THE DESCRIPTION OF THE SCAENE.

THe first thing that presented it selfe to the sight, was a rich Ornament, that enclosed the Scaene; in the upper part of which, were great branches of Foliage growing out of leaves and huskes, with a Coronice at the top; and in the midst was placed a large Compartiment composed of Groteske worke, wherein were Harpies with wings and Lyons clawes, and their hinder parts converted into leaves and branches: over all was a broken Frontispice, wrought with scrowles and masque heads of Children; and within this a Table adorn'd with a lesser Com­partiment, with this Inscription, COELVM BRITANNICVM. The two sides of this Ornament were thus ordered: First from the ground arose a square Basement, and on the Plinth stood a great vaze of gold, richly enchased, and beautified with Sculptures of great Releine, with frutages hanging from the upper-part: At the foot of this sate two youths naked, in their naturall colours; each of these with one arme supported the Vaze; on the co­ver of which stood two young women in Draperies, arme in arme; the one figuring the [Page 210] glory of Princes, and the other Mansuetude: their other armes bore up an Ovall, in which, to the Kings Majesty was this Im­prese, A Lyon with an Imperiall Crowne on his head; the word, Animum sub pectore forti: On the other side was the like Composition, but the designe of the Figures varied; and in the Oval on the top, being borne up by Nobility and Fecundity, was this Imprese to the Queens Majesty, A Lilly growing with branches and leaves, and three lesser Lillies springing out of the Stemme; the Word, Semper inclita Vir­tus: All this Ornament was heightned with Gold, and for the Invention, and various composition was the newest and most gracious that hath beene done in this place.

The Curtaine was watchet, and a pale yellow in paines, which flying up on the sudden, dis­covered the Scaene, representing old Arches, old Palaces, decayed wals, parts of Temples, Theaters, Basilita's and Therme, with confused heaps of broken Columnes, Bases, Coronices and Statues, lying as under-ground, and altoge­ther resembling the ruines of some great Citie of the ancient Romans, or civiliz'd Brittaines. This strange prospect detayn'd the eyes of the Spe­ctators sometime, when to a loud Musick Mer­cury descends; on the upper part of his Cha­riot stands a Cocke in action of crowing: his habit was a Coat of flame colour girt to him, and a white Mantle trimm'd with gold and silver; upon his head a wreath with small fals of [Page 211] white Feathers, a Caduseus in his hand, and wings at his heeles: being come to the ground he dismounts, and goes up to the State.

BY your leave, Mortals. Gooden Cozen Her­mes, your pardon good my Lord Ambassa­dour: [Page 214] I found the tables of your Armes and Titles, in every Inne betwixt this and Olympus, where your present expedition is registred, your nine thousandth nine hundred ninety ninth Legation. I cannot reach the policy why your Master breeds so few States-men, it suits not with his dignity that in the whole Empyraeum there should not bee a god fit to send on these honourable errands but your selfe, who are not yet so carefull of his honour as your owne, as might become your quality, when you are iti­nerant: the Hosts upon the high-way cry out with open mouth upon you for supporting pil­fery in your traine; which, though as you are the god of petty Larcinry, you might protect, yet you know it is directly against the new or­ders, and opposes the Reformation in Diame­ter.

Peace Rayler, bridle your licentious tongue.

And let this Presence teach you modesty.

