—His non plebecula gaudet.
Haec fuerint nobis praemia, si placui.

LONDON: Printed by J. O. for Humphrey Mosley, and are to be sold at his shop at the Signe of the Princes Armes in Pauls Church-yard. 1639.

The Prologue spoken by Mercury to the Academicall Auditors.

TO greet this faire Assembly Hermes comes,
The winged Herald 'twixt the gods and men,
And helps an Infant-Muse, who not admires
His owne, nor envieth others clearer fires:
Whose modest Venus every where forbeares
To speake what may offend your Attick eares.
His chiefest ayme and Art is for to fit
Unto this Place, (the Vatican of Wit)
His Lines, that this faire Confluence may allow,
What his Minerva hath contrived now.
He to no forraigne parts for plot doth roame,
But speakes such Language as he learnt at home.
The Sceane Parrhesia is, the chiefest State
Of great, but much disturb'd Hermenia:
Discourse fallen mad, and troubled Method fled;
Young Intellect surpriz'd, Invention
Parts from Judicium; all that is amisse,
Is rectified by Analysis.
[Page] This, and what else we shall present to night
Unto this Round, we offer as a Rite:
For you can truely judge, and give report
Of what you heare above the Vulgar sort.
But here the Sophister, how to commence,
Or take's Degree, as yet is in suspence:
By keeping of his Acts, he now will try
To get your Placet by his Fallacy.


Mathew Clay,

The Sophister. A Comedy.

Actus primus, Scena prima.

Enter Fallacy alone, with a darke Lanthorne.
NOt yet begins the East-disturbing Morne
To draw aside Nights fable Canopie, (playes
Nor heavens great Spy, whose curious search dis-
The worlds close errors, yet o'relooks the earth,
When now long since lazy & slow-pac't sleepe
Hath posted by my scarce▪saluted eyes:
And let him passe; hee's not that powerfull God,
Whom ever-waking Fallacy adores.
Sacred Deocit, to thee be consecrate
My Temples, aid thou Goddesse mine attempt,
I soone will free me. Here comes my servant Ambiguity.
[Page] Enter Ambiguity, Fallacy turnes his Lanthorne, and steps aside.

I am in doubt, and I thinke cannot easily be resol­ved, whether it were better living in Hell, where there is no day; or at my Masters, where there is no night: I cannot tell what any yong Gentlewoman would answer to the blind Philosophers question. I am sure to me, Nulla videtur vo­luptas nocturna: There cannot the least sleepe harbour under my browes, but it is presently started with the loud cryes of my Master. Melancholy keeps him alwayes waking, and his envy will not suffer me to take any rest: Then my head hath scarce forgot my pillow, when his buzzing Suitors swarming about me, sting my eares like Hornets: like ghosts on this side Cocytus, they flock thither in infinite multitudes, to be wafted over to Hell: I would they were all once shipt thither, and dispatched; they are so importunate, that I could curse Nature who hath given me two eares to heare them, and but one tongue (though that indifferent double) to an­swer them. But at length I bethought me, she hath given me two leggs to convey me from them.


'Twere good she had given you more eyes to see your Master.


I would shee had given me yours, you might not have seene your man.


Well sir, I hope shee would have left me hands to have felt him. But hast thou brought what I bid thee?

I have Sir, and I have not. (not.
I was about to thanke you Sir, but now I thanke you
What hast thou done?
I have brought Sir, but not as you bid me.
Villaine, goe runne againe.

Nay Sir, I thought it better to bring two Violls at one going, than at twice going one Violl. There were two of water of the same colour, and I have brought them both.

Well, where are they?
Here sir.
He deliuereth the Violls to his Master.

So double diligence, 'Tis no great matter: Indeed their colours are the same, and their effects not much unlike. This being tasted, causeth drunkennesse; this sudden mad­nesse: and this is the drinke I have provided for my Fathers mornings draught. Sirrah take you that, you may chance to have use of it; you know the vertue?

He gives one to Ambiguity.
Yes Sir.

And now what are these Suitors that so much trouble you?


Master, you have seene Deaths dance in Boccus, Mer­chants, Vittulers, Vintners, Tobacco-men, Informers, Pro­jectors, all those that mourn'd at Tigellius his Funerall; Ambubaiarum collegia, Pharmacapolae,

I am sure you know them.
And know my selfe unable to content them.
Riches and honour, all the worlds delights
Their hearts desire, I have given them,
And like the Farmer old Stercatius,
Still toyling in his dung-hill, or his field,
As with his grosser soule best sympathizing,
Spending his spirits, sparing of his pelfe,
Defraudeth his owne Genius, all to make
His Masters Sonne an upstart Gentleman
Of Innes of Court: so have I hitherto
On this still-craving brood freely bestowed
My choisest favours, to advance their states:
Whilst I my selfe in scorne and infamy,
Have basely liv'd, am basely like to dye.
And could I suffer this so vile contempt?
Yet am I hated too; who can endure
Contempt and hatred to goe unreveng'd?
Or were't else where, I might contaie my selfe
Dissemble this my griefe, neglect my shame.
But heere within the great Hermenia,
[Page] In hatred and contempt to draw my breath,
A thousand times 'tis worse than cursed death,
But that which more torments my vexed soule,
Bold Demonstration, and quick Topicus,
Though better borne, yet both my yonger brothers,
Are every where admired, and beloved.
Them old Discourse, our too much doating Father,
Kisses, embraces, seekes to magnifie.
On them the Vulgar and Nobility
With no lesse joy doe fixe their gazing eyes,
Than the neare-death escaping Mariners
Vpon faire Ledaes Twinnes, if they appeare
After a tempest, when the Heavens are cleare.
To them which scarce my spite-swolne tongue can speake,
My heart abhorres to thinke, are destined
The faire Scientia and Opinion
In happy Spousals to be married:
Now Fa [...]acy, 'tis thou must this prevent,
Or pine in griefe, in shame, in discontent.
And see (o fairest Opportunity)
That ever favour'sts Fallacies attempts,
I'le kisse thy gracious hand, and with my heart
Embrace thy sweet-selfe-offering courtosie.
Here comes my Father, stand aside.
Enter Discour. Demonstr. Topicus: Disc, sits downe.


WEll hath the great Creator of the world
Fram'd it in that exact and perfect forme,
That by it selfe unmoveable might stand,
Supported onely by his Providence.
Well hath his powerfull Wisdome ordered
Th'in nature disagreeing Elements,
That all affecting their peculiar place,
Maintaine the conservation of the whole.
Well hath he taught the swelling Ocean
[Page] To know his bounds, lest in luxurious pride
He should insult upon the conquerd Land.
Well hath he plac't those Torches in the Heavens,
To give light to our else all darkned eyes:
The Chrystall windows thorough which our soule
Looking upon the worlds most beauteous face,
Is blest with sight and knowledge of his workes.
Well hath he all things done: for how alas
Could any strength or wit of feeble man
Sustained have that greater Vniverse,
Too weake an Atlas for one Common-wealth
How could he make the Earth, the Water, Aire,
And Fire, in peace their duties to observe,
Or bridle up the head-strong Ocean,
That cannot rule the wits and tongues of Man,
And keepe them in? it were impossible
To give light to the world, with all his Art,
And skill, that cannot well illuminate
One darkened understanding. Oh my sonnes,
Never admire the Seate of government,
Nor let the haughty and ambitious thoughts
Of an aspiring minde, inflame your hearts
To climbe up to the false-supposed Heaven
Of high-authority.

Now I thinke I am prevented: is he not starke mad already?

He talkes idely.
The Chaire of State,
Though glorious seeming, oft proves dangerous,
Is alwayes troublesome, alwayes envied.
J heare the Regent of this onely Land
Not altogether unexperienced,
Having the assistance of grave Counsellers,
Ready to faint with burthen of my cares,
Thinke happy great Tiphoeus, who, they say
Lies pressed downe under large Sicily.

Your loving Sonne, if his purpose hold, will ease you; you shall not thinke Ae [...]na upon your shoulders, he wil make your head light enough.

Let then your true affection so well plac't
On well deserving, well requiting loves,
Doubly reflecting on your nearer selves,
Grow strong in fast united amity;
That what no single strength or wit can doe,
Vertue conjoyned, may attaine unto.
But Demonstration call young Intellect
To be instructed; he was hither sent
By that great Empresse of the Isle of Man,
Renowned Anima his carefull Mother,
And as his youth, this child-hood of the day
Will best admit the best impressions.
But who's that? Fallacy? and whence come you?
Exit Demonstration.
My gracious Father, carried on the wings
Of my ne're sleeping Piety, I came
From my owne house to doe my humble duty
Vnto your Majesty. (you
Your earlinesse hath made some hast, but a report of
From farre, before you, late hath beene with me.
How commeth it to passe thus, ô my sonne!
Vnhappy sonne, borne to thy fathers shame,
Living unto his griefe, thou causest me
In all the world to be ill spoken of
Through thy most lewd behaviour, I heare say
With Juglers, Cony-catchers, Gypsies, Rogues,
Base gamesters, lying Mountebanks, vild bawds,
And most damn'd couzners, you keepe company,
At blind Ale-houses, Innes, and Ordinaries,
Whore-houses, and Apothecary-shops,
With such like places, you doe still frequent,
Where you abuse the plaine simplicity
[Page] Of honest men, that I may justly spend
That breath where-with I would have blessed thee,
Into deserved cursings; and I ought
Profusely powre it forth in chiding thee.
But oh though wicked, yet I thinke my sonne,
I doe intreate thee, I will sue to thee
To leave these courses, and at length begin
Better to governe thy misguided selfe:
Looke to thy brothers, and not scorne to learne;
To me they duely doe performe their dutie
To men they doe approve their honesty.
He coughs,
Sir, will it please you to drinke this morning?
Yes, I am dry with talking.
Exit Topicus.
Then may it please your grace to give me leave
To speake in poore defence of my just cause.
Say what thou canst, and oh I would thou couldst
Cleare thee of these foule accusations?
First may I Sir, full worthily except
Against the oft-false-proved messenger,
Ever to be suspected, lying fame.
Then I appeale unto the Testimony
Of all the world, whether I have not
Alwayes my selfe associated with
The best reputed sort: great Princes have
Accepted of my wisht for company.
With most chiefe Statesmen I have beene familiar,
Vpon the Exchange not look't for, I have beene
By many wealthy Merchants oft saluted.
The fairest streets of the most famous Cities,
Are almost worne out with my often steps.
Nay, what place is there of more speciall note,
Where I (though not apparent seene of all,
Iknow you hate that foolish vanity)
Have not beene for the most part, resident?
But I hereafter, that your faithfull eye
[Page] May give true witnesse to my carriage,
N [...]arer at home, here in your sight intend
To shew my selfe, and my deserts approve
To your sure comfort, and my friends sound love.
Enter Topicus with a Cup in his hand.
Where's your Napkin Topicus?
I have forgot it.
Fie, had you no odde place to put you in minde,
Goe quickly and fetch one.
Exit Topicus.
Fal. receiveth the Cup, puts in poyson: Discour. drinkes, Topicus returnes.

