[Page] The Owles Almanacke. Prognosticating many strange accidents which shall happen to this Kingdome of Great BRITAINE this yeere, 1618. Calculated as well for the Meridian mirth of London, as any other part of Great BRITAINE. Found in an Iuy-bush written in old Characters, and now published in English by the painefull labours of Mr Iocundary Merry-braines.

LONDON, Printed by E. G. for Lawrence Lisle, and are to be sold at his shop in Pauls Church-yard at the signe of the Tygres head. 1618.



IS it not strange that an Owle should write an Almanacke? Yet why not, as well as a Crow speake Latin to Caesar? And why not an Owle prog­nosticate wonders, which are sure to happen this yeere, as for Astrologicall wizzards to shoot threating Calenders out of their inke-pots at the world, and yet when they hit, their fillups hurt nothing? Lyes are as well acquainted with Astronomers, as othes are with Souldiers, or as owing money is familiar to Courtiers: But Madge-Owlet fetches her predi­ctions out of an vpper roome in Heauen, where [Page] neuer any common star-catcher was garretted before. Had I a bird of Paradice, I should gladly send her flying to you, and therefore I hope that your acceptance of this Owle (though shee be none of mine, but hiding her broad face vnder my Eeues by chance) will keepe petty idle birds from wondring about her. I wish euery yeere you are to liue, to begin and end with you, as merrily as this Prognostication takes her ayme to make you, and that I may cease to be, when I giue ouer from being

Deuoted euer at your Worships disposing, L. L.

The Contents of this Worke.

  • 1. AN Epistle of the OWLE, to a certaine RAVEN, an Almanacke-maker.
  • 2. The beginnings and endings of the 4. Termes in the yeere.
  • 3. Annuall Computations of time.
  • 4. The beginning and ending of the Yeere.
  • 5. English Tides.
  • 6. Computation Diurnall, and Astrologicall.
  • 7. A Moone-clocke.
  • 8. The Anotomy of mans body, gouerned by the 12 signes.
  • 9. The Signes of the Zodiacke.
  • 10. How the Signes came to be hung vp in the Zodiacke.
  • 11. A generall Kalendar for the common motion of the Moone, in all the moneths of the Yeere.
  • 12. The disposition of the Planets for this Yeere.
  • 13. Rules for Health and Profit.
  • 14. The 4. Quarters of the Yeere, with the diseases inci­dent to each of them.
  • 15. Generall diseases to reigne this Yeere.
  • 16. Invndations, and most strange ouer-flowings of Wa­ters.
  • 17. Of a Dearth.
  • [Page]18 A briefe and merry Prognostication, presaging good for­tunes to a Set of fundamentall Trades: viz:
    • 1 Mercers.
    • 2 Grocers.
    • 3 Drapers.
    • 4 Fishmongers.
    • 5 Goldsmiths.
    • 6 Skinners.
    • 7 Taylors.
    • 8 Haberdashers.
    • 9 Salters.
    • 10 Ironmongers.
    • 11 Vintners.
    • 12 Clothworkers.
    • 13 Dyers.
    • 14 Brewers.
    • 15 Lether-sellers.
    • 16 Pewterers.
    • 17 Barber-surgions.
    • 18 Armorers.
    • 19 Bakers.
    • 20 Chandlers.
    • 21 Girdlers.
    • 22 Cutlers.
    • 23 Sadlers.
    • 24 Butchers.
    • 25 Carpenters.
    • 26 Shoemakers.
    • 27 Painters.
  • 19 Faires in England.
  • 20 The high waies.
  • 21 Good and bad Daies.


BRother Rauen, I did euer enuy the happines of other Birds, when I saw them freely enioying Woods, Fields, Parks, Forrests, Cities, King­domes, and all that the mouing canopy of hea­uen can couer, as their proper cages to sing in all the day, drawing thereby, audience to their be­witching-musicke-Lectures; when poore I (hauing more knowledge (except in song) than the proudest of them) durst neuer, or seldome gad abroad in the light. But when I heard, and beheld your selfe a student in the Mathematicks, and by iumbling together a hotch-potch of Calculations, to be counted an Astronomer, and to paste vp your name on euery poste in the title of a Booke, called, The Rauens Almanacke, I did then more vex than euer before.

I confesse you are a Bird of a larger wing than I am, goodlir is your proportion, piercing are your eyes, your colour so ami­able, that Women take a pride to haue haire, blacke as a Rauens, dreadfull is your voice, bloudy your beake, and your tallons full of terror: but let your bosome be open, and then (as in some great States-men, who carry an outward glorious show) nothing is to be found but vglines, treachery, and rapacitie. But if it shall be no dishonour for me to stand on the tiptoes of mine owne commendations, I would then against your ominous croaking thus farre preferre my wakefull hooting, that I haue euer beene held a praedooming Bird; but (besides that) an Embleme of Wisdome, and so sacred among the Athenians, that they carried the reuerence of my picture stamped vpon their money.

Now (brother Rauen) as in this point I spitefully make com­parisons [Page 2] with you, as prouing my selfe, not one, to whom you may cry, Haile fellow well met: So will I, in these my Ptolo­maicall praedictions, discouer to the world such wonders from the planatary-Regions, that not onely thou, but all other Birds (daring to pry into the priuy-chamber of Heauen) shall plucke in their heads (as I doe vntill twilight) with shame, and neuer offer more to pester Pauls Church-yard, with their triuiall Pro­gnostications. I haue beene this yeere in progresse with the Moone, riding on the Dogge which the man in the Moone leads, whose bush of Thornes he lent me, in steed of a fanne to keep off the winde, whilst he himselfe ranne along by me as my footman. Much skill learnt I of the Moone, for shee is a great light to Almanack-makers, albeit in shew, shee seeme but a cold friend to them: and much mad talke had I with that lunaticall fellow (the squire of her body.) The 12 houses of the Sunne, lay higher vp into the countrey, so that by reason my sight hath euer beene bad, I had no great stomach to mount vp thither, because I know the Sunne (who neuer could endure me) would haue spied both a Moate in mine eye, and a Beame too. Here I caught starres, faster than a Cat will kill flies; of which store I shot some downe to helpe those that write Almanacks for Lon­don. Some of the 12 Signes (which like cast garments, being worne to peeces, were throwne by into an odd corner) I clapt close vnder my wings, and now they are to be seene hanging in the middle of Cheapeside; for there's the Ram, the Bull, the Crab, Capricorne, &c. Onely the young wench (called Virgo) would by no meanes sit in any shop in that streete, because so many Gallants lye ouer the stalls, courting euery hansom wo­man there, that the maide was afraid to haue lost her head, in the company. Thus with weary winge traueld I, but being now come backe from the Court of the Moone, (who is not much vnlike me, hauing a great broad platter face as mine is) listen to the wonders which I bring with me: So hooting and whooping a silence to your Rauenship, I prognosticate my selfe, yours for a strange Almanacke for a whole yeere,


The beginnings and endings of the 4. Termes in the Yeere.

HIllary Terme is the merriest Terme of all foure: It begins in hope to the Lawyer to haue good doings, and ends in Hillary Terme. despaire to the Client that he shal not be dispatched this Terme

It hath 4 Returnes.
  • The first Returne, the Lawyer comes vp with an empty Capcase.
  • The second Returne, the Client comes vp with a full Capcase.
  • The third Returne, all the Clients money is in the Lawyers Capcase.
  • The fourth Returne, nothing but Lawyers papers stuffe the Clients Capcase.

EAster Terme comes in all in greene, with the Spring (like a Easter Terme. puny Clarke) waiting vpon him, and would be as merry as Hillary, but that Puritans plucke downe prophane and high­pearching May-poles.

It begins with Pox vobis, and ends with Pox vobis.

It hath 5 Returnes.
  • The first Returne, the Client hopes well.
  • The second Returne, the Atturney heartens him well.
  • The third Returne, the Client laies it on well.
  • The fourth Returne, he praies and paies well.
  • The fift Returne, the Atturney laughes well.

TRinitie Terme is a very hot fellow, yet in regard he is but Trinity Terme. short liu'd, (for he is borne the ninth of Iune, and departs the twenty eight of Iuly) he doth no great good to the Lawyer, nor great hurt to the Client.

It begins in one of the Kings Courts at Westminster Hall, and ends in one of the prisons about London.

It hath 4 Returnes.
  • And those Returnes are like the 4 quarters of a decreasing or wayning Moone.
  • The first Returne, the rich Plaintiffe, with corpulent bacon­fed guts, rides puffing vp to London, with a purse warmely linde, [Page 4] and thats the full moone, during which fulnes he far out-shines the Defendant, and giues great light to the Lawyers, though in the end they light him, when his owne torch burnes no longer.
  • The second Returne, the lamentably-complaining Defen­dant, comes vp too, being more in the wayne than the other, (nay parhaps altogether out both of the Wayne, horses, and oxen) and yet his purse not three quarters full neither.
  • The third Returne, what with Councellors, Attournies, Clarkes, and other ministers of iustice, the Plaintiffes purse is scarse halfe full, which he empties euery day (as he melts his grease) with trudging from Court to Court, onely to vndoe his poore Aduersary.
  • The fourth Returne, there is a iudgement gotten against the Defendant, and now his heart & cause being both ouerthrowne together, his spirits are so darkned with black clouds of sorrow, that he seemes vtterly ecclipsed, vntill the first quarter of a new Moone, which will not shew her hornes vntill next Terme.

MIchaelmas Terme comes in with his nose dropping, and a pipe of lighted Tobacco puffing out of his mouth, to dry Michaelmas Terme. vp the rhewme, for he's but a sniueling companion: You shall seldome see him but dawbd vp to the hams with durt and raine; and commonly, to make amends for that, a pynte of mulld sack is his mornings draught. It begins with a shiuering to 500 that are Termers, but ends in a burning Feuer, for Westminster and London are too hot for 400 of these 500 to tarry by it.

It hath 8 Returnes.
  • The first Returne, an Essex Yeoman hath a Goose goes gag­ling into his neighbours barne.
  • The second Returne, he that owes that barne, wrings off the neck of this Goose.
  • The third Returne, the Gooses master, ambles vp to the Terme to a man of Law, drawing out his purse, as he driuells out his speech, and scrapes with his hobnailes for counsell, how to sue in the Gooses name.
  • The fourth Returne, he that assaulted and battred the Goose, gallops vp too, and thrashes out his siluer about that Goose too.
  • The fifth Returne the matter comes to tryall. [Page 5]So that
    • The Goose is pluckd,—there's the Iury.
    • The Goose is rosted with delicate sawce, there's the Verdict.
    • The Lawyer eats the Goose, there's a Iudgment entred.
    • And giues the feathers to sticke the other two coxcombes, Execution vpon that iudgement.
  • The sixth Retourne, the Lawyer perswades his clyent, it was no Goose, but a Gander: too't againe they goe.
  • The seuenth Returne, the two Essex Calues haue suckd each other dry, and haue neither Goose nor Gander.
  • The eight Returne, they goe home like a couple of tame Geese, when their feathers are pluck'd, and are passing good friends.

There are Star-chamber daies in all these 4 Termes, for the Star-Chamber daies. Councell of Heauen (with the King in all his glory) sits to cen­sure the Riots of the mighty on earth, oppressing the poore, the fatherles, and widow, and by the royall authoritie of that most honorable Court, to guard innocence, and weaknes, from the malice and tyrannie of bloudy-minded Creditors, whose pleas are neuer heard before so high an assembly of Iudges.

A memoriall of the time sithence some strange and remarke­able Accidents, vntill this yeere 1617.

SInce the first lye was told, is (as I remember) 5565 yeeres; First Ly [...]. and that was by all computation in Adams time, but now in these daies men and women lye downe-right.—5565

Since the burning of Pauls steeple many fiery faces haue hea­ted 2 the Citie, but especially some Catchpolls red noses haue set 500 a sweating comming by the Counter gates: But since the burning at Winchester, (at which time no small number of Geese were both pluckd and powdred) many heads ake to this Winchester G [...]se. day to remember it, albeit it be now about 12 or 13 yeeres past.——————12

Since the first making of noses chimneyes, with smoaking 3 First [...]ffing Tobacco. mens faces as if they were bacon, and baking dryed Neats tongues in their mouthes.————32

[Page 6]Some Almanacks talke that Printing hath bin in England not aboue 156 yeeres; but I finde in an old worme-eaten Ca­balisticall 4 Printing of sheets. Author, that sheets haue bin printed in this Kingdom aboue a 1000 yeeres before that time.—1000

Taylors haue bin troubled with stitches, euer since yards came vp to measure womens petticotes, and that is at least agoe 5 Taylors stitches yeeres—5000

Oranges came from Siuill into England aboue an 100 yeeres 6 Lemmons. past; but we had great store of Lemmons long before, 100

Since hot waters caused bad liuers in London, and her Sub­urbes, 7 Hot waters. is not much aboue 15 or 16 yeeres: but they neuer burnt out the bottoms of mens purses so much, vntill Ra: Sauage gaue them Phlegetonticall brewings, and horrible Necromanticall names.—16

Dancing was in England long before the Conquest, but 8 Dancing, & Pumps. pumpes haue bin vsed in London within 60 yeeres or there­abouts.—60

Since bottle Ale came puffing into England, and thereby troubled the countrey with terrible windes, all the Putt-gallies 9 Bottle Ale, and Roaring boyes. seruing Brew-houses neere the Thames are weeping witnesses, but whether Puffing and Roaring Boyes were before that time, looke into the Calendar of Newgate, and there tis Re-corded.

Since the horrible dance to Norwich.—14

Since the arriuall of Monsieur No body.—11

Since that old and loyall souldier, George Stone of the Beare­garden died.—8

Since the dancing horse stood on the top of Powles, whilst a number of Asses stood braying below.—17

The generall Earth-quake in rich mens consciences, hath no Rich mens Earth-quakes. certaine time when it shall be, but the earth-quake, and cold shi­uering in poore mens bodies is now euery day, and charity cold her selfe, shee knowes not how to comfort them.

Since the German Fencer cudgelld most of our English Fen­cers, now about 5 moneths past.

