The forenamed Lucrece being dead, had this E­pitaph bestowed on her, written by Pontanus:

Besides, I found a cursed catalogue of these vene­riall Caterpillers, who were suppressed with the Monasteries in England, in the time of King Henry the eight, with number of trugs, which each of them kept in those daies, as those; Christopher Iames a Monke of the Order of Saint Bennet in Canter­bury, had three whores, all married women: Willi­am Abbot of Bristoll, foure: Nicholas Wbyden Priest kept foure in Windsor Castle: in the same place George Whitthorne five, Nicholas Spoter five, Robert Hunne five, Robert Daveson sixe, Richard the Prior of Maidenbeadly five; In Shuldred Mo­nastery in Chichester Diocesse, George Walden the Prior seven, Iohn Standnep seven, Nicholas Duke five; In Bath Monastery Richard Lincombe seven, three of them married: Iohn Hill in the Cathe­drall Church at Chichester but thirteen; Iohn White Prior of Bermondsey had no more but twentie: all this Rabble was found and known in England; let [Page] a man imagine then how many were not known, and what a goodly brood of Barnes were fathered upon those that never begat them: withall, if Eng­land were so stored with them, it is not to bee doubted but all the rest of the Christian world did swarme with these lecherous Locusts.

Moreover, much knavery (Bawdery I should say) may bee covered under the vaile of Auricular Confession; for the Priest having a yong prettie maid or wife at shrift, will know her disposition, groape out all her secret conveyances, and craftily underfeele her policies, and for a penance for her faults past, she is enjoyned to commit a sin present. The unloading of her Conscience (many times) proving the burthen of her belly Forty weekes af­ter. And in this manner the most zealous Catho­like, or the most jealous Italian, may bee most de­voutely cornuted under the cloake of Confession and Absolution.

[Page]As thus

He blinded and withdrew people so farre from the service and knowledge of the true God, that they prayed to Pomona for the encrease of their fruit, to Ceres for Corne and Graine, to Silvanus for wilde-fowle, to Bacchus for wine, to Neptune for fish, to Mars for the successe of Wares and Captaines, to Phoebus for Physicke and Musicke, to Saturne for labourers and workmen in husbandry, to Pallas for valour, to Minerva for wisdome, to Iupiter for men of state and port, to Inno for Pompe and Iewels, to Vulcan for fire and lighte­ning, to Venus for beauty and lascivious pleasure, to Luna for calmnes and faire weather, to Pluto for riches, to Mercury for learning and eloquence, to Flora for flowers, to Proteus for disguises, to Pan for Pypers, to Eolus for winds and stormes, to Bellona for battells and conquests, to Lucina for women with child, to Faunus for Goats and Ve­nison, to Clotho for spinning out the thread of life, to Lachesis for wynding or reeling it, and to A­tropos for cutting it off: my hee led them into more ridiculous sorts of spirituall adultery, as to worship with religious adoration, Cats, Dogges, Toades, Beetles, Serpents, Fooles, Madmen, Privies Onions, Garlicke, and many other damnable in­ventions, not to be numbred.

Neverthelesse, whosoever will but looke into [Page] the lying Legend of Golden Gullery; there they shall finde that the poore seduced ignorant Romanists doe imitate all the idolatrious for­nication of the Heathen Pagans, and Infidels; and that they put their Hee and Shee Saints, to farre more baser and ignominious offices, then these vnbeleevers of former ages did dare to put vpon their (vaine imaginarie) gods, as they make Saint Crespine a Shoomaker, and Saint Roch the Patron of Sowters and Coblers, they put Saint Wendelin to keepe sheepe, and they make Saint Pelage a Cowheard or Neatherd, Saint Antony hath the protection of their Swine, Saint Vitus or Vitellus, aelias, Saint Calfe, an exellent patron or protector to cure those that are bitten of a Spider called Terrantulla, or Phallanx. They acknow­ledge Saint Gertrude for an exellent Rat-catcher, and Saint Hubert for a good Dogge-keeper (some say a cunning Huntsman:) the Smiths must pray to Eloye, the Painters to Saint Luke, the Bakers must inuocate Saint Honore, the Mariners Saint Nicholas, Saint Yue is for the Lawyers, and Saint Anne to finde things that are stolne or lost, whilst Saint Leonard is the onely Saint to set prisoners at liberty, by opening the dores in the night, and make their Shackles fall off without any noyse or knocking. Besides they make Iob a Physician to cure the Pox, when as that [Page] foule disease was not knowne in any part of the world many hundred yeares after Iobs dayes; for in the yeare 1496. (Charles the eight being then the French King) the Pox was brought from Na­ples into France, having but a little before bin very thriftily by the Spaniards purchased from the A­mericans or West Indians: And therefore they doe Iob wrong to make a Mountebank of him, in ascribing cures to him beyond his skill or know­ledge: but all is one for that, he must be content with his office, as Saint Valentine is with the fal­ling sickness, Saint Roch with scabs and scurfes, Saint Sebastian with the Plague, Saint Entrope the Dropsie, Saint Genou the Gowt, Saint Petronella the Ague or any Fever, Saint Apollonia the Tooth­ach;^* Saint Romane, they say, dispossesseth Devils out of the possessed, & Saint Maturine is the mad mens Saint to cure the Frenzie. It is to bee doub­ted, that Physicians and Chirurgians have small ta­kings, where all these skilfull Saints are so em­ployed, except now and then they get a Patient by chance, when the good Saint is over-busied, or not at leasure.

