THE vulgar sort are so strongly prepossest (by reason of their ignorance) that Physicians can discern (by the Ʋrine) the Dis­ease, the conception, the sexe, the parties age, with many o­ther such absurdities, that I feare it will bee an hard matter to dispossesse them of that opinion. And Physicians (the more too blame they) have intimated and pretended this knowledge unto them so farre, as that they will hardly acknow­ledge their errours, and relinquish this basery: But when it shall appeare that the Ʋrine is alto­gether [Page 2] [...] shall be shewed and set forth by me in this ensu­ing Discourse: Let the ignorant choose whether he will believe his lying oracle or no, and let the Physician choose whether hee will be honester than to use such deceit. Yet (I hope) the one will blush to have been so deluded, and the other to have his conjecturing discovered. And now mee thinks you long to heare how it is (the Urine gi­ving no certaine knowledge of any Disease in the world) that Pisse mongers (for they deserve not the name of a Physician that pretend knowledge of Diseases by it) doe give judgement of it, and make thee beleeve that they discerne Diseases by it, than the which nothing in the world is more false. But would you so faine know how this can be? Why thus it is, for I will now hold you no longer in expectation; I must therefore give unto your speciall consideration two things, (and then I will descend to all the particular Quillets and fallacies that deceive the ignorant) used in the contemplation and beholding of an Urine, which make a man presume to give judgement of Dis­eases by it. Observe now with me, that the two things to be considered are these; namely, that Diseases are either acute, The diffe­rences of diseases. sharpe, and violent, as the Plurisie, Peripneumonia (which is the Apostu­mation, and inflamation of the Lungs) the Phren­zie, Iliaca Passio, the small Pox, Pestilence, and [Page 3] every sharp Fever: Or else diseases: they are [...]: (that is of continuance) [...] such as proceed from the ill temperature of the hu­mours and disposition of the constitution of the body, such as are the Consumption, Dropsie, Me­lancholy. [...] Palsie. Falling Sicknesse, Cha­chexia (which is a depravation of the humours of the body, where by it taketh away, in man or wo­man, the appear from meat makes the body unfit for exercise, and marres the livelinesse of the spi­rit and countenance) and this disease in women is commonly called the Greene Sicknesse, and it makes both men and women Greene indeed. But (to omit all circumstances that may be) the Phy­sician alwayes beares these two considerations in m [...]de. namely, that diseases are either Acute, Sharpe, and Violent, or Chronicall, and of conti­nuance, and more gentle, as aforesaid, &c. Now, for the most part, the common sort of people come [...] send their Waters unto Physicians for Acute, Sharpe, and Violent diseases: as the Countrey-man or Handycrafts-man (who use to labour) for some Surfet (as they call it) taken by carching cold (as they thinke) after sweating at their severall la­bours, and your better sort of people (as they thinke themselves, because they use no labour) for a Surfet taken by idlenesse, as sitting in the Sunne, walking, sporting, drinking of Wine, ea­ting over much or such meat as their stomach hath not well digested, and the like.The nature of a sharpe disease. You must likewise note, that every sharpe disease hath an hot and bur­ning [Page 4] Fever joyned with it, and that the Urine (for the most part) in a burning Fever is of an intense high red colour; and this colour; amongst all the other uncertaine signes of Urine (which seeme to shew a disease, to put a difference betweene sharpe and Chronicall diseases, and to discover a Fever only) is the most certaine of all other, and yet uncertaine in it selfe. Such a Urine being brought unto a Physician to cast (as they call it) and being of a red high colour (as I said before) he presently conceives it to be a sharpe and vio­lent disease,How the Physician judgeth of such diseases by the Vrine▪ and then knowes for certaine, that there is a Fever joyned with it; so he is now quickly prepared to give his judgement of it, and needs now to doe no more, but to give a descripti­on of a Fever, to make the messenger beleeve that he perceives the disease in the Water; but yet he comes to the true knowledge of the disease, by some such par [...]y and expostulation had with the messenger, as shewes the symptomes and affects of the sick partie (though he seeme to have named them in the description of the disease to the mes­senger) which truly determine the disease: and then he names the disease, looking upon the Wa­ter (as if it were there to be found) in such man­ner as shall be hereafter shewed; which makes the messenger to beleeve so indeed. Now the descrip­tion of a Fever (and indeed one description will serve for any Fever, and for all sharpe and violent diseases) is but to reckon up the Symptomes and signes of a Fever (the which we know before that [Page 5] ever we looke upon the Water) which are these: namely; great oppression of the stomach by choler, or some other humour, which causeth want of ap­petite to meat:Signes of a sharpe dis­ease. oppi [...]ation and obstruction of the liver and spleene, causing great heat (which cau­seth great drought, and much desire of drinke) causing great paine in the head and backe, which likewise causeth want of sleepe and rest, from whence proceedeth (oftentimes) raving, franticke doting senselesse and idle talke. Now to say that the sicke party is this affected (for indeed so they are for the most part in every respect, but at the least in some kinde, in every violent disease) makes the messenger to thinke, that the Doctour doth perceive (that the partie is so affected) by the Urine which (by Yea and by Nay) is no such mat­ter: for he dares not alway trust to this high red Urine,That a high and red co­loured Vrine is not always one in [...]allible signe of a Fever. as an insallible signe of a Fever; for it may chance to be of such a colour by some other acci­dent, when the partie that made it, is free from a Fever. But admit that the high red colour of the Urine did alway (as it doth for the most part) im­port a Fever, yet the Symptomes and companions of a Fever (as heat, drought, thirst, paine in the head, want of sleepe, oppression of stomach, want of appetite, oppilation of the liver and spleene, or any one of these) are not therein to be seene, though it please his worship to play the Anticke with the Water, pretending that there are such marks in it, as shew all these things that I have named. Neither doth he presume to name these [Page 6] Symptomes (as heat, drought, thirst, &c.) from any signes thereof in the Urine, but for that he know­eth by dayly experience, that the fore-named Symptomes and companions of a Fever (as heat, drought, thirst, &c.) are necessarie consequences, and inseparable concomitants of a Fever: And yet (oh the pride of man, in seeming to be what he is not!) the Pisse-Prophet doth pretend, that he perceiveth all these things in the Water. These things being premised, I hope thou wilt be the better able to judge of that which followeth, and perceive how easie a thing it is to give judgement of diseases by the Urine (though it be not there to be seene) and wilt conceive the fallacies that up­hold this custome, and so learne to put a difference betweene an honest learned plaine-dealing Phy­sician and a prating Empirick, and a Rogue. I will now (for this once) imagine my selfe to be one of them and, to be in my Chamber or Study ready addressed to come forth, to give my judgement upon that high red Water (that importeth a Fever, and so a violent disease) that I last spake of, and will plainely shew you (by the examination of three such severall Urines, brought by three seve­rall messengers) in three severall Chapters, how to give judgement of all acute, sharpe, and violent diseases, by the last description of the Symptomes of a burning Fever.

I Have here already such a Messenger (atten­ding my leisure to give my judgement upon such a Urine) who, being conducted to my presence, salues my worship with good morrow Master Doctour, and indeed the morning is the most usuall and fit time for the viewing of Urines: The Queane at Darkin hath gotten that Art, that she would not prophesie thereof after eleven of the clocke: And having thus saluted me, presents me the Urine, saying, Sir I desire your opinion of this water, and to tell me (though the sick partie know that too too well already) what the partie ayleth, and what the Disease is; the messenger (whether man or woman) you must note, is one who is, as it were, made out of waxe, whom a Physician cannot deceive (neither would hee if he could) nor yet learne any thing out of him touching the Disease, unlesse hee himselfe first have named it, and yet hee will make a shift to mould him into any form [...] that shall fit his pur­pose [Page 8] best, and make him by impertinent questions (as he shall thinke) to tell him any thing, con­cerning the sicke partie, that hee shall desire to know, and yet (like Hocus Pocus who makes his ignorant spectatours to thinke that the Balls are under the Cups, though hee have con­veyed them away by sleight of hand, and when they see that, to deeme him a Conjurer) to thinke that he hath discovered nothing, and me to be a skilfull Physitian and an honest man, when as indeed there is no such matter; for neither is Hocus Pocus a Conjurer, though by his nimble conveyance he have deluded his silly beholder, or so much a knave as they thinke him, because he hath not done it by any unlawfull assistance; neither am I so skilfull a Physitian, though I have made the messenger beleeve that I perceive strange things by the Water, because I doe but deceive the messenger; nor so honest a man as I am esteemed, though I carry the matter very faire, because I doe not ingenuously confesse to the messenger, and so to every body else when I shall have occasion to discourse about it, that there is no certaine judgement of any disease by the Urine, but out of pride pretend knowledge of diseases by it, and to backe this knowledge blush not to use such deceit and fallacies as hereafter follow. But now to returne to the Urine from the Physi­cian and the fool,The manner of the pro­ceeding of Ʋrine-ga­sers. the Messenger: This Ʋrine, if brought out of the Countrie, is for the most part in a glasse-bottle, but (if ones in the Citie) it is [Page 9] brought in an Urinall; it is likewise red and high of colour, and that (for the most part) be tokeneth a Fever. I now therefore (before that ever I can poure the water out of the bottle, or take the U­rinall out of the Case) rip up all the Symptomes of a Fever, and say, This partie hath a great op­pression of stomach and no appetite to meat, a great oppilation and obstruction of the Liver and Spleene, is very hot and dry, desireth much to drinke, hath a great paine in the head and can take no rest, and was taken in the manner of an Ague with a grooving in the backe and paine in the head, first cold and then hot, reckning up all these things (as if I saw them there so soone as ever I looke into the water) so fast as ever I can make my tongue belie my heart. And with this description I have made the messenger admire my readinesse and skill in judging of Urines, and he verily beleeves that I have espied these things in the water; but it is farre otherwise; for these things (that I have reckoned up) are but the usuall Symptomes and companions of a Fever, and the most of them are joyned with every Fever, and all of them and many moe at once are complicate with many a Fever. These things being so, I can­not but have hit the nayle on the head, for some of those Symptomes that I have reckoned up, must needs accompany the disease; and when I have once named them, the messenger presently an­swers, that the partie is just so affected as I have said: But (as yet) I have not named the disease, and [Page 10] perhaps omitted something which is expected that I should have named: and the messenger is as ready then to aske me if I perceive nothing else by the water, as I was to pronounce my judg­ment of it before: To whom I answere, yes if you will give me leave to tell you; and then per­chance askes me if I doe not perceive a stitch, and whether the party have not a Plurisie, I answer (looking upon the water as if it were there to be perceived) yes I well perceive the stitch, and some cough too; and I say, that when the cough takes the partie, the partie is much pained in the side; and for as much as I did not name the stitch at first, I tell the messenger that we use first to de­clare the cause of the disease before we come to every passion or affect of the disease, or before we name it: I further adde that I was not yet come to speake of the stitch (no nor should never have found it out of the water, had not the messenger bolted it out) because I had named the cause ther­of, namely, the oppression of the stomach and ob­struction of the Spleene, and mesentery, and that the stitch was nothing else but a flatuous and windie humour proceeding from thence to the place affected; so now I determine the disease to be (as they suppose) a Plurisie; And indeed they can better define their owne diseases by the Symptomes and passions that they suffer, than any Physician can doe by the water onely. But now as I have been happy in my predictions of the disease, and rightly determined it to be (as it is [Page 11] indeed) a Plurisie; so now I must proceed to the prescription (as it is required) of such remedies as may cure this Plurisie: And now I am here as farre to seeke (though I know the disease to be a Plurisie) as if I knew not the disease at all, nor had seen the Urine, because I doe not therein per­ceive the scope and grounds of prescribing fit re­medies (according to the rules of Art) in every respect proper to the disease;Indication of curing. The which scope and grounds are these (namely) the parties age, the sexe, the constitution of the body, and the strength of it at this time, with divers other accidents, as whether the party be bound in his body, or have a flux and scouring, or the like: All the which nor any one of them can be discerned by the Urine, & yet I must finde them there if the messenger refuse to tell me (but that they seldome refuse to doe after that I have given them a description of the disease, and shewed them in some part how the partie is affected) or else I must needs erre in my prescription; for if I should prescribe (not know­ing the age of the partie) such a quantitie of blood to be taken away from a young youth (sup­pose ten or twelve ounces) in a Pluresie, which is the disease in hand, as should be taken from a man in his full strength, the partie might perish there­by; or if I should take but foure or five ounces of bloud from a lusty young man (in this disease) at his full strength, I should doe him no good, and so he might perish on the other side: I might like­wise erre in the dose, if (not knowing the parties [Page 12] age) I should prescribe more or lesse than were proportionable to the parties age in prescribing purging Potions or Clysters in this case; I might likewise commit no lesse errour if (not knowing the sexe) I should in the forenamed disease pre­scribe blood-letting to a woman, her naturall courses being broke forth upon her; for I might by that accident expect a solution of the disease without blood-letting. I might likewise erre, if (knowing the sexe) I should prescribe purging Physicke for a woman in this case (not knowing whether she be with child or no) of such a quality as might cause her to miscarry: I might erre con­cerning the constitution of the body if I should (not knowing the same) prescribe that for a weakly constitution of body which were fitter for a robustuous and strong constitution: and so on the contrary. I might likewise erre if I should (not knowing the strength of the body at this time) prescribe too strong a Potion, or too much blood to be taken away, when the disease hath overcome the strength and the partie is too much debilitated, or if I should prescribe too gentle a potion, or too little blood to be taken away when the strength is not yet dejected, but stands in e­quall contestation with the disease. I could shew a thousand wayes more how I could erre, and how most Physitians doe erre that prescribe Physicke by the sight of the Urine only: But my intent is to shew how many thousand wayes I could de­ceive thee and make thee beleeve that I discerne [Page 13] all these things by the Urine (as thou thinkst I do) namely the disease, the parties age, sexe, strength, constitution of body, and the like: I have therfore digressed herein from my purpose (since my intent was not to shew the errors that are committed by such as pretend knowledge of diseases by the U­rine, but to shew the fallacies and jugling that they use in giving judgment of it) and so frustrated thy expectation of this dainty Art; but I hope it shall be to thy profit, for thou shalt hereby be the bet­ter able to give thy Physitian such instructions as he shall require, and shalt perceive the danger of taking Physick prescribed by the sight of the Urine only: And now to the purpose indeed; but first imagine with me, that the last messenger, having received good satisfaction by the description of the parties disease for whom he came, was ready to certifie me of all the forenamed circumstances that were requisite for me to inquire of, as the parties age, sexe, constitution of body, present strength, how long the partie had been sicke, &c. And I have sent him away withMedica­ments for a Pleurisie. such remedies as were most proper for his Pleurisie, directions for blood-letting to mitigate his Fever, some pecto­rall Physick to ease his cough, with a Liniment to mollifie, and to dispell wind, to anoynt his side withall for his stitch, and wish him to repaire unto me again within a day or two to certifie me of the successe of the Physicke, and how the partie stands now affected, that if need require, I may supply him with further advise. Now in all this (I hope) [Page 14] I have not erred, save only that I forgot to tell the messenger that the partie was very dangerously sicke, and would hardly recover, but yet I have prescribed him the best meanes that can, by the art of man, be for his recoverie, and I pray God to give his blessing, and so I have quite dispatched this messenger. And now whether the partie live or dye I shall be sure to be magnified for my skill; if he die, for that my predictions prove true; and if he live, for that I recovered him of so dangerous a disease. And now I am ready to encounter with the next messenger, who likewise brings me ano­ther Urine of an high red colour, in giving judge­ment upon which I will plainely shew how a man may give judgement of all other sharpe and vio­lent diseases by the water (though it doe not cer­tainely shew any Symptomes of any disease, which determine the same) and how thou shalt get out of the messenger every circumstance necessary to the judging and determining of a disease, as the age, sexe, and strength of the partie, and to the gui­ding of a man in prescribing of fit remedies, and yet he shall not perceive but that thou findest them in the Urine; Sed hoc est decipere, non judi­care; but this is to juggle, and not to judge.

