A Quest of Enquirie, by women to know, Whether the Tripe-wife were trimmed by Doll yea or no.

Gathered by Oliver Oat-meale.

Imprinted at London by T. G. and are to be sold in Paules Church-yard. 1595.

OLiuer, if your name be Oliuer, by your leaue a cast, for I must show in betweene the doore and the wal, that is shuffle a letter in betweene your title and Pamphlets which Letter was directed to be let at the two fooles at London bridge: and for my hart I cannot finde the signe. Now since your Pam­phlet lackes both a Passe and a Patrone, I thinke this letter wil fit ye for either, and by wandring among ma­nie, happen at length into the right owners hands. It followes at auenture.

To Simon Huff-snuff the terrible Book-tearer, & furious d-facer of the Tripe-wiues effigies, peace offered with cap and knee, to preserue all papers from like extremitie.

HAught minded, and hot spirited Simon, I salute ye. Understanding your valarous assaults against The Tricking of the Tripe-wife, in sundrie places: I could but commend your forwardnes: and praise your adus­sed opinion vpon the first sight, both of the Author that made it, and of them that neuer heard of it before your selfe: twas well done, you shall finde Castalian of my minde, that of such swift censurers hath this sentence:

A fooles bolt is soone shot,
Adpenitendum proper at, cito qui indicat.

Tut, what tell I you of repentance, proceed, pro­ceed, your neighbor Nichol and you may answere any [Page] thing you do. By your leave sir a little: and while I talke, haue some patience, glare not with your eyes, fome not at the mouth, strike not with your fists, stamp not with your feete: I will reason reasonably vppon my honestie, & yet I care not if I leave argument, and vse example.

A quaint fellow growen fortunate: excelling as hee thinkes both in wealth and wisedome all his other ri­ualls, forges to himselfe an imaginarie concept, that they enuying his good, intend to haue publike iests at him and his late won wife. The most of them whose good fortunes it was to loose (as it had been great pit­tie to part so loving a couple) are most Scholler-like Gentlemen, and one of them generally beloued of act that in printing haue experience to publish any thing, & at this time is possest of a worshipfull place, according to the laudable customes of this honorable Citie. Now which way in your opinion is best to preuent the wri­ting or publishing of anie odde toy: shall hee reconcile himselfe to those that were the quondam suters, & giue good words, because his widdow hath been notorious­ly ridiculous: Or shall be run vp and downe the town, with friskes, and heighs, and fillops, and trickes, ac­companied with some such wise-akers as himselfe, (Be not offended Simon, though you be his companion) re­uiling his betters, and abusing his equalls. The ex­ample needes no application: and for answere your neighbor Nichol tooke this last course. For I haue heard him that trickt the Tripe wife sweare, till her husband abused him, and your selfe consorting with Nick Trickes misused his whole companie, the Ma­sters especially, one of them in kindnes and reuerence [Page] that honourable name yee vsde, vouchsafing both to ac­companie and counsell you for your owne good: whose good will you rewarde with reproches: but they that touch pitch shall bee settled, and those that pleasure in­gratefull persons vnthankfully required. He protests before God, that the Masters of his Companie, are vtterly ignorant of his proceedings, and for ought hee knoweth are at him offended. He appeales to all the worshipfull Companies in London, especially to those of whom your selues are free, whether ye haue not done the parts of intemperate idiots, to abuse men in autho­ritie without cause: and protests, had he been but a wa­ter man, as he is a professor of the most noble Science of Printing, hee wound not haue suffered the abuse of his supertors. He repenteth not anie thing that he hath written, but is onely sorrie that he is by an honorable personage mistaken: but doubteth not shortly to proue how you haue abused one verie nere him. He sweares that where he hath been a mortall enime to all Ballad singers, he will neuer inuaigh against them more, if they will sing at pour windowes a new Tigge, termed Anie Tripes. Consider neighbor Simon the contents, to wast paper be pitifull, and learne patience: keepe a good tung in your head, least it hurt your teeth. Fare­well Sim, and commend me to your euerthwart neigh­bour.

Yours to vse, when ye know how to vse your selfe. D. D.

An Eglogue louingly begun and unluckily ended betweene the Tripe-wife, and Trickes her husband.