Moreover, there is a great contention amongst them, to what Saint they shal commit the keeping of their Geese: some will have Saint Andoch, some Saint Gallicet, and some Saint Feriall: the [Page] businesse is very weighty, and requires mature de­liberation and ripe judgement: some there are that would deprive Saint Wendoline (before na­med) of his keeping sheepe, and bestow the place upon Saint Woolfe, which is a very unsutable name for a Shepheard.

By this which hath been said, the Reader may perceive what a cunning Bawd the Devill is, to a­dulterate the true service of the eternall God with these whorish inventions. And so though I could amplifie this point to a larger extent, in describing spirituall Bawds and Bawdry, yet now I thinke fit­ting to avoid tediousnesse, and to treat of this sub­ject in other garbes and fashions.

It is reported by Henry Stephens in his Apology or defence of Herodotes, the first Book, 21. Chapt. pag. 182. That a merry disposed Priest got a pretty Lasse behind the high Altar upon a good Friday in the morning, where he thought all the Hee and Shee Saints were contented to keepe Counsell, but it was knowne to the Legate of Auignion (by the intelligence of no Saint) which Legate after hee had wisely considered on what day and time, and in what place the cleanely conveiance was acted, he out of his charitie concluded a Priest to be mor­tall, and that flesh was fraile, for which respects (upon promise of amendment) hee was absolved and released.

[Page]Moreover great^* Emperours and Kings have beene Bawdes, as Suetonius Tranquillius writes of Tiberius Caesar, that he had Cels, and Caves, and Vaults in his house, where hee had a nursery of Whores, and oftentimes would have the execra­ble sport committed in his presence. The Empe­rour Domitian followed his admirable example, and Heliogabolus went so farre beyond them in the Art of Bawdry, that he made Punies of them both. And of latter yeares a^* King of Castile, called Hen­ry the unable, because he could uot have a child by his wife to inherit after him: he kindly intreated one of his Lords to take the paines to beget an Heire for him.

There was a rich Burger of Antwerp, a Mercer by his trade, who was a Bawd to his owne wife (though it was against his will or knowledge) but I blame him not, for I doubt hee hath many more fellowes as innocent and ignorant as himselfe, but this was the case, his wife wearing Corke-shooes, was somewhat light-heel'd, and like a foule player at Irish, sometimes she would beare a man too many, and now and then make a wrong Entrance: The summe was that shee lou'd a Doctor of Phy­sicke well, and to attaine his company shee knew no better or safer way, then to faine her selfe sicke, [Page] that he under the colour of visitation might feele her pulses, and apply such cordiall Remedies as might either ease or cure her.

In briefe, the Doctor being sent for, comes and finds the Mercer her husband walking in his shop with a neighbour of his, where after a Leash of Conges, and a brace of Baeza los manus, the Mercer told him that his Wife is a languishing sicke wo­man, and withall intreats him to take the paines to walke up the staires, and minister some comfort unto her. Master Doctor, who knew her disease by the Symptomes, ascends up into the Chamber to his longing Patient, staying an houre with her, applying such directions and refections, that her health was upon the sudden almost halfe recove­ered; so taking his leave of her (with promise of often visitation) hee comes downe into the shop, where the guiltlesse Bawd her husband was, who demanding of the Doctor how all did above, true­ly quoth he, much better then when I came, but since I went up, your wife hath had two such strange violent fits upon her, that it would have grieved your very heart to have seene but part of one of them.

I my selfe doe know two men that lighted by chance into one of these houses of Iniquitie in Antwerpe, and I dare be sworne that they went to commit no carnall act, nor did commit any; but [Page] they perceiving a pretty painted peece of Punks flesh, did suspect in what house they were, the one of them taking her by the hand, did aske her some questions (wherein I thinke was not one word of God;) the other impatient that his fel'ow had in­grost all the familiarity and talke with the wench, begins to stampe, knocke and call, at which the man of the house enters, demanding, What doe ye lacke? You base rascall, quoth the other, have you no more Whores in your house, must I stand like a Iacke an Apes heere empty handed? Good sir, (quoth mine Hoast) bee patient, and I will presently send mine owne wife to waite upon you.

Nor is the skill and knowledge of a substantiall or absolute Bawd easily gotten or learned; no my Masters, there is more in the matter then so; Frist, shee is a young prettie Girle, and passeth time a­way in the instructions, rudiments, and documents of a Whore, till she hath attained (with many hazards) to the yeares of 30 or 35. in all which space she hath not spent her time idlely, but hath beene a creature of much use, having for the com­mon cause, adventur'd the blemmish of her Repu­tation, the rigour of the Lawes, as whippings, Penance, Imprisonments, Fines, Fees to Justices Clarkes, Beadles, and such inferiour Reliques of Authoritie. Besides, her valorous combates and [Page] conflicts with Diseases, (wherein shee often ap­proves her selfe one of the profitablest members in a Common-wealth to Physicians and Chyrurgi­ans:) having (I say) passed all these degrees with much perill and jeopardie of her body,^* then looke higher and thinke but on the shipwracke of her soule, (an adventure of a greater price then shee is aware of;) then towards the declining of her life, and that her beautie fades, What a deale of charge is shee at with sophisticated Art, White and Red, to emplayster decayed Nature? Her humilitie being such, that when her owne head is bald, shee will weare the cast haire of any hee for shee sinner, that made a voyage in a string from Tyburne, to either Heaven or Hell. And lastly, when as Art can no longer hide the sorrowed or wrinkled deformities of her over-worne Age; then (like a true wel-willer to the old trade shee hath ever followed,) Whoring having left her very unkindly before shee was vvilling to leave it: shee, (as her proper right for her long service) takes upon her the office and authority of a Bawd, and as shee was brought up her selfe, so with mo­therly Care her Imployment is to bring up o­thers, wherein her paines is not small, in hyring Countrey wenches, that come up weekely with Carryers, and putting them in Fashion, selling [Page] one Maydenhead three or foure hundred times, and sometimes with great labour and difficulty shee's forced to perswade mens wiues and daugh­ters; all which considered, a Bawd doth not get her living with so great ease as the world sup­poseth; nor is her adventure, paines, charge and perill to be inconsiderately slighted.