SUppose this next messenger to be some Nurse or tender of sick persons, who is com­monly versed, and accustomed in carrying sick folks Urines unto Physicians; and she salute me, with Master Doctor, I have brought you a Water, and desire your opinion of it: and now I am like to have a hard taske of it, and to be so put to my trumps, that (if I play not my cards sure) I shall lose the set, miscarry in my judgement, be accounted a dunce, and lose my patient for ever; but I will be aware of that, I warrant you. I now therefore take this carfty wench to doe,How crafty messengers may be de­ceived. and I will handle her as craftily; I take the Vrinall of her, and bid her come from the doore of my Parlour, Stu­dy, [Page 16] or Chamber (where they commonly stand,) unto the window, or light, where I commonly give my oracle; and indeed, a man had need of a good light, and a better sight, that shall perceive all these things that I must find out of this Urine. Being come to the light (as I am uncafing the Urinall to looke upon it,) I aske the Nurse a que­stion, not whose water it is (for that she is enjoy­ned, any conjured, not to tell me, especially if it be a womans, nor any thing else, unlesse I first find it out of the water) but my question is; How long the party hath beene sick; And she out of modesty and good manners, can doe no lesse but answer me to this question, for she thinkes this question to be but words of course, and that I can gather nothing from hence touching the par­ties disease; and so she answeres me a weeke, a forthnight, two or three dayes, or more or lesse. But from hence I collect and have strong presum­ptions that it is an acute disease; and if she say, A forthnight, I shall thinke it to be only an acute disease and of the lesse danger, unlesse there have another Physician beene imployed already, the which I shall be sure to know, and if there have, I shall go neere to strike his nose out of joynt, and gaine the patient to my selfe, and then (if I re­cover him) I shall get immortall fame; but if he chance to die, I will make a shift to shuffle off the disgrace upon my brother Doctor, for that (as I will say) such and such meanes were not used at the first, though haply he have used as good a [Page 17] thode as my selfe could have done: But if she say that the party hath beene sick a weeke, I shall thinke it is a more acute disease, whether there have another Physician beene imployed or no. But if she say three or foure dayes, I then pre­sume that it is a most sharpe disease, and now I will so plant and interest my selfe in the party, as that I will prevent anothers comming there, unlesse it be to a person of quality, and then I will be as ready to desire another Physician to be cal­led, as the sick party shall be to request it, not so much that I desire his aide, or would have him partake with me in the booty, as in the disgrace, if the party should chance to die. And now I know (by this question, as also the Water, being high and red, witnessing the same) that it is an Acute disease: And now I take the Urinall in my hand, and hold it up to the light, and (looking very little upon it) I shake it together, and set it downe ve­ry artificially in the window asloop, as if I meant to inquire further of it anone, and that it must stand so a while; and indeed it must stand so a while, and I must looke but lightly upon it at first, or else I shall not have so good an evasion if I erre never so litle, nor so fit an opportunity to propound another question to the setting me for­ward in the pronoucing of my opinion, or to the inquiry of some other circumstance (necessary to the guiding me in prescribing fit remedies) as the parties Age, Sexe, Strength, and the like, for this wench will be sure to hold me to my text. And [Page 18] now go along with me still, and conceive with me that it is asharp disease (as appeareth by her answer) and that I have no sooner asked her how long the party hath beene sick, and set downe the Urinall in the window (as I said before) but that I pre­sently say, This party hath a great oppression of Stomach, no appetite to meate, with a great oppi­lation of the Liver and Spleene, is very hot, desi­reth much to drinke, hath a great paine in the head, and can take no rest, and was taken in the manner of an Ague (as they call it) with a groo­ving in the backe, and paine in the head, first cold and then hot, as I said in giving my judgement upon the last Urine; and indeed this description will serve for any acute disease, whether it be the Pleurisie, the small Pox or Maisels, a fit of the stone in the Kidneis, the Squinancy, Phrensie, Iliaca Passio, the Arthritis, or what other sharp disease soever,Why unifor­mity in judging is not to be used. wherewith there is a Fever al­wayes complicate, or whether it be a simple Fever which is primarily the disease it selfe; but yet I will not alwayes use the same description to all commers, because divers messengers may come to a Physician, and may stay for companies sake to goe away together, and might fall to question­ing with each other what the Doctour said unto them, and so might thinke (if I should use the same description unto them all) that I could say nothing else. I therefore vary my description of the disease, and am sometimes shorter in the same, and then (if I find by expostulation with the mes­senger [Page 19] that I have omitted any thing that I should have spoken of) I say that it proceeded from such a cause as I had already named, and that I should have come to speake of that anon; I am sometimes likewise larger in my description, as I am here in relating how the party is affected, for whom this Nurse comes: and she is as ready to take me up for the same, and sayes, that it is true indeed, that the party can take no rest, hath no appetite to meate, and was taken (as I said) in the manner of an Ague, but complaines not of her stomach at all, but cries out, My head, my head, and com­plaines altogether of want of rest; To whom I re­ply, that the paine in the head is the chiefe of the passions that the party is affected withall, but yet that it proceeded from the oppression of the sto­mach, and oppilation of the Liver and Spleene, which being obstructed, send a cholericke fume unto the braine, which infiame the Animall spi­rits, and cause this paine which hindred rest, and that (if rest were not caused) it would make the party rave, be franticke, and burst forth into senselesse, and idle talke. Thus having answered this objection, I now begin to touch the Urinall, to see if it have setled enough, but finding it not to have setled enough to my purpose, and to shew me those things that I must finde out of it, I set it downe againe very tenderly, saying, it must yet settle alittle better; and then I fall to questioning with the Nurse concerning something that may shew me the sexe, for I must find that out of the wa­ter [Page 20] too; And now I aske her, what the party useth to doe in the time of health, and this is a question that may (she thinkes) as well be answered with­out giving me any light of the sexe, as the former question (which was, How long the party had beene sicke) of giving me any light of the disease; but you shall heare what I collect from thence. She answers, I demanding what the party useth to do, that the party useth to do little, save onely to goe up and downe the house, to worke about the house, to walke up and downe abroad, to keepe a shop, to labour, or the like; and from all these I have my severall collections. Now if she say, that the party useth to doe little, save onely to goe up and downe the house, I presume that it is the Mistresses of the house, or the good-wifes, or one of their daughters, or some Gentlewoman in the house, but for certaine, that it is a womans water, or a maides, for they should, and com­monly doe (if their shooes be not made of run­ning leather) keepe their house, and their worke is to walke up and down the house; but if she say, the party useth to doe such worke as is to be done in or about the house, it is most likely that it is a maid-servant, but if she say to walke abroad, I then presume that it is a mans water, and that it may be the Master of the house, or his sonnes, or some other Gentlemans, whose worke and im­ployment is onely to walke abroad and take his pleasure; but if she say, to keepe a shop, I sup­pose it to be the Masters thereof, or an he Ap­prentice [Page 21] his; or if she say, that the party useth to labour, I imagine it to be a man-servant, or some hired labouring mans; so by her answer to this question, namely, what the party useth to doe in the time of health, I discerne the sexe. And now I take the Urinall againe in my hand (for by this time it hath stood long enough to settle) and now I say that it is a womans water, suppose that her answer to my question (What the party used to doe in the time of health) did inferre as much, that she hath a burning Fever, is so dangerously sicke that she will hardly recover, unlesse such and such speedy meanes be used, and yet that All will scarce doe; and this danger I will alwayes pre­tend in every Violent disease, though there be no deadly signe at all; but not to the sicke parties (for that they cannot indure to heare of) but se­cretly to the messenger, or some neere friend, or by-stander, if I be present with them; and then if the party live. I shall not so much as have my judgement called in question, for saying the par­ty would die, but be magnified for that I have re­covered her of a dangerous disease; nay, to be sure to be happy in my predictions and prognosticks concerning the life and death of my Patients (for they must alwayes have a hint of that, although the thought of death be an unwelcome guest) I will deliver mine opinion both wayes; I will threaten, or rather pretend the danger of death to the sicke party (if my opinion be desired,) with a But if such and such meanes be used, you may [Page 22] haply recover: and to some by-stander or hanger on, I will secretly whisper that there is no danger at all: or else I will promise life to the Patient, which is altogether wished, and threaten death to some other inquisitour: and thus was a learned Doctour in Physicke over-matched by a meaner Practicant in Physicke, at Ashford in Kent who used this policy in his prognosticks. I have for mine owne part and office, herein delivered my selfe well enough to this Nurse in my progno­sticks concerning the event of the womans sick­nesse, for whom she is come: I have told her how the woman is affected, what the disease is, and what will be the event; and the Nurse is reasona­ble well satisfied herewith, but yet I have omit­ted something, that she will be sure to tell me of, for since she hath undertaken the matter, she will not goe without her errand. So, now she asks me if I perceive nothing else by the water, and I imagine well enough what it is else that I should perceive by it, for when that question is pro­pounded, it is to know whether the woman be with child or no: to whom I answer, that there are many moe things to be perceived by the wa­ter (but not at all times) as whether a woman were with child or no, which is that you looke for; but it is no now to be seene in this water, because her body is all out of temper, and her water troubled and discoloured, but yet I thinke her to be, and well I may, if she her selfe thinke so; I further tell her, that I could have certainely [Page 23] told, (but yet I lie,) if she had brought her water in the time of her health: and so she is satisfied for that matter, and confesseth that she is with child indeed. Having thus satisfied her in all these things, told her that it is a womans water, in what manner she was sicke, what was her disease, that it was likely that she was with child (which proves true) and that she would scarce recover (which is no great matter whether she doe or no) I now be­gin to close with her, and aske her whose water it is; but she will not tell me, and commend her for it, for she was forbid, and therefore hath vow­ed the contrary; and indeed she was sent onely to heare mine opinion of the water, the which, if she like, shall haply heare further from the party, but if not, she hath order to goe to another Pisse-Pro­phet, and so if she like not his opinion neither, from him to another, untill she come to him that hits the disease rightest (as she conceives) by the water, and he (I dare say, the most foole and knave of all the three) is the man that shall be made choise of to cure this woman; and this is thought great policy in making choice of an able Physician. It behooves me therefore to be my crafts master in this Art, for else you see here how I am like to be nosed of a Patient, and to have my skill call'd in question; for (if I cannot finde the disease by the water) they will soone conclude that I know not how to cure it. This Nurse tells me indeed (but if she had not told me, I should have perceived it) that she came to heare mine [Page 24] opinion of the water, and that the sicke party would send to me againe, when she had heard (she should have said, If she liked it) what was mine opinion, and I thinke I have fitted her, and now tell the Nurse, that it had been fitter they had sent for some present remedies, than to know the dis­ease, or to heare mine opinion of it, so I hast her away with her oracle, bid her be sure to deliver it so as I had told her, and tell (but not to the sicke party) to some of her neere friends, how dange­rously she is sicke, and that I would (if she thinke good to make use of me) use the best meanes to recover her that Art could lead me unto; and now I bid her make all the hast that may be, but yet (before I let her goe) I thus bespeake her; in faith Nurse, I commend thee that thou wilt doe thy er­rand handsomely, and make a Physician finde the disease out of the water, and not be gull'd (to tell how the party was affected) as many a foole would have done, but I hope I have shewed thee truly how the party is affected, and what is her disease, and given thee such satisfaction as will content them that sent thee: loe therefore here is for thy paines, because thou hast put me to it so handsomely, and so I give her, (fearing lest I should have erred, that she may maintaine my cre­dit, and in hope of receiving a better fee, for be­ing sent for) the crackd groat, or the Harry groat that was sent in stead of sixe pence, for casting this water; nay, if it chance to be sixe pence indeed, she shall have it all, and so I shall be sure to have [Page 25] my message well done, and perhaps she will tell me that which she denied before; but if not, she will magnifie me for my skill, and I shall be sure to heare further from the party, and have the casting of all the waters that she can bring me; so I now send her away and laugh at her, and the Devill at us both: I laugh at her because I have cozend her, and the Devill, that he hath cozend us both, by making her to believe that I discerne all those things by the water that I told her, and making me to back my pretended knowledge by such fal­lacies. But doe not now imagine that I have been so long in hand with this Nurse, in giving judge­ment of this Urine, as I have been in penning the circumstances with the severall actions and ge­stures that I use in the examination of a Pisse pot,The diver­sity of acti­ons to be u­sed in gi­ving judge­ment from the Ʋrine. which I have set downe to helpe thy understan­ding, or so long as thou hast been in reading them; but that (as if she had been but now new come in) I take the Urinall of her, propound the first que­stion, set downe the Urinall in the window, and pro [...]ounce a description of the disease: then pro­pounding the other questions in order (as I have done before) define or determine the disease, tell her that such and such meanes ought suddainly to be used, and so send her away; suppose there­fore that she came but newly in, and is but now new gone out, and so I have done with her, and sent her away in a trice, and am ready for the next commer. But stay here a little, let that mes­senger tary, and conceive with me how one may [Page 26] give his judgement of any sharpe disease by the water, (though it be not there to be seene,) in pronouncing my judgement upon this last Urine, for I cannot stand to instance upon many particu­lars: marke therefore the description that I gave to the Nurse of the last disease, which I determi­ned to be a Fever, after that I perceived by the Nurses answer to my first question (which was, how long the party had been sicke) that it was a sharpe disease;The Symp­tomes of a sharpe dis­ease. now my description was this; that the party had a great oppression of stomach and no appetite to meate, a great oppilation of the Liver and Spleene, was very hot, desired much to drinke, had a great paine in the head, and could take no rest, and was taken in the manner of an Ague with a paine in the head, and groo­ving in the backe, first cold and then hot, the which description may serve for any sharpe disease in giving judgement of a water; yet I doe not af­firme, that in every sharpe disease the party is just thus affected in every respect, but for the most part, for if it chance to faile and be excepted against, I have shewed, how to make it good to the messenger, and to serve the turne to satisfie him, and not the Physician and practicant in Phy­sicke. Marke further, that in describing the dis­ease, and shewing how the party is affected, I doe not yet define, determine, or name the dis­ease, till I have expostulated with the messenger so farre, that I perceive the disease from thence, and have sounded enough out of him, to tell him [Page 27] any thing that he shall desire to know of me; and then I determine the disease to be (as the symp­tomes, when I have strictly examined them, shall agree with the messengers relation.) A Fever, the small Pox, or Maisels, a Pleurisie, or the like, looking still upon the Urine, as if I found it there, whereas I hope you well perceive my fetches, which helpe me out, or else Dun might have stucke full fast in the mire. I hope also, that you perceive how easily a man may give his judge­ment of any other acute disease by the water, though it doe not shew it; and now a word or two with this other messenger, and then I shall have done with acute, sharpe, and violent dis­eases.