Let me embrace thee Fallacy, let me kisse thee my dearest sonne, the prop of my age, the sole heire of my love: My eares shall bee shut up hereafter to any complaints brought against thee; I will take it as against my selfe; if any henceforth accuse thee, I wil fight with him, I will beate and baffle him; I will runne upon him, spit upon him.


How lik'st thou this Ambiguity? is not his Style chang'd since?


Yes me thinks; before he spake in Verse, now hee scannes not his words.

Oh thou shalt heare him talke out of all measure.

I will now goe walke into the Garden of the Muses, and gather the choisest flowers that grow about Helicon, to make a Garland for thy temples. I'le make the skilfull Rhe­toricians to empty all their shops of the freshest colours to paint thy cheeks withall. Then the Grammarians I'le cause to shape fit and well-fashioned garments for thee of the purest Silke that ever was fram'd of true-woven words: Come go with me, come goe with me.

Exeunt Disc. Fal. Manent Top. Amb.


NOw what strange passion hath befalne my father I
I wonder that he did so fawne upon
[Page] Vnworthy Fallacy; yet that may be
Proceeded from a Fathers tender love.
But he look't gastly, and his colour chang'd,
And seem'd to grow forgetfull what he did;
I pray this humour hold not.
Enter Demonstrat. and Intellect.
How now Brother?
Met you your Father?
Not I; is he gone?
He bid me call up young Lord Intellect.

Marry beshrew you, I could wish you had let me a­lone; you awak't me out of a most sweet sleepe.

What is the matter?
Nay I sweare I know not;
But I doe feare all is not well with him.
Not well, and stand we talking?
I protest I am amaz'd.
Come let us seeke him out.
Exeunt Demonst. and Topic.

Young Lord you were best to stay; they goe to seeke one whom they know not where to finde. Now I hope to make my Master doate as much on me, as his mad father doth on him, if I can convey away this purchase.


But when will Lord Discourse come? I desire to learne somewhat this morning.


My yong Lord, if you will goe with me, I will lead you to such a Library, as all Hermenia yeelds not the like againe.

But are there any Bookes for my use?
Of all sorts.
Any Logick or Philosophy?
The best Logick, Rhetorick, & Philosophy that can be.
Whose I prethee?

Why you shall finde there Piscators Logick, But­lers Rhetorick.

Indeed, Faecundi calices quem non fecere disertum?
O sir, the onely Rhetorick in price;
You shall have too Magirus Physicks.
What Kitchin-Physick?
Bakers Arithmetick.

That will teach me to tell Thirteene to the dozen▪ what, you thinke I will prove Helluo librorum? Well, I wil goe with you for once.

And stay with me I hope, longer than you are wil­ling


Enter Invention and Judicium.
BVt is it certaine which Report affirmes?
Young Topicus and Demonstration,
So shortly shall be married? Speake Iudicium,
What doe you heare?
I am for truth assur'd
E're night their Nuptials will be finished:
This Morning from Verona come the Ladies,
Whose presence onely is attended here.
And now the love, Invention, which you beare
To Topicus, may best conceive my joy,
For Demonstrations equall happinesse.
My joy and love esteemed by your owne
You well approve, and make me confident
Upon your judgment in a lesser thing:
My working thoughts to celebrate this day,
Have here brought forth a rude impollisht Rime
Where-with I dare trust your friendly censure.
You may be bold, on me, who cannot blame
What ever quick Invention hath compos'd.
Nay, flattery becomes you not; 'tis this.
He deli­vers him a paper.
What is't an Epigram?
I have mistaken.

Nay Sir, by your favour, I will presume upon your courtesie to read it.

Our Civill Law doth seeme a royall thing,
It hath more Titles than the Spanish King▪
But yet the Common Law quite puts it downe,
In getting, like the Pope, so many a Crowne.
Nay, now I pray conceale not what you thinke,
You know Iudicium ought to be conform'd
To Lawes, and not to speake his minde of them.
I aske your censure of my Epigram,
Not of the Lawes.
I thinke that it were fit
It had a glosse to shew your meaning, what
You understand by Titles, and by Crownes;
Those words are doubtfull: but Sir shall I see
The other?
Stay, her's Fallacy.


Enter Fallacy.
THese are the Dragons that so duely keepe
The golden fruit which I so long to crop:
Oh that I could inchant them! well, Ile trie:
Say, faithfull followers of young Intellect,
Is your deare Lord come by? or where's he gone?
How? our deare Lord come by; or where's he gone?
What meanes Lord Fallacy? did not great Discourse
Send for him by your Brother?
We hither came, thinking to finde him here.
I know not that, but this I doe assure you,
He is departed from the Court, and fled:
[Page] The cause my sorrow doth forbid to shew;
Thus much my love hath made me let you know.
'Twere needlesse now for us to aske the cause,
Let's thinke upon some meanes to finde him out.
Can you advise us Fallacy?
Not I;
You better both can finde and judge what's sit.
I am amaz'd.
And so I sweare am I.
Well, if my counsell may doe any good,
I wish that both of you pursue him straight;
You towards Rhemes, Invention, and you
Iudicium to Verona, nor returne
Till you have found him: you may better seeke
In any place than here, where oh alas,
Discourse distracted is enough to affright
Farre stronger wits.
Discourse distracted? how?
O pardon me, I know not.
Come, let's goe,
You vexe him with your fruitlesse Questions.
Well may you speed, I would goe on your way,
But that my piety here bids me stay:
What are you gone? ne're may you meete againe,
Or meeting, ne're returne. I cannot like
Such curious fellows in strange Common-wealths.
And now for yong Lord Intellect, my hope
Stands resolute of quickly taking him,
I may goe prosecute my chiefe designes.

Actus secundus, Scena prima.

Enter Distinction with papers in his hand.

I Would the number of things in the world had been lesse, or the names more, I might not have beene thus troubled. There is nothing spoken or written but is sub­ject to so many interpretations, that without Distinction▪ gi­veth occasion of an hundred evasions. An Obligation can­not be made for tenne Groats, but the Attourney will have halfe a Crowne for Parchment: no lesse will hold the Addi­tion of the parties names, of younger and elder, Butcher and Tanner of Witam and Wolvercoate; that if the unskilfull Painter was faine to write under his well resembled Pi­ctures, this is a Dogge, this is an Hare, I had need to come after and tell what Dogge, what Hare he meaneth. But ye­sterday an Herauld was with me, who▪ as I lov'd to save blood-shed, intreated me to helpe him to pacifie two incen­sed Citizens, who since the yeare 1610, when all Artificers and Tradesmen became Gentlemen, fortuned to light both upon the same Coate-armour, and now were ready to fight, who should have it most proper, if I lent him not some dif­ference to put betwixt them: I asking what the Coate was, he told me a Bulls head, whereupon I advised him to call his, that was the yonger, an Oxe-head, and make the hornes a little longer; and I hope by this they are contented. And indeed I cannot wonder that so often many things have but one name, when sometimes one thing engrosseth many names, like the Spanish Nobility, which require whole sheets for a Superscription. You may enquire for a Broker, meete with a Bawd, and fall into the hands of an Vsurer, yet all but one Citizen. You may there see a Scholl [...]r troub­led with the Rheume, a Gentleman ill at ease, a Serving­man starke drunke, all sicke of one disease; I would some [Page] would reduce these things to a parity, and relieve the nullity of some by the plurality of others; or som [...] good Cyrus would adventure a jerking, by taking away from short things those Titles which are too long for them, and giving to those who are too short, and so fit them both. If Division would come once, I would speake to him my selfe, to make a more e­quall distribution; and I wonder hee staies so long; but now heere hee comes with the rest.

Enter Definition, Division, Opposition, Description.

Come, come, my Lord, it is time we were about this businesse.


Good my Lord Difinition, you must pardon me, you know I am troubled with two shrewd impediments, Age and weakenesse; and besides Dichotomy hath let mee bloud, and charged me I should neither use Horse nor Coach, but trust to mine owne two legges; nay hee will fearce permit me a staffe to Ieane upon.


My Lord Division, it were best that you fate downe if you are weary.


Distinction have you brought the rolles? they bee the Records which preserve things done from swallowing up in oblivion.


If you meane the rolles you bid me, I have; if any other, I have not.


Description give mee my Spectacles, not without good cause hath our Soveraigne sent unto us to draw out for him the pedigree, which is a true lineall discent of all the chiefest inhabitants within these provinces, and view their ancient possessions, which are be Dominions and Lands, conveighed them by [Page] their Ancestors, least here it should come to passe, which is happened in all other Countries, that the dignity and jurisdiction depart from the noblest houses, which are families retaining in many generations, the impression of some heroicall vertue, and passe to upstarts, who are such as Fortune, not Desert hath made gra­tious.


Nay feare not that; while Opposition lives, there shall be alwaies some to resist that confusion.


With which Province will you beginne, with Substance, or with Quantity?


Best I thinke with Substance, right, and here is the rolle: The first Duke that reigned here, and gave his name to the Country was Substance; I cannot well say what he was, his antiquity was so great.


Hee was the eldest sonne of Ens, was he not Opposition?


No, he was his eldest child, the rest were Daughters.


It should seeme so, for accidents are of a feminine nature, they cannot exist alone by themselves.


Well, howsoever this Realme was equally divided amongst them; I have heard, Pythagoras was employed in assigneing them their portions.


It is not so, it was his Scholler Archetas Tarentinus, he measured out the Provinces by his Geometry.


Hence we may gather of what antiquity this King­dome was, it is sure as ancient as the Romane Empire, for Architas and Numa were Schoole-fellowes.


Fye no, Pythagoras liv'd long before him.


This Country was then called Decaphylia, till after­ward subdued by Mercury, was by him called Hermenia.


Well, howsoever let us proceed: Substance match­ing with the Lady Corporea, had by her a sonne called Corpus.


My Lord, there were two Dukes of that name, one in the Province of Substance, another in the Province of Quantity.


But we meane him of Substance.