Let it if it can; in the meane time I will acquaint it with my condition. Know, (gay people) that though your Poets who en­joy by Patent a particular privilege to draw down any of the Deities from Twelf-night till Shrove-tuesday, at what time there is annually a most familiar enter-course betweene the two Courts, have as yet never invited me to these Solemnities, yet it shall appeare by my intru­sion this night, that I am a very considerable Person upon these occasions, and may most [Page 215] properly assist at such entertainements. My name is Momus. ap-Somnus-ap-Erebus-aep-Cha­os-ap-Demorgorgon-ap-Eternity. My Offices and Titles are, The Supreme Theomastix, Hupercrittique of manners, Protonotarie of abuses, Arch-Informer, Dilator Generall, Vni­versall Calumniator, Eternall Plaintiffe, and perpetuall Foreman of the Grand Inquest. My privileges are an ubiquitary, circumambulatory, speculatory, interrogatory, redargutory immu­nity over all the privy lodgings, behind hang­ings, doores, curtaines, through key-holes, chinkes, windowes, about all Veneriall Lob­bies, Skon [...]es or Redoubts, though it be to the surprize of a perdu Page or Chambermaid, in, and at all Courts of civill and criminall judica­ture, all Counsels, Consultations, and Parlamen­tary Assemblies, where though I am but a Wool­sacke god, and have no vote in the sanction of new lawes, I have yet a Praerogative of wrest­ing the old to any whatsoever interpretation, whether it be to the behoofe, or prejudice, of Iupiter his Crowne and Dignity, for, or against the Rights of either house of Patrician or Plebeian gods. My naturall qualities are to make Iove frowne, Iuno powt, Mars chafe, Venus blush, Vulcan glow, Saturne quake; Cyn­thia pale, Phaebus hide his face, and Mercury here take his heeles. My recreations are witty mischiefes, as when Saturne guelt his father; the Smith caught his wife and her Bravo in a net of Cobweb-Iron; and Hebe, through the [Page 216] lubricity of the pavement tumbling over the Halfpace, presented the Embleme of the forked tree. and discover'd to the tann'd Ethiops the snowie cliffs of Culabria with the Grotta of Puteolum. But that you may arrive at the per­fect knowledge of me, by the familiar illustra­tion of a Bird of mine owne feather, old Peter Aretine, who reduc'd all the Scepters and My­ters of that Age tributary to his wit, was my Parallell; and Frank Rublais suck'd much of my milke too; but your moderne French Hos­pitall of Oratory, is meere counterfeit, an ar­rant Mountebanke, for though fearing no other fortunes than his Sciatica, hee discourse of Kings and Queenes with as little Reverence as of Groomes and Chamber-maids, yet he wants their fangteeth, and Scorpions tayle; I meane that fellow, who to adde to his stature thinks it a greater grace to dance on his tiptoes like a Dog in a doublet, than to walke like other men on the soles of his feet.

Sir, by your favour, though you have a more especiall Commission of employment from Iupiter, and a larger entertainment from his Exchequer, yet as a freeborne god I have the liberty to travell at mine owne charges, [Page 217] without your passe or countenance Legacine; and that it may appeare a sedulous acute obser­ver, may know as much as a dull flegmatique Ambassadour, and weares a treble key to un­locke the mysterious Cyphers of your darke se­crecies, I will discourse the politique state of Heaven to this trimme Audience—

At this the Scaene changeth, and in the heaven is discovered a Spheare, with Stars placed in their severall Images; borne up by a huge naked Figure (onely a peece of Drapery hanging over his thigh) kneeling and bow­ing forwards, as if the great weight lying on his shoulders opprest him, upon his head a Crowne, by all which hee might easily bee knowne to be Atlas.

—You shall understand, that Iupiter upon the inspection of I know not what vertuous Presidents extant (as they say) here in this Court, but as I more probably ghesse out of the consideration of the decay of his naturall abili­ties, hath before a frequent convocation of the Superlunary Peeres in a solemne Oration re­canted, disclaymed, and utterly renounced all the lascivious extravagancies, and riotous enormities of his forepast licentious life, and taken his oath on Iunos Breviary, reli­giously kissing the two-leav'd Booke, never to stretch his limbs more betwixt adulterous [Page 218] sheets, and hath with patheticall remonstrances exhorted, and under strict penalties enjoyned a respective conformity in the severall subordi­nate Deities; and because the Libertines of Antiquity, the Ribald Poets, to perpetuate the memory and example of their tryumphs over chastity, to all future imitation, have in their immortall songs celebrated the martyrdome of those Strumpets under the persecution of the wives, and devolved to Posterity the Pedigrees of their whores bawds, and bastards; it is ther­fore by the authority aforesaid enacted, that this whole Army of Constellations be immediately disbanded and casheerd, so to remove all im­putation of impiety from the Coelestiall Spirits, and all lustfull influences upon terrestriall bo­dies; and consequently that there be an Inqui­sition erected to exspunge in the Ancient, and suppresse in the moderne and succeeding Poems and Pamphlets, all past, present, and future men­tion of those abjur'd heresies, and to take par­ticular notice of all ensuing incontinences, and punish them in their high Commission Court. Am not I in election to be a tal Statesman think you, that can repeat a passage at a Counsell-table thus punctually?

