Essayes and characters, ironicall, and instructiue The second impression. With a new satyre in defence of common law and lawyers: mixt with reproofe against their common enemy. With many new characters, & diuers other things added; & euery thing ammended. By Iohn Stephens the yonger, of Lincolnes Inne, Gent. — Satyrical essayes characters and others

Essayes and characters, ironicall, and instructiue The second impression. With a new satyre in defence of common law and lawyers: mixt with reproofe against their common enemy. With many new characters, & diuers other things added; & euery thing ammended. By Iohn Stephens the yonger, of Lincolnes Inne, Gent. — Satyrical essayes characters and others

Table of contents

Title page

To the worthy and worshipfull my honored friend, Thomas Turnor Esquire &c.

To the Reader.

To the namelesse Rayler: who hath lenghthened his Excellent Actor, a most needy Caracter following the wife with a peece of dog-skin witt; dressed ouer with oyle of sweaty Posthorse.

A Friends Inuitation: no Flatterers Encomion.

To the nameles Author of a late Character entituled, an Excellent Actor, following the Wise.

An Epigram to my friend the Author, of his namelesse Detractor before mentioned.

Aliud Epigramma ad Authorem delibro suo epulo assimulato.

Aliud ad eundem de detractore suo anonymo praedicto.

§

Three Satyricall Essayes of Cowardlinesse.

ESSAY. I.

ESSAY. II.

ESSAY. III.

Essay. IIII.

Of High Birth. ESSAY. V.

Of Disinheritance. Essay. VI.

Of Poetry. Essay. VII.

Of Discontents. Essay VIII.

Two Bookes of Characters.

The first Booke.

CHARACTER. I. An Impudent Censurer

CHARACT: II. A Compleate▪ Man

CHARACTER. III. A good Husband

CHARACTER. IIII. A Contented Man

CHARACT. V. A good Emperour

CHARACT: VI. A worthy Poet

CHARACT: II. An honest Lawyer.

CHARACT. VIII. A Detractor

CHARACT. IX. An Humorist

CHARACTER. X. A weake-brain'd Gull

CHARACT: XI. A Ranke Obseruer

CHARACT. XII. A simple polititian

CHARACT XIII. A Spend-thrift

CHARACT: XIIII. A Ubiquitary

CHARACTER. X. A Gamester

CHARACT: XVI. A Nouice

CHARACT. XVII. An Epicure

CHARACT: XVIII. A Churle

CHARACT. XIX. An Athiest

CHARACT. XX. A Lyar

CHARACT: XXI. A Drunkard.

CHARACT: XXII. A begging Scholler

The second Booke of Characters.

CHARACTER. I. A Iaylor

CHARACT. II. An Informer

CHARACT: III. A base Mercenary Poet

CHARACT. IIII. A common Player

CHARACT: V. A Warrener

CHARACT. VI. A Huntsman

CHARACT. VII. A Falkoner

CHARACT. VIII. A Farmer

CHARACT. IX. An Hostesse

CHARCT: XXII. A Tapster

CHARACT. XI. A Lawyers simple Clarke

CHARACT. XII. A Pettifogging A•…turny

CHARACT. XIII. A crafty Scriuener

CHARACT. XIIII. A wrangling Welch Client

CHARACT. XIIII. A plaine Country Bridegroome

CHARACT: XVI. A plaine countrey Bride

CHARACT. XVII. My Mistresse

CHARCT: XVIII. A Gossip

CHARACT. XIX. An old Woman

CHARACT. XX. A Witch

CHARACT. XXI. A Pandar

CHARACT. XXII. A Friend

CHARACT. XXIII. A sicke Machiauell Pollititian

CHARACT: XXIIII. A Page

CHARACT. XXV. An honest Shepheard

CHARACT: XXVI. A Taylors man

CHARACT. XXVII. A Fidler

CHARACT. XXVIII. An Executioner

A Postscript.

§

§

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ESSAYES and CHARACTERS. IRONICALL, AND INSTRVCTIVE.

The second impression.

With a new Satyre in defence of Common Law and Lawyers: Mixt with reproofe against their common Enemy.

With many new Characters, & diuers other things added; & euery thing amended.

Expedit castigare, maledicere non licet ne (que) iuuat: affert enim maledictum vel malidicenti paenitentiam vel vituperationem: Iul: Scalig: de Subt [...]l▪

By IOHN STEPHENS the yonger, of Lincolnes Inne, Gent.

LONDON,

Printed by E: Allde for Phillip Knight, and are to be solde at his shop in Chancery lane ouer against the Rowles. 1615.

To the worthy and worshipfull my honored friend, Thomas Turnor Esquire &c.

[Page]

[Page]

SIR,

YOV did accept the former impression; which, as my second thoughts haue taught me, was a most idle creature; a thing only to be respected in your dispensation. Diligence and better knowledge, haue made it a much better volumne: you may peruse it therefore againe I must assure you, without losse of time. If you repent a second reading, let me not be reputed what I am

Your truly louing I. S.

To the Reader.

[Page]

THou art I presume wise enough (whatsoeuer thou art) not to beleeue me, if I should largely seeme to praise my selfe; or to reuile iny poore detractor, who is like the stoeworme, venomous, but blinde: continue thy iust vnbeleefe, for dealers in this kinde, be readie to outbraue and couzen thee. Nor hast thou reason to allow me more credit then thoso wordlings: for I confesse & am not sorry, thou and I are yet scarce [...]: Trust me not therefore further then thou maist discreetly; and then perhaps thou wil [...] acknowledge, that if (before) this worke was reasonable, it may be now thought vnamendable: howsoeuer if any thinkes I needed helpe to meditate such a trifling labor, I thanke him for his enuious good opinion: for I can not wish to be more well commended.

To the namelesse Rayler: who hath lenghthened his Excellent Actor, a most needy Caracter following the wife with a peece of Ingenium nempe quòd olet can [...]os mores, et constat de pelle sine corpore. I meane a wit which smells of the Curr, and hath no body but a skin. dog-skin witt; dressed ouer with oyle of sweaty Posthorse.

[Page]

VNusquisque turpis & inscius & ventosus, maleuolae ac rudi suae calumniae fretus, alieni nominis ruina, gradum sibi facit ad suam gloriam.

Sed,—Ille per extentum funem mihi posse videtur

Ire Poeta, meum quipectus inaniter angit

Irritat, mulcet, falsis terrroribus implet

Vt magus:—

You haue (I know not vpon what acquaintance) beene bolde with me; and if I said impudent, your tearme of imitating would excuse me: pre▪ thee if thou be'st honest, or a Scholler, be modest likewise and accuse thy selfe: I would be loath to blame thee and loose my labor, vnlesse I knowe thy nature; which would perhaps neither thanke me nor amend. Nor did I (as one affected vnto sa [...]cie [Page] rayling) admit a friends Saytre, but to informe the world that one mans credit should be more esteemed, then the most generally and worthyly contemned baser sort of Players: and let discretion teach thee, that all the writers of this age, must I doe not meane the vitious imitation that prouokes Horace to this reprehension. Quod si pallerem casu biberent exangue cuminum, O [...] mitatores ser vum pecu [...], vt m [...]hi sape Bilem, sape i [...] cum vestri mouere tumultus. lib. 1 Epist. 19. imitate; though some endeauour it, sonse doe it without a meaning: the last, was mine if any; hut hetherto I know not any. My comfort is; I cannot walke into the Citty, without being rubbed by some uncleanely person; much lesse then can my booke trauaile in the worlds compasse, and not be troden vpon by such a rude boistrous Knaue as thou: but as, being rubbed I would not willingly rubbe againe; so was I not willing that my bo [...]ke should resist thee; but rise againe, and scorne thee: for all thy attributes sauour of madnes and of venome. And for their sakes, I giue the Poets laughters to thy stumbling and most wit-lesse language.

dij te Damasippe deae (que)

Ob maledictum mox donēt tonsore; sed vnde

Tam bene ne nosti? postquam omnis restua, ludos

Ad medios fracta est, aliena negotia curas

Excussus proprijs.

Hor: Saty: 3. lib. 2.

[Page]

§

Marti: lib: 5. Epig: 61. Ad Detractorem.

ALlatres licet vsque nos & vsque,

Et gannitibus improbis laceflas:

Certum est hanc tibi p [...]negare sama [...],

Olim quam petis in meis libellis,

Qualiscun (que) legaris vt per orbem.

Nam tecur aliquis sciat fuis [...]e?

Ignotus pereas miser necesse est.

Non de [...]runt tamen hac in vrbe forsan

Vnus, velduo, tresue, quatuor ve,

Pellem rodere qui velint cani [...]am:

Nos hac a scab [...]e teneamus vngues.

To the same Detractor.

You may barke lowd against vs & prouoke,

Vs, with il-fauourd snarlings till you choke:

Yet questionles the world will dare d [...]ny,

The fame you couet in our Poetry:

Yes though your libels be dispered abroad:

For why should any know that such a Toad,

Hath had a being? thy detested graue,

Will take thee vnknowne, & a p [...]teous k [...]aue.

Yet will this Citty l [...]nd the willing power

Of one, of two, of three, perhaps of [...]ower▪

Who will not faile thy currish hide to [...],

Though I doe thee a mangy [...] s [...]aue forbea [...]e.

[Page]

In eundem.

Quaenam te mala mens miselle

Rauide

Agit praecipitem in meas nugas?

Quia deus tibi n [...]n bene aduocatus,

Vecordem parat exitare rixam?

An vt pervenias in ora vulgi?

Quid vis? qualibet esse noius optas?

Eris: quandoquidem oratio tua est

Plena veneni et pestilentiae.

Catullus.

THus much may perswade thie (Reader) that detractors, nay, Detractors in the like kinde of impudence, haue among the best Auncients beene a common fortune: and therefore they be not indeed worth a minutes anguish.

I. S.

A Friends Inuitation: no Flatterers Encomion.

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VVHen many are inuited to a Feast,

Though the inuiter doth not know his guest,

And therefore cannot well prouide in hast,

One dish so curious, as may please each tast:

Yet if this Host hath such a carefull minde,

As that he will, for each mans stomacke, finde

A seu'rall meat; and so prouide with care,

Good hous-roome, harty welcome, & good fare.

Shall we condemne his liberall act and loue,

If thank-lesse Inuitants the same disproue?

Some (peraduenture) doth one dish there see,

Which with his nature doth not well agree:

Some other may perchance dislike the feast,

Because it is not all what he likes best.

And so with diuers censures they doe take,

Due praise from him who did the banquet make:

Which may discourage him that doth intend,

Such carefull cost another time to spend.

Yet (worthy Author) let not this dismay

Thee, to goe forward in that vertuous way

Thou hast propounded; nor let that be lost

Which is so rare. Thou art a noble Host,

And cause thou knowest not the mindes of those,

That shall receiue thy feast, thou dost dispose

[Page]Of things so fitly, that all here may finde,

Diuers prouisions for each Readers minde.

What if perchance some surfet at thy feast,

Because they cannot easily digest

Some vicious quallity, which raignes so rife

In vicious minds (made known by their lewd life)

So rife; as you the danger haue exprest,

That knowing it, they might the vice detest?

Pitty their weaknes then, seeing thou dost tell,

Nothing to poyson humor, but expell.

What if some others will thy feast abuse,

Because it is of seu'rall kindes? resuse

The Founders dignitie, because tis knowne

Mens tastes and palates onely be their owne?

Thou mad'st it not for onely one mans sake,

But all the worlds, if all of it partake.

Take resolution therefore to thy minde;

Adde winges vnto thy fainting courage; binde

All thy due strength together; to prouide

So rare a Banquet; which may long abide

To all mens profit, and the founders praise.

He therefore doth inuite the guests that sayes

This is a Noble Feast; and wisheth this,

That he, which of this feast doth iudge amisse

May (if he wants what is in this combin'd)

Seeke to atchieue the same, but neuer finde.

ANTHO. CRO [...]YES. of Grayes Inne Gent.

To the nameles Author of a late Character entituled, an Excellent Actor, following the Wise.

[Page]

Your bolt so soone shott against my freind this Author▪ is now returned into your scandalous throate; beaten backe from one too strongly fortifide, for such cholerick distraction to preuaile with: he knowing therefore the manifest disgrace, that might be noted, if he should swagger in the darke with one whom neither he or any man (as he thinkes) euer knew; hath onely lighted a double torch (fearing least one, were hardly light enough) to finde the Person of such an obscure vagrant: nor must you further looke that he will grace you with incounter, for (vpon my knowledge) he was contented to reward you with the Poets Maxime—

Istic est thesaurus stultis in lingua sit us

Plautus in Poenul.

Vt quaestui habeant male loqui melioribus.

THis haue you confirmed in your vnlickt Character, which like the Rats on the banks of Nilus, hath only a forepart, [Page] and that deformed; the taile and hinder-parts be [...] mu [...]de: Wherein hoping to mend your credit by anothers losse, you haue presented to the sight of euery honest Reader your own ignorance, and malicious folly: These two, your onely darlings, like common prostitutes, haue sett vp a Vaulting-schoole in your decayed scull; and hanged their bills vp to drawe customers: But as they both haue beene the deadly foes to learning, so are they the most beloued minions to petty Pamphleters: witnes your ignorant mistaking of approued and authorised Actors for counterfeit Runagates, or country Players, inueighed against by the Characterist: as also your derogating from his industruous Labour, applauded by the best iudgements.

In regard whereof, take this which followes,

Iras [...]i nostro non debes▪ Cerdo libello

Mart. lib 3 E [...]i. 94

Ars tua, non vita est carmine laesa m [...]o.

VVAs it or Enuy, or the hope of coyne,

Or did thy Sister Furies thee enioyne

With thine infectious breath to dimme the hue

Of this vnspotted Mirror, whose bright view

[Page]Dazells thy feeble eyes? or is thy sight

(Fittest to looke on dunghills) by true light

so much obscured that thou canst not see

The Sunne at noon-time shine; vnlesse there be

Thy cloudy spirits interpos'd; and so

It proues vnfaire whilst thou vnfit to know?

Canst thou forswear't, and thinke thy booke shall help?

Or that thy Character (the purblind whelp

Of a leane bitch) can licke away these markes

From thee and thy maintaining fellow sharkes?

Noe, noe: who lookes, if not (as thou art) blind,

Vpon thy excellent Actor, may there finde,

In ragged cloathes thy pouerty of purse,

Of minde and credit thy deserued curse:

And sweare most credibly that all was penn'd

Them to protect from shame, who thee defend

From want: Alas, we know need can excuse

The trade of begging, hangmen, or the stewes,

And why not common Players? not those men

Whose soules did keepe in R [...]scius, and then

Left Rome to visit vs; beleeuing here

Men should and doe excell his action farre:

These wee account as much as you; who try

With a Rauens voice, to'approue their melody,

And mar their happy fame, which few controule.

wherfore then do you bark? could not your foule

Vntutord muse dwell in the suburbs still

[Page](Your witts best subiect) or your buzzard quill

Stoope at your wonted carrion game; but flye

To pitch aboue an Eagles aery?

Detract you cannot; for thinges Simply good,

Loose not their natures, though they be withstood

By deep or baser wits: nay all should say,

Thinges must be excellent because that they

Tasted and did distaste: we know the Kite

Affecteth stench, and Owles abhor the light:

Deep witts (through enuy) others fame disproue:

Base witts by kinde doe base thinges onely loue.

I'le then not wonder that the Players friend,

I meane this hierling can boldly spend

His soggy breath to blow away the curse

Of Statute law: alas a wicked purse

Puts strength into his lungs. I thinke him blind,

Who cannot see the Kings high-way, nor finde

One sparke of reason that may make him iudge,

Betwixt rare beauties and a kitchin-drudge:

And yet hee's blameles: they he not contrould

That praise cheape counters and reiect fine gold

But rather laught at: Fooles and children may

Before best maskes pre [...]erre a Puppet play.

I must be plaine and will: it is no sinne

To turne againe when others doe beginne.

W [...]r't thou an Eagle, yet the harmelesse Swan

Dares to incounter thee who first began

To meddle and prouoke: let enuy burst,

[Page]We can defend our selfe, offend none first.

Wilt thou then know thy selfe? for surely yet

The little soule thou hast doth poorely sit

In her halfe ruin'd cell; and through thine eyes

False spectacles, she louely trueth espyes

In faigned shapes: beleeuing it to be

Such as it seemes to her, who cannot see

Thinges truely nor her selfe, but proudly blinde

Iudges thinges base, by basenes of her minde.

You are the cuttle-fish whose inky gall

Spewd into purest waters, turnes them all

To the same couler, thinking to escape

The searchers eyes, or hide your monstrous shape:

Such a most busie Daw did seeme to dresse

My

I am heere enforced to claime 3 Characters following the Wife: viz: the T [...]nker, the Apparatour, and Almanack-maker, that I may signify the ridiculous and bold dealing of an vnknowne bot [...]her: But I neede make no question what he is: for his hackney similitudes discouer him to be the Rayler aboue mentioned whosoeuer that rayler be.

Characters (vnknowne) with saucinesse.

Couldst thou licke Homers vomit; or else theirs

whose heauenly raptures blesse our modern yeres

And those to come shall blesse; your name might liue

In Poets happines, and well suruiue

The workes of brasse and marble: but I know

You cannot be so bless'd: for those that draw

Plenty of water from the Ocean store

Empty not it; yet haue themselues the more,

[Page]which they may cal their own: but they that take

From puddles or dull Frog-pits, neuer make

Themselues nor others happy: all their toyle

Is like the gleaning of a barren soyle;

Both voide of gaine and credit: this apply

Vnto your selfe, whose witts best treasury

Lyes in Don Quixot, Amadis de Gaule,

Huon of Burdeaux, and those other small

Slight Pamphleters; vpon whose bruised winges

Thy feeble muse doth ride, and slowly singes

Her tuneles dreames: and labours to obtaine,

The bawdy treasure of Mimnernus braine:

Whose trauaile was in lust-bred plotts; and so

Thou maist excell good Homer, who did know

Nothing but that was honest. I might proue

This if I knew thy dealing by the loue

Thou hast composd; where men might read thy shame

(Thou being disouered) in the Deuills name.

And what of that sayst thou? This I inferre,

Such as the shadowes such the bodyes are.

And sure I thinke (by thee) that soules doe passe,

From one to another as [...]

Did teach his times: for who can heare you name

Hackney [...] so o [...]t but thinkes your essence came

Out of a stall [...]on: or indeed perchaunce,

A Hackn [...]y was thy▪ whole inheritance.

For you perhaps [...] that any Asse,

Or stumbling Coach-horse your soules lodging was

[Page]Yet from those rotten carkasses might spring,

Your waspish hornet braines, which buzze and sting

To your destruction; if you aske me why?

When Hornets sting they loose their stings & dy:

Which I desire not; but would haue t [...]ee liue

To raile at vertuous acts, and so to giue

Good vertues lustre: seing enuy still

Waites on the best deserts to her owne ill.

But, for your selfe learne this, let not you [...] [...]

Strike at the slint againe, which can withstand

Your malice without harme, and to your face

Returne contempt the brand of your disgrace:

Whilst he doth sit vnmou'd, whose constant mind

(Armd against Obloquy) with that weake winde

Cannot be shaken: for himselfe doth marke,

That Doggs for custome not for fierenes barke:

These any Foot-boy kicks and therefore hee

Passing them by with scorne, doth pitty thee:

For being of their nature mute at noone

Thou da [...]st at midnight barke against the moone:

Where maist thou euer barke, and no man heare

But to returne the like: And mayst thou beare

With griefe more slanders then thou canst inuent

Or e're did practise yet or canst preuent.

Mayst thou be matc [...]t with Enuy▪ and defend

Scorne towards that which all besides commend:

And may that scorne so worke vpon thy sence

That neither suffering nor impudence

[Page]May teach the cure: or being ouerworne

With hope of cure may merrit greater scorne.

If, not too late, let all thy labours bee

Contemnd by vpright iudgements, and thy fee

So hardly earn'd not paid. May thy rude quill

Be alwaies mercenary, and write still

That which no man will reade; vnlesse to see

Thine ignorance, and then to laugh at thee.

And mayst thou liue to feele this, and then grone

Because, tis soe, yet cannot helpe: and none

May rescue thee, till your checkt conscience cry

This this I haue deserued; then pine and dye.

Mart: lib: 10:Epig: 5.

Et cùm fateri furia iusserit verum

Prodente clames conscientia, scripsi:

I: COCKE.

An Epigram to my friend the Author, of his namelesse Detractor before mentioned.

Fastus disdaines thy worke, because not thine,

But meerly drawne forth by anothers line:

Thou imitat'st he saith: well thou mightstone:

For thou canst imitated be by none:

Though I dare take thy word, yea'tis well known

ther's nothing heer but thou maist call thine own.

For (like a common theefe) the sneaking elfe

Hath slander [...] thee, that he might saue himselfe.

[Page]

Aliud Epigramma ad Authorem delibro suo epulo assimulato.

Why should'st thou striue or study to vpraise

A labour, how to work some Welchmens praise?

Those that haue iudgement must commend thy skill:

Regard not then though others say'tis ill:

If amongst many they dislike thy Feast,

A bitt of cheese will helpe them to digest.

Aliud ad eundem de detractore suo anonymo praedicto.

For beare my freind to write against that man

A sharpe iambick, who hath wrong'd thy name:

Thou canst not right thy selfe; for he hath none:

Nor can haue, if he be the peoples Sonne.

GEO: GREENE of Lincolns Inne Gentleman.

§

§

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Three Satyricall Essayes of Cowardlinesse.

ESSAY. I.

FEare to resist good vertues common foe,

And feare to loose some lucre, which doth

By a continued practise; makes our fate

Banish (with single combates) all the hate, grow:

Which broad abuses challenge of our spleene.

For who in Vertues troope was euer seene,

who did (through goodnes) against passions fight

Without the publike name of hipocrite?

Vaine-glorious, Malapert, Precise, Deuout,

Be tearmes which threaten those that goe about

To stand in opposition of our times

With true defiance, or Satyricke rimes.

Cowards they be, branded among the worst,

Who (through contempt of Atheisme) neuer durst

Crowd neere a Princes elbow, to suggest

Smooth t [...]les, with glosse, or Enuy well addrest.

These be the noted Cowards of our age,

Who be not able to inst [...]uct the Stage

With matter of new shamelesse impudence:

Who cannot almost laugh at innocence;

[Page]And purchase high preferment by the wayes,

Which had beene horrible in Nero's dayes.

They are the shamefull Cowards, who contemne

Vices of State, or cannot slatter them:

Who can refuse aduantage; or deny

Villanous courses, where they doe [...]spy

Some little fortune to inrich their chest:

Though they become vncomfortably blest.

Wee still account these Cowards, who forbeare

(Being possess'd with a Religious feare)

To slip occasion, when they might erect

Hornes of disgrace; or when they doe neglect

The violation of a Virgins bed

With promise to requite her Mayden-head.

Basely low-minded we esteeme that man,

Who cannot swagger well, (or if he can)

Who doth not with implacable desire,

Follow reuenge like a consuming fire.

Extortious Rascalls, when they are alone,

Be think how closely they haue pick'd each bone;

Nay with a frolicke humour they will brag,

How blanck they left their empty Suters bag.

Which dealings if they did not giue delight;

Or not refresh their meetings; in dispight

They would accounted be both weake, vnwise,

And like a timorous Coward too precise.

Your handsom-bodied youth (whose comly [...]ace

May challenge all the store of Natures grace)

[Page]If, when a lustfull Lady doth inuite,

By some lasciuious trickes his deere delight,

If then he doth abhorre such Wanton ioy,

Who is not almost ready to destroy,

Ciuility with curses, when he heares

The tale recited? blaming much his yeares,

Or modest weaknes, and with cheeks full blowne

Each man will wish the case had been his owne.

Graue holy men, whose habite will imply

Nothing but honest zeale, or sanctity,

Nay so vprighteous will their Actions seeme,

As you their thoughts Religion will esteeme.

Yet these All-sacred-men, who daily giue

Such [...]owes, would think themselues vnfit to liue

If they were Artlesse in the slattering vice,

Euen to deuoure a treble Benefice.

None (for her owne sake) fauours innocence.

Charity layes a side her Conscience,

And lookes vpon the sraile commodity

Of monstrous bargaines with a couetous eye:

And now the name of Generosity,

Of noble Cariage, or braue Dignity;

Keepe such a common skirmish in our bloud;

As we direct the measure of Thinges good,

By that, which reputation of Estate,

Glory of rumour, or the present rate

Of Sauing [...] doth best admit.

We doe imploy materials of wit,

[Page]Knowledge Occasion, Labour, Dignity,

Among our spirits of Audacity.

Nor in our gain-full proiects do we care

For what is p [...]ous, but for what we da [...]e.

Shop-keepers would be thought extreamly dull,

Worse then a simple or phantastique gull,

If when they meet a nouice or a man

Of good experience, they neither can

Couzen the buyer with protested loue,

Nor with perswading fables him remoue.

They would be threatned I thinke in despight,

Among their fellow-cheaters (who delight

As much in crafty tearmes as in the ware)

If they should any circumuention spare.

They haue a tricke to whisper once or twise

And l [...]aue their voice when they abate the price,

Seeming to tell you they hau [...] bargaind so,

As they abhor to let the neighbours know;

When stuffe and price doe lesse in worth agree

Then place and meritts where sweet minions bee.

Let neuer truth protect me if my witts

Doe not halfe stagger whilst my fancy sitts

Reuoluing their most licenc'd couzenage:

They make it the whole practise of their age

To sell and to deceiue. The fatherles

(Who had a little stocke and craftines)

Haue by the Deuils meanes aduanc'd their state

Quickly and richly in a twelue yeares date:

[Page]When true Diuines and honest Lawyers may,

After more study shut their bookes and play:

So much more wealthy is it to perswade

Youth in a seruile then a noble trade.

Will you bele [...]ue me? They haue secret charmes

By which they doe arise to wealth and Armes:

As deepe Magicians with a triple sound

Raise wind [...] Spirits vp aboue the ground,

So Citty Tradesmen haue the same deuise

To eleuate themselues: stuffe, couller, prise,

Be made the triple meanes which briefly can

T [...]ansforme a Woodcock to an Alderman.

But one among the rest (more wisely bent

Then to approue the way which others went)

Insinuates his thrid with silken lace:

Both which together gott a Mayors place:

Which did reueal [...] him then, to be indeede

A thridden fellow in a silken weede.

Thus doe they prosper, and when worth dispaires

Breed a slight fortune for consuming heires:

And among secrets which they closely learne,

They thinke them best which onely they discern:

As if whilst they to hell be going on

It were some ioy not to be look'd vpon:

Thinking (as all men thinke) that few haue been

Damned indeed, if they were damnd vnseene

Esteeming death, and horror, sermon-toyes;

If they doe softly come without much noyse.

[Page]Shall vsury be thought a godlesse gaine:

Because it helpes men with such little paine.

And shall not lazy cheating trades be thought

Alike vnlawfull, being often bought

With little times expence: they doe discharge

All their Professions faculty at large,

If they can walke about their wealthy shopps,

In sober gownes and very hansome slopps,

Now looking on their Wiues, then on the ware,

Casting about betimes how to prepare

A place of worship for his infant Sonne:

Else meditating how they may out-runn

Their neighbors fortune; or beguile the Trust

Of them who raisd their fortunes from the dust:

How they may bankroupt seeme, perhaps they

Or of a merry voyage: or they drinke,

And beat their seruants madly: o [...] they sleepe: thinke:

Or a high valued plentious feast they keepe:

Or if they thinke how they may busie bee,

They doe reuolue their sin-full booke, and see

Where they may best amend the figures weight,

And turne a twenty-sixe to twenty-eight.

Then tell me some that know, doth common vse

A worse or easier gaine then this produce?

I will indeed consent; vsurious coyne

Is not with labour taught, how to purloyne,

So much as the deceipt of narrow yards.

An Vsurer much busie time discards

[Page]Which might instruct his knowledge to receiue

A much more impious gaine, and more deceiue.

He might be busie as our Tra [...]esmen bee,

To c [...]eate or l [...]e: till when I must agree

Their the [...]uish busines which they reckon best,

Excells the labor of rich interest.

But I am largely clamorous, and shall

Among the titles of inuectiues fall:

For now the times corrupted language giues

New names to whatsoeuer is or liues

Not suting with our humors and intent:

An honest courage we call impudent:

And impudence hath lately tooke the name

Of thr [...]uing wit, which doth obtaine best fame.

Good humble men, who haue sincerely layd

Saluation for their hope, we call Afraid.

But if you will vouchsafe a patient eare,

You shall perceiue, men impious haue most feare.

ESSAY. II.

MAny aspiring fellowes you may see,

Who after they and fortune do [...] agree,

Come (by briefe windings) to be men elect;

Through priuate means, heauen knows how indirect

To flourish quickly and aduance their head,

As if they tooke possession from the dead:

[Page]When all the Heralds neuer could deuise,

From whence the fathers kindred might arise.

Though many call them Nephew, Brothers sonne,

(because a thriftie garment they haue spun)

Who (else) with publick shame had bin disgrac'd,

And all the titles of their loue de [...]ac'd:

But now they flourish and with honour swell,

Whose poore beginnings euery Groome can tel:

As if a newfound Whittingtons rare Cat

Come to extoll their birth-rights abou [...] that

Which nature once intended: [...] be men

Who thinke not of a [...] yeelding Ten:

They turne base copp [...]r i [...]to perfect gold:

Counterfeit couzening wares be wisely sold.

Men be perswaded well of prosperous fa [...]e,

Giuing much credite to a crafty pate,

But if these cowards durst discouer all,

Both how they did their high estates install,

How they began to make a league with hell,

Or how they did in damned plots excell,

Their very liues alone, if they were dead,

Would make another work for [...].

Alas they dare not; these be cowards right,

For whose abortiue deedes the blackest night,

Is neuer blacke enough, nor can [...];

Their shame, which lewd posterities [...]eueale,

Fine hansome outsides who so highly stand

On the reputed courage of their hand;

[Page]Who keepe their Pages with such spacious gard:

(Scorning to play without a coated card)

Who keep a large Retinue, or erect

Buildings; in which they neuer can expect

To dwell, with credit of their famish'd stock;

Or to maintaine the vse of one good lock.

These notwithstanding to augment their glosse,

And tu [...]n some braue expences into drosse,

Will be the seruile debtors to a slaue,

Who hath no remedy, but to depraue

Their fortunes with inuectiue impudence,

Or make Petitions to desray expence.

And yet these mighty V [...]starts cannot dare,

To pay a single Crosse: Except they spare

Thir pompe; which giues a lustre in the Court,

And in the Citty makes aboundant sport.

Spend-thrisis, and Gallants likewise (who haue lands

Which beare all Saffron for their yellow bands)

Those which haue onely complement, & whoope

In Tauernes; may attend the former troope.

Those that dare challenge any man of Armes,

And seeme to beare about them valiant charmes:

Belching vnciuill Enuy, in the face

Of him that meekely contradicts their grace;

As if they carried vengeance in their iawes,

Or executions of the Statute-lawes.

Those men if strictly challeng'd, quake with feare

Contriuing basely how they may forbeare:

[Page]And (leauing then a while their pompous pride)

They best bethinke, how they may closely hide

Their contumacious heads with priuiledge:

For when the slat-cap tradesinan doth alledge

Forfeit of payments (and because at length

His wife, & so the world, doth know his strength)

When he procures a Champion to demand

The noble answere of his debtors hand:

And dares my valiant Swaggerer to meet,

His lawfull challenge in the open street;

He, rather then he will prouoke the strise,

Sues by petition to my plaintifes wife:

Who if she doth not very much forget,

Takes downe the quarrell, and so payes the debt.

Another sort of cowards you may see,

(Transcending these in a more base degree)

Who to pre [...]erue aduancement, or vphold

Their Families, (without expence of gold)

Will, in promis [...]uous manner, congregate

Amongst good men, who blockish Papisme hate;

Nay, they will be attentiue in the Church,

(All to avoyd the law, and penall lurch)

They will con-niue at holy arguments,

And often beare a [...] Parliaments:

They will agree to co [...]stituted lawes,

Which almost [...] to their kin [...]dome drawes,

(All notwithst [...]nding) they directly [...]are

Hope to be sau'd, as [...] Papists are;

[Page]Expecting on some opportunity,

When they may make a traytrous vnity:

For all the truth which can excuse their fate,

Is, that they finely can equiuocate:

A Cowards doctrine, full of shameles feare,

Insuses ioy to their misguided [...]are:

And yet no equall iustice them controules,

Because they haue a Curtaine to their soules.

Corrupted Officers, the common cuise

Of publike Law, doe stuffe their gaping purse

With wrongfull fees, and grow extreamly fat

By their delicious trickes, or lying squat

Vp to the eares in pleasant Alchymie:

If these men durst bewray their infamy,

And bring their holyest actions into light,

The day would runne to a pr [...]digious night.

New fees created are, and then the match

Must something take to frame a briefe dispatch:

Informers be preuented by a feate,

Which quallifies indeed their boystrous heate,

Although vniustly: Clearkes and other knaues

(Who with their gennerous ruffs the Court out-braues)

Will take a pention, or a quarter fee,

To make their friend from information free;

And (to preuent the mischiefe) will declare

How other bills already doe not spare

To certifie the Court a day before

Of that, for which the Plaintiff [...] doth implore:

[Page]So false and fained policie doth cracke

The crafty meanings that pre-caution lacke:

Yet still they gape, and say they cannot saue

The many pounds which they so freely gaue

To purchase ten times more: for they intend

Onely on priuate meanings to depend.

That waking sighted Run-away, the Hare,

(Which is preseru'd by a continuall feare)

Cannot (by this) protect her innocence,

So much as Officers their lewd pretence:

The Fox an auncient Hierogliphicke was,

In Fryers robes to shew the common passe

Of smooth hypocrisie, and Church-mens craft;

But now a formall Gowne may serue to wast

This badge among our prowling Officers,

Which Name and Habite rightuously inferres

As much compacted Villany, as meetes

Among the Stewards of rich Countrey Lee [...]es:

Both Couzen with as great conformity,

As if they held some new fraternity:

Both be so practysd in good Uertues scorne,

As if Atturnies had directly sworne

To match the Officer, and powle the [...]leece,

As if they both consisted of one peece.

They both insinuate their sweating paines,

Their common payment: each (alike) constraine [...]

The hunger-bitten Client to disburse,

Till they haue le [...]t his hopes euen with his purse,

[Page]Yet will you dare to say those men exact?

No; that were brainlesse: they so well compact

Their polliticke inuentions, that the fault

Of asking more then due, creepes to the vault

Of Clearks dull ignorance to purchase leaue,

When their discouered proiects doe deceiue

A Substitute in Courts may rather take

All wrested fees, that glosse may thereby make

The Steward seeme lesse culpable in vice,

When Substitutes are taught by his aduice:

And if some one their cousenage doth betray,

The Substitute can easily slinke away.

My baudy Proctor likewise, who presumes

To purge mens purses, for venerall Rhumes;

Who threatens penance in a ghostly sheete,

If Clyents (though they strip f [...]om head to feete)

Be slacke in payment of extortious coine:

This man who studies first how to purloine,

Before he lookes vpon the ciuill Law;

This man, who hath a prompt and ready paw,

Who loues no Innes of Court, shutting his cracks

And all his rage, vder a nose of wax;

Who, when a fornicator lookes awry,

That he the least aduantage may espy,

He will officiously attend the Court,

Because he smels out the ensuing sport,

And when a grieuous sine afflicts the purse

Of fleshly sinners, to escape the curse,

[Page]He and the thrifty Iudge cau closely share

The foule taxation, which with pious care

Is well intended to correct the sinne,

Establish bridges which decay within,

Releiue sicke persons, or amend high-wayes,

Or some Religious Chappell, which decayes.

But they haue other vses to respect,

To buy their [...]iuill garments, or affect

The wanton lust of some egregious Whoore,

To win new credit, to deceiue the poore;

And so deceiue the vnsuspectfull time,

For (else) they durst not so insatiate clime

Into the fiery Region; neither dares

Their habite seeme acquainted with these cares.

One thing which makes the brag Ciuilian

Account himselfe to be a better man

Then any common Lawyer, [...], because

The Latine tongue hath dignifi'd there Lawes:

And well may Proctors loue the latine tongue;

For (as of olde it hath been truly sung)

Men measure goodnesse by the pres [...]nt gaine:

Should Proctors then from louing that refraine?

When to their great content and greater ease

They can expound their latine as they please:

For (as a fellow lately did agree

Who knowes their dealing) when you read or see

Adpios vs [...]s in a Proctors notes,

The meaning is to buy wiues petticotes.

[Page]Now must I summon Parish-hypocrites,

Who seeme attentiue to coelestiall rites;

Who thinke the Art of him that well doth liue,

Is all perform'd, if he example giue,

Which may become the Parish: if he pray

Aloude in Chambers, or deuoutly pay

The tribute of plaine dealing vnto all

Who (can to their assistance) Iustice call:

If in assemblies he can shew good workes,

And call offenders, Infidels or Turkes:

He thinkes he hath discharg'd the finall part

Of a religious or honest heart:

Though he doth closely keepe a vertuous Punke,

Or though (on cautious tearmes) he can be drunk:

Though in another County, and the name

Of other Agents h [...] can schedules frame;

And thinkes himselfe to be a man well blest,

Though he receiues the Sinfull Interest:

For this eye-seruing-age is quickly gone

To all deceit, if we lacke lookers on.

These be most valiant Cowards, men that dare

Be boldly impious, and yet basely feare,

Least common rumour should obserue or thinke

They be not still awake, though still they winke.

Some false Physitions lye within the reach

Of these, who true sincerity impeach,

Their glasses, glisters, oyles, ingredients

(Which hope of lucre oftentimes inuents)

[Page]Doe carry all (as if a Cowards soule

Kept in their bosomes) to the dead mens rowle;

Hiding their fearefull practise in the graues:

Leane Death, their operation still out-braues.

Sometimes their crabbed Enuy doth inuent,

Sometimes they kill with new experiment:

For still they erre by custome or by chance,

Either by malice, or by ignorance:

And hauing spent prescriptions to each dramme:

He thinkes alas sure I protected am,

If now I see our Physicke does no good,

Or seeing I haue suckt his purse and blood,

If I can tell his friends there is no hope,

Or that he must expect deaths fatall scope:

Then shall I be discharg'd with credits fee,

And to condemne more liues, remaine still free.

They shift their compasse to auoyd our scorne,

Hiding their actions from the faire-fac'd morne.

But now censorious Critticks doe disgrace

Each worke they know not, with a scuruy face:

They banish Authors to Barbarian lands,

And fling true solid matter from their hands,

With a disdainfull Motto of Non sence:

Although themselues (excepting impudence)

Haue nothing to excuse their vanitie:

Latinlesse Lawlesse Rogues, they often be,

Who hauing past their verdict, will recant:

For their maintaining faculty is scant.

[Page]Or [...]f these Apish Cowards dare defend,

The vice of Iudgement, brings them to their end.

And yet some writers doe deserue the name

Of Cowards likewise: they be growne so tame,

With being often handled, often prais'd,

As they forget their motion, being rais'd

Aboue the highest spheres: they thinke it much,

More then indeed enough, to haue beene such

As they were once accounted: though they sleepe

Follow their ease, and sluggish silence keepe:

Nay thogh they wake, & (which doth poyson thē)

Follow those errors which they did condemne.

Some worthlesse Poets also, haue the vice

To write their labours as they cast the dice:

If (by addenture) some strange happy chance,

Smiles on their borrowed workes of ignorance,

They can bewray their theeuish names, and giue

Notice to all, how they eterniz'd liue.

