VVits bedlam ----vvhere is had, whipping-cheer, to cure the mad.

VVits bedlam ----vvhere is had, whipping-cheer, to cure the mad.

Table of contents

Title page

To the Right noble Lord the Earle of Buckingham, be much mirth, permanent Pleasure, and endlesse happinesse, here, and else where.

To the Printer.

§

Againe, of my Selfe.

It's a mad world my Maisters. And a merry world my Mistrisses.

Bitter zeale, is lesse than Loue.

A Caueat.

To Martiall.

The BOOKE to Grauitie.

The BOOKE to the Reader.

Againe.

Why Poets of the present times, be not so well esteem'd as those of former.

Of the worth of wittiest Workes, or Bookes.

Mercy with Iustice.

Those Li•es which all, or none do vnderstand, Do neither with Wit, Art, nor Iudgment stand.

Of My selfe; and, this Bable, my Booke.

§

Against Pse•cus the too cunning Palmister, and Poet. Epigram. 1.

Vpon one named R• Holland, who kept one Nell Cotton. Epigram. 2.

Against the nobly-desended Muscus, who wedded a Butchers fat Daughter. Epigram. 3.

Against Faber, the Earelesse forger. Epigram. 4.

Against Dromus, the Borrowing barraine, or bankroupt Discourcer. Epigram. 5.

Of Leoena, and her two friends; Spot, and Fuller. Epigram. 6.

Of a poore Curate that wold haue pawn'd his Bible to a rich Precisians for a Crowne. Epigram. 7.

Against selfe-conc•ited nine-bibbing-Phagus. Epigram. 8.

Against Gaulus the writing-country Schole-master. Epigram. 9.

Of Mutius, and Phormius bloudles single-Combate. Epigram. 10.

Against Mollius, that i• a most religious Turner. Probatum est. Epig. 22.

Of the poore, Lady Minthes frugality in taking a faire Howse. Epi. 23.

Of the French Fencer that challenged Church the Fencer at all weapons. Epi. 24.

Of Galla'es true lying. Epi. 25.

Of Caylus his rest in motion. Epi. 26.

Against the freenesse of Franks Loue. Epi. 27.

Of Caius his loosing his Game by missing to take a Blott. Epi. 28.

Of Flaccus his two Shadowes to his one body. Epi. 29.

Againe. Epi. 30.

Of one that l•st a great Stomacke. Epigram. 31.

Of old Lixus his young choyce. Epi. 32.

Of Maurus his Orpheus-like melody. Epi. 33.

Of Womens Maskes, Epi. 34.

Of their Mantles. Epi. 35.

Of the Precedency of Lawyers or Phisitions, Epi. 36.

Of Crispus mistak•rg things. Epi. 37.

Of old Linus his young seruice to Women. Epi. 39.

Of Glaucus his mirth and madnes. Epi. 40.

Of Dauus his selling his great horse, for a small fault. Epi. 41.

Of Fuluiaes feather. Epi. 42.

Of Wolfangus his great Nose and thin beard. Epi. 42.

Of one called Hoopes, his late embailment from Newgate for filching. Epi. 43.

To the most fortunate M. Robert Rooke, who married a most faire and vertuous wife. Epi. 44.

Of Ianus the Iustice, his imprisoning Angels comming from the hands of sinners. Epi. 45.

Against Libiduis common protestations to his Dabbe. Epi. 46.

Of Sir Grobolus his valiant Stomacke. Epi. 47.

Honor, is Vertues Shadow. Epi. 48.

Againe, Epigram. 49.

Of the prodigall begger Plasmus his great charity. Epi. 50.

Against Plutus his being penny-wise and pound f•olish. Epi. 51.

Against the ••iudicious deprauers of men of Art. Epi. 52.

A Couplet or two fastned to Sir Io: Harrington his Epigramme, to doe his Ladies Knight, Yeomans Seruice. Epigram▪ 53.

Against wiues that will not worship Baal. Epigram. 54.

How bad Husbands recompence a good House-wife. Epigram. 55.

A good wife should be vnlike the Moone. Epigram. 66.

Of Nell that was married to some Thing, her selfe hauing Nothing. Epigram. 68.

Of a Wanton Paires marriage in the night. Epigram. 69.

Of Witty Stophus that married a faire Foole. Epigram. 70.

Of Spongius, ouerthrowne by the Kings Armes. Epigram. 60.

Against Beastias his filthy Tongue. Epigram. 61.

Of some Merchants Wiues coniuring. Epigram. 62.

Ag•inst perfum'd fellows. Epigram, 63.

Of the trauelling Eboracian Casus h•s strange fortune. Epigram. 64.

Of Friscus his secret iesting with a too earnest Lady. Epigram. 65.

Of Hipocrites, pretending to haue the Spirits Vnction. Epigram. 66.

Against s•lfe-flattery. Epigram. 67.

Of a most Honorable Error. Epigram. 68

Of a Flatterer. Epigram. 69.

Of a Free-man made too fast. Epigram. 80.

Of no fish call'd Salmon. Epigram. 81.

Of Curtius open-handednesse. Epigram. 82.

Of Bestius hate. Epigram. 73.

Against Faustus, the prophane swearing Swaggerer his hate. Epigram. 74.

Against Metra her deafnesse. Epigram. 75.

Of Cleobulinas darke Discourse. Epigram. 76.

What Lawyers are like. Epi. 92.

Lawes were better to be like Hunters Toyles, which they be not: Than like Cob-webs, which they be. Epi. 93.

Of the vnbloudy warres of Poets. Epi. 79.

Of Blaynus the Beggers cunning counterfetting. Epigram. 80.

Against Phanus his Modesty. Epigram. 81.

Of Fluxus his constant change. Epigram. 82.

Against Phannius sad lookes, linde with lightnesse. Epigram. 82.

Of Nichus good fortune, being robd. Epigram. 83.

Against Curtezans that colour their whoredome with a catholike pretence. Epi. 84.

Of a Knight, that did a worke of darkenesse in the Light, and my sight. Epi. 85.

Of my Selfe. Epigram. 86.

Of Frontus his Formosity and Deformity. Epi. 87.

Of Phormus his gelded Purse. Epigram. 88.

Of Rufus his mirry-sory night. Epigram. 89.

Against the false suruey of one W: Pearch (a foul• deformed Low•) who, with his mathematicall Instrument, measur'd one Kate A•re amisse; yet made it full e're he had done. Epi. 90.

Of Ladies silke-stocks emboss'd vpon the Top•, and S•ames with gold. Epigam. 96.

Of two Gallants that agreed to •ight, went out, were hurt, and return'd without bleeding Epigram. 97.

Of Iuliaes book•shnesse. Epigram. 98.

Of Zenius his taking Tobacco with a whiffe. Epigram. 99.

Of the small respect had of learned men in generall. Epigram. 100.

Against the fantasticall Attire that many Ladies weare now a daies. Epi. 114.

Of the strange dareing of yong gallants of the•• familier times. Epi. 115.

Of Dawlus his vnkind kindnesse. Epi. 116.

Against D. Tangus his swelling phisick, Epi. 117.

Of the Phisitions meanes and opportunity to be baudy. Epi. 118.

Of Leuis his Colours. Epi. 119.

Of Curius his courage neuer cooled. Epi. 120.

Against Glossus immoderate desire of glory. Epi. 121.

Of f•lse Prophets. 122.

Of couetous Patrons. Epi. 123.

Of Fluscus the proud Miser, and his more proud and miserable wifes making their Tombe before their death. Epig. 124.

Againe. Epi. 125.

Of Caylus getting by gi•ing ground to his enemies. Epi. 126.

How a Man more then Woman is s•rewd. Epigram. 127.

That which is farre fetcht and deere b•ught is good for Ladies. Epi. 128.

Of my venturing in the Lottery. Epigram. 129.

My Rimes that ran before my reason into the Lottery. Epi. 130.

Of Leuis his heauines and lightnes. Epigram. 131.

Against those that taxe this present Age for blind ignorance, sith it sees not how to commend their pretended knowledge. Epi. 132.

Againe. Epigram. 133.

Epigram. 134.

Of the vnutterable idlenesse of our She-gallants (vngentle▪gentlewomen) of these times. Epigram. 135.

Against the no lesse vaine dis•ourses of our as idle He-Gallants. Epigram. 136.

The Miseries of Marriage. Epigram. 137.

Of Manes his obsession. Epigram. 138.

On the death of Henry the fourth French King murdered. Epigram. 139.

Of the force of Beauty, ioyn'd with pompe, and Maiesty. Epi. 140.

Against Marcus his insatiablenesse, and basenesse in his leachery. Epi. 141.

Of making Aurum potabile. Epi. 142.

Of Florus his holsome Tongue. Epi. 143.

On the gaging of Fumus his Iewell by his man, Epigram. 144.

On Light bright Lucilla her white going. Epigram. 145.

Of one speaking ill of me before many. Epig. 149.

On Fugus his cooling his flaming fury with discretion, Epi. .150.

That the men of these new times, are much wiser then those of the old. Epi. 151.

Of one that refused to lend friend 20. nobles, when he sent to him for it with, and without a sure Token. Epigam. 157.

Of a Crook-back that defir'd an vpright Iudge to right his wrong. Epi. 158.

Of a Single ey'd Fencer his blind match. Epigram. 160.

Of Tullus his d•sprouing a Tailors Will. Epigram. 161.

Of Drusus his guift in reuersion t•ken too soone in possessi•n. Epigram. 1••.

Of the Sacrifice of Lent. Epi. 163.

Against fighting in fashion. Epi. 164.

Of mis-reading the lines of Crustus his face. Epigram. 165.

In Medio consistri Vertus. Epigram. 166.

Epigram. 167.

Of a Maids light hearing. Epi. 168.

Of Caprus his going a Procession. Epi. 196.

Of Quacus, his cooling his heate with Whey. Epigram. 170.

Epigram. 177.

Of Rampa, and her fowle trading at the Faire. Epigram. 172.

Of mine Ou•rs•er. Epi. 173.

Of Homouthius his chast adultery. Epi. 174.

Of Hornsbie's Incredulity. Epi. 175.

Against the faith, hope, and charity, of our yoeng Maister Hal. Epi. 176.

To mine ingenious friend M. Iohn Dumbarre. Epig. 177.

Of Nais her keeping an Ordinary and her being ordinary. Epi. 178.

Againe. Epi. 179.

Againe, for a parting blow. Epi. 180.

Of Pagus the Pedagogus proud all-tong'd-Daughter. Epi. 181.

Againe of his vncharitable prayer. Epi. 182.

Of Roring Neds endlesse Ende. Epig. 193.

A hard choyce. Epi. 184.

Of a Curat's hauing two wiues at once giuen him in marriage. Epi. 185.

Of rich Rooke his kitchen-phisick against Vertigo. Epi. 186.

Of Flauias paynting; and playing the Squirell. Epigram. 187.

Against Kit's weake wooing of Kate. Epigram. 188.

Of Fuluiaes recreation, and occupation. Epigram. 189.

On Phraxus his euer-secret passions. Epigram. 190.

Of Barbus his triall of a foolish conclusion. Epigram. 191.

Of the goodnesse and nec•ssity of Phisitions. Epigram. 192.

Of their Deerenesse. Epi. 193.

On trauersing the error of an Action. Epigram. 194.

Of Poggius his poore successe in Palmisiry and wooing Epigram. 195.

Of true Loue. Epi. 196.

Against the corrupt iudgement of Bullus in choise, of his Wi•e.

Of the Bastard Fluctus his beeing vndone by his Drab. Epi. 197.

Of roring Robulus his bloudlesse combats. Epi. 198.

Of Rufus his giuing the lie, without a Stabbe. Epigram. 199.

Ioan's as good as my Lady. Epi. 200.

Of Gnuffus his mis-matching his matchlesse faire Daughter. Epiram. 200.

Against a foolish Pra•ler. Epi. 202.

Of our English Gallant• going in blacke in Lent. 203.

Of Poets beeing deiected. Epig. 204.

Of Womens Metamorphosis accord•ng to time and place. Epigram. 205.

Tis merry, when knaues meet. Epi. 206.

Against Balladders. Epi. 207.

None can be sad and glad at once; if it be not in contrition. Epi. 126.

Of and against the word creepe. Epig. 209.

Of the power and price of gold. Epi. 110.

Againe of the same. Epi. 211.

Against Plumus his foolish pride. 212.

Of my incountring a Wa•-taile, while I held my tongue. Epiram. 213.

My Corollary.

Of roring boyes Resolutions. Epi. 214.

Against carnall desire. Epigram. 215.

Against Chione her feeding on fat Woodcocks. Epigram. 116.

Against Aglaope, her sweete voice, and sow'r vice. Epigram. 154.

Of Phagus his being a Papist inward. Epigram. 218.

In defence of Womens well clothing and dressing themselues. Epigram. 219.

Of Knights of famous memory. Epigram. 220.

Against telling of incredible Truths. Epigram. 221.

Against Canizius his witty familiarity. Epigram. 222.

Of Aristotles faith concerning womens flesh. Epigam. 223.

Of Dawlus his finding of a light Iewell in the Darke Epigram. 224.

Of the best Playmakers deere-bought praise. Epigram. 225.

Againts Iustice Boniface his iniustice. Epigram. 226.

Against the maner of our moderne Duells. Epigram. 227.

Of my Foes and their dwelling. Epigram. 228.

Of a letter in fauour, that prou'd an •inderer in fact. Epigram. 229.

On Glaius and bri•ht M•strisse Grace a Light-one, that lightened a worke of Darknesse. Epigram. 230.

Of Signior Shancus his feeding vpon Weedes turn'd into good Meate. Epig. 231.

On a worke of Supererogation. Epigram. 231.

Gf Vlalia's Visitations. Epigram. 232.

To Sir Iohn Harrington. Epigram. 233.

Of Faustine's plaine and pert well-doing. Epigram. 234.

Of Fuluia her high flying. Epigram. 235.

Of the Game call'd; Laugh and Lye downe, Epigram. 236.

Of the force of my Lo: Mayors Pageant. Epigram. 237.

Against saplesse Sottus his vnkind heate. Epigram. 238.

On Sirrah and his Wife Sarahs false play with him, for his profit. Epigram. 239.

Of Gallae's too good agreement with me. Epigram. 240.

Of Fannius his feare. Epigam.

Of Frigus that died the first night he lay with his wife. Epigram. 250.

Of one who being a Dwarfe, or little higher, kept a great tall fellowes wi•e. Epigram. 251.

Of Flauius single combat: who had a valiant man to his sire, was so himselfe; but had a Whore to his mother, and a Rig to his daughter. Epi. 252.

The best Kings Ire burnes more than Fire. Epigam, 253.

Video et taceo. Epigram. 254.

To my deare Liege Lord King Iames. Epigram. 255.

Againe to my Liege Lord King Iames. Epi. 256.

On Sir Iohn Roe. Epitaph. 257.

Of and against Earelesse Praxus. Epi. 258.

Against Sottus •is long wronge knowledge. Epi. 259.

Of the Carpet Knights Sir Sim Soust Gurnerd his Quater-braules. Epi. 260.

Of Cracus his facing out Fals•ood or facing truth. Epi. 261.

Of false praise. Epi. 262.

The rightest Seruingmen are the rightest Courtiers. Epi. 263.

How an Harlot is like Hell. Epi. 263.

Counterfeit Piety is double iniquity. Epigram. 264.

Against powdered Haire. Epigram. 265.

Against Gallus, his treachery and tyrrany to Galla. Epi. 266.

Against the stincke of Marens his sweetnes. Epi. 267.

Of the compassing of his lusts designes. Epig. 268.

Against Gella and her consumption. Epi. 268.

Against the ill cure of Gallus the Surgeon, vpon Gaila. Epi. 70.

Against Fuluiae's Transcendency. Epi. 271.

Against proud great-bellied Ventus, the Smell feast. Epi. 272.

Against Vulpus his endlesse distinguishing. Epig. 273.

Poets gaine is Fame and Famine. Epigram. 274.

Against the enuy of Muranus. Epigram. 275.

Against gurmandizing miserable minded Fagus. Epigram. 276.

Against the bare Brests of too well cloth'd wenches. Epigram. 277.

No Kingdome to Content. Epigram. 278.

Spare, to spend; like thine owne friend. Epigram. 279.

Againe, on the same Subiect. Epigram. 286.

Of Lord Volsus his •is-v••g his friends. Epigram. 287.

Against golden Asses. Epi 288.

Of Phisitions abyding at Bathe. Epigram. 289.

Of Flauia •s lookes after her fall. Epigram. 290.

Against the wretchednesse of rich-men. Epigram. 291.

Against Flexus his being sick of the Fashions. Epigram. 292.

Of Rutus his indifferency in Religion. Epigram. 293.

Against Flauiae's leuity. Epi. 295.

Of a Tricke of Youth. Epi. 296.

Against great Vardingales. Epig. 297.

Against promise-breaking. Epi. 298.

Against the misery of rich M•sers. Epi. 299.

O• and against Pegus his oft change of faith: Epig. 300.

Of a Man in Print. Epi. 313.

Of a Master of Art that lay, by the instinct of Nature, with one Mistris Barbara all night. Epi. 314.

Of my lying betweene two Queanes. Epi. 315.

Against Iacks Periurie, in prouing his honesty. Epigram. 316.

Of Calpus his making much of a Little. Epigram. 317.

Against Rollus his great building for little fame. Epi. 317.

Against Don Puffes incomperable adaciousnes. Epi. 318.

The Teares of Peace.

Against the worst of Lawyers. Epi. 320.

Of an ill Custome •eere good Customers. Epi. 321.

Epi. 322.

Of stupid Binus his preuenting of time. Epigram. 323.

Against despertate Harrius his contempt of goodnes. Epi. 324.

Of Bombus the Buffon, and his laughing Patronesses. Epigram. 325.

Of Luscus his great Faith, and small Performance. Epigram. 326.

Of Rorers, soft speaking. Epigram. 327.

Of Scalpus his Haires humility. Epigram. 328

Of Phrynas, huge-limbd Husbands Metamorphosis. Epigram. 329.

Of Soare Times hard to cure. Epigram. 330.

Of Sir Lauoltas high sol'd shooes and valting in his going. Epigram. 331.

Of heauy load-•earing Birds. Epigram. 332

Of the great traueller Fagus. Epi. 333.

Against fond at furiors Frontus, his swaggering to regaine his pawn'd Apparell. Epigram. 334.

Against Spongus, a plaine Farmers Bastard, that had gotten to be of a great Lords bed-chamber. Epigram 335.

Against Signior Snap-haunce, the rude fooli•h Rorer. Epigram. 336.

Against Rufus the Appollo ger. Epigram. 337.

Against a Marchants as light as bright Wife, still wearing a great Chaine of Gold or'ethwart. Epigram. 338.

Of my Selfe. Epigram. 339.

Against Iugus, his truth-swearing. Epigram. 340.

What rich men must doe to gaine and retayne the worlds fauour. Epigram. 341

Against the gallant Glossus his mis-measuring. Epigram. 342.

Of the Vyoll. Epigram 343.

How Maides resemble Eue. Epigram. 344

Against Myntha, that would haue bin my Tenant for a fowle Fine. Epigram. 345.

Of a man that prou'd a Slipper. Epigram. 34•.

No good Wiues in London. Epigram. 347.

Against the too too common, as most shawelesse countersetting the Stampe of Heauen (Beauty) by Painting; and the excessiue brauery of Men, and Women of these Times. Epigram. 348.

Of Raggus and his proiect. Epigram. 349.

Probatumest. How Clearke Tho. his Clearkeship sau'd his Queane. Epigram. 350.

Fast and loose. Epi. 351

Of Long's being the least part of himselfe. Epigram. 352.

To a blind Har: Par: Epigram. 353.

Eundem. A blinde Harper. Epi. 353.

He stole some Epigrams from Sir Iohn Har. verbati• Of Casse and her Case. Epigram. 354.

After the fall o• Man, of the fall of Wo-men. Epigram. 355.

As the 〈…〉 crowes, so doth the old. Epigram. 356.

Against lame Hipp. Epi. 357.

Against M•rnezetus, the well knowne Sharker, co•se•••• me of a Cloake. Epig. 366.

To the no lesse than most graue Counsellor of Counsellors, Thomas Vicount Brackley Lord Chancellor of England. Epi. 369.

To the true President of Honor, William Earle of Pembroke Lord Chamberlain. &c. Epig. 370.

To the Right noble, and my much honored Lord, Phillip Earle of Montgomery. Epi. 371.

To the true Patterns of Noblesse and Heroicall vertue, Richard Earle of Dorset, and Sir Edward Sackuill Knight of the •ath his most nolle Brother. Epigram. 372.

To the Right noble Lord, Theophilus, Lord Walden. Epigram. 373.

To the Right Honorable Sir Francis Bacon Knight. &c. Epi. 259.

To my much honored the Lord Hayes. Epigram. 375.

To my Noble, highly valued friend, Pupill, and Alyes Man, Sir Edward Herbert, of Montgomery, Knight of the Bath. Epi. 376.

To my honorable, ingenious, worthy, friend, Sir Iohn Constable, Knight. Ep•. 377.

To my much honored and intirely beloued Sir William Alexander Knight. Ep•. 378.

To my venerable friend Master Doctor Goade. Epi. 379.

To my worthy, and beloued friend Doctor Pierce; Parson of Saint Christophers, London. Epigram. 380.

To my best beloued friend, and aliz-man, Master Iohn Sanford. Epi. 381.

To the all witty, Sir Io: Har:

To my in•enious deere friend and Country-man Mr. •ohn Hoskins, Councellor at Law.

To my worthy, ingennus, and ingenius Pupill Mr. Thomas Bond.

To my witty and worthy friend, Inigo Iohnes Esquie•, surueigher of his Maiestie• workes.

To my learnedly witty friend, Mr Beniamin Iohnson.

To my darling-friend Mr. Richard Dorington.

To my beloued, and most praise worthy friend, Mr. Lyte of Lytes-cary.

To my beloued, Mr. Robert Branthwaite.

To my worthy approued deere friend Mr. Iackson, Manciple of All Soules Colledge in Oxford.

To my worthy approued friend Mistris Sisley Tyle.

Of my Selfe, and my Booke.

Against Yellow, starcht bands. For a Farewell.

To my deare Mother; the Citty of Hereford.

EPITAPHS.

On him that was said to be pull'd in peeces in playing the Beare. Epitaph. 1.

On an Hermaphrod•te. Epi. 2

On one Gwillim a common cryer of a Towne. Epitaph. 3.

On an Harlot call'd Meg-Mutton of Heref: Epitaph. 4.

Vpon a noted common-lyer, Iack-ap Iack. Epitaph. 5.

On the Woman that was burnt in Smithfield for killing her Master, in her anger. Epitaph. 6.

Vpon one borne blinde. Epi•aph. 7.

Vpon Iohn of all Iohns.

On one Wood a miser, burnt by a Queane. Epi. 9.

On one who built himselfe bank•roupt, to keepe the poore on worke. Epi▪ 10.

