Actus primus, Scena prima.

I am in doubt, and I thinke cannot easily be resol­ved, whether it were better living in Hell, where there is no day; or at my Masters, where there is no night: I cannot tell what any yong Gentlewoman would answer to the blind Philosophers question. I am sure to me, Nulla videtur vo­luptas nocturna: There cannot the least sleepe harbour under my browes, but it is presently started with the loud cryes of my Master. Melancholy keeps him alwayes waking, and his envy will not suffer me to take any rest: Then my head hath scarce forgot my pillow, when his buzzing Suitors swarming about me, sting my eares like Hornets: like ghosts on this side Cocytus, they flock thither in infinite multitudes, to be wafted over to Hell: I would they were all once shipt thither, and dispatched; they are so importunate, that I could curse Nature who hath given me two eares to heare them, and but one tongue (though that indifferent double) to an­swer them. But at length I bethought me, she hath given me two leggs to convey me from them.

'Twere good she had given you more eyes to see your Master.

I would shee had given me yours, you might not have seene your man.

Well sir, I hope shee would have left me hands to have felt him. But hast thou brought what I bid thee?

Nay Sir, I thought it better to bring two Violls at one going, than at twice going one Violl. There were two of water of the same colour, and I have brought them both.

So double diligence, 'Tis no great matter: Indeed their colours are the same, and their effects not much unlike. This being tasted, causeth drunkennesse; this sudden mad­nesse: and this is the drinke I have provided for my Fathers mornings draught. Sirrah take you that, you may chance to have use of it; you know the vertue?

And now what are these Suitors that so much trouble you?

Master, you have seene Deaths dance in Boccus, Mer­chants, Vittulers, Vintners, Tobacco-men, Informers, Pro­jectors, all those that mourn'd at Tigellius his Funerall; Ambubaiarum collegia, Pharmacapolae,

SCENA SECVNDA.

Now I thinke I am prevented: is he not starke mad already?

Your loving Sonne, if his purpose hold, will ease you; you shall not thinke Ae [...]na upon your shoulders, he wil make your head light enough.

Let me embrace thee Fallacy, let me kisse thee my dearest sonne, the prop of my age, the sole heire of my love: My eares shall bee shut up hereafter to any complaints brought against thee; I will take it as against my selfe; if any henceforth accuse thee, I wil fight with him, I will beate and baffle him; I will runne upon him, spit upon him.

How lik'st thou this Ambiguity? is not his Style chang'd since?

Yes me thinks; before he spake in Verse, now hee scannes not his words.

I will now goe walke into the Garden of the Muses, and gather the choisest flowers that grow about Helicon, to make a Garland for thy temples. I'le make the skilfull Rhe­toricians to empty all their shops of the freshest colours to paint thy cheeks withall. Then the Grammarians I'le cause to shape fit and well-fashioned garments for thee of the purest Silke that ever was fram'd of true-woven words: Come go with me, come goe with me.

SCENA TERTIA.

Marry beshrew you, I could wish you had let me a­lone; you awak't me out of a most sweet sleepe.

Young Lord you were best to stay; they goe to seeke one whom they know not where to finde. Now I hope to make my Master doate as much on me, as his mad father doth on him, if I can convey away this purchase.

But when will Lord Discourse come? I desire to learne somewhat this morning.

My yong Lord, if you will goe with me, I will lead you to such a Library, as all Hermenia yeelds not the like againe.

Why you shall finde there Piscators Logick, But­lers Rhetorick.

That will teach me to tell Thirteene to the dozen▪ what, you thinke I will prove Helluo librorum? Well, I wil goe with you for once.

SCENA QVARTA.

Nay Sir, by your favour, I will presume upon your courtesie to read it.

SCENA QVINTA.

Actus secundus, Scena prima.

