A pleasant comedy, called A mayden-head well lost As it hath beene publickly acted at the Cocke-pit in Drury-lane, with much applause: by her Maiesties Seruants. Written by Thomas Heyvvood. — Maidenhead well lost
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A Pleasant Comedy, called A MAYDEN-HEAD WELL LOST. As it hath beene publickly Acted at the Cocke-pit in Drury-lane, with much Applause: By her Maiesties Seruants.
Written by THOMAS HEYVVOOD.
Aut predessesolent, aut delectare.
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LONDON, Printed by Nicholas Okes for Iohn Iackson and Francis Church, and are to be sold at the Kings Armes in Cheape-side. 1634.
COurteous Reader, (of what sexe soeuer) let not the Title of this Play any way deterre thee from the perusall thereof: For there is nothing herein contained, which doth deuiate either from Modesty, or good Manners. For though the Argument be drawne from a Mayden-head lost, yet to be well lost, cleares it from all aspersion. Neither can this be drawne within the Criticall censure of that most horrible Histriomastix, whose vncharitable doome hauing damned all such to the flames of Hell, hath it selfe already suffered a most remarkeable fire here vpon Earth. This hath beene frequently, and publickly Acted without exception, and I presume may be freely read without distaste; and of all in generall: excepting such, whose prepared palats, disgusting all Poems of this nature, are poysoned with the bitter iuice of that Coloquintida and Hemlocke, which can neither relish the peace of the [Page]Church nor Common-weale. Nothing remaineth further to be said, but read charitably, and then censure without preiudice.
By him who hath beene euer studious of thy fauour,
That were my Husbands followers, and whose fortunes
Expir'd in him?
Clo.
They are if please your Ladiship: though I was neuer Tawny-coate, I haue playd the summoners part, and the rest are already paide, onely these three attend your Ladiships remuneration.
Wife.
VVelcome Gentlemen,
My Husband led you on to many dangers
Two yeares, and last to pouerty: His reuenewes
Before hand he sold to maintaine his Army,
VVhen the Dukes pay still fail'd, you know you were
Stor'd euer from his Coffers.
1 Soul.
He was a right
And worthy Generall.
2 Soul.
He was no lesse.
Clo.
He was no lesse; and all you know hee was no more, well, had he liu'd, I had beene plac't in some house of office or other ere this time.
Gentlemen I'me sorry that I cannot pay you better,
Vnto my wishes and your owne desert,
'Tis plainely seene great Persons oft times fall,
And the most Rich cannot giue more then all.
Good morrow Gentlemen,
All.
May you be euer happy.
Exeunt Souldiers.
Clo.
I but Madam, this is a hard case being truly considered, to giue away all, why your Shoe-maker, though he hath many other Tooles to worke with, he will not giue away his All.
Wife.
All ours was his alone, it came by him.
And for his Honour it was paid againe.
Clo.
VVhy, say I had a peece of Meate, I had a mind to, I might perhaps giue away a Modicum, a Morcell, a Fragment or so, but to giue away and bee a hungry my selfe, I durst not doo't for my Guts, or say I should meete with a friend that had but one Penny in his Purse, that should giue mee a Pot of Ale, that should drinke to me, and drinke vp all, I'le stand too't there's no Conscience in't.
Lau.
VVhat hath beene done was for my Fathers Honor.
Clo.
Shee might haue giuen away a little, and a little, but
VVhen all is gone, what's left for me?
Wife.
VVee will leaue Millaine and to Florence straight,
Though wee are poore, yet where we liue vnknowne
'Tis the lesse griefe, sirrah, will you consort
VVith vs, and beare a part in our misfortunes?
Clo.
Troth Madam, I could find in my heart to goe with you but for one thing.
Because you are too liberall a Mistresse: and that's a fault seldome found among Ladies: For looke, you vse o giue away all, and I am all that is left; and I am affraide when you come into a strange Countrey, you'le giue away me too, so that I shall neuer liue to be my owne man.
Wife.
Tush, feare it not.
Clow.