Trickes.
Sit we sweete Sowce wife on this fraile of figs,
So spite of those that dou our fortunes hate:
Sleting at vs with Ballads and with ligs,
Enough to make kinde loue unkinde debate,
And while we carroll of our discontent,
With strained notes, like scritch owles yokesome cire,
The roaring riuer vnto our lament
Shall lend her lowd confused harmonie.
Tripe-wife,
Ahwere we seated in a sowce-tubs shade,
Ouer our beads of tripes a canopie:
Remembrance of my past ioy-thruing trade,
Would somewhat case my present miserie,
But since I trotted from my trotter stall,
And figd about from neates feete neatly drest:
I finde no pleasure nor content at all,
But liue disdaind, dispisde, abusde, distrest.
Trickes.
Why here are sweetes, sweete Loue, for sent and tast,
Frute from the Straights, Spaine, Candie, Barbarie,
Indian Tobacco, humors moyst to wast,
Thou knowst I have a pipe for thee and mee.
Succades and comfets, barts help Cynamom:
Pepper cold in the maw, hot on the tung:
Seny to purge, health keeping Balsamum,
And Mace, to make thy vizard smooth and young.
Tripe-wife.
Out vpon all this trash, your drugs, your spice,
Twere well if I had neuer seene your house:
You tear me my visage vizard, goodman vice:
But I was yong, faire, neate, when I sold sowse.
Trickes.
Thy tripes were yong, thy neates fette fat and faire,
Thy sowse was sweete, and all these longd to thee:
Thy selfe wert wythered, old, leane, meager, bare,
Yet thou and they were both beloude of mee.
But neither thou nor they may make compare
With me or mine, therefore contend no more:
The Butchers offalls were thy sweetest ware,
Mine, of farre Kingdomes are the wealthy store.
Tripe-wife.
Accurst was I to leaue the Butchers fees,
How base so ere, they brought in golden gaine,
The mistres Tripe-wines name by thee I leese:
That losse, their lacke, I ceaselesse doe complaine.
Trickes.
Accurst was I to baunt the pudding house,
Where swine facde beautie onely sate in pride:
Curst be the chitterlings, the tripe, the sowse,
And curst my selfe that did not all deride.
Tripe-wife.
What doost thou cursse my trade? be this thy paine:
Run bootles madding, rauing vp and downe:
All helplesly gainst iygging rymes complaine,
Let cuerie Ballad-singer beare thee downe.
Trickes.
Saist thou me so, thou Tripe, thou hated scorne?
Goe swill thy sowse-tubs, loathed pudding-wife:
My brother Huf snuf and my selfe haue sworne,
Spite of thy eares to lead a pleasant life.
With this they part: and so the Eglogue ended,
Tripe was with Trickes, and Trickes with Tripe of­fended.

A Quest of enquirie of twelue good, honest, and sub­stantiall women, vpon examination of certaine persons, whether the Tripe wife were trimde or no.

IS it euen so neighbour Nicholson; now in good sadnesse I am sory for your mishap, that a mari­age accomplished so hastily, should be repented so suddenly. Ye man, keepe your owne counsel, and feare not, all will be well enough I warrant ye. You alleadge in your letters, what a blemish it is to your credit, and withall, what an inward vexation of minde you are perplext withall, when your friends cast in your teeth your mariage with the Tripewife, what a beastly filthy slut she hath beene, and still is, without any hope other amendment. Yet all this is not so gree­uous to ye, as the bad reportes that flie abroad of her, that not contenting her selfe to be cosoned by a nota­ble drab, she must afterward, or at the same instant, be trimde by that new vpstart Barbar, who insteed of Sissers, was glad to vse a paire of sheeres, and for want of a chaire, such as men vse to sit in when they are trimde, she must aduaunce one foote vpon a Tre­uet, and make the other leg standing foolishly by ac­cessarie to the others intollerable follie. O world of iniquitie, where are womens wits: that make no dif­ference betweene their owne secrets, and a Cowe heele or a Tripe, and because their education hath one­ly bene to dressinge the one, therfore they must needs make a triall of trimming the other.

[Page 2] For your sake good neighbour, pittying your day­ly veration, and according to my promise when we met last at Ratcliffe: I went to the place you wot of, where (though it was somewhat to my cost, yet nothing is ouer deere in regarde of a friend) I made meanes to get in, euen so soone as the Quest of women were newly calde together, and before any of the persons to be examined were admitted to answere. When see­ing how orderly they intended to proceede, and that hereby a perfect resolution might ensue both for my selfe and you: I drew foorth my writing Cables, and getting close into a corner noted downe euery thing so secre as I could, which now written more at large, then in so small a roome I could comprise, I haue sent ye by my seruant William, who hath fur­ther instruction beside to acquaint ye with, whereof I desire ye to haue an especiall care.