Since yellow bands, and saffroned Chaperoones came vp, is Yellow bands. not aboue two yeeres past, but since Citizens wiues fitted their husbands with yellow hose, is not within the memory of man.

Since close Caroches were made running bawdy-houses, yesterday. Yellow hose.

Since swearing and forswearing cried [What doe you lacke] in London, no longer agoe then this very morning.

The beginning and ending of the Yeere, as also of the World.

THe yeere begins with me when I haue money in my purse, which with a good suite on my backe, a faire gelding vnder Yeere begins. me, and a gilt Rapier by my side, makes it compleat.

The yeere begins with some Gallants, when they cry zounds Drawers, yee rogues; and is neere expiration, when they aske in a low voice, Whats to pay?

The yeere ends with me when my siluer is melted, and my elbowes are ragged. Yeere ends.

In the interim of these two extreames it is indifferent current.

The world begins with a young man, when he new sets vp for himselfe, and ends with him when his wife sets vp for her selfe.

The world begins with an old man, when euery day his baggs fill, and that he can drinke halfe a pinte of sacke off at a draught, World begins and ends. and cry Hem after it: and the world ends with him, when he begins to dote on a young wench.

English Tides.

HIgh water aboue London bridge, when the Prentises there High water. dwelling plucke vp buckets full to the top of the house, to ferue their kitchins; and low water, when people goe ouer the Thames dry shod.

High water at London bridge, when the tide is come in: low water when tis gone out.

High water at all Hauens, when their mouthes swill in so Hauens. much, that they cast it out againe.

And high water with all Riuers, when bridges & they meeting, Bridges. the bridges are glad to stand vp to the middle to saue themselues

High water in schoole boyes eyes, after the fearefull sentence Schoole boyes. women. of Take him vp: and in womens, when either they cry for anger, or are maudlin drunke.

It flowes with good fellowes, when their cups are full, and their braines swim; and it ebbs at the posterne when the phy­sicke Drunkards. workes, and the body purgeth backward.

Its high water at Westminster Hall when porters are feed by Lawyers to ride a picke-packe on them in stead of Mules, and Lawyers. so to turne them into Asses: and wonderfull low water when the streame of quicke-siluer hath his current stopt vp.

Computation Diurnall, and Astrologicall.

GOlden number is any number of golden Angels, or other coyne of the same metall. It is this yeere with me 2. for Golden Num­ber. the Golden Number, next yeere I hope it will be more.

Epact is a comprehension of the teeth of the Moone; for Epact. looke into her mouth with the watching candle of Astronomi­call skill, and by the soundnes of her gum-pales you shall know how old her great belly is.

The Circle of the Sunne is bigger than any Towne bushell, Circle of the Sunne. yea though you allow vnto it London water-measure. A sieue cannot hold it, for the beames peepe out at euery litle hole.

The Roman Indiction this yeere is, that we eat no flesh on Fridaies, and that none feed vpon Saturdayes, vnlesse he haue Roman Indi­ction. victuals.

The Dominicall Letter (L) with a dash ouer it, signifies either a Lord, or a pound: the one sometimes being more welcome to Dominicall letter L. an Almanacke-maker than the other.

Shroue-tuesday falls on that day, on which the Prentices pluck'd downe the cock-pit, and on which they did alwaies vse to rifle Madam Leakes house at the vpper end of Shoreditch.

Ashwednesday on a Wednesday.

Good Friday the Friday before Easter.

And this yeere Holy Thursday (which I neuer wonder at) will fall vpon a Thursday.

Easter day my Grandame sayes, she neuer knew but on a Sun­day, and I say as much for Whitsunday.

And now listen to a double-ribd Distichon of an old Au­thor.

Christmas (as I remember)
Old rymes to remember times
Is euer in December,
And May day the first of the row,
Saint Iohn after Steuen,
The day after euen,
Beleeue me, I say it so.

A Moone-clocke, or a rule to know the houre of the night by the Moone.

TAke a paire of iron Tonges; pitch them stradling ouer a An excellent Moone-diall, but that the Dyall is too bigg to carry in a mans pocket. kennell; then fasten a Waggon-wheele to the diameter of the Tonges; which done, marke what spoake doth cast the sha­dow of the Moone into the sinke, directly betweene the bestri­ders; from which count the spoakes till you come right oppo­site to the shadow: then dimidiate or part in two equall parts that number, diuide it by 3. multiply it by 7. from which extract the number of the Epact, and the Remanet will be the iust houre of the night. To shew a platforme were idle, when the precept is so plaine.

The Anatomy of mans body.

1. ARies, the Ramme, gouernes the head: men whose wiues haue light heeles, are called Ramme-headed Cuckolds.

2. Taurus, the Bull, gouernes the neck and throat: for stiffe­necked fellowes are Roaring Boyes, and dead their tooles often in Turne-Bull street.

3. Gemini, the Twinnes, gouernes the armes and shoulders: so theeues goe to the Sessions, two by two, arme in arme, shoul­der to shoulder.

4. Cancer, the Crab, gouernes the stomacke: and reason, for a Crab well buttered is excellent meat.

5. Leo, the Lion, gouernes the heart: hee that hath not the heart of a Lion, hath the head of an Oxe.

6. Uirgo, the Virgin, gouernes bowels and belly, and makes both cry Oh, if they meddle too much with her gouernment.

7. Libra, the Ballance, gouernes the loynes, for much dou­ble dealing is done in those quarters.

8. Scorpio, the Scorpion, gouernes the secret parts, for those sting pockily.

9. Sagittarius, the Archer, gouernes the thighes, for between them is the sweetest shooting.

10. Capricornus, the Goat, gouernes the knees, for a man le­cherous as a Goat is brought vpon his knees.

11. Aquarius, the Water-bearer, gouernes the legges, he hath a staffe to helpe too, and all little enough sometimes, when he carries drinke and water both.

12. Pisces, the Fishes, gouernes the feet: for let a man come out of any Tauerne in Fish-street drunke, it is so slippery with fish water, that downe he comes, and lies like a heape of stink­ing gubbins.

If these 12 be not able to gouerne mans vnruly body, then let the 12 Companies of London haue him to their Halls, and whip him. But to proue that these are strong enough to hold him, you may by the verses following perceiue that the Sunne of these 12. makes himselfe a girdle in the Zodiacke.

The Signes of the Zodiacke. Signes.

The Ramme, the Bull, Twinnes, Crab, the Lion hot.
Virgin, Scales, Scorpion, he which Archer hight,
The Goat, and bearer of the Water-pot,
A brace of fishes,—with heauenly light.
These summe the dozen of those starres in skie,
Which lend bright Cynthia such varietie.

The first Induction of the Zodiack.

THe Zodiacke, which begd his name of liuing creatures, (for all the Cullizans in it except one, which is of no great weight neither, drew their pedigree from the Idea of some ex­cellent Animal) tooke his originall thus.

When Iupiter raigned in the skie, and the frie of the gods in How the Zodi­acke tooke his originall. the Zodiacke-circle, Promotheus that melancholicke Artizan [Page 11] casting downe from the earths seeling a compassionate eye on mankinde, who at that time had no other fire than that of loue, which was Cupids, and that of anger, which is the heat of Neme­sis, commiserated mans cold comfort, and vowed when time Man at first without the vse of fire. serued to pull opportunitie by the nose, and pleasure man with that artificious Pantechnon, which in worth farre transcended that peerelesse pearle of Anthonies Lady.

What might moue him to divulge this treasure out of the Exchequer of heauen, I know not: Some thinke it was a swel­ling Premetheus the theese that first stole fire. desire that possest him, thinking to eternize his fame, and make his name immortall, by bestowing this rare gift vpon mortals.

Others imagine that this Promotheus was wownd into the loue (and not vnlikely, for your semi-Saints and Demi-deities were euer liable to Cupids archerie) of a pretty Damosell, that dwelt vnder the immortall Canopy in this cold Horizon, which made his virgin in frostie congealing mornings looke like Vespa­sian, as if she had beene wringing at an hard stoole; and that for her sake he became so liberall to the earths inhabitants.

Howsoeuer, whether this or that was his instigation, occasion being tost in his way, he bestowed this hot benefit on man, im­parting Armorers had first vse of fire. it first vnto Pyrotes an excellent Armorer.

The meanes how he came by it is not certainly knowne: Some thinke that he himselfe by his deepe-searching wit first in­uented the manner how to dash it out of the igniferous flint.

In his right hand a shiuering flint he lockes,
First fire from a flint.
Which gainst another in his left he knockes
So vp and downe, that from the coldest stone,
At euery stroke, small fiery sparkles shone,
Which withered Daphne with her leaues doth feede,
This was our fires (tis thought) both root and seede.

Others imagine he got this knowledge by comming into Mul­cibers Promethe [...] robd Vulca [...] forge of fire. shop, (which stands at the foote of brimstone-bubling Aetna) and secretly peeping ouer the old Farriers shoulder, as he was striking fire: But the most receiued opinion is, that hee playd the theefe, and stole it either out of Vulcans Forge, (as some would haue it) or rather è Coelo, out of Ioues treasurie, as most imagine: Howsoeuer he bestowed it on man, flat against [Page 12] Ioues will & pleasure, who was much enraged at this his action.

And surely there was iust cause of Ioues displeasure, for it is thought that at that time as many damnd mischiefes throngd Why Ioue was angry seeing m [...]n to vse fire. into the world with fire, as there did phantasticall fooleris with Monsieur into England. Then pranked dame Paena & Pecunia, (money, and misery) bagges and beggery, the very heart and head of infelicitie. Then came craft into the world, with his Fire the breeder of mischiefe. Pages, Synon, Dautu, Geta, Parasitus, (the Fawne) and goodman Doliu (Doctor Deceipt) who for his antiquitie might beare Armes as bigge as Charles-wayne. Then came posting in (on a pibald Cut,) Simony (see money) Bribery, Humanisme, Malice, all the whelps of Acheron, all the weedes of the infernall banks, with pale-fac'd Incontinence, and giddy-braind Intemperance, the two swiftest coach-horses of hell.

About this very time landed Deterior Aetas, (the ill-fauor'd The Brazen Age. facde Beldam) and calendred her selfe into the Earths Alma­nacke; a cunning, a coying, and purloyning Sorceresse: At whose tayle marched in most stinking Ranks, all the sores, mis­chiefes, & State-impostumes, that couered their damned heads with Pasquills Mad-cap, or else were minced & boyled together in Mad-caps Gallimafry. Now issued in from the Reareward, Madame Vice, or olde Iniquitie, with a lath dagger painted, ac­cording to the fashion of an old Vice in a Comedy, with a head of many colours, as shewing her subtlety, and at her backe two Punkes that were her Chamber maides, the one called Too litle. Omne nimium vertitur in vi­tium. the other Too much; and these two had like Quick-siluer eaten the worlds Goodnesse to the heart.

In a left wing of this Army of Barathrum, were skirmishing more sinnes then euer the Bell-man of London, or Lanthorne and Two bookes written by T. D. Candle-light did euer muster vp together.

For before these barrels of mischiefe were set abroach, euery old man was a peece of reuerend Coyne, on which the very face A figure of the Golden age. of Goodnesse was ingrauen, and euery sprig of youth, was a Lawrell branch, which all the yeere long grew greene, and smelt sweete of Innocencie. Women were those Creatures that No such women now. were fairer within than without, wooing men to loue them for their vertues, and not one of that name did then sound, Woe-Man: Maides had that title from Modestie: Mariage was the [Page 13] Merry-age: A childe playing with a Dogge, the Embleme of simplicity; euery mans life was his Chronicle to following No Maides. Puppies and children do so still. times, and in euery leafe was Honestie, and Fidelitie in texted let­ters: A golden Age was this, yet without gold: where euery Common-wealth was more (if more might be) than Sr Thomas Moores neuer-enough praised Utopian. Sir Thomas Moore his Vto­pian.

Ioue the reputed Admirall of the Aires Ocean, billowing his browes with disdaine and fury, cracking a cloud at euery bended Ioue in a pel­ting chafe. wrinkle, and thumping out a thunder at euery frowne, his face flashing fire, and his lookes menacing stormes, stood still as if mortalitie had seene Medusa stampd on the ground, as if Cato had seene a swaggerer, vowed with a thousand Stygian Oathes, that Prometheus should repent him of his bold attempt, and au­dacious Prometheus looke to your coxcombe. Ioues Pursi­uant called for. profusion, in communicating that Iouiall flame, which would in time set the whole world in a combustion. Forthwith flies there a Voice, which summons his winged Herald Mercu­ry, to whom the fire-stealer is deliuered in charge to be conuei­ed to Vulcan the Master of the Heauenly Ferrary, or Ioues Iron workes, to be chaind to the top of cold Caucasus. Mercury pre­sentlie made proclamation (with an Iron voice out of his Star­threating Turret,) that all creatures, who thought themselues endamaged by this fire-worke of Prometheus should instantly Terrible doings. present themselues before him, and wreake their balefull Ire on him at their pleasure. On frosty-fronted Caucasus, that colde The theife taken. Mountaine, (at Ioues command) was this Prometheus lodged, shackled to a stake with chaines which Unlcan had hammered out for that vnruly hell-hound, the winde-throated Porter of Hells Porter and a prison Porter Cozens as I take it. Erebus (Cerberus) where to this houre he stands shiuering and shaking like a condemned Caitiffe, that attends the fatall stroke to seuer his head piece from his feare-frozen carcas; or like a Schoole-boy, doom'd with that fatall, Solue ligulas, (or vntrusse) Euen so he stood till the sound of the writhen horne had famo­sed his act farre and neere, with the liberty of inflicting penal­ties; viz. how that all the world was licensed to whet the Speares of anger to spit him; who like an Indian (in new Spaine) stood there exposed as a faire marke for any mans fury.

Aries, the Ramme.

THe first Tilter that ran against him was Aries the crooked­horned winding Ram: off left he his grazing, and thus be­gan he his indictment.

