IF it were not growne out of cu­stome to preach without a text, I should thinke that the fittest course for meetings of this na­ture. No one place of Scripture doth either directly containe, or plainly expresse the full dutie of the married couple: which yet from many places may well bee collected into the body of one discourse. But lest I should seeme to affect nouelty, in recalling the long disused pra­ctise of antiquity, I will make the ground of all my speech, those words of the Apostle Paul, Ephes. 5.23. where hee saith,

THe comparison which the holy Ghost heere vseth, af­fords this generall point, That there is a mutuall bond of duty standing betwixt man and wife. They are indebted each to other in a reciprocall debt. The parcels and speci­als of which debt, I am at this time to declare vnto you for the direction of all such as either are or shall be entred into this estate.

2 Now that we may proceed in some order for the help of our owne and your memories, these duties are all of two kinds. Some be principall, some lesse principall. Principall I terme those, by the breach whereof this knot is dissolued and quite vndone: and which being obserued (other smal­ler infirmities notwithstanding) the bond remaines entire on both sides.

3 These maine duties are two. The first is, the chaste keeping of each ones body each for other. The Husband must not dare to giue himselfe to any woman in this world but to his wife; nor the wife to company with any vnder heauen besides her owne husband. Against which duty if either of them shall offend, the party so transgressing, hath committed adultery, broken the couenant of God, remoo­ued the yoke from the yoke fellowes neck, and laide him­selfe open (if the Magistrate did as Gods law commands) to the bloody stroke of a violent death.Leu. 20.40. Deut. 21.22.

But if it be demanded, whether the party wronged may lawfully admit the other party againe, after the offence knowne: I answer, that in case the man or woman haue of­fended once or so, through, infirmity, and yet beeing con­uicted, shall by manifest outward tokens, testifie his or her repentance, and sure desire of amendment, then it is meet and conuenient that this offence bee by the yoke-fel­low passed by: for the loue of the married couple should be very feruent and abundant, and therefore able to passe by great, yea the greatest wrongs, so farre as it may with safe conscience be done. And we reade not of any expresse commandement which enioynes a finall separation. But againe I say, that in case the party transgressing, shall con­tinue in the begunne fault, and declare himselfe irrefor­mable, the party thus iniuried is bound in conscience both to complaine of the sinne, and separate himselfe vtterly: for no man must make himselfe a member of an harlot, nor wo­man of an whore-master. The chiefe thing therefore that married people must take heed of, is this, lest by any means [Page 3]they should so farre offend God, neglect their publick co­uenant, wrong their yoke-fellow, scandalize the Church, pollute their bodies, and aduenture their soules to damna­tion, as to follow strange flesh, and receiue vnto the vse of their bodies any besides themselues, whom God hath cou­pled together, and sanctified one for another. Yet not alone the grosse act of adultery, but all such ouer-familiar and light behauiours, as may giue either occasion or suspiti­on of an euill meaning, must be by them forborne & shun­ned; alwayes bearing in minde the graue speech of wise Salomon, Prou. 6, 29. [Whosoeuer toucheth her (speaking of his neighbors wife) shall not be innocent.] Let no man therfore, let no wo­man take this burning fire into their bosomes, or walk vp­pon these scorching coales. And for the principall dutie so much.

4. The next is cohabitation or dwelling together, enioi­ned in expresse termes to the husband by the Apostle Peter (who bids him,1 Peter 3, 7 Dwell with his Wife) and therefore by good consequent extending to her also: for who can dwel with a woman that will runne from him? And the Apostle Paul commands the husband to giue vnto the wife due beneuo­lence,1 Cor. 7, 3.5. and the wife to giue the same to the husband; which cannot be without this cohabitation: yea, he especially for­bids them to defraud each the other, vnlesse it be by consent, and afterwards to come together againe. Which doth necessarily import the abode in one home. So that the married man or woman may not abide or dwell where each of them plea­seth, but they must haue the same habitation as one bodie. I deny not, that the seruice of the countrey, and needefull priuate affaires, may cause a iust departure for (euen) a long time: but a wilfull and angry separation of beds or houses must not be tollerated. And if it so fall out, that either par­tie doe frowardly and peruersty withdraw him or herselfe from this matrimoniall society (which fault is tearmed de­sertion) the man or woman thus offending, doth so far vio­late the couenant of marriage, that (the thing being found [Page 4]incureable, through the obstinacie of that party, after iust care had to redresse it) the other is loosed from the former band, and may lawfully (after an orderly proceeding with the Church or Magistrate in that behalfe) ioyne him or her selfe to another. Of which there is very great reason. First, because such a separation is a wilful frustrating of the proper purpose & end of matrimony, annihilating the same through his default and sinnefulnesse (euen presumptuous) which is found guilty, and for this cause deserueth (yea constraineth) that hee should bee reiected, as no longer a yoke-fellow. Secondly, because such vnfaithfull desertion is almost neuer separated from adultery, as the Apostle in­timateth in the forenamed place, saying, Lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency. 1 Cor. 7, 5. Hee doth vnauoidably cast himselfe vpon vncleannesse that so lewdly casts off marriage, which he might auoide. And for this matter, wee haue receyued cleare direction from the holy Ghost by the Apostle, who saith,1 Cor. 7.15. If the vnbeleeuer depart, let him depart: a brother or a si­ster is not bound in such thing. In which words, he permits not to the vnbeleeuer such separations as lawfull, but casts the fault vpon him alone, and after frees the other party from the band by which he or shee was formerly tied: as if hee had saide; If he will needes be gone, let him; and trouble not your selues about it, the sin lyes wholly vpon his owne soule. A Christian man or woman, when cases of this na­ture fall out, is no longer tied to the former couenant, nor to the former partie, which hath himselfe first broken it. Neither is this any whit contrary to that of our Sauiour, who forbids a man to put away his wife & marry another, vnlesse it be for adultery.Matth. 19, 9. For we allow not to him or her, any such liberty of putting away, but vpon that only cause. Yet if he or she be wrongfully put away (the yoke-fellow withdrawing him or herselfe out of the way, so that there be no hope to recall them, or else not returning vpon good perswasion or meanes vsed) we yeelde with the Apostle, a freedome to the party so wronged. And these things you see may well stand together. No man may lawfully forsake [Page 5]his wife, nor the wife the husband (but in case of adultery) to marry another; and yet any man or woman, being wrongfully forsaken by his or her yoke-fellow, may law­fully then marry another, as being disburdened of the for­mer yoke, without any sinne, on their parts, in that thing, procuring it. Onely we professe, that in cases of this na­ture, a iust and orderly course must bee taken. Euery one may not headdily, and vpon a sudde, carue to themselues: but seeke direction, and craue helpe from the Church and Magistrate, whose dutie bindes them to prouide remedy for such inconueniences. So that this thing also must bee diligently auoided by married people, that they doe neuer vpon occasion of discontentment, or the like, absent them­selues, or runne away from each other; which to doe, were to vntie that knot, which God before had knit betwixt them, and to separate the things which God (and man by Gods allowance) had conioyned. Yea, they must not a­lone beware of making an vtter rent and totall breach in their society, but auoid also those smaller iarres and cracks, that make way thereunto. They must not through passio­nate fallings out, and proud distasting of each others be­hauiour, separate house, bed or table, no not for a short space. They must not seeke occasions of long and need­lesse absence, through carelesnesse or slight respect each of other, or following vaine pleasures and company-keeping abroad. For, is it not a madnes to procure a strangenesse betwixt themselues, which ought to bee most familiar? And were it not better, not to depart, than to make an open iarre of that which might haue beene priuately reconciled?

5. And for the maine and principall duties required in matrimony, viz. chastity and cohabitation, so much. The lesse principall follow, to which, men and women are in­deed bound by their promise and vow, but yet not with so much strictnes, that any offence in them should make the former bargaine voide: wants in these matters, doe stretch the corn of matrimony, and giue (as I may say) a sore gird [Page 6]vnto it, but breake it not: onely they breake Gods Commaundement exceedingly, that haue not in these things also great care to confirme that vnion, which should bee made indissoluble, by their diligence. Now these also are of two sorts, whereof the first respecteth their ordinary society; the second looketh to the socie­ty of the marriage-bed. Againe, those which concerne their ordinary society, are of two sorts: Some bee mu­tuall, pertayning to both: others speciall pertayning to eyther of them.

6. The mutuall therefore (that wee may speake of them in order) are requyred both of man and wife, though not in an equall measure of both. For in all these common duties, the husband should bee most a­bundant, knowing that more of euery grace is looked for from him, then from the weaker vessell. Wee call them not therefore common or mutuall, because both should haue a like quantity of them; but because both must haue some of all, and the husband most of all. And for these common duties, you must know in gene­rall, that whatsoeuer is requyred of all men and women, generally towards other, by the Law of Christianity and Charity, as they bee men and neighbors; the same is in an higher degree and larger measure requyred from the husband toward the wife, and from her to him. So that looke what the Law of Loue or Religion bids thee per­forme to any person, as a man or Christian, that it bindes thee much more diligently and carefully to performe to thy yoke-fellow. The neerer band of matrimony weakens not, but confirmes the more common of humanity. But it shalbe needfull more particularly to describe these com­mon duties.

7. They bee of two kindes: The former respecting themselues; the latter their families. Vnto themselues they owe in common; first loue; secondly, faithfulnesse and [Page 7]helpefulnesse; ioyned together, a faithfull helpefulnesse, and an helpefull faithfulnesse. As for loue, it is the life, the soule of marriage, without which it is no more it selfe, than a carcase is a man; yea, it is vncomfortable, mise­rable, and a liuing death. For this, all must labour, as all will yeeld, that take marriage vpon them. The want of this, causeth defectiuenesse in all other duties: the abundance of it, supplyeth what is wanting in the rest. Loue seasons and sweetens all estates: Loue breakes off, and composeth all controuersies: Loue ouer-ruleth all affections, it squareth all actions; in a word, it is the King of the heart, which, where it preuayleth, marri­age is it selfe indeede, viz. a pleasing combination of two persons, into one home, one purse, one heart, and one flesh. But to commend it, and the good effects of it, (which all doe confesse) were needlesse paynes. Let vs rather shewe what a kinde of loue it must bee, and how it may bee gotten.