Good Lord, what odds there is betwixt the men that were in those dayes, and the men that are now in this latter declining Age of the World. This Duke Substance was a monstrous, tall, huge, bigge man; hee had a head greater than any Horse, a necke like a Bull, larger sides than the Westerne Hogge; Leggs like Winde-mill posts, and feete proportionable: His sonne Corpus was very like unto him; the Aldermen of the Corporation, that are scarse able'to come in at our Colledge-gates, might have shewne tricks like Tumblers in a hoope, through his Thumb-ring; King Ar­thurs tallest Knight would have scarse trust his points. The Bull-hide, that cut out in Thongs, compast as much ground as the walls of Carthage, could not make him a Girdle.


I wonder how any man had so much leasure as to looke about him, and draw his description.


O sir ex pede Herculem.


Him succeeded Corpus, surnamed Animatum; him Animal, who was named Rationale, and begat Homo.


He had two wives, the other was Irrationale.


Sure that Irrationale had many Husbands, I have knowne her married to above Twenty my selfe.


Why? had not all the rest so? Substance, Corpus, and Corpus animatum, my sonne Privation, if he were here, could tell their names.


Where is he?


He hath laine a long time bed-ridden, deafe, blind, and dumbe.


I am sorry for him.


Who are next Definition?


Homo begat Socrates, Plato, and the rest.


Now thou seest Description, Nature gives with two [Page] hands; with one the gifts of the body, with the other the qualities of the minde; so to these men she hath now given more understanding than unto Substance, Corpus, and those in former time.


But may it not be doubted, whether Socrates and Plato were of this Countrey; I could never heare that they had much to doe with Substance.


'Tis true, if you meane Substance as the Vulgar doe, for wealth: But if you understand it as we doe, the Province, questionlesse they had.


I say they had not, and can prove it: They were Phi­losophers, were they not?




And Philosophers have no place here.


And why not Sir?


Because ignorant fellows have not, it holds from contraries.


So it pleaseth you to conclude Sir; but how prove you that Sir?


They are Transcendents over all the Provinces, and therefore cannot rightly be said to be in any.


Indeede they say, Homer had seven Cities strove for his Birth, but none ever gave him place of abiding: but I thought Philosophers had more certaine abode than a wan­dring Poet.


They are in Substance, for they love to stand by themselves, and depend on none: They are in Quantity, for ignorant men are in number many, in magnitude monstrous.


I think least of all in Quantity, for they are rather in number infinite; and I cannot tell whether they have Longitude and Latitude, I am sure they have no profound­nesse.


Profoundnesse either may be taken for deepnesse of judgement and understanding, and that they are farre from, or for thick grosnesse, and that in them is most palpable.


They are in Quality: for who so fat, faire, strong, and lusty as they? out of Relation they cannot bee: You have ignorant Rulers, ignorant Subjects, ignorant Tutors, and ignorant Schollers: who more in Action? who more passionate in all places, at all times? who use more gestures? Who better apparrelled?


For the particulars, you Description, take this our Li­cence, by which we doe authorize you to goe through the Countrey, and take notice of the names and Differences of them all: For us it is sufficient to set downe these things in generall.


Belike Sir, you meane I shall not dye in idle­nesse?


Shall we proceede to some other Province?


I must first have the assistance of Lord Demonstrati­tion; I can doe nothing without him.


Why send you not Distinction for him?

Goe tell him we expect his comming; intreate him to make haste.

Enter Proposition.

Now my Lords, as you love your selves, or respect the State, imploy your carefull providence with all expe­dition.


Why? what is the matter? good Proposition speake.


Oh, I shall speake too soone: Our Lord Discourse, is falne starke madde.


Falne mad? Oh fatall calamity!


What shall we doe?


Nay, worse than this.


Worse cannot bee.


Demonstration, Topicus, and Fallacy, are hot in con­tention who must governe.


How comes Fallacy neare him, lately he could no endure him?


I know not how: but now he seemes exceedingly to affect him.


Have they no more care of their Father? this is too bad; 'twere good for to take some order with them pre­sently.


Let us goe visite him, hereafter we will goe finish these businesses.



Enter Ambiguity.

HE is not here: 'tis common to say, Hee is a true man that never deceiveth his Master: and I thinke it may properly be said, He is a rare Master that ne­ver deceiveth his man. This is not the first time my Master Fallacy hath sent me on such idle errands: He is right like the fellow that when hee had nothing to steale, filled his Pockets with Rushes: rather than he will deceive no bo­dy, he will deceive me. But let him take heede he play not like the madde fellow Aiax, who when he had left nothing else to kill, slew himselfe: and so when he can no longer cozen others, he'le cozen himselfe: His golden Letters, written with an Angels quill, will doe him no good: But here I thinke he comes; no, it is Distinction: This Villaine I can no more endure than Demosthenes could Phocion: he is the fatall Axe of all my Policies, the [...] of all my subtle Devices.

Enter Distinction.

My Lords, what are they gone? it had beene solly for them to stay for Demonstration.


He must not be of our Councell, if Opposition should chance to come.


There was adoe indeede: Old Discourse talking nothing but of Quadratures, of Circles, of Lines running nearer and nearer, but never comming together: of Hexities, Ideas, Quintessences, Sublimations, Corporall Ubi­quities, infinite Quantities, Consubstantiations, Tran­substantiations; things beside impossible: I wonder what he meanes; surely he is besides himselfe.


Well, I must adventure on him, delay may prove dangerous. How now Distinction, what newes is stir­ring?


Oh Sir, I see that stirring head of yours is weary of our better state: you listen to heare of some new change?

These words he speakes aside to himselfe.

What are there windowes in my breast? this fellow knowes my heart.

Not I Distinction.


No, you are Ambiguity.


You may mistake me.


Yes, if I take thee for any other than thou art.


What's that Sir?


An honest man.


Indeede you say true, hee doth mistake me that thinkes me other than an honest man.


But you say false: I say hee doth mistake that takes thee for an honest man, otherwise than thou art.


Why Distinction? 'tis not you can finde fault with my honesty.


No, Ile be sworne.


Why say you so then?


Because I can finde no honesty with thy faults.


Come, come Distinction, if I have beene faulty, you know no man is borne without faults.


Yes, and I thinke there are few faults borne without thee.


Come prethee, thou art alwaies disposed to crosse me, but I will not fall out with thee for a King­dome.


You would for a lesser matter, if feare did not hold your hands.


Sir you shall know my hands be free.


Why, you will not draw Sir?


Yes, I will Sir.


What, not your Sword?


No, good Distinction, I love thee too well; Ile draw my Purse, with all my heart, to doe thee good.


I thanke you good Amphoteros: but I feare you have two Purses, as hee had two Chests; one full of money, the o­ther of thankes.


That I have, my deare Oudeteros, and if thou wilt goe with me, I will draw them both; the one to pay for the wine we will drinke, the other to thanke thee for thy Company.


Well, Ile goe with thee.



Enter Opposition.

I Cannot conjecture wherefore Fallacy is so desirous to speake with me, he requested I would meete him here sometime before wee fate, and yet he is not come. Now I doe wonder I was so much moved at his carriage in this businesse, I beginne to pitty his poore fortune: Alas, that he was base borne; but what of his base birth? Hercules [Page] was base borne, so was Romulus, so many Worthies: He seemes to have more wit than both his Brothers, and al­though that be counted such a blot, yet who can condemne him? it was no fault of his; but what if there hath gone a bad report of him? why hee may mend in time. Was not Themistocles a dissolute yong fellow, yet who proved a braver Souldier? Oh 'tis Magistracy shews the man; what hopes? what encouragements hath hee ever had? still kept under and disgraced; neither is his Title altogether naught: and now a dayes 'tis a small right a man would forgoe for want of standing to it; I cannot blame him and a little thing more would make me favour him.

Enter Ambiguity laughing in Distinctions coate.

O wonderfull operation, two or three drops of this Wine fuming into his head, turned his braines like the fannes of a Winde-mill, and then his tongue like a clacke began to talke on both sides; every thing was taken duplici­ter; he talkt pure Scot, and Thomas Occham and Caietan might have learnt some new Schoole-learning from him: but this storme held not long, e're a still calme followed this vi­olent tempest; and he fell fast asleepe, and I thinke I was not long uncasing the Foxe; he was so ready but now to give a double interpretation of every word I spake, and I thinke (to be quitts with him) I shall make more than a single use of this Cloake: first by this shift I have left him to pay for the Wine, then by this disguise I may unsuspected come to deliver my Masters Letter at the Bench, if Opposition come not before: But I thinke mine eyes are dazeled; he is here, and I saw him not.


And I saw you, but I knew you not.


My Master Fallacy by me kindly greets you Sir, and would have met you here himselfe, but was detained with extraordinary businesse, and desirous more closely to impart [Page] his minde unto you, by these his Letters doth expresse the same.

He delivers the Letters.

I doubt not but 'twill doe; oh there is great hope: some thinke the mediation of Angels may helpe in Heaven; I am sure Angels are the best intercessors in Earth: when they be­come Oratours, there is no doubt of propitious audience. There is no reading to the golden Legends: This Chryso­stomes Style is most perswasive. Hath he done since? I think if it had beene longer, it would not have seemed tedious.


You may tell your Master from me, I have perused his Letters, know his minde, and will give him my best assistance; bid him be confident.


I will Sir.


Well that's all; I never did hate this Fallacy, and of late I saw matter deserving pity in him; but now I see hee loves me, he is willing to relye upon me, he dares so farre trust me, he doth promise to advance me, I cannot chuse but love him, I must needs helpe him, I will doe my best to honour him: well, here they come.


Enter Definition, Division, Demonstration, Fallacy, Topicus, Proposition.

GOod Reduction charge Conclusion to keepe him fast, and if he chance to breake from him, doe you assist him. Come yong Lords, I would I could perswade you altogether to desist from these troublesome contentions; but if that may not be, this is a fitter place than your sicke and distemper'd Fathers house; let us heare what you would have, what you can plead for your selves.