First, Margaret, not your wifes daughter, but a by-blowe (as is imagined) of your predecessours, was called before the women.

Then mother Messingham, the old true peny for trimming of a Tripe, then Alice and Ione: William should haue bin there, but was not, marie Richard very honestly came in, and defended the cause very substan­tially, so did Mistresse Rose, and the partie with the golde Ring on the forefinger. The intergatories for ex­amination, were these that follow.

1 Imprimis, whether such a woman, named Doll Phillips, came to the dwelling house of the Tripe wife at such a time, naming the moneth and day.

2 Secondly, what talke they had beneath toge­ther, and whether she brought with her a letter or &c.

[Page 3] 3 Thirdly, who went vp the staires with them, whether any body, or themselues alone.

4 Fourthly, how long they taried above together, and whether any sheeres were cald for or no, or whe­ther they had them ready aboue in the Chamber.

5 Fiftly, whether they knew them to be vsed or no, for taking away of haire from her head, or the o­ther vnseemly place.

6 Sixthy, whether the Tripe wife had so many suters as Doll speakes of, to the number of nineteene or no.

7 Seaventhly, whether they knew the man that had beene so bolde with the Tripe wife, that threw her on the bed, kill her, and did, or would haue done ali­quid amplius, because he was the furthest in her bookes.

8 Eightly, whether the Capon and Curkie (by any of their knowledge) was sent to the King and Queene of Faires or no.

Other questions were demanded afterward, but not with such vrgencie as these, because you know these were most materiall, and (as the case stood) were most necessarie to be knowne: yet will I tell ye what the other were, when I come to speake of them as they happened.

Margaret stood laughing, holding her hand before her month all the while the articles were read, wher­upon, one of the women sharply reprooved her after this manner. What Margaret, maide (if ye be) ye shewe small ciuilitie, regarde yee not where yee are? you imagine be like, that ye are in the Queenes head in Pater noster rowe: ye made a wise nights worke there, did ye not, when (about you) a man was stabd [Page 4] so farre into the backe, fie for shame, be more modest, else this (and your other trickes) will vtterly marre your mariage, if yee liue to be worthie of so honorable a calling.

The woman had no sooner vttered these speeches, but Margaret blushing (for she hath a little grace yet left her) stood very demurely, making courtesie at euery woord, and promised to answere euery article truely, according to her knowledge, and thus she began.

Upon the day you name, she whome you tearme Doll Philips, came to my mothers house, in the ha­bit of a countrey woman, saying she was sent from one maister Grace in Essex, a Gentleman professing the lawe, and a very familiar friend of my mothers, for whose sake she was the better welcome, and much talke passed betweene my mother and her, because she shewed her selfe so perfectly acquainted with Master Grace. A letter she brought indeed, which being read, she told my mother, that shee had more weighty mat­ters to confer with her on, which made my mother take her vp the staires with her, not admitting any but themselues to go with them. The time of their tari­ance there, was not aboue three quarters of an houre at the vttemost in all which space I heard no Sheeres calde for neither were any carted vp to them, nor knowe I whether any were aboue in the Chamber or no.

Now concerning your demaunde for vsage of the Sheeres, truely I am persuaded it is vtterly vntrue, and onely rumoured abroad to defame my mother. For though she was desirous to haue the spurrialles that were lost, and which I haue often times seene when my father was aliue: yet I haue a better opinion of my mother then so, that she would not graunt to enioy than [Page 5] by any such a bad meane. Yet age now a dayes in these latter dayes, shewes themselues so simple oftentimes, that one can hardly answer for them in matters of more importance, therefore I referre yee in this case to olde mother Messingham, she hath beene most inward with my mother, and therefore in such a doubtfull cause can best resolue ye.

That she had nineteene woers, I am not able to stand directly vpon the iust number, but questionlesse I imagine she had (from the beginning of her widdow­head) rather more then one fewer, for I tell yee, my father left her that which made her lookt after, and not so much but olde Saunders the Sergeant, became a lustie suter to her: but neuer I thinke was widdowe so washt in sack, Sugar, and good drinkes, I warrant there are some that yet sit and thinke on their lauish ex­pences, for my mother was outwardly kinde to all, but inwardly enclined to thinke well of no one, for if she could not deepely dissemble, there are liers abroad, but I name no body, in regarde she may now make amends for that fault.