And as blabbing, babbling, taletelling, and dis­covering the faults and fraileties of others, is a most cōmon and evill practice amongst too many: so on the other side, the vertues of a Bawd are much illustrated and confirmed by contrary effects: For she is the maine store-house of secresie, the Maggazin of taciturnity, the closet of connivence, the inumbudget of silence, the cloakebagge of councell, and the Capcase, sardle, packe,^* male, (or female) of friendly toleration. Shee is full of into­lerable charity, for her whole trade and course of life is to hide and cover the faults of the greatest offenders, in which regard shee is one of the prin­cipall secretaries to the great Goddesse Venus, and one of her industrious vigilant most horrible priuie counsell, not being ignorant of the liberall Arts and Sciences, and exceedingly qualified in the seven deadly sinnes. And (for her further behoofe) shee hath and insight and can fashion her selfe to the humors of all Nations, degrees, conditions, [Page] mysteries and occupations.

First, for her knowledges in the Arts and Scien­ces, she hath the grounds of^a Grammar, whereby she can speake and write Amorously, fainedly, merrily, lamentably, craftily, purposely, Bawdily: these words all ending in Lye (doe make her true dealing questionable) yet her ayme is to live pro­fitably, though her fate is to dye miserably. Her skill in^b Astronomy cannot be small, for shee hath beene an often starre-gazer lying on her backe, practis'd in elevations, retrogradations, Con­junctions, and planetary revolutions; but indeed shee is more addicted to accept the Moone for her Mistresse, then the Sunne for her Master, which makes her expert in nightworkes, ever changing from quarter to quarter, not long abiding in any place: sometimes shining in Lady-like resplendant brightnesse with admiration, and suddenly againe eclipsed with the pitchy and tenebrous clouds of contempt and deserved defamation. Sometimes at the Full at Pickt-hatch, and some­times in the Wane at Bridewell,

A Bawd is a^c Logician, which is perceived by her subtill and circumventing speeches, doubtfull and ambiguous Apothegmes, double significations, intricate, witty, and cunning equivocations, (like a skilfull Fencer that casts his eye upon a mans foot, [Page] and hits him a knock on the pate) so she, by going the further about, comes the neerer home, and by casting out the Lure, makes the Tassel-gentle come to her fist.

For Rhetoricke, she must have the Theoricke and Practicke, that though the subject of her Discourse or writing be foule and deformed, yet must shee (like a^d Medicine-monger, Quack-salver, that co­vers his bitter pils in Sugar) with the Embroidery of her Ecquence, flourish over her immodest pre­tences, under the inchanting and various colours of pleasure, profit, estimation, love, reputation, and many more the like.

But of all the^e Arts, I think she be most unper­fect in Arithmaticke; for though she hath been brought up to know Divisions & Multiplications, yet shee hath traded but by Retaile, altogether in Fractions and broken Numbers, so that her accounts were seldome or never to number her dayes, not caring for the Past or the Future, her mind (like a Diall) alwayes fixed upon the Present given much to over and under-reckonings, for at fourty yeeres old she would be but twenty one, & at threescore she will be no lesse then fourescore: so that the marke being out of her mouth, we must take the Apocryphall account of her age from her owne A­rithmaticke without any further warrant.

[Page] Cornelius Agrippa approves a Bawd for an excel­lent^a Geometrician for devising engines to climbe into windowes, as ladders of Ropes, or such like, to scale the castle of comfort in the night, or the ma­king of Picklocks or false keyes, wherein the Bawds care and providence is great, in greazing & oyling locks, bolts and hinges, to avoid noyse, she knowes her Angles, Triangles, quadrangles, squares, rounds, circles, semicircles and centers, her altitudes, longi­tudes, latitudes and dimensions; yet for all this skill of hers, she hath much adoe to live squarely, accor­ding to Geometricall rules, or to live within any reasonable Compasse.

As for^b Musicke, it is to be conjectured by her long practise in Prickesong, that there is not any note above Ela, or below Gammoth, but she knows the Diapason: (a Bawd is old dog at a Hornepipe. her chiefest Instrument is a Sackbut, her female mi­nikins do bring in her Meanes, and her Trebles, the Tenor of all is that her selfe is the Base.) Besides, there are many pretty provocatory Dances, as the Kissing dance, the Cushin dance, the Shaking of the sheets, and such like, which are important instru­mentall causes, whereby the skilfull hath both cli­ents and custome.

^c Poetry many times (though shee understand it not) doth her as good service; for the most of our [Page] great Bawds are diligently waited on by scurrilous oylie sonneting, practicall, Poeticall, Panegyricall Panders, quaint trencher Epigrammatists, hungry and needy Anagrammongers, their conceits being either commending or provoking Bawdry: as one being requested by a Gentleman to invent him a poesie for a Ring which hee ment to give his Love, the conceit was: Have you any Logges to cleave?

^a Painting and graving are now and then pro­fitable servants to Bawds, as the naked Pictures of Venus, and Diana and her darlings; Aretine, and divers other in that kinde can testifie; but com­monly all shee-Bawds, are or have beene painters themselves or painters of themselves, by which bold practice they are bold, adventrous, impudent, and audacious, fearing no colours.