On one that yeelded hi• Weapons in pri•at fight; the conceipt whereof after brake his heart. Epi. 11.

On one that a Queane made to Father her Bastard, begotten by his Man. Epi. 12.

Vpon one Church-euill a debosh'd base Whore-hunter, who dyed of the Pox. Epi. 13.

On a common Drunkard. Epi. 14.

On an English stutting-Booke-seller who learned French, to sell Bookes to French-men. Epi. 15.

On Tarlton. Epi. 16.

On a rare Dyer of Silke. Epi. 17.

On a selfe conceited Foole. Epi. 18.

On one who cheated his Father. Epi. 19.

Epi. 20.

On Iohn A-Stile. Epi. 318.

On Rauiliack who murdered Henry the fourth French-King. 22.

On George a Greene, Pinder of Wakefield. 23.

On little Iohn.

O• Billy Grime.

On a Roring Boy calld Thing.

Of one Baudyman, whose name and nature were one. 27.

Of one R. Hand that died of the Poxe. 28.

Vpon a Youngster, who lay with a Maid, at the Labour in vaine. 29.

On a man borne dumbe. 30.

Vppon one Eleazer Death a good fellow Taylor. 31.

Deaths Epitaph. 32.

On one Forgot a Pitman. 34.

On a short spare man, that wore alwayes an huge paire of Cloke-bag hose. •5.

On Iohn an Oakes. Epitaph. 36.

One Ro: Gose a light-headed wanton. Epitaph. 37.

On a Sot that was held honest though such cannot bee so. Epitaph. 38.

On o•e N. Po•, a dunkard who was stabb'd in an Ale-house. Epitaph. 39.

On an idle prattler, nick•named Words. Epitaph. 40.

On one H. Quarrell. Epit. 41.

One one B. Holiday. Epit. 42.

Being desir'd to make an Epitaph on an ill-belou'd rich miserable yong-man whose name was Bright; and whose mothers name by her father, was Sparke; he writ. Epitaph. 45.

Foure sad Epitaphs. A Epitaph on the death of the most famous Bishop; both for good learning, and good liuing, Doctor Tomson Bishop of Gloucester, Epitaph. 46.

On Master W. Woodcock, a vertuous discreete and rare Scholler. Epitaph. 47.

The Authors Epitaph. 48.

On a vert••ous faire-maide Mistresse Eliza: Amber. Epitaph. 49.

Agame.

On a Bank•rupt called Myte. Epitaph. 51.

On a wicked fellow called P. Godsoll. Epita. 51.

Of one Woorth that died Lowsie, hauing had a good lyuing; but spent it leawdly. Epit. 52.

On one Elizabeth Butter a faire maide. Epitaph. 53.

On one I. Cheese, an old Leatcher. Epitaph. 53.

On one P. Cocke, a rich foole, who gaue much money by wil, to make him a faire Tombe. Epit. 56.

On a common Drunkard call'd Man. Epitaph. 56.

On one call'd Iaques. Epitaph. 57.

On one Wit, whose mother died with his birth; a contentious fellow. Epitaph. 58.

On the Cripple, who stole the weather-cocke of Paules. Epitaph. 59.

On one called Holyday a great gamester kill'd playing at Primero. Epitaph. 60.

Vpon one Denis who slu• one in a Tennis-court about the difference of a Chase. Epitaph. 61.

On one Gold, a great Dicer. Epit. 62.

O• No-body, as he is fancied & set foorth in picture. Epitaph. 63.

On a double fellow, ill composed. Epit. 64.

On a skiruy fellow, enriched by a Queene. Epit. 65.

On a Vserer. Egitaph.

On one Norman, an ill man. 66.

On one Maister Linder, that was burnt by a Drab: and thereof dyed. 67.

On a most intollerable curst Wife. 68.

On one that lou'd Sacke as his Soule. 69.

On one Loue a Gold-finder alias a Iakes-Farmer. 77.

On a tall Coward. 78.

By one Shockman hangd in chaines on a Hill. 79.

On a, Ban•ero•pt that liu'd (till he died) long in Ludgate, oft begging in the Hole. 80.

§

To my Worthily much honored M. Richard Martin, learned in the Lawes, Arts, and Langu•ges.

To my Noble and euer best beloued Pupill, Captaine Henry Maynwarring.

The conclusion.

On Banning.

An excuse for Faults escapt in Printing by reason my Occasions would not permit me to looke to the Presse.

§

§

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WITS BEDLAM, —Where is had,

Whipping-cheer, to cure the Mad.

The BOOKE.

Those Epigrams faine would I owe,

Where euery Word, is a Word and a Blow.

Reproses, where they are Well deseru'd; must be Well paide.

At LONDON Printed by G. ELD, and are to be sould by Iames Dauies, at the Red Crosse nere Fleete-streete Conduit. 1617.

To the Right noble Lord the Earle of Buckingham, be much mirth, permanent Pleasure, and endlesse happinesse, here, and else where.

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TO Thee, whose Worth hath doubl'd good-hopes Cape

Thrice in high pleasures Seas, I send this Toy,

To mocke such Apes (or Beasts in humane shape)

As giue vs cause of laughter, and annoy.

Her's Wit too ranke, sith sprong from too much soyle;

Whereat such Apes as but Saintes counterfet,

Do mop and mox; good sport, in sport, to spoile,:

But, iustest lerkes their wry-mouths right shall set.

If some Lines broader bee, than long, herein,

(To make the lash (with laughter) lowd ech blow)

It is, broad Faults to scourge with greater dyn,

To feare, much more than hurt, offenders so: (grieue,

Then when (deare Lord) great cares your greatnes

Laugh at these Ierkes (like Greatnes) in your sleeue.

To the Printer.

[Page]

PRinter, here's for thee; yet, 'tis not for mee;

But cleane against mee: for, thei'l ban my Birth

Whose Crimes I scourge; but, that is good for thee:

For, most will rather buy their Plague, with mirth,

Than profit that, with pleasure, holds not Quarter;

Then, still French-crowne me, sith I am thy Martyr.

And yet, least, so, I should no Martyr bee,

Giue mee the Fame, take Gould and Blame to Thee.

§

§

[Page]

Againe, of my Selfe.

SOme (not a few) who long to raise their Name

In Proems to their Bookes, seeme foes to Fame:

Nay, more than seeme; who vow (to grace their

They publish Books for profit, not for praise: (daies)

And, hate all friendship held with pride or fame,

Though to their Bookes, they vse to put their name.

But I am none of those (dissembling so)

Ile speake the truth; And, therfore All shall know,

That FAME and I haue beene too long in loue,

Now to be foes: Nay, still Ile striue to prooue

The vt'most of mine Vt'most for her sake;

Yea life forgoe, ere She should me forsake.

And if She [...]aue mee, through my Fortunes wrack,

Ile fly her; so, to binde her to my Backe:

For Men by Nature, rather then thei'le be

Nothing, of Something; they desire to flee

Vpon the Winges of euiternall FAME

Beyond Decay; and Bee, though but in Name.

And be it that vnsanctified Wit

With hellish Flashes may soone kindle it,

And make [...]t burne in glory still; yet lust

I mo [...]e for That, than all that turnes to dust.

[Page]Say, tis a burning feauer of the Soule

To long for that which hurts, not makes her whole

And, that that Aire is too too pestilent,

That makes the Sicknes much more violent:

Yea, Water (though from Castaly it came)

Is best forborne if it but oyles the Flame;

Yet can I not but say▪ yea, lowdly cry.

I loue, nay doate on all Eternity,

Saue that which hath relation so to ill

As makes Eternity abhord: Yet fill

My Muse a Bowle of Nectar drawne from thence

Whence all Gods Stellifide haue influence,

And Ile carouse so freely of the same,

That paine Ile beare, as pleasure 'twere, for Fame.

And though I reele beneath the Wheele of Fate,

Yet Fame shall follow me through loue or hate:

That if to higher Stiles I cannot climbe.

All Times shall Stile mee Taxer of my Time.

It's a mad world my Maisters. And a merry world my Mistrisses.

O Braines, what Bounds are set to lymit you,

In madnesse? wil you crack the Pan, your fence?

Will you be mad with Reason? are you true

Vnto my Iudgement, Soueraigne of your Sence?

Lo, how you me expose to endles Spight:

To Censure, that may Patience quel to beare it?

[Page]Will you interre my Name in datelesse Night,

And for your Glory must I Shame inherit?

Do you containe such Powrs as are of force

To giue me Honor for Wit well imploid;

Yet make 'twixt Wit and Wisdome such diuorce,

As, with Worlds-hate, I shall bee still anoyd?

Put that hate in one Scale (O Weight past Weight!)

And in the other put Ayres worser name,

(Cal'd same for Folly, or a vaine conceit)

Wil This, not light; That, heauy make my fame?

Shal aged Thoughts so doa [...]? Shal Childhood now

Inuade my Iudgement with so fierce assault,

That it to idle Fancies so should bow,

As still to beare the weight of Follyes fault?

And shall I sell my Birth-right for such Grewell

As feeds, but fattens not; or, fats but Fooles?

Will you to my good Name become so cruell

As still to haue me whipt in Wisedomes Schooles?

Be quiet Wit, leaue beating of my Braine

To do the Worke of playing but on Crimes:

To Scourge the Follyes of the World is vaine,

If thy Whips Lines be nought but rotten Rymes.

Muses, why sleepe ye? Will ye see me sinke

O're head and eares in shame, who doe adore you?

Stretch out your hands: what! frō me do you shrink

To drowne in deepe disgrace while I implore you?

Braines, seek you glory of Herostratus,

To make your Findings curst to After-times?

Call in my Muse and check her thus, and thus;

What do I now? thus (x x x) crosse I out her Rime [...]s,

[Page]VVho knowes how neere the Article of Death

My Fame and I am? Aud what 'compt I must

Giue for each vaine and ill imployed breath

I fetch for life? To what then doe I trust?

My Fame. Why, that may dye before me? Or

My Pleasure? That dies with mee. VVhat ist then

Makes me thus plague (which I am forty for,

For hauing cause) my selfe and other men?

Faults; Faults & nought but faire & fowlest Faults,

Both in my selfe, and others I espie.

Tush, th'are nere mended with such mad Assaults

As make them worse, and many more thereby.

I hope of better: Aretine, whom Fame

Stil'd Scourge of Princes (such I leaue to such)

Kept them in awe: So may an Epigram

VVith other soft-brow'd Sinners, doe as much.

But, Oh, I am too broad; and, that doth irke.

But how should I scourge broad sinnes otherwise?

Must I not make them bare before I ierke?

Who knowes not that? Why then let that suffice.

VVhat? Wit, how now? Hast 'suces for these scapes?

VVilt thou turne Foole, yet wittily defend it?

Hast thou so many anticke formelesse Shapes?

Yet ween'st it such as Wisdome cannot mend it?

Where art thou Wisdome? wilt thou suffer Wit

To runne wilde now in mee; and hauocke make

Of all my Reason in a franticke fit?

O Heau'ns! where am I? Doe I sleepe, or wake?

I yonder Sky the Skie? Is that the Sunne

Which I haue wakinge seene? Is this the Earth

[Page]Where safe I walkt; and now will let me runne

To breake mine Honors neck, in brain-sick mirth?

Are these the Folke I foole with, which I see?

Or shadowes? Shadowes? No. What else? Madmen

The greater number: so, will Martyre mee

For whipping of but One, and fearing Ten.

A hall, mad Bedlams, now my Braines (like yours)

Begin to crow: my Muse, this Afternoone,

Must dance a Brawle: O! looke! Apollo lowres

To see his Priest so subiect to the Moone!

Gods me, how now? what strange confused noise

Of murmur heare I? O! the Earth doth shake:

Powles makes her People volley-foorth her voyce

Against me for their ierks. Ha [...]ke! O! I quake.

S'foote what are these that pynch me? Goblins?

A wanion on the Elues for me; What now? (Elues?

Pinch you behind, ye Nits, to saue your selues?

Before me too? Saint George; then haue at you.

What Weather's this? how soddain is this Storme?

Whence fall these Stones that so do batter me?

What! from the Winds wide Mouth? can they in-

I weigh them not a Mite, so light they be. (or me?

Harke how it thunders! All the world's afire

With flashes of the fury of the mad.

Looke, looke, they come; beware, retire, retire:

Hold Braines; this feare, I feare, will make you gad.

Apollo helpe me. No? Wilt leaue me thus?

What! not one glance of fauour in this Case?

Then, Luna help; be thou propitious.

Why, so: thou cheer'st me in this Wild-goose-chase?

[Page]But soft! What smell is this: It wounds my Braine?

Breath of Blaspheamers: Fy, is no Place free

From this so banefull Ayre? Can I remaine

No where, but, lik a Plague, 'twill follow me?

O what a Hell is this? A hell? No, no;

It's better than some Scapes, that more offend:

T'is but the bleating of some Calfe, or so,

That feeles my Spleenes iust Ierks; & there's an end.

Bitter zeale, is lesse than Loue.

FAme, gathering out of her own motiō strength,

And liuely grown by laboure in her flight,

I seeke to hold; yet draw her out at length

With this my mirry Muse: But, here's the spight:

To follow Mirth, as maym'd, she euer vses;

For, Bolts from Dolts still cripple mirry-Muses.

A Caueat.

TO bite is but a dogged part; to sting

Is but a Snakes, Wasps, Hornets, or a Bees;

These Men do shun, sith, Dole, or Death they bring;

Yet some haue, oft, a Medcine made of These;

So, though I byting, barke; and stinging, hisse;

Yet make of all a Medcine for thy Misse.

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To Martiall.

MArtiall, th'art still renownd for thy Free▪ wit;

But, oft reproached for thy Looser-pen:

Yet, Wise-men (longing for a merry-Fit)

Reade thee with Praise & Pleasure, now and then:

Then I (too proudly humble) thinke not scorne,

They Wit-all call my name for thy Fames horne.

The BOOKE to Grauitie.

STerne Grauity auert thy face from me;

Or, looke not saddly ou me: for, I am

Too light, somewhere, for Eyes too sad to see;

And yet such lightnesse shews but Vice her shame:

But, to reproue Vice viciously, is more

Amisse, I feare: the salu's worse than the Sore:

Yet, Grace it selfe can hardly Wit perswade

That it is sin to call a Spad [...] a Spade.

The BOOKE to the Reader.

LOok'st thou for Wit well relish'd? here, each Letter

Yeelds fresh-Wit season'd well with Salt and Pepper:

Then, if they last not, or do proue vnsaury,

It's through thy Foolry, rather than my Knau'ry.

[Page]

Againe.

ARt good; and bad thy wit? then, touch me not:

For, I doe often ierke the honest Sot.

Art bad, and thy wit good? Forbeare, much more,

To touch mee: for, I lash such till they roare.

Or, art thou good, and great thy Wits extent?

Th'wilt loue me, tho thou loathe mine Excrement.

But be thon good or bad: for Six-pence, I

Will glad and grieue thee, make thee laugh & cry

O! take my money,

For this Sowre-Honey.

Why Poets of the present times, be not so well esteem'd as those of former.

IT's Entry that doth make vs better deeme

Of men erst breathing, thā now drawing breath:

So, Poets, that now liue; we disesteeme,

And read them not, with pleasure, till their death.

Of the worth of wittiest Workes, or Bookes.

RAre Bookes are Of-springs of Wits most compleate,

Distill'd from purest Braines refined Spirits,

Which thereby are consum'd: then, such rare merits

Transcend all Patrons Guifts how euer great.

[Page]

Mercy with Iustice.

SHould I, with ierkes of wit, whip euery Vice

That now are wādring: I should make my booke

Swell as it had the worst of Poysons tooke;

And, make men swell as poison'd, with the price:

But, some Ile whip; the rest Ile spare for some

Of more Wit, and lesse grace in time to come.

Those Li [...]es which all, or none do vnderstand, Do neither with Wit, Art, nor Iudgment stand.

THose Rimes are best (though least of most esteem'd)

That (like sage Platoes Suppers) best do please

When they diiested be; how er'e mis-deem'd

They be at first: And, so I would haue these.

Of My selfe; and, this Bable, my Booke.

SOme lothe to be laught at for what they write;

But, I do hold that wrong these Writings right:

Then, iudge of these too Foolish Writings state,

That onely aime but to be laughed at.

§

§

Against Pse [...]cus the too cunning Palmister, and Poet. Epigram. 1.

PSe [...]cus is perfect in Chirosophy:

That is; hee's hand-wise, stealing coningly:

[Page]But, oft he's well laugh'd at for stealing Rimes;

So hee's Hand-wise, & Head-foole too, somtimes.

Vpon one named R [...] Holland, who kept one Nell Cotton. Epigram. 2.

A Light yong-man, who lou'd the like yong-woman

Desir'd their Things to either might be common:

So, gaue her, whē her good wil he had gottē,

A Yard of Holland, for a N.-ell of Cotton.

Against the nobly-desended Muscus, who wedded a Butchers fat Daughter. Epigram. 3.

THe well-borne Muscus wedded hath, of late,

A Butchers Daughter Fat, for Pounds & Plate:

Which Match is like a Pudding; sith in That

He puts the Bloud; her Father all the Fat.

Against Faber, the Earelesse forger. Epigram. 4.

FAber, the Forger, would himself bestow,

In marr'age faine; and sweares he nought doth owe

True: for, hee's Earelesse, and hyres all he weares:

So, oweth not so much as Clothes, or Eares!

[Page]

Against Dromus, the Borrowing barraine, or bankroupt Discourcer. Epigram. 5.

DRomus, in talke, repeates but old-said Sawes

Of other M [...]s; & then Discourse with-draws:

So, (like a rotten Naile) he cannot bore

Through rotten wood without a way before.

Of Leoena, and her two friends; Spot, and Fuller. Epigram. 6.

LEoena, hath two friends, that still maintain her;

The one, hight Fuller; the other called Spot:

Hauing a Fuller, she should haue no Spot;

And yet the Fuller with that Spot doth staine her:

Then, if thou canst not put away her Spot,

Fuller, thou and thy Mill, are ouer-shot.

Of a poore Curate that wold haue pawn'd his Bible to a rich Precisians for a Crowne. Epigram. 7.

ACurat, poore▪ a rich Precisian, praide

To lend him but a Crowne but for a Day;

But his request (precisely) he denaide:

Then on his Bible, he the same did pray;

But he (like a precise illiberall Clowne)

Would take nor his, nor Gods-Word for a Crown.

[Page]

Against selfe-conc [...]ited nine-bibbing-Phagus. Epigram. 8.

PHagus, is wise in his owne Eyes (they say)

Then hee's a Foole to drinke them so away.

Against Gaulus the writing-country Schole-master. Epigram. 9.

GAulus, thou w [...]it'st thy selfe my scholer; and

Thou saist thou do [...] it Scholers so to get:

But, for thine owne, thou still dost shew my hand:

So, thou deal'st plaine, thou canst not Counterfet.

Of Mutius, and Phormius bloudles single-Combate. Epigram. 10.

MVtius, in Field, hath [...]ought with Phormius,

(Sith he thought Phormius oft his wife did smack)

where, of the Surgeon, was but little vse;

Yet, after, Mutius ran him through the Back:

But, Mutius ran him in behind so sore

Sith Phormius oft so vsd his Wife before.

[Page]

Against Mollius, that i [...] a most religious Turner. Probatum est. Epig. 22.

MOllius is most religious; but, the spight is,

He, like a Topp, set vp, still turnes: then he

Must still bee whipt, to runne the way that right is,

Els, like a Topp, hee'l rather turne then flee.

Of the poore, Lady Minthes frugality in taking a faire Howse. Epi. 23.

MInthe, hath tane an House (with little pelse)

As faire, as highly r [...]ted: but shee setts

Her fore-roomes out; and backward lies her selfe;

And so she liues vppon the Roomes she let [...]:

Then, if by lying Back-ward she doth liue,

She ne're goes Back-ward, but she stil doth thriue.

Of the French Fencer that challenged Church the Fencer at all weapons. Epi. 24.

THe fencing-Gaule (in pride and gallant vant,

Challengd the English at the fencing-skill;

The Fencer Church, or the Church Militant,

His Errors soone reproou'd, and knockt him still:

But sith our Church him disciplind so sore,

He (ranck Recusant) comes to Church no more.

[Page]

Of Galla'es true lying. Epi. 25.

GAlla still sweares she is a maid: but then

If true she swears, she is vnknowne of Men:

But all men know her commonly (it's said)

Then she doth lie, or is their seruing-maid.

Of Caylus his rest in motion. Epi. 26.

ALl Motion ceaseth when it hath its end;

(So say Philosophers) Then, how is it

That Caylus louing long old Kate (his friend)

(Loue being a Motion) now in mar [...]age knit)

Doth be at her euery day: what rest is this?

Why, Rest of Loue, while Hate in Mo [...]ion is.

Against the freenesse of Franks Loue. Epi. 27.

HOw ist that Franke so many doth be foole?

Beare all in hand; and loue protest to all?

Faith her Hearts like her Soule: whole in the whole

And whole in euery part, [...]ee't nere so small:

So, had she hundreds, she might be alone,

Among them One; yet whole to euery One.

Of Caius his loosing his Game by missing to take a Blott. Epi. 28.

CAius his Loue, came to his Chamber late;

But, hee that grace did not congratulate,

[Page]But with too bashfull [...]hat; who, for the same,

(missing to take her Blot) qu [...]te lost her Game.

Of Flaccus his two Shadowes to his one body. Epi. 29.

FLaccus is follow'd with a paire of men,

That (good for nought) do no [...]ght but do him ill,

And yet he shaddowes it: what maruell then

One Body should haue two such Shadowes still [...]

Againe. Epi. 30.

FLaccus is almost sunke: of that I muse;

Hauing two Bladders which he s [...]ill doth vse.

Of one that l [...]st a great Stomacke. Epigram. 31.

MAr [...] swears he' hath lost his Stomack: then if one

that's poore hath found it, he is quite vndon.

Of old Lixus his young choyce. Epi. 32.

LIxus the weake old Dotherd married late,

a Maid, whom friends en [...]or [...]ed to that match

So she, perforce, made him her wedded Mate ▪

But he, [...]ans force, doth marriage Rites dispatch.

[Page]

Of Maurus his Orpheus-like melody. Epi. 33.

MA [...]rus, last morne, at's Mistris window plaid

An Hunts-vp on his Lute: But she (it's said)

Threw Stones at him: So, he, like Orpheus, there,

Made Stones come flying, his sweet notes to heare.

Of Womens Maskes, Epi. 34.

IT seems that Masks do Women much disgrace,

Sith when they weare them they doe hide their face.

Of their Mantles. Epi. 35.

I Muse that Mantles, which were made to hide,

Should but discouer Vanity and Pride.

Of the Precedency of Lawyers or Phisitions, Epi. 36.

OFt Lawyers and Ph [...]sitions striue for place;

But well ye wot the Fellons go before

The Hangman to the Gallowes▪ Then the case

Is cleare; the Lawyer should go first therefore.