But if (presuming on their sickly strength)

They write, and doe betray themselues at length:

Then, oh they came into the publicke presse

Against their wils; they dare not then confesse

Who wrongs the world with such base Poetry:

Nay, their owne eldest sonnes they will deny.

All hide their vices. Pr [...]nters also hide

Errors escap'd, which makes wise men deride

Excellent wits, deser [...]ing worthy praise,

when (through distinctions lost) the truth decaies:

[Page]But among all base writers of this time,

I cannot reckon vp more desperate rime,

(Which trauailes with a feare so damnable)

As Libell-lashing measures: they excell

Onely in this; that those be counted best,

Which the foole-Author dares aknowledge least.

These are contemptible enough, and yet

Their lines maske vnder a sictitious wit,

When wit (as hitherto) was neuer seene

Truly ingendred by a triuiall spleene.

Nor can they thus reforme what is impure,

Seeing men so touch'd, conceiue themselues past cure.

wel do these cowards thriue, when hauing blown

Shame to the peoples Eares, they loose their own.

Briefly, it were a thing preposterous,

If rich men, who are nicely couetous,

Should not be trembling cowards; when they thinke

Vpon the ioyfull paines of death they stinke.

Nothing prouokes me sooner to confesse

That Athisme is their chiefest happinesse,

Then to consider how the very best

Struggle with death, declining to their rest:

One plucks away the haires which should reueale

His righteous thoughts: another doth conceale

The furrowed wrinkles of his tawny skinne:

Anorher scoures his stumpes, or doth beginne

To breake the glasse with foolish extasie,

At the reflexe of Chap-f [...]lne grauitie.

[Page]Can th [...]se, with safetie of a quiet minde

[...] vp themselues with an ambitious winde

[...], Rumor, Lucre, and Expence,

[...] [...]nd good men haue no difference?

[...], I haue some alone,

They feed a Hundred bellies, I feed one.

Both van [...]sh to O [...]liuions caue, vnlesse

Our very thoughts a liuing soule expresse:

W [...]ich b [...]ing once admitted, no soules can

Keepe their worst secrets from the face of Man.

ESSAY. III.

NO more, no more: now saith my honest friend

Be politicke; or study to commend

The time, and timelings, least you doe bestow

More copious tearmes then licence dare allow.

Content thy selfe (Cordatus) I will blame

No reuerend Church-men, neither will I name

One lewd professor, who polutes the grace

Of such a formall and respected place:

I will not name their liuings, nor their liues,

Much lesse their bondage to their hansome wiues

As if they durst not shew the times disease,

Because i [...]deed they dare not them displease.

I will not wrong their holinesse: and why?

In holinesse true zeale you may descry.

[Page]Nor will I taxe Church vices, least I wrong

The labour which to writing doth belong.

For when I haue againe repeated all

Their vices publicke, and sinnes personall:

I shall but reckon the antiquities,

Of Glosse, of Ignorance, and Simonies:

And so repeate things mention'd long before,

Nay things prefixt vpon each Play-house doore.

Let them (alas) continue, or increase,

O let them long inioy a quiet peace;

For they already know the mischiefes well:

They almost scorne such inwards to expell.

And why? they feare taxation: O strange fate!

They who contemne reproofes, are desperate.

We cannot hope such persons will amend,

Who may (without controule) their vice extend.

Enough, enough, I haue bethought so much

Concerning cowards, that my selfe am such:

I dare not speake my meaning vnder paine

Of being crost, of being curb'd againe.

Why crost? why curb'd? go aske authoritie

Why it protects peculiar vanitie?

And it perhaps will answere in defence;

Crowes to themselues be perfect Innocence.

Or (which is more familiar) [...] loues

That humor best, which bitterly reproues

All states, all faculties besides her owne:

She fauours that, and feares it should be knowne,

[Page]Thouhg it be noted; or with bitter shame,

Hath purchasd (e're you write) an odious name.

Men thinke their fashions and their faces best,

If (in a flattred humour) they be blest,

To heare men discommend both such and such,

Not naming theirs; although they be so much

Apparant filthy, as no vulgar eye

Would make a question of deformity:

And so superior vices doe ptopound

A freedome to their scope, as being sound

In selfe conceite, if they can saue their skinne

From being Printed with a publike sinne;

Though (setting bookes aside) they doe professe

Enough to poyson all their names no lesse.

See how I breath into the spacious Aire,

A Theame as spacious: Can my Verse repaire

The fruitles errors of men obstinate;

Who cannot freely their owne vices hate?

Who rather gainefull vices doe condemne,

Because they cannot purchase gaines by them?

For in their owne offences they reserue

Such cautions as may closely them preserue.

Well, sir, admit men labour to be wise,

And for themselues do secrets exercise,

Who shall dare contradict such worthy paines

Which fosters credit, and ill tearmes restraines?

Auant base Hipocrite, goe henceforth set

Vpon thy pillow, thy close cabinet,

[Page]And sleepe with all the papers in thy hand,

Which thy most secret counsels may command;

Or I with Spaniards better shall agree;

Or I shall trust a Lapwing more then thee.

Good men dare alwaies haue their thoughts expressd,

And to their spightfull haters be confessd.

Although in lawfull proiects, witt doth teach

A priuate way, least others should out-reach.

But well, suppose men so directly halt

As they doe feare to patronize the fault,

Shall they not seeke vnpunish'd to remaine,

If actions pass'd cannot be cal'd againe?

We daily doe transgresse; and some perhaps

Deserue the plagues of lashing after-clap [...]:

But then, alas! what satisfaction can,

Written reproofes be for a vicious man?

You make professions vndergoe contempt,

And make the least offence so farre exempt

From ciuill vertue, and some new concerts,

That you enforce good fellowship to straights.

So: Haue you done (deare Motley?) yes almost;

But stay a little, and behold vncrost,

The reason, why we closely doe amis,

And why we couer sinne: the reason is

To frustrate your inuentions; which produce,

Nothing halfe-worthy of a well borne Muse;

But triuiall vanities, and time expence,

To tell mans weakenes by experience:

[Page]You might with more applause bestow more pains

To grace the Mayors Triumphs, and the chaines

Which do attend his Lordship to the Hall:

You might the Scottish dignitie miscall:

And in some honest, [...], scur [...]y rime

Disgrace or flatter minions of the time:

A rustick, sawcy, morall would be rare:

To let the people know you do preferre

Fame and your countries witles loue before;

Discretions wealth, and raptures quiet store,

You might prouide for Cambridge once againe

Scaenes, which might worthy, like it selfe remaine:

And not in tearmes, as needy as the truth,

Discouer haire-braine fallacies of youth:

You might, you might, Seuerus, and detest

To scourge close dealers who be safely blest:

For I can well resolue; you are the cause

Why men reserue (in acts) a priuate clause:

You, and your nice obseruance do restraine

Men, and their actions both, from being plaine:

And yet you call those Cowards, who beware

As if they were possess'd with childish feare.

Suruay thy selfe, quicke-sighted formalist,

And then discouer that abusiue mist,

With which men shelter any private sinne:

Charity alwayes doth at home beginne.

Now haue you ended? then, I answer all

By scorning to excuse or hide my fall;

[Page]As thou dost vrge, if I transgresse my square,

I of relapse, not of reproofe beware:

And I beleeue thou likewise wilt amend,

If so thou do'st not studiously offend:

For that indeed betrayes mens dealings naught,

When they doe studie rathe [...] to be taught,

In subtile mischiefe of a newer mint,

Then to abiure deceits of common print:

For they hate couznage, once intitled olde,

Because the Title shewes it often tolde,

And so affoords no lucre; not because

It fauours Athisme and corruption drawes.

Why doe I taxe, why doe I trouble men,

Or why with noted crimes defile my Pen?

The most notorious Cowards will betray

Themselues, and follyes, though I turne away.

Yes (which is worth my laughter) they accuse

Their closest feares, euen while they doe refuse

To let you vnderstand their subtile drifts.

They doe discover such avoyding shifts,

That you may thence collect some fearfull trick:

They studie to appeare so politicke.

As, Fellons brought before a Iustice, each

Hopes to be sau'd, if others he impeach:

And as some Indians dealt, being all amaz'd

To heare the Spanish guns and forces blaz'd;

They bought their safety through a fine deceit:

For knowing gold to be the Spanish baite,

[Page]They would protest, that fifty leagues beyond

Was common plenty of that yellow sand,

Meaning to turne the fooles another way.

And so deale vicious persons: they betray

Anothers folly, to preserue their owne:

Obserue, & you shall gather things well knowne.

Go tell a Church-man he hath lost his voyce,

Or aske him why he doth in strife reioyce:

And he will answer; Lawyers do not speake

So much to purpose, as the Pulpits creake,

Although they do receiue fees double twice;

Which far [...]e exceed my single benefice.

But you must thinke, diuines resolue on this,

To blame-Lawmen though nothing were amisse.

Go tell a Scholler he relyes on chance,

Because he doth affect dull ignorance:

And he the worst obiection soone auerts

By telling how The times neglect deserts.

Go tell a Maiestrate of morning bribes,

And he, to shallow meanes, the same ascribes:

But then demand of Honour why she failes,

In giuing that which euery way auailes

To nourish her beloued sonnes? And she

Will answere, They profuse, insatiate be.

Aske shifting Russians why they do forget,

To hasten payment and discharge their debt,

Or why they doe sufficient men dislike?

And they will answere, Great-ones do the like.

[Page]Go tell a Gameller he hath cheated long,

Or vnto many offred shamefull wrong,

And he will answere that himselfe before

Was often cheated twentie times and more.

Go aske a Drunkard why he followes wine,

Abuses God, or giues a Heathen signe;

And he will quickly answere thy demand,

The Parson was so drunke he could not stand.

Go tell a Hot-spurre he hath kil'd a man,

Go aske him how he doth the terrour scan:

And he will answere; a Phisitian's free

To murther twenty millions; why not hee?

Go tell a fawning wretch he doth relye

Vpon the slauish vice of flattery:

And he will answere. That the best are glad

To sollow such indeuours, or as bad.

Go tell a whore she doth her sexe polute

By being such a common prostitute:

And she will answere in defence of fame,

Citizens wiues, and Ladies do the same.

Go tell a trades-man he deceiues the day,

Refusing light, deluding euery way:

And he will answere to auoyd thy curse,

Go further on, you will be cheated worse.

Thus cowards all (not daring to defend

The diuers follies which they dare intend)

Confesse themselues, and others do elect

Vices, which none but Diuels dare protect.

[Page]When I pronounce a Coward, it implies,

Malice and spight be Cowards qualities:

They are inseperate; and why? because

A vicious Coward so exactly knowes

Himselfe vnable, that he doth decree

To haue Consorts as impotent as hee:

Because he may a [...]oyd the mighty shocke

Of mens contempt, rank'd with a greater flocke:

Whereas perhaps if he were left alone,

His basenes onely would be look'd vpon.

And therefore it is made the next reply;

Others be wicked men as well as I.

But harke you Sir (saith one) you haue forgot,

To brand our Females with a Cowards lot.

They be a proper Subiect: do not spare

Them and their couert dealing to declare:

They be attyred with inuentiue doubts,

And haue as many feares as they haue thoughts:

They labour daily, yet they doe suspect,

They cannot halfe a hansome face erect:

They paint, they powder, they with toyes exceed

Alas! they dare not shew themselues indeede.

Night they doe honour: then they do obtaine

That which perhaps the day cals backe againe:

They doe intice their Husbands to beleiue

Any thing (then) and any thing to giue:

They doe intreate, when Husbands scarce reply

But with a purpose nothing to deny:

[Page]They nor without aduantage do contend;

Nor any Cowards odds doe discommend.

Well, well: admit they do abound with feare,

Females for nothing else created were.

They need not of their weakenesse be asham'd;

When wee should blush to heare the folly nam'd.

So, so: but you Reproue impediment,

And tell vs what the crafty times inuent,

As if authority forgat his whip:

You may be silent, and surcease to nip:

Let sage Authority proceed by course

Of Law, to punish these without remorse.

Then you must bid Authority respect

Thinges not accounted euill; or neglect

To punish friend-lesse fee-lesse infamies:

And taxe braue mischiefe with seuerer eyes.

Nay that will neuer be; for tell the base,

And poore offender (who feeles no disgrace)

He hath offended; and he dares reply,

He tooke his patterne from Authority.

So shifting be the simple Idiots,

So shifting base be higher Patriots:

And must be euer till they do reueale

Feare to Commit, not study to Conceale.

[Page]

Essay the fourth entituled Reproofe. Or a defence for common Law & Lawyers mixt with reproofe against the Lawyers common Enemy.

Essay. IIII.

MY labour I renew: but hauing seene,

How ill dispos'd my former truth hath been

I grow a little wiser; and agree

To make an Essay proue an Ironie.

Then what Profession shall I now disgrace?

Reproofe is thought to haue no better face

Then Impudence or Malice; and is thought

To be a scandall by corruption wrought.

Tis true a thriuing knowledge hath by some

Who lack'd such happy wit, been thought a scum;

And, vnder shadow of reproofe, hath beene

Made an extreame derision to be seene:

Nay made a publike iniury, to please

Them, who should punish the contempt; & squease

That shamefull enuy, till it doth remaine,

As empty as the rugged Authors braine,

Alas I am too modest and obscure:

I shew in darke reproofe what is impure;

And therfore haue beene blamed: but I will now

Speake with an open zeale; and disauow

[Page]The mincing tearmes of caution: if I faile

To speake my meaning, let me nere preuaile

To speake a righteous thought: And if I misse

Opinion of a tempered zeale in this,

I shall account it glory; for the thing,

Needs such a Poets vehemence to sing

Her hat [...]d trophe [...]es, that will neither care

To purchase hate; nor will his knowledge spare:

Nay such a Poet that will be most glad,

In her defence to be accounted mad.

In her? in whose defence? thine (sacred Law)

Thine, whose prouoking [...]arity doth draw

My soule vnto thy rescue. Thou hast made

Way through the bloudy and victo [...]ious blade

Of Danes and Normans, to maintaine thy right:

And hast preseru'd thine honour in despight

Of time and conquest: like Religion, thou

Hast among persecutions gotten through:

And when preuailing rage of swor [...] and lance

Threatned thy titles, [...] didst [...] aduance:

Nay (which is miracle) thy [...] haue

Enforc'd the cruell [...] to [...]

And thinke them precious. All [...] warre

Which doth not learning and men learned spare,

Had not the power to demolish thee:

Nor Time, to which the greatest [...] be

Condemned [...]: [...] [...],

That almost doth all [...] arts [...];

[Page]Nor nice opinion, that doth oft supplant

The holy truth, and make the best recant:

These (which haue ruin'd others) did increase

Thy natiue glory, and augment thy peace.

When strict inuasion ouercame the Land;

Thou hadst the grace, within thee to command

Nay to intice the flinty Conqueror:

He who had strong sufficience to abhorre

Thy bliss-full knowledge, he was well content

To loue thee and obey thy Regiment.

Can it be said a stranger did embrace

Thine infant worth; and shall thine aged face

Be now forgotten; and derided then

By those who call themselues thy Country-men?

It is: and vndergoes the shamefull mocke

Of them who haue [...]onsum'd their idle stocke

Of witty iesting: It is now the way

To keepe a Writers credit from decay;

If he can foyst into his fly-blowne stuffe

Some twenty Law-tearmes; he hath wit enough:

The very basest wretch (who cannot lay

Matter in two yeares for a ragged Play)

Will taxe the Law with errors most vntrue,

And teach the folli [...]s which it neuer knew.

Poore sneaking fellowes who be discontent

With euery fashion, art, and argument

(Which doth not magnifie their witlesse rimes)

Produce the Law to proue our wicked times.

[Page]Then (dearest Cambridge, best in my respect)

Be these examples fitting to direct

Thy ripe inuentions? and to tutor thee

Who art, if well awak'd, most fit and free

To Tutor all the world? Is plenties date

So much exspir'd that thou must imitate?

What prodigall and riotous expence

Hath turn'd thee bankroupt? Is thy nobler sence

Now punish'd for mispending former cost?

Or be thy riches by aduenture lost?

Hast thou not carefull been to multiply

Thy precious wealth? or did the parties dye,

Or else run mad, on whom thou hast disposd

Thy honour'd portions? Is thy wealth inclosd

Where none but Worthy men may it behold?

Or be thy worthy Poets cheapely sold

As Bondslaues to detraction? or what then?

Hath thy good nature trusted many men

And doe they all forget to pay thee now?

Some haue enough to spend; but care not how:

And so perhaps thy Poets: haue they so?

Good Poets write whether they will or no

And worthily: why therfore do [...] not they?

Dost thou or nature curse them with delay?

Or doth thy bounty turne to poysoned gall?

Else art thou growne so couetous withall

That thou canst nothing spare but mouldy sauce

To welcome and deserue the Kings applause?

[Page]I wrong thee Cambridge with my strict demand:

thou keepst those wits within thy plenteous hand

Who can establish works with easie choise,

Worthy to be commended by the voice

Of God and Angels: but it hath been tolde;

Sound wits are modest; shallow-braines are bold:

And therefore did the law-tearme Poet weene,

To please a publike eare with priuate spleene.

Now O the pitty! that a misconceite

O [...] some, should all the Law and Lawyers baite.

Content your selfe saith Ignoramus, I

Taxe not the Law, but Lawyers vanity:

Nor do I taxe good Lawyers, but the ranke

Of those who purchase wealth, and yet are blank▪

Content thy selfe slight Ignoramus, I

Am well acquainted with your pollicy:

You in the Fencers trick are deeply read;

And off [...]ing at the foot you meane the head.

As doth a Rebell who hath taken Armes:

He promises to helpe his Countries harmes,

But hath a meaning to supprise the towne,

And make the totall Regiment his owne:

Such was thy meaning; to disgrace the Law

Vnder a colour'd trick; and wisely draw

That honour to yourselues which followes them.

But shall I taxe your meanings, and condemne

Inuisible designements? You proclaime

Your meanings in each Tauerne: will you blame

[Page]Those that beleiue you when you do reioyce

That Lawyers be offended with your noise?

Trust me, atender mercy doth inforce

me to compassion and a silent course,

When any crime, that doth deserue the scourge,

Is too much tortur'd: I had rather vrge

Defence for folly, then reproofe▪ when all

Insult vpon it; And so much miscall

An easie error, that it gathers strength.

I feele me thinkes a happy scorne at length

To adde my curses to the vulgar curse,

In the most hatefull mischiefe: It is worse

To ouer-punish crimes then to commit.

I doe abhor to exercise my wi [...]t

On a most troden Theame: and doe account

A sleepy caue better then such a mount.

Me thinks 'tis noble and most humane too;

If I forbeare when I might freely doo.

And could that spa [...]ke of goodnes be in you

So much forgotten; that you durst allow

The broad contempt of them, whose happines,

All common Enuy labours to make lesse?

Did it seeme honest, politicke, or wise,

Humane, or vertuous to you, to deuise

So bad a Proiect? and to multiply

The times detraction with an open lye?

What will you answer? what will you compose

Able to make defence in vearse or p [...]ose?

[Page]'Troth you had best in some new ballad sing

Your Lib [...]ll was bespoken by the King.

For no euasion can your wisedome spare;

Except the foolish one; I doe not care.

But Ignoramus may conceiue that I

Am ouer-ea [...]nest now; and may reply,

Things are as they be taken; and indeed

Things oft be taken worser then they need:

But you and your additions doe expound

Your hearty tryumphes vnto malice bound:

Seeking (as if you had forsworne the Law

Of reason and of reuerence) to misdrawe

That ornament of men; and to annoy

The chiefest Iustice and the chiefest ioy

That our law doth acknowledge: were it so

As the report already seemes to know;

You should affixe vnto your tainted place,

Eternity of shame and of disgrace.

Schollers (you say) haue found thēselues agrieu'd▪

Was this the fittest way to be relieu'd?

Perhaps you doe account it as your griefe

Because the Iudge hath spar'd som scholler theefe;

And so his mercy hath corrupted more:

This might excuse, and get amends, before

Such bold inuectiues: but you doe prolong

Your strife; & say your suites haue sufferd wrong.

So so: i [...]patient arrogance will finde

The way to quarrell when her eyes be blinde.

[Page]For though men conquer a malicious hart

And giue no causes to complaine of smart:

Nay, turne her quickest sences into steele

T [...]at (though a cause were giuen) she might not feele,

Yet, would she (rather then be mute) suggest

Causes of quarrell out of sleepy rest.

Nay, 'tis a Schollers vice and veniall pride

To thinke his owne conceit the surer side:

If therefore he dislike the Lawes intent,

We may neglect his tales with merriment;

And pardon what he saith: for euery youth

In Cambridge s [...]emes to vnderstand the truth

Of Logick and Philosophy so plaine;

That o [...]her truth he holdes in much disdaine:

Or he bel [...]iues the Colledges know all,

And onely truth approues which they so call.

And hearing them dislike the Lawyers brood

When Suites decline, or cases be not good;

He lookes no further then the grudging fame:

And is not ready to discerne, but blame.

Nay rather All become so valiant

That they abhorre to be thought ignorant

Of any truth in Law; because our Ile

Hath call'd it Common; and makes Iohn a Stile

The rustick worde so frequent in our bookes:

And therfore with contempt each Scholler looks

Vpon the weighty meanings; whose pure light

Hath Iron gates to stop their scornfull sight.

[Page]Though they presume their [...]ight can reach the

And therfore they proceed in simple iarrs:

And then exclaime vpon the Lawyers sence starrs:

When they doe loose through idle confidence.

Nay, nay, we need not mar [...]el though they blame

The Lawes proceedings when they loose their game:

For though they win & suffer no disgrace,

Their best opinion of the Law is base.

But it is possible a Poets witt

Should be so flesh'd in mischiefe to commit

Rape with an

ye common law

aged Matror; & despoile

Her honor'd grauity with impious toile,

Except his former sinnes haue taught before

The way to gett some Bastard by a Whoore?

I cannot thinke it possible, nor may,

Till proofe conuert [...] thoughts another way:

He seemes (like one in reputation crost)

By desperate meanes to purchase what he lost.

Perhaps the Fabulist can tell vs why

This Writer took [...] a [...] of [...]:

And as the Chariot-driuer ask'd his wheele

Wherfore it creak'd? which answered; I do feele

The want of that, which stopps a creaking voice:

So the lowde Ignoramus may reioyce

To learne this answer; and protest with it,

He tooke meere sound because he wanted wi [...]t:

but come thou long-nail'd comick, who dost claw

And can [...]t not [...] the substance of our Law;

[Page](For busie fooles may

Tru [...]h may be blamed but cannot be shamed.

blot but cannot sinke

Through solid stuffe with Aqua fortis [...])

Let [...]s a while examine your delight

And search the wo [...]ds where you most deeply bite

You bring a large confused heape of noyse,

[...], writs, and vocall empty toyes,

To proue the lawes discredit; then you ioyne

A Lawyers hearty loue to yellow coyne;

And then you snarle against our simple French

As if you had beene pepperd wi [...]h your wench:

And then right harmeles Dulman doth inchant

The Scaene; with teaching Latine how to Cant.

O most rare subiect and bewitching Scaene [...]

Able to make the fattest hearer leane;

If he would truly thinke how little paines

Do [...]h fasten credit vpon lucky s [...]raines,

When full deseruings proue infortunate:

And neither purchase fame, in loue, nor hate.

What though a Lawyer doth expect his fee?

Doth not a Lawyer, that same Angell see

Tempting diuines to flatter and belie

The dead, which tempted him to falsifie

The liuing truth? resolue me, which of both

Approches neerest to a [...]ewd vntroth?

I thinke it wo [...]ser to commit the sinne

That shall not be rebuk'd, and which will winne

Strength, because vncontrold; then to protect

An error which the court will contradict.

[Page]And if you talke of learning, they alone

Can yeeld vs twenty dunces backe for one.

Then was the Lyon wise, which grauely said,

Asses may blowe the trumpet in our ayde.

But you procure the King to laugh enough,

I darde not say to like such thredbare stuffe:

For he that scornes our common lawe in rage

Because the tearmes are ouer growne with age

May scorn the wrincles which haue smoo-her beene

And loue a strumpet with her painted skin.

Or he may mocke his mothers countenance;

When it growes witherd by continuance:

Law is the kingdomes mother: she by light:

Conceiues, and is deliured of mens right:

And all her phrases which be

Malta [...], [...] i [...]m cecidere, caden [...]o; Que nunc sunt in honore vocabula, sivolet v [...]us. Hor: de arte poe.

wrincled now.

Once had a youthfull and a louely brow.

But is it lawfull to embase the true

And auncient L [...]tine, with deuises new?

Embase we doe not, but enlarge we may;

where words approu'd wil not our sence conuey.

Come, come: although you will not vnderstand

You shall be taught to grace your natiue land;

With yeelding loue▪ and honour to defend

Your countries credit; which the lawes intend.

Rich natures worke most absolute and wise

Doth giue the liberty which you despise:

[Page]You may obserue how in this earthly globe,

She cloathes each creature with a suiting robe:

The quiet Lambe she doth adorne with wooll

And makes the Parot fine, a beautious gull:

But because strength and durance are within,

She cloathes the Lyon with a rugged skin:

And such an outside doth become the part

Of a preuailing, and perpetuall art:

An art which hath no meaning to respect

A mighty person, and the poore neglect:

An art which in her habit rude, and plaine,

Disclaimes to be prouok'd with loue or gaine:

And with such art is Englands

The Common Lawe.

mother blest,

Being in all her liuely habit drest:

Therefore I thinke it wisdome to adorne

The Law with out-side which may merit scorne:

That like a wealthie Farmer clad in

[...] quisqu [...] [...] erat a natur [...], vberiùs etiam a doctrina, [...], [...]ò magis refug [...]ebat a legum [...], qui vipribus et spin [...]s interclusus tenebatur. Bod [...]n: praefati:

Frise,

She may preserue her treasure in disguise:

For being like a glorious dame arraid;

Her tempting beauties then were all betraid

To multitude of

Or Students

suiters; and her loue

Would more then infinite contentions moue:

Looke on that foolish thing which many call

A beauteous woman; and behold how all

[Page]Spend their deuotions▪ sacrifice their braine,

engage their liues and credit to maintaine

that mappe of coulors: euery man may see

Her suiters (though but two) will disagree

About her loue; nay striuing to be blest

each will presume he hath more interest:

And will the simplest wretch conceiue that shee,

I meane our Law and makers dignitie;

She our almighties minion, can display

Her quicke transparance, and not steale away

Mens deere affections? or can she remoue

Her vaile; and will not her attracting loue

Prouoke the wisest men to quarrell? yes:

Loue a conceit and firme opinion is;

And knowledge doth beget amasing doubts:

T [...]en loue with knowledge doth inspire the thoghts

To chuse opiniō: knowledge being wide

Can both maintaine opinion and diuide:

So then contentions follow: such would bee

The force of law, if euery man could see.

Admit, she were adornd with costly phrase;

Admit all nations did her merits blaze;

And that the sweetest beautie she can take,

Would neither do [...]age nor dissention make;

Yet hauing many suiters, she must minde

The due respect of all, or proue vnkinde:

which would exceed her large, (but aequal) dowre

If she were courted by more courts then foure.

[Page]Why then be some licentious Church-men vext?

Why be they suffred to abuse their text;

And make the Gospell speake against our Law?

When as the Text (which they enforce to gnaw

Vpon a Lawyers credit) doth concerne

Their owne reproach; if they could well discerne.

O listen you that haue but common sence

And marke with what iniurious violence

They doe compell the Scripture: I haue knowne

Cynnicks, to such a spightfull blindnes growne,

That, on the silly wordes of Balaams Asse,

They would inferre what slaue a Lawyer was.

The forraine P [...]pist is, against our will,

Beholding to our Law, and must be still:

For we and our proceedings vndergoe

A fury which the Pope and Rome should know:

The witty students doe endeauour thus,

With squibbes and crackers against onely vs,

In such abundance; that their wits be spent

E're they confute a Popish argument.

I cannot guesse what fatall curse incites

Their fluent enuy, which (in triumph) bites:

But well assur'd I am, that onely they

Whose liues, their guilty meaning, doe betray

Despise a Lawyer: when the best Diuines

Scorne to be noted by such daring signes.

But others seeme as if their hungry mawes

Were cramm'd with all corruption of our Lawes:

[Page]And that in chusing of a Text, they meane

To purge their guts, & make their stomacks clean:

[...]or any Scriptures peece, like Hellebore

Rumbles within them, and doth bring vp store

Of cholericke vomit in the Lawyers face:

Whilst I lament their high and sacred place;

And maruaile why the Circle cannot charm [...]

That frantick method; but be made a Farme

To sowe and nourish byting nettle seed

Or slips of [...]: rather it indeed

Is growne the charmed fortresse, to condemne:

But cannot iustifie their zeale, nor them.

For most of all their vehemence depends,

On earthly zeale, and prostituted ends:

Either they seeke to please themselues and men;

Or to displease their enemie; or then

To credit their owne Colledge; or withall

To be accounted sharpe and Cynicall;

Or to be great; or to discharge their name

And place least they incurre a publike shame.

The worthy men, whom no such end attaints,

Shall, if they come to me, become my Saints.

But God forbid their ends should harden vs,

To blame the truth, or proue inc [...]edulous:

We shall a powerfull Doctrine best obey,

Not thinking why but what they doe display:

Yet I doe wish them as a slander by,

Henceforth to learne aright both what and why:

[Page]Least seeming zealous, you doe make withall

God as a shadow to your secret gall.

It is a thing so common to traduce

The Lawyer, and besprinckle bitter Iuyce;

That I (before some Preacher doth begin)

Dare lay a wager, he will raile and win:

For I haue often heard such fuming stuffe

Presented to an Audience all in snuffe,

That (trust me) I haue wondred in my minde,

Whether he spake before, o [...] spake behinde:

And so the Parson spake (vnlesse I faile)

Who preach'd of Tobyes dog, that wagd his tail [...].

What? shall the sacred learning which aff [...]ights,

And coniures down the most inhumane sprights,

Be so distracted, with a sudden curse,

That it must raise vp spirits, And much worse,

And yet from thence proceed things often good,

As from the fountaine of most Heauenly food:

For Scorne it selfe and Enuy must confesse

That many, there excell in worthinesse:

If Passi [...]n sometimes did not Zeale condemne,

We should account them Gods, & worship them.

But some in earnest folly ouer proud,

Most voide of matter, will thus talke aloud:

O the most gryping Lawyer who doth make

Dissention vpon earth; and mony ta [...]e

On this side, and on that side, a [...]d doth loue

His Gold and Money, and dissention; moue:

[Page] Is not the Lawyers wicked, then I say?

And very wicked brethren? and I pray

Is it not, shamefull brethren? Fye for shame

That Lawyers should loue money [...] and enfl [...]me

Their hearts with loue of siluer, and so leaue

Goodnes to turne a Lawyer and deceiue;

And then like couetous Lawyers—thus he lay

Out-lawd in breath and knew not what to say.

Let me demand your purpose: doe you meane

To cleanse a dish with dish-clouts more vnclean?

Resolue me (Poets) you that doe bestow,

The most abusiue scorne which man dares know,

Vpon the Lawes profession: You that take

A patterne by damnations rule to make

The Lawyer seeme more hatefull; and beleeue

Hate merits Heauen, which may y• Lawyer grieue.

I pray resolue me (Poets) doe you meane,

To make that rampant and immodest Queane

Your Muse, the Lawyers Mistres? And repaire

A place infected with vnwholsome ayre?

What? doth a Patient blame Physitians skill,

Because th' Apothecary wrongs his bill?

You blame the Lawyers gaine, and will not see

How Offices consume the greater see,

For as a Pothecaties bills depend

On the Physitian to surcharge his friend;

So, to surcharge the Clyent, Offices

Depend vpon a Lawyers busines.

[Page]Resolue me you diuines, whose earnest hate

To Lawyers, makes you practise a d [...]bote,

Whilst you

Si cille Cyn [...]cus [...] carp [...]bat homines [...]ui pro [...]ona [...] sacia [...], [...]t [...] contra samtatem [...]. [...]: Lib. 6. 268.

declaime against the very sinn [...]:

I pray resolue me, who hath euer beene

So fruitles in extreame reproofe as you?

Or after long inu [...]ctiues who did kn [...]w

So small detraction of the common [...]?

What? doe you purpose to amend ou [...] life

With bitter malice? can r [...]uiling [...]

Make Lawyers quiet? O you do amaze

My little braine with wonder: you may please

To see how furious windes do moue the seas

And make the Ocean roare; when gentle gales

Adde a faire swiftnes to the Marchants sailes:

And so doth clamorous rayling worke mens rage

when milde reproofe might quicken vertues age.

But you, as many Doctors do, or, can,

Seeming to heale the vice, abhorre the Man.

You doe pretend with phisicke rules to cure

The Lawes diseases; which might well indure

A potion, (I confesse) for you that vrge

Might well endure a potion, and a purge:

B [...]t you pretending wisely to display

The [...] of Lawyers cannot [...] the way:

[Page]You know the perfect method to displease;

But neither constitution, nor disease.

You thinke a Sanguine body, cholericke;

And so your potion makes the Lawyer sicke:

Lawyers be Sanguine, liuely, firme and free:

No maruaile then your medcines disagree:

For God himselfe may this full truth dispearce;

Medcines make sound men froward and peruerse.

Admit (which euery honest man will say)

That Lawyers do, as all professions, lay

Some part of meaning to increase their state:

And do deserue your Phisicke, not your hate:

Is therefore the disease so violent

Or they so crazy, that with one consent

You must apply quicke medcines all the yeere?

The Spring & autumne be fit times to cleere

A fowle grosse body: then are they so foule

That all times must the Lawyers art controule?

Small phisick knowledge may perswade you thus

That things which grow familiar with vs

Can haue no mightie uertue to preuaile:

Though taken seldome, they do neuer faile.

For neither poyson'd sops, nor Opiates can,

Releiue, or trouble an accustom'd man.

Nor can reproofe, enforc'd with daily care,

Make vitious people better then they are.

You do pretend our health when you reproue;

And we must thanke you for your holy loue:

[Page]But will a pained sick-man safely trust

The phisicall aduice of him, who must

Inherit, when the patient is dead?

You Churchmen know, (and cannot be misled)

That you may claime by gift the next estate

If our lawes body did giue way to fate.

And therefore all the world may well suspect

Your phisicke sauours of a strange effect.

But all your subtile nips and priuie querks

Doe proue such poore and vn-preuailing ye [...]ks,

That you prouided haue a mastife dogge;

Who runs about because he wants his clogge:

But (thanks to wis [...]dome and our bodies might)

The toothles roaring curre can hardly bite:

I meane your mastiffe Ignoramus now,

Who tooke his valors breath from only you:

And yet that e [...]gin of authority,

(which makes the lesser fabricke stop and fly)

Might rather be propounded: for conceite

And all vpon her lawles pleasure waite.

The world appeares most like a Puppet-play,

Wherein the motions, walke, performe and say,

Nothing but what the master will aduance;

Though euery tricke proclaimes dull ignorance.

Thus greatnes doth preuaile: what remedie?

Yes, honour'd Lawyers (whom neglected I

May freely place among the soundest men)

Be still vndaunted in your worth and then

[Page]Their pittied clamorous malice wil proue hoarce

And dumbe; while you preferre an honest course.

Vapors be rais'd and exhalations flye

When the most seruent Sunne appeares in skye:

Summer and heauenly Sun-shine do prouoke;

The noysome Fennes to yeeld an vgly smoake.

which vpward mounts, but cannot touch the sun

Although it should aboue the compasse runne:

So Lawyers glory (which deseruing paines,

Knowledge and study haue enrich'd with gaines)

Doth moue the sordid breath of baser wits

(As doth the Sun preuaile in muddy pits)

To yeeld a stinking vapor, not defile

Lawyers with madnes, and reuenge more vile.

But as the Sunne doth readily consume

And turne to nothing, the poore vap [...]ous fume;

So shall the Lawyers bright and purer flame

Of good example, turne contempt to shame.

Meane time (right Lawyers) whom opinion rude

H [...]th rank'd among the baser multitude;

With admiration I salute your peace,

Which hath been calme & patient; while the seas

With boystrous fury did assaie to drowne

Your dearest hopes, and pull your trophys down

My riper knowledge and experience

Of your most often torturd innocence

So troubles me, that I in serious sort,

Could wisely now forsweare to trust report:

[Page]My thoughts are all to narrow to disclose

Your manly suffering; which doth interpose

The vildest sharpe reproofe that may be borne:

And so confutes them with a noble scorne.

O I doe feele a heart aboue my power

To saue your merits from the fatall shower

Of their detracting spight, and to disclowd

Your vertues lost in the confused crowd

Of headstrong rumor; which your foes inuent

To nourish their detracting argument.

This only comforr I will now propound;

Giue loosers leaue to speake: which is the ground

Of all our foes abusiue speech: for they

Hauing lost manners and discretion may

Speake boldly and be blameles though they raile

But may their spight increase and matter faile.

Now care and dulnes do my verse bereaue:

And so sweet poetry I take my leaue.

My greatest follies are already past;

And after noone I shall haue breath'd my last.

[Page]

Of High Birth. ESSAY. V.

THINGS curiously Created, differ as much from thinges begotten, as the first Man from birth, and artificiall bodies from mans issue. Children therefore may challenge ftom their Parents more prerogatiue, then workemanship or mans Inuention; for it participates with vs in being onely, but they in being ours: for thinges begotten be originally our owne, but things created be ours at the second hand continually: Else man were two [Page] waies excellent, and able to create, as well as to beget, without patterne or example: but onely our Issue is our owne absolute; For man, secluded from the company of men, is by the help of Nature fit (of himselfe) for infinite generation, though nothing else: Whereas truely in matters of Science and manuall labour, man, without the helpe of man, doth nothing. So ignorant hee is, and chiefly bound vnto imitation, as hee neuer did nor will, produce that, which depends not on some president: Which argues the full necessity of being sociable, and mightily condemns these currish people, who thinke it all-sufficient, if they can once assume the pride, to say, they are not any way indebted; or that they bee their owne Supporters: And thinke [Page] it the safest friendship to forget Humanity; neglect Acquaintance; make loue an outward Ceremony; nay scarce so much: and neuer bee offended with a curse so much, as when they must haue mans assistance to restore them.

These are vnmindefull why man doth multeply; Why lawfull Marriage was inuented: Or why GOD, tkinking it not enough to worke a Vnion with HVMANITY by the bond of NATVRE, did also extend affinitie to those of another stocke; That INCEST might bee vnacted; and by the consequent, that MAN should not engrosse onely the loue of his owne FAMILIE; But seeke loue among other people that hee might learne more knowledge.

[Page]Man therfore thus enabled to produce; it followes by implication that amongst posterity, some one must haue precedence; in which, sonnes (by consent) haue that Immunity of Eldest: And Hee, according to vsuall speech, is called the Heire Apparant: which is a name so largely taken, as (with it) wee imply any one able to inherit, though not the Eldest. But properly it extends to the First Begotten, who (in being first) supplies the office of a Substitute ro discharge that which incumbers the Parent; The office of a valiant warriour likewise, who couets by being first, to take the first charge, giue the first assault, and (aboue all) to bee according to his name, truely forward in the high Archieuements of honour: so forward, [Page] as for any of his Ranke to bee before, should bee reputed a miserable basenesse. It is an obserued point of Nature (amongPliny. [...] Philost [...]o. the Ancients) that Elephants, whē they passe a riuer, knowing by peculiar instinct that their aduersaries (for the most part) incoūter them in the Rereward, they marshall themselues that the eldest may bee first ready to sustaine the violence: which giues a memorable precept to mans Issue, that hee (if eldest) ought rather to protect, then to exceede his inferiour kinsfolke; that, they (because youngest) ought rather to submit, where his good counsell may assist, then be malignāt or maintaine Faction.

This Theater of mans life, admits degrees of height, in which the eldest is aboue the others; [Page] and therfore as the Centinell, or Scout (in Atmies) is vigilant to foresee aduantage, and so preserue by diligence when courage of the rest is little worth: So should superiours in birth bee as much prouident for the safety of those, in respect of whome they be superior, as to esteeme their birth-right a blessing.

It is therefore no safe conclusion, to say hee is the eldest, and so most excellent; bnt hee is the eldest, and therefore should bee most excellent: For in production of the soule it fares otherwise with a man, then with vnreasonable creatures; Among which there needes no better warrant to signifie courage, then the first breede, which signifies the strength of Nature in the Parents or Breeders. [Page] But with Man, (who communicates with a Beast onely in giuing outward shape) it is sufficient for him to challenge in his Issue what himselfe bestowes: As for the Diuine Materials of Reason, if sometimes they doe heriditarily succeede to the sonne of a prudent Father, wee may from hence conclude, that GOD more Nothing so much argues a supreame and infin [...]te gouerment of of thinges, as the diuerse euent which followes from the same meanes and industry. often dispenses with it, to make man see the true ORIGINALL, rather then Flesh should challenge any part; or Fathers think they bee the sole efficients. For it is nowe made a common argument of the SONNES folly, if the FATHER bee more then commonly wise. And I am very much perswaded, that this (if nothing else) may assure the Polititian of some supreame disposer who [Page] giues warning to his presumptionNihil dat quod non habet, [...] non habet [...] nam S [...] habu [...]sset daret. His pollicies are not his owne: For hee would then impart thē haeriditarily to his issue. through the plague of a foolish Heire; that hee may ouer-value himselfe at his owne perill: seeing hee hath his owne workmanship before his eyes, to argue against him, and his arrogant couceit. Bee it sufficient therfore that cunning Nature, which principally and commonly workes out each naturall mans existence by causes well knowne, Matter, For me, and Priuatio est [...] [...]acuum [...] principium [...]otus: scal: 15. Exerc. Priuation, is not able in things essentiall, to distribute any parricle without Diuine prouidence: So the Eldest naturally inherites nothing as by peculiar claime, but sencelesse lineaments of body. Howsoeuer, most conuenient it is, that euery one by birth ennobled, either by single priority, or priority vnited to noble parentage [Page] should seeke to accomplish the part of nature vndone in more then complement, ciuill silence, or common passages; and make the birth absolute. For Man, a sluggish Creature, (prompt enough to decline after satietie) seemes naturally to be Partes homines sumus non homines. Scal: de sub. vnfurnished, that hee might not be vnbusied. So nature hath left much imperfect, to intimate by the vacant absence of some things needfull, that mans labour should make things vsefull. Nature affoords timber, but workmanship the structure: the earth produces Ore, but Art the Siluer: Nature giues plants, Knowledge the vse: Among all which she doth require a more ample and lesse supplement, according to the value, raritie or estimation of the thing. For Chymicks knowe, the more [Page] pretious mettals aske more paines in extraction of the true quintessence, then baser Minerals: Gold is the seauenth time purified, & then becomes beautifull: besides the qualitie of things more pretious, ought still to bee made answerable to the things value. Couragious horses bee managed with curiositie: delicate voyces bee selected to learne harmonies, whilst harsh and strong voyc'd cryers bee ridiculous. Diamonds, not glasse, become pure mettall, and rich garments haue much costly appearance. High blouds likewise be the fittest receptacles for high actions; but if a sackecloth bee embroydred, the adiunct may deserue honor, though the ground-worke be Plebe [...]an: and men of vp-start Parentage may, in respect of [Page] braine, take place before Nobilitie, though their persons bee odious. Our selues and parents, or instructors, be the secondary causes which protract or abreuiate, enrich or impouerish, our owne destinies. For either wee are driuen with fatal obstinacie; to ouer-take fortune through a selfe-will; else, by the negligence of education, or being not season'd in minority, our stupid dulnesse giues Fortune leaue to ouer take vs through want of prouidence. High birth is so farre from priuiledge to exempt any from these, as it approaches neere to miserie, when shame is vnpreuented; & makes destinie notorious.

I know no difference therefore betwixt the degrees of Fortune, if Birth alone makes the comparison. For which is [Page] more predomināt, if one of obscur [...] fortune becomes publike by meritts, returning to his first ranke if he transgresse; or if one descended Nobly, doth but deserue himselfe, and family, through great engagemēts, being ready to descēd below himselfe if hee miscarry: and be as publike in disgrace, as vpstarts in applause? For this Age of Innouation is fitter to behold one swimming to a remote shore, thē to consider how happily the inhabitants be there delighted: fitter I mean, to see new actions, & actiue spirits proceeding, then the maintenance of honor proceeded: and fitter to behold one falling from a rock, then from a stumbling mole hill. So that if Noble-men aduanced, cōti [...]ue so; & ambitious Ge [...]try, nay or basenesse, do aspire and thriue, [Page] I see no difference: if ruine thre [...]tens both, the last transcends in outward happinesse.

The best similitude which makes diuersity, reaches but thus farre: I see an embroydred empty purse, and stoope to view it narrowly, because the outside glisters: I spurne a greasie [...] before me, and heare the sound of siluer: I take both, keepe both, and will esteem the coyne aboue the empty purse, and yet preferre the outsides a lone not both alike; because the one is capable and beautious already, the other doth containe already, but can [...]euer be beauteous: No more then vpstarts, though renowned in meritts, can euer t [...]ke Nobility of Birth: beause it will demand successio [...] to con [...]irme antiquity.

So that enobled fortunes (being [Page] an outward beauty) shal but make me more willing (as an embroydred purse [...] to see their in-sides; not to enlarge their value: when as perhaps one basely obscure, shall more purchase my reuerence, though lesse attract my labor to discouer him.

As for the chiefe ornaments which qualifie great parentage, they should bee such a [...] make most in the aduancement of a Common wealth: which be the maintenance of publike Lawes and Iustice; they being the honor of a common-wealth. And well doth it [...] that highnes makes lawes florish. For seeing Lawes receiue their liues from the concordance of Nobility; it must (by good coniecture) follow, that strength of law (which is a iust proceeding) would, through the coūtenance [Page] of Nobility, receiue more credit & reuerence. But oftentimes aduancement is so ill bestowed, that eitherit makes mens disposition worse; or nothing better. As wee read of meates dressd among the African Kings, (and namely by Mulleasses King of Algier,) which meates were made infinite costly with perfumes, but neither toothsome nor wholsome: And such perfumed Peacocks, be worthles men dignified. Though sometimes the visible dignity of persons, doth attract sluggish or obstinate beholders with vnanimity or terror.

Thus ignorant men (vnacquainted with our state of ques [...]ion) will often wish within themselues, That a Dunce or Coward may preuaile before the Combate, because they incline [Page] more to the reputation of his posture, fame, or person, then to his fellowes: which loue doth (notwithstanding) sometimes vanish into feare, adoration, or a reverend conceit. The very name of Crumwell was able to disseuer insurrections; so much was hee credited with an opinion of sincere grauitie. And it may almost seeme a positiue truth, that noble and heroycall spirits are at the first sight trusted with mens best opinions: It is needfull therefore that the merits of a noble birth, should be rewarded sooner, (though they be lesse worthy) then of a new proficient▪ because greatnes claimes dutie to their persons as well as to their merits. But there is nothing more allied to faction then for a greatbegotten to preuaile in gouernement [Page] before his time; or to attaine the greatest [...]ignities before he knowes their meaning. Such vndeserued honours are of Appi [...]n noted with a mutinous badge, & a contempt of publike orders: (for saith he) when S [...]lla was dictator, he confirmed this Law to strengthen his diuision, that those who did in his desence partake with him, should be entitled to the state and dignities before their time. To bee a man generally famous, doth oftentimes dispense with comelinesse of personage, and purchaseth full applauded successe in euery dispatch vnder the pattent, of hauing beene generally commended. That many▪fold * historian hath ob [...] [...] Maximus. a profitable way which maketh the sonnes of honour famous.

[Page]

[...] literarum monum [...]nta,

Ad [...]uta militaris [...],

Aucta senatorum [...],

[...] illus [...]rem [...].

To beautifie and enrich learning, to nou [...]ish and help warsknowledge, to multiply and to aduance the power of Magistrates, haue made an vpstart (much more the sonnes of honour) famous. But if popular fam [...] bee not gracious, then ornaments of body, comlinesse, and behauiour, must be concomitant with High-birth to relish their imployments and beget opinion. For single birth, without additions, is no generall to command an Armie, or to [...] with multitudes: which (in order of reason) should be a Noble and generous intention because birth is sooner capable of respect only, then base agents.

[Page]By this caution therefore didRosinus. lib: 2. Angelius: lib. 5. c: 13. the Noblest Romans apply themselues to take the patronage of Plebeians; accounting it the most honourable entrance, to imploy their efficacie of birth, by the protection of poore Clients, or otherwise illiterate Citizens: The frequencie of which custome made Nobilitie famous. High-birth is reasonably to be commended if it can escape dishonor, though it come short of honor: if it be made no Licence for oppression; althogh it scantly doth releeue oppression. But vices in any kinde fastening vpon authoritie, and great persons be most dangerous: for though they be perswaded to forsake them; yet certaine Sinkes and gutters, (as in great Citties) be still waiting vpon bloods of honour: followers [Page] I meane, who be ready to weare the Lord and masters vices for a speciall cognisance or fauour: and so conuey absurdities and humors oftentimes downe from the head into the feete and body. It is an excellent signe of mans participation with diuinitie, to discerne and iudge of nature. This therefore should be the singular part of instruction among Noble pupils, and all that would become proficents, to rectifie, allay, and augment nature: which cannot bee by a restraint, but by giuing free libertie to enioy all, that so the worst may bee remoued: For when we say, Natura currit, wee must conceiue, Nature hath tasted: for Ignoti nulla cupido. And by the consequent, whilst wee dote vpon things absent, our inclination is [Page] discouered.

From hence therefore did [...]hrma know [...] lou [...]d the Image of his Satyre, because when hee heard his house was burnt, he asked onely if the Sa [...]yre were safe: So when wee haue once enioyed, and now lacke our custome, desire will bee manifest.

It is not therefore wisdome to correct the natures of any, much lesse of Noble ones, by keeping them in covert from the worlds e [...]e, vnlesse they bee appoynted for a Monasterie For that which wee cannot d [...]e, because we know not, wee dare doe freely when wee are acquainted. But Nature beeing discouered, by hauing once enioyed, yeares will then easily admit a contrarietie. And as Wormewood, rubbed vpon [Page] the nipple of a Nurses Teate, [...] the [...]hilde; so thy detestation, or continuall inuectiue against that vice which thou wouldst abolish in another, makes it vnsauory, sooner then rage or violenc [...]. For th [...]se be able to make him, not abandon the vice, because he abhorres thee; and in despight will keepe it, [...] eye seruice: whereas [...] being [...]ared for its owne sake, ( [...] is deforme [...]) th [...] [...] of this [...] may bee still beloued.

Vicious men may, without question, bee entertained by Princes, and giue much morallitie: prouided alwayes, that apprehensiue natures be neere hand, to make applications. For Then as an Apes heart (it selfe being a most timorous Creature) [Page] being well applyed, be [...] courage in the patient: So Cowards, Epicures, and blasphemous persons, may (by good compositions) produce Valiancie, Abstinence, and Humilitie in Princes: but poysons bee a dangerous phisicke, without skilfull professors. It is the happines of some natures to need lesse instruction: And amongst all instructions we must be guided by the natures aptnes some being prouokd most by reading, some by perswasion, some by reproofe, others by company. As in a Fenceschoole, some profit by resolution wholy, some by rules, some by disdaine to be offended, some by seeing others.

Indeed the study to discerne Nature in Noble persons, should bee equiualent to their [Page] owne disquisition of nature in others; for seeing they ought by superintendence to ouerlooke man, they should be perfect in the Character of Man: bearing their best Librarie about them. But vices punishable in a priuate man, may haue a little tolleration in great persons; because he (hauing no such temptations) hath aduantage in obseruing a strict honest course: It being the neere temtation of bad dealing in euery man, and most especially in great ones to haue a power to commit and to conceale a mischiefe: they may commit much: it will not be denied: and if their wisdomes [...], they may conceale more thē others: The chiefest meanes they haue to conceale, is to [...] against the crime they honour: [Page] By which means, Rosinus. Seruius Sulpitius Tribune of the people hauing framed a Law that none among the Senators should run in debt aboue a thousand Drachmaes, thought it a safe Licence for himselfe to exceed the quantitie: and therfore was he found in debt, after his death, aboue three hundred Myriads; amounting to three hundred times ten thousand Drachmaes. The totall dutie of men greatly-noble is by the Laconian Ages [...]aus. Prince deliuered in two precepts; the knowle [...]ge to command the knowledge to submit.

They should represent the Lyon, who is noted (aboue all) to carry a most valiant head, and a Maiesticke countenance: imita [...]ing the apparant and inuisible potencie of high spirits.

Besides (that I may continue [Page] this Mythologie) the [...]ecke of a Lyon hath no ioynts; whereby he cannot looke backwards, vnlesse hee turnes his body: Neither can Princes, without scandall to their integrity, seem one thing, and doe another; not turne there faces vpon vertue, and yet be fugitiue in their motion.

The backe of Lyons carries a magnanimous bredth: And all the noble deedes of Ancestors, historicall examples of Monarchs, with infinite renowned precepts of former ages, make but one broad backe-president, to strengthen the wisedome of Princes. The bones of a Lyon haue lesse marrow then others; for lasciuious fuell [...]iminisheth valour. The want ot pith there fore makes Oke more durable then Eldar; and contempt of [Page] wantonnesse moues Princes to a more settled resolution. Lyons haue an exquisite propertie to smell out their owne aduantage: For it is reported, the male knowes when the Lyonesse hath been adulterous with the Panther, by a peculiar sence of smelling: And the wisest part of men worthily descended, is to betray their owne abuses; for men of this ranck are incident to strong delusions. A Lyon sleeps and yet his eies are open: So prouident high Statesmen, that possesse much, cannot haue eyes too many, or too watchful: Neither may absolute man incurre security. When Lyons deuoure, famine doth inforce them; And when Kings take the sword, a zealous appetite, to satisfie forgotten vertue, should prouoke them. Neither may generous [Page] Natures bee nobly offended, except, as by an impulsiue, or sufficient cause, they ouercome; So by a Heroyicke scorne to malice, they can both swallowe and digest the cause with the conquest. Howsoeuer it may bee fictitiously reported, that Lyons haue (by a miraculous feeling) beene defensiue to condemned Martyrs; yet may the obseruatiō affoord thus much morality: That, as a true Noble man may by no meanes receiue a more excellent moderation of spirit, and, spur, to greatly-good actions then by a religious feare; so cannot this bee any way expressed better (himselfe being so eminent) then in protection of Diuine Iustice, & good mens causes. It is admirable (if true) to see how generously Lyons haue [Page] scorned to be base debtors: Insomuch that it is memorably reported; How Androcles a vagabond captiue, cured a Lyons paw; In gratification whereof, the Lyon afterwards (when Androcles was among the Romane Spectacles to bee deuoured) spares, and protects him against a Rampant Pardall: Which carrieth a double precept for generous natures▪ First, a preseruitiue against ingratitude, where followers haue beene seruiceable; Then a contempt to bee a slauish debtor (if meanes can auoide it) especially to base-minded Trades men; who vpon single debts inforce a double ingagement: Both of credite and restitution: For if you remaine in their bookes for a commodity, you must remaine likewise in their fauour to auoide scandall, [Page] reiterations, and commemora tions among all societies. Such is the cōmon treacherous b [...]senes of their conditions, though they protest otherwise: Which may exhort any Noble minde to beleeue this Maxime true; Hee hath discharged halfe his reputation among men, that scornes the cr [...]dite of a Cittizen, or indeede any man. Another singular note is fi [...]ed vpon this magnanimous beast aboue writtē; his wrath extends no further then the prouocatiō. And therfore when the Arabian Souldier, charging a Lyon with his Speare, was disapointed of the obiect, and ouer-threw himselfe with violence; The Lyon returned, and onely nipping his head little (for his presumption) departed quietly. This being confirmed with many famous examples, I may inferre thus [Page] much. If it may seeme conuenient or honorable for Nobility offended, to punish, not respecting penitent submissiō (which may without high offences seem tyrannicall) yet if the punishment exceed the crime, we may confidently accompt it beastial, and worse. Againe it is notably remembred, that Lyons neuer run away, except they can priuately withdrawe, (being ouercome with multitude) into a secure Mountaine, or Wildernes. And I obserue that it ill becoms a braue resolutiō, to enter himselfe among proiects, from which hee must necessarily recoyle, except he carries a cautelous eie, & true circumspection. Lastly, I may conclude this moralized comparison with Aesops controuersy betwixt a Lyonesse and the Fox: The Fox cōmends [Page] her owne fruitfull generation, seeming to disgrace the Lyons single birth: to which this answere doth reioyne: I bring forth one, and yet that one is a Lyon: Which good allusion may remoue the curse which some would cast vpon Nobility, because often their children in nū ber be inferiour to common prostitutes: But I am well resolued, that the multitude of children reares vp an obscure family, and bringes an ancient stocke to ruine: For among many base childrens blessings, birth may make variety of fortunes: But among much Noble posterity, Fortune doth challenge a more vaste partition; and makes a discontented Heire fit for all innouating purposes; So that one Noble remainder of much antiquity, or one true Lyon of a [Page] family (if Art and Nature can be made operatiue) will be a more safe prop to succession, then the doubtfull variety of children. Men obserue it as an infallible rule, that there haue been as many base originals, as there haue beene honorable descents. For, as questionlesse the largest Ri uers bee deriued from lowely Springs; So birth and succession haue beene so basely intermingled, so casually interrupted so frequently impaired, and very often attainted (though with absolution) that I may well iustifie the first principle, and adde further: That generally, to maintain the noble estate of dead Ancestors, requires as much true policy, as to erect a new Family. For men may clime better by troublesome, rough, and dangerous passages, then stand tottering [Page] vpon the eminent spi [...]e. But to exceed the patterne of heroicke Ancestry, deserues perpetuall commendations. Which purpose cannot prosper well, except they preuent or auoide oppositions: They hauing been the ouer-throw of Kingdomes, and flourishing Captaines; because prosperity is waspish, and brooks no competition, nor almost assistance. The Plutarch. Historian therefore saith well: None more deafe to counsell then natures vnthwarted: None more obtemperate to bee counselled, then men destitute. As for that ambitious extasie, which makes men indirectly consult of new addition; the Fable doth condemne it wisely: For like Esops Dog, they snatch at shadowes, and loose the certainty, who dote vpon such couetous desires. Ambition being [Page] like Amilcars dreame: Who atValerius [...]. the seige of Siracusa was by a Dreame perswaded that hee should supp that night in Siracusa: which hee interpreting on victories behalfe, would not remoue the seige: At length by an excursion hee was taken prisoner: which verified his dreame: For he did sup in Siracusa but, as a captiue: Ambition also makes men dreame they shall be safely guarded in their proiects: But they then little dreaming to be guarded otherwise thē Princes: doe verifie their dreames by being safely guarded as prisoners. Or Ambition is like the Phrigian Riuer historified by Fenestella: Fenest: lib: de Sacer: Rom [...]e: 1 [...]. Which water procured Frenzy as desertlesse longing after glory begetts a sencelesse dotage.

Presumption also, and Popularitie, be two treacherous [Page] cōfederates: The first was neuer good when a Kings fauour was the obiect: so long as Mines & Countermines haue beene the Court-deuises. The last will neuer be good: So long as people doe but conduct their fauorites to the Scaffold, and cry Alas, it is pitty: but who can helpe it? The first cānot thriue, because offences with Kinges out-weigh merits: Thē how distracted a thing is it, to preserue aduācement? security, destroyes men sleeping, while they deserue no punishment, but onely because no reward: And pollicy destroyes men waking: It doth consume our liues in iealousies and multitude of feares: which threaten the most pollitick & highly fauoured. Popularity is likewise mortall, because it breeds a surfet of one dish: nothing but Fame: [Page] serued in (like Turkish Rice) by infinite wayters. And shall wee wonder if it choakes him, when hee deuoures all▪ Besides, history hath tolde vs that there is eminent Tacius. danger in the refusall of a Crowne: Meaning (as I conceiue it) that States-men may bee thought too much worthy? and that there is danger in being thought worthy of a Kingdome where others haue more tytle. The best loue therfore that can be bestowed vpon the people, or the best friendship that you can receiue from them, is to suffer them in thinges indifferent, or not to shew a currish seuerity: For (like the Hungarian Heyducks) their wrath is prone to mischief, & their amity is worth nothing in a time of peace: so that indeed to flatter with them & not regard them, is a sound proposition: [Page] For if Coriolanus contemnes their authority, they can abhor his name, & banish his person: or at least banish him from preuailing in publike assistance. My rule for popularity, is, that according to the constitution of the party so affected, it may be nourishment or poyson: If hee be sound in his affections meaning Gods honour; applause & popularity conuerts to his encouragement: If ambitious or selfe-pleasing, it turns to a most harmefull dotage. The safest course (that I can be acquainted with) to confirme and preserue dignities with good approuall; is to bee immutable, honest, and no reported Polititian: For the very name containes (among generall conceits) much powder-treason, Atheisme, curses of inferiors, and condemnations [Page] of all, except their close minions. An other thing that doth breifely replenish a noble Spirit must be more example, dispatch or quicke perfect motion, then precepts or doctrines: These being the frequent obiect, of painfull Artists, the other being a Rhetoricall inducement to establish the delight of action: In which nothing drawes greater efficacie, then speedinesse and fortunate euent; though both these relie much vpon a contriuing faculty, which is begotten by a frequent practise. And therefore it betokens a sluggish feare, and priuate weakenes, when we are loath to enterprise: For a couragious minde gets perfection through quick desire, aboue many mens longer custome: but when appetite failes I perceiue no stomack [Page] of Nobility. It may seeme somewhat conrrouersiall, whether state-knowledge, or militant resolutions be more gracefull to generositie; And questionlesse, I conceiue few Romane Senators, or not any (except Cicero) were vnsufficient to lead an Army, as well as to deliuer an opinion in the Councellchamber: both be so vnseparably annexed, as we may hardly thinke he aduises the Commonwealth louingly, who is afraid to iustifie the Common-wealths quarrell; whē himselfe adiudges it lawfull. The pompe or magnificence of mighty persons, may now become a festiuall day better then common policy: for this age doth not so soone conclude the royall minde, as the fantasticke humour, by expence of needlesse brauery; accompting [Page] that rather magnificence, when we expend our owne about the Kingdomes glory: which by reflexe produces an apparant loue, and feare toward such actiue spirits. For all men reuerence him truely, who is impartiall, and industrious to aduance equitie, or to confirme goodnesse with goodnesse among all. And howsoeuer the full stomacks of men will hardly suffer them to commend such worthy ones aliue; yet haue their deaths been alwaies deplorable. wheras polliticke braines with false bottomes, haue found a publique curse, which was before restrained with authority. Tacitus giues an excellent praecept touching the report of Princes liues when they be dead; and saith they raild vpon their Emperour Vitellius being dead, whom [Page] being aliue they flattred: and yet presently he doth annex; The bountie and plaine meaning of Vitellius were his ruine: Both which may seeme a riddle: for bounty & honest meaning be two preseruatiues for honour: But then he giues a most lawfull reason, because they were not handled with discretion. In a word good ornaments accomplish great persons: and good ornaments are as a sweet oyntment: now if oyntments be powred vpon the feet, the sauour goes vpward into the nostrill (as Diogines noted) but being rubbed vpon our head the vapour vanishes: and so it often falls out that fruites of knowledge ascend vpwardes from men of base condition to the nostrills of Princes: wheras the sauour & profit of their own studies dies before them: but [Page] oyntment powred and not rubbed vpon ou [...] head runs downe about the garments; and plenty of knowledge in great perpersons imparts it selfe to others. I dare not become an Instructo; it appertaines to found Professours: Neither can I reproue; it may incurre the name of Malapert. I labour onely, to proue by a perswading reason;Plutarch in vita A [...] at v [...] labor et industria [...] culpā, &c. which is nothing burbare counsell. As for Nobility, if it beare the name of Legitimate, it will beare a contempt also (with Agesilaus) to be reproued, when paines may happily discharge their function. Neither at any time shall high births aspire to hazardous downfalls, if they [...]heophrastus. esteeme honor as the reward of v [...]rtue, no vertue in it selfe. And vertue to men truly Noble is most welcome when it is most [Page] difficult; not where necessitie doth make a vertue, but where they can doe otherwise and will not: for I account it a signe much nobler when we neglect vertue because we are compelled, and haue not licence to meet disaduantage; then if we feare some greater disaduantage By not being vertuous, and [...]o by a compulsion proue vertuous: As I account him a more vertuously sublimed spirit, who hauing little meanes and poore estate exceeds his compasse, only for this reason, because he cannot be abstinent in aboundance, then him who fearing pouerty, discredit or il-name affecteth parsimony. For I suppose it a more safe position to say; I cannot be the greatest and therefore wil be nothing vertuous, then, I will be a little vertuous in action, but will haue vertuous meaning.

[Page]

Of Disinheritance. Essay. VI.

IT is more impossible for an vnnatural Father to bee a true friend, then for an abused sonne, to be an obedient sonne: because I think it is a sound precept; That hee whose disposition findes a soone-moued contrariety betwixt himselfe and his vndoubted children, must (of necessity) bee a man who refuses all men, except aduantage pleades for them; Seeing he neglects those, for whom nature pleades, if aduantage be absent. The same may be inferred concerning all degenerate kinsfolke, though in a lesse degree. But for the first I haue obserued it generally; that [Page] hee who was apt for Disinheritance, hath been a man alwayes of as many affections, as there be faces: And as prompt to refuse any, as to receiue any, if hee might saue by the bargain. Howsoeuer sub [...]ects be now growne so tyrannicall, that where pretences may accomplish their malice, they cānot thinke there is a God, or, at least, they thinke God fauours their proceedings. For calumnious pretences, and aggrauated trifles haue been the common glosse of Parents cruelty in this kinde: Their president is vulgar: for tyrants neuer slew without state-Alchimy, or multiplicatiō of pretēded treasons: neither may Alexander lack occasiō, so long as he had a meaning to kill [...]. The hungry Woolfe may call the Lambe his debtor, but a good stomack [Page] is the day of payment, and the Prouerbe is well verified: Facile est invenire baculum quo cedas canem. If thou wouldst beate a Dog heere is a staffe. So that although churlish Parents pretend iust causes of disinheritance, yet these are quickly found, soone allowed, and as soone amplyfied. From whence you may gather, that no sparke of naturall affection but onely a compulsiue maintenance, keeps the reference betwixt such Parents, and such children. For louing nature and affection be tractable, of long forbearance, much pitty, manifest care; and keep an establisht forme of affability, with which friendes or kinsfolk be vnacquainted: This prouokes an eminent reflexe of loue; whereas rough carriage begets loue in Curres, but a conremptible scorne in Noble Spirits. In a milk-white table, one [Page] blot is more visible, then forty in a browne paper: And in a continued louing vsage, one reproofe is more preuaileable then fifty in a vsuall crabbednes. For common noyses go not beyond our eares; but a sudden clamor startles the whole man. It is therefore more commendable to follow the extreame of vertue abounding, then defectiue: The first partakes with mediocritie in the nature: but the last is altogether opposite. We may then more safely allow indulgence, then austerity: because it approcheth neerer to true loue. For though indulgence hath made children lofty in behauiour towardes others, yet (I obserue) it breeds a true and vndiuorced affection towards the originall cause. It is therefore an excellent rule, for children, to [Page] bee any way restrain'd without the Parents knowledge, or at least their taking notice: wherby Nature cānot grudge against Nature, nor yet want reprehension For howsoeuer Marcus Cato said well: That hee had rather be vnrewarded for doing wel, then vnpunished for offences: Yet we haue naturally a secret spleene against the Iudge, though wee account him righteous and impartiall. It must be expected then, that children doe knowe a difference betwixt Fathers and Maisters; which makes them the more implacable, when they see Nature impartiall. From hence Sertorius, a politicke Captaine, would not himselfe represse the disobedience of his Souldiers; least, howsoeuer they deserued ill, yet his correction might take away [Page] their louing duty: Which respect made him suffer the enemyes incursions, rather to scourge their insolence, whilst they, out of a hare-brained lunacie desire battaile. And thus the sacred decree of Correction may bee kept vnuiolate, and the loue of children vnblemished. For I am vnanswerably perswaded, that Parents wrath diminisheth the childes loue, making him seruile or else refractory to the doctrine of thēselues & others; because they cannot vndertake with delight, so long as frownes and feare be crept into their fancy. But affable Parents beget truely affectionate Children, who may endure another mans reproofe to mittigate the name of Cockney, and yet louingly adore the Father because hee was alwayes louing. So then [Page] the Fathers diligent loue, and a Tutors modest instruction, may make a seldome-seene Heire affect his Fathers life without hypocrisie, and proue a venerable wise man. Without which loue apparant, or oftentimes indulgence, I see an eldest sonne, in stead of the Fathers blessing, render backe sweating curses. I see another inclining onely to the mother; and a third, slippe into the disinherited Fortune.

The comaedian therefore saithTerentius. In [...]aeauton. well touching a fathers dutie: I ouer-passe expences, I call not euery thing to a strict account; and that which other sonnes labour to keepe secret, I doe not bitterly condemne in mine, least many things should [...]ee concealed; for hee that (through a [...]ugged vsage) depriues his father (by false excuses) of a youthfull error, will soone deceiue others. Indeede [Page] mistrust makes children disobedient: for I doe make it a most equall question; whether more men haue deceiued others because they haue beene distrusted; or whether more men haue distrusted others because they haue beene deceiued? It is more auailable then, to gouerne by liberalitie, not base compulsion: for he that thus becomes obedient, expects onely till he may wan [...] the witnesse of his actions. But the comicall Poet saith truly; Patres aequum esse censent nos iam iam a puerisillico nasci senes. Now for the danger arising by parents vnkindenesse (it hauing beene propounded, that want of loue breedes disinheritance) I will demonstrate, first how horrible, second vnlaw [...]ull, and third impossible, disinheritance may be [Page] well accounted. The diuorce of mariage is a weighty case, much forbidden, much controuerted; because mariage it selfe is made a strict vnion; so farre, as Husbands seeme incorporate with their Wiues, being both to bee taken as one flesh. But this vnion admits many exceptions; neither may any thinke their being made one, extends further, then the rhetoricall aggrauation of vnitie; to insinuate how difficult a thing Diuorce will be betwixt two, so narrowly vnited: but children haue a more exquisite property of indiuorceable; because they really partake with parents by existence: deriuing a particular & true strength of body from the parents body. And therfore it seemes the matter of disinheritance is a thing so odious, as (being held improbable [Page] to be acted among the Iewes, or any Nation) no Law of Scripture contradicts it. Indeed rebellious sonnes are by the verdict of Diuine iniunction, to suffer death, if they shall strike the parents, or rise vp against them: But for the matter of Disinheritance (which farre transcends the punishment of death) I haue read no sillable that may giue the tolleration of Diuinity. Death indeed, cōparatiuely respected, may be thoght the best wages of a rebellious son: for the act includes his full sentēce; because to smite his parent, is to seek the destruction of his efficient cause: which act keeps within it so much ingratitude, as heauenly Iustice can do no lesse then remoue him who seeks to remoue his begetter; it being an inseperable part of holinesse, [Page] to pay offenders with their own coyne. But disinheritance so much exceeds death, as it approches to a continued torment. Death is so far from misery, where men expiate offences, as it affoords felicity▪ because it giues a present satisfaction, and a present hope to enioy a good portion; if penitence, and a satisfactorie minde be companions. But disinheritance, or abdication, doth not onely enforce death, but makes the circumstance tyrannicall.

A violent death is but an abridgement of nature; but disinheritance doth often bring a violent death, and enlarge the wickednesse of nature. I see no difference betwixt them in the conclusion: for death is an effect cōmonly of disinheritance; but no death more excludes all [Page] humanitie. the case is palpable. I giue directions to a traueller: he arrogantly contemnes my counsell; which doth so much prouoke me, as (to amend the matter) I draw him by compulsion to an apparant ambush; in which, after many sustained a buses, horrible vexations, and desperate encounters, hee concludes his life with infamie; or perhaps blasphemy. So, currish and cruell parents, by disinheritance deale euery way answerable to this similitude. The horror of which Athisme is the more amplified, by so much as naturall affinitie claimes a more humane president then strangers. Banishment or abiuration is tolerable: for it takes originall by publicke decree, superior counsell, and authority of those, from [Page] whom I can chalenge nothing but iustice: whereas disinheritance, a Nationall banishment (transcending forraine exile in the Cause and Manner) proceeds from priuate occurrences, that cannot reach so high an affliction; because the nature of it is equall to, nay aboue, publicke iustice. Our law hath prouidently dislik'd the dealing: for it appeares by Glanuile chiefe iustice in the raigne of Henry the Second, Lib. 7. Cap. 2. fol. 44. That if a man had lands descended to him, and (hauing many sonnes) desired to bestowe some portion of it on some of the younger; this could not be accō plished without his elder sons agreement: only for this reason, saith Glanutle, that the [...]ather (who did oftentimes most doa [...]e vpon the you [...]ger sons) should [Page] not disinherit his eldest. Now it may well be esteemed inhumane, when parents punish with rigor, where the Lawe condemnes not, because in euery offence highly punishable, the Law is open: if that condemnes, the Parents loue may a little bee excused, though he doth not excuse his sonnes accu [...]ation; but where himselfe exceedes the Lawes rigor, when the Law is silent, and becomes Accuser, Iudge, and Executioner, wee may discouer a damnable flintie heart; apt enough for massacre; seeing he first playes the tyrant with his owne image.

Parents therefore cannot argue and say (except Disinheritance) they haue no remedie for disobedience; seeing there is no crime that may deserue so great satisfaction, but the Law [Page] is all-sufficient to render Iustice and saue them vnpreiudiced in the aspersion of Vnnaturall: which title Disinheritance, draws with it inseperate. For if we take a view of those impulsiue causes which breed occasion; we shall perceiue how accessary Parents be to all their childrens vices; and by the consequent, how culpable they are to punish that so strictly, of which themselues be Authors. Shall the best man liuing suppose himselfe an author of things simply good, though in the strength of wisdome, religion and thoughts, rectified, he doth performe them? And shall wee not then say, that, a Father is the impotēt cause of error, when hee cannot perform a worke of goodnes in his own-begotten, or why shal any man expect things differing frō [Page] his end? and by the consequent, why shall any man expect vertuous children? for if the wisest & religious man could be examin'd, I know he would confesse, that either Lust or a vainglory, or both together haue inter-mixt themselues with his most pious end of generation: so that if children haue any goodnes, they cannot thanke their parents as the authors: But if they doe abound with mischiefe they may thanke their parents chiefly. Is it not therefore a strict dealing when parents will not recompence an iniury, by a forgiuenes of that corruption which they themselues imparted? Setting aside the position which makes Children participate with Parents in vices liable to constitution, we may (without these) demonstrate, [Page] how guilty they are of each notorious crime in Children, through a pouertye of rectified education. [...]or as, in naturall productions, nothing is so absurd, from which Art cannot extract a deer quintessence; so among naturall men, and the conditions of humanitie, nothing is so irregular, from which elaborate and true instructiue methode cannot produce a Divine excellence. Indeed the disquisition of natures is difficult and much politicke labour belongs to the true si [...]ting of a peruerse disposition. But questionlesse, the worst natured among all bad men, are, by a true seasoning of minoritie, a wise progresse, or institution of ripe yeares, and an alluring motiue of practises well commended; they are capable of goodnesse, [Page] subdued in mischiefe, and apprehensiue in a sufficient measure. So that we must not ignorantly impute the curse of Children to a wrong cause, seeing it is either the curse of the Parents; not to instruct children at all; not sufficiently; or not in the true manner. Examples are infinite: Alc [...]hiades may include all. He, a voluptuous and sensuall Swaggerer, could neuer be reclaimed by many strong experiments; till cōming by chance to the Philosophicall Lecture of Socrates, he was sodainely conuerted: such a sympathie there was betwixt this Philosophers doctrine, and the Disciples attention; whereas twenty others might perhappes haue beene frustrate in the same conuersion, though their Precepts had beene equall, because there is [Page] an invisible concordance to make them aequiualent.

Which manner of instruction, respecting the quality and person, of method and Tutors, be matters onely appertaining to the Parents charge. Now (if a curse imposed vpon them, be a hinderance to them both, whereby they neither can be prouided of true Instructors or instructions) Shall we accuse the Childe as an Author of the Fathers curse, or the Fathers curse now being, as an originall of the childes future inconveniences?

This being concluded, we may well inferre, concerning disinheritance, that parents cur|'ses bee the onely causes which prouoke it (seeing they might sometimes, but doe not, and doe not sometimes because [Page] they cannot, ingraft goodnes, by their owne ignorance) and being so they resemble Heliogabalus, who hauing procured his friends drunkennes, would cast the miserable wretches among tame Beares and Lyons, to terrifie them when they awaked. But herein they differ: hee was the voluntary cause of his Friends; Parents, the vnaduised cause of their Childrens error: In stead of which mitigatiō, hee threw his friends among tame Beares & Lyons: Parents, by disinheritance, throw their issue amōgst rampant Wolues. For besides the perplexed infamy, and sorrowfull perturbatiōs of such excluded Cast-awayes, what shall wee coniecture touching their desperate resolution? Or how shall wee condemn, if they bee suddenly ouerthrowne by [Page] the full necessity of destruction? Seeing their destitute fortune inuites them to imbrace each glistering temptation, and to shake handes with calamity. I cannot (for mine own part) comprehend all this without remembrance and pitty of such Parents rnines; seeing they cānot discharge all, before children haue incurred destruction without them. Nothing is written which doth not amplifie our instruction (saith Diuinity) & nothing amongst all is more effectuall then true Obseruations, except Diuinity. Most ingeneous therefore and full of perswasion, may that Morality bee, soone collected from insensible creatures: They haue an excellent and singular loue (each creature in his kinde) to nourish vp their weake little ones. The [Page] hunted Lyonesse dryues her whelpes before. The pregnant Beare forsakes not her den vntil she be deliuered; neither doe the whelpes come forth vntill they can escape danger. The Snake swallowes her young, if any disaduantage happens. And aboue all, most admirable is natures ingenuity, touching that forraine creature, called Su; which (being persecuted) shuts vpp her Cubbes in a depending scrip, & so protects them from the Huntsman. The multitude of examples would bee tedious. [...]riefly therfore, it is an obserued note among them; they neuer forsake their infantry till it be able euery way like themselues) to preuent mischiefe. This may rebuke all hasty-minded Parents, who (notwithstanding the discursiue light of reason) can [Page] cast off meere Humanity, and goe beneath a brutish goodnes of Nature, not onely to forsake, but to abhorre their issue; and leaue them destitute, before they bee any way enabled to su staine nature. For children bee indeed thus reiected euer, because they be vnable. Might it be so imagined, that our posterity (like beastial generation) could, when they bee at full growth, require no houses but the vaile of Heauen; no nourishment but the next pasture; no cloathing but the Robes of nature, no supportation against misery, but instinct, & dulnesse, then Parents might forsake and proue vnblameable: But excellency and sweet composure, demaund in vs a more respected fortune. Omitting these indifferent allegations, which some [Page] may account Sophistry, rather then sound precept, because they beleeue nothing but what Scripture makes apparant; nor that can be accepted among them, vnlesse no Christian contradicts it; neither can that which all acknowledge, win oftentimes any more then weake beleefe: It shall bee therefore sufficient to confute this error in question, by the soundest proofe, and then the vnbeliefe of Humorists will serue to multiply their condemnations.