NOw this messenger is as rough-hewed as he that sent him and is a very plain fellow in his holy-day Jacket and his busking Hose; he was call'd from making of Faggots, or from thrashing, to goe to the Doctour and carry this Pisse that is put up in the Vinegar bottle, and brought to me to judge of; and it is a very turbid water of a very high, darke, red colour, by which as also by the messenger, (for I can better tell, by the messenger, his gesture, time of comming, haste to be gone, and other circumstances, what the partie ayleth, how long he hath beene sicke, and whether it be a mans or womans water, than I or any Physician can doe by the Urine, especially if I lived in a Towne or Citie where I had much Country practice) I conceive it to be some Coun­trie Farmers, his sonnes, or mans, his Hubber de hoy which is his man-boy, or halfe a man and halfe a boy: But which of them soever it be, hee hath [Page 29] borne it out with head and shoulders (for so your Country people use to doe before they send to a Doctour) and wrastled so long with the disease, and been so often foyled out, for they doe not ob­serve the orders in Moore or Lincolns-Inne fields, where if a man be three times foyled out, it is to stand for a fall, and he is to wrastle no more for that time, as that he can no longer stand, and yet he is to have one bout more with the disease who hath a cruell second in this Duell, even death it selfe: And now (if nature be not assisted by Art) this fellow, whose second I must be, is like to be put to the worst, and the disease is like to give him a flat fall upon his backe in his Grave, never to rise againe untill the resurrection. Therefore if I have any skill, I must shew it now or never: I now therefore take the water to examine it, and thinke to question with this messenger (as with the former) How long the partie hath been sicke, whose water it was, and to put him such other questions as might shew me such other circum­stances which might shew mee the disease, and guide me in the prescribing fit remedies for the same; but he cannot answer mee one question, not whose water it is, nor how long the party hath been sicke, no nor whether it be a mans or a wo­mans water; much lesse the constitution of the body, the present strength of it at this time, or whether the partie be bound or loose in his body, with divers other such circumstances, all the which are so necessary for me to know, as that [Page 30] without the knowledge thereof I cannot safely prescribe any Physicke, and yet this fellow can­not tell me one word, for he saith that he was not told, but was onely hired to bring me the water, and to bid me send something to help the partie, and hath brought eighteene pence or two shil­lings with him to pay for that which I shall pre­scribe or send; and all that he can say, is, that such a mans servant came to him to get him to come, but did not tell him whose water it was, nor how long the partie had beene sicke. And now what, on Gods Name, shall I doe in this case, for it is presumed that I know the disease by the water, and all other circumstances belonging to the same, which are requisite for to guide me in the prescribing of fit remedies, and I have pretended as much, and holpen to nurse up folkes in this folly, (as other Physicians have done before mee) by giving my judgement of diseases by the sight of the Urine, and backing my pretended know­ledge by such fallacies as I have spoken of, with­out the which neither I nor any Physician in the world can give any judgement of a disease, nor come to the knowledge of such circumstances (unlesse the messenger, that brings it, tell us) as may guide us in the prescribing of safe medicines every way proper unto the disease. I must tell you therefore (for mine own part) that I have already, and doe for ever hereafter meane to steere a new course; yet I must, for this one time, prescribe for this fellow, who (being all this while out of [Page 31] breath with his last Arthleticke combate, and ha­ving caught such a wrinch, (though he played strong play, as that he will goe neere to fall the next bout) is expected to enter the sands, to revive the quarrell, and to undertake the last encounter. I now therefore take the Urinall (since the mes­senger can tell me nothing) and looke better up­on the water, as if I could tell miracles by it, for I must now make all the haste that may be to set him on foot,What is to be done, when no in­struction can be had from the messenger. since he is so earnestly expected by his adversarie: Now looking upon the water, I perceive it to be very crasse, thicke, and turbid, in all places alike, of an intense, high, darke, red colour; and from thence I conceive, that accor­ding to the fopperous Pisse-maximes, and rules of our great Pisse-prognosticatours, there is a great commixture of superabundant humours, which the substance of it (as they say) being crasse, thicke, and turbid, sheweth; and that na­ture is not yet able to concoct these humours, for then there would be some separation in the Urine, and it would not be in all places alike, but would have sediment in the bottome, and be transparent in the upper part; I conceive also that he hath a great Fever, for that the colour sheweth, being red and high, and that there is great danger, for it is of an high darke red colour, tending to black­nesse. But yet I cannot tell what manner of Fever it is, for I cannot discerne by the Urine (as com­mon people suppose) the passions and affects of the sicke party, that determine the disease, and [Page 32] should guide me in the prescribing fit remedies, and therefore I cannot tell whether it be best to let him blood, to give hive him a purging potion, or Clyster, or whether his body would now beare any of these, or whether I were best to give him something to make him sleepe, or some cooling Juleb, or some Cordiall Antidote to expell no­xious humours from the vitall parts; now which of these methods I shall best use (for the messenger can tell me nothing) I know not, but however the matter is not great, for the party ventureth but his life, and why shuld not I adventure my skill against it? I now therefore pronounce the party to be sicke of a bastard Pleurisie (for, it is no matter what I say to this messenger,) or a Fever, and that the party would hardly recover, further adding, that hee should have beene let blood a weeke agoe, and that I feared it would now be too late, but yet I wish it to be done, for if any thing in the world recover him, it must be that; and if that do it, it is but Hab, Nab, but yet how­ever, I must put it in practice; so now I hast away the messenger to get a Chirurgion to let him blood; and tell him where, and in what quantity it must be done, and now it is a question whether the disease, or the life be let out by this blood-letting: if blood offending in quantity, or cor­rupt blood (offending in quality) putrified by chol­ler in the lesser veines, be let out, the disease may chance to be let out with it, and so Mors or Death may tarry for a sacrifice, till some other [Page 33] sicknesse take him upon more advantage. But if the good blood, seeming to be inflamed, be let out, when this Fever proceedeth from choller in the greater veins, or from Flegme, or other mixt humours in the stomach, Spleene, or Mesentery, which ought to be purged, the life (insteed of the disease) may be let out, by losse whereof the debt to God and Nature would be paid. But haply (in­steed of blood-letting, I prescribe at randome, (for so I must doe in either) some purging Po­tion, and so set the disease and a medicine toge­ther by the eares & leave the successe to fortune. And now whether the party live or die, I care not: for if he die, I have taught them to blame their owne negligence, in not sending any sooner; but if Nature be of such for [...]e, that she be able to withstand the conflict betweene the disease and the Antidote, and start up, and take part with the Medicine, so that the party recover, I shall have more attributed unto me, (as the onely cause of his recovery) than I have deserved, or than to God, who in his providence, had beene pleased (by the worke of Nature, more than by any skill of mine) to spare and recover him: and thus you use to over-value the meanes, whereby (as you suppose) you have beene recovered, al­though used so desperatly (as I have prescribed for this fellow) by a methodicall Physician, pro­fessing knowledge of diseases by the Urine, or used quite contrary to the rules of Art, by some rude Empiricke and Quack-salving knave, espe­cially, [Page 34] if you chance to recover; and to under-va­lue the best meanes in the world, used by the most grave and learned Physician, if the party chance to die: never satisfying your selves, when things are so come to passe, that it was Gods providence, saying, (sic placuit Domino,) it was Gods will it should be so, and so resting your selves conten­ted, but still tormenting your selves further, in thinking that this child, that friend, this brother, or that sister might have beene recovered, if the best meanes had beene used, as if God would not have directed thee unto that meanes, had it not beene his will now to take this party unto him­selfe. And now, I hope that you perceive by these few instances, how a man may deceive the wisest messenger that you can send unto a Physician with a water, and shew you the disease by the same, although it be not there to be found, and how great danger they put their lives in, that adven­ture to take Physicke prescribed by the sight of the Urine only: and so I have done with all sharp and violent diseases, and am now comming to speake of Chronicall, lingring, and diseases of continuance, wherein I meane to shew you how to give judgement of them by the water, though in those diseases, it shew lesse than in sharpe and violent diseases.

AND now, whereas I shew'd you (before that I came to instance and shew my cun­ning in giving judgement upon Urines in violent diseases) that diseases are either sharpe and violent, (the which I have spoke of) or Chro­nicall and of continuance, such as I am now to speake of next; and that, in sharp diseases, the Urine is for the most part of an high red colour, and that there is a Fever alwayes joyned with every sharpe disease; so I shewed you that one may give a description how any sicke party is af­fected in any violent disease, by rekoning up the common Symptomes and companions of a Fever (which are oppression of stomach, want of appe­tite, Heate, Thirst, Paine in the head, want of sleep, &c.) and make the messenger believe that I perceive the disease by the water, because I shew [Page 36] how the party is in some kind affected, the which neither I, nor any Physician in the world can per­ceive in, or by water, but gather by consequence, when we once conceive that it is a violent disease; for then we know that there is a Fever joyned, and that there are some of those Symptomes (that I named) joyned with it, but yet I doe not know what kind of Fever it is, nor what violent disease it is (and therefore I doe not name or determine it) untill I have expostulated with the messenger, in such manner as I have already shew'd, and thereby come to the knowledge of some spe­cificall note, or difference, which determine the same.