Of Crispus mistak [...]rg things. Epi. 37.

CRispus tooke Phryna vp ere downe shee was,

He takes things ill: it's not alone her Case.

Of old Linus his young seruice to Women. Epi. 39.

OLd Linus brags, hee's such a womans man,

As neuer yet was tir'de in seruing them:

[Page]The old Slaue lies: for aske his young Maid Nan,

And she will sweare (and yet doth not blasph [...]me)

Hee's like a leaden Tuck, at Foynes, or Blowes,

Whose Point & Pommel streight together goes.

Then what a shamelesse beast is this to vant

Of that foule sin which he, in Deed, doth want.

Of Glaucus his mirth and madnes. Epi. 40.

GLaucus, his mirth doth cheere, his rage doth

And so by both he gets both loue and [...]eare:

Then he (like Cheese) doth help (when he's at best)

Digestion well; himselfe hard to digest.

Of Dauus his selling his great horse, for a small fault. Epi. 41.

DAuus hath sold his St [...]ed for starting back

At sight of Armor, or the sound of Drum.

I muse he sold him then, that knew his knacke:

And bought him backward still, to fight to come:

But comming on so, late, his Lord [...]ay vnder,

Then though a Iade a Iade sold 'tis no wonder.

Of Fuluiaes feather. Epi. 42.

FVluia still in her haire a feather weares!

So, still the lighter farre, the heauier beares.

[Page]

Of Wolfangus his great Nose and thin beard. Epi. 42.

I Muse Wolfangus Beard so thinly growes;

Yet 'tis no maruell hauing such a Nose:

For being huge, it yeelds such shade and breath,

That nought can prosper growing vnderneath.

Of one called Hoopes, his late embailment from Newgate for filching. Epi. 43.

ONe Hoopes, for filching, late being in the Iayl

Two greazye Guts, ere tryall, were his Bayle:

So cut is he, and they are in for him,

Where now they fret while they in swet do swim:

But [...]e be bound the ile neuer close their loops,

If such great Ba [...]rells get no better Hoopes.

To the most fortunate M. Robert Rooke, who married a most faire and vertuous wife. Epi. 44.

ROoke thou art treble blessed in thy fate,

That without check, giues Beauties Queen the Mate.

Of Ianus the Iustice, his imprisoning Angels comming from the hands of sinners. Epi. 45.

IAnus (they say) the Iustice, lately had

Some A [...]gels for a Bribe: But damned he,

That put such Creatures (that ou [...] hearts do glad)

Into the hands of Iustice, for a Fee!

[Page]

Against Libiduis common protestations to his Dabbe. Epi. 46.

SWeet-lipt Libiduis to his whore doth swea [...]e,

He loues her as his Soule: But better 'twere

He lou'd her as his Body; for, he doth

Please that with whatsoere likes Taile or Tooth,

As for his Soule, I thinke he truely sweares,

for he cares least for that, as well appeares.

Of Sir Grobolus his valiant Stomacke. Epi. 47.

CHiron the Centaure young Achilles fed,

With Bloud & Lions ma [...]row (meat, & drinke)

To make his Stomack great; Then so was bred

Sir Grobolus the greazie Guts, I thinke,

Whose stomack is so great (where his good wil is)

That at the Trencher, hee puts downe Achilles.

Honor, is Vertues Shadow. Epi. 48.

IF Vertue make not Lords aswell as Birth,

The Stiles but Honors Stampe vpon base Earth.

Againe, Epigram. 49.

YEt some base Lords are Nobles (right) of blood

but, if they were right gold, they were as good.

[Page]

Of the prodigall begger Plasmus his great charity. Epi. 50.

PLas [...]us, is vtterly vndone by play,

And for his liuing, now, doth fast and pray:

But though he fast and pray thus, still he breeds,

A Multitude, which, with his flesh he feeds.

Against Plutus his being penny-wise and pound f [...]olish. Epi. 51.

PLutus doth giue him that his horses breaks

Fu [...]l fifty pounds a yeare: But to him giues

That breaks his Sonnes but fi [...]e, with fifty Gleeks:

Thus his Sons breaker breaketh while he grieues:

So, Plutus Beast's well broken: but his Child

Will (like a Beast vnbroken) still be wilde.

Against the [...]iudicious deprauers of men of Art. Epi. 52.

SOme empty heads, with too ful enuious hearts,

Depraue what comes frō heads stil full of Arts:

So, those obscuring Clouds with black reproches,

Thunder against bright Art like empty Coaches.

[Page]

A Couplet or two fastned to Sir Io: Harrington his Epigramme, to doe his Ladies Knight, Yeomans Seruice. Epigram▪ 53.

A Vertuous Lady sitting in a Muse

(As many times some vertuous Ladies vse)

Did leane her Elbow on her knee full hard,

The other distant from it halfe a yard;

Her Knight to taunt her by a pri [...]y Token,

Said, Wife a wake, your Cabinet stands open:

She rose and blusht, and smil'd, and soft doth say,

Then, lock it, if you lust, you keepe the Kay.

BVt he might haue replide; good Wife, you mock;

My Key can open, but not shut the Lock.

Sit [...] tis a Spring; and Kayes in generall

Will doo't, if it so openly to all.

Against wiues that will not worship Baal. Epigram. 54.

BAal the Hebrue Word doth signifie

Husband & Lord (as Linguists haue vs taught)

But many wiues (t' avoide Idolatry)

Refuse to worship Baal; yet are naught!

How bad Husbands recompence a good House-wife. Epigram. 55.

A Good Wife's (like a Snaile) nere out of doore

(Except her Head) to shun, and let abuse:

[Page]That makes bad husbands goe abroad the more

To horne their wiues (poore Snales) for keeping house

A good wife should be vnlike the Moone. Epigram. 66.

A Good-wife should vnlike the Moone appeare,

(Which most appeares whē most she's from the

Not once appere but when her Sun is neere: (Sun)

But some, like Lunaticks, abroad doe runne,

Most when their Sunnes are furthest from their vewes,

So, multiply the Beames on their Sunnes Browes!

Of Nell that was married to some Thing, her selfe hauing Nothing. Epigram. 68.

NEll, no Thing hath; which breeds her husband lothing:

Then this he onely knowes, that he knowes nothing.

Of a Wanton Paires marriage in the night. Epigram. 69.

CLaro, for hast, was married in the night:

That was because his wife and he were light.

Of Witty Stophus that married a faire Foole. Epigram. 70.

STophus, with his great wit, a foole hath wed;

Strange death the liuing's boūd so to the dead.

[Page]

Of Spongius, ouerthrowne by the Kings Armes. Epigram. 60.

THe Kings-armes-Tauerne, Spongius brings full low:

No maruell: Kings-armes Subiects ouerthrow.

Against Beastias his filthy Tongue. Epigram. 61.

BEastias foule Tongue still talkes, and's Taile among,

Which shews more wit & grace then his foule Tongue.

Of some Merchants Wiues coniuring. Epigram. 62.

SOme Merchants Wiues coniure their Maids, in stormes,

With Wands inchanting, working wonders so:

But on their husbands heads some coniure hornes,

By their Familliers stil, with them below!

Ag [...]inst perfum'd fellows. Epigram, 63.

THey that smel least, smel best; which intimates,

They smell like Beasts that smell like Cynet-cats.

Of the trauelling Eboracian Casus h [...]s strange fortune. Epigram. 64.

CAsus, the Eboracian, made aboade,

Two yeares in Palestine, and one at St [...]ade:

[Page]Whose wife, at his returne, he found with Child;

Whereat when she perceau'd him to grow wild

She sai'd he got it; 'tis his owne (she sweares)

But then (if it be true) it well appeares

His Organ of begetting longer is

Than the Turks Arme, that falls far short of this:

Then that must needs be propt vp with a Forke,

That reaches from Ierusalem to Yorke!

Of Friscus his secret iesting with a too earnest Lady. Epigram. 65.

FRiscus in secret, iested with a Lady,

(Which iesting Chaucer far more broadly stiles)

Who, fearing fainting, call'd him Foole and Baby;

But he with iesting plide her all the whiles:

Then, if she call'd him foole, she did not fable:

For, fooles are euer iesting with their Bable.

Of Hipocrites, pretending to haue the Spirits Vnction. Epigram. 66.

THe Vnction of the Spirit some seeme to haue;

So, seeme they pure whom vices most depraue:

Yet with that Vnction sleeke them selues about,

Too like leane Kidneies, onely fat without.

Against s [...]lfe-flattery. Epigram. 67.

THat flattery merits most contempt and blame,

Where flatterer, and the flattered is the same.

[Page]

Of a most Honorable Error. Epigram. 68

CAliusius Sabine thought his Learning deepe,

Sith he about him Clarks profound did keepe:

O [...] that our Nobles would so nobly erre,

They ne're should liue their glory to interre!

Of a Flatterer. Epigram. 69.

A Flatterer (like a Wrastler) stoupeth low

To him he flatters; so, to ouerthrow:

God blesse good Princes from such stoupers; and,

Place such about them as doe vpright stand.

Of a Free-man made too fast. Epigram. 80.

THe whore Lenaea wiues a Knight at last;

So she, being loose, makes this free Knight too fast!

Of no fish call'd Salmon. Epigram. 81.

A Man, call'd Salmon, Siuern bancks dwelt vnder

That his wife Salmons spawn'd then, was no wonder!

Of Curtius open-handednesse. Epigram. 82.

CVrtius, doth vse his money as his slaue;

But better t'were he vs'd it as his Friend:

[Page]For, otherwise twill leaue him by his leaue;

So will his friends without leaue, in the eud:

Then vse it Curtius as thy slaue; yet so,

That thou make much of it, before it goe.

Of Bestius hate. Epigram. 73.

BEstius doth hate, not enuy good men: why?

A Beast doth hate, but neuer can enuy.

Against Faustus, the prophane swearing Swaggerer his hate. Epigram. 74.

FAustus still sweares he lothes the married state:

But it must needs be good which she doth hate.

Against Metra her deafnesse. Epigram. 75.

WHen Metra is solicited to Do,

She seemes as if she gaue no Eare thereto;

Put (dallying) vseth strange diuerticles

Vntill she heares th'agreements Articles:

And then ioynes issue with the Suters streight,

Who lightly ends the matter with some weight.

Of Cleobulinas darke Discourse. Epigram. 76.

CLeobulina, speakes by Parrables,

In Riddles (darke) her sence she doth insold:

[Page]No Eagles eye (though holpe with Spectacles)

Can see the way her meaning to vnfold:

But aske her for a Gowne, what she will do?

Those words shee'le eccho plainly, She will doo.

What Lawyers are like. Epi. 92.

LAwyers are like the Tongues of Ballances,

Foes to th'ore weighd with Coyne & Countnances,

Who still encl [...]e vnto the weightiest side;

And there while weight remaines, they do abide.

Lawes were better to be like Hunters Toyles, which they be not: Than like Cob-webs, which they be. Epi. 93.

LIke Cob-webs, Lawes still take the little flyes,

When as the Waspe & Hornet scapes with ease

But Hunters Toyles the great Beasts do surprise;

And let the little scape: were Lawes like these,

The great should haue less power the small to hurt

Or, if they did, they should be ha [...]p [...]d sort.

Of the vnbloudy warres of Poets. Epi. 79.

THe Banquet of the Centau es made ( [...]t's sed)

The Cups to flye at one anothers head:

And oft such Banquets are with Mars his Mates,

Where Boles let out and take in blood of P [...]tes:

But Poets are more wise and merry m [...]n,

That freely drinke and war but with the P [...]n.

[Page]

Of Blaynus the Beggers cunning counterfetting. Epigram. 80.

BLaynus the Begger, and sly Counterfet,

With Birdlime, Meale, & Bloud with ease, doth set

Sores on his Limbes; so, Crus [...]ed cunningly,

That Hearts of Ste [...]le melt at his misery.

Thus, he being whole doth breake; yea thus breake out,

To moue mens mercy, as he sits without:

But if your Birdlime (Blayre) so take men sitting,

You make Men Dottrells, caught with Counterfetting.

Against Phanus his Modesty. Epigram. 81.

PHanus, the bashfull Leacher, dares not name

those Parts which to abuse he coūts no shame:

O monstrous modesty [...] that shames to say

That which to Doe he holds but sport, or play.

Of Fluxus his constant change. Epigram. 82.

IN euery Month eu'n as the Moone doth change;

So [...]luxus state a change doth still sustaine;

Now fills, thē falls (with Course vnstaid, as strange)

Like a stronge Felt, soone downe, then vp againe:

Were he starke Lunatick t'would not do so:

Yet like his Braines, his state doth ebbe and flow!

[Page]

Against Phannius sad lookes, linde with lightnesse. Epigram. 82.

PHannius, doth sēd his Conscience to the Stews;

Yet vp his Countenance demurely Mewes,

Like an Italians wises the worse for that;

For so it more deceaues in I know what.

Of Nichus good fortune, being robd. Epigram. 83.

COpper-nos'd Nichus swears that rob'd he was:

But I suppose the Theefe was but an Asse;

For that he left behinde him, and did lose,

The precioust Thing he had; which was his Nose!

Against Curtezans that colour their whoredome with a catholike pretence. Epi. 84.

NAis, Lais, & [...]hais, were not so neere in name

As in their Trade, 3 whores past grace & sham

So whore, whore, whore come not in sound more neere

Then som pure fasters, to that Belly-cheere.

Of a Knight, that did a worke of darkenesse in the Light, and my sight. Epi. 85.

OF late, I chanc'd to see a Lady, light

(Light I may wel say) from her bright Caroch

[Page]Wher hous'd she was; wherin soone went a Knight,

Which I obserued sitting in a Porch.

The Knight gon vp the waiting-maid came down;

And left them in a Chamber next the Street:

The Maide, at doore, conuerst; while (as his owne,

Though nothing lesse) the Knight his Loue doth greet.

,,But Loue is blind; & so saw neither louer

that through the glass they might be seen by day:

So in my sight, he did Knights-seruice to her

Against the Window, this light Ladies Stay:

For, sith the Deed was darke, this vertuous Knight,

(With a free spirit) still pusht it into Light.

Of my Selfe. Epigram. 86.

COrnelius, Gallus, Sappho, Pindarus,

Anacreontes, Alceon, Orpheus,

Propertius, Virgill, Ouid, Inuenall

Callimachus, Philotes, Martiall,

Catullus and Tibullus; These haue sung

In seu'rall Straines of Loue and whores among:

Then, haue, I Precedents for what I do

Against or'e doing Drabbs that men vndo;

But if the Bridwell Lash them nothing irks,

They will but laugh at these poore paper-Iirks.

Of Frontus his Formosity and Deformity. Epi. 87.

FRontus, the Gallant, is both faire, and foule;

Which Contradiction, faith can hardly win:

[Page]Yet being braue in Body, soild in Soule,

Maks good hee's faire without, and soule within:

And though his Suits be silks of seuerall formes,

He's but inuolud with Excrements of Wormes;

For which he's sued both within, and out;

And so his onely beauty is in Sute.

Of Phormus his gelded Purse. Epigram. 88.

PHormus, had in his Purse two Rubies (rich)

When with his Turkesse (damned drab) he lay▪

To find which Purse & Stones she sought his brich

While he found sport for which he de [...]re did pay:

For, when she found his Purse, she made no Bones

To g [...]ld it, 'ere he found it, of the Stones.

Of Rufus his mirry-sory night. Epigram. 89.

RVfus hath found a Thousand pound (they say)

In but one merry night; and that in play

Which some call Game: but so much lost, in brief,

Was won in Game, but lost in deadly griefe.

Against the false suruey of one W: Pearch (a foul [...] deformed Low [...]) who, with his mathematicall Instrument, measur'd one Kate A [...]re amisse; yet made it full e're he had done. Epi. 90.

A Pearch, that wanted mans proportion,

Measur'd an Acre standing, in a Vale:

Who found it full when he the Worke had done;

Yet it refus'd sith false he found the Dale:

[Page]

Of Ladies silke-stocks emboss'd vpon the Top [...], and S [...]ames with gold. Epigam. 96.

LAdies, ist not enough Silke-stocks to weare,

But they o [...] Seames, and Tops must be embost,

With gold, or siluer, though it ne're appeare?

Nere? That were hard, & all that Charge were lost.

Who knowes not, beauty still vnseene, is vayne

As is our brauery ▪ but, who brauest be;

Or fair'st, desire to haue it seene, to gaine

Some notice or respect; then, surely, she

That weares such Stocks, her knees discloseth oft,

That some may see the Charge that is a loft.

Of two Gallants that agreed to [...]ight, went out, were hurt, and return'd without bleeding Epigram. 97.

TWo Gallants needs would fight; Sword, Time,

Appoin [...]ed were, & all agreed vpon: (& Place,

Then both rode out, and ran a Wild-goose-chase;

But both mistooke t [...]e place: so, both, alone,

Returnd againe, both swearing they were there;

T [...]ue: there where both we [...]e hurt a like with feare:

Then sith their fearefull hurts so equall were;

Let them shake hands to heale their hurts of Feare.

[Page]

Of Iuliaes book [...]shnesse. Epigram. 98.

IVlia, is Bookish; and, doth study still

To fashion Natures fauoures to her will:

Her Mirrour is her Booke, her time to passe;

And so she euer studies on her Glasse.

Of Zenius his taking Tobacco with a whiffe. Epigram. 99.

ZEnius stil takes Tobacco, with a Whiff;

Which (so) doth make him drunk, that, whē he speakes,

His Tongue doth faulter in his Mouth, as if

He parting were: yet, when to part he seeks,

He falls; so, cannot part: and, so, he dies

In Shew at least, but yet, in Deed, he lies!

Of the small respect had of learned men in generall. Epigram. 100.

CAligula, enuying the bright [...]ames

Of Homer, Virgill, and graue Liuius,

Or [...]ethrew their statuaes, to or'ethrow their Names

But would these times had none more barbarous,

For, in this age, Caligula [...]s we find

That let them starue, that shine in either kind.

[Page] [...]

And so the Douch would be, but for the Pot.

Against the fantasticall Attire that many Ladies weare now a daies. Epi. 114.

IF Ladies Maners with their Ga [...]ds agree;

Then they Seeme such, they would not seeme to Bee;

But if they would not Bee as th'are in sight.

Let them not weare what makes them seeme so light

Of the strange dareing of yong gallants of the [...] familier times. Epi. 115.

VErtumuus was a God the Romans seru'd,

That gouernd Mindes & could all shapes assume;

Oh! if that Quality were yet reseru'd

For some audacious Lads that would presume:

What Ladies Locks, nay what Queenes Clossets shold

Be left vnlockt the Wags would be so bold!

Of Dawlus his vnkind kindnesse. Epi. 116.

CRowes will not feed their yong til 9. daies old,

Because their vnkind colour makes thē doubt

Them to be theirs; which makes thē to with-hold

Their helpe, till Time the truth by proofe brings out,

If Dawlus then were witty as a Daw,

Hauing a Child so farre vnlike him selfe,

He would from him his helping-hand with-draw,

[Page]And let [...] vndoubted [...]ather keepe the [...]:

But (Nat'rall) he, is kinder than a Crow,

To keepe the Brat, whose Sire he doth not know,

Against D. Tangus his swelling phisick, Epi. 117.

TAngus, the Phisick-doctor, loues a Whoore

Better then giuing phisick to the poore.

He hath the arte of Bawdry better farre

Than Phisick: yet, in both doth make and Marr [...]:

He makes a Maide a VVhoore; so, mares her quite:

And makes a sound man sick, or dead out-right.

What Virgin can resist, when he doth boast

He can restore her Maydenhead, if lost:

VVhich at her marriage shalbe found as strict

As any Gi [...]les that Loue did ne're aflict.

When he doth promise, by a phisick-feate,

To let the Wombe & Pappes from growing great.

To giue her Vnguents and Complexions store

To make her Beauties rare Reflex [...]ons more:

To keepe her Body still, in healthfull state;

And make her mirry in despight of Fat [...].

VVhich hauing VVill to promise, Skill, to do;

VVhat VVench can choose but loue & please him too?

Tangus, your Arte your Nature truly hits.

That helpes or hinden Loues stil-burning si [...]s.

But take heed (Tangus) how you empty still

The VVombes which you with working-phisick fill,

Least some repentant wench which vsde you haue

Say at her end you vsde her like a Knaue:

[Page]Then, let mee thee admonish (without stripes)

Giue no more Phisick with such Glister-pipes.

Of the Phisitions meanes and opportunity to be baudy. Epi. 118.

NO Craft, like that of Phisick, hath such times,

For baudy-matches, & such carnall crimes:

No houses are so close, nor walls so strong,

No Prisons nor no Monastries, among,

Which may or can the Emperick shut out:

Nay, more, he maketh iealous husbands pout:

For, sole he must be with their Loue sicke wiues,

To minister what they loue as their liues.

Eudemus so did Phisicke L [...]uia, (sicke)

And Vectius Valentinus did the like

To Messalina: So, they nere do faile

Of time to giue close Phisicke at the ( )

Of Leuis his Colours. Epi. 119.

LEuis goes al in coluors, light, as bright; sweare

And stalkes, speaks bigge: so that a man would

That he some Peacock were at the fi [...]st sight;

For, he more colours hath, and much more deare:

Yet he no colour hath, or small at most)

To keepe a Lords wife at the Bare ones cost.

[Page]

Of Curius his courage neuer cooled. Epi. 120.

BY Conquest Proculus, the Emperour,

Took, of Sarmatiam Maids, an hundred, which

In fifteene dayes and nights he did deflowre;

But, Her [...]'les in a night did hafe as much.

And Theophrastus tells in India growes

An Hearb so rare, whereof when one hath eaten,

He thre [...]score times and ten, at once, did cl [...]se,

In the Ven [...]an fight; yet scapt vnbeaten.

Well; these are Prodigies, and are beleeu'd

No further than their tellers credit goes:

But Curius sweares [...]e ne're was yet depriu'd

Of force for that: so, all his time bestowes

In Venus seruice; But, at last, some knocks

He needs must haue; els scapes well with a Poxe.

Against Glossus immoderate desire of glory. Epi. 121.

GLossus will doe no good without you praise him,

So, in his goodnes stil vaine glory stayes him:

Like a full pierced vessell in his bent,

That will not run vnlesse you giue it vent.

[Page]

Of f [...]lse Prophets. 122.

IF Prophets were deriu'd of profitting,

Then Lawyers Prophets be, still Prophesying.

Of couetous Patrons. Epi. 123.

PAtrons are Latrous: then, by this,

Th'are worst of greedy People:

Whose Cognizance a Wolfes-head is;

And in his Mouth a Steeple.

Of Fluscus the proud Miser, and his more proud and miserable wifes making their Tombe before their death. Epig. 124.

FLuscus, & his grim wife their Tomb haue made

Before their death; and in the Church it pight;

As some do make a Deaths-head and a Spade

To mor [...]ifie them with that mortall sight:

Yet These are humble made by This they make;

But Those do make That only for Prides sake:

Then how their thoughts should there entombed be,

Yet here liue proud and harde, I hardly see.

