The meane in Spending.
NO Delphicke oracle is truer than that Maxime, The hardest thinges been of greatest value. Wherefore Aristotle the great, doth easily win credit to his bookes de Anima, by foretelling the difficultie of the intended subiect. Now, of all things vnder the heauens hollownes, nought is attained with lesse facilitie than vertue: which is so inestimable a gemme, that the dainty sandes of Pactolus, the golden bowels of Guiana, nay, the perfect irrelenting Diamond by comparison will become odious. The reason why she is so deerely bought is perspicuous: for that there are millions of wayes to euill, and poore one to goodnes. So then, it must needs be praisably done, to hit the clout in a fielde, the punch in a butte, the centre in a circumference. If the morall Scholler wil sit in Vertues triumphing chariot, he must be a Phoebus, and make his wilde affections treade the right path: lest if Phaëton like he giue them head, they forthwith carry him to the Lion, and Bull: to the Bow, and Scorpion, to one vgly vice or other. It is much to come acquainted with vertue in generall, but especially with that gentlemanly habit beneficence: whose praises no wight can expresse, though hee runne diuision vppon them halfe a yeare together. The very name of her is Doricall Musicke to a good eare: but (alas) not one [Page] of many tha [...] [...]y shooting short, or ouer doth not lose her. The [...]ying of father Chremes to his selfe-vexing neighbour will sute with the most,
But, lest I be holden a vagabond, I betake me to method. First I describe the bounteous man: then I point out the most direct, and compendious way to his vertue. Some such order I obserue in the extreames.
He is the liberall man that bestowes his precious mettall vppon such persons, and matters as is behoouefull, in such sort, and time as he ought.
That bestowes.] For it is the property of vertue, rather to giue than receiue. It is also more difficult.
Vppon such persons.] For euery Synon that hath Or [...] miserere laborum tantorum in his mouth, doth not taste of his mercy. Hee regardeth not the parasiticall kissinger, & soothing [...]able-friend, who seemes to gratifie him with faire demeanure, when indeed he is a Melampus, a Pamphagus, and a deuourer of his substance.
He abhorres the vnsufferable, execrable, and reprobate Iester; knowing him to be the diuells quaile-pipe, that calles gentils to their bane.
As for the pas [...]iue wench with the loches qualitie, he may not brooke her: and why? He is sure shee will go proud, when s [...]e goes proud: and cause both purse and body to be soone exhaust.
No, no, he considers that Bountie and Iustice are two louing twins, that alwaies walke hande in hande. Hee takes a view of the maners of his relatiue, of his affection, of his laudable partes, rewarding him most freely whom hee findeth most vertuous. Againe, his purse is presēt where there is most need. He is the Zephirus that breathes on the widow, orphan, and foure-footed criple, [Page] and on the true Souldier maimed in defence of our common mother.
Aboue al, he is gracious to the learned sisters (whom antique Poets most truely feigned to be virgins, so easily are they wronged and misused of this graceles age.)
Concerning expences vppon liueles subiects, he is warie and prouident: prouiding alwaies that he maintaine his credit; imitating Nature, which abideth neither defect nor superfluitie. He is none of those that build vast kitchins, but cold: spatious ouens, but emptie: gaudie [...]himnies, but smokeles. He is none of those that raise proud turrets, and ample chambers, with Peripateticall galleries, till their purses lye speechles, and they become right housekeepers. What doth he then? Mary he vseth the best method, beginning a [...]otioribus natura, with the barne and kilne, and in tract of time erectes a worthy house to the relieuing of needy vifiters.
To take leaue of this pointe: he spends nothing on go [...]geous aray, the tel-tale of vanitie: nor vpon frolicking, the immediat predecessor to Venerie: but hath his pu [...]se in a string, and keepes a decorum in his actions.
In such sort and time as he ought.] For benignitie must be correspondent to the giuers ability. Of all, and of all he lookes to this, that himselfe be not drawe [...] drie, lest too late, he sigh forth a booke de tristibus pester'd with such like verses, Tempus erat quando poterā placuisse r [...]gāti, ‘Hei mihi quòd non est.’
Wherefore he euer forecasteth, and remembreth that Dor non dicitur.
Furthermore, he pe [...]fourmeth his action with deliberation, aduisedly, prudently, chearefully, and for the right ende: For Liberalitie consisteth not in the quantitie of the gifte, but in the minde of the Giuer. Finally, hee is neuer Practitioner when hee is inuirond [Page] with eies: for that is ostentation, and ranke poyson to this vertue. Go too now, were I a Theophrast, or Marcus Tully, that golden Trump of eloq [...]ence, yet should I come short in commending the Liberall. O heauenlie mind that esteemes golde as Quick siluer, and Brimstone, scorning to be vaslalliz'd by an Indian Excrement. Who keepes open house, and open purse: regarding others, and yet not neglecting himselfe, vpholding others, and yet himselfe not vnder. Surely so healthfull a plannet, that blesseth his inferiours with his influence, in spight of Enuie and Tyme shall purchase immortalitie. There is a two-fold threed will bring thee out of the Laborinth of vice to Beneficence.
First, thou must indeuour to auoyde that vice, which is most opposite to it.
Them thou must marke to which of the vices thou art most inclined by nature, and frame thy selfe to the contrarie.
Now step I ouer to the Spend-all, who consuming his Patrimonie, killes himselfe with kindnesse: & this yongster is rather to be pittied for his follie, than condemned out of measure for his fault. This vnthrift is onely Pro nunc (as Iauell saies) neuer prognosticating, vnles [...]e [...]n this wise.
The first day merrie weather. The second and third vnmasked heauens. The fourth and fift, weather indeed. Full moone on Munday the sixt, limpid ayre. The seuenth, eighth, ninth, and tenth, neuer such trim weather since king Richard [...]id naked to Leicester. The eleuenth, and twelfth, dame Earths haire waxes long. The thirteenth, the sunne sheades his beames most radiantly. The foureteenth & fifteenth the may-bird sings plain-song lustily. The sixteenth, and seuenteenth, weather, weather, weather, fine weather, wished weather. And [Page] thus, regardlesse of sleete, blacke frosts, tempests, thunderclaps, eclipses, after a while, like the Optatiue Moode, he hath euermore an Aduerbe of wishing ioyned with him. If he meete his mistresse, he hales her to the Iuybush, and at first dash cries out, Drawer, fil a quarte of thy most vendible claret. His braine heated, the corruption of one pot is the generation of another. Then coupleth he lippes with his make, and threatens downfall to the chamber. And when his purse is corke-light he thus tryumphs ouer her.
Dicite Iö Peacocks, & Iö bis dicite Peacocks: (as though he meant Iö the cow mentioned in Ouids Cronicles, and her vigilant keeper, whose hundred eyes were sette in the Peacocks taile:) Euen so the good muckel-cock, whē he hath shewed all the kindnesse to his hen that hee can, crowes and clappes his wings, and is lighter by an ounce at the least. Ne wil he take heede of the Identicall sea, called Item, and Item, till he be vppon the mercilesse rocke, named Summa totalis. Alacke for pittie that the best wittes and kindest natures are most addicted to this good vice. Well, howsoeuer it be blameable, yet in some part it agreeth with Liberalitie, and by Age and Want may soone be brought to mediocritie. Themistocles was such an vngracious wag, and so franke, that his father disinherited him, and his mother dispairing of his amend, made a long letter of her selfe. Yet in processe of time he was not the man: for he left his by-wayes, and grew to singular account with the weale-publike. Fabius was a wilde youth, yet in his best time a man of good stuffe. This so, no doubt but the kind-hearted gentleman may descend to the mean, which shall in short time be effected: if for a time he striue to bee miserable. Not for a Persian mountaine would I amplifie this poynte anye more: for I think each Now an houre, till I be at the indurate [Page] Button-capt Euclio. As this churle sauours of nothing but earth, so hath he a down-looke. His neighbours maide cannot fetch fi [...]e, but he thinks his pelfe is gone with her. His cocke cannot scratch for a corne, but he feares his coyne will be digged vp. Where he is, there he is not, where he is not, there he is, for his mind is amongst his siluer. He is hourely [...]aking vp substance, and yet not for himselfe.
What more monstrous then that money should beget mony? yet he neuer quiet, but when his coyne is ingendering. At night his eyes see no sleepe, or if they do, it is momentarie, for at euerie minute he gruntles like a ringle-tailde hog. So that that shoo will fit his foote, which the peerelesse Poet gaue Dido when shee was loue-sicke
A Midaicall slaue, that had his trunks full of bagges, and his bagges full of baggage, kept but one boy, who was his cooke and bedfellow. The wretch at midnight by chance fell asleepe, and dreamed that a theefe with twentie sorts of keyes in his hand, was about the lock of his wel beloued container. Affright, he start vp, crying out amaine. ‘Ferte cui fustem, date telum, expellite furem.’
And so laide about him, that he made his bedfellow ful fac't. The next day waxed olde, and the sun was giuing light to our vnderlings, when the master and man began [...]e to yeelde to Morpheus. The boy dreamed and would haue sworne he had beene pined, in somuch that he exclaimde: ‘Ferte cite panem, date cruftum, expellite famem.’ [Page] and supposing one had thrown him a manchet, he light vpon his masters gnomon, dilacerating it most currishly, so that eu [...]r since he is knowne by his torne nose.
No matter if all vsurers were so vsed. So vsed? by Stix I sweare, were I a Iudge, they should all and euerie of them be turnde off roundly, to the great indangering of their neck-bones. Certes Auarice is a capitall plague, a swallowing gulfe, a bottomlesse hell, the greatest euill that the diuell can shuffle into a countrey. Where the Spleene is bigge, the bodie is little, where this mischiefe increaseth, vertue is in a consumption, O what a rotten taile of euils doth this leane beast draw after her. Hence is it that the fatherlesse hath not his hunger quailed, while the mouse and weeuell pamper themselues in the garner. Hence is it that the Clients purse is neuer lesse full than when full. Hence it is that the tenth sheafe is scarse the tenth part of the ninth, or at the least, the least in the companie. Hence it is that one and the selfe same dish, shewes it selfe on one and the selfe same table, til it be either gray-headed, or vide Aristotelem de generatione Animalium. Hence it is that the dunce hides his butter-teeth in bacon, while the approoued scholler pickes marrow out of a Spade-bone. Hence it is that the farmer deales with his daughter, as he does with his hecfar in the market, he that will giue most for her, take her. In summe, hence it is that such a number of money-men ride continually to hell in wheele-barrowes. Who lists to reade Demea his repentance in Adelphi, shall see as in a mirrour, the cursed fruits of Illiberalitie. This carle, who a long time had beene ille agresti [...], sae nus, tristis, parcus, truculentus, tenax, (for so he speaketh of himselfe to himself) on a sodain becomes a Micio. The reason, Mei me sugita [...]t, meam mortem expectant Lo here the guerdon of too much neerenesse, hate is the misers seruing-man. [Page] Money came in by law, not nature, and was inuented for the easie supplie of mens seuerall necessities. O then, would not he be doone to some exquisite death, that keepes it in close prison till one peece infects another? Crassus thirsting after gold, hadde his scull filde with lead. Aquilius gaping after wealth, had gold powred into his mouth. Pittie but all misers should haue some such Catastrophe.
There is no remedie for this disease, no electuarie, no pill, no potion can purge it: the onely way to helpe it, is to gette some Suppositorie fellow to blowe Pindust into his bumme. And thus, though rudely, haue I plaid the Summister.