Nowe that there was one more speciall in her fa­uour then all the rest, we in the house haue diuerse times imagined somewhat, mary could neuer perceiue any outward token to be noted: but the woman who pretended cunning to her, threw forth very vnmanner­ly speeches of the matter that vnder Oathe (as it were) she disclosed the man to her, which if she did, she was not so wise as I tooke her for: my self am but a young wenche, and yet if I intended to bestow such a token of my fauor on any one, mine owne mouthe should neuer be the trumpet of my shame, but rather as I had offen­ded fondely, it should be lockt in my bosome the more secretly, for let the worlde imagine what they list, [Page 6] when they know nothing, I haue both the winde and water side of them.

As for sending the Capon and Turkie to the King and Queene of Fayries, thats best knowne to Doll and my mother, for the matche was closely made be­tweene themselues, and whether on any such condi­tion or no, I am not able to say: but sure I am our maide caried them with her, and deliuered them to the woman, ere they came halfe way to the king of Fay­ries house, for they say his dwelling is at Paddington, and the maide was discharged of her burthen in high Holborne.

This is all I can deliuer good women, and (vpon my maidenhead) I haue told ye as much in these mat­ters as I am able to say: for I had more minde of other businesses for my selfe, then either to regarde my mothers cousenage or wooing.

Call in mother Messingham (quoth the Cryer) and she will resolue yee thorowly in these running affaires.

She being come before the Quest, whimpe­ring and making courtesies downe to the ground at euery word: desired she might be no accuser of her good olde mistresse, for she knew nothing in these mat­ters, and therefore could say little, but being comman­ded to proceed in the Articles, she pleaded ignorance to all but one, and the knowledge she had in that one was but by bare reporte neither, therefore (quoth she) builde not vpon the trueth of my words, for I receiued them at the second hand, and few things (ye know) are mended in the cariage. It is (quoth she) concerning her number of suters whereof I am to speake, and which of them receiued most assurance of her kindnesse: [Page 7] then thus (after Dols owne words) will I tell ye what I heard.

When the coosening Drab had perswaded my mi­stresse, that she could helpe her not onely to the golde knowne to be lost, but a great deale more said to be had in the house: shee demaunded such a request as hath beene spoken of, for by the helpe therof she must effect the coniuration, otherwise shee was not able to pro­ceed any further: but by the fatth of an olde woman, I thinke no such conference past betweene them, at least I am sure my mistresse sweares the contrarie, and I tell yee I will not distrust her wordes for more then she is worth.

Come mistresse (saith Doll) I knowe one kist yee on Christmasse Eue last past, when your hat fell into the Sowsetub, I know yee gaue a good fellow a Ring, with seauen Diamonds in it, and the Ring I likewise know ye haue this day receiued againe: so, albeit I am able to say who the man is you do most af­fection, and can tell therein perhaps more then you imagine: yet must you your selfe reueale his name to me, how he kist yee at the beds side, vntide your hose-garter, and elected ye for his owne with the best testi­mony of good will.

She saith, that my mistresse resolude her in all these, which if she did, (as I will neuer imagine her so simple, or that at any time she would make so slender reckoning of her reputation:) I must needes blame her folly and great indiscretion, which doubles the penaltie of the offence so carelesly committed.

Thus much I will confesse good women, that my mistresse had good store of suters, among whom were diuers of good credit & esteeme, whose purses launche [Page 8] out liberally, and nothing was reputed too deere or daintie for the widdowe: but that I saw ill demeanour offered in any one of them, or any such wanton humor in my mistresse, I neither can or will say for all the worlds good.

Many haue beene falsely chargde with matters, as now perhaps my mistresse is at this time: but I leaue all to him to censure, that knowes best whether these reports are true or no, and so take this as the vttermost of my knowledge.

The rest being examined, and able to say little or nothing to the articles, the women went alone by them selves a while, and finding every thing so apparant, that they were not long to be stood vppon: they retur­ned that the Tripe wife was neuer trimde, yet to pre­vent the worst which afterwards might ensue, and as women that would not endaunger their credits, they wrote downe vpon their bill Ignoramus, whereuppon, the sentence was delivered in this manner.

First, because the Tripe wife had failen into this wonderfull ouersight, and thereby had run into so ma­ny harde opinions: all her other suters (ashamed of their former foolish affection, to fancie such an incon­stant woman, of so durtie a trade, and in so stinking a place) vtterly giuing her ouer: she should thence be sent to London bridge, and there be maried to him, that had more then a moneths minde to Tripes and Tril­libubs.

Lord how glad was I, when I heard the game go on your side, when I remembred what a tall serui­tor you had beene all her wooing time for her: your hard fortune at M. Graces. where you had so slender entertainement, how you walkt in your Ierkin and [Page 9] tawney veluet hose, to view M. Hubbards hoppes, when by that meanes you got a bidding to dinner, yea even the best place at the boord, namely, to sit iust before your louing mistresse, where all amorous discovrse was faine to passe betweene ye in the Cup, for further libertie ye were not admitted. But aboue all, I com­mend your shorte and sweete enstruction giuen her at the window, punching her by the finger, and bidding her looke to her selfe, for she was in danger to be swine away, and all your market marde. And in faith the merríe night at Cpping was worth gramercie, when the Gentleman your riuall supt in your company, and had a priest ready, if neede should so require. Beleeue me neighbour, you had great reason then to be af­fraide: yet more then Hercules-like, you valiantly held out, in despight of Philastorgogh, the bottle of Sack, and all Richards words, which renownes ye to posteritie, for an vnconquerable wooer, and verifies on your behalfe that auncient verse,

He loou'd Tripes as his life,
Therefore he hath the Tripewife.

Oh that I were acquainted with some excellent wit, who in liueliest colours could decipher downe your heroycall fortunes.

My stile is all to blunt and bad,
To write of such an actiue lad,
That brought the wooers all to baye,
And caried the Tripe wife quite away.

[Page 10] Thus haue I sent ye all the proceedings of the Ju­rie, and there with (according to your request) my opi­nion of thy blessed night, when you made such passage to the purpose, as the next morning you had the fruition of all your labores, I meane the Garland of your bri­ding day, to the disgrace of al the other [...], and your owne eternall commendation for euer. But first I pray ye read this Dutie, which was deuised by a dere friend of yours, Master Ieffray Kexon, in defence of your wife so much wrongd, and in applauding of your rare conquest, the like being neuer heard of since the great Conquest.

A Iigge for the Ballad-mongers to sing fresh and fasting, next their hearts euerie morning, in sted of a new hunts-up, to giue a good morrow to the Tripe-wife.

O Neighbour Tripewife, my heart is full of woe:
That cousning Doll the Iugler, should iumble with you so,
I that am your poore neighbour, bad rather spent a crowne:
Than haue ye thus defamed by boyes about the towne.
Abroad in euerie corner, the Ballads doe report:
That you were trimd unwomanly, and in most shamefull sort:
By standing on a Triuet.
to he are what she could say:
She lopt ye of a louers locke, and carried it away.
Alas were you so simple, to suffer such a thing:
Your owne maids sit and mocke ye, and euerie where doth ring,
The trimming of the Tripe wife, it makes me in a rage:
And doubt least that the players will sing item the Stage.
I am sorrie for your husband, a [...]ke good honest man;
He walkes about, yet mends not, but looketh pale and wan:
That where before he vaunted, the conquest he hath got:
He sus now in a mammering, as one that mindes it not.
A number doo imagine, that he repents his marriage,
And gladly to the shambles, would send ye with your carriage;
For all the carts of houshold-stuffe, that came to London bridge,
Nere pleasd him so, as this one greefe doth rub him on the ridge.
If gold bring such a hart-breaks,
Ile none I thanke ye I:
Tis shame it should be spoken,
and if it be a lie.
But would he be aduisde by me,
if it be true or no:
I would turne her tober Tripes againe
and let all matters go.
I. K.
FINIS.

Now all good Ladds, to whose reading this pre­sent Jigge shall come, I would not haue ye mistake my meaning in the Song, that ye should goe about the streetes singing it, or chaunt it at her doore, ere she be by in a morning, No, God forbid, that would but breed domesticall disquietnesse, and if man and wife should happen to fall out about it, I (not knowing how neere the Tripe tub stands) might bring him in more dan­ger of Can shot then I am aware of. Therefore I pray ye conceit it after my owne entending, that is, a Sorrowfull Sonnet for euery friend of his to medi­tate on least their fortunes should prooue so monstrous as his and they run into perill of hanging themselues, vpon so extraordinarie a conclusion.