Why then I'le goe with you inspite of your teeth.
Wife.
Leaue Milleine then, to Florence be our guide,
Heauen when man failes, must for our helpe prouide.
Exeūt.
Actus Secundus, Scena prima.
Enter Parma reading a Letter: after him Iulia.
Par.
This Letter came from you, 'tis your Character.
Iul.
That hand in Contract you so long haue had,
Should not seeme strange to you now.
Par.
You are with-childe,
So doth your Letter say: what change your face?
Iu.
My blushes must speake for me.
Par.
And this Childe
You would bestow on me: y are very liberall Lady,
You giue me more then I did meane to aske.
Iu.
And yet but what's your owne Sir, I am serious,
And it will ill become your Oathes and Vowes
To iest at my vndoeing.
Par.
You would say
Rather your doing.
Iu.
In doing thus, you should vndoe me quite.
Par.
What doe you weepe, that late did rayle in clamor?
Your thunders turnd to showres? It is most strange.
Oh Sir, you come to know whether Tobacco be good for you or no; Ile tell you, if you neuer tooke it, neuer take it then, or it you euer vs'd it, take it still; Nay, I'me an excellent Philistian growne of late I tell you.
From all the world conceal'd, compresse thy griefe,
And I will study how to shadow mine.
[Page] Wipe from thy cheekes these teares: oh cursed Age,
When Children 'gainst their Parents all things dare,
Yet Fathers still proue Fathers in their care.
Exeunt.
Enter Mother, Lauretta, and Clowne.
Moth.
Oh misery beyond comparison!
When saue the Heauens we haue no roofe at all
To shelter vs.
Clow.
That word all
Stickes more in my stomacke then my victuals can: For indeede wee can get none to eate now; I told you, you were so prodiga'l we should pinch for't.
Wife
What place may wee call this? what Clime? what Prouince?
Clow.
Why this is the Duke-dome of Florence, and this is the Forrest where the hard-hearted Duke hunts many a Hart: and there's no Deere so deare to him, but hee'le kill it: as goodly a large place to starue in, as your Ladiship can desire to see in a Summers day.
Wife
Yet here, since no man knowes vs, no man can
Deride our misery: better dye staru'd,
Then basely begge.
Clow.
How better starue then begge; all the Ladies of Florence shal neuer make me of that beleefe. I had rather beg a thousand times, then starue once, doe you scorne begging? Your betters doe not, no Madam; get me a Snap-sacke, I'le to Florence: I'le make all the high wayes ring of me with for the Lords sake. I haue studied a Prayer for him that giues, and a Poxe take him that giues nothing: I haue one for the Horse-way, another for the Foote-way, and a third for the turning-ftile. No Madam, begging is growne a gentlemanlike Calling here in our Countrey.
Wife
I haue yet one poore piece of Gold reseru'd,
Step to the Vi [...]lage by and fetch some Wine.
Clow.
You had better keepe your Gold, and trust to my begging Oratory, yet this is the worst they can say to mee, [Page] that I am my Ladies Bottle-man.
Exit Clowne.
Wife
Here's a strange change: we must be patient,
Yet can I not but weepe thinking on thee.
Lau.
Madam on me? there is no change of Fortune
Can puffe me or deiect me; I am all one
In rich abundance and penurious want:
So little doe my miseries vexe me,
Or the faire Princesse wrong, that I will end
My passions in a Song.
A Song.
Sound Hornes within.
Wife
It seemes the Duke is Hunting in the Forrest,
Here let vs rest our selues, and listen to
Their Tones, for nothing but mishap here lies;
Sing thou faire Childe, I'le keepe tune with my eyes.
Winde hornes. And enter the Prince of Florence & Mounsieur.
Prince
This way the voyce was, let vs leaue the Chace.
Moun.
Behold my Lord two sad deiected Creatures
Throwne on the humble verdure.
Prince
Here's beauty mixt with teares, that pouerty
Was neuer bred in Cottage: I'le farther question
Their state and fortune.
Wife
Wee're discouered,
Daughter arise.
Prince
What are you gentle Creatures?