I Would the number of things in the world had been lesse, or the names more, I might not have beene thus troubled. There is nothing spoken or written but is sub­ject to so many interpretations, that without Distinction▪ gi­veth occasion of an hundred evasions. An Obligation can­not be made for tenne Groats, but the Attourney will have halfe a Crowne for Parchment: no lesse will hold the Addi­tion of the parties names, of younger and elder, Butcher and Tanner of Witam and Wolvercoate; that if the unskilfull Painter was faine to write under his well resembled Pi­ctures, this is a Dogge, this is an Hare, I had need to come after and tell what Dogge, what Hare he meaneth. But ye­sterday an Herauld was with me, who▪ as I lov'd to save blood-shed, intreated me to helpe him to pacifie two incen­sed Citizens, who since the yeare 1610, when all Artificers and Tradesmen became Gentlemen, fortuned to light both upon the same Coate-armour, and now were ready to fight, who should have it most proper, if I lent him not some dif­ference to put betwixt them: I asking what the Coate was, he told me a Bulls head, whereupon I advised him to call his, that was the yonger, an Oxe-head, and make the hornes a little longer; and I hope by this they are contented. And indeed I cannot wonder that so often many things have but one name, when sometimes one thing engrosseth many names, like the Spanish Nobility, which require whole sheets for a Superscription. You may enquire for a Broker, meete with a Bawd, and fall into the hands of an Vsurer, yet all but one Citizen. You may there see a Scholl [...]r troub­led with the Rheume, a Gentleman ill at ease, a Serving­man starke drunke, all sicke of one disease; I would some [Page] would reduce these things to a parity, and relieve the nullity of some by the plurality of others; or som [...] good Cyrus would adventure a jerking, by taking away from short things those Titles which are too long for them, and giving to those who are too short, and so fit them both. If Division would come once, I would speake to him my selfe, to make a more e­quall distribution; and I wonder hee staies so long; but now heere hee comes with the rest.

Come, come, my Lord, it is time we were about this businesse.

Good my Lord Difinition, you must pardon me, you know I am troubled with two shrewd impediments, Age and weakenesse; and besides Dichotomy hath let mee bloud, and charged me I should neither use Horse nor Coach, but trust to mine owne two legges; nay hee will fearce permit me a staffe to Ieane upon.

My Lord Division, it were best that you fate downe if you are weary.

Distinction have you brought the rolles? they bee the Records which preserve things done from swallowing up in oblivion.

If you meane the rolles you bid me, I have; if any other, I have not.

Description give mee my Spectacles, not without good cause hath our Soveraigne sent unto us to draw out for him the pedigree, which is a true lineall discent of all the chiefest inhabitants within these provinces, and view their ancient possessions, which are be Dominions and Lands, conveighed them by [Page] their Ancestors, least here it should come to passe, which is happened in all other Countries, that the dignity and jurisdiction depart from the noblest houses, which are families retaining in many generations, the impression of some heroicall vertue, and passe to upstarts, who are such as Fortune, not Desert hath made gra­tious.

Nay feare not that; while Opposition lives, there shall be alwaies some to resist that confusion.

With which Province will you beginne, with Substance, or with Quantity?

Best I thinke with Substance, right, and here is the rolle: The first Duke that reigned here, and gave his name to the Country was Substance; I cannot well say what he was, his antiquity was so great.

Hee was the eldest sonne of Ens, was he not Opposition?

No, he was his eldest child, the rest were Daughters.

It should seeme so, for accidents are of a feminine nature, they cannot exist alone by themselves.

Well, howsoever this Realme was equally divided amongst them; I have heard, Pythagoras was employed in assigneing them their portions.

It is not so, it was his Scholler Archetas Tarentinus, he measured out the Provinces by his Geometry.

Hence we may gather of what antiquity this King­dome was, it is sure as ancient as the Romane Empire, for Architas and Numa were Schoole-fellowes.

Fye no, Pythagoras liv'd long before him.

This Country was then called Decaphylia, till after­ward subdued by Mercury, was by him called Hermenia.

Well, howsoever let us proceed: Substance match­ing with the Lady Corporea, had by her a sonne called Corpus.

My Lord, there were two Dukes of that name, one in the Province of Substance, another in the Province of Quantity.

But we meane him of Substance.

Good Lord, what odds there is betwixt the men that were in those dayes, and the men that are now in this latter declining Age of the World. This Duke Substance was a monstrous, tall, huge, bigge man; hee had a head greater than any Horse, a necke like a Bull, larger sides than the Westerne Hogge; Leggs like Winde-mill posts, and feete proportionable: His sonne Corpus was very like unto him; the Aldermen of the Corporation, that are scarse able'to come in at our Colledge-gates, might have shewne tricks like Tumblers in a hoope, through his Thumb-ring; King Ar­thurs tallest Knight would have scarse trust his points. The Bull-hide, that cut out in Thongs, compast as much ground as the walls of Carthage, could not make him a Girdle.

I wonder how any man had so much leasure as to looke about him, and draw his description.

O sir ex pede Herculem.

Him succeeded Corpus, surnamed Animatum; him Animal, who was named Rationale, and begat Homo.

He had two wives, the other was Irrationale.

Sure that Irrationale had many Husbands, I have knowne her married to above Twenty my selfe.

Why? had not all the rest so? Substance, Corpus, and Corpus animatum, my sonne Privation, if he were here, could tell their names.

Where is he?

He hath laine a long time bed-ridden, deafe, blind, and dumbe.