I must now likewise give you to understand (before that I come to examine some few Urines, to shew you how I give my judgement of Chro­nicall diseases) that in Chronicall diseases (such as are the Drop [...]e, Gout, Palsey, Falling sicknesse, Scurvey, French Pox, Green sicknesse, Malacie, which is the disease of women newly conceived with childe, Cough, Head-ach, Mother, and such like) the Urine is no way faulty, but representeth the Urine of healthfull; nay, oftentimes the most healthfull men in the world: And yet the Physi­cian (such a Urine being brought unto him) must sentence the partie that made it, to be sicke, upon no other proofe but onely this lying strumpet, and false witnesse (the Urine) suborned by the begui­led and so selfe-conceited vulgar, and connived at by the Pisse-Justice or Judge, before whom shee [Page 37] is brought, who is corrupted for a testar, some­times for more and sometimes for lesse, and is contented to accept of her evidence for truth, when he knowes it to be a palpable lye that shee comes to affirme. She is indeed the dumbe mes­senger betweene the Doctour and his Patient, who (instead of passing the relation of his disease in writing, or by some discreet messenger) pisseth his minde in his water, and expecteth an answer; but if I should write him an answer in a letter written in the same language, I doubt he would scarce read it. How then shall I doe, who must answer his expectation, since the Urine in this case sheweth no disease at all? Or what oracle shall I give? Shall I say (such a water being brought unto me) I doe not perceive by this wa­ter that the partie that made it is sicke, or ayleth any thing: farre be it from me for thinking so: If I should returne such an honest plaine-dealing answer, both the messenger and he that sent him would perceive me to be diseased in my braine, without the casting of my water, and would pre­sently say that I were troubled with the simples: For why (would they say) have I sent or brought this Urine if the partie be not sicke? Is not this a wise Doctour that cannot tell the Disease by the water? This Doctour shall give me no Physicke, for I have gone to such a Doctour (Rogue or Knave you might call him) that hath told me my disease directly by the water, and he shall be my Doctour; and (for me) so let him: And thus you [Page 38] grumble at your Doctour, if he honestly tell you that the Urine doth not certainly shew any disease, and begin to examine whose water it is, and how the partie is affected, as also the age, sexe, consti­tution of body, the present strength of it, and such other circumstances as should shew him (he not seeing the partie) the disease, and guide him in the prescribing fit remedies, you presently suspect him of ignorance, and thinke that he should tell you these things by the Urine. And thus was I lately taxed by a Gossip at East Greensted in Sus­sex (where I lived and began my practice) be­cause I was strict in examining the state of her bo­die that I might not erre in prescribing her some­thing to give her ease of that which shee com­plained of; for it was very suspitious that shee was with child, and she pretended that she desired to take something by my prescription, but because I asked her so many questions (the which shee thought I should have resolved my selfe by the water) she would none of mine advise, but repor­ted that I had no skill in waters, and said, I asked her many questions, but could tell her nothing from the water. I spare to name her, yet I wish that she may chance to read this Story, wherein she may perceive that I could have cozen'd her, that she may blush to thinke that she was so much a foole, and thanke me that I have canonized her for a foole-Saint, by no other name, but the name of a Gosssip and so let her know that I wanted not wit to have deceived her, had not my will [Page 39] beene restrained by a better resolution than to use such base deceipt (to fit the humours of my Patients) as is used to delude the vulgar, who think that there is no disease nor symptome there­of, belonging to the body of man or woman, but that it may be discerned in the Urine: Yet it is farre otherwise, for in these Chronicall diseases (for the most part) the water seemeth not to im­port any disease at all, and yet the partie is irre­coverably sicke: So likewise the Urine is often­times of an high red colour, and seemeth to im­port a violent Fever when the partie is not sicke at all: It may be also of so good a colour and con­sistence, in a violent disease, as importeth no dis­ease at all, and yet the partie sicke unto death: for confirmation whereof, I will give you two or three instances out of mine owne experience, and referre you to Doctour Hari for further satisfa­ction, who in his Booke intituled, The Anatomy of Vrines, hath set downe many examples out of his owne observation, as also out of the most an­cient and authenticke Writers, which confirme the same which I affirme: First, therefore to con­firme this point, That the sicke partie is often ir­recoverably sick of a most Acute and violent dis­ease, when his water seemeth not to import any disease at all; I had a Urine brought me (when I lived at East-Greensted in Sussex, where I was then a young practicant in Physicke) which did not seeme to import any disease, but was of a better colour and consistence than mine owne, who was [Page 40] in perfect health, in so much that I could not dis­cerne thereby that the partie was sicke; much lesse that he was sicke unto death of a violent dis­ease: But I did not tell the messenger that brought it, that I did not perceive by the water, that the partie was sicke, for then I might have shew'd my selfe to have beene a foole, and to have had no skill in waters, as that Gossip thought me that I last spake of: But thus I handled the messenger; I asked him how long the partie had been sicke, and he answered me, a weeke; from whence I knew that it was a violent disease, for else I should (if I had not put him that question) have thought it to have been a Chronicall disease, and so should have given a wrong description of the same, be­cause the water seemed to import no disease at all: So when I had gathered, by his answer to that question that it was a violent disease, I like­wise knew that there was a Fever joyned, and gave him but the description of a Fever, to shew him how the partie was affected, and he was very well satisfied therewith, and thought I perceived the disease in the water. Now having given this description how the partie was affected, and that he had a Fever (and indeed a man needs not to say any more, what kind of Fever soever it be) I fell to some conference neerer to the matter (with the Messenger) whereby I came to understand the disease better than by the Urine; and now I begin to tell him the danger that the partie was in. and he desires me (for the messenger was kinsman un­to [Page 41] to the sicke partie) that I would be pleased out of charitie (for the sicke man was poore, by professi­on a Shooe-maker, by name John Lintell) to goe along with him, and to see him; the which I granted, and went along with the messenger to see this sicke partie, whom I found, lying in his bed not able to stirre himselfe, sick of a peri­pneumoniacall Fever (which is the Apost [...]mation and inflamation of the lungs) with all the signes of death in his face, upon the eighth day of his sicknesse, with sharp nose, hollow eyes red cheeks, a great paine in his backe betweene his shoulders, and a great oppression of his stomach and pecto­rall parts, in so much that he could scarce breathe or speake, but with ratling in the throat; all the which when I had well observed, I put him in mind of his mortality and present imminent dan­ger, gave him the best instructions that I could to prepare himselfe for that sodaine change of this life for another that was like to be, and so tooke my leave of him: But before I could get away, I was desired by some of his friends that were a­bout him, to tell them (for they thinke that wee can surely tell, or else that we are not our crafts­masters) whether hee would dye, or no; and I tooke upon me to determine his death before eight of the clocke the next night, within halfe an houre of which time he dyed. But (before I could get out of the chamber) they began to whis­per, as the manner is and to scoffe me to my face, saying amongst themselves, that they did nor [Page 42] perceive but that he might live as long as I; but my predictions proved so true, and were so soone accomplished, that I came off from that their cen­sure with more than ordinary credit, for as much as I had prefixed so short a time of his life, and the event (death) following now so neere the utmost bounds and limits of the time. Yet I con­fesse ingenuously, that I was too peremptory in determining his death within so short a time, or by such an houre, for I had told them▪ that hee could not live untill such an houre (which was [...]ight of the clocke) and that, if he should escape that houre, he would recover; but yet both of these predictions might have proved false, for he might both escape that houre, and yet might not recover (though I said he would, if he passed that houre) but dye within a few dayes or houres af­ter. Neither did I pronounce my judgment from any grounds of Art, that did determine his death within such an houre, but onely by conjecturall probabilitie; for your cunning men, or Conjurers, nay the Devill himselfe, cannot otherwise than upon conjecture, determine a sicke mans life un­to an houre, unlesse you make him one of the Al­mighties scoret counsell. Nay I dare affirme, that the Devils may, and often are deceived in their conjectures and calculations touching the life and death of men, and yet their naturall knowledge is farre more than mens, for they are spirits; and their acquired knowledge is as much beyond mens, because they are ancienter than men (even [Page 43] from the beginning of the world) & are not sub­ject to the same mortality that man is, who (before he come to begin to have understanding) is in his Grave. I say therefore, that no Physician, nay the Devills (who are ancienter than Aesculapius or Hippocrates, or any of that race) cannot deter­mine the life and death of a man, but upon con­jecture, and may be deceived; but yet you looke that a Physician should be able to doe it, and not to erre, because such an event doth oftentimes ac­cidentally follow such a peremptory conclusion as this of mine was, that this partie would dye within such an houre. It is true indeed, and I might truely say (the nature of the disease, and the strength of the body, with all other signes of death being well considered) that I thought the partie would scarce live untill such an houre: but if I should say (without any qualification of the sense) that the partie would not live untill such an houre, and that he would recover if he should passe that houre, you might thinke that I spake without my booke, for I could not say so, but that I must speake more than I know, and so derogate from the providence of God, in assuming that knowledge unto my selfe that belongs onely to him. I was likewise called to another lustie yong man (one John Duffield by name) in the very same Towne, very shortly after, who was sicke of the very same disease, in the same manner, whose friends were very importunate at me to be tam­pering [Page 44] with him, and to use my best skill to re­cover him, but I perceived that there had another Quack been tampering with him before, who had omitted the opportunity of letting him blood, and found him so far and in such case debilitated that now there was no place for bleeding unlesse I had beene contented to have undergone the scandall that would have soone ensued; so I wished them to send for the Physician of the soule, and told them there was no place for my Art: For, had I caused him to have been let blood, he would have gone neere to have dyed under the Chirurgians hands, and then they would not have stuck to have said that I had kil'd him; for it was afternoon, and almost night when I was called unto him, and he dyed before the next morning: Yet (as I said be­fore of the incertaine judgment of diseases by the water) his water was of as good a colour and con­sistence every way as any healthfull mans, yet notwithstanding I gave my judgement so upon this Urine, as that I satisfied the messenger; for I asked the messenger, how long the partie had been sicke, who answered almost a weeke; from whence I gathered that it was a violent disease although the water did not witnesse the same, and so gave the description of a Fever which shewed how the partie was affected, and made the mes­senger thinke that I perceived his disease in the water; but you (I hope) well perceive how I did it, and how a man may be sicke unto death, his Urine shewing no disease at all, and if a Physician [Page 45] can satisfie the messenger and seeme to describe the disease by the Urine, notwithstanding. So now I proceed to sit in judicature upon this mo­dest harlot (the Urine) who in Chronicall disea­ses seemeth to import no disease at all, and yet she is caught ipso facto in her close tricks, for which she is come to publike censure: But first, before I come to examine this strumpet, I must further shew you how I come to know certainely whe­ther it be a Chronicall disease or no, since she is (namely the Urine) so perfidious as that there is no credit to be given to any thing that she comes to give in evidence cōcerning the state of any sick or well bodies water whomsoever:How a lin­gering dis­ease is found out. Now that I discern (namely whether it be a Chronicall disease or no) by the same question that I propounded in giving my judgement upon Urines in violent dis­eases; and that question was this; I onely asked the messenger how long the partie had been sicke, by answer whereunto I am certified, or at least have strong presumption, whether it be a Chro­nicall or violent disease; for if the Pisse Post say a weeke or lesse, I then presume that it is a vio­lent disease: But if the Pisse-bearer say that the partie hath not beene very well a good while (which is their answer commonly in a Chronicall disease, when we aske how long the partie hath been sicke, for indeed they are not sicke in most Chronicall diseases, but are illish or not well) I dare say then that it is a Chronicall disease; and when I have once received this answer to the [Page 46] forenamed question, (let the water be of what colour soever it will, or whether I [...] or no, I care not) I know how to give an answer that shall please the messenger, and fill his bagge, but put nothing in it; and though the water shew no dis­ease at all, (for so it falleth out for the most part, as I have already told you, in these Chronicall dis­eases, that I am now to speake of next;) yet I will finde the disease (for which the party sent it) out of it: nay, (if the party should have no dis­ease at all, but send his Urine to see if he be not in­clining unto some such hereditary disease as his Parents have dyed of, or beene subject unto, as the Gout, Stone, Consumption or the like) I will shake it into the danger of falling into the same, or some other disease of no lesse danger, for that they alwayes feare, and love to be warned of, though they have obtained such a constitution of body as is not obnoxious unto their Parents dis­eases; and thus I must doe, if an Urine be sent, though the party be well, or but a little out of tune, by reason of the least distemper that may be▪ for there is no such constitution of body, but that it hath its proper infirmities, the which must be discerned (since there is such a custome) by the Urine; and I will find them out, and more than there are, by it, if once I come to lecture upon it, or else let them blame my judgement; so then (I trow) there will be worke for the Tinker to pre­vent an hole in Nature, where there was never like to be a breach. But (I pray) may not this [Page 47] Physick-tinker (who pretending such knowledge by the Urine, is constrained to backe his preten­ded knowledge by such base fallacies) may not (I say) nay, will he not, thinke you (under pre­tence of fortifying that place where you feare a breach) grate an hole in another to let in diseases, to make himselfe continuall worke, the which (at last) will let out that precious liquor of thy life, that thou wouldst be loath to lose? But I leave that to thine owne charity to judge of; and so betake my selfe to my Study, to come forth from thence in my gowne and my cap, to enter­taine the next Pisse-bearers, who now begin to come thicke and threefold; I must therefore be gone to my Study, from whence you shall see me come forth presently, and heare me pronounce true judgement, upon the false evidence of the suborned witnesse (the Urine) on the delinquent (the sicke party) though he be absent, and not here to speake for himselfe.

AND now I am in my Study indeed, and you thinke (I suppose) at my booke in earnest consultation with Hippocrates, or Galen, or some other learned Physicke Authour; but, if I be looking upon any booke at all, it shall rather be Gordo [...]ius his tractate of the Cautions of Urines, wherein hee teacheth a Physician, (though I thinke his intention was to teach him not to be deceived by the Urine) to deceive the people by the same: otherwise I am meditating how to handle every Pisse-pot-bearer upon any occasion whatsoever: and my minde being now set more upon the benefit that comes to my selfe by the Pisse-pot, than to others by my study, I minde my gate or doore more than my booke, though I am in my Study (where haply, my name being up, I have a bed and am lying upon it, and should have laine there till noone, had I not been interrupted) and heare a great knocking at my gate, and must my selfe (in my mans absence) [Page 49] be faine to goe see what the matter is: so to my gate I trudge, in all precipitious hast, with a quicke pace and a sharpe looke, importing grea­ter busines than to examine a Pisse-pot, where I finde three or foure Pisse-messengers at once, (with their Urinals under their aprons) whom I usher into my Hall, and there begin (before I take them aside, apart, to Lecture upon their wa­ters) to looke very sternely upon them, and aske them very hastily, (to the end that I may dash them so farre out of countenance, that they may not be capable of conceiving whether I erre or no in giving my judgement on their waters, and to make them the more ready to tell me whatsoever I shall demand of them) what they would with me, where they live, whose water it is for whom they come, &c. And they are all ready to present me their waters, looking who shall be dispatched first: but before I take any of their Urinals of them, I sound them how farre I shall be puzled with them, dispatching them first, that I shall be least troubled withall. To the first therefore I say, where live you? and she answers, at such a place, naming it: I further aske her whose water it is? and she saith her Mistresses: I aske her also who is her Mistresse, to which she answeres me very orderly, and is now ready to put foorth her Uri­nall unto me, but I doe not yet take it, nor I aske her no more questions, for she will be ready to tell me whatsoever I shall demand: I come therefore to a second, and aske her where she dwells, and [Page 50] (she having told me) I likewise aske her whose water it is that she hath brought, and she saith a Gentlewomans, who desired her to bring it unto me, and she is ready to give me her Urinall, but I refuse it: I goe now to a third, and aske her (for they are for the most part, She-pisse-bearers in a great Towne or City) where she dwells, and that she is contented to tell me: but when I aske her whose water it is, shee pauseth here, and begins to make a doubt whether she were best to tell me that, or no; and therefore answers, that it is a friends of hers: I then aske her what friends it is, and whether it be a mans or a womans water; and she tells me, that I shall perceive that by the wa­ter, (thinking that I can or ought to do so indeed) when I looke upon it, and holds forth her Urinall unto me, in hope that I will dispatch her first, but I refuse to take it, for I am like to be puzled with her, and it will require more time and Art to an­swer her than both the other, and therefore shee shall tarry to be the last answered for that tricke. I now therefore take the Urinall of her that told me that it was her Mistresse water, and single her out from her fellowes, and bid her follow me in­to another roome (for I must not let severall mes­sengers heare what I say to each other) because I may chance to stop two gaps with one bush, and to give the same answer and description of the dis­ease to them all three, (and indeed one descrip­tion will as well serve for all Chronicall diseases, as the description of a Fever for all violent disea­ses, [Page 51] as I have shewed you) and then they would thinke that I puld the bush out of one gap to put it into another, and that I could say nothing else. I having therefore tooke the maid into another roome, bid her come to the light, and as I am ta­king the Urinall out of the case (perceiving it to be of a subcitrine or pale colour, which seeme not to import any disease) I presently say; maid, thy Mistresse goes up and downe: and she answers, yes forsooth; and imagines no lesse now, but that I perceive the Idea or shape of her Mistresse in the water, and thinks that I can tell any thing else by the same, so that I shall not now need to trou­ble my selfe in asking her any more questions, for she tells me that her Mistresse goes up and downe indeed, and that I had said very right, and tells me that her Mistresse desired that I would certifie her whether she were with child, or no; so I now set downe the Urinall in the window, and tell her that it must stand so a little while, and settle, and then I will tell her presently.Ordinary times of conception. In the meane time, I fall to parley with the maid, and aske her whe­ther her Mistresse have had any child or no, and how long (if she have) it is since she had one; and she saith, a yeere, a yeere and an halfe, or al­most two yeeres: and (indeed) most childing wo­men goe a yeere, or neere upon, and many a yeere and halfe, and some two yeeres before they con­ceive with child againe, especially if they nurse their children themselves. I aske her likewise, if she can tell whether her Mistresse have her natu­rall [Page 52] courses monthly or no, or when she had them; to which [...] answers, that her Mistresse bid her tell me, that shee hath not had them this tenne weekes, and therefore tells me that shee thinks she is with child, but would desire me to resolve her:The signe of conception in married women. And I may quickly doe it without any more looking upon the water, for the tale (that this wench hath told) shewes plainly that she is with child, and the sodaine stopping of the courses in a marryed woman (that enjoyed them monthly before) is the most certaine token in the world, that I know, that a woman is vvith child: it is likevvise the aptest time for a vvoman to conceive immediatly after she hath had them, neither can I nor any other Physician tell, but by this token, (vvhich is the most certaine of all the rest) agree­ing vvith other signes of conception, vvhich the vvater shevves not, vvhether a vvoman be vvith child or no, and yet for fashion sake, I take the Urinall in my hand againe, and fall to peering in­to it (as though I looked for some little child there) And say now to the maid that her Mistresse is not very well in her stomach,Other signes of the same. hath no appetite to meate, is ill in her stomach in a morning, and apt to vomit after meat (and so are most childing women at this time) and say, that she is a quarter gone with child, which jumps just with tenne weeks, according to the common computation of a womans go in forty weeks: but doe not say, that she is tenne weeks with child, or just so long as since shee had her naturall courses last, for that [Page 53] would make them so cunning (in time) that they would not send their waters to a Doctour to cast, to know whether they were with child or no, but I say, she is a quarter gone with child, which is but as much as to have said she is tenne weekes with child, or just so long as since shee had her courses last, which was (as the maid told me) ten weeks agoe. I further say, that shee is with child of a boy, and to say so, is an even lay; yet, lest it should prove false,How you are to deale with those who desire to be resol­ved whether the child is like to be a boy or a girle. I say (looking upon the water very earnestly) that if it had beene brought when it had beene warme, or when she had been quick with child, or some such like flamme, I could have told her certainely whether shee were with child of a boy, or of a girle, but I verily thinke it will be a boy; so now, if it chance to be a boy indeed, it will be granted that I knew for certaine that it would be a boy, and I shall be accounted one of the rarest Doctours in the Town; but if it chance to be a girle, the flamme, that I gave to the maid, and the truth of my predictions in determining the Gentlewoman to be with child, and telling her how long she was gone with child, will help to beare out the other, so that I shall not have my skill one jot abated thereby. I now therefore tell the maid, (as if she had come in but now) that her Mistresse is not very well in her stomach, hath no appetite to meat, is inclinning to vomit after meat, is with child a quarter gone, (and as I thinke) of a boy, and that it were very convenient for her to take some corroborating Electuary to strengthen [Page 54] and settle her stomach though she be with child, nay, I tell her that it will be good, not only for her, but for her child also, and I bid her tell her Mistresse, that it will make her child to prosper the better within her, and make it the more lively, so that she shall be the better able to bring it forth with the more ease; nay, I tell her that it will make her bring forth the more wise and understanding child. And so I have done with the maid, bid her remember me to her Mistresse, and be sure to tell her what I had said: and now I am sure that I shall get a fee for my selfe, and a feeling for mine Apo­thecarie; for what woman (being with child) would not have it to prosper within her? but would she not more gladly bring it forth with ease, and most gladly (it being brought forth) have it prove a wise and understanding child? I dare say she would, though for no other end but (meerely out of pride and emulation) to have it wiser (that is wittier, and more sharpe-vvitted) than her neighbours, and not so much out of de­sire that it should attaine true wisedome; but whatsoever her drift be, it skills not; I must be­thinke my selfe of something to performe that which I promised, for this Gentlewoman will re­paire unto me for such an Electuary as I spake of [...] to which purpose I have the most admirable re­ceipt in the world, learned it of a proud gos­sip very lately, into whose company I light bychance who was very inquisitive to learne where shee might get some Quinces, and in a proud [Page 55] scornefull manner questioned with me concer­ning the nature and vertue of them: who told her that they did corroborate the stomach, and were cooling and restringent, and therefore good against vomiting, and fluxes; at which shee see­med to scorn, and said, that she had heard a learned Doctour say, that they being eaten of a great bel­lied-woman, would make her bring forth a wise child, as if I could not as well tell how fa [...]re they conduce to the producing of a wise child as her learned Doctour. But suppose Marmalade, or some other confection of Quinces alone to be ad­mirable for the purpose, yet I have learned more wit than to tell this Gentlewoman so, or to give her a boxe of Marmalade, and bid her eate often of it in the morning fasting, and before and after meate, no, she would then under-value my skill, and scarce thinke me worthy of a fee; but I pre­scribe her an Electuary, wherein Marmalade, or some other confection of Quinces is the chiefe in­gredient, but I mixe therewithall some species or conserves to seeme to prescribe some rare curious thing though Marmalade alone would have done as well: I shall serve this Gentlewoman even so, and shall prescribe her such an Electuary, which may haply stay her vomitting, and corroborate her stomach, so as she may have a better appetite to meate, and her child may become the more lively and prosper the better within her; but whether it will make the child so wise as to knovv its ovvne father or no, I knovv not; I dare not [Page 56] promise: but let her novv send vvhen shee vvill, for I am provided for her; and so I have done vvith her maid, and sent her away, and am ready to encounter with the second (and to send her away as wise as shee came) who told me that it was a Gentlewomans water that shee had brought.

I Am now come forth with the maid whom I have dispatched, and bid the second messen­ger follow me into the same roome vvhere I gave my oracle unto the maid: vvhere being come, I say, come (good vvoman) give me thy Urinall, and tell her (the Urine being of such a co­lour, as importeth not an Acute disease, that is [Page 57] of a high red colour) that this Gentlewoman walkes up and downe, hath a crude stomach, no appetite to meate, and is (if she feed liberally) ill after it, and by reson of the ill disposition of her stomach, is often pained in the head: and here she stops me before I runne any further (for else I might chance to reckon up most of the Symp­tomes that accompany Chronicall diseases, till I hit upon that which the messenger looked for) and so takes me off, and saith she is troubled with a great paine in the head indeed, but doth not com­plaine much of her stomach: and then I reply that the paine in the head proceeded from the stomach and parts thereunto adjoyning, and that the sto­mach is alwayes accessary to the diseases of the head, and that I named the ilnesse of her stomach, first, because it was the cause of her disease: and having once given a description of a disease I must be sure to make it good, whether it be true or false; for if I had (for a description of a disease) said that she had been troubled with an oppilation of the Liver, and paine in the head (the messen­ger answering, no Master Doctour, shee is trou­bled with an ilnesse, and paine in the stomach) I would have said, it is very true indeed, and I should have told you so, had you not interrupted [...]he, but yet I would maintaine it very confident­ly, that it came from the head (for the stomach and head doe mutually offend each other) and what could shee have said to the contrary? or if, when I had given a description of the disease, she [Page 58] had said, Master Doctour, she is much as you have said, but doe not you perceive that she hath a very weake backe? to which I answer, yes marry hath she (for else why should she aske me?) and something else too, which I shall tell you present­ly; and then I take the Urine and looke upon it and shake it together and set it downe in the win­dow to settle, pretending that it will shew me something else anone: In the meane time I gather by conference with the messenger, whether it be a married womans or a maidens water, and the [...] I take the Urinall and say, (if it be a married womans) that she hath a very weake back indeed and that she is troubled with the Whites, which is a disease that very many women are trouble withall, that complaine of weake backs: so no [...] I have made amends for not naming it at the first amongst the other Symptomes: and now she [...] thinks that I have found it out by the water, ne­ver dreaming that I conclude, that shee hath weake back, from her question, and adde, that she [...] hath the Whites, as a disease that followes the weakenesse of backe, but thinks (because I look [...] in the water) that I find it there: but if this wa­ter chance to be a maiden-Gentlewomans, who [...] either troubled with a paine or heate in her back and the messenger aske me if she be not troubled with one of them, I presently conjure them bo [...] into the water (for they commonly goe both to­gether) by shaking and looking into it, as also [...] setting it downe a little to settle, and taking it [...] [Page 59] againe straight-wayes (for it is quickly found) and then I say, that she hath a great paine and heate in her backe too, and (according to her ripenesse, and readinesse for the man) that shee would have the Stone, or rather the Stones, if she could tell how to get them: I further adde (na­ming the disease for which shee hath sent her wa­ter, though she ayle nothing save only that Cupid hath hit her with his golden arrow) that this Gen­tlewoman wanteth a good husband, and that she dreameth often of her sweet-heart; & bid the wo­man bid her be of good cheere, & tell her that her sweet-heart will come very shortly; and with this message she is so delighted, that she is more than halfe well againe, and thinks to her selfe (though she say nothing to her that brought me her Urine) that I am a very cunning man, and that I can as well tell, whether she shall enjoy him whom she is taken withall, as I have guest by her yeers & con­stitution of body (but shee thinks I have done it by her Urine) that she is in love, and that I can helpe her to something to make her sweet-heart as farre in love with her, and meanes to trie me for some Love powder, or some other devise to catch her Lover in a Cleft sticke; for shee hath heard of such tricks, and some that have profes­sed Physicke, have taught that Art, and divers both men and women have repaired unto such Knaves, (and by practizing such wicked meanes as hath beene taught them) have obtained their [Page 60] Lovers; but yet if she repaire unto me againe for this purpose (though I have beene very youthfull in descanting upon her water) I will read her a graver Lecture, for I disclaime such knowledge (though haply I know more than such a Rogue as shall practice it) and detest such wickednesse at mine heart. But now this long Parenthesis, or discourse concerning this maiden-Gentlewoman, may seeme to have hindred the dispatch of the woman that came for the married Gentlewoman: yet if you doe suppose that she came in but now and that I have but now taken her to doe, and have gathered (after that I have once pronounced a description of the disease) by parly with her, that the Gentlewoman is married, and such other circumstances as I would know, you shall not per­ceive but that I presently dispatch her; taking the Urinall in my hand and from the water (though she have told me all) pronounce the disease, and say, that the Gentlewoman hath a very weake back, is troubled with the Whites, & that this dis­ease had hindred (for you must conceive that the woman told me that this Gentlewoman hath not had any child, this three or foure yeeres) her conceiving with child, and that she would have no more children, unlesse she were freed of them; and now I must think upon something (against she send) to cure this Gentlewoman, for I am sure she'll to't againe for the t'other boy: and now I am ready for the third messenger, that said shee came for a friend of hers.