Heere followeth the rare atchieuement of the widdowe, from her house behinde the Shambles, how she was conuayed thence to London Bridge, and made a Bride vpon a very short warning.

Yea marie Sir, now ye come to the matter I long [Page 13] to heare of, by reason of the diuers reports bruted a­broad thereof, and whether it were so heroycally acted, as some haue heard it from his owne lippes. Was it possible, that she (hauing such honest well willers and frends, at home at her house at dinner) could chuse no other time to slip away, but euen at such a time, there­by to discredite her selfe? Was her coloured excuse to buy a bat and an apron, and falls it now out so that she bought a husband? O World full of falshood, O women most deceiptfull, when ye are least suspected. But went she then directly to the Bridge or no? No, she went not then thether, but one of her Sisters, counterfetting a sudden sicknesse, the other (beeing the fatter of the twaine) was made the instrument of fetching her to an intended Banquet: where wine walking lustely about, and manie merrie matters familiarly disputed on, it was set downe for an irreuocable determination, that no remedie, the Tripe-wife must dine next daye at her louers house. But it is wonderfull to speake on, with what zeale she paced thither, her apron in her hand all the way, which she had not so much leasure as to put on, but looked still behinde her, least she should bee caught vp for waight and fashion. We, as anie kinde heart in like case would doo, doubting her comming, because she had so often dissembled with others, trudges to her house: but happie did hee esteeme that lost labor, when at his returne backe againe he found her where he wold haue her.

Now the Sisters lay on load for him, because hee had promised them large requitall: and how the tyme was wasted in conference, I know not, but wel I wot, home he would not let her goe that night, for now hee [Page 14] had her at such an aduatantage, as he neuer expected the like, if he should now let her scape.

But in good sadnes they are much to blame, that say they whitled her with wine, and so (after some o­ther ceremonies theretoo belonging) drew a promise of marriage from her. It is verie unlike it should bee so, because that night before she went to bed, she prote­sted she would none of him. Oh, but the old dog beide sure: and though the man himselfe were somewhat ti­merous, yet by good instructions he began to chere vp his spirites.

Now you that be louers tell mee whether it were hot signe of loue or no, when the Widdowe (sitching a­sleepe by the fire) hee valiantly (coming behinde her) pulled her stoole from her, when downe fell she, and lie by or vpon her, with that learned and wittie aduerbe in his mouth, Keepe the widdow waking. Well, I know not whether these words are able to enhaunt or no, or what strength or vigor the manly acting of them hath: but either thorough them, or her late sitting vp that night she tooke such a surfet, that needes shee must to bed. And yet me thinkes that labour might full well haue been spared, because she had so little while to rest her selfe: and rising againe so early, it might bring manie a qualme ouer a wiser womans stomacke than hers.

But would you imagine, a woman of her tender yeres, little aboue three score at the vttermost not dare­ing, to aduenture on the water in the broad daye light, could so suddenly conceive such a hardie peece of cou­rage, as sooner-timely in a morning, to passe through his cellar, and so enter a boate lying readie for her, to [Page 15] sayle so farre as Pepper Alley, and there to S. Geor­ges Church: where because the Church man was not readie, she must needes passe a larger circuite. But I can tell ye wherefore that was: marrie to stop theyr mouthes, that said she durst not be married by daylight, therefore she despised two a clocke in the morning: A figge for them that dare not be married at ten a clock in the forenoone, and afterward home to dinner of her owne prouison, brought thether the day before. Here was a cunning bob for the rest. Call ye him a foole or a simple fellow, that had the wit to compasse such an ex­ployt: Well masters, sit you at the vpper end of the table, kisse and snowtch the Widdow neuer so much: there is one sits nether most, hee hath an eye to his busi­nes, and whatsoeuer you but barely hope for, hee is the man I tell ye, must carrie the wench away.

Oh, but well fare the frend that made such hast for the license: few wooers are beholding to such a deere Damon, And not at that time onely did he stand him in some sted, but in the countrie likewise he stucke closely to him. If he reward him not well for his paynes, he is verie much too blame: for both his countenance and credite were no meane helpes to him. Hold him then the best string to your bow (Neighbour) in getting the Tripe-Wife.