I shun in vaine the importunity With which this Snarler vexeth all the gods, Iove cannot scape him: well, what else from heaven?

Heaven! Heaven is no more the place it was; a Cloyster of Carthusians, a Mo­nastery [Page 219] of converted gods, Iove is growne old and fearefull, apprehends a subversion of his Empire, and doubts lest Fate should introduce a legall succession in the legetimate heire, by re­possessing the Titanian line, and hence springs all this innovation. We have had new orders read in the Presence Chamber, by the Vi-Pre­sident of Parnassus, too strict to be observed long, Monopolies are called in, sophistication of wares punished, and rates imposed on com­modities. Injunctions are gone out to the Nectar Brewers, for the purging of the hea­venly Beverage of a narcotique weed which hath rendred the Idaeaes confus'd in the Divine intellects, and reducing it to the composition used in Saturnes Reigne. Edicts are made for the restoring of decayed house-keeping, prohi­biting the repayre of Families to the Metropo­lis, but this did endanger an Amazonian muti­ny, till the females put on a more masculine re­solution of solliciting businesses in their owne persons, and leaving their husbands at home for stallions of hospitality. Bacchus hath com­manded all Tavernes to be shut, and no liquor drawne after tenne at night. Cupid must goe no more so scandalously naked, but is enjoyned to make him breeches, though of his mothers petticotes. Ganimede is forbidden the Bed­chamber, and must only minister in publique. The gods must keepe no Pages, nor Groomes of their Chamber under the age of 25. and those provided of a competent stocke of beard. [Page 220] Pan may not pipe, nor Proteus juggle, but by especiall permission. Vulcan was brought to an Orotenus and fined, for driving in a plate of Iron into one of the Sunnes Chariot-wheeles, and frost-nailing his horses upon the fifth of November last, for breach of a penall Statute prohibiting worke upon Holi-dayes, that being the annuall celebration of the Gygantomachy. In briefe, the whole state of the Hierarchy suf­fers a totall reformation, especially in the poynt of reciprocation of conjugall affection. Venus hath confest all her adulteries, and is receiv'd to grace by her husband, who conscious of the great disparity betwixt her perfections and his deformities, allowes those levities as an equall counterpoize; but it is the prettiest spectacle to see her stroaking with her Ivory hand his collied cheeks, and with her snowie fingers combing his sooty beard. Iupiter too beginnes to learne to lead his owne wife, I left him pra­ctising in the milky way; and there is no doubt of an universall obedience, where the Lawgiver himselfe in his owne person observes his de­grees so punctually; who besides to eternize the memory of that great example of Matri­moniall union which he derives from hence, hath on his Bed-chamber door, and seeling, fret­ted with starres in capitall Letters, engraven the Inscription of CARLOMARIA. This is as much I am sure as either your know­ledge or Instructions can direct you to, which I having in a blunt round tale, without State­formality, [Page 221] politique inferences, or suspected Rhetoricall elegancies, already delivered, you may now dexteriously proceed to the second part of your charge, which is the raking of your heavenly sparks up in the Embers, or redu­cing the Etheriall lights to their primitive opa­city, and grosse darke subsistance; they are all unrivited from the Spheare, and hang loose in their sockets, where they but attend the waving of your Caduce, and immediately they reinvest their pristine shapes, and appeare before you in their owne naturall deformities.

Are not these fine companions, trim play fellowes for the Deities? yet these and their fellowes have made up all our conversa­tion for some thousands of yeares. Doe not you faire Ladies acknowledge your selves deeply engaged now to those Poets your ser­vants, that in the height of commendation have rais'd your beauties to a parallell with such exact proportions, or at least rank'd you in their spruce society. Hath not the consideration of these Inhabitants rather frighted your thoughts utterly from the contemplation of the place? but now that these heavenly Mansions are to be voyd, you that shall hereafter be found unlod­ged will become inexcusable; especially since Vertue alone shall be sufficient title, fine, and rent: yet if there be a Lady not competently stock'd that way, shee shall not on the instant utterly despaire, if shee carry a sufficient pawn of handsomenesse; for however the letter of the Law runs, Iupiter notwithstanding his Age and present austerity, will never resuse to stamp beauty, and make it currant with his owne Im­pression; but to such as are destitute of both, I can afford but small encouragement. Proceed Cozen Mercury, what followes?