8. This loue therefore which wee speake of, must bee first spirituall, then matrimoniall. Spirituall I say, that is, grounded principally vpon the Commaunde­ment of God that requyres it, (for I speake of Christi­ans) not vpon the face, fauour, proportion, beauty, dowrie, nobility, gifts or good parts of him or her, to whom it is due: for that naturall loue which builds it selfe vpon such sandy considerations, as the fore-na­med, will either bee blowne downe by some storme or tempest of displeasure, or fall of it selfe, or else de­generate into iealousie, the most deuouring and fret­ting canker that can harbour in a married persons brest: but spirituall loue, that lookes vpon God, rests vpon his will, yeeldes to his Commaundement, and re­solues to obey it, cannot change it selfe, because the cause thereof is vnchangeable. Thou louest thy Wife, for that shee is faire, well-spoken, courteous, of good feature, brings much, and is huswifely. It is well. [Page 8]But what will become of thy loue, when all those things faile, as all may, the most must faile? Thou louest thine husband, because hee is a proper man, and hath an actine and able body, is of good health, wit, carriage; because hee is kinde, louing, of faire condition, vseth thee well. But where shall we finde thy loue, if an alteration come to these things, as to all earthly things it may come? Loe then how there is no constancy or firmitude in other cau­ses. But he which loues his wife, and shee which loues her husband, because God hath so bidden, the maker of all things hath enioyned it, the Lord and Master of the heart, who alone may command the very affections, appoints it so; shall finde his or her loue lasting and durable, as God alters not, and his Law continues alwayes the same. This right foundation of loue, is Gods Commandement, and then it is spirituall when built vpon this rocke.

9. It must be also matrimoniall: Wee are to loue our friends, our kindred, our neighbours, yea forreiners, and our vtter enemies, euen all men euery-where: but the nuptiall loue of yoke-fellowes, is a speciall and peculiar loue, farre more deare and inward than all, or any of all these. It is the fixing of their hearts in the good liking each of other, as the onely fit and good match that could bee found vnder the Sunne for them. The husband must rest his heart in his wife, as the best wife that the world could haue yeelded him. The wife must settle her very soule vp­on her husband, as the best husband that might haue beene had amongst men for her. Thus doing, they should loue perfectly; thus striuing to doe, they loue intirely. They may lawfully thinke others better men or women, but none a better husband or wife for them than their yoke-fellow: for this were to admit the desire of changing, which cannot stand with true loue. Who would change his Childe with any man? Euery mans owne son pleaseth him best, though perhaps his qualities displease; so should the husband, so the wife. They therefore that are still vpbraiding each [Page 9]other with the by-past matches, which they might, or should haue had, loue not soundly, though they may smile vpon each other. Marriage-loue admits of no equall, but placeth the yoke-fellow next of all to the soule of the par­ty louing; it will know none dearer, none so deare. And of this quality is the loue we require.

10. But how shall one that wants this loue, attaine it, and he which hath some portion thereof, gaine a larger increase? I answere, there bee two things which will euen cement and glew the foules of man and wife together; the first is, that they take speciall notice of Gods gracious pro­uidence, for good in their match. They which looke to God as the match-maker, and that in fauour take each o­ther as loue-tokens from Heauen, and therefore cannot but loue that well, which comes as a signe of his fauour, whom they striue to loue aboue all. But they which see not his hand mercifully coupling them in this fellowship, must needes fall out speedily, seeing they want this third thing, as it were the ligament and iuncture of their affections. A matter of small value is not smally respected, when it comes in good-will, from a great friend, and deare withall. Hee that loues the giuer, will loue his gift also, though not so pretious: So the husband or wife. though not of the best parts, shalbe deare to the yoke-fellow that loues God, if he or she resolue in their hearts, God in great goodnesse hath bestowed this man or woman vpon mee. Yea, say hee or she be somewhat froward and sullied (as I may say) with ill conditions, the dearenesse of the giuer wil counter­uaile some blemishes in the gift. Say the Lord did correct thee, in giuing thee this husband, this wife: It was in sa­uour, and for thy good. Canst thou chuse but kisse and loue euen the rod that comes from a fathers hand? But to this meanes adde a second (which will also further vnto this) and loue shall grow without faile: Let married cou­ples ioyne together in priuat prayer, good conference, sing­ing of Psalmes, and other like religious exercises betwixt [Page 10]themselues alone.2. Pet. 3.7. S. Peter would not haue the prayers of the married interrupted: for hee knew full well, that these were the best meanes of nourishment to their loues. In these things, the bright beames of Gods Image will shine forth, which haue power to make them amiable each to o­ther. Heere they shall bring so much profite and good to each others soule, euen to their owne feelings, as will effe­ctually prouoke their affections to bee mutually feruent. Heere they shall see themselues to bee children of the same father, seruants of one Master, strangers of one Countrey, & Pilgrims trauailing both to one & the same home. So when the sudden land-floud of youthfull & violent affections are quite dryed vp, these fountaines of spirituall loue, which prayer, and other exercises of Religion shall haue digged, will still runne with a more moderate and sober, but yet more lasting and constant streame. Let them season their naturall society with this spirituall communion, in the se­cret seruing of God, and they shall auoyde the surfet of satiety, which choaketh loue. Religion will knit the hearts of strangers fast in one, making them deare to each other euer after, that for the space but of one moneth or weeke, shall conuerse and ioyne together in the same; how much more effectuall will it bee to fasten their soules that are tyed with so many and perpetuall bandes besides? Therefore to you all that are, to you that shall bee hus­bands and wiues, bee this deliuered as a direction; which if you faile to obserue, you heare without profite. Pray together one with and for another in secret; conferre, reade the Word of God together, and sing Psalmes alone: this will so riuet your hearts, that no contention shall disseuer them. For if you doe fall to some actions of vnkindnesse, when you meete together againe in prayer, in stead of faul­ting each other, the husband will blame himselfe, the wife herselfe: she comming in Gods presence, wil see the great­nesse of her owne sinnes, hee of his, and then the offences one of another shall appeare but small. Thus they shall bee ashamed after to iarre, considering they must shame [Page 11]themselues before God for iarring: so that if any grudge arise, prayer will heale and compose the same, that it doe not fester, rankle, or grow to a continued hard conceite. And let euery man aske counsell of his owne heart, if the little praying together of husbands and wiues, the seldome ioyning together in any good exercises, be not the true cause of their little loue. Fond hee or shee may bee, that pray not betweene themselues, louing they can­not be.

11. And for the first common dutie thus much. The second is faithfulnesse, and helpefulnesse conioyned.Prou. 31. Sa­lomon sayth, that the Husbandes heart may trust in his Wife. If shee bee a good Wife, shee must bee trustie to him, how much more hee to her? Hee sayth also, that shee will doe him good all the dayes of her life. It was the ende of her creation to bee an helper: hee must bee a greater helper to her, and doe more good, by how much his place is better. Now these two gra­ces are well vnited, when they bee carefull, not to doe themselues, or suffer (through their carelesnesse, or wittingly) to bee done by any other, any manner of hurt each to other; and when they bee diligent, so farre as in them lyes, to doe, and procure by others to bee done, all good one to another. Now, man and wife must bee thus faithfull, and helpefull; first to each others foule, in wife and due care, to heale each others faults, and chiefly to preuent the same. If the Husband liue in any grosse sinne, the Wife must labour by all kinde, louing, and Christian meanes to draw him out of it: which, if her own skill faile to effect, she must procure a Physician for his soule, as she would doe for his body, being sick & diseased. Only, if after all good meanes vsed, he proue a dog, a swine, that grūts & barks, & regards no admonitiō, she hath now discharged her duty, & for the rest, must wait and pray to God, the great Physician of the [Page 12]soule to redresse the matter, enioying still in the meane this comfort, that she hath vsed the best meanes with faithful­nes to procure his amendment. And so must the husband also deale with the wife: yea, they must both obserue the dyet, temper, and constitution (as I may speake) of each others soule, till they perceiue what infirmities they be spe­cially inclined and subiect vnto, that so hee may with-draw from her, she from him, all occasions and prouocations to that euill, and shun all occasions that might cause them so to ouer-shoot themselues. And againe, that they may ap­ply all meanes to weaken and hinder the ouer-flowing of such faults, and to stay them from extremity, if they haue begunne to slip therein. They must labour to be thus ac­quainted with the diseases and distemperatures of one a­nothers hearts, not to vpbraide, not to disgrace, not to vi­lifie, but to helpe and support one another, by diligent a­uoyding all things, which will cause such euils to breake out, and vsing whatsoeuer will heale or mitigate the same. So that they deserue to bee condemned as treacherous and vntrusty to one another, that for their owne ease sake, will quietly permit their yoke-fellowes to sleepe in any sinne al­most. Let the soule of the husband be infected with swea­ring, with breach of the Sabbath, with vniustice, or any such like; the wife feares an angry passion, if she should ad­monish him, and holds her peace; and so deales he some­times with her. Is not this to betray one another to the di­uell, and damnation? to suffer one another goe to hell in quiet? And they be also most harmefull and mischieuous yoke-fellowes, that are ready to spy into the frailties of one another, with an euill and malicious eye, to vpbraide, to prouoke, to vexe one another. If hee perceiue his wife to bee passionately inclined, hee is in heate, and will doe this and this to vexe her; shee also will doe so and so to anger him: so that what infirmities they espy, as it were gawled places, or sores, one vpon another, they loue to fret, chafe & rubbe the same, and make them worse. Sorry helpe it is, that such persons afforde vnto the soules of their married [Page 13]companions. But they must be helpefull also, and faithfull to each others body, by a free and ready vnder-going any cost or paines (to their power) to procure whatsoeuer dy­et, Physick, or other-like necessaries, may make for the pre­seruing of health, and preuenting or remedying of sicknes. He must not thinke any paines or charges too much, that is this way bestowed (with wisedome, and according to his power) vpon her; nor she, which is spent vpō him. They must auoide that niggardice, which possesseth many folks harts, that they cannot finde in their hearts to allow one another, fire, candle, food conuenient, or the expence of Physicke, when sicknesse commeth. This is not to be helpfull, but to doe harme rather: and argues a most vnlouing disposition. Thirdly, they must bee careful of others good name, that they preserue it by honest secrecie and concealement. They must shunne, as a monstrous treacherie, the publishing of one anothers faults and frailties, or the discouering of one anothers secrets; I meane those things, which, in hope of priuacie, they haue communicated one to another. The wife is worthy all hard measure, that spreads abroad euery thing which shee sees amisse in her husband, still complay­ning and crying out in euery company, what an ill match she hath met withall. And that husband cannot be requi­ted with bad vsage sufficiently answerable to his deserts, that can finde almost none other talke, but what a bad wife he hath light vpon. These bee ill birds, that defile their owne nests, and franticke folke, that vncouer each others nakednes, and throw dirt in each others faces. When man and wife fall to peaching, what soule loathes it not? If they that be inward in such a degree seeke to deface their names mutually; what man, what woman can bee free from re­proch? Yea, they must not onely couer each others naked­nesses, but also conceale each others secrets. For, if whatso­euer he tels her, she will talke of to another, by this meanes it comes to another, and so successiuely to a fourth and fift, till that thing be (to his griefe) made publick to the whole towne, that he left in his wiues bosome, as it were vnder [Page 14]the locke and key of trustinesse, and he doe the like to her; what peace can they haue, what concord? How can they auoyde, but such occasions will bring forth discontentment and dissention? There can bee no quiet and comfortable liuing, where there is not vse of concealement and secrecy. Now therefore, let these parts of faithfulnesse and helpe­fulnesse, to the soules, bodies, and names one of another, be commended to all married people, which desire to enioy themselues in this estate.