Calling to minde the preiudice that this fire-filcher had done him, how that now such craft had sunke into the braines of man, A Ram-headed Oration. such rape and auarice into his heart, that poore Rammes could no more sleepe in their golden fleeces; whereas before that time their wollen coates were neuer in feare or danger of cutting out, by the cruelty of fire-molded mettali; their tender lambes were neuer taken from their uberous sides; their bloud was neuer tainted in the Parliament of Wolues, nor had the Fox that crafty A sweet Par­liament. noddle of his owne, to play the bloud-sucker amongst their flockes. This tale being bleated out, and heard, this cornuted husband of the Sheepes-heads, fetching a feeze backeward (like O braue Ram! the Roman Ram, to push forward with the more violent and vil­lanous force) ran with all his horniferous strength at the poore Fire-fellon, and stroke his brow-butters full in Promotheus fore­head, that the very print remaineth in his front, and doth still in some of his race to this day; yea such was the violence of the These horne­heads are ter­rible fellowes. blow, that it hath caused a wrinkled brow in all his progeny.

Ioue stood by in a cloud, beholding the courage of the Ram, which after he had applauded with his pleasing lookes, he pla­ced Rewards for reuenge. him on the chained head to vex his pate for euer, as the Head­signe, at which hung his fury.

Taurus, the Bull.

BVt casting his eye aside, behold came Taurus vp the hill, with roaring throat, sweating like a Bull as he was, bellowing out Ware the Bull. Bulls Oration. in behalfe of all his beastly kinred, that by Prometheus meanes, his soule and body was brought into danger: For the inuention of the sythe, which mowed downe the grasse from his hungry paunch; the iron chaine that restrained his grinders, from hewing vp the blades, were by the helpe of fire first framed. Nay, the Butcher had all the instruments of death from this theft of his. The goad that spurres his slownesse forward, and the boldnesse of man that durst encounter such a masse of [Page 15] flesh, first fetcht their originall from this Act of his.

These speeches with a bull-beefe countenance being vttered (for he was like Aiax more warrior than Orator) he ran at this Bellowes-maker (whose filching was the first inuenter of kindling A Paris-gar­den Bull could haue done no more. Ioue a stickler. fire) with such a roaring and bellowing violence, that goaring his theeuish necke, he almost doubly nailed it to the stake.

Ioue clapt the Bull on the flankes (as a Beareward doth the Bull at Paris-garden, in a great day of bayting) and was glad to see Iustice (whose sword is put into the hands of Fooles and Coxcombes vpon earth) to be so nobly and stoutly executed on a villaine, by a creature meerely irrationall.

Gemini: The Twinnes.

YEa, the thunder-darting god, laughes so loud that the eccho of that noise euen shooke the palace; celestiall; but before Roome for [...]o Fencers. the wrinkles of his cheekes were made smooth againe, Ioue fed his eyes with the sight of two Twins (called Gemini) hand in hand approching this condemned Miscreant. The teares sell in sweet showers from their eyes, sometimes trickling downe their tender cheekes, anon those balls of light, swimming onely in circles of water, like two Ilands incompassed about with a paire of Riuers: So stood they gazing and greeuing to behold that Ar [...]-pyrate their tormented enemy, whose punishment in heart they wished to be doubled, as were their bodies.

Destiny had giuen them more woes than words: but Nature was so good a schoole mistris to them, that they could without booke rehearse their owne misfortunes. Who thou art (quoth Good boyes. the Gemini with feeble voices) we cannot tell; knowne onely art thou vnto vs, as a fatall tree, vpon which growes all our mi­series. Thou didst first reueale the vse of fire to man, teaching him since how to feede and foster it continually, and by that mysterie opened to him the way to our vndoing. It was thy Sea-cole of N [...]wcastle a good benefactor to this. Armorers had neuer beene a Company else. wit and worke to set the world at warres by the fire of Dissenti­on, and the burning coles of Ambition, and to that end Smiths, Gun-makers, Speare-makers, and such like hard-handed fellowes haue beene a long time thy slaues and prentises; night and day hammering from the Mardrons anuile, kniues, ponyards, steelettoes, swords, bills, pollaxes, canons, culuerins, sacres, [Page 16] muskets, petronels, and pistolls; to feede whose insatiable sul­phurous and deuouring fire spitting mouthes, that black-meale of hell (Gunpouder,) hath likewise beene inuented. It was long of thee that our Parents were slaine, that our States were ouerthrowne and all misfortunes fell vpon vs. Two wee are to one, yet our force is but small, and the stroake of our reuenge Thats oddes. but feeble. Yet to prooue that there is spleene euen in poore flies, and to shew a loue to our Parents, we will in scorne of thee Habet & mus­ca splenem. bestride thy shoulders, and there with the horrid noyse of our wrongs, so lug thee by the eares with our nayles, and so torment thy hearing, that thou shalt wish to be burnt in tenne thousand bon-fires, for filching that handfull of fire from heauen, rather than be tortured by two such cruell Hangmen as we shall proue to thee.

This threatned-sentence tooke place; vpon his shoulders Prometheus made an Asse to cary two Apes. they mounted; Prometheus both patient and speachlesse, endu­ring their bauling exclamations: whose scolding day and night grew to be so loude, and the barking so intollerable that the Head of man and his Eares, laide their noddles together, taking counsell of the braine how to preuent the shaking downe and vtter-ruine of the capitall building, by such an euerlasting roa­ring thunder; And thereupon found out no better meanes to How wax crept into the eares. stop such breaches, than by clammy wax, iust at the wickets of the eares, whose little key-holes being so choaked vp, the hor­ror of their sounds could not pierce too farre. So that euer­since, the head (being the bodies hiue) doth by certaine Bee­workings of the Braines, conuay wax to the cells of hearing.

Cancer: The Crab.

NExt came Cancer, like a Waterman in a boate, his arse to­ward the place to which he was going, he looked like a piece A sweet-face Crabbe. of Hebrew spelld the contrary way, or like a rope-maker, who as he gets his liuing, doth go (like a course carried to Church) with his heeles forward; or if you will, like a witch who saies her praiers backeward; iust in that manner marched Signior Cornuto Cancer with the Crab-treeface, Testudine gradu, crawling with his tayle before him. Hee was very desirous to mend his pace (not daring to sweare for feare his clawes should catch no fish) [Page 17] but, protesting hee would giue all his palaces of dead horse­heads, and cared not who buttered his lecherous guts, with egges and muscadine, and so eate him, vpon condition, hee might but O cruell Crabbe giue that Termigant Prometheus, but three pinches; not vpon any legitimate spleene in the world, but onely that he would not like a snaile plucke in his hornes, in such a combat, where the Ramme, Bull, and a couple of Iacke-sprat Boyes, had laid about them so like Fencers. The Reuenge was common as the Law, or as the blowes of a Spittle whore (hot and dangerous) and therefore like the Asse in the Fable, that would needes bee so lusty at legges as to lend the Lyon a brace of kickes, and to play at Spurne-point with him, so would the Crab haue a bout with Don-fire Drake, but the Asse plaid his Iades trickes, when Cor­de-Lyon lay halfe dead in his belly, scarce hauing one tooth in Age a terrible tooth-drawer. his head, because Age being his Barber had pluckt all out, and so Monsieur Cancro was the more hot vpon his enemy, because he had him bound to the peace.

Or it may be, he was thus sower the rather, because Prome­theus looked like a fisher (as hee hung) with a long driueling▪ beard, who was wont to scarre such crabbed companions out of their rockie, and mossie dennes; or else, because Fishermen by helpe of that Fellons skill in fire-workes, got both Anchors to This is very likely. Hinc illa la­chrimae! hold their Peeter-boates, and little hooke to choake harmelesse fishes, [...] other Engines, to destroy the poore inhabitants of the Ocean.

Howsoeuer, or whatsoeuer it was which boyled within him, but Cancer crawld vp, to Prometheus his linked ribbes, where he fell so to pinch his stomach, that all his chamber of Melancholy (I Crabbes are windy meate for the stomach. meane the Milt) was in a dogged, & sullen scuruie puffing: so that the poore Scab, was as splenaticke, as the Capadocian bawd in Plautus: Habet & musca splenē (quoth Ioue) Cancer can be chol­lericke, and my little Crab crawle on his belly but he will bite his enemy.

Leo: The Lyon.

BVt oh! on a sudden the belly-bitten thiefe yells out, roares, and bandies vp curses, able to cracke the cloudes a sunder: yelling with loude-yawning throate, like a prisoner in Ludgate, [Page 18] or the Grate-men in the begging roome of the Kings Bench Either of which ba [...]le extreme­ly. common Iayle, when they doe but smell the breath of foure Flanders Mares whu [...]ying neere them in a Caroch, all his body grew cold with feare, his shoulders shooke like an aspine, and his heart quaked like an halfe dead Eele vpon an hot grediron: and what was it, but LEO came flinging vp the hill, bearing his Enter Lyon. head as high as the last foote of Horace, his first song: his fiery­trembling maine, being proudly erected, and his taile retorted on his backe, as chafing his ridge-bone to prouoke his courage, The addressing of the Lyon to the combat. complaining of the mans act, and the fruit of his act (fire and sword) the one with his flame dismaies his valour, the other with his lustre terrifies his prey-coueting thoughts, more than the fearefull crowing of the watchfull Chanticleere. Then gi­uing his speech a treble plaudit, with three round roares he skips Well roar'd Lyon. to the heart of the obiect, and had wholly sent it into his seldom­full, or neuer satisfied throat, had not Ioue sent a thunder of re­treit vnto him out of hand. Lofty Lion (said Ioue) I will thee claspe thy iawes, and shut the portall of that vorant graue, which makes whole Townes looke pale, till the nuture of my Scepter shall haue limited thy boundles sauagenes.

When that thou shalt espie this pilfrers hart,
Ioue [...] make verses too.
To stacke his motion, and to rest as still,
Then shalt thou prey vpon that resting part,
Till when remaine
morigerat to our will.

Fast vnder his left arme stands this greedy Lion, expecting with wide-gaping mouth, the sedency and tired motion of his The Lyon swore to haue a legge or an arme. liues fountaine, at whose fearefull vigilancie the poore heart, with very thought of the terrifying beast driues it selfe with a conti­nuall Sistell and Diastoll, like the clacke of a mill, or a sunne-suckt leafe chain'd to a Spiders twine, yet I haue not read, that before that time it euer stirr'd.

Virgo: the Maide.

BVt mee thinks fuming furie should not smoke out of Vir­gins entrailes, when they haue so many petticoats to smother A hot whore. it: such tendrels of Venus groue should not harbour a shadow of reuenge: yea, but looke here where Virgo comes pacing vp the [Page 19] hill, as fast as an Hang man vp a Ladder, at the hope of a good A woman is violent in re­uenge. fuite, or at least, as fast as her buske will giue her leaue. Well, to be as briefe as an Apes taile, shee had no sooner got vp the hill, but she begins to chide out these causes of her direfull approach to tongue-tyed Prometheus; knocking her sists, as the custome of shrewes is, where at length her frownes vented this foame. Now for a fit of scolding. Now thou pilde pilfering knaue, thou maleficious Rascall, was the mumps of thy braine swolne so big, that they must needes breake out into flames, and bring such a smoak into the world, that has infected all our yongsters breath? thou hast taught men (thou captiuated cur) to kindle that quenchlesse fire of Tobacco (oh my bodkin Ile dig out his eyes) In which thou hast robb'd Thou for my money. Women hate Tobacco. Shee lou'd kissing. mee of my greatest pleasure; let a fresh Bachelour in his new cloths come but towards mee, with intent to draw breath at my lips, why I smell my youth before I come at him; and if he offer me the curtesie, I turne him away with a foh, you smell (saue re­uerence) of Tobacco. If I walk in the streets, and chance to come downe Bucklersbury, oh how the whole Orbe of aire is infected with this fume, which so much alters my complexion, that if I should not view my visage, euery houre of the day in the glasse, I durst be sworne that I should not know my selfe, but the worst of all is, that this Prometheus smoake, melts off the complexion from our coloured cheekes, as fast as we lay it on, I cannot for­beare, Tobacco a Pro­methean smoke. A pain [...]d Punke yet g [...] for a Maide. O wh [...]re! the spoile of that faculty spurs me forward, and forthwith sent she a red hot spit (as valorously as euer Tomyris strucke off Cyrus head) into the midst of his belly, that you might well say, that Prometheus was no Hypocrite, for you might easily see into him. Ioue of pitty, or rather of enuy healed the wound, as strengthning the offender for farther vengeance, but the skarre of the wound remaines in humane portracture, which wee call the Nauell.

Libra: The Ballanced.

LIbra shee that followed Uirgo (as fast as her apron-strings would giue her leaue) came creeping through the supporters of the presse, and being almost breathlesse with taking such wide A good Law­yer, she open [...] her owne case. strides, in short language laide open her case, and courted Ioue for reuenge. You know attendants all; the wrongs that I haue [Page 20] endured since the firing of the world. My mistris Equity (whose Embleme I am) hath hid her face since fraud set vp her banners, and weeps in obscure corners, to see deceipt brandish the square This is a cham­ber-maide to Iustice. of vpright dealing. I that before was the equall hand of Iustice, am now no more Libra for skales, but Libra for pounds. Nay further, our Trades men vse me in weighing such beastly stin­king stuffe, and that so vniustly, that I can no longer endure it. Chandlers, a [...]b for you. Wherefore great Ioue fasten mee to this Lubbers loynes, that I may euer sticke by his ribs, to put him in minde of his vnequall dealing. Prometheus raines being sore affrighted at the sight of [...]. such a mishapen creature, like an heartlesse hound fell a running away, and had not Ioue stopt their race, hee might haue died of that disease, and resigned his spirit to Ghost groping Pluto.

Scorpio: The Scorpion.

NOt long after came Scorpio, alleadging that by the vertue of this attracting fire, men had learned to cure his body­biting sting, and sought out deuises to entrappe his person, and to conuert his corps into a liquid oyle (most soueraigne a­gainst impoysonings) more then this, that in derision of his name, Prometheus the great Artificer had made a scourge for his apprentises delinquency, and call'd it a Scorpion, for which in­iuries Whips indeede bite sore. He lies st [...]e­dead. he enuiously skipt vp to his genitals, murdring that place, lest Prometheus should beget some more audacious boldings of his venturous nature.