This Crab, I confesse, did ill become the heavens; but there is another that more infests the Earth, and makes such a solstice in the politer Arts and Sciences, as they have not beene observed for many Ages to have made any sensible advance: could you but l [...]ad the [Page 224] learned squadrons with a masculine resolution past this point of retrogradation, it were a be­nefit to mankind, worthy the power of a god, and to be payed with Altars; but that not be­ing the worke of this night, you may pursue your purposes: what now succeeds?

From hence forth it shall be no more [...]id in the Proverbe, when you would expresse a riotous Assembly, That hell, but Heaven is broke loose: this was an arrant Goale-deli­very, all the Prisons of your great Cities could not have vomited more corrupt matter: but Cozen Cylleneus, in my judgement it is not safe that these infectious persons should wander here to the hazard of this Iland, they threatned lesse danger when they were nayl'd to the Fir­mament: I should conceive it a very discree [...] course, since they are provided of a tall vessell of their owne ready rigg'd, to embarque them all together in that good Ship called the Argo, and send them to the plantation in New-Eng­land, which hath purg'd more virulent hu­mours from the politique body, then Guacum and all the West-Indian drugs have from the naturall bodies of this Kingdome: Can you devise how to dispose them better?

Before the entry of every Antimasque, the Starres in those figures in the Spheare which they were to represent, were extinct; so as, by the end of the Antimasques in the Spheare no more Stars were seene.

Here is a totall Ecclipse of the eighth Spheare, which neither Booker, Allestre, nor any of your Prognosticators, no nor their great Master Tico were aware of; but yet in my opi­nion there were some innocent, and some ge­nerous Constellations, that might have beene reserved for Noble uses: as the Skales and Sword to adorne the statue of Iustice, since she resides here on Earth onely in Picture and Effi­gie. The Eagle had beene a fit present for the Germans, in regard their Bird hath mew'd most of her feathers lately. The Dolphin too had beene most welcome to the French, and then had you but clapt Perseus on his Pegasus, brandishing his Sword, the Dragon yawning on his backe under the horses feet, with Py­thon's dart through his throat, there had beene a Divine St. George for this Nation: but since you have improvidently shuffled them altoge­ther, [Page 227] it now rests onely that wee provide an immediate succession, and to that purpose I will instantly proclaime a free Election.

Whereas wee having observed a very com­mendable practise taken into frequent use by the Princes of these latter Ages, of perpetuating the memory of their famous enterprizes, sieges, battels, victories, in Picture, Sculpture, Tapi­stry, Embroyderies, and other manifactures, where with they have embellished their pub­licke Palaces, and taken into Our more distinct and serious consideration, the particular Christ­mas, hanging of the Guard-Chamber of this Court, wherein the Navall Victory of 88. is to the eternall glory of this Nation exactly deli­neated; and whereas We likewise out of a pro­pheticall imitation of this so laudable custome, did for many thousand yeares before, adorne and beautifie the eighth roome of Our caelestiall Mansion, commonly called the Starre-Cham­ber, with the military adventures, stratagems, atchievements, feats and defeats, performed in Our Owne person, whilst yet Our Standard was erected, and Wee a Combattant in the A­morous Warfare. It hath notwithstanding▪ after mature deliberation, and long debate, held [Page 228] first in our owne inscrutable bosome, and after­wards communicated with Our Privy Coun­cell, seemed meet to Our Omnipotency, [...] causes to Our selfe best knowne, to [...] and dis-array Our fore-said starre-Chamber [...] all those Ancient Constellations which have for so many Ages been sufficiently no [...]rious, [...] [...] admit into their vacant places, such [...] onely as shall be qualified with exemplar Ver­tue and eminent Desert, there to shine in d [...] ­ble Characters of glory to all Posterity. It is therefore Our divine will and pleasure, volun­tarily, and out of Our owne free and proper motion, meere grace and speciall favour, by these presents to specifie and declare to all Our loving People, that it shall be lawfull for any Person whatsoever, that conceiveth him or her selfe to bee really endued with any Heroicall Vertue or transcendent Merit, worthy so high a calling and dignity, to bring their severall pleas and pretences before Our Right trusty and and Welbeloved Cozen, and Councellor, Don Mercury, and god Momus, &c. Our peculiar Deligates for that affaire, upon whom We have transferr'd an absolute power to conclude, and determine without Appeale or Revocation, ac­cordingly as to their wisedomes it shall in such cases appeare behovefull and expedient. Given at Our Palace in Olympus the first day of the first moneth, in the first yeare of the Reforma­tion.

Who's this appeares?

This is a subterranean Fiend, Plutus in this Dialect term'd Riches, or the god of Gold; a Poyson hid by Providence in the bo­tome of the Seas, and Navill of the Earth, from mans discovery, where if the seeds begunne to sprout above-ground, the excrescence was carefully guarded by Dragons; yet at last by hu­mane curiosity brought to light, to their owne destruction; this being the true Pandora's box, whence issued all those mischiefes that now fill the Vniverse.

Nay stay, and take my benediction along with you. I could, being here a Co-Iudge, like others in my place, now that you are condemn'd, either rayle at you, or breake jests upon you, but I rather chuse to loose a word of good counsell, and entreat you to bee more carefull in your choyse of company, for you are alwayes found either with Misers, that not use you at all; or with fooles, that know not how to use you well: Be not hereafter so reserv'd and coy to men of worth and parts, and so you shall gaine such credit, as at the next Sessions you may bee heard with better suc­cesse. But till you are thus reform'd, I pronounce this positive sentence, That wheresoever you shall chuse to abide, your society shall adde no credit or reputation to the party, nor your discontinuance, [Page 234] or totall absence, be matter of disparagement to any man; and whosoever shall hold a contrary estimation of you, shall be condem'd to weare perpetuall Motley, unlesse he recant his opi­nion. Now you may voyd the Court.

I cannot but wonder that your per­petuall conversation with Poets and Philoso­phers hath furnished you with no more Logick, or that you should thinke to impose upon us so grosse an inference, as because Plutus and you are contrary, therefore whatsoever is denyed of the one, must bee true of the other; as if it should follow of necessity, because hee is not Iupiter, you are. No, I give you to know, I am better vers'd in cavils with the gods, then to swallow such a fallacie, for though you two cannot be together in one place, yet there are many places that may be without you both, and such is heaven, where neither of you are likely to arrive: therefore let me advise you to marry your selfe to Content, and beget sage Apo­thegmes, and goodly morall Sentences in dis­prayse of Riches, and contempt of the world.

See where Dame Fortune comes, you may know her by her wheele, and that vayle over her eys, with which she hopes like a seel'd Pigeon to mount above the Clouds, and pearch in the eighth Spheare: listen, she begins.

Madam, I should censure you, pro salso clam [...]re, for preferring a scandalous cros­bill of recrimination against the gods, but your blindnesse shall excuse you. Alas! what would it advantage you, if vertue were as universall as vice is? it would onely follow, that as the world now exclaimes upon you for exalting the vicious, it would then raile as fast at you sor depressing the vertuous; so they would still keepe their tune, though you chang'd their Ditty.

Pleasure, a young woman with a smiling face, in a light lascivious habit, adorn'd with silver and gold, her Temples crown'd with a Garland of Roses, and over that a Rain­bow circling her head downe to her shoulders.

What wanton's this?

This is the sprightly Lady Hedone, [...] merry Gamester, this people call her Pleasure.

I concurre, and am growne so weary of these tedious pleadings, as I'le packe up too and be gone: Besides, I see a crowd of other suitors pressing hither, I'le stop'em, take their petitions and preferre 'em above; and as I came in bluntly without knocking, and no body bid me welcome; so I'le depart as abruptly with­out taking leave, and bid no body fare-well.

Atlas, and the Spheare vanisheth, and a new Scaene appeares of mountaines, whose eminent height exceed the Clouds which past beneath them, the lower parts were wild and woody: out of this place comes forth a more grave An­timasque of Picts, the naturall Inhabitants of this Isle, ancient Scots and Irish, these dance a Perica or Martiall dance.

When this Antimasque was past, there be­gan to arise out of the earth the top of a hill, which by little and little grew to bee a huge mountaine that covered all the Scaene; the un­der part of this was wild and craggy, and a­bove somewhat more pleasant and flourish­ing: about the middle part of this Mountaine were seated the three kingdomes of England, Scotland, and Ireland; all richly attired in re­gall habits, appropriated to the severall Nations, with Crownes on their heads, and each of them bearing the ancient Armes of the kingdomes [Page 248] there presented: At a distance above these sate a young man in a white embroydered robe, upon his faire haire an Olive Garland with wings at his shoulders, and holding in his hand a Cornucopia fill'd with corne and fruits, representing the Genius of these kingdomes.