Then why doe not some dimme & purblind Stars,
Corrivals with the thrice most glorious Sunne,
Sue at the Throne of Heavens Majesty
To rulethe the Day? 'twere lesse presumption
Than this of these competitors of mine:
For were not I by my Nobility,
And most apparant births prerogative,
In all mens sight, to be preferr'd, before
This Topicus, and bastard Fallacy:
Yet were my worth, great worth, beyond compare,
To prove my claime just, all-sufficient.
I from the State long since have banished
Grosse ignorance, and that her cursed spawne,
Vild superstitious Admiration,
The Tyrant of the vulgar simple minds:
I the chiefe Shewer to my Lord Discourse,
All the most strange and wonderfull effects
Of closer working Nature have set forth,
The hidden cause lockt from common eyes
In deepe, scarce-searchable Obscurity,
I opened wide to his illustrious view.
I the renowned Champion of Truth,
Have her defended 'gainst her proudest foes,
And many combats for her honour fought,
Never returning conquerd from the field,
And therefore now to any scorne to yeeld.
You may speake Topicus.
If any words of mine may find attention,
In your not yet fully possessed eares,
Nor shall it seeme presumption to you
Iudicious Lords, which seemes so palpable
To prejudicious Demonstration,
That I my title dare maintaine with him;
Your reverent wisdomes are not ignorant
That though he hath beene honour'd more of late,
[Page] Yet was I bo [...]ne before him; then if he
For birth-right claimeth ought, 'tis due to me:
Nor to his high priz'd worth inferiour,
Are my deserts not und ervalued?
If he his foe in close and narrow lists
Have, as he bravely vaunts, encountered,
And that not often, for none-profiting
Onely, selfe-pleasing, Contemplation,
The single combats oftner fought by me
In just defence of your empaired rights,
Are no lesse famous, no lesse knowne to you:
Besides, I alwaies in the Champion field
Of Rhetoricke well leavied forces led,
Chiefe Muster-master to the Soveraigne Leige,
Our high Commander and chiefe Generall,
Under Truths colours many skirmishes
I have endur'd, won many Victories:
Then let me for the King, for truth, for you,
In all your causes never wont to faile,
For mine owne selfe in this mine owne prevaile.
If you have done, let's heare yong Lord Fallacy.
If that my vowes, or teares, my gracious Lords
Conjoin'd with yours, could move the angry Heavens,
This doubtfull question should not trouble you:
Thou should'st great King enjoy thy right, and we—
(Oh admirable piety!)
Would rest as happy still enjoying thee:
But since that fate, (O hard and cruell fate)
Denies him his right mind, denies us him,
Envies us all this great felicity,
Who may more hope his regency t'attaine,
Than he in whom his vertues most remaine
Nor let it any thing impeach my right,
That unadvised Demonstration
Objects to me, base birth, who doth not see
[Page] His Father he disgraceth, and not me;
If ought he from his Mothers right doth claime,
Let him enjoy it, i'le him not deceive.
But if he at his Fathers rule doth aime,
He was my Father too, and by his leave,
Although I chanc't not to have with him one mother
On the best side, I am his elder brother.
Nor are my vertues meaner than my birth,
Witnesse those many difficult attempts,
Which quite impossible for any else
To hope t'achieve, with expedition,
And not without successe, I have perform'd.
Witnesse that most rare service to this Realme,
Which I with diligence have executed.
Discourse his chiefe controwler in the state,
Truths sole soliciter, common Atturney
In all the causes which concerne the Land:
And all this, though by farre exceeding all,
Which my Competitors can promise you,
If to my first deserts you give due meed,
With future industry I vow to exceed.
If they which most they can, (and who can lesse?
Shall scarce defend, scarce defence asking right,
I will your weakest causes fortefie,
And make appeare most strong in most mens sight.
Who hates us, shall not thinke us overthrowne;
Who favours us, shall sweare the right our owne.
Now all this that I might effect for you,
Let me receive at your hands what's my due.
My Lord speake what you thinke.

Did you as true Piety (which is a reverent and gratefull respect of your Parents) commands you, strive who should have the greatest part in lamenting this his Ex­tasie, (which is a Distraction of his braines, or a privation of those gifts of understanding, which of late hee happily [Page] enjoy'd) I should give you equall praise; (which is the de­served testimony of a vertuous action) but seeing you carried by Ambition, (that violent passion, which desireth nothing but honour) into these Civill Divisions: (which are Dis­sentions, disquieting your friends, and delightfull to your enemies) To say no more, I can commend none of you. But because Iustice (which is a perpetuall and constant will to give to every man his due) doth warrant me to de­fine this present controversie, if you will stand to my Judgement, (which is the censure I shall give) Demonstrati­on, the noblest sonne of Discourse, by the Lady Necessity, (who concludes all things which he undertakes so truely, so immediatly, so surely) shall succeede in his fathers digni­ty: (which is his kingdome and place in this realme) what thinkes Division?


These three that sue for Discourse his dignity, are either true borne sonnes, or base borne: the true borne plead either in right of birth, or of desert; their birth they either commend from Priority, or Nobility; their deserts either they set out from their greatnesse, or from their good­nesse. Now because base borne sonnes never inherit, I think Fallacy hath no right at all. Againe, because Primo-geniture hath beene alwaies preferred before great birth, and often good workes serving for use and action, are better than sel­dome great effects, which tend to nothing but to Admirati­on and Contemplation: I Judge Topicus, Discourse his eldest sonne, by meaner Parentaged Probability, in that, in all matters, at all times, wee shall have use of him to bee chosen before Demonstration, second sonne, though begotten on nobler descended Necessity, of whose vertue we have so seldome experience.


If you have spoken, you may give me leave: I there­fore thinke neither Demonstration fit, nor Topicus worthy, and therefore chuse Fallacy.

Why so?
Aske not my reason, I stand for him or none.

He is base borne, and base birth, is a vile condition, which to them that are unlawfully hegotten doth purchase infamy, and bereaves them of all hope of succession.


Now I thinke him as true borne as the best; for De­monstration, I alwaies suspected him to be thy sonne, because he was so like thee; but now I am perswaded so, seeing thee to stand so mainely for him.


Nay good Opposition, either speake more advisedly, or hold your peace.


What I have spoken I will stand to it; I will main­taine it.


We must beare with you, 'tis your nature to bee crossing us perpetually.


Then Proposition it is you must end this controversie, [...]ray speake quickly, 'tis your voice must doe it.

If that three Dukedomes, all of equall worth,
To these three, all thrice-worthy, noble Lords
Should by our sentence be distributed,
I quickly would decide all doubt; but now
All having equall interest in my love,
All equally deserving in mine eies,
I sweare I know not whom I should preferre
Before the rest, lest I should doe the rest
More injury than right to him: therefore
Let me intreate you take some other course,
For the determining of this weighty strife.

Wel then yong Lords, you must needs rest a while con­tented, till we can find some other meanes to compose these differences, wherein we will use the speediest meanes we can invent.

Fallacy takes Opposition aside, and whispers him in the eare to send Contradiction.
You see deare Brothers how this subtile States,
[Page] Deferre this controversie to decide,
That keeping us from dignities, they may
Themselves be this Realmesonely Governours:
I therefore loving you, and this our State,
Hating such Machivillian Policy
Sit downe unto you, as you can agree,
Let either of you rule the State for me.
And 'twould no lesse befit you Topicus
To know your selfe, and learne of Fallacy
To yeeld unto your betters.
You say true:
To know my selfe I well may learne of him,
For you are ignorant, and know me not,
Else I perswade my selfe, as he to both,
You would give place to me.
I doe confesse
I know thee not, for Demonstration
Lookes not so low, with his inquiring eye,
In greater matters onely busied.
Oh somewhat 'twas you ne're could know your selfe,
Your higher gazing thoughts could ne're descend
To so vild abject a basenesse.
Enter Contradiction.
Now brave spirits,
Why suffer you our State unmanaged,
Your selves dishonoured? You are slouthfull Lords.
Brave spirit, and can I endure
To be cald base and abject?
Thou mistak'st,
Those words were onely spoken unto me.
[Page] And Contradiction calls thee sloathfull Lord.
Now let your noble courage shew it selfe,
If you neglect this so faire-offerd place,
You worthy are to live in dishonour.
Rather as the Lightning shall my courage pierce
Through any Clouds, that likely are to obscure
My brighter glory.
May the soulest mouthes
Of the base vulgar spit upon the face
Of my unspotted credit, if for want
Of courage I abandon these my hopes.
Should I through mine owne fault be hindered
In such attempts, oh I should kill my selfe,
And on my selfe I would take just revenge.
And shall my brother seeke to thrust me downe,
And I endure it▪ Oh the name of a King
Is better than the common vulgar name
Of Brother. Topicus, looke to thy selfe,
He that my right and honour shall deny,
If I doe live and breath, shall surely dye.
Fond Demonstration, rather than I'le yeeld,
Appoint the place, I'le meete thee in the field.
What fitter place than this? where be the weapons?
Fie, fie, how dare you goe soe unprovided?
Goe fetch thy weapons, I will not be long.
But I shall thinke so till I meete with thee.


Enter Distinction in Ambiguities cloake.

I Thinke that Villaine Ambiguity was borne to doe me harme, I never was so overtaken by any as by him: No sooner had I put the Cup to my lips, but my witts shooke hands with my head, and left me to be arrested by dull Sergeant Sleepe, so like a bankrupt Merchant, I was faine to lot downe my Shop-windows, and I thinke yet had not opend them: but that which plagued me worse, up comes a Drawer, and delivering me from that prison, was like to have me waking to another, unlesse I would pay for the Wine, which that Rascall had promised to bestow upon me, which I had scarce done, when looking about me, I found the Villaine which had left me witlesse and money lesse, lest me also cloakelesse, till I saw where the forke-tongued Snake had cast this his party-coloured skinne. Now I could be angry with my selfe for my simplicity: but see the villaine

Enter Igno­ratio Elener.

hath sent Ignoratio Elener the foole, his fellow, to laugh at me; this would make Demotritus melancholy.

He pulls downe his Hat, and walkes aside.

What Ambiguity, are you studying? My Master Fallacy bad me deliver you these Keyes, and would you should locke up this Violl where you found it:

He gives them to Distinction, who goes away with them.

Remember now you had them forsooth I may not be admit­ted to his Closet, I am too honest; but if I be not deceiv'd this fellow is not so worthy to be trusted. Now be shrew his heart, he is gone without part of my message: I should have told hem, hee was to contrive some accusations against the [Page] Ladies of Verona, this wits I know would be working that way, and I must follow.

Enter Opposition, Contradiction, and Fallacy.
But say, where are our Brothers? oh I long
To understand how well your love succeeds.
Breathlesse and wounded both of them I left,
And ere my comming from them, they began
To faint with bleeding.
Bled they very much?
Well, so their streaming veines
Shall serve as Conduits dropping Clarret wine,
To sollemnize my Coronation:
And now I cannot but applaud my wits,
And hugg my happy Genius that hath thus
Inspight of selfe-conceited honesty,
Found forth this passage to my sweet desires.

But shall your old friends escape so? will you not re­quite their kindnesse?

