Act. I. Sce. I.

BVt I beseech you sir, Take me somewhat nearer your Councell. May I assure my selfe, that this report goes true; that you are on this treaty of Marriage with that Widow?

Faith cosen, I take it as my fortune; and [...]m fully bent on the aduenture.

Troth in my mind, you were better venture your selfe, and fortune to the Bermudas. Tis true, shee has a good estate: some nine thousand, I thinke: and were an apt match for one that knew how to governe it, and her; some hard bred Cittizen, crafty Lawyer, or countrey Iustice. But you, a tender Nur [...]eling of the Court, altogether vnmixt with such nature or education, to cast your selfe vpon her, who for her yeares might be your Mother (they say: I ne­ver saw her) and has beene the Towne widow these three yeares, still conversant with Doctors, and Proctors of the civill Law; of which Tribe her husband was too. Never looke to bee the better for her Riches: Shee'll consume yours and you too▪ though your backe were Herculean; and lay you in your graue, or in Bedlem (my life on't) before she dreame o' dying, though it be all that you can hope, or pray for, after Mariage.

You speake sir out of some vnfortunate examples, and your extraordinary care of me. But truth is, all deswa­sion comes too late; and all vrgings against it are now vn­charitable: For wee are already Man and Wife.

What married!

Lustily promis'd sir. Absolutely contracted.

Send you ioy. Ile out of Towne.

I hope you'll see our Mariage. I sent indeed to bid you.

No, good sir Phillip, rather then I would be in sound of a Bell that should ring at it, I would haue my braines fil­lipt out with the Clapper.

Nay good cosen: I intended you my principall Guest. Wee'll haue all very priuate: not aboue foure or fiue friends more.

Sir, I intend to bee none of your Mourners, which indeed my presence there would m [...]ke mee; and so, perhaps, infect the rest. I leaue my best wishes to you, and will in­deauour to pray for you. Indeed I will.

Indeed this is very abrupt.

Act. I. Sce. II.

Mr. Tridewall! well met. Why so fast sir, I tooke you for a Foot-post.

A Foot-post! Indeed your fine wit will post you into another world one of these dayes, if it take not the whip­ping post i' the way. And why Foot-post, in your little wit­ty apprehension?

Because you went so fast. B [...]t since you are angry, I would you were going twise as last. If I interrupt you, hang me. Dee heare?

Nay I know you are apt to decline any mans anger, good Captaine Anvile: you haue beene beaten to't.

Why, if he haue, hee may thanke such as you are, that can endure no iest.

What are you there too? Mr. Widgine, I take it?

My name is Walter Widgine sir, not to be denyed▪ the only brother here of sir Phillip Lucklesse his betroch'd. She is a Widgine borne sir, and of the best family: Our Ancestors flew out of Holland in Lincolnshire to preuent peri [...]cation.

From Crowland, I warrant you, a little before a Moulting time.

Like enough sir. My sister can tell you. Since, by mar­riage, shee was made a Fitchow: Her husband was Fitchow the civill Lawyer; Hee was call'd the great Canno [...]r of the civill Law: because he could dischardge or make report of euery Canon therein; Canon after Canon, or Canon vp­on Canon at his fingers ends, as readily as I can tell these peeces.

A faire Demonstration!

He had many rare parts in him, besides sir, as my sister can tell you.

This fellow cannot chuse but haue a rare sister: Hee quotes her so!

But all the good I can speake of him is, that he left my sister rich; or at least a reasonable estate, halfe a score thousand pounds or so: which shee, with her selfe, bestowes vpon this honourable knight sir Phillip Luckles, to bee a La­dy▪ of that name, and God gi' him ioy. And for you: being his kinsman, I shall desire your neerer acquaintance.

In good time sir.

The match was not altogether her owne seeking sir, though she refus'd two Aldermen for him, on my owne knowledge.

Might shee haue had'hem both sir?

I and halfe a score Aldermens fellowes to boote: yet refus'd all for him.

In deed sixe yoake of such cattell would plow vp all his acres in a forenoone.

My sister can tell you more sir.

Still shee is his Authority. I will see this woman. Sir Phillip, here are Guests will applaud your match. Bid'hem welcome▪ God buy.

For my part I honour any Man, that marries my [Page] sister. Sir Phillip, and my noble brother in expectation, I pray embrace my Governour, Captaine Anvile, here; and giue him and me our gloues: you shall find him worthy your acquaintance. Hee has wit, I can tell you; and breakes as many good iests as all the VVits, Fits, and Fancies about the Towne, and has traind vp many young gentlemen, both here, and in diuers parts beyond the Seas. Hee was dry nurse (thats one of his owne iests vpon himselfe) to the English youth, a dozen yeares together beyond Sea: And now he is my Governour, and I find profit in it: you cannot thinke what an asse I was before I met with him: And I meane to trauell with him, two or three yeares hence, my selfe. In the meane time, he shall spend a hundred a yeare out of Wat Widgines purse. Sha't [...]faith Governour, what aylest thou? art thou not right?

I shall find a time to right my selfe, I doubt not.

But will you trauell at these yeares Mr Widgine?

Will you not call me brother? Two dayes hence when you haue married my sister, you must. Must hee not, Governour?

Yes an't please him.

Hee ayles something.

VVell then, Brother two dayes hence, will you trauell?

I some two yeares hence, mistake me not. I know I am but young yet: besides I meane to marry first as other young heires doe. And then towry lowry, faith, my noble Governour, and I! Twill be braue going into France then: I may learne halfe their fashions before I goe, and bate so much, being taught at when I come there. VVhats the mat­ter Governour? thou wert not wont to bee thus. Is thy money all gone? Heres fiue peeces to buy pomps against my sisters wedding.

Haue I eyes and eares, and can thinke of trifling Money matters?

Pox on't I had forgot. That sciruy surly gentleman angerd him ere while, and put him out of patience. How the hot [...]ome of his rage boyles out at his Mouth▪ If I durst [Page] goe so neere the heate of him I would skim the pot.

If I try not this Tridewell; put him to the dearest tryall of his life.—

I there tis, he will never come to himselfe till he beat, or bee beaten.

Let me haue these knockd out; these puld off; these pluckd out, and these sawd off.

I must venter on him. Nay Governour: pray thee consider.—

The time and place you meane. Thinke you hee durst haue done it, but in his kinsmans house; hee and the multitude of his seruants present.

I, and wee know not how many arm'd men in the next roome. Hearke Governour.

What things are these! I shall marry into a fine stocke! How vntimely some considerations fall into my mind▪ My Cosens councell, which hath ever beene oracu­lously good; against which I violently beare my selfe, to mixe my blood amongst a race of fooles. Had but these thoughts beene mine but one day past, they had preuented all that may proue dangerous in this, so great and doubtfull vndertaking.

Act. I. Sce. III.

Sir, there's a gentlewoman would speake with you.

Who is it? Doe you not know her?

I never saw her before sir. I askt her name. But I per­ceiu'd some displeasure in her looke (whether it were shame, grie [...]e, or anger I know not) that made her conceale it: On­ly telling me shee was a woman very hurtlesse, and warran­table against your feare.

I warrant tis my sister. Shee frownd, did shee not, and look'd fightingly? If shee did, 'tis my sister, your wife that shall be. Shee will looke so at you, I can tell you, or me, or my Governour, for all he is a Captaine. Shee feares no colours I faith, to tell you true, shee beate him once for a [Page] iest he broke vpon her Monkey. Is it not shee, thinkst thou?

No sir it is not shee. I know my Lady that shall be.

My Lady that shall bee! how sweetly it chimes. Heres something for that word.

Goe bring her vp. Good brother VVidgine, fly in­to the next roome, with your Governour. Ile waite on you presently.

My Lady! And brother VVidgine! I must admire. Our house is rays'd by this two stories higher.—

There's no recalling time; and vowes of this high nature are no trif [...]les.

Act. I. Sce. IIII.

Sir I suppose you are sir Phillip Luckles.

I am the man Lady.

And you are shortly to marry a Citty Widdow, one Mistresse Fitchow?

Most true.

For whose deare sake you purchas'd a foure hun­dred pounds knighthood, to goe a woing in: out of which shee is to giue nine thousand pounds for a Ladiship for terme of life.

What meane you Gentlewoman?

Sir not to scold, or brawle, (a vice to frequent in our Sexe.) But, in few words (and ciuill ones) to make you sen­sible of a little of that infinite iniury, you haue done to one, whose vnvaluable portion of vertue makes her fit, (besides the right shee has already in you) to take a brides place, be­fore your later choy [...], or any shee, whose wealth might weigh downe hers. You stand as if you knew not who I meane.

Nor what neither. Sure my name's abus'd.

Pray sir bethinke your selfe. Has there not beene a former contract made betwixt you and some other.

No. Nor any faithfull promise neither.

That I may well beleeue, when you forget it.

I pray speake nearer to my vnderstanding: whom may you suggest to be the woman [...]o much forgotten?

If you haue soule, or sense, you must remember her: No? Read then her name subscrib'd to that.

Farewell good Constance. I am sorry I haue no further for thee.

Doe you know that name sir?

Yes Lady so well, that I am sorry, that a gentlewo­man of your good seeming should haue to doe for so light a peece of vanity. Leaue going o'the devills Errants: His kingdomes large enough, and too much peopled already.

Pray sir, are you in sober earnest?

I good faith am I.

You are vnhappy then. For you shall loose, in this disdaine of yours, more honour then your life time in repen­tance can recover. So fare you well sir.

Farewell old Whiskin. Slid Ile marry out o' the way; tis time I thinke: I shall bee tane vp for whores meat else. Constance! shee had a Bastard tother day too. What a mischeiuous Maw has this shee Caniball that gapes for mee! Slight a common Trader, with I know not how many! I maruell shee was left out of Cupids Muster. Sure shee bribd the Ballat-maker: One that I haue paid at all times too; heres one, there's tother▪ And now shee heares I am to­wards mariage pretends a claime to mee. And what a Mi­nister shee had procur'd! A Divell in a most gentlewoman­like apparition. It had beene well to haue pumpd her. Is shee gone?

Who sir, the Gentlewoman? I put her in her coach.

Her Coache! Coaches must needs bee common, when their cariages are so. By this light, Oliver, a Bawd; a very Bawd. Where's my brother Widgine, and his Gover­nour, Anvile! They are wholsomer company o' the two, yet.

A Bawd I Blesse my Masters wits. But the best is, if hee be mad, there's that at hand will tame him, or any man: A fine Cooler, call'd Mariage, to take his batchelors button a h [...]le lower! Can it bee possible? Shee might ha' beene Mother o' the Maydes, as well, to my seeming; or a Matron, to haue traind vp the best Lady Daughters in the Countrie. Here comes her Man, againe.

Act. I. Sce. V.

Is sir Phillip Lucklesse i' the house still sir?

Are you the Cock-bawd to the hen was here, ere while sir.

Are you mad, or are you drunke sir?

C [...]me you to bargaine for a Punke sir? Faith where's the meeting? Wher's the Supper? at the Bridgefoot, or the Cat? or where is it?

Nay then sir, though your Master be allowd to mea­sure his manners, by his pleasure, here, on his owne yard, Ile bee bold to pull you out on't by the eares, and beat you into better fashion.

Hold, hold. Pray hold a little sir. I cry you mercy. I might bee mistaken. I see thou art a good fellow. I haue halfe a dozen for thee faith. S' foot what big words and ter­rible action he has! Is this the Bawds language? Pray par­don me sir: I haue beene overwatch'd of late, and knew nei­ther place, person, not what I said at the instant.

Indeed?

I sir, tis an infirmity I am much troubled withall; a kind of a—betweene steepe and waking—I know not what to call it. I would giue tvventie nobles to bee cured on't. I pray take it not ill sir; I vse any man so, when the fits on [Page] mee, till they throughly wake mee.

What as I did now? by the eares? Are you come to your selfe enough yet? or shall I helpe you further sir?

No, tis very well now I thanke you sir. Alas I put my Master to the paines, twise or thrise a weeke, I assure you, to my griefe.

A very strange disease! How might you get it?

Faith I fell into 't first, with a conceit I tooke for overbuying a bargaine of Drinke. Your businesse with my Master sir? I pray.

Onely to speake with him from the Gentlewoman was here eene now.

I shall acquaint him with it.

I shall be your seruant.

I pray pardon my error.

And you my boldnesse.

O not so sir. Well master Pimp I haue a plot vpon your imployment, as brauely as you carry it. I know he is a Bawd by his out-facing. And I doe humble and disguise my Manhood to worke on him by policy: And if I put not a fine [...] slurre vpon him for all his braue brauados, then Oliver Pate has no braines; nor is there any difference betwixt a Seruing-man and a Pandar.—

What a Trim-tram trick is this? the Master and the Man both brain-cras'd; as the one vsed me, so did the other my Mistris. But I haue brought this into a kind of civill sense againe. Doe wee looke like Bawds? There is some strange ground for this mistaking. I am sure shee has ever beene reputed a vertuous Gentlewoman; and has now the governement, and bringing vp of a Virgin, of a most hope­full goodnesse. And I thinke, I know my selfe; and dare beat any Man into a better construction of my quality.

Now wit, and bee thy will! Sir, my Master desires to bee excused: for he is with some friends, on priuate bu­sines, concerning his Mariage; which is to be to morrow. But sayes, if it please you to meet him in the Euening, be­tweene foure, and fiue, in the great Pallace; and condnuct [Page] him to the Gentlewoman, hee will attend her with his best seruice.

Betweene foure, and fiue in the Pallace: but how shall I know him? I neuer saw him.

As I wish'd: But you may easily. Hee is of a come­ly stature; and will be in a red cloa [...]e and a white Feather, Besides Ile waite on him.

I thanke you sir.

Fare you well sir. Good Foist, I shall make a Whiskin of you now, and for nothing too. I haue beene a little bold with my Masters name in this answere; the know­ledge of which he is vnguilty of. I saw how he shifted her off: Therefore I will further bee bold both with his name and person, which I will put vpon a friend in store. My spe­ciall friend, Captaine Anvile, a notable lecherous Tuppe: He has beene at me for a bit out of my Masters flocke any time these three weekes. Ile pleasure him with her for rea­dy money. I know tis some cast stuffe, that my Master has done withall. And let him take what followes.

Act. I. Sce. VI.

Well sir. And what said Master Lucklesse?

Sir Phillip you meane forsooth.

The very same sir. But I beginne to call him now, as I must call him hereafter. Ladies doe not call their hus­bands, as they are Knights: as sir Phillip, sir Timothy, or sir Gregory. Did you ever heare my Lady Squelch call her hus­band sir Paul? No. But master Squelch. Indeed all others must sir them by their Christen names; because they are Knights, and to bee knowne from other men: onely their owne wiues must master them, by their Sirnames; because they are Ladies, and will not know them from other men. But to our busines. What said he to you?

His worship said forsooth—

Nay, What said you to him first? I loue to heare things in order.

I said that as you bad me forsooth.

As I bad you, Clotpoll? what was that? Shall I ever mould thee into a Gentleman Vsher thinkst thou, that stand'st so? Come forwards sir, and repeat.

My Mistris commends her best loue vnto your Wor­ship; and desires to know how your Worship came home last night; and how your Worship haue rested; and how your Worship dos this morning? Shee hopes the best of your Worships health; and would be glad to see your Wor­ship at your Worships best leasure.

This was very well: word for word as I instructed. But did you worship him so much?

Yes truly, and hee commended mee for it; and said I shew'd my breeding.

Now sir. His answere? in his owne words.

Quoth hee. I thanke thy Mistris, and I thanke thee. Prithee commend my seruice to her, and tell her, my wor­ship came home vpon my worships Foot-cloath; my wor­ship tooke very good rest, in my worships bed: My wor­ship has very little to doe this Morning, and will see her at my worships leasure.

Did hee say so?

Twas either so, or so much I am sure. But he did not make me repeat, as you did, till I had cond it by heart.

Well Howdie get you downe. And [...]oe you heare Howdee? If sir Paul Squelch come, bring him vp.

I will forsooth Mistris.

I bad you learne to call me Madame.

I shall forsooth Ma-dame.

You shall forsooth Madame. Tis but a day to't; and I hope one may be a Lady one day before her time.

A day too soone [...] doubt in this forward age.

