Coach and sedan, pleasantly disputing for place and precedence the brewers-cart being moderator.

Coach and sedan, pleasantly disputing for place and precedence the brewers-cart being moderator.

Table of contents

Title page

To the Valorous, and worthy all title of Honor, Sr. ELIAS HICKS, KNIGHT, and one of the honorable band of His Majesties Gentlemen Pensioners in Ordinarie.

To the Reader.

To my worthy friend the Author.

A PLEASANT DISPVTE Betwene COACH, and SEDAN.

[Page]

A PLEASANT DISPVTE Betwene COACH, and SEDAN.

IT was just, about the time, when the Cu [...]kow (not daring to come neerer to the Citie then [...]slington) warned the Milk-maides, it was high time to bee gone with their pailes into Finsburie: and nodding to the Cheshire Carriars, told them if they made no more hast, they would not reach Dun [...]table that night; when my selfe with an English-Tailor, and a French-man (who newly were come out of France) where they had spent halfe a yeere to learne, and bring home the newest fashions there, to their Ladies heere in England) comming downe Iack- [...]apes lan [...], [Page] wee perceived two lustie fellowes to justle for the wall, and almost readie to fall together by the eares, the one (the lesser of the two) was in a suite of greene, after a strange manner, windowed before and behind with Isen-glasse, having two handsome fellowes in greene coats attending him, the one even went before, the other came behind; their coates were lac'd downe the back with a greenē-lace sutable, so were their halfe sleeves, which perswaded me at first they were some cast s [...]i [...] of their Masters; their backs were harnessed with leather cingles [...] cut out of a hide, as broad as Dutch-collops of Bacon, whereat I wondred not a little, being but newly come out of the Countrie, and not having se [...]ne the like before.

The other was a thick burly square sett fellow, in a doublet of Black-leather, Brasse-button'd downe the brest, Backe, Sleeves, and winges, with monstrous wide bootes, fringed at the top, with a n [...]t fringe, and a round breech (after the old fashion) guilded, and o [...] his back-side an Atcheivement of sundry Coats in [...]heir propper colors, quarterd with Crest, [...]Helme and Mantle, besides heere and there, on the sides a single Es [...]ut [...]hion or [...]rest, with some Emble [...]aticall word or other, I supposed, they were made of some Pendants, or Ba [...]ners that had beene stollen, from over some Monument, where they had long liuing in a Church.

[Page]Hee had onely one man before him, wrapt in a red cloake, with wide sleeves, turned up at the hands, and cudgell'd thick on the backe and shoulders with broad shining lace (not much unlike that which Mummers make of strawen hatts) and of each side of him, went a Lacquay, the one a French boy, the other Irish, all sutable alike: the French-man (as I learned afterward) when his Master was in the Countrey, taught his Lady, and her daughter French; Vshered them abroad to publike meetings, and assemblies, all saving the Church, whither shee never came: The other went on errands, help'd the maid to beate Bucks, fetch in water, carried up meate, and waited at the Table.

I seeing them so hot, and hearing such rough, and disgracefull words to passe betwixt them, and fearing they would presently have mischief'd one another, I earnestly desired the Tailor and French-man, to make haste along with me, to part them, and to see the peace keept, as it is the dutie of every honest subject; The Tailor fearing his skinne, and not having (as the saying is) halfe the heart of a man, tooke him to his heeles, and runne away; the French-man, under a colour to fetch the Tailor backe againe, ranne as fast as hee, whom to this day I could never set eye on. Seeing my selfe left to my selfe, I stepped in to them, and in coole and friendly manner, thus I began.

[Page]Gentlemen, albeit I am a stranger unto you both, yet the Law of Nations, yea and of Nature too, requireth that humane Societie should be maintained, the life of man preserved, and the peace of that Common-wealth, wherein wee live, by all possible meanes advanced; wherefore let me intreate you to forbeare one another, if either of you bee pleased to intimate unto mee, the ground and occasion of your grevance, I will doe my best to compose your strife: quarrells, both in this age and Kingdom, are growne poore and ridiculous; and to chalenge the field of any man, is either to choose his owne death, or an halter: It is true my my friends (quoth I) the times were, if one man had slaine another, hee might presently have taken Sanctua [...]y (usuall also among the Iewes) or being taken, have put in baile, or fled unto some private friend, where he might have kept out of the way, and have beene sheltred, untill by meanes of a Courtier, hee had procured his pardon, for a small matter; or else, as in Germanie and the Low-Countr [...]ys, have gotten some handsome young wenc [...] to have begged him for her husba [...]d (for if I bee not deceived, they love English-men well) but those dayes are gone, and the necessitie of our times, require stricter courses to bee taken; otherwise our streets of London, like Leig [...], Venice, Paris, Pad [...], Millan, Rome, and other places, would [Page] every night, ring with out-cries of blood-shed and murder, especially, being pestered at this time, with such varietie of sundry Nations, which till of late was strange to London, but as good lucke was, they had no weapons (save one whip) betwixt them both.

They hearing mee talke sensibly, and but reason, they began to bee som-what pacified; hee in the Leather, with brasse Studds and Buttons, demanding what I was; I told him I was a peece of a Schollar, and had seene the World abroad in my travells, in many Countreys, and was now returned to make use (for the good of my selfe,The end of Travell. and Countrey) of whatsoever I formerly had knowne, or seene; and here-upon I required his name.

My name Sir (quoth hee) is Coach, who am a Gentleman of an auncient house, as you may perceive by my so many quarter'd coates, of Dukes, Marquises, Earles, Viscounts, Baro [...]s, Knights, and Gentlemen, there is never a Lord or Lady in the land, but is of my acquaintance; my imployment is so great, that I am never at quiet, day or night: I am a Benefactor to all Meetings, Play-houses, Mercers shops, Taverns, and some other houses of recreation, for I bring them their best customers, as they all know well enough.

This other that offers mee the wrong, they call him Mounsier Sedan, some Mr. Chaire; a [Page] Greene-goose hatch'd but the other day; one that hath no leggs to stand upon, but is faine to bee carried betweene two, and whereas hee is able with all the helpe and furtherance hee can make and devise, to goe not aboue a mile in an houre; as grosse as I am, I can runne three or foure in halfe an houre; yea, after dinnner, when my belly is as full as it can hold, (and I may say to you) of daintie bitts too.

Sedan.

Sir, the occasion of our difference was this; Whether an emptie Coach, that had a Lords dead painted Coate and Crest, as Lion, Bull, Elephant, &c. upon it without, might take the wall of a Sedan that had a Knight alive within it: Coach swore hee would proove by the law of Armes, and all He [...]aldry, hee ought to doe it. I stood against him, and told him, it was against all Law whatsoever, and that our Master would avouch: hereupon, hee threatned to have us all put downe, and that I should not passe whe [...]esoever hee came, much lesse have any Precedence.

It is true, my name is Sedan, and I am (I confesse) a meere stranger, till of late in England; therefore if the Law of Hospitalitie be observed (as England hath beene accounted the most hospitable Kingdome of the World,) I ought to be the better entertained, and used, (as I am sure I shall) and find as good friends, as Coach hath any, it is not his bigge lookes, nor his nimble [Page] tongue, that so runnes upon wheeles, shall scare mee; hee shall know that I am above him both in esteeme, and dignitie, and hereafter will know my place better; but in the meane time, I will doe nothing without good advice.

Neither I hope, will any thinke the worse of mee, for that I am a Forreiner; hath not your Countrey Coach of England beene extreemly enriched by strangers: Who in your own opinions, have attained to perfection in any excellent Art, or Science, but they?The benefit this land hath by Strangers. Who makes all your delicate, and most excellent Pommanders and Perfume for our Ladies here, but Italians? Who fits our Lords and Ladies so exactly with varietie of fashions, even from the Perruke to the Pumpe, and Pantofle, as the French? And who so curiously skilfull (to the great benefit of this Kingdome) in painting of Paving-tiles for Chimneys, making conceited Babies for Children, Hobby-horses, Rattles, Bristle-brushes checkered blacke and white, for which wee are much beholden to the Wes [...]phalian Swine, and Spanish black Hoggs: with such varietie of Drinking-pots, Beades, and Whistles; to making of which, neighbour Coach, you know not how to turne your hand: Nay, whereas you, five or sixe houres together, are faine to stand wayting at the Court gate, Play-house, or you wot where; I am many times admitted into a Ladies chamber, had to the fire, dried, [Page] rub'd, and made cleane both within and without; but the plaine troath is (Coach) I will no longer bee made a foole by you; I will have it tried, though it cost me a fall, whither I bee as fit to walke the streets as you, or no, and to take my place ever next to the wall, when all the World knoweth, the kennell is your naturall walke.