Let Definition and Division, both
Be banished the Court, for Proposition,
He ne're oppos'd himselfe against me much,
We may procure his love, and use his helpe;
And therefore let him stay. But you
Lord Opposition, willingly I make
My sole or chiefest Counsellor of State,
By whom in all affaires I will be rul'd.
You Contradiction. whereso e're I goe,
[Page] I chuse to beare my sword: to your faire trust
Committing both my fortunes and my selfe.
Ne're may we thrive in this new policy
If we maintaine not what we have begun.
I doe beleeve you, and relye on you;
And therefore know, that not an houre since
I by a sly devised subtlety,
Have luckily surpriz'd the Lady Truth,
With her two famous Daughters; now in doubt
How I might best captive their constant thoughts,
I faine would heare your resolutions.
Were it my care I would enforce them straight.
They should not eate, nor drinke, nor rest on minute.
Nay, I would torture, and torment them all,
Till they did yeeld submissely to my pleasure.
I thinke such meanes at first too violent,
I'le try how glozing words, and kind intreaties
Can worke upon them: You know not the force
Of well convey'd dissimulation,
Therefore goe you, and through Parrhesia,
Proclaime my lawfull just succession.
I will my noble Lord.
And doe you heare?
To make my name more gracious, more belov'd,
I will no longer be call'd Fallacy:
Exit. Oppo.
Stile me great Sophime. You Contradiction,
Let Definition and Division know
What is our pleasure to be done with them.
I ne're did any thing more willingly.
I my selfe,
My proj [...]ct will pursue immediately;
Mee thinkes my hopes assure me. Now damn'd slaves,
Disloyall and unfaithfull miscreants,
Thinke yee that I will trust your villanies?
No: these distemper'd, quarrelling, fighting fellow [...].
[Page] Most not be conscious to our Policies,
They will rip open one auothers breast,
And prostitute their hearts to vulgar view:
Therefore the next thing that I wil contrive,
Shall be their ruine: Dead dogges cannot bite:
That done, I feare not Fortunes envious spight.

Actus tertius, Scena prima.

Enter Description.

IF I goe any farther let me be frozen to death, like Sir Hugh Willowby, or be made Cuckoid with the tedious Traveller Ulysses: It were impossible to see all, yet I should see more than I should be able to relate, and like Munsier, or Sir Iohn Mandovill, relate more than any would beleeve. I care not how these women take it. The Tailor in Plutarch would as soone make a habit for the Moone, as any man a Description of them, and so long would it fit them. I thinke they consist of Materia pri­ma, they are capable of all formes and impressions, but constant to none: And it is no great matter to describe them you see them curiously painted every where. And who would e're thought these Schollers should have so much troubled me: I supposing they had beene so like in their humours, as they are agreeable in their formalities, thought first to have drawne the Characters of some of [Page] them, but by what time I had observed some Captitious Criticks, Phantasticke Humorists, and malicious Satyrists, I found it no lesse impossible than perilons to deale with that kinde, and indeed am quite dismaid from going any farther in this enterprize. Well, I will deliver backe to the Lords their Commission, and rather sue for a Protection. But who comes here, Distinction?

Enter Ambiguity in Distinctions Cloake.

How now Description, didst thou see our Sove raigne Sophime?


Hath Distinction gotten Ambiguities Linsie woolsie Coate? or Ambiguity Distinctions party-colour'd Cloak? My cunning is quite stagger'd; I know not whether I should beleeve mine eyes or mine eares.

Doth your feeling serve you any better?
He strikes him.

Oh, is it you? No wonder I mistooke Ambiguity. They say a man may know the Divell by his cloven Foote; I am sure one may know thee by thy double hand.


Why double hand? I hope I have not foure hands.


Nay, thou hast but one hand rather; thou art Ambo-dexter.


Is not that best? So Plato would have his Citizens.


But he would not have them double tongu'd, as you are.


Then bee like Scaliger and [...], who had foure and twenty tongues should have had no place in his Common-wealth.


There is great difference. They many waies could [Page] speake one thing, thou one way speak'st many things.


That's a signe my words are most significant, which is no small commendation.

Right, if the signification be single and true.
Why not double and true?
That's impossible.

O grosse! what truer than the Oracles, which de­liver'd their mindes even with my voice? and who more trusted, whose words cost more, than our common Lawyers, who for their facility in double dealing, and speaking on both sides, are called the Oracles of the City? But tell me, sawest thou my new disguised Master Sophime?

I prethee, how cam'st thou by this Cloake?
Thou answer'st not what I aske thee.
Nor doest thou aske what I intend to answer thee.

But see here comes mad Discourse, he will make us admirable sport.

Well, I will not come neare him if he be mad.
Nor I, if he were in his wits.


Enter Discourse.

CErtaine 'tis so; nay I will maintaine it, as long as I have any breath; for I am neither in Delos, nor in the floating Islands of Scotland.

'Twere sitter you were in the Island of Anticyra.

Nor am I in a ship, that I should thinke the Earth moves.

If you be not, you deserve to be in the ship of fooles.

No, no, 'tis even so; the Earth is turn'd about, his sphaericall forme is apt for such a motion.


You are monstrously deceiv'd, 'tis nothing but the house goes round with you.


Againe, the Heavens are of a duller mettall, nothin [...], but blew Marble.


I'le goe talke with him. My Lord [...], what Paradox is this, are the Heavens made of Marble.


Doest thou doubt of that? why, in a cleare day thou may'st see it plaine; and when it raines, those drops are no­thing else, but such as fall from the sweating stone.


Somewhat it was, that in the time of [...], and as Livy reports, in the 200. yeare of Rome, it rained.

Thou say'st true, very true. (stones
But what thinke you of the Sunne?

Indeede hee is beholding to Nature for a better matter: he is made of bright burnish'd gold.


If the Sunne be gold, I will the sooner beleeve Seh­nus, that there are a people which see him not in halfe an yeare; I know some who see not Gold once in twelve Moneths. But what is the Moone Sir?

Why shee is but silver.

I thinke scarce that Sir. Sure that mettall is not of her Nature; it is often at the waine, but never at the full in my purse.


The Starres begotten betwixt these two, are some bright Angels; others Soveraignes, some round shillings, some but silver groats.

They are happy, whose Nativity these stars favour.

Iupiter, when he came to Danae, descended in a Cloak bespangled with these falling Starres.

But how came you to learne all this?

Who I? I have often walked through all the Regi­ons of Heaven.


I beleeve you have beene with Menippus, as farre as the Moone: your talke favours of Lunacy.


I tell thee, I have beene farther then ever the [...] man could reach.

[Page] I have pac'd the uttermost extreame outside of the Primum mobile, from whence, many thousand miles below me, I be­held great Iupiter, and all the minor gods.


A most strange Traveller; I feare you will come a­non to the greatest depth in Hell: 'tis time for me to leave you.

I have beene there already many a time,
Where never Hercules, nor Theseus durst approach:
Over Avernus, that most loathsome Lake,
Which never Bird as yet presum'd to passe,
I with my Goose-quill wings have made a slight.
The darke, light, burning, black fiery flames of cold Phlegeton
With undazel'd eyes I have oft gaz'd upon.
Enter Reduction.
Come good my Lord, you must needs returne with me.

Bid Charon stay my leasure, Ile see first whether it be the same with the Flementall fire, then I'le come.

I came not sir from Charon, neither am I going to him.

Who, Reduction? I would thou wert; what wouldst thou with me?


Fie my Lord, you will be alwaies in these mad moods, pray will you goe with me?


O Heraclytus, well didst thou say, the dry Ayre was the best soule: for had we not need to melt away into teares, to see the misery of wretched men. (will.

Nay weepe not good my Lord, you shal have what you

Shall I? so then I will pull out both mine eyes like Democritus, that I may looke thoroughly upon the follies of these times, and laugh my full at them.

So you were best Sir; but now pray come with me.
I come, I come, I come sir.
Exit [...].
Enter Fallacy holding a letter, with Ignoratio Elener.
I know not how my presence may disgrace me,
That Lady hath a quicke and peircing eye,
Able to search beyond the countenance;
[Page] The most reserved and conceal'd intents:
I'le keepe my selfe aloose, and stand farre off,
Till she hath swallowed downe this guilded bait.
Then can I draw her wheresoe're I list,
And if the common and devided humour
Of some selfe pleasing Poet be not in me,
I cannot chuse but move affection;
This straine will win her.
he reads to himself.
Enough, I must be bold and confident:
Sirrha, goe you, commend my dearest love
With these my letters, to Scientia;
Tell her I plead not my nobility,
Great births, or hopefull fortunes, powerfull friends,
Downe at her honours thrice most sacred feet,
I humbly lay these poore and meane respects,
But me in nou [...]ht else knowne ambitious,
Though now high soaring purest thoughts of love,
Like Venus silver feathered Dove have drawne
Up towards this high Heaven.
Ignor Elen.
Sir I feare,
Like some imperfect temper'd Meteor,
Neare approaching that high region,
You soone will vanish, and your blazing love
Be quite burnt out.
Say first, the glorious light,
That with kind heate doth cherish all the world,
Shall suffer in perpetuall Eclipse.
Sir feare not, if farre protestations
May doe you favour, I'le turne prodigall.
Well, take the chiefest opportunity,
If I doe in joy her, thouknow'st not what's thy share,
I goe my Lord.
Mistake you not your errand;
This is a stupid and forgetfull knive,
But yet my letters may dire [...]t 'em:
[Page] I have taught others many times to woe,
And composse easily their dearest loves,
Some with new fashioned and fantastick suites,
I taught to cloake their soule deformities:
The stale and stiffe leg'd Courtier, I have fram'd
To make yong congees, and unthaw'd his joynts,
An old worme-eaten wainscot countenance,
With a fresh varnish I have made to smile,
To win the favour of some yonger wench;
Poore sirs, with broakers suites, and borrowed Liveries.
I have commended to their dimme-ey'd Dames;
The greatest hate, and inequality
To love and reconcilement I have wrought,
And should my selfe dispaire? dispaire dull fooles,
Fallacy cannot be but fortunate.
Enter Opposition.
But here comes
One of my sworne supporters, 'twere full time
I were deliver'd of their tedious service;
I thinke I am able now to stand alone.
All happinesse befall my mighty Soveraigne.
Thankes trusty faithfull Opposition.
We have proclaim'd your Royall Majesty
Rightfull successor to the empty Crowne
Of great Hermenia.
But with what successe?
How stands the Commons to our Reigne affected?
As if their fortunes were advanc't with yours,
In vollyes of faire acclamations
Through the spacious regions of the ayre,
They send that joy which in their narrow breasts
Seem'd but imprison'd.
And it shall be my care
To recompence their loves with our deceite,
For I doe hate ingratitude as death:
[Page] I doe, Lord Opposition. I well weigh
How much I am oblieg'd to any; and for you,
Deare Lord, I would I were the Monarch of the world.
Would that procure thy noble hearts content,
No force should barre thee: but we long to heare
How stand your hopes for faire Verona?
Why my hopes are cleare,
But yet my thoughts are somewhat over-cast,
To thinke that I should hazard, with my selfe,
The yet unthanked loves of all my friends.
Wer't to be tride out by our wit, or words,
I could be confident; but boisterous force is.
Yet though I doubt, I feare not, and my friends
With patience will attend the maine event.
Hee speakes this aside to himselfe.
What's this my Soveraigne speaketh to himselfe?
My Lord I understand not what you would,
But gathering from your unaccustom'd phrase,
That somewhat much concernes you, I request
Better to be acquainted with your meaning.
Lord Opposition, there's not any man
Hath greater interest in me than you;
And therefore looke into my deepest thoughts
Scientia but even now hath sent me word,
That notwithstanding all her promises
To Demonstration, she could be content,
To place her best affections upon me:
But first entreats me to remove one le [...].
One let? now were there twenty thousand l [...]s,
We would remove them.
She writes.
None but Iudicium's witnesse to her vowes,
Were he dispatch'd, she were resolv'd for me.
Iudicium? now Ile send him downe to hell;
He may prove witnesse before Rhadamant,
But never shall disturbe our peace on earth.
Nay, but the matter must be well conceiv'd,
[Page] He hath procur'd him for his noble friend,
To bid me combate: which I have accepted;
And though I cannot well fore-see the event,
I rest in this, my friends will rest content.
Now I have cause enough of discontent:
Was not I worthy to have kild the slave?
Sir, you shall never undergoe this action:
Or if you needes will fight, then fight with mee;
For I doe vow, unlesse you yeeld in this,
You kindle that proud heate which cannot dye,
But wrapt up in your ashes, or mine owne.
Why, good my Lord, what would you have me doe?
I prize your friendship at my kingdome rate,
Yet somewhat must esteeme my reputation:
At least be pleas'd to meete in some disguise:
'Twas was his request to 'escape from conscious eyes,
If he surviv'd, me conquer'd, he might take
Some maske upon him, which small liberty,
Presuming if I pleas'd on the like,
I granted him.
This 'tis, when men of judgement
Doe venture on such weighty actions:
They make all sure, they will prevent the Fates:
I care not how I kill the villaine,
Or who have credit for it; but Ile kill him.
Then be perswaded to annoint thy blade
With this enchanted oyle, 'tis strong in vertue.
When is the time? where is the place?
'Tis here,
Within this houre.
I will but try my sword,
And surely meete him.
Nay, but heare a word:
Let me entreat your faithfull secresie,
And above all things, see you keepe it close
From Contradi [...]ion, lest he second you.
I eare not, we men of action use few words.
Well, I perceive that you have vow'd to make
Hermenia's Lord your vassall. Is he gone?
Now I could breake with laughter. What his hare-brain'd sonne?
Ile send to meet him, oh twill doe me good,
To see the villains tap each others bloud.

