Thos. Iolley Esqr. F. S. A.
THE Court of Conscience Or Dick VVhippers Sessions.
VVith the order of his arraigning and punishing of many notorious, dissembling, wicked, and vitious liuers in this age.
By RICHARD WEST.
Math. 25. vers. 34. 41. Venite beati, abite Maledicti in ignem aeternum.
Imprinted at London by G. Eld, for Iohn Wright, and are to be sold at his shop adioyning to Christ Church gate. 1607.
To his very louing friend and Maister, Mr. William Durdant, and his very friend Maister Francis Moore: RICHARD WEST, wisheth all health and happinesse.
MAny and sundry are the gifts and presents which are sent betweene friend and friend, of valew according to the habilitie of the sender. Some present gifts of great worth, as Plate, Iewels, and such like, others meaner things. My selfe finding my owne estate but of a weake kinde, am bold insteed of such gifts, onely to bestow part of my braines fruite vpon you both, presuming that it will be kindly receiued, though it be but of a small moment or valew. By the one of you I assure my selfe (at least am in good hope) it will bee kindly receiued as a simple present from the Seruant to the Maister. The other (in lue of many good turnes at your hands already receiued, and not any way requited) I make the rather bold to connex in the partaking of the same: humblie requiring you to be a kinde of Side-men in the assisting [Page] of Dick Whipper and his Iewrie in this session to ayde them with your iudgements in the pronouncing the sentence of condemnation against the malefactors at the arraignement, hauing and being of that opinion, that you will not onely iudge without partialitie at this time, but also be ready in your foynes to attend the iudge, at the next Court day, when I beleeue a greater malefaector will be brought in, then the worst of these: In the meane time Ile bespeake a new whip which shall stick close to his sides as euer his shirt did.
Yours in any seruice: R. W.
THE PREFACE.
IN the beginning when the Lord of hostes,
After his image liuely face and feature;
Created man in all the lands and coastes,
And for their succors euery liuing creature.
He did ordaine in lue thereof each day,
That they should praise his blessed name for ay.
All lands and people then he did deuide,
And parted them with watrie surging seas,
Asundry language ouer and beside,
He did appoint to men for better ease.
With vnderstanding of each others minde,
That so they might be to his lawes enclinde.
Which lawes or statutes were by him erected:
Declaring them to man on Sinay mount,
Through Adams sinnes from Paradise abiected,
He vowd aday of Iudgement for account,
Of euery sinne or vaine offence Comitted,
Which Cannot be without his mercy quitted.
And knowing well that man of his owne nature,
Was most vnapt t' obserue his holy word:
He did erect his plagues for euery Creature,
Ordayning for them hunger, fire and sword,
And finding waighty sinnes of man abound,
The whole world men and all he deeplie drownd.
Sauing his seruants whome he did apoint,
Noah and his family to be in arke:
God of his mercie only did anoynt,
Those eyght to liue within the selfe same barke.
Hauing of euery creature with them two,
For worlds encrease which after should ensew.
This is most credible the time is past,
Approu'd of truth before we liu'd in age:
The sinnes of man yet being apt to last,
Procure the Lord to anger, wrath, and rage,
But what should I of these things meane to write,
The holy Scriptures plainly them recite.
But as concerning this our latter time,
Considering by the aboundance of our dayes:
To greater sinne mans nature's apt to clime,
Which is a meane that Sathan sprenges layes,
To catch the sonnes of men by subtile guile,
Into his Nets, and so their soules to foile.
GOD (as before time) for the better peace,
And keeping vnder of each wicked wight:
In euery land true duty to encrease,
Hath plac'd a Prince to rule the people right.
Whose swords & Scepters beare so great a sway,
That they expell disorders quite away.
But oftentimes the kindest man in sight,
He that will handle tongue in smoothest sort:
To simple meaning man doth seeme a light,
Yet slilie creepes and bites him to the heart.
Which glauering people being least suspected:
Liue in that order long time vndetected.
But God creator of the world and man,
Finding the hearts of such to be corrupt:
Reueales to world and people now and than,
The sliest plots and treasons most abrupt.
Which in the hearts of such are closely hid,
At length from world such members he doth rid.
Dicke Whipper now (mans conscience 'tis I meane,)
Knowing the guiltie hearts of euery sort,
Hath summoned a meeting, where all men,
Are to repaire in person at that Court.
Aswell the rich as poore, the good, as bad,
The wise, as foolish, reprobate and mad.
A Iewrie of the best hee hath appointed,
To be impanneld on the worser sort:
And sit in Iudgement with him as anoynted,
To be the pillers of Celestiall Port.
For whom he hath elect a Princely coast.
For th' other, whipstock, whip, and whipping poast.
The deeds of good hee doth pronounce in Court,
To th' endlesse praise and comfort of their soules:
The others misdeeds to their endlesse hurt,
He hath engrossed faire in his Court roules.
The good shall weare and haue the heauenly Crowne,
The other feele the whip to pull him downe.
The names of the Iewrie.
- Good Counsell.
- Vpright Iudge.
- Zealous patron.
- Faithfull Minister.
- Godly Magistrate.
- Loyall Subiect.
- Charitable Benefactor.
- Carefull parent.
- Obedient Child.
- Sure Friend.
- Peace-maker.
- Lowly minded.
Good Counsell.
STarre of the Senate, light of all the land,
Truths cheese supporter, piller of aduice,
Mishaps preuenter, leader of the band,
Out of Captiuitie Iewell of great price.
Guard to thy King, country and peoples health,
Wisdomes way-maker roote of common-wealth.
Vigilant waker when that others sleepe,
The King and Countries good, that seekst to find:
To heare the wofull plaints of such as weepe,
Opprest by their superiors most vnkinde.
Helping with thy aduice that to redresse,
That otherwise would countries bane encrease.
To framing of good lawes thou lend'st thine eare,
With purse and helpe in seruice of thy Prince;
Countrie and neighbours with a tender care,
Of being forward people to incense.
To the right seruice of Almighty God,
And breaking superstitious heauie clod.
Be thou as fore-man in this Iewrie graue,
Receiue a robe befitting such a wight:
Let giue thy sentence, 'gainst deceiptfull knaue,
Be to his hid deceit an open light.