I would (quoth I, it is true) have strangers well intreated, but not so to doate on them as ordinarily wee doe, as if we were guilty to our selues of such grosse ignorance, and asinine stupidity, wee should thinke nothing well done, except an Italian, French, or Dutch-man have a hand in it, (the best is) sounder judgements are not infected with this opinion; these are but the Fancies of fooles, and women.

But I now beleeve Sedan you are made a free denizen, and may safely passe wh [...]re you please with-out any cont [...]oule, or question about your freedome, and think your selfe as good as Coach, saving that hee hath more liberty then you, going abroad in the Countrey at his pleasure. For my part I am acquainted with neither of you, onely Signior Coach, some twenty, or fowre and twenty yeares since I knew you, by the same token your guide was drunke, and had not certaine Noble Ladyes by my advice, walked on foote over those little bridges betweene Gormanchester and Huntington on foote, they had [Page] layne (where you, and your man lay) over the head and eares in a River very deepe of Mud: these mischances I confesse befall you but somtimes, and that is, when your horses have beene watered in a Noble-mans-buttery, or a Marchants Cellar.

Beeing in this discourse comes whistling by with his Carre, a lus [...]ie tall fellow red-hayr'd, and cheekes puffed and swolne as if hee had beene a Li [...]colne-shire-baggpiper, or a Dutch-Trumpeter under Grobbendonck, in a Canvas frocke, a red-cap, a payre of high-shooes, with his whip in his hand: I calling [...]nto him, hee stayed, and asked me what I would, I craved his name, hee told me Roger Dudgin, and that his dwelling was at Puddle-wharfe; in good time, (quoth I) you may stand us in good stead to end a controversie heere betweene two strangers, yet I doubt not but you know them well-enough; what are they (quoth he?) why Coach and Sedan, said I, cannot agree for place and precedence. You are a dweller in the Citie, and may soone end the difference?

Car.

The Divell agree them for me, I can never goe in quiet for them, by day nor by night; they talke of Rattle Snakes in New-England, I am sure these bee the Rattle Snakes of old England, that keepe the whole Citie from their naturall rest; it is long of them that poore Prentices are raysed vp (before their houre) to their worke, [Page] when their Masters who have bin hard at it, at the Taverne overnight, would (but for their ratling) have lyen till nine or tenne; poore Maids who were raised out of their beds to washing or skowring of their Brasse and Pewter, cannot take a nap in their shops: Children that goe in a morning to schoole, or of errands in the streete, goe in danger of their lives. Noe man having his Chamber neere to the streete, can be private, or followe his studie, Coach, for your noyse; and in streets about the Suburbs, and places unpaved, you so bee-dash Gentle-mens Cloakes or Gownes, without all shame and civilitie; that let a man but come from St. Iames to Charing-Crosse and meete you in his way, one would sweare by his dirtie Cloake, he had come po [...]t from St. Michaels-Mount in Cornwall. I marvell whence we had you at first Coach; if you and all your fellowes were on a light fire upon Hounslowe-heath, the matter were not great?

Coach.

It were better a hundred such rascally Carmen as you were hang'd?

Carman.

Sirrah, you Robin-redbrest, wish your Lady to pay my Master for foure loade of Billets, which hath beene owing him ever since the great snow a twelue-month agoe.

Coach.

Well Iack-sauce, we shall talke with you, when you come back from Tyborne.

Car.

Nay I prithy Coach goe along with me. and I will have done with thee there presently.

[Page]Coach.

Sirrah, goodman rogue, pay my Master for an old Coach-horse, you had to put in your Carre; and heere's your companion Sedan, almost in as good credit in the Citie, as your selfe.

Powel.

Does i [...] talk against i [...] Master;Powel a Welch-man, one of Sedans m [...]n. pray you Master stay heere a little while, while i [...] runne to Shrewsbury, to fetch a Welch-hooke, her great Grand-father gave her father, when her was a great souldier to Sir Rice ap Thomas, at Milford haven, when i [...] Countrey-man, King Henry the s [...]ven came into Wales, it is in Shrewsbury, and lies over her hostesses beds head, at the signe of the Goate and the Greene Leeke.

Sedan [...]

Powell; you Welch-men are well t [...]mper'd, but you smell a little too much of the fire: Mr. Coach of Hackney, hath a cooling-card dealt him already; hee may walke now whither he will, to Vtopia, New England, or the Amazons;The Amazons fought on horsebacke, with Bowes a [...]d Arrowes, & their Semitars. for those Ladies, after they are weari [...] of riding, love to bee carried. Wee Sedans ma [...] now goe quietly by you, without nicknames, nor shall wee ever have halfe those curses of the people, you are wont to have; in every streete and lane, wee take up lesse roome as wee goe along; wee are of an easier charge, our journeys are short, we carrey no Lackquies, or Foot-boyes, when we are emptie, nor have we to doe with D [...] Turn-up, and Peg Burn-it, your [...]ilken wenches of Hackney, to car [...]y them to the Red-Bull, [Page] and other Play-houses, to get trading, or Citizens wives to St. Albanes, South-mimme, Barnet, Hatfeild, Waltham, I [...]ford, Croidon [...] Brainford, and other places, under a colour of seeing their children at nurse to banquet with their sweet-hearts and companions, the match being agreed upon a moneth before; wee pleasure the lame, sicke, weake, and impotent, women with child, and such as are corpulent and unweldly, and are not able to endure the jolting of a Coach, wee defend, and keepe Gentlemen, and Ladies from the fogge, and rotten mistes, that morning and evening arise in Townes and Cities, neere to great Rivers, and many other stinking and grose exhalations, which corrupt the lungs (as dewes and mistes rot sheepe) breed long and dangerous Coughs, and Catarrhes; the very breath wee breath, being nothing else then ra [...]ified water: moreover, wee are places fit for privacie, or meditation, where a man may reade or studie, even in the midst of the throng, and open street, which men in Law-suites, and businesse of weightie importance, oft times stand in great need of; beside, we have our name from Sedanum, or Sedan, that famous Citie and Vniversitie, belonging to the Duke of Bovillon, and where h [...]e keepes his Court.

Powell.

Nay, doe you heare mee Master, it is from Sedanny, which in our British language, is [Page] a brave, faire, daintie well-favoured Ladie, or prettie sweete wench, and wee carrie such somtime Master; but tou sone.

Carman.

Well, may a man now passe quietly by you both; hayt, stand up there.

Coach.

Carman be gone, and keepe a good tongue in your head, and while you live, give way to your betters.

Carman.

Never to the Devills Carter, while I live.

Coach.

Well well sirrah, there is a place called Bridewell.

Carman.

Yes marrie, where some of your fine carriage hath beene lodg'd many a time and often.

Powel.

This Rogue will never have done, shall I beate him Master.

Sedan.

Powell by no meanes, for that's the next way to bee beaten our selves; they are sturdie companions, and there is a world of them about the Citie.

Being all this while in such like discourse as this, the morning began to be well up, and people in the streetes to cluster about us, like the ballet-singers auditorie, when by chance, came by a plaine Countrie Farmer, who newly it seemed, had passed the Thames (for a Waterman followed him with a bag full of writings or such like) and demanded of mee what the matter was, I told him in briefe that there were [Page] two (well knowne in the Citie, Coach and, Sedan) fallen out about superioritie, and place, and in a contention, which of them should deserue best of the common-wealth.

Water-man.