At this the under-part of the Rocke opens, and out of a Cave are seene to come the Mas­quers richly attyred like ancient Heroes, the Colours yellow, embroydered with silver, their antique Helmes curiously wrought, and great plumes on the top; before them a troope of young Lords and Noble-mens sonnes, bearing Torches of Virgin-wax, these were apparelled after the old Brittish fashion in white Coats, embroydered with silver, girt, and full gathe­red, cut square coller'd, and round caps on their heads, with a white feather wreathen a­bout them; first these dance with their lights in their hands: After which, the Masquers descend into the roome, and dance their entry.

The dance being past, there appeares in the further part of the heaven comming downe a [Page 252] pleāsant Clond, bright and transparent, which comming softly downe-wards before the upper part of the mountaine, embraceth the Genius, but so as through it all his body is seene; and then rising againe with a gentle motion beares up the Genius of the three kingdomes, and be­ing past the Airy Region, pierceth the heavens, and is no more seene: At that instant the Rocke with the three kingdomes on it sinkes, and is hidden in the earth. This strange specta­cle gave great ca [...]se of admiration, but especi­ally how so huge a machine, and of that great height could come from under the Stage, which was but six foot high.

KINGDOMES adieu, CHORVS adieu.

The Masquers dance their maine dance; which done, the Scaene againe is varied into a new and pleasant prospect, cleane differing from all the other, the nearest part shewing a delicious Garden with severall walkes and per­terra's set round with low trees, and on the sides against these walkes, were fountaines and grots, and in the furthest part a Palace, from whence went high walkes upon Arches, and above them open Tarraces planted with Cy­presse trees, and all this together was compo­sed of such Ornaments as might expresse a Princely Villa.

From hence the Chorus descending into the roome, goes up to the State.

The Song done they retire, and the Masquers dance the Revels with the Ladies, which con­tinued a great part of the night.

The Revels being past, and the Kings Maje­stie seated under the State by the Queene; for Conclusion to this Masque there appeares com­ming forth from one of the sides, as moving by a gentle wind, a great Cloud, which arriving at the middle of the heaven▪ stayeth; this was of severall colours, and so great, that it covered the whole Scaene. Out of the further part of the heaven begins to breake forth two other clouds, differing in colour and shape; and being fully discovered there appeared sitting in one of them, Religion, Truth, and Wisdome. Religion was apparelled in white, and part of her face was covered with a light vaile, in one hand a Booke, and in the other a flame of fire. Truth in a Watchet Robe, a Sunne upon her fore-head and bearing in her hand a Palme, Wisedome in a mantle wrought with eyes and hands, g [...]l­den rayes about her head, and Apoll [...]'s Cithera in her hand. In the other Cloud sate Concord, Government, and Reputation. The habit of Concord was Carnation, bearing in her hand a little faggot of sticks bound together, and on the top of it a hart, and a garland of corne on [Page 258] her head: Government was figured in a coat of Armour, bearing a shield, and on it a Medu­sa's head; upon her head a plumed helme, and in her right hand a Lance. Reputation, a young man in a purple robe wrought with gold, and wearing a laurell wreath on his head. These being come downe in an equall distance to the middle part of the Ayre, the great Cloud began to breake open, out of which stroke beames of light; in the midst suspended in the Ayre, sate Eternity on a Globe, his Garment was long of a light blue, wrought all over with Stars of gold, and bearing in his hand a Serpent bent into a circle, with his tayle in his mouth. In the firmament about him, was a troope of fif­teene stars, expressing the stellifying of our Brittish Heroes; but one more great and emi­nent than the rest, which was over his head, fi­gured his Majestie. And in the lower part was seene a farre off the prospect of Windsor Castle, the famous seat of the most honourable Order of the Garter.

The Song ended, the two Clouds, with the person sitting on them, ascend; the great Cloud closeth againe, and so passeth away overthwart the Scaene; leaving behind it nothing but a Se­rene Sky After which, the Masquers dance their last dance, and the Curtaine was let fall.