Receiue of people thankes and worthy praise,
In heauen of God, the crowne which neuer decaies.
Vpright Iudge.
VVIth grauitie and with indifference,
Thou equally dost Iudge all things in right
With Iust sealed waightes, & with an euen ballance,
Thou waiyest causes in the publique sight,
Of all the world not tendring bribe or fee,
Which shewes the feare of God to stand in thee.
The Heauens maker and the earthly Kings,
Hauing respect to that thy Godly care:
For trewly waying all vnequall things,
Haue plac'd thee in a princely seat full rare.
Which place of their owne persones destitute,
They haue appointed thee to execute.
Allowing thee not onely worldly substance,
For thy aduancement fore the face of men,
But honorable tytle and preheminence,
Ouer all other people where and when
Different Causes are to be decided,
That by thy wisdome all may well be giuded.
Aswell in Controuersies and debates,
As in disorders toward King and land,
Comitted by outragious runagates,
Rebellious Traytours or any other man,
Thy golden wisdome is with grace enamelld,
Wherefore we craue thee here to be inpannel'd.
Zealous Patron.
Patterne of Pitey which with trembling feare,
Most willingly to house of God repairest:
Attentiuely his holy word to heare,
Spreading abroad thy braunches with the fairest.
And hauing taken talent from the Lord,
Dost not the same within the ground vphord.
But makest vse of euery part thereof,
Not putting Candle vnderneath a couer:
As doth the Carelesse seruant with a scoffe,
Concealing heauenly secrets from his brother.
All thy delight is in the house of prayer
Thy contemplations sound into the ayer.
Thou sittest not in an vn-Godly seat,
Nor yet thou standest in the sinners way,
Thou art elect of God the Lord so great,
As Chosen vessell him thou dost obey,
Studying each time, each hower, each day, and night,
How to find out the heauenly pathes aright.
Thou standst in feild vnder the Crosse of Christ,
In his defence and seruice euery hower:
Vnmoueable and firme there doth consist,
Thy faith in God acknowledging his Power.
Grace light vpon thee stand in Gods defence,
Gainst sinfull wight to heare the euidence.
Faithfull Minister.
HEauenly Phisition for the feeble soule,
Ministring Phisicke of a pleasant tast:
Of comfortable hearbes spirituall,
Excerped from the Godly gardens wast,
Clothing that naked soule in Godly rayment,
Thou shalt receiue an heauenly seat for payment.
Thy silly flocks in plesant pastures greene,
Goe feeding, fat, and full of Choysed flowers:
Not penn'd nor pounded in a pinfold keene,
Yet still defended from the rauening powers,
In spight of Romish sheppard and his traine,
Thou grazest with them on the pleasant plaine.
Thou leadst them not among the thornes and briers
Tearing their fleeces, neither dost permit:
Their carcases to sticke in clammy myers,
They walke secure from deepe and daungerous pit,
Then guid we pray thee with thy sheppards hooke,
Those of this Iurie from a partiall Crooke.
Take place among them, passe thy Iudgement freely,
According as thou find'st the guiltie mate:
Sift out and search their crafty dealings neerely,
That being opened men may see the state.
Wherein these foule and exercrable Crew,
Haue liued in spight of other men and you.
Godly Magistrate.
LIkewall to Cittie in a Godly care,
Thou dost encompasse those the which thou guidest
Vpholding them in truth and virtue rare,
And from that forme and order neuer slidest,
Whip to disordred, riotous and rude,
Crowne, to the Godly, virtuous and good.
Within thy liberty thou dost forecast,
To benefit the place wherein thou dwellest:
And all with plenty still thou surely hast
Vicious and wicked members thou expellest.
Weeding out cleane the Couchy stinking weed,
That faine within the ground would shed her seed.
To the sicke-man most apt th' art to extend
Thy Phisicke, therewithall to raise him vp:
To lame thou art a Crouch, an eye to blind,
The feeble Creatures Comfortable cup.
The orphans poore thou houerest with thy wings,
From the extortioners accursed stinges.
Now in this Iury we most surely meane,
That thou support and ayd vs with thy helpe.
As the fift ballaster wheron we leane,
For punishment of want on foolish whelpe.
Vnruly Creatures are so sprung and growne,
That of necessity they must be mowen.
Loyall Subiect.
IN trew obedience and loyalty,
With tendrest care of Princes will performing:
To peoples good and Princes royallty,
Pretended mischeifes still thou art reforming.
Most ready th' art to shew and eke to doe,
Thy best endeauour to giue Caesars due.
With might and maine continuall vigilancie,
Still prest to armes and ready in pursewing
The trayterous hart full stuft with arrogancie,
To that corrupt harts downefall and vndoing.
Ready to boult and prudently to sift,
Their secret treason and their Crafty shift,
To patefie the Erronious sectes and schimes,
Which are so blazd and sowne in many places:
Heretecall vnfaithfull Atheismes,
And treasons toward Kings imperiall graces,
Vpholding state of land and Iustice seat,
Thou dost abandon each difloyall feate.
In this high court or session for reproofe,
Of domyneering ill disordred mate:
Thou art elected one in the behoofe,
Of heauenly throne and high celestiall state,
To giue thy Censure with vnfained heart,
Gainst malefactious knaue for his desart.
Charitable Benefactor.
THou which with pitty in thy heart art moued,
Towards the needy soule with care oppressed,
Thou blest of God, of earthly men beloued,
For helping of the Orphan so distressed.
Comforting widdowes, saluing sick-mans sore,
Aiding the simple, with fall of thy store.
Not as a greedy mizer which doth hoord,
All in his cofers till his day of dying.
And at the last like cormorant absurd,
Is forced to distribute bed-rid lying.
But art with willing heart in readinesse,
Apt to redresse the poore mans needinesse.
We want thy helping hand to ayde vs here,
Being in place appointed for redresse
Of impious wrongs against the country deare:
Heauen graunt vs fauour, fortune, and successe
To prime away the foggie mowldring mosse,
Ore-growing fruitfull tree with filthy drosse.