I am sorry for him.

Who are next Definition?

Homo begat Socrates, Plato, and the rest.

Now thou seest Description, Nature gives with two [Page] hands; with one the gifts of the body, with the other the qualities of the minde; so to these men she hath now given more understanding than unto Substance, Corpus, and those in former time.

But may it not be doubted, whether Socrates and Plato were of this Countrey; I could never heare that they had much to doe with Substance.

'Tis true, if you meane Substance as the Vulgar doe, for wealth: But if you understand it as we doe, the Province, questionlesse they had.

I say they had not, and can prove it: They were Phi­losophers, were they not?

Yes.

And Philosophers have no place here.

And why not Sir?

Because ignorant fellows have not, it holds from contraries.

So it pleaseth you to conclude Sir; but how prove you that Sir?

They are Transcendents over all the Provinces, and therefore cannot rightly be said to be in any.

Indeede they say, Homer had seven Cities strove for his Birth, but none ever gave him place of abiding: but I thought Philosophers had more certaine abode than a wan­dring Poet.

They are in Substance, for they love to stand by themselves, and depend on none: They are in Quantity, for ignorant men are in number many, in magnitude monstrous.

I think least of all in Quantity, for they are rather in number infinite; and I cannot tell whether they have Longitude and Latitude, I am sure they have no profound­nesse.

Profoundnesse either may be taken for deepnesse of judgement and understanding, and that they are farre from, or for thick grosnesse, and that in them is most palpable.

They are in Quality: for who so fat, faire, strong, and lusty as they? out of Relation they cannot bee: You have ignorant Rulers, ignorant Subjects, ignorant Tutors, and ignorant Schollers: who more in Action? who more passionate in all places, at all times? who use more gestures? Who better apparrelled?

For the particulars, you Description, take this our Li­cence, by which we doe authorize you to goe through the Countrey, and take notice of the names and Differences of them all: For us it is sufficient to set downe these things in generall.

Belike Sir, you meane I shall not dye in idle­nesse?

Shall we proceede to some other Province?

I must first have the assistance of Lord Demonstrati­tion; I can doe nothing without him.

Why send you not Distinction for him?

Goe tell him we expect his comming; intreate him to make haste.

Now my Lords, as you love your selves, or respect the State, imploy your carefull providence with all expe­dition.

Why? what is the matter? good Proposition speake.

Oh, I shall speake too soone: Our Lord Discourse, is falne starke madde.

Falne mad? Oh fatall calamity!

What shall we doe?

Nay, worse than this.

Worse cannot bee.

Demonstration, Topicus, and Fallacy, are hot in con­tention who must governe.

How comes Fallacy neare him, lately he could no endure him?

I know not how: but now he seemes exceedingly to affect him.

Have they no more care of their Father? this is too bad; 'twere good for to take some order with them pre­sently.

Let us goe visite him, hereafter we will goe finish these businesses.

SCENA SECVNDA.

HE is not here: 'tis common to say, Hee is a true man that never deceiveth his Master: and I thinke it may properly be said, He is a rare Master that ne­ver deceiveth his man. This is not the first time my Master Fallacy hath sent me on such idle errands: He is right like the fellow that when hee had nothing to steale, filled his Pockets with Rushes: rather than he will deceive no bo­dy, he will deceive me. But let him take heede he play not like the madde fellow Aiax, who when he had left nothing else to kill, slew himselfe: and so when he can no longer cozen others, he'le cozen himselfe: His golden Letters, written with an Angels quill, will doe him no good: But here I thinke he comes; no, it is Distinction: This Villaine I can no more endure than Demosthenes could Phocion: he is the fatall Axe of all my Policies, the [...] of all my subtle Devices.

My Lords, what are they gone? it had beene solly for them to stay for Demonstration.

He must not be of our Councell, if Opposition should chance to come.

There was adoe indeede: Old Discourse talking nothing but of Quadratures, of Circles, of Lines running nearer and nearer, but never comming together: of Hexities, Ideas, Quintessences, Sublimations, Corporall Ubi­quities, infinite Quantities, Consubstantiations, Tran­substantiations; things beside impossible: I wonder what he meanes; surely he is besides himselfe.

Well, I must adventure on him, delay may prove dangerous. How now Distinction, what newes is stir­ring?

Oh Sir, I see that stirring head of yours is weary of our better state: you listen to heare of some new change?

What are there windowes in my breast? this fellow knowes my heart.

Not I Distinction.

No, you are Ambiguity.

You may mistake me.

Yes, if I take thee for any other than thou art.

What's that Sir?

An honest man.

Indeede you say true, hee doth mistake me that thinkes me other than an honest man.

But you say false: I say hee doth mistake that takes thee for an honest man, otherwise than thou art.

Why Distinction? 'tis not you can finde fault with my honesty.

No, Ile be sworne.

Why say you so then?

Because I can finde no honesty with thy faults.

Come, come Distinction, if I have beene faulty, you know no man is borne without faults.

Yes, and I thinke there are few faults borne without thee.

Come prethee, thou art alwaies disposed to crosse me, but I will not fall out with thee for a King­dome.

You would for a lesser matter, if feare did not hold your hands.

Sir you shall know my hands be free.

Why, you will not draw Sir?

Yes, I will Sir.

What, not your Sword?

No, good Distinction, I love thee too well; Ile draw my Purse, with all my heart, to doe thee good.

I thanke you good Amphoteros: but I feare you have two Purses, as hee had two Chests; one full of money, the o­ther of thankes.

That I have, my deare Oudeteros, and if thou wilt goe with me, I will draw them both; the one to pay for the wine we will drinke, the other to thanke thee for thy Company.

Well, Ile goe with thee.

SCENA TERTIA.

I Cannot conjecture wherefore Fallacy is so desirous to speake with me, he requested I would meete him here sometime before wee fate, and yet he is not come. Now I doe wonder I was so much moved at his carriage in this businesse, I beginne to pitty his poore fortune: Alas, that he was base borne; but what of his base birth? Hercules [Page] was base borne, so was Romulus, so many Worthies: He seemes to have more wit than both his Brothers, and al­though that be counted such a blot, yet who can condemne him? it was no fault of his; but what if there hath gone a bad report of him? why hee may mend in time. Was not Themistocles a dissolute yong fellow, yet who proved a braver Souldier? Oh 'tis Magistracy shews the man; what hopes? what encouragements hath hee ever had? still kept under and disgraced; neither is his Title altogether naught: and now a dayes 'tis a small right a man would forgoe for want of standing to it; I cannot blame him and a little thing more would make me favour him.

O wonderfull operation, two or three drops of this Wine fuming into his head, turned his braines like the fannes of a Winde-mill, and then his tongue like a clacke began to talke on both sides; every thing was taken duplici­ter; he talkt pure Scot, and Thomas Occham and Caietan might have learnt some new Schoole-learning from him: but this storme held not long, e're a still calme followed this vi­olent tempest; and he fell fast asleepe, and I thinke I was not long uncasing the Foxe; he was so ready but now to give a double interpretation of every word I spake, and I thinke (to be quitts with him) I shall make more than a single use of this Cloake: first by this shift I have left him to pay for the Wine, then by this disguise I may unsuspected come to deliver my Masters Letter at the Bench, if Opposition come not before: But I thinke mine eyes are dazeled; he is here, and I saw him not.

And I saw you, but I knew you not.

My Master Fallacy by me kindly greets you Sir, and would have met you here himselfe, but was detained with extraordinary businesse, and desirous more closely to impart [Page] his minde unto you, by these his Letters doth expresse the same.

I doubt not but 'twill doe; oh there is great hope: some thinke the mediation of Angels may helpe in Heaven; I am sure Angels are the best intercessors in Earth: when they be­come Oratours, there is no doubt of propitious audience. There is no reading to the golden Legends: This Chryso­stomes Style is most perswasive. Hath he done since? I think if it had beene longer, it would not have seemed tedious.

You may tell your Master from me, I have perused his Letters, know his minde, and will give him my best assistance; bid him be confident.

I will Sir.

Well that's all; I never did hate this Fallacy, and of late I saw matter deserving pity in him; but now I see hee loves me, he is willing to relye upon me, he dares so farre trust me, he doth promise to advance me, I cannot chuse but love him, I must needs helpe him, I will doe my best to honour him: well, here they come.

SCENA QVARTA.

GOod Reduction charge Conclusion to keepe him fast, and if he chance to breake from him, doe you assist him. Come yong Lords, I would I could perswade you altogether to desist from these troublesome contentions; but if that may not be, this is a fitter place than your sicke and distemper'd Fathers house; let us heare what you would have, what you can plead for your selves.

Did you as true Piety (which is a reverent and gratefull respect of your Parents) commands you, strive who should have the greatest part in lamenting this his Ex­tasie, (which is a Distraction of his braines, or a privation of those gifts of understanding, which of late hee happily [Page] enjoy'd) I should give you equall praise; (which is the de­served testimony of a vertuous action) but seeing you carried by Ambition, (that violent passion, which desireth nothing but honour) into these Civill Divisions: (which are Dis­sentions, disquieting your friends, and delightfull to your enemies) To say no more, I can commend none of you. But because Iustice (which is a perpetuall and constant will to give to every man his due) doth warrant me to de­fine this present controversie, if you will stand to my Judgement, (which is the censure I shall give) Demonstrati­on, the noblest sonne of Discourse, by the Lady Necessity, (who concludes all things which he undertakes so truely, so immediatly, so surely) shall succeede in his fathers digni­ty: (which is his kingdome and place in this realme) what thinkes Division?

These three that sue for Discourse his dignity, are either true borne sonnes, or base borne: the true borne plead either in right of birth, or of desert; their birth they either commend from Priority, or Nobility; their deserts either they set out from their greatnesse, or from their good­nesse. Now because base borne sonnes never inherit, I think Fallacy hath no right at all. Againe, because Primo-geniture hath beene alwaies preferred before great birth, and often good workes serving for use and action, are better than sel­dome great effects, which tend to nothing but to Admirati­on and Contemplation: I Judge Topicus, Discourse his eldest sonne, by meaner Parentaged Probability, in that, in all matters, at all times, wee shall have use of him to bee chosen before Demonstration, second sonne, though begotten on nobler descended Necessity, of whose vertue we have so seldome experience.

If you have spoken, you may give me leave: I there­fore thinke neither Demonstration fit, nor Topicus worthy, and therefore chuse Fallacy.

He is base borne, and base birth, is a vile condition, which to them that are unlawfully hegotten doth purchase infamy, and bereaves them of all hope of succession.

Now I thinke him as true borne as the best; for De­monstration, I alwaies suspected him to be thy sonne, because he was so like thee; but now I am perswaded so, seeing thee to stand so mainely for him.

Nay good Opposition, either speake more advisedly, or hold your peace.

What I have spoken I will stand to it; I will main­taine it.

We must beare with you, 'tis your nature to bee crossing us perpetually.

Then Proposition it is you must end this controversie, [...]ray speake quickly, 'tis your voice must doe it.

Wel then yong Lords, you must needs rest a while con­tented, till we can find some other meanes to compose these differences, wherein we will use the speediest meanes we can invent.

SCENA QVINTA.

I Thinke that Villaine Ambiguity was borne to doe me harme, I never was so overtaken by any as by him: No sooner had I put the Cup to my lips, but my witts shooke hands with my head, and left me to be arrested by dull Sergeant Sleepe, so like a bankrupt Merchant, I was faine to lot downe my Shop-windows, and I thinke yet had not opend them: but that which plagued me worse, up comes a Drawer, and delivering me from that prison, was like to have me waking to another, unlesse I would pay for the Wine, which that Rascall had promised to bestow upon me, which I had scarce done, when looking about me, I found the Villaine which had left me witlesse and money lesse, lest me also cloakelesse, till I saw where the forke-tongued Snake had cast this his party-coloured skinne. Now I could be angry with my selfe for my simplicity: but see the villaine

hath sent Ignoratio Elener the foole, his fellow, to laugh at me; this would make Demotritus melancholy.

What Ambiguity, are you studying? My Master Fallacy bad me deliver you these Keyes, and would you should locke up this Violl where you found it:

Remember now you had them forsooth I may not be admit­ted to his Closet, I am too honest; but if I be not deceiv'd this fellow is not so worthy to be trusted. Now be shrew his heart, he is gone without part of my message: I should have told hem, hee was to contrive some accusations against the [Page] Ladies of Verona, this wits I know would be working that way, and I must follow.

But shall your old friends escape so? will you not re­quite their kindnesse?

Actus tertius, Scena prima.

IF I goe any farther let me be frozen to death, like Sir Hugh Willowby, or be made Cuckoid with the tedious Traveller Ulysses: It were impossible to see all, yet I should see more than I should be able to relate, and like Munsier, or Sir Iohn Mandovill, relate more than any would beleeve. I care not how these women take it. The Tailor in Plutarch would as soone make a habit for the Moone, as any man a Description of them, and so long would it fit them. I thinke they consist of Materia pri­ma, they are capable of all formes and impressions, but constant to none: And it is no great matter to describe them you see them curiously painted every where. And who would e're thought these Schollers should have so much troubled me: I supposing they had beene so like in their humours, as they are agreeable in their formalities, thought first to have drawne the Characters of some of [Page] them, but by what time I had observed some Captitious Criticks, Phantasticke Humorists, and malicious Satyrists, I found it no lesse impossible than perilons to deale with that kinde, and indeed am quite dismaid from going any farther in this enterprize. Well, I will deliver backe to the Lords their Commission, and rather sue for a Protection. But who comes here, Distinction?

How now Description, didst thou see our Sove raigne Sophime?

Hath Distinction gotten Ambiguities Linsie woolsie Coate? or Ambiguity Distinctions party-colour'd Cloak? My cunning is quite stagger'd; I know not whether I should beleeve mine eyes or mine eares.

Oh, is it you? No wonder I mistooke Ambiguity. They say a man may know the Divell by his cloven Foote; I am sure one may know thee by thy double hand.

Why double hand? I hope I have not foure hands.

Nay, thou hast but one hand rather; thou art Ambo-dexter.

Is not that best? So Plato would have his Citizens.

But he would not have them double tongu'd, as you are.

Then bee like Scaliger and [...], who had foure and twenty tongues should have had no place in his Common-wealth.

There is great difference. They many waies could [Page] speake one thing, thou one way speak'st many things.

That's a signe my words are most significant, which is no small commendation.

O grosse! what truer than the Oracles, which de­liver'd their mindes even with my voice? and who more trusted, whose words cost more, than our common Lawyers, who for their facility in double dealing, and speaking on both sides, are called the Oracles of the City? But tell me, sawest thou my new disguised Master Sophime?

But see here comes mad Discourse, he will make us admirable sport.

SCENA SECVNDA.

CErtaine 'tis so; nay I will maintaine it, as long as I have any breath; for I am neither in Delos, nor in the floating Islands of Scotland.

Nor am I in a ship, that I should thinke the Earth moves.

No, no, 'tis even so; the Earth is turn'd about, his sphaericall forme is apt for such a motion.

You are monstrously deceiv'd, 'tis nothing but the house goes round with you.

Againe, the Heavens are of a duller mettall, nothin [...], but blew Marble.

I'le goe talke with him. My Lord [...], what Paradox is this, are the Heavens made of Marble.

Doest thou doubt of that? why, in a cleare day thou may'st see it plaine; and when it raines, those drops are no­thing else, but such as fall from the sweating stone.

Somewhat it was, that in the time of [...], and as Livy reports, in the 200. yeare of Rome, it rained.

Indeede hee is beholding to Nature for a better matter: he is made of bright burnish'd gold.

If the Sunne be gold, I will the sooner beleeve Seh­nus, that there are a people which see him not in halfe an yeare; I know some who see not Gold once in twelve Moneths. But what is the Moone Sir?

I thinke scarce that Sir. Sure that mettall is not of her Nature; it is often at the waine, but never at the full in my purse.

The Starres begotten betwixt these two, are some bright Angels; others Soveraignes, some round shillings, some but silver groats.

Iupiter, when he came to Danae, descended in a Cloak bespangled with these falling Starres.

Who I? I have often walked through all the Regi­ons of Heaven.

I beleeve you have beene with Menippus, as farre as the Moone: your talke favours of Lunacy.

I tell thee, I have beene farther then ever the [...] man could reach.

[Page] I have pac'd the uttermost extreame outside of the Primum mobile, from whence, many thousand miles below me, I be­held great Iupiter, and all the minor gods.

A most strange Traveller; I feare you will come a­non to the greatest depth in Hell: 'tis time for me to leave you.

Bid Charon stay my leasure, Ile see first whether it be the same with the Flementall fire, then I'le come.

Who, Reduction? I would thou wert; what wouldst thou with me?

Fie my Lord, you will be alwaies in these mad moods, pray will you goe with me?

O Heraclytus, well didst thou say, the dry Ayre was the best soule: for had we not need to melt away into teares, to see the misery of wretched men. (will.

Shall I? so then I will pull out both mine eyes like Democritus, that I may looke thoroughly upon the follies of these times, and laugh my full at them.

ACT 3. SCAE 3.

Now will I blow up this fellow like a soap bubble. It is necessary for great men to keep some fools as well as many knavs,

Tis well I must play the Scrich-owle and proclaime misfortunes, whilst you become the Mercury of more pleasing messages, imploy'd in tuning the strings of love.

Ile thinke upon it if it be but to sharpen my wits. And prethee noble Ignoratio Sirnam'd Elenchi; wilt thou prove Pan­der and procurer to any man, thy person promiseth more grace, stayne not thy worthinesse with so base imployments.

I must confesse I know not that shape that I could ever af­fect so well.

Why then should not these parts raise thee, Nature and Fortune have conspir'd about thee. Take but this opportunity, and triumph over the world.

I doubt not that but I have a farther reach, tis heere, tis heere will doe it.

Then be ruled by me. Thou know'st our master now is call'd the great Sophisme.

You say true; turne Ambassadour, but I am no good speaker.

We will help that too; Thou hast his letters, open them, learn to pronounce them, take his person, frame his posture, speak as if thou wert the man thou seemest, she will not chuse but an­swere expectation. Besure thou act this before good company, a contract is nothing worth without witnesse.

I will not faile thee, goe and make thy selfe most rich­ly fine.

I warrant you, you seldome see a man of my wits want good cloaths. Ile about it straight.

I care not if I crosse my master in this project, we Crea­tures of the lower region, never doe worse then when the higher bodies grow in conjunction. If the master once fry in a husban­dish affection, the man may freeze and starve in expectation.

ACT 3. SCAE 3.

Act. 4. Scae. Prim.

Can Aequipolency endure all this? Can all this be en­dured by Aequipolency?

Who I Conversion? I can suffer any thing, 'faith ther's nothing that I cannot suffer. Prethee be rul'd by me, stand to the present.

So it seems, thou art rather a Pythagorian Peripate­tick, thy very essence is mutability. Thy soul could walk through more Sects then some honest bodies have chan'd suits: methinks thou mightst do well at home by temporizing.

Nay, I'le rather professe the making of Aurum potabile, and credit it with some two leavs of reasons, and ten of authority, for all diseases, griefs, and maladies. But which way art thou bent?

I will to Flushing, Midleborough, Amsterdam, peradven­ture thence to Antwerp, and so to see Rheams and Roome.

Take heed you come not back by Quinborow there is a groome with a curry-comb will rub your sides. But if you may be perswaded, it is as easie to lay downe your stomacke at home, as feed your selfe abroad by making buttons; you may soo­ner be prefer'd to the Inquisition then to the Conclave.

Well, except the morrow Sunne display more comfort, I am gone beleeve it.

You hope at your returne to get a Doctership the chea­per, or a benefice with lesse adoe, but you may be deceived, I will expect your reconversion, adiew.

This fellow thinkes himselfe as cunning as a tumbler that walks upon ropes, and with his levell keeps himselfe upright, but his steps are dangerous, I had rather walk on the Alps, though sleeper, where I may have sure footing.

ACT 4. SCAE 2.

Well met Invention, what have you found young Lord Intellect?

No, and which adds to my misery, I heare I am like to loose my selfe, my deare friend Topicus.

Indeed he is hurt, but our feare was greater then their dan­ger, and it is happened better then they deserv'd. There is good hope of recovery.

Thanks good Discription for this happy news, but are you certaine that the danger's past.

It is most certaine, and I would wish the other miseries which have so unexpected befallen us, were likely to have so hope­full an issue.

Met you with Method? Oh she was too impatient and unkinde to forsake our Soveraigne in his extremity: her presence might have yeelded him especiall assistance.

ACT. 4. SCAE. 3.

Thou shouldest have starcht thy beard, or got some Beare-skin on thy head; at least have powdred thy haire like an Ashwednesday penitent; one devise now would doe most ad­mirable.

Impart it dear genius, if my wit can reach or wealth com­passe it, I will have it immediately.

Nay tis soon done, tis not so much as a Majors feast or Citizens christning. Thou hast heard how Simon circumvented the Trojans.

(Yes, a great leaden-Asse) No, but you must counterfeit your self a captive, stand with your hands fast bound and leggs intangled, That will signifie your inthraldome. The Lady pity­ing your restraint, will untie your hands, and wrap you in her armes; then may you enclaspe her girdle and untie the true-love-knot of her virginity.

That will be most significant; But what do you think if (because Love is blind) I went on blindfold, sure I should speak the bolder.

It would do excellent, Nox & Amor, Darknesse and Drunknesse, Blindnesse and Love, are ever well macht.

It must be lowder, she will not indure a chamber voyce, thou must yawne Like one that gapes for a Benefice: open like an Oyster, that she may gather the pearles of thy speech.

Oh that we had some Peble-stones, such as Demosthones used; but hold, it may be this will serve; Spare my fingers he gags him. but while I tell a hundred. I warrant thee this will make thee like a chirping Sparrow. Now will I leave the Coxcombe to adven­ture, and tis full time. What black Herald comes here.

What, this is not the place where base Iudicium and I should meet, thinks he to prevent me, I will requite his diligence, but stay, he hath no weapons: now the Coward Rogue would yeeld my prisoner, but he shall not scape me so; i'le Baftinado him at least.

Is this Sientia's Chaplain? he's very still, now what ails him! i'le see for the blow I gave him.

Is this to be an Ambassadour, to have no law of Armes nor liberty of legs to protect me; now my onely revenge is to hold my peace and be silent, which if I can do, I may prove counsell to the veriest Wittoll. I am at a stand whether I shall go on in sure, or give it over; I must be better counsell'd.

Thanks good Iudicium, but you are man Distinction whom I must acknowledge the author of my freedome.

Where hath your Lordship been? and whence is it Di­stinctions honest care hath set you free.

I am indebted to Ambiguity, I was promised by him to be led to a faire library, but was conducted to a Vatican of all vil­laines.

How he fell in you have heard already, and for his deli­verance this it was. I by reason of this coate (which how I got I list not now to tell) being taken of Fallacy for Ambiguity recei­ved of him these keyes, with direction to go to his closet, together with a certaine violl he delivered me which my curiosity quickely apprehending, I went and found the young Lord Intellect in one roome, the Lady Truth and her daughters in others, all which I have thence delivered.

A closet doe you call it I will be sworne it is a spacious storehouse of all subtilties, a Burse of impostures, an Italy of poy­sons, a Frankefurt of false Authors, there are infinite Iliads of Her­meticall precepts, many barrels of white powder, bales of false dice, boxes of false weights, bags of counterfet coine, golden fish­hookes, iron rakes, vizards, and darke Lanthornes for theeves, maskes and painting for Gentlewomen; for all hee furnished them dayly enough to load an Argosy, or a Spanish Catrick.

O, I thought to tell you: the rarest receipt that ever was composed, Predea nor Circe never made the Like.

When he gave it me, I mark't he said it wrought power­fully, and so mistrusting the effect, tride the conclusion upon a dog I met, which no sooner had tasted a dram of it, but dragging his tail on the ground he grin'd and snarl'd and presently ran mad, which effect I observing, thought I had now opportunity to re­quite a kindnesse Ambiguity did me, and so tempering it in a cup of sweet wine, adventur'd amongst Fallacies followers, who brave­ly carousing to their good fortunes, let my cup go round amongst them, and presently they all daunc't Frantique, so that nothing [Page] grieved me, but that Ambiguity was not amongst them.

Easily. Quid bibit inde furit, I have both read and seene it, and I feare Discourse's madnesse might have such a cause.

The life-despairing brothers, Topicus and Demonstration.

Sir, would you goe your faire direction might assist us much.

Act. 5. Scae. Prim.

Sir, I heare that Lord Opposition and Contradiction have hurt each other.

O Sir, the Heavens intend me no such happinesse, the scurvie Apothecary Aequipolency hath with his curiosity drawne out the rancor of their wounds, and no question is made of their recoverie.

Nay, which is as strange, hee hath made them friends, and now they nothing but exclaime against you, except it bee sometimes when they rayle against me for your sake.

Againe Sir, as I was comming hither, I was told that Analysis had let mad Discourse blood, which I laughed at, thin­king his head was light enough before.

But now Ambiguity, say my mad father should recover his little wits, and call me to account for my ill government.

Answer for thee, why have you deserved so much thinke you, that you should be call'd in question.

Sir, I meane you must answer by your selfe, I have some skill in accusing, but none in defending.

I care not if I try what I could doe. Doe you examine like his gravity, Ile answer as I can.

But here, take first my Gowne, 'twill make me speak the more respectively: give me thy Cloake, now thou mayst bee the bolder.

Now if I could leave him, this robe might serve as a safe conduct. Ile faine some present businesse, well stay thou here, I in this disguise will muffle my selfe and see what they doe, the E­vening approaching will keepe my counsaile.

So, this makes me think what I shall be, carelesse what I am, and forgetfull what I was, I seem halfe invested in my hopes already. Those sword and buckler fellowes I hope will never get his favour more: and now the joyes of Hermenia, are not equall to those in my bosome. I would the proudest enemy I have would finde me in this fashion, Oh I could looke upon them most dis­dainfully—will no body come.

You thank me, what unmannerly and untaught grooms are these, how unacquainted with the phrase and methode of the court, I lookd they should have answer'd in a language better un­derstood of great mens favourites. And must you speak with him? I know no businesse of men of your fashion, but I may have the the hearing of it, suffice it you, I will vouchsafe you answere.

Yes, and ere we leave you, we will teach you to speake as you meane. Equivocating shall not serve your turne.

Come, let us have him to our Soveraigne. He shall exa­mine him himselfe.

My gracious Lord, you have forgot Ambiguity, shall not he be rack't, I could stretch him exquisitely, I would faine be his Procrastes.

Oh Sir, you may remember how you us'd me, I thought I should have a time to deale with you, will you untrusse, come, I must unease you, as you did me.

Th [...]t is no matter, you shall have it so sure as the gowne is on your backe.