Againe. Epi. 125.

TO make that which bereaues vaine Pride of breath,

Prides life in life, is pride in life and death.

[Page]

Of Caylus getting by gi [...]ing ground to his enemies. Epi. 126.

CAylus, doth thriue in giuing ground t'his foes;

So he in going backward, foreward goes:

Much like a Wyer-drawer, who hath the kna [...]k,

To draw the more, the more he draweth backe.

How a Man more then Woman is s [...]rewd. Epigram. 127.

A False speech, Custome hath for true, alow'd

In calling curst Wiues s [...]rewed: when in truth,

The Husbands of such wiues are truely shrew'd;

For, of th'ensuing Sayings, it ensuth:

Who gets a Wife (we say) he wiued is;

Or, if apparrell; hee's appar [...]elled:

If Riches; hee's enritched: So, by this,

When he hath got a Shrew, he is Shrewed,

For, names of Sheepe or Shrews all woemen keep;

Then men are Shrew'd whose womē ar not Sheep.

That which is farre fetcht and deere b [...]ught is good for Ladies. Epi. 128.

MY Lady calls for Wine; yet ere shee drinkes,

She curiously demands what cost the Tun?

If it be said Ten-pound; she from it shrinkes;

And, mewing sayes shee'le none: But, let it run

[Page]Into another Bowle; then, bring it her,

And say it cost m [...]ch more; shee drinks it straight,

And sweares it's much more delicate, than deere:

So, wine she measures by the prices weight;

This is a feauer of the Minde; then, she

Should still, be kept from drink; so, cur'de to be.

Of my venturing in the Lottery. Epigram. 129.

I Long'd to venture in the Lottery

An Angell; but was loth to part with that:

Did I both long, and loath? yes, that did I;

Long for a Prize, yet loath to be laught at.

But yet I ventur'd; and fot that I haue

That which I had; No hope my selfe to saue.

If what I had I haue, I'me as I was:

True: for I am, and was for this, an Asse.

My Rimes that ran before my reason into the Lottery. Epi. 130.

CRownes are inestimable: yet if I

With halfe one get 4000. Crownes I lye:

Yet that this lying Sin I should eschue;

Fortune (I find) hath made me speak too true.

[Page]

Of Leuis his heauines and lightnes. Epigram. 131.

LEuis, is light and heauy both at once;

Strange Paradox! for, he is euer drunke:

And therefore drinkes he freely (for the nonce)

Vntill he other sinkes, or quite is sunke:

And then (as Drunkard know) himselfe he feeles

Light in the Head and heauy in the Heeles.

Against those that taxe this present Age for blind ignorance, sith it sees not how to commend their pretended knowledge. Epi. 132.

TO taxe the Age wherein we liue for want

Of Learning, Wit, or Grace, is but to vant

Our priuate glory in the Ages shame:

Which is (alas!) too deerely purcha'st Fame:

Sith hee that seeks to rise by all mens fall,

His fame is, like himselfe, still loth'd of all:

For, be it that most men, (meere lead) doe sincke

Ore-head, that seeke to swim in learned Inke;

And, quite are drown'd when they do seek to gage

The ground of Arts full Sea, that swells with rage

Of heauenly Windes high raptures: yet there bee

Some, that with diuing, can the bottome see;

And each least thing that in it mooues or lyes,

Sith, [...]kilfully, they diue with open eyes.

[Page]Now, if this Some be not the greater heape

Of men: t'was so when Learning was most cheape:

Men of all Ages were none otherwise;

Fooles still surpast the number of the wise.

Then, let this Age that (on the Brow of Time)

Sees writ the former best of Prose and Rime;

And well can adde (as former Ti [...]es haue done)

To all Arts that were formerly begun,

With heauy Taxes not be so opprest;

,,The Bird's too bad that fileth her owne Neast.

Againe. Epigram. 133.

THe Wits (though wilde in this) haue now a Straine

VVhen they applaud each others versing [...] Veine

To say, they write three Ages, if not more,

From being well conceiu'd. Lord! this lies sore

Vpon the Stomack of the present Age

VVhich saith; It knowes such Poets write in rage

VVhich still blinds Reason; so, they maddly write:

Then would they haue the Age, but at first sight,

So mad to know that Language; which (perchāce)

Them selues, in that, must oft plead ignorance

VVere they examined throughly to the quick?

God shield the Age should be so Lunatick:

As all Arts grow with Age; so, Wit hath growth:

Then, th' Age wants no Discretion, but the Youth.

[Page]

Epigram. 134.

GReat Alexander, A [...]istotle Will'd

To end his Booke, of Beasts, which he begā;

For which his paines he so his Cosers fill'd

As might suffize to make a Beast a Man!

It was eight hundred Talents mounting to

Foure hundred, some score, thous [...]nd Crowns (at least)

And all for writing but of Beasts; which do

Make men no wiser than to know a Beast.

But though some moderne VVriters write of Men

And of their better Parts (the Soule and Minde)

Yet of our moderne Ke [...]sars (now, and then)

They get a Gird (perhaps) or els but Winde:

Belike to saue their Arte they guird them so;

And giue no vent, lest it abrode should slow.

Of the vnutterable idlenesse of our She-gallants (vngentle▪gentlewomen) of these times. Epigram. 135.

LOrd! how it would a Cato vex to heare

The sad'st discourses of some Courtly Dames:

As how the Gown doth fit; how stand the Haire:

How the face slikt: how trickt their outward frams.

VVhat Looks do most become; what gate is best:

How they should Sit, Lie, Rise; (and these last two

They Stand on most) how such & such were drest:

[Page]Wo giues them place, and who do take it too.

What bowings they salute with; how they kisse,

(Or Lippe or Cheeke) and who the same deserues:

Who they doe visit; who their seruant is:

Who they least loue; and who then most obserues.

What women should be Coacht, (or Horst at least)

And who Caroch't with Horses full of life:

(O wanton Mares!) and where they late did feast.

Who Gold may wear: who Pearl or Stones less rife

Then be there old Crones (mothers of such Maids)

Who tell, how many Sutors they haue had;

How many Guifts; how many louing Ayds:

Who makes them me [...]ry, & who makes them sad.

How faire they were in youth, what they haue seen,

Heard felt, or (fe [...]lingly) what vnderstood?

What Lords once lou'd thē; who they might haue beene,

Who are of sullen, who of merry mood.

All this and (O fie, fie!) much more then this,

These, old and young, (no Barrell better hearing)

Still twattle to spoyle Tim: (that pretious is)

Whē they do meet; which irks a wise mans hearing

And if a sober young-man lights among them,

His staidnes makes them reele with mirth, as drunk

With girds they wrōg him, sith he doth not wrong thē

And, at his chast behauiour flee [...] like Punks.

But a right courtly lad, that will be bold,

And tosse, & touse, & wring, & wrong them most:

That Reacher onely hath their h [...]rts in hold;

The Sober soule they hold a simp [...] Ghost.

Well Wanto [...]s take your time it wil away:

[Page]Laugh while yea can, ye shall not while yee would,

Make fooles of wise men; (fooles so euer may)

And shew good Carriage in your being bold:

But, when yee haue done all, if I obserue yee,

To After-times, in Bryne, I will preserue yee.

Against the no lesse vaine dis [...]ourses of our as idle He-Gallants. Epigram. 136.

BVt do vaine Women herein onely sinne?

I would they did for Mens sa [...]es; but (alas!)

It is too true that Men offend herein

No lesse than Women▪ for, each golden Asse,

Or gaudy Cocks-c [...]mb: whole Meal-times engrose

In talke of Plaies (that's now a Common-place)

And Censuring of Plaiers; which is drosse

Of Wit; and thus they question, too, the Case.

What Q [...]arrells (stil'd the Bysnesse) now depend?

Anh who about tha same haue crost the Seas?

Who seconds are, and who besids intend

The like? and when we shall heare more of these?

Who must call such and such t'accompt? for what?

Nay, that's no matter, sith there's notice tane

Now of that Bissnesse, (so, ingag'd by That)

For, sowre lookes past in Powls or Milford-lane.

Who are behind hand for the Foole or Lye?

Who for a smarting [...]est, or bruizing knock?

Who for a Stak [...] miss-taken on the Bye?

Who for a w [...]ooke, or directer mock?

Who do our London fine-Wiues Husbands horne?

[Page]What Punks are extant? where they may be found?

What Feather's best? what Colour most is worne?

What Gallants store? and which are now a Ground?

What Fashion's in request? what Tailors go

Of rest to France for new? Who makes a Hose,

Or Doublet best? who steales most stuff? and who

By Taylors Bills and filchings most do lose?

Who's most fantastick? and who weares his Weeds

After the newest Garbe? what Lords we haue

Like, or vnlike themselues? who are but Weeds?

And who but emp [...]y heads held high and br [...]ne?

Whose Hawk slew best? what hoūd most glory wō?

What Matches, late, wer bowld? by whō, & where?

What rule was at the Race? what Race was run?

Who won or lost at either; here, or there?

How many Train-sents run were in a Day?

What Lords were at them? whose Horse got the Bell?

Who most did brag? and who most Bets did Lay?

Who odds did giue? who giue, and take aswell?

T [...]se are the Common-places which they vse

That be our brightest Gallants in discourse;

And oft among Relate they flying Newes

(How euer false) which is as bad, or worse.

Then, our She-gallants, foolish with excesse,

Still come beneath like Hees for foolishuesse!

The Miseries of Marriage. Epigram. 137.

COntinuall Care; tormenting Ielousie;

Domestick Iarrs; vnbraidings with the Dowr

[Page]Comparisons of eithers liberty;

The doubtfull end of Children; lookes too so [...]r;

Wiues Parents powrings; strang heires; death of right;

Traitor & Theef, in Bozome, house, & Bed;

These miseries on most men married, light;

Yet thinke they liue no life till they are Wed:

Its true indeed, they liue no life till then;

That is; they liue no life of wretch men.

Of Manes his obsession. Epigram. 138.

ER'e he was married, Manes saith that he

Was tempted by the Deuill; but, ere since,

The Deuill hath him in sat [...] Custody

Whose fell tormentings passe his patience:

Then better tempted still, then so to marry;

Yet some had rather damned be than tarry.

On the death of Henry the fourth French King murdered. Epigram. 139.

THough Kings are Gods, yet shal they die like men:

(What shalbe, shalbe) but, most christian Kings

Haue dide like Beasts; nay, like Beasts most vnclean,

Sought but for slaughter, like pernitious Things!

Two Henries, Kings, most Christiē Kings of France,

(Now drown'd in their own bloud) this truth desend;

And though the last had eu'n predominance

Of Fates and Men, yet both haue wrought h [...] end▪

Once dryv [...]n to Diepe, by Fate (in deepe distresse)

He was; and thence by Fate brought back againe.

[Page] Warre making way) to reigne in quietnesse:

So, when he fled, his Fates bid Neptune reigne▪

His Flight, that so he might both liue and die

In Purple; fatall, to French-Maiesty!

Of the force of Beauty, ioyn'd with pompe, and Maiesty. Epi. 140.

MArcus Antonius (as Plutarch shoes)

Commanding Cleopatra to appeare

Before him (sith she succored his fo [...]s)

She came in pompe (as one that had no Peere)

Along the Riuer Cydnus in a Gallion,

The Poope whereof was all of mas [...]y Gold;

And vnderneath the like most rich Pauillion

She lay her selfe, more rich a thousand fold,

Surrounded with sweet Singers; and, with all,

The heau'n li [...]t Instruments that Songs could grace;

Her Seruants clad in Robes maiesticall

Brodred with Pearle, t'wixt richest Golden-lace,

Thus came she gliding, on the Siluer Streame,

Forced with siluer Oares, and silken Sailes;

(Crowned her selfe with deerest Diadem)

Towards Anthony; with whom she so preuailes

That she Captiu'd him, being Conquerour;

For, she on Beauties Priuiledge did stand

(Consorted with this Wealth, Port, Pompe & Pow'r)

That She Commands him, that did her Command.

But though she made this Pagan much transgesse;

Some Saints in shew, do oft much worse with lesse!

[Page]

Against Marcus his insatiablenesse, and basenesse in his leachery. Epi. 141.

SO deerely did Darius still esteeme

Of his night-pleasures, that his Bed was spred

Like a Pauillion; ouer which did seeme

A Vine to grow, all Gold enamelled!

Which as an Arbour, did the Bed inuolue;

The Grapes whereof were Pearl as big as Plumbes;

Whose price was more than Algri [...] can resolue;

His Pillowes value worth vnualued Summes!

Yet Marc had rather lie with's Drab (thogh sūck)

In Straw, than in this State, without his Punck.

Of making Aurum potabile. Epi. 142.

LApis Phylosophorum, nor (as yet)

Quinta-essentia could e're well be made:

But Aurum pot-abile (being wet)

Many drie Wags do make; and then doth vade;

For, in proiecting Tauernes (night, and day)

Gold oft to liquer runnes, to run away.

Of Florus his holsome Tongue. Epi. 143.

FLerus, did once affect the name of Man;

And then he sought a Virgin- [...]ray; since when

[Page]Hee hath fresh-ayr'd it so, with his Tongues Fan,

That it is now as [...]sh as it was then.

But since that priuat fights so fatall grew,

That one, or both must die, or lye by it;

(As Hell and vengance) he doth such eschue;

And, on his Manhoods old-Store, liues by Wit.

But yet his Tongue is potent, full of spight,

That all Affections (tame or wild) commands;

And therein now consists his greatest might:

So, hath Tongue the valour of his [...]ands:

A good and gratious Tongue hath Florus then,

Sith it will rather make, than marr good-men.

On the gaging of Fumus his Iewell by his man, Epigram. 144.

FUmus, locks vp his wife, as is the guize

Of the Italian; and, doth put a Lock

Vpon her Iewells sith he deere doth prize

What, being abused, base doth make his Stock▪

But his Mans K [...]y still opes it, who can do well;

So, opes the Lock to gage his Masters Iewell.

On Light bright Lucilla her white going. Epigram. 145.

LVcilla, lightly all in white doth goe,

To lay her Chastity a whiting so.

[Page]

Of one speaking ill of me before many. Epig. 149.

ONe, before many, spake but ill of mee.

Yet rather I had one spake ill (alone)

Of mee, to many, that indifferent be,

Then many so should speake, before but One.

On Fugus his cooling his flaming fury with discretion, Epi. .150.

THat Fugus, in a Duell, hotly f [...]ught,

Is no great wonder, being so well wrought

By his too busie foe: but, that he flew

(Without wings) from the field, is scarsely true:

It was no flight from fighting with his foe;

He did but walke to coole his fury so.

That the men of these new times, are much wiser then those of the old. Epi. 151.

IN old time, men were much less wise than now;

For, but with good they then could hinder ill:

But now, men (wiser growne) doe well know how

To let one Mischiefe with another still.

[Page]Some stones to take, but (frozen) tooke vp none:

Then (being Crost) thus Gallus curst alow'd;

Pox on't (quoth he) while that dog tare his hose,

Where Stones are tyde, and Ban-dogs be so loose.

Of one that refused to lend friend 20. nobles, when he sent to him for it with, and without a sure Token. Epigam. 157.

A Gamster borrow'd fiue pound of a Friend;

which lost, he sent to him for fiue pound more

By'th'Token he fiue pounds before did lend:

But he refused vtterly; and swore

That not a Mite, of him should more begotten

Vntill he truely had receau'd that Token.

Of a Crook-back that defir'd an vpright Iudge to right his wrong. Epi. 158.

A Crook-back praid a Iudge to right his wrong

Whe [...]eto the Iudge replid, I would I could:

But (O!) you haue been wrong your selfe so long,

That now I cannot right you, though I would.

[Page]When [...]a [...]ng but one onely Thing in store,

You let an hundred vse the same and more.

Of a Single ey'd Fencer his blind match. Epigram. 160.

A Fencer, with one Eye, desir'd to play

For th'other: which another would not do;

(As he had reason:) for, though it were day,

He could not stake, and see to play well too.

Of Tullus his d [...]sprouing a Tailors Will. Epigram. 161.

BRaue Tullus made a S [...]ite of trym Attire;

For which his Tailor brought him in his Bill

Who therein so did Crosse his due desire,

That he did quite disproue the Taylors Will:

Who, in a fu [...], thus said, he [...]euer knew

Any braue Gentile deale so like a lew!

Of Drusus his guift in reuersion t [...]ken too soone in possessi [...]n. Epigram. 1 [...].

WHen I leaue off this Sute which now I weare,

(quoth Drusus to his Man) Ile giue it thee:

[Page]But when, at night, he vncasd him (without feare,

Of his Sutes losse) his man, that promis'd Fee,

Soone seis'd vpon; and, wore the same: but, lo,

His Master chast he was so sawcy growne;

And askt him, what he m [...]ant to serue him so?

Why Sir (quoth he) I do but weare mine owne:

For, when you left them off, you promis'd me

They should be mine: and so they are you see.

Of the Sacrifice of Lent. Epi. 163.

A Country-parrish (Westward-ho) call'd Lent,

By chance was set on fire, and burnd amayne;

One askd the name thereof, as by he went;

T'was told him Lent: who streight replide againe,

Fridaies and Saturdaies (that make vs wither)

Pray'ye put in too, and burne them altogether.

Against fighting in fashion. Epi. 164.

IF thou wouldst fight in fash'on, now, thou must

Scorne all defence as Valor [...] onely shame;

And come vp close, that Brest to Best may iust▪

Vpon no guards, but at the Heart to ame.

This is the fashon'd fight this Time affords,

For (Sw [...]z [...]r-like) we fight for (s [...]n [...]l [...]sse) spoile:

Then all as good to fight with Kniues as Swords,

Sith all Defence doth but our honor foile!

Then Fencers, wherto serues your fencing-skill

Which you stile Noble science? you (I thinke)

[Page]Should, to the Parliament prefer a Bill

Trepeale this Act of Custome, least it sinck:

For, Custome, and the Deuill, do men perswade

To damne thēselues, by fight, to spoile your trade.

Of mis-reading the lines of Crustus his face. Epigram. 165.

CRustus, the Roarer, getting in his face

A slash of late, an old friend did embrace

That knew him not till he himselfe bewraide,

Which don; his gamesome friend to him thus said;

" Pardon me, Sir, your faces Lines, by spight,

" So blotted be, I could not read them right.

In Medio consistri Vertus. Epigram. 166.

A Gallant, Courting of a gamesome Maide,

Said; Sweete, Oh let me kisse your Hands and Feet

In signe of humblest loue! Good Sir (she said)

Both those for your sweet Lips are most vnmeete;

,,But Vertue's in the middst; than, (Vertue) there,

If you will kisse, you may: if not, forbeare!

Epigram. 167.

MAdge once set Hodge to watch when Puddings plaid

That on the fire were seething in a Pan:

[Page] Boy, play they now (quoth she?) not yet (he said)

At last they, boyling, brake, and all out ran.

Lad, play they yet (qd she) quoth he yong (Goose)

They now play all (like Gepsies) vast and loose.

So, chast, why chaf'st qd she? why, quoth the Elfe?

To zee a Pudding creepe out of himselfe.

Of a Maids light hearing. Epi. 168.

I Haue heard of you, Claius, said a Maide;

O, [...]t (quoth he) recant what you haue saide,

Least you be shent: for, if you heard of me

T'was i [...] a Bawdy-house, where euer be

Those I conuerse with: then if there you heare

Of me, or of mine Actions, it is cleare

You are too blame to hearken for me, so,

Wher Maids ne're come, but Whoores away they go.

Of Caprus his going a Procession. Epi. 196.

CAprus to pay his wife, in her owne Coyne,

Procession went, to finde a Punke, he got;

Then pay'd his Vowes, and Of [...]ings; so, did ioyne,

But though she were as cold as he was hot;

Yet, in pure zeale, she sacrifis'd the Oxe

In Venus seruice, with her Tinder-box.

[Page]

Of Quacus, his cooling his heate with Whey. Epigram. 170.

QVacus, drinks nought but Wha [...], himselfe to coole,

Yet loues a Drab, as nought by Wine, he drunk

So, with his Bable, still he pla [...]es the Foole,

To make his wife, to weepe, to laugh, his Puncke;

But, were I her; I would not foole it too,

To weepe, but laugh; yet, for him, euer Doo.

Epigram. 177.

A Wife, whose Husband lay a Bed diseas'd,

Went with his Water (scarse conceal'd from

To seeke for help, or how he might be eas'd, (vew)

And meeting with another wife she knew,

Who with her there did then expostulate,

About what then she bare, and how she far'd:

Who told her straight, it was her Husbands State;

And went for help for p [...]ine about his Yard:

Hath he a Yard (quoth she) and Cupids Martir?

O! you are blest: would mine had but a Quarter!

But, she should haue a Yard her Back to mete,

For playing so, her Quarters in the Street.

Of Rampa, and her fowle trading at the Faire. Epigram. 172.

RAmpa, the Sempster goes to Faires a pace

To sell her ware; and, so, to mend her Case:

[Page]But, there her case is mar'd; for on each pack,

Shee, packing loosly, proues a naughty-pack.

The while, at home, her husband keeps the shop;

And of that Faire sowne seed still reapes the Crop.

Of mine Ou [...]rs [...]er. Epi. 173.

MY o'reth wart neighbor though, for debt, by night

He scarse dares shew his scalp; yet builds so hie

(With quarter staues) as he ore looks me quite;

So, hee's mine Oue [...]-scer [...]ere I dye.

Then shall my Will, to Ill, still foreward run;

For, he hath hornes, of powr to see that done.

Of Homouthius his chast adultery. Epi. 174.

HOmouthins hath an Oare in each mans boat;

So, sinks his state & fame that els might float:

Thus commits Folly and Adultery too,

That hath to-doe, with that h'as nought to-do.

Of Hornsbie's Incredulity. Epi. 175.

TEll Hornsby (that doth keep a Tabling-house)

His Wife too fast doth bear men in his Tables

Heele not beleeue the same for twenty Nobles;

No, though he see't, yet dumb is as a Lowse:

For, should he speak his liuing quite would faile,

Sith all he hath he holds but by the Tayle.

[Page]

Against the faith, hope, and charity, of our yoeng Maister Hal. Epi. 176.

YOung Hal is wanton, with expectance still,

And, longs to haue his Sire curb'd of his will

By vnexpected death; that, so, he might

Be Heyre of all; and be an arrant Knight:

And so he may; for, of him proofe I haue,

He may bee errant Knight, or arrant Knaue.

To mine ingenious friend M. Iohn Dumbarre. Epig. 177.

FOwre for her foure Lines I bequeath her;

Vp Pernassus often breath he [...]:

So, thy Muse, in latine-Ditty,

Shall sing long, low'd, short, and witty.

Of Nais her keeping an Ordinary and her being ordinary. Epi. 178.

NAis keepes and Ordinary, and entertaines

(like Ven [...]ce) all Gods good, or Diuells Ills:

Protestants, Papists, Brownists, Puritanes,

Hand ouer Hip-well shee their Bellies fill:

As some doe hers; yea, in her husbands sight;

So, with his leaue, shee dubs him Vulcans Knight.

