DION This Dion, sirnamed Gol­den tongue, was both a Rhetorician, and a Philoso­pher: his won­ted fashion was to go a­broad with a Lions skin ouer him, to the ende that he might be the more re­uerenced a­mong men. In processe of time he be­came so fami­liar w^t Traian Caesar the Em­perour, that he rode in the chariot of royaltie with the Emperour as his compa­nion. with the Golden tongue, wrote a Booke in the praise and commen­dation of frisled and shoc­ked haire, a Booke so wel stored with plentie of good matter & gaie words, that euerie balde pate must néedes be ashamed of him selfe, in conside­ration of y^e worthinesse of that mans worke. For whie, his whole dis­course agréed with Nature: because all and euerie one of vs, euen by the inclination and drawing on of Na­ture, couet to be faire, handsome, and well fauoured: to the atteining wherof, haire wel growen, is no slen­der helpe, which euen Nature her selfe hath appointed to spring and in­crease [Page] with vs, as we our selues rise in age. When this ornament of haire decaieth and falleth away, it striketh sore torments into the heart. Héere­vpon I thought, that my lucke was to suffer farre more gréeuous incon­ueniences, than the Atheniens did at the hands of Archidamus, in the cut­ting downe of the Among all other discom­modities, which Archi­damas did to y^e Atheniens, it appeareth that he hewed downe their goodly woods and groues, least by them they might any way be succoured. trées of Acarna­nia. Presently vpon that conceit, I fell in opinion, that I was one of the vnséemelie Euboeans, of whom Ho­mer reporteth, that being balde be­fore, and hairie behinde, they mar­ched vnto Troie. Thus doubtfull of minde, and at defiance with destinie, as a fauourer of This Epi­curus denied Gods proui­dence, affir­ming that the worlde was not gouerned there by, &c. Epicurus, I saide: What place is there left vnto diuine prouidence, séeing that all things fall out and happen to all men otherwise than they deserue, considering that their worthinesse would be well re­warded? And what offence haue I committed, that I should become so vnsauourie and vnswéete a morsell vnto women kinde? If I were one­ly contemned and set light by of such [Page] women, as are neighbours and bor­derers hereaboutes, I should be ne­uer a whit gréeued, considering that I kéepe my concupiscences in such subiection, and my ranging lustes in such bondage, that I dare, for con­tinencie & honestie, make challenge euen to Antëa the wife of king Praetus, laie sore at Bellero­phon, and vsed all alluring meanes, that she might, to haue carnall knowledge w^t him: but he hauing regard to his owne honestie, & to the kings ho­nor, w^t stoode her inconti­nencie by his chastitie. Bellerophon. But my mo­ther which bare me, and my sisters which sucked of y^e same milke, what say they? Their wordes are these, that beautie and well fauourednesse standeth much vpon the haire. This is confirmed by the doing of Quéene Parysatis, who restrained her kind­nesse and loue from king Artaxerxes, when shée sawe before her the amia­ble personage of Cyrus. But whiles I mused vpon this mischiefe, I be­gan to take stomach, and put reason in armes against my fighting affecti­on, which giuing place by litle & litle, as vnable to encounter, I became well appeased. For against two, no not Hercules himself had strength sufficient, who when he was violent­ly set vpon of These were the sonnes of Neptunus and Moliona, whom Hercu­les ouerthrew in a combate at Olympus, a hill in Thessa­lia. Cteaton, and Eury­tus, [Page] by priuie assaults wanted abilitie and force to withstand them: and had not Iolaus assisted him against Hy­dra, a fowle water Serpent, aided with the sea Crabbe, Hercules had not escaped death. As for me, in so much as I haue not This Iolaus was Hercules nephue, by whose helpe the heads of Hydra were cut off, & con­sumed in fire. Iolaus to take my part, I am commanded to giue ouer all vnto Dion. But yet, when I enter league with reason, and de­liberate with my selfe in this man­ner: O! of al bald pates thou art the most excellent, & worthiest to weare the golden spurres: thou art valiant and victorious in déede, which ma­kest no account of calamities, but at great banquets and solemne feastes, when baldnesse is called in question, and demaundes made concerning high forheads, steppest out & shewest thy selfe to the companie, as dooing thy diligence to maintaine an honest séemelinesse: I forbare Dion in his foolishe fansie, and in A citie in Greece, where such as should trie masteries at Olympus, were admit­ted. Pisa (as the Prouerbe is) I prepared my selfe for this present purpose. And as Vlysses, not­withstanding that he felt in himselfe a dis­position to wrath and vengeaunce, brideled him selfe with pa­tience, saieng to him selfe: [...], &c. Heart hold out, for thou hast endured farre greater greefes than this, &c. Homer O­dyss. 20. Vlys­ses continued constant and patient, [Page] not storming at the wantonnesse and lasciuiousnesse of his maidens, nor violently rushing vpō them, as grée­die of reuengement, notwithstan­ding they were merrie and pleasant with their Paramours: euen so will I behaue my selfe towardes Dion, and all his affections. To the intent therefore that I may not forget his long and gallant spéeche, which is continually before mine eies, I will rehearse part therof, and so procéede.

When I was risen vp earely in the morning, and (after my common manner) had made my praiers to the gods, the next thing that I had to do, was to bestow some time and trauel in trimming of my haire. For, in the yeares of my minoritie, being vnder age, and but weake of bodie, I was not so wise as to haue regard vnto it, but let it growe disordered and in­tangled, like wooll vpon weathers backes: yea more fowle and filthie, than it is now fine and frisled. It ap­peared therefore wilde and rough to the eie, and could not be sundered in [Page] locks, nor parted for comlines, with­out tearing & renting from the scalp. Moued herevpon, I vndertooke to disperse the praise and commendati­on of such, as were delicate and nice about wearing of their haire, where­of, whosoeuer be not carefull, in kée­ping it in suche sort, I can terme them no better than dolts & dissards.

He procéedeth to enter discourse of womanlike gallants, such as carrie in their bushie haire It should seeme y^t their haire was meruellously cur­led, y^t it could kepe the bod­kin fast wher­soeuer it did sticke. an Iuorie bod­kine, that when leasure and time ser­ued, they might busie themselues in trimming the same: and of such also, as sléeping vpon the ground, bolster vp their heades in such sort, as they may at no hande touch the earth, ha­uing greater regard to the neatnesse of their haire, than to the swéetenesse of their sléepe. For sléepe maketh men clubbish and carelesse, but haire maketh them amiable and terrible. The It is a cu­stome among the Lacedaemo­nians, in aduē ­tures of life and death to combe and trimme their haire. Lacedaemonians (as it should séeme) were not negligent in this be­halfe, of whome but poore thrée hun­dred being assembled in armes, and [Page] looking for the comming of king Da­rius to a fearce and furious conflict, set them selues a worke in the meane time about their haire, trimming and making the same handsome. Ho­mer in this case vseth no small dili­gence and commendation, so often as he nameth the Homer calleth them [...], Blacke eied Graecians. Graecians. For he doeth not so often praise the eies, as though the beautie and well fauou­rednes of Gallants consisted there­in, as he doeth the haire. And though he commendeth Agamemnon for his black eies: yet notw^tstanding he im­parteth the same praise indifferent­ly to other Graecians as well as him. But he commendeth Agamemnon by name for his hairie lockes, euen as he doeth all other noble Gentle­men for the same propertie specially. He praiseth Achilles for his yellowe lockes, Menelaus for his Orenge co­loured haire, & Hector for his bright graie bush. Againe, what doeth he most commend: naie, what other thing doeth he praise in Euphorbus the Troiane, whome Menelaus slue, [Page] but onely his haire, vsing this kinde of spéeche for the setting foorth of that necessarie séemelinesse:

The same Poet speaking of Vlysses, whome Pallas made honourable, sai­eth thus:

Homer therefore is of opinion, that the ornament of the haire, doeth better beséeme men than women. For, in extolling the Goddesses, and ascribing vnto euerie one of them their particular praise, he medleth not with their haire, but buildeth their commendation vpon other groundes: namelie, the partes and members of their bodie, aiming at their proportion and making. He cal­leth Uenus, [...]. Golden Venus, Iu­no, [...]. Buleied Iuno, Thetis, [...]. Homer Iliad. [...]. Sil­uerfooted Thetis. And setting out Iupiter in his maiestie, he beginneth [Page] with his haire, and calleth it heauen­lie, vsing these wordes:

But I hearing this harmonie of Di­ons tuning, became a Prophet to my selfe, gathering by coniecturall rea­sons before hande, that it would fare with me, as with The allusi­on is to one Thrasymachus, who maintei­ned, more im­pudently than learnedlie, that iustice is to be counted among euill things, and in­iustice among good: which opinion of his, Socrates made him, with shame enough, to recant. Thrasymachus, namely to be put to shame & silence. Howbeit, this passion of minde hath but slender holde, when I trie Dions discourse by the touchstone of truth: whose whole oration consisteth vpon smooth words full of grauitie, but in effect it is nothing, for it wanteth pith and substance. If he had vnder­taken to commend baldnesse, as he hath attempted the contrarie, he had (no doubt) gotten him selfe greater credite, and purchased more praise. For, if so be that in a trifling thing, he be so well furnished, what shall a man thinke of him, if he had a weigh­tie matter in handling? For he ha­uing [Page] haire inough to make him com­lie, and learning likewise to shewe himself cunning, presumed to speake his minde in the praise of shocked haire. It maie be, he is one of those which carrie about them an instru­ment of their vanitie, namely a bodkine, therewith at due leasure to trimme their flagging lockes.

Forsomuch therefore as I haue the more excellent cause to defend, notwithstanding my cunning be not counteruaileable vnto Dions, whie should I not make readie my selfe, according to the equitie of my cause, to praise Baldpates, and to dispraise such as are loaden with hairie locks? And for entrance into my matter, I néede no curious or vehement begin­ning, which I am content to leaue vnto Whose manner it is to vse some plausible praeamble, or praeface thereby to wind them selues into the admirati­on of their auditors. Oratours, as properly perti­nent to their earnest cases, wherwith they geue strength to their present purpose, arming it (as it were) a­gainst the aduersarie, as the shippes (called men of warre) are prepared against the enimie. Neither will I [Page] take vnto me for a president, Musici­ans or Minstrels, whose manner is in trial of excellencie, either for praise or pension, nimblie to finger, and run ouer to and fro, the strings of their Lute, Citerne, Harpe, or other me­lodious instrument whatsoeuer: as though there rested not a further proofe of cunning.

Dion thus beginneth. When I was risen vp earlie in the morning, &c. He doth not commend such bushe hairie fellowes, as in déede he ought. It is the point of an Orator, one while to delight his hearers, another while to amaze them, and set them a won­dering, which things although This [...], or modestie of minde, when a man doeth not thinke too well of him­selfe, is a most commenda­ble vertue. I cannot compasse, as wanting that measure of knowledge (and yet not vtterlie destitute:) with that litle which I haue neuerthelesse, I will doe mine endeuour, as one not trai­ned vp, nor practised in the Art of Rhetorike, but as a husbandman, or rude countrie clowne, brought vp at home, and exercised at plough & cart, digging and deluing, grafting and [Page] planting, kéeping of cattel. &c, so that with the spade & hedge bill, the pitch­forke and plough handle, in sted of penne, inke, and paper, my hands are growne hard, & my fingers worne. For we will not varie from the cu­stome of our countrie. Not that he wanted cunning or knowledge: but note ra­ther herein his humilitie. Neither wil I begin with smooth and delicate words, but according to my countrie fashion, as plaine as a packstaffe: for that doeth like me best. Assisted ther­fore with the goodnesse of the cause, I wil set foote in féeld, and enter com­bate: framing my tongue rather to reuenging than reasoning: that is to saie, not vttering my words after the For the Phrygian fa­shion of soun­ding their wordes, is more stirring, wherwith Ti­motheus the musician mo­ued king A­lexander of­tentimes to make warre: as for the Do­rian sounding of wordes, that is more milde▪ Dorian manner, but after the Phrygian fashion. For the matter which I haue in hand requireth ear­nestnesse, & must haue a good heart, and a full mouth.

We therefore thus determine and saie: That a balde pate, of all other, hath least cause to be ashamed. For whie, hauing a smooth head, and a thinne: he hath wisedome enoughe both for him selfe & his fréend. Such [Page] a one doth Homer report Achilles to be: who tare his haire from his head, as estéeming it naughtes worth, be­cause he was content to part from it him selfe, to bestow it vpon a Howe de­uouty Achil­les dealt with the dead bo­die of Patro­clus, cutting off his owne haire, & bur­ning it in the fire, Homer reporteth in the last boke saue one of his Iliads. dead corsse: and to burie it with the bodie of his fréend. For, what is the haire, but a certeine thing voide of life, yea a dead thing, belonging to the partes of the bodie indued with sense and féeling? Beastes therefore which are farre from vnderstanding and rea­son, haue all their bodie ouergrowne with haire: but man, for that he is partaker of a more excellent estate of life, appeareth more naked and bare, but lesse hairie. And to the ende he might not kéepe companie with other creatures, his haire groweth not euerie where: but scatteringlie here and there. Wherby it commeth to passe, that howe much the lesse haire any one hath about his bodie: so much the more doeth he excell o­ther, euen as farre as a man is to be preferred before a beast.

And as man of all other liuing [Page] creatures is the smoothest, and the wisest: euen so Hereof commeth the common Pro­uerbe, As sim­ple as a sheepe, when we will note anie one that wanteth wit & discre­tion, or other wise an inno­cent. a shéepe of all liuing things, is the foolishest, because there is no part of her bodie without haire. For what haire is to other beastes, that is woll to the shéepe. Herevpon it followeth, that the hauing of haire biddeth battell vnto wisedome and discretion. For they will not be toge­ther at any hand. Such dogs as haue smooth eares and bellies, are most fit for y^e game: but rough curres, which haue more haire than heart, as they are rashe and hastie, so they are soone dashed: it is greater vantage to the huntesman, that such houndes were kept awaie, than appointed for the game, least in medling they marre all.

Plato (as I take it) mea­neth by these two horses, Reason and Affection, which drawe the mindes of men contrari­waies, euen as they are of force one a­boue the o­ther. Reade him in Phae­dro suo, tou­ching this matter. Plato speaking of the two hor­ses, which the soule (as a waineman) driueth and directeth, calleth that a craftie, a stoute, and a stubberne stal­lion, which by reason of haire ouer­growing his eares, waxeth dumbe, and hath lost his hearing. Which must néedes be so, as he in processe of [Page] time shall become blind, who is full of haire about that part, which pre­serueth the sight. Nature cannot a­waie with this, that vile & contemp­tible things should be ioyned in fel­lowship with precious and excellent things. The fiue senses are preci­ous things, and those partes where­by all liuing creatures haue life and féeling, are excellent things: among all which, the sight is the quickest, the liueliest, the most necessarie, and (you knowe) the eies haue their smooth­nesse and baldnesse. That therefore which in man is of this kinde, deser­ueth most honour. So it followeth in conclusion, that the verie best things are bald. For we shewed a little be­fore, that man is so much more excel­lent than anie other creature, by how much he hath the lesse haire.

Séeing therefore man is a liuing soule, and a most excellent creature: I saie that such as by Fortune haue lost their haire, and are become bald, must and ought to haue preferment aboue the rest. Herevpon Diogenes, [Page] Socrates, Plato, and a world of wise men, incomparable for knowledge, learning, vtterance and iudgement, are painted with balde pates. Let not This Apol­lonius let his haire growe about his shoulders in length, & he was such a seducer of men, that a­mong other honours done to him vn­meete for a mortall man, Alexander the Emperour, and sonne of Mammea, worshipped him for a God, placing his image be­tweene the image of A­braham and Christ, in his closset. Apollonius Tyanaeus with his hairie lockes scoffe at our spéeche, neither let anie other seducer, what­soeuer he be, contemne our saiengs. For, vnlesse this kind of coggers had not shocked haire, the ignorant mul­titude could not so lightlie be blinded with their iugglings. The black art or science (as they terme it) is no wisedome, but a wilie working of wonders: it is no knowledge, but a certein counterfet shew of cunning. For prudent lawemakers counte wisedome most honourable, and a­gainst witches, sorcerers, coniurers, and such like, they maintaine execu­tioners. We saie therfore in trueth, turne it as you list, he that is wise, the verie same is bald: and if he be not bald, surelie he is not wise.

In like manner it falleth out in diuine affaires, that is, in things belonging to the supernall Gods. [Page] These fe­stiualles were kept and hol­den at Athens, when winter wore awaie, and the wea­ther waxed warme. For in celebrating of Bacchus so­lemnities, they to whom the charge therof was committed, were al ouer growne with haire: but the yonger Satires, who had about their heads, garlands of Pine trée leaues, were most reuelling & outragious. Now, in such a hurlie burlie as it were of dronkards and Bedlems, baldThis Sile­nus, being an ancient Sa­tire, was tu­tor and guide to Bacchus, and was ring leader to all the rest of the Satires. Si­lenus bare principall rule: which was done, not without the great care of Iupiter: that a Baldpate, endued with wisdome and sobernesse, should be fosterfather vnto Bacchus, least through his naturall inclination to wine bibbing, he become madde, and so falling into an extremitie of luna­cie, outface his father Iupiter, and de­nie him all dutifull obedience.

Socrates, among all other good pro­perties, being possessed with the spi­rit of modestie, and maruellous spa­ring to spread his owne praise: reioy­ced notwithstanding, and boasted of himselfe, that he was like to balde To whose images, Alci­biades compa­red Socrates, for that as the grauers of thē cut them cun­ningly, in out ward shew homelie: but inwardli, their cases, wherein they were kept, being opened, they semed diuine and heauenly: euē so Socrates outwardly ap­pearing but a simple man, inwardly not­withstanding, was another manner of fellowe than he was taken to be. Silenus. For the head is the castell of knowledge, and wisedome. This [Page] comparison is not perceiueable to the vnskilful. Bushie haire is a beau­tie vnto youth, in whome wisedome is not yet growne to her flowre: but when age is come vpon vs, which bréedeth in vs vnderstanding and ex­perience: what meane we (olde do­ting fooles) to be proud of our hairie lockes? If an old fellowe be curious & delicate in trimming of his haire: surelie he is brainesicke.