In the meane time, let me study my remembrances for after mariage.

Imprimis, To haue the whole sway of the house; and all domesticall affaires; as of accounts of houshold chardges, placing and displacing of all seruant [...] in generall; To haue free liberty, to goe on all my visits; and though my knights occasions bee never so vrgent, and mine of no moment, yet [Page] to take from him the command of his Coach; To be in spe­ciall fee with his best trusted seruant; nor to let one liue with him, that will not bewray all his counsells to mee. To study and practise the Art of iealousie; To faine anger, me­lancholly, or sickn [...]sse, to the life. These are Arts that wo­men must bee well practis'd in, ere they can attaine to wise­dome, and ought to be the onely study of a widow, from the death of her first husband, to the second: From the second to the third, matters of deeper moment; From the third to the fourth deeper yet; And so proportionably to the sea­uenth, if shee be so long blest with life: But of these I may finde time hereafter to consider in order as they fall. Besides, in all, to be singular in our will; to raigne, gouerne, ordaine lawes and breake 'hem, make quarrells and maintaine 'him; professe truthes, deuise falshoods; protest obedience, but study nothing more then to make our husbands so; Con­trole, controuert, contradict, and be contrary to all confor­mity: To which end wee must be sure to be arm'd alwayes with prick and praise of the deceased; and cary the Inuen­tory of our goods, and the grosse summe of our Dowry per­petually in our mouthes. Then dos a husband tickle the spleene of a woman, when shee can anger him to please him; chide him to kisse him; Mad him to humble him; make him stiffe necked to supple him; and hard-hearted to breake him; to s [...]t him vp, and take him downe, and vp againe, and downe againe, when, and as often as we list.

Madame.

I marry, now thou say'st well.

Andt please your Ladiship.

Well said againe.

One M. Tridewell, [...] Gentleman, desires to speak with your Ladiship, from Sir Phillip.

Tridewell! O it is Sir Phillips Kinsman. I haue heard him speake much good of him; and entreated mee to giue him good respect; which were enought to marre his enter­tainment, had I not another purpose of mine owne, that may proue as ill. Bring him vp Howdee.

I will Madame—

I that was very well. This Howde [...] doe I meane with a cast Gowne to put in apparell, and make my Gentle­man Vsher; Not onely for the aptnesse of his name, to goe on my visits; but for his proportionable talent of wit and manners.

Act. I. Sce. VII.

If I can yet redeeme him, he is happy. By your leaue Lady: May my boldnesse proue pardonable?

Sir the name of him, you come from, is warrant suf­ficient to make your welcome here: All that is here be­ing his.

Is this shee trow!

I vnderstand you come from Sir Phillip Luckles.

'Tis true, I brought his name thus farre to enter mee to your presence. But here I shake it off, as I would doe his remembrance: but that I know him too well.

Too well Sir? How meane you?

Too well indeede Lady; but in the ill part. I know him to be no equall Match for you. Yet I heare you receiue him as a Suter.

Right Sir. and him onely.

It is not gone so farre I hope.

Beshrew mee but it is; and farther too Sir. Hee has all wooed and wonne me.

Sure, I was much mistaken in this woman.

Act. II. Sce. I.

The strangenes of this Gentlemans action will not out of my mind yet. Sir Phillip could not but haue a hand in it. Do's he repent his bargaine already; and desire to bee quit with losse of his earnest? Tis but his faith and troth.

Sister, where are you? My Governour and I are come to waite vpon you in sir Phillip Lucklesse coach. It waits at doore for you; and what to doe thinke you?

I can not tell. Perhaps to inuite me forth into the ayre of [...]ideparke or Maribone; or else—

Or else me no or elses, sister, you cannot guesse it. And I was a foole to aske you the question, now I think on't.

That was well remembred brother.

Sister, you are to be a Lady, within this halfe houre. Your knight is ready, so is the Parson too. My Gouernour here knowes.

Yes Lady; and that hee intreats you, to beare with the sodain [...]sse of the occasion, which hee protests, deepely vrges him to be married presently; desiring you not to trou­ble your selfe in examination of his reasons: for vpon his honesty and honour, the end of it is for good to you both. Come sweet Madame (now I am bold to giue you your dew title) your knight is ready prest on his aduontures (dee heare) and tis onely you, that hee seekes to incounter.

There's a iest now: but shee vnderstands it not. He makes her an Infidell, a wild beast or a Monster, by that word Incounter; what doe Knights adventurers incounter else? looke all the Mirror over. Hee'll incounter her. O the wit of a Gouernour!

Tis as I say Madame, (dee heare) the good fit's come on him.

Ever at the tayle of his dee heare, I am sure to smell a iest: the fits come on him:

This sodaine importunity confirmes my former doubt: He thinkes his Scare-crow will make me keepe off [Page] now; but hee is cossend. Well sir. He shall find me obedi­ent to his hand. I am in all prepar'd to meet his purposes; Though, Brother I had thought to had conference this Mor­ning with sir Paul Squelch touching a match for you.

For me sister: ha' you found out a wi [...]e for me? ha' you? pray speake, ha' you?

And a good match too brother; Sir Pauls Neece: on whom, hee, being childles, meanes to bestow a large Dowry.

By my faith, and he may do't. Hee is rich Gouer­nour; one of the best Ten i'th' hundred men about this Towne.

Hee is a right good man. Within there.

Bid Flaps your fellow bring my Fan and Masque.

Is hee bounteous and liberall ha? Do's he make large Suppers and lend money. Dee heare? Is he good at that?

Nay, there you mistake Gouernour. A good man i'th Citty is not call'd af [...]er his good deeds, but the knowne weight of his purse. One, whose name any Vsurer can read without spectacles; One that can take vp more with two fingers and a thombe vpon the Exchange, then the great man at Court, can lift with both his hands; One that is good onely in riches, and weares nothing rich about him but the Gout, or a thombe Ring with his Grandsites sheep­marke, or Grannams butter-print on't, to seale bags, acquit­tanc [...]s and Counternanes.

A Butter-print?

I twere a cunning Herald could find better Armes for some of 'hem: though I haue heard [...]r Paul Squelch protest he was a gentleman, and might quarter a coat by his Wiues side. Yet I know hee was but a Grasier when he left the Countrey; And my Lord his father whistled to a teame of horses (they were his owne indeed.) But now hee is right worshipfull, and I would I had his Neece vnsight and vnseene I faith for her monies sake. You neuer heard mee aske if shee were faire or hansome, dee marke that sister? My fathers rule right. And if I be not a true Widgine. (God forgi' me) I thinke he was none.

But shee is very faire brother, and very hansom [...] and the prettiest innocent countrey thing withall. Doe I want nothing here?

I now you bring me to bed sister.

Your Masque sits well forsooth.

But where's my Wimple forsooth?

Vpon the Cupboards head, pray Humfrey fetch it.

Hee liues not that loues a Countrey thing like me▪ Alas none loues a Countrey thing l [...]ke mee. And though I am a Cockney, and was neuer further then Hammersmith; I haue read the Countrey mans common wealth; and can dis­course of Soccage and Tenure, Free-hold, Copy-hold; Lease, Demeanes, Fee-simple and Fee-taile, Plowing, Hedging, Diking, Grubbing, occupying any Countrey thing whatso­euer; and take as much pleasure in't, as the best Clowne borne of 'h [...]m all.

And that's a safe age for a Maid in the countrey: dee heare?

Pardon me Gouernour. I doe heare and not heare thee at this time.

And sings, and speakes so pretty northenly they say.

Is shee Northern (dee heare) will shee not shrinke i' the wetting?

Gouernour, I know thou spokst a iest now, by thy dee heare: but prithee forgiue me; I cannot applaud nor marke thee at this time.

What mak [...]s you stay so? I feare you haue beene among my sweet meats.

Shee said it was vpon the Cupboard; and it was vnder the Cupboard.

Is this my Wimple? Doe you bring Carpenters tooles to dr [...]sse me withall.

Here is your Wimple forsooth.

I sh [...]ll teach you to know a difference betweene [Page] gentlewomens geere and Carpenters tooles. I shall

Nay, shee is so vext now I Deare sister to the Coun­trey Lasse againe. You said, she spoke and sung Northernly. I haue a great many Southerne songs already. But Northern ayres nips it dead. Yorke Yorke for my money.

Yes brother shee is Northern, and speakes so: for shee has euer liu'd in the Countrey, till this last weeke, her Vncle sent for [...]er vp to make her his child, cut of the Bish­oprick of Durham.

Bishop, nor Bishoprick shall hold her from mee.

And brother—

S [...]ster no mo [...]e, though I haue never seene her. No Bishoprick i'th' land from me shall winne her. If you will goe, and clap hands with your knight, come; I would see you matchd first: because that will add some honour to the Widgine [...], when my selfe shall bee brother to a Lady. I shall write first of that name. And then am I no sooner married, Gouernour, but wee will set our trauels a foot: to know Countries, and Nations, Sects and Factions, Men and Manners; Language and Behauiour.

Act. II. Sce. II.

Pray tell me; and tell me truely. What is the most has past betweene you? I [...] it bee the maine losse of your Mayden-head, it shall neare go further: the [...]efore let mee know it.

As I liue Mistris Trainewell, all that ere he had o'me was but a kisse. But I mun tell yee, I wish'd it a thoosnnd, thoosand till him.

How often haue you seene him?

Feath but that bare eance nother, and your seln were by too. Trow yee that Ide not tell yee and twere maer. By my conscience Mrs. Trainewell I lee not.

That once that I saw him with you, your V [...]cle [Page] was there, too, in the Orchard, but last weeke.

Vary true, Mine Vncle was than by too. And hee brought sir Phillip to see his Orchard. And what did hee than doe, trow you, but tuke me thus by th' haund, and thus hee kust mee; hee sed I were a deaft Lasse: but ther he feind. But for my life I could not but thinke, he war the likest man that I had seene with mine eyne; and could not devaise the thing I had, might be vnbeggen by him. Then by and by as we walkd, he askd mine Vncle, gin hee would giue him me to make a Lady till him. And by my trouth Mistris Trainwell, I lee not, I blush'd and luk'd vpon him as I would feine a hed it so: Mine Vncle said yes, and sir Phillip shuke my haund, and gude feath my heart ioyd at it. God gin the Priest had beene by. But I thought all sure enough; and would not ha' sold my part for the Spanish Ladies Ioincture. But streight anon mine Vncle and he fell on other talke, of Lords and La­dies, and many foud like things, I minded not: For I is weell sure, this keept me waking ere sine. And God pardon mee what I misthought euery houre i'th' night.

How haue you made me wrong this Gentleman, to challenge him as if hee had beene your due vpon this idle complement? when I vndertooke the Message, I presum'd (for so your words did intima [...]e to me) you had beene sure, as fast as faith could bind you, man and wife. Where was my discretion? Now I perceiue this was but common Courtship; and no assurance of a Mariage promise.

I wot not what he meant. But I is weell sure, Ile nere bee sure to ony Man but hee. And if hee loue mee not as weell, God pardon him. For I meant him none ill.

I know not how to counsell or comfort you, vntill I heare him speake. My man tells me, hee appointed him to meet, and bring him to you about this houre. Poore heart I pitty thee. Before thou come to halfe my yeares thou wilt forget to loue halfe so truely.

Mistris.

O, are you come? where's the Knight?

He stayes below, and wild me to come vp first, to to make his passage cleare and secure.

That was discretion.

Rather feare I thinke: for he ask'd me if the house were not much haunted with Roarers or Swaggerers, poni­ards and pistols: whether there were not an Assurer for it as vpon the Exchange, as i [...] his life were vpon hazard? whe­ther a Man might come on without losse of credit, and off without need of a Surgeon? Much odd talke hee deliuers; that in my conceit bewrayes, at once, both a [...]asciuious and cowardly disposition; and vpon my vnderstanding, ca [...]not bee so generous, or nobly spirited, as hee is receiued. Doe what you will.

I suspect something.

Will hee not come Mrs. Trainewell?

Yes sweetheart. But goe you to your Chamber and let me haue a word before you see him. Goe call him in. Doe so swetheart. Ile not be long.

Ile doe ought you bid me God gin I saw him eance.

Act. II. Sce. III.

A place of faire promising! How haue I liu'd that never discouer'd this place before? This place royall! But sought my recreation, in by-lanes, and sluttish corners, vnsa­uory Allies and Ditch sides? when here the whole house is perfum'd: An Earle might thinke it his owne lodging; Ladies might come to see the pictures, and not blush, to goe in or out vnmask'd.

Sir, will you speake to my Mistris? The man is transported sure!

I vnderstand thy office, leads thee no further; thy paines are abroad and below stayres. Here honest Fetch. Looke thee, heres the poore price of a new paire of shooes; take it. Descend, and execute thy duty.

Blesse me! this is another man. More abuse yet?

Now gentlevvoman to you. What fees belong to your Key? Come, vvher's the bed? vvhere's the party? [Page] Here's the man: her [...]'s the money. Chunke chunke you old Gamster, dost heare? Here's halfe a peece to buy t [...]ee com­plection, sack or Aqua-vitae. What thou lik'st.

What are you sir I pray?

Faith one thats a little ill giuen at this time. Where's the [...]ece? here are the peeces [...] tell thee.

What peece sir? If you can imagine what you are, where you are, what you would haue, or where you would be, I pray tell mee sir. [...]le doe the best I can to satisfie you. O' my discretion will I sir.

Giue me but a little space to wonder at thy strange demands and I wil tell thee, good discretion. If I should pur­chase a broken Cock [...]combe, or bruz'd ribs now, for mista­king another mans habit, the smart were onely mine. The villaine swore to me, his Master was sent for; and that his Master swore this w [...]s a Bawd to his choyce Whore, newly intertayn'd; and that shee knew not him, and might well mistake me for him. On which presumption I ha [...]e waded thus farre: and if I sticke in the Mud, or be driuen backe by a tempest, I am armd. Tis not the first time I haue beene Wether-beaten, or Dry-beaten, dee heare?

Sir.

You doe not know me? or, at least, not remember mee?

If I erte therein sir, I hope your pardon. For as you shall reueale your selfe, I shall either repent me of my obliuion, or accuse you of vnaduisednesse.

Shee speakes like the wife of an Orator, that could dictate her husbands speeches! Were not you this Mor­ning at sir Phillip Lucklesse lodging? spoke not you with him? sent you not for him afterwards to repaire hither to the party? And know you not the man?

O infinite abuse! Sir I cry you mercy. I hope you will pardon my weake sightednes. The worlds [...]ad and we loue to deale securely. Could not your worship make your selfe knowen sooner? Please you to entertaine you selfe here a while, I will instantly prouide for your better wel­come. O horrible indignity! But if Porters and cudgels [Page] may be had for money, and I fit you not, let me loose my dis­cretion. I am furnisht with blankets already.—

I will instantly prouide for your better welcome! Will you so? Twill passe: and by this light I thinke for my Masters iest: I will recouer my chardges, and gaine over and aboue for three returnes more with the bare repetition of it out of one ma [...]s pu [...]se, the Widgine. My iests are his nu­triment; and my wit is his own [...], he payes so duely for it. If the Wench be but pleasing, now, [...]o my expectation, my fe­licity is crown'd.

O child, wee are vndone.

Mary, God sheild Mrs. Trainewell. Is hee geane? Must I not see him?

A lasse it is not he: but some Villaine s [...]nt by him to vexe and spite you. One that perswades himselfe, we are of those common creatures▪ that sell their honesties.

Heauen blisse vs, and giue vs leaue to dee first. Can he be so vnkaind, to scorne me so, Woe i [...] me.

He is so dishonorable. But I wi [...] fit his Vnderta­ker, what ere he bee. Looke you, is that he thinke you?

O Weell a neare Mistris Trainewell! Sir Phillip is the likest man that ere you saw dayes o' your life. This Lo­zell dow not. Nor would he send him. So trim a Man can­not haue [...]ike bad purpose.

Mistris, theres a Gentleman, one Master Tridewell, that sayes he is sir Phillips Kinseman, will by all meanes speak with him.

Sweet heart, can you dissemble your sorrow with a Song, to passe a little time? Ile downe and sift out the sub­tlety of this deceit.

There is no gouernment vnder the Sunne, like the politique gouernment of a Bawdy-house.

Sweet prolog [...]e to the insuing Intertude [...]

Dost heare me honest fellow? was this the Parties voyce?

Onely hers vpon my sincerity sir.

Excellent! Shee has rais'd my desire aboue her noates. Why am I th [...]s rauishd, and yet delayd?

Sir, for that my Mistris craues your Pardon. Tis not her neglect, that workes vpon your patience; But the necessity to rid a troublesome Lord or two out of the house, be [...]ore the Party can appeare to you. But please you to ob­sucre your selfe in this darke Cl [...]set, while I conuey them hence, and then, instantly, the top Gallant of pleasure shall crowne your Maine-mast, shee sayes.

O how her wit and care reviues me! From hence forth shee is my Bawd for euer. My discretion! But are they wholsome Lords Sirah?

Tis no matter for any thing they did here sir, I war­rant you. Inquickly pray si [...].

Must I be lockd in?

You cannot be safe else sir.

The politique gouernment of this little common wealth!

Act. II. Sce. IIII

Indeed Lady, I am so farre from being in any plot herein, that I protest it was merely by his outside, and that in the do [...]btfull light of the Euening, that I could guesse twas hee. An [...] had he beene denyed, I had gone well satis­fied, it had beene some other man. Which if it proue, and so his name be abus'd—Or if it be he indeed, though hitherto [Page] my most respected Cosen, that offers such an outrage, as you deliuer it to be: I am so much a friend to honesty, that let me but see the man or beast, Ile doe the faire office of a Gentle­man to right you. Indeed Lady I will.

You professe nobly sir. First will it please you, see this Gentlewoman; so much the seruant of your Kinsman? What shee is I haue told you. Only I present her to your iudgement, whether her outward seeming may d [...]s [...]rue such scorne?

Alasse faire Lady, would they iniure you?

Yea feath, and scorne me too sir. Ill betide them. But and you doe me helpe, and ma' sir Phillip loue me, God reward you.

And has your youth and b [...]auty plac'd your loue on him?

Gude [...]eath sir, I may not say how well I loue him: But were I one of neere [...]a mickle, heest eene haue all. And yet he loues me not.

Indeed tis pittifull. Weepe not sweet Lady. He shall loue yee.

Now Gods benison light o'yee for it.

Shew me the mischiefe, that hath abus'd vs all. Can you conceale him longer?

In thus much▪ to coniure you by your Manhood; to doe nothing that law may question, to your, or our disuantage: we shall not need,

For our owne [...]ight, to doe our selues misdeed. There­fore take this in hand.—

You doe instruct me well. Pray let me see him.

Oh for a large Window, one of the last edition, to leape out with halfe my life or limbs.

Lo yee lo yee, the worst like man to Sir Phillip yee saw in all your dayes.

Mischeiuous Diuell! What magicall madnesse con­iur'd you i [...]to this shape?

Indeed Ile coniure you out on't.

Oh hold: for heauens sake hold. Ile confesse.

Nay, indeed Ile beat you a little first, you'll confesse the better. Twill come the easier from you. Tis a good preparati [...]e.

Oh! oh, ile co [...]f [...]sse any thing.

No sir, n [...]t any thing. But the truth the truth sir.

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth [...] h [...]lpe me—

You would be sweari [...]g now would you? there's for th [...]t.

No indeed, indeed, and indeed la I will not.

Go [...]d sir no more. What may this poore thing bee, that br [...]' it [...]o bu [...] n [...]w?

Ile t [...]ll you Lady. The most notorious, base, beat [...]n Rascall [...]out the Towne. Twere l [...]st breath to say more by him. H [...]e is as you see▪ Onely is name is Anvile: and they that know him not, call [...]im Cap [...]aine.

Anvile? Pray sit let me try in▪ blade on him too.

I pray thee doe, to laue me a l [...]bour: for hee is not h [...]lf [...] b [...]at [...]n yet.

Oh, oh. Ladies speake for me. ha' you no mercy?

Hold. No more.

Well sir, thanke the Ladies. Now sir, put this La­dies fauour here in your p [...]cket; and keepe it there till I call f [...]r it. And marke what I say, if ever I find thee without this Instrument or the like, when I shall call for it, to beat the [...] (marke me) indeed [...]le [...]eat thee [...]. And now to your [...]xamination. How got your rotten Mutton ship into this Lyo [...]s case? was it by the Owners knowledge? was the Master of these Cloathes priuy to your vndertaking? Answer [...] sirah, bonafide, I or no.

No vpon my life; only his Man abus'd mee for my Mo [...]ey.

What presumption made you thinke so vilely of the [...]e Ge [...]tlewomen?

Sir Phillips owne words to his Man, vpon a letter this Lady deliuer'd to him this Morning.

The Error's found. Her name you say is Constance, [Page] which likewise is the name of a prostituted Strumpet, with whom, tis thought, the wantonnesse of his youth hath held former familiarity; and now it seemes makes doubt, imagi­ning that letter to be hers, that she pretends a claime to him.

Right sir: which hee tooke so contemptuously, that instantly he resolued to mary the Widow, Mistris Fit­chow; and was this Morning married priuately in a Cham­ber, within an houre after you saw him.

And I vndone than.

And I if it bee so.

It is vndoubtedly true. I saw them married, and di­ned with them, at his lodging, where they will sup too: But after S [...]pper they goe to her house in the Towne to bed.

This fo [...]le mistaking we shall all repent; if we pre­u [...]nt not what may issue from it.

Alas sir all will be too late.

Will you but trust my seruice for your honour?

Wee will waite on you sir.

Act. II. Sce. V.

Brother Hum [...]rey, take my hand and word for thy instructions. I will acquaint thee with an old Ladies Vsher, in the Strand, that shall giue thee thy Gait, they Postures, thy Language, thy Habit, and thy whole chardge in so plain [...] a Method, that thou shalt instantly start vp as pretty a Gen [...]le­man Vsher, none disprays'd as any betweene Temple-bar and Charing-crosse; mary further I cannot promise you [...] B [...]t prithee tell mee. Is our Lady of so hot a temper and stately cariage as shee is reputed?

O I brother. Shee must command all, or all shall smoke for't. Shee did so in my old Masters dayes I a [...] [...]. [Page] And hee glad of peace at that rate too.

But how is she to her seruants? Bountifull and free?

Y [...]s both of her voice, and han [...]s.

Shee will not strike will shee?

And she could bite as well, the rankest Iade that ere was curried could not come neate her.

Heauen be good to vs! she nere strooke thee, did she?

Tis no matter for that.

Nay brother, you know we haue vow'd to be all one: the Mariage hath vnited vs. Prithee tell mee.

Shee broke mee a tooth once with a deaths Head­ring on her finger? it had like to ha' cost mee my life! 't has b [...]ene a true Memento to mee euer since: bobs o' the lips, tweakes by the nose, cuffs o'the eare, and trenchers at my head in abundance.

Will shee throw too?

Any thing shee can lift. and makes vs pay for all shee bre [...]kes, though shee breake our heads or races withall. Fan-handles, Look [...]ng-glasses or any thing.

Wee shall haue a foule h [...] use on't I feare [...] But since it is too [...]ate, fight Dog, fight B [...]are. Ile turne my Master loose to her. Here they come. By this light me thinkes they looke as if they were fallen out already.

Act. II. Sce. VI.

Though I were absent at the Ceremony, I now bring my wishes of much ioy.

And not too late I hope sir Paul. Wee may yet c [...]rry them to bed with vs▪

You had beene chiefly sir inuited, had we not stolne a day fr [...] Time, to haue done a [...] athers part at Church, to which [...] yo [...]r absence, I intreated our worthy friend Mr: App [...]he [...]sion Bulfi [...]ch [...]ere.

M [...]st [...]r Bulfinch, I reioyce t [...] meet you here directly. Looke you sir. Doe you know this young Gentleman?

Yes sure, methinkes I should know him. But I am sure I neuer saw him before. ha—

Haue you forgot sir Hercules?

I apprehend him to be Master Salom [...] Nonsense, Son and Heire to my right worthy friend, sir Hercules Nonsense of Cornewall. If you be not hee sir. I am sure it is you. I m [...]y bee deceiu'd, but I am certaine tis hee.

Hee is doubtfull, but yet hee is sure hee knowes him. What a Bulfinch is this I sure tis his language they call bull-speaking.

You say very well sir. And neuer credit me as you knew my Father, I would be very ready, as you know how duety binds: for because it is a vsuall thing in these dayes, desiring the loue and friendship, I protest and vow sir. I sh [...]uld—

Most perfect Nonsense! this is a finer youth then tother. My wiues acquai [...]tance are most answerable to her Kin [...]red.

Tis so dir [...]ctly Master Bulfinch, and I haue brought him to Towne—I vnderst [...]nd my N [...]ce is in your house, my Lady Bride. Is shee employd in your Chamber?

Shee is not here sir. Is shee Howdee?

Certes no Ma-dame.

How! not here? Sir [...]h what did you tell me?

What shall I say or doe? [...] hang'd directly.

How was shee accompanied?

By my Mist [...]is sir, and [...] Gentlemen of her ac­quaintance, whose names I know not.

Kmuery, Villany and [...]he [...]uery! [...] s [...]ll it ranke. Shee's stolne, shees gone directly.

Tis indirectly sir if shee bee stolne. There your word failes you.

If shee bee in the land I will recouer her, I hope I shall find [...] much right in Law, as a Broaker or a Ioyner.

Good sir Paul, I haue not seene you thus d [...]m­perd. What a [...]flicts you?

Oh Mistris Fitchow, my Neece, my Neece.

Hee's mad I thinke. Sir you forget my sister is a lady.

Shee's is lost, shee's stolne, and all my ioy is gone. My Neece my Constance.

Constance!

Who your young Neece that came la [...]y [...] out of the Countrey?

My Countrey thing sister, that you promis'd me?

Promis'd you? I am abus'd. I doe suspect you ac­cessaries. Sir I haue purpos'd and promis'd her to this Gentleman. And here I charge you to restore her me.

Are you the Man si [...] that must haue her?

Neuer credit mee sir, if I haue her, or haue her not to my knowledge.

Sir Phillip, you are courteous and noble: as you will continue so in opinion of honest men, let me haue right.

Sir Paul, vpon my faith I am ignorant of any such wrong. And, for her part, should shee fare amisse, I should suffer in her iniury equally with your selfe: for I profes [...] to you, I did loue the Lasse so well; and at the first sight, that had I not beene otherwise allotted, and indeed contracted to her, from whom now there is no starting, shee should haue beene my Bride, if all my loue and fortune might haue wonne her.

Had you spard this Protestation, Sir, you might haue dissembl'd your loue to me the better.

Dissemble?

Tis said sir.

By this hand my Ladie's iealous already.

Blesse vs! what lookes are these!

Sir I must take my leaue, this is no time to trouble you.

Nay good sir stay, and share in our ill Banquet. Harke, some friend I hope. Looke firah.—

Some of your old companions haue bro [...]ght you a sit of Mirth. But if they enter to make a Tauerne of my house, ile add a voice to their consort shall drowne all their fidling. What are they?

Some that come in gentile fashion to prese [...]e a Maske.

Locke vp the dores, and keepe them out.

Breake them open and let them in—

Shall I not bee Master of my owne house?

Am not I the Master of i [...] and you—

Nay sister.

Passion of my heart.

Bu [...]. Madame, Madame.

you must allow of reasonable things.

Be contented, sir Phillip in a noble Gentleman, and a Courtier, and as I apprehend.

I dare warrant you sister these are of his friends, that come with their Loues to congratulate his fortune. Speake Master Nonsense. A speech of your would do't.

Neuer credit me, but I for sooth am of that opinion, that it is as it were. I protest and vow—I should be as sor­ry as any Man.—

It this were to bee put into latine now. Which were the principall Verbe.

M. Nonsense, you haue preuaid. You see Iam content. But what I purpose, Fate shall not preuent.

Did I not tell you.

More lights, and let them enter. Gentlemen take your places. Sir Paul to night forget your sorrow. So will I mine, though I renue [...] tomorrow. Come sit sit. M [...]stris please you.

You wrong your honour sir, your most humble Hand-maid.

Brother I told you alwayes shee had hasty humors, and as vnreasonable as heart can wish: but soone over. Now shee's as mild as any Doue againe.

Then wee are friends; and shee's my Doue againe.

Tis well perform'd. Now we would gladly know. To whom we owe our thankes.

That Ile deliuer to you. Meane while the rest de­sire they may withdraw a while.

Light and all faire respect be giuen vnto them.—

The Womans voyce had much in't like my Neece.

[...]our Ne [...]ce sir Paul, ods me I must goe see her.

Nay brother giue them all their free pleasures. By your leaue you shall stay.

[...] sh [...]ll? I will then.

Now to your [...] I disclose my selfe.

Whoo [...] [...] Gouer [...]our: Looke you sister. Looke you [...] [...]hillip. Did nor I alwayes tell you he was the [...] wit [...]the world? This was his owne inven­tion [...]e bee hang'd else. Sweet Gouernour the conceit of [Page] the Willow, and why tho [...] wearest it?

My selfe, onely to make the number in the Dance sutable. And so did all the rest to fulfill the fashion, only two excepted, that were the Leaders and subiect of the Dance. The one, your Cosen Tridewell, who holds himselfe a lost Louer, in that you Madame to whom his affection is wholly deuoted, haue made your selfe incapable of him, in being the lawfull right of another. This paper shewes him more at large.

Ist possible! Did hee for that so earnestly deswade me from her this Morning?

I neuer saw him before this day, nor he me. These are tricks and studied fooler [...]es to abuse me—

Who was the other.

Shee was your faire Neece sir Paul; the most dis­consolate Beauty that ere I saw, giuing her selfe for euer lost vnto your loue sir Phillip, presuming you once promis'd her Mariage, of which shee made a claime this Morning by her Nurse, whom you revil'd by name of Bawd, calling faire Constance Whore; and to her more despight, hastned your Mariage sooner by [...] day, then you before intended with this Lady.

Constance! May that name in all other women bee accursed beyond themseLucs. Hell it selfe could not haue vapor'd such an error forth, as I am lost in. Constance! why was that name made her [...], that Saint-like Maids, when it brought to my mind a Diuels, nay worse, a Whores? to whom before was giuen.

Sir Phillip, and Madame, you apprehend these things as things done, when they are not things indeed, but as it were shew and deuise, as by the sequele you may at large apprehend.

I am of your mind Master Bulfinch. And trust me I am glad my Neece was drawne into the witty conceit. For which with a new Gowne he thanke her.

Where is shee? I will endure no longer till I see her.

The Masquers are all gone sir.

Gone Vill [...]ine.

They tooke their Co [...]ches instantly, and dispers [...]t themseLucs by [...] wayes, I had no Commission to stay them.

Are you so sensible of her losse?—

My Neece might not withstanding her lost loue haue tane me home in her Coach.

You shall haue mine sir Paul and my company so farre to see her; and whether their presentation were iest or earnest, I will not rest till I be satisfied; My Coach. [...]le make no stay S [...]eet-heart. Shee's gone.

Excellent! the Bride's stollen to bed.

It should be so. I like the custome well.

[...] or if you apprehend it rightly, it expresseth duety in the Woman to lye prepared for him; and loue in the Man, not to be slacke to [...]mbrace that duety.

A p [...]tty M [...]r [...]ll [...] A Womans duety to lye downe, and a Mans loue to get vp. One may learne something of these old fellowes euery day.

Therefore no Coach, no Company noble Knight. Pursue your home occasions, and God g [...]'yee ioy.

Nay sir Paul. I protest.

Not a word more of it directly.

Take me with you good sir Paul to see your Neece. I find Master Nonsense here very indifferent, And I know [...]will be the great [...]r [...]oy to her to match but into the family of sir Phillip, of which I am a halfe Pill [...]r now. Besides my sister made me halfe a promise of her in good saith, my [...]ouer [...]ours my Witnesse, and I haue lou'd her euer since.

But you neuer saw her face.

No, but ile bee hang'd if I did not loue her Visor the best ere while, though I cou [...]d not tell whose twas, nor which was which.

Good Master Water Widgine, this is no time of night to diue into busines of this depth. It is Nestling time I take it. How thinke you Master Bul [...]inch.

I apprehend it to be past 12 [...] Clocke very neare.

Therefore what your sister hath promis'd you, let her performe if shee can; meane time this Gentleman is my choyse: come Master Nonsense, you haue had a long time of silence. Master Bul [...]inch.

I apprehend you sir.

Weell, [...]e you to the Gate by your leaue Ex Omnes.

Act. III. Sce. I.

What has shee written here? It is the same hand I read in the Morning.

I am not your c [...]unterfeit, or vnchast Constance; But that on­ly Constance, that truely loue you, and that will, if you liue not for me, die for you. Oh that [...] could at any price or penance now redeeme one day! Neuer was hasty Match sooner repented.

Hee's me [...] cholly mee thinkes. Slid my sister may lye long enough languishing for a Ladiship, if this fit hold him: for shee has it not really till he goe to bed and [...]u [...] her.

Will you not goe to bed sir? wee waite for your p [...]ints.

I will. But is it time? Brother, would you would doe me the fauour to inquire.

Yes, ile goe see for the Possets sake.—

Captaine, deale fairely with me. By what mean [...]s ioyned you with this society? or how grew so soone your trust or great acquaintance with them?

Without offence ile tell you. You know this Mor­ning at your Lodging, there past some words betwixt mee, and your sullen Kinsman, Master—indeed la, Tridewell, and from him too much indeed for me, a profest Souldier to beare: But the place protected him. Till after vpon m [...] ­ture consideration I made after him for satisfaction, thus [Page] arm'd as you see. Purposing with this Ropes end to right me; and to maintaine that right with this sword, which I thanke Mars neuer yet faild me; as it hath well beene mani­fested by the effusion of much vnworthy blood of my abu­sers, in France, Spaine, Italy, Poland, Sweden, Hungary, all parts of Germany.

Good Captaine trauell not so farre in your relation: but come home againe to the businesse.

I haue vs'd it in some score or two of Sea fights too by the way.

But to the matter Captaine; where met you my Cosen?

The first sight I recouer'd of him, was as he was en­tring the house of the greasie Knight there, what call you him?

Sir Paul Squelch?

Squelch, I a pox squelch him. I waited a quarter of an houre at his doore, for your Kinsman; and longer I would not, had he beene Kinsman to the Emperour, and my Enemy. Therefore in I went, told Master Tridewell in his eare, my comming was to call him forth, to dischardge the office of a Gentleman with his Sword, in answering those wrongs wherewith I held my reputation wounded. Was it not well, ha? Could a poore Gentleman say more? and that in ciuill fashion very priuately in respect of the company, not shewing any the least distemper, in looke or gesture. But the Women read presently in his countenance the whole matter; and briefly by their pretty perswasion I tooke ordinary satisfaction of him.

What was that Captaine?

Why hee confes [...]'d hee wrong'd me, was sorry for't, and so forth. What should we speake more on't. This you must not speake of neither. You must promise me that o' your honour, as you desire to heare what followes: I loue no ripping vp old so [...]res.

Not a word I, Captaine vpon my word. What a Rascals this! to the point good Captaine.

Then thus sir? I soone perceiu'd, their drist to ap­pease, [Page] & winne me to their friendship was for my assistance, and indeede to beare the [...] out in this nights worke, the Maske. The whole plot of all which was meerely to so we dissention betweene you and your new married Lady, to worke if they can a seperation, before carnall copulation, in which if they can prevaile, and that the dislike continue be­tweene you to that height, that a divorce be required equal­ly by the consent of you both, your Marriage then is frustra­ted, and you stand in stat [...] quo prim dee heare. So your Cosen Tridewell may lawfully pursue his hopes in your Bride, whō he loues as eagerly as the melancholly virgine dotes on you.

But may this hold good in Law Captaine?

There's a Ganon for it Sir. If both parties agree to a divorce after Marriage, so it be before Copulation.

Though the former part of his discourse, was a most egregious lye, yet the last hath some sound of pleasure in it: which I may make vse of.

Come gi'me the instrument. Shall I neuer find thee any where, but thou wilt by iust desert exact a beating from me? Hast thou no conscience? wouldst thou haue me lame my selfe, or melt my grease vpon thee. Come Sir, I haue ouer-heard you all; giue mee the Instrument, the instrument I say. Indeede I'le haue it. So. Now Sir—

Nay Cosen, for the seruice hee hath done you to night, and loue of mee, pardon him this time. Besides, his charge is in the house, at whose charge he liues. You will both shame and vndoe him.

Well Sir, I shall for this time pardon you, and neuer beat you more, it before Sir Phillip here you will subscribe to this. Tis nothing but a faithfull protestation to do reasonable things as I shall appoint, and not to reueale what I shall trust you withall.

If you will couenant on your part in defence of my reputation, to let me rayle at you behinde your backe, I will subscribe▪

Here Sir, I deliuer it as my deede.

Here, and I deliuer you this againe to keepe. Indeed you shall for performance of couenants.

Oh Sir you are defeated. My sister hath fortified her lodging with locks, bolts, barres, and barricados.

To what [...]nd brother: for what cause?

I know not whither it be discontent or wilfulnesse, that possesses her: but you are to haue no entrance there to night. That she has suificiently sworne.

Good.

How! am I denied? To my wish.

Pray let me speake with you Sir.

At large you shall. For though it bee my wedding night you shall be my Bedfellow. Lights there. Good night brother.

Good night Captaine.

How now Goue [...]nour? what has angerd thee? something troubles thy countenance.

Your comming, and the priviledge of this place hath once more preseru'd that vnworthy Tridewell from the ju­stice of my fury, which should haue fallen on him, had he bin tw [...]nd with me by this light.

By this light, Gouernour? would you haue fought by Candl [...]-light.

Sir I dare do't by day light, Moone-light, Star-light.

Ow'e-light.

Any light vnder the S [...]nne. And that shall bee tride well on Tridewel [...] head, dec heare?

A good iest! Tride well vpon Tridewell. He has wit in his anger. But Gouernour, laying your anger aside, let me be behol [...]en to your wit in atchieuing this Northern Lasse. Thy acquaintance with her must be the meanes. Pri­thee goe lye with me, and helpe mee to dreame [...]ut some course. Nay looke now thy furie blowes so high thou dost not heare me.

Not h [...]are? ye [...], were I in a Combat as great as euer I my selfe fought any, I could both heare, and giue counsell. Therefore say vnto your selfe, by the helpe of your [Page] Gouernour shee is your owne.

O Man past example!

But dee heare?

Here, here. Thou shalt haue anything—

Act. III. Sce. II.

Come your wayes huswife. No more of your why­nings, and counterset tricks. If this Gentleman be not worthy of your loue, I am not worthy to be your Vnc [...]e, directly.

Alas, what meane you sir.

Accept of him, you accept of me. if you refuse him you deny me directly.

Shee vnderstands you not a word sir.

If you will ioyne hands and faith with him, Here's your portion, there's your ioincture; if not, your way lies be­fore you, pack directly.

Good sir, consider her disease. If her vnderstanding were direct, you might speake directly to her. But if I haue any discretion shee is too full of melancholly to be purg'd this way.

What would you haue me doe? Or how in your dis­cretion would you councell me?

Not to be mad sir, because shee is melancholly, not by taking a wrong course for her recouery to ruine her, and forfeit your iudgement Doe you thinke, that commands with chidings, threats, or stripes haue power to worke vpon her, when shee has neither will nor reason vvithin her selfe to doe, or not to doe anything whatsoeuer.

Now the g [...]gs vp.

If her health in sense and vnderstanding were perfect: yet as shee is Woman, her will were first to be wrought vpon by faire and gentle treaty. But as shee is at this time so sicke in mind, that knowledge of what shee i [...], what shee do [...], especi­ally of what shee should doe is dead in her, her Mind must bee first recouer'd; and that by a due course, in soft and temperate proceedings; to which fit time as well as meanes must bee [...]i­lovved. Moreouer—

Oh. No moreouers I besee [...]h you, not more of her at this time. I vnderstand your purpose already. I doe directly. Therefore speedily take what course, and vse what meanes shall in your discretion be thought fit. I will subcribe, I will direct­ly [...] to your discre [...]ion. My wise when thee went out of the wo [...]l [...] le [...]t me as great a c [...]e behind her in the charge she gaue me with this Woman, this quick fighted Guide of my house, a blind one were better.

You should first see, if it pleased you, how her affecti­on may b [...]e wrought vpon by the Gentlemans owne faire in­treaty. Pray sir speake to her like a Su [...]er, looke vpon him Sweet heart: This Gentleman loues you. Pray speake sir. Doe you not?

N [...]uer credit me pretty Gentlewoman—

Nor will I, feare it not. Nor any man that sayes hee loues me. For alas! I was too lately sco [...]n'd.

You are a L [...]sse indeed. I pro [...]st and vow, and such [...] [...]ne, as I would bee very [...]rry to appeare any way, or in the least [...], as it were please you to vnderstand me: for Ile be sworne, [...]he [...]e is not in the World.

Truth in swearing, lesse in promising.

If you will beleeue me Lady.

Nor ne man for your sake.

There is not in the world I say—

I say so too sir. What wast I pray.

There is not in the world any Gentlewoman—

Tell that no further; for wee are all too gentle lessen men were lesse cruell.

Heare him speake Constance.

You shall heare me sing first by your leaue.

Poore heart.

Here's wise worke! direct [...]nacy and Ideotismc. Blesse my house from the Ward Masters Informers,

Pray sir, are you sir Phillip?

Say you are.

Yes Lady, I am sir Phillip.

But you are none of my Sparrow. Your mouth's not wide enough for your words.

Shee has stop'd his mouth there.

His words would soften Adamantine eares. And lookes would melt a Marble hea [...]t to teares. O Wea is me!

Nay you must not weepe Swe [...]t-heart.

What [...] I doe them? Shall I euer get him by singing trou yee? Introth I would neuer but sing, if I thought that were the gainest way.

I had rather heare you sing though, then see you weep.

It must bee of my Loue than, my Sparrow as I told you. And thus it goes.

No no, you cannot be the Man. I know him right weel by you sir, as w [...]ly as you be. Gin you had all his trim geere vp­on you, and all his sweets about you, yet I should not bee so fond to mistake a Ienny How let for a Tasse [...] Gentle. Ah, ah, ha.

Why Lone, what faul [...] doe you find in this Gentle­man?

Feath, but eene eane. That her is not [...]ir Phillip. For thus would hee doe. Thus would hee kisse his hand; and thus ta' me by mine. Thus would hee looke, and set his eye on mine: And giue mee lea [...] to see my selfe in's eye [...]. Twas the [Page] best Glasse introth that ere I saw. I nere looke weell fine. Nor ere shall ime sure, vntill I see me there againe.

God you good Euen sir.—

[...]ollow her sir.

And put her to't sir, and out of this humo [...]. Ile add the tother fiue hundred to her portion, and you bring her about handsomely. O when I was a Batchelor! I thinke I can doe somewhat yet in my old dayes. But when I was a Batchelor, how I could haue handled this geere.

Neuer credit me sir, if you will beleeue me but—

I doe beleeue you sir sufficien [...]ly good Master Nonsense. No more of your impertinent speec [...]es. But follow her, and put her to' [...] I say, to' [...] directl [...]. Take her into the Orchard [...] [...]as there shee fell in loue they say It may bee the place is O neno [...].

Sir, there will bee no way for her recouery, but to re­m [...]u. her lodging, and haue some good Phisicians about her.

Where you please; and vse vvhose helpe you please: sh [...]e is your ovvne; dispose of her treely, as I vvill of what is [...] course of life directly. Let me see. Shee [...], past recouery. Say I should marry, I might yet haue an [...] mine ovvne.

Yes, but of whose getting sir?

There might rise a fearefull question.

Thinke not of it sir. A man of your yeares, and gra­uity, vvith the respect the World giues you for your place and vvorship in the Common Wealth, together vvith the riches you haue p [...]ld vp in a Mountainous estate; to cast all dovvne vvith your [...], and fortune at the foot of a stranger I Thinke vvhat vvould be thought of you, if such a dotage should possesse you

Shee's falling into a tedious Lecture.

Pray hovv vvas Master Spartledirt talk'd on tother day for doing such a tricke? yet he vvas held a vvise Lavvyer: You see a faire example in the late Mariage of sir Phillip Luck­lesse, and his Fitchow, a Match of your ovvne making, and [...]use of your Neeces and your ovv [...]e Misfortune.

No more I beseech you.

There's tugging for a Mastery, and buffetting for the breeches. He barks at her, shee snaps at him; shee breaks his wine Glasse, hee her looking Glasse; shee puts away his Ser­uants, hee turnes away hers; shee locks her Chamber dore, he bolts his, begetting nothing but a World of strife and disorder.

I pray shut vp that point, I will not marry. No directly I will not, though the truth is my purpose: was to haue cast my selfe and fortune wholly vpon y [...]u, if [...] might houe seem'd well in your discretion, vmh vmh.

I pray stay a little sir, take me along with you.

Not a step further, this way by your leaue. I thinke I haue pusseld [...]er discretion.

Vnderstand me sir. As I would not haue you fall rash­ly vpon anything; no more would I haue you flie sodainly from any purpose, without advise and sober deliberation. If you should marry one that would be a Comfortable Nurse vnto you, as (though I say' [...]) you partly know—

Say you nothing, [...]er I doe know nothing, nor I will know nothing more of this matter directly: For if euer I ma [...]ry, let me suffer a [...] that the-Law prouides for Periuty; let me bee cropt and slitt worse then a French Curtall, or a parlia­mentall delinquent for blaspheming the blood royall. No, I wi [...] now bestow my wealth in Mo [...]umentall good deedes, and ch [...]ritable vses in my life time, to bee talkd well on when I am dead.

Yes, build Almes houses and Hospitals for beggers, and prouide in Bridewell, and houses of Correction for your frends and ki [...]d [...]ed. Pray giue enough to Bedlem, you may feele some part of that benefit your selfe before you die, if these sits hold you.

Shee would haue me doe no good with that I haue n [...] ­ther. Let mee consider. The most I haue to say directly [...] not beene very well gotten. Were it not a point of good con­science, to spend that prodigally, and saue a [...] And that which I haue g [...]t well and honestly, hath beene [...] much care and trauell; were it not then a point of equity to my selfe, to spend that with ease and pleasure? Tis done di­rectly, what I haue is mine owne; and I will be merry with it. Within there ho.

What's the toy now?

Sirah. Take there twenty peeces. B stow it all pre­sently in choycest meates, and richest Wines for my Supper. This one nights Supper directly. What I haue is mine owne: and I will be merry with it.

Cl [...]. Blesse vs!

Six brace of Partriches, and sixe Pheasants in a Dish. Godvvits, Knots, Quailes, and the rest of the meares ansvve­rable for halfe a score, or a dosen persons of the best quality: vvhom I vvill thinke of presently.

Braine of a dovvne right Iustice! VVhat meanes my Master, to leape out of thirtie shillings a Weeke house kee­ping into tvventie pounds a Supper? I may sell my Clearks place: for sure he meanes to thrust himselfe out of the Com­mission. Hee can be no Iustice long if this humor hold. Who shall be the Guests tro [...]?

I h [...]ue it directly. You shall goe to the Ordinaries, and from thence inuite such young G [...]llants as you find to be Ga [...] ­ [...]rs. I meane of the highest cut.

Men that you doe not know sir?

I directly. If they know me, or haue heard of me tis sufficient: we shall be s [...] one acquainted. Bring not a man with any paid for gold Lase or Searlet about him, I charge you, nor without a Protection in his pocket.

You run a great hazard in this sir. You may perhaps be cheated of all you haue, if I haue any discreation.

And much good do't their good hearts. What I haue is mine owne, and I will bee merry with it directly. You haue put me by one or two courses: But not all your discretion shall beat me out of this. If you take some care in the busines, and huswife the intertainement to make it braue for my credit, you may get a Gowne or a Iewell by it. If not—

Sir ile obey you. If he bee mad I will not bee foolish, bat strike in for a [...]are. And for your Guests sir, let me alone. My man is b [...]st acquainted at the Ordinaries.

Why now you speake.

Within there. Beauis. But introth sir, I doubt whither any such Guests will come, you haue alwayes beene so strict and terrible in your iustitrary courses.

Let him say mine eyes are opened, and their vertue is re­uealed [Page] vnto me. And if any of the youngsters haue Mistrisse [...], let' hem bring'hem. They shall haue Mn [...]cke [...] what I haue is mine owne, and I will be me [...]y with it. My flesh, though not in the way of mariage, requires some satisfaction too. Where might a man in all this plenti [...]ull Towne, find a choyce peece directly that he might make his owne? only his owne? A very hard question. And custome has made it almost an vnreasona­one, though it were in ones owne Wife. In a Cittizens or Tradesmans Wife; a Man must suffer the Riuall-ship of a slo­uenly husband: the stinke of his hornes euer vnder ones nose. A cast Lady, or Gentlewoman of courtly acquaintance, to maintaine her, is to [...]eed a Fountaine, that wasts it selfe through many Spow [...]s: What I supply her with, will be drawne out by twenty. All her friends must share of my prodigality. To traine vp an innocent countrey Girle, is like hatching a Cuc­koe; as soone as shee is ripe, and sees the world afore her, shee flies at her aduantage, and leaues mee dead i'the neast. How now.

Sir, here's a Delinquent brought before your worship to be examined, a Gentlewoman sir.

Who brings her?

Ve [...]hem the Constable sir.

Looke on his feet. Sure tis the Diuell in his likenesse: That old Bawd knowing how it stood with me, has brought me one of his Succubae Art. Sure tis Vexhem?

Sure sir? The diuell himselfe knowes him not better then I know him from the Diuell. I am sure, hee has beene in see with me these nine yeares: almost euer since hee was Con­stable; and has brought more profit to my deske then all the honest Officers in the counties of your Commission sir. Oh hee's a rare fellow, hee'll tickle a Whore in Coany.

You know my mind. I will in and handle this g [...]ere in priuity.

Beauis, You vnderstand me. Prithee goe discreetly about it.

Pray let me see a little of this first.

If I put her to't or euer offer to put any Woman to't againe, neuer credit me: let me neuer be trusted, I protest and [...] Gentlewoman shee has vs'd me—

Very ill fauouredly me thinkes.

Ha' you put herto't sir.

I cannot put her to't, nor she will not be put to't. Sing.

But you are not he Sir. If you b [...], you are wondrously chang'd. I am sure his faults were not written on his forehead. God pardon him.

If mine bee, you can best read'hem, t'is your owne hand-writing.

Shee has done a cure on him. Hee spoke sense now. Alas Sir, that a faire hand should make such blots I what hand i [...] it? Secretar, Romane, Court, or Text? I haue not seene the like: 'tis all dominicall letters, red Inke. His face is like an Almanack of all Holy [...]ayes.

Sure tis Stenography, every Character a word: and here and there one for a whole sentence.

Here's one might serue for a whole History. The life and deatho' Raw head, and Bloody bones.

I see I am not such an Asse, I would I might neuer stir but I am—Wh [...]r [...]'s S [...]r Paull If I doe not tell him—

What did you to prov [...]ke her thus?

Nothing but what I can ans [...]ere in a sort dee see me as well as—neuer [...] credit I had warrant vnder his hand

How Sir?

By word of mou [...]h sir.

That's about hand by your leaue.

Is it so? Good S [...]r, his meaning was, you should put her fairely on like a Louer, with sweet speeches, and gentle be­haviour.

S [...]ee vnd [...]stands nothing that I can speake.

Nor any body else I thinke.

And therefore you fell to expresse your selfe in rude action. Shee has sorn'd you but well: you are a sine putter to't indeede.

Mum to [...]t Mun toot, Muntara rara Muntara ra ra rarie, [Page] And euer I sigh and cray alack for Phillips loue I die.

[...]ust so did our Deyry Mayd at home serue my Lady Fidle­dees Batler. And there I learnt it. But when shee had so done what did shee than doe? Bestow'd a penyworth of Vnguentum Album, and it made him whole presently. Good M^rs. Trayn­well send to your Poth [...]cary for some: 'twill make him wee [...] e'n [...] now.

I sweet-heart: but first you shall goe in the Coach with [...] to the Doctors.

I know I am not weell too. But Ile ha'no Doctor but Sir Phillip.

It shall be Sir Phillip, (poore soule,) all must be Sir Phil­lip. [...]ou shall lye at his house.

But not wi [...]h him by my faith, and your leaue, in't wee be married. Prithee Beauis gar him wash his face hee'll scare some bodies Barnes else.—

Ile throw him into the Dock rather then he shall suc­ceede Iack O'Dandy. Come sir, all shal be wel again. Feare not.

I thanke you sir.

Act. III. Sce. III.

Cosen, I vnderstand you at full. And am glad that oc­casion hath pointed out a probability to lead me out of this la­birinth; and you to your desired end.

Follow but the way you are in Sir, and you shall arriue at your owne wishes.

Shee has put me into't her selfe too.

By sequestring her selfe from you the first night.

For which Cosen, if I take not occasion to keepe my selfe from her, all nights, dayes, and times hereafter, may the act of our bodies beget prodigeous monsters and nothing else.

A fearefull vow! looke too't. And I warrant shee sues for the Divorce first.

May wee proue but as certaine as you are confident in out other proiect, for recalling Constance to her selfe, and mee [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] then to her, these [...]etters being shaken off, may they pro [...]e g [...]l­den ones to you, I shall not envie you.

For her take no thought sir. The intrest I haue in her Tu [...]resse, with the work I haue fashion'd vpon my Anvil, shall bring all to your wish. I expect to heare from him instantly.

Ile freely resigne your wish to you, and adde halfe I haue to a [...]gment her estate to you. Oh I tremble [...]o thinke on her: her presence shakes the house like an earthquake: the out­rage of Prentizes is not so terrible to a Bawd or a Cutpurse, as her voyce is to me. Yet to you shee may be calme as the breath of friendship, and milde as the midnight whispers of chast loue.

Sir, I professe my affection flies eagerly at her. Shee takes me deepely, how euer you haue mistaken one another. Oh here comes my Anvile! Mee thinkes his very countenance invites me to strike him▪ though I know hee dos me good ser­vice now.

Tis done sir. I warrant shee's plac'd, succesfully, dee heare?

How prithee?

I haue sent her before his Worship by a Constable.

Who has he sent? before whose Worship?

You shall know all. He has sent your cast whore before sir Paul.

The Mistery, Gentlemen?

The successe shall vnfold it in good time to your and my benefit? doubt not, if she but follow her instructions.

Nay, if shee be not Mistris of her Art, there is no de­ceit among Trades men, no bribery among Officers, no bank­rupt out of Ludgate, nor Whore out of Bridewell.

And if I ha' not fitted her with a Second, my friend vex h [...]m, the Constable, then say there is no wit among Kna [...]es, no want among Schollers, no rest in the graue, nor vnquietnesse in Mariage, dee heare?

Of which here comes the truest testimony.

Out of my doores thou Miscreant.

Nay sister. O governour, art here.

Avoyd my house, and that presently, Ile claw your skin [Page] off after your Liuory else, and make you so much nakeder then time makes all other seruing Creatures.

Doe you talke of turning away my Man? You shall give me leaue to turne away your Howdee first, and then put off my, God a mercy how dost thou.

Am I ieerd? flowted to my face? Is this fit vsage for a Wife?

A Wife? a Witch.

A Husband? a Hangman.

Out pusse.

Nay sir, indeed the fault is yours most extreamly now. Pray sir forbeare to straine beyond a Womans patience.

Am I scornd and reuild?

Ah, ha ha.

Made a property for laughter?

A ha, ha.

Haue I no friend, no Seruant to command?

Ah ha, ha,

Has my Ladiship made me so lamentable a thing, that I haue lost the power of a Mistris? You sir, run and call some frends to succour me, or Ile thratle you.

Stirre but a foot sirah, or vtter but a sillable, and ile cut your thratle pipe.

I shall be caru'd out betwixt them.

What will become of me? you, VVood-cock, Nini­hammer.

Haue you forgot my name sister? would not Widgin [...] become your mouth, as wel? forget your natural brothers name?

Can you call me sister, and see me abus'd thus?

Foutre for sisters; I am not to medle with an other mans Wife. I am about one for my selfe. You mention'd her first to me. But I must be be holden to others wits and meanes to compasse her: or else—

Doe as I bid you, or—

O sir shee'll rend me in peeces, teare me like a Larke.

Dost thou feare her or me. Do't or I—

Sir, there's Master Walt [...]r can sing it rarely.

So he shall sir, and so will all; but you must put vs in. Beginne.

Hey downe downe, &c.

S [...]ster, VVife, and a [...]l, is a present nothing to this. Come rou [...]d Gentlemen▪ Keepe her but off, and let me alone.

They all take hands, and dance round. VVidgine in the midst sings this Song. They all b [...]are the burden, while she [...] scold [...] and striues to be amongst'hem. T [...]ewell holds [...] off.

—Hey downe downe derry downe downe downe, &c.

I cry you mercy Gallants. I apprehend you would bee priuate.

O [...] M [...]ster Bulfinch, you shall make one of our Counc [...]ll.

I appreh [...]n [...] Gen [...]lemen you are merrily dispos'd; in good [...]adnesse.

App [...]e [...]end a [...]o [...]les head. Come into play.

I, [...] with him, and about againe.

O scorne vpon scorne, torment vpon torment. Let me rather be buried aliue then beare this. [...] Shee gets loose. Slaues, Rascals, get yee all out of my doores. By vertue of my nayles, I cha [...]g [...] yee. [...]e not leaue an Eye [...] a No [...]e amongst yee

Sure I [...] apprehend this [...] as [...]ight as could bee possi [...]le the wrong way.

Madame, I see too much of your vexation; and in­deed I suffer too much with you. As I am a Gentleman I will giue you right frendly Counc [...]ll, if you will heare me.

Sir I ha [...]e per [...]'d humanity in you and doe loue it in you. But I know not what to doe, nor whom to heare. I am fallen [...]nto the pit of bondage, and will take any course for my Redemption. Oh Master Bulfinch.

This will make to my purpose.

Sir I am wrong [...] b [...]yond e [...]pression. This Gentleman is an eye witnes of my suffrings. Pray come in Sir. I will heare your counsell together with this Gentlemans aduise.

Madam [...], your case is in my apprehension, most d [...]sperate, yet [...] comfort in regard you seeke ad [...]ise and counse [...]l. Mine is euer ready, and more fortunate oftentimes the [...]. For I doe nothing but vpon good reason and de [...]beration.

Act. IIII. Sce. I.

Sir I bes [...]ch your worship, deale not so seuerely with mee.

Sirah I will teach you how to deale with Dealers, and not with vertuous Gentlewomen; bring Innocency before Iustice; and be able to lay nothing to her charge.

Indeed sir, the Captaine inform'd me of her; and said he would be here ready to accuse her. Good sir.

Most officious Sir. What warrant had you? None. What is the Captaines name? you know not. Where's his lodge­ing? you are ignorant. But here was your cunning; it appeares most plainely, that you thinking her to bee one of the trade, thought to make a Prey of her pu [...]se: which since your affright­ment, could not make her open vnto you, you thought to make her Innocency smart for't. I will make your Knauery smart for't directly. Come is the Mittimus ready? gi' mee't—

Good your worship, hold your hand. For my poore familie sake.

Here take him forth, and let the next Constable conuey him to Nowgate.

Sir 'tis the first time that euer I offended in this kind. I pray your worship be of a better mind towards me.

Away I say directly. As I am in my right Mind and Midlesex. I will shew my iustice on thee.

Ah, ha, ha.

Do's the Knaue laugh? Bring him backe. May a man aske the cause of your Mirth? Vex. Sir I haue laught at the vex­ation of a thousand in my dayes. I hope I may haue lea [...]e once in my life to laugh at mine owne.

Oh is it so? Pray hold you merry sir.

Ah, ha, ha, ha—

Now Lady, whereas you were brought before me as a Delinquent, I retaine you as my Mistris. I like her beyond measure. A pretty young thing: new brought to a pace! Ah, h [...]! Shee has committed a little Countrey folly, as shee priu [...]tely confesses. Whats that [...] It may stand in ranke with that they call vertue here; and then shee is content to li [...]e as priuately as I please. Shee shall vp, I will winter and sommer her before shee shall see a high way of this Towne. Shee's for my turne directly. Mistris Holdup, is your [...] say you?

Camitha Holdup sir. A poore Gentlewoman. My fa­ther [Page] bore the office of a Commissioner for the peace in the VVest countrey, till Misfortune wr [...]gth his estate out of his hands.

Holdup! I haue heard of him, and know what twas that sunke him. Hee liu'd by the Sea side; twas trading with the Pirats. Buying their goods, and selling them victuals;

Tis too true sir. He paid so dearely for't at last, that I haue no more, but my bare breeding, and what I beare about me to liue vpon.

Which is enough [...] enough directly; if you can beare your selfe discreetly, and containe your selfe within those bounds of Fortune, in which Ile plant you. Alas good soule, weepe not; let Money and Authority bee thy comfort. By which tho [...] shalt fe [...]le no want, nor feare no danger. But to our busines. I haue already acquainted you with my Neece Constances disease, and that shee is remou'd out of my house for her health. I will lodge you at a trusty Tenants house where she is vnknowen. You shall take her name vpon you.

Which is mine owne already.

And if you can but a little counterfet her Melancholly, you may freely passe for her; and my accesses to thee, my sweet Girle, shall crowne vs with f [...]lnes of delight and pleasure.

Sir, you haue most worthily made me your owne; and all my study shall be to obey you.

Now had I but [...] fit attendant for the person of my loue▪

Some simple honest body sir.

Then we were fitted. How now.

My Lady Lucklesse man desire to speake with you.

Stand you by vnseene a while. Send him in. I doe ex­pect some Message now, in the behalfe of her vnlucky Lady­ships wise brother, Master Widgi [...]e, tou [...]hing my Neece. Now stend how do's my good Lady?

I left her very ill sir; for she has beaten me, and thrust me out of doores with her owne hands, without penny in my purse, or other Cloake o'my back, then the bare Liuory, that a cast Se [...]uing man can not shake off, of Kna [...]e and Beggar.

Thou leftest her very ill indeed. But well, thou wouldst haue me bee a meanes to reestablish thee in thy Lady.

In her seruice sir.

I speake by a figure Humfrey: for to be inward with, or indeed within a Mistris, is to be a ser [...]e in the most Court­ly phrase.

I sir. Those are conuenient S [...]uants sir. Wee are co­uenant seruants. They are respected aboue husbands: Wee abased beneath slaues. They purchase place, honors, and offi­ces oftentimes with their Ladies [...], when wee finde not our wages without hard words, and are in feare, (poore [...]akes) to haue our sloughes pulled ouer our ear [...]s before the yeare goe about. Wee drudge for our Ladies, they play with their La­dies: But the best is, wee labour and sweat it out for our La­dies, when they are faine to tal [...]e Physick, and lye in for their Ladies.

Most intelligent Humfrey. Let vs retire to the pur­pose. Put [...]ase I haue a Mistris in store for you; to whom I may comm [...]nd you vpon my owne credit, and vndertake for your entertainment and meanes by my owne purse. What would you say? what would you doe?

Sir, I will say ouer the Gent. vshers Grammar to you, and doe her seruice by the rules.

Well said directly. Incipe Humfride. Say your part.

In a Gentleman Vsher there be eight parts. Boldnesse, Neatnesse, [...]attery and Secresie, rewarded. Diligence, Obedi­ence Tru [...]h and Hon [...]sty, vnrewarded.

What is his B [...]ldnesse.

His Boldness [...] is the vse of his Manhood in right of his Ladi [...]s honour, degree, place or priuiledge, at home, abr [...]ad, in priuate or publique meeting, for the hand, for the w [...]ll, for the what she will, [...]or the what she calls.

How is it rewarded?

By obtainin [...] of Sutes made out of cast Gownes or P [...]icoates. Which if [...] be a Taylor, as most of our middle sort of Professours are, hee is thereby made a Man in spight of the prouerbe, and th [...]ust into the high way of aduancement.

Perge Humfrey His neatnesse now?

His neatnesse consists most diue [...]sly▪ sir. Not on [...]ly in the decent wearing of those cloathes and c [...]eane linnen, pruning his hair [...], rufsling his Boo [...]es, or ordring his shooe [...] tyes; these are poore expressions, a [...]ourney man Barbar will doo't. But to [Page] doe his office neatly, his g [...]rb [...], his pace, his postures, his co [...]es on and his comes off, complement [...], his visites [...] ▪

His Howdees.

In which a profound iudgement [...]ould be pussell [...]d.

I beleeue thee.

And the most absolute or artificiall memory set o'the rack. To be able to relate how this Ladies tooth does; and to­ther La [...]ies toe. How this Ladies Milk does: and how [...]others Doctor lik'd her last water: how this Ladies husban [...]; and how tother Ladies dogge slept last night: how this childe, that Monk [...]y, this Nurse, that Parrat, and a [...]thousand such. Then his neatnesse in Chamber-wo [...]ke, or about the person of his Lady, in case her Mayd or her Woman be otherwise occupied, to con­uey a pin into her r [...]ffe neatly, or adde a help to her head dres­sing, as well as Iohn among the Maydes, Lastly, his dexterity in Caruing, and his discretion in Marshalling of meates; to giue eu [...]ry messe the due seruice, and euery dish his lawfull prehe­minence.

And how is this neatnesse rewarded Humfrey?

Doubly sir: at boord and at bed▪ by good bits, and the loue of the Chambermayd.

Well Humfrey, because wee will not make this scene too long, we will omit the rest: onely why are your last foure parts, Diligence, Obedience, Truth and Honesty vnrewarded?

Sir. They are parts that spring out of vertue, and are therefore borne with their reward in their mouthes, and ought to expect no further from any seruice in these times.

Most edifying Humfrey. I haue a Mistris in store for thee.

I long to see her sir.

Didst thou never see my Neece Constance?

No sir. But I haue heard shee is diseas'd with Melan­cholly; and if she should proue mad too, like my old Lady, I were then as farre to seeke as ere I was.

Feare it not Hum [...]rey. My [...] ease thy care. Neece come forth.

I shall fit you with a ser­uant. Fall to your Postures Humfrey. Your C [...]rbe.

So. Your Pace. So. Your Congie. So. Hand your Lady. Good. Arme your Lady. Good still. Side your Lady. Very good. Draw out your Lady. Excellent. Pre­sent [Page] your Lady. Singular well, good Humfrey.

Sir, I can Shoulder my Lady too: but that is when [...] takes Co [...]ch; and Foot my Lady, when she alights.

Precious Humfrey, I admire thy Art.

I learnt all of a good old Ladies man in the Strand sir, that must be namelesse.

Now Humfrey, Walke your Lady to the Burse.

O most Hostlerly spoken! Vnder correction sir, Wayt your Lady I pray sir.

Well said Humfrey. Here's something for my instru­ction. Now wayt your Lady to the Burse. She has some tri [...]les to buy there. I will finde you there presently, and conduct you to your lodging.

What shall I doe with all this sir? I would indeed but buy an ounce or two of threed; some Netting pins and Needles, an [...] a Frame to flourish my worke on. Hereafter I will worke in gold and siluer, if you please, for your owne wearing.

As I would wish! her simplicity takes mee aboue her beauty. Goe I say. I'le follow. Mee thinkes I eene feele my selfe, thanke my selfe for being in this good humour. What I haue is mine owne, and I will be merry with it directly. —

Act. IIII. Sce. II.

Gentlemen, you now know the calamity I suffer vn­der. And you haue sh [...]w'd mee the best way to comfort: for which I thanke you. I haue giuen you my resolution for a Di­vo [...]ce, vpon condition. Before which, I must promise you no­thing sir. But I assure you in the meane time, you stand prime in my affection: for I haue in all found you a right worthy Gentleman.

Madame, I haue not vtterance to declare my acceptance of your loue. It must therefore be lock'd vp in my breast, the treasure of my heart. Now for the condition vpon which your Divorce depends, we must see that perform'd, and then—

Sir, I will make good more then I now may promise.

You speake nobly.

It relishe [...] a little [...] do much of womanly [...]lfulnesse I confesse. But all my wilfulnesse (that I'le promise you sir) shall die in the end of this businesse.

Well then, before your discreet neighbour M. Bulfi [...]ch here. If you haue not your will in this, I will disclaime in your favour hereafter. Sir, the condition is (as you may remember—

I apprehend it Sir. That sir Paul Squelch his Neece be first married or contracted, and then she consents to a divorce: And that you be assistant to her brother here to obtaine her for him.

To which I promise my ready helpe, onely I must not appeare in the businesse.

I will onely appeare in it, for I will not be seene in the [...]atter.

As how sir?

As thus sir. I will keepe your counsell: not onely in holding my peace to all the vvorld, but in saying nothing to sir Paul himselfe. Dee apprehend me sir?

And thanke you sir. Now every man to his part M. Widgine, You haue both your sisters and my best directions al­ready, which I doubt not but with the helpe of your Governor you will make good vse of. Madame will you in, and but wish well to our proceedings, and trouble your thoughts no further.

Sir, what helpe he has of me, is for the Ladies and his owne sake, not your's dee heare.

No blustring now good Governour: Prithee restraine thy fury. Thou canst never heare nor speak to that Gent. with any patience; and yet he is on our side now. Prithee let's loose no time. I never [...]ong'd more for my mothers comming from a Christning, then to be at this Northern Lasse.—

Act. IIII. Sce. III.

Wanton, you haue begun propitiously: Proceede but confidently, and I'le warrant thee a wealthy husband by it, or a composition that may proue the better purchase.

Sir, be you and thi [...] Lady but as confident of my fideli­ty, [Page] and trust me in this action, and if I breake not the toyles your Kinsm [...]n is in, and make you Mistris of my Intrest in sir Paul, let all the good you intended me, bee a lockram Co [...]fe, a blew Gowne, a Wheele and a cleane Whip. You are sure the Lady will yeild to Diuorce, if Constance whom I now perso [...]ate be first maried or contracted.

Right. Shee do's but hold off till then, and that wilful­ly; because shee feares it is for Constances loue onely, that her Husband desires the Divorce.

And you are sure that Constance is safe from her disco­uery.

I vpon the hazard of my discretion.

To any then that knowes her not very well, If I ap­peare not the same Constance—you haue giuen me her Chara­cter right?

The best that we can possibly.

Nay, I haue a fu [...]ther helpe then, you both imagine yet.

May wee know it.

It shall be no secret. My Seruant Howdee, whom you and sir Paul, suppose his Lady turn'd away, was by her Ladi­ship taught onely to faigne it; and cunningly instructed to worke himselfe into the se [...]uice of Constance, to further her brothers proceedings. And since fortune has put him vpon me, whom hee takes to bee the same Mistris, if I make not [...]pt vse of it—

Tis most fairely omenous. Come Lady. Hee cannot. but bee at hand; and our stay may doe hurt, (You remember the Doctors lodging I told you of, and sir Phillips appointment to m [...]et you there an houre hence?

All sir. I would vse no other. She is there already. Ex.

No more then; away. Fare you well sweet Creature.

If my deceit now, should bee disco [...]ered, before my worke be ended, my Brain tricks might perhaps, in stead of all these faire hopes, Purchase me the Lash. fore Ve [...]us. my flesh [...] trembles to thinke on't. It brings likewise into my consi­deration, the basenesse of my condition; how much vnpittied the punishment of a Whore is, an [...] how sodainely it ouertakes her? My ioynt Con [...]piratours are in no danger. I only run the [Page] hazard, though they are as deepe in fact as my s [...]lfe. Well. If I scape this pull, and draw any fortune by't, ile change my function sure. A common Whore? Ile be a Nun rather. They come most fitly, and I must into my fit—Withdrawes behind the [...]anging.

Act. IIII. Sce. IIII.

Indeed sir, it was my Ladies plot, but you must take no notice of it.

Ile thanke her with all my heart, and shee shall neuer know on't.

But if sir Paul, my now Master should discouer my deceit, how shall I scape his vengeance.

What dost thou thinke of me, weake fellow? Am not I a Commander, ha?

I, in the warre Captaine: but hee is a Iustice of Peace, and a Commander of Captaines in Midlesex, sends two or three drunken Ones to Newgate at a clap sometimes.

Feare no discouery Humfrey. Let me but see her, and Ile warrant thee.

Shee'll see none but sir Phillip, you must be no body else. Remember that: you must know no other name you haue. Now if you can sir Phillip it handsomely there's it.

I warrant thee, and my Gouernour shall sir Phillip me at euery word; and if I doe [...]ot sir Phillip her, better then euer shee was Phillips in her life, then say I am no Legitimate Widgine.

[...]is pa [...] your [...]rength or reach either by forty I be­leeue. I doubt your midle finger is too short Master Widgin [...].

Well, I must venter it. Here shee comes. Has a Baby.

What's shee doing. Ods me [...] making a Baby I thinke Are you good at that ifaith? Ile be at that sport with you, it shall cost me a fall else.

Oh shee has a hundred such [...] pish toyes. E [...]ne now shee was great with Child for [...]ooth as shee could goe. And was perswaded she had a Child as big as I in her belly. I won­dred at it, and shee told me shee had had a hundred there as big in her dayes.

What, what?

I but shee knew not what shee said. By and by, I must be a Man-Midwife forsooth and deliuer her: for twas past all Womans skill? Now shee thinkes shee is brought a bed, and nurses the Child her selfe.

And who's the father?

O none but sir Phillip.

[...]le father it as well as hee. I [...]t a Boy or a Girle trow▪ Would shee would make a Christning Banquet while wee are here. Harke shee sings.

How is this pretty Mrs. Con [...]ance, that you complaine of your Loue before he be lost?

Who be you I pray?

Pray thee tell her Gouernour. I ha'not the heart to lye now.

It is sir Phillip Lady, come to doe you right. De [...] heare?

Yes sir, I heare you vary weell; and could [...]ene wish [...] my heart I could beleeue you.

Speake your selfe sir.

You may Mistris Constance; for as I am an honest man, [Page] I neuer meant to wrong you.

I doe bele [...]ue you sir. But pray prote [...] no more by that name till you make your selfe such by marying me. You haue getten a barne by me, I is sure o'that.

I come for the same purpose Sweet-heart. Ile both father and keepe thy Child, and make thee an honest Woman. Giue mee your hand before this Gentleman, and your Seruant here; and say but the word; [...]le get a Licence presently, fetch you away, and dispatch you to night.

Marry mee, marry me, quoth the bo [...]y Lasse: and when will you beginne.

As for thy w [...]dding Lasse wee' [...] doe well enough, in spight [...]' the best o' thy Kinne.

I can but thanke you, obey you, and pray for you sir.

Gouernour; wilt thou beleeue me? It ee [...]e pitties my heart, to wrong so sweet a peece of simplicity. But Fortune has drest her for me to seed on; and Ile fall to.

Or the Deuill to choake you. Well boystrous Master Tridewell, your Ropes end hath driuen me into a busines, here, deserues a whole Rope. But I hope that Dostiny attends not me, though this Mariage be his: And since it is his Fate, faire be­fall it him, I am discharg'd

Come Gouernour, we are agreed [...] lets goe that wee may hye vs againe, and dispatch.

Nay sir. You shall not say, you married me for nought: you shall heare me sing before you goe.

What an Owsell tis [...] shee meanes hee shall marry her for a Song. B [...]rlady a competent Moderne portion.

By my troth tis pretty.

And by my conscience tis true, twere made [...] Durham, on a Lasse of my bignesse.

And in thy clothes I beleeue.

But will you be gan now, than all my ioy leaues me.

Sweet soule, thou shalt haue thy ioy againe. I will ioy thee, enioy thee, and ouer ioy thee. Gouernour let vs fly about this busines. I will not sleepe, before I haue got a License, stolne her away, wedded her, bedded her, and put her in her wits againe.

Are you able to doe that thinke you?

Ile warrant thee: for all Maids are mad till they be [...] maried.

What say you to that Lady. P [...]x on you, I run [...] sweet hazard to aduance your fortune, doe I not?

Remember your Couenant with Master Tridewell Captaine. And when the worke is done, here's my hand, you shall partake of what I get by't. And harke you.

Shee may perhaps, when shee comes to her selfe, and finds me to be no sir Phillip, be a litle startled. But I meane the f [...]st night to put so much of my owne loue into her, as shall worke out his I doubt not, or any his that came there before mee.

O Gentlemen! my Masters comming, alls spoild if hee take you. Part quickly.

Is mine Vncle comd? and mun we part than?

Kisse, and part; kisse and part.

Sweet heart, not a word of mee till I come to fetch you off with honour.

All be [...]isons bee with you. Indeed you be the goodli­est man, that ere made Maiden faine.

Poore heart shee dotes. I doe not know how much I am in debt to my conscience, till I haue made her amends. —

This may breed good blood. If I come but as well off o' my old Vncle, as [...]like to come on with my young Cose [...], here will be a match vnlook'd for; a match vvithout treaty; a m [...]tch vntalk'd or vnheard of. Hee is comming before I haue shifted my [...]ace. Mee thinks I heare the rusting of [...]is bristles hither. [...]et my lips must stand the assault; pray loue the Por­cupine, leaue none of his quills in 'hem.

Act. IIII. Sce. V.

Where's my Girle? My hony sweet Girle? Kisse m [...]e; [...] I say directly: I'le s [...]cure thee. As I am a Man of Authori­ty, and that of Midlesex, I 'le secure thee. Ha my Las [...], these lips haue the true Elixi [...] in 'hem indeede, to restore youth and strength; past all Medeas charmes, or vvhat the Poets vvould haue fai [...]'d. How now [...] Loue? I hope my Neeces habit has not wrought her di [...]ease into thee.

No: now I see you sir, I am well: perfectly well: yet pardon me sir. Your absence cannot but breed me feare, when I haue leasure to thinke on my vnworthy condition, and the danger I vndergoe in't.

'Twas a thousand pitties that this Wench was seduc'd. Shee might haue ma [...]e a Wi [...]e for a good Esquire. Shee would serue a Tradesman yet, most vnblemishably. And vvhen I haue done vvith her, doing that f [...]r her, as I meane to doe. She may perhaps match with a younger brother, purchase him a place, aduance his fortune, to bee able in the end to repay h [...]r vvith a Ladiship. 'Tis not vvithout a president; and I will help her to follow the example directly. For vvhat I haue is mine owne, and I vvill be merry vvith it. Ha my bird, my chick [...] Kisse me. Kisse me vp. So. Kisse me vp I say. So againe. Thou hast don't directly. Maintaine it now, vvith a cordiall [...]isse. So, so, so▪ Good. Very good; and while it is so, a vvord with you in pri­uate. Come my bird, mh mh mh.

Sit, there's a vvoman below.—

Sir, vvhat haue I to doe with any vvoman below: Doe you with your vvoman below, I am very well here.

Is the olde man mad trow. Sir, shee will haue to doe with you aboue, if you speak not with her below. I had much a doe to keepe her downe stayres, her case is so lamentable she sayes. I neuer saw a vvoman so importunate in my life sir. You must downe sir.

I am downe already. All's naught. What limb of the devill is' [...]? Do'st thou know her?

Shee sayes shee is vvife to a Constable s [...]r, that you lately committed; and if your Wor. dos not release him pre­sently, that hee's vndone, and shee's vndone, all their children ar [...] vndone, that vnborne in her belly is vndone, and I know not how many more are vndone for euer.

Hell take her. How could she know that I was here?

Shee spied you in the Streete sir, and followed you, and follow you shee vvould, had you gone into the Priuy Chamber she sweares; her cause enforces her she sayes. And shee is so great with childe too, that no man dares giue her a thrust to keepe her back. I heare her blow vp stayres.

Keepe her downe, I'le follow thee—

Good sir be pittifull for the vvomans sake, and release him. Perhaps her reckoning is out, and she has no body to call the Midwife.

I must home to my Clearke then: for I cannot write here; nor do any good besides I am so vex'd. But I will returne to th [...]e in the evening, Duck: And since I am so apt to be spied, [...] will come disguis'd.

Indeed I'le put out the Candle when you are here then, for I shall never endure to [...]ee other shape of Man. O these trunke ho [...] are a comely wearing.

I will be [...]i [...]guis'd directly. I will runne through all the shapes of Iupi [...]er, befor [...] I will againe be prevented. Fare­well. O my [...]weet! At seuen in the eu [...]ning expect me.—

Sweet sayst thou? Thou art not I'le sweare. I am glad he was prevented. I should never held out a course with him, that cannot endure a breathing: a Cheese-shop on fire cannot out-stinke him.

