The exposition of the Paradox.

AS in all others, so in this Paradox, the words carry a strange sense, and seeme to import a meere contrariety and vntruth: For (according to the word) how can it bee, that one hauing lit­tle, should be rich? and another much, should be poore? Wherefore wee must seeke another, and more secret meaning; knowing that euery Para­dox hath both an outward and inward sense. The one (as I may terme it) superficicall, the o­ther essentiall; the one left to the gazing of fools, with admiration; the other to the wise, with deepe consideration: The one to the eye and outward appearance onely, the other to the in­ward [Page 3] sense and iudgement. For my promised breuities sake (omitting many) I will speake only of three things, with their appurtenances; where­in our then wise Fathers, did greatly differ from vs, now fooles. These three which haue turned things vpside down, and strangely altered our e­state, are suits of law, suits of apparell, and drun­kennesse; which being well considered, with matters subsequent, it will appeare, that these three foule staines in our faire common-wealth, doe plainely lay open, and proue the inward truth of my Paradox: for, to speake first in gene­rall; Our Fathers in apparell were very plaine, drunkennesse was abhorred, & as it is a most base trade, so vsed onely of the most base, and some few of the very abiect sort. They did not ambiti­ously striue to get that which they could not compasse, to borrow that which they could not repay, neither to contend for euerie trifle in law, which at this day are causes of infinite suits: but liuing quietly and neighbourly with that they had, they were euer rich, able to giue and lend freely. But now (on the contrary, our rents being generally fiue times as much as our Fa­thers receiued for the same land) the idle and senselesse expences of senselesse drunkards, the outragious charge of suits in law, the monstrous prodigality in apparell, maketh vs (seeming great and rich in outward shew) to be full of care, trou­ble, euer needie, and very beggarly: For, by these three meanes wee striue to seeme kings, but contend indeed who shall be first beggars; so [Page 4] that the old Prouerbe is in this age most truly ve­rified; Stultorum plena sunt omnia, The world is full of fooles. Now of these three particularly; and first

Of Drunkennesse.

THis most monstrous vice is thus defined. Ebrietas est priuatio motus recti & intellectus, Drunkennesse is the priuation of orderly motion and vnderstanding. This definition agreeth in part with that which Galen hath, lib. 30. de locis affectis, of naturall folly, which is, Stultitia est a­missio intellectus, Folly is the losse of vnderstan­ding: and another saith, it is absentia intellectus, the absence or want of vnderstanding: But I neede not stand much about the definition of drunkennesse, or to shew what it is: For (with griefe I speake it) the Tauernes, Alehoufes, and the verie streetes are so full of drunkards, in all parts of this kingdome, that by the sight of them it is better knowne what this detestable and odi­ous vice is, than by anie definition whatsoeuer. God hath made all things for man, hath made him ruler and gouernour ouer all; which office that he may the better performe, hee hath giuen him reason (a most diuine thing, and precious iewell) to gouerne his actions, whereby he farre excelleth all other creatures. This is well com­pared to a Carpenters Rule: for without a Rule the Carpenter can neuer orderly compose his worke; but euery part will bee out of frame: so [Page 5] these drunkards (hauing expelled reason, that most excellent rule) are in farre worse case than bruite beasts; for they haue neither reason nor nature to direct them, but shew themselues either fooles or mad men, as they are formerly defi­ned. I would to God, they would consider how many murders haue been, and daily are commit­ted by drunkards; so that some of them are killed and taken away in the middest of their wicked­nesse; others hanged, loosing lands and goods, to the ouerthrow of their houses. This sinne is (in a word) in it selfe damnable, and the very path-way leading to all other wickednesse what­soeuer. Inter alia, hoc me mirificè excruciat, quòd Academiae nostrae morbo hoc pernicioso laborare di­cuntur: nam fontes si inficiantur, riui omnes non nisi aquam putidam praebere poterint. But (still mind­full of my promised breuitie) I will onely set downe notes (as it were) or short speeches of drunkards & drunkennesse, and so take my leaue of that wherewith I was neuer acquainted.

I reade of one brought vp from his infancy in a wildernesse, at last comming to a citie, and see­ing a drunken man going vp & downe the streets, vse clamorous and outragious words, farre from reason, in his gate staggering, and in all his acti­ons foolish and rude, asked what creature that was, being so like in shape to a man, and no man.

Another seeing one come drunke out of a Ta­uerne, falling downe in the streete, and vomiting vp in great abundance the wine with which hee had ouercharged his stomacke, said, Look, look, [Page 6] I will shew you a strange sight; This man hath in this sort vomited many goodly Lordships, and great treasure, left him by his father; and now he hath neither wealth, nor wit, but is a beggar and a besotted foole.

It is written, that one comming into a place where many were drunke, one of them offered him a full cup; to whom hee said, there was poi­son in it, or worse than poison: for it hath bereft you all of your wits and vnderstanding. I will none, I thanke you.

One seeing a man extreamely drunk, and still drinking excessiuely, said, Alasse, let him drinke no more. To whom another answered, Let him drinke still, for he is good for nothing else; and it is not fit for a man to liue, that is good for no­thing.

They that force others to drunkennes [...], are like stinking sinkes, which receiue all filthy and loathsome things, and therewith infect others.

One being asked, what hee thought of a man often drunke, said, He is a peece of ground good for nothing, which bringeth forth nothing but weedes.

A drunken man sleeping soundly, one said, It is pitty he should euer wake; for now hee doth no harme, but when he is awake he is euer speaking or doing something that is naught.

I haue heard, that in Spaine if one be drunke, his oath in neuer after to be taken before a Iudge.

A Philosopher hearing one brag of his great drinking (as many do in these daies) said, my Mule [Page 7] doth farre excell thee in that vertue.

It were very fit that drunkards, hauing lands, should bee made wards, of what age soeuer: for they are not able to gouern themselues nor their liuings, more than children.

Sentences of wise men, touching Drunkennesse and Drunkards.

COmes ebrietatis paupertas, Beggarie is the companion of drunkennesse.

Qui fiunt crebrò ebrij, cit ò senescunt, They that are often drunke, are quickly old.

Nulla fides ebrio danda, nec huic negotium com­mittendum, There is no trust to bee giuen to a drunkard, neither any businesse to be committed to him.

Ebrietas contentiosa, Drunkennesse is full of quarrells.

Ebrietas somes libidinis, Drunkennesse is fuell for filthy lust.

Ebriost Psittacorum more modo loquuntur, Drun­kards speake but like Parrets.

Vino repletus, vinum habet, seipsum non habet, He that is full of wine, hath wine, himselfe hee hath not.

Ebrietas dulce venenum, Drunkennesse is a plea­sant poison.

Nescit ebrietas vel imperare, vel parere, Drun­kennesse knoweth neither to gouerne, nor to bee gouerned.

Vbiebrietas, ibi sola fortuna; vbi sola fortuna, [Page 8] ibi nulla sapientia dominatur, Where drunkennesse is, there onely fortune; where onely fortune is, there no wisedome doth beare rule.

Ebriosus semper in praecipiti stat, A drunkard standeth alwaies as it were in a place ready to breake his necke.

Ebrium noliconsulere, Neuer aske counsell of a drunkard.

Ebrietas non minor quàm insania, sed breuior, Drunkennesse is no lesse than madnesse, but shor­ter.

So haue you heard, what the wisest men long since haue said of this filthy vice, and the vicious followers of the same.

To conclude, I wish all drunkards to read this, euery morning as soone as they rise, that thereby they may be perswaded to reformation that day; and to remember how greatly that beast-like and loathsome sinne hurteth the soule, the body, the purse, and the name or reputation. It is in it selfe so odious & detestable before God, and all ciuill men; that, as one saying, Loe, yonder is a cruell Lyon; which words cause a man presently to flie and shift away: so if I had but named drunken­nesse, that onely word should bee a sufficient per­swasion for wise men to auoide the same. For the Lyon is not so dangerous, who killeth onely the body, as drunkennesse which killeth body and soule.

Of the excessiue abuse in apparrell.

THere are professors of a rare and strange art or science, who are named Proportionaries; but seldome set to worke. If you deliuer one of these a bone of your Grand-fathers little finger, hee will by that finde the proportion of all his bones, and tell you to an inch how tall a man your Grand-father was: So I herein mind to vse some of their skill; for seeing it is an infinite mat­ter, sigillatim to write of all the peeuish, childish, and more than foolish costly ornaments now v­sed (especially being obiect to euery mans sight) I will onely take the head with the neck, and by these, tell you what proportion all the rest of the body holdeth, downe to the lowest part of the foote. I saw a complete Gentleman of late, whose Beuer-hat cost xxxvii.s. a feather xx.s. the hatband iij.li. and his ten double Ruffe iiij.li. thus the head and necke onely were furnished, and that but of one suite, for ix.li.xvii.s. Now taking the proportion of the brauery for the rest of the body; the cloak lined with veluet, daubed ouer with gold lace two fingers broad, the sattin doublet and hose in like sort decked, the silke stockings, with costly garters hanging downe to the small of the legge, the Spanish shooes with glittering roses, the girdell and Steletto; I leaue it to those that herein know more than I, and can speake of greater brauery than this, to cast vp the totall summe: wherein also (as an appurtenant) [Page 10] they may remember his Mistris suted at his charge, and cast vp both summes in one. But on the contrary, I obserued but 60. yeares since, ge­nerally a man full as good or better in ability than this complete, lusty looking lad, whose hat and band cost but v.s. and his ruffe but xii d. at the most. So you see the difference of these summes; the one ix.li.xvii.s. the other vi.s. Then after this proportion, the whole attire of the one, cost aboue 30. times as much as the attire of the other: forget not also that the one lasteth three times as long as the other; subiect to change, as fashions change. There is another appurtenant to this guilded folly; for if his Mistris say it doth not become him, or if the fashion change, that suit is presently left off, and another bought. I will not forget, but touch a little the foolish and costly fashion of changing fashions, noted espe­cially, and obiected against our English nation; and in one onely thing (I meane the hat) I will expresse our prodigious folly in all the rest. Of late the broad brimmd hat came suddainely in fa­shion, and put all other out of countenance and request; and happy were they that could get them soonest, and be first seene in that fashion: so that a computation being made, there is at the least 300000. li. or much more, in England one­ly bestowed in broad brimmd hats, within one yeare and an halfe. As for others, either Beuer or Felts, they were on the suddaine of no recko­ning at all: in so much, that my selfe (still conti­nuing one fashion) I bought a Beuer hat for v.s. [Page 11] which the yeare before could not bee had vnder 30. s. The like, or more may be said of the change from plain to double ruffes: But if you wil see the effect of these follies, & what lamentable estate it bringeth many vnto; go to the Kings bench-pri­son, to the Fleet, to the Counters, and like places; where you shall finde many that in golden glitte­ring brauery haue shined like the Sunne, but now (their patrimonies and all being spent, and they in debt) their Sun is eclipsed, and they rest there in very miserable case, be wailing their vaine, and more than childish course of life; and some of them call to minde how they haue heard, that their fore-fathers (on that liuing, which they haue in lewd sort spent, and disinherited their fa­mily of for euer) liued bountifully, quietly, plea­santly, and (as I may truly say) like Kings in their little kingdomes: They seldome or neuer went to London, they did not striue for greatnesse, they did not long for their neighbours land, neither sold of their owne, but (keeping good hospitali­tie, and plainely euer attired were very rich. Well, if the hat alone, and in so short a time hath put England to that charge, by change of fashion onely: what hath Lawnes, Cambrickes, Silkes, Sattins, Veluets, and the rest done, and change of fashion in them? I will deliuer you my opinion (out of my loue to my Countrey, and desire of reformation) and leaue it to the cor­rection of the wiser. The money which is most superfluously bestowed in apparrell in this little Iland, is thought able to maintaine a Nauy to [Page 12] command the sea-forces of all our neighbours bordering on the narrow seas, of Spain, & of the Pirats, & all others in the mediterranean sea. How far they further may shew their force in the sea leading to Constantinople, I will not take vpon me to iudge. Yet one other effect these Peacockes feathers (in this guilded, not golden age) wor­keth: The most part of the Gentry of this king­dome, are so farre in the Vsurers bookes, by their ouerreaching heads to climb to greatnesse, and they and their wiues to exceed their neighbours in brauery and place, that they liue in continuall care, and like fishes in nets, the more they striue to get out, the faster they hang. I could bring ma­nie sentences of the wise & learned against these vaine, peeuish, childish, thriftlesse, and painted fooles, as I did against drunkards; but I will on­ly tell you an old tale, and so conclude this part. A Kinght named Young, a man of an excel­lent mother wit, verie pleasant, and full of de­lightfull and merry speech, was commended to our late Soueraign, Queen Elizabeth, who caused him to be brought to her, tooke great pleasure to talke with him, and amongst other things she as­ked him how he liked a company of braue La­dies that were in her presence? He answered, as I like my siluer haired conies at home; the cases are farre better than the bodies. These our named Gallants are well compared to such conies, and are deceiued much, to thinke they better their re­putation by their brauery: for many, euen ordi­nary Tailors in London, are in their Silkes, Sat­tins, [Page 13] & Veluets, as well as they: And in Italy eue­ry base ordinary black-smith doth exceed on the Sabbath day and other holy daies, or equall the brauest of them. I wish them therefore to com­pare the sweet Country with the vnsauoury Lon­don, wherein they are most resident, which is the cause of great expence, in brauery, in gaming, drinking, resorting to plaies, brothell houses, and many other great follies: and I dare say, they shall finde more true pleasure in one yeare, liuing like their fore-fathers in the Countrey, than in twenty liuing in London.

Touching suits in Law.

HErein I must beare an euen hand, and speake nothing that shall giue iust cause of offence; yet verit as non culpanda.

In our law proceedings, I finde (in my simple iudgement, euer subiect to the correction of the wiser) sundry inconueniences. The first is, that although they haue in their law a Maxime, De minimis non curat lex, yet they admit euery tri­fling action for gaine; euen of such poore cli­ents also, as haue scarcely bread to giue their chil­dren: wherein oftentimes is more spent, than thrice the value of that they striue for.

I heard of two men, who fell at variance about an hiue of bees, and went to law, vntill he that had spent least, had spent 500. li.

I heard also of two brethren, who contended in Chancery for a chaine of gold worth 60. li. [Page 14] The elder (being Executor) kept the chaine; the yonguer had proofe, that his father said often in his life time, that the chaine should be his: The suit proceeded, vntill they had spent aboue an 100. li. And on a day being both at the Chance­rie barre, they touched one another; and the elder brother desired to speak with the yonguer, and said, Brother, you see how these men feed on vs, and wee are as neere an end of our cause, as when wee first began: come and dine with mee, and I will giue you the one halfe of the chaine, and keep the other, and so end this endlesse cause. And I pray you let vs both make much of this wit so dearly bought. Thus was this cause ended.

There was a Widow and a Gentleman that contended for a seate in the Church, at the ciuill Law; and this Gentleman talking of his suit for his seate, protested that it had cost him so great a summe, as that (for the credit of these Courts) I am loth to name. One wondering thereat, hee said, it was most true; and said further, They haue spun mee at length like a twine thread: and named the number of Courts he had beene twi­sted in, and the strange number of chargeable commissions which passed between them. Thus you see the old saying true; If you goe to law for a nut, the Lawyers will cracke it, giue each of you halfe the shell, and chop vp the kernell themselues.

There is a thing which long since happened in France, very memorable, touching the endlesse causes in the ciuill law. A stranger hauing sold [Page 15] great store of Marchandise there, and not paied, entred suit against his debtors, wherein he spent more than his debts came vnto: and thereupon greatly perplexed, especially seeing no likeli­hood of an end of his suits or obtaining his debts; hee went to the King, and said, I haue a great complaint against one in your kingdome, and I humbly desire you to heare mee patiently: The King said, tell me against whom, I will ve­ry patiently and willingly heare thee. My Lord (said he) it is against your selfe: Against me, said the King, how so? whatsoeuer it be, speake it freely, and feare nothing: Whereupon the Mer­chant told him, that he did suffer most intolera­ble, costly, and tedious courses in the procee­dings of Law in his kingdome (which is there onely the ciuill Law) and such as I thinke, will neuer haue end as long as the Clients haue mo­ney to giue the Lawyers; and told him withall, of all his proceedings. Well, said the wise King, I will first see thee fully satisfied, and then reforme this foule abuse: And presently thereupon did take such excellent order for the quicke and iust end of causes, that his subiects did name him, Pa­ter patriae; and he was so admired, and so heartily loued of them, as (I thinke) neuer King was be­fore or since.

I could speake further of two citizens of Lon­don, who fell out for the kicking of a dog, and went so long to law, vntill their bookes could not bee contained in two bufhell bagges. This cause thus standing without shew of end, our [Page 16] late gracious Soueraigne Queene Elizabeth cau­sed to be arbitrated. I could speak of many more like vain and trifling suits, which, as little springs, first creepe out at the foot of an hill, and by long running grow to be great riuers: but these shall suffice, Quia in infinitis instare, infinitum.

I haue heard a very laudable order in Spaine: There are appointed certain men called Iusticers, which are dispersed ouer the whole kingdome; euery one limited to certaine Parishes, in which he hath authority to heare complaints of misde­meanours, and trifling quarrels, and to punish of­fenders, eyther by fine (whereof he hath part, & the King the rest) or corporall punishment, as hee seeth good; and to end also causes for trifling debts, and other matters (being of no great mo­ment) whatsoeuer, without suit: Wheras in Eng­land there are an infinite number of suits tolera­ted for words, for the least blow, for cattell brea­king into ground, for trifling debts, and such like: so that if one haue but x.s. owing him, nay, v.s. or lesse, he cannot haue it but by suit in law, in some petty Court, where it will cost 30. or 40. s. charge of suit. But to end this Chapter, I could wish that our Iustices by commission, were authorised to sit in seuerall parts, to which they dwell neerest, and before any suit bee brought, the plaintife should shew his cause of complaint, and thereupon if it were for title of much land, or matter of great moment, he should be suffered to proceed in law; but if otherwise, they should determine it themselues, or referre it to others, as [Page 17] (the persons and causes considered) they thought good, and likewise to punish misdemeanours: which would breed great peace in this land, and preuent the vtter vndoing of many.

A second inconuenience.

THis is the multiplicity of Atturnies at the common Law of Chancery, vnder-clerks, and many petty-foggers, dwelling and dispersed ouer all this kingdome, which may well be com­pared to such as stand with quaile-pipes, euer cal­ling the poore silly bird into the net.

I heard it credibly reported, that few yeares since, there were not aboue two or three Attur­nies in the Ile of Wight, and not many more cau­ses or suits in law; but now there is (said the re­porter) at the least 60. and many more suits in law. The reason he added, was this; If any be an­gry with his neighbour, he hath one of these rea­dy and neer at hand, to whom hee openeth his griefe: who is also as ready, presently to set him on for his owne gaine; telling him his cause is cleere, and he shall neuer wag his foote, but hee will doe all for him, and fetch his aduersary a­bout well enough. On the contrary, the other hath one as ready to tell him, how well hee will defend his cause. So these two enter combat, and when both are weary, then neighbours end the cause: and to that end (for the most part) come all suits of England. How much better then were it, at the first to commit causes to neighbours? for [Page 18] no causes seldome haue so good end by law, as by neighbours: Iniquissima pax, iustissimo bello an­teferenda.

The third is motions made in the Courts, especially in the Chancery.

THere are some Councellors, who will in their motions report whatsoeuer their client telleth them, be it true or false; and these are well said to haue voces venales, that is, to bee such as that for mony you may haue them tell what tale you will. These also abuse the Courts, and cause diuers Orders to bee made by their false sugge­stions, which make suits very tedious, and more costly: Insomuch that about Orders onely, there is oftentimes more money and time spent, than ought to bee about the whole substance of the cause.

The fourth.

THis is the great fees which Councellors take, whereby the clients are much impouerished: For they (not looking into their consciences, what they deserue, or how hardly their client (perhaps poore) may spare it) take all that comes, and are like gulfes without bottome, neuer full. And further, if you haue a day of triall, or hearing, and see your Councellor, although he be absent and doe you no good, yet he swalloweth your fee as good booty. There is a remedy by law for exces­siue [Page 19] fees (as I haue heard) but it taketh no good effect.

The fift.

THis is making long bills in the English Courts, full of matter impertinent, from the fulnesse of their malice, to put the defendant to greater charge. These men are often in like sort requited, and beaten with their owne rods: wherefore I compare them to one that will put out one of his owne eies, to doe his enemy the like harme: I wish that such a man may pay well for his folly to his enemy.

The sixt.

THis is especially in the English Courts also, where the vnder-clerkes with their large margents, with their great distance betweene their lines, with protraction of words, and with their many dashes and slashes put in places of words, lay their greedinesse open to the whole world: and I haue heard many say, that they are as men voide of all conscience, not caring how they get mony, so they haue it; and that with as good a conscience they may take a purse by the high way, but not with so little danger, and that is all the difference. I did see an answer to a bill of 40. of their sheetes, which coppied out, was brought to 6. sheetes, in which coppy there was very sufficient margent left, and good difference between the lines. Hereby euery man may see [Page 20] how infinitely by the abuse of petty-clerks, (the Court of Chancery swelling, & ready to burst with causes, the Star-chamber and the rest) the whole kingdome is robbed as it were: For that coppy which should haue cost but 4. s. cost 4. no­bles. There was one presented our late worthy Lady and Queen, Elizabeth, with a peece of paper no bigger than a penny, whereon was written the Pater noster, the Creed, and a praier for her. Now I wish that all such Clerkes should be apprentices awhile to such a Scribe; for so falling from one extreame to another, they may bee brought to a meane: But as for the higher Clerkes and offi­cers, they would faine haue this foule and vncon­scionable fault amended, because it maketh no­thing for their profit.

The seuenth.

THis last that I will speake of, but not the last, yet least by many, is touching Interrogato­ries and examinations of witnesses. There are many that set downe vaine and friuolous Inter­rogatories, nothing at all to the matter in questi­on, and thereupon cause many to bee examined, whose testimony maketh nothing to any purpose, neither is euer read or heard, but onely causeth long, tedious, needlesse, and costly books, to the grieuance & excessiue charge of the subiect. Thus haue I (as it were) onely nominated seuen incon­ueniences, to perswade men to peace, and to end at home such quarrells as arise, without great vexation of mind, without great trouble of bo­die, [Page 21] in riding, and running, and without excessiue expences. All which, together with neglect of all businesse, doe necessarily follow suits and con­trouersies in Law: Ictus piscator dixit. As for ma­ny others which are greater, and whereof the last Parliament began to speak, with intent to reform the same, I will say nothing. But these seuen motes I desire to bee picked out of their long gownes.

So haue I briefly (without our new borne inke­pot termes) deliuered to the view of the world, my Paradox and exposition thereof, with hope to perswade some of the wiser sort to auoid drun­kennesse, excesse in apparrell, and controuersies in law, with matters subsequent; which are three of the most common, costly, and offensiue euils now raigning: That by their example, others may learne to liue a ciuill, plaine, quiet, and con­tented life, whereby seeming poore, they shall be rich; whereas others bestowing much in feasting and drunkennesse, brauing it out with a glorious outside only, and painted apparell, liuing in con­trouersie, and sparing no large fees, or great bribes to ouercome their aduersaries, seeme only to be rich, but are indeed very beggarly. Where­fore I conclude as I begun, Our Fathers were rich with little, and we beggars with much: For wee vse our much ill, and they vsed their little well.