TAYLORS REVENGE OR THE RYMER WILLIAM FENNOR Firkt, Feritted, and finely fetcht ouer the Coales. WHEREIN His Riming Raggamuffin Rascallity, without Partiallity, or feare of Principallity, is Anagramatized, Anotomized, & Stigmatized. The occasion of which Inuectiue, is breifly set downe in the Preface to the Reader.
Reuenge doth Gallop when it seemes to creepe,
For though my wrong did winke, it did not sleepe.
PRINTED At Rotterdam, at the signe of the blew Bitch in Dog-Lane, and are to be sold, almost any where. AND Transported ouer sea in A Cods belly, and cast vp at Cuckolds Hauen the last Spring-tide. 1615.
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To Any that can Read.
BE thou either Freind or Foe or indiferent, all's one, Read, Laugh, like or dislike, all the care is taken: The cheifest cause why I wrote this, was on set purpose to please my selfe. Yet to shew thee the meaning of this little Building, Imagin this Epistle to be the doore, and if thou please come in and see what stuffe the whole Frame is made off. Be it therefore knowne vnto all men, that I Iohn Taylor Waterman, did agree with William Fennor, (who Arrogantly and falsely entitles himselfe the Kings Maiesties Riming Poet) to Answere me at a triall off Wit on the seauenth of October last 1614. on the Hope stage on the Bank-side, and the said Fennor Receiued of me ten shillings in earnest of his comming to meete me, whereupon I caused 1000 bills to be Printed, and douulg'd my name 1000 wayes and more, giuing my Freinds and diuers of my acquaintance notice of this Bear-garden banquet of daintie Conceits, and when the day came that the Play should haue been performed, the house being filld with [Page] a great Audience, who had all spent their moneyes extraordinarily: then this Companion for an Asse, Ran away & left me for a Foole, amongst thousands of critticall Censurers: where I was ill thought of by my freinds, scorned by my foes, and in conclusion, in a greater p [...]zzell then the blinde Beare in the midst of all her whip broath; Besides the some of twenty pounds in money, I lost my Reputation amongst many, and gaind disgrace in stead of my better expectations. In Reuenge of which wrongs done vnto me by the said Ryming Rascal, I haue written this I [...]ectiue against him, cheifly because the ill looking Hound doth not confesse he hath iniur'd me, nor hath not so much honesty as to bring or send me my money that he tooke for earnest of me: but on the contrary part, he Railes and Abuses me with his callumnious tongue, and scandalizet [...] me in all Companies where he heares me nominated. But in a word, Reader when thou hast read this that followes, I thinke thou wilt Iudge me cleare [...]f the many false Imputations that are laid vpon me. So I leaue thee to thy Con [...]iderations, and I proceed to my Exclamations.
Thine as thou art mine, IOHN TAYLOR.
VVILLYAM FENNOR.
Annagrama. NV VILLANY For me OR For me NV VILLANY.
NV VILLANY For me, Nue fresh and New,
Or Forme NV VILLANY, Come Turk, come Iew,
Come who dares come, for I haue found a Theame,
That ouerflowes with matter like a streame.
And now stand cleere my maisters, ware your shins,
For now to kick and fling my Muse begins.
How fit his name is Annagrammatiz'd,
And how his Nature is Annotomiz'd,
T'would make a horse with laughing break his bridle
But to the purpose, long delayes are idle.
Taylors Reuenge.
TO WILLYAM FENNOR.
COme Sirrha, Rascall, off your cloathes, Sr. strip,
For my Satyrrick whip shall make you skip:
Th'adst better to haue dealt with all the Deuills,
They could not plague thee with so many euills.
Nay come man, neuer whine, or crooch or kneele,
My heart cannot one iot of pitty feele,
I'haue squeez'd the Gall from out the Lernean Snake
With which, Reuengefull Inke I meane to make,
Which I with Aqua-fortis will Commix,
Yblended with the loathsome Lake of stix,
And with that Marrow-eating hatefull Inke
Ile make the [...] (more then any Aiax) stinke,
A Scritch-owles quill shall be my fatall pen,
That shall emblaze thee basest slaue of men.
[Page] So that when as the pur-blinde worlde shall see
How vildley thou hast playd the Rogue with mee,
They shall perceiue I wrong'd them not [...]or pelfe
And thou shalt (like a Rascall) hang thy selfe.
What damned Villaine would forsweare & swear [...]