Your Vncle's gone Mistris, and sayes hee will be here at seuen a clock ag [...]ine. But shall I tell you a fiue thing Mistris?

Yea marry Humfrey, what may that be and tis not of Sir Phillip

But it is of him Mistris. Hee sayes hee will bring a Coach for your at sixe a clock to fetch you away: will you goe with him?

By my saule that will I an't be all the world over.

How shall you Vncle finde you at 7 then?

Wee'll leaue him at six and seauens. I meane betwixt both. 'Twill be trim trust me. And hear'st thou me Humfrey. Thou must bid Mistris Traynwell [...] to me a little before six [...] for a very good reason.

Hmh —

Nay, it shall hinder nothing. Wee 'le away the faster.

I thinke she be in her wits already. If not, I must hu­mour her, though I bee put to the trouble to shift her away againe. Shee shall marre no sport that's certaine.

Come with me Humfrey, thou shalt goe eene now, and tell her; and I'le be packing vp the while. —

This Clinches. I shall winne my Ladies heart for euer. To mannage two such bus [...]n [...]sses more, were enough to raise me Agent for a State.

Act. V. Scene I.

To discourse a tedious Lecture vnto you, Lady, in speaking philosophically of the disease of Melancholly, were to shew more learning then discretion. There are large volumes of it in Print, to very slender purpose.

Sir, I desire rather your discretion, then the glosse of Learning. I am rather govern'd by the wholsome effects of the one, then the smooth directions o [...] the other.

To the point then Lady. I see no reason why I should vexe and torment this delicate and tender body, with Physick. Her disease is Melancholly; The cause of this disease I haue found apparantly in the two houres probation since you left her with me, to be Loue, which shee hath so greedily taken in, that it hath overwhelm'd her spirits, and turn'd the faculties of all her senses into a rude confusion, sending forth the vse of them extravagantly.

Sir, I must not onely approue, but applaud your skill. Tis loue indeed, And [...] am right glad that your opinion iumps with my owne knowledge: for now I doubt not of your speedy addresse to the cure.

'Tis done in three words. The Party that shee loues, must be the Doctor, the Medicine, and the Cure.

Sir, the Gentl [...]man is below, he came with me, onely I would not bring him to her fight vvithout your approbation, [...]caring it might doe hurt.

Pray call him vp, on perill of my judgement.

G [...]ue me your hand M^rs. Constance. I haue good newes for you.

Tis a lo [...]g whayle [...]ine I hear [...] ony.

The Gentleman, whom you loue best, shall be your bed­fellow.

He is wed already Sir. Another wife would gar him be put downe at gallowes: an [...] I vvould not [...]ee sh [...]e for all the wordly good that ere I [...]aw with [...]. And o' my consci [...]nce I [...]e be none of his [...]

She pra [...]tl [...]s very prettily me thinks. [...] already? Sure Cupid shot you with a f [...]or [...]ed arrow out o [...] his Crosbow. But what will you say Lady, i [...] by my Ar [...] I [...] this Gent [...]e­man vnmarried againe, and a Suter vnto y [...]u pr [...]sen [...]ly?

Marry▪ shall I tell you what I'le say sir? Th [...]t d [...]serues hanging worse then tother [...]at [...]er, you would poyson his vvife by your Art, wod yee? and make your gowne th [...]re the Hang­mans [...]ee the second time? It lookes as it had beene once his already; and you like such a Doctor I mu [...] tell yee, by your leaue. God bl [...]sse me fro thee. M^rs. Traynwell where are you?

Out of her wits say they? I feare shee is [...] then all of vs, that haue to doe with her. Shee knowes my gowne b [...]tter th [...]n I doe: for I haue had but two ho [...]res acquaintance with it. 'Tis [...]o longer since I hir'd it of the hangmans Mer­cha [...]t a Broker. It might ha' beene Lopus gowne for ought I know.

Act. V. Scene. II.

They are falne out I thinke.

O M^rs. Traynwell, for deare Charities [...]ake ha' me soone [...] [Page] [...] this Man: for I'le nere take ony thing at him. Hee talkes of poysoning.

By my faith you wrong me: Nor of any poysoning pur­po [...]e. I was but putting a case of—

Pray put vp your Pipes sir. I like not your Musicke: troth nor his countenance nather. Sweet M^rs. Traynwell gar me be shut on him. Now all the joyes of Immortality light o' yee sir.

Is that the Gent?

Yes sir. Pray obserue. But how fell you out sir?

I must first [...]alute him by your favo [...]r. Sir, all the accu­mul [...]tions of honour showre downe vpon you.

S [...]r. May you r [...]pe the vvhole harvest of your fruit­full wishes.

Deare sir, keep [...] further fro' him.

But one vvord sweet Lady; and you shall haue the vvhole benefit of h [...]s presence to your s [...]lfe.

[...]e not afraid sweet-heart, he dares not hurt sir Phillip.

In [...]roth he breathes to neare him.

[...] wa [...]rant y [...]u. What has hee done to m [...]ue her thus? I know not what thi [...] [...] Doctor is. But M. Tridewell put me vpon him; and his [...]pproved honesty has and must kill all m [...]s [...]rust in me.

Your C [...]ach is ready at dore you say.

Ye [...] my most d [...]licate Doctor.

As you finde her then after a few vvords away vvith her. I haue [...] my part sir. I' le hold the discreet [...]o­uernesse in talke in the nex [...] roome.

But one word call yee this?

I ha' done sweet soule. Lady I haue instructed the gent. shall we l [...]au [...] th [...]m?

One vvord, by your leaue first M. Doctor, and I'le at­tend you. Sir not alone my Discretion, but my Reputation lies at stake: and I make no doubt of your noblenesse vpon your Kin [...]mans word, my Complotter in this busines. Therefore while I hold argument with the Doctor (who shal by no meanes perceiue our deceit) slip you away with her in your Coach, where M. Tridewell▪ hath appointed, till the Eueni [...]g; and let me alone to scuffle with the old man the while▪ And then I doubt [Page] not all our troblesome labours shall haue a peaceable end. Ile send old Mad-cap to your Lady in a Thunder-clap. But nobl [...] sir, your reputation—

My life and honour be her Guard, and your security.

No more sir. Ile lay no coniurations vpon so noble a spirit. Come Master Doctor—

But doe you loue me Constance?

O right weell sir.

And will you be my Woman?

I is sure, ile nener be mine owne els [...].

But you will not goe away with m [...]c now, if I request you?

Any whither but to bed before wee be married.

What from your Gouernesse, your Vncle, and all the World?

And thanke you too sir. And ta' mee but fro' this ill looking Doctor; for I shall be weell with you sir.

Come, since you trust me so well, wee two will not part till wee are lawfully made one.

Heauen blisse the houre you speake in, and all Saints be with [...]sses.

Act. V. Sce. III.

Where's this Doctor? where's this melancholly Gen­tlewoman?

O me is hee come?

Is this her Vncle?

E [...]en he sir. Where's my charge; Mistris Constance?

S [...]ue yee sir Ile goe find her—

Where's my charge? Ile goe find her! What's the meaning?

Shee was here but now sir, while the Musick plaid. And wee withdrew our sclues, thinking she might sleepe sir.

There went a Coach away as I came in. Whole was it?

A C [...]ach sir? Alas I am affraid; my flesh trembles.

At what in your great Master the Diuels name? Where's my Ncece?

Sir here came in one Master Widgine, the Lady Luckt [...]s brother—

Well.

As acquainted with the Doctor sir—

VVell, well.

And he saw her sir. But seem'd to depart, when wee withdrew our selues to talke about the cure.

Very very well. While you were wisely talking a­bout the cure, a Widgine flies away with the Patient. Where's this Doctor? Doctor I say. Doctor! Hee's run away too, my life on't. A meere plot, a Conspiracie; tis so directly, below there. I can not see how it can bee otherwise.

Saw you the Doctor? Yes sir, hee went now forth at the water-Gate, and tooke boat in hast.

Exceeding well▪ How came your Discretion acquain­ted with this Doctor?

Sir he was reported to me by very good Iudgements, to be a rare Practitioner.

A most rare fellow, and do's admirable tricks, by slight of heeles. But I may perhaps out-run 'hem—

My purge workes as I wisht. I am amus'd though at the flight of the Doctor. But I haue too many businesses to in­tertaine new thoughts.

Act. V. Sce. V.

May I belceue it, Good sir? may I be so happy, that my brother has her?

As I haue truth in me, I am most credibly told so. Mary the worst is, her Vncle is so mad at their escape, th [...]t hee will neuer giue consent to the match, whereby her portion will bee lesse.

Hang him Clod. My will shall be a portion su [...]ficient to my brother, I care not, though hee giue her not a penny, so VVat has the Wench.

Make you noe more doubt of that, then I doe Ma­dame, who haue vpon the report of it already, prepard the Learned of the Ciuill Law, those that you nominated of your good acquaintance, and are forward to doe you the best office, [Page] who haue appointed to meet before the Iu [...]ge of the Archdeaa­cous Court p [...]esent [...]y, whither I haue promised to bring, and will attend you.

But the other side must be summond by processe.

Sir Phill [...]p hath wa [...]ning already M [...]dame; and with­out needlesse processe will bee there before you, and wait your co [...]ming. So that my selfe and his serua [...]t, who haue neuer beene both absent from one of your companies, since your Mariage, iustly deposi [...]g you ne [...]er did the reallest Rite of Ma­riage, the bed o [...]lice, Madame; y [...]u both consenting, and d [...]si­ring a Diuorce, It i [...] inst [...]ncly g [...]au [...]ed, with [...]ut any procee­dings i [...] Law. So that all will be euded in three whispers. Ods pitty, looke who here is.

Act. V. Sce. V.

O are you here my Lady Lu kiesse?

Twas time you found me sir; you might ha'mistaken my name else. F [...]r withi [...] this heure, [...] m [...]ght haue retu [...]'d the ancient title of your friend, and Awdery F [...]tchow.

Slow wov, where is my N [...]?

Where are your wits si [...]? you come vpon me inde [...]d [...] What Neece? What's the matter?

My Neece Censtance, that your brother Widgi [...]e stole from the Doctor, and is stowne away witha [...]. But hee must not thinke to scape so? I may take him, and his Duck too, in my D [...]coy, before they be coupled, as sure as your Ladiship or your Fitchow ship, and they thinke your selues.

Sure the old Gentleman is fallen mad. What hath hap­pend?

The plot smels of your Ladiships policy; you [...] Ladi­ships Lilly white fist is t [...]ule in t [...]e busines. But I will haue a b [...]utat sisticuffs in Law with your Ladyship: your great ac­quain [...]nce, and alliance in the Whatshical. Court No [...]b [...] [...] [...]our [...] [...] there must not cary it, my great Lady. Directly it must not.

Your [...]re an vnciuill greasie Co [...]panion, to vpbraid and reuile me thus in my owne house.

O good Madarne, hurt not your selfe with anger better laugh it out.

Hee makes me forget my selfe by his example. Sir you are a Commissioner for the Peace I take it. Do's it become a M [...]n of you [...] place and grauity, to fly out in these extreames? You spend too much breath in these lowd noates, very hurtfull to the Lungs, If you will fall into a lower Key, and speake peaceably, I will answere you.

I pray you, Forsooth, or sweet Madame, or what you please; Where is my Neece?

Will you beleeue mee sir? you may: For tis Truth, as I haue any; And before this vvorthy Gentleman; I neuer savv your Neece in my life; only I haue heard shee is a pretty Gen­ [...]evvoman: likely to make a good Match, for vvhich I told my brother of her, and vvould haue treated vvith you for her, cou [...]d I haue spoken vvith you as I vvish'd by tvvo or three Mess [...]ges. But vvhither my brother has got her, or wh [...]r hee, or shee is of my ovvne knowledge, I cannot say directly.

Shee mocks me to my face all this while. Well good-Wise, Mi [...]ris, Madame—

Well my Lord Innekee pers second Sonne: Do's your Pro [...]ender prick you?

Prick Madame: I tell thee thou Thing, made vp of Chippings, brok [...]n Beare, Candle-ends, and sisting of Sea cole.

O [...]t you Curry-combe.

Forbeare sweet Lady, let him be mad by himselfe.

I will be so reueng'd—

How pray?

Hee had beene better to haue kild a Man, rauish'd [...] Virgiue; nay, done the most dangerous contempt that law [...]ld deuise to punish, then if I take him to suffer vnder my reuenge.

Ha, ha, ha.

Ile m [...]ster vp my Constables, and send out a priuy search immedia [...]ly.—

What thinke you of your Brothers successe, now Ma­dame?

Much the better, that it vexes him so: Sciruy foule unouth'd fellow.

Looke you now Madame. See who here come [...].

Act. V. Sce. VII.

Sister fall downe, and adore me for my great at chieue­ment. H [...]msrey kneele downe to her that shee may dub thee for thy sernice. Neuer did the best nos'd Dogs, that euer were coach'd for their goodnesse, hunt more truely, take more braue­ly, and cary away more cleanely, then we haue done this dainty peece of flesh here. Sister kisse her, and be better acquainted: shee is mine owne flesh, Ile vphold it.

Shee is a Holdup her selfe, if I mistake not her name.

Being your flesh brother, her nearest affinity of blood runs in my veines. Therefore with a sisters loue I embrace you, and bid you welcome.

Mine Vncle will by right wood I feare me. But Ile neare greet for that sir, while I haue your loue.

I know it is shee by her tongue, though I neuer heard her before. Nor euer feare sweet sister, wee shall be all frends shortly.

I would be glad and twere so.

Sister come hether. Now heare and admire my wit; as well as my Fortune. Humfrey come and take thy share of my sisters wonder.

I hope I perform'd my duty.

Which wee must not see vnrewarded sister.

No: I meane to giue him my Maid, and a hundred Marks with her, besides all shee has about her.

I am made for euer. I thanke your languishing Ladi­ship.

Well said Howdee: for my Ladiship is eene at the last gaspe. I am to bee Diuorc'd within this halfe houre. But your proceedings brother? How did shee receiue you at first?

O at first, shee was the prettiliest mad that ere you saw. You your selfe can not deuise to be so mad, as shee was.

I thanke you sir.

And all for sir Phillip, shee would loue none but sir Phillip, speake to none but sir Phillip. I told her I was sir Phil­lip, [Page] (ah God a mercy Humfrey: that was thy inuention.) Then the litle Vip [...]r hang vpon me, not to be shak'd off, til I promis'd her Mariage, and to father a Child, which, in her distraction, shee conceited shee had by me. I promis'd her any thing; so tooke her into an inner too me, to make all sure, as well within as without; and I so phillipt her—

Enough brother, no more. I vnderstand you.

But I must haue more, and shall neuer haue enough on't. It passeth your vnderstanding and mine too, the delight of it.

Oh what a delight shee gaue me. And how light I am af­ter [...] Heigh. My pretty sweet Rascall.

Enough I say.

You doe not loue to heare on't, because you lack it. But you shall heare the Miracle it wrought sister. The losse of her Mayden head recouerd her wits. I made her right and streight in an instant. And now shee loues me in my owne person; knowes me for a Widgine, and will not giue her Wat for the best sir Philip of them all. And longs for nothing but the Priest and Bed time. Ha my sweeter and sweeter I My Gouer­nour's gone sor a Licence.

So, ha you done now?

Ile vndertake—

Yet againe.

That Humfrey, and I with the tricks and trinkets, wee haue about vs will cure all the mad Maids of her standing in the Tovvne. And doe not thinke, but much may be gotten to pro­fesse it.

You haue made a large relation Master Widgine, and a pleasant, I doubt not.

Oh I could liue and dye in this discourse sir.

Lady doe you thinke of the time?

I will instantly along vvith you. Hewdee come you vvith me. Brother, the search hath past this house already. You any goe in vvith your Svveet-heart, and stay here safely. Goe in, and keepe close, till I send to meet me at Supper.

In and in sister, and be close enough, seare not—

Now sir when you please.

I am your seruent Lady—

Act. V. Sce. VIII.

Mistri [...], I will goe no further in this businesse, then you haue lim [...]ed me in your directions: 'twill be revenge enough for my disgrace to make him see his error.

Therefore be discreet and secret. The disguise hee is in I haue told you. The place is this. At the dore you shall leaue me. The houre 7 a clock.