Thus haue I been as good as my word vnto you, my verie kinde and honest Neighbour, in sending you this briefe collection of your adventures: nor knowe I how to extoll sufficientlye your great deseruings, though iniquitie of time somewhat obscure your valor, reproach fully throwing this bone for you to gnawe on, [Page 16] that had your labour been bestowed in better sort, than for a basket of Tripes and Chutterlings: some one or other would haue spoken to our Antiquarie, to haue written foure lines at the least in praise of your passing proceeding. But seeing it is no better,

Giue loosers leaue to prate their fill,
The Tripes are thine both good and ill.
What others say, take thou no care,
Puddings and Tripes are chapmens ware.

Certaine reports spread abroad of the Tripe-wife and her late married husband, whereby if they be slaundred or no, let themselves be their own Iudges.

FIrst for the Tripe-wife, that all the time of her widdowhood, her lips were so common in kissing e­uerie one, and her hands so readee in receiving all gifts whatsoeuer, tearming each suter husband, and making so little difference in outward kindnes, that either she i­magined she might haue manie husbands, or dissemb­lingly thought to vse all alike. A fault, wherein if shee were guiltie, as it is credibly reported, doubtles it de­serueth generall reproofe, and no milde censure of her verie deerest frends.

That likewise she was verie wantonly giuen, often desiring like them long kept fasting, the louing morsell of a man. And to showe her folly the more in this one poynt, I haue heard, that with her own hand she made a priuie search in a Gentlemans round hose, whether he ware them with a rowle, after the best fashion: or that they were voyd of all good shape and making.

That one of her Sisters, knowing her by nature to bee thus affected, willed him that hath married her, to shew her whether he were a man able for the field or no, and what good weapon hee carried about him: other­wise, there was small hope of pleasing her, and lesse to [Page 18] be expected of his successe.

Now whether he followed her good counsell or no, I am not able to say: but hence (as it is reported) grew Dols vnhappie ayming at her throwing vp on the bed: Which if hee did alone, and no bodie else, it was the more valorously performed: but if he had any pertakers, it was the greater wrong to come so many against one bodie; for one to one is alwayes counted faire playe, manly and reasonable, but to oppresse by multitudes, is euer reckoned an apparant signe of cowardise.

That shee should sweare the night before shee was wedded, that she would neuer marrie with the Grocer he was such a logger-head: but if the former condition of the Obligation stood in full force and vertue, then I imagine he had best right to her, except some hungrie fellow desired to follow, and sup vp his leauings.

And here (by the way) the generall rumour is to be examined: namely, that the night the stoole was puld from her she had abuse offered her two severall wayes: first to be vanquished by wine, a shrewd depriuer of the senses: then dastardlike to be throwne backward, and more laid on her, than she was able to beare. If thys be the way to get a wife, well may it be tearmed drun­kenly done, but neuer to be reputed heroycall, like his o­ther actiue agilities: marrie when no better way is left to speed, wel-fare the wine that won the widdow.

It is said also, that he promised my brother William the present release of foure score pound land by the yere (which he was not to enjoy till the widdowes death) if he would (as he did) labour for his successe. And now that he hath sped, hee not onely in this breakes promise with him, but in a matter of two houses beside, stand­ing [Page 19] behinde the shambles, the leases whereof were by his deceased brother made in his name, and conditioned that he should enter on them after his death: but hyr la­die, my new married brother in law now sayes no: so William is like to tarrie yet both for the land and hou­ses, But bee of good cheere Brother, you [...] the first that hath trauaild for an vnkinde requiter, nor shal be the last must lose by him.

Both the Sisters (I heare) likewise are together by the eares, because the ones rewarde exceedes the o­thers, and there is such alledging, which of them hath best deserved on his behalfe: that while they stand con­tending, and counting how much they shall haue for their paines, he turnes them off with a fillop of the fin­ger, and flatly saith, now he hath what he would haue, let them goe seeke what they should haue. Sisters, I would haue William and you put your gaines together into a bottomlesse bag: and if at the yeeres end it en­crease not, yet ye shall be sure it will not be lesse than it it is. Marry, (if ye can) turne your endeuors another time to better aduantage: else you will bee thought vn­wise, & he that so thriues by your labor more fortunate.

Fie vpon ingratitude, cries poore Richard, hee will sell all his ge [...]gs for a pore pepper come: yet he saies if promise had been kept, fiftie pounds in esse at the least should haue fallen to his share, beside the full and absolute power of his Sisters trade put ouer to him onely: where now, he is not onely deceiued of the one, but disappoynted of the other: and his vnkinde Sister the Tripe-wife, that I thinke will followe fowre sel­ling euen in her graue, abbridges him of that paltrie prerogatiue, and flatly executes the office still her selfe.

[Page 20] What a lamentable Dittie is here in foure parts, of Nihil habemus, which doth not so much disturb the sin­gers, as it urgeth displeasure in the hearers. Good people, beware of wooers promises, they are like the musique of a Taber and Pipe: the Pipe sings golde, gifts, and manie gay things, but perfourmance morali­zed in the Taber, still beares the burden of I doubt it, I doubt it: which in my conceipt is a verie pitifull hea­ring.

Moreouer I vnderstand, that verie simply himselfe makes report, how weake his state stood before he got the widdow, and that if she had not come when shee did, his inkhorn had been drie, and he not able to write one letter more.

What folly is this in anie man, to disclose his own secretes: If it had been so, for shame I would neuer haue reueald it my selfe. But hence I perceiue growes the houshold disquietnes, as is said, betweene him and her, because she findes not what she expected, and there­fore wisheth her selfe ouer head and eares in the sowce tub.

O what a mournfull mornings worke was that be­tweene my fat Sister and her, when she taild on Lom­bard-streete, for exchanging so much of her golde, and wisht she were behinde the Shambles againe as well as euer she was: for the roaring of the Thames, (or rather ransacking of her bagges) so disquiets her night­ly rest, that her other home was heauen in respect of London-bridge.

Beside, it is no manly part in him to make [...], how oft hee trickt the Tripe-wife before he had her. Fie, fie, I am content to winke at small faults, but (if [Page 21] ye should be such a one) this were intollerable. Ile bee swarne, I made answere on your behalfe, where I had a [...] check for my labour, I said, I [...] layd my life yee would not vtter such a woorde for all the marks [...], the man is wise enough.

Then I heare how you goe bragging about, brea­thing forth horrible thundring threates, because cer­taine bookes and ballads are printed of the Tripe wife: ye said ye had the tricke to out face all the wooers, and so yee would ouer dare all the Printers: yee beknaue your betters, calling them at your owne pleasure, and then turn your tung to your taile when you haue done. What man? it will notsnowe alwaies, neither can you or the best tenaunt yee haue, beare downe Paules Church-yard. Rather win them with kindnes, for ex­tremitie avayles not, they know yee for a man and no more, and will take for ye as a man and no more.

I know a verie good frend of yours, who would bee heartely sorrie if these reports shuld be true, & means to talke with ye on them when hee next meetes ye: for my part, I am sure ye euer found me firme, and so vp­right vnto ye in wading thorough the cause, that as I would excuse nothing, so would I neuer iustifie anie thing.

Ye must regard the world as it is, naturally giuen to finde fault where anie cause is given, bee it neuer so little. And though all the stirre about the Tripe-wife be not worth the least piece of a Tripe: yet it sufficeth that yee haue wonne the spurres, from them all, and therefore let me addde these, as appendixes vnto your Armes.

[Page 22] A Chirterling rampant in a feld sowsant, two hag­gas puddings for the supporters, a Neates foote clean­ly washe [...] your creast, and a [...] Tripe to couer all for the mantle.

So with my hartie [...] to your good bed fellowe and your selfe, with all the rest of my [...] frends. I bid yee heartely farewell, this 2. of Aprill. 1595.

By him that is more yours than his owne, Oliuer Oat-meale.
FIN

Hold Oliuer and thou be a good fellow, and let me in two or three words clap vp a conclusion, before then fully end thy Finis.

In the Sowse-wiues time of retailing, [...] were not [...]; but since Tripes haue been [...] it seemes thou hast been her sweete harts Secretarie. Shall I be plaine with thee: I mislike the [...] of thy Jurie, commend thy pl [...]mes touching the re­ports, and giue thee this priuiledge, that neither hee nor she shall euer hereafter trust thee, and therefors if thou haue anie more matter, turne it to me, and I can send it to mad Dauie, that meanes to thunder out terrible matter against Nicholneates foote, and Huff snuffe his neighbor. Farewell till within this fortnight by which time we shall either be all [...], or make our [...] endlesse.

FINIS.

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