12. And now hauing spoken of that ranke of common duties, which concerne their owne persons, I come to them which concerne their families and housholds. For men and women that before were parts of some other family, doe therefore marry, that they may bee the chiefe of a new fa­mily; and begetting children, (and trayning them vp, toge­ther with seruants, according to their place) may store the world with people, and prouide plants, as it were, for the Church, Gods owne Vineyard. Wherefore they shall not haue thorowly discharged their duty, by performing all the afore-mentioned things mutually to themselues, vnlesse they regard their families also; wherein the husband, as the first mouer and chiefe; the wife as a subordinate and good furtherer, must both ioyne together for good. These things themselues which shall bee named. I confesse to belong to them, as they be gouernors, & stand in relation to seruants and children; but the ioyning together in them is the mat­ter that I would presse, as a part of their marriage-duty. Now this their family they must maintaine and gouerne, keepe it, and guide it,

13. For maintenance therefore: first, both must be labo­rious and industrious in their calling, and set themselues with diligence to doe somthing, for which their family may fare the better. The husband must not be a drone, and make his wife a drudge. The wife must not giue her selfe to lazi­nes, and cast all the paines & care vpon her husband: but he in things that concerne him without; & she (in things that concerne her most within) must vnite their paines for their [Page 15]profite. If either liue idly as a doe-nothing, that party is a burden, & (as a gowty leg, or diseased member) troubles & molests an whole houshold, Salomon hath much commen­ded the painfulnes of a good huswife, & he hath also spoken more then once, in commendation of a good diligent hand, for the mans part. They must therefore ioyne as partners in labouring. Secondly, they must ioyne in honest and thrifty sauing, from cost & needles expences: They must not pinch from Mercy and Iustice, but saue from prodigality and mis­pending. He must not cast away the goods in gaming and following the Ale-house & Tauerne, or other places of vn­thrifty meetings: neither must she be lauish to her talking gossips: but both must auoyde that sinne, which declares a man to be worse euen then an Infidell; I meane, not caring for them of his owne houshold. They must neither nourish sweet toothes, or finish & costly backs (these be theeues:) they must neither make priuate purses for themselues, or let all things goe at randome as they come, but vnite their en­deauours for the common benefite, as the right hand & the left. Thirdly, they must haue a common care, y^t no necessary thing, through their default & improuidence be wanting to their family in time of neede; no hurtfull thing come vpon them at vnawares. They must ioine in foresight & due con­sideration, what is or may be needfull and vsefull for them, to the end it may be procured; and what dangerous, to pre­uent it. Two eyes see more then one: and for this intent they bee linked in so neare and close a fellowship, that they may bee but as one in all these things, in labour, thrift and fore-sight: which whilest they doe, the Lord will blesse their endeauours, and their hands shall finde abun­dance. Otherwise the idle person walkes vpon an hedge of thornes, which shall surely pricke his feete. The vnwise and vnthrifty person thrusts his foote into the snare that will intangle him, neither shall they euer bee without vexa­tion, disquietment, discontent and brawlings, that neg­lect those duties. Alwayes prouided, that they bee both moderate in this matter. For, if they fall to [Page 16]pinching, carking, coueting, and eager affecting of wealth; Heauen and earth cannot keepe a family diseased with this dropsie, from many sicke, troublesome and froward fittes.

14. But what shall it auaile to maintaine a familie, without gouernment; or how can it bee gouerned but by them? so that they must also bee good rulers at home, and ioyne in guiding the houshold: the man as Gods immediat officer, and the King in his family: the woman as the De­putie subordinate, and associate to him, but not altogether equall; and both in their order must gouerne. Now to this end, their first care must be to see, that Religion flourish in their families, and bee truely planted in their seruants and children; by their care to catechize them, to reade the Scri­pture, and call vpon the name of God in the midst of them. And that they being instructed, may grow further; they must also bring them to the publick assemblies; examining them also of their profiting by those meanes. These things, the husband being present, must performe; and the wife in his absence, and both must haue care to finde conuenient time for the same; wherein if hee grow slacke, shee must helpe him, and hee her. Better (in respect of themselues) keepe no family, then a family of little diuels; and such shall they be without Gods more then ordinary worke and grace, if they performe not these things. He keepes an houshold of fiends, a Seminary for the diuell, a nurcerie for hell and the kingdome of death, which is not carefull by these fore-na­med meanes, to make his children and seruants become ser­uants and children to God. Which, how often it falles out, wofull experience can testifie. Sometimes the husband would haue God ferued in the family; the wife hangs off, and counts it lost time. Sometimes the wife desires to haue the worship of God finde place vnder the roofe; and hee like a profane beast calles it precisenes, and will not haue an houre so ill spent. Sometimes both conspire in negligence & omission: but how seldome doe their desires and endea­uours meete in this most needfull point? How seldome do [Page 17]they one prouoke, animate and incourage one another in so profitable workes? This is the fountaine of all disorder in families; where God is not serued, what can abound but impiety and profanenesse, in Master, Mistris, seruants, chil­dren, and the whole houshold? But now, let all that feare God take care, that they faile not in vsing all good meanes to establish Religion and the exercises of it in their houses, remembring with feare that curse, which the Prophet prayes God may come vpon the family,Ier. 10.25. wherein his Name is not called vpon. Secondly, they must ouer-see the wayes of their family.Prou. 31.27. This thing Salomon commendeth in the vertuous wife, by a word worthy noting, which signifies to stand as a watch-man in a watch tower, to looke on e­uery side, that no enemy doe surprise the same at vnawares. So she doth diligently looke into the behauiour of all vn­der the roofe, that no disordered nor sinfull practice may finde quiet entrance and abode there: and it were a great shame for the husband, if the wife should exceede him in this watchfulnesse. Both of them must vse their eyes with care then, to preuent all idlenesse and wickednesse in their seruants and children, and to looke that they faithfully doe their busines committed to them, and carry themselues Christianly towards one another, and all men. If inferiors of themselues would bee carefull enough of their carriage, what neede a gouernour in an house? But God knowing that the best seruants, and the best children, will not want infirmities, yea, will be many wayes subiect to infirmities, as idlenes, twatling, discord, and many of the like nature; would that the Master and Mistris should haue their eyes o­pen to preuent the same seruants Children must bee fol­lowed, their behauiour must be obserued, they must be set to worke, and the eye of the gouernours, with their care conioyned, must effect it, or else the family shall proue dis­ordered, be the gouernours for other things neuer so god­ly. Thirdly, they must ioyne together in admonishing, or incouraging; in reprouing, or if neede be, also correcting their inferiours. And in these things both must be carefull [Page 18]to maintayne each others authority to y^e full. If one do think it meet to encorage any in the family with some little kind­nes that is fit, the other must not seeme to grudge at it, or be vnwilling. If the one wil reproue, the other must not defend. When the husband goes about to correct the children, the wife must not grow angry & saue them, as if she thought it much to haue them kept vnder nurture; neither must he doe so towards her. Suppose either of them exceed, chiding or correcting without cause, or aboue the measure that agrees to the fault: the other must then quietly speake of it in the absence of the inferior, & not make a braule about it before their faces, as it were bolstering thē out against the authority of the yoke-fellow. For if he doe, and she vndoe; or if she correct, & he cocker; what will be the fruite, but heart-bur­ning and distemper betwixt themselues, & contempt first of one, after both their authorities from the party to whom they haue shewed themselues so indiscreete? So at length, as in a Boate, wherein all the weight lyes vpon one side, the whole family wilbe turned ouer into the waues of conten­tion and strife: whereas if they did sit together in good con­cord, to further the fruite of one anothers admonitions, re­proofes, corrections, exhortations or incouragements; they should both preserue their owne authority in the family, and keepe peace betweene themselues, and finde good a­mendment in their inferiours by these meanes. And for the common duties of man & wife to themselues & their fami­lies, for maintaining & gouerning thē, thus much. We come now to speake of those that are peculiar to either of them.

15. And first I will informe the man; then the woman after. Now for the husbands speciall duties, they may fitly be referred to these two heads: The keeping of his authori­ty, and the vsing of it. First, he must keepe his authority, and maintaine himselfe in that place, wherein his Maker hath set him. Nature hath framed the lineaments of his body to superiority, & set the print of gouernment in his face, which is more sterne, lesse delicate then the womans. He must not suffer this order of nature to be inuerted. The Lord in his [Page 19]Word cals him the head; hee must not stand lower than the shoulders; if he doe, that is a deformed family. It is a sin to come lower than God hath set one. It is not humility, but basenes, to be ruled by her whom he should rule. No Gene rall would thanke the Captaine, for surrendring his place to some common souldier: nor will God the husband, for suf­fering the wife to beare the sway. The authority is Gods, in­uested in his person; he must not commit, that it bee troden downe & despised. But, will some man say, my wife is disor­dered & froward, how shal I then hold mine own? It is soo­ner said than done, if a man meete with women of stirring spirits: direct vs therefore how to do it. I answer, that most men do wrongfully cast the blame vpon their wiues, of abu­sing their authority, when it is due to themselues alone. It is not extorted from thē by y^e wiues violence, but cast away, & lost by their owne folly & indiscretion. Know then y^t au­thority in this society, must not be kept by maine force, and by violence, but by skil: not by big looks, & great words, & cruel behauiour, as of a great mastiffe towards a silly curre; but by a milder & more artificiall course. And that you may practise it, this it is. First, the husband must giue a good ex­ample, walking vprightly, Christianly, soberly, religiously in his family. The wife must needes then giue him the better place, if he shew himself to be the better person. No inferior can chuse but in his hart stoop to that superior, in whō grace & Gods Image do appeare. A vertuous man shalbe regar­ded, in the conscience euen of the worst woman: yea, & in her behauior also, if she be not monstrous. A godly wise ca­riage will draw good respect, & willing subiection, neither can any man bring forth one thus qualified, troden down in contempt. In a mad fit & passionate distemper, the wife of the best may sling forth, & be vndutifull, but afterwards her hart will condemne her selfe, & iustifie him, and so he loseth not authority, though it bee assaulted; yea, he recouers his owne with aduantage. And as in generall, wee prescribe a godly conuersation in the family, to bee the preseruer and vpholder of the mans authority; so specially must hee be [Page 20]counselled to shunne and abandon three speciall and dis­gracefull euils, that haue this effect, to make euery man seeme vile and base in all eyes that behold him thus defi­led. The first is bitternesse: So Paul willeth the husband; Bee not bitter. The sauour of violent and raging passions, wil smell so lothsomely in the wiues nostrils, comming from the husband, that she shal hardly chuse, but first hate him, and despise him after. This distasteful bitternesse of speech and behauiour, bewrayes impotency of affection, and that great want of wisdome; and this will produce great want of reuerence. If thou be an husband, and wouldest bee re­garded, tumble not thy selfe in those foule, dirty and stink­ing guzzels of passionate rayling, stryking, or the like. That which bewrayes so great folly, must it not procure exceeding great contempt? Secondly, beware of vnthrif­tines, that is another great enemy to authority, and as a worme, rottes and consumes the same. Whatsoeuer man giues himselfe to drinking, gaming, ill-company keeping, (which three vices go commonly together) shall at once lose his wit, wealth, estimation. When drinke hath dis­possessed reason, gaming prouidence, ill-company good conditions; the carriage wilbe foolish, wicked, beast-like, and the person base, hated, loathed. Neuer did vnthrift keepe his place, as not his money. For who can regard him that will not be worth any thing? Thirdly, lightnes must be auoyded, foolish behauiour and carriage, chyldish and vnsober trickes, that haue no print or stampe of grauity vp­on them; these expose a man to contempt. For if the hus­band put on a fooles Coate, and take a bable in his hand, (and what else be these odde and toyish demeanures?) can hee blame his wife, though shee take vp laughter at him? The bitter man is as a franticke head, troublesome: the vn­thrifty man as a scald head, fulsome: the light man, the Ie­ster, as a giddy head, ridiculous. Such will soone displease themselues, though none goe about to vndermyne them. But l [...]t euery godly man abhorre these base euils, and striue for holynesse of conuersation, that hee may bee in­deede [Page 21]a gouernour, and his superiority remaine entire vnto him.

16. Yet what auailes to keepe authority, if hee vse it not? or how can it but rust without vsing? Wherefore the husband must exercise his authority, and wee must direct him for that purpose. Now, to the intent he may gouerne well, it behoues him to know both the end of his gouern­ment, and the manner of it, The end of this, as all other go­uernment, in Nations, Kingdomes, Countries, Cities and Townes, is not the satisfying of his desires, or procuring of his ease, pleasure, credit, which hath y^e chiefedome: (for then all things runne out of order, as when a bowle is not set with a right byas:) but the good and benefit of the party gouerned, to the glory of God the chiefe Lord and Gouer­nour of all. Thus one thing alone being well obserued, would stoppe out a great streame of inconueniences, from breaking in vpon the family: For therefore most men go­uerne not well, because they doe wholly serue themselues in gouerning, and not the wife; therefore they will doe any thing to please their owne humors, though it bee neuer so dangerous to the wife (which is the greatest absurdity in gouernment that can bee committed,) because they con­ceiue that the place was giuen them to fulfill their owne desires, and not so much to procure their wiues good; which conceit is altogether false. For as the Ministers must watch ouer the soules of their flocke for their profite and saluation, not for their own priuate wealth and aduantage: so must the husband deale with his wife: for this is the end why God hath ordained gouernours, priuate and publique vnder him, that the inferiours might the better bee drawne vnto him by meanes of them, which alwayes should be (as they be called) their betters.

17. And yet to intend this, if he doe not in some mea­sure attaine it, were to little purpose: so that as hee must aime at her good, so must hee effect it, by gouerning in a [Page 22]right manner, to the nourishing and encreasing of whatso­euer vertue, rooting out and weakning of whatsoeuer cor­ruption hee shall meete with in her. Now then hee rules in a right manner, when in ruling, he rules himselfe by three principall vertues, which are of greatest vse and note in all gouernments, and in this domesticall kingdome, as I may so terme it.

18. The first of these three vertues is wisedome; which is the sterne of authority, that doth guide it in an euen and steady course, that it dash not against those two dangerous rockes, slauish feare on the one side, and contempt on the other. And the chiefe vse of wisedome is to carry ones selfe so, that loue and reuerence may not enter­fiere, cut, and so destroy each the other. Its hard of an infe­riour so familiar, to be loued and not slightly set by; harder to be reuerenced, not slightly feared, not hated. Prudence therefore must so manage the matter, that they may keepe these two affections in their due temper, free from excesse, free from defect, so doing good according to the dignity of the place. Now this wisedome must bee vsed in giuing commandements and reprooses; with which two it is fit euery wise man should content himselfe in this society. We dare not allow him to proceede so farre as to correct by blowes. Indeed what Christian woman will carry her selfe so, that a man of any indifferent good behauiour should neede to strike? Let his wisdome rather appeare in abstay­ning from blowes, & preuenting the breaking forth of such enormities as may challenge them, than in giuing them mo­derately, and (as he thinkes) in due manner. But for com­mandements and reproofes he may, he must giue them: and herein we will direct him as we are able.

19. First, in commanding hee must regard these two rules chiefly. One is, that he doe not command senselesse and vnreasonable (much lesse wicked & vnlawfull) things, that are grounded meerely vpon his wilfulnesse, and no iust [Page 23]besides. Such commandings make her take him for an hea­dy foole, not a wise head: and that conceit neuer riseth but with the vtter ruine of reuerence, and so of his authority. The wife indeed should cast her eye onely vpon the lawful­nesse or vnlawfulnesse of the thing, asking none other que­stion but whether it offend God, yea or no: but the hus­band must consider further, that that which hee giues in charge be discreete, vsefull and commodious, and whereof himselfe can yeeld some sufficient cause to make it appeare fit and needfull to be done. He that doth not so, shuts out his commandements, as a childe doth his arrow (a cock­height, as they say) not at any marke; and what is more ridiculous than such childishnesse in a man of yeares? Hee that bids his wife doe a thing without reason, doth as if it were ride without a bridle. If such a mans horse be not ex­ceeding gentle and well broken, he will sure either run out of the way, or stumble and cast the rider. So if such a mans wife be not more then ordinary in meekenes and patience, she will either rebell against him, or contemne him. For the good that commeth from the thing commanded, yeeldeth sufficiency of argument to the womans vn derstanding, whereby shee may controlle her tumultuous rising of her passions (that will aske, Why should I bee at all that paines for the mans will?) lending ayde as it were to bring them soone into subiection. Which if it bee wanting, it is hardly possible, but they will mutiney at the least, if not breake out into open act of rebellion. Looke therefore that thou bid thy wife doe nothing, which reason (not onely will) doth not first bid thee. Againe, in commanding it must be regarded, that authority descend not vnto low, meane, and triuiall things, which are not of any moment or importance in the family. The life of the head must bee deriued euen vnto the feete; so the husbands authority doth indeed guide all, euen the meanest things in the family; but the head is not alwayes actually stooping vnto the foote; for then the body would grow crooked and ill shapen: so must not the husband be charging, bidding and intermedling by [Page 24]strict commandements in the small matters of the family; putting his hand (as it were) to euery matter. For that gar­ment which is much worne, must needes become thread­bare: and this power of commanding is like a vesture for high dayes, to be put on, for some speciall and needfull oc­casions. When the husband wilbe huswife and all, and bee dealing with brewing, baking, washing, and the particu­lars of these and the like businesses, it comes to passe that his wife can helpe in nothing, because he will do all things. When the man will bid and charge so eagerly in a thing of nothing, as if his whole estate did depend vpon seruing the swine, or washing the bucke, &c. this disvalues his word, and makes his charge of no regard. In such things he should let his wife rule vnder him, & giue her leaue to know more than himselfe which hath greater maters and more neere­ly concerning the family to exercise his knowledge. And if he see any thing in these and the like matters done disor­derly, it were his part to aduise and counsell, rather than command. He that will be drawing out his commaunde­ments for euery light thing, shall finde it at length regarded in nothing. See then that the matter be so much worth, be­fore thou lay a charge concerning it. And these be the two speciall rules of wisedome for commandements. Let thein bee concerning things vsefull and also weighty for the family.

20. The same vertue must be practised in the matter of reprouing; wherein, if in any thing, great warinesse ought to bee vsed. This is a thing needfull, I meane reproofe, and if it speed well, doth much good; if ill, is very dangerous: so that in administring it, discreete care must be had, that a man poyson not, in stead of healing. Now for the prudent giuing a reproofe, three things are of needfull obseruation: First, that a man open not his mouth to tell his wife of a fault, when he perceiues himselfe to be hot & burning with violent passion. A man is indeed most ready to speake then; but least able to speake well. If an admonition bee Vomited [Page 25]forth, how can it doe good? how shall that prosper, which proceedeth from the meere drunkennes of wrath? No man goes to iudge of a colour with a moath in his eye: & what other thing is passion to the iudgement? So that hee which then will become a reprouer, shall disgrace himselfe, not the fault; and make his wife contemne him, not condemne her selfe. For in such case men vse not to speake what they should, but what they like; nor what is most fitting the fault, but most sutable to their distempers. Thus the repre­hension is not proportioned to the offence, but as licour it sauoureth of the caske, and is outragious, as was the heart whence it came. By which meanes in seeking to mend a fault in another, he commits a greater himselfe, and makes the other worse, not better. If thou beest an husband therefore, take this aduice. When there is neede of an ad­monition, there is also neede of wisedome to giue it. Doe it therefore when thou art in thy right wits. Passion is a short madnesse: can any thing bee done disc [...]ly in that fit? When thou art quiet, when thy iudgement is cleare, when thy heart is setled, when thou art thy selfe, then shew thy wife her fault; else thou shalt neuer bring her to the sight of it. Secondly, it is a point of wisedome for the hus­band to consider his wiues temper also, and obserue if shee bee fit to receiue, as well as hee to vtter wholesome words. For when shee is enraged by passion, or deiected by griefe and sicknesse, which make a ready way for passion, it is no time to bring forth a reproofe. No man will hoyse vp sayle in a tempest; no Physician will administer Physicke vpon a full stomacke. Those words are cast away that are vttered when passion hath both stopped vp the eares, and brought the minde out of taste. She will not rellish a reproofe when her heart is imbittered. Al is then taken as proceeding from ill will and hatred, though neuer so meant: for she iudgeth with a distempered iudgement. At such times therefore powre not forth all thy minde, but deferre it till afterwards. When thou seest a man drunken, thou first gettest him to sleepe, before thou chide him for his drunkennesse. Thinke [Page 26]not y^t strong drink is more violent then strong passion. They both make him in whō they are with excesse, vncapable of all good counsel Say not, I will not suffer her to beare away the last word? This were to scold with her, a thing absurd for a man. Better that she haue the last word, then both mul­tiply worse words, till thy selfe also bee cast into the same phrensie. For it is extremely difficult to talke long with an angry man, & not grow hot for company: but to contend with him, & not be like him, is impossible. And what more vndecent and vnsightly thing then to infect thy selfe in stead of amending her? as if the Physician & the patient should fal together by the eares about taking the potion. Wherefore as thou lookest to haue all other things fit to receiue what thou puttest into them, as the vessell the liquor, the ground the seed, &c. So look that thy wiues hart be fit to entertaine the reproofe, & that there be roome for thy words; which is then when she is quiet, well pleased & pacified, not sowred & leauened with rash anger, or much griefe. Now the third & most necessary part of wisedome is to giue a reproofe in secret. Euery man is most willing then to heare of his faults, when none is present to report thē againe but himselfe. We are all naturally iealous of our credit; women are so princi­pally; & if they take a thing as done in way of disgrace, they are prouoked to doe worse, not induced to amend. So that it is a matter and loue equally, to see that none eare be priuy to the fault reproued, but her owne. Men that lay plasters to sores, chuse a chamber, not the market place; they loue not to doe such things with a witnesse. Christ bids reproue thy neighbour;Mat. 18.5. first betwixt him and thee; then take two more with thee, and so proceede further. More loue is re­quired to a wife, and so more secrecie. But say shee offend in publique before the seruants, children, strangers. Then shew thy dislike in a patient manner of speaking, that al may see thou winkest not at the fault, and be much in expressing griefe rather then anger. Leaue the lawfull sharpnesse and wholesome launcing (as I may terme it) for a reproofe till you come alone. By that time shee will shame to remember how she ouer-shot herselfe, if thou giue her not aduantage [Page 27]of replying, by committing the like absurdity at the same time. Neither feare that faults so healed in secrecy should infect the children & seruants. Nay thy present griefe & dis­like wil worke more vpon them then any reproofe; & there is time in her absence to warne thē of so offending, in theirs euen to chide her for giuing so bad an example. They may know thou hast reproued, though they heare thee not re­prooue. So y^t we can in no sort allow the foolish rashnes of those husbands (yea wee most sharply condemne it) w^c must needs out with their reproofe before children, seruants, and perhaps also strangers (as if their stomack were surcharged with it) not hauing y^e wit to refrain til the oporrunity of pri­uatnes. These men disgrace themselues in discrediting their wiues, as the head gaines the knocke if the heeles be taken vp. For now y^e wife conceiues that her disgrace is aymed at: hence she becomes more cholericke, perhaps also to iustifie the matter, that prouokes him to more anger, kindles more heat; & so in conclusion y^t growes to a plain braule or fray, w^c should haue bin a kind & Christian reproofe. Had not these bin better well saued till another time, then so dangerously misspent at this time to both their hurts, both their disgra­ces? And this is the practise of wisedome.

21. The next vertue is mildnes. This society comes nee­rest to equality, & therefore allowes familiarity (w^c must not be suffred in other couplings of superiors & inferiors) & re­quires more gentlenes. This is y^e sweet sauce of this gouern­ment, w^c makes it not to seem ouer tart, it is the soft lining of this yoke of authority, w^c without it, is vnsupportable. No womā can endure gouernmēt, if gentlenes do not temper it.

22. Now this gentlenes must be vsed in cōmandements and reproofes. In commandements, both for the matter of them, and for the manner, For the matter of them it must bee regarded, that a man extend not his commanding power (in the vse thereof) too farre; neither shew himselfe rigorous in euery thing, but bee content to gratifie his wife in some things, that shee may lesse vnwillingly, yea with more cheerefulnesse bee subiect in other things. Obedience would be inticed and allured, and as it were by [Page 28]committing it to it owne disposing in matters of inferiour nature, that it may follow more dutifully, when more neces­sity requires more speedy and voluntary obsequiousnesse. The Sunamite is a noble paterne for this matter.2 Kings 2.22 His wife in the middest of haruest (he not knowing any cause) requi­red a man and two asses from that needful and hasty worke, to attend her vnto the Prophet. He is not vrgent in asking the cause, nor peremptory in repelling the suite, but grants her desire, though it might seeme something inconueni­ent. He knew her to bee no gadder, and one day was not much. Thus shee had liberty to depart; and hee himselfe was a gayner by it, as being freed from a great deale of sor­row, which the newes of his sonnes death would haue pro­cured; and obteyning vnspeakable comfort in his reuiuing: for she saw him raysed vp, before hee knew of his disease. It was in Abraham also more than ordinary gentlenesse, that in a matter so neerly concerning him, would condescend to his wiues passionate request, about her mayde Hagar. Let not the husband bee as churlish Nabal to his wife, but fol­low these paternes of husbandly mildnesse, which will be­get at once both loue and reuerence, testifying kindnesse, and procuring it. Hee that will bee Lord in euery thing, stretcheth the authority of his string so high, that it is at least in danger of breaking. So carry thy selfe to thy wife, that she may perceiue herselfe to haue entred, not into ser­uile thraldome, but louing subiection.

23. Then when neede requireth a commandement to be giuen, it must be, for the manner, not imperious, not in the heate and extremity of inforcing and charging words; but with a sweet instinct of kindenesse (as the head doth moue the members of the body) by louing perswasions and familiar requests. Indeed if the wife try the mastery, and cast off the yoke of obedience, such her distemper makes it not alone lawfull, but very meere, that the husband (with good words and behauiour, not bitter, not raging) doe stand for his authority euen stifly and peremptorily, profes­sing [Page 29]that he will haue his will in things lawfull. But such a course would be seldome vsed, and that alone in matters of some importance, that are worth so much earnestnesse. It is more safe, and as honourable subduing a rebellious City by treaties of peace with good and fauorable conditions, than by the battery of ordinance, and fierce dint of the sword. So that husband doth with most praise and happines sub­due his wiues passions of disobedience, that can effect it by faire meanes. Yea indeed she must be a monstrous and vn­womanly woman, that being drawne by entreatie will not yeeld. Authority is like the arts of Logick and Rhetoricke, that must in speaking be vsed, and yet concealed: and then they most preuaile when being vsed, they are least seene. It preuents resisting, to request when thou mayst charge. There is nothing to striue for, when a man doth not, as it were vaunt his superiority. Things are also best done when the will is allured, rather than the body compelled. If thou stand vpon it, and come with flat commandements (as, you shall; and, I will make you; and, you were as good as you did; and, you shall know that I am master, &c. and the like big words,) the heart goes against that which the hand per­formes; and thou art disliked inwardly, though perhaps o­beyed in shew: and if obedience come not from the heart, can it last long? This is the way to preuaile with least bur­den to the inferiour, & toyle to the superiour, if with milde words hee wish this and this, rather then with imperious speeches enioyne it. Men that ride horses haue a wand and a spurre, both; they wil rather set forward their horses with the whisk & sound, or perhaps little touch of the smal stick, then with the sharpnesse of their iron spurre. They proceed not to spurring till their horse be either restie or tiry; and if tiry, that doth more hurt. So the husband should gouerne his wife, & prouoke her to accomplish his will with quiet, pleasing and insinuating termes, rather than open and ex­presse, much lesse violent commandings, vnlesse shee bee more then ordinarily vnruly. Christ beseecheth his Church most an end, which hee might with most right command. [Page 30]Let the husband imitate that best husband, and beware of, Doe it, or you had best; and, You shall whether you will or no; I will haue it so to crosse you, &c. Such an husband will crosse himselfe most. Violent things are neuer of long continuance. And this is mildnesse in comman­ding.

24. It must bee vsed in reprouing, where it is rather more necessary, by how much bitternesse is lesse to bee brooked, and a reproofe lesse easie to bee borne. And this must also be shewed in the matter, and in the manner of a reproofe. For the matter, in not finding fault for euery trifle that he sees amisse, nor chiding for euery infirmity. Many things must be passed by (yea all things that be not somewhat grosse, and would endanger the wiues selfe, if she should not heare of them roundly) with none or halfe a word. This effect of loue is very needfull towards stran­gers, that it passeth by wants and weakenesses; much more in the houshold, and in the nearest couple of the houshold. Charity is in this sense a great couer-fault; it will see none but where they be; and many it will see and not see, and not speake of, and it descends to a reproofe with a willing vnwillingnesse. This vertue should abound in this socie­ty. Heere Christs example must bee followed of all hus­bands. He shuts his eyes as it were, and will not spy out all his Churches faults; hee will not marke extremely what is done amisse; he knowes she is but dust, and is assured that she cannot but offend in many things: Yet hee puts it vp, and not so much as checkes her, vnlesse she comes to some wilfulnes in sinning. Let all that be husbands doe likewise: consider you be matched with women, the weaker vessels: thinke how many faults your selues haue; and if they haue some, wonder not that they be so many, but that not more; and with silence, so much as is possible; and when it is law­full to be silent (viz. in weakenesses and infirmities) striue to amend them. It is a great deale safer heere to bee defectiue than to exceed; to be somewhat purblinde, than too Eagle­eyed. [Page 31]In this inwardnes of conuersation, it is impossible but diuers wants shall offer themselues to be seene: and he that will prye for them, and take occasion vpon euery slight matter, to draw forth his reproofe, shal himselfe liue in per­petuall discontentment, & yeeld but little quiet to his wife. For from hence shee will conceiue, (and that not without some cause) that he loues her not much; and this will cause their affections to warpe and chap, till all be full of dissenti­on. Be not extreme heere, be not rigorous; but as a mothers tendernes of loue makes her not respect or obserue many deformities in her owne childe; so stand thou affected to thine owne wife. Pray to God against all her faults, com­mend vnto her all vertues; reproue not lesser wants & natu­ral weaknesses: let her perceiue closely that thou knowest, but art not willing to take notice of them, that she may take the more diligent notice thereof herselfe, and be more care­full to reforme them.

25. Moreouer for the manner of reprouing, when the thing is most needfull, it must yet be gentle. The words and behauiour vsed to declare and presse the fault vpon her, must be milde, and such as breathe forth loue & pity. A reproofe must be applied as a plaster, not with rating, but with moa­ning rather. It cannot be auoided, no not in the best, but this medicine wilbe needed: yet the husband must remēber, not to vse more roughnes than is fit to his owne flesh. Reproofe of it selfe, as it were a potion goes against the stomack: we neede not by our bitternes make it more lothsome, as it were by a foule & vnsightly cup. The mothers care must be shewed heere. She giues the childe worme-seede to kill the wormes, and raisins to till downe the worme-seed: so must a man reprehend to reproue the fault, and yet with great lo­uingnes of speech and countenance, to sweeten the repre­hension. No patient was neuer yet so sicke and desirous of health, y^t he could be perswaded to drinke a potion scalding hot: y^t which burnes the lips would neuer finde admittance into the stomack, though it were the most wholsome drink. [Page 32]It is iust so with a reproofe: if it scalde the eare, as I may so speake, with vpbraiding and disgracefull speeches, with bitter taunts, scoffes and mocks, with vilifying and rayling words, with a fierie looke, and as arkling eye, with a raging exaltation of the voyce and demeanure of the body, it will neuer gaine passage to the hart. Compassion, loue, kindnes, declaration of ones sorrow for the fault, desire of their good, and will of their amendment, these be the things that frame the will to accept an admonition, and do much helpe the kindly working of it. I am not against the wholesome earnestnesse of reprouing, and that sharpnes which in some cases God commands; this may stand without bitternesse, without violence of words and gesture, without that fierce­nesse against which we speake. A thing need not to be key­cold, though it scalde not; there is a large difference be­tweene these two. Then an admonition is healthfully sharpe and earnest, when a man in plainnesse & with good termes layes open the absurdity, naughtinesse and danger of the sinne, enforcing these considerations vpon the heart and conscience of the party, euen somewhat lamentably, and with some mouing, but still with declaration of sorrow more then anger: and this ought to bee done. In one word therefore let thy reproofes bee warme, not hot. And thus much for the practise of mildnes.

26. The third vertue to bee shewed by the husband, is Iustice, the soule of gouernment, the true temperature of authority, without which it rots and putrifieth, and degene­rates into the most fulsome and stinking carrion of tyranny. Now the husband must deale iustly with his wife in foure things: First, in allowing her sufficient maintenance, agree­able to his place and ability, and that willingly, and with a liberall hand. Hee must not thinke himselfe so absolutely Lord of all, but that shee must also haue the free and plenti­full vse of all, according as his calling requires, and his suffi­ciency will beare. Indeed if she should exceede both, or ei­ther of these, his authority must sound retraite vnto her [Page 33]lauishnesse; neither must he weaken, much lesse ouerthrow his estate by pranking her body, and feeding her tooth: this were after a sort to kill himselfe, her, his children, and whole family, with fondnesse towards her, a part full of vn­righteousnesse. But let her be made equall partner of that which her husband hath. So be it she cut her coate accor­ding to her cloath, Iustice will not permit that she should be scanted with niggardice, which is so neere a companion. The husband must communicate maintenance to the wife, as the head doth animal spirits to the body, plentifully, wil­lingly: for if any stoppance grow in this conueyance, great distempers must of necessity insue: yea, not alone whilest himselfe liueth, but euen after his decease also: and suppo­sing him to leaue the world, must he prouide, after his abi­lity, that her estate be competent, and that shee be not infe­riour to her children, and forced to stand beholding vnto them, ouer whom shee should command. And this is one point of Iustice. Another, and the second is, that the hus­band compell not his wife by his authority to attempt things vnlawfull. Where God hath commanded, let not him forbid; where God hath forbidden, let not him com­mand. What a madnes is it to force either to disobey God, or him? Will he exceede his commission, and thinke to be yeelded vnto? Is not this vnrighteous in the highest de­gree, for the Deputie to take vpon him euen against the So­ueraigne Lord? This is to iustle her into some stinking guzzle or ditch: whence it must follow, that if shee proue stronger than himselfe, and will not be thrust in, yet he ren­ders himselfe odious that attempted to do her harme: if she proue weake, and fall in, he must be at the paines to pull her (out) and make her cleane againe: otherwise both must perish; the one for sinning, the other for driuing vnto sin. Wherefore in some doing he violates both Iustice & Wife­dome, shewing himselfe in one action, both a foole before her, and a rebell against God. Nay, he must not alone ab­staine from vrging her vnto things that indeed are, but vnto such also, as shee vpon some supposed reason, grounded on [Page 34]the Word of God, thinkes to be vnlawfull. The conscience is Gods immediate officer, and commanding by vertue of its commission, which is Gods reuealed wil; though it erre in construction of that commission, yet must it be obeyed, and ouer-weigh the authority of all other commanders, till it be satisfied and set downe with reasons, manifesting such mistaking: for whosoeuer goes against conscience in things thought to be sinfull, and are not, will at length offend against it in such things as both are, and are thought to be faults. Indeed if shee will pretend conscience, and cannot alleage a reason out of the Word of God, yet may carry some shew, this is obsunacy; and in such case the thing being of waight and vse, it is safe, yea needfull, if rea­son perswade not, to compell her. But when shee grounds vpon the Word of God, though mis-interpreted and mis­taken, she must be resolued, and not compelled. Not euery scruple of conscience makes a thing sin to a man, but that which is grounded vpon Gods Word, by which alone-con­science must bee informed and guided: which when it is, though it bee mis-informed through want of iudgement, yet it retaines its owne authority; and then to enforce the wife against it, were to force her to sinne, the most vnrigh­teous thing that can bee in a Gouernour. None is Lord, but onely the Lord of Heauen and earth. Bee not therefore so vnrighteous towards thy wife, as to vrge her either to displease GOD, or her conscience, leaning on his word. The third part of Iustice, is, not to reproue without a fault, nor sharply for a lesser fault: The former of these is to lay a plaster on a found place, which is a needlesse labour at all times, and often dangerous: for it may cause a sore. So to finde fault without a cause, may procure a fault. The latter is to seare, and cut and cauterize, where a Lenitiue would serue; and to giue a violent strong purgation, where an easie pill would suffice for health. This comes from cruel­ty, and breedes distemper. A reproofe must come forth, not when a man is angred, but when God is offended: not when our profit or pleasure is crossed, but when Gods comman­dement [Page 35]is broken. And as the plaster must bee fitted to the wound, the medicine to the disease; so the admonition to the fault. For of those sinnes which necessarily call for an admonition, there are degrees, according to the increase whereof, a man should shew more or lesse anger and dislike. So that the husband must bee more earnest in reprouing, not when shee hath committed a smaller sinne against GOD, that turneth more to his losse; but when shee hath done a greater euill against GOD, though hee bee a small, yea, no loser; yea a gainer by it for his out­ward profit. And alwayes when the fault is amended, cease vpbraiding: this is a most vnequall thing. When the fire is thorowly quenched, who would stand casting on water? Now the last point of Iustice followes, which is, that a man endeauour to confirme and increase the good things that are in his wife, by all good incourage­ment and testification of his loue and good liking, as-well as to reforme and diminish the euill things by re­proofe. Wee prouender an horse as well as whip and spurre him, else the best would tyre: and the wife must bee animated to good things, and not onely withdrawne from euill. A man should vse his right eye as well as his left. Nothing can bee more base then to bee a fault­spier, a fly-blower, that is, alwayes nibling where the skinne is off. Fie vpon that husband, which like a flye seekes euer for a galled place to blow his maggots on; this healeth not, but pricks, and makes all things worse. It is a great vnrighteousnes to looke onely to the worst things. Iustice giues one his due for well and ill both; which not to doe is the bane of loue, on both sides causing iarres, heart-burnings, secret dislike, and open contention at the last. Therefore if euer thou will liue with comfort, consider as well what vertues thy wife hath, as what vices; what good, as what bad; & what help and benefit thou hast by her, as what hindrance; to comfort & strengthen her in the one, as help her out of the other: yea & let her see that thou takest notice rather of y^e best things. [Page 36]Surely these good herbes will grow best & safest in the sun­shine. And thus much for the mans duty: wherein I haue bene more long, because disorders in him are more dange­rous and hurtfull, as diseases in the head; and any thing a­misse in the great wheele of a clocke.

27. Now proceede we to the womens duty, and gi­uing the men leaue to chew the cud awhile, request the wo­men to listen with more diligence than before. The whole duty of the wife is referred to two heads. The first is, to ac­knowledge her inferiority: the next, to carry her selfe as in­feriour. First then the wiues iudgement must be conuinced, that she is not her husbands equall, yea that her husband is her better by farre; else there can bee no contentment, ei­ther in her heart, or in her house. If shee stand vpon termes of equality, much more of being better than he is, the very root of good carriage is withered, and the fountaine there­of dryed vp. Out of place, out of peace. And woe to these miserable aspiring shoulders, that content not themselues to take their roome, next below the head. If euer thou pur­pose to be a good wife, and to liue comfortably, set downe this with thy selfe. Mine husband is my superiour, my better; he hath authority and rule ouer mee: Nature hath giuen it him, hauing framed our bodies to tendernes, mens to more hardnesse. God hath giuen it him, saying to our first mo­ther Euah, Gen. 3.16. Thy desire shalbe subiect to him, and hee shall rule ouer thee. His will is the tye and tedder euen of my desires and wishes. I will not striue against GOD and nature. Though my sinne hath made my place tedious, yet I will confesse the truth, Mine husband is my superiour, my better. If the wife doe not learne this lesson perfectly, if she haue it not without booke, euen at her fingers ends, as we speake, if her very heart condescend not to it, there will bee wrang­ling, repining, striuing, viyng to be equall with him, or a­boue him; and thus their life wilbe but a battell, and a try­ing of masteries. A wofull liuing.

28. Secondly, the wife being resolued that her place is the lower, must carry herselfe as an inferiour. It little bootes to confesse his authority in word, if shee frame not to submission indeede. Now shee shall testifie her inferio­rity in a Christian manner, by practising those two vertues of reuerence and obedience, which are appropriate to the place of inferiours.

29. And first for reuerence, the wife owes as much of that to her husband, as the children or the seruants doe to her, yea, as they doe to him: onely it is allowed that it bee sweetned with more loue and more familiarity. The wife should not thinke so erroniously of her place, as if she were not bound equally with the children and seruants to reue­rence her husband; all inferiours owe reuerence alike. The difference is onely this, she may be more familiar, not more rude then they, as being more deare, not lesse subiect to him.

30. Also this reuerence of hers must bee both inward and outward. First, her heart must bee kept inwardly, in a dutifull respect of him, and shee must regard him as Gods Deputy, not looking to his person but his place; nor think­ing so much who and what an one hee is, as whose officer. This the Apostle doth very strictly inioyne, saying, Let the wife see that shee feare her husband. Ephes 5. last verse. As if hee had said: Of all things let her most carefully labour not to faile in this duty: for if shee doe, her whole life besides will bee rude and vnbeseeming. And you must know that the Apo­stle meanes heere not a slauish, but a louing feare, such as may well stand with the nearest vnion of hearts, as between Christ and his Church. And this feare is when, in conside­ration of his place, shee doth abhorre it as the greatest e­uill, next to the breach of Gods Commandement, to dis­please and offend her husband. Men stand in right awe of God, when they loath it as the greatest of al euils, to breake his Commandement and grieue his Spirit; and the wife [Page 38]feares her husband in good manner, when she doth shunne it as the next euill, to displease, grieue and disobey her husband, who is next to GOD aboue her in the family. Such regard her heart must haue of her head, that it keepe hand and tongue and all from disorder. I know this is not customable, nay it is scarce thought seemely amongst ma­ny women; nay they are as little for their husbands, as they for them; yea they despise him, yea they haue inuer­ted this precept, and cause their husbands to feare them. This impudencie, this vnwomanhood tracks the way to the harlots house, and giues all wise men to know, that such haue, or would, or soone will cast off the care of honesty, as of loyaltie. But if thou wilt bee a vertuous wife, deale with thine heart to make it stand in awe of thine husband: and know that God hath not for nought giuen the former Caueat to women. As thou growest in this inward reue­rence, so looke to get the better of all other infirmities: as thou art carelesse herein, so shalt thou bee pestered with all other enormities. Where the heart sets light by any one, the words and gestures wilbe contemptuous. If the fountaine be muddy with neglect, so shall the streames.

31. And as the heart principally, so next the outward behauiour must be regarded in three speciall things. First, in speeches and gestures vnto him. These must carry the stamp of feare vpon them, and not be cutted, sharpe, sullen, passio­nate, teechie, but meeke, quiet, submissiue, which may shew that she considers who herselfe is, and to whom she speakes. The wiues tongue towards her husband must bee neither keene, nor loose, her countenance neither swelling nor deri­ding: her behaurour not flinging, not puffing, not discon­tented; but sauouring of all lowlinesse and quietnesse of af­fection. Looke what kinde of words or behauiour thou wouldst dislike from thy seruant or childe, those must thou not giue to thine husband: for thou art equally comman­ded to be subiect. Herein Sarah once faulted, she was aloft in the boughes; God be Iudge betweene me and thee. Heerein [Page 39]also Rachel offended, that in a pelting chase came suming, and chod with her husband; Giue me children, or I die. Iacob could not brooke this without anger, though he loued her tenderly. Herein Micol also was out of the way, when she came scoffing and flouting to her husband Dauid: 2. Sam. 6.20. How glorious was the King of Israel to day, &c. when her husband in her conceite (though not indeed) carried himselfe somewhat vnfit for a Kings place; shee cannot admonish him in good sort, but with bitter taunting breakes a iest vp­on him. These examples shew how subiect women are to disreuerent behauiour; and withall how lothsome, how vn­womanly they bee. Yet for all these warnings wee haue some women that can chase and scold with their husbands, and raile vpon them, and reuile them, and shake them to­gether with such termes and carriage, as were vnsufferable towards a seruant. Staines of woman-kinde, blemishes of their sexe, monsters in natures, botches of humane society, rude, gracelesse, impudent, next to harlots, if not the same with them. Let such words leaue a blister behinde them, and let the canker eate out these tongues. But besides these so notorious ones, euen women otherwise vertu­ous, must see their faults in this behalfe. They can take vp their husbands with quicke speeches sharpely set on. They can set them downe short, with a cutted answer, with a frowning countenance, with a disdainfull looke, and the side turned towards them in displeasure. Why wilt thou teach thy children to bee rebellious, and shew thy seruants how to swell, pout, and fume? Thinkest thou such behauiour will not infect? Shall not they al­so vse it to thee? or is it lesse tollerable in thee? Bee submissiue rather, and let them learne reuerence from thee to practise to thee. That woman makes her selfe vile, that sets her husband at nought, or else seemes to doe it.

32. Secondly, the wife must expresse reuerence towards her husband in her speeches and gestures before him and in [Page 40]his presence to others. His company must make her more respectiue how shee carries herselfe towards any else. Her words must not be loud and snappish to the children, to the seruants in his sight. If shee perceiue a fault, yet must con­sider, that her better stands by, and not speake without ne­cessity; and then vtter that in more still and milde manner, which in his absence shee may set on with more roundnes. No woman of gouernment will allow her children and ser­uants to bee loud and brawling before her; and shall shee before her husband bee so herselfe? What is become of in­feriority then? Yea her reuerence doth inioyne her silence when shee stands by. I meane not vtter abstinence from speech, but vsing few words, and those low and milde, not eagre,2 Tim 2.11. not loud. Paul commands the women to learne in silence. The word is, in quietnesse: wherein be not alone inioynes a publicke, but euen a generall silence to hold in the house and other like meetings: for why should that bee restrained without any neede, which doth well receiue a larger extent? The reason of which duty is grounded euen vpon the consideration of the two sexes: for euen as youth is inferiour to age, and the yong folke to the aged (vnlesse some other respect doe ouer-ballance this difference, as sometimes it falles out that the younger is in authority, and the elder vnder it; the younger hath more excellent gifts; the elder fewer, and such like; by which the inferiority of young men is shadowed, and as it were coue­red:) so is the male sexe preferred before the female in de­gree of place & dignity, as all men will yeeld that read what the Scriptures speake in that behalfe. Now if there bee an inferiority of the sexe, by what thing should it bee better expressed, rather then this, by which also younger people must testifie theirs, namely, to speake little and low before them? For what lesse thing can bee required in witnesse of this difference? Let women then either excuse chat and loudnesse in young folkes before their ancients, in children and seruants before them; or else condemne it in themselues before their husbands, yea before any men. I know this [Page 41]duty goes against the haire: for where there is suddennesse of wit, and scarcity of wisedome (as in the most of this sexe comparatiuely) there is readines to speake, and mul­titude of words; but amongst all wise-men, talakatiuenes of women (chiefly when it comes to loud and earnest words) hath bene reputed a fault most of all in the husbands pre­sence. Now then let women learne silence, and let the reuerent account of their husbands worke in them a speci­all moderation of speech whilest they bee in place.

33. Thirdly, the womans speeches of the husband be­hinde his backe, must bee dutifull and respectiue. Shee must not call him by light names, nor talke of him with any kinde of carelesnesse and slightnes of speech, much lesse with despitefull and reprochfull termes. Heerein the god­ly fact of Sarah, commended to our imitation, must be fol­lowed in practice. When shee thought of her husband in the absence of all company, shee intituled him by the name of my Lord. If in her priuate conceit shee gaue him so good and honourable titles, what would she haue done in company? what in his owne presence? what vnto him­selfe? So the women must inure themselues to submissiue­nesse of thoughts and speeches in their husbands absence, that they may the better practise the same in their presence: for custome in this thing hath great force. Who would brooke a childe speaking disgracefully and murmuring. of his father behinde his backe? And shall it be suffered in a wife? By how much heere is more certaine tryall of her her inward affection & disposition, by so much must she be more attentiue to her words in such case. Very dread may make a woman giue good words before her husbands face, because she dares do no other, and he will brooke none o­ther; but this shewes a conscionable subiection, when she will not thinke nor speake of him, though hee be farre from hearing, without some note of good regard, that those which heare may perceiue shee doth account of him as her Gouernour and her better. He that allowes not an euill [Page 42]thought of the Prince, will not allow euill speeches of the husband in priuate talke betweene neighbours: for hee is the houshold Prince, the domesticall King; Though thinke husband bee from thee, let thy feare of him bee with thee, that in mentioning him to others thou shew not contempt. And for Reuerence thus much.

34. Obedience followes: as concerning which duty a plaine text auers it to the full, saying; Let the Wife bee subiect to her husband in all things, in the Lord. What need wee further proofe? Why is shee his wife, if shee will not obey? and how can shee require obedience of the children and seruants, if shee will not yeeld to the hus­band? doth not shee exact it in his name, and as his deputie? But the thing will not bee so much questio­ned, as the measure: Not whether shee must obey, but how farre. Wherefore wee must extend it as farre as the Apostle, to a generality of things, to all things, so it bee in the Lord. In whatsoeuer thing obeying of him doth not disobey God, shee must obey: and if not in all things, it were as good in nothing. It is a thankelesse seruice, if not generall. To yeeld alone in things that please her selfe, is not to obey him, but her owne af­fections. The tryall of obedience is, when it crosseth her desires. To doe that which hee biddes, when shee would haue done without his bidding, what praise is it? But this declares conscionable submission, when shee chuseth to doe what her-selfe would not, because her husbands wils it. And seeing shee requireth the like largenesse of duty in his name from the seruants, her-selfe shall bee Iudge against her-selfe, if shee giue not what shee lookes to receiue. But if sufficeth not that her obedience reach to all things that are lawfull, vnlesse it bee also wiling, ready, without brawling, contending, thwarting, sowrenesse. A good worke may bee marred in the manner of doing. And as good stuffe is spilt by bad making, so doth the wife disgrace and [Page 43]disfigure her obedience if shee hang off and contend, and bee impatient, and will not, till shee cannot chuse. Needes must, needes shall, wee say in the Prouerbe. Such kinde of yeelding declares no reuerence, deserues no praise. Then it is laudable, commendable, a note of a vertuous woman, a dutifull wise, when shee submits her-selfe with quietnesse, cheerefully, euen as a wel-bro­ken horse turnes at the least turning, stands at the least check of the riders bridle, readily going and standing as he wishes that fits vpon his backe. If you will haue your obe­dience worth any thing, make no tumult about it outward­ly, allow none within.