[Page]

Againe. Epi. 179.

NAis still doth vaunt she is a Gentle-wo-man;

It's true; for, shee in loue refuseth no man:

Then, why do I so much misname her, Nais,

That is to men so sparing of her Nayes?

Againe, for a parting blow. Epi. 180.

NAies keeps a house of carding, but, nere spins,

(Yet, often relies) vnlesse it be the webbs

Of others woes: She, (lately lowe) begins

To rise apace: so, Flouds do follow Ebbs:

She needs not, now, to ply Wheels Reels, or Rocks

Her Guests and Gamesters do so ply her Box.

Of Pagus the Pedagogus proud all-tong'd-Daughter. Epi. 181.

PAgus, the Pedant, learns his daughter Greeke,

Hebrue, and Latine: nor is she to seeke

In Spanish, French, and the Italian,

Douch, Danish, Spruce, and the Slauonian:

Yea, Verses makes in all these. Wondrous thing!

That any man a maid [...]o vp should bring,

While he commits Idolatry with her.

Which makes her scorne her mother her should beare,

Or he beget her (proud foole!) yet, I say,

When [...]ire [...] doe play the Puppies, Puppies may.

[Page]

Againe of his vncharitable prayer. Epi. 182.

WHen Pagus Pupills play the wags, hee bringes

Them in his prayer, which he, saying, sings:

So for their pennance, plagues them in pure prayer

As if a murraine yet, were in that Ayre:

For, all his houshold, so, doe know their crimes;

For which Clock like he strikes, and after chimes:

Then praying thus without pure charity,

His prayer turnes to pure iniquity.

Of Roring Neds endlesse Ende. Epig. 193.

THe wise-man Pogg, shewes needy roring Ned

(Who often blood hath brocht, & often ble [...])

His endlesse ende: which (well) he cannot choose;

For all may see't will be an end [...]esse Noose.

A hard choyce. Epi. 184.

I Faine would marry; but, more faine li [...]e sole,

Though without wife, I am but halfe my whole:

For, man and wife one body make; and some

By marrying, ma [...]re two Bodies. I am dumbe,

Or, know not what to say: For, this good-naught

Makes me a fickle Sheptick in my thought:

[Page]Yet, when I meane to wed, Ile leaue their Schoole,

And, to be held more wise, play more the foole.

Of a Curat's hauing two wiues at once giuen him in marriage. Epi. 185.

A Parson, that one only Daughter had

Match'd her vnto a Curat; but was glad

To giue, for lack of Portion to lay downe;

A Benefice, he held beside his owne.

But, in this Guift, he gaue his so made Sonne,

Two Wines at once, whereof this Guift was one:

For, Papall Constitutions are of force,

In this glad Match to make a sad diuorce.

With which two wiues he liues, with much ado;

The Teithe of one being Dowry to the two.

Of rich Rooke his kitchen-phisick against Vertigo. Epi. 186.

RIch Rooke eates bitter Almonds, as a Trick

To keepe downe Fames, e're to the wine he [...] wēds

And, so, he drinks til he with healths, be sick;

So, bitter Meanes haue. thus, more bitter Ends:

But if this bitternesse had turn'd to hony

He would haue sunck the World with Meath for money.

[Page]

Of Flauias paynting; and playing the Squirell. Epigram. 187.

FLauia is faire; yet paints her selfe: oh strange,

That true, to feined Beauty so should change!

She brauely goes; and yet her Case is thought

Bare, as her Pin-case, worne, with Pins, to nought:

For, she for Coyne (Like Venice) takes all Nations

To exercise, in her, their Occupations;

While she goes (like a Co [...]ntesse) in her Va [...]le;

So, (Squirrell-like) she's couer'd with her Taile.

Against Kit's weake wooing of Kate. Epigram. 188.

KIt, art a Man? yet, get Kate canst thou not?

Oh shame! sith with a Child she late was got.

Of Fuluiaes recreation, and occupation. Epigram. 189.

FVluia, for recreation (as she sweares)

Danceth each day, as she were made therefore;

The while her Dancing-Mate so charms her eares

That soone she is bewitch't to play the whore:

So she (good hows-wife) turnes her Recreation

(Which takes vp all her Time) t'an Occupation.

[Page]

On Phraxus his euer-secret passions. Epigram. 190.

BVt of his secret Passiōs Phraxus speakes

To his deere Mistresse, while his griefe she mocks

Sith probably she weenes (sith so he breaks)

His greatest secret Passion is the Pox.

Of Barbus his triall of a foolish conclusion. Epigram. 191.

BArbus, by night, once reading in a Booke

That broad Beards argu'd folly; tooke a Glasse

And Light, with all, vpon his own to looke;

Who burnt it▪ [...]hen he saw how broad it was:

Then, in the margent, for this earnest iest,

He verily may write Probatum est.

Of the goodnesse and nec [...]ssity of Phisitions. Epigram. 192.

SOme hold Phisitions well may spared be

In eu'ry State where men, in order, liue;

VVith whose opinion I can ne're agree;

And I haue reason too; which thus I giue;

If they were spar'd, then Men would (like a floud)

O' [...]ewhelm the VVorld; Phisitions then are good.

[Page]

Of their Deerenesse. Epi. 193.

LIke Ha [...]kes, Phisitions euer are esteem'd;

VVhich as they kill Thrush, Partridge, Duck, or Crane

Are p [...]z'd thereafter: so, is euer deem'd

Phisitions skill by those they kill, or [...]ne.

If but poore Clownes or Trade [...]-men they destroy,

Th' are held of small accompt: if Lords, or Ea [...]les,

Then more much, more: but if they skill employ

To kill a Prince, th'are h [...]ld as d [...]ere as Peales:

Then all Phisitions, that would faine be deere,

Employ their skill (at least) to kill a Peere.

On trauersing the error of an Action. Epigram. 194.

ONe Lawier once an others wife did woo

That she with him would [...] t [...]o:

The issue ioyn'd, the husband [...]

(Seeing th'intruder quite his [...])

He right well swing'd them both for that comp [...]ction:

So, Canuased the error of their Action.

Of Poggius his poore successe in Palmisiry and wooing Epigram. 195.

POggius (whose skill in Palmistrie is poore)

Tooke vp his Mistris hand, therein to p [...]y;

[Page]

[...]

[Page]

[...]

[Page]Then said (and therewithall he sighed sore)

Sweet, all my fortunes in your hand doth lye:

Then safe Ile keep them for, and from you too,

Quoth, she againe; so, he for nought doth woo.

Of true Loue. Epi. 196.

TRue Loue's in talke, and in society;

The rest, can Asses do aswell as wee.

Against the corrupt iudgement of Bullus in choise, of his Wi [...]e.

BVllus hath chose his wife but with his Eyes▪

And left his Eares, lest they should them controule,

So she plaid faire in sight thē ▪ now, he cries

His choyce, before his Choosers, playe [...] him foule:

If foule she play, and he doth see the same,

His Eyes, and not his Eares, are still too blame.

Of the Bastard Fluctus his beeing vndone by his Drab. Epi. 197.

FLuctus his doing Drab did him vndoe:

And so a Drab hath made and mar'd him too.

Of roring Robulus his bloudlesse combats. Epi. 198.

SOme men fight brauely without brauing word

But roring Robulus nere fighteth so;

[Page]Who euer braules; but, neuer drawes his Sword;

Or, if he do, puts vp without a Blow:

Yet, he being round with all, (not round to smite)

Ciphers their Number that will roundly fight.

Of Rufus his giuing the lie, without a Stabbe. Epigram. 199.

RVde Rufus to his Mistris gaue the lie;

For which she did protest Reuenge, with speed:

But She no reason hath for that; for why?

When women lie, they stand men most in steed.

Ioan's as good as my Lady. Epi. 200.

IOane in the Darke's as good as my Ladie;

But I know a Ioane farre better in Light:

Yet Ile not deny but my Lady may bee

As lusty (at least) as Ioane in the night.

Of Gnuffus his mis-matching his matchlesse faire Daughter. Epiram. 200.

THe Crazier Gnuffus match'd his daughter late

To no great rich, though ancient, gentleman

The good old man (according to his State)

Lo [...]es-duties paies her, yearely (as he can)

But sith She spends so fast, she pines (I feare)

For want of Commings in her Charge to beare.

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Against a foolish Pra [...]ler. Epi. 202.

THy Tong's so loose and light, that eu'n thy breath

Makes it so wagge as it [...]e [...]e still doth stand;

Whose fustian Strains work Appr [...]hensions Death:

For, neither sad, nor mad them vnderstand.

Of our English Gallant [...] going in blacke in Lent. 203.

OVr Gallants euery Lent go al in black

As if with time they mourn'd for their offence

But their life shewe; it's but to hide the knack

Of s [...]btill lightnesse clokt with gr [...] pre [...]ence:

Then, were it but for that, they black should weare

Sith they are not so good as they appeare.

Of Poets beeing deiected. Epig. 204.

SOme Lands there are where men are without heads:

Some, all hermaphrodits; some where the seeds

Of men are black as Inke: Some, where they hie

Without feet: Some, where they haue but one Eye

Plac'd in their forehead, hauing heads like dogs:

S [...]me, where they are halfe fish; & liue (like frogs.)

In, or about the Waters: Some, where they

Haue brows so hard that no steel p [...]ce them may.

Some wher mē chāge to wolues & beasts more vile

And they resume their shape they had ere while.

[Page]Some, where they mouthlesse are, and liue by smel:

Some, wher their length lacks halfe of halfe an Ell [...]

Some, where they G [...]ants be: Some, where they are

Foure footed, hayrie, and like Beasts do fare.

Some, where they haue a Foote of such ex [...]ent

That from the Sunne it shrouds then like a Tent:

But Time nor Place such men could euer show,

That liue quite hartlesse as m [...]st Poets now.

Of Womens Metamorphosis accord [...]ng to time and place. Epigram. 205.

SOme Women are in Churches Saints, or more;

Angells abroad; at home too like [...] Diuell:

At Windowes, Syrens: Parrots, at the Dore:

And in their Gardens [...]oats, or more vnciuill:

Yet tradesmen that nere match til they haue much,

In deadly danger are to meet with such.

Tis merry, when knaues meet. Epi. 206.

COnceipted youths▪ when they at wine are met

Mong other matters lig [...]y they inquire

What well pend Pamphlet la [...]ely out is set?

What merry Epigrams of [...]oure Satire?

Then fall they to rep [...]at some [...]ugred Li [...]es

Of this or that mans: When some lustfull Gull,

Comes in with Nashes choosing V [...]lentines;

To wit, his Dildo knowne to euery Trull.

I come (saith he) sweet Linnen by thy leaue;

[Page](O good, ifaith, (saith one) then on hee goes)

Softly my fingers vp their Curtaines heaues:

And there Gomorrahs [...]ilth (at full) he showes.

All that can say this as their Pater noster

Haue seene the Lions, sweet well seasoned youths

About the Muses Minions still they muster

To get some swelling lines to fill their mouthes:

But for their owne Muse it doth euer sing,

Rime without Reas'n a common English thing.

Against Balladders. Epi. 207.

CHerillus, that: of many verses, made

Seauen only good: for which his poesie

He had seauen gobbes of Gold; and for the bad,

He had a buffet on the V [...]snomy:

If Balladers, that but defloure the Muse,

Were so rewarded for their versif [...]ing.

It would (like Pan) appeare vpon their Browes,

Sith out of tune they doe so often sing:

For if seauen lines they chance to draw aright,

They milliōs make that would make Patience smite.

None can be sad and glad at once; if it be not in contrition. Epi. 126.

STella, the Padua Poet, pleasant was;

Pox on't, how Puppie-like, with P. I play:

Asse for example: fye, away with Asse,

Asse, cannot set a Sample (I dare say)

[Page]He writes so ill: and so those Po [...]ts doe

That will at once write light and heauy too,

For, at one time whose Muse is light and sad,

I muse not though his Muse doth write as mad.

Of and against the word creepe. Epig. 209.

CReepe, is a Metaphor that's euer vs'd

In controuerted questions of our faith;

Wherein the word (orevs'd) is much abusd;

For, this Schisme then crept in, th'opponent saith.

Though Creepe bee most significant to show

How Errors came in slowly, more and more;

Yet so to spur-gall Creepe to make it goe

still on that errand, shewes our Tongs too poore,

Or Wit's too bare: But now such questions deepe,

Do run abroad too fast they doe not creepe.

Of the power and price of gold. Epi. 110.

O Gold (the Darling of this later Season,

Sole Load-starre to all hearts, Star to all eyes

That canst doe all without or Rime or Reason)

How blest are they that most doe thee surprise?

By thee the iealous husband is appeased;

The desperat [...] Riuall is well pacifi'de:

By thee, the watchful'st Keepers soone are seisd;

By thee, th'vniustest wrongs are iustifide:

[Page]By thee, the Vest [...]ll, true Wise, Widdow, Trull

Are bought and sold: the noblest Lady too,

Will wiue a Mony-Bag, if huge, and full,

Who know their seruice, then, poore Knights will do.

By thee each Lock is pickt, each Gate [...]lies ope;

Nay more; thy crowns can mightiest kings vncrown

By [...]hee, all things beaneth the heau'nly Coape

In Natures pow'r, are rais'd, or ouer [...]hrowne:

Nay more, the very Lord of all this All

(Who can no more beguile, than be beguil'd)

Was sold for money; and a sum but small;

So thou art Dominus fac totum Stilde.

Yet run'st from me in Earnest, and in Game,

Though oft I write with thee, to spread thy fame!

Againe of the same. Epi. 211.

THe great'st are caught with Gold: for, giue me It,

Ile, make the Great'st my friēd with little wit:

But once if Gold and I at variance be,

The Great will scorne; the Small, abandon me

Though Wit and Grace I had▪ for, VVit, & Grace

Are precious made with Gold: els both are base!

Against Plumus his foolish pride. 212.

PLumus is high, yet higher is his Heart:

Loud, Pla [...]e and Coyne he hath; yet hath he more;

More Lands than Wit; more Coyne and Plate, than Art:

And yet the Arts (he sweares) he doth adore:

[Page]Hard-hearted Arts, that for his kind good will,

Permit base solly his high Heart to fill.

Of my incountring a Wa [...]-taile, while I held my tongue. Epiram. 213.

WHy fliest thou Muse, at Fame, that flies from thee?

Or seek'st to retriue that thou canst not trusse?

Spare, spare thy Paines, & after Angels flee,

That make their Takers Great, as Glorious!

As at a Stationr's Shop I stood, at gave,

There chanst to light a Wag-taile (light as sine)

And ask'd for Epigrams in Caged Phraze:

VVherewith the Shop-man foorth-with shew'd her mine.

VVhat he (quoth She?) thē pull'd her mouth ascue)

Alasse (good man) is this his Poetrie?

Yea (said my friend) thē from her them she threw,

As if she felt them touch her honesty.

Still saying, He? yea, (said the seller [...];

And good they be, or else good VVits mistake

That h [...]ld them such; So let them be (q [...]th she)

And, therewith all, another mouth did make,

Thus by a mouth so wrested quite away,

Had I like sentence: meane while mute I stood

(Poore Innocent) and durst not a [...]ke her why

She so did sleight them that were held so good:

For, they are still defil'd that Pitch do touch;

So, I forbare to touch this [...]l [...]y Thing,

Although She made mee swell, and g [...]eue, and grutch;

Vowing this bitter wayward VVaspe t'vn [...]ling:

[Page]But tis not possible I should preuaile;

For, spight of me sheele haue it in her tayle.

My Corollary.

But yet her pride, exprest with such disdaine,

Humbled me much, that lookt for much applause:

That Puttocke made me Peacocke vaile my Traine:

And thought her sent of purpose for that cause:

Thus waxt my mind more sweet b'her bitter doom

And so, sometimes the bad do better some!

Of roring boyes Resolutions. Epi. 214.

THe roring Boyes exclaime against their Peter,

And say, he dide not as he liud a space:

Who melted at his death like Shelto [...]s Meeter

That's harsh; but yet inclinde t'a little grace:

But he that holds it out, when he is in

(In Newgate) till they be at Tiburne trust,

Like a true Diuell: (whose grace is all in Sin)

This man, in their accompt, is onely iust:

But, if at last to grace he once but yeeld,

Hee's like a Boy, and dide but like a Child.

Against carnall desire. Epigram. 215.

O Damd Desire, what spirit hath thee inspir'd,

That (like the Moone) dost waxe and wane in change

Afflictions water cānot quench thee, fir'd:

Nor loathd Dis [...]ase estrange thee from the strange

Thy pleasure's but a moment (if it bee

[Page]A pleasure which so soone to Paine doth turne.)

And thought it wasts the Marrow feeding thee,

Yet stil thou burn'st while thou hast ought to burn

Thine heate is hatefull (falsly called loue)

Made by the motion of the fowlest Mynd:

For when thou dost thy sweetest pleasures proue,

They cloy, but not content thee: so, behind

Thy pleasure rests: which thou (tir'de) canst not try;

So, thou art made but weake, not holpe thereby.

Against Chione her feeding on fat Woodcocks. Epigram. 116.

O Chione thine Eyes all Eyes do feast,

Thy Lake-laid Cheekes excel the reddest Rose;

Thine Iuory Front, and Alabaster Brest

Do m [...]n entice, as Carion ticeth Crowes:

I see great men thou drawst; and smile to see

How thou dost plume on them, and they on thee.

Against Aglaope, her sweete voice, and sow'r vice. Epigram. 154.

AGlaope, (that courted is of States,

Whose Angells voyce the Angells imitates)

Still lullabies all mortall Cares asleepe,

Such due proportion still her voice doth keepe;

But yet her voice (as voice of People goes)

Doth nought but (Siren-like) worke people woes.

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Of Phagus his being a Papist inward. Epigram. 218.

PHagus his Panch is grown beneath his knees,

So many fat Recusants he deuours;

But does it but for good, the World well sees:

That's for good Cheare, as long as life endures:

Than sith he feeds on sheepe Catholicall!

His Guts (at least) are most papisticall!

In defence of Womens well clothing and dressing themselues. Epigram. 219.

GAmphalantes, (that naked Labians are)

Liue peaceably (poore Soules) sith bare they be:

Adam and Eue the while they naked were,

They liu'd (good Soules) in great tranqui [...]lity!

And yet while men are bare, they liue in peace,

As h [...]uing nought wherewith to vex each other:

But wom [...]n being bare, men would oppresse

And so insult vpon them altogether:

That makes all wo-men couet still good Clothing,

Lest men should fall to Lusting or to Lo [...]thing.

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Of Knights of famous memory. Epigram. 220.

OF Cirus thus the Histories report

He knew his Soldiers names by memory,

Although they were (almost) a countlesse sort,

Yet he by name knew all that Company!

T'was strang (wer't done by Nature or by Art.)

But some Knights of my knowledge can do this;

Let any Pezant dwelling in that Part,

At New-yeares-tyde, but of a Present misse

Thei'l know him after twenty yeares (perhaps)

(O memory of rate continuance!)

Poore Pezant be thou ware of After-claps:

For, thou art well remembred with a vengance:

Such Art of memory such Land-Lords vse,

As Capon-cram their kitchins with their Muse.

Against telling of incredible Truths. Epigram. 221.

SOoth-sayer Accius, in Tarquins sight, they say,

Did with a Razor forthwith cut in two

A Whet-stone; which I thinke (as well I may)

Is wondrous hard for men of God to doe:

And if a man somewhere should this maintaine

He sure should haue the Whet-stone for his paine.

Then better leaue (sometimes) some Truths vntold

Least some men should true men for lyers hold.

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Against Canizius his witty familiarity. Epigram. 222.

CAnizius hath a fine face't conceipt;

A pleasant Wit, but most vnprofitable:

To Cheate by Rules of Arte he hath the fleight;

And therewithall he is most affable;

For in an Howre, aswell as in an Age,

Familiar growes, and shewes his Consenage!

Of Aristotles faith concerning womens flesh. Epigam. 223.

ARistotle, (who had no common VVit)

Thought commō women should haue adoratiō:

For, he t'his Hermia performed it;

Yea, sacrifiz'd to her with veneration:

If all his Doctrines were like this, I knew,

His true disciples would not be so few.

Of Dawlus his finding of a light Iewell in the Darke Epigram. 224.

DAwlus, vpon his Way, late, in the Darke,

A Iewell foūd, which eu'ry man Might weare.

T'was full of Spirit; nay more a firy Sparke,

That stood, t'enflame Desire of Vseing, There:

It was a precious Punck, yet seem'd too cheape,

But found too deere: for, while he Cultur'd her

[Page]And therein sowing, She his Purse did reape

Growne to the full'st; and Inn'd it other where.

And so, at once his Crime and Crosse he bore

For Closing in a Common to the poore:

Nay, sure, his Crosses She did all ingrosse;

For, for his paines, She left him ne're a Crosse!

Of the best Playmakers deere-bought praise. Epigram. 225.

PLay-wrights your Trade is tickle, full of toile;

For, you are boūd to please the thwartest Minds

Who (like cros-seas, that rough Winds stil turmoile)

Tosle vp & down your praise, with various Winds!

It's easie to cry Hisse; but, tis not so

To silence it, and Claps of hands to raise:

Not as at brawling Dogs, where both VVe do;

But into Claps, that Clap vp all with praise.

Those whom yee trade with, weigh your skill and paines

By their owne gaines; &, though al three be great,

They weigh not you according to their Gaines;

But by your Skils, that Fame and Famine get:

Then of all Glory, purchasd by the small,

A Play-wright, for his Praise, payes most of all!

Againts Iustice Boniface his iniustice. Epigram. 226.

THough Iustice Boni-face do lack much law,

Yet lacks no lawlesse skil huge Bribes to draw

[Page]So, sells [...]e Iustice for a currant Fee,

That all may Iustice currant from him see:

If all his Iustice currant be, like this;

He may passe currant where nought currant is.

Against the maner of our moderne Duells. Epigram. 227.

STay Gallants; [...]un not on, with wrong too rise;

Away with this damn'd Custome which ye vse:

Ist not inough to venture Soule and Life

On Valors tearmes, and no man to refuse?

But must I come vp too, vpon no Guards,

That Bulke to Bulke may iustle; (hit, or misse;)

And they expos'd to scorne, that scorne not Wards;

Are we turn'd Beasts to thinke vs Men for this?

Sir, do your worst; here stand I That to dare,

It I defendant bee: If Challenger;

Haue at yee, with braue courage; yet with Care

Of being Foild, that here but once can erre:

If this no Manhood be, thus well to passe,

I hold the brauest Man, the plainest Asse.

Of my Foes and their dwelling. Epigram. 228.

MOst of my Foes dwell (o) in Ierusalem;

Thē, most are Turks, few Christians are with them.

[Page]

Of a letter in fauour, that prou'd an [...]inderer in fact. Epigram. 229.