ACT 3. SCAE 3.

Enter Ambiguity, and Ignoratio Elenchi.

Now will I blow up this fellow like a soap bubble. It is necessary for great men to keep some fools as well as many knavs,

They will never dispute their businesse. And must
I frame inditements.
Yes, tis that I should have told thee sooner.

Tis well I must play the Scrich-owle and proclaime misfortunes, whilst you become the Mercury of more pleasing messages, imploy'd in tuning the strings of love.

Sir you must doe it, like it as you thinke fit.

Ile thinke upon it if it be but to sharpen my wits. And prethee noble Ignoratio Sirnam'd Elenchi; wilt thou prove Pan­der and procurer to any man, thy person promiseth more grace, stayne not thy worthinesse with so base imployments.

I never meant it.
So I thinke verily, and therefore thou didst undertake it,
Thy brave spirits scorne such service.
Yes I doe scorne it.
Thou dost know thy selfe.
I thinke I doe, and admire my selfe as much as another.
Methinks thine owne Idaea should be thy only Mistris.

I must confesse I know not that shape that I could ever af­fect so well.


Why then should not these parts raise thee, Nature and Fortune have conspir'd about thee. Take but this opportunity, and triumph over the world.


I doubt not that but I have a farther reach, tis heere, tis heere will doe it.

I warrant tis some admirable plot.
Ile to the cunning man for some inchantments.
Out upon it, worke by witchcraft, 'twill never prosper.
Then I will use some other meanes.
Whats that.
Why any thou wilt councell me.

Then be ruled by me. Thou know'st our master now is call'd the great Sophisme.

And thou art Ignoratio Elenchi.
I am so.
Now thou art employd upon an honourable message.
Proclaim thy self Ambassadour.

You say true; turne Ambassadour, but I am no good speaker.


We will help that too; Thou hast his letters, open them, learn to pronounce them, take his person, frame his posture, speak as if thou wert the man thou seemest, she will not chuse but an­swere expectation. Besure thou act this before good company, a contract is nothing worth without witnesse.

Wouldst thou be there I should speed much the better.

I will not faile thee, goe and make thy selfe most rich­ly fine.


I warrant you, you seldome see a man of my wits want good cloaths. Ile about it straight.


I care not if I crosse my master in this project, we Crea­tures of the lower region, never doe worse then when the higher bodies grow in conjunction. If the master once fry in a husban­dish affection, the man may freeze and starve in expectation.


ACT 3. SCAE 3.

Enter Fallacy and Contradiction.
Deare Contradiction, use all secrecy,
And for my credit get thee some disguise,
Nor speake to him by any meanes, thy voyce
May shame us.
If he understand my blows so tis,
He gets no word of me.
Here, take with thee this powder, rub therewith
The instruments of thy revengefull wrath;
And, as most vertuous, be victorious.

Act. 4. Scae. Prim.

Enter Conversion, Aequipollency.

Can Aequipolency endure all this? Can all this be en­dured by Aequipolency?


Who I Conversion? I can suffer any thing, 'faith ther's nothing that I cannot suffer. Prethee be rul'd by me, stand to the present.

I am no Stoick.

So it seems, thou art rather a Pythagorian Peripate­tick, thy very essence is mutability. Thy soul could walk through more Sects then some honest bodies have chan'd suits: methinks thou mightst do well at home by temporizing.

Oh these Climats are too cunning, I must seeke further.
Read Lipsius Constancy, let that consirme thee.
Faith he will lead the next way from Leyden to Doway,
That it may be I may make use of him,
[Page] Did not these troubles banish me: I would go voluntary:
Your finest wits are thought insipu'd till
They have past the salt water.
Our home-spun learning's of a courser threed,
It's staind and smoakt in dressing.
The Germans vates drencht in a deeper grain,
Venice and Padua will returne them richer;
And I begin to pity thy wilfulnesse. What course intendest thou?
'Twere thy best, being skill'd in tempering
Confections, to proclaim some Paracelsian
Oyl, or Angelicall pills.

Nay, I'le rather professe the making of Aurum potabile, and credit it with some two leavs of reasons, and ten of authority, for all diseases, griefs, and maladies. But which way art thou bent?


I will to Flushing, Midleborough, Amsterdam, peradven­ture thence to Antwerp, and so to see Rheams and Roome.


Take heed you come not back by Quinborow there is a groome with a curry-comb will rub your sides. But if you may be perswaded, it is as easie to lay downe your stomacke at home, as feed your selfe abroad by making buttons; you may soo­ner be prefer'd to the Inquisition then to the Conclave.


Well, except the morrow Sunne display more comfort, I am gone beleeve it.


You hope at your returne to get a Doctership the chea­per, or a benefice with lesse adoe, but you may be deceived, I will expect your reconversion, adiew.


This fellow thinkes himselfe as cunning as a tumbler that walks upon ropes, and with his levell keeps himselfe upright, but his steps are dangerous, I had rather walk on the Alps, though sleeper, where I may have sure footing.


ACT 4. SCAE 2.

Enter Invention.
I, who my restles wits have dayly tied,
In searching choicest objects of delight:
Though none more gratefull, none more tedious
Then that most blest content which they enjoy,
Who underneath the courteous Lawrell shade,
In muses laps doe rest their weary heads;
But now alas, what proud ambition,
What jealous envy, greedy avarice,
Hath cast infection on those purer springs?
They whose kind steele was sometimes only proud
In giving waxen tablets, some cur'd wounds,
In their owne irefull, and all hardned brests,
Imprint the tragicke characters of death
Hot in pursuite of lost lord Intellect;
I am inform'd by Definition,
My best esteemed loving Topicus
Lies desperate hurt by Demonstration.
So twixt my deare affection to him
And bounden duty to my absent Lord,
My hearts divided with convulsions,
But pardon me great Amina, thy sonne
Commands my service, this one duty done.
Enter Description.

Well met Invention, what have you found young Lord Intellect?


No, and which adds to my misery, I heare I am like to loose my selfe, my deare friend Topicus.


Indeed he is hurt, but our feare was greater then their dan­ger, and it is happened better then they deserv'd. There is good hope of recovery.


Thanks good Discription for this happy news, but are you certaine that the danger's past.


It is most certaine, and I would wish the other miseries which have so unexpected befallen us, were likely to have so hope­full an issue.

Theare by Lady Methode and the banisht lords,
How miserable you are all become,
By great Discourses strange Distraction.

Met you with Method? Oh she was too impatient and unkinde to forsake our Soveraigne in his extremity: her presence might have yeelded him especiall assistance.

Pardon and pitty that distressed Queene,
Whose tender heart, oppressed with her griefe,
Would breake with any rough or unkinde touch.
As towards Rhems I did direct my pace,
I overtooke a weary fainting voyce,
Which I approaching neerer found was hers,
Alas, quoth she, I long since banished
From the disordred Regions of the world,
Have beene contented in this only place,
With old Discourse, my till now loving lord,
Till now to live under his lovely roofe:
I alwayes lay twixt his well folded Sheets,
I ever have enclapst him in mine armes,
Lest he should want desighting ornaments,
Or for his plainnesse passe with lesse regard,
I all the day have woed the Sciences,
To make him rob the longest coldest nights,
I have sate reaving up the finest arts,
And put into his hand a curious threed
Wherewith he guided hath his certaine steps
Through many crooked winding Labyrinths;
And now my Theseus, ah my kinder Theseus!
Vnwillingly was forst to leave his love,
Cruell discourse doth rudely cast me off,
[Page] And threatens me if I come neer to him.
Here I stept in, and with the fairest means
My troubled thoughts could finde, perswaded her
To change her resolution, and return;
Which having half effected, there came on
Old Definition with Division,
Who caring lesse their own then her estate,
Are minded closely to return with her.
My Love to Topicus hath caused me
To use more hast, although assur'd by you
Of his recovery; I have been content
To favour thus my self, and let you know
Of Prethods kind intention to return.
I thanke you Sir, and will accompany you.

ACT. 4. SCAE. 3.

Enter Ambiguity and Ignoratio.

