SCAE. 1.

Phantasticall.

Looke where he coms: O map of boundles wo!

Still saunce question mad?

O where doth Piety and Pitty rest?

O Loue!

Say quick.

To bed

Boy could not Orpheus make the stones to daunce?

Yes Sir.

Bir Lady a sweete touch: did he not bring Euridice out of hell with his lute.

And thou chanst bring Celias head out of the window with thy Lute, well hazard thy breath: looke Sir heares a ditty.

Humbly complayning kissing the hands of your excelence your pore orators Randolfo and Andrea beseecheth forbidding of the dis­honord match of their Neece Celia Widdow to their Brother— O twill do, twill do, it can not chuse but doe.

I ther's the diuill, she must be Ladi'd now.

Then must my pretty peate be Fan'd and Coach'd.

By blessednesse weele stop this fatall lot.

But how▪ but how?

Why stay lets thinke a plot.

Was not Albano Beletzo honorable rich?

Not peer'd in Venice, for birth, fortune loue.

Tis skarce three monthes since fortune gaue him dead.

In the blacke fight in the Venetian gulfe.

You hold a truth.

Now what a gigglet is this Celia?

To match so suddaine so vnworthely?

The passionate mamord Iacomo.

Of honord linage, and not meanly rich.

Brother she shall not, shal our blood be moungreld with the corruption of a stragling French?

She shall not fathers by; our brother soules.

Good day.

Fall out as't twill I am resolued to do't.

Saint Marke Saint Marke.

O thats absolute.

Pish, pish, why what of him?

Is he not wondrous like your decea'sd kinsman Albano.

I hau't, I hau't, I hau't, 'twill be inuincible.

Ile to Francisco.

Precise in each but Tassell, feare it not.

Saint Marke then prosper once, our hopefull plot.

SCENA. 1.

Ho Bydett Lackey.

Sinior?

See who knocks, looke you boy, peruse their habits, re­turne perfect notice, la la ly ro.

Quadratus.

Quadratus, mor dieu, ma vie: I lay not at my lodging to night, Ile not see him now on my soule, hee's in his old Perpetu­ana sute, I am not within.

He is faire, gallant, rich, neate as a Bride-groome, fresh as a new-minted six-pence, with him Lampatho Doria, Symplici­us Faber.

And in good cloathes.

Accoutred worthy a presence.

Vdes so: my gold wrought Wast-coate and Night-cap open my Trunck, lay my richest sute on the top, my Veluet slip­pers, cloth of gold gamashes, where are my cloth of siluer hose, lay them. —

At pawne sir.

No sir, I do not bid you lay them at pawne Sir.

No sir, you need not for they are there already.

Mor du garzone: set my richest Gloues, Garters, Hatts, iust in the way of their eyes, so let them in, obserue mee withall dutious respect, let them in.

Phoebus, Phoebe, Sunne, Moone, and seauen Starres make thee the dilling of Fortune, my sweet Lauerdure, my rich French bloud, ha yee deere rogue, hast any pudding Tobacco?

God morrow Sinior.

Mounsieur Lauerdure, do you see that Gentleman, hee goes but in black Sattin as you see, but by Hellicon hee hath a cloth of Tissue wit, hee breakes a iest, ha, heele raile against the Courttil the gallants— O God he is very Nectar, if you but sip of his loue, you were immortall, I must needes make you knowne to him: Ile induce your loue with deere regarde. Sini­or Lampatho heers is a French Gentleman Mounsieur Lauer­dure a Traueller, a beloued of heauen, courts your acquaintance.

Sir I protest I not onely take distinct notice of your deere rarities of exterior presence, but also I protest I am most vehe­mently inamor'd, and very passionately doate on your inward adornements and habilities of spirit, I protest I shall be proud to doe you most obsequious vassalage.

I protest I shall bee proud to giue you proofe, I hold a most religious affiance with your loue.

Let mee not liue els, I protest I will straine my vtmost sineus, in strengthning your pretious estimate, I protest, I will do all rights in all good offices that friendship can touch, or am­plest vertue deserue.

Marke that Quadratus.

Consorts him-selfe with such a doublet.

Good, good, good, O Iesu admirable.

La la ly ro Sir.

O Pallas! Quadratus, harke, harke, a most compleat phantasma, a most ridiculous humor, pree-thee shoote him through and through with a iest, make him lye by the lee, thou Basilisco of witte.

O Iesu, admirably well spoken, Angelicall tongue.

Nay pre-thee, fut feare not he's no edge toole, you may iest with him.

No edge-toole, oh!

Tones of heauen it selfe.

Tones of heauen it selfe.

By blessednesse I thought so.

Nay when, when?

Why thou Pole-head, thou Ianus, thou poultron, thou protest, thou Eare-wig that wrigglest into mens braines: thou durty cur that be-mierst with thy fawning, thou—

Synior Lauerdure, by the hart of an honest man, this Ie­busite, this confusion to him, this worse then I dare to name, abu­seth thee most incomprehensibly; is this your protest of most obsequious vassalage, protest to straine your vtmost summe, your most —

O Lord Quadratus.

By this hand I will.

Antypathy.

Tut Via let all runne glib and square.

O Sir you are so square you skorne repoofe.

I faile at none you well squar'd Syneor.

Most Phantasticall protection of Phantasticknesse.

Faith tis good.

So 't be phantastical tis wits life bloud.

Come Sinior my legges are girt.

Phantastically.

After a spetiall humor a new cut.

Nay then sweete sir giue reason, come on, when.

Tis hell to runne in common base of men.

Hast not runne thy selfe out of breath bulley.

And I haue not iaded thy eares more then I haue tierd my tongue, I could runne discourse, put him out of his full pace.

Nay leaue protestes, pluck out your snarling phanges. When thou hast meanes be Phantasticall and sociable; goe to, heres my hand and you want fortie shillings I am your Maecenas though not Atauis Edite regibus.

Ile no protest.

Well and I doe not leaue these fopperies doe not lend me fortie shillings, & ther's my hand, I imbrace you, loue you, nay adore thee, for by the iuice of worm-woode, thou hast a [Page] bitter braine.

You Simplicius? woult leaue that staring fellow Admiratiō, and Adoration of thy acquaintance wilt. A skorne out tis odi­ous, too eager a defence argues a strong opposition, & to vehe­ment a praise, drawes a suspition of others worthy disparige­ment.

Phantasticall.

Ile be some thing, I haue a conceald humore in me and twere broachd twold spurty faith.

Come now via aloune to Celia.

Faith so, so, telamant, quelamant, as't please Oppinion to currant it.

I must giue notice to an od pedant as wee passe of my nuptials, I vse him for he is abscure and shal marry vs in priuate, I haue many enemies but secresie is the best euasion from enuie.

Holds it to morrow?

Ile say amen if the Priest be mute.

Salue Magister.

Saluete pueri estote salui, vos saluere exopto vobis salutem, Batte my fili, fili mi Batte.

Quid vis.

Stand forth repeat your lesson with out booke.

A nowne is the name of a thing that may be seene felt heard or vnderstood.

Of nownes some bee substantiues and some bee sub­stantiues.

Adiectiues.

Adiectiues, a nowne substantiue ether is propper to the thing that it betokneth.

Well to numbers.

In Nownes bee two numbers, the Singuler and the Plurall, the Singuler number speaketh of one as Lapis a Stone, the Plurall speaketh of more then one, as Lapides stones.

Good childe, now thou art past Lapides Stones, pro­ceed to the cases Nous, say you next Nous, wher's your lesson Nous.

I am in a verbe forsooth.

Say on for sooth say say.

A verbe is a part of speach declined with mood and tence and betokneth doing as Amo I loue,

How many kind of verbes arthere?

Of verbs personalls, how many kinds.

Fiue, Actiue Passiue Neuter Deponent and Common. A Verbe Actiue endeth in O and beetokneth to doe as Amo I loue and by putting to R it may bee a passiue as Amor I am loued.

Very good child, now learne to know the Deponent and common: Say you slip.

Cedant arma togae, concedant lauria linguae.

What part of speach is lingua, inflecte, inflecte.

Singulariter, nominatiuo Hec lingua.

Why is lingua the Feminine gender?

Forsooth because it is the Femenine gender.

Ha thou Asse, thou Dolt, Idem per idem, marke it: lingua is declined with Hec the Femenine, because it is a houshold stuffe perticularly belonging, and most commonly resident vn­der the roofe of Womens mouthes. Come on you Nathaniell say you, say you next, not too fast, say tretably, say.

Mascula dicuntur Monosilaba nomina quedam.

Faster, faster.

Rup, tup, snup, slup, bor, hor, cor, mor: holla, holla, holla, you Holifernes Pippo, put him downe, wipe your Nose: fie on your sleeue, where's your Muckender your Grand-mother gaue you? well say on▪ say on.

Pree Maister what words this?

Asse, Asse.

As in presenti perfectum format in, in, in.

In what Sir?

Perfectum format in what Sir?

In what Sir in avi?

What's next?

Voci, What's next?

Why thou vngratious child, thou simple animall, thou barnacle. Nous snare him, take him vp, and you were my father you should vp.

Indeed I am not your Father, O Lord now for God sake; let mee go out, my mother told a thing, I shall bewray all els. Harke you Maister, my Grand-mother intreates you to come to dinner to morrow morning.

I say vntrusse take him vp, Nous, dispatch what not per­fect in an Asse in presenty?

In truth Ile bee as perfect an Asse in presenty as any of this Company, with the grace of god law, this once, this once, and I do so any more —

I say hold him vp.

Ha let me say my praiers first. You know not what you ha done now, all the surrup of my braine is runne into my but­tockes & yee spill the iuice of my wit well, ha sweete, ha sweete, hunny barbary suger sweete Maister.

Sance trickes trifles, delaies, demurrers procrastinations or retarations mount him, mount him.

Be mercifull my gentle Sinior.

Weele sue his pardon out.

He is repriued: and now Appollo blesse your braines Facundius and Elaborate ellegance, make your presence gratious in the eyes of your Mistres.

You must along with vs, lend priuate eare.

What is your name.

Holifernes Pippo.

Who gaue you that name. Nay let mee alone for spo­sing of a scholler.

My godfathers and god-mothers in my baptisme.

Truly gallants I am inamord on thee boy wilt thou serue me.

Yes and please my grand-mother when I come to years of discretion.

And you haue a propensitude to him, he shall be for you: I was solicited to graunt him leaue to play the Lady in com­medies presented by Children, but I knew his voice was to smale and his stature to loe, sing, sing a treble Holifernes; sing.

A very smale sweete voice Ile assure you.

Tis smally sweete indeede.

A very pretty Child, hold vp thy head, there, buy thee some plummes.

Nay they must play, you go a long with vs.

Ludendi venia est petita & concessa.

Gratias.

Pippo's my page, how like you him, ha has hee not a good face, ha.

Carry my rapier hold vp so, good childe, stay gallants vmph a sweete face.

What so Lampatho, good truth I will not pay your Or­dinary if you come not.

Nay come good Sinior, I stay all the gentlemen here, I wood faine giue my prity page a pudding pie.

Dellicat good Lampatho come away. I assure you ile giue but two pence more.

My Simplicias Maister.

Your Maister Simplicius.

Has come to you to sent.

Has sent to me to come.

Ha, ha, has bought me a fine dagger, and a Hatte and a Feather, I can say As in presenti now.

Quadratus Quadratus, away, away.

SCAE. 1.

For God-sake remember to take speciall markes of me, or you will nere be able to know me.

Why man?

Why good faith I scarce know my selfe already me thinks I should remember to forget my selfe, now I am so shining braue. Indeed Francisco was alwayes a sweete youth, for I am a Persumer, but thus braue? I am an alien to it, would you make mee like the drownd Albano, must I bear't mainly vp, must I bee hee.

What els man? O what else?

Now you must grow in heate and stut.

An odde phantasma, a beggar, a Sir, a who who who what you will, a straggling go go go gunds, f f f f fut—

Passing like him, passing like him, O 'twill strike all dead.

And if it liue strike of this little head.

Can it be? ist possible? ist within the bounds of faith? O vilany.

The clapper of Rumor strikes on both sides ringing out the French knight is in firme possessiō of my Misteris your wife.

Faith I haue little arithmatique in me, yet I remember the storme made mee cast vp perfectly the whole sum of all I had receiu'd, three daies before I was liquord soundly my guts were rinc'd for the heauens: I looke as pale euer since as if I had tane the diet this spring.

But how long ist since our ship-wrack?

Mary since wee were hung by the heeles on the batch of Cycily to make a iayle deliuery of the sea in our mawes tis iust three monthes: shall I speake like a Poet?

Master will you trust me and Ile.

Euen next rising sonne.

The Taylors, Starchers, Semsters, Butchers, Pulterors, Mercers, all, all, all, now now now, none thinke a mee, the f f f French is te f f f fine man, de p p p pock man, de—

Peace, peace, stand conceald, yonder by all discriptions is he would be husband of my Mistresse: your wife hah meate hah.

Vds so, so, so, soule thats my veluet cloake.

O peace, obserue him, hah.

'Tis most true Sir, I heard all, I saw all, I tell all, and I hope you beleeue all, the sweete Francisco Soranza, the Perfu­mer is by your riuall Iacomo, and your two brothers that must be, when you haue married your wife, that shall be.

With the grace of Heauen.

Disguis'd so like the drownd Albano to crosse your sute, that by my little honesty 'twas great consolation to mee to obserue them, passion of ioy, of hope. O excellent cri'd An­drea, passingly cri'd Randolfo; vnparraleld lispes Iacomo, good, good, good, sayes Andrea, now stut sayes Iacomo, now stut sayes Randolfo, whilst the rauisht Perfumer had like to haue waterd the seames of his breeches for extreame pride of their applause.

Sest, Ile to Celia, and mauger the nose of her friends, wedde her: bedde her, my first sonne shall bee a Captaine, and his name shall bee what it please his God-fathers, the second if hee haue a face bad inough, a Lawyer, the third a Marchant, and the fourth if he bee maimd, dull braind, or hard shapt, a scholler, for thats your fashion.

Get them, get them man first; now by the wantonnesse of the night, and I were a wench I would not ha-thee, wert thou an heire, nay (which is more) a foole.

Why I can rise high, a straight legge, a plumpe thigh, a full vaine, a round cheeke, and when it pleaseth the firtility of my chinne to be deliuered of a beard, 'twill not wrong my kis­sing, for my lippes are rebels, and stand out.

Ho but ther's an old fustie Prouerbe, these great talkers are neuer good dooers.

Come, youle be snarling now.

I thinke I shall not lend you forty shillings now.

Vds so peace.

Roome and good licence, come on, when, when.

Tis most gratious weele obserue thee calmely.

Hang on thy toungs end, come on pree-thee doe.

Maister, Maister, I ha discri'd the Perfumer in Albanos disguise, looke you, looke you, rare sport, rare sport.

I can containe my impatience no longer, you Moun­sieur Cauelere, Saint Dennis, you Caprichious Sir, Sinior Caran­to French braule, you that must marry Celia Galanto, is Albano drown'd now? goe wander, auant Knight, errant Celia shall bee no Cuck-queane, my heire no begger, my plate no pawne, my land no morgage, my wealth no food for thy luxuries, my house no harbour for thy Comrades▪ my bedde no bootye for thy lustes, my any thing shall bee thy no­thing, goe hence packe, packe, auant, caper, caper, aloun, aloun, passe by, passe by, cloake your nose, away, vanish, wander de­part, slink by away.

Harke you perfumer, tell Iacomo Randulfo, and Adrean, 'twill not do, looke you say no more, but 'twill not doe.

What perfumer? what Iacomo?

Nay assure thee honest Perfumer good Francisco, wee know all man, goe home to thy Ciuitt Boxe, looke to the pro­fit, commodity or emolument of thy Mus-cats taile, go clap on your round Cap, my what do you lack sir, for yfaith good rogue alls discri'd.

What Perfumer? what Mus-cat? what Francisco, what do you lack, ist not inough that you kissd my wife?

Inough.

I inough, and may be, I feare me too much, but you must floute me, deride me, scoffe me, keepe out, touch not my porche, as for my wife—

Stirre to the dore: dare to disturbe the match, And by the—

My sword: menace Albano fore his owne dores.

No not Albano but Francisco, thus, Perfumer, Ile make you stinke if you stirre a; for the rest: well via via.

Iesu, Iesu, what intends this? ha?

O God Sir, you lye as open to my vnderstanding as a Curtizan, I know you as well—

Some body knowes me yet, praise heauen some body knowes me yet.

Why looke you Sir, I ha paide for my knowing of men and women too in my dayes, I know you are Francisco Soranza the Perfumer, I maugre Sinior Satten I.

Do not tempt my patience, go to, doe not.

I know you dwell in Saint Markes lane, at the signe of the Mus-cat as well—

Foole, or madd, or drunke no more.

I know where you were drest, where you were—

Nay then take all, take all, take all—

And I tell not my father, if I make you not loose your office of gutter Maister-ship; and you bee Skauenger next [Page] yeare well: Come Holifernes come good Holifernes, come seruant.

Francisco Soranza and perfumer and muscat, and gut­ter maister hay, hay, hay, go, go, go, gods f, f, f, fut; Ile to the Duke and Ile so ti, ti, ti, ticle them.

Whop what diuill now?

Ile faine I know him not, what businesse fore those dores.

Whats that to thee

My sword boy s, s, s, s, soule my sword.

O my deere roague thou art a rare dissembler.

See see.

See, see, Iesu, Iesu, impostors, connicatchers, Sancta Maria?

Looke you, he walkes he faines most excellent.

Successe could not come on more gratious.

Go go proceede thou dost it rare farewell.

Farwell? ha? ist euen so? boy who am I?

Good Sir.

Proclaime our titles

Bosphoros Cormelydon Honorificacuminos Bydet.

I thinke your Maiesties a Welchman, you haue a hor­rible long name.

Death or scilence proceed.

Honorificacuminos Bidet Emperor of Crackes, Prince of Pages, Marques of Mumchance, and sole regent ouer a bale of false dice, to all his vnder Ministers health, Crownes, Sack, Tobacco, and stockings vncrakt aboue the shooe.

Our selfe will giue them their charge, Now let mee stroake my beard and I had it, & speake wisely if I knew how: most vnconsionable, honest little, or little honest good subiects, informe our person of your seuerall qualities and of the pre­iudice that is foisted vppon you that our selfe may peruew, pre­uent, and preoccupie the pustulent dangers incident to all your cases.

Here is a petition exhibited of the particuler greeuan­ces of each sort of pages.

We will vouchsafe in this our publike session to per­use them, pleaseth your excellent wagship to bee informed that the deuision of pages is tripartite (tripartite) or three fold, of pages, some be Court pages, others Ordinary gallants pages, & the third-apple squiers, basket-bearers or pages of the placket, with the last we will proceede first, stand forth page of the plac­ket, what is your mistres?

A kinde of puritane.

How liue you?

Miserably cōplayning to your crack-ship though we haue light Mistresses we are made the Children and seruants of dark­nes, what prophane vse we are put to, al these gallants more fee­lingly know then we can liuely expresse, it is to be comiserated [Page] and by your royall insight onely to bee preuented that a male Mounkey and the diminutiue of a man should bee Synonima & no scence. Though wee are the drosse of your subiects, yet be­ing a kinde of page, let vs finde your Celsitude kind and respec­tiue of our time-fortunes and birthes abuse, and so in the name of our whole tribe of emptie basket-bearers, I kisse your little hands.

Your case is dangerous and almost desperat stand forth ordinary gallants page, what is the nature of your Master?

He eates well and right slouenly, and when the dice fauor him goes in good cloathes, and scowers his pinke collour silk stockings: whē he hath any mony he beares his crownes, whē he hath none I carry his purse, he cheates well, sweares better, but swaggers in a wantons Chamber admirably, hee loues his boy and the rump of a cram'd Capon, and this summer hath a passing thrifty humor to bottle ale: as contemptuous as Lucifer, as arrogant as ignorāce can make him, as libidinous as Priapus, hee keepes mee as his adamant to draw mettell after to his lodging, I curle his perriwig, painte his cheekes, perfume his breath, I am his froterer or rubber in a Hot-house, the prop of his lies, the bearer of his fals dice, and yet for all this like the Persian Louse that eates byting, and byting eates, so I say si­thing and sithing say my end is to paste vp a Si quis my Masters fortunes are forc'd to cashere me and so six to one I fall to be a Pippin squire. Hic finis priami, this is the end of pick pockets.

Stand forth Court-page, thou lokest pale and wan.

Most ridiculous Emperor.

O say no more, I know thy miseryes, what betwixt thy Lady, her Gentlewoman and thy Masters late gaming thou maist looke pale. I know thy miseries and I condole thy calami­ties, thou art borne well, bred ill, but diest worst of al, thy bloud most commonly gentle, thy youth ordinaryly idle, and thy age to often miserable. When thy first sute is fresh, thy cheekes cleere of Court soiles, and thy Lord falne out with his Lady, so longe may be heele chuck thee vnder the chin, call thee good pretty ape and giue thee a scrap from his owne trencher, but after he neuer beholds thee, but when thou squierst him with a torch to a wantons sheetes, or lightes his Tobacco pipe. Neuer [Page] vseth thee but as his pander neuer, regardeth thee but as an idle bur that stickst vpon the nap of his fortune, and so naked thou camst into the world and naked thou must returne; whom serue you.

A foole.

Thou art my happiest subiect, the seruice of a foole is the onely blessedst slauery that euer put on a chaine and a blew cote, they know not what nor for what they giue, but so they giue tis good, so it be good they giue: fortunes are ordain'd for fooles, as fooles are for fortune, to play with all not to vse, hath hee taken an oth of alleagiance is hee of our brother­hood yet?

Not yet right venerable Honorificac cac cac cacuminos Bidet: but as little an infant as I am I will, and with the grace of wit I will deserue it.

You must performe a valorous Vertuous, and religi­ous exploit first in desert of your order.

What ist?

Couzen thy master, hee is a foole, and was created for men of wit such as thy selfe to make vse of.

Such as my selfe. Nay faith for wit I think for my age or so, but on, sir.

That thou maist the easier purge him of superfluous bloud I will discribe thy Maisters constitution, he loues and is beloued of himselfe and one more; his dog. There is a company of vnbrac'd vntrussd, rutters in the towne, that crinkle in the hammes swearing their flesh is their onely lyuing, and when they haue any crownes, cry god a marcy Mol, and shrugging let the Cockholds pay fort: intimating that their maintenance flowes from the wantonnesse of Merchants wiues, when introth the plaine troth is, the plaine and the stand, or the plaine stand and deliuer, deliuers them all their lyuing. These comrades haue perswaded thy Maister that ther's no way to redeeme his peach collour satten sute from pawne but by the loue of a Cyti­zens wife, hee beleeues it, they slout him he feedes them, and now tis our honest and religious meditation that hee feede vs. [Page] Holyfernes Puppi.

Pippo and shall please you.

Pippo tis our will and pleasure thou sute thy selfe like a Marchants wife, leaue the managing of the sequence vnto our prudence.

Or vnto our Prudence truly shee is a very witty wench and hath a stammell petticote with three gards for the nonce; but for your Marchants wife alas I am to little, speake to small, go to gingerly, by my troth I feare I shall looke to faire.

Our maiesty dismounteth, and wee put of our great­nesse, and now my little knaues I am plaine Crack, as I am Bos­phoros Carmelidon Honorificacuminos Bydet I am imperious: ho­nor sparckles in mine eyes; but as I am Crack I wil conuay cros­bite and cheat vpon Simplicius, I will feed, satiat and fill your panches: replenish, stuff or furnish your purses, wee will laugh when others weepe, sing when others sith, feede when others starue, and be drunke when others are sober, this my charge at the loose, as you loue our brother-hood, auoide true speech square dice, small liquor, and aboue all, those to vngentleman­like protestations of indeede and verely, and so gentle Appollo touch thy nimble string our sceane is donne yet fore wee cease wee sing.

SCE 1.

Out on him light pated Phantasticke, he's like one of our gallants at. —

I wonder who thou speak'st well of?

Why of my selfe, for by my troth I know none els wil.

Sweet sister Meletza lets sit in iudgment a little, faith of my seruant Mounsier Lauerdure.

Troth well for a seruant, but for a husband (figh) I.

Why why?

Why he is not a plaine foole, nor faire, nor fat, nor rich, rich foole. But he is a knight, his honour will giue the pas­sado in the presence to morrow night, I hope he wil deserue: Al I can say is as, as the common fiddlers will say in their God send you well to do.

How think'st thou of the amorous Iacomo.

Iacomo why on my bare troth.

Why bare troth.

Because my troth is like his chinne tath no haire on't; gods me his face lookes like the head of a taber, but trust me he hath a good wit.

Who told you so.

One that knowes, one that can tell?

Whose that.

Him selfe.

Well wench, thou hadst a seruant one Fabius what hast thou done with him.

I donne with him? out of him puppy, by this fether his beard is derectly brick collour, and perfectly fashion'd like the husk of a cheessnut, hee kisses with the driest lip; figh on him.

O but your seruant Quadratus the absolute Courtier.

Madam here is your shuttle-cock

Sister is not your waighting wench rich?

Why sister why?

You post and I piller.

No, no, you are the onely post, you must support [Page] proue a wench and beare, or elce all the building of your de­light will fall —

Downe.

What must I stand out?

I by my faith til you be married.

Why do you tosse then?

Why I am wed wench.

Pree thee to whome.

To the true husband right head of a woman, my wil, which vowes neuer to marry till I meane to be a foole, a slaue, starch cambrick ruffes, and make candells (pur) tis downe serue againe good wench.

By your pleasing cheeke you play well.

Nay good creature pree thee doe not flatter mee, I thought twas for somthing you goe casd in your veluit skab­berd, I warrant these laces were nere stich'd on with true stich, I haue a plaine waighting wench shee speakes plaine, and faith, she goes plaine, she is vertuous and because she should go like virtue by the consent of my bounty shee shall neuer haue aboue two smockes to her back, for thats the fortune of desert, & the maine in fashion or reward of merit (pur)iust thus do I vse my seruants, I striue to catch them in my racket, and no sooner caught but I tosse them away, if he flie wel and haue good feae­thers I play with them till he be downe, and then my maide serues him to me againe, if a slug and weake wing'd if hee bee downe there let him lie.

Good Mell I wonder how many seruants thou hast.

Troth so do I, let me see Dupatzo.

Dupatzo which Dupatzo.

Dupatzo the elder brother the foole, he that bought the half penny rib and wearing it in his eare▪ swearing twas the duches of Millans fauor, hee into whose head a man may trauell 10. leagues before hee can meete with his eyes, then ther's my chub my Epicure Quadratus, that rubbes his guttes, clappes his paunch & cries Riuo, intertayning my eares perpe­tually with a most strong discourse of the praise of bottle ale & [Page] red Herrings, then ther's Simplicius Faber.

Why he is a foole.

True or els he would nere be my seruant, then ther's the cap cloakt Courtier Baltazar hee weares a double treble quadruple ruffe, I in the sommer time, faith I ha seruants inow and I doubt not but by my ordinary pride and extraordinary cunning to get more. Mounsier Lauerdure with a troupe of gal­lants is entring.

By my troth tis a pretty thing to be towards marriage, a pretty louing: looke where he comes ha ha.

Good day sweete loue.

Wish her good night man.

God morrow sister.

A cursie to you caper, to morrow morne Ile call you brother.

But much much falls betwixt the cup and lip.

Be not to confident the knot may slip.

Bounty, blessednes, and the spirit of wine attend my Mistres.

Thankes good chub.

God yee god morrow heartely mistres, and how do you since last I saw you.

Gods mee you must not inquire how shee does, thats priuy counsell, fie, ther's manners indeed.

Pray you pardon my inciuility, I was som-what bould with you, but beleeue me Ile neuer be so sawcy to aske you how you do againe, as long as I liue la.

Square chub, what sullene black is that.

A tassell that hangs at my purse strings, hee dogs mee and I giue him scraps and pay for his ordinary, feede him, hee li­quors himselfe in the iuice of my bounty, and when hee hath suckt vp strength of spirit he squeaseth it in my owne face, when I haue refind and sharp'd his wits with good food, hee cuts my [Page] fingers, and breakes iests vpon me, I beare them, and beate him: but by this light the dull eyed thinks he dos wel, dos very well, and but that hee and I are of two faithes—I fill my belly, and feeds his braine, I could find in my heart to hug him, to hug him.

Pree-thee perswade him to assume spirit and salute vs.

Lampatho, Lampatho, art out of countenance, for witts sake salute these beauties, how doost like them?

Vds fut, I can liken them to nothing, but great mens great horse vpon great dayes, whose tailes are trust vp in silke and siluer.

To them man, salute them.

Blesse you faire Ladies, God make you all his seruants.

God make you all his seruants.

Hee is holpen well had need of you, for bee it spoken without prophanisme hee hath more in this traine, I feare mee you ha more seruants then he, I am sure the Diuill is an Angell of darkenesse.

I but those are Angels of light.

Light Angels, pree-thee leaue them, with-draw a little and heare a Sonnet pree-thee, heare a Sonnet.

Made of Albanos widdow that was, and Mounsieur Lauerdures wife that must be.

Come leaue his lips and command some liquor, if you haue no Bottle-Ale, command some Claret-wine and Bourrage, for that's my predominate humor sleeke billid Bacchus, lets fill thy guttes.

Nay heare it, and rellish it iuditiously.

I do rellish it most iuditially.

Adored excellence, delicious sweet.

Delicious sweete good, very good.

If thou canst taste the purer iuice of loue.

If thou canst taste the purer iuice, good still, good still.

I doe rellish it, it tastes sweete.

Is not the metaphor good, ist not well followed?

Passing good, very pleasing.

Ist not sweete.

You wrong my Muse.

Why now could I eate thee, thou doost please mine ap­petite, I can disist thee, God made thee a good foole, and happy and ignorant, and amarous, and riche and fraile, and a Satyrist, and an Essayest, and sleepy, and proud, and indeed a foole and then thou shalt bee sure of all these. Doe but scorne her shee is thine owne, accost her carelesly, and her eye promiseth shee will be bound to the good abbearing.

Now sister Meletza doost marke their craft, some strag­gling thoughts transport thy attentiuenesse from his discourse, wast Iacomos or our brothers plot?

Both, both, sweete Lady, my Page heard all, we mette the roague, so like Albano, I beat the roague.

I but when you were gone the roague beat me.

Now take my counsell, listen.

A pretty youth, a pretty well shapt youth, a good leg, a very good eye, a sweete ingenious face, and I warrant a good witte, nay which is more, if hee bee poore I assure my soule hee is chaste and honest, good faith I fancy, I fancie him, I and I may chance, well Ile thinke the rest.

I say bee carelesse still, court her without complement take spirit.

Meletza bella belletza, Madonna, bella bella genteletza pree-thee kisse this initiated gallant.

How would it please you I should respect yee.

As any thing, What you will as nothing.

As nothing, how will you valew my loue.

Why iust as you respect me, as nothing, for out of no­thing, nothing is bred, so nothing shall not beget any-thing, any-thing bring nothing, nothing bring any-thing, any-thing & nothing shal be What you will, my speach mounting to the valieu of my selfe which is.

What sweete—

Your nothing light as your selfe scencelesse as your sex, and iust as you would ha me, nothing.

Your wit skips a morisco, but by the brightest span­gle of my tier, I vouchafe you intire vnaffected fauor, were this gentle spirit be not proud.

Celia open, open Celia, I would enter, open Celia.

Celia, open, open Celia, I would enter open Celia.

What Celia let in thy husband Albano what Celia.

What Celia let in thy husband Albano what Celia

Vds f, f, f, fut let Albano enter.

Vds f, f, f, fut let Albano enter.

Sweete breast you ha playd the wag yfaith.

Beleeue it sweete not I.

Come you haue attired some fiddler like Albano to fright the perfumer, ther's the iest.

Good fortunes to our sister.

And a speedy marriage.

Then we must wish her no good fortunes.

For shame, for shame straight cleere your house; sweepe out this dust, fling out this trash, returne to modesty your hus­band I say your husband Albano that was supposd drownd is return'd I and at the dore.

Ha ha, my husband, ha ha.

Laugh you, shameles? laugh you?

Come, come, your plots discouerd, good faith kinsmen I am no skold: to shape a Perfumer like my husband, O sweete iest.

Last hopes all knowne.

For pennance of your fault will you maintaine a iest now, my loue hath tired some fiddler like Albano, like the Perfumer.

Not I by blessednesse not I.

Come tis true, do but support the iest and you shal sur­fet, with laughter.

B, b, b, bar out Albano, O Adulterous impudent.

B, b, b, bar out Albano, O thou matchlesse g, g, g, gigglet.

Let them in, let them in, now, now, now obserue, obserue, look, look, look.

That sames a fiddler, shapt like thee, feare naught, bee confident thou shalt know the iest heereafter, be confident; feare naught, blush not, stand firme.

Now brothers, now gallants, now sisters now call a Perfumer a gutter-maister, bar mee my house, beate mee: baffle [Page] me, skoffe me, deride mee, ha that I were a young man againe, by the mas I would ha you all by the eares, by the mas law; I am Francisco Soranza am I not gigglet: strumpet, cutters, swag­gerers, brothell haunters, I am Francisco, O god, O slaues, O dogges, dogges, curres.

No sir pray you pardon vs, we confesse you are not Fran­cisco nor a Perfumer, but euen.

But euen Albano.

But euen a fiddler, a miniken tickler, a pum, pum.

Well said perfumer.

A fiddler a scraper, a miniken tickler, a pum, a pum, euen now a Perfumer, now a fiddler, I will be euen What you will, do, do do, k, k, k, kisse my wife be, be, be, be, fore.

Why would'st haue him kisse her behind?

Before my owne f, f, f, face.

Well done fiddler.

Ile f, f, fiddle yee.

Dost f, f, floute mee.

Dost m, m, m, mock me.

Ile to the Duke Ile p, p, p, paste vp infamies on euery post.

Twas rarely, rarely done, away, away.

Ile f, f, follow, though I st, st, st, stut, ile stumble to the Duke in p, p, plaine language, I pray you vse my wife well, good faith shee was a kinde soule and an honest woman once, I was her husband and was call'd Albano before I was drown'd, but now after my resurrection I an I know not what indeede bro­thers, and indeed sisters and in deed wife I am: What you will, do'st thou laugh, dost thou ge, ge, ge, gerne; a p, p, p, perfumer a fiddler, a Diabalo, matre de Dios, Ile f, f, f, firk you by the Lord now, now I will.

Ha ha tis a good roague, a good roague.

A good roague ha, I know him not.

No good sweete loue come come dissemble not,

Thy praiers are now god send it quickly night.

And then come morning.

I thats the hopefull day▪

I there thou hitst it.

Pray God he hit it.

Play.

They say ther's reuells and a Play at Court.

A Play to night?

I tis this gallants wit,

Ist good ist good?

I feare twill hardly hit.

Come gallants the table spread will you to dinner?

Yes first a maine at dice and then weele eate.

Truely the best wittes haue the bad'st fortune at dice still.

Whole Play, whole play.

Not I, in truth I haue still exceeding bad fortune at dice.

Would I were time then, I thought twas for some thing that the old fornicator was bald behinde; go passe on passe on.

SCAE. 1.

I commend, commend my selfe to yee Lady.

In troth Sir you dwell farre from neighbours that are inforc'd to commend your selfe.

Why Simplicius, whether now man, for good fashions sake stirre not, fit still, sit still.

I must needs rise, much good do it you.

Doost thou thinke thy rising will do them much good, sit still, sit still, carue me of that good Melletza: fill Bacchus fill.

I must needs bee gone, and youle come to my Chamber to morrow morning, Ile send you a hundred crownes.

In the name of Prosperitie, what tide of happinesse so suddeinly is flou'd vpon thee.

Ile keepe a horse and foure boyes with grace of for­tune now.

Now then ifaith get vp and ride.

And I do not? Ile thwack a Ierkin till he groane againe with Gold lace: let mee see, what should I desire of God, mary a Cloake linde with rich Taffata, white Sattin sute, and my gilt Rapier from pawne, nay shee shall giue me a Chaine of Pearle that shall pay for all, good boy, good Sinior, good boye, good Sinior.

Why now, thou speaketh in the most imbrac'd fashion that our time hugges, no sooner a good fortune, or a fresh sute falles vpon a fellow that would ha beene guld to ha shou'd into your society, but and he met you he fronts you with a faint eye, throwes a squint glaunce ouer a wried shoulder and cryes [Page] twixt the teeth, as very parcimonious of breath, good boy, good Sinior, good boy, good Sinior death: I will search the life bloud of your hopes.

And a fresh Pearle-colour silke stocking o IIII, Ile goe to the halfe crowne ordinary euery meale, Ile haue my Iuory boxe of Tobacco, Ile conuerse with none but Counts and Cour­tiers—now good boy, good Sinior, a paire of massie siluer Spurs, to a hatch short sword, and then your imbroderd hanger, and good Sinior.

Shut the windowes, darken the roome, fetch whips, the fellow is madde, hee raues, hee raues, talkes idly, lunatique, who procures thy—

One that has eate fat Capon, suckt the boild Chicken, & let out his wit with the foole of bounty, one Fabius, ile scorne him, hee goes vpon Fridaies in black satten.

Fabius, by this light, a cogging Chetor, he liues on loue of Marchants wiues, hee stands on the base, of maines, hee furnisheth your ordinary, for which he feeds scot-free, keepes faire gold in his purse, to put on vpon maines, by which he liues and keepes a faire boy at his heeles, he is dam'd Fabius.

He is a fine man law, and has a good wit for when he list he can go in black Sattin, I and in a cloake lin'd with vnshorne Veluet.

By the saluation of humanity he's more pestilent then the plague of Lice that fell vpon Egipt, thou hast bin knaue if thou credit it, thou art an Asse if thou follow it, & shalt be a perpetual Ideot if thou persue it, renounce the world, the flesh, the Diuell, and thy trust in mens wiues for they wil double with thee, and so I betake my selfe to the sucking of the iuice Capon, my ingle Bottle-ale, & his Gentleman vsher that squiers him red herring, a foole I found thee & a foole I leaue thee, beare record heauē tis against the prouidence of my speach, God boy good Sinior.

Ha, ha, ha, God boy good Sinior, what a foole 'tis, ha, ha, what an Asse 'tis, saue you young Gentlemen, is shee comming, will she meete me, shal's incounter ha?

You were not lapt in your Mothers smock, you ha not a good cheeke, an inticing eye, a smooth skinne, a well shapt leg, a faire hand, you cannot bring a wench into a fooles parradize for you?

Not I by this garter, I am a foole, a very Ninny I, how call you her? how call you her?

Call her, you rise on your right side to day marry, call her, her name is Mistresse Perpetuana, shee is not very faire, nor goes extraordinary gay.

She has a good skinne?

A good skin? she is wealthy, her husbands a foole, sheele make you, she weares the breeches: sheele make you.

Ile keepe two men and they shall be Taylors, they shall make sutes continually, and those shall be cloath of siluer.

You may go in beaten pretious Stones euery day, marry I must acquaint you with some obseruances which you must persue most religiously, she has a foole, a naturall foole waights on her, that is indeed her pander to him, at the first you must be bounteous, what-so-ere hee craues, bee it your Hatte, Cloake, Rapier, Purse, or such trifle, giu't, giu't, the night will pay all: and to draw all suspect, from persuing her loue for base gaine sake.

Giu't by this light, Ile giu't, wert, gaine, I care not for her Chaine of Pearle, onely her loue; gaine? the first thing her boūty shal fetch is my blush colour Satten sute frō pawn: gaine?

When you heare one winde a Cornet, shee is comming downe Saint Markes streete, prepare your speech, suck your lippes, lighten your spirits, fresh your bloud, sleeke your cheekes, for now thou shalt be made for euer (a perpetuall and eternall gull)

I shall so rauish her with my court-ship, I haue such va­riety of discourse, such coppy of phrase to begin, as this; sweete Lady Vlisses Dog after his Maisters ten yeares trauell, I shall so ticle her, or thus, Pure beauty there is a stone.

Two stones man.

Called, 'tis no matter what; I ha the eloquence, I am not to seeke I warrant you.

Sweete Lady Vlisses dog, there's a stone called—, O Lord what shall I say.

Is all your eloquence come to this?

The glorious radient of your glimmering eies, your glit­tering beauties blind my witt, and dazled my—

Ile put on my maske and please you, pray you winke, pray you.

O fine man, my mistresse loues you best, I dreamt you ga me this sword and dagger, I loue your Hatte and Feather, O.

Do not crie man, do not crie man, thou shalt ha them I and they were—

O that purse with all the white pence in it, fine man I loue you, giue you the fine red pence soone at night, he, I thanke you where's the foole now?

He has all my money, I haue to keepe my selfe, and—

Poght.

Sir the foole shall lead you to my house, the foole shall not, at night I expect you, till then take this seale of my af­fection.

What Simplicius.

I come Quadratus, Gentlemen as yet I can but thanke you, but I must bee trusted for my ordinary soone at night, or stay Ile—the foole has vnfurnisht mee, but 'twill come againe, good boy.

What ho Simplicius?

Good boy, good boyes, I come, I come, good boyes, good boyes.

The foole shall waight on thee, Now do I merrit to bee yclipped Bosphoros Carmelydon Honorificacuminos Bydett, who who has any square Dice?

Marry Sir that haue I.

Thou shalt loose thy share for it in our purchase.

I pray you now, pray you now.

Ha take all then, ha.

Without cloake or hat or rapier figh,

Gods me, looke yonder, who gaue you these things?

Mistris Perpetuanos foole.

Mistris Perpetuanos foole, ha, ha, there lies a iest, Sinior the foole promised me he would not leaue me.

I know the foole well, he will sticke to you, dos not vse to for-sake any youth that is inamord on an other mans wife, hee striues to keepe company with a crimson satten sute continually, he loues to be al one with a Critique, a good wit selfe conceited, a hauke bearer, a dogge keeper, and great with the nobility, hee doates vpon a meere scholler an honest flat foole, but aboue all hee is all one with a fellow whose cloake hath a better inside then his out-side, and his body richer lin'd then his braine.

Vds so I am cosoned.

Pray you maister pardon me, I must loose my share.

Giue me my purse againe.

You gaue it me and Ile keept.

Well done my honest crack thou shalt be my ingle fort.

He shall keepe all maugre thy beardles chin thy eyes.

I may go starue till Midsomer quarter.

Foole get thee hence,

Ile to schoole againe that I will, I left in Asse in presenti, and Ile begin in Asse in presenti and so good night faire gentry.

Duke, Prince, royall bloud, thou that hast the best meanes to be damn'd of any Lord in Veince, thou great man, let me kisse thy flesh, I am fat and therefore faithfull, I will do that which few of thy subiects do; loue thee, but I will neuer do, that which all thy subiects do; flatter thee, thy humors reall, good, a Commedie?

Whole personate him.

Marry that wil I on suddaine without change.

Thou want'st a beard.

Tush a beard nere made Cato, though many mens Cato hang onely on their chin.

Cato grantes that I am sure, for he was valiant, and ho­nest, which an Epicure nere was, and a coward neuer will be.

My leidge my royall leidge, heare, heare my sute.

Now may thy breath nere smell sweete as long as thy loungs can pant for breaking my speech, thou Muscouite, thou stinking perfumer.

Is not this Albano our some times Courtier?

No troth but Francisco your alwaies perfumer.

Lorenzo Celso our braue Venice Duke, Albano Belletzo, thy Merchant, thy soldier, thy Courtier, thy slaue, thy any-thing, thy What thou wilt, kisseth thy noble bloud, doe mee right or els I am canonized a cuckold, canonized a cuckold, I am abus'd, I am abusd, my wifes abusd, my cloathes abusd, my shape, my house my all abusd, I am sworne out of my selfe, beated out of my selfe baffled, geird at, laught at, bard my owne house, de­bard my owne wife, whilst others swill my wines, gurmandize my meat, meat, kisse my wife, O gods, O gods, O gods, O gods, O gods.

Who ist? who ist?

Come sweete this is your waggery yfaith, as if you knew him not.

Yes I feare I do too wel, would I could slide away invisible.

Assured this is hee.

Art sure tis true.

Tis confest tis right.

It is right, tis true, right, I am a fiddler, a fiddler, a fid­ler vds fut a fidler; Ile not beleeue thee thou art a woman, and tis knowne veritas non querit angulos, truth seekes not to lurke vnder varthingalls, veritas non querit angulos, a fidler?

Worthy sir pardon, and permit me first to confesse your selfe, your deputation dead hath made my loue liue, to offend you.

I, mock on, skoffe on, flout on, do do do.

Troth sir in serious.

O me my deerest Lord, my sweete, sweete loue.

Deere brother.

Beleeue it brother.

Nay your selfe when you shall heare the occurrances will say tis happy, commicall.

Assure thee brother.

Shall I be braue, shall I be my selfe now, loue, giue me thy loue, brothers giue me your breasts, French knight reach me thy hand, perfumer thy fist. Duke I inuite thee, loue I forgiue thee: Frenchman I hug thee, Ile know all, ile pardon all, and Ile laugh at all.

Well, good, good.

Beauty your heart.

Shall I dispaire? neuer will I loue more.

No sea so boundles vast but hath a shore.

Ten thousand Duckets too to bote are laide.

Why then winde Cornets▪ lead on iolly ladde.

But then found rest so ends or slight writ play.