Deserve (quoth the Water-man) they deserve both to bee throwne into the Theames, and but for stopping the channell I would they were; for I am sure where I was woont to have eight, or tenne, fares in a morning, I now scarce get two in a whole day, our wives and children at home are readie to pine, and some of us are faine for meanes to take other professions upon us, as some in frostie weather to gather Dog-wood for Butchers, to get burch and broo [...]e for beesomes, and sometimes to catch birdes with lime, or set springes in the marshes for water fowle, honest shifts, it is true, in necessitie. But wee are an auncient companie, and though the last in the ranke of companies, yet are wee the first and chiefe in getting our livings honestly (and as God commandeth) with the sweate of our browes, our profession is free from deceit and lying, which many trades are subject unto, and being the most of us strong of bodie, and skilfull upon the water, wee are able (and as ordinarilie we doe) to serve our Soveraigne in his fleete Royall, or armies by land, many of us being Westerne men, of Somerset, Glocester, Wiltshire, and and other places there abouts, who generally [Page] are esteemed the strongest, and most active men of England, when take one of your common, or hackney coachmen from his boxe, hee is good for nothing except to marry some old Ale-wife, and bid his old acquaintance welcome, to turne horse-courser, become a Gentlemans baylie or butler in the Countrie, or by meanes of some great man, get a place in an hospitall; I speake to shew the incertaintie of service: not onely in regard of them, but others.

Wee serve God and our King onelie, and some of us for countenance sake, or affection, weare the coates and badges of Noble-men, which dependance impeacheth not our liberties, no whit at all. The Coach upon the least error committed, either mistaking his way in an evening, the falling lame of an horse, though not his fault, breaking of a wheele, overthrowing his coach against an hill side, tree-roo [...]e, or the like, hee is presently sent to seeke a new master, yet are some of them growne so proud because they are advanced i [...] the streete above their Lord and Master, they cannot afford us inferior water-men (that labour beneath them in the liquid Element) a good looke, or a good word.

As for you, Master Sedan, you are the hu [...] bler, and I beleeve the honester of the two, I heare no great ill of you, nor have I had any acquaintance with your cowcummer-cullor'd [Page] men, onely I beleeve you are a close companion: and that you conceale most of our delicate feminine fares, in your boxes by land, that were woont to bee our best customers by water, for Coach his seentence is past, and except you tread evenly you may follow after.

Countrey-man.

Nay honest water-man give not so rash a censure, wee must not gainesay what the state tolerateth, for some reasons perhaps unknowne to us, neither will I enquire; my Sedan in the Countrey is a plaine Wheel [...] barrow, and my Coach my cart, wherein now and then for my pleasure I ride, my maides going along with me, with their Forkes, Rakes, and a bottle or two of good Bee [...]e, with an Apple-pastie, Potted butter, Churne-milke, bread and cheese, and such like, into the fields in Summertime to cocke corne, make hay, and the like; and now and then, on Faire and Market-dayes I walke with a neighbour or two to the Faire or Market, to buy, or sell, and having drunke a dozen of Ale amongst us, wee come home the same night, scarse feeling the ground wee tread on: and if our great Lords and Knights would use their leggs as wee doe, they would not (so many of them) bee troubled with the Goute, Dropsies, and other diseases, which grow upon them, through ease, fulnesse of Diet, drinking many sorts of Wine, and want of bodily exercise; I won [...]er in my heart, why our Nobilitie [Page] and Gentrie cannot in faire weather, walke the streets as they were wont, as I have seene the Earles of Shrewsbury, Darbie, Sussex, Cumberland, Essex, Northampton, with most of our Barons, without any disparagement to their Honours. Beside those unimitable Presidents of Courage and Valour, Sir Francis Drake, Sir Philip Sydney, Sir Martine Frobisher, Sir Thomas Bas [...]ervile, with a number others; when a Coach was as rare almost to bee seene as an Elephant: I would our Coached and Caroched Gallants, who think their feet too [...]ood to tread upon Mother Earth, had, or were ever likely to deserue so well of their King and Countrey, or could but shew those scarres, leave such a testimonie of their vertues to after-ages, as these Foot-men have done, who were the true sonnes of Honour: yea and many times have I seene some of them walke to the farthest part of the Citie and to invite them s [...]lves in love to di [...]ne [...] to [...]n Alderman or Mer [...]hants table, and other private houses as they thought good, as the Noble George E. of Cumberland to Master Garrets an Apothecarie in Lime-street, Sir Francis Drake to Alderman Martines in Cheap side, and the rest in like manner, where they were content with such as they found, and were each with other heartily merrie, and as truely welcome; having perhaps learned this of A [...]gustus Caesar, who would leave his Court, [Page] and goe eate and drinke familiarly in the private houses, of his Romane Citizens: for Majestie and greatnesse (like a bow) cannot stand so long extent but must have (by fits) a relaxation, and as the most daintiest dishes of flesh or fish, have commonly their sauces prepar'd of meane and course things, as onions, vineger, water and the like, so privacie and converse with inferiors among great persons, as also homely sports, and exercises, take off and sweeten the teadiousnesse of rugged cares and high emploiment: as when I was a Grammar-scholler our master to revive our spirits dulled with studie, would make us Comoedies, and because even now I spoke of Onions I will repeat the prologue of one of our plaies, which I my selfe spoke upon the stage, and it was this.

Even as the Duck in river navigable,

Is serv'd with Onions to a great mans table;

So, will wee doe our best to give co [...]te [...]t,

To the meanest of this rascall [...]ablement.

Which I pronouncing distinctly, and with a good grace I was mervailously applauded (by clapping of hands) of the multitude; maides tossed apples to mee, and our Schoole-masters wife offered me her bottle of Rosa-solis to drink, and I well remember too, at that time a Knight of our Countrie (who this last yeere married [Page] his Mothers Chamber-maide, (and birladie, maintaines her in her Coach, with foure horses) plaid the foole most admirably; yea, I knew a Lord, who journeying in the Countrey, would leape out of his coach, to play a game at stooleball with Country Wenches; and one time above the rest; when a Gentleman of his told him it was past three a clock, and that they had yet twenty miles to ride, hee called for a watch, and set it backe to twelve, now said my Lord, wee shall have time enough; I will have the other game.

And one thing (Coach) I am sure of, it was never good world with us in the Country, since you and your fellowes have so multiplied; the Devill of good house is any where kept, where you have to doe; and I have observed, where a Coach is appendant, but to two or three hundred pounds a yeere, marke it, the doggs of that house are as leane as rakes, you may tell all their ribbs lying by the fire, and Tom-a-Bedlam may sooner eate his horne, then get it fill'd with small dri [...]ke, and for his old almes of Bacon, there i [...] no hope in the world; I may tell you, some houses of thousands by the yeere, are become little better; when a poore labouring man that hath perhaps liv'd all his time in the parish, shall hardly get a loade or two of Hay to keepe his Cow al winter, but the Baily tells him his Lady cannot spare it from her owne Ki [...]e, [Page] and Coach-horses, and now adaies, wee must pay two shillings for a pecke of Oate-meale, which wee were wont to have for sixteene, or eighteene pence, and all long of Coach-horses: before (Coach) you came into request, one of these houses maintained sixteene, or twenty Propper tall fellowes, to march from the Kitchin to their Masters table, in their blew coates and Cognisances, every man carrying a dish of good meat, either boyld, or roast, now the case is so altered, that the Coach-man alone must take upon him three or foure of the prime Offices about the house; without dores, hee is Gentleman of my Ladies horse, and Coach-man; within, hee is Butler and chamberlaine; and if strangers come, perhaps some poore boy of the Towne is sent for to assist him, for the scraping of Trenchers, and emptying chamber-pots; who within a day or two must returne to the place from whence he came; and if (Coach) your man have ever beene versed in brewing, or baking, hee must undertake that too; I heard my boy, who is now at Cambridge, say out of Aristotle (which is well observed in your great houses now adayes) frustra fit per plur [...], quod fieri p [...]test per p [...]ci [...]ra. And by the Logicall fallacie, Compositionis et divisionis, they will make two eggs pa [...]se for three, and many times turne away their cooke for roasting a whole brest of Mu [...]ton to break-fast, when he should have roasted [Page] but halfe; as a great man both of ranke and revenue, some one or two and thirty yeeres since, set his cooke in the stocks at Huntingdon upon the very same occasion, as the cooke (fast by the heeles) told me himselfe, all this Coach I can impute to none other then your selfe, and your appurtenances; nay, let a man have never so earnest an occasion of businesse with your Knight or Ladie, at your houses, let him come at dinner time, hee may knocke his heart out ere any body will heare; and indeed, to speake truely, I blame them not, for, Venter non habet aures, saith the old Proverbe. I knew a Knight, an especial friend of mine, of himselfe a free and and a Noble Gentle-man [...] who lay sicke of a Burning-feaver, or Causos (as the Phisicians call it;) and a very skilfull Gentleman, both a Phisitian and a Chyrurgian, being sent unto him by a Iustice of Peace (his loving friend and neighbour by, in the countrey) who much tendred his health, the Physitian came at night, wringing wet in snow and raine, when his Ladie was at supper, where hee continued knocking, and could not be let in, but was faine that night to take his supper, and lodging at the next Ale-house in the towne, and before morning the good Gentleman was dead, whom blood-le [...]ting (the present remedie in hot-feavers) that night, by all likelyhood might have saved, hee being in his best yeeres, strong and able of [Page] body, of sanguine complexion, and his spirits not yet spent, or decayed by the vigor of the disease: and most lamentable it is, to see (upon fasting-dayes, or in time of Lent) how closely, the poore Eele, Haddock, and Herring are imprisoned, and so strongly kept up, within barred and bolted gates; that if a man would give [...]ever so much, as but to speak in private with any one of them, or whisper in his eare, hee should not bee admitted. And now I speake of whispering,A merrie tale of Mackerell. I remember a good fellow of Goose-toft, neere Boston, came to a Fish-monger in that market, who had Mackerels to sell (a fish very rare in those parts) and taking up a Mackerell in his hand, whispered in the Mackerills eare, then he laid the Mackerills mouth to his eare; which the Fish-monger observing, said; Friend doe you make a foole of my fish, and of your selfe too? No, said the fellow, I make bold, but to aske him when hee was at Sea, and hee tells mee not these three weekes, but this by the way.

And Coach, twice or thrice a yeare you must needes make a boone voyage to London with your Ladie, under a cullor to bee new cullourd, guilded or painted, covered, seated, shod, or the like, when her errand indeede is as one saith well, speaking to such Ladies, as love to visit the Citie.

[Page]

To see what fashion most is in request,

How is this Countesse, that Court Ladie drest:

In a funerall Elegie, u [...]on the C [...]u [...] tesse of Warwick, latelie Printed.

While yee your beauteous faces, so disguise,

Wee neither see, your fore-head, nor your eyes,

(That woont the seates, and Indices to bee,

Of Spirit, Love, and ingenuitie.

Like Dutch boores houses, where the straw hangs over

The low thatch'd [...]aves, & doth th [...] windowes cover.

Hence it happens, Coach, that by your often ambling to London, Sir Thomas, or Sir Iohn, sinks (as in a quick-sand) by degrees, so deep into the Merchant, Mercer, or Taylors booke, that hee is up to the eares, ere hee be aware, neither can he be well drawne out without, a teame of Vsurers, and a craftie Scrivener to bee the forehorse, or the present sale of some land, so that wise-men suppose this to bee one maine and principall reason, why within a Co [...]ch journey, of a day or two from the Citie, so many faire inheritances, as have beene purchased, by Lord-Majors, Aldermen, Merchants, and other rich Citizens, have not continued in a name to the third, yea, scarce the second generation, when go farre North or Westward, you shall find many families, and names, both of the Nobilitie and gentrie, to have continued their est [...]tes two, three hundred yeeres and more, in a direct succession (as in Cumberland, and N [...]rthumberland, the families of the Graies, Groystocks, Lowthers [...] Musgraves, with many other in Yorkeshire, [Page] of the Dacres, Scroopes, Nevell [...], Huddlestones, Savill [...], &c. The like may bee said of Lan [...]ashire Cheshire, Devonshire, Sommersetshire, Norfolke, Suffolk, and many other places [...]at remote from London) without racking or raising of rents; or inclosing of whole Townes, and Lord-ships: which every where (neighbour Coach) they say is long of you, and your costlie carriage.

As for you Sedan, I heare no great complaint of you, save that my Wife and Daughter thinks that you have made Say dearer then it was woont to bee, for whereas they used to buy it for sixteene pence a yard, you have brought it to two shillings [...] seven and eight groats, and and none of the best neither, and Co [...]ch I entreat you if (you beeing now banished the Citie) happen to come into our Countrie of Lincolnshire; let me know of it, that I may remove my selfe, tenne miles off from where you shall have to doe: Sedan because you are a stranger you shalbe the welcomer of the two; for as yet you were never seene in our parts.

But to be short, my masters agree as you can, I must follow my law occassions, and to tell you true I can skill of neither of you, and so fare-ye-well.

Sedan.

Coach doe yee see, how neither in Coun [...]rie or Citi [...], any one can give you a good word, you have carried your selfe well in the meane [...], have you not [...]

[Page]Powell.

Her would hang i [...] selfe before shee would have so great deale of ill words in the world.

Coach-man.

Welch-man keepe you quiet, there is no great feare, or danger of you, but when our Coach-ma [...]es and horses, are put to grasse.

Powell.

Sirrah you Grimalkin, who was a knave and a foole, when your Ladie being pig with schild, and could not endure the jolting of her Coach up that s [...]eepe stonie hill beyonnd Ferribrigges in York-shire, you made her sell two exellent stout mares, to buy a couple of ambling horses, beleeving as long as they ambled, shee could never bee jolted, where was her wit then.

Coach-man.

Well well Wood-pecker, wee shall meete with you when time serves.

Powell.

Ile meete her where and when her dare.

Heere I interposed my selfe and said before the companie; truely honest Coach (if I be not deceived in your name) I cannot see but you may passe well eno [...]gh, concerning that plaine Country man and his speach, you must know, that the common people of the Countrie affect not, very well, the Gentrie, nor the Gentrie them, there beeing a kind of Antipathy betweene them: First they envie Gentlemen, as living more plentifully and at ease then themselues. [Page] Invidus al [...]erius rebus macrescit [...]pimis: againe they doe not greatly love them, because Gentlemen hold them in a kind of aw, and they are fearefull to displease them. Oderunt quem metuunt. Thirdly if they bee tennants, their rents are often raised, if strangers, they ar [...] overlaid many times with leavies, and paiments either to the King, or some publique charg [...]s and occasion in the Countrie, and sometimes extraordinarie curtesies by great men (their neighbours) are exacted of them, which grumblinglie they yeeld unto, as borrowing their Carts, to fetch home (five or tenne miles off) Stone, Coales, Timber, and the like, sometimes their Cattaile to Plough their grounds, or helpe home with harvest, sometime they are troubled with bringing up a whelp or two, till they become ravenous [...]ounds, and undoe a poore man in his dayrie, and if they bee faulconers, they must afford them Pigeons, from their dove-coates, besides New-yeers-gifts, which are conditioned in leases, and with the yeerelie paiments of rent, as Capons, Geese, Henns, Lambes, Conies, Neates-Tongues, Pigges, Swannes, all manner of Fish, and wild- [...]oule, with a thousand such. I ommit the generall murmur, and complaint of the whole Countrie against them, for depopulation, inclosures, and encroaching upon publique commons; nor is it to bee forgotten, how in levies, [Page] ceasements, and charges of Armes at publique Musters, they can befriend themselves, and in the last place (as hee said truely, their miserable house-keeping, wherein had they beene, free and liberall, they might have made some part of amendes for the rest, but commonly the poore of parishes are faine to bee releeved, by the Farmer, Husband-man, and the middle ranke, or else they must starve, as many upon my knowledge did this last Snowie-winter.

I taxe not all, God-for-bid, there are numbers left, who with their fore-fathers landes, inherit their noble vertues, of Loyaltie, Fortitude, Bountie, Charitie, Love, to learning (learned themselves) and whatsoever is good or excellent. I condemne not, neither, the lawfull use of Coaches, in persons of ranke and qualitie, yea and in cases of necessitie: no more then I doe tilted Boates and Barges upon the water, they defend from all injurie of the skie, Snow, Raine, Haile, Wind, &c. by them is made a publique difference, betweene Nobiliti [...], and the Multitude, whereby their Armories without speaking for them, they are known and have that respect done to them, as is due to them: they are seates of Honour for the sound, beds of ease for the lame, sick and impotent, the moving closets of brave Ladies, and beautifull virgins, who in common sence, are unfit to walke the streets, to be justled to the ke [...]nell, by a sturdie Porter, [Page] or breathed upon by every base Bisogn [...]: they are the cradles of young children, to be convei'd with their Nurses, too, or from their parents into the Citie or Countrie. And if all Inventions have their just, and due praise from the goodnesse of their Endes, whereto they were ordained; surelie the Coach invented for the necessarie use and service of man cannot bee condemned, if regard bee had to those circumstances, of Person, Time, and Place.

Paule Tomorree going to the young Ki [...]g, lying at Viceg [...]ade, to complaine of the Frier, used Coaches first, being so called f [...]om a towne where they were made whence they had there name Kot [...]ze.Their first invention and use was in the Kingdome of Hungarie, about the time when Prier George, compelled the [...] Queene and her young sonne the King, to seeke to Soliman the Turkish Emperour, for aid against the Frier, and some of the Nobilitie, to the utter ruine of that most rich &c flourishing Kingdome, where they were fi [...]t [...]alled Kotoze, and in the Slavonian tongue C [...]riti, not of Coucher the French to lie-downe, nor of Cu [...]hey the Cambridge Carrier, as some body made Master Minsha [...] beleeve, when hee (rather wee) perfected that his Etymologicall Dictionarie, whence wee call them to this day [...] [...]the first (they say) that was seene in England was presented to Q [...]eene Eli [...]beth, by the Ea [...]e of A [...]undel [...], but whether it were an open Charriot, or covered over the head as our [...] [...]es now are I doubt, for such a one Q [...]eene [...] rode in, from Sommerset-hou [...]e to S. [...] to heare a Sermon, presently upon [Page] the victory obtained against the Spaniard i [...] Eightie-Eight. Master Nowell Deane of Paules Preaching at that time, when I remember [...]being then a Schoole-boy in London, abut tenne yeeres of age) so many Spanish-Ensignes, in triumph were hung up, that the leades of the Church, and houses round about, seemed to be veild or curtain'd round-about with Gold, Silk, and Silver.

Sedan.

It was a glorious sight indeede. But (quoth I) upon a more glorious occasion.

Talking in this manner, unexpected, there comes by a Morrice-dance of Countrey-fellows; away goes Powell, and takes the Maide-Marian, and the foole along to a Taverne, the promiscuous by-standers left us to follow the Morrice-dancers, when there steps in to mee, an honest plaine Countrey-Vicar, of mine old acquaintance, and claps me on the shoulder, calling mee by my name, and saying, It is a wonder to meet you heere in London, which I think you have not seene in these dozen yeeres.

It is true (said I) and somwhat more, and I find my selfe to bee a great stranger heere, for whereas heretofore, I could walke in some one streete, and meete with a dozen of my acquaintance, I can now walk in a dozen streets and not meete one, yea both in people and building, I find, N [...]vam rerum faciem.

Vic [...]r.

Yes, I dare say since you and I were [Page] first acquainted in Cambridge (the world is altered) it is a good while, I was laid hold on in an evening, by our Vice-master D. R. for whistling in the Court; and I told him (and told him truely) I could never whistle in all my life; you made answere, No sir, it was not hee; for could hee have whistled, his father would never have sent him to Cambridge [...] meaning, hee would have made a plough-boy of mee.

Let mee remember you likewise (said I) of another merrie accident when wee were boyes, and Sophisters in the schooles, when you, and two more of your old acquaintance, went one frostie morning to eate Blacke-puddings to break-fast, and wanting a penny of the reckoning to pay [...]or an odde pudding (having no more mony amongst you all three) you venter'd on it, and spet out a single penny that was buried in the Puddings end; so that by wonderfull fortune, the pudding payd for it selfe; and after you declaim'd upon, A [...]daces Fortuna juvat.

Vicar.

Come, these merry passages are gone and past, I am heartily glad to see you alive and well. And in good faith (quoth I) I am glad to meete with any of my old acquaintance, they are so rare in these parts.

Heere is a Gentleman, my friend, said the Vicar, who much desireth your acquaintance, hee is an excellent Surveior, limmer in Oile, and water colours; besides, a skilfull Musician [Page] both for song and Instrument, and you are met in a good time: So having saluted one another, I smilingly told them the occasion of mine Idle stay there at that time, which was a neighbourly office of [...]econciling Coach and Sedan, who in that place, fell fouly out with either, opposing each other to the utmost for place and precedence; neither would they yeeld a jot one to the other, without the mediation of friends.

Vicar.

Is he in the black, with brasen studds on his sleeves, wings, backe, and brest, called Coach?

Surveyor.

Yes, and I am sure, the other in the greene is Sedan; Let me entreate you (quoth I to them both) to talke with them, they will surely heare reason, if one of the Church (which I thinke neither of them cares for) shall goe about to perswade them.

Vicar.

I will. Sir, I understand your name is Coach.

Coach.

Men call me so about the Court.

Vicar.

Out of my love, understanding the time of your execution is at hand, and that quickly you must expect to be turn'd off; I come to give you the best admonition I can.

First, you have beene these many yeeres a lewd liver, accompanying your selfe with Pandars and common Strumpets, bo [...]h of Citie and Countrey.

[Page]Secondly, you have beene suspected for many robberies (I am sure you have heard of Madam A Lady that rob'd in her Coach by the Hieway. Sands) for there is not an High-way, streete, back lane, or odde corner in the Citie, or within five miles, but you are well acquainted with the same.

Mary are carried in their Coaches to execution.Thirdly, you bring many a one to the gallowes.

Fourthly, you never ca [...]ed for the Church, since all sermon-time wee heare you hurrying up and downe the streetes, insomuch, that the Reader of Devine Service, or the Preacher, can hardly heare himselfe speake for you; or say you bring your Lord, Knight, and their Ladies to Church, you stay in the streete, while your man commonly goes to the Taverne, or Alehouse, till service bee done.

Fiftly, you live not in love and charitie one with another, but give one another (if you are crossed in the streete, or in a narrow lane) the worst words you can; and another great fault you are guilty of (in the judgement of that late reverent Iustice, Sir Edward Cooke) you will in no place give way to the Carre and Cart, your elder brethren.

Sixtly, if you have gotten your cup (like Iehu) yee drive as if you were mad, and become very dangerous in the night.

Surveyor.

Mr. Vicar, these are but personall faults, you conceive not what dammage the [Page] State receiveth by Coaches, and how the whole Common-wealth suffereth in their increase and multitud [...]; now if it please you, I will shew you wherein.

They first consume an infinite quantitie of ou [...] prime and best leathe [...], which also by reason of the d [...]cay of Woods, and consequently of barke for Tanners) Leather is growne extreemely deere, and hardly that which is principall good, to be gotten for any money.

Againe, wee can hardly have a young Ash grow till hee bee seven yeeres old, within forty miles of London, but hee is cut off before his time for the Coach-makers use, in spokes for wheeles, beames, bodies, and the like.

More-over a wonderfull quantitie, of our best broad-clothes is consumed and wasted, about the lining of Coaches, and their seates. I ommit, other superfluities of Lace, Fringe, Guilding, &c. Last of all, and which is worst of all, and withall speed (if it shall so please his Majestie) to bee redressed, the breede of o [...]r best horses in England, are reserved, or rather bought up in Faires and Markets, onely for the use of the Coach, hence it comes to passe that at any generall Muster taken of Horse, you shall see so many arrant Iades showne, Scarce one in tenne serviceable, some send thither their ordinarie saddle Geldings, and Nagges, some their Cart-horses, where you shall see their [Page] necks and sides miserably gall'd with collars & traces, and their riders Serving-men or ploughmen, just answerable to their horses.

I speake I confesse the more freely, because I know what belongeth to horse-manship, and have beene my [...]elfe an horse-man, and in service beyond the seas, in somuch as I dare say, no Nation in Europe, is more back-ward and carelesse in breeding and managing horses, then we in England, God bee blessed for our peace, Quid postera ferat di [...]s nescimus: if it would please his Royall Majestie (which with my selfe all true Subjects ought from their hearts to wish) to command our Coach-horses, instead of hearing a Coach rattle at their heeles, to listen to the Trumpet, I beleeve the poore beastes themselves would be better pleased, and since they cannot speake, expresse their joy by bounding and neighing, as they ordinarily doe, when they are to goe upon service, and are by the Trumpet call'd to charge the enemie; or if their Noble owners are desirous, to get as good as they can for their Coaches, they should provide as many other, as good fit and able, alwayes to bee in a readinesse, [...]or his Majesties service.

I speake not as if I did altogether, condemne, and disallow of Coaches in the generall, wee know that the Kings, Princes, and Nobles, of Israell, had their Charriots, equivalent (at the [Page] least) to our richest Caroches, it is most fit, [...]nd requisite, that Princes, Nobilitie, the more eminent and abler among the Gentrie should bee allowed their, C [...]ches, and C [...]rr [...]es, and [...]ll others who hold [...]y place of Dignitie, either in Church [...]r Common-wealth, a [...] our Bishops, the Reverend Iudges, Doctors of Divinitie, Law, Phis [...]cke with the chief [...] M [...]gistrates of E [...]inent and Honorable Citie [...] [...]ith others of like and equall ranke, but what I pray you [...]e the Coaches of these few, to that multi [...]ude at this day in England? when in L [...]nd [...]n, the Suburbes, and within fou [...]e miles comp [...]ss [...] without; are reckoned to the [...]umber of six [...]housand and odd.

I easilie (quoth I) beleeve it, whe [...] i [...] cert [...]ine places of the Citie [...] as I h [...]ve often observed, I have [...] I have there, the w [...]y [...] with [...] C [...]h, t [...]o o [...] th [...]e, t [...]at wha [...] hast, or businesse soever a man hath [...] hee mus [...] wait [...] my Ladie (I know [...]ot whose) le [...] [...]e (who is in the ne [...]t shop, buyi [...]g penda [...]s for her eares or [...] colle [...] for her [...]ogge) [...]e he [...] can find any passage.

The mos [...] eminent places for stoppage, [...]e Paul-ga [...]e into Che [...]pside, Lud-gat [...], and Lud-gate-hill, especially whe [...] the play i [...] done [...] the P [...]iers, then Hol [...]or [...]e-Gundoit [...]nd Holborne-bridge, [...]villanou [...]ly pe [...]ered with them, No [...]er-la [...], S [...]ith-fi [...]l [...], [...] Coe-l [...]ne [...]ending [Page] all about their new or old mended Coaches, then about the Stocks and Poultrie, Temple-barre, Fetter-lane and Shooe-lane next to Fleet-street; but to see their multitude, either when there is a Masque at White-hall, a Lord-Majors feast, a new play at some of the play-houses you would admire to see them, how close they [...]tand together, like (M [...]tton-pies in a Cookes-oven) that hardly you can thrust a pole betweene.

My Masters quoth I, wee have a great deale of talke, and discourse all this while about nothing, heere comes one that if you will be rul'd by mee, shall determin [...] the quarrell without more adoe, because our occasions call us away, about weightie [...] emploiments.

With that, comes up unto us a lustie tall fellow, sitting upon [...] axel [...]r [...]e betweene two mō strous gr [...]at wheeles, drawne by a great old jade blind of an eie, in a leather pilch, two emptie beere-barrels upon a brewers sling [...] beside him, and old ble [...]-cap all bedaub'd, and stincking with yest, a [...] the spurging of beere, him Coach, and Seda [...] knew, as soone as ever they saw him (for it seem'd they had beene old customers of his Masters, and true stakes to the beere-barrell) [...]ee seeing them familiarly talking together, I cra [...] his name: my name is Beere-car [...] quoth hee; in good time, you may (said I) by me [...]es of your [...] acquainta [...]ce with these [Page] two, Coach and Seda [...]; doe a good office and reconcile them, being fallen at difference, who should be the better man, and deserve the most respect, my selfe and these gentlemen, have laboured what we could herein, yet can wee doe no good.

When according to our relati [...]n, hee had heard the whole substance of the busines, hee shooke his head, saying, will this never be otherwise, I made you friends once before, when you were together by the eares at Charing-crosse, and you vow'd to either (and dranke upon it) you yould never square, and fall-out againe, but Live, and Love as bretheren, but let that goe if you will once againe, wholy referre your selves to mee, and promise before to morrow at night to enter into bond, to stand to my censure and agreement, before these honest-Gentlemen (who are strangers to me) I will set you straight, and make all quiet; are you not mad men, to wrangle and fall out in the streete, to draw boyes and wenches and every rascall about you, to wonder and laugh at you? Coach this is your fault, you are cholerick and cannot forbeare; and Sedan, you thinke your selfe so countenanced at the Court, that such a one as my selfe dare not speake or meddle with you, but I would have you know, I am of auncientes standing in England then both of you, I came into England in Henry the Seventh [...] time, what [Page] time I was brought into this land with Musi [...]k: my brother Al [...], is farre auntienter then I, and was in England,Beere and vlols de gamba came into Englād both in one yeere, B [...]itā ni, potus genus habent quod Alicam vocant. Plini. as I have beene told by Schollers, in the time of the Brittans and Romans; but what doe we talke of our antiquitie, let us boast of our Goodnesse and Strength, which makes us to bee so well thought on, and beloved where ere wee come.

But let these things passe, are you content to stand to, and heere my verdict, and will promise to observe what I in reason shall propound, and so to make a finall end of all controversies betwixt you.

Coach and Sedan.

With all our hearts.

Serveior.

We are h [...]re, th [...]ee or foure, witwitne [...]es, and shall ca [...]rie the newes unto your best friends, who surely will bee glad of your reconcilement.

Vi [...].

Now Master Beere-cart, since you have taken upon you to be [...] moderator betwixt [...]hem, let us heare th [...] conditions you meane to propound for their [...]greement, because wee are not like altogether to meet againe.

Nay (quoth I) ho [...]e [...]t [...]eere-c [...]rt, will have a c [...]re of his credit, a [...]d doe nothing but what shall bee just, and right, I dare say.

Beere-cart.

Nay, if I doe other-wise let mee never walke upon London stones, or see Saint Kathari [...]s againe, there [...]re understand me well, and heare what I shall say.

[Page]First, Coach and Sedan, you both shall reverence and ever give way to Beere (or Brewers) Cart, wheresoever you shall meete him, either in Citie or Countrie, as your auncient and elder brother.

Secondly. You both againe shall be constant custome [...]s to Cellars, Innes and Ale-houses, as being the upholders, and principall maintainers of Brewers-Cart.

Coach,

you shall now and then give your man leave to take a nap at noone, especially, when your Lord or Lady, is to see a masque at the Court, my reason is, when he is fast a sleep upon his box, his Curtaines are commonly cut off, and his Cushions stollen.

Thirdly. See your man give his horses their due allowance, in Hay and Oates, and that he beguiles them not, to maintaine his wench, or follow the Taverne, beside charge him to keepe their manger cleane, without dust or feathers.

Fourthly. More-over give him especial commandement, that while he is drinking Wine, his horses want not water.

Sixtly. Againe Coach, if your Lord or Master, bee disposed in an evening, or any other time, to goe to an house of good-fellowship (the rude and unmannerly multitude call such Baudie-houses) and your Lady or Mistris, when you come home, aske where you have beene; you shall say, your Lord or Master hath beene turning [Page] and looking over some Bookes in a French liberarie.

6. You shall leave altogether your old wo [...]nt, that is, when your Knight or Ladie or both, are gone to the Church, suffer your man to goe to the Ale-house and there to stay, till prayer or Sermon bee done, but see him a Gods name goe to Church, to learne to serve God better, and to mend his manners.