As for^b Physické and Chirurgery, she hath beene so much practis'd vpon, that by long continuance, shee's a most excellent Empericke, so that a man need not doubt but an ancient professed Bawd can play the Mountebanke.

Moreover, many old Bawds are skil'd in^c Pal­mestry or Chiromancy, by looking into the hand of a man or woman, or Phisiognomy, and Metoposcopi, in viewing of the face or forehead, by which shee professeth to tell the parties how many husbands or wives they shall have, how long they shall live, [Page] when they are neere a good or bad turne; but a­bove all, her skill is much credited to helpe yong women breed and fructifie, so that if shee be as barren as a Stockfish, yet the matronly medicines and instructions of this wise cunning woman, will in a little time make her encrease with a ven­geance, and multiply with a mischiefe.

Besides her skill in these forenamed Arts and sciences, she hath an insight and practice into all Mysteries and manuall trades; she can imitate a deceitfull^d Mercer in setting out her ware, faire to the eye, and false in the dye, with an outside of glorious glosse, and an inside of rotten decayed drosse, more for pride or pleasure, then for pro­vidence or profit.

Like a bold^a Grocer, she cares not a Figge for any man, she knows flesh is fraile, yet she hath many Reasons to live by, she runns her race long, and she is able to Pepper as many as have any dea­ling with her; tooth Likorish, tongue Lickorish, &c. Shee knowes a bribe to a Catchpole is a suffi­cient as an Almond for a Parrot, to free her from the heate of the Mace. Master Clove at the signe of the Sugar-loafe, is a sweet youth, whose Candied Visitation will keepe her estate Currant till age and diseases weare her quite out of date.

b A young rich heire newly come to his lands [Page] or portion, is a Bawds Broadcloth, whom she mea­sures out in parts, I will not tell you with what yard, but I thinke no London measure, till in the end, onely a poore Remnant remaines; her meaner Merchandise are Tradesmen, and poore Serving­men; these serve for course Kersies, Bayes, Cottons, and Pennistones, to line her inside with Sacke, Hot waters, and Aqua vitae.

Though shee live after the flesh, all is^c Fish that comes to the Net with her; shee is a cun­ning Angler, and gets her living by hooke or by crooke, shee hath bayts for all kinde of Frye: A great Lord is her Groneland Whale, a Countrey Gentleman is her Cods-head, a rich Citizens sonne is her Sows'd Gurnet, or her Gudgeon, A Puritan is her Whiting-mopp, her Lobster is a Scarlet Townsman, and a severe Iustice of Peace is her Crab; her meanest Customers are Sprats and Pil­chards, whilest the Puncke is her Salt Eele, and the Pander her Sharke & Sword-fish; And though shee deale most in Scorpio, yet shee holds corre­spondencie with Pisces, for they are both Signes that attend upon Venus: Friday is her day, and a day of doome to more Fish then all the dayes in the weeke beside. And Fish by nature is provoca­tory, as appeares by the chaste lives of fasting fish-eating Fryers and Nuns, whose notorious (qusia) [Page] meritorious continency is touched partly afore.

She differs from the^d Goldsmith in the Touch, the Test, and the Weight, yet she puts the best side of her ware outward; shee casts and hammers her wenches into all fashions; she hath them burnish­ed, polish'd, punsh'd and turn'd, and if any of them by a fall, or too much heat bee bruis'd, crack'd, or broken, shee can soder them together againe, and make them marketable.

There is scarce any Art, Mystery, Trade or Ma­nuall Occupation, but a Bawd hath a reference or allusion to it, or it to her. Therefore to runne di­vision through them all, would be long labour to little purpose: In which respects having spoken of a few, Ile skip over the rest to avoyd tedious­nesse; and to free my selfe from the imputation of partialitie, I will at last allude her to a Water-man; for of all Degrees, Languages, Tongues, Nations, Ages, Sexes, Functions, and Fraternities are wel­come and well entertain'd to the one and the o­ther (provided that they bring money in their pur­ses.) And as the Waterman rowes one way, and looks another, so a Bawds words and meaning doe very seldome goe together.

Our five Senses are the Cinque Ports of Baw­dry, each one in his office being the Hearts Baud: The Hearing conveyes Tunes, Tales, Rymes, [Page] Riddles, Songs, Sonnets, and Madrigals. The Sigh [...] wanders, searcheth, seekes, finds and brings hom [...] (into the very bedchamber of the heart) amoro [...] actions: provocatory gestures, effeminate glances, alluring lookes, pictures of prostitution, and vene­riall vanities. The Taste playes the Bawd with both Art and Nature, and searcheth through the Earth, Seas and Skies for variety of temptation poore and innocent Lamstones, Potatoes, Eringoes Crabs, Scallops. Lobsters, Wilkes, Cockles, Oysters, Anchoves and Caveare, Cock-sparrowes, Cox­combe-pyes, and all manner of feathered fowle from the Eagle to the Wren, doe waite vpon the Taste, and the Taste attends the appetite. The Snul is the senting Bawd, that huffs and snuffs up and downe, and hath the game alwayes in the winde, that is a right smell-smocke sense, who is wonder­fully pleased to be led by the nose, can hunt dry foot, and smell out venery nimbler then a pinchgut Vsurer will nose out a feast.

Touching or Feeling is a very merry Bawd and though a man or woman can neither Heare, See, Taste or Smell, yet Feeling may remaine: It is the last sense that keeps vs companie, and were it not for feeling, all the rest of the sences were but senceslesse.