Thou shouldest have starcht thy beard, or got some Beare-skin on thy head; at least have powdred thy haire like an Ashwednesday penitent; one devise now would doe most ad­mirable.


Impart it dear genius, if my wit can reach or wealth com­passe it, I will have it immediately.


Nay tis soon done, tis not so much as a Majors feast or Citizens christning. Thou hast heard how Simon circumvented the Trojans.

Yes, with a great woodden-horse; Must I get such an one?

(Yes, a great leaden-Asse) No, but you must counterfeit your self a captive, stand with your hands fast bound and leggs intangled, That will signifie your inthraldome. The Lady pity­ing your restraint, will untie your hands, and wrap you in her armes; then may you enclaspe her girdle and untie the true-love-knot of her virginity.


That will be most significant; But what do you think if (because Love is blind) I went on blindfold, sure I should speak the bolder.


It would do excellent, Nox & Amor, Darknesse and Drunknesse, Blindnesse and Love, are ever well macht.

So then i'le weare this Scarfe.
I'le help thee. Now, how canst thou speak?
He pronounces some of Falacies Letters.

It must be lowder, she will not indure a chamber voyce, thou must yawne Like one that gapes for a Benefice: open like an Oyster, that she may gather the pearles of thy speech.

He goes on pronouncing.

Oh that we had some Peble-stones, such as Demosthones used; but hold, it may be this will serve; Spare my fingers he gags him. but while I tell a hundred. I warrant thee this will make thee like a chirping Sparrow. Now will I leave the Coxcombe to adven­ture, and tis full time. What black Herald comes here.

Enter Contradiction disguised.

What, this is not the place where base Iudicium and I should meet, thinks he to prevent me, I will requite his diligence, but stay, he hath no weapons: now the Coward Rogue would yeeld my prisoner, but he shall not scape me so; i'le Baftinado him at least.

Contradiction pulls off his Scarfe.

Is this Sientia's Chaplain? he's very still, now what ails him! i'le see for the blow I gave him.

He pulls out the gag.
Now Sir, with all my heart, if you will have my purse.
Contradiction strikes him and departs. Exit.

Is this to be an Ambassadour, to have no law of Armes nor liberty of legs to protect me; now my onely revenge is to hold my peace and be silent, which if I can do, I may prove counsell to the veriest Wittoll. I am at a stand whether I shall go on in sure, or give it over; I must be better counsell'd.

[Page] Enter Proposition and Iudicium.
And can he no where here about be found.
No not by any inquisition.
And I by Fallacies advise him sought
Towards Verona, but alas in vaine;
The troubles of that City as I was
Vpon the way, by faithfull griefe inform'd,
Equall the stirrs here in Parthesia:
Truth and her daughters being thence expelled,
And all the rule usurp't by Fallaoy,
Those blessed civill lawes are disanul'd,
Which to so many glorious Emperours,
So many ages, in so many lands,
Have ever beene so justly well approv'd;
There hath he planted rude and practique friends
Which grate the Commons, spoile Nobility.
Betwixt deare brothers and the nearest friends,
Endeavoured to sow vile dissentions.
There the most sacred ordinance of Heaven,
The divine Oracles they falsify,
And force upon the plaine simplicity
Of easily deceived honest men,
Fraile humane breath and bold traditions,
With singular fantastique vaine conceits.
As brainsicke Dreams, forg'd revelations:
That I rest well assur'd he is not there:
Although to seek him else I know not where.
Now we may pity our confederats,
But cannot as we ought, bewaile their state.
Our neerer griefs do hugely overflow
The just proportion of all humane woe.
What else is befallen you since Discourse
Became distract?
Opposition and Contradiction contending for the rule,
Have wounded each the other wilfully.
Is Contradiction hurt? fond vanity
Vnder these ever suddaine moving Sphears
To looke for rest or seeke felicitie
In earth, the well head of salt teares.
We thinke him mad, that thinketh in the aire,
To erect a castle or faire monument;
And through the Seas as passengers we fare,
Yet dare not dwell upon that element.
But on th'uncertaine, and short prosperous windes
of favour blooming Fortune we oft raise
High and huge hopes, to our now calme minds
Promise eternall Halcyonian dayes.
But the just heavens all well guiding care,
Least we forget them in our jollity
When we in greatest pompe triumphing are,
Humble our mindes with some new misery;
For what else could our hearts content desire
But firme assurance of continuing?
When whilst with joy we others blisse admire,
Our selfe straight vex't with fortunes torturing
With sence doe feeele how her fierce wrath extends
From our owne selves unto our dearest friends.
But say, is his wound dangerous?
Enter Intellect and Distinction.
—But see
Iudicium, here Lord Intellect is come.
All happinesse attend your welcome presence.

Thanks good Iudicium, but you are man Distinction whom I must acknowledge the author of my freedome.


Where hath your Lordship been? and whence is it Di­stinctions honest care hath set you free.


I am indebted to Ambiguity, I was promised by him to be led to a faire library, but was conducted to a Vatican of all vil­laines.

Say good Distinction, how fell this out?

How he fell in you have heard already, and for his deli­verance this it was. I by reason of this coate (which how I got I list not now to tell) being taken of Fallacy for Ambiguity recei­ved of him these keyes, with direction to go to his closet, together with a certaine violl he delivered me which my curiosity quickely apprehending, I went and found the young Lord Intellect in one roome, the Lady Truth and her daughters in others, all which I have thence delivered.

O act Heroicall!
And were you in his closet?

A closet doe you call it I will be sworne it is a spacious storehouse of all subtilties, a Burse of impostures, an Italy of poy­sons, a Frankefurt of false Authors, there are infinite Iliads of Her­meticall precepts, many barrels of white powder, bales of false dice, boxes of false weights, bags of counterfet coine, golden fish­hookes, iron rakes, vizards, and darke Lanthornes for theeves, maskes and painting for Gentlewomen; for all hee furnished them dayly enough to load an Argosy, or a Spanish Catrick.

And what was in the violl you nam'd?

O, I thought to tell you: the rarest receipt that ever was composed, Predea nor Circe never made the Like.

What was it poyson?

When he gave it me, I mark't he said it wrought power­fully, and so mistrusting the effect, tride the conclusion upon a dog I met, which no sooner had tasted a dram of it, but dragging his tail on the ground he grin'd and snarl'd and presently ran mad, which effect I observing, thought I had now opportunity to re­quite a kindnesse Ambiguity did me, and so tempering it in a cup of sweet wine, adventur'd amongst Fallacies followers, who brave­ly carousing to their good fortunes, let my cup go round amongst them, and presently they all daunc't Frantique, so that nothing [Page] grieved me, but that Ambiguity was not amongst them.

O strange! will any drug cause madnesse?

Easily. Quid bibit inde furit, I have both read and seene it, and I feare Discourse's madnesse might have such a cause.

But doe you heare Lord Proposition,
If he through artificiall meanes lies mad,
As by these signes tis more then probable,
I know he may be help't again by Art;
Let him but purge and bleed in his head veine▪
I dare to warrant his recovery.
Happy Hermenia, if againe she see
Discourse recover'd, and for ever bound
To your discreet good will and worthy love
Vouchsafed to us, in your friendly presence.
What cunning Chirurgeon hath Parthesia?
Here's one well practis'd skilfull, fortunate
Analysis, who hath well nigh recur'd

The life-despairing brothers, Topicus and Demonstration.

Let him straight
Take care of him.

Sir, would you goe your faire direction might assist us much.

With all my heart, young Lord pray lead the way.

Act. 5. Scae. Prim.

Enter Fallacies followers madde, and singing, and at last fall together by the eares: he comming, they disperse and fly.
What Pannick fury hath o'rerun the world,
Or universall madnesse raignes this day?
Are there nor fellowes, those whose subtile braines
Would have spun forth the finest villanyes?
Those whose sound heads so oft I have employ'd
In working deepe designments; and see now
What wilde confusion hath tane hold of them?
Was't not enough that truth, and Intellect
With hated science and opinion,
Escap't by them, art set at liberty?
But they in this disordred fashion
Must make me odious, scorned, and despis'd?
Oh that I could convey me from this world,
Or know where to hide me, but my dores
Are lock't against me, and my wicked wals
Late surfetting with filthy luxury,
Doe seeme surcharged clea [...]e to spew me out.
Is't possible that I should be thus crost?
What is there any goodnesse in the world
Offorce enough to contervaile the wit
Of proud Fallacy? or is't some feind,
Some divell not of his owne confederacy,
That with his counterplots controlls my skill?
Or was my selfe the cause, my cursed selfe,
Lulled asleepe in fond security?
[Page] Enter Aequipolency, Analysis leading Discourse.
'Twas well you came so timely Aequipolency,
The memory of this foule imposture may survive
In that recover'd couple.
Sir they added,
As they found ease amidst their vomiting,
Pouring forth curses against Falacie,
How for his sake they had thrust the worthy Brothers,
Topicus and Demonstration, into their desperate fury.
Now I doe verily believe Analysis,
That villain's cause of all, it will appeare
He forc't his fathers madnesse.
Leave the perfume behinde you. Looke you use fresh pigeons,
Vntill the venome of their wounds be quite exhal'd,
There were no losse of them but at this time,
Their words may be produc'd, therefore pray be carefull.
I will.
He delivers the Perfume, and departs.
Now let him be brought hither, feare not stirring him,
I warrant he's secure. Invention
You shall doe well, if against his waking you provide some show,
And Musick, which may welcome home his wandring senses.
Ile see what may be done for both.
Analysis lets Discourse blood.
Now see Iudicium, here's no blood but humours,
This black stuffe is the excrement of Melancholy:
This sometimes makes him 'mongst the groves and rivers,
Pen Sonnets to the Nymphs and Goddesses;
In good assemblies to withdraw his thoughts,
And dictate to his Desk and Closet walls,
Dangers with which a wise man scarce would trust
His very bosome—this next
[Page] Is Choler, hast thou met with voyces,
Breathing seditious discontent and malice,
This humour rules them, from this siery vapour,
'Tis not the Chaire of State or Iustice seate,
Can shield the Prince or publike Magistrate,
Yea unto Heav'n it selfe it oft aspires,
Against Religion and the sacred Arts,
Casting prophaner and impurer darts:
This watry Phlegme, is that which putrifying.
His springs of breath, infects the neighbouring ayre
With blasts of slothfull envie, whence destruction
Casts mists upon the best endeavours.
Now me thinkes
The blood appeares, 'twere best Analysis
You stop the Orifice.
Oh his blood
Is much corrupted. This doth feed that veyne
From whence lascivious Songs, lewd Epigrams
And obscene Satyrs flow. This itching humour
Oft keepes him waking: watching, fils his braines
With gyddy phantasmes; yet we'l not take too much.
Bring me the cupping Glasse.
What, must he be martyr'd?
This is most needfull, else that windy matter
Which often grieves him worser then the Cholick
Till it breake forth, will still continue.
Now I wish
The Hypocausticall and brothel-writers were thus eas'd,
Which vent forth volumes faster then the Presse
Can get in rags for Paper.
'Tis enough.
Light the Perfume: Methinkes he moves a little,
Sweet smels confirme the sense and ease the braine,
And though no vapour nourish, it conveyes
The spirits to the purest root of life.
[Page] Enter Invention with Musick and a Shew.
What stirre yet? the Musick is at hand,
Attended with a Maske.
It comes most seasonable.
I thinke 'twere best we convey'd him in again Analysis,
And let him rest a while upon his pallet.
It may doe well, I will not leave him now
Vntill these hopes grow stronger. Let us goe.
Exeunt. leading Discourse in.
Enter Ambiguity and Fallasie.
My Lord, I have contriv'd the accusations.
Well, let me heare them: mine own wits doe faile,
It may be there is somewhat thought upon,
May helpe in extremity: let's heare.
My Lord,
Forgetfull of her honour, mighty Truth,
In base and meane attire hath walkt the streets,
Yea, which hath made my modesty to blush,
Starke naked hath she oftentimes appear'd,
And flying better presence, usually
With children, and grosse-pated long-tongu'd fooles,
And poore distracted persons hath been found,
On Taverne benches plunged all in Wine,
By sencelesse drunkards lovingly embrac'd.
Shee oft hath suckt impure and loathsome breath,
From their uncleane and foule stinck-belching throats,
With most disgrac't-esteemed hereticks
Conversing alwayes: never was she seene
Amongst religious, far more glorious
And faire appearing holy Confessors.
And have her daughters so demean'd themselves.
The heavens, starrs, the Regions of the aire,
The land, the Sea, Scientia hath seene,
But is a stranger in what most concernes
The countrey, families, or private good.
She is become the only patronesse
Of idlenes, and selfe consuming sloath.
The quickest spirits, fit for action,
Being dul'd in fruitlesse speculation:
Yea many of her most admired straine,
Puft with conceits of their all knowing skill,
Have run starke mad, or in a vilder veine,
To damned Atheisme have beene inclin'd.
Lady Opinion seeks to insinuate,
And winne good liking with the vulgar sort
To them, since pleasing objects she propounds,
And with most curious art and industry,
Doth both invite, and entertaine their loves.
Prudent and vertuous axioms she hath made
Distastfull seeme, and Paradoxicall.
She sometimes simple, most times subtile is,
But now deceitfull, straight deceiveable,
And only constant in inconstancy.
This will doe well, for I must take some course
To satisfie this overcurious age.
But what newes hear'st thou stirring?