As thou didst, gainst my Challenge to appeare,
To Answer me at Hope, vpon the stage
And thereupon my word I did ingage,
And to the world did publish printed Bills
With promise that we both would shew our skills.
And then your Rogue-ship durst not shew your face
But Ran away, and left me in disgrace.
To thee, ten shillings I for earnest gau [...]
To binde thee that thou shouldst not play the Kna [...].
Curr, hadst thou no mans Creddit to betray
But mine, or couldst tho [...]nde no other way,
To Shark, or Shift, or Co [...]y-catch for money
But to make me thy Asse, thy Foole, thy Coney?
[Page] Could not thy Squire and thee, (a brace of Varlots)
Ri [...]de, F [...]old, & Pip'd, mongst pocky Whoores & Harlots
For two-pence in some drunken Bawdy-booth
To please thy Doxy-dells sweet stinking tooth,
Whereas thou mightst (as thou hast often done)
Some scrapps and broken beere, for wages wone,
Which to maintaine thy state had been some meanes
Amongst thy fellowes, Rascalls, Rogues, & Queanes.
Thou scuruie squint-eyd brazen-fac'd Baboon
Thou dam'd Stiggmaticall fowle Pantaloon [...],
Thou Tauerne, Alehouse Whoorehouse, Gig of time
That for a Groate wilt Amongst Tinkers Rime.
Ile hale from Hell Grim visag'd Nemesis
Whom I will Scull or'e siluer Thamesis,
Which to & fro, shall still torment and towze thee
And none but Runagates (like thee) shall howze thee.
Thine owne [...]gue (trumpet like) each where proclaime [...]
Thy selfe a seruant to my Soueraign Iames,
When as thy seruice to the King is such
As Atheists vnto God, and scarce so much.
[Page] It may be (Graceles) thou hast Graced bin
And in the Presence didst Admittance win,
Where some stolne Rimes, & some things of thine owne
To please the eares of Greatnes thou hast showne.
Which (at the first hath wonne thee some Applawse
Although perhaps not worth 3 barly strawes,)
And you forsooth, must presently giue out
Amon̄st your Kitchinstuffe whoor-hedge bird rowt,
What Nobleman your scuruines did bring
Into the Court, and how our Gracious King
(As on a man most worthy to bestow it)
Intitled you his Highness Riming-Poet.
How dares thy ouerweening saucy tongue
Presume to doe a Poets name that wrong?
How darst thou (being altogether vile)
Attribute to thy selfe that Sacred stile?
Shall that Rare Art (which Gods and [...] admire
Polluted be by such a scuruie Squire?
Shall Heau'n-bred Poesie that so long hath lasted
With thy contagious breath be Bussard-blasted?
[Page] Then Homer from thy Toomb, with speed returne
And Maro Rouze thee from thy peacefull Vrne.
Braue Naso to the world againe Retire,
And Repossesse that Rare Pr [...]methean fire
Which erst inspird you, heere you may behold
The face of Impudency ouer-bold,
That dares put on that sweet Poetique name
Which hath eterniz'd your Immortall fame.
Reuenge you Muses, vp, awake, awake,
Or euer sinke to the Lethean Lake.
And you braue Moderne Poets whose sweet lines
All Heau'nly earthly Harmony combines,
Can you, O'can your Sences be stupidious
And see your selues abused thus perfidious.
Oh if the Case were mine, as it is yours
I would Raine vengance in reuengefull showres,
Which furi [...]s storme for euer should disperse
And dash to peices these base Groomes in verse.
An Asse in Cloath of Gold is but an Asse,
And Riming Rascalls may for Poets passe,
[Page] Amongst misiudging and illiterate Hynds
But Iudgement knowes to vse them in their kindes.
My selfe knowes how (sometimes) a verse to frame
Yet dare I not put on a Poets name,
And I dare write with thee at any time
For what thou darest in either Prose or Rime,
For thou of Poesy art the verie Scum
Of Riff-Raff-Rubish wit the totall summe,
The loathsome Glaunders of all base abuse
The onely Filch-line of each labring Muse,
The Knaue, the Asse, the Coxcomb and the Foole
The scorne of Poets, and true wits Csose-stoole.
But all your Tauerne and your Alehouse prate
Is how your entertainment was in State,
With this Great Lord and that embrodered Knight,
With that faire Countesse, and that Lady bright,
Though where thou come thou shift & lye & lurch
As welcome as a Dog into a Church.
Dost thinke the King and's Courtiers doth not see
And know that nothing good Can come from thee!