7. Your man also shall leave that old knavish tricke, of tying a horse haire very straight, about the pastornes of your horse feete (which presently will make him halt) then to tell your Master hee is lame, and will not serve his turne, procuring after some horse-courser to buy him at an under price; then sell him againe, and after you two share the money betwixt you.

8. Speake well of Water-men, and offer them no wrong, besides know they are a Corporation, and boats were before Coaches; I will undertake for them not to hurt you, they are my friends, and acquaintance, and I deale much in their Element.

9. If your Lord or Knight, be invited to my Lord Majors, the Sheriffes, or any other great or eminent mans house to dinner (because wee know not in these times who wee may trust) let your man be sure to search and examine the celler well, for feare of Treason.

10. If Coach, you happen to goe to a [Page] Christening, or any publique banquet, see that you turne your man loose like an Hogge, under an Apple-tree, among the comfitts and sweete-meates, and let him shift.

11. Leave in any case that ill custome yee have of running over people in a darke night, and then bid them stand up.

12. In Terme times, you shall drive in the streetes faire and softly: for throwing dirt upon Gentlemens clokes, and Lawyers gownes going too, and comming from Westminster.

13. You shall have an especiall [...]are, of little children playing in Summer time in the streets, greens, high-waies, and such places, you shall endeavour to keepe your selves sober, from over much drinking, for by Coach-men overtaken with drinke, many have lost their limmes, yea some their lives.

14. You shall carrie none without leave, of your Lord, Lady, or Master.

15. You shall not Coach (as you are accustomed (take up into you every groome, and lacquay, to lie tumbling with his dirtie feete upon your Lords Velvet, or cloth Seats, and Cushions, but let their leggs carry them in the open streete, with a mischiefe.

16. You have a trick, and custome (which I wish were amended and reformed) that if your Knight or Lady be out of the way frō home, out of the Citie, for some spending money to carrie [Page] tradesmens wives, waiting-maides and young-wenches: somtime to Brainford, to Barnet, Tottenham, Rumford and such places, to meete, and to be merry with their sweet-hearts, while all the way they goe, they sit smiling and laughing, to see how the poore inferior sort foote it in dirt and mire, and hereby they grow so prowd, that ever after they accoun [...] themselues companions for the best Ladies.

17. Coach, if you are to goe a journey, twenty, thirty, or more miles into the Countrey; see that you are provided of all necessaries [...] that your Lady and her women may stand in he [...]d of by the way, you know what I meane, and never be unprovided of a bottle or two, of the best Strong-waters.

18. You shall be no hindrance to poore people, who shall demaund and aske the charitable almes of your Lord or Ladie, much lesse revile them, or lash them over the fa [...]es with your whip.

19. And honest Coach, at my request, be very careful in going over [...] places, quicksands, unknowne waters, and narrow bridges.

20. If a man of manlike behaviour and fashion, casually fall lame by the way, or by some accident be wounded, whereby he is unable to travell, you sh [...]ll out of Christian Charitie, imitating the good Samaritane, take him up, helpe him wherein you can, & [...]ar [...]y him [...]o hi [...] Inne.

[Page]21. You shall offer your brother Sedan no manner of wrong, but intreat him with all love and friendship, giving him the wall, you keeping your naturall and proper walke, the middle of the streete.

22. Lastly you shall be affable and curteous to all, endevouring to get the good will, and good word of every one, especially your fellows in the hovse, that having the love of your Master and Lady, they may settle you in a Farme of theirs in your old age, and marrying the Chamber maid, ever after give them leave to lash that will.

So much brother Coach for you; now honest Sedan, something I have to say to you, though not much.

First as you tender the love and friendship of your Brother Beere-Car [...], observe these rules and admonitions.

You shall from this time forward, live with Coach in perfect Love and Amitie, to defend and helpe him in all casualties, and ever-more to speake well of him behind his backe.

You shall never carrie any infected person.

You shall never take into your charge, any one that is bea [...]tly drunke, at any Taverne or Ale-house, but rather give a Porter leave to carrie him to his lodging, in his Basket.

You shall not meddle with any Exchang-Wenches, Semsters, or hand-some Laundr [...]sses, [Page] to carrie them to any Gentle-mans private Chamber or Lodging, ther [...] to shew their wares and commodities.

You shall never endanger your selves with carrying matters of great charge, as Money, Plate, Iewells, Boxes of evidences, writings and the like.

You shall never carrie Coach-man againe, for the first you ever carried was a Coach-man, for which you had like to have sufferd, had not your Master beene the more mercifull.

You shall see your bottomes be sound, that grosse and unweldie men slip not thorow.

You shall carrie no manner of Beast for any mans pleasure, Bears-Whelp, Surbated-Hound, Baboone, Musk-cat, or the like.

You shall have an esp [...]iall care to keepe your Chaires, cleane and sweet, both within and without; suffer no Tobacco, which many love not, to be taken in them, and wish the Painter, to adde to his Verd' greace and Linseed-oyle, in his painting, a small quantitie of the Oyle of spike, for the better smell.

And [...]ince the w [...]akest goes to the wall, take you the wall I charge you, of all Porters, Bakers, Costard-mongers, Carm [...]n, Coaches, and in a word, of all in generall, saving Beere-Car [...], who after you are wearrie, and tired, will bee at hand to doe you any manner of servi [...], especially to revive your decayed spirits.

[Page]And last of all with which I will conclude; because at the Court you are friendly used, and often times admitted within the gates, (which your brother Coach never is) you shall take nothing at any time, for carriage of the Kings great Porter.

Surveyor.

But Master Coach, what say you to a late Proclamation, that is come out against you, and your multitude?

Coach.

It concernes not us who follow the Court, and belong to Noble-men, it is chiefly for the suppressing my neig [...]bours of Hackney, who are a Plague to Citie and Countrey; it had beene the better for us, if it had come out seven yeeres ag [...]e, for being, wee shall (I hope) be better rewarded, and better respected.

I have read I remember in Herodotus, of Sesostris, a Tyrant, King of Egypt, who causing foure Kings whom hee had taken prisoners to be yoaked together by the necks, & to draw his charriot; one of these Kings, ever and anon cast backe his eye, and looked over his shoulder to the Charriot-wheele, which the Tyrant observing, demanding of him the reason why hee did so; the captive King made answer, Quia in rota, video statum humanum: Because in this wheele, I see the state of man: The spoke of the wheele, that was even now aloft, is now at the bottome, and below (as wee our selves are) and that below, anon gets up to the top, Sesostris knowing [Page] this to be true, and fearing his one estate (being as others subject to change and mutabilitie) forthwith released them of their bandes & set them at libertie.

So Coach, you men that were aloft, and above others, they must like (the spokes of their wheeles) come below; and why not? but by some other profession and calling, mount as high againe:

Lucan.

—Sic sors incerta vagatur,

Feri (que) ref [...]rt (que) vices, [...]t hab [...]t mortalia c [...]sum.

Serveyor.

Well Gentle-men Coach, and Sedan, are you both pleased with those honest propositions (tending to a perpetuall reconcilement, of one to the other) made by Beere-cart, so that here after you will beare no grudge, one to another, but speake kindly at your meeting, salute one another, as you passe, and in a word doe all good offices you can one for another, that yee may no more make your selves laughing stocks to the world.

Coach, and Sedan.

Wee will with all our hearts, and Gentle-men we thanke you hartily, for the paines you have taken, and especially, you Master Vicar.

Well Gentlemen (quoth I) we have now done a good office, and Beere-Cart, they are much beholding unto you.

[Page]Surveyor.

So are wee; for you have made us wiser then wee were, in understanding the abuses, and misdemeanors either of them are subject unto, for which wee, and the world shall heartily thanke you.

Beere-Ca.

I could indeede say much more, but I am in good hope of their agreement, and they will not faile but visit our house three or foure times in the weeke, to see how their brother Beere-cart does; and with what liquor hee is laden.

So now (quoth I) wee have made (honest friends, and good-fellowes, Coach and Sedan) an end of your businesse; Mr. Surveyor, and honest Master Vicar, we will go dispatch our own: which way lies your way?

Survey.

To Westminster-ward, wee both goe.