I Have made this Gossip tarrie till the last for her oracle, because I feared by her answer (when I asked her whose water it was that she had brought) that shee would prove a crosse peece of flesh to deale withall: I must therefore handle her gently, for the wildest colts are oft­ner tamed by gentle meanes, as by letting them have the raines lie still in their necks, and giving them their owne play, than by curbing them in too straightly, or by labouring to quiet them by switch and spurre, or the lash: I therefore suffer this colt to play in her owne halter▪ till shee have so tired or hampered her selfe, that I may doe what I will with her: I doe in no wise handle her [Page 62] roughly, or speake harshly unto her, and say, come you with your friends water, and let me see it, and (when I have taken it of her) aske her whe­ther it be a mans or a womans water, for it seemeth by her other answer, that shee will not tell me that, and then say (she denying to tell me) come, come, a Pox on't, tell me whose water it is, for I have not time to stand peering into it, for every thing that I must tell you, though I could find it there, if I had not other fish to seeth: and indeed their foolish peevishnesse had (oftentimes) need to be so met withall, and some Physicians have gone that straine, and by that humour have gotten more fame, than their transcendent skill in Physicke or learning, above other men hath deserved: but I am not of that humour, no, I say, come good woman (who stinkes as much of goodnesse, as a Poult-cat of muske) I have made you tarry, but you shall not altogether lose your labour; I pray follow me; and so I conduct her into my Parlour, where I have now my man waiting for me with a cup of Ale, with a Nut­browne tost in it, or else a cup of good English Beere of sixteene at the least, with Nutmeg and Sugar in it for my mornings draught, and sit me downe in my chaire, and say, here good woman I drinks to you, and so fetch off a bowle of al­most a pinte, and bid my man fill the good wo­man a cup and put in some more Nutmeg and Su­gar and bid her to drinke an hearty draught: and when she hath drunke, I bid my man fill me ano­ther [Page 63] cup, that I may wash both mine eyes, so that I may see the better to dispatch this woman quickly: and when I have drunke that off, I bid my man fill the good woman another cup, and bid her mend her draught, and tell her that to drinke Nutmeg and Sugar in her Beere in a mor­ning will make her water sweet. And thus are the perverse dispositions of crosse messengers better corrected, than the malignity of Scammony, with Anise-seed, Rubarbe with Spike, Agricke and Turbitch, with Sal-gemme, Ginger, or Galingall, Senna, with Ginger, or Cinamon, blacke Helle­bore with Masticke, or Cinamon, or La [...]is Arme­nius, with twenty times washing in Rose-water: but now to returne to the matter, I have washed away all the ill quality of this womans nature with the cuppe of Beere that I gave her, and wrought her to so good a temper with my lo­ving speeches, that I need not feare, but that she will tell me any thing that I shall aske her: how­ever I have now drunke my mornings draught and shall be able to see the clearer, if I must find it all out of the water, that I must shew. I there­fore now say, come good woman (it is a great chance but that I lie;) how long hath your friend beene sicke? and shee cannot answer me to this question without shewing me the sexe, (that is, whether it be a mans or a womans water) for the party is not sicke; for then she might answer me directly without giving me any knowledge there­of, and might say, a weeke, a forthnight, or more, [Page 64] or lesse, but she must needs say, He, or She (but yet she will scarce remember that she said, He or She, anone when I shall shew my skill upon the water, and determine the Sexe) hath not beene very well a good while, and so offers me her Uri­nall with the water in it, as it is in the Case, but I refuse to take it, and say unto her as followeth. Good woman, because I have made you to stay so long, I will shew you your friends disease by the Urinall Case, and never looke upon the water at all: give me therefore the Urinall Case, and do you keepe the water to your selfe, so that I doe not see it at all, and yet I will tell you your friends disease, as well as he that should pore and peepe, or gaze into the water this month: and now the woman thinkes that I can surely conjure. I now therefore take the Urinall Case of her, and looke as wistly upon it, as if it were the Urinall with the water in it, and presently pronounce (looking upon the Case,) That this party goes up and downe, is not heart-sicke, but is faint in the body, hath but a bad stomach, doth linger and pine as it were, is joylesse and melancho­like and takes no pleasure in any thing, which shall be the description of this disease: and now the woman she wonders to heare me say, by look­ing only upon the Urinall Case, that the party is so affected, as I have said; and yet it is true, that the party is so affected, & it is as true that the Urinall Case doth shew it as certainly as the Urine it selfe. For the water might be of such a laudable colour [Page 65] and consistence as might seeme not to import any disease at all, and yet the partie might be sick un­to death: It might likewise be of such a colour and consistence as might seem to import a violent disease when the partie is not sicke at all: I wish therefore that any Physician would set pen to pa­per to disprove me, or to shew that there is any certaine judgement of any disease, by the water; and yet forsooth this base custome, of divining by it, must be continued: But how then, will you say, can a Physician conclude, that a partie is thus or thus affected, from it? Why thus you may doe it: namely, by putting a question; For (as Fer­nelius saith) Interrogatiuncula cautè praemittenda quampridem morbus invasit: A question is to be propounded (craftily) to the messenger (as I have done to this woman) how long the partie hath beene sicke: Then pronounce a description of the disease, and fall to parly with the messen­ger, and thou shalt quickly find what the disease is; for the same Author saith, Verborum circuitu stul­torum mens facile irretitur, by exchange of words the foole messenger is soone caught: And thus have I caught this woman, whom (though she be an old bird) I have caught with chaffe; for I as­ked her, before I tooke the Urinall case of her (by which I have undertaken to divine) how long her friend had been sicke, and she answered mee, that he (but hath forgot that she said he) had not been very well a good while, from which answer I shall shew both the sexe and the disease; for [Page 66] this word (He) sheweth me the sexe, and these words, Hath not beene very well a good while, shew me that it is a Chronicall disease, and how the partie is affected: The latter part of her an­swer, namely, A good while, shew that it is a Chronicall disease; and the former part of the words, namely, Hath not been very well, doe im­plie that the partie lyeth not by it, and that there­fore he goeth up and downe, hath no appetite to meat, is faint in his body, doth linger and pine as it were, is joylesse and melancholicke, and takes no pleasure in any thing (as I told her before) and so are all they that have not beene very well a good while: But the woman never dreames that I gather all this from her answer, because I looke upon the Urinall-case, but rather thinke that the Urinall infected the case, or else that I can con­jure: But let her thinke what she will, so that I conserve that fame which I have got in the Pisse-pot Science, I care not: Yet this I am sure, that she will thinke never the worse of mee for being a conjurer. Imagine with me, that shee came but now in, and that (after my courteous entertain­ment of her) I have but now taken the Urinall case of her, asked how long her friend hath been [...]cke, and received her answer, but that I present­ly pronounce the same description of her friends disease that I have already shewed you; at which shee wonders not a little; but I shall make her wonder more anon: And now I adde, that it is a mans water, to which she answers, that it is in­deed. [Page 67] I further aske her how old the partie is, and according to her answer, as the parties age shall agree with hers, I say that it is her husbands, at which she mervailes more than at all the rest, and saith that it is indeed: And now she is ready to put finger in the eye, and askes me if he be not in a Consumption, and tells mee (for I did not name it) that he hath a very great cough: Shee askes me likewise if I doe not perceive it; and I answer, yes I doe perceive it, or else befoole mee while you will, and I will never be angry: And then I tell her that this cough proceeded from his ill stomach (which I had named) that sent a theume unto his head, which distilled down from thence upon his lungs and caused the same. I now come neerer to the matter, and tell her that her husband is inclining (and perhaps further en­tred than ever I shall be able to recover him) into a Consumption: But yet I tell her that I hope he may be recovered as yet, and that I will use the best meanes▪ that may be, to restore him: I also aske her why she so long deferred comming to a Physician, and shee saith, that her husband had thought to have worne it out, as they all think to doe: I now tell her that I feare there will bee some danger, yet I will doe what can be done on my behalfe, and that shee must now deferre no longer time, if she love her husbands life: And now if she be not provided of another husband already, and so come more to know how long she shall be troubled with him, and to excuse her [Page 68] selfe (if he should chance to dye) than for any thing to cure him, I must bethinke my selfe of some Aurum potabile, some Liquor of life of a great price, some Consumption pouder of twenty or thirty shillings an ounce, or some such receipt which no body hath but my selfe) than the which non datur majus secretum, there is not a greater secret in the world: And now if I recover the man, he will think his purse to be in a Consumpti­on, but I cannot cure it there. But if this woman would have him dye, she'l goe home and tell him that he is in a Consumption indeed, and will scarce recover: So now whereas he went up and downe before, walked abroad, and was sicke but a little in jest, he feeles himselfe iller already with this message, and meanes to dye in good earnest; and so betakes himselfe to his chamber, with a reso­lution to save his purse, out of which hee never comes till he be brought with his heels forward: And thus was I cruelly haunted (at Canterbury) by a man to put him in comfort of his wives more sodaine departure than God had decreed, but she is yet living, and (for ought that I know) may live to eate of that Goose that may graze upon his Grave. I dare say that women come not short of that man▪ yet I did never perceive that any woman ever brought me her husbands Urine for that purpose; I will not therefore belye them, to make them worse than they are, for they are (God amend them) bad enough of themselves already. I have therefore done with this woman (for I sus­pect, [Page 69] for all her fained teares, that she came to to that purpose) and have given her her errand, and sent her away, and she (by this time) hath given her husband his errand, and sent him the way of all flesh, (who had he not trusted to his wife, and relied upon the sending of his Pisse in stead of sending for my selfe or some other lear­ned Physician) might have been a live man and have lived many a faire yeere: But you see what is become of him, and (I hope) conceive what danger you put your lives in that adventure to take Physicke prescribed by the sight of the Urine onely: I hope likewise that you conceive by these few instances that I have already set downe, how a Physician (if I may so call him that useth such base fallacies to backe his pretended knowledge) may give judgement of Urines both in Acute and Violent, or Chronicall and lingring diseases, and how handsomely your Pisse-messengers are fob'd over: for I protest before God, that by these fal­lacies, this deceitfull jugling, and farre worse shifts than any I have here set downe, hath this base custome of giving judgement of diseases by the sight of the Urine, beene underpropped and supported, or else it had long agoe been abroga­ted, and fallen to the ground: For there is no knowledge of any disease to be gathered by the Urine, sufficient to guide a Physician in the pre­scribing of medicines to cure the same: (And yet (forsooth) such a base custome hath beene uphol­den by most of our best Physicians, that (you [Page 70] bringing us your Pisse) we must tell you (though we do it meerly by such fallacies as I have shew­ed you, or the like) what is the disease by it, and whether it be a mans or a womans water; as also, if it be the water of a woman-kinde, whether it be a married womans or a Maidens; and, if a married womans, whether she be with childe or no; and, if with child, whether she shall bring forth a boy or a girle, and when she conceived of it; and (I think too) whether she shall bring forth a man or a monster: I can tell you one thing more (as well as any man in the world can tell you any of these that I have named) by the water, if you bee as much desirous to know, as you are farre to seeke sometimes, and that is this, namely who begot this child, whether your owne husband or vvhat other man. But if vvomen did beleeve as much (vvhich they may as vvell as any of the other) vve should as often have halfe a piece, for being sent for to the vvomen kinde, as have halfe a shilling sent us for casting their vvater. Nay the Maid (that I spoke of) may chance to be but a crackt vessell and a supposed Virgin, and hath been toy­ing vvith some fellovv or other, so farre that she knevv not how to backe his putting forward, but hath (she thinkes but in jest) taken such earnest for her Virginitie, as hath confirmed the sale of her chastitie: Upon consideration whereof, shee now begins to grow male-content, is queasie sto­mached, troubled vvith a paine and svvelling in her belly, and her ancles are svvolne tovvards [Page 71] night; for which cause, her friends feare the Dropsie, or some ill disease, and so send their Daughters water to a Doctour to cast, to know what she ayleth; and if they have any jealousie of their Daughter, that she hath plaid at fast and loose, and plaid loose when she should have kept fast, they thinke that a Doctour can tell how the knot slipt, and easily resolve them of that doubt: But if we suspect and conceive it to be so indeed by the tale of the messenger that brings this wa­ter, yet wee dare not say that this Maid is with childe, for wee know not the trouble and stirre that might come of it; but happily we say, Is this a Maids water? and then we say (if it be) that she hath a Tympanie (which is a Dropsie as her Parents feared) meaning with two legges, which proves too true, and makes the messenger to call to minde (when this Tympanie hath more plain­ly discovered it selfe) that the Doctour asked her if this were a Maids water; and then they surely thinke that we could tell by the water; but yet we can tell no otherwise, than as I have shewed you before in giving judgement of womens U­rines, and how we judge them to be with childe by their water; the which, women themselves might doe (if they would apply their hearts unto that wisedome that most properly concerned them) by conferring with discreet women, or Midwives, who (if they could not better tell by that secret examination of their bodies which they might make, and by other observations, [Page 72] whether a women were with child or no, than any Physician can doe by the Urine,) were not wor­thy to exercise that function; So they should not need to trouble a Physician (for that matter) but that they love rather to be tampering with a man than with their owne sexe, and so might save that groat (sent for casting their water to know whe­ther they be with childe or [...]) to buy them a pound of Sope to make their Limon white: But the woman is, so addicted to the man, that Mid­wives (I thinke) ere long will be quite out of request, so that if some more of us Physicians (who are the most proper and handsome handed men amongst us) doe not tur [...] women-deliverers, our brothers will be ouer-wrought; Sed [...] targere: But I will not now rub any more upon this sore, for I have not now time to search it to the bottome, and there­fore I will let it a one untill I may chance to ranke it with the other monopolized secrets of the met ho­dicall Abusers of the noble Profession of Physicke. And thus have I shewed the fallacies and knave­ry (of all those, whether Physicians or Quacks and Empiricks; who pretend knowledge of dis­eases by the same) used in the giving judgement of an Urine: The which I have so plainly shewed that the most ignorant people may perceive how finely they are flamm'd over, when they send their Pisse to a Doctour to cast, and may collect (for it is very true) that there is no certaine knowledge of any disease to be gathered from the Urine; but yet the nature of men is such that [Page 73] (being setled in an opinion, though grounded meerly upon errours and [...] they will hard­ly be bearen from it by sound arguments and so­lid reasons and will rather imbrace and maintain falsehood (instead of truth) than be thought so weake as to have beene possibly deluded: I know for certaine that it will hardly sinke into many of your heads, which I have written; because ma­ny Physicians, some Divines, and other silenced Ministers who have turned Physicians (vvhose tender consciences vvould not serve them to subscribe to the decent ceremonies of the Church) have practized these base fallacies, in giving judg­ment of Waters being brought unto them: But (I hope) some of their vvaters vvill bee better looked into, than to be suffered to exercise tvvo callings of such vveight as are Divinitie and Physicke: And (for mine ovvne part) scare not though I be censured for going about to over­throvv this custome of giving judgment of dis­eases by the Urine, the vvhich I knovv I shall be; for I have already ejaculated something to this purpose, and I finde men so prepossessed vvith an opinion that the Urine is sufficient to shevv a Physician the disease, sexe, and conception, and the like, so that very mechanicks tell me that they have sent their vvaters unto such and such Doctours, vvho have thereby told them their dis­eases directly: I (saith one) have sent my Wives vvater by my Maid (vvho is a cunning vvench, and vvould not be deceived) to a young Dutch [Page 74] man a Doctour, who (they say) is the most expert man, for his judgment in waters, in all the Towne; and he hath told the Maid (by the wa­ter) how her Mistresse hath beene affected in e­very respect, and that she was with childe, which proved true. To which I answer, that if the Maid had no more wit than her Master, I could as easily cozen her as the Dutch-man did; and I doe further affirme that the Dutch-man is an Asse, the French-man a Foole, and the English-man a Knave, who pretendeth knowledge of dis­eases by the Urine. I have likewise had some conference with some of better breeding, and more knowing men, who (because they have been thus deluded by their Physicians) doe likewise beleeve that the Urine doth shew the disease suf­ficiently of it self: And (to this purpose) saith one, I have sent my water unto such a Doctour with a Latine Epistle of two or three lines (not wri­ting how I was in any kind affected) and he hath returned me an answer in very terse Latine, and shewed me truely how I was affected, and what was the cause of my disease; and therefore cer­tainly (saith hee) the Urine doth shew the dis­ease: To whom I answer, that he could pen no Epistle (though he doe not write therein how he is affected) from whence a Physician cannot col­lect something which shewes hovv hee is af­fected, more than the Vrine: and yet vvhen hee returnes his answer, hee vvill therein implie that hee perceiveth it by the Urine. For examples [Page 75] sake I have here framed an Epistle from this Aca­demian; [...] in such terse Latine as hee wrote) unto his Physician, for his judgement of his disease by his Vrine: I have likewise set downe the Physicians Oracle or answer in some of the very same vvords vvhich this Gentleman said, that his Doctour vvrote unto him: From vvhence you shall perceive that there is nothing but fallacie in giving judgement of diseases by the Urine onely.

Englished thus.

I confesse that this Epistle doth give a Physi­cian very little light of the disease, towards the pronouncing judgement of the same, yet not so little as the Urine. I can draw no conclusion from the words thereof, because I penned them my selfe. But from the circumstance of the words I gather these particulars. First that there was ac­quaintance betweene you and your Doctour, and that thereby he knew the complexion and consti­tution of your body, which conferred much to the giving judgement of your Urine: otherwise (if there had beene no acquaintance betweene you) you would not have written unto him so familiar­ly; secondly, you did but leviter [...]rotare, were but a little sickish or ill at ease; or else you would [Page 78] not have beene able to have written your selfe for in a Violent disease (for the most part) men are in two or three dayes so debilitated in their bodyes, and disturbed in their senses, that they cannot write: Thirdly, from the Urine ariseth this circumstance, that (as the water seemed not to import a violent disease) it did not seeme to im­port any disease at all, save onely that it was sent with your letters, to witnesse that you were not well. Fourthly, I presume, that the messenger, whom you sent with your Pisse, could tell your Doctour (for I am sure he would demand that) that you walked up and downe, but were not ve­ry well: all which circumstances being well con­sidered and layd together, were light enough for your Physician to shew how you were affected. I doubt not, but that your Doctour knew well how to make use of all such advantages, for else hee would have beene as lightly esteemed of all men, as you would have esteemed him, if hee had not told you (as you thinke) your disease by your wa­ter. I will now pen his answer unto your letters, and then I will shew you the fallacies of them; wherein you shall perceive, that the learnedst Clerks are not the wisest men, nor the craftiest Pisse-prophets so honest as they should be.

Englished thus.

This Epistle (Master Doctour) hath pleased your Patient, and you thereby have purchased a great deale of honour: your Latine he understands well enough, but the implied sense and meaning there­of he is not aware of, because he is not acquainted with the mystery of giving judgement of a Pisse­pot: I will therefore be so bold as to comment upon your Epistle, the better to helpe his un­derstanding, and then I leave him to his owne Genius to retaine or reject his old opinion con­cerning judgement of diseases by the sight of the Urine.

And now (Master Doctour for your Epistle) you begin it thus, first you write, That the discer­ning and finding out of diseases by the sight [Page 81] of the Urine onely, is a very difficult matter.

It is very true, Master Doctour, that you have said; it is a very difficult matter (indeed) to finde out diseases by the sight of the Urine onely, but these your words implie that it may be done, and that you your selfe have arrived at the Haven of this knowledge, and that most other men have come farre short of it. Herein, Master Doctour, that which you implie is meerely false; for nei­ther Hippocrates nor Galen, nor your selfe (who think not your selfe inferiour unto them) did ever attaine unto this knowledge: but however you will not be ashamed to assume and arrogate it un­to your selfe (because it is put upon you, and you can make a shift to delude such Novices,) and to derogate what you can from other men: and this is very common to you with most other men of our Profession. If you had written thus to your Pa­tient (Sir it is impossible to give true judgement of diseases by the sight of the Urine only, which is but one of the many signes which together, with the knowledge of divers other Symptoms (which the Urine sheweth not, do determine the disease) you had said but truth, and shewed your selfe to have beene an honest man. But hang honesty, what care you for it? so that you carry the matter so faire, that you be not caught in your knavery. You thinke, that if you had written so to your Pa­tient, hee would have suspected your skill, and therefore you will rather smother the truth to maintaine this your pretended skill (though you [Page 82] be conscious to your selfe that you are a Knave for your labour) than you will have your skill que­stioned, though you have spoken truth, and there­in plaid the part of an honest man: for then you thinke you should likewise lose your Patient.

Secondly, you say, That you have according to your Patients desire, written unto him what you descerne by his Urine. To which I answer, that if the Urine shew you any thing, which I question much in such a case, you write a great deale more than you perceive in the water, and that (if you will be an honest man) you must often frustrate the desire and expectation of your Patients, which you may doe, and yet give them content too, if you carry the matter discreetly.

Thirdly, Master Doctour, you write, That your Patient (as you conceive) is troubled with Rhume arising from the stomach unto the head, and from thence distilling againe upon the lower parts; but what part it most oppresseth, or what place it af­fecteth, (which is most true, but yet there will be no notice taken of these words) you know not.

I answer unto this, that you doe not (from the vvater) gather this, but from his complexion and constitution of body vvhich you knovv and are ac­quainted vvithall: for neither doth any Urine so certainely betoken either Phlegme, Rhume, Cho­ler, or Melancholy, but that (by reason of the di­vers variations that it is subject unto) it may (falsly) pretend any of these humours to be predominant, and so be farre distant from the conjecturall and [Page 83] probable Canons of the Pisse-pot-science: but admit, Master Doctour, that this Urine had beene brought you from a Stranger, whose constitution you had not known, I presume that you would have enquired very narrowly what constitution of body the sicke party had been of, whether a leane spare, a grosse and fat man, or of a middle temperature and habit of body, as also how long he had beene sicke, and whether he went up and downe or no, before you pronounce your judgement of the Urine: and then, if it chance to be true that you speke or write, you can make him beleeve, that you perceive it by the Urine; but if it be false, that you have said, you can make it good.

Fourthly, Master Doctour, you write, That you have a great suspicion (which is a word that might call you judgement into suspition, but that your Patient is very confident of your skill, and there­fore he will give it a favorable construction) that this Rhume did chiefly possesse his stomach, and that his stomach was now become nauseous and loathed meat, and did not digest it being eaten: and your Patient beleeves that you perceive his stomach is possessed with this humour, & that you perceive also by it that his stomach is nauseous, desires not meat, nor digests it being eaten: but here, Master Doctour, you are too cunning for him; he writes unto you for your judgement of his Urine, and you are afraid, that if you doe not satisfie his desire, he will seeke advice somewhere else: you therefore thinke that you were as good [Page 84] deceive him as another man. You read his Let­ters, and they only desire your judgement of his Urine, but doe not shew you any thing how he is affected: you looke upon his water, and that importeth no disease at all: you tell the messen­ger looking upon the water (as if you there per­ceived it) that he goes up and downe, and the messenger answers that he doth. You likewise know his constitution to be spare and thin, and what humour is predominant in the complexion & temperature of the same. You take all these into consideration: and first collect that he is not very well, because he hath sent unto you his Urine; and desires your advice of it: Secondly, you conceive that he is not very ill, because hee walks up and downe, and his Urine doth not import any dis­ease at all. Thirdly, you know his complexion to be (for so I suppose it) Phlegmaticke. And now you conclude (he neither being sicke nor well, and his complexion Phlegmaticke) that he cannot have a good stomach to his meat, and therefore you determine the cause of his sicknesse to be Phlegme in the stomach: so you write unto him that he is troubled with Rhume in the stomach ri­sing from thence, and distilling downe thither againe, caused nauseousnesse, and want of appe­tite and digestion, and your Patient thinks you perceive all these things by his Urine: never drea­ming that you collect from the forenamed circum­stances (namely his complexion, his going up and downe, and his Urine not importing any disease) [Page 85] that he was troubled with Rhume in the stomch; nor once imagining that you adde the nauseous­nesse of his stomach, want of appetite and dige­stion, as consequent effects of this precedent cause (Phlegme in the stomach) but thinkes that you perceive them all severally in the water: whereas indeed, you perceive none of them at all▪

Fifthly, Master Doctour, you adde, That your Patients Spleene is ill affected by reason of the impurity of his stomach: and he thinks likewise that you perceive this in his water: if his Spleene be not ill affected at all, yet he will thinke it to be, because you say so: and if it be ill affected, it is not to be discerned in the Urine, but is (you well know) Cacochymiae soboles, the off-spring of impu­rity, which followeth (very) often crudity of sto­mach.

Sixthly, You further adde, that his head and vi­tall parts are assaulted with a noxious vapour pro­ceeding from his Spleem, which makes him sad, and that hee cannot take his rest, or at least that his sleeps are very troublesome, hee still thinkes that his water shewes all this, not knowing that these are necessary consequences of a crude sto­mach and a Rheumatick constitution: he never considers, Master Doctour, (as you doe) that those that are on the sodaine distempered (though they be but a little ill) doe not take their rest, or at lest have troublesome sleep: but thinks that the Urine (according to the severall parts of it) doth [Page 86] shew the disease of the severall parts of the body: he therefore thinks, that the Circle shews the dis­cases of the head, the Center of the truncke or middle part of the body, and the lower part the diseases of the lower parts of the body: and so by consequence the disease of the Toe is to be found in the very lowest part of the Urine; but the paines in the head or Toes, are neither to be perceived by the upper-most or lower-most part of the Urine nor by any other part of it. Yet a silenced Mini­ster in Kent, who was become an Aesculapius, being asked by a friend of mine (when he had, by this fallacious way of giving judgement upon an Vrine, reckoned up a Paine in the head, amongst other Symptomes) whether hee percei­ved by the Vrine, that the party had a paine in the head, he answered, yes: looke you here (quoth he) this Circle or Ring, by some marks that I per­ceive in it, doth shew me that the party hath a paine in the head. He might as well have worne the Surplice, and baptized with the Crosse, against his conscience, as to make a common pra­ctice of lying against his conscience wilfully.

Seventhly, You adde that he is troubled with wind in the belly & Hypochondres; which is like-wise incident to Phlegmatick constitutions, but is not (as he supposeth) to be perceived in the Urine.

Eightly, You adde that he seemeth to be some­what feverish: you doe not perceive this in the water neither, yet you know that whosoever is not well doth (vel febre laborare, vel sebricitare) [Page 87] labour either of a Fever, or is feverish; and there­fore you have added this to helpe at a pinch, for you know not certainely, but that his feverish­nesse may be greater than you suspect: his heat may be such, as that he may expect that you speake something of his Liver, for hee thinkes that it is over-hot; but you can tell him that hee cannot have a Fever, but that his Liver must be inflamed. In fine (Master Doctour) whether he he have a Fever or no Fever, you have hit the nayle on the head, and he believes that you have written nothing but what you perceived in the water; but if it please him to read an exposition upon your Letters, hee shall perceive your cunning to be (vix frans ho­nesta) scarce honest cozening. You determined his disease (as he told me) to be Flatus Hypochan­driacus, when you saw him, that is, wind in those parts called the Hypochondres: but it was (as he confessed to me) Flatus Hypochondrunckicus, or (as I thinke I may fitly call it) the druncken Hi­quet, ex crapulâ contractus, taken by a drunken surfeite. It skills not what his disease was, nor how he tooke it; I doe not meane to scandall him for it, since he is recovered of it; I rather bestow this Recipe upon him, by the way of prevention, (Noli tu peccare ampli [...]ùs, ne Pejus tibi contingat) that he fall not into the like infirmity: and wish withall my heart, ut valeat & resipiscat, that hee may enjoy his health with that greater happinesse of that wisedome, whereby hee may rectum di­stinguere falso, discerne truth from falshood.

[Page 90]This good Divine (as most of them are) is one who is possessed with this opinion, that the Urine doth shew the disease, [...] conception, and the like: yet haply hath heard that Vrina [...] mera­trix, the Water is a lying Harlot, but yet hee thinks that a Physician (if he be his crafts master) can tell whether a woman be with child or no [...] because hee heareth women clatter such things who have beene thus deluded. He never stands to examine the truth of such predictions by the Urine, but supposeth that men are or should be honest in their callings. This I am sure of, that he is a loving man to his wife, for which I thinke him to be the honester man. Hee hath sent her Vrine to a Doctour, and desireth him to resolve him from thence whether she be with child or no [...] or what other danger may be imminent. He writeth likewise, very punctuall and carefully, how she is affected: namely, that she hath a nauseous sto­mach, loathes meat, longs after trifles, and is apt to vomit after she hath eaten: now all these are evident signes of Conception, if she be a childing-woman, and they doe agree with other signes al­so, and if she find any such alteration in her body▪ as that she suspect the same: he likewise adds, that she hath not had her monthly benefit of nature, now this two months, which she enjoyed orderly before: & this witnesseth very strongly to the for­mer signes that she is with child, and shewes how long it is since she conceived of it: but the good­man (though he have read this in Aristotle, and [Page 91] Albertus) [...] think that this is all the ground we have to conclude woman to be with child, but thinks that Hippocrates and Galen, and the com­mon practice of viewing of waters, have taught us otherwise to distinguish the Sexe, as also whe­ther a woman be with child or no, by her water: but (good man) he is deceived; and which is worst of all, he hath partly deceived himselfe, for he hath written that unto his Doctour (though hee doe not know it) that shewes his wife to be with child, and yet he desireth to be resolved from the water; and so his Doctour hath done: hee hath read his Letters, and therein finds enough to his purpose, and a great deale more than the Urine sheweth, from whence he may boldly pronounce her to be with child, though he never looke upon the water at all: yet (having read the Letters) hee taketh the Vrine, and before the messenger that brought it) falls to peering into it, to seeme to find that there, for which he hath brought it: and so he betakes him to his pen and inke, to answer these Letters, and (having descanted upon the for­mer part of the Divines Letters, in such manner as you see in his answer, which shewed him that the good Gentlewoman was with child) he now determines her to be with child, and that almost a quarter gone: which prooving true, as it is ve­ry probable that it will, makes them the more admire this unsuspected jugling: for they are not aware that the sodaine ceasing of the naturall monthly benefit of a woman, together with nau­seousnesse [Page 92] of stomach, longing [...] trifles, want of appetite, and vomiting after meat, are the most infallible signes of Conception by which we judge a woman to be with child, as indeed they are neither doe they observe, that it is the most apt time for a woman to conceive imme­diately after that she hath enjoyed that naturall be­nefit, as their Doctour doth: nor they doe not conceive that the Doctour determines her to be a quarter gone with child, from the time that shee enjoyed her naturall benefit last, which (as her husband writeth) was now more than two months agoe, which is almost a quarter, for two months is almost ten weeks, and ten weekes is a quarter of the time that a woman goeth with child from her conception according to the common computa­tion of a womans going forty weeks with child but they good-man and good-woman, thinke (as almost all the world beside themselves doth) that the Dr. perceives, by some signes in the Urine, the conception, as also how farre a woman is gone with child: and the Dr. is very well contented that they should thinke so: but whatsoever they think you see what they are but fooles) for their labour, and their Dr. but a Jugler at the best, for nursing them up in that false opinion. And now I hope that you conceive that there is no certaine know­ledge of any disease in the world by the Urine, much lesse of the [...], Conception, parties age, and the like: you perceive likewise the fallacies whereby the Water-Prophet maketh the messen­ger [Page 93] to thinke that he perceives all these things in the Urine. You [...] also that not only the rude mul­titude, [...] Clerks have been made both Greeke fooles, and Hebrew Asses, by [...], and these de­ceitfull fallacies which I have shewed: yet these are not all the trickes, and fallacies that Pisse-mongers have to deceive their Patients, or Pisse-messengers withall: but by these you may per­ceive how you may be a thousand wayes more de­ceived; for by a little may be perceived what more is meant, and according to the old Pro­verbe, Verbum sapienti sufficit, to the wise few words suffice. Let this therefore suffice, that hath beene spoken, to shew you how you are cozened, when you bring or send your water to a Doctour to cast: and from hence learne to esteeme an ho­nest plaine-dealing Physician, according to his worth, who tells you that the water doth not shew the disease, as you suppose, and the com­mon Pisse-pot-casters doe make you believe.

AND now to adde more credit unto that which hath been already said (although I have said more already than some would willingly heare, though no more than truth, and yet so much as might satisfie concerning the imposture and cozenage used in giving judgment of diseases by the sight of Urine onely,) I will briefly subjoyn some few sleights of confederacie, and other cunning trickes, whereby imposturs have beguiled the common people, and gained themselves credit, in maintaining the cozening Trade of Water-prophesying.What Con­federacie is with whom this Confe­deracie is commonly made. Now this confe­deracie is a plot or mutual compact made betwixt the Pisse-prophet and some servant (whether man or maid) or some other of his family, whom hee hath deputed to that office, or else some Nurse, Mid-wife, Apothecary, or such like, who first set upon the messenger being come to the Doctours house telling them that the Doctour is not yet at leisure, and so fall to parly with the messengers, getting out of them all things necessary to the judging of the disease (as namely whose water it [Page 95] was, when the partie was taken sicke, and what other grievances the partie laboured of) and then went or rather sent [...] [...]ther that stood by (who seemed to take no not [...] of that which the mes­senger said to the inquisitour) to see if the Do­ctour were at leisure to speak with the messenger, who is in very great haste to be gone: Now this by-stander tels the Doctour (whose businesse was not so great, but that he might have come and dispatched the messenger at first, if his skill in Urine had been as good as he pretendeth, and is presumed upon by such as he thus gulleth) all that the messenger had related, who now comes forth and takes the Urine, and tells the messenger that the partie is thus and thus affected, as his confederate had told him, which makes the [...] messenger to thinke that he is a cunning man [...] the judgement of Urines. And thus the Parson of Caverley was wont to deceive his patients, [...] of this cozenage by confederacy. and so gained the name of a cunning man; too many such Parsons and persons are suffered to abuse the common people in our dayes. Others have their Apothecaries or other attenders upon sicke per­sons, for their intelligencers, who come before­hand, and tell them that such a one is thus and thus affected, and hath been thus long sicke (and hath haply taken such or such meanes already) vvho meanes to send his Urine for his advice; I hope novv the Doctour is provided to tell vvhose vvater it is, vvhat is the disease, hovv long the partie hath been sicke, nay and vvhat Physicke [Page 96] the partie hath taken;Another Dunce in Essex fa­mous for this imposture. That by this cozening he determineth the concepti­on, sexe in the wombe, & tells what Physick the partie hath taken. as useth a jugling Dunce in Essex (who hath gained by [...] and the like knavish plots of confederac [...] [...] credit than is [...] such an illiterate [...] as he is) who pre­sumeth to determine the conception to a day, the sexe in the wombe, the place where the partie lives, and what Physicke the partie hath already taketh, with so many other such knavish absurd co­zenages, as I have not time, and should (if time did permit) be ashamed to relate. A learned Doctour, a much honoured friend of mine, told me that a Noble-man (a Patient of his) told him that he would undertake that this Jugler would tell by the Urine what Physicke the partie had [...]:That he determineth a man to have a pain in his right kidney [...] done but by confe­deracie. And a Doctour of the Civill Law told me that he went as a stranger to him (as he thought) and carried him his Vrine, who so soone as hee saw it, told him that hee had a paine in his right kidney, the which (as the Civilian told me) was true, but yet that the Physicianer perceived it in his Vrine was a lye; I dare say that all learned Physicians will sweare as much. This therefore must needs be done by confederacie, or else he had some accidentall intelligence thereof by hea­ring himselfe speake of such a thing long before, or else by hearing some body else to speake of it, which is little better than confederacie. Such advantages are often made use of, for most people are (when they come in company with a Physici­an) telling of their infirmities, which they be oft subject unto, and Physicians take more notice [Page 97] thereof than they are aware of, and remember to make use thereof when occasion shall serve: Be­sides [...], that Physicians have that live in great [...] Townes, and have much Countrie practice, whereby they come to know the disease, as also how long the partie hath beene [...] without the sight of the Vrine, and that is this,Another tricke (not much unlike to confede­racie) by which wee come to know whose water it is, and the like, and may make the messenger beleeve the water shews us. They never have any Vrine brought out of the Countrie but that (so soone as they have dispatched the messenger) they aske if any body else be sicke in their Parish or neere about them; and so are often told that such or such have been thus long sicke, and after what manner, and that they doe meane to send to them very shortly; so that now they need to doe no more but aske the messenger where he dwelleth, but that he knowes the disease without looking upon the Vrine, and can say (that this is such a ones, Vrine) as doth the fore-named Jugler, and the partie is, thus or thus affected, although the Vrine doe not shew it. By this confederacie hath much people been much deceived, and many ignorant Rascalls have got much credit, who have accommodated them­selves to the humouring of the vulgar people and such as have not been able to discerne the fucus or cloake of their cozenage; but I hope that henceforward it will appeare more plainly unto them, by this little which hath been said to that purpose, so that I shall not need to enlarge my selfe any further hereupon, for then I should swell this small Pamphlet unto a large volume. [Page 98] Read it therefore and make [...] that end it was pen'd, viz. ( [...] evites) not to cozen, [...] avoid the cozener. And so I will now proceed to shew you the law­full use of the Urine.

YOu will now aske me:Obi [...]. Answ. What is there no use of viewing the Vrine at all? I answer no: there is no use of viewing it alone without the consideration of other signes, symp­tomes and indications of diseases, which are not therein perceived: neither can a Physician pre­scribe Physicke (by the sight of the Vrine) with lesse danger, than if (it being granted that pur­ging would cure, and blood-letting would kill his Patient) he should notwithstanding cast crosse and pile which of these he should appoint. You will further object,Another Object. Answ. that you suppose that a Phy­sician will not prescribe before he have examined all circumstances needfull for him to know. I an­swer, that no messenger can tell us that in all dis­eases; [Page 99] though (oftentimes) in many cases they can. Nay oftentimes they can not certifie us any thing how the partie is affected; but (with the very hazard of their [...]) expect that we should tell them what they [...] by the sight of their Vrine alone, and prescribe them Physicke accor­dingly. But let such messengers learne to give their Physicians better instructions, or stay at home, unlesse the Patient be contented to put his life upon such a desperate chance.Another Object. You will fur­ther object, that every one is not able to under­goe the charge of sending for a Physician: and then what shall they doe, if it be not convenient to send their water?Answ. To this I answer, that it is true, that every one is not able to reward a Phy­sician (especially in the countrie) for comming to see him: Let therefore such an one send for his Minister (who is of duty bound to doe it) to aske his counsell unto what Physician to send, and in­treat him likewise to write how hee is affected, what age the partie is of, of what sexe, of what constitution of body, the strength of it at this pre­sent time, when the partie was taken sicke, and what other unusuall symptomes the partie now laboureth of: as whether he have a vomiting or loosenesse, or be extremely bound in his bodie, and hovv long it is since hee vvas at stoole; as likevvise vvhether he have a cough, or stitch, or can take rest or no, or bleed or svveat, or be grie­vously pained in the body, and vvhere the paine lyeth; or vvhatsoever passion he suffereth: And [Page 100] then (on Gods Name) let them also send their V­rine to a Physician. And let the Physician (before that ever he vouchsafe to looke upon the wa­ter) strictly examine all those, or the like circum­stances that I have named: Then let him take the Water and looke upon it, and pronounce the dis­ease: But if he take the water, and begin to pro­nounce a description of a disease by the sight of the Urine alone, before he have examined those circumstances; he makes but a foole of thee, and is (for his labour) but an impostour, and a knave himselfe. I had not thought that this imposture had crept into this Citie, or been connived at by those that have power to suppresse it: But here it is so exercised, that some refuse to be informed of those circumstances (to the end that they may purchase the more fame) till they have shewed their jugling skill upon the Urine. A friend of mine told me (very lately) that hee carried his Urine unto a Dutch Doctour (naming the man) to have his judgement of it: Now this man was so faint and weake, that he was faine to rest him­selfe three or foure times by the way, and had his disease written more manifestly in his face than in his water; and now being arrived at the Do­ctours house, and admitted unto his presence, he begins to tell the Doctour that he had nor beene very well (which the Doctour perceived very well by his countenance) a good while, and that he had made hard shift to come unto him; and was ready, presenting him his Urine withall, to [Page 101] declare unto him further how he had beene affe­cted; but this Butter-box interrupted him, say­ing, I pray forbeare to tell me any thing, yet I will tell you your disease by your water: Was this (thinke you) an hard matter to doe, to tell the Gentleman (whose sicknesse was written in his fore-head, who had told the Doctour that he had not been very well a good while, and whose complexion and constitution of body shewed the Doctour vvhat diseases he vvas most subject unto) vvhat vvas his disease? He might have done that vvithout the Urine, though his Patient had said no more unto him: Yet to shevv his Uroman­ticke skill to the end that his fame may be the more spread for the same, hee takes the Urine (though he discerne no disease by the same) and pronounceth his opinion from it. I hope you vvill (in time) perceive your ovvne errours, and their jugling vvho pretend knovvledge of diseases by the Vrine; and so I have done vvith this jug­ling. I should novv ansvver another objection, and question;Object. and they are these, That it may be that I plead for the Physicians profit, to over­throw the judgement of Urines, that our fees may grow the greater for being sent for:Answ. To this I answer, Let their monies perish with them that thinke so, rather than I would be enriched by it. The question is this,Quest. How this custome of giving judgement of diseases by it (since it shewes no disease certainely) came up:Answ. To this I answer, That covetousnesse in the common people, to [Page 102] save their money (because they saw Physicians to view the water at the Patients [...] house) cau­sed them to send their waters likewise unto Phy­sicians: And Pride in the Physicians, to shevv more skill than ever they had learned out of their Master Hippocrates, made this to become a cu­stome, which is become a very strong Plea. I could shew how this custome might be as soone abrogated; but since I have no power to put it in­to execution, I leave it to them (whose power in­sufficient to suppresse it) if their care were corres­pondent. I will now shew you your errours in the choice and change of your Physician, and give you some few directions for the choice of the most convenient Physician, for most men in their severall places and callings, and according to their severall abilities.

THE errors that you commit in the choice of a Physician, are these: Either you choose an insufficient man, for his know­ledge in Physick; or else one, who (though he be sufficiently qualified for his knowledge) is not­withstanding no fit Physician for thee. For the first, you are in the time of your sicknesse led ei­ther by your owne fancie or by the perswasion of some friend to send for, or send unto such a man, who hath (they tell you) cured such a one of such a disease, when all other Doctours had given him over: or else because he giveth out some great matters of himselfe, and disableth all other honest learned Physicians, as doth Trigge, alias, Mark­ham, who predicates of himselfe to ignorant peo­ple, that he was Batchelor of Arts in Clare Hall, and Pupill and kinsman unto Doctour Butler in Cambridge, a Master of Arts of Saint Johns in Cambridge, a Master of an Hospitall, and one of the Fellowes of the College of the Physicians in [Page 104] London, and all these lyes: for hee never was o­therwise than a Shooe-maker, bred and brought up, save onely that he became a Last-maker; and is no other but an Asse (though hee pretendeth great learning amongst silly people) who under­standeth not one word of Latine. This Trigge lives in a place called Captaine Royden his lod­gings over-against the Custome-house▪ Such ano­ther is Butler of Puddle Wharfe, a Glover, Fel­monger, or Sheep-skin-dresser, who should there­fore be the better acquainted with the vertue of Aesipus, because it belongs to his Trade; but yet I dare say he knowes not what it is. Such another is little Doctour George another Shooe-maker, living about Westminster. And one Fashions an Horne-merchant, who furnisheth Apothecaries with Harts-hornes, and Stagges pis [...]es, and pro­fesseth great skill in curing Consumptions. To whom may be added Donnigton in Moore-fields, who drencheth Asses (I doe not meane the long ear'd ones as familiarly as he was wont to drench Horses, and burnes children behind the eares for the Rickets. Unto such Knaves, or else to Wit­ches and Conjurers (whom you terme Cunning men and women) you are carried (though they are the most vile and base ignorant Asses in the world) with more confidence than to the most learned honest Physician that can be. And then if you chance to recover, you impute the cause thereof to such a Rascall, never considering that it was Gods providence not (as yet) to take this [Page 105] partie unto himselfe, and that this rascally Quack (for medicines used by an ignorant Quacke, are said to be poysons; but being used by a skilfull Physician, they are said to be Gods owne helping hand) did not kill this partie, for it was (as they say) but haphazard. But if it happen that one of these Rascals kill his Patient (for so it falleth out too often) and some of your neighbors or friends question with you, Why you made use of such a Rogue; you are then as ready (to excuse your owne foolery and wickednesse) to excuse him too, and to say that the best Doctours cannot save a mans life when his time is come: and you thinke this is a sufficient plea to excuse your selves for not using the best meanes: You will not af­ford an honest man the like favour, who hath used the best meanes that Art could lead him unto, if his patient should chance to dye, and sa­tisfie yourselves (as you ought to doe) in this case, that it was Gods providence, but prosecute him with all the scandalls, and slanders that you can, questioning withall his skill, the which you are no more able to judge of than a blinde man of colours. So much shall suffice to have spoken concerning the errours you commit in making choice of such a one, for your Physician, who hath not been lawfully called thereunto, nor is sufficiently qualified with that knowledge,VVho are not to bee chosen, al­though they be able. and those Arts that necessarily conduce unto the ma­king of a Physician. Now you erre likewise in making choice of an able man, when you make [Page 106] choice of the Kings or Queenes Physician, who for their sufficiencie, it is not to be doubted but that they are skillfull men: but yet, in respect of their attendance at the Court, and their much imployment by persons of great qualitie, they are not the best Physicians for persons of meane condition; for they cannot give that due at­tendance unto such a Patient as his present ne­cessitie might require: Neither can you obtaine his presence when it is most desired: And then you are constrained to call another, who (in re­spect that he knoweth not what hath formerly passed about the sick partie) knoweth not what to prescribe without errour on his owne part, and danger to the sicke partie.

You erre likewise, when (being destitute of ac­quaintance with some able and convenient Physi­cian for you) you make choice of a Physician by the garbe, and habit where-with he is accoutred; that is to say, his Beaver-Hat, his Plush-suite, with his cloake of, or at least, lined through with the same, his silke stockings, with all other such sutable ornaments to decke his person: thinking that there dwells Art alone, knowledge, and the Muses, because he is mounted upon the wings of Fame, which is no lesse mendacious & deceiptfull than an Harlot, or ther Pisse-pot; the one whereof faineth diseases, the other modesty. You erre likewise, when (having haply made choice of an able and convenient Physician) you cast him off, because you doe not presently obtaine the sodaine [Page 107] effect of the desired successe.What Physicians are to be chosen. But now to avoid the errours of making choice of an insufficient, or in­convenient Physician; Leave Trigge, and little Doctour George to their A [...]le, and (Ne sutor ul­tra crepidem) let the Shooe-maker not presume to goe beyond his Last; Et Artem, quam quisque [...]orit exerceat: Let every other man exercise that Art and faculty which he understands, and hath beene bred up in: and let meane people, let Kings and Queenes Physicians alone, for those great personages whom they are to give atten­dance upon, and listen unto me a little, in dire­cting thee in the choice of an able and convenient Physician in the time of a violent and dangerous sicknesse. Take therefore, (and that in time) such a Physician as is authorized and allowed, either by the Universities, or by the learned College of Physicians of London: In the choice of such a one, who is so allowed and approved of, have some respect unto his dwelling, and other imploy­ments; and consider with thy selfe whether by re­motenesse of place, or multitude of imploiments, he can give that attendance, that thy need may require. For in diseases of danger, it were very convenient that the Physician did see his Patient, (if it were possible) three times in a day: so hee should often observe something or other in the sicke party, that might divert him from his inten­ded purpose, and direct him a safer way. Where­fore an honest neighbour is more convenient than a stranger remote, especially for the meaner sort [Page 108] of people, and those who are so poore, that their purses will not reach to the gratifying of a Physi­cian for comming to see them with a fee: and let no man shake off that Physician whom he hath first entertained; but let him (if he please) take ano­ther Physician, or more into consultation with hi [...] first elected Physician, retaining him still. Let this (in briefe) suffice to direct in the choice of a Phy­sician, for I had no purpose to touch upon this subject, but only to shew the fallacies and jugling, that is used in giving judgement of diseases by the Urine, with the dangers that insuethe prescribing of Physicke by the sight of the same alone. If I have not therefore satisfied thee in this latter, read Doctour Cotta his booke, called, A short discovery of the unobserved dangers of severall sorts of ignorant & inconsiderate practitioners of Physick in England, wherein he hath (at the latter end) very learnedly set downe a description of the true Artist, with directions for the Election of him in the time of sicknesse.