The case therefore standeth thus, that haire and witte will not drawe vnder one yoke: but are like affected one to another, as light and darke­nesse, whereof the ones departure, is the cause of the others succession: that is, the one must néedes be ab­sent, or else the other cannot be pre­sent. Will you haue the cause of this contrarietie laide open before your eies? Of all things, haire, as it is simplie the basest, & of least account: so is it most subiect vnto change and alteration. In vnperfect creatures it doeth ouercome, and beare a certein swaie: but in perfect and excellent [Page] bodies, it hath no such force, but fal­leth off and consumeth awaie. Doe but call to your consideration the trées of the earth, whose ende is to yéelde and bring foorth fruite. In the Spring time what gaie shewes doe they make, what variable colours doe they beare in their blossomes, with what beautifull brauenesse are they garnished? They haue their blossoms, their buds, their leaues, &c. all which (when the fruite commeth to ripenesse, whereof those are but certeine foretokens) waxe drie, wi­ther awaie, and turne to nothing. For that which is perfect in it selfe, néedeth no beautifieng: and a thing is then said to be perfect, when there is to be séene in it, the appearance of another séede.

Moreouer, A citie in Greece, the people wher­of, in celebra­ting the festi­uals of Ceres, called Ana­calypteria, which are kept at such time as the frutes of the earth appeare in their ripe­nesse, are bald & bareheaded. Eleusis doeth cele­brate the solemnities of Ceres, called Anacalypteria. Againe, the minde of man, forsomuch as it is the most ex­cellent of all séedes, which descend from aboue, and hath his mansion or dwelling house in the head, the fruite [Page] whereof is substantiall vnderstan­ding, it comforteth and reuiueth the head to haue faire haire, which is (as a man would saie) but buddes and blossomes. And as before the fall of the leafe, the fruite is not come to full perfection: no more is vnderstan­ding setled in the head, vntill suche time as all superfluities are fanned awaie. When therefore you see a baldpate, suppose streight way that the fruite there hath attained perfect ripenesse, and made the head a gar­ner to preserue it: yea, you maie boldlie gesse, that such a head is the Temple of God. The festiualles therfore of Ceres, as wisemen would haue them named, were also called In english, Ascendings: because the mindes of them that were occupi­ed therein, were lifted vp aloft. Epibateria, because of the ascen­ding of the minde vp to the contem­plation of heauenlie things. Which festiuals, contrariwise, are termed of the simpler sort Anacalypteria, be­cause that in celebrating of the same, the assemblie were bald & barehea­ded: thus imagined the multitude. For he which beginneth to be bald, [Page] hath entred holie orders, and is in­structed and taught from aboue the mysteries of the highest God.

And as Pomegranates, and wal­nuttes are naught which die in their shels: so are al heads starke naught, which want the heauenlie fruite of witte, being ouergrowne with the superfluous mosse of a dead thing. The Ae­gyptians shaue their bodies all ouer, to th'ende that no vermine or other fil­thinesse maie breede about them, when they are busie about the ser­uice of their Gods. The Priests of Aegypt vsed of cu­stome to kéepe their eie liddes voide from haire. Whereby although they séemed in shew to be but fooles: yet notwithstanding they were the wi­sest men in the world. For it is a common Prouerb, that The Aegyp­tians excell in wisedome. For there ought to be no agréement betwéene things euerlasting, and things cor­ruptible. The bald pate hath a kinde of naturall acquaintance with God. Now Sir, whether God be bald, or not: that is counsell to vs. Of this I am assured, that the things which are next vnto God, are the Spheres of the heauens, and they are balde: in like manner are the starres. The [Page] Heauen it selfe appeareth balde in our sight: in the praise whereof what so euer we can saie, the same maie well serue to commend baldnesse.

And although Homer the Poet, & Phidias the Painter, giue Iupiter such He allu­deth to the wordes of Homer, in the first of his Iliads, [...], that is to saie, Iupi­ter shooke heauen. long shocked haire flagging about his shoulders, as that with the wagging thereof he maketh the ve­rie firmament to quake and trem­ble: yet notwithstanding what a Iu­piter is in heauen, we are not nowe to learne. Whether there be besides him, another visible Iupiter, consi­sting of soule and bodie, members and limmes, &c. it passeth my skill to conceiue. But if there be such a one, let him be so good as to stoupe: for there is one aboue, whose maiestie is vnexpresseable. But y^t there is such a Iupiter, whose hairie lockes make him so wonderfull, who affirmes it, but the Poet, and the Painter, men so farre from setting out trueth in her nakednesse, that they delight wholie in the flattering colours of falshood and lies? Poets and painters haue a quicker eie to their owne priuate praise than to the setting out of trueth in her kind. They are phan­tasticall [Page] bragging fellowes, & what soeuer they doe, they doe it for their owne vaine glorie, & not for truthes sake.

The ignorant sort imagine that bushie haire maketh men honoura­ble: and at all externall or outward things, if they be gaie and rare, the rude multitude doe wonder. Crea­tures hauing outward haire, it is to them in sted of outward goodes. In place of the Mind: Nature, yea va­riable Fortune hath the haire at commandement. The giftes there­fore of Nature and Fortune, are supposed of the vnskilfull commo­naltie, to be (as it were) bridges to blessednesse. He which either writeth or speaketh to the vnlearned peo­ple, necessarie it is, that he get their good opinion: yea, he must inuent and deuise, reason and discourse of such matters, as the people like well of, and allow. The vnlearned and vn­taught multitude are fauourers of absurd opinions: whereby it com­meth to passe, that if anie one pre­sume [Page] to bring in a thing contrarie to common custome, he must néedes He allu­deth to Socra­tes, who was condemned to drink poi­son, when he was accused of Anytus, and Melytus, that he thought scarse well of the Atheniens Gods. drinke poison: this punishment cannot be auoided. Unto what tor­ments (thinke you) would the Graeci­ans haue condemned Homer, if those things which he spake of Iupiter had bene consonant and answerable to the trueth?

The Aegyptians, and speciallie the Wise men and Prophetes, put not men of occupation in trust with the making of the images of their Gods: but looke what baggage chanceth to fall from the gréedie Hawke and ra­uennous A bird in Aegypt cole black, which deuoureth much noi­some and ve­nomous ver­mine. Cicero speaketh of them some­what largely, lib. 2. De na­tura Deorum. Ibis billes, therwith they deceiue the people in the Churche porch, whiles they themselues be­ing in the Chauncell, hide their sacri­fices, and procéede in their solemni­ties in the clossettes of their Gods, where certeine round boxes are kept shutte, whereof if the people shoulde haue but a glimpse, it were as much as the Sacrificers liues were worth: or else they shew vnto them Aescula­pius with his bald pate, although the [Page] Graecians haue him hairie lockt in Epidaurus, a citie in Pelo­ponnesus, wher­in was built the famous temple of Aesculapius. Epidaurus, but they neglected the searching out of the truth. The Ae­gyptians maintaine the art of in­chantment towards their Gods, and they speake by certeine signes and figures in their tongue.

Now, if you saie that a blasing starre is a hairie starre, it resteth to be proued first that it is a starre in déede: but doubtlesse it is no starre, although it be termed so amisse: nei­ther doeth it continue aboue foure daies, and then consumeth awaie by litle and litle. But suppose it were a starre, and consider what a mischée­uous and euill thing the haire thereof is, which bringeth decaie euen to the starre it selfe (if it be a starre:) besides innumerable miseries whereof it is a foretoken, all which I passe ouer in this place. Haue we euer read that anie good starre wasted to nothing? But this starre with crisped haire vanisheth, and the substance thereof dieth.

Séeing then that all celestiall bo­dies [Page] are blessed, and therewith also The round figure which keepeth in it selfe an euen proportion: of this figure is the Heauen, &c. His mea­ning is, that if the outgrow­ings of the haire were shauen awaie, the head woulde haue a resemblance of that per­fect figure. the sphericall figure: I woulde wish that both I my selfe, & all my frendes, were indued with that good thing, that we maie be like Gods. Looke what things are like the true God, we maie boldlie cal them faire, beautifull, & amiable. But you will saie, it is a fond thing, yea repugnant to reason, that we should attribute vnto baldnes such honour, as to giue it diuine names, and heauenlie prai­ses: considering that it hath no like­nesse or agréement with things cele­stiall. But we being disposed to speake well by, & to please baldpates, say, they are certeine litle Moones: neither know I what may be appli­ed vnto them more deseruedly, or more peculiarly. For first of all it appeareth with two hornes, then it entreth into the quarter, afterwards it sheweth more than halfe, and last­ly ariseth the full Moone. So it fareth with baldpates, who are (as it were) full Moones, or rather Sunnes, be­cause they diminish not, but kéeping [Page] continually their full compasse of roundnesse, giue light vnto other starres in the skies.

We reade of the Among the rest, Me­lanthus is men­tioned in this manner, [...], &c. They flie vpon him, they catch him by the cocks comb, and holde him fast by the hai­rie lockes. Hom. Odyss. wanton wooers with whome Vlysses had to deale, af­ter his returne from his long trauel, how he being a baldpate, made a slaughter of aboue a hundred hairie lockt yonkers with his owne hands, hauing none other helpe. Baldnesse therefore is an excellent thing: for it hath light in it selfe, & it giueth light vnto others. The cause of this bright­nesse is baldnesse and smoothnesse. At what time we goe to the better, at the same time we depart from the worsser. Life and light being two of the best companions, are contrarie to death and darknesse. And if so be that brightnesse haue nakednesse, & yet beautifieth: darknesse vndoub­tedlie hauing hairmesse, of necessitie beséemeth. But you saie that haire is a natural shadow, such as the praises whereof the Poet Archilochus de­scribeth in the person of an harlot, saying:

And as for shadow, what is it else but darknesse? The night is the greatest shadow of all shadowes, procéeding from the earth, which in déede stop­peth the Sunne beames. Woodes & Groues, because they are dimme and darke, notwithstanding their pleasantnesse, are destitute of light, euen at noone daie. Light, for so much as it is the proper goods of the Gods, is heauenlie, and therefore is to be ascribed vnto heauenlie thinges. Wherevpon when manie yeld their heads to the Barbars scissers & rai­sor, to be shorne and shauen, y^t there­by they might recouer and preserue their health, which of al things is the most excellent, being in déede hea­uenlie, it falleth out, that they are no sooner bald, but by and by they are safe from sicknesse, which otherwise they might haue sustained. A reason drawne from health, where­by Synesius persuadeth bald­nesse to be ve­rie commodi­ous and good. The rheume leaueth them, deafnesse for­saketh them, bléeriednesse biddeth farewell vnto them: and a multitude [Page] of other maladies, which procéede & issue from the head, vanish awaie: all which proue sufficientlie, what a worthie and notable thing it is, to be bald and without haire.

To the heade, as to a Castell or Tower, the strings or ropes of disea­sed are tied, & hang downe through the rest of the bodie. If anie be bald, then is he healthfull: yea, he beareth about with him, the image of bald This Aes­culapius was the first finder out of Phy­sicke, and was bald: whome diuers people adored & ho­noured as a God. Aesculapius of Aegypt, of whome he is liuelie representation and pa­terne. He that intendeth to recouer and preserue health, let him addresse him selfe to be like the first finder and inuenter of Physicke. The skull abi­ding bare, and suffering the heate of the Sunne, & the rage of tempestes, in short time changeth from bone to iron: and thereby is set frée from the assault or daunger of anie sicknesse. And as the speares of the mountain, are much more excellent than those of the fennes: euen so a bald & smooth skonse, is to be preferred by manie degrées, before a shocking frisled hai­rie [Page] head.

Chiron was Achilles Mai­ster, and made him a speare of Ash, which grew vpō the mountaine Pe­lius, this speare none coulde handle but on he Achilles, as Homer saith, [...], &c. Achilles onelie had skill to han­dle it, &c. Chiron, not without good cause, cut Achilles speare out of the moun­taine Pelius, where it grew, and not out of anie lowe lande or downe. A hairie head maie be cōpared to trées growing in fennes: for as they, so this is nourished and fostered in the shadow, and therefore vnfit to come in place, where there is anie warre or daungerous tumult. About Arabia towardes Aegypt, in a conflict be­twéene Cambyses and Psammenitus, there was a sore slaughter made of both their souldiers: for the putting apart of whose carcases, (the dead bodies lieng mingled one with ano­ther) they had none other marke whereby to knowe them, than their heads: and where they were slaine, there they were buried. Now they were discerned by this token. The heads of the Medes are thinne, ten­der, and not able to abide the bitter brunts of warre, yea so soft they are, that a stones cast is able to bruse and breake them. Contrariwise, y^e heads [Page] of the Aegyptians and Aethiopians are thicke, hard, and tough: so that it had néede be a sharpe & shreud stone that must make them smart. What was the cause of this difference? The Medes doe weare thicke couerings vpon their heads: but the Aegyptians are brought and trained vp in the scortching Sunne shine. Synesius proueth his reason by ex­ample of ex­perience and triall. If this will not bréede in you beléefe, then heare what I shall tell you. Giue a Scythian a hard blow on the head, he dieth by and by therevpon: strike the Mede, he complaineth not of paine.

Dion telleth a tale of certeine games called Which were solemn­lie kept y^e first day of euerie moneth, or of euerie newe moone. They may be called in English▪ The feastes of the newe moones. Hieromenia, at the celebrating whereof, an odde fellow hauing a bald pate, suffered a Ram to runne full butte against it with his hornes. This fellowes vse was, to get him day by day to the Barbars, and after his shauing, to haue hotte pitche powred vpon his pate. The Megarenses would stand in néede of flaggons, if they should hitte them a­gainst such a stonie skonse, where vn­to potshardes oftentimes sticke fast, [Page] and make it harder. Synesius an­swereth y^e ob­jection of Di­on, affirming (as Pindarus y^e Poet saith) that need and hunger will make a man do that which is against ho­nestie: againe, he saith that the deede of one priuate man, ought not to turne to the blame of a whole companie. This was Pindarus wish or request, y^t hauing enough to serue our turne at home, we might sit in the Theatre, behol­ding & hearing such things as were said and done. And if so be that this failed, yet desireth he thus much, namely, the suffering of many mise­ries, rather than to fal into the extre­mitie of all euilles, euen impouerish­ment and famishment. For they that are driuen to distresse, being desti­tute of succour, are compelled to lead the life of Plaiers, to strippe them­selues naked vpon a stage, to bewray their excéeding follie and madnesse, to iuggle them selues into sundrie shapes, and to become gazing stocks to the whole multitude, &c.

Dion supposing haire more hand­some for men, than for women, spea­keth against him selfe, and tumbleth out flat contraries. For how shoulde we attribute that to strong men, which when they haue, maketh them weake? Furthermore, it was decre­ed by lawe, that men shoulde not al­waies [Page] haue haire. For the This field fell to y^e Lace­daemonians by law of armes: after which time the Ar­giues sustai­ning the losse, vowed bald­nesse, till they had recoue­red Thyreae fielde againe. The Lacedae­monians con­trariwise, enacted by law, the wea­ring of long haire, which before they neglected. Lace­demonians, after y^e strife about a par­cel of land, called Thyrea field, which they, being on the surer side, had in possession: and the Argiues before the same variance, both of them suffered their haire to growe. As for women of all ages, and all quarters of the world, because it hath bene, and is a great ornament vnto them, they make much of their hairie lockes, they combe, they sponge, and they trimme them with no smal care and diligence: neither hath it bene heard, that any woman hath suffered her head to be shauen with a raisor: and as for any of that sexe, there hath not bene séene any one, time out of mind, hauing a bald pate. But if they chance to be bald, or otherwise to haue scant of haire, that is to be imputed vnto sicknesse: for sicknesse is a cause of baldnesse. Name me anie one man, that hauing liued out his full age, hath not bene bald. Baldnesse there­fore is the end of nature, which end euery one hath not y^e gift to attaine.

[Page]The Herodotus in his seuenth booke of hi­stories, called Polynmia, set­teth out this Stratageme at large. Lacedemonians incam­ping in Thermopyle, and looking for the comming of the enimie, exercised themselues, in the meane space, in trimming and dressing their haire: but though in this they thought them selues iollie fellowes, yet notwith­standing not one of them was parta­ker of victorie. The haire is a dead and senselesse superfluitie, & in dead things they haue their nourishment. The Aegyptians shauing off the hair of their dead bodies, euen to the very stumpes: founde notwithstanding their haire growne againe, and their beardes shot out in length the yeare next following. Dion passeth ouer with silence, those valiant Graecians, which got the conquest. He maketh no mention of those that went on warrefare with Reade Quintus Cur­tius, writing of the feates of armes, which Alex­ander & Da­rius did. Alexander, and fealt y^e force of Darius to their smart, the Lacedaemonians alone plaging them: in which skirmish or encoun­ter they perceiued what a fowle dis­commoditie and inconuenience, the souldiers at A coun­trie in Persia, where the mightie pow­er of Darius was vanqui­shed. Arbela, in a battell [Page] there fought, sustained: who when they were shauen, and disburthened of that combersome superfluitie, Fortune was so fauourable vnto them, that they endured the furie of the conflict.

Ptolomeus the Sonne of Lagus, was present at a combate fought be­twéene a Macedonian, and a Persi­an, wherein, at the beginning of the encounter, the Macedonian laie so sore at the Persian, that he went to the worst. But the Persian, casting his weapon one way, and his target another, got within the reach of his enimie, and catching fast holde of his beard and haire, laide him along vp­on the ground, and slue him. The exam­ple of one priuate man followed of a mightie and populous ar­mie, to their great aduan­tage, fame, & renowme. The Persians séeing this, as their Coun­trieman had done before, so did they, not neglecting so good an aduantage. For it grewe to be common through out all the Persian armie, yea it was to them all an infallible rule, that if they might come within the Mace­donians, and laie holde vpon their haire, it was as much as they requi­red [Page] towardes the obteining of the conquest. Herevpon it came to passe, that such souldiers in Alexanders hoast, as were bald, endured the whole force of the conflict, and bare the burthen of the battell: Alexander himselfe, being glad to put off his ar­mour, and warrelike furniture, fled with shame enough out of Cilicia. Afterwards when he had caused his hoast to be conducted out of the eni­mies reach, and had paused a space, he persuaded the Macedonians to shaue off their haire, of which hinde­rance when they were eased, he re­turned with a fresh power, tooke cou­rage, gaue assault to the Persians, en­countered with them valiantly, and triumphed ouer them victoriously. If not ter­rible to their enimies, then amiable to their louers: such will sel­dome proue stout soldiers. A bushie beard therfore, & shocked haire, make not men séeme terrible, vnlesse peraduenture vnto fearefull infants, in whose sight they appéere like Robin good fellowes, or Hob­goblins.

How then are the enimies terri­fied? When there is a strong bright [Page] helmet vpon the heade, which (to speake plainely and to the purpose) is nothing else but an armed skull: it is that wherewith the enimie is ter­rified. And if it so fall out, that for ornamentes sake, any one, or more, beautifie their headpéece, with the haire of a horsemaine, considering that vsually it hangeth behinde, this is no hinderance at all vnto bald­nesse. If Achilles (as Dion reporteth) had long haire, it was in the heat and flower of his youth, when his minde was prone and inclinable to anger. Of such speaketh the common pro­uerbe, More hair than wit. His head was wilde with haire, and his minde was wood with wrath. But as (for Achilles sake) we commende not anger in the minde: so doe we not (for his sake) praise bu­shie haire vpon the heade: and yet Achilles did set so little store by his louelie lockes, that he was content to let For he cut them off, and cast them into the fire, to be burnt with the bodie of Patroclus. Patroclus father them. Dion doth not rehearse the wordes of Ho­mer truely, but applieng the verse to his purpose, falsifieth the Poet. Whose saieng is this.

Wheras indéede the Poets wordes lie in this order.

Out of which spéech of the Poet, his meaning may be coniectured to be this, that Achilles baldnesse Because his haire failed before, and grew all be­hinde: as it should seeme by the Poets manner of speaking. at that time tooke beginning. Aristoxenus reporteth of Socrates, that he was quicklie kindled to anger, euen by nature: and not onely to anger, but also to other euill and lewd vices: but marke this by the way, he was not then bald. Afterwardes, when he grewe to be fiue and twentie yeares of age, Zeno and Parmenides the Philosophers comming to Athens, to sée the festiuall solemnities of fiue daies continuance, called The Festi­ualles of Mi­nerua, which lasted fiue whole daies, with great solemnitie: these festiuals in Latine are called Quin­quatria. Pana­thaenea, kept in the honour of the Goddesse Pallas, he turned ouer a [Page] newe leafe, and learned another les­son.

As is to be seene in Ho­mers Iliads, lib. 7. To whose worde [...], Phi­lostratus assen­ting saith: [...]: That is, He chid and tooke vp Paris, as one fearefull and too much giuen to nice­nesse. Hector vpbraided his Brother Paris, for the womanly triming of his haire: whereby it appeareth, what resemblance, or rather aliance there is betwixt baldnesse, and wisedome. Moreouer, the verse of Homer, which Dion repeateth concerning Hector, is mangled: neither is any such verse founde in that Poet. For I thinke that Iupiter himselfe, shoulde hard­lie haue a place in his workes, in that respect. If Menelaus had yellowe haire, yet notwithstanding we ga­ther not thereby, that he had bushie locks, neither did his commendation depend vpon his haire: but the Poet described the whole personage of Menelaus, by naming one part. Dion lacking matter to whet his wits withall, supposeth that the praise of his haire, and the praise of his person are all one, without difference.

When Iuno desired the carnall companie of Iupiter, and longed to lie with him, among all other light al­lurements [Page] to make her self amiable, Homer af­firmeth it in his Iliads, Lib. 14. where he shewing the shiftes that Iuno vsed, to flatter Iupiter, saith of her: [...] that is to saie: VVhen she combed her haire, she folded vp her lockes very cunninglie. the trimming of her haire was a principall. I confirme not my mat­ter with lies, as Dion doth. I allowe not, that anie hairie thing shoulde haue a dwelling place in heauen. In the Starres there is nothing to be founde that smelleth of Venus. As for Iupiters haire, I saie the Poet spake after that sort, for the capacitie of the people, whose ignorance must be helped by demonstrations. Dion, in all his discourse, concludeth not that haire is a good thing to them that haue it: nor that it is an euill thing to them that haue it not. Our trea­tise contrariwise searcheth out the verie secret properties of thinges, and findeth by reason, that baldnesse is excellent, that it is heauenlie, that it is the ende of Nature, that it is the thing whereby we attaine heauenlie wisedome, and that it purchaseth to them, which haue it, the possession of innumerable benefits, as well of the bodie as of the minde. Whereas indéede bushie haire, in stéede of com­modities, [Page] bringeth inconueniences, and namelie, likenesse vnto beastes. For haire, being but an excrement, or néedelesse thing, the toies of Na­ture, and reliques of an vnperfect stuffe: besides that, being common to beastes, putteth them in minde, whose lot is to haue it, of their brutish nature, and of all thinges contrarie to that which is diuine.

Of this stampe are adulterers, and lasciuious liuers. Homer was of opinion, The mis­chiefes which followe that vanitie, in ei­ther sexe, are like: for ther­vpon insueth shipwracke of honestie, and other villanies. that violatours, or raui­shers of Uirgins, were semblablie giuen to haue their haire delicatelie trimmed, as wanton women to the colouring, counterfaiting, fri [...]ling, and laieng out of their locks, which is a readie helpe to make them har­lots. And surely the Poet spake but the truth. For take me such a one, whose delight is in this vaine nice­nesse, and it is a hazard if he or shée be not lewd of life. These are the ring­leaders to all villanie, who haue laide their honestie to pledge, neuer mind­ing to redéeme it: a kinde of people [Page] giuen to the spoile, voide of hope, without grace, destitute of trueth, &c. Some lustie yonker, whose beautie hath bred in him extreame boldnesse, hath the face to entice and carie whi­ther he will, both by sea and by land, mens wiues, and daughters, with­out remorse of conscience: they haue the cast to conuey them to this cor­ner & to that, there is no darknesse to faile them in their knauerie. The sillie weake soule, thus kept like a captiue, doing seruice with her bodie to a whoorehunter, hath her minde perhappes vpon her husbande. The whoorehunter with his harlots haire, & minionlike maners, inchaunteth the womans wits, whereby it falleth out, that the husband looseth his wife foreuer, hauing no hope of recouerie. This bushie haire, with the like yoke fellowes, haue béene the ouerthrowe of manie a populous Citie. What other cause was there that Asia and Europa were in armes, but adul­terie? What other thing set the Graecians on fire, to destroie the [Page] He mea­neth Troie, whereof Pria­mus was king: who [...]e Sonne Paris, through the helpe of V [...]nus, with whom he was in fauour, for preferring her in beautie, be­fore Pall [...]s, & Iuno, stale a­waie Helena, y^e faire Ladie of Greece, wher­vpon follow­ed a bloudie battell of ten yeares conti­nuance. Citie of Priamus, but adulterie?