Wee cannot (where things be left vntouched in Scripture) assume a safer patterne then the most absolute quallities of our Maker. First then, that Metaphoricall affinitie, of Father and Son, which himselfe hath pleased to entertaine betwixt Himselfe and his Elected, may serue [Page] to instruct Parents (without question) in all degrees of duty, and inseparate relation.

Now all agree vpon this principle, that whomsoeuer God hath once loued, him hee hath loued [...] de libe [...]tate he m [...]: pag [...] 415. [...] quando semell access [...] runt ad [...] Sanctorum d [...]ficere [...] dem aliqu [...] do poss [...]nsed [...] totaliter & sin a [...]er. [...] meas nemo [...] cte manu me [...]. Ioh. 10 28. euerlastingly. It is impossible therefore, if at any time there hath been Amity bttwixt Father and Sonne, that this (being obserued) it should fal away to disinheritāce. For if Gods Maiestie descend so lowe, as to continue his loue alwaies where He hath begun to Loue: shall not imitation hereof be requisite in fathers, who bee commanded to loue their children, and in whom nature exacts more proportion, then in the least degree can be imagined betwixt holinesse and fr [...]ilty? each circumstance appeares so manifest, as I knowe [Page] not how Sophisters can colourably distinguish. A second instance may confirme this president. God neuer hath forsaken the most wicked Reprobates, till they haue voluntarily forsaken him first: The prodigall demanded his portion, left his father, and yet the father willingly accepts him being conuerted. This becomes farre opposite to the practise of our age: so violent is the humor of disinheriting parents, as they forget common charity, & refuse loue with an extreame scorne of reconcilement. As for the pretended causes which commonly prouoke parents, I cannot any way cuniecture, that they be either halfe so infinite, or in the least degree so terrible, as those with which all parents prouoke Omnipotence & therfore [Page] I cannot well see how such fathers can claime the petition of forgiuenesse, when they cannot forgiue their own issue. The heire of a Kingdome entitles himselfe not more iustly to his Crowne, then eldest sons do to their homely inheritance. Now I obserue, that whersoeuer hath beene a succeeding gouerment, there, weake-braind, ryotous, tyrannicall, and lewd Princes, haue been admitted to their dignities without contradiction. And doth not the bloud of common heires answere to a Kings priuiledge, in the Title of Legitimate? Why then shall wee not be prouoked with such iniustice? If children should receiue no more then they deserue: or if they should claime loues respect, no longer then merits make a full proportion; [Page] how should the liberality of parents, and the prerogatiue of children, appeare? or what obedience may Fathers aske from such Children, more then from good Apprentices? [...] could intombe his Mares, when they purchased credite in the swift races of Olimpiades. Xanthippus could bewaile his dogges death which had followed his Maister from Calamina. Alexander could erect a Citty in the honor of Bucephalus, when he had been long defended by him in many battailes. The Asse may well (among the Heathen) be adorned with Lillies, Violets, and Garlands; when their Goddesse, Vesta, by an Asses voyce, a [...]oyded the rape of Priapus. If merits therefore should onely challenge the loue of parents, nothing might make a difference betwixt sons [Page] and bond slaues: Seeing bare Humanitye, and the Lawe of Nations hath accounted the honours of One worthy to bee honoured, nothing but equall and necessarie thankes. Nay, in all ages, so bountifull and respectiue hath authority been to true merits, as euen the desertlesse children haue mette with dignitie to remunerate the fathers worthinesse: Thus did the Athenians bestow great wages, vpon Lysimachus, to gratisie the seruice of Ar [...]stides: And thus the Romans preferred the cause of Marcus Brutus, because his Ancestors had tooke the Countries quarrell against tyrants. Shall fathers then esteeme it such a bad custome to dignifie their owne begotten issue, though desertlesse; seeing strangers haue done this to congratulate [Page] good fathers? Two examples there bee, ancient and moderne (worth our memory) that shew the practise of our Theam in question; and affoord singular obseruation. The first is euident, in the raigne of Agis a Lacedemonian King: In whose principall Citty of Sparta, the custome had prohibited alienations that preiudice the Heire: The custome grew to bee a confirmed Law: After continuance there sell a difference betwixt one of the highest Magistrates and his eldest sonne: The father was so actually prouoked, that hee exhibites a Decree to licence Disinheritance; the Decree was established: And afterward (saith Plutarch) couetousnesse became publicke: For now men had licence to de [...] Families and Es [...]ates, [Page] which otherwise should haue descended. From hence my obseruation is double. The prime cause of disinheritance was Fury: And then the commodity was ranke Couetousnesse. Lastly, it is apparant by the Tower-rowles, that (during the raigne of Edward the fourth) one Thomas Burdet an Englishmā, being somewhat innocently condemned to death (about captious tearmes ignorantly vttered) in his way to death espied his eldest Sonne, whom (before) hee disinherited: Him therfore hee penitently receiued; and hauing now confessed seriously, that he felt Gods wrath vpon him onely to punish that vnnaturall sinne, He humbly beg'd forgiuenesse of God, and of his sonne: The application of such a paenitent remorse is easie.

[Page]Hauing now marshald vp this troope of Arguments, which (I thinke) are approueable; some (questionlesse) will accoūt them white-liuerd souldiers, drest vp onely with a Rhetoricall habite: But censure is no lesse infinite, then oftentimes odious: Triall therefore shall discharge the integrity of these; whilst I proceed briefly to muster one troope more, whose courage is enough animated by their aduersaries weaknes. For if the Birth-right (which intitles an heire) bee inseperate, then the prerogatiue is also inseperate, for Inheritance depends vpon priority, which being vnremoueable; the benefit should remaine likewise: It being as monstrous for an Heire to bee without Inheritance, as for a Father to be without a Childe: Relations therfore [Page] be so depending, that wee may sooner affirme the Sonne and Father not to be, then Heires and Inheritance not to bee correlatiues: And by the consequent as lawfully may wee depriue both of Beeing, as we may permit the one without the other.

Of Poetry. Essay. VII.

POETRY is called the worke of Dictae sunt res naturales quae cunque naturae ordine fieren [...]; cum divinitus, insita vi qua subsistunt aptae sunt ad agendū vel pa [...]endum: Verro lib: 1. nature: I rather think it a Diuine alacrity, entertained by the fitnesse of nature: For if (in generall) a cheerefull spirit partakes of a Diuine influence; then this (being spiritually maintained, with a desire to cōmunicate, and expresse such quickning inuentions) can bee no other, being the soule of alacrity, [Page] then an inuisible Diuine worke; which doth transport nature, whilst nature meruailes at the cause. Aristotle. Philosophy hath diuided our soules faculty; and makes the Intelligent part our principall essence: that cannot perish: Poetry depends on that, and a sublime fancy; they being the helpes of our disposall: Or (to speake truely) a Poet vseth euery function of the soule: Depending vpon which, hee must reiect Nature▪ For Nature perisheth, the Soule cannot. Omnis Apollo in vniuersa natura suam pulsat Citharam. Seal: 836. Exerc. Nature is then the Hand-maide; but an Infusiue worthinesse, the soule of Poetry. Conceiue but this, and Nature will disclaime: Nature imparts her Faculties by Generation; excluding study & custome: A Poet neuer is engendred so, further then a naturall Logician, therefore hee exceeds [Page] Nature. Poema (vta [...]t Possidonius) est dict [...]o numerosa, certa mensu [...]a constans. at (que) prosae orationis speciem excedens: Poesis est sig [...] poema, diuinarum et humana: &c. Laerti: lib: 7. de vit [...] philoso: 329. The Stoicks made a difference betweene Poema and Poesis, a Poem, and Poetry: Which difference may well serue to illustate the meritorious honour of true Stage-poetry: That onele being the soule and spirit of Poesis: Other seuerall Poems, bee the limbes and weake dependants of that happy Mistris: For true representation is the spirtit of fancy; and Fancy is the treasure of apprehension: The nimbly speedines of which, makes a Poet; and that quicke speedinesse, is not in any Poem so much apparant, as in a dramaticke turning. Est enim Poesis significatiuum Poema, diuinarum et humanarum rerum imitationem complectens. Poesie is a significant Poem, containing an imitation of Diuine & Humane passages: Which imitation [Page] heer intended, is not in any poem so much verified, as in a naturall Play: And neuer was in any Nation (it may bee boldly spoken) that elegance and nature obserued in Play-composures, which is inhaerent generally to our English Writers at this day. So that we may inuert the wordes of Plautus.

—nunc nouae quae prodeunt fabulae multo sunt m [...]liores quae nummi nostri:

And in Nature most equall to these writings, Poetick history approaches neerest: Consisting in the same degree of fancy; and an inuention better furnished.

Wee may obserue a sweet concordance in this mighty Fabricke: All things are coupled with an allusiue vnion: Life, is a flash of immortality; Sleepe, of death: Middle age of Summer: Arts also, and ages past, haue a [Page] similitude with things inferiour, and signifie things future. Language is likened to a Casket, Logicke to an Artificers Instrument, Rhetoricke to a precious Colour: And poetry likewise hath a sit resemblance with prophesie: both be an vnutterable rapture; both bee a boundlesse large capacity: Both bee a vniuersall tractate: Both be cōfined within a small number: Both be discredited with false pretenders: Both be dispersed among men (originally) obscure: Both bee alike neglected: Both (generally) contemned alike. Neither could prophets at all times be furnishd to denounce; nor can poets bee at all times furnishd to compose. Poetry is made the conueyance of amorous delights: and certainly it doth bestow much sweetnesse in apparrelling [Page] loue-accents. This only might discouer it for a supreme donatiue, seeing the musicke in Heauen is an agreement of soules. Ier [...]me Sauanarola, the Monkish phylosopher, makes poetry a part of reasonable philosophy; maintaining this, against naturall pretenders of poetry: I will not meddle with his arguments, they are elaborate and learned: The truth is euident without serious proofe.

Verse and Rime bee things naturall: for they be onely colour and appearance: But if you value the Phrase and the Materials after the same proportion, as thinking your conceit able to furnish a poem, you shall indeed perceiue it likewise naturall, that is, naked, vnpolished, nay the scorne of poetry. A quicke contriuing head may vtter laudably, [Page] but neuer was a braine so sudden, as to compose well without the president of others in the like kinde: Nay, take the most illiterate Writers, (who propound experience and familiar allusions) they haue a time to Meditate, to compare, to dispose. It is with poets and writers, as with Kinges and Maiestrates: princes accounted wise may liberally incroach on others wealth, and neuer bee accounted tyrants: And poets held iudicious may through lazines orignorance make vse of others witts, whilst the reserued storehouse which helpes others, shall be thought an empty stable.

Quicquid delirant reges plectuntur Achiui.

This Art of poetry cannot proue eminent, vnlesse the writer hath a reioycing heart, an apprehensiue [Page] head, and a disclouded fancy. Carmina proveniunt amo deducta sereno, saith the poet:

Verses proceed from a disburthend braine.

It is impossible therfore for one deiected by calamitie, or one perplexed with questions of an other Science, to get perfection in this free knowledge: I say, perplexed with questions of another Science; because a Poet should rather copiously discourse of all, by application to a witty purpose, rather then be exquisite in a particular Art, respecting depth of rule, or quidditie. Notions, coniectures, and some of the best passages, be more sufficient for him, then a praecise certaintie of rules. Sharpe sause procures appetite; but sharp meats kill the stomacke. And doubtles little griefes be prouocations to [Page] reu [...]ue; whereas a multitude of disapointments, weaken Poetry: because they doe embase the spirits: now poetry is the quickest part of spirit; and therefore soone distempred: as quicke edges are soonest blunted. He therefore who propunds excellence, must refuse the multitude of questions, and the Carmina secessum scribentis et otia quoe runt. Our Trist. 3. vexation of miseries: both be as clogges and fetters to that aspiring facultie. From hence I may conclude the perfection of this Science doth match the straines of right Alchymie: it being (in both) alike impossible to finde that man who shall directly promise to attaine perfection; because impediments exceed the means. The nourishment of Poetry is good applause: for Poems being made to allure and bewitch the reader in a lesson of morall [Page] precept, must prosper in their meaning, or be discountenanced: As all professions be, which make mens good opinions the reward of knowledge: and therefore hath England affoorded few men accurate in historicall Poems, because opinion hath vouchsafed to ranke her painefull volumes among easie and slight labors: whereas Italians haue proued singular proficients in this kinde of inuention; because (saith Rosinus) authority hath graced their elegance. So that considering our negligence of historicall Poems, it may be well obserued with Plautus, in his prologue to Casina:

Ea tempestate [...] poetarum fuit qui nunc abierunt in cōmunem locum The reason (I thinke) which hath wrought in England such a degenerate [Page] value of Poems, proceeded (first) from the professors ignorance & generall basenesse but secondly from the stubborn grauitie of the best readers; who scorne to account the best Poems profitable workes, because all haue hitherto been accounted slight composures, or at best vnprofitable And we imagine it a weaknesse to recant an error. Some haue certainely contemned the worthiest labors euenthrough malicious, despaire of attempting the like worthily. As in Cynthia's [...]euenge. another place I haue thus noted—

A Poets rapture, Kings haue wishd to feele,

Which some despise because vncapable.

Howsoeuer, the base opinion which Poetry incurs among vs, hath been repaid with iustice: that is, the discredit of our Nation: [Page] for our vnder-valuing opinion hath depriued the publick of more iudicious workes then be already extant: And so the glory of our Nations eminent wit, hath beene eclipsed with forraigners. Indeed there bee some easie helpes for Poets which artists haue not: I haue reduced them into this number Morning, wine, beautie, health, and Musicke are

The fiue prouoking helps of Poetry.

These together be as the nourishment, not the body: for it is impossible that these should make a Poet; but onely feed the powers of art and nature: which principally doth commend the temperature of Poetry: for as in phisicke so in this, such a food such a blood.

These helps therefore hauing a sweetned puritye, doe shew a [Page] most sweet compound in the spirit of poems which suckes their quintessence. As for the priuate and sensible benefit (which any shall conceiue in publishing his labours) I see none vertuous but this: he may excuse (by them) his silent nature; and be accounted better, as a Melancholy Poet, then a speechlesse foole. Fame and Eminence sauour of a fruitlesse ambition; that will now purchase nothing for Poetry by preferment, but an opinion that Poetry is his knowledge, and (it being so) that he is fit for nothing els: or some perhaps; nay, the wisest, will bestowe compassion, and say, It is pitty such a pregnant wit should endeuour so idly. These bee the comforts of being famous: let Doaters bee ambitious of it. The deepest poets haue neglected [Page] verse: I meane the polished forme of verse: but I would sooner loue such workes in prose; and heartily intreate such writers, euen for their own dispatch-sake, and the readers also, to abandon poetry, except they can avoyd that crabbed stile and forme, which weakens any readers appetite and apprehension. Nothing doth so much discouer poetry to be a thing of spirit and quicke substance, as the delight it takes to dwell in flourishing and lusty bloods; when life and all her attributes do most prouoke nature: and therfore shell you see men, who haue tasted poetry in their youth, and feele a diminution by impediments of age laboring most commonly to renew their age: And most of all quicken nature by the meanes [Page] praemised. Whereas when poetry is in a full growth the knowne verses may be well applied: shewing it cannot be conceald: ‘Quicquid conabor dicere versus [...]rat.’ And shewing that words will come alone when matter is prouided. ‘Verba (que) peouisā rē non inuita sequuntur:’ Words freely follow a prouided wit.

The relish of Poetry is a candied barke: an elegance so sweetned with apt phrase and illustration, as it excludes rough harshnesse, & all mysterie: controuersies and Philosophicall questions bee therefore improper arguments for a Poeticall tractate: they cannot be expressed with an inticing libertie. Similitudes [Page] be the fit interpreters of Poets: when I affirme this, I doe not approue all similitudes, but such as doe interpret: which they cannot doe, except they be more familiar then the thing interpreted. This condemnes any, who from a depth in learning, shall produce the Mathematickes, to illustrate Grammer: or shall compare things knowne by repetition to an example in Astronomy. Poore and Prodigall haue been a Poets Titles: these haue been fixt with a contemptiue meaning, but I imagine they aduance his qualitie: for therefore he neglects wealth, because he feeles within himselfe a Iewell which can redeeme his bondage in the worst calamity. Freedome of Braine and Body is a Poets musicke: A peaceable fruition doth [Page] preserue, and doth reuiue his fancie. Indeed the liberty of braine makes a Poet: and if that liberty be [...] with crosse [...]ortunes of immediate dependance or displeasing casualties, the Poet hath no liberty, but only to respect the times occasion. When therefore a Reward is moti [...]e, it makes the labour like it selfe, seruile. Poetry should therefore (being an impartiall free science) be vndertaken by the free [...]rosessor; a man sufficient in estate: such a one as need not vse flattery to win reward; nor so indite, that things may be dispatched quickly & his wants quickly furnished; nor so dispatch, that hee may rather make things saleable, through obscoenity or scandals, then approued labour: Because while ioyfully they should int [...]nd their [Page] poems, they bee too much interrupted with a remēbrance of their wants, & be compelled to take a ready course: A course too ready, to be regular: And Hor [...]ce himselfe hath said it.

Qui paulum a summo dis [...]essit, vergit ad▪ [...]mum.

And poems made to cherish vp the minde

Being not best are of the basest kinde.

These mischiefes follow a mercenarie hope: and therefore be mercenary [...] odious: such (I mean) as are prouoked by pouerty, & will exact their wages.

Of Discontents. Essay VIII.

PLeasure and Sorrow bee the obiects of vertue: but discōtents be may thought rather [Page] the obiects of pleasure. Vertue moderates the folly of pleasure and sorrow: but pleasure so moderated remoues discontents. I reckon discontents among my priuate Sorrow may be admitted in behalfe of publick calamities which cannot bee so well tearmed a Discontent. sorrowes [...]s which amplifie my owne misfortune; which feele the same (perhaps) a greater torment for my friends misery, then my owne: yes, I am better assured of my owne fortitude to contemne sorrowes, then of my friends aptnesse, to relish my counsels; or of his owne freedome to advise himselfe: and therefore his vexation (he being my selfe) afflicts me more iniuriously: because I can ouercome my owne, better then His. I call those properly Discontented who are busie thoughted: who, like brainelesse patients, are almost desperate if another giues [Page] them poyson; and yet (being recouered) they will aduenture to poyson themselues: for many of this ranke you shall perceiue, who hauing passed the discontents which come by others malice, will (of their owne accord) frame new perplexities: They will conceiue thinges otherwise then they be, and so nourish a conceite till they beleeue it reall. It is one of mans extreame ignorant follies that he wil fasten his vexation about casuall dreams, and sleepy conceits; not meditating whether, and why he wakes. Opinion is indeed the mediate cause of discontents; but then a rectified or false capacitie (being an immediate cause of rectified or false opinions) begets a true or idle discontent. I call that idle, which is begotten of an idle [Page] fancie: such idle discontents are soone expelled; they are causelesse Melarcholy, begot by alteration, dispersed by alteration: But Melancholy, meeting with a reall cause, becomes a setled mischiefe▪ Howsoeuer, nothing (though most worth our discontent) can bee said His or My discontent, vnlesse we so conceiue it. For certainly, a carelesse resolution may bee freed from conscience and discontent together: whereas perhaps a nice examining head may so ensnare it selfe with multitude of thoughts, that the confusion may prouoke both: but then a carelesse resolution serues worthily to abate such idle, and such reall discontents. For as in naturall bodies fasting and food destroy and nourish; so in our daily proiectes, consideratiue [Page] thoughts and carelesse negligence fasten and remoue. The brayne of man is like a pocket Watch, where within little compasse you may finde great workmanship▪ and the braines of best-witted men are a curious clocke; which by the distemprature of one wheele, growes distempered in euery one: and indeed the most curious witts which seeke a reason for euery trifle be a distemperature, or affliction to themselues: still growing lesse like a Piramide towards the conclusion of their curiosity in searching. Eu [...]lides did therfore answere w [...]ll, when one would presse him in many nice questions of diuinitye; Cetera quidem nescio, ill [...]d Scio quòd dij oderunt curiosos.

Thus much I know the Gods detest a curiosity; [Page] The best Plato Galen. Cicero. D. Ihom. Philosophers haue left a doubtfull number of mens perturbations, some assigne six, some fiue, some foure some eleuen. They might (in my conceit) be all reduced vnto a triple number: including likewise the very causes of all discontent. Imagine therefore they proceed first from iealousies of whatkind soeuer; either in being contemned, neglected, or ambiguous of good successe: then from doubts not to be resolued, either through weaknesse of our vnderstanding, or intricacie of the question, then from an extreame desire, either of things difficult or impossible. To iealousies, and such desires, all are incident; to doubts and questions, Schollers or Scholler▪ like heads onely: these comprehend the summe of all our crosses: of [Page] all our sorrowes both in soule & bo [...]y: Nay, all more narrowly may be reduced to a desire: For when we briefly say, He hath his hearts desire, we do withall in tend, that he is neither troubled with pleasure, griefe, feare, audacity, hope or anger: The six turbulent passions reckned by Plato. Our passions bee the first causes of our discontents: And all our passions be sutable or vnsutable to nature: The first intice, the last terrifie our wisedome: And therefore both kindes must bee dealt with wisely, but lesse hardly, because one medicine ouercomes both. Let neither good nor euill chances take vs vnprouided, and we shall be neuer afflicted: For either wee grow sluggish & careles being pleasd with good, or wholy danted being displeasd with [...] chances▪ [Page] Let vs therfore sometimes willingly please our selues, and ha [...]ing tasted what such pleasure is, let vs returne into the common course of labour: By which meanes, pleasures will not bee ouer-pleasant and attractiue, when afterwards by occasion we shall be again tempted: And being not so effectuall with vs, wee cannot afterwards repent, or be disconsolate because wee did forget our selues. Neither will griefes be ouer grieuous, if wee be somtimes sencible of others griefe; not by a womanish pitty (for that softens the heart, and makes it ouer sencible, inclining to dispaire) but by a noble pitty, which sees our owne [...] in anothers suffrings, and makes vs worthily abhor [...]e to be the cause of such suffrings: For whilst we so pitty the wrōg [Page] which others haue committed, wee nourish in our selues a scorne to do the like: These excepted, the saying is true: Misereri & sapere vix dijs conceditur.

Certainly (amongst all) perplexed questions be to a labouring head, most troublesome: And lesse blameable was that sound Aristotle. Philosopher, who made the Ocean capable of him, because he was not capable of reason for the Ebbe and Flow; rather then such as be ashamed to liue, when either needinesse, feare, ignominy, griefe, or disappointments contradict them. It is meere beastial to dye vpon such weake incounters; which might be all confuted with a Heathens knowledge: But then to dye for ignorance may seeme excuseable: For such a life is beastial, where wee are ignorant of reason; [Page] and better is it to bee ignorant of reason how to preuent death, then to preserue life in ignorance: Because I hold it highly monstrous, to dishonour the nice fabrick of a mans body with a brutish soule. The truth is, our discontents of any kinde doe mis-informe our iudgement; no otherwise then a busie knaue, who (seeing the bad luck of lawful means) doth bribe the Maiestrate: and neuer was a Maiestrate more easily bribed, then is a iudgement (so oppressed) corrupted We haue no liberty to knowe, much lesse to iudge; no reason to discourse, much lesse to put a difference no freedome to conceiue, much lesse to vnderstand, when Discontents do trouble vs. They interpose our brightest emine [...]ce of wisedom no otherwise then clowdes d [...]rken [Page] the Sunnes glory: They keepe a strong possession against our vertue and all good society. The most significant Title they can deserue is Treache [...]ous: For they breed sensibly an inuocation, begetting in vs a preposterous change; and that cōmonly proceeds from worse to worse: For being more incorporate with them and their mutations, wee challenge lesse freedome in our selues, to helpe our selues. Discontents, like an extreame disease, bee of a shifting nature: They delight cōtinually in motion, as men vehemently sicke doe change their beds & chambers. A Discontented man does and vndoes, that hee may doe againe: thinking to loose his humor in variety, or by aduenture (if by nothing else) among many changes to make one goodone▪

[Page]But this desire of change corrupts our wisedome with a sencible distraction: For sour stomacks vn-acquainted with a new foode refuse it with many raspings. So likewise our vnderstanding oppressd with new & sudden obiects, doth languish and become affrighted: being not able to digest thinges in order. We shall perceiue a threefold mischiefe which goes inseperate with discontents: For they bee ready to seduce our thoughtes our wordes, our actions: Wee mis este [...]me, mis-condemne, mis▪ attempt, through discōtented passions. The reason is manifest: For Discontent being the cō [...]anion of our thoughts, makes them, our wordes and actions, ruled by that; and so become vnpleasing, like it selfe: Therefore doe Male contents vnder-value [Page] merite in their owne opinion: Therefore (being waspish) they detract from worthinesse, therefore they dislike or doe condemne bitterly, and therefore, likewise, doe men thus affected, vndertake more venturously thē wisely. So that Salust hath obserued well touching the Character of Cattlines adhaerents, that they were Homines quos flagitium, eg [...]stas, aut c [...]nsciu animus exagitabat. And questionlesse, such men so inwardly bitten with their owne afflictions, can finde no leasure in themselues to keepe affinity with others. Good Soueraignes therefore, louing Parents, honest Friends, loyall Subiects, wise Maisters, haue been no Male-contents: For (being so) it is impossible that such a troubled Fountaine should send forth any thing but [Page] off ensiue tumults. There is nothing more doth make our enimies reioyce, then a deiected spirit, and nothing more afflicts our soule then to be sensible of their reioycings; therefore doth that experienced Prophet Dauid so often wish for a deliuerance from their triumph; [...]o often doth hee lament their insultations. Infinite are those aduantages, which may be had against men discontented: As namely secrets may be extorted from, and treasons may be infused vnto them: It cannot otherwise bee: For griefe and sorrow sitting most heauy vpon the vitall partes, doe crush & mortifie the spirits; which failing to conuey a nourishment to the brain, it presently growes light and spungy, fitted to sucke vpp any new matter, and to haue the old [Page] squeasd from it. And therefore hath a melan [...]holy spirit some prerogatiue in thi [...] respect; be cause his time of discontent is scarce distinguished from his daily carriage; for night is sooner visible in an open Pallace, then a smoky Cottage. I may propound of sorrowes, what Celsus doth of Cole-worts: being halfe sodden▪ they are laxatiue; but twise sodden, they are binding: So discontents beeing but slightly apprehended and entertained, may bee a meanes sitting to prepare the way for honest applications, and to purge security: But being suffered long to bo [...]le within vs, they doe confirme their owne, and also stoppe the passage of other worse corruptions. Of Morall and awa [...]ening Discontents, the wise Salomon spe [...]kes, [Page] when hee resolues positiuely; Anger is better then laughter, for by a sad looke the heart is made better: Melior est i [...]a risu: quia per tristitiam vultus▪ co [...]rigitur animns delinquentis: And (without question) some natures may be likened to the blacke-thornes, that florish best with haile, storme, and tempest: Or to the Mackerell which cannot bee awakened and brought vpwards, but with thunder. But some Fauourites there bee, so much beholding to Fortune, that in a whole Age they haue scarce learnt the definition of sorrow. In these men the Prouerbe is verified; F [...]oles are Fortunate; and yet agreeable with an honest meaning: For those (I thinke) are chiefly boūd to Fortune, or Prouidence rather who cannot through a good simplicity affect dishonest [Page] practises, and close dealings: It being consonant with reason, that men ill-befriended with a subtill Braine, should be assisted with some higher Policy. All that wee suffer, is by our Owne or Fortunes worke: Wee cannot bee too patient with Fortunes, too much prouoked with our owne works of sorrow: When Fortune punisheth wee haue no remedy, whē our own indiscretiō punisheth, we may afflict our selues the longer with a wise fury, that we may learne to recollect and to awaken our iudgement. Some haue a resolute contempt for all aduersities; but such a valorous scorne may bee ingendred by sottish ignorance, or an vncapable dulnesse, no otherwise then both may be a Drunkards motiues in extreme hazard. As for my selfe I [Page] neuer felt a sorrow, which I esteemed a [...], vnlesse it gaue no profitable vse, either by making mee more circumspect & prouident; or acquainting mee beforehand with my destiny. The most honourable dealing with our worst afflictions, is to confute them by a discourse of Braine, and so exercise our knowledge, for our owne aduantage, against the [...]oes of Knowledge. And doubtlesse there is enough left in Nature (if wee could apprehend) to comfort all our troubles: when I say thus I meane enough as wel to settle and confirme a soule shak [...]n with vncertaine doubts, as to redeeme a wretch laden with the worlds misery: Nay if nature affoords matter enough to confute obiections, she must needes yeeld matter also to remoue [Page] Sorrowes: For euery sorrow of what kinde soeuer, is nothing but an obiection to the minde, which mans weakenesse cannot answere: As the fortune of a Shipwrackt man obiects death of pouerty; the fortune of a man Condemned obiects disgrace; the Disapointed mans fortune, obiects vnlucky dealing, and so the rest: All which I purpose at my leasure to recite in method, & to conuince their bitternes: Which will vnless▪ I be deceiued, create men [...] to despise affliction. But in the meane time none among the worst crosses shal predominate, if sometimes in a lawfull humour wee doe crosse our selues: And so begin to learne the difficult māner of denving our le [...]d inclinations: which cannot well endure a disapointment; [Page] because they couet a sensuall fruition. If any man thinkes these medcines taedious he, may Dyogines his remedy in fewer wordes: Fortunae confidentiam, [...]: lib: 6. 272. naturae Legem, perturbationi rationem obijce: Make Confidence resist Fortune, Law resist Nature and Reason Discontents.

Two Bookes of Characters.

[Page]

The first Booke.

CHARACTER. I. An Impudent Censurer

IS the torture-monger of Wit, ready for executiō before Iudgement. Nature hath dealt wisely with him in his outeside; for it is a priuiledge against confutation, and will beget modesty in you to see him out-face: Hee is so fronted with striuing to discountenance knowledge, by the contempt of it, as you would thinke him borne to insolence, though indeed it bee habituall and comes by negligence of his [Page] company, which rather seeke to laugh an [...] continue, then to reforme his v [...]nity. A Chimneysweeper may conuerse with him very safely, without the hazard of blushing: and so may any that will contemne his ignorance: Buffets will conuince him better then language or reason: That proues him rankebestiall, descended from the walking Apes; which on the Mountaines seeme carefull Inhabitants, but at your approach the formality of m [...]n only. The Land-theefe, and Sea-captaine, be neuer le [...]e out of their way, but wi [...]er cōmonly about their obiect: They spare to wound poore tr [...]uellers but he incounters any thing not worth eye sight. Hee will seeme to cleanse Bookes of errors: but take him in his true knowledge, and hee [Page] cannot doe so much good [...] Fellow that sweepes gutters. A wise mans minde gouernes his body his minde is onely restrained by a bodily feare: And if you hope to be released of what he dares, you must inforce him to what he dares not; and then you shall perceiue him to be the comicall braggard, or the lingling spur. Lay aside this medicine and he is incurable, for he is so ra [...]isht with his own folly, as hee often commends what he misinterprets, and still dispraises▪ if he scorne the Author) because hee cannot perceiue. To commend therefore and discommend what he conceiues not, is alike tolerable & equall: Neither is it to be admired [...]f he dislikes the soundest workes of a good Author: for he regardes not the workes and [Page] writings of God himselfe: if he did, he would imbrace charity, and so censure lesse. The wilde Arabian comprehends him fully: for as the one, so the other, takes tribute and exaction of all passengers, except acquaintance and familiars: if any thing makes him praise-worthy, this must, or nothing: becauses he seemes (by this means) morall in friendship and so in some kinde vertuous: But his applause and detraction, are both odious, because abounding through his meere pleasure: And as some [...]luttish people take pleasure in their owne excrements, and relish the pickings of their nose; so hee, his owne opinion. When al Trades perish, he may turne Shop-keeper, and deale with Ballance: For in weights and measures none is more deceitfull. Hee [Page] ponders pithy volumes by the dram or scruple, but small errours by the pound. If he takes courage in his humour, hee haunts the Authours company, recites the worke, intends it to some third person, and after he hath damnd the thing in question, he refers himselfe to the right owner; who, if hee be there manifest, must coniure this deuill quickely, or he will seeme honest, & giue satisfaction: but call his life in question, and he betraies his guiltinesse, which then accuses him of false dealing howsoeuer; yes, though he hath commented rightly; for he commends ignorantly, and discommends scandalously. So delighting in his humour, he makes his Free-hold an Inheritance: put it to the hazard, and he will compound for the title. [Page] When he misses the censure of bookes, he proues alway the most harmeles, deriding, impudent, and absurd foole in the company: and he takes it for granted still that euery conceite being his owne is most ingenious—let him adde folly and I grant him.

CHARACT: II. A Compleate▪ Man

IS an impregnable Tower: and the more batteries he hath vndergone, the better able he is to continue immoueable The time and he are alwaies friends: for he is troubled with no more then he can well imploy; neither is that lesse, then will euery way discharge his Office; So he neither surfetts with I [...]lenesse, [Page] nor action. Calamities, and Court-preferments doe alike moue him, but cannot remoue him: Both challenge from him a conuenient vse, no vilde indeauour, either to swell or dispaire. His religion, learning, and behauiour, hold a particular correspondence: He commands the latter, whilst himselfe and both be commanded by the first. He chuses men as good Musitians chuse their Vialls; by sound, rather th [...]n by the sight: he may well giue his affections leaue to wander; for (like a well-mannd Hawke) they bee alwaies within whistling. Hee holdes it presumption to knowe, what should be looked, or thought vpon with wonder; and therfore rather then he will exceed, he can be lesse then himselfe: accounting it more noble [Page] to immitate the friutfull bough which stoopes vnder a pretious burthen; then applaud the tall eminence of a fruitlesse Birch-tree: knowing Humility is a fitter step to knowledge, then presumption. He seemes willingly to seeke acquaintance with vice and with temptation, meaning to allure it, til, without suspition, he may soone disrobe and disarme it: Like the Sunne which enters to the most polluted place [...], but is not any thing the more polluted. Or hauing laboured to know the strength of follie, he knowes it to be his Capti [...]e. From hence proceeds his victorie, in that he can preuent mischiefe, and scorne the aduantage of base [...]esse. His wit and apprehension (like the in [...] ayre) will pierce through lesse cranyes then the [Page] pores of a mans bodie. His worthinesse to bee rewarded hee may conceale: But his desire to doe nobly, in a better kinde, his actions will not suffer to bee vnknowne: by which the world can iudge hee deserues, and saue him from the scandall of a Cunning Hypocrite. If merits direct him in the way to honor, they doe not leaue him in the way to honour, but are his best attendants to accompany his whole preferment: For to deserue what hee obtaines, and to deserue no more is s [...]uggish; to deserue after a thing bestowed, is duely thankefull; But a continued merit stops accusation. He is thankfull for whatsoeuer, hee receiues by the worlds fauour: And hee neglects no profite which the time affoords, by insufficiency to discerne it or to [Page] recompence it: For what hee obserues, passeth through the forge of his wisedome, which refines it; and the file of his practise, which confirmes it as a good patterne: So the interest exceedes the principall, and (which exceeds all) praiseth the Vsurer. It may seeme strange that a compleate man is a good Carpenter: but (take my meaning as you list) his actions are directed by the Line and Square. The name of guilt (with him) is vanished vnder the charme of a good conscience: Which with his eye-sight saue his taste a labour: for hee knowes what experience can teach, but is not taught by experience. Hee is faithfully his owne friend: and accepts the frienship of others for his owne [...]ake; but imparts his owne for others. When he loues, [Page] hee loues first: from hence hee chalenges a double honour: For Loue and Priority is a two-folde merit. Hee lacks nothing to ingender happinesse; for he can spare nothing that hee enioyes: he enioyes it so honestly and absolutely. And that hee hath already, serues to purchase new contentment. For as he liues, his capacity is enlarged, though before it were sufficient for his other faculties: they be most numerous when himselfe is nothing: for being dead, hee is thoght worthier thē aliue: then he departs to his aduancement.

CHARACTER. III. A good Husband

IS the second part of a good man: hee challenges no more nor lesse from Art or Nature, then [Page] doth become his faculty, & giue comfort to his Wife; so he doth not (by striuing to please) seeme low minded; nor by ouer-valuing his properties, proue a tyrant. His behauiour and discourse promise no more then hee meanes, and may very well iustifie. Hee is not altogether to be chosen by the cōmon weight or standard; for his best partes are invisible. A good Wife shall know him quickly to bee worth her taking: for hee will first know her worthinesse. He is not therefore put to much trouble of being denied twise: for if hee thinkes he can preuaile amisse, preuaile too soone, or not preuaile, because hee is too good; hee hath the modesty to refuse first: But otherwise, if opinion dares suspect, and so refuse him first, hee may account it happinesse [Page] because hee was refused so soone: hauing (by that meanes) escaped one who could not discer [...]e him. The honor of a good wife makes him no more vnpractised in the patience of a bad, then if hee conuersed with her: so his vertues be familiar, no [...] enforced. The misery of a bad wife likewise hath no more enraged him to discredit all women, thē the worthinesse of a good one hath moued him to bee an Idolator: So his blessing is, not to augment his curse, or curse his blessing. The highest end of his mariage premeditated, is to resolue how he may desire it without end. Hee feeles not the absence of youth by a decay in lust; but measures the approach of a crooked body by his entyre and straight affection. Hee neither deceiues himselfe with a foolish [Page] confidence, nor drawes a disaduantage to himselfe, by being distrustfull: For he may bee acquainted with those, to whome hee safely cannot commit his wealth, much lesse his wiues honesty, but hee neuer suspects, before he be past suspition, and euery thing be apparant. Hee hath (notwithstāding) no friend whom hee dares not make his deputy: But if he hath not knowledge enough, to chuse a friend that may be trusted; hee hath no reason to trust a woman. Hee seekes rather to bee well known then commonly noted: for being known, hee cannot bee mistaken; but othewise it is very doubtfull. A good Husband (like the pith which runns in the mid'st of a body) dissuces himselfe aequally to the circumference: imparting aequall care & [Page] loue to wife and children: Loue and prouidence be the two coū terpanes of a good husband. He hates not her, but h [...]rs; and that with a hope to make her detest herselfe, not bee diuorced from him: For he couets rather to be daily amending her, then make a new hazard, or want resolutiō. Hee may dislike therefore his wiues humour▪ and loue her in the same quantity. Hee cannot bee chosen, because a better is absent, for you may find in himselfe the practitioner and pattern. Hee cannot therfore be refused, if he bee well known: For being good, hee proues the best and being so, the best Husband.