Sir, I heare that Lord Opposition and Contradiction have hurt each other.

So! what dangerously?
Yes, so tis said.
I did thinke so much.
These fighting fellows will ne're hold their hands▪
Till they have pul'd some vengeance on their heads
But thanke thou Heav'n for't, if thou miscarry,
Assure thy selfe that thou art only left
To be the heire of my prosperity.

O Sir, the Heavens intend me no such happinesse, the scurvie Apothecary Aequipolency hath with his curiosity drawne out the rancor of their wounds, and no question is made of their recoverie.

Is't possible?

Nay, which is as strange, hee hath made them friends, and now they nothing but exclaime against you, except it bee sometimes when they rayle against me for your sake.

Well, we with patience must rest content,
Thou knowst that innocence is still traduc'd.

Againe Sir, as I was comming hither, I was told that Analysis had let mad Discourse blood, which I laughed at, thin­king his head was light enough before.

Discourse let blood, and Opposition
Past danger, friends with Contradiction—
Tis time I looke about me.
Now desperate misery inspire some trick,
I must doe somewhat: so, this may doe good,
I may escape so, but doe make a vow
I will take heed of their Parrhesians.

But now Ambiguity, say my mad father should recover his little wits, and call me to account for my ill government.

You must answer your selfe for me.

Answer for thee, why have you deserved so much thinke you, that you should be call'd in question.


Sir, I meane you must answer by your selfe, I have some skill in accusing, but none in defending.


I care not if I try what I could doe. Doe you examine like his gravity, Ile answer as I can.

At your command.

But here, take first my Gowne, 'twill make me speak the more respectively: give me thy Cloake, now thou mayst bee the bolder.

They change.
Well, when will you begin?
Could I so easily be well assur'd
[Page] Of your great care to rule, as reades our state,
I should as gladly thanke, as now most loath,
Condemne your forwardnesse, and would you knew
How I dislike these courses t'ane of you.
My gracious Lord, 'tis knowne I did refraine
The weighty glory of your government,
Till my more able brothers sorely hurt,
Could not themselves, much lesse the state sustaine.
But I doe heare you banish't have the realme
My trustiest and best knowne Councellers.
Doubting my Lord 'mongst many working heads,
Least some enflamed with ambition,
By ruine of their Countries common good,
Might seeke to raise themselves; I did remove them
From medling with all matters of state.
If it be so, I thanke thee Fallacy,
And doe commend thy wise bestowed care.

Now if I could leave him, this robe might serve as a safe conduct. Ile faine some present businesse, well stay thou here, I in this disguise will muffle my selfe and see what they doe, the E­vening approaching will keepe my counsaile.

Shall I expect you here?
Yes, by all meanes let me know where to finde you.

So, this makes me think what I shall be, carelesse what I am, and forgetfull what I was, I seem halfe invested in my hopes already. Those sword and buckler fellowes I hope will never get his favour more: and now the joyes of Hermenia, are not equall to those in my bosome. I would the proudest enemy I have would finde me in this fashion, Oh I could looke upon them most dis­dainfully—will no body come.

Enter Proposition, Description, Conclusio.
Was it not told us that Fallacy was here?
And here is some body; he, or his shadow
'Tis Ambiguity.
Sirrah, where is your Master Fallacy?
Lord Fallacy, my master, is not here;
His leisure serves not ordinary commers;
But if you have some earnest suite to him,
My meanes may prove your chiefest furtherance.
We thanke you Sir, but we must speake with him.

You thank me, what unmannerly and untaught grooms are these, how unacquainted with the phrase and methode of the court, I lookd they should have answer'd in a language better un­derstood of great mens favourites. And must you speak with him? I know no businesse of men of your fashion, but I may have the the hearing of it, suffice it you, I will vouchsafe you answere.

Sir if you will needs know our businesse. Of Capitall
Treason, we arrest you here,
As conscious of all those vilde designes,
Which gainst our Soveraigne and his worthy sonnes,
Against this state, and those distressed Ladyes
Of poore Verona, late have beene contriv'd
By Fallacy and you his damned creature.
What, meane you as you speake?

Yes, and ere we leave you, we will teach you to speake as you meane. Equivocating shall not serve your turne.

Hath Fallacy us'd me thus, and forsaken me in my extre­mity.

Come, let us have him to our Soveraigne. He shall exa­mine him himselfe.

Stay, here comes his Majesty.
Enter Discourse leaning upon Invention and Iudicium, Intellect going before, Distinction following.
Now honourable friends, our realme and we
[Page] Rest much obliged to your happy loves,
And so may those ill fortunes prove the last
Instructions of your fraile infirmity.
As we in service to you, and your state,
Intend to make some satisfaction.
Sir, our respect to you, our love to yours,
Makes all that can be found within our power
Seem but as tribute and deserved duty.
And you young Lord, whose vilde imprisonment
Adds much unto the burthen of my wrong,
I hope will not conceive amisse of us,
Who tenderly affect you, as our owne.
May it please you, now I am return'd againe so safe,
I would not for any thing but have been shut up where
I was, I have seen more then ever I did before.
I easily beleeve it, what, Distinction, have you the Keyes?
I have gracious Lord.
And cannot Fallacy as yet be found.
My Lord, we have surprized here
One of his chiefe and nearest followers,
But of himselfe, as yet we cannot learne.
And oh I pray he never may be found
Or heard of more within Hermenia:
Let him be hated throughout all the world,
But ever banished from forth the coasts:
That wretched father, with the wicked sonne,
That sought to spoile me of my dearest pledge,
Have felt in part, the Heav'ns impartiall doome,
For violating all the lawes of love:
Yet let them when their health and strength shall serve,
Be both conveyed hence to th' Antipodes:
And as for that tumultuous frantick crew,
Which revell it so loosly in our streets,
Dragging our subjects basely by the eares,
[Page] Let them be ship't away to Barbary,
And serve as gally slaves till they come there:
Our selves desiring to make recompence
For those injurious wrongs which harmlesse Truth
And her distressed daughters have sustain'd,
Int end sorthwith in joy to celebrate,
Betwixt my sonnes and those admired Nymphs,
On either side long wish't for Nuptialls.
We hope ere this, our Queene and banish't friends
Are safe returned, and now courteous Lords,
Late patient partakers of our woe,
Let us request of you, that ye this night
Associate us in feasting and delight.

My gracious Lord, you have forgot Ambiguity, shall not he be rack't, I could stretch him exquisitely, I would faine be his Procrastes.

It were but folly to torture him,
We know too much already, too too much;
Yet let him strait be whipt out of these parts,
And if thou lik'st the office, thou thy selfe
May'st be his friendly executioner.
With all my heart.
What, come Lords, will you go?
We will attend your Majesty.
Exeunt Disc. Intell. Prop. and Discrip.

Oh Sir, you may remember how you us'd me, I thought I should have a time to deale with you, will you untrusse, come, I must unease you, as you did me.

Fallacy hath your cloake, I have it not,

Th [...]t is no matter, you shall have it so sure as the gowne is on your backe.

Ambiguity slips his gowne and runs away, Distinction follows.
Nay, good Invention, since we meeting here
Have found all things so quietly compos'd,
[Page] Suting with our first expectation,
I must remember you of what you promis'd
The verses which you profer'd to my view,
Cannot but fit this opportunity.
I hope I have not lost them, these are they—

The Epilogue, spoken by Invention.

SHould this our Play on Common Stage appeare,
Some of the ignorant multitude would sweare
That we chopt Logick; for such strains of Wit
They still like worse, the better they are writ.
But you, that fill this Orbe, whose ears have hung
Attentively upon each Actors tongue,
Who ken where the least string of Art is crackt,
Where the conceit is proper, and where rackt,
From whence a work is spun, out of what Fleece,
And know the Woof and Warp of the whole Piece;
The SOPHISTER doth on your suffrage stand,
That for his grace, you would put to your Hand.

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal. The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission.