The Runn-awayes Answere.
THere hath of late come foorth a Three-sheete-printed-Pamphlet (as if the Rodde had but three Twigges only) written (as the Title seemes to promise) by some Schoole-maister, for he calles it, A ROD FOR RVNNE-AWAIES. But We, vpon whom those poore and wretched Names are pinned, no way enduring so to be lash'd ouer the face in scorne, snatch the Rodde out of his hand; and to make him smart a little, thus print wee our Answere to those bold affronts, by which he does challenge vs, vtterly disdayning to be called Runne-awaies: and vtterly disclayming those offences, for which that London Whipper is so ready to punish vs.
First then for the Name.
HEE is a Runne-away, who rather then he will learne a Trade (with some paynes) vnder a carefull Maister,Who are Run-awaies. turnes Roague, runnes into the Countrey a Padding ▪ keepes company with Gipseys, and strowling Pedlers,A Run-away from his Maister. fatting himselfe with the lazy bread of Sommer, tumbling (during that Season) in a Hay-cock with his Dell; and in Winter, lying snug in a Brick-k [...]ll with his Doxy: If you wonder how we came by this Language? you must thinke, that in our Trauailes we could not choose but meete with Canters.
Agen: He is a Runne-away, that being prest for a Soldier,A Run-away from his Captaine. runnes away from his Captaine ere he be sent a Ship-bord, or from his Cullors, before he comes to the Fight.
He is a Runne-away, who hauing got loose from a Sergeant,A Run-away from a Sergeant. takes his heeles, and runnes away from him.
[Page] Roaring Run-awayes.They are Runne-awaies, who in a Tauerne Roaring in for more Wine then they are able to pay, giue a slippe out at the back doore, and so pawne a Drawer to the Barre for the Reckoning.
Good night Land-Lord Run-awayes.Lastly, they are Runne-awaies, who lay the Key vnder the doore, and cry, Good night Land-lord.
None of these base Ginges are wee: wee scorne to sayle in such stinking Dung-boates. So much therefore for the Name of Runne-awaies.
Now for the Matter.
THe very Beginning of the Booke is able to make any Coward Runne away, for ther's a Sett-Battaile, a Field appoynted, the Ʋan comming vp, and London leading it: then Shires and Counties prest to martch in the Reare; the Generall busy, Trompets sounding the Alarum, our Enemies about vs, and the Weapons brandished ouer our heads, which threaten to cutte our throates.
Hee would make vs beleeue he has been a Soldado by his termes of Warre:He has seene Finsbury fields Mustering. In the Field dialect wee tell him, that true it is, when the Armada of Gods anger was preparing against vs, when the Pestilence beate at our Citty Gates, and the Arrowes of Infection flew into our Howses, when in the heate of the day the Mayne-battayle gaue ground, and that many (or most) of our Commanders left the Field; what should wee doe but flye?Flight not for feare, but safety, nor for safty, but on pollicy. It was not out of base feare, but safety: It was not out of a desire to safety only, but feare, least so many dropping downe euery hower before our faces, there would be found not Officers nor Ministers enow to fetch off the wounded, or bury the Dead: Had we not reason to flye?
A rough March turnd to a weeping Aprill.Before this tempestious weather beate vs, O! what glorious Sun-beames of Exultations, Reioycings, Hopes, and Comforts were rising to shine vpon vs? We swallowed vp nothing but the East and West-Indies in our Imaginations; the Golden-Age was comming in agen:All these Castles were built in the Ayre. Our English Almanacks seem'd to speake of none but Holy-daies: Great-Brittaine stood on the toppe of her white Cliffes triumphing; London on tiptoe, ouerlooking [Page] all other Cities in the swelling pride of her approaching Fortunes: For no sooner was the old King dead, but our gloomy Noone was changed into the cleerest Euening that euer our liuing Eyes beheld.
A golden Sunne (within a few howers) lifted vp his head to reuiue vs; a new King was proclaymed, a Iames was lost, but a Charles was found: A Queene was to come from France, and that Queene arriued in England: A Parliament was at hand, the Terme not farre off, Triumphes approaching, Pageants setting forward to meet our King and Queene going to their Coronation. No People could be fuller of ioy, no City prowder of happinesse: When loe! a volley of Thunder shootes,Earth leuels out the groūd, but Heauen deuides the Acres. and batters down all these sumptuous Buildings: And was it not time to flye? Heauen saw vs boasting in our owne strengths, and growing angry at it, hath turnd it into weakenesse: Mirth hath shaken handes with Mourning, Riches with Misery, Brauery with a Winding sheete, Prosperity with the Pestilence, Health with Sicknesse, and Life with Death: And what is He would encounter with These?
Hereupon, the City fledde the City, and shun'd that Enemy which fallowed her, and hath since mette her in euery corner:Folly to runne from that we can not shun. London was great with Childe, and (with a fright) falling in Labor (her owne time being misreckoned) was deliuered of none but Still-borne Children.
Neuer was such a sudden Ioy changed into so sudden a Lamentation: Those Belles which were ready to cleane the Ayre with echoes at King Charles his Coronation, did nothing presently but ring out Knelles for his Subiects; by which meanes,Church-Musick, best and worst. as there is no Musicke so sweet as that of the Churches, none for daies and nightes together hath bin so iarring, so that in 13 weekes more then 33000. haue falne dead to the ground at their dolefull tunes: And who would (if he could choose) make one in such dangerous Peales? Had wee not iust cause therefore giuen vs to flye?
Be not you then (good Maister Runne-away-Beater) so sharpe, spare your Rodde a little, and whippe vs not for going to see our They were gon abroad ere we came. Freinds in the Countrey, we doe not thinke but You yourselfe (could you haue gotte a Horse) would haue bin [Page] one of the Tribe of Gad, with one of your Comerades; for ther's no Dancing now to your Theatrian Poeticall Piping: Neither your Frierians, If there were, you would giue ouer your Trade of Pamphletts. nor Cock pitterians, can for loue or money helpe you to a Plaudity, we wish for their owne sakes (and yours) they could: But many of them (that could get Winges) haue kept company with vs in our flight; neyther are Wee or They to be condemned; Flesh and Bloud naturally abhorres dissolution: All desire to begett Children, but none loue to see them buried: so mortally doe we hate the name of Death, that though we lye in our last Sheete, saue one (which must winde vs,) we hardly endure the Name of Dying. The very Scriuener who makes our Willes, as he is cunning in other thinges, so is he crafty in that Conueyance, and knowing what Word will fright vs, he goes about the Bush, and Writes thus: When it shall please God to call Ʋs out of this transitory Life: To flatter sick Mens Bodies may Foole away their Soules. We must heere the string twang out Life still, albeit Deaths cold fingers pull vs by the Noses.
Agen, (to adde one handfull more of Corne to this Sheafe of Defence, made vp by the Run-awayes,) Know, that many of vs that haue shut vp Shoppes & are gon, are yonger-Brothers; and are assur'de, that euen owne Fathers, (Knightes by Degrees, and great Men in Possessions,) haue for sixe or seuen yeares together, suffred (nay at this very hower doe suffer) their owne Sonnes, (yea their only and Eldest Sonnes) miserably to languish in Coumpters, and other Prisons, vpon two shillings a weeke maintenance: This is good pollicy to tame an Vnthrift, but little charity to murder a Mans owne Childe: It's a safe Locke to tye to a Runne-awayes Legge, but thers too much Iron in't: At this Ward wee haue no great stomacks to lye;Young Cockes loue no coopes. wee find our Fathers hard enough here, and are loath to tempt their affections, whether they will come to London, and cry to a Iaylor, Fellow turne the Key, let me see in what nasty Chamber lyes my Sonne. Wee are better as we are, and therfore fling away your Rodde, and doe not whippe vs for flying.
The more that run away whē a Field is lost, the fewer fall.Besides, had we all tarried at home that are fledde, in what miserable cases (according to humane reason, not diuing into the deepe and insearchable Iudgements of God) had we all bin? If the Country loues vs not now that are amongst them in [Page] perfect health, how would they haue hated the City in her populous Thronges, when (perhaps) foure times the number now departed, had then bin smitten downe by the Contagion? What Markets would you haue had then? Where had Meate bin found to fill so many millions of mouthes? The casting out sometimes of Merchandize into the Sea in a Storme saues the rich Venture, and Our being driuen from the Fleete in so hideous a tempest, hath (we hope) giuen the rest of the Wether-beaten Nauy more sea-roome, and so aduantage to meete lesse danger.
Was it not hie time to take our heeles and be gon, when the Doctors themselues playd the Runne-awayes? Doctors for the Soule, and Doctors for the Body, they both fledde:Whē the Leaders Flye, shall the Soldiers stand▪ Many of them that stood the Battaile, (and being worthy Commanders, fought brauely,) we heare are falne, and in their places (who were to looke to the Sicke and Wounded Souldier,) are crept into your City, a crew of prating Emperickes, cogging Mowntibanckes, and cheating Quacksaluers, who if they cure one, kill twenty; it being more danger for an infected Man to fall into their handes, then for a sound Person to liue two dayes fasting in an infected House.
But what talke we of the flight of these? for Phisick and Chirurgery, Phisick and Surgerie at a Non plus in this Sicknesse. (those two diuine Sisters sent from Heauen) are both of them puzzelld in their Readings, and driuen a to stand in their owne Practise. This Sicknes turnes Knowledge into Ignorance, for experimented Salues and Medicines forfet their wonted Vertues to astonishment and admiration. Our Flight then you see is Warranted by Ecclesiasticall, Martiall, Polyticall, and Phisicall Authority: Let vs not therefore here-after be termed Runne-awayes; for though many of our Fellow-Londoners are in our absence turned into Pine-trees, our hopes are at our Comming home,If there fall good showers of Money, els not. to begett a new and prosperous Plantation.
Well did the Rodde-maker indeed condemne vs for not leauing our Armor behind vs when we ran from the Army, (some peeces of Siluer to mainteyne the Poore:All our Money in the Cuntry is turnd into Quick siluer.) But whole Troupes of Vs haue bin so beaten in this Country-Leaguer, that we haue Siluer little enough to mainteyne our selues: Beside, Numbers [Page] (we are in feare) will be so blind with the Country dust flying vp into their eyes, they will hardly finde the right Key-hole whilst they liue (as they should doe) to open Shoppes agen; the Wardes of the Lockes (if not well Oyld before) will by that time (t'is thought) grow rusty. Let the Rich miserly Runne-awaies, If the Poore pine for all, let the Rich pay for all. who fl [...]do [...] to saue their Liues for their Moneys sake, and to saue their Golden Idolls for their owne sake, let them (in Gods name) pay soundly for their Horse race; who haue too much Iuice may endure a squesing.
Great-Men, Little-House-keepers.If we left our Houses, and No body to keepe them, t'is but the fashion of Great-men, who reare vp Huge Buildings, in which well Rattes and Spiders more often then Hospitable Tennants.
Now whereas your Qui mihi Discipulus, (with his Birchen Septer in his hand) [...]hreatens to fetch Blood from vs, by telling what terrible Frightes we are like to be put into at our comming back: Alas! He drawes a Bowe too big for his strength, and shootes that Arrow without any ayme.
Iobs Estate.What did Iob, who had seuen Sonnes and three Daughters, 7000. Sheepe, and 3000. Camells, 500. yoke of Oxen, and 500 shee Asses:His Losses. to him one Messenger came, and told him the Sabaeans had tooke away his Oxen from the Plough, and the Asses, killing his Seruants: An other came and sayd, that Fire from Heauen had burned vp his Sheepe and Shepheards: An other that the Caldeans had seizd vpon his Cammells, and slew the Men: An other that all his Children were slayne by the fall of the House, as they were Banqueting at their eldest Brothers.His Patience. But what sayd Job? Naked I came, and Naked I must hence: The Lord hath Giuen, and the Lord hath Taken.
No Cast-awaies, though Run-awaies.Doe you thinke we are Cast-awaies, because counted Run-awaies? What should we feare? Say at our Returne to London, our Friends be departed, our Kindred lost, or Seruants dead, and our Goods spent vpon Whores in Tauernes; Or say, that comming out of the fresh Ayre, and falling sicke, none of you will come neere vs, because we Fled from you: Nay, say that Ludgate or the Compters must be our Innes, where if Infection setts her Markes vpon vs, neither Creditor, Phisition, Surgion nor Apothecary will resort to comfort vs: Yet haue we a helpe [Page] in all this extremity; there is one Anchor to ride at in the fowlest Weather: One Friend hath promised to stick to vs all;Well fare an old freind in a Corner. and that Friend, is the Deere, Louing and Beloued Earth: When Sonne nor Daughter will come neere our Coffin, but shun our Carcas as loathsome Carion, yet euen then, that good Grandame (the aged Earth) will open her Armes and Hugge vs, and lay vs in Beddes, to take our euerlasting Sleepes, And shall we be affrayd to come back to London?
No: for albeit your Whip-deedle was so bold to tell vs, that Londoners in the en [...] of the last great S [...]cknes, comming nere the City, looked pale, like men going to Execution, that comparison frights not vs; we, [...]n plaine & merry English bid the Twigger, not [...]o be in such feare of our comming backe: for an order will bee taken for some of vs, neuer to call at the Counter for a Freemans Horse, to carry him on foot to Ludgate. We haue set vp our staffe already. A many of our Iouiall Fraternitie are glad they haue this vnpolitike aduantage. They must haue been driuen to studie for a cleanly excuse, which heer [...] of it selfe (without teaching) is growne very mannerly.
There bee men that dare eate Spiders: Monkeyes swallow them, and by them get sweet breaths; why then should not many Limbes of our Estates bee made the sounder by this Infectious fracture?
There is an Ireland to flie to,O for a good Winde! and a Low-countries to roare in, and a Wales, to keepe the winde of Lawyers from vs with her Mountaines: Wee can bee Bankerupts on this side, and Gentlemen of a Company beyond-Sea: bee burst at London, Tis but changing our Copy and piec'd vp in Rotterdam. The Sea is a Purger, and at Sea must our Fortunes take Phisicke.