And thus much more in excuse of a Bawd, though shee live by one of the Seaven Deadly Sinnes [Page] which is Lechery; No man can deny Pride too be [...]other of the said Septarchy, yet the Mercer, the Silkeman, the Embroyderer, the Drawer, the Cut­ter, the Taylor & the Feather-maker, the new fashi­on-monger, the Divell and all thrive by Pride, and might shut up shop, if Pride were not.

Gluttonie and Drunkennesse is another of the brood, yet were it not for superfluous, voluptuous gurmandizing, and extraordinary swinish swilling and drinking; the Wine-Merchant, the Vintner, the Malt-man, the Brewer, the Tapster, Poulterer, the sellers of Eringoes and Potatoes, and the Cooke would have but very cold takings.

Couetousnesse is another whelpe of the same kind, yet were it not for ravenous oppression, de­vouring Extortion, biting Vsury, Bribery, Detoir, and Coozenage, Dives would not, or could not fare deliciously and bee clad in Purple, nor the hackney Coach bee in such common request.

Envie is a high point of State, and he is no per­fect Politician that repines not at the happinesse of all men (but himselfe:) commonly it gives due at­tendance in Princes Courts, and feedes vpon the detraction of Noble actions; It eates into honour as a Canker doth into the best and choysest fruit, yet doth it live, thrive, weare good cloathes, is esteemed a talent of high wisedome and valour.

Wrath is a blood-hound of the aforesaid ken­nell, [Page] yet Armourers, Cutlers, Fencers, Chyr­gians, and Bone-setters would bee idle, and vn­imployment and meanes, if Wraeth did not over­come Patience, and Madnesse dispossesse Discre­tion and Reason.

Sloth is the last of the list, (and wel may it come last, because it is the laziest) yet is it a Gentleman like quality, and a Lady-like disposition to be idle and live upon the sweat of others; Manuall trade or handicrafts are counted base and mercenary, a good industry is contemptible; laudable endevour Mechanicall, and to take paines and labour, is drud­gery and meere slavery.

Thus by Pride a man may come to bee one of the Masters of his Parish; by Gluttony and Drun­kennesse, he may hap to mount to a place of reputa­tion and worship; by Covetousnesse he may get a damnable deale of wealth, and be accounted a good man; by Envy, he may be esteemed conceited, po­litike, grave and wise: by Wrath hee may gain the titles of valiant and resolute; and by Sloth and Idlenesse hee may be perfectly knowne for a Ge [...]man:^* And is it not a wonder, that these sixe deadly sinnes, should bee so uncharitable to the se­venth, as to rob it of all earthly reputation, where [Page] if a man doe consider them rightly, there is never a barrell better Herring; nor doth the Bawd live in a worse estate or condition, than the Proudest Gluttonous Drunkard, or the most Covetous, En­vious wretch: The Wrathfull bloudy villaine, or the idle slothfull drone, are clogd with vices as vile and abominable as a Bawd, yet for all this, the pur­blind partiall world doth hugge, embrace, cherish and reverence all these enormities, onely a Bawd, a silly painfull, serviceable Bawd, is held odious and contemptible.

Commonly most of the shee-Bawds have a pe­culiar priviledge more than other women: for generally they are not starveling creatures, but well larded and embost with fat, so that a Bawd hath her mouth three stories of Chinnes high, and is a well-fed Embleme of plentie; and though shee bee but of small estimation, yet is she al­wayes taken for a great woman amongst her neighbours.

^* On former Shrove-Tuesdayes, when the un­ruly Rabble did falsely take upon them the name of London Prentices, then two or three thousand of those boot-haling pillaging Rascalls, vvould march madly to the habitations of the most fa­mous Bawds, where they would robustiously ven­ter, breaking open Doores, battring downe Wals, [Page] tearing downe tyles, pulling downe windowes, rending Trunkes, Chestes, Cupboords, Tables, and Bedsteads in pieces; ripping and embowelling Bolsters and Featherbeds, ravishing her mayds or stale virgins, spoyling all they stole not, and stea­ling what they liked, beating the grave Bawd, and all her female vermine, most unmanly and vnman­nerly. In all which uncivill civill hostilitie, the singular patience of the Bawd, is worthy admira­tion; not giving any of these landsharkes an ill word, or shewing any signe of anger or desire of revenge, but intreating the most rough-hewd Rogues in the company, with the stiles of honest worthy Gentlemen with I pray you, I humbly desire you, I heartily-beseech you, to asswage your fury, appease your wrath mollifie your anger, suppresse your ire, mitigate your rage. These and like Phrases a modest ancient Bawd would discreetly vtter to her greatest enemies, rendring good words for bad deedes, when they were doing or had done to her all the mischiefes before named, nor ever after would shee offer to take any legall course, as to cause them to bee brought before a Iustice, where­by the Law might in some sort give her satis­faction. In which sufferance the great patience of a Bawd is remarkable.

We doe esteeme a Fountaine, Well, or Spring to be the more cleere from poyson, if a Toad, [Page] Newt, or a snake, be in either of them, for we ima­gine that those venimous creatures doe sucke or extract all the contagion of that Christaline Ele­ment into themselves.^a In the like nature, a Bawd is the snuffers of the Common-wealth, and the most wholesome or necessary Wheele-barrow or Tumbrell, for the close conveyance of mans luxu­rious nastinesse, and sordid beastiality. Ravens, Kites, Crowes, and many other birds of prey, are to­lerated to live unhurt, not for any good that is in themselves, but because they doe good offices in devouring and carying away our Garbage and noy­some excrements, which they live by; and if they were not our voluntary Scavengers, we should be much annoyed with contagious savours of these corrupted offals. These are the right paternes of an industrious Bawd, for shee pickes her living out of the laystall on dunghil of our vices; if she thrive and grow fat, it is with the Merdurinous draffe of our imperfections, (for shee is seldome beholding to an honest man for so much as a meales meat) she robs not the vertuous of any part of their virtue, she lives only by the vicious, and in this sort she is an executioner of sinners, and in the end gives the most wicked cause to repent, leaving them such aking remembrance in their joynts, that their ve­ry bones rattle in their skins.

[Page]In other trades, when Apprentices come out of their yeares, they are allowed to set up for them­selves, and to have other Apprentices under them. He that hath been a Grammar Scholler, when hee commeth to ripenesse of learning and judgement, will thinke himselfe able and sufficient to bee a Schoolemaster, and to have Schollers under him: and why should not^b Whores have a Mistresse of their owne dealing-trade, that they may have Ap­prentices under their nurture and discipline, who may by their obedience in their minoritie, be ad­vanced to command others in the same mysterie or occupation? And therfore the law (in this point) favouring their vocation, why should any Con­sorious Cato plead the Law for banishing of any Bawdes?

Why should any Ecclesiasticall Lawes in For­raigne Countreyes, debarre Bawds and their disci­ples from the Sacrament; as if they were not i [...] Charity, when as they are knowne to be so Catho­likely charitable, that they extend their^c loue to all without exception, and are ready enough to for­give all the world, knowing themselves to be such great offenders, that they much need forgive­nesse?

Wel fare^d the Common-wealth plotted to Plato, who would have no woman appropriate [Page] to any man (it seemes he was a great enemie against inclosures, who would have all thus lye common) his reason was very Phylosophicall, the like where­of is not to bee found either in Don Quixot, or Sir Thomas Moores Vtopia, namely, that when no child had any proper father, every man would love every childe as his owne, and so the whole City should be happy in a Combination of an universall love equally extended to all. If so wise a man as Plato, was not ashamed to make himselfe the uni­versall Bawd of a whole Common-wealth, why should any of our unlearned neighbours that have read farre fewer Bookes then hee, bee ashamed to bee accounted procuring Panders in one house, in the skirts of a City, for the Platonicall Conjuncti­on of their neighbours within a street or two ad­joyning.

^* In Italy and most civill Countreys, it is counted a most vncivill curiosity to aske any man (though after long acquaintance) of what religion he is, or whence he commeth, or whither he goeth, or whether hee bee a marryed man, or intend to mar­ry. Who then more civill or fairely mannered then the Bawdes: or they never put any of their custo­mers to the racke to confesse, nor doe they tor­ture their guests with the sawcy inquiry of whence come you? How long will you tarry in Towne? Have you a wife at home Or are you a loose Batche­lor? [Page] are you a Gentleman? a Merchant, or Trades­man? are you a Catholike, or reformed? the Bawd I say, is so civill, that shee never will aske any of these questions; one thing onely she studieth and practiseth, which is diligently to demand* whe­ther a man have any mony in his purse, which is no impertinent question: for the Law doth autho­rize a Landlor to demand his Rent vpon the ground where it is due, although sometimes hee lets his tenant enjoy his house or land a quarter, of halfe a yeere before he receive any rent: A waterman sweats and lands his fare before he lookes for mo­ny. The Host suffers his guest to eate his meate, before anon, anon, with the white Apron comes in with thus much to pay, and yee are welcome; no man at any game takes up his winnings before the Game be wonne; an Vsurer takes no forfeit before the day of payment be part; but the Bawd in her demand is more wise and provident, then all these trades and functions, for shee like a Butcher takes present pay for her flesh, she will be sure to have her wages before she afford you her penny-worth, you shall not drinke at her muddy Well before you pay for it. Shee knowes that Hope and Desire of that which is to come, is a better paymaster, then grudging remembrance of fruition of that which is past. Herein shee hath good examples to follow of no meane vocatious, the learned Physician and [Page] Chirurgian would be loth to exspect their reward till the cure be performed; the honestest Lawyer would plead but coldly if he might receive no Fees till his clients cause were judged. A Fencer will fight but faintly if he should take no mony before his prize were plaid & the Players on their Publike stage would act very poorly if their audi­ence did not pay at their first comming in.

The greedy haling and pulling of other mens goods, or insatiate appetite to feed, ingurgitate, guzzle and swill, are apparant markes or tokens of Intemperance; who then more Temperate then a Bawd? for^* shee is so full of modestie that she lives onely vpon what people doe give her: Men doe voluntarily bring her revenues to her, shee kindly takes no more then shee can get, nor receives any thing but what is brought her, and as the Taylor steales not at all, because men do fre­ly (and vnconstrained) deliver their goods to him; even so, the Bawd cannot be taxed with depriving any man of more then he idley parts withall.

Wise men have said, that vertue hath no great praise where there is no allurement or temptation to vice, and therefore have accounted it but small mastery for a Iudge to be uncorrupt where there are no bribes stirring, for a poore Clowne to bee humble that hath neither money nor Cloathes to bee proud of; for a Drunkard to bee sober where is no [Page] drinke but faire water; for a notorious thiefe to re­fraine from filching, where there is not any thing to steale; or for one to live chast in a Monasterie or Nunnery: But here is the eminency of abstinence, and the true praise of vertue, for a man to fast at a delicious feast; to be deere from bribes or gentle rewards, where oppressions, extortions, strifes and contentions doe continually grow and multiply: To be sober and thirsty where wines and strong drinkes are plenty in variety; to be true and trustie amongst inestimable Iewels, vncountable Treasure, or untold Gold. These are superarogating vertues, which though many boast of, yet few attaine to: now the Bawd lives in the store-house of libidi­nous confraternity, in the shop of Venery, in the Garden of lacivious pleasure, in the Ever-growing and Flourishing field of vanity; amongst those that practise the excesse of Luxury, none so neere with­in ken of wantonnesse and dalliance; shee admits into her house men flourishing in yeeres, hot in their desires, and willing in performance, yet (for ought I know)^* a Bawd was never accused for cōmitting fornication in her owne person, (which is a rare marke of abstinence) for who can produce out of any record, that a Bawd was ever carted for playing the Whore?

And this is her comfort when she is carted, that [Page] shee rides when all her followers goe on foot, that every Dunghill payes her homage, and every Ta­verne looking-glasse powres bountifull reflection vpon her, the streets and windowes are full of spectators of her pompe. Shouts, acclamations and ringing on well tuned Banbury kettle-drums, and barbarous Basins, proclaime and sound forth her triumphant progresse, whilest shee rides em­brodered all over like a Lady of the soyle, conduct­ed in state out of the Easterne suburbs, to set vp her trade fresh and new in the West.

As concerning Religion or matters of^* Consci­ence, shee is a creature that will never runne mad with beating her braines in any point of such high quality. For whereas it is a speech or proverbe, to say, that an extortioner, vsurer, or corrupted Ma­gistrate hath a Large Conscience, so on the other part, it is a saying, that such a man or woman hath no Conscience: now betweene these extremes of large and none, the Bawd doth observe the medio­crity or meane: for to say that shee hath a large ca­tholike or universall Conscience, to entertaine all comers, or all that would come to her, is false, for her conscience is bounded, caged, and imprisoned, & limited in any man purse or pocket, of what e­state, condition or Religion soever. On the con­trary, to say that shee hath no Conscience at all, [Page] it were to doe her an open injury, for she doth extend her entertainement, to as many as please to please her, and her charity doth alwayes stretch as farre as any mans money will reach: And to speake the truth, shee hath great reason on her side; for if a man let his Horse to hire, or Asse to marker, hee will looke to be paid for the travell or paines of his Beast; and shall a Bawd let her Soule to the Devill for nothing? A Knight of the Poast will not hazzard damnation (and his eares to the Pillory to boote) but (if hee be wise) hee will be well paid for his labour. Will any great man oppresse and undoe a whole Country, and (with the losse of the Kingdome of Heaven) purchase an accursed portion of Earth, but that hee will have terrestriall Angels minister to him here, making no account of the celestiall hereaf­ter? And shall the Conscience of a Bawd be Pin­folded so straitly, that her Soule shall be of losse e­steeme than a Hackney man makes of his Horse or Asse? or a swearing and forswearing Rogue doth of his eares? no, no my Masters, shee is wiser than so, shee thinkes it is a long journey to Hell, and therefore she doth thristily provide to save char­ges, that other men shall pay for her passage or Coach-hire: shee will not travell so farre upon her owne cost shee is so well beloved, that every one of her customers (will or must) give her [Page] something toward the reckoning, she hath more policie in her than to be damn'd for nothing; and she scornes to usurpe a place in Hell without just title or desert.

As for her Religion, it is of the same piece as her Conscience is, there went but a paire of sheeres betweene; with the Papist shee will be Ceremonious for the^* Crosse, with the Puritane, shee will be precise, casting her eyes up, when her thoughts are downe, and accept the^* Pyle; shee hath so brought up her schollers, that the name of God is too often in their mouthes, for they will sweare either with or without occasi­on; and as concerning maters of truth, shee hath brought them up so, that they will lye with any man. Most of them are of the sect of the Family of Love, they differ onely in this, the Familists doe hold opinion, that onely when the husband sleeps, that the wife may take as much liberty as a Cat, to play, &c. but the Bawd doth allow a lar­ger toleration, and admits either man or woman to have accesse, and use their exercise both sleeping and waking. Shee is indeed addicted to any Reli­gion, or all, or none, no further than her ease and profit doth incite her, for she knowes that charity is a good huswife, and will begin her owne work at home first: In which respect a Bawd holds [Page] a high point of Doctrine, to love her selfe better then she doth all the world besides: and in this she differs much from a Romane Catholike, that she builds not vpon her Workes, or hath any hope to be saved by her merits. And should persecution come, she will be no Martyr, she will neither hang for one religion, or burne for another, shee knowes that she came a raw creature into the world, and her resolution is, that neither religion or conscience shall send her roasted out of it.

And thus I would have the Reader to consider; that the paines that J have taken in this description of a Bawd, is more then I would willingly doe for the honestest woman that dwels betweene Smithfield-barres and Clerkenwell, and I know that there is not any of the trade so ingratefull, but that if my selfe or any friend of mine have occa­sion to vse them, they will doe their best for me, and goe as neere as they can to take our money. Neither have I discoursed of any vpstart new fang­led bable or toy, but of an ancient solid, reall, and lasting thing, for when all trades are trade-falne and broken, a Bawd may set up with little worth, or a thing of naught, and many times her lucke is so fortunate, that she will^* extract out of sinne and wickednesse, good money, good cloathes, good meat, and almost good any thing, but good con­science: [Page] but that is but a poore beggerly vertue, which her contrary nature cannot agree withall, for shee knowes by old experience that it hath vn­done many, and that they are accounted none of the wisest, that make any account or reckoning of it.

I am sorry that I have not dedicated this Booke to some great Patron or Patronesse: but the world is so hard to please, that I thinke it an easier matter to displease all, then every way fully to please one; for I did lately write a small Pamphlet in the praise of cleane Linnen, which I did dedicate to a neat, spruce, prime, principall and superexellent Lan­dresse, and shee in stead of protecting my labours, or sheltring my good and painfull study, doth not onely expresse her liberality in giving me nothing, but also shee depraves and deprives me of that small tallent and portion of wit and Poetry which nature hath given or lent me; most untruely affir­ming and reporting, that that Pamphlet was the invention of a grave and learned friend of mine, (whose imployments are so urgent and eminent, and whose capacitie is so mature and approved) that not one line, word, sillable, or letter is in that poore toy, but it is so farre unlike a wiseman, that they all, and every one, doe most truely and obe­diently call, Iohn Taylor, Father.

But belike she hath learned some frugall qualli­ties, of some who are more honoured and wor­shiped, [Page] then honorable or worshipfull, who take it for a point of thrifty wisdom to discomend wher they doe not meane to reward. It is a kind of po­licy, under which many better labours then mine have suffred persecution and Martyrdome; and be­like my unkind Patronesse is ambitious to follow the example of her betters. But I would have her to know, that if shee had but gratefully accepted my Booke of Cleane Linnen, that then I would have cudgeld and canvasde my Muse, I would have rowz'd my spirits, belabour'd my Invention, beaten my braines, thump'd, bumbasted, strapadoed, lamb­ski'nd, and clapperclaw'd my Wits, to have moun­ted her praise one and thirtie yards (London mea­sure) beyond the Moone. But ingratiude is the poyson of industry, & detraction is the destruction of good endevours, for the which sinnes of hers, I will allot her no other punishment but this, that shee shall remaine as shee was and is, the true wife to an honest Cobler, A cleanly, trusty, chast, loving and well-beloved Landresse; whom (when the fates and destinies shall deprive Chancery-Lane of) then many polluted and slovenly Linnen soylers shall lament in soule bands, blacke cuffes, and mourning shirts.

^a As Sloth and idlenesse are vices discommen­ded in all Lawes and Common-wealths, being e­normites [Page] of that high nature and vile condition that they have ruined whole Kingdomes, Cities, families, and many particular persons; so on the contrary, diligence, industry and carefull vigilancy, are qualities that doe not onely erect States and Commonwealths, but they doe also conserve and preserve whomsoever shall put them in use and practice: who then is more vigilant or industrious then a diligent Bawd, shee is none of the seven Sleepers, nay she carefully watcheth whilst others sleepe, shee takes paines for the pleasure of many, shee is the true Embleme or Image of security, her eyes like carefull & trusty scouts or spies doe fore­see & prevent the danger of M^r Busiman the Con­stable with his ragged, rusty regiment. Moreover, shee is not like a ship bound for Groneland, which must saile but in summer, or a pot of ale w^th a roast, which is onely in winter: no let the winde blow where it will, her care is such, that it brings her prize & purchase all seasons, her^b pinkes are fraugh­ted, her Pinnaces are man'd, her friggors are rig'd (from the beakhead to the Poope) and if any of her vessels be boorded by Pyrats, and shot betwixt wind & water, they are so furnished with engines, that theyle send them packing with a pox, or else blow them quite up with a Devils name: there is not a poynt in the compasse but the skilfull^c Bawd observes, if the wind be North or North-east, [Page] she expects profits out of the Low-countries, from Germany, Denmarke, Norway, and sometimes a prize from Scotland; if at South or S. west, then her hopes are from France; but Spaine & Italy doe sel­dome or never faile her; And let it blow high or low, the Englishman is neere on all occasions. Shee hath not bin much accused for receiving uncusto­med goods, for to speak the truth, she will harbour no ventred commodity in her warehouse; & if the Informer or Constable doe light upon one of her conceal'd dryfats, Punchions, fardils or (naughtie) packs, and having seiz'd it by his office, & honestly laid it up safe in the storehouse of Bridewel, yet the Bawd wil so cōpound in the busines, that for a smal toy, and a little sufferance, she'l redeeme the Com­modity & have her ware again in her owne hands.

^d A Bawd is no deceiver of her customers, for what she promiseth shee will performe, as for ex­ample, If shee take a fee to helpe a man to a Whore shee will not cheat him and bring him an honest woman; a bargaines a bargaine, and shee will not saile you in a tittle: shee plainly and openly shewes her selfe what shee is, shee doth not dissemble or hide her function from her clyents, under the veile of hypocrysie, and for her creatures that live un­der her,^e shee hath taught them their Art whereby [Page] they may live another day, when shee is dead and rotten, and as they have their maintenance by her instruction, & under her protection, so it is fit that in requitall of her paines, she should pick a revenue out of their commings in; shee hath good presi­dents out of famous Authors for it: an old brave fellow tooke great paines in teaching of his Cuthorse, and the beast was so thankfull for it, that hee got his masters provender, and his owne both, many yeeres after. If a man teach an Ape to doe trickes, the honest Ape will maintaine him for it; I have seene a Hare get her master and dames living, with playing on a Tabor. The very Baboones are grave examples in this kind, Tum­blers boyes, (and sometimes their wives) doe teach us this duty; and the ignorant Puppets doe allow their maker and masters, meat, drinke, and cloath. For mine owne part, If I teach my man to row, I will have for my paines the greatest part of the profit. If I dig or plow and cast my Seed into the ground, I will expect the benefit of the Crop: If I plant or grasse, I should thinke I had but hard measure, if I should not feed vpon the fruit of my labour: By this consequence it is reason that a Bawd should reape where she hath sowne, and eate, and live vpon such fruit as shee hath planted.