Spend now some time to honor of thy Lord,
The countries wealth, and subiects peacefull liuing.
In heauen thou shalt be paid, thy whole reward,
Thou shalt haue peoples praises and thanksgiuing.
With worldly wealth the Lord hath thee endued,
When by himselfe the wicked were pursued.
Carefull Parent.
TO heauens glory, and terrestriall ioy,
The heauenly father, father to vs all,
Created man, and Sathan to annoy,
Hath by his sonne releast him from his thrall.
Onely to worke saluation for that creature,
Which is of his proportion face and feature.
Thou vndersianding wherfore thou wert framed,
Hast sowne the godly seed of purpose culled,
To breaking of the wanton child vntamed,
When by perswasion he would not be ruled,
And hast in godly nurture traind him vp,
From tasting of the Romish damned cup.
Instructing him in a religious kinde,
In knowledge of the heauenly fathers will:
Prouoking him, and putting in his minde,
The holy Scriptures that he may fulfill,
The duty that he oweth to God aboue,
To liue with neighbours in vnfeined loue.
It is most fitting thou shouldst take a place,
To heare and to determine euery fault
Which is committed by the brazen face,
Of shamelesse rascall which is good for naught.
Their cheats and cousenages are abroad so plenty,
Of grace and goodnes world's euen almost emptie.
Obedient Childe.
IN honor, loue, and true obedience,
Towards thy Parents dutifull and kinde:
Thou hast endeuoured with dilligence,
To be submissiue and of lowly minde.
All to enlarge, encrease, and to prolong,
Thy happy dayes, (as heauenly Fathers tongue.
Hath openly vpon the Mount declared,
In the pronouncing of his holy lawes:)
The path to heauens kingdome is prepared,
For thee to walke, suppressing hellish clawes.
Which haue beene raking at the heauens anointed,
To walke the pathes forbidden and vnappointed.
Meeke in behauiour, courteous in speech,
Lowly and reuerent to all thy betters:
Orderly giuen, loth for to impeach
Thy nurture, being train'd in godly letters.
Heauens dew be-water that young tender plant,
A sweet encrease God grant it neuer want.
That as a second Daniell it foresee,
And prye into deceitfull false deuises:
Of false accusing Elders, and to be
A Iudge to punish such bad enterprises,
As are committed by a damned sect,
Of rogues and vagabounds the Hels elect.
Sure Friend.
NOt like Thirsites enuious and repining,
In maledictious order thou hast liued:
But prone and ready still to be adioyning,
In friendly amitie and neuer grieued.
To be a loyal and true hearted friend,
In case of charge assured to the end.
Damon by right and title thou art called,
For to the last to Pithias thou didst stand:
Before the tyrant proffering to be haled,
For him to death, and gau'st that tyrant band
For his forth-comming, which had he but slackt,
Thy selfe for him had beene most surely rackt.
Thou hast not with blanditious flatteries,
Soothd vp thy friend in hope of any gaine:
Giuing faire words, and turning them to mockeries
Tainting thy conscience then to worke him paine.
But rather then to make thy friend a pray,
Thy selfe thou hast endangered many away.
Caring for conscience how thou maist vphold,
It guiltlesse of reuealing secret things:
Most willing thou hast beene still to vnfold,
The mischiefe which to friend a mischiefe brings.
Then in this friendly knot come take a place,
To heauens glory, and to hells disgrace.
Peace-maker.
TRoubled in minde at each dissentious sound,
Or motion of thy neighbours disagreeing:
Thy chiefest care hath beene to find the ground,
Of all their discord, studying and foreseeing
The way to make an vniuersall peace,
To bring the factious hearts to quietnesse.
Who from the rootes of enuies hatefull branches,
Haue practised the most accurst deuises:
Each against other plotting of mischances,
To breed contentions and detested vices.
Causing not onely worldly expence and charges,
But secret malice, which soules paine inlarges.
Most worthy thou in the superior place,
Bearing the title of the Child of God
Shouldst haue beene set disposing of that grace,
Committed to thee for reproofe, of odde
Disordred creatures, foule and naughty doings,
Delighting falshood, theft, and blood imbrewings.
In heauens seruice to the Fathers peace,
For executing Iustice, and vpholding
Of truth: and for the punishment of vice,
In iustice seat we place thee at vnfolding
Of those disorderly accursed slights,
As haue beene vsed by vntamed wights.
Lowly minded.
NOt surlie Pompous, scornfull foolish proud,
Though not of base house, stocke or parents sprung,
But lowly minded, meeke, and of a good
And kinde behauiour, with a gentle tongue.
Ready to bowe to mighty Potentates,
And humble to the poore and meaner states.
A worthy brother not to be abiected,
From the societie and godly knot,
(In heauens behalfe) of Iewrie here elected,
And now impannelled, hardly to be got.
Seeke all the world for twelue such other more,
Youl' neuer find them in the earthly store.
Therefore to Court and councell let vs hie vs,
Their guilty persons shall be all brought in:
Like Iustice sword my whip shall here stand by vs,
To take sir Rogue and Rascall by the skinne,
Come knaues and wretched whores with all your traine
Ile lead you trench-more to another straine.
Downe with your Triggens, ho me thinks you leap
Already round and capring on the toe:
How fine youl' iumpe when you behold my whip,
Ile cleach you soundly all before you go.
Ile teach you th'capers and the antick iumpes,
Put off your gaskins, quick, put on your pumpes.
To all and singullar Backbyters, Slothful teachers, Graceles Truants, Cokring Parents, Cheating theeues and Cutpurses, Drunken Scoundrells, Highway haunters, Shifting Gaimsters, Whoremongers, Gluttenous Epicures, Tiraunts, and merceles Villaines, Coueteous Parsons, Proud Knaues, Extortioners, Idle Caterpillers, Profaine SWearers, Atheists, and Vnbeleeuers, Punkes, Baudes, Makebates and Tatling Gospips, Liers, and Applesquiers, Witches, Coniurers, and Enchaunters, Beggers, Idle Roges, and Counterfeit Madmen, Fooles, Flattring Maplefaces, Cruell Maisters and Dames, and Vn-Godly Seruants.
KICHARD WEST wisheth dew punishment soundly paid them for their desarts and at the end of the Whippers Court trew repentaunce of sinnes.
per Christum dominum nostrum. Amen.
CEase you sad Nimphes your Delia to bemoane,
For she a ioyfull life since death hath gained:
And you pale Dimenes daughters cease to groane,
For Phaeton was for his folly pained.
The one by nature, but the other died,
Cast Downe by Ioue, from Heauen for his great pride
It greeues me sore to see your sad laments,
In the bewayling of so great your friends:
Looke but about who's this that parchment rents,
[Page] Sure he brings newes that to lamenting tendes.
Tis not for one alone to lend his eare,
For all are naught and so twill proue I feare.
Sure tis fome Lawyer or some worthy man,
So by his habite he doth seeme to bee:
By his blacke gowne, his pen and inke in hand,
Paper and Dust boxe, frowning face and eye,
He hath a scrowle all full of written names,
He calls in order Maisters Men and Dames.
What should it meane why tis no brewers clarke,
Clarke of no kitchen nor of any Church:
Steward of hell no no no who then? harke,
Ile stand a loofe and keepe out of his lurch.
He hath a great long launching whip behind him.
I cannot stealt I know not how to blind him.
Take heed my maisters you with whom he reckons,
It seemes heele pay you all your wages soundly:
Ha, let me se whose that to whom be beckens,
Hees very briefe, he beginnes to call him roundly,
What fellowes that, that to him doth trudge,
There sits a Iury by him, hees a Iudge.
Backbiter.
YOu Mai. Silke-strings, baudy embleme maker,
Rimer and Ridler Come into the court:
Maker of songs by euery channell raker,
You are indited here what all a-mort,
Hold vp your hand heare your inditment read,
Twill cost, y' a whipping ells Ile loose my head.
And wherefore ist? because you spend your time,
All the whole day among your baudy queanes:
In ribauld talke and loathsome silthy rymes,
Stperfluously it floweth out in streames.
Backbiting all men in a hidden sort,
Come, come, vntrusse, O here is gallaunt sport
And more then that for still you doe inuent,
Sedicious like gainst all men to exclame:
In baudie ballads being wholly bent,
In sort vndecent men vnknowne to blame.
Thinking to excuse your selfe by giuing quipps,
Gainst those that neuer deserued your railing nips,
What should I stand to tell you all your tricks?
I should backbite men then as well as you,
Nor yet your rabbles altogether mixe,
It were an endles worke I tell you trew.
A Iayle deliuyry further I must make,
Of other knaues with you that share a stake.
Slothfull teacher.
YOu that in gowne befurrd with rod in hand,
Like Dominator ouer silly boyes:
Beare such abreadth among that silly band,
And make them with their babling keepe an noise,
Onely to blind those that passe by the schole,
You ere endited here: Come in you foole.
Why you forsooth ant please you haue a slight,
To make a Monitor among those apes:
Yar' there i'the morne and come no more till night
Next day you whip them all, theres none that scaps
Whose fault ist that they loyter sport and play,
Who should be there he thats not there all day?
Thus by your negligence not onely you,
Spend time in vaine (the more shame for you sir)
(Not like a Carefull man as others doe,)
But make poore silly Children to incurre,
There parents anger, and to ere in wit,
And practice ill, gainst whome soeuer it hit.
Come, Come, vntrusse, indeed y'ar in great fault,
I cannot spare you'faith I pray dispatch:
Are you a master now you shall be taught,
How thinke you now sir haue you met your match,
Heeres no commanding rod your chaire or stoole,
y'had sped far better if y'had staid at schoole.
Gracelesse Trewant.
YOu that can take your breake-fast in your hand,
Your Pen and Inke, your Satchell at your back:
And blind your parents, you that must be mand,
To the schoole-doore like an vngodly crack.
For feare of running out mongst cut-pursse boyes,
To play at Trap, at nine-holes and such toyes.
Neglecting that which for your sake your friends,
To their great cost would willingly bestow:
All for your good, yet you to make amends,
Practise your owne pernitious ouer-throw.
Cashe ring all the dutie that is due
By Gods lawes to your parents all from you.
What is the meanes (but want of sound correcting)
That in you fall beginning with a little:
Pilfring and stealing, all good course obiecting,
Til maister graūd-theefe makes you venture mickle
Then from Bride-well, New gate, or other Iayle,
Either y'are hangd or whipt at a Carts taile.
By which good sillie Fathers heauie heart,
With carefull mothers sorrow toot' annexed:
Makes them repent each of them for their part,
Thy comming to the world th'are so perplexed.
Vntrusse thou villaine, neuer be in hope,
Ile whip thee from the hang-man and the rope.
Cockring Parents.
YOu wanton parents (that your properest terme)
The roots of wantonnes in euery child:
Supporting Childrens pleasures so infirme,
By cocking of your lobkin louts so wild,
Still yeelding to them at each fond request,
The fames the way that makes a iayle their neast.
Here is the court there is a suit Comenced,
Against you ioyntly by a declaration:
Being found guilty you shalbe recompenced,
As is your child before the selfe same fashion.
More guilty you are found then witles child,
For flattering him in glauering wise so mild.
When child to pilfering any way is bent,
Purloyning, lying, slaundring or debate:
Carying of factious tales found euident,
Or gilty of assisting theeuish mate,
Wheres his receiuer sooner then your selues,
Who lends more listning eares to make bate-elues,
Because tis fit to keepe your children downe,
Which paraduenture youl' forget to doe:
Vntrusse sir knaue, and Ile put of your gowne,
Breech, Smocke and Petticote I tell you trew.
Ile lace your querkes full soundly that procures.
Dericke to hang himselfe and none of youres.
Cheating theeues & Cutpurses.
VNgodly seignior, you that walke in shape,
Of a good gentleman with glorious tongue:
Though for a prey you altogether gape,
Trauersing the Citty all the streets along.
Besiedging euery crowd in euery place,
And will vndoe a man before his face.
Hauing your instrumentall tooles and kniues,
To shew your cunning ouer labouring people:
Vndoing them, their children and their wiues,
You shew no pitty on the poorest cripple,
Come how it will, so you lay hold vpon't,
You care not if mens liues should lie vpon't.