Amongst many other euils, which might terrifie men from repayring to London, the griping hands of Clarkes of Churches, and their Sextons, and the villanous doggednesse of vncharitable Bearers, are two maine ones. Too many crie out vpon their crueltie; they flea the liuing, and dishonor the dead,These Bearers are worse then Beare-wards. by tearing money out of poore peoples throats, at the buriall of Husbands, Wiues, or Children, when it were greater almes, to abate from such Vulturous Deuourers (those currish Coffin-Tossers) their vnconscionable racking demands, and to giue it [Page] to the suruiuing distressed Creatures.A Londoners money in the Countrey is brasse. Wee fare better in the Countrey; for there wee pay neither for Belles nor Bearers, neither Minister, Vicar, Sir Domine, nor his Clarke will take a penie for any of vs.
And they deale noblier, then wee heare a Citizen was dealt with, in a Towne not aboue two miles from London, whose Mayd-seruant there ending her life, the Hatches of a Ship are not so close, as the doores and windowes of that infidelian Village were;16.s for foure London Bearers. not one durst for money, digge a graue, no reward bribe the Clunnicors to carry the body to Church: insomuch that the Master of this Seruant was compelled with sixteene shillings (for vnder they would not goe) to hire foure London-Bearers, to carry her to her graue, whose casting vp likewise cost a price extraordinary.
This dreadfull season of so many gastly apparitions, should (as wee thinke) fright all wickednesse out of the Citie: but wee heare it does not. For all the distance of miles betweene you and vs, the swearing and cursing amongst some of you, leaues a tingling in our eares. For, one woman hauing left Egges in a roome at her going foorth,Badd Egges hatch no good Chickens. and missing them (as forgetting where shee layd them) at her comming in, wished that the Plague might consume them that eate them. Yet after her anger was past,A Curse rebounded. and forgetting her curse, they were drest, and eaten by her children, all of them dying the next day after. You know this better then wee, and are neere to Blacke-Friers where the Curse fell; if you haue a minde to examine the truth.
This was a Rod for a Curser: but this that is held vp next, was a Rod to whip Presumption.
A young man hauing some place in a Parish Church in London, being (as to vs it was reported) to locke vp the Churchyard, called to a man, who stood amazed at the deepe graues; and looking into one that was not filled vp,No Iesting with God. the other called to him to Come away, and (after a scoffing manner) told him, he were best stay there all night, and take vp his lodging. No, quoth the other, you may lye heere (for ought I know) before mee. I lye heere (said hee:) see, I can lye heere at my pleasure; and so leaping into the graue, and spreading his body vpon [Page] the dead, out hee came presently in a iesting manner:None but Doues i'th Countrey. But going home, sickened that night, and lay there the next day in earnest.
We haue no such foule-mouthed women neere the Villages wee incampe in: no such desperate youths so to tempt Fate. We Londoners dare sweare so much. No, no, giue the Countrey people their due, and there are none like them liuing vpon the face of the earth.
The true picture of the Countrey people.
IT is reported, that the gates of Innes, and doores of Victualling-houses are lock'd against vs, and that we are vsed like Dogges. Wee stand vp for the Countrey: This is false:And peepe out at loope-holes. Haue they not reason? Exceeding deare. Tis an arrant lye: for all the Countrey people take their houses of purpose for Londoners: and for vsage, they make more of vs, then they can of their owne kinne.
Most deare are they to the worst Citizen that comes within their doores: Marry wee must tell you, those are not very many; and the reason is, they will not (in a dangerous time) pester men together.
So well-giuen are they, that continually they pray for vsTo bee gone.: and when (in the open fieldes, for ayre sake, or vnder a hedge for coolenesse) wee sit downe to eate or drinke, they (good soules) will not touch so much as a bit of our Bread;For feare it chokes 'em. it shall not be said, They turned vs out like staruelings.
So mannerly are they (now) growne,A murren on their manners when they haue any. that if two or three Citizens walke through a Towne, all the Countrey people step presently in at doores, onely in modestie to giue them the Wall.
And so cleanly are they in euery paltry Village, that if there bee but ten stragling houses, you shall not for your heart see a foule paire of sheets in any one of 'em.Nor cleanes ones neither.
Tis reported in London, that wee are lodged in Barnes, in Hay-lofts, Hay-cocks, and Stackes of Straw: tis true, but why? Alas! when Londoners that haue trauaild hard, scramble to a Towne (all faint and weary) the honest Country people, point to such places, to the ende they may there lye soft,Can any man wish more? till their chambers bee prouiding. O! they are the louingest wormes [Page] Earth euer sent forth: offer them money, they scorne to touch it:Tis pity they should. neither (hauing so many Gold-Smiths amongst them) doe they weigh Gold.Neuer, vnlesse it be at football. Reach to take 'em by the hand, they will not doe it for an hundred pound. And why? Shall they and we be Haile-fellow well met?
How grossely doe they wrong them, that report, how they stop their noses at vs, & would make Bonfires in their Townes to bee ridd of vs? This is another lye: They neuer come neere any of vs, but they are ready (Kinde whorsons) to fall downe at our feet: and for ridding vs away; why, take your leaue of them neuer so often, any Townesman thinkes himselfe halfe vndone,Nay halfe-hangd. if he but see a Londoner Departing.
Much more could wee speake in their praises, but wee are afraid theyle bee angry at this; for they loue not to haue their good deedes proclaimed to the World.Who can proclaime them? Wee will therefore conceale, what they would haue hidden. And albeit wee cannot glew vp Mens lippes,We should be sorry else. we know what we know of these People, and a good many of vs are sure to be Bound to them for euer.
Leaue Them, and now to our Selues.
NOw shall you vnderstand what we doe, and how we liue▪ or, though your Beadle who Whippes Runne-awaies saies, that we are merry in our Countrey houses, and sitte safe (as we thinke) from the gun-shotte of this Contagion, in our Orchards and Gardens: Where the Treasure is the heart dwels. Yet we would haue him know, that we looke back vpon our Disconsolate Mother (the City,) we sigh at her sorrowes, weepe for her distresse, and are heauy in Soule, but to remember her Lamentations. Farre though She be from vs, yet doe her Miseries flye into our Bosomes: And albeit (out of humane frailety) we left her hoping thereby not to fall into Deaths handes, (O wretched and deceiaued Men that we are!) Death hath with his long Arme, reacht vs and our Families;Death is a nimble Footeman and hath ouertaken vs. and therefore, scithence there is no Corner in the Kingdome (were it as vast as the World) to hide vs from his Face, thus doe we Arme one an other against him.
In these and the like Speeches (now following) doe's the Absent Londoner giue his fellow Citizen a little Consolation.
A Run-awaies Speech to his Fellow Run-awaies, Arming them (though flying from Death) to meete Death brauely, and face to face.
O My deere Brothers, and Copartners in misery! Death is a cruell Creditor, and will haue all that we owe him.A Run-awaies Armour to be worne against Death. Man is an imperfect Garden, and to keepe it from being ouer-run with Weedes, it must be turn'd into a Graue. As our Birth brings the beginning of all things, so our Death shewes vs the end of all things: For if thou hast liued but one day, thou hast seen all that All Men before in the World euer saw; the same Light, the same Night; they came in as thou did'st, and went out as thou must.
Death then being a Part of our Selues, why should we flye our Selues? Men, nor their Liues are measur'd by the Ell, but by the Spanne: No matter how long Life is, but how Good: No matter how Short, so the End be sweet: It is but Once, and what happens but once can not be grieuous.
Nothing makes Death dreadfull, but that which followes Death: The After-Reckoning troubles all our Arithmetick how to Cast it vp: If nothing were to be hoped for after this Life, the basest Creature were more happy then Man.
One intreated Caesar that he might be put to death,An old Souldiers sute to Caesar. because he was Old▪ and Lame and C [...]zed: But (quoth Caesar) Ar't sure to be dead Then? Let vs all be Caesars: Whether we liue or dye, lett vs be like Belles which at Coronations and Funeralls are one and the same Ring: In Health or Sicknes, Crosses or Comforts,Men should be like Bells. Calmes or Tempests, in Countrey or in City, so Tune our Soules, that all the Notes may be Sett for Heauen.
For Death hath his A B. C. printed on euery thing we looke vpon.Death's A. B. C. To behold Sheetes turnd downe (at bedde-time) puts vs in minde, that that's the last Garment which we shall euer weare. If a Cloath be but layd on a Table, thinke on a Coarse, and (in feeding) say to thy selfe; I fatten this Body for Wormes, which one day (how soone J know not) will fatten themselues on mee. Our Last Day is the Maister-day, The last Scaene crownes the Play. looke to that well, and the Calender of thy life goes well.
[Page]As thus we were Fortifying our selues against the Batteries of Death,A Hot-spurre Londoner. into our company rushes a Londoner, (ore that fights vnder our Countrey Cullors,) and Hee in a passionate Exclamation, cryes out, Are you sending an Answere to The Rodde for Runne-awayes? And haue you written so fully in praise of our Countrey-Landlords; I am a Tennant as you are, let me pay them my Rent too, and so intreated that in our Packet, his Letters of Commendations might be inclosed, which begin thus.
An other manner of Picture, drawne in Lant-skip, of the Countrey, shewing as well as the other, and (as some say that are trauaild into those places) trewer.