Nay answere not in teares.
If you by casuall losse, or by the hand
Of Fortune haue beene crusht beneath these sorrowes,
He demands your griefe
That hath as much will as ability
To succour you, and for your owne faire sake;
Nay beautious Damsell, you neede not question that.
To thy sad passion mooue thus: what will the Sceane
And tragicke act it selfe doe? Is thatt Gentlewoman
Your Mother sweete?
Lau.
My wretched Mother Sir.
Prince.
Pray of what Prouince?
Lau.
Milleine.
Prince.
What fortune there?
Lau.
My Father was a Noble Gentleman,
Rank't with the best in Birth, and which did adde
To all his other vertues, a bold Souldier;
But when he dy'de—
Prince.
Nay, proceede beauteous Lady,
How was your Father stil'd?
Lau.
To tell you that,
Were to exclaime vpon my Prince, my Countrey
And their Ingratitude: For he being dead,
With him our fortunes and our hopes both fail'd;
My Mother loath to liue ignobly base,
Where once she flourisht, hauing spent her meanes
Not loosely nor in riot, but in the honour
Of her dead Husband: left th'ingratefull Land,
Rather to spend her yeares in pouerty,
Mongst those that neuer knew her height of Fortune,
Then with her thankelesse Friends and Countrey-men,
Fled here to perish.
Prince.
More then her Charming beauty
Her passion moues me: where inhabit you?
Lau.
Here, euery where.
Prince.
Beneath these Trees?
Lau.
We haue
No other roofe then what kinde Heauen lends.
Prince.
Gentle Creature,
[Page] Had you not told me that your Birth was Noble,
I should haue found it in your face and gesture.
Mounsieur.
Mounsieur
My Lord.
Prince.
Goe winde thy Horne abroad, and call to vs
Some of our traine: we pitty these two Ladies,
And we will raise thier hope: Cheere you old Madam,
You shall receiue some bounty from a Prince.
Enter a Hunts-man.
Who keepes the Lodge below?
Hunts.
Your Highnesse Hunts-man.
Prince.
Command him to remoue, and instantly
We giue it to these Ladies: besides, adde
Vnto our Guest three thousand pounds a yeare:
We'le see it furnisht too with Plate and Hangings.
'Las pretyt Maide, your father's dead you say,
We'le take you now to our owne Patronage,
And trust me Lady, whiel wee're Prince of Florence,
You shall not want nor foode, nor harborage.
Wife
Pardon Great Sir, this our neglect of duty
Vnto a Prince so gracious and compleate
In vertuous indowments.
Lau.
To excuse
Our former negligence, behold I cast
Me at your foote.
Prince
Arise sweete, pray your name?
Lau.
Lauretta.
Prince
Faire Laure [...]t [...], you shall be henceforth ours,
Oh Mounsieur! I ne're saw where I could loue
Till now.
Moun.
How now my Lord, remember pray,
What you are to this poore deiected Maide.
Prince
Well Mounsieur, well; when e're I match, pray Heauen,
We loue so well: but loue and toyle hath made vs
[Page] Euen somewhat thirsty, would we had some Wine.
Enter Clowne.
Clow.
Nay, now I thinke I haue fitted you with a Cup of
N [...]psi [...]t [...].
Moun.
How now sirrah, what are you?
Clow.
What am I? Nay what art thou?
I thinke you le proue little better then a smell-smocke,
That can finde out a pretty wench in such a Corner.
Wife
P [...]ace sirrah, 'tis the Prince.
Clow.
What if he be? he may loue a Wench as well as another man.
Prince
What hast thou there?
Clow.
A bottle of Wine and a Manchet that my Lady sent me for.
Prince
Thou ne're couldst come to vs in better time,
Reach it vs Mounsieur.
Moun.
Your bottle quickly sirrah, come I say.
Clow.
Yes, when? can you tell? doe you thinke I am such an Asse, to part so lightly with my liquor? Know thou my friend, before I could get this bottle fill'd, I was glad to change a piece of Gold, and call for the rest againe. And doe you thinke I'le loose my liquor, and haue no Gold nor rest againe? Not so my Friend, not so.
Moun.
There's Gold sir.
Clow.
Madam, will you giue me a Licence to sell VVine?
I could get no P [...]ate in the Forrest but a woodden Dish.
Wife
Fill to the Prince Lauretia.
Lau.
Will it please
Your Highnesse drinke out of a woodden Mazer?
Prince
Yes sweete with thee in any thing: you know
Wee are a Prince, and you shall be our taster.
Lau.
Why should I loue this Prince? his bounteous gifts
A Dumbe show. Enter the Duke of Millein [...], a Midwife with a young Childe, and after them Stroza: the Duke shewes the Childe to Stroza, hee takes it: then the Duke sweares them both to secrecy vpon his Sword, and exit with the Midwife: then Stroza goes to hide it, and Parma dogs him: when hee hath laid the Childe in a Corner, he departs in haste, and Parma takes up the Childe and speakes.
Par.
Thou shouldst be mind: and durst I for my Head
Euen in the open Court I'de challenge thee.
But I haue so incenst th'offended Duke,
And layd such heauy spots vpon her head,
I cannot doo't wiht safety: methinkes this Child
Doth looke me in the face, as if 'twould call
Me Father, and but this suspected Stroza
Stuft my too credulous eares with iealousies.
For thee sweete Babe I'le sweare, that if not all,
Part of my blood runnes in thy tender veynes,
For those few drops I will not see the perish;
Be it for her sake whom once I lou'd,
And shall doe euer: Oh iniurious Stroza!
I now begin to feare; for this sweete Babe
Hath in his face no bastardy, but shewes
[Page] A Princely semblance: but Stroza and the Duke,
This will I keepe as charie as her honour,
The which I prize aboue the Vniuerse.
Though she were forc't to be unnaturall,
I'le take to me this Infants pupillage;
Nor yet resolu'd, till I a way haue found
To make that perfect which is yet vnsound.
Exit.
Explicit Actus Secundus.
Enter Milleine with Lords and Iulia.
Milleine
Forbeare my Lords for a few priuate words:
Faire Daughter, wee'le not chide you farther now
Nor adde vnto your blushes: by our rude
Reproofes your faults are couered with these your sighes,
Though they deride, we weepe our poore eyes blinde.
Excum.
Enter Clowne gallant, and the Huntiman.
Clow.
Nay, nay, the case is alter'd with mee since you saw me last: I was neuer in any hope to purchase any other suite then that I wore yesterday; but now I can say Ecce signum, the case is alter'd. Now euery begger comes vpon me with good Gentleman, good Gentleman: when yesterday Gentlemen would haue shun'd the way for feare I should haue begg'd of them. Then comes another vpon mee with good your Worship, good your Worship, then doe I double my fyles, and cast him a [...] two pence.
Hunt.
Sirrah, thou may st thanke the Prince for this.
Clow.
Tnou say'st true; for he hath chang'd our woodden Dishes to Si uer Coblets: goodly large Arras that neuer yet deseru'd hanging, he hath caus'd to be hang'd round about the Chamber: My Lady and Mistresse, now my Lady and Mistresse lyes ouer head and cares in Downe and Feathers: well, if they be rui'd by me, I would haue them to keepe their beds.
Hunt.
Why wouldst thou haue them lye a bed all day?
Clow.
Oh dull ignorant ! I meane knowing how hard they haue bin lodg'd in the Forrest; I would not haue them sell away their beds, and lie vpon the boords.
Hunt.
Oh now I vnderstand you sir.
Clow,
Ey, ey; thou may'st get much vnderstanding by keeping my company: But Sir, does not the new Gowne the Prince sent my Mistresse, become her most incomparably?
Hunt.
'Tis true: 'tis strange to see how Apparrell makes or maries.
Right: for yeasterday thou wouldst haue taken me for a very Clowne, a very Clowne; and now to see, to see.—
Enter Mother and the young Lady gallant.
Wife
Sirrah.
Clow.
Madam.
Lau.
To see if the Tayler that made your Gowne, hath put ne're an M [...]vn [...]er your Girdle, there belongs more to beaten S [...]tin then sirrah.
Lau.
What thinke you Mother of the Prince his bounty,
His venue, and perfection?
Wife
He's a mirrour, and deserues a name
Amongst the famous Worthies.
Lau.
H [...]igh [...]e.
Wife
Why sigh you?
Lau.
Pray tell me one thing Mother: when you were
Of my yeares, and first lou'd, how did you feele
Your selfe?
Wife
Loue Daughter?
Clow.
Shee talkes: Now, if shee should be enuamored of my comely shape; for I haue (as they say) such a foolish yong and relenting heart I should neuer say her nay, I should neuer weare off this stand further off.
Lau.
Stand farther off sir.
Clow.
No, I'le assure your Ladiship 'tis beaten Sattin.
Lau.
Then take your Sattin farther.
Clow.
Your Ladiship hath coniur'd me, and I will auoide
Satan.
Lau.
Had you not sometimes musings, sometimes extasies,
My strength and patience; pray Mother leaue vs neuer,
Lest that without your Company, my loue
Contending with my weakenesse, should in time
Get of the vpper hand.
Wife
For this I loue thee.
Enter Clowne running.
Clow.
So hoe Mistris Madam, yonder is the Prince, and two or three Gentlemen come riding vpon the goodliest Horses that euer I set my eyes vpon: and the Princes Horse did no sooner see me, but he weeighed and wagg'd his tayle: now I thinking he had done it to take acquaintance of me, said againe to him, Gramery Horse; so I left them, and came to tell your Ladiship.
Nay, I must feele your pulse first, for if a Womans pulse bee neere a place, I know there's few heere of my yeeres but would bee glad to turne Doctors.
Lauret.
Now sir, you see I doe not smile.
Clowne
Nay, if it bee nothing else, Ile fetch that will cure you presently.
Exit Clowne.
Wife
Child I must chide you, you giue too much way vnto this humour: It alters much your beautie.
Enter the Clowne.
Clowne
Oh young Mistris, where are you, the Prince,
The Prince.
Lauret.
Oh Mother, doe you heare the newes, the Prince,
The Prince is comming. Where is hee, oh where?
Clowne
Where is hee? Why at the Court; where should hee bee? I did but doo't to make you smile: Nay, Ile tickle you for a Doctor: Madam I haue a yeeres wages before hand.
Lauret.
Is hee not come then?
Clowne
No marrie is hee not.
Lawret.
My soule did leape within, to heare the Prince
But nam'd: It started euery ioynt.
Clowne
Nay Madam, the Prince is come.
Wife
Away, your foolerie's vnseasonable,
Weele not beleeue you.
Enter the Prince and Mounsieur.
Clowne
If you will not beleeue mee, will you beleeue these?
How shall I wrong her, to question her faire Vertues?
Moun.
Right.
Prince
But if shee bee not right? I wrong my Honor,
Which after marriage, how shall I recall?
Moun.
'Tis certaine.
Prince
Yes: Oh how am I perplext!
Come, Ile to Court,
Ile not bee sway'd: Were shee a Potent Queene,
Where Counsell fayles mee, Ile once trust to spleene.
Exeunt.
Enter the Clowne with his Table-bookes.
Clowne.
Let me see, the Prince is to bee married to morrow, and my young Mistris meanes to keepe a Feast in the Forrest, in honour of his wedding at the Court: Now am I sent as Caterer into the City to prouide them victualls, which they charg'd me to buy; no ordinary fare, no more it shall, and therefore I haue cast it thus; First and foremost, wee will haue—(yes downe it shall) we will haue a Gammon of Bacon roasted, and stufft with Oysters; And sixe Black-Puddings to bee serued vp in Sorrell-sops; A pickell'd shoulder of Mutton, and a surloyne of Beefe in White-broth, so much for the first course. Now, for the second, we will haue a Cherry-Tart cut into Rashers and broyled; A Custard Carbonado'd on the coales; A liue Eele [Page] swimming in clowted Creame; And sixe Sheepes-heads baked, with the hornes peer [...]gout of the pasty-crust. The morrall is, because it is a wedding dinner.
Enter Stroza with another Lord.
Stro.
The ioyfull day's to morrow. Passe this plunge
And we are made for euer.
Clowne.
What, my old Polititian? hee that vndermin'd my old Lady and my yong Mistris? now that I could find but one stratagem to blow him vp; I would tosse him, I would blanket him i'th Ayre, and make him cut an Italian caper in the Clouds: These Polititians can doe more execution with a pen, in their studies, then a good Souldier with his sword in the field, but he hath spi'd mee.
Stro.
Thee friend I should haue knowne?
Clowne.
And you too, I should haue knowne, but whether for a friend, or no, ther's the question?
Stro.
Thou seru'st the Generall Sforsa.
Clow.
I confesse it; but whether you haue seru'd him well, or no, there hangs a Tale.
Stro.
How doth thy noble Lady, faire Lauretta?
They haue left Millaine long, reside they here
Neere to the City Florence?
Clow.
Some three miles off, here in the Forrest, not halfe an houres riding.
Stro.
I pray thee recommend me to them both,
And say, It shall goe hard with mine affaires
But Ile find season'd houres to visit them.
Clow.
You shall not want directions to find the place, come when you will, you shall be most heartily—poyson'd.
Stro.
Tell them, The newes that they are well
Is wondrous pleasing to me, and that power
I haue in Millaine is reseru'd for them,
To worke them into grace: I can but smile,
[Page] To see how close I haue plotted thier exile.
Now businesse calls me hence: farewell.
Exit.
Clow.
And behang'd, Monsieur Stroza, whose description
My Muse hath included in these few lines;
Stroza, Thy Head is of a compely Block,
And would shew well, crown'd with the combe of Cock:
His Face an Inne, his Brow a sluttish Roome,
His Nose the Chamberlaine, his Beard the Broome,
Or like New-market Heath, that makes theeues rich,
In which his Mouth stands iust like Deuills-ditch
And so farewell to your worship, graue Mounsieur Stroza,
For I must about my market.
Exeunt.
Actus Quartus.
A Dumbe shew. Enter at one doore, the Duke of Millaine, Iulia, Stroza, and a Bishop: At the other doore, the Duke of Florens, the Prince and Mounsieur, with attendants: Then the Bishop takes thier hands and makes signes to marry them, and then the Prince speakes.
Your Lordship hath bin vp already, when shee was downe: I hope if the thing you wott of goe no worse forward then it hath hegun, and that you take charge of my young Lady, you neede not bee altogether vnmindfull of her Gentleman-Vsher.
Florence
Of what birth is that Lady?
Milla.
Euen the least
Enuy can speake, Shee is a Souldiers Daughter,
Decended from a noble parentage.
Wife.
Who with her mother,
[Page] Thus kneeles to him, as to their Soueraigne.
Intreating, grace and pittie.
Milla.
You haue both:
Sure, sure, the heauens for our Ingratitude,
To noble Sforza, onr braue generall,
Hath sau'd crost our proceedings: which to recompence,
Wee'le take you vnto our best patronage.
Wife.
Millaine is honorable.
Prince
But by your fauour Sir,
This must bee our owne charge.
Florence
With which we are pleas'd.
Iulia.
Stroza was cause of all, but his submission
Hath sau'd him from our hate, arise in grace.
Whil'st we thus greete Lauretta.
Lauret.
Royall Princesse,
I still shall be your hand-maide.
Stroza
Who would striue,
To bee a villaine, when the good thus thriue?
Prince
You crowne me with your wishes, Royall father;
My Mistris first, and next my bed-fellow,
And now my Bride most welcome. Excellent Sir,
Imbrace the Millaine Duke, whil'st I change hand
With Princely Parma; Iulia, once my Wife?
Backe to your husband I returne you chast:
Mounsieur, bee still our friend: You our kind Mother: