THree speciall Motiues, besides the suggestion of the Spirit of God in my owne soule priuately, haue enforced mee to this publique de­claring my selfe.

First, because my Acts haue bin committed before the face of Heauen, and in the eye of the World, I cannot thinke, but I am bound in conscience to giue satisfaction to the offended world; that it may bee as well a witnesse of my serious and most humble repentance, as it hath bin a Spectator of those crimes which haue iustly vpbrayded my condemnation before the Tribunals both of God and Man. Verily, me thinkes, I am like a Leper in the Congregation, whom euery one will shunne, nay, [Page] who is bound to say to others; Come not neere mee, for I am vncleane. Euery eye that looketh on mee is a Dart to wound me with the remembrance of mine owne guiltinesse, euery finger doth or may point at me, as a man forlorne of men. So vncleane, so despi­cable shall I remayne, till I publish and proclaime my vncleannesse. Surely, there will bee no rest in my bones by reason of my sinne, vntill I haue doubled the confession of my sinne. I owe a dutie of submis­sion, not onely to God himselfe, whose deepest curse I haue deserued, but also to his Church and people, whom I haue grieuously scandalized. Nay, I owe a reparation to my owne lost credit. Hath some deed of mine beene in the fowlest colours blazed to the world in print? So may, perhaps, my printed Con­trition redeeme my reputation from those obloquies it is almost buried in, as well as my neere dead soule hath internally receiued a new life from the mercifull breath of God, inspiring into it all compunction and iust sorrow that may preuent his eternall Iudgement.

Secondly, that since I haue beene deeply branded with shame of the world outwardly, and with the terrors of God, and scourge of conscience inwardly, my example may be a dreadfull thunderclap of war­ning and affright to all, presuming and perseuering Sinners, whom the hand of God will surely finde out, and deeply wound with the Darts of his ven­geance.

Lastly, and chiefly, that by this Discourse of mine, the world may see the power and goodnesse of the Almighty, that hath not forsakē me when I fled from him and my selfe, but hath euen then powred on me [Page] the freshest Balme of his mercies, when the wounds of my soule festered and stunke most, giuing mee leaue to surfet on sinne, that I might lothe it; to dye my hands in bloud, that I might seeke the bloud of Christ to purifie mee; and to wallow in sensualitie and securitie, that my true repentance at last might lodge me safe in the repose of a quiet conscience. Let it not therefore seeme tedious to thee, charitable and compassionate Reader, to suruey my Anatomy thus by my selfe disected, of which I will not leaue one small veine or sinew vndiscouered; but from my first, to this day, truly and ingeniously without extenua­ting partialitie, lest so I should seeme to cherish, not abandon mine owne corruption; I will relate how miserable I haue made my selfe in what I haue beene, how much recollected and reuiued I am, in what I now am; and how happy I hope to bee, in what I re­solue to perseuer in, till the consummation of my wretched life.

First, my youth and morning of my dayes was clouded with a stubborne and head-strong disobedi­ence to my Parents, the first and worst note of a des­perate and obstinate sinner; to whom I so much for­got my owne dutie, that all their indulgence to mee, I valued as their duties; their Councels were diseases to my courses, their Monitions were irksome to my eares, because enemies of my ryots, and their gentle chastizements the Contradictors of my lasciuiousnes; so that euen then before I knew what it was to bee, I had made my selfe nothing, and which is worse vn­sensible of any thing; their cares still followed mee, and still my stubbornesse fled from them, to heape [Page] the hotter coales vpon my head. Little did I regard that which most behooued me to learne and practise: The feare of the Lord is the beginning of Wisedome, Prou. 1. 7, 8, 9. but Fooles despise instruction. My sonne heare the instruction of thy Father, and forsake not the Law of thy Mother: For they shall bee an ornament vnto thy head and chaines about thy necke.

Vpon this foundation of my disobedience, the Deuill began to build a Mansion for himselfe to in­habite, and so grew my soule a Cage of vncleane Birds, wherein many foule sinnes were bred, and grew to such strength, that I was mastered by them: One Impietie begat another, yet still I thought my selfe not sufficiently flesht in wickednesse, till I defa­ced the Image of God, first in my owne soule, by ha­tred and reuengefull malice; then in anothers body, by homicide. O frightfull remembrance! O the deep sting, O the dismall sound of this crying sinne! Wret­ched man that I am. Was it not hainous enough for mee to kill a man, but I must by my fury bee put on such a one, whose Coat and qualitie added many de­grees to the foulenesse of the Murther; a Minister of Gods Word, mine owne Pastor and Watchman of my soule, Master William Storr, Master in Arts, who being a zealous detester of my lewd courses, and both in priuate and publike vsing sharpe reprehensions to me and of mee, did thereby kindle in mee an hatred, not of mine owne lewdnesse, but of his person? I might perhaps by way of extenuation say, that had he vsed greater words and milder reprehensions to me, he might by Gods blessing haue plucked me out of the snare of Satan, and so had preuented this [Page] shortning his owne dayes by my hand. I might say that my distemper was enraged by his vnseasonable corrosiues, which might perhaps haue beene allayed and cured by gentle Balmes. But I vtterly disauow all abating any part of my crime: I stand forth here to accuse, to arraigne, and to condemne my selfe, not to vse defences or mitigations, much lesse like to our first parents to put off my fault, and lay it vpon o­thers: Nay, I dare not so much as catch at Fig-leaues to couer my owne shame. I proclayme my worst de­formities, that others seeing them and hating them, may now pitty my person▪ and comfort my soule.

Being thus enraged against him, and resoluing to execute some notable reuenge vpon him; I did not (as the Searcher of all hearts witnesseth with me) in­tend more to him then some slight wounding, as the manner I tooke him in may in some sort witnesse: the place being publike in the sight of many, my selfe vnreadie, and vnprouided for my owne safetie by flight, which I should haue ordered my coursefor, had my intent beene murtherous.

But here it pleased God in his iust iudgement, for my hardnesse of heart and contempt of his Word and Commandements, to giue ouer my hand to wound deeper then my heart intended. Woe is mee, my heart bleedeth to thinke, how deepe my Sword pierced. The enemy of Mankinde was a Murtherer from the beginning, he gat such dominion ouer me, that he made my Sword and hand his Seruants, and so made me like vnto himselfe, a bloudy Man-slayer. So must I needes acknowledge my selfe, because my heart, though not before so intending, yet as princi­pall [Page] is guiltie of that which my hand did in the heate of fury. True it is, and alas, woe is mee for it, I gaue him diuers wounds, whereof within eight dayes hee dyed, yeelding vp that soule which iustly craued for vengeance vpon me for disseuering it from the bodie. This done, I retyred and saued my selfe by flight withall conueniencie I could, & with a resolution to recouer Scotland, after many dangerous escapes I attayned to Barwicke; where I was for the fact appre­hended; and from thence (though it were a Garrison obserued with all strictnesse) I made a strange escape, and thence ouer-land I went towards Plimmouth, in which passage, though I auoyded all the way-layings to preuent me, at Warwicke I was questioned in sus­spition of a Robbery, but for that my innocence could not be frighted, though still the guilt of the o­ther fact pursued mee, but neyther so retyred or safe was I, that my being freed from the hand of Iustice, could either free my bodie from Gods Iudgement, or my minde from fearing it, carrying euer with mee a distressed conscience, that like a troubed Sea tossed me to and fro, yet neuer so left by Gods mercy, that I had not euer a true and sensible feeling of what I had done, though my distractions directed mee not a course which way to redeeme my selfe; the horrour of my fact and despaire fighting against mee on the one side, my viewing and considering of Gods mer­cies opposing that on the other, till thus in the fol­lowing dangers and calamities of my life, which af­ter I shall shew, God hath by threatning me with vn­heard dangers, alwayes following mee, and yet neuer hurting, as if his Prouidence would not leaue one houre [Page] of mine to such securitie, as might make me presume that he had forgotten to punish me, longer then I re­membred to be mindfull of my sinnes, and renew my Repentance for them.

My selfe, with my load of sinne and guiltinesse, being thus then from Dartmouth, shipt in a Vessell bound for Saint Malo [...]s in France, Almightie God knowing the corruption of my nature, lest I should forget his power and my selfe, in this seeming safetie of myne, commanded the Winds and Seas to warre against our poore Barke, which prouoked a more fearfull tempest within me, then could bee threatned without, though wee spent our mayne Mast by the board; for then I began to remember that excellent saying of the Psalmist, Whither shall I goe from thy spi­rit? Psal. 139. 7, [...]. or whither shall I flye from thy presence? Let me take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the vttermost parts of the Sea▪ yet thither shall thine hand leade me, and thy right hand hold me, &c.

Then much more then before, my conscience wak'd my sleeping soule, and the wounds I had made were bleeding before mee; in this danger God vouchsafed vs his mercy, and set vs safe on shore in the Ile of Garnsey; there should I againe haue beene examined (as vsually Passengers are) to giue account what I was, and whither I would, and so in likelihood should haue bin discouered. But this I shifted off by getting into a small Boate: and so vnknowne, I passed from Garnsey into France, to the Roades, and so to Roane, where I liued about sixe monethes; being at length exposed to as much miserie, as perplexitie could lay on a friendlesse Stranger in an vnknowne Land. These sufferings still brought me home to my [Page] selfe, and neerer to God, in the true acknowledge­ment of my vild fact; and his mercy in the extremest wracke of my want; see the Prouidence of God my still Preseruer. Three ships of the States came to Ca­lice to receiue mony, lent by the States to the French King; with whom like a restlesse man, being at that present releeued with mony by my Father, I shipt my selfe, and from Rotterdam I came to Delphe, where Sir Francis Vere entertayned me a Gentleman of his Company; during my aboad in that seruice, I recei­ued continuall sollicitings for my amendment, re­pentance, and comfort from one Master Trigg of Longledenham in Lincolnshire a godly Preacher, whose daily Letters quickened and seconded that good worke the Lord had already begun in me. My Father had by this time, being the yeare 1603. pro­cured my Pardon, and sent for me home, for which I was no sooner shipt; but still obserue how God followed me with mercy, and threatning iudgement; lest my pardon from my Prince, should make mee carelesse of his better forgiuenesse, and negligent in the begging it. The Seas must againe swell as angry to beare my sinnes, and as if all these dangers of Rockes and Seas had bin to little, our Tempest bea­ten Vessell must bee chased by a Dunkarker Man of Warre, so that their was no hope left to saue vs from these dangers, but his Omnipotent hand, which safe­ly from all these deliuered mee once againe on En­glish ground.

Scarce was I entertayned at home, but least still I should nestle my selfe in a secure slumber, another affliction arose to endanger mee. The wife of the [Page] slaine sueth an Appeale against me, notwithstanding my Pardon, against which her Plea, by reason of some error in the forme of it, I obtayned a defence or defeate, called, Ne recipiatur: yet after this was, my Pardon questioned at the Bench of Assise for about fiue yeares together, the Iudges of that Circuit still binding me ouer, and refusing to giue allowance to it: Which I acknowledge (though it were Summum lus against mee) yet that it was very honourably and Iudge-like done of them, in so notorious a Crime as mine. As also his Maiestie himselfe, by whose extra­ordinary grace I enioy my breath, was in point of Iustice very willing that some defect, if possible, might haue beene found in my pardon, and so should I haue vndergone the iust stroke of the Law: which not only others, but euen my selfe wondered how I could escape. Thus the terrours of deserued death were still knocking at the doores of my eares and heart.

In all which troubled time, new prouocations were daily offered me, whereby I was in danger to draw more bloud vpon me, or make my selfe vncapable of my pardon; all which things God suffered mee to be temped with, but not to fall into, in the meane while, my Father was taken away from my troubles, and out of this World, I resolued to haue gone a­gaine out of this Land; in which time I hoped with my earnest Repentance, to obtayne forgiuenesse from my God, and a new acceptance at my returne into the bosome of my offended Countrey: but the Appeale beeing crossed, and finding my Pardon firme, I altered that determination, and prayed [Page] to God to blesse me with a Wife, with whom I might in an honest life weare out my dayes, and retyre my selfe to God and the setling of my conscience. To this end I solicited a Gentlewoman, in which suite of mine, many dangers layed siege to me, and by the most meanes that euer man did; I scaped the depri­uing of my life, by foure men which assaulted mee with Halberts, and grieuously wounded me; running mee thorow the body, and giuing mee grieuous wounds.

How iust, O Lord, had it beene that I, by whose hand the life of a man was spilt, should haue beene made a due Sacrifice though not to Iustice, which if I escaped, vet to reuenge, which I deserued: Yet though left for dead by this assault, it pleased God to preserue my life: I hope to my further repentance, and his better seruice.

This done, my Pardon yet wanted allowance by Sir Peter Warberton, who enforced me publikely to submit my selfe to the Church, and so in the Conuo­cation house before my Lords Grace of Canterburie, and the rest of the Reuerend Bishops and Cleargie in the Parliament time; I did acknowldge my fault, and gaue testimonie of my Contrition and Repentance, and made a true profession of my Religion; and then the said worthy Iudge and Iudge Wamsley, gaue al­lowance to my Pardon.

Thus freed from the externall punishment of the Law, and my minde thereby the better setled for my inward content; I bestowed my selfe in Marriage, in which God gaue mee the blessing of a Father in my Posterity, and thus retyred my ciuill life, woue mee [Page] againe into the opinion of my Countrey, and con­uersation of the Ministerie, from which, before my Fact had iustly excommunicated me; Master Doctor Hooke, now Archdeacon of Yorke, then entertay­ning me a Soiourner in his house, with my Wife and Family; he and other Ministers of those parts affor­ding me their conference, comforts and societie. Yet lest my past troubles and vexations of bodie and minde, should foolishly make mee hope; that I had made an ample satisfaction to God and the World, the Omnipotent Power had destined a new tryall for me; and in the midst of my seeming peace, I must be exposed to a Warre almost as fearefull as the first, as if by doing new mischiefes, I should only bee made capable of satisfying for the olde, or by losing my selfe againe, I should thus bee found the second time my first Repentance insufficiently perfected.

My occasions drawing me to Grantham, vnhappi­ly, I encountred with one Master Riggs, a man vrged by his owne rashnesse (as I conceiue it) to seeke his owne fall by my hand, that I being made the luck­lesse instrument of his death, might then truely see that God was not at attonement with my soule for the first, when he permitted me to be a Destroyer of a second: vnmoued by any occasion of mine, grosly, and strangely, three or foure seuerall times he heaped iniuries vpon me, beyond the temper of any humane sufferance, vnlesse, in those with whom the Spirit of God had more residence then yet it had with mee, nor satisfied with this but he must needs pursue me, though auoiding him and in my way home assaulted me with his Sword, of whom I receiued hurts; but [Page] in conclusion, by me hee fell; his wound being drest, the Surgeons warranted life, but the worke of the Lord is beyond the imagination of likelihood, or the fraile apprehension of weake man: It was otherwise for my greater punishment determined by him: but on the assurance of his Dressers; I was bayled, and when the newes of his death came vnlookt for, I was perswaded to flye, which for these two causes I vtterly refused. First, and principally, I knew & had before tryed that I could not flye from the wrath of God, though I were couered with Mountaines, or hid in the Caues of the Earth; and therefore rather desired (if so it pleased him to accept of my poore life as a Sacrifice for the bloud I had spilt) willingly, and patiently to lay my selfe on the blocke of death. Secondly, my Wife and innocent Children, must needs haue beene by my flight exposed to all ill suf­ferings for my guilt; my Wife widdowed and com­fortlesse; my Children Fatherlesse and destitute, and my estate which my stay might saue for them thus confiscated. For these causes, was I apprehended, and in a moment rauisht from all I delighted in, hauing nothing left to feed on but my Despayre, had not God sent mee inward comfort, no companion, but miserable and afflicted thoughts, no house to dwell in but a Prison and no Comforter; (I mean outward) but Iobes, the skorne and reproch of all my Frinds, and Acquaintance. In this miserable Exigent, I ar­raigned my soule, which still had nothing to pleade, but guiltie, a hopelesse Plea; so that had not my still preseruing God, who though I forsooke him, ne­uer yet forsooke mee, sent mee infinite comforts and [Page] assurances by two daily visiting godly Ministers, Ma­ster Buddle, and Master Atkinson, I should there I feare, haue proued my owne Executioner, and haue dyed despayring. By their good meanes, I beganne with a liuely faith to lay hold on the merits of Christ, and rest my wearie, sicke and staggering soule vpon his Crosse.

Master Buddle neuer leauing mee, the time of Im­prisonment and Irons. For which the Lord giue to him, and all my iust and mercifull Friends, mercie to his and their houses, as Paul prayed for Onesiphorus who was not ashamed of my chaines, and neuer left mee till he had remoued from mee a desperate opini­on I was falling into, that God hated mee from the beginning, euery thing beeing so crosse to mee from my birth, in which hee satisfied mee, that it was for sinne: and that God hated none but for sinne, of which, if I repented, and truely turned to God, I should finde God his fauour towards me, and that these afflictions would be good for me.

New troubles yet (behold) assayled me, and now the Lord began to visit me euery way as in my selfe, so in what was neerest and dearest vnto mee, my only Child for whose meanes of liuing, I had exposed my selfe to the stroke of death, was touched by the an­grie hand of God (hopelesse of recouerie) his wret­ched Mother weeping, the Bell tolling, his Graue prepared, and which was a doubler of my torment, my selfe like a condemned Gally Slaue, led in Irons to see his departure. The grieuousnesse of this spec­tacle strooke a sudden amazement into me, and then I beganne earnestly, and faithfully to beseech God [Page] not to lay my sinnes on the head of my innocent Child, but to turne his mercifull face towards him, howsoeuer his diuine Iustice intended to dispose of me; My gracious God heard me, and past and beyond all earthly hope and meane; in an instant restored him to health.

Now the time of my tryall for Master Riggs came, where though my Iudge was seuere in respect of my past life; and not trusting the vnder-Sherife, did him­selfe choose out a Iury of men of the better fashion to iudge vpon mee without partiality, yet vpon the Euidence of my auoyding him, I was not found guil­tie of Murther, charged vpon me in the Indictment, but of an inferiour degree. At which time being ad­iudged without bayle to suffer a yeares imprison­ment, I felt againe the hand of God vpon mee by vi­siting my said Sonne in a strange manner, that all men might take this for a terrible note of his Iudgement, and rather then accidentall or naturall disease, hee was crippled and taken lame in all his limbes, and de­formed in all proportion, as if the Lord had in him figured the lamenesse and deformitie of his Fathers soule. About 4. yeares this continued on him & then God in his good time restored him to perfect health and abilitie of bodie, leauing mee this vse of all his Iudgements which haue threatned mee and mine, that like an Indulgent Father [...]e hath still shaken the Rod ouer mee, but not layed it on me; that I might feare to offend him because I see his power; and loue and seeke him because I taste his mercies.

My freedome at the yeares end, purchased I had not, yet in all these sufferings buried the old man so [Page] much in me, as that there remayned not to much of him in my corruption, (notwithstanding all these extreames) most of my Estate I sold to satisfie such engagements as my troubles had pawned me in, the surplus of which, I dedicated not (I confesse) that pious way I ought either in setling my then vnsetled selfe in any honest Calling, or conuerting my left stock to good imployment, but borrowing too much libertie from Gods mercie, I gaue my selfe to my Pleasures, which I called lawfull Recreations, though in themselues not vnlawfull, being mode­rately vsed, yet surely very much vnbeseeming such a Penitent as I was, or ought to haue beene; and as if this had bin nothing, I went farre further; and put my money out to Vsury; for which, my Curse was to be vtterly cheated of the most of it, because God in his infinite goodnesse saw, that whilst I had any thing left to feed my vanities withall, I could not be made wholy and fully his.

Thus hauing disposed my selfe of all wayes and power to liue and maintayne my Family heere, I be­gan to lay this to my selfe, that God had deseruedly and iustly taken from mee all that I was Master of, and to prayse him for so gentle a chastizement, and that now it lay vpon mee by inuocating his blessing, and endeuouring my selfe in any course (how diffi­cult soeuer) to leaue something by my labours pur­chast for my Wife and Children, since my sinnes had made them destitute, neuer despayring, but that it might please God to preserue mee, and fully to pro­uide for me; to this intent I was an earnest Suitor a­bout the Court, to some Acquaintance of my wiues; [Page] only for imployment, forreigne or domesticall, such as their discretions should Iudge mee fit for▪ In this Court-hope, I languisht long, till my necessities strai­ned my patience, euery course failing mee, on which I built. At last no way was left mee, but to ship my selfe for Argeares in the last Fleete; depending still on the mercy of God, and resoluing to serue faith­fully and resolutely in all such actions my Comman­der should impose on me.

In a Ship called the Vaunt-gard, Vice-Admirall of the Fleete, I was appointed by the Generall to the Commaund of Sir Richard Hawkins, a Gentleman, from whom I receiued noble respect, and worthy fauours; yet God that would not yet possesse me of any certaine quiet either in Friends or Fortunes, though my resolution were fixt to all Conformitie, and my desires wholly dedicated to the redeeming my lost Credit with some good Action, still exagita­ted my Companions with secret heart-burnings a­gainst mee, and for the Lord was angry with me, to whom could I be acceptable; he being at warre with me, from whence should I expect peace, these my e­nemies, by daily prouokings on purpose to tempt me so farre that my fury might forfeit my life, and make me forget my selfe and God: that had not my wise Captaine preuented it, by giuing mee leaue to depart home, I am afraid, I had confiscated my life to Marshall Law, and heapt more bloud vpon my sinne-drenched Soule. Thus was I depriued of all the comforts I resolued of, and forced thus to re­turne home, rather as it may be thought with an ad­dition of shame, then Garland of Honour; for God [Page] knew how good soeuer to my selfe this course see­med, it was not fit for me, neither was the time of my peace yet come.

In a Ship called the Marigold of London, I was by my Captaine prouided for to come home, when in the very Roade of Malaga, in the face of the Fleet, and beginning of our Voyage wee had like to haue perished, had not the Lord againe extended his mer­cie. Two other English Ships hoysing sayle with vs, our Ship was foule of another Ship which lay at Anchor in the Roade, and when she should haue loof­fed, shee fell the contrary way, as seeming vnwilling to venter her selfe at Sea with so heauy a burthen as I was charged with; the Sea was exceeding high, nor could the ship worke, being euer foule of one Ship or another, and in spight of all art and labour could be by the Mariners imployed shee would to shoare, as if she desired to spew me out of her sicke bowels; and had she not in midst of all these dangers by the letting fall of an Anchor beene stopped, shee had in­euitably split vpon a Rocke that was then menacing her. Away were our Companions gone to Sea, and we thus left, then began I to feare, least the Sea-men should lay all this mis-aduenture on me, and prayed feruently that the Lord would not that way punish me, but for his mercie sake deliuer vs. With much la­bour and more feare, at length we put to Sea, where we had not long beene, but on this side the Straites of Gibiralter, when we were almost past feare; still the Iudgement of God pursued me, lest I should for­get: Fiue Turkes men of Warre bore vp with vs; and like the feare of these, the Sea had none; to resist we [Page] were vnable, though wee addressed our selues for fight, and to be taken Slaues to Infidels and Vassals, to the common enemies of Christ, oh what can cru­eltie more deuise to punish with; or the trembling heart of deiected man more feare to suffer vnder! Yet from this gaping mischiefe the Lord prouided an vnexpected deliuerie, for those which are by nature the deuourers of men, prooued our Deliuerers. Two Lions we had aboard vs, which they knew sent from Argears a Present to our King, for which cause in all likelihood they left vs without spoyling, that present intimating a League of Amitie betwixt our Nation and their Towne; this I applyed to my soule, and confest the wonderfull Workes of God.

Parted thus from the Turkes, all the rest of our time at Sea till we made Land, was for the most part frighted with all the hideous feares that salt Region is full of, so that I suspected my selfe still, and applyed all to mine owne heart, as well the dangers as deliue­rances; assuring my selfe, that such iudgements could follownone but mee, and such redemptions none but such the Lord had reserued for some good Worke.

At Deale I landed, and in my way to Chatham, as I was hastily comming out of the hyred Coach which I came in; my Sword suddenly fell out with the point vp, nor could I stop my selfe: but violently with all my weight I fell vpon it; yet the Lord tur­ned the harme from mee, and betwixt my arme and bodie it slided: of which escape, then and now I make this vse; that though I had scaped the threat­nings of the Seas, the furie of the Turkes; my selfe had that about mee the Lord could destroy me with, [Page] in my greatest securitie, which had I perisht in, would haue prooued the fearefullest of all that euer threat­ned. That I by whose vnhappy Sword, two before had fallen, should now after the Law was appeased, and all my recited dangers scaped, be exposed to an exemplary and wretched end vpon my owne Weapon, for in the vnlikeliest meanes, more horror still aggrauates the iudgement.

THus my Life hath beene an heauie burthen to mee, continually pressing mee downe. And although in my youth, I was truely taught the true and sound Religion, how to feare, honour and serue God; in so much that I durst not presume to runne wilfully into sin, or to liue and continue in sinne without Repentance: Yet so farre at length the subtilties of Satan, the al­lurements and pleasures of the World, mine owne naturall frailties, and my want of Temperance and Iudgement preuailed and ouer-mastered mee; that I presumed of the name of Faith, and of Gods Mer­cies towards me, and gloried in mine owne estate and condition while I compared my selfe with some o­thers, whom I perceiued so much to neglect God, as that they only vsed Policie, and made Religion one­ly [Page] a Cloake; and I blinde and miserable wretch so presumptuously thrust my selfe on Gods mercies, without regard to Gods Lawes.

So from hence haue proceeded all other euils and mischiefes which haue befallen me. Hence it is that I haue so fearefully fallen, and so grieuously and hay­nously sinned against God, committing these outra­gious sinnes which I would not haue committed for the sauing of my life, and for the expiating and ran­soming of which, after that I had acted and com­mitted them, I would willingly haue giuen my life, if it could haue beene accepted for a satisfaction. And God, for these my sinnes, giuing me ouer; I wa­sted my Estate by Suites, not abating myne expences as my Estate wasted: whereby I see plainly that Gods heauie and dreadfull hand hath haunted and pursued me not only for my cruell and bloudy sinne commit­ted vpon Master Storr, but also for my other sinnes and transgressions which I haue committed, some­times presuming too much, and sometimes despay­ring of Gods mercie. So that now being as it were, brought to the stake, and as a miserable distressed man put vpon the Racke; I am inwardly forced to make confession of my sinnes, open profession of my desires, purposes and resolutions, and giue account of my Religion before Almightie God and the World.

I doe see and obserue Gods fearefull Iudgements vpon all notorious Sinners from Adam vntill this present Age, not onely testified and recorded in the holy Scriptures and in prophane Histories, as for ex­ample vpon Cain, Saul, Achitophel, Iudas, Herod, [Page] and cruell Nero, and such like; but euen also daily executed before our eyes, as vpon Varney, Dansecar, Percie, Catesby, Wright, and all such Murtherers, Traytors, Pirats, Theeues, and vniust persons.

Sir Francis Varney an Englishman borne, and li­uing here in Sensualitie vntill he had spent his Estate, went to Sea, and became Pirate. And falling in at Argears, and there for some small time remayning, hee fell in loue with a Whore or Prostitute, but shee being subtile, would not incline to him without mar­riage; nor marrie vnlesse he would forsake his profes­sion of Christ and turne Turke. Hee inraged with Lust after this Whore (became Turke) and presently marryed her, which hee no sooner had done, but a Dogge, which Dogge before wayted on him and loued him; assaulted and fell vpon him suddenly, most Lion or Tygre-like, as though hee would in­stantly haue deuoured him: but being rescued, yet the Dogge in that rage tore the Calues of his legges. And yet a further iudgement fell vpon this Varney, for (albeit the Turkes for some small time, gaue him command and office) in the end they cashiered him, and being taken by the Spaniard, iudged him to the Gallies, where he wrought as a Slaue, vntill he dyed most miserably.

Danseker a Dutchman being a Pirate at Argears, though he turned not Turke, yet hee was as it is re­ported, murdered by them of Argears priuately.

An Heathenish Pagan, Infidell, or Atheist, I am not: Neither am I of the Romish Religion, though (I confesse) there are many carnall reasons which do perswade me to imbrace and put in practice some of [Page] their Opinions and Doctrines, as praying to Saints; because I hold my selfe vnworthy to pray to God Almightie, Purgatory that I might haue an end of torment, and not remayne vnder eternall wrath and Vengeance in Hell: Merit or satisfaction by Fryerly austeritie.

For such as I whose conscience is burthened, are held fit to be new moulded and tutored in their Mo­nasteries, and set vpon strange and hideous Exploits, for redemption of themselues, and good of that Church. Besides, I haue had many fauors & courtesies from some noble and zealous persons of that Religi­on, the losse of which I doe willingly sustaine for this mine open profession. Yea, being by Gods heauie iudgements plunged into the depth of extremities, I haue beene beholding to some of the learned among them, and can now, if my conscience would suffer me, be entertayned among them, either into their Cloy­sters, or for the Warres; and be esteemed and suffici­ently relieued with necessaries: whereas I am now neglected by mine owne Nation, who all seeme to verifie in me that saying of DAVID, God hath forsa­ken him, pursue and take him. And though all this be come vpon mee, yet, I professe, I doe not encline to beleeue the Romish Doctrines of the Masse, Tran­substantiation, Merit, Iustification by Workes, and such like. I acknowledge that all the glorie of our saluation is due to God, who worketh all in all. And to our Lord Iesus Christ we owe all the thankes, who by his owne sufferings, and with his most precious bloud hath satisfied the Law, pacified Gods wrath, payd our debt and ransome, and cancelled the bond.

[Page]And if they of mine owne Religion here in this Church of England should vtterly refuse me, forsake and cast mee off, yet will I still holde this opinion, and thus reuerently esteeme, thinke, and speake of this Church and Religion, and will choose rather to liue in concontinuall penury, then to be of another minde: For I am sure, this Religion is that which is taught in Gods holy Word, and therefore I must needs beleeue it; As for the doctrine of the Church of Rome, I could neuer find comfort in it, only in that which they deny to Lay-men, that is, the reading of the Scriptures do I find true ground of cōsolation.

True it is, that simple and vnstable men may abuse their reading of the Scriptures vnto errour, and by Gods gracious promises therein recorded, may take occasion to presume and trust too much to their own Faith and Gods Mercies: But this ought not to make vs disclayme or to neglect the daily reading of Gods sacred Word; for there is no meanes like to this so powerfull, to keepe men from committing of sinne; nor after sinne committed, to vphold them from fal­ling into finall Desperation.

For my part, I haue desired as much as any Sinner that euer was, the content of this Worlds base sinfull Pleasures, Ryot, Vain-glory, Reuenge, Excesse in Prodigalitie, and the like: But these crosses and ca­lamities befalling me. The reading of the Scriptures accompanied with the sweet Conference and Com­fortable Letters of mercifull learned men, who haue dealt with me those wayes in England, and by wri­ting to me into the Low Countries, (among whom I cannot omit to name with reuerence and thankfull [Page] acknowledgement, Master Trigg, Master Buddle, Master Crashaw, and of late at Lambith, Master Do­ctor Goad▪ and Master Doctor Featly, &c. vnto whom I haue sued as the woman did to Christ, euen for Crummes falling from our Sauiours Table) haue most powerfully opened mine eyes, and enlightened myne heart and soule to see, seele, and taste Gods Iudgements and Mercies, myne owne sinnes and transgressions, the peace of conscience, the difference of Sinners penitent and impenitent. Cain, Saul, Achi­tophel, and Iudas, their despayre; and the confession and repentance of Dauid, Peter, and the rest of Gods Saints.

Seeing Dauid that great anointed King and all the renowned Seruants of God, haue confessed their bloud guiltinesse and other foule sinnes, and haue re­pented of them, and openly exclaymed against them: Shall I a wretch not worthy to be named among the meanest of all deiected Sinners, thinke it a shame to me, and blush to confesse my sinnes, and openly to publish my griefe and repentance? Especially (seeing) now all the World; Learned Men, Gods Messengers, Friends, Enemies, the Troubles and Miseries which I haue sustayned, the peace and torment of Consci­ence which I haue felt, doe prouoke mee, teach mee, driue me to confesse my sinnes and offences, offen­ding and transgressing the Lawes of God.

I here (therefore) in bitternesse of soule, con­fesse my faults, and cry out against all my sinnes com­mitted from my birth to this present, from Master Storr his bloud; to euery hurt and wrong which I haue done to any, in deed, word, or thought: not [Page] onely for my crueltie and reuenge done to men, but for that I haue since also thought it lawfull to defend my selfe with Sword, contrary to the Lawes of God, when I might perhaps better haue done it by other meanes.

It wounds me to think of my blasphemous oaths vttered in passion and distemper. My disobedience to my Parents, my excesse, my drinking of healthes, my prodigalitie: yea, my eating and drinking of more then to suffice nature, and my feeding of Hor­ses, and Dogges with mans food, such as many good Christians wanted; expecting of the blessing for my faith without workes, and for beleeuing without li­uing of a sanctified life, or truly following of a law­full calling; my open and secret sinnes, my many motions to sinne, and too much yeelding to Satans subtilties and mine owne imperfections, vaine and light disposition, pronenesse to Anger, Pleasure, Distrust, Despayre, my presumption when God shewed any miraculous deliuerance, or any mercie to my soule, bodie or estate.

All these are as a terrible Armie of so many dead­ly foes, and like so many Swords and Speares entring into my heart and soule. When I consider with my selfe mine owne vncertaine condition, how when I haue thought my selfe safe and sure, I haue found im­mediately that I haue beene most vncertaine and in greatest danger; and when in greatest danger, by Gods helpe and power most secure; how in euery pleasure and calamitie I haue found a baite, and in e­uery baite an hooke; and that though for the space of ten yeares last, I haue had a resolution not to sinne [Page] with purpose; but rater to dye: yet by myne owne weaknesse and wilfulnesse in passion, I haue fallen in­to so innumerable and so abominable sins, and haue as it were trampled vnder foote the bloud of the Son of God, and returned like the Dogge to his vomit, and like the Swine to the myre, by my continuall falling; repenting from the bottome of my heart, for all and euery sinne which I haue committed from my birth, to this moment.

And vpon the knees of my heart, doe with such humble desire and affection, as the difference requi­reth betweene the Mightie and Almightie Comman­der of Heauen, Earth, and Sea; and mee one of the greatest Sinners in the World, a wretched vile worme of no reputation: yea, with as seruent and vehement importunitie as euer any Thiefe did craue pardon, or childe mercy and forgiuenesse, do I begge and sue for pardon of God the Father of our Lord Iesus Christ, the seer of the secrets of all hearts, for his mercies sake, whose mercies are ouer all his workes, whose mercie preuayleth and reioyceth a­gainst his iustice, and whose louing kindnesse lasteth for euer.

Vpon his promises made vnto vs in his holy word, doe I build all my hope and confidence, euen such as these following: viz. That though our sinnes bee as Crimson or Scarlet, he will make them white as Snow, Esay 1. 1 [...]. or Wooll. That at what time soeuer a Sinner doth re­pent, he will put out all his iniquites; that if they would turn from their wickednesse, and do righteousnesse, they shall not dye but liue, That he hath Balme of Gilead to heale the weake and sicke. Also vpon these promises [Page] of our Lord Iesus, God equall with his Father, who saith, Come vnto me all ye that trauell and bee heauie Mat. 25. laden, and I will ease you, &c. His disgraces, reproches, troubles, teares, sighes, grones, thornes, skornes, whipping, spitting vpon, beating, stripes, sweating, nayling, hanging, wounding, bleeding out his heart­bloud, Passion, Death, Resurrection, and Ascension are so many Salues and Medicines to cure my blee­ding soule. His bloud speaketh better things then the bloud of ABEL, and the cry thereof ouercommeth the voice of Master Stors bloud, and of all other my loud crying sinnes which call to Heauen for venge­ance. And therefore with this his bloud which hath satisfied for all temporall and eternall punishments, doe I come sprinkled before God, and for the price and satisfaction made by this bloud, do I cry for mer­cie, mercie, and earnestly desire grace to liue hereaf­ter an holy and righteous life. I am a Christian and a penitent Sinner: how can I despaire or doubt of sal­uation, knowing Gods infinite Mercie and Truth? that he is not onely a God of Mercy readie to pardon but also a God of Truth, who will truly fulfill his word and promise of pardon; vpon mens true Re­pentance, as of iustice in punishing them, who persist in sinnes committed. Why should I bee afraid to touch the hemme of my Sauiours garment; seeing his promises are made vnto mee, his satisfaction for me, and for such Sinners as I am, he did vndergoe all his sufferings, from the pricke of the Thorne to the wound with the Speare; from his first groane, to his last act of passion, his graue and buriall to his Resur­rection and Ascension into Glory? Mee, thinkes, [Page] those blessed words of the Apostle are spoken not onely to me, but of mee; Iesus Christ came into the World to saue Sinners, of whom I am the chiefe. Can I repenting doubt? Can I being a Christian bee so base as to bee ashamed to confesse the Faith of our Lord Iesus Christ. Can I haue more content, or ayme at more then to be a Christian Conuert and a true Pe­nitent, seeing there is no higher honour in the world to bee aymed at, no glory comparable to bee a true Christian? Can disgrace, pouertie, calamitie, height, or depth, life or death, sinne or the Deuill daunt me? They cannot, they cannot, for I finde God a light to mee in the midst of darknesse, and a refreshing com­fort in all calamities. In so much that when I am in the deepest despayre for my sinnes, in the greatest a­gonies and horrours of conscience and most bitter passions, thinking with my selfe what an Estate I once had, and how poore I am now? How I was valued, now despised, how they who esteemed mee liuing in sinne, doe now refuse mee repenting of my sinne.

What great cause of discomfort it is to me, that I cannot nor am able to haue the breeding, or to en­ioy the sight of my Children being Infants, for whom I would suffer death, hauing no refuge but to bee a Souldier or serue: yet still euen when I am thus deiected, and cast downe as low as sinne, misery, and the Deuill can cast me downe: I doe not let goe my hold, but doe cleaue to God and am vpholden by him continually.

When it is manifest that none of these things can tempt and allure me eyther to remoue my Religion [Page] which I professe, or to forsake my Lord Iesus Christ whom I should forsake and forgoe, if I should re­solue to liue in Theft, Piracie or any other sinne: That I haue time to publish this I am fully satisfied my soule is at rest: I am lesse carefull of my life a thousand times, not desperately but humbly yeel­ding my selfe to God; if I starue, perish, dye by the Sword, bee taken captiue by the Turke, and liue a most miserable Slaue all my dayes: Yea, come wo­full life or shamefull death I will trust in God though he kill me, and will neuer flye from him.

And here (I professe) and protest before God and the World, that as I haue dishonoured God, stayned my selfe with bloud in a most vile and abominable manner, and defiled the honour of Religion to the great scandall and offence of many: So I doe now with all my heart desire, if I may be thought worthy, and haue a due calling thereunto, to stand with my Sword in my hand, and to expose my selfe to the greatest dangers in the World; in the most bloudie Battels, Fire or Sword, where God may shew extra­ordinarie Mercie or Iudgement, in the defence of the Gospell and of true Christian Religion. And as I haue basely slaine a Minister of Gods Word, so in defence of the men of God, the faithfull Ministers of his Word in this Church of England, I may in any breach or danger interpose my selfe euen betweene them and death, and defie and withstand all their E­nemies, or any other wayes yeeld my selfe to Gods Iudgements, Tryals, Corrections, and Directions, in a Vocation how low and meane soeuer, and neuer turne Capuchine, or take vpon mee any Popish and [Page] Superstitious Vow and profession of austeritie which is a fit refuge for Cowards, Cains and Iudasses.

Though my sins are innumerable and abomina­ble which still hang fast on me, and cleaue as rust vnto my corrupt nature: yet I haue the Balme of Gilead, the bloud of Iesus Christ; the mercie of God, and the Diuine Power of Heauen to counteruaile them all. Yea, I haue many markes and tokens of Gods grace giuen to me, and of his mercy shewed towards me which doe much refresh my soule.

As first, that I aske and sue for mercie at no other power, but at the hand of God for our Lord Iesus Christs sake, and so in the right way to the Fountaine of Life.

Secondly, That I find great content and comfort in wrastling against flesh and bloud, and all myne owne corruptions, and in maintayning to the Deuils face my Religion, Faith, Hope, Repentance.

Thirdly, That I hold my certaine and resolute de­termination, as an armour against his fiery Darts, and doe still lay fast and sure hold on our Lord Iesus Christ, hoping to perseuer and hold out to the end.

Fourthly, That I haue peace of conscience more then the World is worth, which if I neuer had tasted nor knowne but were as an Heathen or Turke, I should with the World (holding that for bloud, ven­geance must haunt without Redemption, and so be­ing frighted with Furies vnknowne and endlesse) grow desperate, and like Varney and Dansekar, dye with bloudie content in reuenge, or prosecute till death Piracie or Theft, to mitigate my endlesse tor­menting miseries, and to leaue my Children an E­state, [Page] though neuer so vniustly got.

Fiftly, That I cannot be brought to deny Christ, or to doubt that there is a Christ, nor be pulled from beleeuing in Christ, and hope to bee saued through him, by the Deuill, nor all my sinnes, if I had all the sinnes in the World vpon me.

Sixtly, That I am deliuered from the danger and infection of the Romish Religion. For if I were of that Religion, I would attempt any sinfull course, as Theft or Piracie to releeue my wants in hope of Par­don, Penance or Purgatorie, (for no punishment should terrifie me, let it bee whatsoeuer it could bee, euen Purgatorie it selfe, so it might haue end I would willingly endure it, if so be it might procure me par­don, and vnder that condition grant mee libertie to sinne) I should with them of that Religion hold that Iustice must bee satisfied necessarily vpon Sinners in this World, and that by our owne bodily sufferings, sinne must bee expiated, and there is no auoyding it. And so I would seeke by voluntary earthly punish­ment in this life to satisfie Iustice, by turning Pil­grime or Capuchine.

Yea, I am assured that our Lord Iesus hath satis­fied for all punishments of vengeance both tempo­rall and eternall, though I haue endured or should hereafter vndergoe all miseries and calamities, and e­uen a most bitter and painfull death, yet I doe not account them any satisfaction or expiation, my bloud cannot satisfie for bloud; I may if God should so dispose, haue a bloudie end, as a iust re­ward of my sinne, I cannot deny it: but what can sa­tisfie to iustifie? Surely none of mine owne misera­ble [Page] calamities can make any part of satisfaction, that is a thing which I vtterly disclayme; onely the bloud and satisfaction of Iesus Christ is that on which I doe lay hold and relye by Faith for Iustification.

Yet because not onely the Maiestie of God hath beene deeply offended by my haynous transgressi­ons, but also his Church greatly scandalized, and the mindes of my graue Fathers and deare Brethren in Christ no lesse deeply wounded in their compassion for him that dyed by my hand, then himselfe was in his passion and bodily dissolution, whose many wounds bleed a fresh in my eyes and memorie: I pro­fesse my selfe readie and willing to endure whatsoe­uer other humiliation this blessed Church hath or shall impose vpon mee, for the further assurance of my satisfaction to her, which may in some sort suite with the depth of my offence against her and her Children.

Verily as I abhorre Popish satisfaction, deroga­ting from the merits of Christs bloud, so I with o­thers more learned then my selfe; wish that the an­cient Discipline of the Primitiue sincere Church were more throughly reuiued in euery scandalous crime by publike confession, submission and satis­faction to the Christian Congregation. Wherein my self desire as much to go beyond others in my humi­liation, as I haue exceeded all in my presumptuous transgressions. With offensiue, but penitent Ecebo­lius, in the Ecclesiasticall History, I say of my selfe; Cast me out, tread vpon me for vnsauourie Salt.