Here the Morris begins Heres plaine dealing. ƲT que erat impatiens irae—O (quoth he!) Wee that haue left London, ran from a Storme to fall vpon a Ship-wrack; to saue our throates from cutting amongst Lambes, we haue been bitten by Serpents, stung by Adders, worried by Wolues, and sett vpon by Lyons.
The Name of Londoner hatefull,That Name (of Londoner) which had wont to draw out a whole Towne to stare vpon him, and a Church-yeard full of People (after Seruice) to gape vpon his fine Cloathes, spruce silke-Stockins, and neate steeletto-fied Beard: That Name, to be Called by which, all the Land (from one end to the other) sends her Sonnes, here to Sow their Clownary, and to Reape Witte, out of that Witte, to Thrash Wealth, and by that Wealth to climbe to Honor: That Name is now so ill, that he is halfe hanged in the Countrey that has it:Ninnio in Spanish is a boy. As Spanish Women (in Sir Francis Drakes time) had wont to still their Ninnios (their little Children,) with crying out, Hush, the Drake comes: So now,A Londoner a Bugbeare. Men, Women and Children, cry out, Away, Flye, a Londoner comes.
In Rufus his Reigne, an English-man durst not in his owne Countrey say he was an English-man; a Londoner now is at the same passe.
Be a Londoner neuer so reuerend for Age, neuer so Gallant, neuer so full of Gold and Siluer, neuer so sweet in behauiour, so bewitching in Language, and but once come to be examined by (those Russet Images of Authority) the Countrey Bill-men, he [Page] speakes to the North wind, courts a Porpose at Sea,To Bayte one of these Beares in Smithfield would make good sport. seekes to soften a Rocke, and stroakes a Beare in the Bayting: Euery one of these Tytiries is a Case of Rapiers to a single Ponyard.
It is no Tickling thē like Troutes, to make 'em turne vp their Bellies; No, he that makes himselfe a Lambe amongst them is worried: Feed a Foole so long as he will cramme,Suttle Gudgeons. and he bursts his Belly: The more you fawne on them, the sooner they flye in your face: As Heate makes a flea to skippe,A Hay-gee Gentleman. so the warme breath of a Londoners mouth is able to make a Hay-Gee Gentleman ready to leape out of his skinne through feare.
Silly Creatures! their Countrey Spirits goe but with Wherries, Oares would drowne them; but miserable Animals are they to be so cowardly, for Feare is a terrible Hangman, and his Halters doe they tye about their Owne Neckes. What can be more Noble then to doe Good? and what more Good then not to doe ill? But here in the Countrey (amongst the Barbarous sort) he is counted a Varlet that dares be mercifull, and he a good Townse-man that dares turne Diuell.
To goe Braue here, and for a Clowne not to care a Straw for you: Nay,No disgrace in the Country to haue a Horse-Fly play with your nose. in a Drincking-schoole to haue him in his Sweate sitte aboue you, and giue you base language, which you dare not for your guttes but put vppe, is no more disgrace then to stand Bare to a Constable in England, goe Lowzy in Ireland, or to Fare hard in Spayne.
To stand and Ieere a Londoner in scorne, as he passes along,This Fashion will not hold long we trow. is the Countrey Posture: To walke by, with an insinuating face, lifting vp the Beauer, and crindging to a Carter is our City-Posture.
If now you demand how amongst these Heluetians, we weare out our wearisome time; Here's one of the Bottoms. Of the Kinges of Macedon, who succeeded Alexander the Great, some were afterwards glad to become Ioyners, Scriueners, Painters and such like: So Dionisius King of Sicily, kept a Schoole in Corinth: So Aelfrede a Saxon, King of England, One King a a Schoole-Maister, an other a Cow-Heard. was forced in extremity to dwell with a Cow-herd in Summerset-shire: And so, many Citizens that haue been brauer Fellowes then Whifflers on Simon and Iudes Day, are fayne (in a number of Shires through England) to turne Hay-makers, Cock Barley, and sweat [Page] with Pitching the Cart with Corne, thereby to win the hearts of those, He must needs goe whom the Diuell driues. whose loues by no alurements can be won to them: For as Pitty amongst the Stoickes was held a vitious Passion; So our Countrey Gnoffes (Hob, Dick, and Hick) are turnd Stoickes, and hate Pitty worse then a Lawyer does a Clyent in Forma-Pauperis,
These are the sower Plummes with which we haue bene fed in the Countrey;We hope for better winter-Fruite. we send them to you for Samples; but if you should after dinner haue all these sorts of Raw Fruict set before you, which were gathred for vs, and that you were constrayned to eate them, as we were, it is impossible but to driue you into Consumptions, for many of vs here are falne into that Languishing Disease and we feare it will follow vs to London.
We will st [...]ale in by Owle-light but we'le see her.To London! O Best-beloued of Cities, what sorrowes doe feele when we name thee, because euen then we can not see thee? As Children long banished from Parents, at their first sight of them, Teares on eythers side (of Ioy) will seale vp all vtterance of Language, so will it fare with vs when we behold Thee.
Astonished shall we stand, too heare thee relate the Tragicall Ouerthrowes of thy Sonnes and Daughters, (our Brothers and Sisters:) And as sadly wilt thou sitte, listning to the Stories of our Peregrinations, in this Wildernes of English Wilde-men.
And they reward thee well for it.Nightes and dayes hast thou opened thy Gates to receiue them into thy buildings: How often hast thou nourished them with the Milke of thy Brestes? How often hast thou emptied thy Coffers, to furnish them with Money? How many of their Sonnes hast thou taken from the Plough, and from their Poore and Rusticall Parents, and plac'd those Sonnes (after thou hadst Tutord them) on the Pinacles of Honor? not only to stand there with commanding Eyes ouer thy Inhabitants (O now deiected London!) but from thence, thou hast prefer'd them, to ride in more glorious Chariots, and to attend as Councellors, on many of our English Kinges.
Yet (ingratefull as they are!) Ʋs haue they in our sorest extremities, thrust out of Doores, denyed vs house-roome, euen in their Stables amongst their Horses, refuzde for Money to throw vs Meate, (as Hunters doe to their Dogges:) and vsing [Page] vs, our Wiues and Children, (numbers of vs being their owne naturall Children) with a more then Turkish crueltie; As if none els in this Kingdome had deserued punishment from Heauen, but thou only (deerest Mother,) and that God were the God of a City alone, and not of the Countrey.
But stay, whither are wee caried? why does this torrent of mourning and complaining breake in to ouerwhelme vs, when an Arme from heauen hath stucke vp a Land-marke to saue vs from drowning? The weekely Bills are come downe (like the Doue out of Noahs Arke, with her Oliue-branch,The Bills decreasing, are Ioyes increasing. a blessed signe that the waters are fallen!) O excellent Musicke! See fellow-Citizens, Death hath not cut off so many as he did in his foure last Battails, by 3000. persons and odde. God begins to repent him of his anger, albeit numbers of vs repent not of our sinnes. Celestiall harmony played vpon 3000 strings; the Bells haue à desire to lessen their Consort, they haue wearied themselues with playing sad lessons, and deafned the Ayre to stay day and night to heare them. These are Bankets vnlookt for (therefore the sweeter; these are comforts vndeserued, (and therefore the welcomer.) Our hearts being not a little (but wonderfully) reuiued, we will with some Tales of our owne misfortunes here in the Countrey, bestow vpon you one half houres recreation.
A Londoner of great Estate, riding at the beginning of the Contagion, with his wife and two onely children (hauing no more) was for his money well receiud into a Town, lodged in a faire house, the country-neighbors resorted to him, and were glad of welcomes, for their stomackes were not so subiect to Qualmes, and watry spittings, as since they are fallen into. But in the end, God (to shew how far-soeuer we flie, hath wings to ouer-take vs) laid his hand vpon this Londoners two children, strucke them with sicknesse first, and in a few dayes after with Death.
Being dead, the Londoner (struck in yeares) fell into consideration of his leauing the Citie,A Caueat for Run-awayes. & (full of sorrow) much lamented his departing from it, most peremptorily condemning him selfe, as guilty of pulling downe the wrath of heauen vpon his two sweet Babes, for his hastie flying (like Adam) out of Gods reach, when at the holding vp of a finger, hee would finde him [Page] out. This added some heauy weights to his sorrow, yet this seemed nothing, to what was layd vpon him afterwards. For his two children lying dead vpon a table,A rich Father Sexton to his own Children. the Minister would not come neere him to bury them; no Clarke (to get a Parsons liuing) would venture to Church with them; there was none to dig a graue for as much ground as the whole town stood vpon; and for Coffins! had he bin owner of coffers filld with gold, hee could not with them haue hired a fellowe to make one. Then came into his mind the happinesse of Londoners at home: for all their miseries, for all the tedious marchings of threescore or fourscore in a day to one Churchyard, yet there was a Comfort, a blessing, a reioycing, to see those bodies receiue decent Christian Buriall. Had his children bin snatchd from him in London, I could, said he (his heart-strings being ready to crack with sighing) haue had friends and kinred, to accompany them to their graues: no Ceremonies should haue beene wanting due to the dead: But now! and then he brake off; recollecting his spirits, and resoluing to make a vertue of necessitie, He determined (seeing no other remedy) to bury his children himselfe. A graue herevpon he digged in the handsomest fashion he could, & then fetching first one child, and after, the other (his Wife being a partner in this tragicall passage) he read Seruice ouer them; the Mother, when he came to these words, Earth to earth, Ashes to ashes, performing that dutie.
A Mother and her Sonne.This is too sad; heres one more merry. A Prentice of London being handsomly attired in one faire sute, and carrying another down with him, went to see his mother in the country 45 miles from London; with fetching a compasse (for he knew what danger it was to fall into the hands of that English-Spanish Inquisition, (the Muster of Billmen) he gat into the backside of his Mothers house; to her, notice being giuen, that her sonne was come from London, shee was ready to fall into a swound; shee could not hold a ioynt; her cheekes lookd pale, & her eyes with feare almost setled in her head: In the end, Affection conquering Passion, she ventur'd to see him. He, as she was approching, falling on his knees for her blessing, the first word she vttered was this, God blesse thee, & God blesse me from comming neere thy company. And so charging him as yet not to come into the [Page] house, but to keepe himselfe in an out Wood-pile, whither a Bed should be sent him, with which the yong man was content, only it grieued him, that his mother (all the time that shee talked with him) stood not onely a great distance from him, but held her nose betweene her fingers.
My yong Master had brought a Comrade with him, who was to leaue him the next morning: that night therfore they would be merry: good drinke was sent them by a Mayd, who set it a farre off, and they must fetch it:The Conditions had bene good in a deare yeare. then had they a ioynt of Meat laid to the fire, which was likewise sent them, but with this cō dition, They were to eat it vp euery bit; for not so much as the bones they left, should bee giuen to any dogge in the house or towne. Night being come, & our trauailing Caualiers hauing a desire to drinke Tobacco, which they brought with them: a clowne of the house (when the mother was in bed) pluckt vp a good heart, rubbd his cheekes and forehead, gaue halfe a score hemmes, to fetch vp his spirit, which ran to his heeles, and lighting a candle, swore, Come life, come death, A valiant Coward. he would to his yong Master, he had but a breath to lose, knew he was grasse and hay; but (how mortall soeuer) he would to Master Iohn, and drinke a whiffe with him. The valiant Desper-view did so: but the Watch walking the Round (when the Pipes were discharging) the candle plaid the Tel-tale, & told them;More feard then hurt. two Londoners were there. Vpon this, the Towne was instantly in a Hoobbub, the house beset with Browne-Bills, and Authority in a Base-Organ-pipe-voice commanded the two dangerous Londoners to bee tredging, there was no staying for them there. The mother arose, cursd Tobacco that ere it came to light, stood stoutly for her son awhile; yet the town-bullets of threats & perswasions thumping about her eares, in th'end she yeelded, they shold raise the siege, and depart with Bag and baggage the next morning.
In shew they did so, and marchd both away with small dishonor; but the sonne secretly returnd agen at night, was lodged in some remote roome (good for nothing but a Londoner) & there kept till a new Suit was made him; which done, hee was washed naked twice or thrice, his other clothes ayrd in a ouen, yet being smelt out, his mothers house was shut vp for a month after.
In another place, a poore man dying in the fields (as hundreds [Page] round about the Country haue done the like) none would come neere the body,A Mans bowels eaten out by Doggs or Hoggs. none giue it Christian (nay any) buriall: so that it lay so long aboue ground, that Hounds or Hoggs had eaten out his bowels, and so was left that beasts might end as they had begun, to make their bellies serue for his graue. And this hapned within few miles of Kiddermaster.
We could tel you 500 dismal euents hapning in the country, & put by the people vpon vs, & all others that trauell: so wretchedly haue they handled men in some places, that when a shilling has bin offred for a can of faire water, it could not be had for money, because they durst not come neere the parties; and in one poore village, a Horse-smith, who neuer in his life was worth halfe a Barre of Iron, swore he would not shooe a Londoners Horse for ten pound.
We could giue you a full Picture of many others, drawn with infinite absurdities about them of their owne naturall committing. But in doing so, we shall but disgrace our owne Nation, and leaue a discouery to the world how weakely Mann'd their Soules are with Faith, and a confident resolution, in the Omnipotent mercy of God.
It is fitt to Fly, and withstand this Pestiferous Enemy by all faire and lawful meanes, but These Countrey people run backward (with too much feare, but no wit) so that at euery footes remouing, they are in danger to breake their owne neckes.
O London! how we hunger & thirst to be within thy walles: Would to Heauen the Citie and Countrey were diuorc'd, and we parted from them, Away we determine to come, yet with many Arguments are frighted from setting forward: Wee lay seuerall Plots, but build vpon none: Sound euery little Creeke, and Riuer, and finde the water in some places too shallow, and in some too deepe, therefore too perrillous.
If we put not in at London, God prosper vs in our next voyage, which is, that we may all meet in Heauen.