[Page] Can Swine yeeld sweet perfumes,
(can Swannes breed Crowes?
Can flattering Rogues haue but dissembling showes?
Can health be hidden in the plague or pox?
Can men take pride in fetters, bonds or stocks?
And more vnpossible then are all these
It is that thou shouldst any wise man please,
Except it be a flash, a sparke, a spurt,
Soone in, soone out, and then as sweet as durt,
Or like a candl's snuffe, for pleasing scent
Thou leau'st them deeply pleasd with discontent,
For thou (like stinking Fish) art growne so stale,
A whole dayes Rime not worth a pot of Ale.
But shortly I doe hope to see braue sport,
To haue thee soundly whip'd from out the Court,
For well I know my King will not allowe
His house to harbour such a Rogue as thou.
I vow to G [...]d, my Inkhorne ile not shut,
Or sleepe shall not mine eyes together put
[Page] Before each night I write some scourging vearse
That in Reuenge thy Iadish heart shall peirce.
For I whose creddt nere before was tainted,
Nor euer was with Cheating tricks acquainted,
To be by thee thus basely vsd and crost
And in the world my Reputation lost,
And all by thee, that merit'st nought but banging
For sure I thinke, thou'lt nere be worth the hanging.
Yet rather then thou shouldst a Hanging want
I'de trusse thee vp for naught, were Hangmen scant,
Nay I Would doe it freely, and for nothing,
And giue thy Wife againe my fee and cloathing:
Which Curtesie of mine, no doubt would moue
The creatures kindnes to require my loue.
On her thou laidst the fault: thou said'st that shee
Did force thee basely Runne away from mee.
Thou Dolt, thou Dunce, more blockish then a M [...]le,
None but a Wittall giues his wife the Rule.
No t'was thy Coward heart, full fraught with feare
T'was nothing else that made thee not appeare.
[Page] Hadst thou the Conquest got, I had not car'd
So thou-vnto thy word hadst had regard,
Then sure the Players had not playd a play
But thou or I had borne away the day.
And now to giue the world a little tast
Of the strange brunts and puzzells that I past,
I will not write a word shall be vntrue
That men may know, thou vs'd me like a [...]
And that I doe not Raile on the so fore
But that my wrongs doth vrge me to doe more.
The house was filld with Newters, Foes, and Freind [...]
And eu'ry one their money frankly spends,
But when I saw the day away did [...]ade
And thy look'd for Appearance was not made,
I then stept out their angers to appease
But they all Raging like tempestious Seas:
Cry'd out their expectations were defeated
And how the wall were Cony catch'd & Cheated,
Some laught, some swore, some star'd & stamp'd and curst
And in confused humors all out burst.
[Page] I (as I could) did stand the desp'rat shock,
And bid the brunt of many dang'rous knock.
For now the stinkards, in their Irefull wraths
Bepelted me with Lome, with Stones, and Lath [...],
One madly fits like bottle- Ale, and hisses,
Another throwes a stone, and cause he misses
He yawnes and baules, and cryes away, Away:
Another cryes out Iohn begin the Play,
I thinke this Baebell of confused Action
Would sure haue made thee stinke with feares distraction,
One sweares and storms, another laughs & smiles,
Another madly would pluck off the tiles.
Some Runs to'the doore to get againe their Coyne
And some doe shifts and some againe purloine,
One valiantly stept out vpon the Stage
And would teare downe the Hangings in his rage.
(God graunt he may haue hanging at his end
That with me for the hangings did contend,)
Such clapping, hissing, swearing, stamping, smiling,
Applauding, scorning, li [...]ing, and Reuiling,
[Page] Did more torment me then a Purgatorie,
Yet I (in scorne of windie pomp stage glory)
Did stand it out, vnconquer'd, vnsubdude,
Despight the Hydra-headed multitude.
Now Goodman dog a halter catch your muzzell,
Your not Appe [...]rance brought me in this puzz [...]ll,
But I (to giue the Audience some content)
Began to Act what I before had ment:
And first I playd A maundering Roguish creature
(a part thou could haue Acted well by nature)
Which act did passe, and please, and fild their Iawe [...]
With wrinkled laughter, and with good Aplawse.
Then came the Players, and they play'd an Act
Which greatly from my Action did detract.
For tis not possible for any one
To play against a Company alone,
And such a Company (Ile boldlie say)
That better (nor the like) e're playd a Play.
In breife, the Play my Action did Eclips
And in a manner seald vp both my lipps.
[Page] Suppose it were a black Cimmerian night
And that some 12 or 16 Torches light
Should make night seeme an Artificiall day,
And them suppose these torches past away,
Whilst dismall darknes straight resumes the place,
Then after all comes in with Glimm'ring pace
A silly [...]aper. How would that alone
Shew when the flaming torches all were gone?
Eu'd so seem'd I, amidst the Guarded troope
Of Gold lac'd Actors, yet all could not droope
My fixed minde, for where true Courage rootes:
The Prouerb sayes, once ouer shoes or [...] bootes.
T'were easier to subdue wilde Beares or Bores,
Or rowe to High-gate with a paire of Oares,
Or to make thee an vpright honest man
(Which sure God will not, nor the Deuill can)
T'were lesser labor to blow downe Paules-steeple
Then to Appease, or please the raging people.
The Play made me as sweet in their opinions
As Tripes well fry'd in Tarr, or Egges with Onions.
[Page] I, like a Beare vnto the stake was tide,
And what they said, or did, I must abide.
A pox vpon him for a Rogue sayes one
And with that word he throwes at me a stone,
A second my estate doth seeme to pitty,
And saies my Action's good, my speeches witty.
A third doth screw his chaps awry, and mew,
His selfe conceited wisdome so to shew.
Thus doth the Third, the Fourth, the Fift and Six
Most G [...]lliemawfrey-like their humors mix.
Such Motley, Medley, Linsey Wolsey speeche [...]
Would sure haue made thee vilifie thy breeches.
What I endur'd, vpon that earthly hell
My tongue or pen cannot discribe it well.
And rather then Ile doe the like once more
I would be married to an Arrant Whore.
And thats a Plague, I could wish well to thee
For it would worser then a Hanging be.
And let [...]e say my best in my excuse,
The Audience all were wrong'd with great abuse,
[Page] Great cause they had to take it in offence,
To come from their Affaires with such expence
By Land and Water, and then at the Play
So extraordinarily to pay,
And when th [...] thing should bee which they expected
Then nothing to their likings was effected.
Their mirth to Madnes, liking turned to Loathing
For when all came to all, all came to nothing.
Thus hast thou had a little slender taste
Of my designes, and [...]ow I was disgrac'd,
For which I am beholding to you Sir,
For had you come, there had been no such stir,
Not cause the people long'd thy selfe to see
But that they look'd thou shouldst disgraced bee,
To see vs two the people did repaire,
And not to see or heare, or Play or Player.
Why what a faithlesse Rascall art thou then
Dar'st thou to look [...] vpon me once ag [...]n,
Which if thou dost, were't not for [...]ear of Lawes
I'de stab my Dagger thorow both thy lawes.
[Page] But much I scorne my fingers should be fowle
With beating such a durry [...]-Owle.
But Ile Rib-roast thee, and bum-bast thee still
With my enraged Muse, and angry Quill.
And so I leaue thy Carkas and Apparrell
Vnto the Hangman, who shall end our quarrell,
My full opinion of thee sure is this
In no Church-booke thy name Recorded is▪
But that thou wast begotten in some ditch
Betwixt a Tinker and a [...] Witch,
And sure thy birth did equall thy beg [...]tting,
I thinke thy Mother in the Sun-shine sitting.
Basking herselfe close to [...]ome hedge of Thorne
And so without a Midwife thou wa [...]t borne.
And there the Sunne with his Illustrous Light
Screwd quite Awry the Wind [...]wes of thy sight.
Then afterwards the Ma [...]o [...]e thought it meet
To wrap thee vp within some hedg-stolne sheet.
And making thee his sweet vnchristian pack
Some six or seau'n yeare bare thee on hir back,
[Page] Instructing thee in the braue Canting tong
And how in Pedlers French to sing a song.
And Ryme for Butter-milk for Curds and Whay
And in a Barne at night thy bones to lay.
This I doe thinke of thee, Ile not say so▪
Thou knowst it best if it be so or no.
This (by thine owne Report) some few yeares since
Thou Rym'st at Gr [...]send for so [...]e fourteen pence
I'the street, from seauenteen people vnrespected
This Graund Collection, Iustly was Collected.
As I doe hope for blisse, I hate thee not
For any Goods or Creddit thou hast got
In Court or Cittie. But thy praise Ile sing
If any way thou didst delight the King.
So many tedious Cares are daylie throwne
Vpon the Royall-head that weares a Crowne,
That into Action I would melt my spright
Thereby to giue my Sou'raigne some delight.
For such things I doe loue and wish thee well
But that I thinke no such in thee doth dwell.
Thy selfe like to a couzening paltry Knaue.
What heere I write, vpon thee Ile make good
And in the hazard Ile engage my blood.
But as I said before, againe Ile say
I scorne on such a Rascall, hands to lay,
For the olde Prouerb is Authenticall
(Who touches pitch shalbe defilde witha [...].
Thou hast a pate can forge a Mint of lies,
Else how i'st possible thou couldst deuise
At once to flap me and the world i'th mouth
That thou wast Rid, East, West, and North, & South.
That day thou shouldst haue met me on the Stage
Thou wentst three me wayes at once on pilgrimage,
Thou sent'st [...]e word tho'wast sent for to the Court,
Thy wife said thou with speed must make resort
To fetch her portion out of Warwick-shire,
And the day after t'was my chance to heare,
How thou for begging of a Fellons pardon
Wast Rid downe into Kent to fetch thy Guer [...]n.
[Page] So that the Portion that thou wentst to fet
Thou from the Gallo [...]es (thy best frei [...]d) didst get.
But though thou rob the G [...]llowes of his fee,
It will (at last) for principall catch thee.
Where (for thou Guld'st me at t [...]e Hope) I hope
Thou wilt conclude thy Rogu'ry in a Rope,
Three Trees, two Ram [...]ant, and the other Crossant,
One halter Pendant, and a ladder Pass [...]t,
In a feild Azure, (clouded like the [...]kye)
Because 'twixt Earth and Ayre I hope thou' [...]t d [...]e.
These Armes for thee, my Muse hath Heralldiz'd,
And to exalt thee, them shee hath deuisd.
Then when thou bidst the world thy last good-night
Squi [...]t vpward, and cry Gallowes claime thy right.
To whose protection, thy Estate I tender,
And all thy Rights and Titles I surrender,
Thy Carkas and thy Manners (that are [...]uill)
To Tyburne, Hangman, and (thy [...]ire) the Deuill.
Thine as thou hast deseru'd, Iohn Taylor.
To the Reader.
NOw honest Reader, (if thou be so) tell
Haue I not Ca [...]uas'd this same Rascall well?
Me thinks I heare some say I am to bitter
And if I were more milde they hold it fitter.
Let such men Truely but conceiue my wrong,
And thinke the Case did to themselues belong.
When such a F [...]llow with me shall agree
And take my money for an ernest see,
And make me Print a thousand Bills and more,
And daylie on the Posts to clap up store,
For thousand Readers as they passe the way
To see my name engag'd to play a Play
Gainst William Fennor my Antagonist,
And then, fo [...] me each hower to persist
(Vpon his word) to studdy and to write
And scarce in six weekes rest or day or night.
And when the time is Come the play should be
My opposite should Run away from me.
[Page] And leaue me to be made a wondring [...]ock
A scorne, a Bye-word, for the world to mock.
To make me loose my Credit, and my name
To be or'c [...]ouded with perpetuall shame.
Iudge if this would not moue a man to spleen [...]
To be thus basely vsd as I haue been.
Thus to the Censure of the World I send
This sharpe inuectiue, which my Anger pend.
And as my wrong was publike, so will I
Reuenged [...]e vpon him Publikely.
And for him I haue worser Rodd [...] in pisse
Yf he but dare to Write and Answer this.
But if he durst no better play the Knaue
Then Answer me, he would not Goe so bra [...]e.
But yet heer's one thing was almost forgot
Which till this time my Muse remembred not,
And sure it must his Fool [...] ship needs, m [...]lest,
This hath been Read and Laught at by the best,
That when he dares but to the Court to come
His entertainment will be like I [...]ck Drum.
To my spightfull Foes.
Like Guests vnbid, you might haue brought your stooles
For as you came, you went away like Fooles.
The purpose which my studie did intend
Was by no meanes any to offend,
And therefore whatsoeuer that they be
That enuiously doe Raile and snarle at me,
I can no lesse doe, but with word and pen
Informe them that they are malitious men.
Gainst no man in particular I write
But gen'rally to all that beare me spight.
I pray for them, (to make their fury madder)
God turne their hearts, or Hangman turne the ladder
Which turning sure will either mend or end them
To one of which my daylie Prayers commend them.
FINIS.