35. And for the lesse principall duties of husband and wife concerning their ordinary society, thus much. I come now to such as concerne the marriage-bed, which are as needfull to bee knowne as the former, because of­fences in that kinde are more capitall and dangerous, though not so publique. Their matrimoniall meetings must haue these three properties. First, it must be cheere­full: they must louingly, willingly and familiarly commu­nicate themselues vnto themselues, which is the best means to continue and nourish their mutuall naturall loue, and by which the true and proper ends of matrimony shall bee at­tained in best manner: for the husband is not his owne, but the wifes, and the wife the husbands. Secondly, their meeting must bee sanctified. Paul saith, meate, drinke and marriage are good, being sanctified by prayer. Men and women must not come together as brute creatures and vnreasonable beasts, through the heate of desire; but must see their Maker in that his ordinance, and craue his blessing solemnely as at meales, (the Apostle speakes of both alike) that marriage may indeede bee blessed vnto them. To sanctifie the marriage-bed, and vse it reuerently with prayer and thanks-giuing, will make it moderate, and keepe them from growing wearie each of other (as in many it falls out,) and cause that [Page 44]lust shall bee asswaged, which else shall bee increased by these meetings. Propagation and chastity, the two chiefe ends of marriage, are best attained by prayer and thanks-giuing in the vse thereof, without which they will hardly come, or not with comfort. Neither is it more then needs, to see God in that which so nearely toucheth our selues, as the hope of posterity: him, as the increase of his king­dome. Let Christians therefore know the fruite of prayer euen in all things. Thirdly, their nuptiall meetings must bee seasonable, and at lawfull times. There is a season when God and Nature seioynes man and wife in this re­spect. The woman is made to be fruitfull; and therefore al­so more moist and cold of constitution. Hence it is that their naturall heate serues not to turne all their sustenance into their owne nourishment; but a quantity redounding is set apart in a conuenient place to chearish and nourish the conception, when they shall conceiue. Now this re­dundant humour (called their flowers or termes) hath (if no conception bee) it monethly issue or euacuation, (and in some oftner) vnlesse there bee extraordinary stoppings and obstructions, lasting for sixe or seuen dayes in the most: Sometimes also this issue, through weakenes and infirmitie of nature, doth continue many more dayes. Al­wayes after child-birth there is a larger and longer empty­ing, because of the former retention, which continueth commonly for foure, fiue or sixe weekes, & in some longer. Now in all these three times and occasions, it is simply vn­lawfull for a man to company with his own wife. The Lord telles vs so, Leuit. 15. c. 19.25. ver. also chap. 18 ver. 19. also chap. 20. ver. 18. Of which places it is needfull, that married people should take notice: to which I send them. Neither let women thinke themselues disgraced, because I haue laid this matter open in plaine, but modest speeches. Where God threatens death to the offender, can the Mini­ster bee faithfull, if he doe not plainely declare the offence? This fault is by GOD condemned to the punishment of death, Leuit. 20.18. Beare then with necessary plainnesse. [Page 45]And let no woman grieue that the cause of her fruitfulnes is knowne, when shee reioyceth to bee found fruitfull. Say not, that I may let them reade it. What if they cannot? what if they will not? Can the Minister so discharge his office, of giuing men warning that they sinne not, because they may reade it? But if any through nicenesse or other­wise, doe take snuffe at this opennesse (for immodest and obscene speech they haue heard none,) they shall argue themselues guilty of the sinne, which they would not haue knowne; and shew rather a willingnes to commit euill, then proue it euill to teach that plainely which God hath plainely reuealed to be knowne. In a word, we must speake all the truth, you should with willingnes heare all; if not, you must against your will. Though men will be offended, wee must not conceale what God will haue knowne. And thus you haue heard the duties of married people, principal, and lesse principall, for their common society both mutuall and speciall; and for their nuptiall society in the marriage-bed. Now though I haue bene long, I will tarry to make some vse and application.

36. And first, this ministers a good instruction to young and vnmarried people, that they doe not vnaduisedly rush into this estate. A thing of such difficulty should not bee lightly vndertaken. They shall haue their hands full of duty, if they get not their hearts full of grace, and their heads full of wisedome; they shall finde an house full of trouble, and a life full of woe, meeting with gall in stead of hony, and grauell in stead of nourishing morsels. Wouldst thou be married? See what wisedome, what patience, what grace fit to gouerne or fit to obey thou findest in thy selfe. Get these against thou come to vse them, or else marriage will not yeeld thee such contentment, as thine imaginati­on promiseth. Vaine youths grow wanton and fall in lust, and must marry before they haue any power to practise, any vnderstanding to know their duties; so they trouble them­selues, and discredit their estate both at once. He that leapes [Page 46]ouer a broad ditch with a short staffe, shall fall into the midst; and hee that enters vpon matrimony without care to attaine great grace, shalbe mired and doussed in disqui­etment and vexation. Let vnmarried people thinke of this, and be wise.

37. Secondly, I must aduise all married persons, to grow acquainted with these duties, and to marke their fal­lings in the same But mistake me not. I would that the wife should know hers, the husband his, and both the common duties. I desire that they should obserue each their owne, not so much each others faylings. Indeed it may be feared, that diuers hearers now will bee worse for hearing, because they heard amisse. The husband may perhaps ring his wife a peale of her duty when hee comes home, and tell her how her faults were ript vp; and yet neuer consider or meditate of his owne duties or faults. The wife also may likely tell him of his owne at home, when she hath little or nothing to say to her-selfe. Thus both shall be worse, when they seeke to vpbraide each other, not to amend each ones selfe. Thou husband didst listen attentiuely when the womans duties were handled, and thoughtst, There he met with my wife; such a time shee shewed little reuerence, lesse obedience. Thou wife hadst the like thoughts concerning thine hus­band: There hee told him home of his duty. It is not long since hee shewed himselfe neither wise nor gentle. I would hee would see to amend. Vnwise man, vnwise woman: why hadst thou not most care of thine owne soule? Couldst thou marke what was good for anothers disease, not what for thine owne? Wilt thou grow skilfull in his way, and not know one foot of that wherein thy selfe must trauell? Brethren, sisters, let this be altered in vs. If thou be a Chri­stian husband, haue more care to know that, and bee more frequent in considering that, for which thine owne soule must answer, then what lie, to the accounts of another. So doe thou that art a Christian wife. And that man or woman that sees not more faults and failings in him or her-selfe then the yoke-fellow, bewraies wondrous great pride, ig­norance [Page 47]and hypocrisie, if hee or shee be not matched with one too too notorious for ill demeanours. If the heart were well touched, it owne sinnes would bee more grieuous the husbands or wiues lesse. Contend therefore, not how short thy yoke-fellow comes, but not to come short thy selfe. Passe by the others failings more easily, be more censo­rious towards thine owne: this were to deale as a Christian, euen to iudge thy selfe. He neuer yet learnt to worke well in any work, that would cast his eye more vpon his neighbors fingers than his owne. Neither was hee euer good scholler that would con his fellowes, and not regard the taske im­posed vpon himselfe. And that makes husbands and wiues such ill pay-masters one another, because they looke of­ten what is owing to them, not what they owe. I doubt not but experience will backe my speech, if I pronounce that they be not the best husbands & wiues, which are heard to complaine much of their yoke-fellowes defects in dutie, little of their own. And yet is not this ordinary? Euery man would be a good husband, if his wife were not so bad: & she a good wife, were not he so excessiuely faulty. Al the accusa­tions, al the iudgings are datted at each other. What folly is this? Vnderstand idle man and woman, it is not the requi­ring or receiuing of duty from others, but the knowing & performing of what pertaines to thy selfe, that will proue thee a Christian, comfort thee in temptation, reioice thee in death, and stand for thee in iudgment. And yet art thou soloud and much in calling for duty, so mute and dumbe and ignorant in yeelding it? To conclude therefore, know thine owne dutie best, marke most thine owne trans­gressings of duty; then shalt thou bee free from brawles with thy yoke-fellow, if thou be taken vp with paines a­bout thy selfe: and there is no better meanes of peace in families, than that euery one should learne and ply his own worke, see and labour to mend his owne faults. Haue you then bene both or either vnchaste, vnlouing, vnfaithful? re­pent both; and straine not curtesie who shall beginne: but let either set other a copie of goodnesse. And if you will [Page 48]needs striue, let it be, which shall be the best, which mend first. Hast thou bene a foolish, passionate, vniust husband, full of bitter words, perhaps also (which is monstrous) of blowes in anger, seeking and seruing thy selfe alone, and not regarding thy wiues good, so thou mightest goe away with thine owne wil? Diue not into her faults, cry not out, she hath bene thus and thus to me: but repent of thy bitter­nes, vnthriftines, folly of all sorts: confesse it to God; be­seech him to make thee a better husband, that thy wife may bee better. Hast thou bene a disdainfull, contemptuous, brawling, impatient, discontented, and disobedient wife? aske thine heare before God, and dissemble nor. If yea, cla­mour not against thine husbands folly, exclaime not of his rashnes and hardnes; but condemne thy selfe before, and call vpon God, to make thee feare and obey thine husband, as a Commander vnder him. Entreat him of mercy to make thee better, that thy husband also may be better. Follow the Prouerbe, and let euery of you mend one, I meane himselfe, and contention wil cease. Pray for each ones selfe first, then for each other. Where you haue offended, labour to see it, confesse, bewaile it, and call for power to reforme, and bee not skilfull to cast the fault vpon another, but to cast it out of thy selfe. So shall your loues bee sure, your hearts comfortable, your example commen­dable, your houses peaceable, your selues ioyfull, your liues cheare­full, your deaths blessed, and your memories happie for euer.

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