In fields and high-wayes, with purloined things,
As Buttens, Cambrick, Rapiers, and such like:
Old Hats, or Cloakes, or counterfeited rings,
And such like merchandise you dayly seeke.
To ouer-reach poore simple minded wretches,
In cheating wife by such your Tiburne fetches.
Now forasmuch as you play least in sight,
That Maister Derrick cannot seize vpon you,
I haue a deputation to indite,
All your whole sect my blessing will come on you.
And with my whip Ile lead you such a course,
Shall saue you riding on the three legd horse.
Drunken Scoundrell.
THou that to Tipling and to quaffing still,
Appliest thy mind, and hatest a vertuous race:
Carowsing euery houre with euery lill,
Gun-powder bellied with a bag-pipe face.
Till that with drinke thou art so ouer-blowne,
That all thy shamelesse life is seene and showne.
Reeling, and staggering, and blaspheming God,
With bitter oathes, and loathsome bawdie songs:
Thinkst thou or not, hast thou deseru'd the rod,
By thy transgressing in these odious wrongs,
The holy Psalmes on euery drunken seat,
Thou hāmerest out when thou canst scarsly speake.
And with a thousand cursings thou disdainest,
Those blessed creatures which the Lord hath sent,
Thou makest no spare, for why? as king thou raignest,
The head of sinners: ready for to rent
God in two peeces. Ah thou odious wretch,
I want a corde for thee to make thee stretch.
But since I haue no cord, I haue a whip,
Looke here you knaue, here's whip-cord strūg wth wyer,
Downe with your gaskins, now Ile make you skip
Out of your drunken skinne, and for your hyer,
Daunce A charanto, though you like not that,
Tis better sport, then whipping of the Cat.
VVay-walker.
GEntlemen your charities for the loue of God,
Wee are poore Souldiers newly come from France:
In hard aduentures for you we haue trod,
In sturdie seruice, though it be our chance
In our owne countreys now to craue releefe,
We haue been Captaines, our exploits the cheefe.
When came you ouer? Friday seuen-night last,
God is our iudge, and to our great expences:
We had of forreine coine, well, that is past,
Ye'a spent it all among your pretty wenches,
No God renounce vs, by a storme at Sea,
We were compeld to throw much goods away.
I you say well, but as I chaunst to ride
To Higate ward, some sixteene weekes ago:
Where you were standing by the high-way side,
With euery one his trull, what ist not so?
'Twas but to craue an almes, it was no worse:
You spake me faire, but tooke away my purse.
You shamelesse rascals, thus you do abuse,
The worthy name of souldiors by your roging:
You neuer were in seruice, you refuse
To leaue this shameles course & kind of progging.
Come Countus mountus, downe with all your hose,
Your bums shall feele my whip, your sconce the blowes:
Gamester.
WHat Mozus Auus, with a paire of Dice?
Ready to ope a paire of holy Tables:
Fine nimble fingerd knaue, that in a trice,
Will cog a Die, and twenty other Fables,
Within this houre he scarcely had a penny,
Now for a hundred pound heele play with any.
Your tricks are sirra, first to fetch men in,
Vnder a simple coulour that you vse:
As ignorantly playing, first they winne,
You ouer-see your game, or so to loose.
At last poore Butter-making Iohn begins,
Insteed of money to go count his pinnes.
And further sirra, you except no time,
For Carding, bowling, or any other play:
Sundayes or holy, when the Bels do chime,
Insteed of Church you driely march away.
Into a Cookes shop, Alehouse, tis your guise,
To meditate on pots and Mutton pies.
And in that seruice you remember God,
But how? by swearing by his heauenly name:
To dearest friend you haue, youl' winke and nod,
But cut his throat for two pence if you can.
Vntrusse your trunkes, your taile and I must play,
A game at tick tack ere you passe away.
VVhoremonger.
NOw Caualiero you haue bene at Paules,
At forenoones sermō? whether walke you now
To Lincolnes Inne, the Temple, or the Rowles,
And so to Moore gate to the Golden plowgh?
In the after no one youle walke a turne or two,
About Moore-field the grounds all leueld new.
The winds too high, the dust flies in your eyes,
Tis paultrie walking there till th'elmes be growne:
A better place then that you can deuise,
Towards the Curtaine then you must be gon,
The garden alleyes paled on either side,
Ift be too narrow, walking there you slide.
Into a house among a bawdy crew,
Of damned whores; I theres your whole delight:
Let purse and time goe which way twill for you,
Busse me sweet roge till moneys all gone quite.
Then curse and sweare how shall we doe for more,
At baudy house they goe not on the score.
Then to high waye or other pillfring course,
You doe be-take your selfe to be maintaind:
Picking of locks or ells to stealing horse,
After y'ar taken [...]hen you must be hangd,
Vntrusse you rascall, quick, dispatch and strip you,
For these your baudy tricks Ile soundly whip you.
Epicure.
BEane-bellied Churle thou filthy clenchpoop clowne
Shaped like a butterfirkin ô greacy face,
Thy fame for eating ringeth through the towne,
To thy discredyt and most foule disgrace,
If all day long thou dost not eate and glut,
Thy belly thinketh that thy throat is cut.
Twenty poore men with that thou deuourest,
Would thoroughly be euery day content:
To see another eat or drinke thou lowrest,
As all the victualls in the world were spent.
When thou hast filld thy neuer-contented crop,
Downe like a dog thou fallst to catch a nap.
Being awake thou vtterst out the old,
And on a fresh begin to feed againe:
In Plutos regester thou art enrold,
As a cheife spoile-good, and a earthly bane.
To be the meane so manie people famish,
Thou stinkst before the face of God most rammish,
Vntrusse thou barrell; ô my sweet child chopper,
Welcome to schoole to me seest thou my whip:
When thou hast tasted some of my schoole butter,
Thy limmes will be so liethy thou wilt leap.
Hay, how he daunces, Pen and inke and paper,
To cronicle vp how nimbly he can caper.
Merciles Tyrants and Villaines.