And I into the Strand; and for this merry meeting, and old acquaintance sake honest Vicar, and Master Surveyor, I have for you a quart of the best Canary in Westminster, which I think is at Mr. Thomas Darlings (a very honest man) at the Three-tunnes by Charing-crosse.

Wee will beare you company (quoth they) and so wee three, (leaving the other) departed.

But in going along, to beguile the way, wee fell I know not how, into discourse, what alteration in Common-Wealthes, Cities, Countreys, Buildings, manners of Men, and Fashions in apparrell, the Revolution of Time, contrary [Page] to the opinion of man, brought forth; the Vicar earnestly maintaining the latter times to be the wisest; as I stiffely maintained the contrary against him.

His first Argument was; that wee in our age have more learning then ever, Ergo, more wisedome.

I denied his antecedent, replying, Quod efficit, tale, majus est tali: meaning the Auncients who were our Masters, aledging Chaucer:

Whence commeth this new Corne, men have from yeare t [...] yeare,

Out of old fields, old men saith,

And when [...]e commeth this new learning that men teere,

Out of old fields, in good faith.

Secondly, The Inventions of latter times farre excelled those of former; I denied that also.

He instanced Guns, PRINTING, Watches, Wind-mills, &c. Against these, as rare, I opposed Archimedes his Burning-glasses, wherwith he fired Marcellus ships from Syraecusa; the perpetually burning Lampe, made of the Spirit of Gold; malleable Glasse; Dying of that highly estemed Purple; that rare manner of guilding called Let common Schoolemasters observe this, who take Pyropus in Ovid, for a Carbuncle or great Rubie. Pyropus, mentioned in Plinie, wherewith those round balles on the top of the Romane houses, shone like fire; with many other, which are lost and forgotten.

[Page]Surveior.

And I am perswaded wee have had many rare Inventions, even heere in England; which are forgotten, or quite out of use.

Yes quoth the Vicar, foure especially, Daggers, Flat-caps, French-hoods, and Cod-peeces; But heere wee brake of our discourse, beeing at the Taverne dore, the period of our Iourney.

FINIS.

§

§

[Page]

[Page]

COACH and SEDAN, Pleasantly Disputing for Place and Precedence The Brewers-Cart being Moderator.

Spectatum admissi risum teneatis amici?

[figure]

LONDON: Printed by Robert Raworth, for Iohn Crowch; and are to be sold by Edmund Paxton, dwelling at Pauls chayne, neere Doctors-Commons. 1636.

To the Valorous, and worthy all title of Honor, Sr. ELIAS HICKS, KNIGHT, and one of the honorable band of His Majesties Gentlemen Pensioners in Ordinarie.

[Page]

[Page]

NOBLE SIR,

THat I prefixe so deserving and eminent a name before such light stuffe: I doe n [...] more then Tavernes and Innes doe, with us heere in England, and in other Countreys, to credit their houses, hang up at the porch, the Pictures (for signes) of Kings; Queenes, Princes and other eminent Persons, under whose subjection they live, or unto whom they stand most affected. The Great Turk sets his own stampe upon Terra Lemnia, an Earth, or Clay; Virgil thought his Gnat not unworthy the view of Octavius Caesar: and with the same confidence I offer thes [...] few lea [...]es unto your view; who are so belov'd at home, and honor'd [...]br [...]ad, especially for that your memorable service [Page] somtime at Mount Auban in France, that Towne even to this day acknowledging her safety, and preservation to your valour onely, and whom for your resolution and forwardnesse in our late Fleete, your Noble Admirall, the Earle of Lindsey honored with the dignitie of Knighthood: If your selfe, Sir, or any else shall aske mee, If I had no better imployment to set my selfe about then this, I could answere them; The wisest Counsellers and greatest Scholars have ever season'd, and sweetened their profoundest Studies, and greatest employments, with these and the like passages of inoffensive Mirth. Erasmus commended the Foole. Homer writing his Illiads, wrote also the battell betweene Froggs and Mise. Fannius extolled the Nettle; Sir Phillip Sydney made good sport with Rhombus his Countrey Schoole-master: and the like many others. Besides, wee live in that Age, wherein Difficile est Satyram non scribere. But the trueth is, I being at this time in hand with a serious and laborious work for the Presse, ere long to see light; my Printer desired of mee, that hee might not sit idle in the meane time. Sir I take my leave, desiring to bee remembred and recorded among the number of those, who for your owne worth and goodnesse, truely love and honour you.

February 19. 1636.

Yours ever, Mis [...]maxi [...]s.

To the Reader.

[Page]

AS it is usuall in Countrie, and homely houses, when guests come upon the suddaine, to tell them at the porch before hand, what they shall find within; So I heere at thy entrance (Ingenious Reader) tell thee there is not so good provision for thy entertainement, as I could wish; wherefore resolvedly with the Cynick I say (who inviting great personages to a dinner of Radishes, Salt and Bread, and being by some blamed) answered, If they bee my friends they wilbee content with any thing, if onely to fill their bellies, this is too good for them. And to say truth, I am sorry I come forth no better provided, I am no ordinary Pamphleter, I would have thee to know; onely in Mirth I tried what I could doe upon a running subject, at the request of a friend in the Strand: whose leggs not so sound as his Iudgement, enforce him to keepe his Chamber, where hee can neither sleepe or studie for the clattering of Coaches: I shew'd him the Booke; he smil'd, and onely wrote underneath out of Martial.

Dum vernat Rosa, dum madent capilli

Tunc te vel rigidi legant Catones.

Vale quisquis es.

To my worthy friend the Author.

[Page]

WHo is it (under thirty) that beleeves

Big-bellied-dublets, made with cloak-bag-sleeves,

That would hold pecks a peece? Wings, that belowe

The elbowe reach't? And for the better shewe,

Every large Button that went downe the brest,

(Broade as an Halfe-crowne Piece) to grace the rest?

When the short breech, not reaching past the knee,

(Crosse-garter'd at the hamme) a man might see

The Calfe apparant; with the anckle-joynts,

Not Frenchified (as now) with Aglet points

To hide their gowtie shin-bones; when the ruffe

Wide, as a Fore Coach-wheele, with starch enough,

Weare onely in the fashion? A [...]d (Friend) than

Some Coaches w [...]re in use, but no Sedan:

Nor doe I thinke, but if the Cust [...]m [...] were

T' [...]ee hurryed in Wheele-barrowes, t'w [...]ld appeare

(In processe) well: and they would take the wall

Of Carres, of Coaches, of Sedans and all.

And wh [...] can tell, whether't bee now a breeding?

And may perhaps pr [...]e so in Times succeeding.

N [...] when wee l [...]st discourst, close by the Mill,

Which over-lookes the Towne from Hamst [...]d-hill,

Thou told'st mee of this project; I then said,

This thy dispute there t [...]lk't of, and since made,

I thought would apt this age, and further v [...]w'd,

'T should bee no sooner finish't, and alow'd.

But that I would Commend (as all may se [...])

It, to the World first: Next myselfe to thee.

Anonymos.

Information about this book

Title statement

Coach and sedan, pleasantly disputing for place and precedence the brewers-cart being moderator.

Peacham, Henry, 1576?-1643?

Edition statement

1636

Publication

Publisher

Text Creation Partnership,

Place of publication

Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) :

Date

2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

ID [DLPS]

A09194

ID [STC]

STC 19501

ID [STC]

ESTC S110325

ID [EEBO-CITATION]

99845888

ID [PROQUEST]

99845888

ID [VID]

10819

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Series

Early English books online.

Notes

(EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A09194)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 10819)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1111:08)

Source

— Coach and sedan, pleasantly disputing for place and precedence the brewers-cart being moderator., Peacham, Henry, 1576?-1643?.

Extent

[56] p.

Printed by Robert Raworth, for Iohn Crowch; and are to be sold by Edmund Paxton, dwelling at Pauls chayne, neere Doctors-Commons,. London :: 1636.. (Dedication signed: Mis-Amaxius, i.e. Henry Peacham.) (With a title-page woodcut.) (Signatures: A-G⁴.) (Running title reads: A pleasant dispute between coach and sedan.) (Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.)

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