PAvlinus, prai'd a friend, of noble Bloud,

To write his Letter for a Benifice

Vnto a Bishop for Paulinus good,

VVhich he did to Paulinus preiudice:

For, he writ coldly: so, the Letter prou'd

A letter of the suite the Letter mou'd.

On Glaius and bri [...]ht M [...]strisse Grace a Light-one, that lightened a worke of Darknesse. Epigram. 230.

GRace in the Darke, stood full in Glaius way,

Whose brau'ry (like the sū) turn'd night to day

She would not mo [...] althogh she mou'd him much

Nor speake; although he did her homely touch;

Yea toucht her to the quick in Sinfull Case:

So, Glaius quickly deadly sin [...]d with Grace.

Of Signior Shancus his feeding vpon Weedes turn'd into good Meate. Epig. 231.

SPruce Signior Shancus hath good Clothes, and [...]

Escheated to him oft, (great Lord of [...]tle)

Yet oft, in sommer pawns his winter-weeds ▪

And them redeemes with those which Sommer breeds:

So, makes great shift with smal; great cause (I think)

[Page]His Clothes must yeeld him coyne, & meate, & drink:

For, if, with Coyne he should redeeme his Clothing,

He should be Somthing that shuld feed on nothing.

So, Still should cry any food any feeding. &c.

On a worke of Supererogation. Epigram. 231.

THere is a place vpon this middle Earth,

Wher men, that vs'd much fasting, oft did eate:

There, certaine Tearmes of yeares they fed with mirth;

And, honesty the Place did then entreat.

But when an hous-wife, that was Catholik,

Or too too Vniuersall, had set vp

An Ordinary neere, for dull and quicke,

Away went they, with her, to dine; and sup:

T'was Charity to helpe a poore Begynner;

And, for her gayne, in loue, to vse this Sinner.

Gf Vlalia's Visitations. Epigram. 232.

VLalia, in a Choch, as bright as Sunn's,

To visit Ladies goes from Place to place▪

And, as she goes, the thundring Chariot runnes

To shew (as Phoebus doth) her bright-light [...]ace:

But, while she visits Ladies in pretence,

She entertaines some Lords Incontinence.

[Page]

To Sir Iohn Harrington. Epigram. 233.

I Dare not say your Wit was wisedome pointed,

When you in Aiax had your Wit annoynted:

Sith by no small Fooles, yet accompted wise,

Such straines of Wit are held but Fooleries:

But, this I say, and say what well I wot,

(Vlisses vpon Aiax plaid the Sot:

For, what you put in Aiax, was more woorth,

By odds, than what Vlisses then put forth.

Of Faustine's plaine and pert well-doing. Epigram. 234.

FAustine delights to dance, to Mask, and Mum,

But while she either doth she doth agree

(In sight, yet secretly) to Doo with so [...]e;

Yet, so she doth that euery Eye may see

She's a good Dooer: (badly-good) the whiles

She ner'e deceaues those Eyes she to beguiles.

Of Fuluia her high flying. Epigram. 235.

FVluia now flies abrod (flye high my Muse)

Vpon the restlesse Wings of high Desire:

She stoupes to none but Lords: for she doth vse

To fly no lower, but flies ofter higher:

She is wel born and bred; so beares to breed (seed)

Braue Barns, full stuft with bright (though Bastard

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Of the Game call'd; Laugh and Lye downe, Epigram. 236.

I See and laugh, still laugh at what I see,

De [...]ocritus, therein I play thy Part:

I see some Mad-dames, honest held to be,

That oft in sport doe whore it, by their Art:

Yet (meerely) seeme chast, till they be ny downe,

So still I laugh to see them laugh and lye downe.

Of the force of my Lo: Mayors Pageant. Epigram. 237.

MY Lord Maiors Pageant, though it be (I grant)

Weake for inuention, (but of strong effect)

Yet drawes some Mad-dames, like an Adamant,

So light they be, and light Shewes so affect:

No; tis no Pag ant maks them thether go;

But to be prest for Venus seruice so.

Against saplesse Sottus his vnkind heate. Epigram. 238.

A Thousand pound a yeare, yet haire, nor heire.

Hath Sottus; but still weares, a Coife, or Cap:

If Man b [...]a Tree (turn'd vpward) and his Haire,

Be as the Rootes; then Sottus hath no Sap

In Winter: no; for Virgoes heate before

Hath dride him, with a Pox, and will do more.

[Page]

On Sirrah and his Wife Sarahs false play with him, for his profit. Epigram. 239.

SIrrah, come hither; let me speake with thee:

hark in thine Eare; thy Wi [...]e plates false (they say)

With thee at Tick-tack: Peace; ô silent be:

She hurts thee not; yet winnes much by her play!

A while ago, thou know'st, thou [...]ast but poore;

But, since, by false play she so much hath got

That now thou keep [...]st he Woolfe well, from the dore;

Though yet (perhaps t [...]ou cāst not keep the Goates

For, she beares men a pace, (as rich a [...] daynty)

So still she wins, for thee, the Horne of Plenty!

Of Gallae's too good agreement with me. Epigram. 240.

Euen as a Glasse reflects a mans owne shape

Vpon himselfe; so Galla doth to me;

Sin les, when I sim [...]e; nay gapeth when I gape;

And sigheth when I sigh; as one were we:

But ô my mind this hollow Glasse suspects:

Because she burnes aswell as she reflects.

Of Fannius his feare. Epigam.

FAnnius with fear of death, now, dead doth lye:

And so he dy'd, to kill his feare to dye.

[Page]

Of Frigus that died the first night he lay with his wife. Epigram. 250.

FRig [...]s ioy-drown'd, dyed lying with his Wife,

So dide through too [...], or too much life.

Of one who being a Dwarfe, or little higher, kept a great tall fellowes wi [...]e. Epigram. 251.

FAlina, hath good sport at home full oft

Betweene her Oxe, and Ape: Iack, come a loft.

Of Flauius single combat: who had a valiant man to his sire, was so himselfe; but had a Whore to his mother, and a Rig to his daughter. Epi. 252.

THat Flauius fought brauely; and maimed his Foe

He as his Fathers owne true Son did so:

But being thrust into the Belly,

Yet receau'd it with laughter,

He tooke that of his mother,

And gaue it his daughter.

[Page]

The best Kings Ire burnes more than Fire. Epigam, 253.

WHen the darke Cloud of Princes secret hate

Is ready to breake out, out Flies it then

With lightning and lowd thunder, to amaze

And quite roote out the hated Man from Men!

Then as thou wouldst not die by thunder-claps,

Incur no hate of Kings what euer haps.

Video et taceo. Epigram. 254.

AS he that (ouer-curious) Bane receaues

To know the quality and force of it,

Dies, by that force, er he th'effect perceaues;

(And worthy too, for fooling so with Wit)

So, they that loue to looke too curiously

Into the liues of Kings, their fault to know,

Oft so ore see themselues, in what they see,

That they, thereby, themselues quite ouerthrow!

For, such as are not pleas'd with Phoebus Raies,

That yeelds all comfort vnto all that liue,

But needs must see how he his Beames displayes,

And the whole Body, that such light doth giue:

No maruel though they blind thēselues thereby;

Then winck (with Sem) whē thou dost faults discry,

For, no Spie's in such danger as this Spy.

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To my deare Liege Lord King Iames. Epigram. 255.

VTopicall State-Writers (who doe pen

With Idlenesse, and haue no inte [...]rest

Nor knowledge in the rules tha [...] gouer [...]e Me [...])

New Models make of Rule, that still do rest

On disproportion'd Ioynts of Reg [...]m [...]nt

Of Nations different in their Rules extent:

Which in the State of▪ kindle quenchlesse fires:

But thou rul'st right without these skyruy Squires.

Againe to my Liege Lord King Iames. Epi. 256.

WHen those curst hearts and hands (that sought thy death)

Distrest thee (deer Lieg) neer thy latest Breath,

Yet then, like Gold in fire, thy Vertue shone;

That is; in worth, to looke, and Be all one.

On Sir Iohn Roe. Epitaph. 257.

ROe, thou art gon in height of Youth and Fame,

As from a Feast, ere Surfet thee o' [...]ecame.

Of and against Earelesse Praxus. Epi. 258.

THe handle for true Vertue to take hold

Of old and young by; is the open Eare;

[Page]But, Praxus hauing lost his Eares, how should

He ere be vertuous or not vitious ere.

Against Sottus [...]is long wronge knowledge. Epi. 259.

IT is vnmeet that Sense abroad should stirre,

And (like a wanton Rigge) at randome run:

But when her soueraigne Reas'n commandeth her

Vpon some vrgent cause; which being done,

T'returne with speed to her, that sent her out,

T'informe her in her doubt's of good or ill:

Then like a sober Hand-maid, keepe about

Her Soueraigne Reas'n, to doe what else she will:

But, Sot, his sense from Reas'n hath rangd so long,

(And do [...]es on all) that all he knowes is wrong.

Of the Carpet Knights Sir Sim Soust Gurnerd his Quater-braules. Epi. 260.

SIr Sim Soust-Gurnerd, loues notes fresh & sweet,

And hath an Organ Chamberd next the street,

Whereon he playes of purpose as appeares,

To haue all passers by him by the Eares:

Yet sweetly braules in tune with stroakes of Art,

But dares not strike a Discord for his heart.

[Page]

Of Cracus his facing out Fals [...]ood or facing truth. Epi. 261.

CRacus if thou did'st know, (but O thou breakst

The heart of Knowledge with thine ignorance)

how il thou gard'st thy faith, for which thou speakst

Thou nere wol'st speak but with thy countenance:

For that scar [...]s babes sith thou fightst (being stout)

Better with swords than words: than face it out.

Of false praise. Epi. 262.

THe praise of Arts, which ill we deeme,

Like smoke goes out as soone as seeme:

The rightest Seruingmen are the rightest Courtiers. Epi. 263.

COurtiers may seruingmen be stil'd: what then?

Then, cannot they serue God, for seruing men.

How an Harlot is like Hell. Epi. 263.

A Strumpet's like the vgly mouth of Hell,

That night and day is open to receiue

All sinners that will pay for sinning well;

Which still she stakes and of [...] the Poxe doth giue.

[Page]

Counterfeit Piety is double iniquity. Epigram. 264.

OLd Will vpon the Sabath will not lose

A Sermon for his Dinner; yet (though pure)

Cheates like a Deuill: for, about he goes,

At play, all simple sinners to deuoure:

He needs not then, at Sermons sit so ciuill

For feare of hell, being an incarnat Diuill.

Against powdered Haire. Epigram. 265.

THe Daies of old did Ashes vse to throw

(In signe of meekenesse) on the hūbled Head:

But now, in signe of Pride (in Heart, and Shew)

Our Mad-dames cast sweet-powder in their stead:

But they whose Tops are euer powder'd so,

Their T—(most commonly)are Pickel'd too,

Against Gallus, his treachery and tyrrany to Galla. Epi. 266.

GAllus found Galla (e're she quite was lost)

Where Time & Place betraide her to his lust:

Yet first the faire-Maide his sowle offer croft,

But he (like Ioab) stabb'd, as her he bust:

Which she tooke patiently: how e're afraide:

And so a Goate like Man the Maide dis-Maide.

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Against the stincke of Marens his sweetnes. Epi. 267.

LAsciuious Marc goes stil perfum'd I thinke,

But yet his sweetnes makes his fame to stinke.

Of the compassing of his lusts designes. Epig. 268.

MArc in the compasse of his Lusts designes,

Is like a Circle in Geometry:

Hee; goes from point, to point, vntill he ioynes;

Then puts a Period to his Letchery:

A Period call it, or full point, or (.)

All's one to him, so he therein doth stick.

Against Gella and her consumption. Epi. 268.

GElla is light, and like a candle wasteth,

Eu'n to the snuffe that stinketh more thē lasteth,

Against the ill cure of Gallus the Surgeon, vpon Gaila. Epi. 70.

GAllus the Surgeon, now, is poore as Iob

For healing Galla whom with Child he got:

He cu'rde one Wound, another with his Probe

Hee gag'd too deepe: and so was ouer-shot

[Page]In his owne craft; who made her, to his shame,

So swell, that all his worth scarse heales the same.

Against Fuluiae's Transcendency. Epi. 271.

FVluia is brought to nought; then cannot she

In the Predicaments comprized be,

So, some Transcendent she must be of force;

But how that is, transcendeth my discourse [...]

Yet now I ha't t'a haire; she doth transcend

All that the Poxe can m [...]rre & nought can mend.

Against proud great-bellied Ventus, the Smell feast. Epi. 272.

THe word Maiestas, of these two compos'd

Maior and Status, argues great estate:

Then O, how vainely Ventus is dispos'd,

To strut and looke as if he had no M [...]te:

When (God doth know) that if his state be great,

Its in his Panch with eating others meat.

Against Vulpus his endlesse distinguishing. Epig. 273.

EXact Distinctions breed perspicuousnesse;

But many breed but loath'd Obscurity:

This, Vulpus makes, to shew his nimblenesse;

In argui [...]g, to distinguish endlesly:

[Page]Which if he do, but truth so to depraue,

I'le prooue him without Logick but a Knaue:

If this Stile be to common; him I'le make

A learned Knaue for true distinctions sake.

Poets gaine is Fame and Famine. Epigram. 274.

THe Poets proper Ensigne is the Swan

Sole Bird of Phoebus: so it well may be;

For, she doth sing before her death: so, Man

(Turn'd Gull) call'd Poet, makes that melody:

Because he sings before his death and Fame,

So, perisheth, through want, to get a Name!

Against the enuy of Muranus. Epigram. 275.

MEagre Muranus feeds on his owne Heart,

Still enuying all that are of good desart:

So, he is like an Eye diseas'd, whose sight

Is still offended with what e're is bright.

Against gurmandizing miserable minded Fagus. Epigram. 276.

FAgus is fat, and swelleth more and more

As if Cram'd-Capons did but poison him:

He nought but feeds, thogh neuer feeds the poore

And like a Panch in sweat, doth, sincking, swim:

[Page]His Mind is so chok'd vp with Greace and bloud,

That though he e're be Great he'l ne're be good.

Against the bare Brests of too well cloth'd wenches. Epigram. 277.

WHy bare yee so your Brests, audacious dames?

Is it to giue mens eyes a taste of that

You yet do hide, t' augment their lustfull Flames?

Or else to draw their tongues to wanton Chat?

It seemes y'are hot, that so low naked go,

And looke for cooling at some Vent below.

No Kingdome to Content. Epigram. 278.

WIlt thou be rich? then thy desire decrease;

So shall thy wealth, in want, amaine increase.

Spare, to spend; like thine owne friend. Epigram. 279.

RVfus liu'd hard, to make his Heire liue soft,

But his Heire liu'd as hardly for his Heire:

So they like Conduct-pipes conueied oft

(from pipe to pipe) great store of water faire

Reteyning none themselues; till, at long running,

By some hole in their Coate (how euer gay)

The Prince cuts off the Pipe, in Fortunes sunning,

And turnes the VVater-course an other way:

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Againe, on the same Subiect. Epigram. 286.

BOtts on these Masks & Cl [...]ut [...] which now are set

To hyde such Fronts that for such lyes excell;

Well-colour'd Gorgons made when Nature sweat

Too much to hold her Working-toole too well:

So, are but Natures shame, and Graces scorne;

Yet in Charoches beare they, and are borne.

Of Lord Volsus his [...]is-v [...]g his friends. Epigram. 287.

THe guilefull great Lord, Volsus, vseth still

His friends like Bottles through his Court [...]ly skill:

For, he (ô fy, what friend can him abide?)

The full drawes dry, the empty casts aside.

Against golden Asses. Epi 288.

MAny men-Beasts go gilt now at all Peeces,

who are at best, but Sheep with golden-flee [...]es:

If that in Cholcos had beene of this sort▪

Iason had plaid the Sheepe ere Shipt him for't.

Of Phisitions abyding at Bathe. Epigram. 289.

LEeches, at Bath, for Wealth, not health do waite,

So, come not to the Bathe, but to the Bayte.

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Of Flauia [...]s lookes after her fall. Epigram. 290.

FLauia lookes feebly since she caught a fall:

So, lookes as if She could not Doe withall.

Against the wretchednesse of rich-men. Epigram. 291.

THe Griffons 'mong the Indians keepe their Mines

Of Gold, yet they no vse thereof do make:

So, a monied-Miser mid'st his plenty pines;

And Money keepes for Monies only sake:

Kepthe a Whore as well, then Sin they would not:

For, her he would not vse, and others should not.

Against Flexus his being sick of the Fashions. Epigram. 292.

FLexus, still goes in many Fashions light

Like a Chamelion that all Colours takes:

Or not vnl [...]ke a Creature (Nabis hight,)

Which hauing many shapes, one Monster maks.

Of Rutus his indifferency in Religion. Epigram. 293.

RVtus holds all Religions; and in all

He is of none; like a still slyding Bourne

[Page]That takes all colours which therein doe fall

It hauing none: then hee'l not burne but turne.

He that's without Religion, is, at least,

For his Soules sake, a faire immortall [...]east.

Against Flauiae's leuity. Epi. 295.

LIght of beliefe, of word, and promise light

Is wanton Flauia: light in Mi [...]d and Will:

Light of her Body: and her Eyes (though bright)

Are light, and light to workes of darkensse still:

The weeds she wears are light, as bright: then she,

(Being all so light must needs selfe lightnes be.

Of a Tricke of Youth. Epi. 296.

CArnus, calls lechery a Tricke of youth:

So, he grows old, but this trick lets his grouth.

Against great Vardingales. Epig. 297.

DOwne with your Vardingales, Trulls out of frame

(sick of the Fashion) for, they mount too hie:

They hide your Wast: O no, they shew the same;

That is; your Antick Superfluity:

The time hath been, they did the heeles surround;

But now they doe the head; and men must leane

Vpon your shoulders, from the vpper Ground,

To looke downe for your middle, without meane:

[Page]Your Waste is shamefull then, sith it to hide,

Your English Bummes are still so Frenchifide.

Against promise-breaking. Epi. 298.

VEntus doth promise much; yet stil doth break;

So all his promises are great, and weake,

Like Bubbles in the water (round and light)

Swelling so great that they doe breake outright.

Against the misery of rich M [...]sers. Epi. 299.

VArus shuts vp his Coyne from all with Sparrs;

And, from himselfe, he locks it most of all:

For all his Thoughts (too hard [...]like Iron Batres)

Keepe it from him, so liues on pittance small:

Hee ha [...]h not what he hath; wealth makes him want,

Yet thinkes he still to last, being Adamant;

If so he should, in ca [...]es that so excell,

Hee's damn'd already: for hee's heere in hell.

O [...] and against Pegus his oft change of faith: Epig. 300.

PEgus is pleas'd his faith now thrice to turne,

Yet ne'rethelesse is hot as fire therein:

But, dares not hang; and, much lesse dares he burne:

No; that's to lose but, he doth change to win:

But, while he sought to win so, it ensu'th,

His Tongue at Trey-trip plaid; so, lost his truth.

[Page]That might be Kings for wit though his be vile,

Yet for that Ierke of Wit for clapping lookes:

Where he well clapt, he should be cla [...]t for it

In Bridewell to correct his Will and Wit:

There, sith he liues by such dull Iurks a Iurke,

Of Iustice hand would make the Player worke▪

Of a Man in Print. Epi. 313.

A Man in Print; once such a Man I saw

Who whipt but Vice in Print; and then did draw

Himselfe in Print, so much in Print, that hee

Comes thus in Print, reform [...]d, in Print, to be;

While he that whipt but Vice in Print doth storme,

For being a Vice in Print so much in Forme.

Of a Master of Art that lay, by the instinct of Nature, with one Mistris Barbara all night. Epi. 314.

BOssius and Barbara (his Loue) one night,

Chop't Logick with their Tongues, and other things,

He prest her to the point in Loues delight

And that vnto the Issue still she brings:

So, while she argued vnlike Debora,

Hee Sillogizd all night in Barbara.

But had the Proctors heard his Master-ship,

The Moderator should haue beene a whip.

Of my lying betweene two Queanes. Epi. 315.

BEtweene two Drabs I lye (with much adoe)

Each night; yet lye in seuerall houses too:

[Page]They (Starchers) neighbour me so neere, that I

May well be said betweene them both to lye.

They will (good-Doers) let me nere, be idle;

For, with their Tongues (as sharp as is their needle)

They prick me forward to be doing still;

So my Part play they; and my Belly full

With Throes of these: deere Brid-well do thy part,

Deliuer me of these, to ease my Hart.

Against Iacks Periurie, in prouing his honesty. Epigram. 316.

NOw, as I am an honest Man, saith Iacke,

(Whose lookes, & life, religiously, are blacke)

At eu [...]ry word, which wounds his faith (they say)

And is belyu'd the cleane contrary way.

Yet out-talks all, to all his hearers woe;

And, by that no-oath sweares, 'tis so, or so.

He liues by Carding; yet the State may stand

Without his labour, languor to the Land.

False to his friend; and so to God may be,

Yet as I am an honest Man (cries he)

The truth is so; I'st so Iohn (Yes▪ Tis true

Thou art to God, and to thy Friend, a Iew.

Of Calpus his making much of a Little. Epigram. 317.

CAlpus, hath little Latin; yet he makes,

Much of that little: for, he vndertakes

To teach his Friends; yet, while to them he reads,

With Art he cheats them; so, in Art proceeds;

[Page]And, learnes them little Latine with much Art;

Which ere they learne, thus ierks thē til they smart

So, with his little Latine much he makes;

Which is his Snare to cousin all it takes.

Against Rollus his great building for little fame. Epi. 317.

ROllus, still builds aliue to keepe his name:

But, L [...]e and Stone keeps no immortall fame

For, they will wast; then, in that wast (yee wot)

His Fame must lye; and, so his Name must rot.

Against Don Puffes incomperable adaciousnes. Epi. 318.

LOrd! how Don Puffe, with his left handed Face

Scrues himselfe into Action in high Place:

May men do so that better can deserue?

No, i [...] they be not Scrues some holes to serue.

The Teares of Peace.

WHy do these Times complain of want in Peace?

Are Peace and Plenty our, that blest increase

Hath left vs? No; they are not out, but in;

In strife While Plenty leaues vs Peace in sin.

Against the worst of Lawyers. Epi. 320.

LAwyers, how is it that such Fees yee take,

not cōcord, (which ye should) but strife to make

[Page]I'st for that strife, not Peace, maintaines your life?

Than, striue by peace to liue; so, liue by strife.

Of an ill Custome [...]eere good Customers. Epi. 321.

THere is a thing some call the Custome-house,

Which when as Tradesman hath a Spider tane,

At point to breake, preuents the deadly Bane,

By wayes familier; so, too oft in vse;

With Hundreds they of others hold in chiefe,

They buy a Place there, to displace their griefe.

Epi. 322.

SIr Volsus doore is still with Sutors throng'd;

His dore the more opprest; &, he more wrong'd:

For, if this Wit and honesty ye waigh,

Himselfe at euery dore should stay, and pray.

Of stupid Binus his preuenting of time. Epigram. 323.

SIth Time flies fast away, his fastest flight

Binus preuents with dreaming day and night.

Against despertate Harrius his contempt of goodnes. Epi. 324.

FOole-hardy Ha [...]rius, when himselfe he heares

A Good-man call'd; he holds himselfe too good:

[Page]So to be Stild, because (belike) he feares

That Title hits not home his Manhoods moode:

Sith he, to be a good-man, scor [...]es (t'appeare)

I would he were a Saint, so hang'd he were.

Of Bombus the Buffon, and his laughing Patronesses. Epigram. 325.

THe Buffon, Bombus feeds, by laughter, fat;

Yet, maks he Ladies laugh a lowd thereat:

So, liues by laughter: and I laugh to see

Both him, and Them [...]so both my Buffons be.

Of Luscus his great Faith, and small Performance. Epigram. 326.

LVscus, at last, hath got his Wife with Child.

For, tis like him, her bribed Midwife sweares:

Which he beleeues: but, for he is beguild,

He hath his false Faith euer by the Eares.

Of Rorers, soft speaking. Epigram. 327.

SInce Duells damn'd were, by a Souraignes doom

The lowdest Rorers speake in eithers Eares:

Yet dare not for their Eares to Calis roame,

But, in the Streets, still end their Fraies, and Feares:

So, by the high-way now, their Manboods liue,

Like Theeue that steale, in hope of a Repriue.

[Page]

Of Scalpus his Haires humility. Epigram. 328

SCalpus, his Haire apparent, leaues his Crowne,

As fast as, in the Aire, doth Thistle-downe:

But, This with Aire doth so; but That, with Fire,

Becomes so humble, that would else aspire.

Of Phrynas, huge-limbd Husbands Metamorphosis. Epigram. 329.

WHat! Phryna, is your Pheare become your Maide?

Make you a Woman of so huge a Man?

Sets he your Russes for Cuffes, without your aide?

O Hercules! belike then spin he can:

But, were I yours, though I (perhaps) might reele,

Yet, ere I spun, you should the Distaff feele.

Of Soare Times hard to cure. Epigram. 330.

THe Times are soare for Priests or Poets now

To speake or write: if truth they do a [...]ow:

Because the Times being soare, the [...]l ill endure

The Corasines that, soarely, them must cure.

Of Sir Lauoltas high sol'd shooes and valting in his going. Epigram. 331.

LOrd! be these Shooes or Stilts that Knight goes on

A Peacocks pace? who ist? Laualta, Sir.

[Page]What! Sir Laualto? is he such a one?

Yes; and his name doth in his nature, s [...]irre,

For, as he stalkes he striues himselfe to reare:

As if his steps Lauolta-paces were.

Of heauy load- [...]earing Birds. Epigram. 332

OF the Bird Ruc, that beares an Elephant,

Writes good Sir Iohn, surnamed Mandeuile;

Encrease my fayth, deere Loue; for 'tis too scant

To credit this; but yet, here, in this Isle,

There be some Bride-wel Birdes that wel wil beare

(How euer ill) huge Men as Mice they were.

Of the great traueller Fagus. Epi. 333.

FAgus, Land-leaper, ali-as Grasse-hopper,

Returnd is from the Pigmies (pretty fooles!)

With his Hyde full of Newes: Nay, soft, ho there,

It cannot be it is so full of Holes:

For what with Scabs & Scars where such haue bin,

It will hould nought: then no Newes lie therein.

Against fond at furiors Frontus, his swaggering to regaine his pawn'd Apparell. Epigram. 334.

THe Brokers haue fond Frontus cloths as pledges,

For Coyne to keepe his Corps in sweetest sinne:

[Page]And beeing forfeited, he them besiedges

With thundring oaths and blowes his cloaths to win:

But they hold hard (hard horsons) without dread;

So, Anuile like, endure the Hammer-head.

Against Spongus, a plaine Farmers Bastard, that had gotten to be of a great Lords bed-chamber. Epigram 335.

SPongus, what makes you so your Sire to scorne?

Is it because he all in Frize doth goe,

And you in golden coates, though ouerworne;

That's cast Apparell of your Lords, or so?

He honours you; you him in scorne forsake:

So, makes an Idoll of a Golden-Asle;

While you your selfe thereby a Diuell make.

That speaketh through a head whose brow is brasse:

Then spirituall whordome he commits thereby,

To honour him he made adulterously.

Against Signior Snap-haunce, the rude fooli [...]h Rorer. Epigram. 336.

SNap-haunce speakes quicke & lowd; but stil amisse

White powder then were best for him; for, when

He spits his spight, but leaden stuffe it is,

Which euermore annoyes the sence of Men:

Thā Snap-haunce, cease to snap; for thy lowd soūds:

Do yeeld such noisom stuffe that sence confounds.

[Page]

Against Rufus the Appollo ger. Epigram. 337.

RVfus, you write Appollogies to Cloud

Your trechery with which you men delude;

That, like a Cuttle ▪ you may so, vnuiew'd,

Abuse th'insipient plumbeus multitude:

Than sith you knauishly thus Cuttleize;

I may, lesse lauishly, thus Inkhornize.

Against a Marchants as light as bright Wife, still wearing a great Chaine of Gold or'ethwart. Epigram. 338.

SEe you yo [...]'d Merchants wife, in Satten clad?

It is Lucilla, Light as Leuity.

It cannot be, her Chaine must make her sad,

It is so heauy past all grauity.

Nay▪ more, she'l Car'd (that shewes her houswifery)

Away her Pence, by Pound [...]; her Pounds, by scores

To make her Light: O then t'was cleane awry

To call he [...] Light; for, Lightly, so be whores.

That Stile's too soule for one so Faire and Rick:

Than, better call her Fancy; or Proud-(.)

Of my Selfe. Epigram. 339.

A Friend of mine reproud me, sith I was

Too Busie in correcting Leebery;

[Page]Saying I was too open. But, alasse,

I cannot helpe it handsomly; for I

Must, ere I scourge it, open it (you know)

That I my ierkes the righter may bestow.

Against Iugus, his truth-swearing. Epigram. 340.

IVgus still sweares that he a true Man is,

Than say so I [...]; for, still thou swear'st amisse,

Sith thou woul'st steale our good conceites therby,

Against our wills: so, thy true oaths do lye.

What rich men must doe to gaine and retayne the worlds fauour. Epigram. 341

A Rich man that would haue the world to friēd

Must either giue (or at least) Spend or Lend:

If neither; either he must liue alone,

Or, with too many push't, be ouerthrowne.

Against the gallant Glossus his mis-measuring. Epigram. 342.

GLossus is gallant, yet doth measure keepe;

He eats and drinkes in measure; so doth sleep:

He measures Lands in trauell; so doth Seas:

In Measure he doth dance, toyles, takes his ease:

Yet (Robin-Hood) metes, something [...] might be left

He metes Maid [...]marions by the Bow, and Shaft.

[Page]

Of the Vyoll. Epigram 343.

THe Violl speaks the language of the Hands;

And, by the Fingers, Sense it vnderstands.

Yet, Fingers are the Vi [...]ls Fe [...]te: and so,

As they do [...] runne, the Violl still doth Goe.

How Maides resemble Eue. Epigram. 344

MOst Maides resemble Eue now, i [...] their liues;

Who are no soner Women but are Wiues:

As Eue knew no Man [...] Fruite wrought her Woe,

So, these haue Fruite (of [...]) ere their Pheares they know.

Against Myntha, that would haue bin my Tenant for a fowle Fine. Epigram. 345.

Mintha (ripe Medler) would be medling still,

With things that most concerne mee, by her will

She vnder me would sain haue liu'd by doing

Thinges in my house, for which she stil was woing:

Her Lippes, and Hippes, in grosse, she offer'd mee

For Fine▪ if so she might my Tenant bee.

So, I shou [...]d be her Tenant, and she mine.

For no great Rent, but for too grosse a Fine:

So [...]t Mintha, in some others house go prancke yee;

Yours is an Ordinary; I'le none, I thanke yee.

[Page]

Of a man that prou'd a Slipper. Epigram. 34 [...].

FRiscus tooke Slippers vpon trust; and then

He Slipt away; So Slippers (oft) are men.

No good Wiues in London. Epigram. 347.

THe Countrie's full of good-wiues; specially

The Wiues of all the Clo [...]nes and Yeomanry:

But Tripe-wi [...]es, Broome-wiues, Oyster-wiues, & all▪

W [...]e still, in London, Mistresses doe call:

Then London hath no good-wiues, sith they bide

All in the Country, better occupide.

Against the too too common, as most shawelesse countersetting the Stampe of Heauen (Beauty) by Painting; and the excessiue brauery of Men, and Women of these Times. Epigram. 348.

THomas Thomasius, an outlandish VVitch,

Sould Diu'ls for Dolors: Fame else lowdly lyde:

And, as they were in pow'r, he price did pitch:

So, liu'd by selling Diuells till he dy'de.

A pretty Occupation [...]and [...]ere hee.

Aliue, and here to sell his VVare, he might

Gaine what he would, if his curst Diu'ls would be

Pleas'd to make Men and Women faire and bright

For, now men fairely play the women too;

[Page]Then, for his gaine he might the Land vndoe:

Nay, though they painted & but bo [...]rrowed raimēt

Tom, for his Diu'ls, should haue royall payment.

Of Raggus and his proiect. Epigram. 349.

RAggus, with open mouth pursues strange Proiects,

And of the State, reuiles the Eye of wit;

That, hauing open'd it, so many Prospects

To worldes of wealth; yet, sees no benefit:

Saw it as thou dost (Ragge) that so dost raue,

It saw but how to play the Foole and Knaue:

For with thy sight (at best) it would perceiue

It selfe, and others how but to deceiue.

Probatumest. How Clearke Tho. his Clearkeship sau'd his Queane. Epigram. 350.

CLearke Thomas kept a whore at his command,

(VVhom al commanded that had welth or will)

Yet kept her from the Gallowes vnder-hand,

That vnder him she might be do [...]ng still.

Fye Tom (great Clearke) thy skil doth kil thy fame

For, by thy Clergy thou hast sau'd thy shame.

[Page]

Fast and loose. Epi. 351

PAphus was maried all in hast,

And and now to wracke doth runne:

So, knitting of himselfe too fast,

He hath himselfe vndone.

Of Long's being the least part of himselfe. Epigram. 352.

ONe Long being seru'd with processe to appeare,

Appear'd forth with; but 'twas another where

Than where he should: and so, for his contempt,

Was taken by a writ, no place exempt:

Then, quite beside himselfe, came all agast;

Shewing, That was not Long that came at last.

To a blind Har: Par: Epigram. 353.

SOme neighbour Nations when their Out-lawes flye,

Hang vp their pictures which should them betide,

So ( [...]or thou Out-law art in Poetry)

Thy Picture I trust vp on Times backe-side.

For which (too like it, without grace or wit)

Thou martyrd'st me in thy Wits feeble fire:

But shall I malice? no, I pitty it:

Sith thou art worthy of no witty Ire:

For, thy Lines weakenes all men wonder at,

That (like a Parrat) prat'st thou wot'st not what.

[Page]

Eundem. A blinde Harper. Epi. 353.

YEt with the Hornes of thy weake pow're whose Roote

G [...]s through thy bro [...]s, but coms not ny thy

Thou but'st at wales; but Ile say nothing to't, (brain

(Though I be Welsh) sith all thou dost is vaine:

Thy best is but to filch from good Sir Iohn,

Some Epigrams; whereof a Welsh is one.

Then sith thy best is stol'ne from Sir Iohn Har:

Thou art no Poet, but a blinde Har: Par:

He stole some Epigrams from Sir Iohn Har. verbati [...] Of Casse and her Case. Epigram. 354.

CAsse was in Case to drawe on Suters; which

She lou'd a life: yet lou'd none but the rich:

So, a heauy-mettel'd Boore, in C [...]sses Case,

Ca [...]r [...]d her [...] [...]eaden Sowe) from [...]it and Grace.

After the fall o [...] Man, of the fall of Wo-men. Epigram. 355.

NOw scarce a Wastcoteere or Chamber-maid,

(Much les, much more) can go, though by the wall

But by some Friend or Vsher must be staid,

W [...]men are now so weake, and apt to [...]all:

Heauen stre [...]gth [...] them; for many a woman grown

A Pages breath now often tilteth downe.

[Page]

As the [...] crowes, so doth the old. Epigram. 356.

YOung Taurus, like his Sire doth fare & doe,

And, like his Wife doth beare as well as strike ▪

That's done by nature; and, by nature too,

Olde Taurus needs must get (this Calfe) his like.

Against lame Hipp. Epi. 357.

OLd Hip; well, let him goe; he is not worth

The talking of; yet setts himselfe still forth

As if he were a man might weare a Robe,

Although the old Scabbe, be as poore as Iob [...].

Nay, now Ilye; for, Iob, though he had nought,

Yet nought he ow'd; but, this poore pach is thought

Much worse thē Nought with wrangling; he is [...]so)

Poorer then Iob; for, Iob but scabs did owe.

Against M [...]rnezetus, the well knowne Sharker, co [...]se [...] me of a Cloake. Epig. 366.

SIrrah, Marnezetus, me no more prouoak;

Go, cheat els where; with me y'haue shorn your sheep

Y'haue Clok't y' [...]r knauery: so, haue got a Cloake,

By c [...]eating of your friend; well, safe it keepe:

Yet, it restore to Cloake my Spleene and Mee,

Or lie vncloake thy name, thy shame, and Thee.

[Page]But maugre Sp [...]ght thy Name and fame shall gaine

A Place, and Name with Stars call'd great Charleswaine:

Which stil I wish; & who doth't not desire,

Would they were nought as naught; or Tow in Fire.

To the no lesse than most graue Counsellor of Counsellors, Thomas Vicount Brackley Lord Chancellor of England. Epi. 369.

Y'Aue past the Storms of Youth and Passion too;

And now, in Calmes of Ages Hau'n remayne:

Now sees your Soule most clearely what to doe;

And those vndo that doe their Conscience straine:

In Summe, for all (that may your glory spread)

Your pain your Braine, to ease, & please your Head.

To the true President of Honor, William Earle of Pembroke Lord Chamberlain. &c. Epig. 370.

DEare Lord, to whom I wish a world of Good;

If so; a World of Grace is vnderstood,

Agreeing to that World of Worth in Thee

Too little Lord that great Worlds Lord to bee.

Grace, Art, and Nature, still in thee doe striue

Which most shall make thy praise Superlatiue;

And make thee most like Him, that all things can,

And Phillip, more than M [...]cedonian:

Then, [...]ll be like thos [...] Two▪ as now thou art;

And, as thou hast; so, [...] shalt haue my Heart.

[Page]

To the Right noble, and my much honored Lord, Phillip Earle of Montgomery. Epi. 371.

A Mother sooner can forget her Child,

Than I Thee (Lord of my best Memory)

Could I mind more, thou shouldst be higher stil'd;

But, this is all I can, vnlesse to dye

For Thee and thy most Noble House: whereof

I am an Ex [...]rement not yet cut off.

To the true Patterns of Noblesse and Heroicall vertue, Richard Earle of Dorset, and Sir Edward Sackuill Knight of the [...]ath his most nolle Brother. Epigram. 372.

YOu Starres that in our States Spheare shine as bright

As Suns fixt neere our Zenith, daying Night:

Stil on such Dayes-eyes shine (though planted low)

By Fortunes hand, as turne to such as you

To be set open, when [...]hey (hid) hang downe

Their heads for want of Grace to make thē known.

I need not force the free; you shine on such,

No Starres within our Hemispheare so much:

So much for that; but this much more for you,

(Though more you cannot haue then is your due)

You, for your high Worthes Rayes, I'le Raise to be

Castor and Pollux both to Heau'n and me.

[Page]

To the Right noble Lord, Theophilus, Lord Walden. Epigram. 373.

My Cunning sooner shall my right hand leaue

Than not to giue where once it did receiue:

But, Golden Ayre to giue, for Golden Earth,

Is lesse Materiall, and no cause of Mirth:

Yet, Ca [...] M [...]rth [...] Papers do infold:

That I, in [...], do gieue thee for thy Gold:

But wh [...], in earnest I would giue (with mirth)

To thee, is glory; both in Heau'n, and Earth.

To the Right Honorable Sir Francis Bacon Knight. &c. Epi. 259.

THi'admired Sire was Wit & Wisdomes Source;

And thou his Sonne, resemblest him in those:

Thy Hand is open; close is thy Discourse:

For; much in few, thy thy Iudgement doth inclose.

But, when thou art disposed to set ope

A Flood of Eloquence, to Wha [...]t all Eares

With head-long sway) vnto thine v [...]mos [...] scope,

[...]hen, stubborn'st Rocks of Le [...]s it ouerbeares:

So, thou do'st grace the Law, as it doth Thee;

But, of all Lawyers, Thou alone for me.

[Page]

To my much honored the Lord Hayes. Epigram. 375.

THou do'st the Court Lord too much grace,

To be forgotten in this place:

Where I desire to praise such Ones

As (worthy) are Court-Minions.

Then, this thou art (I dare auo [...]ch)

A Good, Great Courtier (seldome such!)

That's honest with due Complement;

Which is most noble in e [...]tent:

Heere, sith no further Grace, hath gon,

[...]e put a Prick. To driue It on.

To my Noble, highly valued friend, Pupill, and Alyes Man, Sir Edward Herbert, of Montgomery, Knight of the Bath. Epi. 376.

SIth thou thy Name and Nation honorest

With Worth (like Britains Crown) past price at least,

Giue me leaue ( [...]east worth of thy least Alyes)

To tell the World thus much, and then it dyes:

For, in this World, where Grace doth liue by Sin,

Can nothing liue that is not dead within.

To my honorable, ingenious, worthy, friend, Sir Iohn Constable, Knight. Ep [...]. 377.

DIdst thou but know (deer Knight) how much my heart

Desires to Stellifie thee for thine Art:

[Page]And what e're else by Worth can be possest,

Thou would'st beleeue my Heart [...]s thine, at least.

Thē take my Heart, which thus on thee is whorl'd

And loue it; so, my Heart is worth a World.

To my much honored and intirely beloued Sir William Alexander Knight. Ep [...]. 378.

THy Pe [...], which from some Angel is acquir'd,

With heauenly Grace to shew thy Wit & skil,

So farre out-shines my poore Rookes ruder Quil,

That, in it's beames mine seemes a Cole vn [...]ir'd;

But, let them lie till they become intir'd,

Then, thine shall mine with equall glory fill;

Yet so as, knowne, t'was so by thine attir'd,

That al the Glory thine may merit still:

Yet, here my lauish Pen runs o're so much

With blurring inck▪ be blotting blacker Crimes,

That (loosly) it, the Times too neere doth touch;

That is; too br [...]adly blots these looser Times:

But, sooth to say; my Muse became thus loose

Through vice; at which she hisseth like a goose.

To my venerable friend Master Doctor Goade. Epi. 379.

THou art not l [...]ke, but cu▪n a reall Goad,

Sharpe at one End (thy Head) to driue men on

(That are opprest with sad sinnes heauie Load)

Where they may rest from being we [...]be [...]gon:

[Page]Then, he that will not goe, when thou dost prick,

Is dull, in sense; or else, an Halter-sick.

To my worthy, and beloued friend Doctor Pierce; Parson of Saint Christophers, London. Epigram. 380.

IN this but Froth of Wit to sowse your name

Is but to soile it; so, incurre your blame.

These Purgings of my Braine become not you

In any sort to See; much less [...] alowe.

You needs must say, my Leisure I abuse

To make these lests the Stasions of my Muse.

What will you more (deere Doctor) I confesse

I am all yours, but not my Foolishnesse.

Yet, Garce, Art, Wit, and Worth (and all diuine)

May make you (bright Sun) on this Dunghill shine

Without defiling of your spotlesse Raies:

Then, scowre my guilt with Birch; but, gilde my Ba [...]s.

To my best beloued friend, and aliz-man, Master Iohn Sanford. Epi. 381.

IOhn, thou art like a Hand that changeth not

His Name, or Nature; clouched, or dilated:

So, thou art One, what euer be thy Lot:

And still, by Fortune, rather chekt, than Mated: North

But, if she had but Eyes to see thy Worth,

[Page]The North should grace thee, as thou dost the North

With radiant Beames,

On Learnings Streames.

In Fortunes Spheare long be his Grace & place,

That, like the Sunne, exhald thy streames to grace.

To the all witty, Sir Io: Har:

SIR, you and I (but Oh I doe you wrong,

To rank with you, for friends, means, wit, or art)

Are like (they say) in setting of a Song,

Tho you sing more in tune, in euery Part.

But, as I can, by Nature, I doe hit

Those Notes you strike, vpon a iarring string:

And it is true▪ we haue one fashion'd Wit,

Which may (alike) to vs displeasure bringe.

But shall wee cease to sing for this? Oh no,

We can no more doe that, than cease to say

God saue the Kinge: and they that would not so,

Would some straite lines had trust out of the way.

But on our gamesome Numbers who doth [...]orce,

Their Sence, not Ours, to vexe vs; ill they wot

What powre are in (our Pates) the wodden Horse,

To doe their Names away with Wits hot-shot.

But wee will L [...]be [...]l none; for tis vnfit,

The world's not worth a Libell of rich Wit.

To my in [...]enious deere friend and Country-man Mr. [...]ohn Hoskins, Councellor at Law.

ONe County first susteind our weight; yet wee

Doe li [...]e no burthen to the place, so prest;

Bu [...] Luster: else some flatter thee and mee,

[Page]Yet, say they what they will▪ our soules know best:

And for my part, I hope that Thou, and I,

Ere wee'le disgrace it, wee with Grace will dye.

To my worthy, ingennus, and ingenius Pupill Mr. Thomas Bond.

VNder my hand I had you once; and now

Y'ate failen vnder but my Pen, my Plow;

Wherewith your Name I culture thus; you bee

A Bond that binds, because you a [...]e so Free.

To my witty and worthy friend, Inigo Iohnes Esquie [...], surueigher of his Maiestie [...] workes.

VVITS mirrour, I [...]g [...], wherein Men see

Their Figure; which thou dost to them reflect

By forming, or, to them, conformi [...]g [...]hee:

For which thou win'st both riches and respect:

Fortune and Fauour with great Art conspir'd,

To make thee Modell out each Edisce

Ere it be squar'd for Court; which thee hath Squird;

And may doe, SIR, for many a rare Deuice!

Thy Place I wish not; but thy wake full Wits,

To make my Place fit mee, as thine thee fits:

Then, lend me, while thou sleepst, thy pure acumen

To Knight me (old Boy) after many Ne [...]-men.

To my learnedly witty friend, Mr Beniamin Iohnson.

THy sconse (that guards thy wits as it they guard)

Is sound, & large, yet no whit can be spard

For thy Wits throng: that Plenty makes thee scarce,

[Page]Which makes thee slow, as sure in Prose or Verse,

As say thy worst detractors; then, if thou

For all eternity, writ'st Sure and Slowe,

Thy Wits, as they come thronging out of Dore,

Do sticke a while, to spread their praise the more.

To my darling-friend Mr. Richard Dorington.

DIcke, I am thine: then (thou hast to the end,

A sore disease, that Physicke will not mend:

Yet, tis no Falling-sicknes, for Ile stand

As fast to thee, as is thy Heart and Hand:

And I haue reason for it; for thou art

As deere to mee as is my Hand or Heart.

Then, if I doe disease thee, it shall bee,

As Physicke doth, of good, to better thee▪

Sith thou aforehand giu [...]st mee Fee on Fee.

To my beloued, and most praise worthy friend, Mr. Lyte of Lytes-cary.

SIth Art and Nature did agree,

To make thee Lyte of Lyte;

Thou art a Type of Christ, sith hee

Is very Light of Light:

Though light'st (like him) with Wit and grace,

Whose Fame (like his) fils Time and Place.

[Page]

To my beloued, Mr. Robert Branthwaite.

I Loue thee Robin; If I should not, I

Should giue my heart the s [...]ab, my tongue the lie:

The Sword of sorrow still should pierce my heart,

If it should not affect thy deere desert:

In few, I know no man more worthy loue

For all that may Affection Stay, or Moue.

To my worthy approued deere friend Mr. Iackson, Manciple of All Soules Colledge in Oxford.

IF wee must speake as we haue found; why then,

Th'hast beene to me and mine, the best of Men:

For, of all those that euer yet I prou'd,

Thou best deseru'st of mee to be belou'd.

Thine Out-sides plaine, but yet within thy Brest,

A Heart (I finde) as braue and free doth rest

As that great Caesars, who would euer moane

The paffed day, wherein he pleasur'd none.

Thou art a Townseman, yet the Countrey mend'st,

& glad'st it with what there thou get'st & spend'st

For, two Months, in a time of pestilence,

There, freely cheer'd, I saw thy great expence.

While thou in Oxford (plagu'd) wast then expos'd

To death: thy family and mine dispos'd

In safety there, where wee, besides, were fed;

While thou for vs did'st liue among the dead.

[Page] Iackson's thy name; then thou art mine (al [...]cke

Thart haplesse so) for so [...]e doe ca [...]l me Iacke.

But, like a Father, thou to Iacke hast bin;

That is, in kindnesse, farre beyond his Kin.

Then, Iack's thy sonne, to loue and honour thee;

And so, for fostring both, must Iack's

Siluanu [...]

Sonne bee.

Thus, enough Iacke can not giue thee reason for't,

Hee'le giue thee Rime, Renowne & good report.

And if that be too thyn for thy desert.

Wer't thou not all heart, thou shouldst haue his Heart,

Yet, for thine may be sicke, when his is sound,

He giues it thee, sith so to thee it's bound.

To my worthy approued friend Mistris Sisley Tyle.

THy Vertues do intice me, Tyse, to set

Thy name (for Loue and Fames sake) in my Rimes

Least Time should either Them or Thee forgett,

Whose Wisdome, Woman-hood, & parts (like crimes)

Do staine most Wiues, as Phoebus doth the Fire;

Then, liue thou in my R [...]me, till Time expire.

Of my Selfe, and my Booke.

I Must confesse my Muse is in the wrong,

Though rightly she doth scourge what is amisse:

But being pregnant, Shee to lash doth longe,

Though her complexion quite be mar'd by this▪

[Page]For most will say, Shee like a Diuell lookes:

Yet, let none iudge, but such as can write Bookes.

Against Yellow, starcht bands. For a Farewell.

THese Ruffes, sick of the Ia [...]ize (black, or Yellow)

Do shew their Wearers are or Deep or Shallow

In Pouerty, or Wit: Then, would they were

Al black with Cuffes that Yellow Ruffes do weare:

And he whose Wife doth weare them, I suppose

With Cause still feares he weares the Yellow-hose.

To my deare Mother; the Citty of Hereford.

THou gau'st me breath; and I wil giue thee fame

By writing, in a double Kind: thy Name

I Borrow'd once to adde to mine: and yet

I hold it to it still; for which the debt

Is clearest fame Ile pay thee, at long running;

Else shall my hand and head forget their cunning.

FINIS.

Notes

(o)

At the signe of Ierusalem betweene Strawberry Bancke, and Prim-rose hill.

↵

EPITAPHS.

[Page]

On him that was said to be pull'd in peeces in playing the Beare. Epitaph. 1.

HEre lies a Man; nay, who there▪

Here lies a Man that dyde a Beare.

On an Hermaphrod [...]te. Epi. 2

HEre lies a Man and Woman too;

And yet wants One to make them Two.

On one Gwillim a common cryer of a Towne. Epitaph. 3.

HEre lies the Common Cryer Gwillim;

So, cryd for life, till Death die still him.

On an Harlot call'd Meg-Mutton of Heref: Epitaph. 4.

HEre lies Megmutton (who could liue no longer

To make Death a Glutton, and true Mutton-monger.

[Page]

Vpon a noted common-lyer, Iack-ap Iack. Epitaph. 5.

HEre lies Iack-ap Iack; and wot yee why?

A liue he still lyde; an [...], dead, still must lye.

Who, in his life, lyde willingly still:

But here, in death, lies against his will.

On the Woman that was burnt in Smithfield for killing her Master, in her anger. Epitaph. 6.

HEre good people, in the Dust,

Truely Lieth Choller-adust:

Which kill'd, through heate; so, burn'd, with Dolor▪

Then, here lies truely, Burned choller.

Vpon one borne blinde. Epi [...]aph. 7.

HEre lies a man that ne're sa [...] wo

Being borne blind, to feele it so.

Vpon Iohn of all Iohns.

IOhn of all Iohns here lies: what than?

Were all Iohns hon [...]r'd in this Man?

Yes, that they were: and, wot yee why?

Cannot you tell? in troth nor I.

[Page]

On one Wood a miser, burnt by a Queane. Epi. 9.

REader, reade; and, thinke thereon,

H [...]re lies Wood beneath this Stone:

Who was harder than the higher,

Yet was burnt without a fier.

On one who built himselfe bank [...]roupt, to keepe the poore on worke. Epi▪ 10.

REader smile, or else looke off,

For, here lies the Peoples Scoff:

Who, that Beggers well might do,

Built hims [...]lfe a Begger too.

On one that yeelded hi [...] Weapons in pri [...]at fight; the conceipt whereof after brake his heart. Epi. 11.

THis Stone conceales a Man almost,

Who, by his Manhood, Manhood lost.

On one that a Queane made to Father her Bastard, begotten by his Man. Epi. 12.

HEr [...] l [...]s a Man was got with Child

By a Maid that him defilde:

[Page]Who made him, when she was a Mother,

Father her Child got by another.

Vpon one Church-euill a debosh'd base Whore-hunter, who dyed of the Pox. Epi. 13.

HEre lies a Church, tryumphant still in euill;

That neuer fought with sin the world nor Diuell

But still with Flesh he changed friendly knocks;

And so, to shun the Plague, dyde of the Pox.

On a common Drunkard. Epi. 14.

HEre lies a Man that ner'e saw Man;

For he ner'e lookt but in a Can.

On an English stutting-Booke-seller who learned French, to sell Bookes to French-men. Epi. 15.

HEre lies Sam: although a Stutter,

Yet many a word, in Print, did vtter:

Yet had no Tonge at all to spare,

But one he bought to s [...]ll his Ware.

On Tarlton. Epi. 16.

HEre within this sullen Earth

Lies Dick-Tarlton, Lord of mirth;

[Page]Who in his Graue still, laughing, gapes

Syth all Clownes since haue be [...]ne his Apes:

Earst he of Clownes to learne still sought;

But now they learne of him they taught

By Art far past the Principall;

The Counterfet is, so, worth all,

On a rare Dyer of Silke. Epi. 17.

HEre lies one, who lyu'd by dying,

Yet dyde truely till this lying.

On a selfe conceited Foole. Epi. 18.

HEre lies a Man that was an Asse

Then Is he better than he was.

On one who cheated his Father. Epi. 19.

HEre lies a Man, who in a span

Of life, beyond his Father ran.

Epi. 20.

HEre Iohn of Powles but hids his head:

For, none can say good Iohn is dead.

On Iohn A-Stile. Epi. 318.

IF yee be men, then stay a while,

And know here lyeth Iohn A Stile,

[Page]If yee know him not; why then,

Its ten to one y'are honest men.

On Rauiliack who murdered Henry the fourth French-King. 22.

HEere lies Rauiliack (the whole heauens vnder)

aboue the Earth, Heau'n, Earth, & Hels iust wō der,

Thogh all these 3. most iustly wonder at him,

The thing procures more wonder that begat him:

For, though that thing, in Ill, past all comparing,

Yet nought could ought beget so damd & daring.

On George a Greene, Pinder of Wakefield. 23.

HEere doth lie good George-a-Greene

Nor tasted, smelt, felt, heard, or seene:

But yet when George at Wakefield dwelt:

Many did smell, while him they felt.

On little Iohn.

HEere lies little Iohn, not little some weene:

Yet now hee's so little he cannot be seene.

O [...] Billy Grime.

HEre lies Billy Gryme

Who neuer was storer;

But first and last Slyme,

And, euer a Rore [...].

[Page]For, though dead bee Will,

His Name roreth still.

On a Roring Boy calld Thing.

FIe vppo'nt▪ it maddes me neere

A stabbing Thi [...]g should stil lye heere;

Yet, if now still lye he should not,

He must hang; [...]or, stand he could not.

Of one Baudyman, whose name and nature were one. 27.

IF I should tell you, heere doth lye

A Man; perhaps you'l say I lye:

But, though a Beast ye proue him can▪

Yet was (at least) a Baudy-man.

Of one R. Hand that died of the Poxe. 28.

NOw by this Hand I wrong him not,

Heere lies a Hand that, dead, doth rot:

And was to rotten ere hee dide,

That now he is lesse putrifide.

Vpon a Youngster, who lay with a Maid, at the Labour in vaine. 29.

WOuld you thinke it? I thinke you would not:

Heere lies a youth that would but could not.

[Page]

On a man borne dumbe. 30.

BEleeue it heere one dead doth lye,

Who in his life, could neuer lye:

For he was dumbe; then lye could nere,

But in his death, he still lyes heere.

Vppon one Eleazer Death a good fellow Taylor. 31.

IF Death a Taylor bee, why then

He must prick Lice, not Maids nor Men.

Deaths Epitaph. 32.

HEere Death's inter'd, that liud by B [...]ead:

Then, all should liue, now Death is dead.

On one Forgot a Pitman. 34.

HEere lyes, but what! that know I not:

Then (Reader) know, it is Forgot:

And yet if it thou dost not know,

Read but That and it wil shew.

On a short spare man, that wore alwayes an huge paire of Cloke-bag hose. [...]5.

THat earth might dissolue the st [...]tches,

Heere lies (rak't) a paire of Breeches:

[Page]Nought could weare them sith they had

Nought to weare them but a Shade.

On Iohn an Oakes. Epitaph. 36.

HAlla▪ my Mates, here make a stand,

And read who lies here; vnderstand

It's Iohn a Nokes the Lawiers foole;

Yet puts them still, for Law, to schoole.

One Ro: Gose a light-headed wanton. Epitaph. 37.

HEre lies a Sot, that liu'd too loose;

Read soft, then, least yee wake the Goose.

On a Sot that was held honest though such cannot bee so. Epitaph. 38.

WOuld yee thinke it? I thinke not;

Here doth lie an honest Sot.

Then, let him lie still in his Graue,

Left this World make the Foole a Knaue.

On o [...]e N. Po [...], a dunkard who was stabb'd in an Ale-house. Epitaph. 39.

REader, though it's stincking stale,

Here lies spilt a Pot of Ale:

[Page]So, he hath small reckning got,

Though he were the reckning Pot.

On an idle prattler, nick [...]named Words. Epitaph. 40.

ALas that euer he was borne,

Here lies a Man to Nothing worme;

Yet is more than he was (I trust)

He was but Words; but, now is Dust.

On one H. Quarrell. Epit. 41.

IF yee come, come on your perill,

For here lies a mor [...]all Quarrell:

It is mortall, yet yee may

Finde it dead without a Fray.

One one B. Holiday. Epit. 42.

AH! out, alas, and well-away,

Here lies s [...]ill, an Holyday ▪

Had it beene working; then, yee know,

It could not lie still, to be so.

Yet, when Holyday shall rise,

Hee'l fall, then, to some exercise.

[Page]

Being desir'd to make an Epitaph on an ill-belou'd rich miserable yong-man whose name was Bright; and whose mothers name by her father, was Sparke; he writ. Epitaph. 45.

NOw, by this light,

Here, in the Darke,

Doth light one Bright,

That was a Sparke.

Foure sad Epitaphs. A Epitaph on the death of the most famous Bishop; both for good learning, and good liuing, Doctor Tomson Bishop of Gloucester, Epitaph. 46.

THis Tombe enwombes a Child of God, whose grace,

Wit, Art and Nature still, were so exact,

As makes his praisefil Time, and orefill Place;

Yet, in this Place his Corps lies close compact!

Then, such a sunne this Tomb doth now enwombe

As no such Tom-sonne, Tomb did e're entombe!

On Master W. Woodcock, a vertuous discreete and rare Scholler. Epitaph. 47.

HEre lies a Woodcock honest, learn'd, and wise,

Safe from the s [...]ares of all his enemies:

No Woodcock, then, in Nature, but in Name:

For which not He, but Fortune was too blame.

[Page]

The Authors Epitaph. 48.

LOng after All was made, I, made, was marr'd

[...]y Error of my Parents ere I err'd:

For, to the World I came through their offence,

Which made me sinfull, in mine Innocence.

I lou'd the Muses; and sought by them

Long life in this lifes shadow of a Dreame;

But, I am gon; and, my Remaines (I gesse)

Are but the Laboures of my Idlenesse

Which, liuing, die: so all thereby I got

Is Fame (perhaps) which (past perhaps) Is not;

At least Is not to me; sith dead I am:

And, haue no sence of Aire, Fames surer Name.

I lou'd Faire-wr [...]ing; and, could Write as faire

As any that for That had got that Aire.

I taught it others; but my greatest [...]ee

Was fairest-fame the fowler shame for mee

In Mens accompt; who hold all Gettings vaine

That tend to Grace and Glory more than Gaine.

My Heart was Manly, in a double-sence,

Kind to my Friends and apt to giue offence

To my Offenders: so, Heart, Hand, and Head

Had precious Guifts, that did me little stead.

I found the World as Abel found it; sith

It harm'd me most that medl'd least therewith.

I found my Flesh my Houshold F [...]; while I

The Diuell found my forraigne enemy:

[Page]So, Inwardly and Outwardly I found

My life still Millitant; till in this Ground

I lay intrench'd: where safe I lie from fight,

Equall to Caesar in our present plight:

If oddes there be; herein it now doth rest,

I, being a Christian-man, must needs be best:

My soule is in his hand, that made me so;

His Glories Subiect still, in Weale, or W [...]e.

On a vert [...]ous faire-maide Mistresse Eliza: Amber. Epitaph. 49.

REader stay; see who lies here▪

Attacting Amber, shyning cleare:

Yet Death that clearenesse cloudeth, now;

But, being bright, it shineth through.

Agame.

Reader, stay; and yet, be wise;

For, here still-drawing Amber lies:

But yet, if now she draw thee to her,

Thou must die, or qui [...]e vndo her.

On a Bank [...]rupt called Myte. Epitaph. 51.

REader, read [...]ight,

And thou shalt see,

Here lies a Myte

Not worth a Cec.

[Page]

On a wicked fellow called P. Godsoll. Epita. 51.

LOrd! that men should read, or say,

Here lies God-sole turn'd to Clay:

Yet, sith she was no soule of God,

He turn'd too wel, when he turn'd Clod.

Of one Woorth that died Lowsie, hauing had a good lyuing; but spent it leawdly. Epit. 52.

HEre lies Woorth

Of little price;

And, so foorth;

The rest is Lice.

On one Elizabeth Butter a faire maide. Epitaph. 53.

HEre lies sweete Butter turn'd to Grasse,

To make sweete Butter as it was.

On one I. Cheese, an old Leatcher. Epitaph. 53.

HEre lies old Cheese, who doth not know it,

Aske but the Grubs, and they will shew it.

[Page]

On one P. Cocke, a rich foole, who gaue much money by wil, to make him a faire Tombe. Epit. 56.

HEre lies a Cocke, he mist the Combe

Hardly, to haue with Wise men Roome:

But now he is dead, it doth appeare,

He's proud of his owne dunghill here.

On a common Drunkard call'd Man. Epitaph. 56.

CAn yee thinke it? if yee can,

Then here lies a Beast-like Man.

On one call'd Iaques. Epitaph. 57.

FIe out vp on't, spue, spit, and cough;

A I [...]kes here lieth: Mary, fough!

On one Wit, whose mother died with his birth; a contentious fellow. Epitaph. 58.

COme a long, and Nothing by:

For, Wit bought deerely, here doth lie:

That's good for nothing; then be glad,

That good for nought, may here be had.

[Page]

On the Cripple, who stole the weather-cocke of Paules. Epitaph. 59.

HEre lies the Cripple,

That stole Paules-weather-cocke,

From that high Steeple

By night, at Twelue a Clocke:

If now he could flye here

(As then) past his fellowes,

Yet he would lie here,

He would climbe to the Gallowes.

On one called Holyday a great gamester kill'd playing at Primero. Epitaph. 60.

HEre lies gaming Holyday,

VVho wan his greatest R [...]st by play:

For, at Primero, in his Brest,

He got a Stab, that wan this Rest.

Vpon one Denis who slu [...] one in a Tennis-court about the difference of a Chase. Epitaph. 61.

HEre lies one Denis

That plaide well at Tenis;

But as the Line he crost,

It him so intangled,

That him it strangled:

So, his Time Set, he lost.

[Page]

On one Gold, a great Dicer. Epit. 62.

HEre lies Gold, that past at Dice;

Yet be it told, to know the price:

And for it went so light away,

It shalbe spent, here, Night and Day.

O [...] No-body, as he is fancied & set foorth in picture. Epitaph. 63.

BOdy of me here lies No-body.

That is▪ Nothing, like a Noddy:

Then, the shortest Epitaph

F [...]ts him best that no place hath.

On a double fellow, ill composed. Epit. 64.

HEre lies one double in his Graue:

For, he was still a Foole, and Knaue.

On a skiruy fellow, enriched by a Queene. Epit. 65.

HEre lies a Scab

Made by a Drab.

On a Vserer. Egitaph.

HEre still lieth Ten pur Cent:

In Deaths house, and payes no rent:

[Page]Then its like he lends to Death,

On this Free-hold, his dearest Breath▪

On one Norman, an ill man. 66.

WIthin this Graue, heere lies, alone,

Nor-man, nor Beast; but both in one.

On one Maister Linder, that was burnt by a Drab: and thereof dyed. 67.

HEre lies lusty Linder:

But it is cleere,

Had he not linde her,

Hee had not layne heere.

On a most intollerable curst Wife. 68.

IF it be true, as I heare tell,

Some affirme the Graue is Hell:

And if Hell bee, then, so neere,

The veriest Diuill of Hell lies heere.

On one that lou'd Sacke as his Soule. 69.

REader, blesse thee, if afear'd,

The Spirit of Sack lyes heere inter'd.

[Page]

On one Loue a Gold-finder alias a Iakes-Farmer. 77.

IF yee can smell,

Then draw ye neere:

And you'l soone tell

Who lyeth heere.

On a tall Coward. 78.

FAith sir no; it is not so:

Then who lies heere you cannot know;

Yet was a Man exceeding tall,

And yet he was no man at all!

By one Shockman hangd in chaines on a Hill. 79.

HEere st [...]ll sleepes Shockman,

On this heauy Hill:

Yet [...]en Death doth rock-man,

He wags, sleeping still.

On a, Ban [...]ero [...]pt that liu'd (till he died) long in Ludgate, oft begging in the Hole. 80.

NOne can tell who lyeth heere

Sith he neuer did appeare:

[Page]For; he liu'd and dide in Warde;

So, nere was seene but often heard.

§

§

To my Worthily much honored M. Richard Martin, learned in the Lawes, Arts, and Langu [...]ges.

MArten, the Bird, the Beast, the Man in grace;

Haue all three, three peculiar dearest things:

The Bird for taking time of Time and Place:

The Beast for his rich Case ▪ the Case of Kings;

And thou, the Man, for thy high Wit and Worth,

So, Man, Beast, Bird, A Marten thus sets forth.

To my Noble and euer best beloued Pupill, Captaine Henry Maynwarring.

THough last I place thee (noble Pupill) I

Haue reason for't. Wil't know the Mistery?

Thou shalt, next heau'n, be last in mind with me

At last, when I to Heau'n shall Vsher Thée.

What said I? Heau'n do Captaines climbe so hie?

Yes, thou shalt doo't, sith thou so oft did'st buy

Freedome for Christians; (Slaues to Turkes;) and so

Thou [...]bd'st thy meanes with grace: if sin did slow.

[Page]

The conclusion.

NOw Halla, here, my merry Muse,

No longer Time and Rime abuse;

And sith to both, thou hast don scath,

This shalbe thine Epitaph.

HEre lies a Muse (was made by Nine)

That drunken was with Wit, not Wine:

And yet the Bowells of her Wit

Being too full of Trash vnfit.

Here, like a Fart, doth let it flie,

More for hi [...] ease, than honesty.

FINIS.

On Banning.

BE [...] as bee may; no Banning is: Oh no;

Banning's a blessing: and I'le take it so.

An excuse for Faults escapt in Printing by reason my Occasions would not permit me to looke to the Presse.

[Page]

WHen Printing first was borne (it seems) it had

This curse with it; That it should beare no Book

But it, with Falts, should make the Father sad,

Then Reader to the Faults vouchsafe to looke:

And mend, or make them worse; all's one to me,

They be not mine; but theirs that, now, o're see.

Information about this book

Title statement

VVits bedlam ----vvhere is had, whipping-cheer, to cure the mad.

Davies, John, 1565?-1618.

Edition statement

1617

Publication

Publisher

Text Creation Partnership,

Place of publication

Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) :

Date

2003-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

ID [DLPS]

A19912

ID [STC]

STC 6343

ID [STC]

ESTC S105201

ID [EEBO-CITATION]

99840930

ID [PROQUEST]

99840930

ID [VID]

5474

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This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal. The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission.

Series

Early English books online.

Notes

(EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A19912)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 5474)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1134:23)

Source

— VVits bedlam ----vvhere is had, whipping-cheer, to cure the mad., Davies, John, 1565?-1618..

Extent

[176] p.

Printed by G. Eld, and are to be sould by Iames Dauies, at the Red Crosse nere Fleete-streete Conduit,. At London :: 1617.. (By John Davies.) (Epigrams; in verse.) (Signatures: A-L.) (The final leaf contains an apology for errors.) (Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.)

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