upon the account he is a Stranger, since this Character, if we have not put off all sentiments of hu­manity, should rather induce us to love him, and prompt us to serve him upon all occasions; let us reflect how we would be dealt with, if we were in For­raign Nations, and we shall in­stantly know what we have to do in this case; would we not be touch'd to the very quick, if any Man were so incivil, as to reproach to us the defects true or false, of our Native Soil? [Page 76] 'tis odd, but we would retaliate in the Instant. You mind than to quarrel, and not to behave your self civilly, when ye re­proach to Strangers the defaults of their Country they are not guilty of: but because 'tis or­dinary to speak to the disadvan­tage of our Neighbours, not that we believe what we say, but through a particular preju­dice one Nation has alwaies had against another, if we find any such Disposition, or Aversion in us, we must do what lies in our power to stifle it before Stran­gers, least we give them just rea­son to complain of our incivili­ty, and ascribe to the whole Na­tion our particular imperfecti­ons.

To this we may add, 'tis a great rudeness, after we have Travell'd through Forreign [Page 77] Kingdoms, to make up our Me­moirs only with fancied Indeco­rums, ridiculing for diversion of the company, all their particular Customs; By such Satyrical Re­flections we may give some proof of our Wit, but at the same time we discover our little Judgement, and much of a Chil­dish Passion.

Some Nations I confess are more compleat than others; and more considerable for their An­tiquity, Riches, Warlike Exploits, Sharpness, Policy, and Polity, yet if we weigh all things on each side impartialy, we shall not have so great reason as we fancy, to prefer our selves be­fore our Neighbours, for com­monly if we surpass them in one thing, we do not in all, but are often surpass'd by them in others again, no less, if not more consi­derable. [Page 78] This Reflection should force us to use all kindly, espe­ciall Strangers, on whose love and esteem our Repute, and that of our Nation depends.