There is yet a mischiefe much woorse than that of Paris, wherewith This Cli­sthen [...]s being giuen to lewdnes and wan­tonnes, would be sure euerie da [...] to be [...] ­med at y^e bar­bars, that he [...] alwaies [...] yong. Clisthenes, This Ti­mar [...]s was so [...]tinent and filthie that he made it [...] matter of conscience to deale with his own [...]e and na [...]rall mother. Timarchus, and all those are impoisoned, which blaso­ning their beautie, solde themselues for salarie & wages to commit filthie lewdnesse: & if they all, at all times, did not for mony, make an exchange of their honestie: yet they spared not to doe it, for the satisfieng of their ab­hominable pleasure. To be at a worde, such as so deintilie doe dresse their crisped skonse: what are they but effeminate fellowes, wo­manlike wantons, and hucksters of their owne honestie? For what doe they else but traine customers vnto them? And he thinketh best of him­selfe, that can come nerest to women in nicenesse, whereby fauour is ob­teined. Now Sir, they that are of the Goddesse Cotys religion, other iudg­ment than this shall not preuaile a­gainst them. Let them counterfaite their haire often, let them frisle and crispe it often, let them tie it vp in [Page] locks often, let them perfume it with swéete ointments often, and this re­port they shall haue for their labour, namelie, that they offer vntoThis Cotys was the God­desse of filthie bawderie, and was highlie honoured at Corinth. Priapus the God of Gar­dens a medler in the same merchandize. Horat. Satyr. 8. Lib. 1. Co­tys and Priapus, sacrifices fit & séeme­lie for their personages.

Pherecydes méeting a youth with frisled bushie haire, hid his eies with his cloake, pointing as it were with his finger, at the disease wherewith he was infected. For he declared by his bodie, what was in his minde: whereby Pherecydes iudged, that he was of the right stampe of stallions. Againe, if Proverbes haue in them anie smacke of wisdome, as Aristotle is of opinion. For he saith that Pro­uerbes are certaine auncient rem­nants of Philosophie, left vnharmed after a great slaughter of people, and that for their shortnesse, and witti­nesse, they are kept and vsed. A Pro­uerbe therefore is a speach hauing in it a kinde of excellencie, and bearing a badge of his auncientnesse, that it was taken out of the treasurie of Philosophie. For our fore-liuers [Page] were much more bent to the con­templation of the truth, (called Phi­losophie) than we are in these daies. If Prouerbs therefore haue in them anie smacke of wisedome, what then is the meaning of this Prouerbe? There is no bush hairie fellowe, but, But he is baudie. For so Beatus Rhenae­nus supplieth the rest of the Prouerbe, in his comment vpon this place. &c. The end of this Prouerbe I will suppresse with silence, referring it to the sounde of the Eccho: for I make it a matter of conscience, to expresse that in plaine speach, which is filthie in nature and in name. Good Lorde, haue you founde it? How thinke you? Is it not truth it selfe? Surely I take it for an oracle. Thus you may sée, what pith there is in Prouerbs. Furthermore, Prouerbs are warranted and authorized aswell by the testimonie of those that haue them now in their mouth, as by the witnesse of them which liued long ago. For nothing maketh Prouerbs immortall, that is, alwaies to conti­nue in memorie, but the tongues of such as dailie and accustomablie do vse them, who by their speach kéepe [Page] that thing aliue, and as it were in doing, which is ment and signified by the wordes. For Prouerbs sprin­ging from particular déedes, and grounded vpon speciall examples, do not onely purchase to themselues the more credit, but also by their testi­monie confirme examples. To what purpose serueth Platoes disproofe? He reiect­eth the testi­monie of Rhetorike, as not indifferent in this case: be­cause like lo­ueth like. For a flourishing tongue, and a fri [...]ed head haue some a­greement. He being an Orator, manifestlie sheweth, that Rhetorike is a smooth, a painted, and a pausible science: and therefore more addicted to flatterie, than to truth and equitie.

They are much bound to Dion, (and no men in the worlde more) which betake themselues to woods, caues, and dennes, choosing rather there sauagelie to liue, than in pla­ces of ciuil societie: that with an vn­iust eie, they might long after that which is not theirs: and with the handes of violence plucke vnto them that which belongeth vnto o­thers. Whatsoeuer is cōmended by common consent, that must néedes be imbraced and followed, if it be [Page] with credit and beléefe receiued. Wherevpon it commeth to passe, that Dion woulde choose rather to aduance a rable of outragious rio­ters in our Citie, than contrariwise. Such as we set against these hairie heades, are men of all other most praiseworthie, in whose number are to be reckoned the Officers, who had the ministration of all holie rites and ce­remonies in their hands: as our Bi­shops, Per­sons, and Cu­rates, &c. Flamines, the Prophets, the Aedites, &c. Reuerend officers in the temples of the Gods: Teachers and instructers of youth in Schooles, and places of learning: Generals, Captaines, and Lieuete­nants, in armies: Gouernours of housholdes and families: with di­uerse more, which excell each other in dignitie. Agamemnō woulde neuer commit faire Ladie Chrysis to the credit and keping of him that was bush hairie. And it is wis­dome in men, that they will not haue nere their wiues, to serue them such nice and effeminat fel­lowes: with whome to see howe women are pleased, & delighted, it is a worlds wonder. Agamemnon neuer put a bushe hairie fellowe in trust with a Gentlewoman noblie borne. When Painters delineate and por­trait out in colours any yonker baw­dilie bent, or an adulterer, they will be sure to remember his bushie hair. But in setting out y^e image of a Phi­losopher, or other graue, and wise ho­nest man, they make him bald: no­ting [Page] in the one a youthlie wild light­nesse, and in the other an auncient sobernesse. I am of beléefe, that Phi­losophers, Gouernors of Common­wealthes, discréet Citizens, & all mo­dest men, will take in good part this discourse of ours. And although the common people will not (peraduen­ture) altogether allow it, let them notwithstanding, that are Which haue curled pates, whose haire hangeth about their heades, as mosse vpon trees, &c. mossie headed learne this lesson: that if they meane to be sober, honest, and pru­dent, the next way for them so to be, is often to be shorne and shauen. And let them furthermore estéeme such happie and fortunate, as Because of their bald­nesse. néede not the edge of the scissers or rasour.

It is not I that deserue thanks for that which I haue written, but the e­quitie of the cause, which hath offered me this discourse: wherby, he that is neuer so babish in knowledge & vtte­rance, shall be sufficiently furnished to reason with the wisest head in the worlde. My wishe and desire is, that this trauell of ours, may turne to the benefite of manie, whereby we also hope to haue commendation.