CHARACTER. IIII. A Contented Man

IS a faire building in the bottome of a Valley: You may discerne [Page] nothing about him, vnlesse you approach neere, and nothing in him worth himselfe, vnlesse you doe proceed. There is no land like vnto his owne conscience: that makes him sowe and reape together: for actions bee (with him) no sooner thoughts, then they proue comforts, they be so full of Innocence. His life therfore is a continuall haruest: his countenance and conuersation promise hope; they both smile vpon their obiect: Neither doth the end faile his purpose: for his expectation was indifferent and equall, according to the meanes. Events therefore cannot oppresse him; for hee propoūded all, before he vndertook some; and sawe the extreamest point of danger, before hee did imbarque. He medles no further with vncertainties, then losse & [Page] lucre be alike in accident: For doubtfull thinges of moment, make men stagger, whilst hope and feare distracts them. If probable & lawfull meanes deceiue him, they cannot trouble him: for he ascribes nothing to himselfe, that is aboue him. When Gods determinations doe therfore disappoint; he neither maruailes, nor mis-interprets. Neglected fortunes, and things past, hee leaues behinde; they cannot keep pace with him. The necessity of thinges absent, hee measures by his meanes: but as for things impossible, hee could neuer beg in to affect them. And in the quest of future proiects, hee neuer doth transgresse the present comfort. Hee can with as much selfe-credit be a Captiue, as a promoted Courtier. Dignities may doe him honour, not [Page] entice him: Pouerty may threaten, & be peremptory, but cannot ouer-come. Riches may make his honesty more eminēt, not more exquisite: He cousens the world in his behauiour; and when hee seemes disconsolate, he is best contented. He is so far from adding malice to any, that he can praise the merits of an enimy; without grudging. Anger and Reuenge be two turbulent passions: In him (therefore) the first shewes only that he can apprehend: the last, that he can iustly preuent further mischefe. So hee neither doth insult through anger; nor satisfie his bitternesse by reuenge. Repentance, which with some proues melancholly, with him proues a delightfull assurance: for seldome doth hee lament thinges meerely vicious, so much as [Page] vertues imperfectly attemped. He vndertakes euery thing with more aduantage, then any (but himselfe) can imitate: for being voyd of troublesome vexation, his willing minde makes the way lesse difficult. His policie and close dealing doe not disturbe his time of pleasure, or his quiet dreames: For he can awake with as much delight in day, and sleepe with as much solace in the darke, as either his intimate purpose can awake to euery mans applause; or he concealed to his owne safetie, and no mans detriment. Hee doth not readily incurre anothers rage; nor doth he raile against himselfe; for he cannot bee before hand with quarrelsome engagements; n [...]r rashly run into a manyfest error. He doth not therefore (when all approue [Page] him) miscall himselfe, closely, damned Hypocrite, or lewd villaine. He feeles more felicitie in this, that he can forbeare to enioy any thing, rather then let▪ any thing enioy him; or rather then he will enioy any thing indirectly. He is not so selfe▪ subsisting that he scornes to borrow; so shamelesse, that he borrowes all: nor so alone contented, that others doe not partake in his freedome: or so absolute in freedome, that he becomes not more absolute by the vse of others. He resembles the parish bells; which keepe the same tune at Mariages and Funeralls: So a contented man obserues the same Musicke of content, either in occ [...]sion of ioy or sadnes. He makes more ill meanings good, by good construction, more [Page] haplesse euents honest by a lawfull confidence, and more dangerous vndertakings easie, by a calme proceeding, then the contrary. For (whilst he knowes Iealousie as a fearefull, eating, and distastfull vice) hee cannot suspect without the cautions of why, whom, how, where and when. Briefly, being contented, he is content to be happy; and being so, hee thriues best when hee thinkes best: he does more then he vndoes. He wins more often then he saues: &, like the Caspian Sea, remaines the same vnchangeable.

CHARACT. V. A good Emperour

IS the second Sauiour to Christianity, and a direct center of his peoples loue: his greatnesse extends, [Page] rather to posterity, then is confident of pedigree. He may be counselled or confirmed, but his election remaines peculiar. His obiect therefore (to discerne) may be infinite, or extra [...]agant; but paterns (to imitate) must be supernal; for he acknowledges but one supremacy and in that remembers a succession: which makes him leaue mans precepts vnto frailty, view honor as as thing mediate, himselfe immediately next to his Creator, and doth onely know his high commission a determinable power, not know and murmure. He doth afflict (like lightning) neuer but when he is resisted. He lackes nothing of diuinitie, but Time in his prerogatiue, the want of which takes away eternitie: so all the honour which relates to him for [Page] Gods sake, conueighes it selfe to God for his owne. His feare doth vanish into loue or anger; for he may embrace or conquer, but cannot submit. He preserues many whom he might destroy; but he destroyes none whom he should preserue: for (like a medicine) he doth not naturally draw blood. His royall bounty is as well prompt to take with honour, as to giue with liberty. And as he can deserue nothing because on him depends euery thing: so is he not by any man to be deserued, because vnto him euery man owes his whole Inheritance. If therefore he doth forgiue where subiects doe condemne; or chuse when multitudes abandon; he doth but manifest his free desires, and show affinity betwixt himselfe & holines, which rayses from the d [...]ng [Page] hil to the commanding fortune and from the most obscure disdaine of vulgar thoughts vnto the state of happinesse. Nay oftentimes this secret in publick offices proues true, That men without the ayd of birth, and glory of famous merit, lack only so good an entrance, but haue commonly a better ending: or at least, striue more to attaine what others presume vppon. The euent therefore makes his large prerogatiue true wisedome, which may be mis-interpreted weaknesse. The Lyon, a King of beasts, is recouered in sicknesse, by eating an Ape; and a good King by deuouring flatterers. He is the same briefly to his kingdome, that Luc▪ Florus Lib [...]. cap. 3. fol. 17. actum erat nisi marius ille saeculo contiguesset Marius was among the Tigurines: all perishes without him.

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CHARACT: VI. A worthy Poet

IS the purest essence of a worthy Man: He is confident of nature in nothing but the forme, and an ingenious fitnesse to conceiue the matter. So he approues nature as the motiue, not the foundatiō or structure of his worthinesse. His workes doe every way pronounce both nourishment, delight, and admiration to the readers soule: which makes him neither rough, effeminate, nor windy: for by a sweet contemperature of Tune and Ditty, hee entices others to goodnesse; and shewes himselfe perfect in the lesson. Hee neuer writes vpon a full stomacke, and an empty head; or a full head, [Page] and an emptie stomacke. For he cannot make so Diuine a receptacle, stoope to the fordid folly of gal or enuy, without strength: or strength of braine stoop, and debase it selfe with hunting out the bodies succour. He is not so impartiall as to condemne euery new fashion, or taxe idle circumstance; nor so easie as to allow vices, and account them generous humours. So he neither seekes to enlarge his credit of bitternesse, by a snarling seueritie; nor to augment his substance by insinuating courtship. He hath more debtors in knowledge among the present Writers, then Creditors among the ancient Poets. Hee is possessed with an innocent liberty, which excludes him from the slauish labour and meanes of setting a glosse vpon fraile commodities. [Page] Whatsoeuer therfore proceeds from him, proceedes without a meaning to supply the worth, when the worke is ended; by the addition of preparatiue verses at the beginning; or the dispersed hire of acquaintance to extoll things indifferent: Neither does he passionatly affect high patronage, or any, further then he may giue freely; and so receiue backe honest thankes. The dangerous name and the contempt of Poets, sprung from their multitude of corruptions, proues no disaduantage or terrour to him: for such be his antidotes that hee can walke vntouched, euen through the worst infection. And indeed that mountebanks preparing oyle which kept his hands vnscalded, was a toy of nothing to this Poets rarity of discretion, [Page] which so prepares his minde, that he can bathe it in the strains of burning lust, fury, malice, or despight, and yet be neuer scalded, or endangerd by them. He only among men is neerest infinite: For in the Duo apud Romanos [...] genera, [...] [...]. Lib. 7. de legibus. [...], & [...]: [...] autem sunt dicti a greco [...] quod significat vmb [...]ā nam in vmb [...]a sicbant & ing [...]nij [...] exercitaban [...]ur. Rosin [...] lib. 5 cap. 6. Scenicall composures, of a Tragedy or Comodie he shewes the best resemblance of his high Creator: turning his quicke passions, and witty humors to replenish and ouercome, into matter and forme as infinite, as Gods pleasure to diversifie mankinde. He is no miserable selfe-louer, nor no vnbounded prodigall: for he can cōmunicate himselfe wisely to avoyd dull reseruednesse, but not make euery thought common, to maintaine his market. It must be imputed to his perfect eye-sight, that he can see error, and auoy de it without the [Page] hazard of a new one: As in Poems, so in proiects, by an easie coniecture. Hee cannot flatter, nor be flattered: If hee giues Desert, he giues no more; and leaues Hyperbole in such am a ter of importance: As for himselfe, he is so well knowne vnto himselfe, that neither publicke fame, nor yet his own conceite, can make him ouervalued in himselfe. Hee is an enemy to Athiests; for he is no Fatist nor Naturalist: hee therefore excludes Lucke and Rime, from the acceptance of his Poems; scorning to acknowledge the one as an efficient, the other as an essence, of his Muses fauour. Hee paies backe all his imitation with interest; [...] his Authors (if reuiued) would confesse their chiefe credit w [...]s to be such a patterne: otherwise (for the most [Page] part) he proues himselfe the patterne, and the proiect in hand: Siluer onely and sound mettall comprehends his nature: rubbing, motion, land customary vsage, makes the brightnesse of both more eminent. No meruaile though he be Immortall, seeing he conuerts poyson into nourishment; euen the worst obiects and societies to a worthy vse. When he is lastly silent (for he cannot die) hee findes a Monument prepared at others cost and remembrance, whilst his former actions bee a liuing Epitaph.

CHARACT: II. An honest Lawyer.

IS a precious Diamond set in pure gold, or one truly honest, and a [Page] compleate Lawyer: The one giues glory to the other; and being diuided, they be lesse valuable. Diuinity, and corrected nature, make him habituall in the first, but studious labor, and a discursiue braine make him equall, if not absolute, in the last▪ he knowes Law to be the Mris. of man, and yet he makes honesty the Mris of the Law. The first therforemay exceed the last; but the last neuer hath predominance in him, without the other. He is too diuine to be tempted with feare, fauor, Minerals, or possessions; and too diuine not to be tempted with perfect knowledge, and a pittifull complaint: he hath as much leasure to dispute with conscience, in the most busie Terme, as in the deadest Vaction: And he is alwaies more diligent to maintaine [Page] wronged pouerty, then attentiue to allow iniurious Greatnesse: he can as freely refuse a prodigall, or enforced bounty, as hee can accept or demand due recompence: He resorts, to London with a more full braine, then empty bags, and (at his returne) he purses vp more full comfort, then yellow coine. He cannot be so consident as to persist in error; nor so ignorant as to erre by weaknes: When therefore (through an aboundance) some knowledge is confounded, his errour onely proues a doubtful question; and serues to reduce scattred remna [...]ts into method. The multitude of contentions ma [...]e not him reioyce in the number, but in the difficulty; that truth may appeare manifest to our progeny. He railes not against the vices [Page] of his profession, but makes his profession commendable by his owne practise of vertue: his Clients disease of being suspended, touches him like his owne sicknes; hee dares not giue a dangerous purgation to dispatch him, nor by negligence and delay, let the eui [...]l grow inward & incorporate, to strengthen it selfe, or consume the patient. He is therefore exquisite in preseruatiues against the consumption; though perhaps he may faile in restoratiues [...]o support weakenesse. He may wel bee a president to the best Physitians; for he vndertakes no cure when he perceiues it inclining to be desperate: Nay rather he is a true subiect, that feares and scornes to meddle with counterseit peeces, further then to resolue being askd (as [Page] Goldsmiths are) whether they will endure the Test. So hee makes the cause, & not his Client, the obiect of his labour. If he haue fauour enough to make truth be currant, he looks no further: which he needs not to patch businesse; nor would he willingly persue it: if truth were not often discountenanced. He doth therfore at a Iudges death lament the death of his learning not his owne priuate lucre: He can ride the circuit, and scorne to be circular. He hath no leasure to protract time or saue his Clients opinion with iests premeditated, or windy inferences: His modesty was neuer below his courage in a good cause, nor his courage inclining to impucence, though he were still honored with a prosperous euent. He owes so much worship to [Page] desert & innocence, that he can as faithfully applaud sufficient worth, as not insult ouer, or exclaime against dull ignorance. He is miraculously preserued against incantations: the strongest spell cannot charme him silent, nor the most tēpting spirit prouoke him to a vaine pleading. He dares know & professe in spight of potency; hee dares be rich and honest in despight of custome: And if he doth not grow from a good man, to a reuerend Title, hee scornes to bee a Traytor and blame tyranny which ouerslips deseuings; but he descends below his owne vnworthinesse. Briefly, he is a precious vessell; he indures the rest and the defiance of time: hee is a sound commodity which neuer failes the Customer: and doth hartily confesse that whosoeuer [Page] swarues from this patterne, swarues from honesty, though hee be deepely learned: Howsoeuer, he thinks a Lawyer deepely learned cannot chuse but bee honest; except multitude of Clients oppresse him.

CHARACT. VIII. A Detractor

IS his owne priuate foe, and the worlds professed enemy: Hee is indeed an obstinate heretick, and if you will conuert him, you must a new create him likewise: hee is of the Mahametan sect which hath despised all religious Arts & Sciences, except the confusion of all: so he approues continually the worst thinges among many good, & cōdemnes that which is iudiciously commended: [Page] To read therfore and refuse, makes vp the best part of his iudgement. He hath an* impedimentIg [...]orance. Spight. Disdame. Enuy. in his language proceeding from his heart; which makes him that he cannot speak well of any man. His fiue sences haue a mortall combat with all obiects, that afford sence, or any thing vpon which they fasten: his eye could neuer yet behold a woman fair enough, or honest enough, on whom he might bestow the sincere part of his affection: but he marries one to beget an equall society of froward children: His eare was neuer well contented with a delicious tune, for the left is onely open, and that onely apt to conceiue discords, through a customary habit; which hath reiected all, & therefore will: For that he once hath, and is againe minded to [Page] discredit worthinesse, giues him both reason & encouragement to continue spightfull: But (to our comfort be it spoken) his enuy ends cōmonly with himselfe, or at most, indeauors not otherwise then a nasty passenger, to rub against, and defile faire outsides, because himselfe is loathsome: hee stopps his nose if a perfume approach, but can well indure a stinking draft, or kennell, and embrace the sauour: His palate hath no relish except hee may discommend his dyet, and yet hee consumes all to the very fragments: hee touches or takes vp nothing which is not blasted by him with a naturall dislike; or at least hee will vtter the manifest forme of discontent. You must beleeue him sick or cloy'd with sweet meats: for his iudgement being out of [Page] tast, he cānot relish. His tongue, the Herald of his imagination, is a busie Officer, and will (without questiō) challenge the same reward of him, that it doth of Women, for it dispatcheth the same seruice, and deserues therfore (proportionably alike) to be called the maine property of each: hee is not inferiour also to a woman in malice; for she is that way limited to some persons, though vndeterminable in spight: but hee transcends; accounting it his pompe to bee infinitely licentious towards all. Hee railes against the State, and speakes treasons confidently to himselfe alone, expecting an euent of his desires: Nay, sometimes hee is taken (through the licence of his tongue, & a little sufferance of the company) in peremptory speeches that bring [Page] to his answere: Neither will he hearken to reformation, till hee lackes his eares: Hee is not (if a Church-man) ashamed to quarrell, first with his Patron, and openly disclaim against the poor value of his Benefice: If, a common humorist, hee will diminish the worth likewise of a guift, before the giuers face; & lookes to the disconueniences, not the commodity, hee getts by possession: If he commends any man (which is a great wonder) hee presently after will recite the speciall fauour & bounties he hath receiued by him. A slight Arithmetician may cast vp the totall summe of his Character: and by substraction (being the body of his soule) may finde him vnder the value of an honest mā, aboue halfe in halfe: For hee lackes Charity, and so [Page] comes short of a good Christian: And therefore is an egregious coward because he scornes to iustifie, except hee railes against the dead; thither he hastens being vnworthy to liue longer:Detractor [...] inter [...] blan [...] nor [...] bestias famelicas. And as Dyogenes hath long since resolued, hee is the worst among wilde beastes, none excepted.

CHARACT. IX. An Humorist

IS the scorne of Vnderstanding, the traytor to Reason, or the vanity of a better man: Bloud-letting, a good whip, honest company, or reasonable instructions might (at the first) recouer him. But if hee continues among laughing spirits one quarter, the disease will growe inward, and [Page] then the cure growes desperate. If his humour be heriditary, hee is more familiar with it, and makes it the principall vertue of his family: If imitation breeds a habite, he makes it the pledge of sworne brother-hood, or at least the fauour of new acquaintance: hee neuer is infected single, or with one humour onely; for either he is now admitted to the seuerall orders; or hee is prompt enough to subscribe generally when occasion peeps. You must not dare to discommend, or call in question, his behauiour seriously with his companions; for though you cānot call the humor lawfull, it is sufficient if you can call it his humour. You may iustly forbeare to Restraine him; for if hee be truely adopted, he thinkes it an especiall part to be respectlesse. [Page] Tobacco is a good whetstone for his property: hee doth seldome therefore forget to prouoke his constitution this way: and (by being insariate) he knowes well his humour may escape the search of reason, by vertue of the mist. He hath from his cradle bin swadled vp, with much obstinate & peremptory affectation: It being indeed cōmonly the character of his ripest age, to support that freely in his man-hood, which was forbidden in the spark of his minority: hee neuer slips oportunity with deliberation; hee is therefore prompt enough to begin, and the reason of his act is enough, though onely that hee hath begun; because humour is the motiue. There is nothing within the compasse of thought so triuiall, so absurd, and monstrous, [Page] which his vanity will not auerre to be ponderous, decent, & naturall. Neither will hee abhor to iustifie them by his owne practise, against all opposers. He trauailes vp and downe like Tom of Bedlam, vnder the title of mad Rascali, Witty Rogue, or Notable mad slaue: and these attributes bee a more effectuall oratory to applaud his humour, then a direct cōmendation. He will not sometimes (vpon small discontinuance) vouchsafe to acknowledge, or (at least) know, his familiar friendes, without much impertinence and Interrogatories of their name, or habitation: whilst another time, hee dares aduenture his knowledge, & salutations vpon meer aliens. Hee is very much distracted, and yet I wonder how the frenzy should bee dangerous; for hee neuer [Page] breaks his braine about the study of reason or inuention: seeing his humor is the priuiledge of both: It is therfore sufficient for him to bee extreame melancholly, and most ignorant of the cause or obiect; and suddenly to bee vnmeasurably frollick without prouocation: whilst he is onely beholding to a brainlesse temperature in discharge of his credit. He will conuerse freely with Seruing-men and Souldiers within 12. houres; & presently when the ague hath once seized him, hee proues tyrannicall and insolent towards the silly vermin. He neuer brake a vow in his whole life, or brake vowes continually: for eyther they haue not suited with his varietie, to bee intended, or hee hath intended to keepe them no longer then might agree [Page] with his body which, ebbes and flowes When hee growes old, and past voyce, hee learnes forraigne languages: as if when he had dined, he would deuoure the dishes. In a word hee is a chiefe commander of new actions, but no commander of himselfe; being in his best brauerie but a Turkish Slaue, euer subiect to desire and appetite: according to their paterne, he is himselfe to himselfe praise-worthy, or elegant; but to worthinesse it selfe, odious.

CHARACTER. X. A weake-brain'd Gull

IS a needelesse ornament: And yet an ornament to make wiser men more accounted. Some call him a petulant neat youth; I rather thinke him a glasse bottle in a gilded case: that [Page] is, a fayre outside with a braine easily broken. Hee takes the vpper hand of a foole, nay of a wise man also; and in opinion is as good as a Courtier. According to Platoes definition hee is no man. Plato defined a man to be a two-legd creature, hauing broade talents without feathers; but this aboue named gull weares feather enough to hide a Helmet. His education hath bin (from a child) tenderly fearefull; and the mother remaines still afraide of his fortunes, least his politick wisedome should hazard them too farre: whilst his fortunes hazard his wisedom. He hath beene alwayes a yong Master, and yoked his eares first to insinuation, vnder some oylie tong'd seruant, or flattering Tutor. hee continues loue no longer then hee finds a fellow consenting to his [Page] vaine-glory: the dislike of which sooner then any thing makes him to be cholericke, to resolue and fight perhaps: but otherwise To know hee hath rich kindred, and to deriue a pedegree; satisfie his Valor, Learning, proficience in Estate or credit with meere contemplation. So much indeede doth hee hang vppon the pillars of his gentrie, as it shall therefore be the first preparatiue of his acquaintance to salute, and aske What countrey-man your Father is, of what house: or hee will enquire his demesnes onely (of some neighbour:) and if your body be hansome, your cloathes proportionable, your parents wealthy; he hath purchased an euerlasting friend in the beginning. A round oath is valour enough, a foolish Dittie Art enough, and [Page] good fellowshippe honesty enough. He should be bought vp in Italy (among the butchers) for an English Calfe: because hee carries his whole prise and value about him. The truth is, hee scornes to bee a searcher, and thinkes it enough for his Taylor to meddle with linings. But in the circumstāce of making your cloathes, the price of your Beauer and silke stockins, your purpose to trauaile, or of your long absence; The Spanish Inqnisition cannot be so vnmercifull. Hee is contented richly, nay absolutely, to be taken onely for a harmlesse man. Suppose he hath now left the vniuersitie, and bringes a little dreame of Logicke from the Colledge; being ariued at London, hee stickes a feather in his Hat; and it is all one as if he had fastened it in his head: for [Page] his braine, from that day foreward becomes broken. The generositie and noble carriage of [...]is discourse, is to run desperatly into the name of some couragious gallant Knight, or some [...] in fauour: if their alliance [...]o his family can be detected he [...]iues way with an apparant re [...]ish. The wisest action that euer [...] atempted, was to spare much [...] in discourse by fingering [...]is beard or bandstrings: and if [...]e bestowes much on Tobacco [...]e cannot be blamed much: for [...]t hath many times freed him from the discredit of a Non plus. He is very well fitted for all societies, if his outside be sutable; further thē which he neuer connersed with himselfe effectually. Nor can I wonder, though hee payes deerely, and preserues cloaths delitiously; seeing those [Page] alone are the maintenance of his whole worth; and therefore you shal perceiue him more furiously [...]ngaged about the rending of his doublet, or a little lace, then a magnanimous box, or a bastinado: And he will enter into a Tauerne at the foreside, though hee might goe a neerer way, onely to discouer his gold lace and scarlet. If his bands & cuffs be sun-burnt they wil not much mis-become him: for hee thinkes himselfe an vnlucky Asse, if a painted beauty doth not shine vpon him. He is ambitiously giuen to bee promoted, either by some embassage to divulge his pedigree, & learne fashions, or by entertainment of some chiefe Noble-mē to discouer his bounty: But his worst ambition is to salute the next Coach or Foot-cloth: and [Page] hee thinkes verily that the prize of a florishing salutation winns more credit then his Beauer. He will hang out at the Tauerne window as commonly as the signe; that hee may see naked brests and veluet linings passe along; & wrap their graces in his fancy till the next Sunns-rising. Hee shifts his Familiars by the suruey of prospect, and externals; but his directions proceed from the Prouerbe of like to like, rathet then Physiognomy. Hee is credulous & con [...]ident: the lesse certainty he hath of a report, the more publicke hee is, and peremptory. Hee cōmits the best part of his vnderstanding to a talkati [...]e Barber: with whome he is the more frequent; because he thinks to haue a curle-pate, is to haue a visible wit. He studies a new fashion by the six months [Page] together: and reades Albertus Magnus, or Aristatles Problemes in English, with admiration. Hee would bee Phisicall, and iustly; for not to preserue his folly in health, were to deceiue the world of his pattern: but being merry for disgestion, his laughter is exorbitant causelesse, endlesse, & like himselfe: But fooles of his owne fashion praise him, for a witty Gentleman, or a gentlemanly Fellow. His safest course will be to marry: nothing makes him so sencible as a Wife, good or bad; till then, the further hee flies from his Caracter, hee becomes it the more naturally.

CHARACT: XI. A Ranke Obseruer

IS his owne Comoedy, and his own Audience: For whatsoeuer he [Page] frames by experience, hee applaudes by custome: But being out of his element, he is an Eele in a sand bag; for hee, wanting the humor of his wrested obseruance, falles away into ignorant silence. Hee is arrogant in his knowledge so far, as hee (thinks) to study men, will excuse him from the labour of reading, and yet furnish him with absolute rarities, fit for all fashions, all discourses. He is a very promis cuous fellow; and from thence proceeds the vice which makes him without difference, cōprehend ponderous & triuiall passages vnder the same degree of value or estimation. For whatsoeuer becomes his politicke vent, becomes his vnderstanding. When hee doth therefore fill vp the vessell of his conceits, he hath regard to such things as [Page] may bee vttered with most aduātage, either of money among the Players, or reput [...]tiō among the general Gallants of our Cittie. He takes account of all hu mours, and through the practise of a contempt to all, he partakes in al: for he vses what he derides vnder the priuiledge of scorne, and so makes it familiar. So the largest benefite which others reape, by contemning the vice in himselfe, arises beyond his purpose or intention: for he extends to others no further then agrees with his owne greedy constitution; meaning to credit or enrich himselfe, not amend others: by which meanes all his goodnesse is accidentall. He doth (notwithstanding) in some poynts resemble vertue; but in the worst manner. For being impartiall, he playes the tyrant; [Page] and sels the vices of his dearest friends to discouery, by playes or pamphlets, but is content that they should still reserue them to their future infamy: So he becomes sooner excluded oftentimes from society, then his flattering shifts can readily repaire. Flattery and insinuation be indeed the number of his thriuing moral vertues, through which (vnder a pretence of faire meaning) he takes occasion to betray the marrow of mans variety: and this affoords fuell for his bitter derision. His Tablebookes be a chiefe adiunct, and the most significant Embleme of his owne quallity, that man may beare about him: for the wiping out of olde notes giue way to new: and he likewise, to try a new dispositiō, will finally forsake an ancient friends loue: [Page] because hee consists of new enterprises. He makes the best he can of witty turnings; and therfore hee spares conceits worth naming in company, to make a further benifit. If you desire to know a man of this profession; you must a while obserue him, and he will presently shew himselfe after two meetings: for he will then talke (as it were) by a chatechisme of discourse: keeping a certain forme of lāguage as if he durst not go beyond the circle. His capacity is appehensiue in a strange measure: if hee were lesse capable, he might be more commended. For hee i [...] croches often vpon admittance (where thinges be well deliuered) to multiply his obseruation & he will verifie things, through a scandalous [...], as if they were now committed. If hee [Page] conuerts to a deseruing quality, hee will propound the credit of a good meaning no stipend for his vain discoueries. Till thē, he must indure to be suspected, or odious, whilst hee whispers closely among free companiōs: Neither must he hope to amend this Age or himselfe; because hee neuer intended the first, and the last he forgets (though he intended it) through vain-glory as beeing transported with this pride onely, that he hath obserued, and can obserue againe. Briefly hee resembles a foolish patient, who takes a costiue pill to loosen his body: for whilst he meanes to purge himself by obseruing other humors, he practises them by a shadow of mockage, and so becomes a more fast corruption: if he doth not therfore feele the disease, hee dies Hid [...] bound.

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CHARACT. XII. A simple polititian

IS a purblind Fox, that pretends machiauell should be his sire: but he proues a mungrell: he was taken from Schoole before he had learned true Latine; and therefore in triuiall things only, he partakes with craftinesse; because hee lacks true breeding, and true bringing vp. Hee labours commonly for opinion where hee is so well known that opinion woulde persecute him, without labour: he thinkes religion deceiues most vnsuspected and therefore hee first seemes to bee a zealous Christian. The Church is a principall parte of his deuotion; and to be a frequēt Auditor, or outwardly attentiue is a sure defence (hee thinkes) a [Page] gainst Capitall errour. Hee is openly kinde-hearted; cries God forbid. Amen, Christ be his comfort. But rather then he will seeme aPuritune, with indifferent companions, hee can breake an obscene Iest, be wanton, sociable or any thing till hee conuerse with a Presitian by whome hee hopes to saue: thē his eyes roule vpward, his hands are eleuated, commiserating tearmes be multiplid, with sighes innumerable: then hee rayles against the wicked, whome a little before hee heartily saluted. And after some paraphrase vppon the verse of such an Euangelist, Apostle, or Prophet, hee dismisses the Puritan, that he may laugh heartily. He is therefore much like a bookesellers shoppe on Bartholomew day at London; the stalls of which are so adornd with bibles [Page] and prayer-bookes, that almost nothing is left within, but heathen knowledge. His minde and memorie put on the same vizard of greatnesse, which makes him so much incline to the posture of weighty labors, that he giues no attention to things openly recited, though they actually possesse him. To bee imployed therefore for a Noble-man, is (to him) an infinite trouble, and begets imployment with all acquaintance to discouer it: so the bare meanes to make men think hee is much entertained, costs a time equall to his occurrents. Being to bee visited (though by sure Clients) he hath the roome of attendance, the Art of delay, and a visage that seems pittifully interrupted. If he rides to dispatch, the horses be early sadled and brought into the foreside, [Page] that neighbours may obserue, when after fiue or six houres expectation, hee comes like one that was detained by vrgent importunacies. if the company be pleased to laugh at his inhaerent folly; he doth by and by assure you; giue mee a sudden iest or nothing; some vse your printed iest, I cannot endure it. His best materials to worke vpon, bee Time, and Place; which if they affoord circumstance to let yon vnderstand his new purchase, his new buildings, the great marriage of his Children, or entertainment of high personages, or bountie towards an Hospitall, it comes freely and fitly, if openly. When occasions trouble him a little, he loues to trouble himselfe extreamly; and thinkes it a poynt of reaching pollicie, to reproue or amend that formally, which [Page] hath beene allowed by singular good iudgments. If hee dares (with priuiledge of the hearers ignorance) disparage worth in any, hee takes leaue of the occasion, and his own policie. This he takes in honour of his courtship to shew hee can be ambitious; and build on others ruines: But this proclaymes him a starued Cannib [...]ll; who, through the famin of desert, supplies worthinesse with his owne excrement of detraction. His desire and audacitie are at open strife; when hee would hut dares not commend himselfe, by correcting anothers facultie: then with a strained laughter, and a willing palsie in his head, hee seemes to [...] somwhat is vnsetled; or he makes his elbow signifie. that somthing wants his finger. His complements are at libertie [Page] his friendship lies locked vp in prison; the key whereof he hath lost willingly. For if you call him friend before he hath wrested the aduantage of an enemy, hee leaues you destitute, but more happy then you beleeue. If hee can seeme to forget your countenance, hee intends that you must thinke him deuoted to thinges aboue you, or that his braine labours: and vppon this ground he walkes when hee neglects your salutations, or takes no notice of your person. Briefly, he is a man of this daies profit; he respects nothing without double interest, and that by compulsion. Hee is a weake foe, a weaker friend, or the generall shadow of a wiser man.

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CHARACT XIII. A Spend-thrift

IS a man eu [...]r needy, neuer satisfied, but ready to borrow more then hee may be trusted with: The question of him will bee, whether his learning (if he hath any) doth out ballance his braine, & so becomes a burthen; or whether both be crept into his outward sences: Certainely his Intellectuals of wit, and wisdome, may bee manifest, but are (like the seauen Starrs) seldome seen together; they mutually succeed as hauing vow'd to gouerne by course: Whilst wit raignes, excesse, and ryot hath the vpper hand: But when hee recollects himselfe, he is wholy metamorphosed; wit giues place, and his extreme of wisedom, disclaimes [Page] the smile of a merry countenance. His only ioy is to domineere, bee often saluted, & haue many Creditors: his Lordships lye among the Drawers, Tobacco-men, Brokers, and Panders: But aduersity makes him leaue company, & fal [...] to house-keeping, and then his seruants be vanished into Sergeants. I dare protest Doctor Anthony will not make Aurum potabile like a Spend-thrift: The truth is, a spend-thrift can dissolue a monarchy of gold if hee had it. His onely flatterers bee Conceite & Fancy, which charge Memory the Steward, to bring no Accompts in till they be casheerd; which cannot bee whilst Imitation is his Captaine, or Credite his Corporall. He wooes creditors, as Gentlemē a faire Sempstres: he will promise much and [Page] mean nothing: for he distributes his words as cōmonly do Printers. He dreams of being Lord chiefe Iustice, or at least being eminent, though hee liues dissolutely; and hath no Saint but Fortune. He is, and euer will be a quarter behind with frugality; in which volume he cannot bee perfect, because the book is imperfect: for hee still rendes out the beginning of his lesson; being not able to begin a thrifty course. His Heauen vpon Earth is a faire Mistresse; and though his means be large, yet his principall sorrow is the lacke of maintenance. Hee is scarce any part of a Christian till hee goes to Prison: and then perhaps hee enters into Religion: If he doth not, I am sure hee is dead in law and turnes Cloister-man. The misery of his sence is an old mā, [Page] and his fathers life troubles him not a little: Almanackes therefore which foretell the death of Age, bee very acceptable. The hurly burly of his braine is infinite, & he scarcely knomes what hee may freely make an election of. Hee is most truly like a broken lace, or seame-rent cloake; ready to bee taken hold of, as he walkes along, by euery ctooked naile & tenter-hook. His worst bawd is too good a nature, which makes him incident to false applauses, and carue his soule out among his familiars: hee hath multitudes of deere acquaintāce, but his deerest frends are ready to stabbe him: For either those whom hee accompts so, bee men of fashion; or those who bee indeed so, desire his death, because they see no amendment. Hee is in great request, [Page] & much enquired; being like a dangerous booke still about to bee called in: For hee is no sooner out of one prison but he is called into another. Hee scornes to acknowledge his debts, but as things of duty, with which mechanickes are (as he thinkes) bound to vphold high birth and Gentry: but the end proues otherwise. His downefall therfore is not admired, because hee was euer falling; and his bare excuse, makes experience the shadowe. Briefly, hee may seem a treacherous friend; for hee deales dishonestly with all that challenge intrest in him; they bee his Creditors: And yet hee deales more louingly with them, then with himselfe; for when he paies them, he punisheth himselfe: If he cannot pay, hee is punished more then they; [Page] and punished enough, because hee cannot pay: For then hee consumes.

CHARACT: XIIII. A Ubiquitary

IS a Iourney-man of all Trades, but no sauer because no [...]etter-vp: Hee would be an Epitome of Arts, & all things, but is indeed nothing lesse then himselfe: If an itchy Taylor gaue him not his making, hee had (I thinke) perpetually been vnmade: For if hee scrat [...]h his head, the body cals him; if the body, then his elbow; if his elbow, then again the body; if the body, then the head itches: So neuer quiet, neuer constant, still doing, still about to doe the same, remaines my dooer doing nothing. The [Page] worst of Dog-dayes was his birth-day when fleas abonnded, which (from his cradle) haue so bitten him, as till his death he must be tickled. The worme of giddinesse hath crept into his priuate purposes: euery houre, almost, giues him a new Being, or, at least, the purpose to bee an other thing then hee is. So that I might almost say of him as Locus enrin est ens, quia est aliquid alicui [...]s.; est autem non ens, q [...]ia ens contin [...]tur ibi. Exerc▪ 5. 3. Scalig: Scaliger saith of Locus; that he is Quodammodo ens, quodammodo nō ens. If a Coūtry life inuites him hee yeelds: the Court requests him, hee yeelds likewise: But then disgrace averts him to his study; a Library is gottē: by this time loue hath struck him, & he adores the Saint: But then some play declames against this loue; hee quickly is perswaded, & followes Poetry. Thus my vagabond of vanity is from post to [Page] pillar transported, because hee trauels without a perfect licē [...]e. You shall soone discern him by his arguments and reasons; They (for the principalls) flow from one fountaine of ignotance: for all his proofe depends vpon I thinke so, Euery man saith so All dislike it: His very conuersation is infectious, but neuer frustrate: for eyrher you must follow him, and that way you must looke to be a looser: or he will follow you, & then resolue that your intention thriues but badly. No obiect, no societie, season, thought, or language, comes amisse, or vnexpected: his pollicie therefore seekes to be rather frequent then effectuall; to run about the world daily, then trauell seriously; to see a multitude, before societie; and gesse at much, rather then know [Page] a little. In his discourse he daunces All Trades, and flies from field to thicket, as being hunted by an Ignis fatuus. Talke of Academies and hee tels you Court-newes: search into the estate of a question, and he tels you what new booke is extant. If you discourse he still desires the conclusion; and is attentiue rather to the sequell, then careful to vnderstand the premisses. In his behauiour he would seeme French, Italian, Spanish, or any thing, so he may seeme vn-vulgar; accounting it barbarous not to contemne his owne nation, or the common good, because hee loues to bee more valued by seeming singularly pretious: His diuerse habit onely discouers him to be true English: and to bee weary of the place, colours his employment: To liue (with him) is all vanitie; [Page] and that life alone his deerest happinesse: his death therefore may bee some-what doubtfull, because with it hee hath no Beeing.

CHARACTER. X. A Gamester

IS Fortunes Vassaile, temptations Anuile, or an Lidi primi omniun in venerunt ludos t [...]sseras & sub Atty rege [...] primo qui [...] est eo nomine: [...] fa mē decipiehant hi popul [...] in vicē Ludend [...] & edendo, [...]. [...]. 2. [...]. out-landish text, which may be soone transtated into cheaters English: He affects gaming from a schoole-boy; and superstitiously fore-thinks how his minde giues him. The elements of fire, earth, and aire, be with him alike predominant; he is inflamed with rage, melancholy with thoughts, iouiall with fortune: but hee neuer weeps in sorrow or repentance: When he looses little, you must [Page] know he looses much, for hee loues that any man should coniecture he is able: But though his lucke be infinite to win aboundance, yet can he seldome haue the lucke to purchase. If he quarrels, you may protest hee looses, and he must scramble or be b [...]aton ere hee can bee quiet: if he make peace you must meet him in the winning way; and then you might more safely swagger with him: he loues his owne aduantage well enough to be a Lawyer, but would make a most preposterous Iudge. The seauen deadly sinnes sleep in his pocket; and hee neuer drawes money but the noise awakes them. Pride, Lechery, sloth, and Gluttony, be his Sabboth sinnes, which (out of gettings) he employes on Festiuals, and Sundayes. Blaspemy and murther [Page] play the Drawers with him, and bring the fearefull reckoning of his losses; and in steed of Vsury, Theft plaies the Scriuener to furnish him with money: He can both fast, and watch, and yet is farre enough from being a true penitent: for curses following, doe discouer why the rest was intended. Let him be sunne-burnt and ill-fauourd, yet he hath this priuiledge, that if he scornes quarrelling and false Dice, he shall be thought a faire gamester. Fortune makes him her most silly States-man: shee holds him by the chinne a while, but ere he can recouer what he onely wishes, he sinkes incontinent, and worthily, for losse and gaine alike encourage him, but neuer satissie. Neither cares he to be thought an insatiable fellow: for when he hath in any [Page] mans opinion, fild his belly, his bones, are most busie. If he plaies vpon Ticket, he knowes you are but a simple fellow not able to exact, though hee resolues to pay nothing; so he did neuer purchase, if not this way, except he borrowes; and that extends farre enough to make him thy debtor at his own pleasure. If he be perished, his restauratiō is too feminine, thogh not degenerate; for seeing he was ruind vnder the Goddesse Fortune, he may well claime the portion of a rich widdow. If neither shee, nor any shee-creature else be gratious, let him vnpittied proue a Cheater, for he thrust himselfe to exile, & went to willing bondage.

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CHARACT: XVI. A Nouice

IS one still ready to aske the way, yet farre from finding it, though you doe direct him: He is indeed a simple thing of one and twenty, that dares safely be a pupill to any Tutor. Or take him naturally for a familiar kinde of Spaniell, that may be readily taken vp, and stolne away from himselfe, or his best resolutions. He is euer haunted with a blushing weakenesse, and is as willing to embrace any, as not to bee distastfull vnto any: he trusts any mans opinion before his owne, and will commit his life to him that can insinuate: you get acquaintance with him by a bare salutation; drinke to him [Page] with a new complement, and you haue purchased his entire loue, till hee bee cheated. The name of Country-man, or ciuill carriage, vnlockes his Cabinet of intentions, till you extract the very quintessence. Good Fortunes tickle him without measure; and he findes no reason to moderate his ioy, till he shewes the way for others to disapoint him; and being disapointed he is quiet. He cannot chuse but be exceeding credulous, for he confutes nothing further then his eye-sight, or common sense extends. Draw him to the paradise of taking all in good part; or teach him to apprehend the worst things well, by screwing in a meere conceit of your generosity, & he will thrust the ward-shippe of his credit, Lands, or Body, to your patronage; [Page] So you may take reliefe, and tender Marriage though his father held not in Knights seruice. If you misdoubt he should perceiue you, or if you thinke it difficult to deceiue him; compare his Title with his Index, or both together with his stuffe contained, and you may soone discerne him: For eyther vnexpectedly he doth betray himself, or false fire will discharge him: with much a doe, desiring to get a Mistrisse, hee proues some whores Idolater; and he feeles naturally for the haruest of his chin before seede time. Being a little boulstred vp with sweete heresies of subtill language, and Musicall Tauernes, he suddenly beginnes (except some charitable hand reclaimes him) to mistake Tobacco for a precious hearbe: and oftentimes I thinke [Page] it cures his raw humour, by operation of the price, without the Physicke. You may easilie also driue him to mistake brown paper for Littletons Tenures; canuas, and Red Herrings, for his Fathers hopp bagges and Lent prouision. I need not say hee will be valorous; for Parasites & Gony-catchers know, he oftentimes can see he hath been cheated, & yet his modesty will not suffer him to inforce satisfactiō. He is the cōmon stocke of Roaring▪ boyes and Sharkes, to remedy their wants: A bigg protestariō makes him ye old to any man of outside that will borrow, as soon as ten theiues with swords and pistols: So that hee is good for nothing but to blunten a Cheaters pollicy; because he is catcht with so little paines taking. A Spiders thred will [Page] catch him: an easie charme will strip him naked. Hee will much wonder at a triuiall event, and thinkes it Witch-craft to foresee disaduantage. As for the world, Religion, or naturall causes, he can enquire of them, but difficultly beleiue reason: In the shutting vp therefore of his folly hee doth confesse the Character, & leaues it to succession.

CHARACT. XVII. An Epicure

IS the picture of Some-body, or a man of two sences: the Eye & the Palate: for his smelling property is stuffed with the vapours of a full stomacke; his hands are the instruments of his mouth, no sences; and the belly hath no [...]ares, but a trusse to [Page] support it: He is his owne Taylor, & thinks directly that more expences belong to the linings, then to the outside. Hee will grow frends with any man, that serues his stomacke: If he reads the fable in Aesop how the members conspir'd against the belly; he growes empty with conceite of it; and in reuenge (I thinke) makes the belly conspire against the members. He cannot stirre in businesse without a Coach, or a Litter; and then hee is suddenly interrupted, if the clocke strikes Eleuen. Hee is (whatsoeuer some thinke) a good Physition for his owne body; for hee still riseth from the Table with an appetite; and is soone ready for another meale of dainties. If hee bee a Lawyer, the best meates will soonest corrupt his carkasse, and his conscience: for [Page] he feeds immoderately, and will doe much for a brace of Pheasants. If hee bee a Diuine, he preaches all Charity, and discō mends Gentlemen extreamely, because they leaue House-keeping. He thinks his bed the best study, and therfore speakes well in the praise of stretching meditations. He accounts Cookery a delicate science, and preferres the knowledge of confectionary receipts; to which purpose nothing passes through the throat, till he takes particular notice of the ingredients. He is troubled much to thinke, how hee may most readily shorten his life, & not perceiue the reason: Therefore hee reuolues continually, what may bee most conuenient for the taste, and hurtfull for the stomacke. He inuites himselfe to much prouender by accident [Page] of visitation; though hee comes with a resolued policy: But hee scornes blushing, like a cōmon smell-feast; & vpon true reason: For modest bloud (being clarified and pure) cannot finde way, through inch-deepe fatt, when it is call'd to answere. Hee prouokes many solemne meetings, vnder the title of Hospitality, whē hee makes himselfe (by these meanes) fitter for an Hospitall. Hee is contented to bestow broken meate among poore folkes, but no money: for he loues not to depart with that, in which himselfe hath been no taster. He is the noted foe of famine, and yet hee is daily imployed about the procreation of a dearth: for the value of nothing is beyond his ability, if hee hath present money, though no more then enough to discharge the present [Page] commodity; or credite to make men trust vpon executors. Hee hath heightned the price of out-Landish-fruits, & hath purchased the generall name to our Countrey of Sweet-mouth'd English-men. Marrow-pyes, Potatorootes, Eringoes, and a cup of Sacke bee his chiefest Restoratiues, and comfortable Phisicke: Hee makes no dinner without a second course. He is ouer ruled more by his teeth, then his appetite: For when they growe weary, he leaues feeding, & falls to drinking: which argues (vnlesse I mistake) a larger capacity of Stomacke then Vnderstanding. But hee doth or should tremble, to see meate stuft with Parsely; because it represents a Coarse laid out for buriall. He keeps a high point of statelinesse in carriage; for hee delights rather in [Page] a subtill [...]latterer, or secretary, that giues good elbowe attendance, then to heare himselfe discourse, or any who neglects to feed his humour; either with commendations, or vailing reuerence to his high fortunes, or with licentious fables, and derisions of his opposites. If dinner bee ended, and you desire to conuerse with him, you must tarry till he be awake: for his vast chaire, a downy couch, and chiefly a fine capable seat in the Church, that may confront the Preacher, are three easie & common receptacles for his full stomack. None resembles death in sleepe so fitly, yet none makes lesse morall. For indeede his sleeps are full of stinke and rottennes▪ and so secure, that they rather proue death it selfe, then a remembrance. It is Atheneus lib. 1. cap. 1. reported [Page] how Cambletes the gluttonous King of Lydia deuoured in a [...]reame his wife while she lay sleeping together in the same bed; and finding her hand betweene his teeth when he awaked, he slew himselfe fearing dishonour: which story is intended (I thinke) an epicures morall: for in his idle dreaming life, he will deuour a wiues portion, & when he hath consumed all to fragments he wakens: and (fearing discredit) dyes vnto the world by liuing obscurely or pines away in sorrow. Briefly, being true English, hee will abhorre thirst, & hunger, because he scornes a Lib▪ de [...], asserit quam- pri [...]úm esse [...]il Panos & frigoris & tamis patientes. Spaniard, and his properties.

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CHARACT: XVIII. A Churle

IS the superflaity of solemne behauiour: And was intended for an allay to fifty light Iouiall constitutions; but Natura intendit optimum. Nature being then otherwise employed, hee was (against her will) made a monstrous lump of Humanity; through the negligence of her hand-maids: good nutriment,Terrores & melancholica perturbatio, partum ter [...]enum, reddit Iohan: Gassanio de g [...] gant. and education: or the malice of her enemies, Sorrowes and a [...]frightment. Hee is the vnsociable sonne of Saturne, that lookes strangely at the face of man, as if he were another thing then himselfe. Hee thinkes, to be familiar is to betray himselfe; and that the world might plentifully be inhabited, by him onely, and a couple of drudges. If [Page] you be ciuill, he saith you are phantasticke; and friendly language he termes slattery. His learning and aduise be a company of miserable prouerbs much of this making; a foole & his money is soone parted: Wise enough to keepe his owne: store is no sore: light gaines make a heauy purse: bring not a noble to ninepence: He speakes of sparing as if he fitted himselfe to beg in a grate and pray passengers to spare their charitable almes: And hee doth readily consent to the prisoners when they beg in that language. You may offend your selfe and him, lesse, if you kill him right out, then if you discourse with him halfe an houre. No estate, no aduancement, can remoue his humour: for he doth not liue (whilst he liues not discontented) but sleeps, or coūterfeits. [Page] He thinkes salutations were ordained to beguile, or betray; hee loues not therefore to salute, or be saluted. He will refuse gifts, that come from reconciled foes and thinkes an iniurie can neuer be forgotten. On equall termes likewise, he is hartily vnwilling to receiue, except (in glory) he can ouer-value his deserts, by thinking he hath deserued tenne times more. A selfe-respect, and a disdaine of others, be his nourishing vices: So he chuses rather to loose a bargaine, then to become a debtor; for he holds it more honour and pollicy to steale, then to be beholding. If you enquire his health, or the times newes, hee dares protest you are an impertinent, or a shallow companion. He may be called Barbarons by the same reason that [...] was o called of an Arabi [...] word Barbar; which signifies to murmur, because the peoples [...] a murmu [...] ing to the first [...]. Barbary was calld [Page] Barbarie: for hee doth alwaies murmur. Other mens triumph is his sorrow, other mens sorrow his trumph: for in his conscience he hath reioyced neuer, if not in the mis-fortuns of some, or all. The least aduersity makes him thinke vpon a halter: and if you perswade him to patience, by remembring others crosses, or the necessity of trouble in this life, he will be worse madded with your councell then with his affliction. His councells and instructions, makes him shew, most like a Chimney set on fire; consisting of ranke▪ sootie choler: which doth enflame and harden whomsoeuer he deales with; not warme nor molifie with comforts and perswasions: It is better to perish, then to craue his helpe▪ for he limits himselfe only to negatiues. [Page] His entertainments be, a fierce dogge to bid you welcome, a currish voice to confirme it, and the way is open for a fare-well. The first two be apparant, the latter he intends: So doth he embrace acquaintance or neighbours; but impotent people he threatens in another kinde, with Whippe, stocks, & Beadle, they onely be his familiars & defenders. His Dog, and hee, are the onely good fellowes, and his dogge proues the better man, by being more tractable. He will preuent you in a commodity, and giue more; as also, hee dares discredit any thing, or any, not with a meaning to commend his own, but to endammage others. Hee will bee shauen all waies to the best helpe of a deformity: And though his actions will soone verifie the character, yet he will [Page] more mis-shape nature by ill-fauoured Linnen, a greasie Felt, & garments made for the purpose; as if hee meant to discouer himselfe by the fore-head, least hee should not bee knowne quickly. Hee is vnsatisfied vpon the smallest wrong, and will rather take the lawes assignement, though a trifle, then be content with large composition: yet none doth more grumble against the Lawprofessors. Hee listens to the death of great Personages, as a Butchers dogge to the Oxes slaughter; reioycing to be glutted with his entrailes, or vices, seeing hee is not bettred by his body of worth, the best food. It [...]attens him to heare a prodigalls consumption, though hee partakes nothing in the Bootie. If you fasten a guift vpon him, his thankes bee liberall (though [Page] he doth not requite) if hee doth not brand you with an insinuating Title: Yet in extremity of his humour hee is so farre (as he thinkes) from being vncharitable, as hee makes the charity of Coūsell, Purse, or [...], things that would [...] [...]ittle thanke for his labour: and so he practises them vnder the ranke of such things as doe not concern him: He saith therefore, Meddle with me, when I meddle with you. So that if shame prouokes his wealth to inuite strangers, hee hath no bountiful meaning, but a resolution to liue by broken meate long after: which doth not sauour well, except it bee mouldy: that, and himselfe therefore, should be spent sooner; otherwise they grow visibly odious, but himselfe more odious then that.

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CHARACT. XIX. An Athiest

IS no reasonable Man: For hee will sooner embrace a superficiall col [...] [...] in things of moment, the [...] [...] into direct causes: As for obuious & common accidents, he neuer lookes vpon them so much with reason as vpon matters of course. In all he doth desire, hee is little better then a Beast; fore-casting onely to make a good temporall successe, & satisfie himselfe by his owne proiects: & he is therfore no reasonable man, because no religious man: For Heathens and Barbarians haue from the beginning been worshippers of somwhat. There needes no better directiō to know there is a God; then to knowe that an Atheist is [Page] Gods enemy. If thou canst seeme to bee familiar with him, & enter into the extremities of ill fortune, or begin to speake of great mens funerals, or honest mens persecutions, hee will instātly discouer what he beleiues; being bolde enough to speake plainly (if thou canst apprehēd) that vertue, innocence, & crafty dealing are alike rewarded: That wicked and religious men haue no differēce but the Name: That wronges may lawfully (if without danger apparant) bee repelled with worse wronges: and that therfore it argues basenesse of spirit, to contemne any preferment of aduantage: That expectation of other, wh [...]re ioy is already present, were dotage, or madnesse; and that honesty, which exceeds common forme, is singularity. From which Arguments [Page] you may draw the cō clusion. If hee reserues these precepts among strangers, his practise will verifie the pattern. Take this for a foundation, Euery Atheist is a self-pleasing Epicure though they be not cōuertible. If he inclines more to Epicurisme then policy; this watch-word will be frequent in his cups, Hoc est vivere, hoc est vivere. But you may still obserue, that hee contends to wash away all care with company, discourse & laughter, as if he knew his vsurious creditor (a guilty conscience) waited to expostulate with him at an aduantage. One therfore of this proportiō, is more liable to the Law, but lesse dangerous to the common-wealth. Hee bringes most villany that feeles the disease inward; and confutes his owne obiections with salacious [Page] doctrine. He liues much about the fountaine of Iniquity, and therfore he must propoud that those streames of custome be tolerable, or leaue his profession. Hee hath a naturall flourish for super-natural accidents. He turnes Diuinity into colourable inuentions of Philosophy. Hee knowes euery thing vnder the name of a naturall body: hee beleeues Nature to be an inuisible power, which intended generation for corruption, and corruption for generation. Hee distinguishes bodies into simple and compound, and makes creation a vulgar proiect obedient to the harmony of elements. Then, if hee knowes the meaning of Homogenea, & Hetrogenea, of corpus imperfecté mixtū, and perfecté mixtū, hee remaines largely satisfied. As for the causes of terrible events, hee apprehends [Page] the power of Exhalations, Meteors, Comets, & the Antiperistasis: which very names are able to forbid all further inquisition. Hee goes not therefore beyond himselfe & such as him [...]elfe, for an authority: and hee esteemes it more conuenient to thinke there is a reason in nature, then to trouble his brain with finding another, when it exceeds his positions. He neuer was taken for a friend in society, neither can he bestow loue, because he cannot aduenture his person; life being his whole faelicity. If at any time therefore he intended loue, he intended likewise a Physitian; & him, no furtherthen agreed with his own Hum dum radicale: which must also be vnderstood, if himselfe were no Physitian. He is alwaies cōfident beyond reformation. Hee dies with hope be [Page] tweene his iawes, and therefore one may think him no desperate sla [...]e: but such hope deceiues him, because hee hopes to liue longer. So that like a candles end burning in the socket, he goes out stinking, with delay, and many faintings.

CHARACT. XX. A Lyar

IS the falsest Diall in the Parish: whilst Memory the Sexton, who should keep language his clocke in order, lyes drunken in Security, the cōmon A [...]e house. Arithmeticke is in him a naturall vice; or at least the difficult parts of the Science: for he can both Substract and Multiply with more ease then speake true English: He may as well be a Tradesman [Page] of any sort by his profession, as a Knight of the Post, or a man-pleaser. He should (by his qualities) bee a good Gamester; for the one is iust in league with a voluntary ignorance, or an inforced knowledge, as much as the other: Hee neuer offends this way, but he offends double; for hee cannot with credit, or knowledge of the Art Military, think it sufficient to defend with bare affirmance, and the walls of circumuention, except his cannon-othes be ready planted and discharged. Hee is not guilty of his own vice alone; for [...]eldome doth he avouch that, which his confederate wil not iustifie: and therfore he prouides adherents for security; but in his owne single opinion hee doth match Copernicus. His common misery is well knowne, it persecutes him [Page] with diuine Iustice, for all his truths extraordinary, winne no beleife; because false-hoods are so frequent. He takes it for granted, that hee can grace or disgrace any man at his pleasure: & if inuention or his eloquence were able, hee could not want his purpose. It were Gods due Iustice if he should run mad; for he deuides his meaning and his word; and so distracts himselfe. Any ad [...]ātage accruing to himselfe prouokes his faculty; though somtimes a friends loue entices him to strange aduentures. If neither the first nor second bee opportune, hee so labors onely to beget wonderfull narrations. He is ready enough to ouer-value himselfe, his friends, and his commodity: accounting it a politick straine to sett an excellent [...]aire glosse on [Page] all; that hee may purchase the reputation of a large estate: Which seemes to argue an innocent vpright course, not fearing tyrāny: But indeed he doth (from hence) deceiue the world and dye a beggar, through the fore-going of estimation.

Let him liue about great persons and his best discourses will be lye-blowne with tales of honour: but turne him to pasture a little into Spaine or Italy, and he will purge himselfe (in England) of twenty times more then he receiued. Hee [...]els no wonder without some preparatiue: as namely, he admits before-hand what may be: or he begins thus: You may thinke it is a lie: or, it will seeme strange, but I protest before God, it is very true▪ But if he be one that maintaines Ordinaries & publick meetings [Page] in delight of new relations; he speaks altogether vpon credible report; and you shall be the third man partakes of the nouelty: for he hath alwaies talked with one, that was an eye-witnesse: if hee were not himselfe the agent or beholder. Sometimes he delights to be a Isti con [...] [...] dam [...] glo [...]ia vbi [...] hai [...] in T [...] oph [...]r: lib: Eth [...]: Cha [...]: in [...] o [...]: qui memorat [...] era [...] ab [...] [...] quae [...] vix [...] obu [...] [...]. glorious fellow; and then no letters be conueyd from Italy or France; and no disgraces or aduancements bee meditated in the court without his knowledge. He may at his election be admitted into the Colledge of Iesuits: but he loues not to forsake his Country, though he boasts of travailes; and yet he is a meere fugi [...]iue. He was originally intended for a Rhetorician; and lackes onely a little instruction: For hee is more conuersant with Tropes the [...] Fi [...]; [Page] and yet the figure of repetition, is his owne naturall. Attention makes thee very much culpable in his reports: beliefe makes thee apt to erre in the same kinde. He is more confident (if he could be vncased) in the rare exployts of Rosac [...]ere, and Delphoebo, Amadis de Gaule, or Parismus, then the most holy Text of Scripture. It is an aequall difficulty to discerne his truth and vntruth: for he is nothing but falshhood, yet contrary to falshood, and contrary to truth: hauing more conueyances then a bawdy-house, or a suspected victualler. The truth is, there is no truth in him: let him tell me, that himselfe lyes, and I will nor beleeue him. If he should striue for Antiquity, no English Generation can compare with him: And yet he [Page] needes no Herald, for he deriues his Pedigree immedatly from the deuill.

CHARACT: XXI. A Drunkard.

IS in Opinion a good fellow, in practise a liuing conduit. His vices are like Errata in the latter end of a false coppie: they point the way to vertue by setting downe the contrary. Hee is at all points armed for a Knight errant, and cald vpon for aduentures, euery way as full of hazard. This makes him enter boldly into the Lyons, or the Greene Dragons Caue; into the White Beares iawes, the Mermaids closets, the Sunnes Palace; nay, more, into the deuills chamber of presence. And [Page] for his Trauailes let the, Globe witnesse; through euery corner of which, he hath or can walke at his pleasure. Freedome hee challenges, & therefore scornes to be a tedious customer, till by enforcement, hee drinkes vpon record; otherwise he shiftes his watring place; either to auoid his lowse the Bayliffe▪; or to renew his fountaine: the last onely pleades for his commendation, because hee proceedes still from worse to better: which discommends him most, because it nourishes his facultie. The torment of his eye-sight is a frothy Tapster, or a sluggish Drawer with a deceitfull pot. The plagues of his palat be good wines, where he cannot purchase, nor be trusted: or a Tauerne well furnished, that ioynes to the prison doore: they [Page] vexe him, as a feast vexes the famished, in a strong Castle: or a Lambe the starued Foxe, when Mastiff [...]s be awake. He neuer disallowes religion for putting L [...]nt in the Almanacke: for Tobacco, a Rasher, and red Herrings, his instruments of relish, are at al times perhibited. There is some affinity betwixt him and a Chamelion: he [...]eeds vpon ayre; for he doth care his word familiarly. He hath a cheape course of breake-fasts, to auoide dinners; which at his pleasure he can spare, through morning antidotes▪ the inquisition of these he studies, and looses by the knowledge. He indifferently concludes, & beginnes quarrels: that quality neither much blames nor praises him. Hee cannot run fast enough to proue a good Foot-man: for Ale and [Page] beere (the heauiest element next earth) will ouertake him. Oportunity he embraces, but in a bad sense: for he is rather studious to follow any mans calling then his owne. His nose the most innocent, beares the corruption of his other senses folly: From it may bee gathered the embleme of one falsely soandald: for it not offending, is colourably punished. It serues therefore for nothing but such an Embleme, except to proue the owners great innocence, by how much it is the greater: His eminent seeming vertues be his peculiar vices: For his casting vp expences, and his wisedome ouer ihe pot, be his vnthriftinesse and folly. Sacke and strong liquours hardens him in his custome; according to the nature of a bricke: as if he were [Page] ambitious to be red earth, like Adam. He proues the Philosophers opinion of Man, better then any; for he is animal calidissimum and humidissimum the hottest and the moystest creature. Hee were vtterly base, if vnable to defend his habite: you shall therefore know him by his arguments. If he inclines to Scholler-ship, they be these: First, to abandon melancholy; For care, hee saith, kils a Cat: then to auoide mischieuous thoughts; for hee that drinkes well, sleepes well, and hee that sleepes well thinkes no har [...]e: hee may be thought a fit trauailer in difficult iournies, for he cannot misse the way; no more then a blinde man misses a picture. His teeth be strongest, because least employed: Hence you may take the embleme of [Page] one truly miserable; who abounds in profites, vnprofitable to himselfe. A beggar, and hee are both of one stocke, but the beggar claimes antiquity: the beggar begs that he may drink, and hath his meaning: the other drinkes that he may beg, and shall haue the true meaning shortly. In the degree of beggars it is thought he will turne Dummerer, he practises already, and is for that purpose many times taken speechlesse. If he goes out in the morning a libertineLibertinus est manumistus servus. [...]x Donati comment: Ter [...]nti: or a man lately manu-misd from liquor, he returnes at night a prisoner, if he doth returne: for he cannot returne safely without his keeper: otherwise, he conuer [...]s suddenly from flesh to fish, and diues into the mud, or swims in his owne water. These together may proue [Page] fasting-dayes to be his naturall season. Whilst he is waking, he purges all secrets; least I therefore by keeping him awake longer, should erre in the same kinde, I haue now cast him into a dead sleepe.

CHARACT: XXII. A begging Scholler

IS an Artificiall vagabond: Hee tooke his first degree (as may be imagined) in the Vniuersity: But he neuer thinks himselfe a full Graduate; till by Cosmographicall science, hee surueys the degrees of Longitude, and Latitude, belonging to most of our famous Cittyes in England: So hee becomes Practitioner in the Mathematicks, though hee pretends Diuinity by order of Cō mencement, [Page] which might bee a safe licence among diuers; if the Statute vouchsafed not to take notice of his roguery. He hath from the first houre of his Matriculation inherited the name of Sharke, by way of a generall dependance in the Colledge: But being perhaps expulsed, or departing in a hungry humour, hee trauels with a prompt memory, in stead of other knowledge; and aboue all things hee is wise enough for himselfe, to remember his wants. He neuer looked into Diuinity beyond the meaning of two Sermons; and vpon those hee hath insisted so often, that he feeles no neede of another Library. He still pretends (like some single Phisitiā) the cure of one disease, that is, the colde of Charity, and therefore (his charitable aduise being [Page] ended) a bill of receipt followes for the ingredients: But the disease may bee thought to grow more desperate through the mistaken cure; because the medicine is applyed vnfitly. His helpe extends farre and neere to fugitiue Raga-muffins, vnder the signe of impotent Soldiers, or wandring Abraham-men: but his helpe proues the maintenance of their function, because it proues his owne, by occasion: For being receiued as a Secretary to the counsell of vagrants, hee conceales much idle property, in aduantage of himselfe and Country-men, not of the Common-wealth. If you would priuately know him; you must know likewise, the iourney to his friends hath beene tediously vndertaken; & whilst he bringes his money in question, you must [Page] know hee beggs for an answere, and so betrayes the doubt of sufficiency: Howsoeuer (in publicke) hee insinuates a depriuation; by being too sufficient. Being admitted (for Hospitality sake) to receiue lodging; he hath a slight of hand, or cleanly conueiance, which threaten siluer spoones; and leaues a desperate sorrow among all the houshold Seruants, because hee departed so soone. In the space of a naturall day he seldom trauailes further then to the next Ale house; that so by degrees he may approach to a great Market vpon the Sabaoth. He paies for what he takes continually, one way or other: For being no customer, hee cannot be trusted, except in case of necessity; and then hee payes them experience to beware of such as he another time. [Page] Hee hath Learning to propound the Apostles president for trauailes, but conscience little enough to looke any further. If his family be not portable, it comes in the rereward, & awaits his returne to the Rende-vouze: if otherwise he be attended with neither wife, nor maid-seruant; he makes vse of both, as he finds himselfe able: He is sometime inducted by a simple Patron, to some more simple Vicarage; But his Tythes and Credit concluding in Haruest, he takes his flight with the Swallow: He cannot therefore thriue among the promoted begging Schollers, because he hath no continuance.

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The second Booke of Characters.

CHARACTER. I. A Iaylor

IS the beggars bodylowse, which liues vpon the bloud and carcase of them which can worst spare any: Hee proceeds commonly from such a one, as could not gouern himselfe, to gouerne others imperiously: Hee cannot thinke of a place, more sutable with the safe practise of his villany: No, not among the Roarers, or the company of quack-saluers. A thiefe, and a Murtherer, bee the names which make him iron madde, whiles himself proues the more [Page] exquisite offender: And if formerly hee hath bin infamous among all, it proues felicity with him now to insult ouer some, and growes the more implacable. At his first induction, hee begins (like all new Officers) to reforme Methodically: Hee may very well seem a boūtifull Host, for he detaines his customers whether they will or not but his boūty retireth, when he looseth aduantage. Hee is a true Alchymist: no dreamer in that sciēce: no, not the best proficient hath thriu'd better in his proiections: He doth indeed more wisely (by vertue of his stone-walls, without the Philosophers stone) conuert rusty lrō into perfect siluer: He makes men beleeue, that the poore captiues shall worke in daily labour to get a liuing: whiles his coniecture is verified [Page] in their nightly labor, by working through the enclosure; or being idle they get liuings too many. And by this meanes he makes a difference betwixt picking & stealing: for whomsoeuer he with-holds from stealing hee suffers to vse picking freely. If he perceiues an open obiect of increase, he will himselfe worke the meanes of disorder by plentifull liquor, that so a large fine may redeeme the quarrell: To which purpose he doth sophisticate his fuming Beere, to breed a skirmish the sooner: and then the dungeon is a dreadfull word, vntill a competent bribe pacifie his humor. Hee lookes as carnestly and as often vpon the palmes of hands as if hee could tell mens Fortunes: and the truth is he can giue a shroad coniecture by [Page] that speculation. Nothing makes him so merry as a harsh Mittimu [...], and a potent captiue: they come like an inscription with a fat goose against newyeares-tide: but baile sounds a sorrowfull retrait: as if the inferiour Theife should loose a booty by composition: and yet he will take his wiues suretiship for the more extent of liberty, because he knowes her perfect in the secrets of that Alchymie. Crueltyes are deriued from himselfe into his whole family. Hee is a circumspect companion, and still dreames of an escape: and of a breaking forth he may well dreame, hauing so many putrified sores in one body: but seldome do any escape in his debt, though at their breaking out, they be a weeke behinde: for aboue one [Page] weeke he neuer trusts; and not so long, vnlesse the former aduantage will recompence a fortnights arrerages. He hath as great a gift in changing mens dispositions as pouerty and courtship: for he can make them beg that otherwise are ashamed to begge. Briefly, he is in a manner, the Deuils huntsman, who keepes those Beagles either for castigation, because they were not cunning enough, else for amendment of the Chace. For if he sends them forth, they proue Graduates, when they escape the Gallowes. As for himselfe, you may either meet him in the midst of Carrowses among his Customers, or riding post in mellancholy, to re-imparke his wilde runnagates.

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CHARACT. II. An Informer

IS a protected Cheater, or a Knaue in authoritic, licenced by authority: he sprang from the corruption of other mens dishonesty; and meetes none so intricately vitious, but he can match the patterne: which makes him free of all Trades by the statu [...]e: for this giues him a freedome to seruey all besides himselfe. He is a fellow as much beholding to his fiue senses, as to his intellectuals: he can diuersly imploy all his senses about diuerse obiects; but commonly they are all occupied about one or two chiefly: the winding vp of a [...]acke is better then musicke to his eates in Lent: the steame [Page] of a roasted ioynt attracts his nostrils vnsatiably: the sight of a shoulder of mutton then feeds his stomacke; but the taste and feeling of it, prouokes him to a dreadfull insultation. He is worse then an Otter-hound for a diue-dopping Ale-house-keeper: and hunts him out vnreasonably from his Element of Liquor; and yet he may seeme reasonable honest, for he hearkens readily to a composition. But whilst he consents to saue men harmelesse (vpon tearmes indifferent) he makes open way for another of his coate to incroach vpon the like premises. So that he seemes to be the darling of some Welch pedigree: for he conspires with his owne profession, and makes a triumph of the least aduantage, in the very same manner. Let him be [Page] a tytle-sifter & he will examine lands as if they had committed high treason: But then he will be daunted though he weares a double night-cap in reading the due fortune of his predicessours Empson and Dudley; except his iudgement serues him to mistake the Chronicle. The lesser Foxe workes vpon simple creatures; and the base informer vpon poore mens fortunes. He promiseth restauration to a forbidden Ale-house with an Exchequer licence to vexe the lustices: whilst hee takes forty shillings, three pound, or vpward for a single subpoena, to defend the Liquor-man, who incurres new charges by trusting in the apparant cousenage. He takes away the relation betwixt a lawyer and his Client; and makes it generally extend to the [Page] Clearks in Offices; vnder whose safegard hee hath his Licence seal'd to trauaile: a foot-post & hee differ in the discharge of their packet, and the payment: for the Informer is content to tarry the next Tearme (perhaps) till a Iudgement. His profession affoords practisers both great and small; both bucke-hounds and harriers: the essence of both is inquisition. But the first is a more thriuing and ancient stocke of hatred: for he is a kinde of Antiquarie: the last is seldome medling with men much aboue him: howsoeuer, sometimes hee is casually the scourge of an ignorant Iustice.

CHARACT: III. A base Mercenary Poet

IS the most faithfull obsequious seruant of him that giues most: He [Page] subscribes his definition to all Dedicatory Epistles. If motherwit raisd him to be a writer, hee shewes himselfe a dutiful childe and beggs Poems in defence of Nature: neither can he choose but betray himselfe to be a cosset, by his odde frisking matter, and his Apish Titles: which may perswade any reasonable man, that hee studyes more to make faces, then a decent carriage. If hee haue learnt Lillies Grammer, and a peece of Ouids Metamorphosis, he thinkes it time to ask his Patrons blessing with some worke that sauours very much of the authors meaning, and two or three Latine sentences. If hee hath seene the Vniuersity, and forsaken it againe, because he felt no deserts which might challenge a Benefactor: Then hee calles euery man (besides [Page] his Patron) a despiser of Learning, and he is wonderfull angry with the world; but a brace of angels will pacifie his humour. If hee bee an expulsed Graduate, hee hath beene conuersant so long with rules of Art, that hee can expresse nothing without the Art of begging, or publick sale: But commonly hee is some swimmingheaded Clark, who after he hath spent much time in idle Sōnets, is driuen to seeke the tune of Siluer, to make vp the consort. Necessity and couetous hire, bribe his inuention, but cannot corrupt his conscience: For though he vndertakes more thē hee is able, yet hee concludes within expectation of others that knowe him, and so hee deceiues himselfe only. Gold and Siluer onely doe not make him [Page] a hyerling; but enuy, malice, and the meanes to be made famous: among which means, the chiefe bee Libells, scandala magnatum, petty treasons, and imprisonments. Hee will neuer for feite his day to necessity, if hee writes by obligation; which happens diuers times when hee is the Scriuener and the Debtor: For the tide of one Pamphlet being vented at his elbowes, with leaning vpon Tauerne-tables; hee tyes himselfe to certain limites; within which precincts he borrowes much, translates much, coynes much, conuerting all to his proiect: and if matter failes, hee flyes vpon the Lawyer, or disgraces an enemy. Hee may dissemble with the world for he dissembles with himselfe: striuing to conceiue well of errors, though his conscience tells him [Page] they bee grosse errors: And when hee heares his play hissed, hee would rather thinke bottle-Ale is opening (though in the midst of winter) then thinke his ignorance deserues it. His Apologies discouer his shifting cou [...]enage: for hee attributes the vices of his quil to the Ages infirmity; which endures nothing but amorous delightes, close bawdry, or mirthfull Iests: As if the ignorance of any Age could hinder a wise mans propositions. He makes Poems that consist onely of verse and rime in stead of excellent cōposures, with the same confidence that ignorant Painters make a broad face and a flat-cap to signifie King Harry the eight: confoun [...]ing (like a bad Logician) the [...]orme and the dimention. Hee is a fraded fellow, though he seems [Page] a Scholler: but is neuer free of the Company, or accepted, till hee hath drunk out his Apprentise-hood among the graund Masters: and then with an vniuocall consent, hee may commend his Wares, turne them into the fashion, dresse ouer his olde Pamphlets, and not be any way disgrac'd among them. If his owne guilty iudgement cannot approue his owne Poems: Hee thinks his fortune good enough to make his Reader approue, or dispence with follies: and vpon that hope hee dares often publish, and is as often laught at: but he hath wit enough to serue the whole Citty, if hee makes the Lord Maiors pageants. He presumes much vppon absolute good meanings, though the Text be palpable: and yet where hee commends himselfe best, he [Page] is not refractory, for he still promises amendment, or some more voluminous worke, to gratifie his benefactors; but hee could neuer liue long enough to finish his miracles. Many haue beene accounted traytors who haue conspired lesse against the King then he: for he layes plots in wrighting to make the King loose his time, if hee vouchsafe to see them Acted. But hee is much indebted to the fauour of Ladies, or at least seemes to haue been gratiously rewarded. If he affects this humour, hee extolls their singular iudgement before hee meddles with his matter in question: and so selles himselfe to the worldes opinion. If his handes bee no more actiue then his head, hee is guiltie of many a good Scribes idlenesse, by making that legible, which (before [Page] Transcription) might haue bin tollerable folly. If you be therfore an honest, or generous patron, suffer him not to bee printed.

CHARACT. IIII. A common Player

IS a slow Payer, seldom a Purchaser, neuer a Puritan. The Statute hath done wisely to acknowledg him a Rogue E [...]ratum in the last [...] errant, for his chiefe essence is, King Agesilaus teaches the resp [...]ct due to comm [...]n players in h [...]s and were [...]. [...] cor: & thinking himself not graced enough by the kings no tice, as the King passed along, doth saw [...]ily interrupt him thus; doth not your ace know me? [...] said the King, thou art Ca [...] the Pl [...]yer. A daily Counterseit: He hath beene familiar so long with out-sides, that he professes himselfe, (being vnknowne) to be an apparant Gentleman. But his thinne Felt, and his silke Stockings, or his foule Linnen, and faire Doublet, doe (in him) bodily reueale the Broker: So beeing not sutable, hee [Page] proues a Motley: his mind obseruing the same fashion of his body: both consist of parcells and remnants: but his minde hath commonly the newer fashion, and the newer stuffe: hee would not else hearken so passionately after new Tunes, new Trickes, new Devises: These together apparrell his braine and vnderstanding, whilst he takes the materialls vpon trust, and is himself the Taylor to take measure of his soules liking. Hee doth coniccture somewhat strongly, but dares not commend a playes goodnes, till he hath either spoken, or heard the Epilogue: neither dares he entitle good things Good, vnless [...] hee be [...] on by the [...] [...]hen hee sait [...] [...] with a [...] cant or persist [...] hee [Page] pretends to haue a royall Master or Mistresse, his wages and dependance proue him to be the Iuxta Plautinum illud [...]: quin [...] conductior sum quam tragaedi aut comici. seruant of the people. When he doth hold conference vpon the stage; and should looke directly in his fellows face; hee turnes about his voice into the assembly for applause-sake, like a Trumpeter in the fields, that shifts places to get an eccho. The cautions of his iudging humor (if hee dares vndertake it) be a certaine number of sawsie rude iests against the common lawyer; hansome conceits against the fine Courtiers; delicate quirkes against the rich Cuckolda Cittizen; shadowed glaunce for good innocent Ladies & Gentlewomen; with a nipping scoffe for some honest Iustice, who hath imprisoned him: or some thriftie Trades-man, who hath allowed [Page] him no credit: alwayes remembred, his obiect is, A new play, or A play newly reuiued. Other Poems he admits, as goodfellowes take Tobacco, or ignorant Burgesses giue a voyce, for company sake; as thinges that neither maintaine, no [...] be against him. To be a player, is to haue a mithridate against the pestilence: for players cannot tarry where the plague raignes; and therfore they be seldome infected. He can seeme no lesse then one in honour, or at least one mounted; for vnto miseries which persecute such, he is most incident. Hence it proceeds, that in the prosperous fortune of a play frequented, he proues immoderate, and falles into a Drunkards paradise, till it be last no longer. Otherwise when aduersities come, they come together: [Page] For Lent and Shrouetuesday be not farre asunder, then he is deiected daily and weekely: his blessings be neither lame nor monstrous; they goe vpon foure legges, but mooue slowly, and make as great a distance between their steppes, as between the foure Tearmes. Reproofe is ill bestowed vppon him; it cannot alter his conditions: he hath bin so accustomed to the scorne and laughter of his audience, that hee cannot bee ashamed of himselfe: for hee dares laugh in the middest of a serious conference, without blushing. If hee marries, hee mistakes the Woman for the Boy in Womans attire, by not respecting a difference in the mischiefe: But so long as he liues vnmarried, hee mistakes the Boy, or a Whore for the Woman; by courtin [...] the [Page] first on the stage, or visiting the second at her deuotions. When hee is most commendable, you must confesse there is no truth in him: for his best action is but an imitation of truth, and nullum simile est idem. It may be imagined I abuse his carriage, and hee perhaps may suddenly bee thought faire-conditioned: for he playes aboue boord. Take him at the best, he is but a shifting com panion; for hee liues effectually by putting on, and putting off. If his profession were single, hee would thinke himselfe a simple fellow, as hee doth all professions besides his owne: His own therefore is compounded of all Natures, all humours, all professions. Hee is politick also to perceiue the common-wealth doubts of his licence, and therefore in spight of Parliaments or [Page] Statute [...] hee incorporates himselfe [...] the title of a brotherhood. Painting & fine cloths may not by the same reason be called abusiue, that players may not be called rogues: I would haue the [...] Pedant goe study [...]ogicke. For they bee chiefe ornaments of his Maiesties Reuell [...]. I need not multiplie his character; for boyes and euery one, wil no sooner see men of this Facultie walke along, but they wil (vnasked) informe you what hee is by the vulgar title. Yet in the generall number of them, many may deserue a wise mans commendation: and therefore did I prefix an Epithite of common, to distinguish the base and artlesse appendants of our citty companies, which often times start away into rusticall wanderers and then (like Proteus) start backe againe into the Citty number.