Mistris, I will not watch more truly at Midnight, then I will pray for you for this Lisc [...]uery. I will instantly call my priuy-search, guard, and catch a bird, of Iustice in the lime-twigs of his owne Warrant.—

Act. V. Scene IX.

I tit not speak with Sir Paule then, it seemes, to know the reason vvhy I am subdoodled thus, In I protest and vow a kind of [...]ooles Paradise.

Good sir beare your iniury with a Mans patience. Sir Paule will not be long absent. And till hee comes, my Mistris entreates you (for your owne good) to take his part vpon you, in giving entertainment to divers of his friends, who are invi­ted hither to a Feast to night.

H [...] you any Whitpots?

Much better meat sir. But here's the strangenesse of it; and the onely occasi [...]n that r [...]quires you ayde in the entertain­ment. This great Supper or [...]ast (as I may properly call it) was appointed by Sir Poule himselfe, the money to buy the Provi­sion [...]d live [...]'d by his owne hand, to his own Servant; the Guests of h [...]s owne election; vet he, out of the multiplicity of crosse ef­faires, that haue happ'ned this day, hath quite forgot that there was any such preparation, or any such m [...]eting inten [...]ed, as ap­peares evidently by his absence. But [...]y Mistris has got all the meate privately made ready at the next house, on purpose that h [...]sh u [...]d see nothing—

To try is he would forget it or no?

Right sir. I haue bidden all the Guests: and expect them immediatly.

But what must I say to 'hem?

Onely sal [...]te 'hem, bid 'hem welcome; Tell'hem Sir Paule was hastily call'd forth on his Majesties affaites; Entreat their patience till his returne, vvhich you know will be every sodaine although you know not vvhere he is; and so forth, as occasion serues.

Your Master abroad and not within say you?

Yes. But good sir stay his comming, I pray you, for his good.

I partly apprehend you at full. Mistris Traynwell ap­pointed me to come too with all possible speede. M. Vonsens [...] you are well apprehended.

Onely salute 'hem, bid' hem welcome. Tell'hem Sir Paule was hast [...]ly call'd forth on his Maiesties affaires. Entreat their patience till his returne, which you know vvill bee very sodaine, although you know not vvhere he is. And so forth as occasion serues.

Loue has made you a Courtier. M Nonsense

No I protest and vow. I doe but speake as they say.—

What haue you said Sir?

What you said I haue an ill verbatim else.

I said but the meaning of what you should say, and put it in your owne vvords.

No sir. I will take your owne vvords for this matter.

I am beholden to you.

I am glad Fortune has sent one man of Civill govern­ment before the Roarers come. Here comes some of 'hem al­ready. I'le downe and looke to the rest of the house.

Saue you sir. Are you the Worshipfull of the house?

I apprehend you sir.—

How sir?—

Mistake me not I beseech you, I apprehend you to be some great stranger here: because you know the place better then the Master of it.

You doe not mock me sir?

Sir, This is one of the Guests?

Onely salute 'hem. Bid 'hem vvelcome—

What's this?

Tell 'hem Sir Paule vvas hastily call'd forth on his Ma­iesties affaires—

Is this a Parrat or a Popingay?

Entreat their patience till his return, which you know.

Doe you know vvhat you say sir?

Will be very sodaine, although you know not where hee is—

If I did I vvould not seeke him here sir.

And so forth as occasion serues.

This is some inchaun [...]ed P [...]ace, and the people are charm'd. I haue mistaken the house sure.

Where's this hospitable Knight that invites Strangers. I meane meere Strangers, that hee knowes not. Shew me the Lad of bounty. I hunger not for his Sapper as I doe to salute him.

Hee vvill proue the greatest stranger here himselfe I thinke, for he is not at home sir. I am a Guest as you are, and vvould be as glad to see him.

He dos not meane to ieare vs dos he?

I bese [...]ch you mistake not so his purpose sir: which is faire vvelcome, and good cheare to you all. Therefore Gen­tlemen and ladies, vvill it please you to entertaine one another a while.

Look yee. Here's good Sack, and good I'obacco. And before the rest of the Guests b [...]co [...]e, Sir Paule vvill be here himselfe.

This fellow speakes.

As I am a Iustice of Peace I cannot apprekend, and yet me thinks I doe. What sort of people these Gentlemen may be. See: more I Is sir Paule turn'd swaggerer? Or is his house abus'd by servants? I vvill not leaue it, vntill they goe out be­fore mee like a layle deliuery. They lo [...]ke like men betwixt a Repriue and Pardon. Friend: Are these sir Paules elected friends?

His protected friends sir.

Protected?

I sir. There is a fraternity of them. The brothers of [Page] the Protect. There's not a man of 'hem, but has all Mayors, Sheriffes, Bayliffes, Sergeants at Mace, Marshalls men, Consta­bles, and other his Maiesties Officers, in a Combcase in his poc­ket. They are a Generation that never eate but in Parliament time, and now every table is full of them.

I should wonder what they did here else. See. A roa­ring Doctor too, broke out o' the Kings Bench.

By your leaue Gallants. I perceiue your Company is not yet full.

Are you of the invited sir?

It is not to be doubted sir. Yet a Voluntary. But there are some without that are more then invited, yet come against their wills.

How meane you M. Doctor?

Brought sir by a Constable and Officers, to be examin'd. Where's the iolly Iustice?

What are they can yee tell sir?

A Gentlewoman, and a Spaniard.

A Spaniard, Ha!

I, a Spaniard, Ha: if you will haue it so:

If we had but a Iustice among vs to Examine 'hem, it might passe the time well till sir Paule came.

Sir, here is a Iustice, and for the same purpose too for ought we know, that shall not resuse to doe it, and in sir Paules Gowne and Cap too.

This is a witty fellow.

Sir, you cannot doe a more acceptable office for your friend, then to execute his place in his absence. Your anthori­ty makes you capable of it; and I doe the rather perswade it, be­cause the Gentlemen whom you wisely suspect for loose per­son [...], may see some example of Iustice; which may preuent some present euill in their stay here.

I apprehend you friend. Giue mee the Gowne and Chayre, and let the Delinquents approach. Vmh, vmh.

Tis a Spaniard indeede.

An English Spaniard sir, And therefore the verier [Page] knaue: as will bee prou'd I doubt not, to his shame, and my re­nowne in the Common [...]. By your Worships leaue.

What newes b [...]ing [...]ou M. Constable?

Spanish newes sir. Wi [...]t please your Worship to exa­mine the vertue of my Warrant, and then these Persons ae­cordingly?

Very good! I am brought before my selfe to bee exa­min'd, and before a fine rable too! how the deuill brok this vn­knowne N [...]tion into my house, or doe not I mistake it? My foolery has led me into a fine predicament. I will not yet dis­close my selfe: but looke a little surther towards the event.

Are you a Spa [...]iard sir?

Such a one as you see Signior.

See Signior. Hee speakes nothing but Spanish. The question will be how we shall vnderstand this Examinant.

Hey day!

I do see Signior I thanke the light, that you are a good­ly man of outward parts, and ezcept it were the black Knight himselfe, or him with the Fistula, the proprest man I haue seene of your Nation. They are a People of very spare dyet, I haue [...]eard, and therefore seldome fat. Su [...]e you you haue had most of your br [...]eding in this C [...]untrey, the dyet whereof you like better then your own, which makes you linger here, after all you Country men, vpon [...]ome vn [...]ouch plot. And I shall won­der therefore how you can speake no English. Can you speake no English at all sir? Answere me I pray.

Not an English word not I s [...]. Alasse I haue not been siue [...]ayes in the K [...]ngio [...]e.

This is exc [...]llent!

I, peace Y u'll marre all if you laugh.

[...], what shall wee doe then? Gentlemen, haue any of you any Spanish, to helpe mee to vnderstand this strange S [...]a [...]get?

Not a Riall sir not I.

Nor a Rialls worth amongst vs of any language but sh [...]er [...] English.

What S [...]iere of our Nation is next to Spaine? Perhaps he may vnd [...]rst [...]nd that Shi [...]r, English.

Deuonshire or Corn [...]all sir.

Neuer credit me, but I will spowt some Cornish at him. Peden bras vidne whee his cregas.

Am I transform' [...] vtterly? Is my Language alter'd with my apparell, or are you all mad? what vnspeakeable misery is this.

I see we shall neuer vnderstand, nor doe good on him, till hee be instructed in the English tongue.

And please your worship, the best Vniuersity for this pur­pose will be Bridewell. I am acquainted with the best Tutors there, Master Cleanewhip, Master Dri [...]lash, and diuers others.

You o [...]licious Rascall, are you mad?

No such matter sir. But in my right mind, and Midlesex feare it not.

It must be so. His instruction will cost litle there, if hee be not too old to learne. Therefore set him by, and let mee fall vp­on the Gentlewoman.

Oh, hee's rarely vext.

Now Gentlewoman, will it please you to be vnmasqu'd.

Yes sir looke you, I dare shew my face.

Mistris Trainowell, as I apprehend.

Mistris Trainewell.

Trainewell!

Euen shee Gentlemen, as I will more circumstantially re­ueale vnto you presently, after a word or two with my fellow pri­soner, for which I craue your fauour.

With all my heart, so you can speake Spanish and make him vnderstand you.

You see I am not the Woman you tooke me for: but one ordain'd for your greater good. If you will giue me my present demand. I will turne all your disgrace into laughter; make you of worthier esteeme now at the instant, then euer you were, by the generall approbation of these, and all that know you beside. Your Neece to shall be restor'd to your owne liking, and all shall be as well as you can wish. Otherwise, if you haue a mind to bee euerlastingly sham'd, by being perpetually laught at, take your owne course, Ile take mine.

I am astonish'd. What is your Demaund?

Whereas your purpose was to make a Whore. Make me your honest Wife; no more. Bee sodaine in your resolue, all will be naught else.

I am in a mischieuous streight then. Redime to captum. Thy wit deserues my loue. Ile do't; here's my hand and faith, Ile [Page] do't. Tho [...] art mine, and I am thine directly.

Then [...]earke you sir.

Sir what will you say, if this Gentlewoman conuert the Spaniard, turne him true English subiect, and present him to you with the oaths of Alegiance, & S [...]premacie in his mouth presently?

I wil say, she [...]e [...]erues [...]or euer hereafter to hold her peace.

Now bear [...] vp sir. Looke confidently, and say, you put on your Disguise purp [...]sely to intertaine disguis'd Guests. Come a­uant with your Picca de goat, and beginne with the Iustice here.

Thou hast made me a M [...]n for euer, and I will make thee a Woman directly. Gallants saue you. See here the Metamor. phosis, that meanes to metamorphose you all. Alas I know you for all your Disguises, and thought to intertaine you in your k [...]nd.

Sir P [...]ul Squelch!

I [...]st out of you, my Vsurper, and most Vpstartical Iustice, whose o [...]lice is your trade, and Clearke your Prentice, I will draw a man of litle, or no Moment: yet my frend, and Master Bulfinch, out of the Chaire of Iustice. [...]his my prognosticate the p [...]t [...]ing of my selfe, or many others out of Commission with­in these few yeares; though I am no Prophet. Doe I speake English now? Doe I know you now, or you me?

Question [...], we should know one another sir Paul: or else o [...]e of vs two were both very ignorant.

To proceed in my Metamorphosis. I will change you most confus'd Roarer, into an accomplisht Knight. And bid you welcome, noble sir Phillip Lucklesse.

I like the change well, and thanke you sir.

Next sir of you Roarer, or Iieter, or whatsoeuer you are, I will make a compleat Gentleman, most answerable to you name Master Tridewell.

Very well sir.

But out of you Master Doctor, I will pick a certaine Knane. W [...]ere is my Neece slrah?

Which of your N [...]eces sir?

Haue I so many sir? I meane my only one Constance, find her me, [...]r I will translate you out of an Aesculapian Cocke into a Newg [...]e [...]ird immediatly.

Sir if you will Metamorphose me out of a Batch [...] lor, into a Bridegroome, Ile shew you your Neece.

This my Neece?

O haue I found you Mistris? Sir this is the Gentlewoman I brought before your worship to day.

Hold they peace; art in thy right mind?

As I am in my right mind and Midlesex, it is she sir. I had not matter enough then to lay to her charge; for which I thanke your worship I kist Newgate. But now I haue sir; she has lest a Child vpon our Parish, I am sure got by an vnknowne fa­ther; and has beene a loose Liuen, both at Duke Humfreyes, and most of the winkd it houses about the Towne these foure yeares: which I can sufficiently proue.

Hold thy peace Knaue. Ile put these plums i' thy mouth else

Sir, my Child shall trouble your Parish no longer, here is a Father, my troth plight Husband, sufficient to keepe it and me, wilt thou not Duck?

Duck? my name is Widgi [...]e, you mistake the man sure.

Sure I doe not. This Gentleman, and this Gentlewo­man, and this trusty Seruant of ours are my witnesses, I am your Wife sir.

O I am vn [...]one, quite cast away. Sister helpe mee now with your Law wit, or I perish for euer.

This is not to bee endured: cheating, and vile abuse, This contract can not bee lawfull. One person mistaken for another a lawfull impediment to be diuore'd for, though they were married.

I [...] might doe well if (as hee con [...]esses himselfe) he had not made all too sure, as well within as with [...]ut.

Sir Phillip, while they wrangle out their cause, l [...]t vs a­gree: Find you but the meanes to make her lawfully your Wife, and here take her with my faithfull promise, of the equall halfe of any estate presently.

Sir Paul I thanke you.

I say this is no lawfull contract: And though we are le­gally diuorc'd, yet neither he nor I may lawfully marry, while w [...] both liue, hauing beene lawfully married. And till you can dis­proue that, sir Ile forbid your Banes good sir Phillip, and lay your hopes a cooling, frendly Master Tridewell, for your loue in mana­ging this businesse.

Lady giue me leaue, if I haue strayn'd a point of friend­ship, it was your loue gaue the strenght to my wit. Fit. [...] loue?

Your loue indeed Lady. Which (and which Cupid par­don me for) now, that I see I may enioy, I am not so eagerly ta­ken with, yet if you will—

Sir you cannot enioy me, not he her, lesse you can disproue [Page] the lawfulnesse of our former Mariage.

To cleare that point, doe you know the Minister?

Tis not so long since, but I can remember his face.

Then to continue sir Pauls Metamorphosis? Ile draw him out of this Doctor. Is not this hee?

It is. But is not hee a lawfull Minister; I would know that.

To cleare that doubt there lyes my Order of Priesthood.

Who, Oliuer!—

Euen hee, the Parson Nochurch, and this my Patron, whom I must beseech together with the whole company, to preserue me out of the high Commission: for looke you, here is againe your Licence.

Would you doe this Master Tridewell?

Faith I foresaw an vnto wardnesse in the Match: which if you repent the breach of, there's your Licence; and the way to Church lyes before you.

No sir. First get my brother free of his contract, and then a Licence with your owne name, and Ile waite on you to Church, as soone as you will.

O that's done already. What are [...]ou agreed?

Most happily sir, sister alls well againe. I haue giuen her a hundred pound to relinquish her right in me. Which afore all these witnesses you doe; doe you not?

Yes most freely.

Well then, I will not for­sweare to marry, But if euer I steale a Wife againe, let her be a witch, and may I ourn with her for company. Gouernour, thou art out of countenance, and thou too honest Humfrey, me thinkes. Come beare vp. I forgiue. Twas your errors, not malice.

Sir for my part, ile take my corporall oath—

It s [...]ll not need good Humfrey.

And for me sir—wid. Nay, I dare not but beeleeue th [...]e before thou speakest Couernour: therefore prithee lets not talke o [...]'t our selues, but quietly, and presently beginne our trauels, that we may heare no body else talke on't.

Gentlemen and L [...]dies, I [...]ee you all at peace [...]o well, that I wish no further content to any, except Master Nonsense h [...]re.

Neuer credit me but I haue had sport en [...]ugh'o conscience, and if I doe not make a Stage phyen't, when I come into Cornewall: I protest and vow then say there was Nonsense in this.

I am glad you conclude so [...]rendly with the rest. All the vnquietnesse will be in the Kitchin presently If your meat stay for you. Gallants.

I was time to speake. They knock at Dresser already. Will yee in?