Sagittarius: The Archer.

SAgittarius the Bow-man (Robin Hoods great Grand-sire (stood aiming at this fettred wretch, ready to let flie at him, had not the proceeding (indictacnsa) hindred him: wherupon he pro­duceth that this Salamander-breeder had brought so many bookes and subtilties into the world, and so stained all the liuers on the earth with craft and foxisme, that whereas before hee Foxisme. could haue slaine a foule at euery errand, he had sent his fether­checked Lacquey, now his bolts make many a vaine voyage, and returne empty. The Bucke, as soone as he spies these limb­slicing shafts, erected his front and eares, and paceth into the [...]irds may sing merily at this newes. thicket, where he is warded from the dart of death: thus is the [Page 21] vse of my intended arrow defeated, yea, of the shafts themselues, The Bucke too craftie for a bow. this Prometheus labours to delude mee, for when the world had no other heat then ardoremsolis (the heauens heat) euery hedge and quick-set, euery knot and turb of trees, was able to yeelde Sun-shine the first fire man warmed his hands at. quiuer shafts sufficient choyce and variety, now whole woods and forrests can scarse fit me with a paire to my liking. All the arborean and arbustian army, are so suddenly dride vp, and turned to colour as pale as ashes, at the very sight of this Prome­thean fire, yea (euen to this houre) if a Collier or an Irongrin­der passe but by a young and tender groue in Autum, you shall see within an handfull of dayes after, all the humid sap of those burning branches, fled within the rinde, and sunke vnder the ground (like a More-hen at the sight of a Spaniell) as dread­ing by a secret antipathy, those two wood-wasting Tyrans. Stand aside (said the shooter) Ile venture this at an hanch of his, though Now his bolt sties. all the woods in Arabia faile mee in yeelding such an other. Ile lame him first, afterwards (as my passion shall moue mee) Ile rage farther, haue at his thigh, away flies the arrow buzzing in the aire, as singing in his greedy voyage, for ioy of this wished prey. After followes Sagittarius viewing how his hungry arrow drunke vp the Trayterous tainted bloud.

Capricornus: The Goat.

NO sooner was this brunt ouer, but loe another calamitie (more anger yet) Capricornus the Sophy-bearded Goat came frisking in, as if he would haue capred ouer the Alps, his chinny dependant was bedewed with his pearled sweat, that issued from his head with too much haste, which so tired him, that fal­ling flat and flexible on his knees, hee thus gan say. Since this fire-founder Prometheus incensed the whole course of nature, Now the Goats beard begins to wagge. by his damned inuentions, lust and Iechery, the buds of heate and ardor haue dispersed themselues, through all the rankes of breathing creatures. My gray-bearded Sire well calculating the euent of this mischiefe, would euer charge his sons and daugh­ters, to beware of those force-enfeebling companions (the chil­dren of heat) declaring to vs by way of Items (as he went grazing Hairy bodies lecherous. downe the hill) the aptnesse and inclination of our bodies that way. I (for mine owne part) thought my selfe sufficiently in­structed [Page 22] against these hot-spurs, but hauing them occasionately tostin my way, I resisted (like Ouids Corinna) as though I would Grata est vi [...] ipsa. not ioyne. And suddenly my spirits were so strongly addicted to the sinnefull act (so strangely framed to the venome of vene­rie (that euen now already I am become the odious signature and embleme of vnchastity. Yea when men would decipher to the world a man that is lodged in lust, in one word (by way of metaphor) they tearme him a Goat. Neither is this the vtmost Goats Emblems of lust. of my griefe, or of the scath that this fire-brood hath done me; for hee hath so searched and wrought vpon my body, that I am continually vexed with the spirit-spending ague, as the Quaile Goats subiect to agues. Quailes to the falling sicknes. Gout, of Goat. with the falling sicknesse, or else euer buckled and bended in the knees, with the ioynt-tormenting gout (which I thinke borrow­ed his name of Goat) as now I am, whilst kneeling I tell this sto­rie. So that damage her selfecals vpon mee to sacrifice in wrath to her sister Nemesis. And (as I intend) this Waggoner of lust shall rue my maleuolent mood before hee and I depart. His knees, which I trow are within my reach, for I will proportion his penance to the qualitie of his offence, shall be the obiect of my banefull butcherie. Oh! euer will I pray that the Gonagra may possesse his hams, and the Sciatica his hips eternally.

Aquarius, The Water-bearer.

BVt opinion might perswade mee, that of all men aliue Aqua­rius the water porter should not fume at fiery Prometheus so much, since old Oceanus the Senior Sea-god would louingly call him his indeered friend. Yea but Aquarius has excellent reason for it, and will tell it as admirably, though he be illiterate and vnlearned: For (saith he) in times past when fire was kept vnder boord like a prisoner, and dwelt farre from our houses like the Antipodes, euery Conduit might flow his circle, euery fountaine run his dripling race, without molest; but now since The rage of fire. fire is growne superlatiue, and breathes nought but deuastations and incendiaries, since it hath got the knacke of translating houses into bone-fires (for enuious neighbors to warme them­selues by) making them loftie torches, as though they would Water bearers are sore emp­tiers of full tankerds. out-face the Moone; the pipes of our aquarie conueiance haue beene so drawne, the channels of springs so suckt, that I can [Page 23] sound my tankerd like an emptie caske, and looke into the bot­tome, but see not a drop of water. And assuredly were all the waters in Europe sunke downe into their kennels, yet would I laue this theefe with this relique of water in my tankerd, and send it into his shooes with an Armie of imprecations that it might proue like the Aethiop. Well in the day time, or the Sicilian riuer in the night; or (at least) like the English font that saxifies wood, and turnes it into rigid stone: that his supporters might be congealed, and his legges condensed into glassie ice, that boyes might slide his shins to shatters. Nay but there bee more tormentors of my kinde comming: draw the curtaines of your eyes and see.

Pisces: the Fishes.

IN good faith tis strange my Masters to my sense, a couple of fishes (Ile tell you their names as they fal better into my know­ledge) come leaping ouer the fallowes like pepper in a morter, It may be they are two Ottars. as though reuenge had sent them on her errand. The company turnd their heads backe ioyntly at the voice of that newes, like a steeple-weathercocke at the landing of another winde: well, not many skips spent, but fortune lead them to this Igni-fur, and being seated low by nature, they couet no higher then his feet, Fire-stealer. Why the fishes gouerne the feete. (a lesson for Ambitiosoes) which by this time were drowned in water that ran from the Water mans pitcher, (sufficient life roome for these two sworne brothers) where ingrauing some few signes and characters in the plaine visage of the water (for fishes are the mutest creatures aliue) the beholders might gather thus much.

Fire (which this Tyrant to fishes hath inuented against vs of An Oration writ in water. the moister or be) hath so instructed the fish-chasers in the Art of framing bearded hookes, and such ineuitable baits of faithlesse forgerie, that the hare liues not in more feare of the hound, then we of these traiterous inticing (I may call them Italian) Sallads. Yarm [...]uth Her­rings co [...]rplaine much of this. Thus vse the Fishmongers when they blow their nailes. And alas, when our captiuated corps are yeelded to those scale­hunters, then begins the Tamberlaine-Ignis to broile our barke, and carbonadoe our well-compacted limbes. In heat has this hunter offended, but we will torment him in another kinde. Oh, let our frosten nature benumme the passages of his veynes, and [Page 24] let no bloud of warmth haue recourse to these forward feet that T [...]us vse the F [...]sh-mongers when they blow their nailes. led this wretch into this woe, whiles that our tenter-teeth armed with enuies points, nibble on his toes, & vex his cornes & kibes.

Ioue thus seeing the delinquent perplext in euery part, shoring vp his eye lids aboue the snow-topt Caucasus (where were met whole troupes and multitudes of all kindes, except some drops of Mechanicals, and a spoonefull of old women, that were sui­ueling ore the fire, spreading themselues either as actors or spe­ctators Thats to say, the 12. Signes. in this ruefull tragedie) hoised vp these his instruments of reuenge, that tooke armes on them against this Traitor Pro­metheus (whom he left standing still) into the greater plaine of heauen, called Coelum stellatum (the starre-coated skie) where he placed them euery one in his order of reuolution and dignity of desert, composing of their bodies twelue speciall signes. And because they were so farre seated from the regiment of humane constitution, Ioue thought it good that they should apply their The Moone conueyes the vertue of these constellations into our bodies. All Sublunary bodies guided by the Moone. power to the Lady Moone, and she should conuey the vertue of their constellation into mans body, as being neerer and bet­ter acquainted with the same: so that euersince the Empresse of the lower world soiourning in their pallaces, hath a more forci­ble operation in our bodies constitution; that though Prome­theus and his off-spring be distant from their corporall domina­tion, yet by their infusiue qualitie (as it were by an vnknowne sympathie) he is still pliable to their syderiall regiment. The bleeding sores Ioue sent Aesculapius his Physitian to cure, Vulcan (his Armorer) to enfranchize and set him at liberty, and Mer­cury his Page to bid him void the hal. Prometheus roused himselfe vp (as though he had slept on Auernus bank, or had puld a twig of Lotos tree) gat him to his earthly tent, weighed the order of the matter well, Ioues proceeding and his offence, and wore out the rest of his life in some better ease and contentment. And now has my pen (like a wandring planet) run through the circle of the Zodiacke: let your fauour assist his next iourny, or tis like to be eclipsed.

A generall Calendar for the common motion of the Moone in all the moneths of the yeere.

FVll Moone in misers purses on paiment day: with Land­lords at Michaelmas and our Lady day: with beggars when [Page 25] they are trussed full: with women when they haue great bellies: with the Moone-Tauerne in Alde [...]sgate streete, when there's no roome in any roome.

Last Quarter, with theeues at Newgate, two or three dayes after the Sessions: with sicke persons when the bell rings out for them: with my Almanacke, when tis put vnder pie-crust.

New Moone when the good-wife sets her cheese together, or when the Taylor broacheth a new fashion.

First Quarter when my Hostesse vents her new vessell, and I clap two pots on my new score.

The disposition of the Planets for this yeare.

LAdy Luna, queene of Variety, and mistris of alteration, Luna. Women more Lunaticke tha [...] man. Change, Nouiltie. Apishnesse, 3 good girles. Mercury. shall Domineere in the mindes of women, more than in all the world besides, (the Sea excepted). Her two handmaides, (Change and Noueltie) shall something infatuate religious eares: but the sap of her Tree (Apishnes) shall colour the whole Court, Citie, and Countrey: And God sheild the Vniuersitie.

Mercury, the god of Cousenage (as the Poets terme him) ducks with the Sunne, like a Dogge with a Mallard, and followes his traine like an Apple-squire; but so muffled in his cloake, and so hooded in his knauery, that a man can hardly finde him, for all the candle is so neere him. Hee shall raigne in Faires and Markets more than in the skie: In Tradesmens shops more Cutpurses pray for him. than in his Orbe: In the mindes of fetching companions, more than in his sphaere. Buying and selling will be as good as a paire of stilts for him to walke his stations on; And chopping and changing better than a brace of armes to hold him vp.

Venus is likely to be Retrograde, falling backward vnder the Venus. earth after Sun-set: somewhat shortheeld (an ordinarie fault in an Hackney) I feare mee, shee will proue combust with some Burnt as many of her Traine are. of the rest, after once or twice Coniunction.

Sol sits in the midst, like a Diamond in a Ring, or a Center in Sol. a Circle, that all the other dimme-sighted starres are the lighter for him: His Nature can hardly be imitated, tis so difficult, to be impartially-liberall: He is likely to enlighten more eyes then I beleeue it. vnderstandings, and to heat more bodies with warmth, than mindes with zeale, yet he that gazeth on him too much may Zeale is not so hot. [Page 50] hap be put blinde, and he that pisseth against him, may be coun­ted a foole for his labour.

Mars will take horse at the Armorers shop, and neuer leaue riding till he fall in the Amorous lap, (Venus and He sympathize Mars. Souldiers are whoremasters. so well together). His chiefest newes is a common guest with vs, that domesticall sedition will be no forreiner.

Iupiter tells me his like for Ambition will easily be found, but not a Compar for Coelestiall Regiment. Those that will loue as he Iupiter. did, will not be so kinde to their loues as he was. Iupiter bore Eu [...]opa on his shoulders, to shew that our Gouernours should su­staine A Morall. Europes Kingdomes. Iupiter himselfe was once sufficient to beare Europa on his shoulders: God grant that all our Iupiters be able to beare vp Europe against her strong enemy, the Turke.

Saturne, the father of Melancholy, is like to domineere in the mindes of those that haue lost purse and money: that haue Saturne. Let such repaire to Mall Cut­purse. A tribus ad centum. More fooles they. No matter. made an ill match, and could finde in their hearts to hang themselues. In maides likewise that are tympanizde before their time, and in boyes that are sullen: In those that haue lost at Lotteries, and in some that watch out their money: In Poets when they are scuruily rewarded, or payd; and in Players when for their bad Acts they are scuruily hissed.

Praedictions for this yeare.

1. MOre blazing starres will be on the morrow after Si­mon and Ides day next in Cheapeside, then were seene at the conquest of Iulius at Rome.

2. More Charles-Waynes in London high-way than in the high Downe of Heauen.

3. More Planets amongst Schollers opinions, than fixed stars.

4. More quaking Agues in cold complexions, than in the earth.

5. More shall dine with Duke Humfrey, than sup with the man ith' Moone.

6. More battailes fought in the fields, than in the clouds.

7. More Sattin and Veluet will be taken vp vpon trust, and God dam mees, than shall be paid for in seuen yeares after.

8. More boxes on the eare shall be giuen at Billinsgate with a good hand and a heart, than willingly shall be taken.

9. It is to be feared, that diuers Noble men will runne the Citie quite thorough and thorough, being drawne so to doe, by the diuelish headstrong whorry of their Coach-horses.

10. More stinking breaths will be begotten by Tobacco this yeere than children.

11. If the singing men of the Chappell of Powles, and of Windsor meete this yeare together in any one of the Court­cellers, I set it downe infallible as Fate, some hogshead or other must that day be knockd soundly.

12. More plucking of men by the cloakes and elbowes in Birchin lane, than clapping men a the shoulder at the Counter­gates.

Some wise Iustice of the Peace, that sits not vpon the Bench for nothing, auert these ills, and clap vp these threating mis­chiefes in the close prison of obscuritie, by the vociferous doome of his inexorable Mittimus.

Rules for Health, and Profit.

PVrge when you come from a gluttonous feast within some howre after the cramming of your guts: but if your body be foule, the Ioyners of Southwarke can tell you how you may haue the best stooles.

Let bloud when you haue a pigge to be kill'd, and long to see it come in piping hot.

Lib or geld cattle, when you see them begin to be too stone­hearted.

Euacuate by vomit when the Sunne in New-fish-street drawes excellent French wines, that leape vp in your face.

Fell timber and wood, when you are to build, or want a good fire.

Reape corne neuer till tis ripe, and rather then want money, away with it to market as fast as yee can.

Cut haire, if it be too long, or that the head is lowzy, or when you are to goe before a shauing Iustice, lest he cut it for you.

The Quarters of the Yeere.


THe Winter this yeere will be as like a messe of mustard as Winter, a messe of mustard. may be; cold and moyst, of a phlegmatique complexion; onely hot in the nose, by vertue of the frost-nip, but the best is and you clap a peece of bread to your snowt, you shall finde pre­sent remedy.

Diseases incident to this Quarter.

Are hunger, (a sore disease, and very dangerous to the maw). Winter diseases. Lazines, with her three daughters, 1. Crouching in the chimney corner. 2. Lying a bed. 3. Kibed heeles.


THe Spring is like a peece of powdred beefe, that is new Spring, a peece of powdred beefe. skipd out of Purgatorie: of nature hot and moist (paraleld to the sanguine complexion) I meane when tis but slenderly boyld, so that the bloud may flash through the crashers, (this were enough now to make a good stomach barke) or else the simile holds not. And surely there will be very good agreement betwixt powdred beefe and the Spring, that falling so iustly in Lent: Nay Taurus himselfe (the signe where the Sunne dwells in the height of the Spring) shall dominere in this Quarter, as liuely as in a Butchers shop.

Diseases incident to this Quarter,

Are crawling things, being Lobsters, wrigling Eeles, and other Spring diseases. fish, to weake and watry stomacks, and fasting daies to good stomacks.


SVmmer will bee like the Beefes marrow-bone, (sweet and Summer, a marrow-bone. swetty) smacking of the taste of the doublet collar: Of a fretting complexion, being call'd Summer, quasi Sun-more, be­cause the Sunne is more powerfull then, than at other season.

Diseases incident to this Quarter.

Diseases that now land, are dry throats, and wet backes. For the Summer diseases. first, the first part of Cancer (the signe which Sol sets foote in at [Page 29] the beginning of this Quarter) is very soueraigne; but the latter must be beholden to the Landerer. Cholericke humors will rage now in a mans body, more than in his picture, and a crosse word may chance to cost many a seruant a crackt crowne, which though it will not be taken at the Goldsmiths, yet must it be ta­ken to the Surgeons.

AVTVMNE, or Foli-lapse, (fall of the leafe.)

THe Haruest quarter is like in my iudgement (that I may go no farther than my messe of meat) to the pewter dish it is Fall of the leafe, the pewter dish put in, (according to his naturall operation, cold and dry) as op­posite to the flesh that lice in it, as Cato and Cataline.


That invest themselues into mens bodies, are gluttonous Autumni [...] diseases. surfets, vp-hording of corne, raising of rents, and arresting of debters: the eight H. Letter in mens ioynts; the old wiues Griping. Vice in young folkes bellies. And thus haue I anotomized the whole body of the yeere, and read a Lecture vpon the 4. Quar­ters, with what particular diseases hang vpon euery Quarter; But the body of the yeare being great, grosse, and subiect to much corruption, his breath striking all sorts of people (as be­ing infectious poisons them in generall.) And these are other diseases which I finde wilbe reigning.

Generall Diseases to reigne this yeere.

MAny young wenches wil be subiect to the falling-sicknes, More hospitals must be built if this world hold. crampes with pittilesse convulsion will hold fast the stringes of Misers purses. Giddinesse and staggers, threaten Draymen, Porters, Tapsters, Carmen, and Shoomakers vpon Mundaies. Swellings both in men and women: And some women greatly vexed with Pushes, but euery prison horribly tormented with scabs. All the Fidlers that play vpon winde Instruments shall in cold nipping mornings haue fistulaes in their fingers. The tooth ach, will vex young-children, at first Fistula a pipe. breeding of them, and young people that are to plucke teeth out, will be ready to run mad; Comfit-makers wiues shall crie [Page 30] out, to haue a hollow-tooth stopt, and waiting Gentlewomen, neuer lye still till it be drawne. Some Carbuncles will be found amongst Goldsmiths, but they not very hotly reigning.

Invndations and most strange Ouer-flowings of Waters.

NEuer did the starres stuffe an Almanacke with more prodi­gious birthes of nature then this yeare is to bring foorth, Sinnes of men grow thicker than the Haire-bushes on the head and hauing filled bodies (as by the former Hospitall-bed-role appeares) with maladies, marke how the very Element of wa­ter, (as if heauen had drunke vp a second deluge to drowne all) spreads abroad his dankish and shoury wings.

For Widowes that haue buried 5. or 6. Husbands before, are Widowes drownde in teares. likely this yeare at the buriall of the last to weepe out so much water, as may serue to wash another wedding smocke, but that ioy hath dried vp both the conduits of their eyes.

So will rich Heyres, and Executors weare mourning gar­ments, and haue Onions in one hand, but branches of Hearts­ease Rich Heires not an eye to see with. in the other.

The Lord Maiors cauldrons, brasse-pots, kettles, chafers, skellets &c. will haue their waters, and brothes flow vp so high These waters do lesse hurt than the Thames doth at Bellings gate in mens [...]. in his kitchin chimney till they gallop so fast that they shall (in spite of all Scummers) runne ouer, whilst all the fatt runnes in­to the fire. Hot-waters threaten so to ouer-flow the stomaches offrozen blouded Bawdes and dried vp Pandresses, till they lye drownd, being dead drunke, that roaring Boyes shall take their Hack-ney Mares out of the stable, put them into Caroches, & Terrible doings at warre. ride them to Ware, for nothing but their prouander.

Rumney-March, by all signes and tokens will meete with such an inundation of waters this Winter, that the Summer follow­ing, What beasts are Oxen to do this. Oxen shall go vp to the knees, and sheepe vp to the bellies in grasse; (A fatall manger to fatten f [...]oles at,) for they feede themselues plumpe, and no sooner fedde full, but they go to the pot.

If all the Iaylors in and about London should this yeare shake off the fetters of mortality, the learned Astrologians are of opi­nion, This will be a woefull d [...]. [Page 31] that all the Cellers and tap-houses of prisons would bee drownd in strong-beere and Ale, which from the eyes of barrels should gush out for extreame sorrow.

Of a Dearth.

ARe there more horrors yet? yes, yes, euery mischiefe hath Wenches and mischiefes are euer breeding. his Twinne, and no calamitie was euer borne alone: what can follow Diseases but Inundations of waters, which are teares? And after deepe [...]loudes, Dearth must of consequence play the Seruingman.

Infinite numbers therefore of sheepe, calues, and oxen shall Tragedies a [...] none of the play-houses. Our Constables carry Geese thither. this yeere die, so that people will be in danger to be better fedde than taught. The bloud of these Innocents will die red a sham­bles, and most mercilesse cutting of throates shall there be in East-cheape. A thousand Lambes shall be carried to the Stocks, and three times that number loose their liues at Smithfield B [...]s, some of them in that butche [...]us massacre being driuen vp into White crosse [...].

Beefe will be sold so deare, that an hundreth pound will not What will th [...] price be with a messe of mustard too. Guild H [...]l smoakes for this. Pillories. Baker you hole for 9 pence. be taken in Cheapeside for a stone; nor in any other market, 19 [...] 6 [...] be taken for a pound. Against Simon and Iudes day such a dearth and death of poultry, that all the Cookes in Lon­don shall sit vp day and night to make coffins to bury them in.

Bread (by the scarcitie of true weights) will bee so litle this yeere, that many a Baker will rather stand on the pillory, and haue his batch marked with o (a Goose eye, the memento of a pillory) then to giue euery loafe his iust bignes.

Phesant, Partridge, and Quailes will be very dainty this yeere, Stultorū plen [...] sunt omnia. but Woodcocks shall flie vp and downe the Citie.

A briefe and merry Prognostication, presaging good fortunes to a Set of fundamentall TRADES.

THe string of sorrow is now tun'd to a merry note: Diseases, drownings, dearths, and other drery Tragoedians, get you from the stage: And now let a company of iouiall Citizens haue a fit of mirth, to make them laugh a litle.


YOu that fold vp Angels hues, and attire your walls with Indi­an coates, neuer sinke your soules to your shinnes, nor looke as desperate as a peece of Rash for the matter: For this yeere shall old plaine Lads, that neuer went any farther than the Lether­seller Braue doings for Mercers. for their habits, mount to your shops, wrap themselues in your royall weedes, and scorne to dine thrice in a suite. Old En­clio [...]s, and old Coridons shall perswade Chr [...]es, and all three The World in a n [...]w coate. sweare it in silke, and sweat it in sattin.

Bespeake new shop-bookes in Pater-noster-Row; Inquire for them of an 100 quire; make a new Counter on the other side; for such a cluster of Dash thrifts, and Scatter goods are com­ming vp out of all Shires, that your shops will swarme againe. I could tell you (were it not needlesse) what a volume of veluet Ladies traines will deuoure, and of which pile [...], and what a bundle of silke of Seres will be trussd vp in Gentlemens war­drobes. But not paid for.

Long Summers will discard the Draper, when euery tender soule must haue a stuffe gowne, for cloth is too stubborne: Punkes are now no more regarded than withered pinkes, vnlesse All West min­ster can witnes [...]his. the head weares a saffrond chaperoone, and the backe a loose gowne of light coloured silke. Not so much as Madam-Fill-the­pot (mine Hostesse) but must haue a changeable silke fore-part, [Page 33] and euery countrey lasse a taffata Apron; for linnen is ware for milke-maides; Perpetuana is for Pedants, and Atturnies clarkes; and Durance would be thought an excellent weare in some Virgins petticoates. Euery plaine Ploddall will haue a veluet neck-peece, and euery old Bawd, will haue her heeles gar­ded with sparkes of sattin. Euery foole will cloth himselfe with Rash, in all his actions; and euery phantasticall Asse will be in a fustian fume at this my Prognostication, but [...]di profanum vulgus.


NEuer looke as pale as your sugar-loafes (you cinnamonian Gingibers) for that your spices grone in their bagge [...] like Grocers. a pigge in a wallet, I can tell you there are ten thousand sowre countenances, that hope all to be sweetned by the Grocer: Nay all the scoulds tongues in the Countrey that were wont to raile so bitterly must be bathed (as it is decreed by the authoritie Grocery war [...] good physicke for scolds. of their Husbands) in the oyle of your ware, that is in the sy­rupe of suger; for your hotter spices, why they'le flie quickely, abundance of chollericke complexions will neuer bee without hot mouthes. And you your selues know that euery body will take pepper in the nose before he hath a casket to put it in. All the children in the world (if they be like me (will haue a sweet tooth in their head, the first that growes out of their gummes: Yea and your owne Prentises, will yerke a clod of Curranes cur­rently downe their throates, and it may be pocket vp an iniurie as bigge as a pound of suger to welcome a friend in a Tauerne.

Old folkes shall take my Ladies part,
that often vse this speech,
I loue the Grocer next my heart,
the Skinner next my breech.

Euery Old-trot will wrap vp a race to heate her cold stomach. Christmas comes but once a yeere.

The gentle Nurse to still her Babyes crie,
Will hasten to your shops your plumbes to buy.

Not so much as the Cobler, but hee shall haue a plumbe-pie as blacke as his wax he slimes his thread with, so well stuft that [Page 34] the Grocer shall quick-smother the Butcher: and weak waterish stomakes (as tender a [...] [...]son custards) shall not breake a piece of flesh without Spanish trappings.

Boone-companions shall purse vp a nutmegge to muster with a blacke-pot and a tost, and hee that will drinke a cuppe of muldsacke must needes lay vp a crust of ginger: Raisons will be much askt for, especially in an action of iniury, and hee that hath none of the Moone must come to you for some of the Sun: Your starch will be in great request for stifning, and your blew will keepe a band cleane an whole seauenight. If you please I can helpe you to those will take your Tobacco freely, and ra­ther I beleeue you. then faile our Scullion hath got such an vse, he cannot make cleane a paire of bootes without it, Tobacco makes him spit, and this is the reason why the shoe-clouts looke so pale in respect of the inside of a Tobacco pipe it feares a drowning. Tobacco keepes boctes cleane.


NOr you (M. Drapers) that harbour the mindes as well as the mantle of sheepe, droope your fronts like a peece of Taylors haue a hell for that purpose. well basted cloth: for Gentlemen shall put more cloth in their hose now then euer they did, and Tailors aske more lining then euer they had. You shall not need to feare the second birth of those French Gascoynes, nor the base retire of bases, when a cloake or horsemans coat is more comely. Good husbands will haue a cloth gowne to sit by the fire in, and whip off a mea­sure of ale; and all our wiues that smell of huswiuery must haue their winter weeds from the Draper. An ordinary cloth shall lose the nap within a moneth after it kist the backe, and a good showre of raine shall wash off the wooll of a new cloake. White frize will turne the warme fashion, because twill say well against the cold winde; and frizado the Country Ministers will buy vp to make them Cassockes, because tis warme and comely. Your yard is like to be as short as euer it was, and you shall haue many daies as darke as twilight. But the maine is this: there is a leane spindle-shanke, that lookes as if he had eat neuer a bit of meat since the creation, will speake to you for a thousand blacke, hee will helpe you to sell them, and you need not see him, Moun­sieur Death a friend to Drapers. [Page 35] Mors, Domine Death, that peepes ouer the Merchants shoulder whilst he casts vp his gaines, and summes vp his hun­dreds. He has pincht a number of them by the armes, and has giuen some a plucke by the shoulders. He has set some old ones in Charons boat with one foot, and another in their beds: but Some mens miserie is other mirth. when he wasteth they must all attend him. It is a merry world with you when many mourne, and the more wet eyes the more drie clothes.


I Promise to you (you souldiers vnder happy Herring) that there shall be great store of Fishmongers this yeere. For all Fishmongeri. the Butcher curseth our fasting dayes, yet shall your gettings be good: and if he grudge that you should be permitted to sell all the yeere, and his shop shut vp in Quadragesima, you shall tell him that Lent is the Fish-mongers haruest, though it bee the Butchers spring. You need not feare the defect of water, for a cold morne shall wring it out of your nose, and you take it not off with your sleeue. A Cods head will be an ordinary dish, or a dish at an Ordinary, and a red sprat a good breakfast for a pren­tise. Cods heads are picking meet all the yeere long. Stockfish and Onions will be a dish for Dutchmen, and a side of Ling will make a double brace of Seruingmens beards wagge. The kindreds of Rufus that frequent the grape, will meta­morphise their noses into Rochet: and hee that has no facing may feed vpon his cousin Greenefish. Euery maid will bee in loue with fish, and old men will make much of Hearing. In fine, the Fish-monger shall be more beholding to one Recusant, then all the Puritans in a Citie.


PRoface (you Gold-Smiths) hearken to my newes, and ile Goldsmiths. Goods ill got, worse spent. make your hearts iogge like a quike-siluer iellie with laugh­ing. This yeere shall great minerals of gold and siluer burst out of misers coffers, and their heires shall play their pelfe away at span-counter. What though the golden age be worne out? yet the golden Art shall flourish still; and though no mines of [Page 36] the earth appeare to vs, yet earthly mindes will be plenty. Euery Iacke will haue a iewell in his eare, that he may defie the pillorie with the better grace. And many elder brothers shall studie Al­chymie, to concoct the gold their friends left them. Iollie Tra­uellers, hot shots that meane to breathe in beyond-sea aire, shall come to you to metamorphise their Moone into your Sunne, their shillings into Soueraignes, to clap them closein their cof­fers, Siluer into gold goods Al [...]ie. and so geld England of her gold: And posters to Faires shall court Duccats, to beguile theeues, and lessen their carriage.

On S. Georges day you may put out a thousand chaines to grasse on mens shoulders. And you know what the Citizens will giue for one to welcome his Maiestieto London.

A blew coat without a Cullizan will be like Habberdine with­out mustard. Euery kitchin maid will haue a mariage ring, as an embleme of her good mans loue. And the youths of the pa­rish will offer gold at a Bridall, the mettals puritie being a signet of the Brides virginitie.

Negligent seruants will cracke their Masters plate lest it last too long: and a little fall will make a salt looke like Grantham Steeple, with his cap to the Alehouse.

Fine wiues will haue a Gold smiths shop on their Liuery Cubboords, though their husbands stand vp to the chinne in Wiues pride vn­doe husbands. the Mercers Rols: and fiue thousand will haue siluer in the mouth when they haue none in the purse.

Gallant Ladies will haue siluer stooles for feare of pollution; and euery Mawkin will haue a siluer bodkin to rouse a bird in the haire-bush.

Euery busie wooer will present a costly necke-lace to his louely ioy, and not a pin that came not through your fingers. Gossips at Christniugs shall helpe you away with many spoones, and New yeeres gifts (to leaue out bribes) are able to make you rich. There shall be more gilding now then honest dealing, and Gentlemens spurres shall speake false Latine: they shall gingle as if they were all siluer to the heele, when they are Lead at the heart.

Many Church doores shall be opened with siluer keyes, lest the lockes be thought baser then the bell-metall: and that which Siluer keyes open any doore. you thought not of, most men might climbe the ladder of pro­motion [Page 37] by siluer steps. And after all this twill be good fishing with a siluer hooke.


OLd wiues (you Pelliteers) that are as gripple of the world Skinners. as a man shot ouer boord of a rope, shall line their coats with your softest furres, lest they forfet their voice to the cold. Your badge shall be worne in ruddie Braggadotians counte­nance, for modestie shall hang downe the head like a twigge with a pompion at it. Our Citizens must haue their destructions from the Skinners, or else theile confound their Order; and inaulated Punies must haue a siluer haire for their capes, or else Littleton will not know them.

The trotting Pedler shall summon vp to your shops an Ar­mie of cunny skinnes, and picke them out of the Country kit­chins, Pedlars good benefactors to Skinners. for points, pinnes, and all to enrich you. Euery simpering Sib and coy Katherine shall round a muffe before her as a case for her nose, or a denne for her fingers in frost-biting weather; and euery Oyster-wiues throat shall be furd with Marry muffes, when cold complexions will be content to warme their fingers in a meaner fire. Your trade must needs hold, for euery Yipsi­taptrapolonion will maintaine an excellent good facing. But you must not when you espie an hard-fauoured Gentleman with a bugled cheeke, or a chinne like a vizard, pace downe your row, with cry, will you buy a good face, will you buy a good face Sir? Twill make him hereafter goe fiue miles about rather then grace your street any more with that face he has, as bad as tis.


I Presage (you Limbe trimmers) a shipfull of new fashions Taylors. shall saile into our coasts out of the Isle Lunaticke, and you dapper Lannoes shall make at the footmans armour so valiantly, Tay lors pray for new fashi­ons. that they shall pierce it in an hundred places. Your snippers ne­uer lookt so bright as they are this yeere, and your goose shall so be counted the valiantest lad in a Country, for that he can make many Drapers shrinke. I foretell a great rot amongst the pre­sent [Page 38] fashions, they shall change as fast as the Moone for her heart; for mine owne part I neuer loued them since my horse died of them. Tis like to proue a very windie spring, and by that meanes many Venetians will be blasted out behinde: euery one rub one till the world is out at the elbowes; and they that vse wrastling must needs to the Tailor. Euery schoole-boy that playes the truant should not want a Ierkin. And he that learnes more knauerie then vertue, should haue a breech or two. An Birchin. bree­ches a good wearing for boyes. Ocean of Indentures will not serue you for measures, and as much threed as would compasse the world will be stitcht vp in a twelue moneth.

Rich men will be ashamed hereafter to transport their hose so often to the Botchers, for feare they purchase creepers; neither will there be any more such old miserrimoes, that when they heare one knocke at the doore, will clap on their gowne (their slouens couer) lest their patched ragges appeare to the world: I know you shall take measure of them for a new suit first. Finally, a long waste will be much in request if you can frame it, because a short body is obnoxious to a stinking breath, the mouth and taile are too nigh.


NEuer indenture your foreheads soruefully (you bonny bo­nettonists) for you see the fashion of steeple crownes (a sore Haberdashers. waster of felts) is already past. There is an Embassador making for England now, so fraught with quaint humoralities, and at­tireable sesquipedalities, that he will set all the noses of your now worne bonnets vtterly out of ioynt. But doe you heare me, ne­uer doubt of the fashion of your blockes for all this, rather when a swad-swaind Gentleman shall amount into your cranny-ligh­ted shops, and call for an hat of the Courtiers blocke, exonerate The Courtiers blocke. your presse, out with a Spaniardo, and clap it on his coxcombe, and sweare an oath as long as your tongue, this hat is excellently blockt Sir.

For the state of your trade, your fooles caps will this Sum­mer flie all from your stals, that stucke there this seuen yeere, to Fooles Caps. keepe the wit of adle pates from freezing, and many old boyes [Page 39] shall drinke till their caps cracke. White hats will take slurre quickly, for their colour is labecutable, and pure blacke shall moulder to dirt, for that was burnt on the blocke.

Citizens wiues shall shift their Taffaties often, for that the low portals knap them out at the crowne: and all my blacke sisters must get them broader brimmes, for these will not hide their forehead faults. A showre of raine shall put a paste-boord out of square and order, and a little drop will cockle your silke, as rising for reuenge, if it come from a gutter. Fiue hundred Vir­gins shall be maried in their veluet potlids, and but ten millions Brides. of blowses in their Felt stoole-pans. Oh how many Brides will measure their braine on their wedding eue in your shop, and he that roofes not his wife vnder one of your shelters on his mari­age day, shall be trust vp in wooll, and sent into Burgundy.

Prentises shall weare no more caps, for it makes them looke Prentises flat­caps. like costards, and he that fronts it with straw, must be content also to lie in straw. But the best friend to men of your mould will be mannerly courtesie and obsequious complements. Two friends shall not passe in the street without an interchange of vailes, nor old men see Cardinall candle cast his eye vpon the Cardinall Candle. table without reuerence to his charitie. As for those of your name that are conuersant with small wares, they shall flie out of your shops like foule words out of a thanklesse person.


ANd as for you (M. Salters) youle flourish this yeere, for Salters. White herring, Hot Summer, Fresh beefe, the 3 pillars of Salters. white herrings, an hot Summer, and fresh beefe, shall stand as stifly vnder you as any three legges vnder the bright trifoot in the world. All the Brewers haue sworne by the pearly cogni­zance that barly corne giues his Pages in their faces, that there shall be no more broome foisted into the vate in stead of your hops. Fatall cords will be busily set on worke, and hempen cawdles will be common physicke for desperate persons. Mice and Rats will gnaw the Good-wifes yarne, and hands and feet shall rub out her linnen, so that need will make her trot to your Worships for flax and tow, and thrift will make her set her maid to the distaffe. Musicians will be counted scrapers and crowders [Page 40] if they buy not some of your rozen. And had not our sow cast her farrow, it should haue gone hard but wee would haue had some of it to vnhaire a fat pigge. Ships will leake and they bee not linde with your pitch. In a word, the wheele and the Brewer, the Shepheard and the Mariner, will make you now or neuer.


YOu that draw your line from the loines of Iron-side, you shall haue harder doings than euer you had since your ham­mer Iron-mongers. told his master what his trade was, and I thinke an hard world is that which you desire. Such an iron age is now on foot, and such a crue of copper consciences, that to sheath a blade in a mans corpes will be counted voluntary valour, and a hard A hard world with Iron­mongers. heart will be thought a good spirit, steele to the backe. Opulent rich clunch-fists as lie in as much feare of the pilferer as a Bucke of the wood-knife, and to preuent the purloiner they shall gird the ribs of their chests with girths of your iron, and lace the bel­lie of their money-tombes with laces of your weauing.

He's madde that layes vp gold of Ophyr
In a wodden lined cofer.

Boyes are as like to breake glasse windowes as euer they were, and that will make men speake for your wyres: and theeues are as like to breake prison, and that will make the Goaler sue for youe iron to bolt them: a warming pan will be counted excellent physicke for a feather-bed, and an iron cradle very good authori­tie to hold vp sea-cole. My gossip Gooseling must needs haue a faire paire of Andirons to garnish her hall against her bellies abed; and all the wiues in the parish shall begge as much of their sweet-hearts at midnight. All the Hobbinols of the Countrey shall arme their high shooes with your metall to encounter with London stones. And there shall be so much scratching betweene Susan Scold-out and Tib Tattle-basket, that I am perswaded the single combat will make you sell all your nayles.


A Caske full of comfort for you (crimson-nosd Vintners) Vintners. that quilt your guests apparell with the best bombast: you shall not neede to take much care for those fellowes that warre so long vnder the Colours of Sacke and Sugar in the Reare­ward, that now they are like to make an vproare, and cast vp their accompts after the shot: neuer feare any foule play in this case: for when sergeant Grape has arrested any of these Sym suck-spiggots of an action of liberty, then shall gaffer giddy hale them to prison, where Somnus the Iaylor shall shackle their Giddy, the Constable. hammes, till the fume of Bacchus his anger be ouer, and then you may saue their credits and your owne with a grace. This yeare all the Catoes in the world that neuer vsed wine but phy­sicke, shall take it downe at their dyet as liuely as Tricongius, and all our abstemious youths at the sight of Qui medice vinit mi­sere viuit, shall turne pure swash, and visit your Tauernes at mid­night. Many Physitions shall set it downe as an Aphorisme, that a cup of wine (as the fellow said of butter) shall be good Praise of wine. for any thing: old excellent for old men: It shall inspire more wit into the Schollers braine, than all the Muses can from their fountaines: make a Lawyers tongue resound like a mill-clack, and inrich a Courtier with a neast of complements: it shall make a Clowne step into the fashion, a begger take the wall of a Gen­tleman, and a coward goe into the field with a fencing German: Nunquam nisi potus ad arma, neuer fight but when thou art foxt shall be the Souldiers motto: arcana recludit, wine vntwines hidden mysteries, shall be the Poets poesie, and a cup of Hipo­cras shall be the best stomacher for a sweet heart. The benefit of Hippcras sto­machers. a good stomacke shall be the grapes attribute, the exiler of me­lancholy shall be the title of the Vintners hogshead, and the re­uiuing of the fly-blowne bloud in old men, shal be lyens his ho [...]. Diuers friends shall meete iumpe at a Tauerne, that were almost worneout of memory, then must a quart of wine play the Emba­ssador to renue the league of friendship between them. Sacke & Claret are like to rise in your houses, if the parties stomacke be not sound: And sobrieties light shall be cleane extinguisht with your liquor.


WErt not for two weathers, your trade would be downe, Cloth-workers. Two sort of weathers vp­hold Cloth­work [...]rs. the first from the sheepefold, the last from the Sunne: but both shall succeede well, if rot and the raine crosse not my Calendar and proue your bane.

Tush, Mr Furbushers, the moth will set you a worke as long as the Ram shall haue a warme coat, and dusty lazines shall send ware to your shops: as long as winter shall be fronted with frost, flatterers shall claw their prodigall patrons like your currying cards, and enuious varlets will sticke on mens coats to pricke their proceedings like a burr. A cozoning nip shall sheepsheare a cunny of his coyne, and poore men may be sure to be prest to the quicke. Many a Chuffe will steale a nap by the fire side, and many a crafty mate will raise wooll out of a hired bare coate.


ANd for you (Diers) your colours shall be washed off this yeere better than euer they were, your dye shall bee so Dyers. slightly grounded, yet as well beloued as euer they haue beene, men shall be so light minded: A good blast of winde shall blow away a sea-water greene, and a forty miles iourney will banish a garden violet; purple in graine shall challenge a ruby nose, and a browne blew a Tobaconists inside. Maidens-blush shall bee counterfeitly worne, and gall imbrued greene shall be a colour A true Mai­dons blush, a colour hard to be found. for a malicious pine-soule. Pursuers of the aspin quaking Buck shall image the grasse, to resemble forrestry: mourners shall court their sable hues, their Ebon backes to imitate night, woe, and death: and Diuines their Crulean sky colour, to put them in minde of their Embasidie: Euery creature shall haue his se­uerall colours, and not so much as the Russet coats that were wont to be worne on Plow-mens backs as they came from the Lambes limbes, but they shall this yeare haue a lick at your dye pan. In a word, sicke men and Dyers shall be dying all the yeere long. Dying all the yeere.


AL Royston fields (Brewers) shall be barley this yeere, you Nectar-boyling Brewers: and the best part of my garden Brewers. shall be hops, and all to support the vsuer of good liquor. A thousand brace of blacke iacks shall duck to the Malt vate, like the Fryer to the Pope; and an whole armie of Rozen Canns shall anatomize the corps of barley corne, and all to inrich the patron of good potation: Fill your barrels full with heart of oake, and flower of the field, then will they vntrusse an hoope, and laske like a squirt, so shall the maides fawcets flie from the taphole, and this will make them trot to the fountaine of liquid liquor againe. Euery Market towne shall be better furnished Almes and Ale haue not one entertainment. with houses for Ale than for Almes, and that village shall bee counted a dunghill of Puritans, where there is neuer a tapstering of bene bouse: small beere shall be for dyet-keepers, but strong twang shall proue as good as bagg-pudden (meat, and drinke, and cloth). The best medicine for the fleas will be a cup of merry-goe-downe, and the onely helpe to clap the doore vpon sorrow, and shut him out, will be a draught of March beere. Cares are drownde in cups. The merry Physitions counsell to an odd patient of his shall be the very pitch of Paracelsians dyet: the first draught will wash a mans liuer, the second increase his bloud, and the third satisfies his thirst: And all the world knowes what the Country-mans bond is,

A pot of Ale still the assurance doth hatch,
Good wa [...].
And serues for the Scriuener to binde vp the match.

The water in Netherland will taste of the bracke, and most of those Flemmings would taste of our English beere: Haruest men will be as dry as the Arabian sand, and a dozen of hay­tossers will quickly tosse downe a bunge of moisture: salt meat will be a great dish if it come to the board in a Charger, and that will draw downe liquor: Red herring will proue a prologue to an hungry fast, and that will worke for the Brewer. Monsieur Domingo Knight of the malthoop, has enacted against Sippers and Sparrowinchers, but those that take off their liffe by quantus shall be dub'd on a barrell head: There will be one in a parish New Dubbing. [Page 44] shall pisse as much against the wall in a yeare, as halfe his neigh­bours spend in three. Other of your customers shall carry as much as your horse: But those that drinke in an empty cup may chance to haue sore lips for their labour.


YOu that cloth your shops with cattles coats, be not all a mort, as dumbe as your hides: for all our Parke vermine are like Lethersellers. to fall into paste, and our Bucks head into pots to pleasure your facultie, and wardrope your shelues. A buffe ierkin will bee a lordly weare, and a paire of buskins a preseruatiue against the gowt. All tradesmen that occupie with the letherne Apron shall sue vnto you, so that your vocation may be called the forepart of most Mechanicals; and many Cutpurses shall nip those fore­parts to make you vent your lether: our boyes in Lent shall put Cutpurses lo­uing to Lether­sellers. off and scrape to your Worships for a mettle to course their tops, and most of the world will turne Adam and Eue, and put on mortalitie: the owners of our country will be new belted against Christmas, and the plow-ioggers of our towne must smell of your Counter at Easter: To conclude, ample inden­tures, large coppies, and drum heads will metamorphise your skins, and you will let them.


FRom great and gorgious swilling (you pewter Iohns) issueth a world of leaking, and I know euery man will purchase a Pewterers. pispot to preuent the chollick, or else he must spout out at the window, and that may proue perilous to the vryne, if the descent be violent. At faires and marts young maried wiues must looke out for their vessels, and all the yeare shall Francis Truge weare your buttons mettle before him. Many a good bitt shall bee turn'd in your platters, and many a mouth shall pronounce (when the feast comes marching in the Pewterers liuery) that you are the vpholders of all good cheere. Basons and Ewers shall reviue into the fashion, as a pewter standish proues profita­ble for a Scribe, twill be somewhat chargeable in the melting, [Page 45] but foyst in the leaden lubber, and it will pay your paines taking. Sea-cole fire this yeare shall melt a million of dishes, and the negligence of seruants shall put many a pot in the pillory: for pewter shall be the softest naturde gentleman, he shall sinke eue­ry blow, and take thought inwardly at euery knocke. In summe, This is most true. a pewter pot of Ale with a tost in his belly will quench a mans thirst better then a siluer tankard with nothing in it.


YOu cunning Cut-beards, neuer let your stomacks quaile to sucke your liuing out of festred sores, for lucri bonus est odor, Barber-Sur­gious. Siluer has a sweet sound, aske Vespasian the Emperour else: for your comfort, a proud match at foot-ball shall send many a lame souldier to your tent, and a fiery fray in Smith-field shall bring many a bloudy companion to your shop, the fencing schooles will serue to keepe your hand in vre, but the bragging prizes, an Bragging prices. hundred pound to a pigs-turd, will put chinck into your purses; the French something shall line your Squirrell skins brim-full, and stretch the strings, and so throughly choake their throats, that they shall speake no more then an ouens mouth rampir'd. Oh the income, that is, Neopolitan shall bring in an hot summer Neapolitan Incomes. to you, and it were not for tobacco which is a preuenter, I think Chirurgians would be the onely purchasers in London: Ioynts shall be ill knit, and Gentles shall cut their fingers, sanguine com­plexions shall swarme, and letting of bloud will bee common. But the spider shall intercept something of you againe. He shall be Phlebotomist to the flie if she come in his net, & the fleas must be let bloud at Mid-summer for God a mercy. Tauerne quarrels shall finde you Sunday-fare all the Sundayes in the yeere, and lazie Ignauoes that sit still and putrifie like a mud-sinck, shall fall into your hands for fellons. And this shal attire you from Good­friday to Maundy-thursday, curst and crabbed Masters shall Crackt crownes beget siluer crownes. send many a crackt crowne to your cure, and the tooth-ach shall finde you beefe for your house your life time: young beards shall pullulate and multiply like a willow, if worme barke them not; howsoeuer, shauing will be good to make a downe spowt. The picky deuant (I presage) will be the cutt, and a paire of mu­chatoes [Page 46] that will fence for the face, shall be the tantara flash sea­cole. Fume shall besmudge our Neatoes, that they shall goe to the Barbers ball oftner then to Church, and euery nice Bache­ler shall entreat a licke with the Barbers apron, and a dash with his rose-bud, to smell odoriferous in his Mistris nostrels.


THe foresound Chirurgian, and Vulcanian cres fist sacrifice Armourers. alike for quarrels, but bellum, bellum, warre, warre, would fit the Armourers hand better then a paire of gloues of twenty pound, yet in prancking peace, the canker and rust taking the Armourers part, so bedent the Souldiers liuery, that men must seeke vnto this ward-part for amendment, or else prepare their purse for fresh ones. But I take it, I speake it to the encourage­ment of this brood of Mulciber, who framed a childs sheild, and Aeneas his armour, that within a while, arma viramque cano will be the worlds poesie. Mens bodies are but of earthly mold, but their mindes taste of fiery fury, a little word will kindie warre, and the Spanyards selfe-conceipt must haue its issue. It is com­fort enough for you that sweat in the ward-robe of warre, to foret [...]l that men shall be proud, for pride is such a manly mo­ther, that Iuno-like shee can beget Mars without a father. Ar­mour of proofe will bee in great request at the tilt, and fearefull frogs will downe with their dust for good brest-plates. An hel­met will bee an excellent weare for him that has little wit, and a gantlet a good gard for a tender finger'd combatant. Hares in hel­mets.


NVrses this yeere, you little fisted Bakers, shall crum their infants milke with your white bread, out of all measure, Bakers. and a white crust shall make no more teeth bleed, to fright little ones from the loue of it. Though daily Deluers mumble on a browne crust all the yeere, yet they shall sweeten their chaps with a white loafe at Christmas, and though the vulgar shall brouse on your bran, as cheaper in the purse, yet most will desire Christmas loaues. your loaues like your boulters, as whiter in the hand: besides, [Page 47] the Physician will tell you that is hard of digestion, when this will nourish out of all exclamation. Poore men shall not haue money enough to bargaine with the meale-man, and that will make them take it of you by the penny, and those that will bee wealthy, shall haue no skill to heat an ouen, & that will set your boyes aworke to carry it to their doores: white puddings shall White puddings grate vpon many a loafe, and soppets in white broath shall drowne many a dozen. I will be thought the trauellers Autidote, to let his tongue play at tennis with a crust before he drinke, and as good physicke as any in Galen, stomachum concludere sicco, to trusse vp the stomach with a drie bit. Shoo-makers shall lose A crust good physicke. their predominant armour, of a barrell of beere to an halfe­penny loafe, and Taylors shall bee patternes and presid ents to sober men, a bushell of wheat to a tankard of beere, lest they cut their fingers when they are whitteld. Lastly, bread shall bee Beere a puffer. Bread a nouri­sher. concluded the better nourisher, and beere but a puffer: bread shall shew it selfe the honest binder good loose liuers, when li­quour shall be knowne but a loose fellow, and thus farewell Mr Baker.


FIne Ladies that set by their sents (you lamp-wrights) will Chandlers. make such a face at the sight of a tallow-Chaundler, as if their holly-day ruffe were on fire: fah! what a grosse light is this? in truth Sir Timothy, it condenses the wit, and stupefies the braine; pray let our flames be wax, and this will make the waxer shrug, and say this geere will cotton one day. It is like to prooue a ve­ry darke winter (except Lady Luna borrow her face) and you know it is hard borrowing of faces (though Hypocrites might spare their counterfet ones) and torches will bee another starre in the streets; besides, euery knocke at a poste will dash out a rib, and then where dwels the Taperer. Taylors shall spend searing Taylors helpe Chandlers. candles beyond your thoughts, by reason of the abundance of extrauagant stuffs that shall act on their shop-stage, and vertuous virgins must haue a wax-candle with them to the nocturnall le­ctures, Puritans loue virgin-wax. yet verily. But oh the long nights that shall deuoure you pale-bodied blazers (you marrow-melting Luminists) and the [Page 48] windy chincks that shall laue out the candle with the great wick, how many theeues think you will steale into the tallow, and play Chaundlers make ill hus­bands. prodigall with the work-mans light, and how many good hus­bands will carde it all night by the help of your faculty.

I would not haue you looke as if you were grinding mustard, and tooke thought for the vtterance. I tell you, salt fish and powdred beefe will make your Querne flie about like a winde­mill in a tempest. The Butcher must sell you his tallow at a rea­sonable rate, for feare of the rats in the winter, and the summer heat shall melt it off from his stall into the kennell, and there's for your buying. Honest men will bee as scarse as none fingred Honest men as scant as good Tobacco. and vnsophisticated tobacco; and knaues (you know) must haue good store of sope to scoure their shirts, or they will neuer bee cleane. Many cast volumes will fall into your imployment, your doing will be so great: but forbeare I pray you to wrap your halfe penny wares in these leaues of mine.


NOw you waste-circulating Girdlers, you that are the best in our age for Tutors and Guardians, you can keepe men Girdlers. in compasse, better then all the counsell of Loue, or the autho­rity of Law can doe: the time-trodden prouerbe, will doubtlesse stretch himselfe on his startvps againe, male cincti, male sancti, vn­girt, Vugirt, vnblest. vnblest: and that will make men seeke for the Girdlers blesse, to auoyd some vnfortunate curse, and those that be made Praecincti (as Silla sayd Caesar was) shall be counted shrewd vnder­miners of the common-wealth. Licentious and loose-liuing will be as much abandoned as may be. And when a man is well girt, he shall thinke himselfe farre warmer, which will be as good as an Oratour to perswade men to the Cincturer: great Gashi­margoes shall prooue wiser then geese, and who are light in the middle, cause they weare no girdles, and shall gird in their paun­ches, for feare they runne about the house, and fine wastes shall make much of a girdle, to keepe their bodies in fashion.


NOw (you Cutlers) how many shauers will bee sharpe set trow yee? he that claps him downe at a bord without a litle Cutlers. sword in his sheith may chance to rise an hungerd, or be set vpon with the Gentlewoman: what Sir haue you neuer a knife, then cut my finger: old men shall make as much of a knife as of one of their best teeth; and your good Huswife shall so loue Signior Cultello she will not suffer him to be absent from her side: The hie-waies will proue peremptorie and therefore a weapon will be Signior Cultello a good Companion, and the Thiefe that ruines the Countrey Ladde will let him ride like a free-man and hee but sweare and discourse to him of his irons. The Souldier that lies on the bare ground ready to be congealed with cold, shall thinke his side very warme if he haue the Cutler by him. And he that delights in blunt mettall may cut his foremans throate with a pack­saddle.


AN hungrie yeare (you carnall Caruers). I know you shall haue, for the coniunction of heate and moisture (in the Butchers. kitchin of disgesture) foretels no lesse: and he that hath no sto­mach to his worke, or not a piece of a heart to meete a man in the field, shall haue as good a stomach to his prouant as a starud brislebacke to his waste, or a croopeard coarser to his mil-brusd beanes. Wolner (that cannon of gluttony) shall reuiue againe, Wolner the great Eater. and those that liu'd by loue, and feed vpon the aire, shall fall to their victuals, and furbish their trenchers. A piece of powderd biefe will make a man as strong as a cable, and a target of veale Targets of veale­are excellent weapons. will be as good to defend a sicke body from dying, as a dead crow to defend our corne from the liuing; pottage that will furre the ribbes (an intch thicke) are meere restoratiue, and the best fast-killer in a morning will be one of your marrow-bones: mut­ton will be like a ripe medler, or a false Louer rotten at the liuer, but neuer pine at the spleene for it smels of the bloudpot: keepe your owne counsell, set a smooth face and a round face vpon it, [Page 50] and then there is neuer a Steward that sharkes in your shambles will smell out the putrefaction. The Tanners will preuent the worst, and ply you with pledges aforehand for your hides, but keepe not backe the hornes in any case for thats ominous. Fur­riers and Glouers will put mony into your hands as warme as Furriers and Glouers the Butcher praies for. wooll for your sheepe skinnes, but for the loue of a chitteriin see you hold your beasts entrals at a cleane price, and make the Tripe-wiues pay sweetly for them, or I protest in the presence of an hogges countenance ile neuer feede more on them. The countrey-farmers wiues will swappe with you quickly for their calues, because they draw away their milke, and marre their good markets. And the Grasiers will send you their bigge bon'd-beeues vpon trust if you pay them largely, and keepe your day truly.


I shall neuer beate it into your braines (you horse-rigde-cushi­oners) Sadlers. what care men in generall will take for soft Saddles, least their shrewish wiues get the vantage of the Prouerbe (twas Socrates speech when he was in iayle) He loues not his wife that loues not his taile. Coaches are like to haue a downefall this yeere if the horses be franticke at aside of a ditch; and penny fa­thers will say tis fond to bee vexed with a brace of Iades when one is sufficient to tire a man; durty passes shall so bespot the complexion of a veluet saddle, that if your Prentises were horses they would breake their halters with laughing, and the dustie canker so spoile the Silke-man that he must be brushed till he be bald againe. A voider for those fellowes that will ride flat breecht on a swaines pannell; I doe not thinke that you shall take one man (that hath but a dreame of wealth) in that tricke of clow­nery this yeare. Why I tell you euery substantiall webbe in a pa­rish that hath a seate of his owne in his Church shall buttocke a saddle, and adorne his pranser with your stately trappings. And Iockie that rodde on his Courser (haire to haire) shall suddenly Iockie a Gen­tleman now. leape into his tuftaffity. Horses, will bee head-strong as vn­nurtured Lobcockes, and snap their bridles in pieces as fast as hops; the powerfull prouender shall make them swell in the belly like a sullen girle in the cheeke, or a wench after toying [Page 51] and that will cracke girts apace: but for conclusion diuers wo­men shall saddle their poore Husbands backes, and make plaine Women saddle men. Ninny hammers of Noddies; and the Lenten-faced Vsurer shall bridle our prodigall spendalls most miserably.


YOu humane harbour-raisers, you are the onely Housholders Carpenters. in these daies of doe-no-good: for were it not that you held vp the house without by your faculty, it might well fall downe within for want of hospitality, wel there be a bundance of rotten doores in London, and they must all fall into your chimnies Hospitalitie dwels no where. shortly; for we must not looke for another Orpheus to builde a Citie with his harmony, our Musitians will neuer doe the like to that Theban; I tell you many ouer-leaning buildings will lacke a litle of your helpe, yet some of them that bow to my Lord Maior when he rides by their front, and leane into the streetes as though they would shake him by the hand, or looke the farther after him, may stand as they doe to teach capround Slouens agilitie in the knee. As the beds head rises, quoth hee that was wont to lay his bagges there, our houses must stand, and as I store vp my wealth I will story vp my Chambers.

Away (quoth Mounsieur Prodigo) with these base cottages of Philemon and Baneis, my generous bloud cannot brooke such Two poore people of whom Ovid writes. a degenerous lodging, downe with wood, and vp with my older oakes, stone is too dampe, and bricke is too cold: all this tickles the Carpenter, I would be loath to tell him too much of his ioy, lest with his laughing he fall from his building; and marre the fashion of his perpendicular: You shall not neede to see the top­gallant the Tyler for he'le leaue many a cracke in the crowne of an house for his owne commoditie, and that will make timber rot like a muck hill, and you know that the decay of a Common-wealth is first in the state, the defect of my body first in my head, and the ruine of an house first in the roofe. Finally, many things will be exceedingly out of order, and there will be much vse of your line, rule, and square.


YOule laugh till you stinke againe (you Shoomakers) to Shoomakers. heare your selues cald eternall Constables, and that (without controll) you can cast the best Gentleman [...] the Land into your stockes, only vpon his suspition that he would haue a fine Gentlemen put into the Shoo­makers stockes. foote, or meanes not to tread in his old steps. I protest, I thinke you are able to make a greater fleete in a rainy-day, then the King of Spaine in his whole age, for all his fleeting. This is in your shops an excellent Memento (make but vse of it) of your mortalitie. Wet weather will be as good as a purgation, for dry leather, and boyes spurne-point will grate out shoes as fast as a Cooke can bread. Our Sirs that want shoes must trash out their bootes, and if they be in loue with the fire to night they must be in league with you to morrow. Those that would be taken for Gentlewomen must sue for shoes that creake like a frogge, but our shrewd-Dames will haue dombe bottoms, that they may rush vpon their maides as twere out of an ambush. As long as hats and shoes shall be slipt on with hornes, your Trade shall be Hats & shooes pulld on with hornes. extant, and as long as you clappe the furre to tender Virgins soales, you shall maintaine the name of the gentle craft.


YOu Beauty-shadowers, that robbe the raine-bow of her co­lours, and disrobe the golden-garden of her Orient spots, Painters. and flowers; your craft shall haue his spring all the yeare, and your Art his flourish all your life. The Parasite that giues the dugge to humour, shall paint it in soothing to his Patron, the light Louer in phrasing to his Mistris, and the vndermining cun­nicatcher in complements to his cunny: The impotent debtor shall paint it in protesting to his Creditor; the fetching Sales­man Exellent pain­ting. in praising to the buyer, & all the world besides shall paint their bosome carriage with hypocrisie. Alas men are so frosty natur'd that they cannot be thawed but by viewing the colours of the playing Satyrs, and the coupling Nymphes behinde the curtaines; Heauens-smith with the skies faire one (chast Lu­crece) [Page 53] and her foe in a chamber; the banisht Pardan and his pheare in a caue: this puts life into the beholders corps, and coyne into the Painters calueskinne, while he layes colours on the table, they gild his fist, and while hee makes shadowes for them he himselfe may sit in the sunshine. The ribbes of tottring houses must bee coated with a new paint against the christning of the next childe, and a thinne wall would haue a Painters skinne, to shroud him from the blast of Boraeas: A coloured cloute will set the stampe of decorum on a rotten partition, and a pretty picture will hide a hole in a hall out of all question; my Lord Maiors posts must needs be trimmed against he takes his oath. And the Vintners lattises must haue a new blush, and all these will make you sucke your pensils to the bone. Oh but our sweet fac't Gentlewomen will keepe your profession in great request; our lacke-lookes and barren-beauties will vphold it for euer, when the old Baude like a greene apple parch't in an Ouen, or the Italian coulorist with his new cast face shall present this good complexion. Why then to painting speedily.

When Natures birth appeareth lame,
To aide with Art I count no shame,
But the smoake of my lungs will melt the vermilion.
And then more worke for the Painter.

The winding vp of the Cleue.

THus haue you here the Zephyrall and Spring part of your destinies. Twere a taske beyond all time to suffer any Wag­gon-wheele, to presse euery lands end. Only if you pardon this precursion, it may so happen, that as I haue here chattered of your vernall age, so I may hereafter tell you of your winter blasts, of the rigorous tempests that shall beate the blossomes from your blooming plants. But for this time I desist.

So Tradesmen fare you well.

Yet before wee shake hands at parting, let vs as Country [Page 52] [...] [Page 53] [...] [Page 54] Chapmen going from their Innes in a morning, giue one ano­ther the Basilus on horsebacke, with a cup of white wine and su­gar, if it be Summer: but now I remember, it being the fall of the leafe, and trees beginning to stand like tottered roagues halfe naked, a cup of mulld Sacke and Ginger is better for the sto­macke. Take this therefore next your heart. I know that to catch riches in a net, you fish in all the wealthy streames of the world, besides the broad sea. But is it not more safe for you to angle standing on the land? And what land is more peaceable then your owne? And vpon your owne, where shall you meet lesse foule dealings then at Faires? To the fairest of Faires I wish you therefore to turne your horses heads. Many Faires are in England, and (being wenching fellowes as you are) I thinke not but you haue set vp your standings and opened boothes in all or the best of them. But my Prognostication speakes of other Faires, to which if trauelling, your purses be euer the warmer linde, stand wondring no more at the ill-fac'd Owle, but say she hath a piercing eye to catch Mice in such corners. And so in the name of Minerua (Patronesse of Handicrafts) set forward, for now I proclaime my Faires.

Faires in England.

A Fare at Westminster bridge euery forenoone of all the 4 Termes in the yeere: And in the afternoones of the same daies, a Fare at Temple staires: And these Fares (no bawdy boothes in them) are kept in Wherries.

A Fare on the Bankside when the play-houses haue two penny tenants dwelling in them.

A Fare at Blacke Friers, when any Gentleman comming to that place, desires to be a landed man.

A Fare is sure to be at cold Harbour, when a fresh delicate whore lyes there, cum priuilegio.

Bartholmew Faire begins euer on the 24 of August; but Bartlemew-babies are held in London (in mens armes) all the yeare long.

A Faire at Cuckolds Hauen cuery S. Lukes day; but all that [Page 55] passe that way haue not gilded hornes, as (then) the Hauen has.

The Faire kept heretofore at Beggers bush, is this yeare re­mou'd and held in the prisons about London, and in some of the streets of the Citie too.

A Faire of Horses at Rippon in Yorkeshire this yeare, and euery yeare a Faire of A [...] at Layton Buzzard.

A Faire of Sowes on Michaelmas day at Blockly in Worce­stershire, but your best pigges and fattest porke are at our Lady Faire in Southwarke.

A Faire at Rumford for Hogges euery tuesday in the weeken but your fairest headed Oxen are fed in London.

A faire Wench is to be seene euery morning in some shop in Cheapside: And in Summer afternoones the selfe-same Faire opens her Booth at one of the Garden-houses about Bun-hill.

A Faire paire of Gallowes is kept at Tiburne from yeares end to yeares end: And the like Faire (but not so much resort of Chapmen, and Crack-ropes to it) is at St Thomas a Watrings.

The High wayes of England, how they lye; and how to trauell from one place to another.

NOw because there are no Faires, but they are kept in some certaine places: And that no place can be gone vnto, but by knowledge of the wayes, I haue therefore chalked out here some of the most notorious wayes in the Kingdome, for the be­nefit of galled-toe-Trauelers, therby the sooner to come to their Innes, viz.

The way betweene Yorke and London, is iust so many miles as betweene London and Yorke: It hath diuers times bin rid­den in a day: so that by my Geometricall dimensions I finde it but a dayes iourney: Yet the Post-masters of the North sweare tis a great deale more.

The way betweene Charing Crosse, and not a crosse to bee found scarse in 20 purses, for one that passes by, is to be tried by many a Gallants pocket, with yellow band, fether Pendant-Reguardant, and cloake lined with veluet, and therefore here I spare to speake of so poore a thing.

The way betweene the two Counters in London may bee trauelld in as short a time, as one of the Varlets there ventures his soule for money, & thats much about a quarter of an houre, or halfe at most.

The way to proue the taking of any purse, (be it neuer so full) and to stand in that quarrell euen to the death, is to go first to Newgate, and then to Tiburne.

The way to be an arrant Asse, is to bee a meere Vniuersitie Scholler.

The high way to Bedlam, is first to set forth at Westminster Hall, and there to be vndone in 4 or 5 Termes by corrupted Lawyers.

Betweene starke drunke, and reasonably sober, is much about 4 houres sleeping: but some that haue trauelled those ouer­flowing Countries, say tis sometimes more.

The way to heauen is to walke with a good conscience; hee that rides without it goes vily out of the way, and ten to one if euer he gets thither.

The way to Hell, is cleane the contrary way to Heauen; the one turnes a the right hand, tother on the left.

  • 1. Not one Whore in all Westminster.
  • 3. Not one Knaue in Longlane.
  • 4. Three Catchpolls cast into the Thames.
  • 8. All that walke in Pauls dine to day.
  • 10. No-body hangs in Barbican.
  • 14. Atturneyes get no money.
  • 15. Not a bribe taken this Terme.
  • 17. My Husband is gone a ducking.
  • 18. Bobb for Eeles now or neuer.
  • 20. A cony for nothing.
  • 23. I hole for 9. pence.
  • 26. Turn-bull Street full of Puritans.
  • 28. The Scriuener ith'pillory.
  • 30. Roome for the Baker.
  • 2. Quarter Sessions.
  • 5. Farewell and be hang'd.
  • 6. The dore-keepers steale.
  • 7. Globe a fire.
  • 9. Cock-pit pluck'd downe.
  • 11. The play is hissed at.
  • 12. My wife is out of her letters, and falls to ioyning.
  • 13. Not a woodcocke to be had for loue or money.
  • 16. The Chamber-maide is bed-ridden.
  • 19. He hunts close, yet has lost his hare.
  • 21. I can read my Husbands name in his little boyes horne-booke.
  • 22. My maide is poysoned with a pudding.
  • 24. His Euidence is burnt, yet the Seale is sau'd.
  • 25. A cuckold by Westminster clocke, & that goes true.
  • 27. You are pepperd.
  • 29. Ale-tap-wiues in loose gownes.
  • 31. None of the Guard drunke.

These 31. Good and Bad daies, may waite as Pages vpon all the Monthes in the Yeare, and the rather, because our badde daies are still more in number than our good ones (as here they are). Also, because where the daies are Bad, none can be worse than these; and where they happen to be Good, few better than these.


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