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CHARACT: V. A Warrener

IS an earthly minded man: Hee pluckes his liuing from the earths bowels: and therefore is his minde most conuersant about that element: He liues in a little Arcenall or watch-tower, being well prouided with Engines & Artilery: with which (like another tyrant) he doth encounter the enemies of his Inhabitants; that hee may engrosse them all the more entirely: And yet in some respects he is a good Gouernour, for he delights more in the death of one enemy, then sixe subiects: The reason is apparant: for one foe is able to destroy twentie of his Vassailes; and so his gaines be [Page] preuented: Therefore a Polecat and he, are at continuall variance: yet he is charitable and mercifull, for if the Pole-cat turns Ferret & obeys him, none agree better: Hee doth Waiue much spoyle by his mid-night watches, and yet he owes no Lord▪ship: The truth is, tumblers, nets, and other trafficke do escheate to him, although the owner be liuing. He verifies the prouerb of plenty: the more he hath, the more he would haue: for though his owne ground be full of breeders, yet he cannot forbeare to haue his hand in priuate Warrens. Hee is much, and most perplexed, because pales and hedges will not keepe his Cattell in compasse: if he cannot therefore compound with the neighbours adiacent, he hath a tricke [Page] to affright those that transgresse their limites, by scattering murthered captiues (as Pole-cats, and Weasels) in their places of refuge: And this is a deepe quillet in the profession: Besides this he hath little knowledge of moment, except the science of making Trappes: or circumuention of innocent dogs to feed vermine. The chiefe petition of his prayer, is for blacke frosts, Sunne-shine weather, & calme midnights: vnder protection of the last, he walkes fearelesse, with a pike staffe, to exercise the liberty of that season among other mens backsides: Where he hath many nightspels, to the hazard of much Pullen, and indeed all things thieue able; if he doth not play the valiant Foot-man, and take tribute of passengers: Neither [Page] is he worthy to be such a dealer with nets and Cony chatching if he could not intrap the Kings subiects: I make no question therefore that he is worthy of his profession: howsoeuer sometimes he is catcht in a pitfall of liquor by his companions: whilst they perhaps being Poulterers, proue tyrannicall substitutes, and rob his possessions: but in reuenge, hee doth often encroach vpon the Poul terers likewise with a drunken bargaine.

CHARACT. VI. A Huntsman

IS the lieutenant of dogs, and foe to Haruest: He is proudly willing to gouerne; and because he findes himselfe vnsufficient to [Page] deale with men wisely, he commands dogs; which fawne vpon the Master and snarle at strangers. He is froli [...]ke in a faire morning fit for his pleasure; and alike reioyceth with the Virginians, to see the rising Sunne: He doth worship it, as they; but worships his Game more then they: And in some things almost as barbarous. A sluggard he contemnes, and thinkes the resting time might be shortned; which makes him rise with day, obserue the same pace, & proue full as happy; if the day be happie. The names of Foxe, Hare, and Bucke, be all tracting sillables; sufficient to furnish fifteen meales with long discourse in the aduentures of each. Foxe drawes in his exploits done against Cubbes, Bitch▪ foxes, Otters, and Badgers: Hare, brings [Page] out his encounters, plat-formes engines, fortifications, & nightworke done against Leueret, Cony, Wilde-cat: Rabbet, Weasell, and Pole-cat: Then Bucke, the Captaine of all, prouokes him (not without strong Passion) to remember Hart, Hinde, Stagge, Roe, Pricket, Fa [...]ne, and Fallow Deere. Hee vses a dogged forme of gouernment, which might be (without shame) kept in Humantie; and yet he is vnwilling to be gouerned with the same reason: either by being satisfied with pleasure, or content with ill fortune. Hee hath the discipline to marshall dogs, and sutably; when a wise Herald would rather meruaile, how he should distinguish their coats, birth, and gentry. Hee carries about him in his mouth the very soule of Ouids bodies, [Page] metamorphosed into Trees, Rockes, and Waters: For when he pleases, they shall eccho and distinctly answere; and when he pleases, be extreamely silent. There is little danger in him towards the Common-wealth: for his worst intelligence comes from Shepheards or Woodmen; and that onely threatens the destruction of Hares; a welknowne dry meate. The spring and he are still at variance: in mockage therfore, and reuenge together of that season, he weares her liuery in Winter. Little consultations please him best; but the best directions hee doth loue and followe; they are his Dogs: If he cannot preuaile therefore, his lucke must be blamed; for hee takes a speedy course. Hee cannot be lesse then a conquerour from the beginning, [Page] though he wants the boote; for he pursues the flight. His Man-hood is a crooked sworde with a saw backe; but the badge of his generous valour is a horn to giue notice. Battery & blowing vp, hee loues not: to vndermine is his Stratageme. His Physicke teaches him not to drinke sweating; in amends whereof, he liquors himselfe to a heate, vpon coole bloud: If hee delights (at least) to emulate his Dog in a hot nose. If a Kennell of Hounds passant take away his attention & company from Church; doe not blame his deuo [...]ion; for in them consists the nature of it, and his knowledge. His frailties are, that he is apt to mistake any dog worth the stealing, & neuer take notice of the Collar. Hee dreames of a Ha [...]e formed, a Fox kenneld, a Bucke [Page] lodged, or a Hart in harbor And if his fancy would bee moderate, his actions might be full of pleasure.

CHARACT. VII. A Falkoner

IS the egge of an ordinary Goosewoman, hatcht vp amōgst Hawkes and Spaniels. Hee hath in his minority conuersed with Kest rils, and young Hobbies; but growing vp hee begins to handle the Lure, & look a Fawlcon in the face. All his learning makes him but a new Linguist; for to haue studied & practised the termes of Hawkes Dictionary, is enough to excuse his wit, manners, and humanity. Hee hath too many Trades to thriue; and yet if he had fewer, he wold [Page] thriue lesse: he neede not be enuied therefore, for a Monopoly, though hee be Barber surgeon, Physitian, and Apothecary, before he commences Hawk leech: for though he exercise all these, and the art of Bow-strings together, his patients be compelled to pay him no further, then they are able. Hawkes are his obiect, that is, his knowledge, admiration, labour, and all: They be indeed his idoll, or Mistresse, be they Male or Female: to them hee consecrates his amorous Ditties, which be no sooner framed then hallowed: Nor should he doubt to ouercome the fairest, seeing hee reclaimes such Haggards; and courts euery one with a peculiar Dialect. That he is truly affected to his Sweethart in her fether▪bed, appeares by the sequele; himselfe is [Page] sensible of the same misery: for they bee both mewed vp together: But hee still chuses the worst pennance; by chusing rather an Ale▪house, or a Cellar, for his moulting place, then the Hawkes mew. Hee cannot bee thought lesse then a spie, & that a dangerous one: For his espials are, that hee may see the fall of what hee persecutes: and so the Wood-cocks perish: if they doe not, his Art is suspended. He is a right busie-body, who intermeddles so much with others affaires, that he forgets his own: Hee would not else correct his Hawkes wildnesse; and be so ready to trample downe the standing corne; or make way through enclosures: That argues him to be Rebellious & vulgar; one apt to striue for liberty. His Man-hood I dare not signifie, [Page] it remaines doubtfull vpon equall tearmes, because, seldom tried with any thing but wildfowle: and then hee performes, water-seruice; perhaps sea-seruice; but both, in some sowle manner: By Land he serues, on horse or foote; on both, to destroy Partrige, or Pheasant. You may truely call him an extream bad husband if he lyes in a Flocbed; because hee meddles so much with Fowles & doth not feather his nest. There is no hope of his rising, though hee doth excell; for he rather seekes to make others ambitious of rising, then himselfe: and therefore though hee frames winges with Daeda [...]us, he thereby makes his Hawke onely fitt to aspire: Yet if any shall (by coniecture) take a flight from Paules Steeple; hee will (I suppose) as soone as [Page] any: for hee proues wiser already in the art of winges then Blad [...]d. I had rather (in the mean time) take his worde then his oath; for when he speakes without an oath, hee is not troubled with the passion of his Curres, or Haggards; and therfore cannot so well excuse it, if hee breakes his promise. As for Religion, shee is a bird of too high a wing; his Hawkes cānot reach it, and therefore not hee. And if hee flies to Heauen, it is a better flight, then any hee hath commended: There, I meddle not with him; thither hee must carry himselfe: for I can neither condemne, nor saue him.

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CHARACT. VIII. A Farmer

IS a concealed commodity: His worth or value is not fully known till he be halfe rotten: and then hee is worth nothing. He hath Religiō enough to say, God blesse his Maiesty; God send peace, and faire weather: So that one may gleane Haruest out of him to be his time of happines: but the Tith sheafe goes against his conscience; for hee had rather spend the value vpon his Rea [...]ers and Plough-men, then bestow any thing to the maintenance of a Parson. Hee is sufficiently Booke-read, nay a profound Doctor, if [...]ee can search into the diseases of Cattell and to foretell rain by tokens, makes him a miraculous Astronomer. [Page] to speake good English is more then hee much regards; and for him not to contemne all Arts and Languages, were to condemne his own education. The pride of his House keeping is a messe of Creame, a Pigge, or a green-Goose: and if his seruants can vncontrowled finde the high-way to the Cup-boord, it winnes the name of a bountifull Yeoman. Doubtles hee would murmur against the Aurelius victor de vir: illust: fo 264. [...] Grachus tribunus plebis, leg ē tolit, ne quis quingenta p [...]us habere t [...]ugera. Tribunes law; by which none might occupy more then fiue hūdred acres: For hee murmurs against himselfe, because hee cannot purchase more. To purchase Armes (if he aemulates Gentry) sets vpon him like an Ague: It breakes his sleepe, takes away his stomack, & hee can neuer be quiet till the Herald hath giuen him the Harrowes, the Cuckowe, or [Page] some ridiculous Embleme for his Armory. The bringing vp, and Marriage of his eldest Son; is an ambition which afflicts him so soon as the boy is borne, and the hope to see his sonne superior, or placed aboue him, driues him to dote vpō the boy in his Cradle. To petuse the Statutes, and preferre them before the Bible, makes him purchase the credit of a shrewd fellow: and then hee bringes all aduersaries to composition. If at length he can discouer himselfe in large Legacies beyond expectation, hee hath his desire. Meane time, hee makes the preuention of a dearth his Title, to bee thought a good commonwealths man. And therefore he preserues a Chandelors trea sure of Bacon, Linkes and Puddings in the Chimney corner. [Page] Hee is quickly and contentedly put into the fashiō, if his clothes be made against Whitsontide, or Christmas day: and then outwardly he contemnes appearance: Hee cannot therefore choose but hate a Lib 2. In [...]urop: tractatu. Quo Hisp [...]norum dignitas en [...]teat m [...] gis, illi in app [...]ratu & vestimentis omnia ponunt. Spaniard likewise; and (hee thinkes) that hatred onely, makes him a loyall subiect: for beneuolence & subsidies bee more vnseasonable to him, then his quarters Rent. Briefly, being a good house-keeper, hee is an honest man: and so, he thinkes of no rising higher, but rising early in the morning; and being vp, hee hath no end of motion▪ but wanders in his Woods & Pastures so continually, that when hee sleepes, or sitts, (I thinke) hee wanders also. After this, hee turnes into his element, by being too ventrous hot, and colde: then he is [Page] fit for nothing but a checkered graue: howsoeuer some may thinke him conuenient to make an euerlasting bridge; because his best foundation hath beene perhaps) vpon Wool-packes.

CHARACT. IX. An Hostesse

IS (if beautifull) the abatement of reckonings, or the second course: if a widow, she is the iourneys end of a weather-beaten Traueller: if ordinary, shee is the seruant and the Mistresse; but in generall, shee is a receiuer to all professions, and acquainted by experience with cookery, or sluttery. Bring inuited to her owne prouisions, shee prepares the w [...]y to mi [...]tigate her prises, either by exclayming [Page] vpon the hard times, or insinua ting the sublime price of Mutton. Shee must bee pardoned, though shee depart before supper is ended; for she is modestly ashamd to heare her sinfull reckonings. She professes the kitchin, but takes place in the chamber: and hauing interrupted the Guest with a cup of heartily welcome, shee signifies his sorrow, thogh it be manifest silence shee excuses the attendance by varietie of guests; and blaming the Maid-seruants, shee commends* That which agrees with a couetuous ma [...]s gaine, agrees with his conscience, ther [...] what [...] against [...] [...]rofit, go [...]s ag [...]inst his conscience. her self for the sole agent and you must conceiue amisse of the shambles, or butter-market vpon her honesty. Her chiefest knowledge is to distinguish vppon the trades of our belly; and though she condemnes a Taylor for lengthening his bill with bumbast, stiffening, silke and [Page] buttons; yet shee furnishes her own in the same kind, with wine▪ bread, sallets and cheese; and though shee seldome abate the price of reckonings, yet she can giue a morsell of her own into the bargaine, if that may satisfy. She chuses seruants also that wil giue the best content: and that shee insinuates though shee vn doe [...] a traueller. Shee may abhorre drunkennesse; but in her own house conceales it, and re ceiues the aduantage: neyther dares she reproue her husbands thirstie humor, least shee should loose her freedome; when hee resignes his power to lazinesse, by which hee was ingendred. Her husbands sloth makes her imployed proudly; being heartily ambitious of labour, if shee can boast well, that her paynes alone keepe her husband & his [Page] familie. She keeepes open house & therefore she thinkes a porter as much impertinent as laces to her placket. If her self be spunge and corke, shee hath a daughter or a Chaumber maide of luy. These and shee together make the best of a bad bargaine, and therefore shee asfoords no penny-worth which is not the best that can suddenly be bought for money. She seldome inuites costfree: for shee determines to bee paid commonly. If therefore she doth inuite, she is a rare woman; neither hath she any thing else to pleade raritie. Brieflie, shee is at [...]ing of cleane linnen that is the warrant of her cleanlinesse: She makes the welcome of a new, the farewell of an olde Traueller. She hcarkens ioyfully to the numerons footing of horses and hauing with a quick [Page] accent twise called the Chamberlaine, she is now busie about dressing supper.

CHARCT: XXII. A Tapster

IS an infernall: the Belzebub of a Sellor, and the very motion of a double Iugge. Hee was engendred by a Drunkards appetite and vrine. for nothing but his desire to fill and emptie, hath bred a Tapster. Hee is of a barmy disposition apt to cleaue, and therfore hee seekes to be familiar at first sight; but in stead of friendship he retains the names of customers: only betwixt Brewers men and him, there passes hungry and thirstie loue; consisting of Hollaud cheese & Rowles in [Page] recompence of bottle-ale, and strong Beere. You may call him swinish, for hee beares cheife sway among the hog sheads: and claimes authority among them to Iuxta horatianum illud in Epod. 13. Deus haec fortasse benigna reducet in sedem vice. Castig [...]ndus est hic Bon [...]i commentarius, qui delucidat hasce partiunculas quasi digressi [...]am consolation [...]m: at quám sapi [...] nunc [...] it [...] enim hic ost sensus. Deut sic prouidebit fortaise [...] illa idest dolia im [...]leta vinode quibus nunc [...] est loqut, quasi de recentioribus, reducanturi [...] locum buius vetust [...] [...], [...]ressi amico meo con [...]ule: et sic potius opinor intelligendus est [...]lle locu [...]. [...]emoue and preferre. Drawers and hee liue at variance; for hee thinkes the grape a disparagement to malt; and therefore he incounters Wine euen with the smallest beere hee hath, to affright the fortitude of Sacke, & Claret: But (which betrayes his stratagems) he gladly makes the Vintuers vessell his vassaile and Renegad [...]. Nay rather he farmes Diogenes his tenement; and, fearing he should bee dispossessed [Page] (I thinke) hee puts in a valorous tenant that will beate the mad Cinicks braynes out if hee dares Incounter. His riches are single, they consist of single money: his profession double, it consists of double Beere: but then his faculties are againe so single, that if he leaues the sellar, hee must begge [...]: for ignorance and lazine [...]t haue bin his education. Meane time hee is kept from Robbery by exchange of single peeces: and yet he disables himselfe in exchang vnlesse hee expects nothing by delay. He feeles the same sorrow to heare you discommend his liquor, that hee doth to see you depart. * It goes against his conscience to see the cup stand quietly; and against his stomack to see you preferre Mutton before powdred-beefe. He is a prettier [Page] fellow of his handes then any of the guarde: for giue him leaue to draw apace, and hee will strike down twelue gards. He hath an ambitious memorie which cannot deceiue him, because hee hath taught it to deceiue others: for his aboundance of memory, and his meaning to get [...] stocke, labour to get a super [...]uous two-pence in the reckoning. He would make an asse of Kelly if he were liuing: Kelly wrought vpon somewhat; but this fellow makes money of meere nothing: for hee gets by froth, and emptinesse. His brain swarmes with a tempest of bottle reckonings; which makes him carelesse of hats: least hee should breed an impostume, by inclosing their multitude; else hee is afraide least the hot and moyst reckonings he carries in [Page] his head, shoulde dissolue his felt, and therefore he goes vncouered; else to shew hee reuerences the Cellar and weekedayes, more then the Church or Sabboth; for then onely hee playes the Turke, and puts on: else (which is indeed the reason) he knowes all commers claime his dutie, and therefore he walks bare headed to saue a labour. He attributes the scant measure of his Iugge, to the Cellars dark nesse, and his sauing nature; but rather then he will iustifie both, he hath a certaine slight or hand to fill the first [...], and so a voyds inquisition. All his conscience is, that he dares not cast away Gods good creatures; and therfore he preserues the droppings to make a compound He is an ignoble wret [...]h: do what you can, hee will couson you [Page] with his Can. Of his prayers and religion, I neither finde any thing, nor will I leaue any thing, written. But I belieue strongly, that in stead of Praying, he wishes to heare men desirous of Collops & Egges, or red Herrings. And therfore I thinke he should thriue best in a sea voyage; because he commends the relish of meats seasoned exceedingly. His bladder is more capable then his greasie pouch; and more immoderately widened. He hath nothing to commend his literature, but Brachigraphy, or the science of short writing, which hee practises vpon the barrels head, or behinde the doore: the meaning whereof he expounds, but doth not discouer the rules. If he dares defend his function in Winter, he must prouide an Orator: for he [Page] speakes coldly for himselfe, as being troubled with a common hoarsnesse to betray his vigilance. Briefly, you must imagine him a light fellow, and like the corke, which swimmes with moysture, is supported with liquor, and tyed about the bottle or iugges neck: there, or neere about that, you may finde him personally.

CHARACT. XI. A Lawyers simple Clarke

IS his Masters right hand, if hee bee not left-handed: or the second dresser of Sheepskinnes: one that can extract more from the parchment, then the Husbandman from▪ the Fleece. He is a weake Grammar [...]an; for he beginnes to peirce, before he can construe [Page] well: Witnesse the Chambermaide. Neither can you discommend him: for his best education hath beene at a dull Writing-schoole. Hee doth gladly imitate Gentlemen in their garments; they allure the Wenches, and may (perhaps) prouoke his Mistresse: but then hee must bee a customer to Cookes shoppes, and lowe Ordinaries, or visit the Broaker, to bespeake Silke stockinges, without which he thinkes Gentry doth much degenerate. hauing done thus (if his cloake did not reueale him by instinct) he might passe suddenly for a Gentleman presuming on which, & his plausible discourse, he dares attempt a mistresse: but if hee chooses worthily, he feeles himselfe worthily contemned, because he woes with bawdery in [Page] text; and with Iests, or speeches stolne from Playes, or from the common-helping Arcadia. Hee may be reasonably commaunded by his maister in attendance: but if hee rides with a Cloake bagge, he thinkes himselfe disgraced behinde his backe. Hee may bragge of the Vniuersitie, and that hee hath commenced; yet hee can hardly tell you by learning the Strabo: [...]ib. 1 [...]. [...] talus rex Mysiae [...] bliotheeam Pergam [...] oppleuit ducē tum mille generibus librorum: In Forum autem vsum pelles ouinae comparatae fuerū [...]; q [...]ae adhuc ob [...] t [...]ntummodo causam vocantur Pergamens. first vse of Parchment; though it concernes him neerely; for being once in a Colledge, and now a Clearke, it seemes plaine that he was an arrant rakehell. Howsoeuer, he is otherwise a peaceable companion: for as hee continually makes agreement, so himselfe sits quietly, by his Embleme of meeknesse, the sheeps-skinnes; except the itch troubles him. You can make no [Page] question that he is prouided to dispatch readily; for hee hath his businesse at his fingers end. He may pretend Scholership: but all that is nothing vnlesse you compare it with a Iugglers, and then hee may seeme cunning: for hee doth exceed a Iuggler in the slight of hand: being able by his cleanly conneyance, to remoue the possession of lands forty miles distant. He trembles therefore alike with all Handicrafts, (though he most valerons) to thinke if he should offer violence in the Court: for vpon his Palmes & Fingers depend his In-comes. He is no vain Disputant: this knowledge is positiue ingrossd, and so vpon record. Selfe-conceit in workes, he refuses: for hee labours about nothing which is not iustifiable by Presidents, [Page] either of West, his maister or a teacher. In the cōpasse of which three he tyes his approbation of witt so narrowly, that I cannot blame him if hee condemnes this Character, for (vpon my knowledge) hee can finde no such thing in the Presidents. Then hee doth not seeme to delight in a retired life: for hee sits alwaies in the most outward roome of his maisters chamber. He may be very much tēpted to pick & pilser; for Legit vt clericus cannot be applied to any man so fitly. He is not ashamed of what he doth: for hee regards not to haue a finger, but a whole hand in the busines. To which purpose you may see his name subscribed in Court, after sealed and deliuered. Hee doth relye vpon his maisters practise, large indentures, and a deske to write [Page] vpon. He can shew little or no signe of humil [...]ty like his degraded lodging in the trūckle-bed; which hazzards many s [...]eabites, and the violent ayre of his Maisters feet. Westminster likewise doth not altogether not concerne him: hee hath a motion thither, and a motion there: Thither hee moues by way of iniunction from his Maister: there hee moues in the cōmon place of breake-fasts, for reliefe of his stomacke; and if hee can match his breake-fast and dinner without grudging of his stomack, he hath his desire. He is a follower: for he weares a liuery, but no seruant, for hee payes his owne wages. If he bee drunken you must say hee staggers, to auoide aequiuocation: for when he is sober hee makes Indentures. Seruing himselfe, hee [Page] serues God by occasion: for whilst hee loues his gaine, a [...]d serues his desire of getting, hee hates idlenesse. If his Maister thriues, hee cannot doe amisse; for hee leades the way, and still rides before. Hee is the Sophister, or Soliciter to an Atturney; & from himselfe hee proceedes to an Atturney: that is his commencement. So that a Clearke in thesi, is an Atturney in Hypothesi.

CHARACT. XII. A Pettifogging A [...]turny

IS a fellow at your commaund for ten groates, and hath no inheritance, but a knauish forme o [...] vnderstanding. Hee is extreamely graced if he talke with two vel [...]et cloak'd Clients in fiue [Page] Tearmes: and desires to salute great Lawyers, in view to purchase reputation. He is indeed the vpshot of a proud ignorant Clarke, and retaines his learning from Paenall Statutes, or an English Little: on. He doth multiplie businesse, as a tinker multiplies worke, with mending: and in a Michaelmas tearme, hee will seeme more bus [...]e about offices, then a [...]lea at midnight in the midst of summer. He is a better commoditie to himselfe then Stockfish (being well beaten.) His chiefe inuention is how hee may take brib [...]s from both parties, & please both fashionably: how he may cousen his friends to all aduantage, and giue the glosse of good dealing: if his wickednesse thriues well, hee proues a te [...]rible Asse in a Lions skin: but whilst he out dares any [Page] man and forgets himselfe to be a buzzard, his considence deceiues him: Hee keeepes a tro [...] ting pace to signify imploymēt. Chancery lane is his loome: for in the tearme he runnes nimbly from one end to the other like a shuttle to weaue mischiefe. Subpaenaes, Executions and all Writs of quarrell be his bondslaues. Hee doth naturally exclaime vpon Poets and Players; they are too inquisitiue about his cousonage. Hee commends Diuinitie; but makes the professors simple men when they submit to his mercy: hee still preferres the authority of a Statute where it makes for his purpose (though mistaken) before God and a good conscience. His Religion is the Kings continually: And he would willingly come to Church on Sundaies if hee [Page] had ended his Declarations. He is in [...]atiatly giuen to get by any man hee deales with; so much, that he will scarse borrow ten shillings, vnlesse he may get ten pence. His chiefe pride is to be haue himselfe better then he is able, and chiefely in deliuering of his charge at Cou [...]tleetes: where hee assumes much peremptorie state, and knowes the audience cannot appreh end where hee stole his lesson: and then though his minde bee not in the Dishes, it is in the K [...]tchin. There is such a neere vnion betwixt him and fees, that if ignorance hath made him spare a deceite in ouer-burthening his client, hee thinkes hee hath not done as he should doe, and that hee deserues miserably to bee laught at. His highest ambition is an Innes of Court, an old rich [Page] vviddow, and the Stewardship of L [...]etes, and still he hopes to be the first of his name: He loues lit tle manners but where he hopes to saue, and there he playes the [...]ychophant. Hee had rather eate still then wipe his mouth: rather (I meane) see [...]e meanes to multiplie, then to repent his olde couse age. hee thinkes nature may iustifie his dealing though he proues somewhat bold with his kindred; & therfore hee will couzen his own brother before any man. His almes bee oulde Shooes for Broomes: one for another: for without receiuing he neuer giues. His discourse is commonly attended with a Sc [...]re facias, and he is ashamed in his heart when he heares of a cunninger knaue then himselfe. Briefly, hee is indeed a meere Atturney, sit for all turnes that [Page] any way enrich his Cofer: for he hath [...]nauery enough to cosen the people, but wit enough to deceiue the gallowes. Howsoeuer being too busy about his common baite of lucre (thinking to snap at the diuels glowworme, (he is catched in his common noose, the Pillory, from whence he is deliuered: but the Hunts-man markes him for an old breeder.

I might heere accuse some excellen [...] Atturneys (though they be good patterns of their countreys knowledge) because they [...]could not in my former impression take this Character without scandall to themselues and honesty: and yet I pardon their mistaking: Because it is no [Page] discredit for a good Atturney to be no good Logitian.

CHARACT. XIII. A crafty Scriuener

IS the curse of mans crafty dealing: Hee is a curious workeman, and may be free of the Lock-smithes: for full of Instruments hee is, and Engines: and makes Manacles for any mans wearing aboue Twenty One. His first ambition commonly is to ioyne forces, and make vp his defects of pollicy, and custome by partaking in anothers proiects: Then doth hee readily aspire to frequented places, a conuenient shop, the notice of his neighbours, and so engrosse credit, or some text Widdow, by the Nouerint of his Grogrengowne: [Page] A cōmon Strumpet neuer fawned so much on a young h [...]ire, as hee with flattery obferues the Vsurer, and with nice dutifull care to preserue him, makes his rotten hide, the chiefe Indentures that containe his Title. Obligations bee his best prayers: for hee cannot tie God to performe conditions, or put in suertyship. His friendship hath a Counter-maund of being too honest; which hee wil obey, rather then not saue by the bargaine. Hee is the safest man from danger in the ped [...]gree of rapines; for first, the Gallant liues by sale and Countrey Tenants; the Citizen by the Gallant; the Scriuener and the Deuill vpon both, or all: so neitherliues by losse with the Gallant, nor vpon trust, with the Citizen: His condemnatiō is a knot [Page] of Seales and their Impression: the first discouer to him a conformed vnity; yet none hath more hand in the procuring of variance. The last d [...]scouers a tractable nature, which giues & takes impression Of the [...]irst (that is to giue) he knowes no meaning but when he giues the print of his fist, that it may sticke by elder brothers a whole age: Of the last (that is to take impression) he knowes none but a wrong meaning: for the best seale that imprints loue in him, is onely the Kings picture; and that loue continues no longer then he beholds it. His quills and instruments betoken peace: you cannot therefore expect more valour in him, then to win ground by the aduantage of weake Prodigalls, and such as runne away from thristinesse: they be most [Page] importunate with him: with them he preuailes most: to them he sels his extortious nature at the highest value, because they be most willing to make it their peny-worth. Is it possible hee should escape damnation, when his whole trust and dealing is in great Security? Hee will suspend his neerest familiars, and not absolutely resolue them what he is able to doe; in hope to purchase a supper or some prouoking remtmbrance: and if hee be brought to testifie against his Vsurer, he will counterfeit his knowledge, worse then a commō Bawd that is questiond by an Officer about whoores. I know not how he should be trusted in his dealing: for when he promises to do much for a spēd-thrifts bribe, hee writes against him soon after, by making that Bond, [Page] which he knowes will be forfeited. His memory is his own; another cannot safely trust it, in reckoning the day of payment: for he reckons what he can saue, by renewing the hazard of a second forfeit, not your los [...]e by the first: and so he ouer-reaches you, by ouer-reaching the time, when you trust his memory: If you trust him therefore you may feele the forfeite, and pay largely for an acquittance. He may perhaps helpe a friend in aduersitie, but he will be damnd first; by helping more for profit sake then friendship. His learning iumps iust with, or falls sometimes short of an Atturnies; being onely able to repeate the asore-said forme to thousand purposes: So all his mystery indeed is nothing to encrease his Art, but his Policy, [Page] or plaine knauery: And that being serued in, to the worlds banquet, represents a large Foxes head, and a little Sheepskinne in diuers dishes. It is the totall of his Creed, that nothing should be iustified, or called lawfull, which hath not hand and Seale: that makes him exercise Hand and Seale, as the warrant for deuises of his head and Soule. He neuer rayses the spi rit of a Prodigall by charmes, but he together rayses the spirit of māmon a Citizen; and then this potent coniurer bindes them both fast in a Quadrangle. Hee will seeme to know the Statute and common Law; but commonly the construction failes him (for he lookes to his owne aduantage) except the law hath practised vpon his hearing, to teach the comment when he [Page] mistakes the Law. Hauing at length beene a long Auditor to the sweet lecture o [...] Vsury, hee loues the matter so well, that he becomes proficient, graduate, and professour in the Science: but after generall profession he approches quickely to his center (from whence he sprung) Nothing.

CHARACT. XIIII. A wrangling Welch Client

IS a good Iourney-man, if not a good Foot-man▪ He is the onely friend of [...]awyers (i [...] they be Welch begotte [...]) and still sollicites them for a Iudgement. But we may credibly thinke he will entertaine English Lawyers [Page] likewise; for he makes the contention of Wales exceed the wranglings of Norfolke already. His valour is, that he can by no meanes carry coales; and is euer therefore fittest for an action of the case. When hee expresseth (as oftentimes hee doth) bountie to out-braue his aduer [...]ary before his Counsell, then doth he rather and indeed expresse a spightfull arrogance; manifesting that he beleeues himselfe to be a kinsman of Cadwallader, though he deriues his pedegree from the dust of ninetynine generations: and he thinkes himselfe ennobled by the conceit of Owen Tudor as much as if they had beene brothers children. When hee visits offices he will drawe such a number of purses (if his aduersary be present) that you may [Page] thinke he hath cutt or found a douzen in or betwixt Wales & Westminster. His pride lies wrapt vp in a clout betweene his legges, or in a pocket in the Armehole: from thence hee drawes his Angels to feed his Lawyer, though himselfe sleepe supperlesse. (Howsoeuer) hee is content to be his owne Cooke; and though his dyet be slender, yet his money and victuals lie within a clowtes thicknesse: which might excuse him from a beggerly want of food, but rather detects him of a beggarly pride. It is impossible he should eate much: for the least prouocation makes him so froward; that you may verily thinke hee hath eaten her pelly full of Wasps and Salamanders, euery houre in the day. But he saues many meales in cheesemongers [Page] shops; by tasting often: and when he hath disliked all, hee contents himselfe with a parcel of two peniworth at the Cha [...] delors. He makes the Tearme his time of Pilgrimage, and Offices at Law, the Shrine where hee offers vp his douotion: Which (after he hath ended his voyage) amounts to voluntary pennance; for he travailes bare-foote. Though he bee long in trauaile and tarries late, yet nothing can be recouered by default of apparance: for invndations be his perpetuall affidauit: and he sweares [...] was ouerflowed with a witnes; when all the country about complaind of drynes. The profit which he giues to English Law yers, he giues generally to the Lawes profession: that proceeds from his language, which to [Page] the credit of Innes of Court, and Lawe French, he vtters harshly, with great amazement of beholders. His body is so proportioned to his minde, and his clothes to his body, that you cannot finde a fitter modele of enuy in the most beautifull worke of Spencer: For as [...] pines away her c [...]rcasse when another thriues, so cannot she be cloathed better then (as a Welch Clyent is) with spoiles of innocence; Erise; or cotton. The best thing about him worth commendation is, that he cannot long dissemble his cariage and malice; for he goes without a cloake continually. A peece of Parchment and a Seale throughly paid for, sat [...]sfies him presently in stead of iudgement; but otherwise he spends his faith vpon the hope of costs: [Page] And if he dies before execution, he scarce hopes to be saued.

Many of the nation were offended lately with this Character, which nothing doth concerne them; if they had saued their fury, they might haue beene thought wiser-men.

CHARACT. XIIII. A plaine Country Bridegroome

IS the finest fellow in the Parish; and hee that misinterprets my definition, deserues no Rosemary nor Rose-water: He neuer was maister of a feast before; that makes him hazard much new complement: But if his [Page] owne Maister bee absent, the Feast is full of displeasure; except in his latter dayes he grew rebellious. He shewes neere affinity betwixt mariage and hanging: and to that purpose, he prouides a great Nosegay, and shakes hands with euery one he meets, as if he were now preparing for a condemned mans voyage. Although he points out his brauery with ribbands, yet he hath no vaineglory; for he contemnes fine cloathes with dropping pottage in his bosome. The inuitation of guests, prouision of meate, getting of children, and his nuptiall garments, haue kept his braine long in trauaile; if they were not arguments of his wooing Oratory. He inuites by rule within distance, where he hopes to preuaile; not without [Page] some paraphrase vpon his meaning. But (howsoeuer) he seemes generous: for nothing troubles him, or takes away his stomacke more, then default of company: yet in his prouision he had ra [...]her take away your stomacke then fill your belly. As for his children if he begets aboue three, he may beget for Gods sake to store the Parish. And yet his rayment (for the time) must shew much varietie, The Taylor likewise must be a vexation to him, or his cloathes would neuer sit hansomely: But (aboue all) a bridle in his mouth would serue better then a Pickadell; for if you restraine him from his obiects, & the engine of his necke, you put him into the Pillory. He hath long forecast with his Sweet-hart in some odde corner of the [Page] milke-house, how he may goe the sparingest way to worke when he marryes: and he hath only that meanes to make her beleeue he is a frugall good husband▪ but though he meditates a twelue month, he cannot finde wisedome to spare halfe a yard, in the length, of his faire troublesome cloake. He must sauour of gallantry a little; though he perfume the Table with Rose-cake; or appropriate Bone-lace, and Couentry-hlew. He hath Heraldy enough to place euery man by his Armes: But his qualitie smels rancke with running vp and downe to giue a heartily welcome: Blame him not though he proue preposterous: for his inclination was perhaps alwayes good, bu [...] his behauiour now begins: which is notwithstanding (he thinkes) [Page] well discharged if when he dances, the heeles of his shooes play the Galliard.

CHARACT: XVI. A plaine countrey Bride

IS the beginning of the world: or an old booke with a new Title:

A quarters wages before hād and the title of a Countrey Dame be the two Adamants of her affection. Shee rises with a purpose to be extreamely sober: this begets silence, which giues her a repletion of aire without ventage: and that takes away her appetite. Shee seemes therfore commendably sober vnto all: but she driues the Parson out of Patience with her modestie, vnlesse [Page] he haue interest, or be inuited: She inclines to statelinesse, though ignorant of the meaning: Her interpretor, taster, caruer, and Sewer, be therfore accidentall: and yet without these, she were an Image to the assembly: all the good ornaments that she hath to grace her when she is married; be the seuerall tunes of ballades & songs besides halfe a douzen tales and prouerbs, with as many tales & rid [...]les; and guilt rases of ginger Rosemary and Ribbands be her best magnificence. She wil therfore bestow a Liuery, thoug she receiues back wages: behauiour sticks to her like a disease; necessitie brings it, neither can shee take pleasure in the custome: & therfore importunacie with re petition, enforce her to dumbe signes: otherwise you must not [Page] expect an answere. She is a curteous creature: nothing proceedes from her without a curtesie. When the wedding dinner is ended, she hath a liberty from that day forward, to talke of weaning Calues and fatting poultrie among the housewiues to her lifes end. She hath no rarity worth obseruance, if her gloues be not miraculous and singular: Those bee the trophy of some forlorne sutor, who contents himselfe with a large offering, or this glorious sentence, that she should haue bin his bed-fellow. Her best commendation is to be kist often: this onely proceeds from her without interruption. She may to some seeme very raw in carriage: but this becomes noted through the feare of disclosing it. She takes it by tradition from [Page] her fellow Gossips, that she must weepe showres vpon her marriage day: though by the vertue of mustard and onions, if shee cannot naturally dissemble: but good simplicity hath not taught her the Courte-inuention, to squeake loude enough on her marriage night likewise: So Shee hath little or nothing to confirme her honesty: besides that which plaine innocency affords. Now like a quiet creature she wishes to loose her Garters quickly, that she may loose her maiden-head likewise. And now she is layd.

CHARACT. XVII. My Mistresse

IS a Magicke glasse: In which you may discerne va [...]ities of the world, her selfe, and other [Page] women. She is a most intricate female text; and though her workes bee common, yet you may longer and with lesse perfection study her meaning then the common law: For she is ready to giue a new, before you haue learned the olde lesson. Shee hath a multitude of seruants and suffers all to bee before hand in their wages that they may still continue seruiceable. She may be truely said afayre one; for like some Faire of a dayes length her beautie spreads at morning and vanishes at night. The truth is I first began to looke vppon her, because shee said shee loued a Poet well, and was in part a Poetresse: for which good quality I might haue loued her likewise but she was onely good at long Hexameters, or a long and a short euen for varietie-sake; which [Page] came so full vppon Ouids amorous veine, that I despised her meaning. You may well trust her that she will proue fruitfull: for she is a vessell made for burthen; and is therefore light in cariage. her affection toward sweete meates haue made her like a sugar chest apt to take fire. She had her education vnder a great Countes; and if she could leaue the Courtship shee learnt whē she was a waiter, she might quickly proue a reasonable good womā. Her body is (I presume) of Gods making: & yet I cānot tell, for many parts therof she made her selfe. Her head is in effect, her whole body and attire: for from thence, and the deuises there ingendred, proceedes her blushing modesty, her innocent white teeth, her gawdy gownes, her powdred hayre, her yellow [Page] bands, her farthingales, and false Diamonds. All these together, and a quicke fansie commend her function: for Fidlers and Painters bee full of Crotchets. Shee is well acquainted with games, and is so farre confident they be lawfull, that shee makes no more conscience to couzzen you, then to handle a paire of Cards. She is alway loose-bodied; conserue of sloes cannot binde her. You need not make the question whether she can sing; for visitation will teach you, that she can scarce leaue singing. And as for dauncing, she wil aske the question of you. She hath the trick of Courtship not to bee spoken with; to take Phisicke, and to let her mountebancke bee the best ingredient. She hath at idle houres handled Phisicke points her selfe: and if [Page] any man aduentures on her receipts, hee will hardly scape a scowring. She is better then Greshams Almanacke to foretell seasons: When she complaines of head-ach, it signifies faire weather: for then she is meditating to deceiue some honest Gull: and when she complaines downewards, of the winde collicke, it signifies an vncleane season. suspecting that a fresh suiter hath or may bee ill informd of her conditions, she will protest before-hand that she was once troubled with a sixe moneths timpany. Her wit is Dainty because seldome: and whatsoeuer is wanting in the present delicacie of conceit, she makes good by rehersal of stolne witty answers, euen to the seauenth edition. She purposes to trauell shortly: But her meaning [Page] is to returne with some French commodity; and she will rather fetch it, though she may be furnished at home, because shee loues the cheapest ware, and the out-landish fashion. She doth ambitiously bragge of the respect shee found among my Lords followers; and (so hoping to perswade by credit of her education) shee giues any man a gentle warning to refuse her. Her generosity extends thus farre; to bestow loue, and looke for neither thankes nor requitall: because a Marmoset and little Dog are ignorant of both. These excepted, she neuer loued truly. Her morall vertues be a subtill thrift, and a thriuing simplicity. But whilst she makes the best construction of a matter, she would make likewise a thousand pound Ioyncture of [Page] her behauiour only, and Courtcariage. This bargaine is open for any man, who thinkes not the peny-worth doubtfull. And yet I must confesse freely she hath more goodnes about her little finger, then I haue about my whole body: I meane her Diamond. Her best Religion is to teach a Parret the Lords prayer; but the ten Commandements be a new matter: so that Petitions be more plausible with her, then Instructions at her owne request therefore I giue this to her looking-glasse.

CHARCT: XVIII. A Gossip

IS a windie Instrument; a paire of bellowes, or indeed two: for without her fellow, she is nothing. [Page] These labour ioyntly as at an Alchymists furnace, onely to beget vapours: she receiues and sends backe breath with advantage; that is, her function. Her end is to kindle; That is, to warme, or burne: she can do both. And being quiet, or not in contention, she is without her calling; that is, her company. Her knowledge is her speech; the motiue, her tongue; and the reason her tongue also: but the subiect of her conference is the neighbours wife, and her husband; or the neighbours wife and husband both. The modesty that I could euer obserue in her dealing, is thus much only: she must be twise intreated among strangers, before she takes downe a whole glasse. She is the mirth of marriages, and publicke meetings: [Page] but her naturall season comes in with a minc'd pye, at Christmas; when all may attend with leasure. She carries her bladder in her braine; that, is full; her braine in her tongues end; that she empties: It was washed downe thither with pintes of Muscadine; and being there, she looses it like vrine, to ease her kidneyes: which would otherwise melt with anger, if she might not speake freely. Being once a seruant, she then learnt to runne, or goe apace; that shee might tarry and take, or giue intelligence by the way. She aemulates a Lawyer in riding the circuite, and therefore she keepes a circuit, in, or out of her owne liberties: striuing to be both one of the Iudges, Iury & false witnesses: for she loues, to be vniuersall. She contemplates [Page] within, that she may practise abroad, and then she spewes vp secrets as if they were mixd with stibium: her reasons be colour; that she dawbes on euery Fable: Her truth is, to make truths and tales conuertibles: tales be her substance, her conceit, her vengeance, reconcilements, and discourse. Not one woman in the parish shall commonly be accounted honest without her licence: which must be purchasd by consenting to her motions. She makes euery new inhabitant pay the tribute of an inuitation, before she speakes well of him, or calls him neighbor: And by the vertue of a speciall mouth-glew, she cleaues readily to all acquaintance. To talke of Cookerie, or cleanlinesse, & to taxe others, is her best and onely commendation. Her [Page] lungs be euerlasting: she cannot be shortwinded: i [...] those would perish, she might be recouered. She is a like dangerous with the Poxe, to the towne where she inhabites: and being pledged, or admitted among the females she infects more easily. If she railes against whoredome, it sauours not of deuotion; for she is onely married, to escape the like scandall; from the doore outward. She is more fugitiue then a swallow: there is no hold to be taken of her in her owne house: A venison Pasty will drawe her all ouer the parish: nay her nostrill is so quicke, that she will discouer it though it be Mutton, within a miles compasse; and vexe all the neighbors with her impudence if she be not inuited. The buriall of a second husband giues her the [Page] title of experience; but when she hath out-liued three, she takes authority and experience both (as a Souldier that hath passed the pikes of three set battailes) for granted. Her commendable antiquitie reaches not aboue fiftie; for growing old, she growes odious to her selfe first: And to preuent the losse of company; (hauing liued vainly) she commences hostesse: that alone preserues her humour. A mungrill print would b [...]st expresse her Character: for she is indeed a mungrel woman or the worst part of both sexes, bound vp in one volume: seeing she corrupts the best by the vse of them.

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CHARACT. XIX. An old Woman

IS one that hath seene the day: and is commonly ten yeares younger, or ten years elder by her owne confession, then the people know she is: if she desires to be youthfull accounted, you may call her Mistres, widow, or the like: but otherwise old mother, Grandam, and such names that seale antiquitie: the first she takes well, if childlesse: the last neuer well, but when shee can speake wonders to grand-children of the third generation. If they please her, she hath old harry soueraignes, that saw no sunne in fiftie yeares, to giue away on her death bed. If shee bee not toothlesse, her teeth eate more [Page] then they chaw: for I presume they are hollow. She loues the vpper end of the table, and professes much skill in Cookery: shee thinkes it also some felicitie to giue attendance about sick persons: but is the common foe to all Physitians. In agues, aches, cough, and tissickes, she confidently will vndertake to cure by prescription: if her selfe bee vntainted. As for diseases which shee knowes not, she dares proceed to Dragon-water, Holy-thistles, Worme-wood drinkes, and Clisters, without the helpe of Galen, or Hyppocrates. if she blushes at the Sunne rising, her colour changes not till bed time: and some times though she drinkes down her break-fast, by dinner time her teeth be grown, and she wil seeme to chew the cud. Shee lusts abundantly toward young [Page] women, that shee may talke as dame regent; or fall into discourse of childbirth and midwiues. She may as safely walke amongst contagious Leapers, as into the kitchin; and smels infection, or perfume with the same nostrill. She hath perpetually the pride of being too cleanl [...]e or the adherent vice of being too sluttish. She affects behauiour in the brood of youth, and will divulge her secrets of superstition to any that wil be attentiue. She hath with many complaints of Aches in her hippes bought an Almanack to know change of weather. Enuy is to her an inseparable twinne, and though it be offensiue commonly to few, yet doth it oftentimes consume her selfe, and starue away her memory.

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CHARACT. XX. A Witch

IS the Deuils Hostesse: hee takes house-roome and diet of her; and yet shee payes the reckoning: guilty thoughts and a particular malice to some one person makes her conceiue a detestatiō of all: her policy of sequestration, to auoide iealousie of neighbours, detects her enuious spirit: for the melancholy darknes of her low cottage, is a mayne coniecture of infernals: her name alone (being once mounted) makes discourse enough for the whole parish: if not for all hamlets within six miles of the market. She receiues wages in her owne coyne: for she becomes as well the obiect of euery [Page] mans malice, as the fountaine of malice towards euery man. The torments therefore of hot Iron, and mercilesse scratching nayles, be long thought vppon, and much threatned (by the females) before attempted. Meane time she tolerates defiance thorough the wrathfull spittle of matrons, in stead of fuell, or maintenance to her damnable intentions: shee is therfore the ignorant cause of many Witches besides her selfe: for ceremonious auoidance brings the true title to many, although they hartily scorne the name of Witches. Her actions may well seeme to betray her high birth and pedegree: for shee doth quickly apprehend a wrong before it bee mentioned▪ and (like a great family▪ takes no satisfactiō which doth not infinitely counterua [...]le [Page] the abuse: children therefore cannot smile vpon her without the hazard of a perpetuall wry mouth: a very Noble-mans request may be denied more safely then her petitions for buttermilke and small Beere: and a great Ladies, or Queenes name may be lesse doubtfully derided Her prayers & Amen, be a charm and a curse: her contemplations and soules delight bee other mens mischiefe: her portion & sutors be her soule, and a succubus: her highest adorations bee Yew trees, dampish Churchyards, and a fayre Moone-light: her best preseruatiues be odde numbers, and mightie Tetragramaton: these prouocations to her lust with deuills, breedes her contempt of man; whilst she (like one sprung from the Antipodes) enioyes her best noone [Page] about midnight: and to make the comparison holde, is trodden vnder foote by a publicke and generall hatred; shee is nothing, if not a Pythagorean; for she maintaines the transmigration of spirits: these doe vphold the market of bargaine and sale among them; which affoords all sorts of cattell at a cheaper rate then Bankes his horse, and better instructed: but (like a prodigall) she is out-reached, by thinking earnest is a payment; because the day is protracted. Her affections be besotted in affection of her science▪ She would not else delight in Toades, Mice, or spinning Cats without deuersity: it is probable she was begotten by some Mounte-banke, or Wording Poet, for she consists of as many fearefull sounds without [Page] science, and vtters them to as many delusiue purposes: She is a cunning statuary: and frames many idols these she doth worship no otherwise then with greedy scorne: and yet she is a deepe Idolater. Implication is enough with her; to bespeake any mans picture, without his entreaty: for if it appeares that he can prouoke her, it implyes likewise that he desires to be remembred by her; and Images be a certaine memoriall. Shee seldome liues long enough to attaine the Mysterie of Oyntments, herbs, charmes, or Incantations perfectly: for age is most incident to this corruption, and destiny preuents her. But howsoeuer shee bee past childebearing, yet shee giues sucke till the latest minute of fi [...]escore and vpwards. If she [Page] out liues hempe; a wooden halter is strong enough: vnlesse she saues a labour. But God forbid that age, simplicity, and froward accusations should be a Witches tryall.

CHARACT. XXI. A Pandar

IS the scab of a common-wealth: surfeits raise him to a blister; necessity, and want of good Surgeons, make him a mattery sore; whilst time and Tobacco brings him to be a dry scale. He is commonly the vpshot of a yonger brother, who lackes Honestie and Inheritance; or the remainder of a [...]rodigall, who hath lost them and himselfe. His Etymologie is Pawne-dare: which intimates, [Page] hee dares pawne his soule to damnation; or his stolne parcels to the Brokers. Or you may call Pandar, quasi pinne the dore. Bawdy songs and he came both in together, for he is no generous companion except he can sing, and also compose stinking ditties. He hath beene a great hunter vp & downe in his daies, and therefore (it is no wonder) if towards a decay he become Warrener. Arts he studies not; neither wishes any but Rhetoricke to catch maiden-heads. He is the deuils Country-man or indeed acquaintance: therefore in the deuils absence hee proues his Deputie; and welcomes customers with fireworkes: a pipe of Tobacco, & a h [...]t Q [...]eane. He is a corrup [...] [...]: [...]or he hath made [...] deriuation of body. [...] [Page] Vsher-like attendance on Publike whores hath made Coaches frequent; to distingush them & Priuate Ones. His valour is expressed in blacke patches (much about roaring Boyes humour) but playsters, which expresse him more ventrous, hee conceales. He wishes to be the first teacher of a Nouice: and (being so admitted his Tutor) hee first teaches him to beware of adultery and theft, by bringing him into danger of both, before he deserues it. And with those two vices he doth first accuse him, because himselfe is best acquainted with those two. He may truely boast if he returnes from warre, that hee returnes wounded to the bones; for he was wounded so before he went. If he be married, hee hath diuorced himselfe, because [Page] his wife was honest, & so means to continue: or (being dishonest) because she was odiously deformed, not worthy to entice others▪ In the vacation time he teach [...]s his whores the knowledge of false Dice & cheating, by way of recreation; or he trauailes to get money with his Monsters at Sturbridge faire. His Greed is a matter of three Articles, and them he beleeues actually: First, that there is no God: secondly, that all women, and more especially that all Citizens wiues, bee, or would bee, common, or peculiar whores: and lastly, that all things are lawfull, which can escape the Lawes danger: good examples therefore preuaile with him, as showers among the stones they make him more slipperie & studious to deceiue the people: [Page] For the more people be seasond with good examples, the more ready he is to intrappe them; not to imitate. His Fellowships be retired, and within dores: for being abroad, he is a sober lumpe of villany; delighting vnsociably (like a Cut-purse, & for the same reason) rather in multitudes then ciuill numbers. The [...]awd and Hee, are chiefe cō federats: with whom together, (as occasion happens) the Constable hath standing wages to be an assistant; euery way as Hee being ready to disturbe or not disturbe their customers, a [...] they shall instruct him dangerous as the other two. Bowling allies, di [...]ing-howses, and Tobacco shops, be the Temples, which he and his fraternitie of Roarers, haue erected to Mercury and Fortune: In the two first, he doth acknowledge their Deity: in the last he offers smoaking incense to them both, in recompence of [Page] booty gotten by Chance and cheating. If the Gallowes be disappointed of his desteny; they can blame nothing but his tender bones, which could not brooke so long a iourney; or a whores quarell, whilst Wine was his Leader.

Honest men are afraid of him and knaues and whores bee suspicious of him; for he is an euill spirit▪ hee was neuer generally commended but when hee went to hanging; then hee was commended (doubtlesse) for a propperman: for euery fellow withan entire doublet is called propper man when hee rides to Tiburne.

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CHARACT. XXII. A Friend

IS one of the waightiest sillables (God excepted) that English or any Language doth afford. He is neerer to me then marriage, or naturall kindred of the same bloud; because loue without kindred or ceremony, is more to be admired; and by the consequent more precious. Marriage and Kindred goes oftentimes no further then the Name or Body: but friendship is annexed with vnanimity. My Friend therfore is either disposed (as I am) well: or well disposed to make me better. His multitude of acquaintance doth not extenuate his loue, nor deuide his affectiō. His lower fortunes be not distasted, not dissembled, nor swolne [Page] bigger then they bee. He must not be imployed in trifles and continually, like a seruant; nor with expectation, like a Sonne: For an absolute Friend will finish (when importance calles) It a me dijament, tardo amico nihil est quiequam iniquius. Plau. In [...]. Act 13. before he can be requested. He therefore among all, confutes the saying of Profferd Ware stinks Wares profferd: For what a Friend giues freely, either to preuent request, or to* Inuendibili merci oportot vl [...]ro emptorem adducere: proba meix facile emptorem reperit. ib [...]dem. [...] a modest silence) inchāts [...] party. Hee is much dearer, then my leggs and armes, for he is my body and my soule together. His honour is true loue: which being so, hee loues because he will not, & not because he cannot alter: That man cannot alter, who cannot with honesty disclaime affection; as being tyed with dotage or fauour [...] aboue merrit and requitall: But friends will not: which signifies [Page] that their loue depends vpon approbation of the naked man. A Friend therfore must be freely chosen not painfully created: for iealousies and feares intrude when fauours be not mutuall; if fauours bee the first beginning. He is manifest to me, whilst inuisible to the world: and is indeed much about the making of this Character; little in worth and little pleasing at the first sight. Hee is able and willing, to councell, to perform. A second meeting thinkes him fitt; A second tryall knowes him a fit Friend. The meere imagination of a friends loue is an inchanted armor: my heart is impenetrable whilst I weare the comfort: for whether I suruiue or dye, my Friend pre-serues me. Time nor anger can dissolue his amity: for either he submits and I pardon, [Page] or I submit & he pardons. Hee is like a true Christian, that vndertakes & suffers for Christs sake as a freind for his freinds sake with equall ioy, both credit and discredit, rest and trauaile. Being once had, a freind is full enough, and true a needles epithite: for I am his, he mine: and being so, we are one to another the best or no freinds. It is foolish Paganisme to worship the suns rising, which doth regard al alike with his Idolaters: and it is crazy dotage for any to honour that freind, who prostitutes his fauour to the Popular men cannot be perfect freinds. [...] seu beatitudo est perfect▪ [...] bon [...]m huma [...] actio [...]: Ethi [...]. worlds liking. A perfect freind, thinkes freindship his felicity: without which estimation, the neerest freindship, is but a sociable custome: for man hath neuer made an action perfect, vnlesse he drew felicitie from his actions nature.

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CHARACT. XXIII. A sicke Machiauell Pollititian

IS a baked meate for the deuill; and a dinner of dainties for Phisitians: the villany which makes him fit for the deuils banquet, is close and priuate: but his bountie to preuaile with phisicke is prodigall. He is in securitie a Contingē ▪ dicitur quod est, & poterat non esse: possibile, quod non est & potest esse. Mol: lib. 1. fol. 50 contingent Gull; in death a possible confusion: for sicknes lookes for him, before he looked for it; vnlesse he poysons himselfe: therefore he is taken vnprouided; so, proues a gull: And vpon deaths approach, he feeles a tumult within himselfe because he looked no sooner. He thinkes vpon his lifes proceedings, [Page] either with careles Infidelitie, or sorrow to be interrupted: and he fi [...]des no shifting pollicy to answere his lowd conscience, but only this, Arte hon [...]st a bene [...]iceat [...] in-honest ā [...] ▪ which being prou [...]d by many [...] deuises [...]s also ma [...] in the most no [...] table st [...]ry reckond by [...]. P [...]r [...] de mag [...] natur: of [...] fol. [...]. [...]estus: quivis homo [...] appel [...] [...]. ar [...] d [...]luditur arte: meaning that it was lawfull for him to cousen the world, which otherwise would haue consend him. Religious I cannot call him; * sacer I may call him iustly: for hee among the Romans was entitled sacer, who by the people was generally condemned; a [...]d such is the generall fortune of a Pollitician, when he growes sicke and toward a conclusion. In health he was like the Nimph Echo mentioned in Outds Fables: for he was alway deeply in loue with his owne pollicy; but pollicie [...] ver [...] in sonum [...] ▪ despising to be his safegard against sicknes, he turnes (as Echo did) into noyse: for [Page] none is spoken of, so much as a Pollitician neere his death. It is deliuered, that the [...] ▪ lib. 14. c. 8. Romans chose no Senatour till he had worne his age by likelyhood past the meaning and sence of pleasure: Destiny hath taken the same order with a Pollitician: For he is neuer admitted to his infernal dignity, til he grows decrepit; and almost weary of himselfe. But I admire how poyson should molest him: because he & poysō haue bene the most assured friends and familiars. The faculties of his soule are much indebted to the deuill: for he hath borrowed many darke inuentions from his patterne: and therefore like a Bankro [...]t he dares not walke abroad out of his body; least he should be arrested by the deuils officers. He may be truly likend to the [Page] couetous man; who scornes to be accounted poore, and is vnwilling to be accounted rich: A Pollititian likewise will not, in sicknes nor in health seeme careles of religion, as if he wanted piety; nor scrupulous in conuersation, as if he dealt only with Puritans. When he was lusty and in perfect health, his agents were like the Tinkers dog, which carries his maisters budget and knowes no meaning of the tooles: but when he falls sicke he makes euery messenger know his griefe. As Herodot [...] lib. 6. Era: 4. 18. si ex capite Simulacri flā ma [...] [...]ore vt vrbem ab [...] cap [...]ret, c [...] veró epec [...]ore fulgur extiterit id omne fuisse con [...]ectum quod deus [...] [...]ici vo [...] Cleomines interpreted the fire which brake from Iunoes Image, so may we interpret a Pollititians sicknes: If it proceeds from his heads deuises, as when he counterfeits to worke some subtlety, then we may looke that he will prevaile and recouer: but when [Page] his paines proceed really from the hart, we may then imagine that he can goe no farther. He makes me think of many Gamesters; who play cunningly while they can loose little; but when they hazard a round purchase, they proue arrant bunglers: and so the Pollitician is a most accurate gamester whilst hee doth only hazard some reparable fortune, but now he ventures the maine happines, life, he quailes and growes fainthearted. In health he presumes to be so much a man, that he will gouerne monarchyes and men: but being (as I haue superscribed him) Sicke, he shewes himselfe a little childe, which cryes most when it is vndressing, and made ready for the Cradle. His pollicyes were of a fine thrid, quicke and liuely: sicknes therefore [Page] lumpish, agrees worse with him, then durty weather and silke stockings. You may perceiue when honest men dissemble, easily: for they will seeme distracted and will stammer in conference: because they feele their meaning and their speech diuided; which pulls them two contrary wayes at once: But a curious Politician dissembles more intricately: because he will not listen to his hearts meaning, when he shadowes hate or piety with appearance: and therfore we are much beholding to his extreame sicknesse: for then hee is so farre from coulouring his anguish, that he discouers many more faintings then he needs. Death and sicknes makes him differ from a vegetable: For as a vegetable consists of Salt, Sulphur and Mercury; so likewise [Page] a Politician excells in three like properties: Wit, Sudden execution, and Enuy: but this makes the difference: A vegetable yeelds the qualities, when it selfe perishes: A Politician, when he is best in health. No maruell though he be danted when hee remembers the next world, though in a staggering beleefe: for by the warrant of potions, gloues, sallets, priuy stubbs, and false accusers, he hath sent so many thither before him, that hee may iustly feare they will sue an appeale against him. Sicknes and importunacy to recouer health layes him open to a double mischief; Death and Dishonor of manhood: For he tha [...] craues helpe where helpe cannot be afforded, suffers a double grie [...]e; want and dispaire: as hee that walkes vnder a narrowe pent-house to shield [Page] himselfe from raine, f [...]eles a double shower; droppings from heauen, and euesdropps. A Politician holds that opinion of aduancement which the [...] us Lae [...]us so 140. pars orbis septentrionalis prospera putatur ob altitudinem Roman South-sayers held of the Northside: he thinkes it fortunate because it is aboue the vulgar: and therefore is he most vnwilling to decline, because death makes Mors sceptra ligonibus oequat. Hor: carm▪ lib. 2. aequality. Howsoeuer it is vnto him a greater sorrow to meditate the way of death, then to be dead; for being dead he looks for no disquiet. But after death his name growes old with being odious, like that infortunate Rufus F [...] stus in breui ar [...]o fol. 372 captus autē Valerianus in dedecore Seruitutis consenuits Valerian, whose age was long, but taedious and disgracefull.

CHARACT: XXIIII. A Page

IS an abridgement of greater charges, sprung from the [Page] destruction of hospitality and surloignes. He had neede be wel garded: for he is too little to defend himselfe: and yet hee hath proued himselfe a tall champion; for he and a footeman haue driuen away many valiant Bucklers, and Blew-coates. When hee serues a Master, it may be the title of his function to bee squire of the body, for he waites neere about his person, and carries his weapons: being little hee is my Ladies Iewell: therefore shee thinkes him pretious; and finds no faulte with him but because he lacks weight: which is often times the weake reason why my Lady liues honest. Though hee bee little, hee hath a reasonable soule: but I can see little difference betwixt him and a Mounkey: they both serue to passe away time; and almost in the [Page] same manner: being either to be whipped or handled, or to be looked vpon. It seemes to me that his parents doubted of his long life; and therefore they take a course betimes that hee may know the world before hee dies, and learn experience while he liues: for before he grows to a yards length, he hath wickednede enough taught him, to damne a thrise bigger body with out originall sinne. He and a wench differ most in apparel He hath power to entise: for hee takes by gift a lease for yeers of Cupids diety▪ which ha [...]h continuance no longer then he is vnder growth. Among all of what condition and degree soeuer, he will be drunke most early and betimes in the morning: for he learnes to stagger at twelue and to bee dead drunke at fifteene: [Page] which is, to be drunke almost by fiue a clock in the morning: for fifteene yeeres of age, is three quarters past foure; reckoning foure yeeres to an houre from the natiuity. Hee belongs most commonly to the man; but hee is the womans play-fellow. Hee is much about the bignesse of Hercules his foote; the impression whereof (according to Herodotus) amounted to two cubits* [...] Hercules ostendunt petrae [...] sim [...]le▪ [...] ubitali magnitudine: uxta [...] [...]. [...]: lib 4. [...]. s. 288. length: But whereas the same author saith that the great region of Exampei afforded little worth noting besides Hercules, his foote, I may protest it afforded nothing in comparison of a Page: for that being a region of two thousand miles compas, had onely an impression of two cubits: but a Page in the little compasse of two Cubits, hath a whole worlde of Roguery: [Page] which hee may perhappes iustifie according to his Oath because he cannot well discerne that his oath is better broken then kept: & so does nothing against his conscience. He smells after the waighting-gentlewoman, as Fancy my Ladies dog, after the great Spaniell-bitch: he proffers sayre, but can doe little to the purpose. Hee speakes Bawdy freely as if it were his mother tongue: but he cannot bee so bad as his word. And thus by meere chaunce with a little dash I haue drawne the picture of a Pigmey.

I thinke it the most vnprofitable, inhumane, and wretched basenesse, to multiply the least afflictiō; much more to triumph in a great mans sorrow: if therfore thou didst expect some [Page] sawcynesse, like to the late elegies, vnder this title, repent thy folly before thou makest it knowne.

CHARACT. XXV. An honest Shepheard

IS a man that well verifies the Latine peece, qui bene latuit bene vixit: hee liues well that liues retired: for hee is alwayes thought the most innocent because hee is least publicke: and certainely I cannot well resolue you whether his sheepe or hee be more innocent. Giue him fat [...]e Lambes, and faire weather and he knowes no happines beyond them. He shewes most fitly among all professions, that Natura paucis con [...]. nature is contented with a little for the sweete fountaine is his fayrest alehouse; the sunny ban [...]e [Page] his best chāber. Adam had neuer lesse need of neighbors frēdship; nor was at any time troubled with neighbors enuy lesse then hee: The next groaue or thicket will defend him from a shower: and if they be not so fauourable, his homely pallace is not farre distant. He proues quietnes to be best contentment, and that there is no quietnes like a cer taine rest. His flock affords him his whole rayment, outside and linings, cloath and leather: and in stead of much costly linnen, his little garden yeelds hemp enough to make his lockrum shirts: which doe preserue his body sweetend against courtitch and poxes, as a scare-cloath sweetens carcasles. Hee giues the iust Epitome of a contented man: for he is neither daunted with lightning and thunder, nor [Page] ouer ioyed with spring-time & haruest. His duly life is a delight full worke, whatsoeuer the worke be; whether to mend his garments, cure a diseased sheep, instruct his Dogge, or change pastures: and these be pleasant actions, because voluntary, patient not interrupted. He comprehends the true patterne of a moderate wise man: for as a shepheard so a moderate man hath the supremacy ouer his thoughts and passions: neither hath he any affection of so wilde a nature, but he can bring it into good order, with an easie whistle. The worst temptation of his idlenesse teaches him no further mischiefe, then to loue entirely some nut-brown milkemaid, or hunt the squirrell, or make his Cosset wanton. Hee may turne many rare esteemed [Page] Phisitians into shame and blushing: for whereas they with infinite compounds and fayre promises, doe carry men to death, the f [...]rthest way about; he with a few simples preserues himselfe and familie, to the most lengthned sufferance of nature. Tarre and Honey be his mithridates and syrups; the which together with a Christmas Caroll, desend his desolate life from cares and melancholy. With little knowledg and a simple saith, he purifies [...]is honest soule, in the same manner as he can wash his body in an obscure fountaine, better then in the wide Ocean. When hee seemes lazy and void of action, I dare approue his harmles negligence, rather then many approued mens diligence. Breifely he is the perfect allegory of a most blessed gouernor: And he [Page] that wil pursue the tropes inuention, may make this Character a volume.

CHARACT: XXVI. A Taylors man

IS a Coniunction copulatiue: He makes things hang together; & when his master seperates, he reconciles. A man would thinke he might bee trusted; for hee goes thorough stitch with businesse. He sits brooding like a Goose vpon the shop boord, and hatches parcells out of peeces. He will be any mans sumpter-horse, between six and eight in the morning: and hee lookes for twelue pence, or a tester to bring men acquainted with their owne cloathes. He loues bread by custome; for it is a part [Page] of his trade to bee a binder Hee thinkes it no sinne to second his Maister: and therfore when his maister hath done stealing, hee begins. He doth or may resolue by vertue of his Indentures to feele a two-folde itch, though his indenture specifies faire vsage and cleane linnen: And he holds it lawfull to shrugg vpon the shop-boord, but rather then hee will wriggle before Gentlemen, he dares be bitten to the marrow. The Basilisk and Eagle cannot match his eye-sight: for hee can looke through buffe, or three-piled veluet, but with his needles eye. Hee will stoope to your very breeches to doe you good, though you disgrace him vtterly. He carryes alwaies about him the picture of [...]: [...] [...] Iuas repetitum vene [...] olim, Grex auium p [...]umas, mo [...]eat [...] da a colo [...] bus. Horaces crow: but hee perceiues no such matter: he weares his apparrell [Page] by leaue of the peoples ignorance: for if euery customer could challenge his owne remnant, hee would be stript naked. He needs not vse the Corn cutter; for the slip-shoe fauours him. Call his theft in question, and hee condemnes himselfe: for he pleads auncient custome; whereas Antiquity punish'd [...] furrunt tem [...] [...] [...] [...] ra [...]: ma [...] nec in [...]ndestum, e [...] con [...] qui [...] [...]urtum non manifestum duplionem lui [...]o. [...] [...]: apud [...]: close theeuery of that kinde, with a double payne. Hee hath little or nothing to plead christianity and courage, but sitting crosse-leg'd: Which property makes him reuerēce the Knight semplars, and thinke that his profession hath beene of the same order Hee hath no more courage then will serue to commend his owne workman-ship: And you may know as well whē a Blackamore is dead, as when hee dissembles by the countenance. [Page] He deceiues freely, with small discredit, and lesse shame; as some Phisitians that bee Noble-mens Panders: It is incident to the profession, and past finding out. Hee neede not wonder why the [...]owse should trouble his, more, then other Trades: for his garments haue more seames then two or three sutes together. Or you may think it reason, that he should be bittē outwardly with Lice, because hee scornes to be bitten inwardly with Conscience. Little familiarity serues to make him (as likewise all clownish Trades-men) your aequall, without the Heralds pitty. Tearing off his apparell, is the least wrong you can offer him: for hee hath his mends in his own hand. He can shew nothing to proue himselfe worth the name of Man; but his denomination [Page] of a Taylors man: Which argues most against him; and proues him to bee a Cowards coward: For being a Seruant, hee must feare his Maister, who feares all men of spirit. A paire of sheeres and a pressing Iron, are his cheife goods and purchase. You may sooner make his thimble holde water, without stopping, then his fancy keepe one fashion. Breifly he consists of shreds and remnants; yet oftentimes there goes but a paire of sheeres betwixt him and a Gentleman: For many Gentlemen consist of out-side, in which the Taylors man takes part.

CHARACT. XXVII. A Fidler

IS, when he playes well a delight only for them who haue [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] their hearing: but is, when he playes ill, a delight only for them who haue not their hearing; and is alwaies a trouble [...] Diogines calls a bad Mu [...]itiā the mo [...]nings Cocke; because al that heare him, rise, & leaue him. I ae [...]t. lib. 6. [...]ol. 176. to himselfe, because he heares too much: his head is wider then his braine, by so much as a Carriers boot is wider then his leg; much about halfe in halfe. Hee may best endure to fall groueling in a puddle: For it is part of his profession to be a scraper. He is like the Nomades, a wanderer from his child-hood: there is no certainty of his abiding: he cannot be bound prentise; for iourny-man-like hee trauailes from place to place, seeking to be set on worke before he hath learnt his trade. Being suddenly entertained without agreement, he is suddenly turnd out of dores, without giuing offence. He doth enquire out Gentlemens [Page] names and lodgings as if he purposed to lye in waite for an arrest: and the truth proues little otherwise: For he doth arrest men by their ears though they haue beene in the Pillory. he hath his morning, his midday, and his euening deuotion: Wherein praying for others he findes his owne blessing. His company stand like the foremen of a Iury, to giue in their verdict; and he doth alwaies make two or three shillings be cast; or as much as you please to giue him. He is not worth a fiddlesticke without nimble fingers; and they be the surest good quality to make him suspected. Hope of imployment driues him vp to London: and he thinkes that an vnlucky day in terme, which is not a day of hearing. He bids God giue your worship good morrow, [Page] in the most dolefull and scuruy fashion; that his musicke may relish the better. A new song and a base-Viall makes him. He deceiues with his commodity worse then a Tobacco-man: For he will vtter Peg of Ramsey, and the Maske of Lincolnes Inne, both for one prise. It is not materiall how soundly, but how long he hath laid time asleepe: for that is indeed his faculty; to be a temporall inchanter. He is a defended night-walker: and vnder priuiledge of Musicke takes occasion to disquiet men, who had rather sleepe, then heare him. disquiet is not all the danger he brings with him: for he can send his little spirit of Musick vpon a ladder of Lute-strings, into your priuate chamber: and enforce you to picke your own pockets that he may depart contented. [Page] He disproues the rule in Logicke; quod efficit tale magis est tale: The workman is more excelcellent then his worke: for he hath wit enough to tune his Viall though his wits are alwaies vntunable. Fidlers may haue the same conceit, which Potentiae Romanoru prior [...] viam aperuit, luxuriae posterior aperuit: Paterculus lib. 2. Scipio had among the Romans: the former Scipio increasd Romes power: the last, Romes luxury: and Fidlers at first were instruments of the warres; but now of ryot. Hee lookes more to be commended by the companies ignorance then his good Musicke, & more by their bounty then by their ignorance. His braines are (like the Mackerell) a drie meate; and and therefore they must be butterd with songs and ballads, or they bee worth nothing: the tunes warme his head, and keep it boyling: he doth apprehend [Page] tunes (as the Beadle apprehends beggars) when they be vagrant: that they may worke together in the bridewell of his noddle, to maintaine themselues and him. The tippets of his eare be noynted with an invisible Oyle of custome; which serues to catch tunes as birdlime catches flyes; and, being taken, one catches another. He dares intrude by vertue of his profes [...]i on, not of his vocation: For hee comes without calling: but he will neither proue a delight nor trouble to any man against his will: and therefore he beginns thus; Will it please you to haue any Musicke? If that Musicke rather please you, call for the Fiddler himselfe.

[Page]

CHARACT. XXVIII. An Executioner

IS a husbandman; belonging to that great Lordship of the world a prison. Hee goes to cart commonly with vs, in these quarters; and sometimes to harrowes with a hurdle. hee hath lawful reason to be lazy: for his haruest and seede time are at other mens appointment: malefactors are his graine; which sowes it selfe in mischief; while hee sleepes and dreames of no such matter: the sherife his landlord appointes the time of reaping: the ground about the gallowes is his garden plot: from whence he gathers. Hemp, Flax and woollen dressed ready to his hand. Vpon that fruitful bowgh the gallowes, he doth ingraft his medlars: when he gathers them [Page] he contents himselfe only with parings: for knowing that their inwards be good for nothing til they be rotten, hee buries them in the ground, that they may [...]ipen & wax mellow: but he cannot looke to enioy them: for they be neuer fully ripe vntil the resurrection. The blood of [...]arles and Barons, are as a fruitfull rayne to him: for it betokens & begets his plenty. With saplesse worme-eaten trunkes of [...]ereticks, he makes a bonefire; to signifie Gods gratious deliuerance of our king and kingdom, from the like danger: and when the peoples heads (like to the tops of trees) are ouer laden with sowre fruite, hee prunes their head▪ branches in the pillory. But when he pares away the top close to the trunke and body, it must be intended that the body [Page] and soule will flourish better within a while after. Vilaines turne hangmenn, as Serpents turne Dragons: a Serpens n [...]Serpentem com ederitnon fit Draco, serpent eats a serpent, before it is made aDragon: and a villaine hangs a villaine before he may be called Hangman. He doth obserue state in his action: for his place of presence is exceeding well hanged. The taylor cannot cousen him: his wardtobe affords choyse of garments. He resembles the gouernment of a notable tyrant▪ he lookes to the bringing vp of his fauourites, and helpes to their bringing downe: he hath many dependant followers: for (as the prouerb saith) hangman leades the dance: but he behaues himselfe towardes them like a cruell master: for when they haue once shewed him a slippery trick, he puls their [Page] cloath ouer their eares, & turnes them out of seruice. Hee is one of the most dangerous ignorant people (except the Maior and Aldermen) that keepes about corporations: there is no dealing with him vnder the prise of a broken ioynt▪ you may well thinke his weapons are vnmercyfull; for his Hangers are a deadly torment. He can dispatch and Execute past amendment: but the meaning of aduise he knows no [...] for who can tell mee of a hangman that giues counsell? he was neuer so much in loue with his trade as when the man preferd Tyburne before Burmuda: and I am halfe perswaded that if hee had but a balladmakers poetry, he would sooner make an Epitaph for that freind to the gallowes, then any prince in Christendom: till he turnes poet he [Page] may be thus furnished.

Here lies a wretch so louing to the rope,

He chose it rather then Bermudas hope:

I blush to thinke the fellow heere remaines,

He was soworthy to be hangd in Chaynes.

A Postscript.

THe presse hath, in stead of pressing faults to death, begotten many faults in spight of all my diligence: It shall be therefore the weakest part of thy iudgement (reader) to discerne the superfluity and defect of points, words, or letters. And for the few Latine quotations added in this last copie, it is left altogether to thy [Page] discretion, to thinke I meant to acknowledge euery part of allusions: And to distinguish this from the learning which lyes, in mother-tongue translations: But beware of trusting the margents; for they bee shamefully corrupted by the printers negligence. Turne ouer to the sixt impression of S. Thomas Ouerburyes wife; and you may find the mad-Dogs foame specified in my title sheet.

FINIS.

[Page]

Information about this book

Title statement

Essayes and characters, ironicall, and instructiue The second impression. With a new satyre in defence of common law and lawyers: mixt with reproofe against their common enemy. With many new characters, & diuers other things added; & euery thing ammended. By Iohn Stephens the yonger, of Lincolnes Inne, Gent.Satyrical essayes characters and others

Stephens, John, fl. 1613-1615.

Edition statement

1615

Publication

Publisher

Text Creation Partnership,

Place of publication

Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) :

Date

2004-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

ID [DLPS]

A12957

ID [STC]

STC 23250

ID [STC]

ESTC S117830

ID [EEBO-CITATION]

99853040

ID [PROQUEST]

99853040

ID [VID]

18403

Availability

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal. The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission.

Series

Early English books online.

Notes

(EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A12957)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 18403)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1035:14)

Source

— Essayes and characters, ironicall, and instructiue The second impression. With a new satyre in defence of common law and lawyers: mixt with reproofe against their common enemy. With many new characters, & diuers other things added; & euery thing ammended. By Iohn Stephens the yonger, of Lincolnes Inne, Gent., Satyrical essayes characters and others, Stephens, John, fl. 1613-1615..

Extent

[19], 125, 125-380, 397-434 p.

Printed by E: Allde for Phillip Knight, and are to be solde at his shop in Chancery lane ouer against the Rowles,. London :: 1615.. (Partly in verse.) (Originally published the same year as: Satyrical essayes characters and others.) (Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.)

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