FLint-harted our most deuelish and despitefull,
Making a sport of enuious crewell deeds:
Tending to blood to whome it is delightfull,
To heare of any murther that exceeds.
Be it on aged man or tender child,
Thou thinkst it cannot be to straunge or vild.
Thy cheifest care is still for new deuises,
How to torment poore silly minded creatures:
Crauing thy mercy for such enterprises,
As be offensiue by their silly meatures.
Talke not to thee of mercy nor forgiuing,
For thou wilt pardon neuer a creature liuing.
Now Maister Suck-blood I haue found a tricke,
How to requite your kindnesse to the poore:
Three yards of wire and whip-cord in a whip,
I haue erected here and all to scoure.
Your carcase from the shoulders to the heeles,
Ile whip your skinne till all your carcase dreeles.
Vntrusse your Pipdianos neuer quake,
I sweare Ile neuer remit your bloody deeds
Dispatch Ile make your pagatron to shake,
And giue you ierry lickum till it bleeds.
If this my penannce haue no power on you,
Next time the Diuell he will sease vpon you.
Coueteous Person.
YOu that are troubled with a golden care,
I meane your care of hoording wordly wealth,
Not caring by what meanes or way to reare,
Your substance be it well got or by stealth,
But so you haue it hoorded in your bagges,
You care not if your father goe in rags.
What doe you passe in flattrie by alurements,
To induce poore seruants by a cunning meanes:
To rob their frinds or maisters, your procurements
Are the supporters of oll theeues and queanes.
Rascalls and runagates you with lickorish things,
Are all the way that youth to folly brings.
When pilfring Tom hath bene abroad at worke,
Cheating or picking poketts if he scape:
Your are his land-lord at your house heele lurke,
Let cunstable and officers goe scrape.
Y'are of such welth by such most dam'd defects,
That neuer a man or neighbor you suspect.
Who Maister Monymonger a good old man?
And why his mony couers all his crimes:
He walkes demurely with his cap in hand,
More knaue then all the rest a thousand times,
But with my whip for all your mony baggs,
I meane to ierre-lick your old knaues ragges.
Proud Knaue.
OAt-meale mouthd gentlemā, get vp your surly Asse
Iohn Suck-egges picture proud, & yet a noddy:
Y'ar stout in heart, behold but in a glasse,
Your Coxcombks picture, and phantastick body▪
Y'ar so befashion'd I know not where to find you,
Ere long I trow youl' weare your nose behind you.
All that thou hast in money and in lands,
Tom Taylor seizeth on to please a goose:
Poules alley Meg, then she comes in for bands
And cuffes new fashion'd, turne but Margaret loose,
For French and Dutch, for Spanish and Polony,
Sheel' set you forth in coxcombes shape for money
Then for a Fether to Black-Friers gate,
A sword and dagger, bootes & ringling spurres,
Within a weeke the fashion alters, straight
Off goes that gallant suite among the curres,
Why what carest thou, thy father hath good lands
The rent but yestet-night came to thy hands.
Yet th'art borne but meanly in degree,
Silly poore Webb, thy fathers goes to plow,
All he can get he's faine to lay on thee;
Another gallant suite a making now:
Worke maister Taylor, pray you worke a pace,
And with my whip the whilst Ile set on lace.
Extortioner.
THou miserable caitiffe, which with vsurie,
Extortionably without conscience dost encroch
The poore mans liuing, driuen by necessitie
To borrow money: let him not approach
Without a band, a gage, a pawne, or some amends,
Exceeding ten times that this varlet lends.
If hee foreslack, or breake but one poore houre,
Neglecting of the paiment of that summe
Little or much, then he is in thy power,
Thou suest his bond, poore wretch he is vndone.
His gage or pawne, thou tak'st by bill of sale,
'Tis fully thine, if nere so little he faile.
Ten in the hundred, not twise ten to that,
Cannot content thee for thy moneys lone:
If lesse he proffer then thou telst him flat,
Thou canst not lend: the money's not thine owne:
Either thou'lt gall his heart and make it bleed,
Or disapoint him in his greatest need.
Impious and cancred Cur, if I should spare,
And suffer thee to liue in such a kind:
The diuell of hell himselfe would come and teare
Thee all to peeces: no ile whip thee blind.
For thy extortion which poore man doth nip,
Ile pay the hire, and vse for't with my whip.
Idle Caterpiller.
AH good-man snekesby, tender fingerd roge,
Idle companion, you that will not worke:
But round about the fields and streetes go proge,
And all day in the bowling alley lurke,
Spinning of streat-webs, hunting after playes,
Dice, Cardes, and whores, and all accursed wayes.
Not being able for thy life to set,
Thy hand to any exercise or paines:
Towards thy liuing any thing to get,
To goodnesse neuer thou appliest thy braines.
Either in Powles all day, thout' sit and sleepe,
Else to some bawdie miching Ale house creepe.
How canst thou shift to passe away the day,
Either thou must haue money or a dew:
Pilfring and stealing needs must be the way,
Thou art ring-leader of the filthy crew.
Thou fearst not Marshall, Newgate, nor Bridewell,
Their punishment, thou canst already tell.
But good-man Rascall you did neuer see,
So fine a clacking whip as I haue made,
To teach your idle skinne actiuitie,
Come hoist arise, come vp you lasie Iade.
Come hayt a-ree, ile ierke your idle sides,
The slouthfull griefe vpon your shoulders rides.
Prophane Swearers.
NAay here come they that I haue long expected
Shakebag of Kent, and Ruffianly Dick Coomes:
Swearing Black-Will, the diuels cheefe elected,
The seeds and flowers that Pluto sheds & bloomes.
Hels cheefe supporters and her royall states,
The very hookes and hinges of her gates.
The name of God, and all his blessed substance,
They spare not to blaspheme and take in vaine:
The seed of Caine, they are of his alliance,
Bloud-suckers, murtherers, and all for gaine.
In swearing, and in blood's their chiefest bost,
Another sect there are, Knights of the post.
Which without conscience will sweare and stare,
Against a man they neuer saw before:
And petty swearers, such as will not spare,
To set themselues vpon the diuels score.
Cursing their bodies, facing downe the things,
Which truth apparantly to light oft brings.
You Scoundrels, sweare, and do the best you can,
Swagger, and quarrell, fight, and chafe your sills:
At all your sundry weapons cursse and ba [...],
Ile beat you downe, with all your forrest bills.
I haue a whip will make your hides to smart,
'Twi [...]l breake no bones, but sting you to the heart.
Atheist, Anabaptist, and Vnbeleeuers.
THou vnbeleeuing villaine which doest thinke▪
That heauen & earth & all was made by nature,
Not framd of God: That euen at hel mouthes brink
Thou infidel and most for-saken creature,
Recant thy Errour for there is a God,
One that can make thee feele his heauy rod.
But thoult not sticke most openly to say,
There is no God, the scriptures are but fables:
Made and deuis'd onely to gaine-say,
And to preuent and disapoint the trobles.
Which one man gainst the other still doth plot,
For wealth and substance sake wert not for that.
Thou liuest in pompe and pride, thou hast not felt,
The hand of God, he hath not tought thy state:
Nor laid his finger to decrease thy wealth,
He neuer sought thy substance to abate,
But still hath suffred thee to abuse his name,
Looking at length thou shouldst thy selfe reclaime.
Yet thou in wickednes dost wander still,
And wouldest continew in thy blasphemie:
Ile see thee hangd ere thou shallt haue thy will,
To Gods dishonor Sathans cheifest enemie.
For Ile so whip you that you shall beleeue,
The Diuells hornes doe hold you by the sleeue.
Punks, and Shameles VVhores.
TAllow faced whores, diseased with the Poxe,
Through most inordinat and filthy lust:
Trickt vp and trimmed in your harlots locks,
All to conceale your filthy Cancred rust.
And to bring youth by your alluring words,
To all the mischeife that the world affords.
To rob and steale to pillfer and purloyne,
Their maisters goods, and all that they can get:
To tricke and trime and make your bodies fine,
How they come by it you doe not respect.
When they haue got what they can rap and run,
Youle be the first shall hand them if you can.
Your dainty mouthes long after sweetest fare,
You must haue wine the best that can be gotten:
Faith Mistres Susan, a caudle is very rare,
I but alas long time it cannot cotten.
Though for a while you rub it out in pride,
Yet at the length your whordome will be spied.
Where are you then, faith cleane out of request,
Detested loathed, vtterly forsaken,
Noted and flouted like a shameles beast,
With my whip therfore you must now be beaten,
Of with your Maske and all your whores attire,
Ile lace your skirts with whipcord strung with wier
Bawdes.
NOw Mother Beeton where dwell you? you Iade
For sooth i'the lane that leads to spittlefeild:
What occupation are you whats your trade?
My house a pretty wench forsooth will yeeld.
A pot of good ale good wine or a fire,
You shall haue any thing you can desire.
Your trades to luske (you Iade) about the Innes,
To see what country wenches come to towne.
To seeke for seruice then this witch begins,
To speake them faire: I pray sweet hart sit downe,
Y'are weary I woosse what doe yee want a seruice,
Ile helpe you to a very gallaint mistres.
Sheele giue great wages if so be she like you,
Pray goe with me Ile bring you to her speach:
What can you wash or starch well (I beseeke you)
She bids her drinke then with a Crafty fetch,
The gallant mistris wich she doth prouide,
Tis Meg was carted at Alhallantide.
Where she continewes not a moneth or more,
But she is mad as bold as any other:
A shame-lesse strumpet and an arraunt whore,
One that will cut the throat of her owne brother,
Old Iade Ile whip thee soundly th'art th'vndoing,
Of many maides and Comely proper women.
Make bates & tatling Gossips.
YOu that at Conduicts, and such other places,
The ale-house, bake-house, or the washing block
Meet daily, talking with your brazen faces,
Of peoples matters which concerne you not.
You sowe such discord twixt the man and wife,
You set a thousand at debate and strife.
With truly Gossip, such a one doth this,
And Williams wife went forth with Iohn the Cooper:
Simon calld Susan whore: why truly Sisse:
Frauncis and Marie's gone abroad to supper.
Were it my case, as it is mother Iones,
Ide teare the flesh from off the villaines bones.
What's this concerning you or your affaires,
Your minde should onely be about your worke:
To earne your liuing should be all your care,
And not by th'ale-house fire still to lurke.
Gaging your husbands goods for Ale and Beere,
Youl' sell your smocks & kerchers for good cheere.
Get home you Mawkes from off your gossips seat,
Take heed of medling any more of others:
Ile make your back, your sides and shoulders sweat,
And ierke you till you shed your Gossips fethers.
Turne vp your tippet, Ile teach you to prate,
Your shoulders and my whip are falne at bate.
Lyers.
HEre comes a proper child, a well fac't youth,
With very neat apparrell, comely making:
Where haue you bene my child? forsooth in truth
I was but where my mothers maide's a baking,
O lying villaine, all this liue-long day,
He hath beene with the cut-purse boyes at play.
What this is one of these that cannot speake
Three words, but two of them shall be a lie:
Is grace gone from you? is your faith so weake,
To stand in falshood? what's the cause or why?
Or who should moue thee thus to speake the word,
Which can no truth nor certaintie affoord.
Thy credit's crackt, there's no man that will trust thee
If thou shouldst tell a thousand certaine tales:
All honest men abandon and detest thee,
Each true man cryes out, and vpon thee railes.
They doe eschew, abandon and detest
A lier, worse then any sauage beast.
Nimble tongu'd Nicholas (as the Prouerbe saith)
He that will lie will steale: but as for you,
I haue a whip will remedie in faith,
The tripping of your tongues not speaking true.
Vntrusse you Rascall, nay a knaue so young,
Must learne to rule his false and lying tongue.
Panders & Apple-squires.
GEntelemen Seruiters, and the chiefe reteiners,
To old Meg Curtis, and her bawdie tennants,
Mall Cleuelyes pages, though but little gainers,
For in a conscience you become their seruants▪
Onely to haue your bawdrie of free-cost,
Y'ar good-man of the house, y'ar cald mine host.
You colour whordome in an antique shew,
Youl' walke before a whore in a blew coate,
Or liuery cloake, your sword and dagger to,
Your bootes all durty in a spotted Hatte,
She like a country-Gentlewoman wanders,
After your heeles to bawdie rascals chambers.
And thus you liue vpon a whores reuersion,
Vpholding them in all their whorish doings:
'Tis good you should, why'tis your occupation,
To entertaine their clients in their woings.
When you haue made them drunke, youl' rob them quite
Of all they haue, and turne them out at night.
O y'ar a notable and a cheting rogue,
Who'ld thinke your maple-face should haue it in you,
To rob a man and after like a Dog,
To lay him downe well neere a furlong from you,
Come you base slaue, and hold your tippet vp,
For you shall drinke though but of a drie cup.
Witches, Sorcerers, Coniurers, and Enchanters:
YOu Canckred old whore, you whose nose and chinne
Touch one another y'ar so old and crooked
when you shold mind your soules health, you begin
To wax vnluckie, who ist that prouoked,
Your beldams skinne to witchcraft and such euell,
But euen your father Lucifer the diuell:
You Nigro muzell in the diuells liknes,
Clothed in blacke with white rod in your hand:
You that can coniure all the clowdes to thicknes,
Blustring and rayning, troubling all the land.
Which are invested so with hellish skill,
You blow downe trees and houses when you will,
Troubling and perplexing euery creature,
With fiery lightnings thunderclapps and showers,
The heauen yet keepes them from your fiery meature,
And vtterly euerts your hellish powers,
When al your witchcrafts past and earth be shaken
Dericke will trusse you vp when your are taken.
But ere you goe for all your last offences,
Vnluckines and troubling of the land:
Behold my whip; heres one that recompences,
All the whole rogry you haue tooke in hand.
For al your witchcrafts showers of raine & thunder
I thinke my whip will make your sholders wonder.
Beggers, Idle Roges, and Counterfet madmen.
YOu sturdy roges and harlots that doe lie,
Begging and crauing still at euery dore:
Some vpon stiltes and crouches, some there be,
That neuer shew your selues but alwaies poore,
Vnder the collour of those tattred raggs,
You hord great summes of mony in your baggs.
Another sort there is among you: They,
Doe rage with furie as if they were so frantique,
They knew not what they did but euery day,
Make sport with stick and flowers, like an antique.
Stowt roge and harlot counterfeted gomme,
One calls her selfe poore Besse the other Tom.
Yar able all to serue and doe good worke,
Were not the rootes of rogry so enrooted:
Within your lazie bodies: that you lurke,
In fields or hedges dawbed and bebooted.
Vp to the very eyes in durt and mire,
Bridewell hath often paid you for your hire.
But thats a thing of nothing for y'haue fellt,
All the whole punishment Bridewell can yeeld:
I tell you iolly yongsters I haue smelt,
A whip out for you which you cannot shild,
Nor yet defend your selues by all your shiftes,
From tasting of his franke and liberall gifts.
Fooles and Flattering Maple-faces
YOu whome the Lord with wit hath so endued,
With knowledge and perfection of skill:
Yet for the want of grace it is eschewed,
Folly embraced, hauing wit at will,
Amongst the wise th'art holden as a scoffe,
To make thy selfe a foole and others laugh.
Th'art faine like Gnato, as a fawning Curre,
To flatter and to sooth men for thy liuing:
Vp holding them in each Contrarie word,
Be it trew or false thy sentence thou art giuing.
A flatring and deceitfull tongue, and lying,
Dispise their owne good, others th'are envying.
Thou like a foole with coxcome, motley coat,
Ladle and pudding and a thousand toyes:
Goest like a cokes an noddy and a sot,
Derided by a hundred little boyes.
O tis a proper sight to see your person,
In all your foolish robes and flattring fashion,
Come let me see how finely you can flatter,
To saue your Pakes and shoulder from the whip:
Your sides wil quake, your butocks they wil clatter
When you shall feele the smart, I know youl skip
Out of coxecomes coat, and leaue your ladell,
The whipp for such a fooles afitter bable.
Crewell Masters and dames.
YOu crewell masters that be put in trust,
For bringing vp of youth in Godly feare:
To learne their trades, in godly kind Iust,
The keeping of their portions all your care.
Whether they haue their trades or haue them not,
Why what care you, when mony you haue got.
You doe deteyne that is sufficient from them,
In meat and drinke and other needfull things:
If they purloyne or steale who can condemne them
Tis your owne selus, that youth to folly brings.
Yet not withstanding if they doe offend,
Be sure to bownce them; neuer seeke to mend.
Or find redresse in Iustice that they leaue,
Their naughty kind of negligence vncarefullnes,
But mistris minkes your wife for sooth must haue,
Her pennyworth from their pates, in hatefullnes,
Ready to beat out silly chilldrens braines,
(If they offend but little) for their paines.
Because misusing seruants is so good,
And want of needfall things that they should haue:
You dogged queane put of your crewell hood,
Your coat & smock, down with your hose sir knaue
You shall receaue the thing the which you need,
My whip shall make your sides and shoulders bleed.
Vnconscionable and vngodly Seruants.
ANd you in whō bad conscience hath such root,
That you respect not, so you haue your fills
Of necessary things: it makes no boote
What worke you doe: you Iacks and sawcie Iills.
In maisters absence passe the time away,
In loytring or in sleeping all the day.
Your eye-lids must be open'd, you be taught
To leaue your filching, and such other vice,
Looke heere's my whip, it serueth not for naught,
Make ready quick, Ile cleach you in a trice,
A sounder set of slaues cannot be found,
Twere good to whip about, another round.
But as you like the cheere which you haue had,
Fall to your knaueries againe once more:
This gentle warning is not halfe so bad,
As next will be, if you be on my score.
If you offend, the next time I will haue,
A Tree and halter for a sawcie knaue.
But my desire is that we may bee friends,
And all the world leaue their disorder quite,
If you do so, ile make you all amends,
Ile breake my corde, and fling away my whip.
Into my Iewrie you shall all be taken,
When you haue all your knaueries off shaken.
FINIS.