A satirycall dialogue or a sharplye-invectiue conference, betweene Allexander the great, and that truelye woman-hater Diogynes

A satirycall dialogue or a sharplye-invectiue conference, betweene Allexander the great, and that truelye woman-hater Diogynes

Table of contents

Title page

bewteous: to the all-Illustrious, and most puissaunt creatures of the Earth, VVOEMEN: Willyam Goddard, sole desirer of th'yncrease of your bewtyes, and chiefe adorer of your goddes-like vertues, (with al reuerence to your Angelicall sex,) commendes to your protection this harsh vnlearned DIALOGVE.

To the senceles Censurer.

A SATIRYCALL DIALOGVE OR A SHARPLYE-INVECTVIE CONFERENCE Betweene ALLEXANDER THE GREATE▪ and that Trulye woman-hater Diogynes.

§

A MORRALL SATIRE, Intituled the Owles araygnement.

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SATIRYCALL DIALOGVE OR A SHARplye-invectiue conference, betweene Allexander the great, and that truelye woman-hater Diogynes.

Imprinted in the Lowcountryes for all such gentlewomen as are not altogeather Idle nor yet well, OCVPYED.

bewteous: to the all-Illustrious, and most puissaunt creatures of the Earth, VVOEMEN: Willyam Goddard, sole desirer of th'yncrease of your bewtyes, and chiefe adorer of your goddes-like vertues, (with al reuerence to your Angelicall sex,) commendes to your protection this harsh vnlearned DIALOGVE.

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STarrs of this earthlie heaun, you whose essence

Composd was of mans purest quyntessence,

To you (to virtuous you) I dedicate

This snaggy sprigg, hew'd from a crabby pat [...]

Wherein (Celestiali bewties) you shall see,

Howe old Diogynes extolleth yee.

We men, doe loue to see our selues vp-raisd

And Iocond are, o heare our own selues praisd

But (oh you springes of Wisdome) I doe find

That is a thing most hatefull to your kind.

Yet old D [...]ogynes did see your worth,

Such worth hee sawe, as needes heed paint it forth.

Accept his loue; for all the Cynnicks deedes

Out of true zeale vnto your sex proceedes

With rev'rent zeale, as high as th'azurd skyes

Your virtuous deedes, the old man magnifies.

Contrary wise, he with a bitter penn

Invectivelie, doth write against bad men

Comaunding them, that what soe e're they doe,

They alwaies should example take by you.

Badd are these men, such is their perverse kind

They burne all bookes, wherein theire faults they find

And therefore (earthlie aungells) my desire

Is you'l protect this, from consuming fire.

The euer-faythfull honourer of your celestyall Sex Willyam Goddard.

To the senceles Censurer.

[Page]

RAsh Reader▪ read my booke, and when tis read

Disdaynefullie through 't o're thy muddy head

Thy condemnations peale a both sides ringe:

Rash men are priviledgd t'saie anie thing

And therefore (hare-braine) reade, criemewe dislike:

My spleene swells not when fooles with bables strike.

Pack hence precision: cry'st it is obsceane?

Diue deeper shallowe pate: knowe what I meane

Knowe what I meane? alas! what hope haue I?

Since carpers mindes haue but a poreblynd eye

Yet to prevent thy censures thus much knowe

Whollye this booke was made, follie to showe

And he which laies ope tymes abuse, and vice

Are sildome blam'd of men Indicious wise:

At which I ay'md; and therefore duncepate hence

Or looke for lashes for thy rude offence.

William G.

A SATIRYCALL DIALOGVE OR A SHARPLYE-INVECTVIE CONFERENCE Betweene ALLEXANDER THE GREATE▪ and that Trulye woman-hater Diogynes.

[Page]

Allexander.

WHy howe nowe Cy [...]nick, what dust doe a daies That thou in tubb art coop't-vp thus alwaies?

Diogynes.

What doe I doe? not daunce from howse to howse

To bibb in wynes sweete Iuice, eache dambd [...]orrowse

Nor doe I gallop it from place to place

To veiwe each faire bewitching painted face

Nor studdye howe, this populous world to wynn

My studdy's howe, to beate and conquer synn

I studdye not wherewith my gutts to cramm

On what soe ere I feede, well pleasd I am.

To mee's all one the fyn'st and grossest meate

So't wholesome be, I nere eare what I eate.

With in my selfes a world, and it is true

I howrlie fight, all that world to subdue

And these fell-fighters bee the enymies,

That rebell-like, againste me dailie rise

Vaine Pryde (my cheifest foe) the leading hath

Of these feirce-foes: loathd, drunkenues and Wrath

With Averice, Sloathe, Gluttonie, and Lust,

[Page] Encounter hottlie eu [...]ie daie I must

To beate downe these, I daylie doe devise:

To this end, I vse strentgh and pollicies:

I studdy not, nor trouble I my witt

Howe I by flatt'ry should be fauouritt

Vnto greate Allexander. I would refuse

To be that monarchs selfe, If I might chuse.

Allexander.

THou wouldst not; wouldst?

Diogynes.

I would by Ioue I vowe

Allexander.

ALas (poore sillie snake) why what art thou?

Diogynes.

WHat thou art not: I am an honest man

And then (I hope) the more vnlike thee than.

I am noe Courtyer I, for once by chaunce

I with an other mans faire wife did daunce

Yet Icie-vayned I (vnsett a fire)

Did freeze moste coldlie, in loues hott desire:

I did indeed: but doe you heare me hoe?

Was e're hott-blouded Courtyer frozen soe?

I am noe Lawyer I, for once there was

A poore man praide me vndertake his case

Quoth he, praie vndertakt and you shall haue your fee

Though you sitt dumb, and nothing speake for me.

But I refusd it I: yet harke you hoe

What Lawyer ere refusd, and tempted soe?

I am noe younger-brother, brauelie sprighted

For once a vsring golden Asse (be nighted)

Quite laden, with his full stu [...]t treasure baggs;

By me that dreaming drudge, all feareles laggs

Yet honest I (vntempted with this sight)

Though emptie mavd, at this baite would not bi [...]e

Hence capring Courtyer ask you who I am?

Goe, gett you hence, s [...]udd quick from whence you came.

[Page]Allexander.

CYnnick you are to sharpe did you but knowe me

I am assurd more reu'rence you would showe me.

Diogynes.

HOwe? I showe reverence? noe, vnderstand

That Allexander getts none at my hand.

Allexander.

IN faithe Diogynes thou haste not beene,

In all thy life, where anie thing th'ast seene.

Yf thoudst but trauayle and some fashions see,

Thoudst aunswere none, as nowe thou aunswerst me.

Diogynes.

HAue I not trauayld? ha? yes yes I trowe,

(Spruce fellowe) thou haste neuer trauaild soe.

Where I haue bene, theres fewe harh euer beene

But yet men saie noe wonders I haue seene,

Why once I sawe, a rit [...]h-left heire to weepe,

When's old dadd tooke his euerlasting sleepe.

Once did I see a bewteous maide (tis straunge!)

Liue twentie yeares, yet not that title chaunge

Once did I see a wife in mourninge weede

Shedd teares ouer hir husbands course indeed

I once did see a Cytizens faire wife

Liue at the Courte, he leading else wher'es life

And hee (ins witt) noe wiser then an asse

Yet was hee brow'd, more smothe then smothest glasse

Once did I see a King giues foes the foile

And gaue his souldyers leaue, to take the spoile

And lastlie once I was in such a Court

Where 'bout the King, noe flattrers did resort

Where I haue beene, oh furelie none haue beene,

Then why saie you, noe wonders I haue seene?

[Page]Allexander.

WHy faith Diogynes me thinkes these are,

No [...] things (as thou wouldst make em) wondrous rare

The like in eu'rie place and realme I see

Th' [...]re comon, man, they ordynarie be.

Diogynes.

THose ordynarie thinges? I fayth sir noe;

These thinges, are th' ordynarie thinges, I trowe

To see faire bewtious ladies nowe a daies

Refuse to take at once both pricke, and praise

Of both the ile not accept, for still those men

Which gives the one, shall tother haue agenn.

The other thinges? why! those are wondrous rare

These [...]e the thinges that ordynarie are

[...]o see howe Lords shake-of their serving men

And howe their ladies take them on agen

Holding emin (vnto their Lords vnknowne)

To ride in private, with them vp and downe

T'see m [...]rcers [...]ookes fild-vp with courtyers names.

To see your min [...]yng bewteous cyttie dames

Haue alwaies some one gallant of the court,

(As knisman to them) to theire howse resort.

To see, a plaine kind man loue none soe much

As he which giues his pate the cuckolds tutch

These; these are ordynarie man: also

This things is as much ordynarie too

To see your riteh old country squires to wedd

Their chamber maides vnto theire servaunts bedd

But firste themselues to take the maydenhead

Then place them in some cottage nere at hand

To haue theire service, readie at comaund.

Thou saydst the first were ordynarie thinges:

Awaie awaie: why man to see on Kinges

Howe Daunger plaine, cloathd smoothly-smiling Daunger [...]

Wayteth on them, attending like noe straunger

But like some smyling, countenanced freind

Onelie to giue too's Prince, his fatall end:

[Page] Thoult say perhaps, this is noe common thing

But thoud'st vn say't againe wert thou a King

What thinges are common, and not common be,

Thy shallowe reatch, cannot conceaue I see.

Allexander.

NAie fie Diogynes infaith thou art,

In thy conclusions still a dram, to tart

I pray thee lett me soe prevaile with thee

As ride to Allexanders court with mee

Twill mend thee much, and I will vndertake,

The King shall byd thee welcome for my sake.

Diogynes.

VNto my Tubb, lett Allexander come

I'me in a Pallace, when I'me in this home

Let those that list, vnto thy King resort,

Tis not my list: what should I doe at's court?

Allexander.

AS others doe; in spending of smal [...] pelfe,

Thou maiste in tyme to honour raise thy selfe.

Diogynes.

I cannot fawne, my tongue too rustie is;

I bashfull am; I'm nothing boldlie rude

I rather chuse Court delecates to misse

Then with a brazen face my selfe ty'ntrude:

In tubb (coop't-vp) I will liue euer mude

And euer liue vppon sowre garden woortes

Er'e Ile' a flattr'er be, and followe cortes

I cannot turne my tongue to praise and laude

A soone-lamb'd prick-eard proud-feerce fi [...]y steed

I cannot Fyndalls full deepe mouth applaude

Nor swaere the greate-mans grew hound hath best speed

[Page] When hee doth plaie the slowe-slugg cur [...] indeed

Though some cann doo't, yet such is my sowre kind

I neuer could, though't gall's his sweld pust mind

I cannot tell the greate foole hee is wise,

Nor t [...]ll fowle ladies, they are wondrous faire

I ne're applaude aboue heauns-spangled skies

The curld-worne tresses, of dead-borrowd haire

Like Northern blaste I breathe my crittick aire:

I am noe Mimyck ape, I loathe and hate,

Each light-braind, giddy-head to Imy tate

I cannot brooke, to suck the livings bloud

Of these old Vsrer's ritch-left prodigalls

I nourish not with such sweete-bitter food:

I hate to rise by other mens downe falls

I knowe tis Ill though other think tis good

Though some doe think such papp all sweete to be

Yet I doe not; it poyson proues to mee.

To make short worke, I neuer loud' vaine sportes

And therefore I'me vnfitt for Prynces Courtes?

Allexander.

DIogynes, thou art deceyued quite

In vanities Kinges take the least delight

Ile vndertake none shall respected bee

(Yf thou wilt followe him) better then thee

Come to the Court, and then in seeing him

Thou also maiste, take veiwe of ladies trymm

Mee thinkes, hee is too dull and sadd of spright

That in a bewteous dame takes noe delight.

Why hee that's mary'd is in heaun all night.

Diogynes.

THere lett him bee, for I had rather dwell

A thousand tymes, a single man in hell

I am assurd that ther'es noe Divell cann

(Like to a wife) torment a mary'd man.

[Page] Il'e none of them, I'me euer worse a yeare

When once I doe, a womans tongue but heare

It galls my gutts when I a woman see

Ile not once come, where such straunge creatures be

Come hold your tongue, and prate no more to me

Allexander.

NAie good Diogynes bee not soe quick

I hope yet 'ere I die, see thee loue sick

Diogynes.

LOue-sicke? why I doe loue these women soe

As I'me soe fonde, I knowe not what to doe

Such is my loue vnto the femall Kind

As were I Empr'our of thyn fernall lake

But women, none with me should fauour synd

One man into my Kingdome I d'e not take

Ide' send my servaunts our, to scarch and see

To bring all women in the world to mee.

Allexander.

BYth masse Diogynes thou loust em well

Wert thou the King and gouernour of hell

Thou wouldst I see advaunce the women kind

There is noe want of will hadst to thy mind

Wert thou (I see) the prince of that faire place

Women, (onelie) with thee should be in grace

I see thoudst very carles be of men

I see thoudst women haue, t'attend thee then.

Diogynes.

I that I would, and this they should be bold

Ide carefull be they should not freeze with cold

Allexander.

I fayth Diogynes I doubt th'ast euer

Beene privatelie a vild laciuious liuer

[Page] Or neuer haste beene yet (I greatelie feare)

Where anie one faire vertuou [...] creature weare.

Diogynes.

NOr nere will looke to be: I am too wise

To thinke that vertue cann remaine in vice

Allexander.

WErt thou at Court, thou'dst alter then thy mind

When women thou didst see, soe wondrous kind

Forsake this Tubb, t'is solliterie Ill

And howe to court faire ladies, learne the skyll.

Diogynes.

NOwe, by the lustfull fire, hott boiling vaines▪

Of that same wanton greate god Iupiter

I am vn skild in these speech-pleasing straines

To courte a wenche when I come vnto hir

I'me then an all-mute dumb and surlie sir

I cannot lispe, nor cann I courtlike saie,

When I doe women woe, I runn my waie.

I cannot singe, nor cann I turne my tongue

To chaunte a Syren-charming quau'ring dittye

When I these bewties chaunce to come amonge

My lead-sade-sable lookes must moue their pittie

All what is in me then, is all vnwittie

I want these warbling noates to wynn their loues

Nor cann I pricksong sett, which better moues

I cannot musick it, nor finger fyne

A sweete-cleare-throated, care-charme instrument

I'me not posseste with such sweet parts devyne

Whereby to cause, faire bewties merryment

T'ynchaunt theire eares nothing cann I invent

And well knowe I, that women take delight

In these same instruments, both daie and night

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I cannot daunce, no [...] with my sprawling heeles

Cann I the ny'mble cutt-heele caper kick

My sullen bloud an other humor feeles

To woe a wench, I want the wanton trick

I am a milksopp then, I then am sick

Againe, strenghes moysture in may vaines is skant,

Which women after dauncing must not want.

And therefore pry thee fellowe lett me reste

Of all these worldly Courts, my Tubb's the best.

Allexander.

DIogines, my meaning is mistooke

I would not, that your Tubb be quite forsooke

But for your recreation nowe and then

Youd' goe too th' Court, from court t' your tubb agen.

Mistake me not, it will for your good tend

A wiseman alwaies lysten will too's freind.

Diogynes.

NAie would you would these complementes forbeare

For Courtyers freindshipps, I did neuer care

Ye [...] should I chuse a freind, a Courtyer than

I would make [...]hoise-of, fore another man:

By this example I will plainelie proue

That like to courtyers, none doe truelie loue

Like to apparrell they doe loue theire freind

To what (like that) doe they theire loues extend:

Like cloathes they loue theire freindes: why that is true

Iust like em, cause they nere loue cloathes but newe:

Pack hence, for such loue should I find of you.

Allexander.

NAie fye Diogynes you cann (yf list)

Forbeare to plaie this crabb-sowre satirist

I pry thee Cynnick broach thy milder braine

And let thy wordes runn in a sweeter vaine

In others natures too too much you markst,

[Page] Against theire faultes too rusty [...]ond you barkst

I doe dislike it I, I pry thee cease

Thoud'st gaine more loue, yf thou didst hold thy peace:

Turne courtyer man, come, be thou pollitick wise

He best wynns loue, that best cann sooth-vp vice.

Diogynes.

THen Ile' wynn hate: nor King nor Clowne Ile' spare

Yf they with vices vennym poysned are

Yf with Prides swellinge tympany I fynd

Theire hartes are once puft-vp; Ile speake my mind.

Let's pate be crownd, with hundred thowsand crownes

Lett cruell deathe, succeed his wrathfull frownes

Yet (yf in him) loathd filthie synns I see

Hee shall not (in them) sooth'd-vp-be, by mee

I cannot soothe; I am not that waies wi [...]e:

Who liveth not in vertue, dies in vice.

Allexander.

THou sayst well Cynnick, for I hold this race

Of oyld-tongu'd flattrers, to be dangerous base

The cankerd rust, doth not the Iron frett

Soe faste as these, doe in good natures eate

The statelie oake a longer tyme would liue

Yf to the Ivie, he noe truste did giue

But as the Ivie', 'boute the oake entwyndes

To worke his fall; so't fares with flattrers mindes.

But whether in discourse, shall our tongues walke?

I came not here, of court affaires to talke

I came to see, thy manner kind of life

And t'aske thee, why thou getst thee not a wife.

Faith gett thee one, I would not lie alone

Yf all the world could but afford mee one.

Diogynes.

A wife? why for my life I cannot see

Howe man, with woman, euer should agree

[Page] When men goe backward, and goe downe the wynd

It frettes, cuttes, galles, and greiveth sore the mind

When women backward growe▪ and downeward goe

Theire spleenes, with laughter tickles then I trowe:

Since theire two natures, are soe contrarie

I muse howe tweene them, cann be sympathie

A wife? oh fellowe tha'rt a younge man yet

Ther'es much sowre sawce, belonges to that sweete bitt:

Who would be troubled with the yawling noyse

Of a harsh-whewling young childes whympring voice

Againe, to see em fligger, smile, and plaie

Doth make mee greiue as much an other waie

When they doe simper, I doe sighe; for then

I mynd the miseries, theyl see (ere men.)

Twould cutt my heart to heare a babe crye dadd

Oh giue me meate: when tis not to be hadd

He that doth wiue, for pleasures sole intent

Tis tenn to one, but soone he will repent.

Who would be bound to scrape, pinch, carke, and care

For brattes, (perhapps) that gott by others ate?

Not I: Ile' none of this thing, cald a wife

Let him take one, that's wearie of his life

For hee that alwaies will supplies' wiues lack

Must vnto Nature goe, for a steele back.

A wife? Ile ha noe wife: such sprights will frowne

Vnles they (er'e a non) are coinurd' downe:

Againe my little Tubb is too too small

To hold my wife, my selfe, and whom shee'le call

It must not be a smale howse that cann hold

A silent man, ioynd with a shrill-tongud schold

Nowe will hir gossipps come; then praie nowe where

Is roome for them to chatt, and make good cheere?

And nowe hir old-acquainted freind will come

(Perhapps to see hir, when I'me from my home)

Then where's my galleree, for them to walk?

Or anie place for old freindes secrett talk?

Some what perhapps theyd' doe, I should not see:

Where haue I chambers then for them to bee?

Not in my Tubb my Tubb [...]ath nor the scope

For hir to gossip't, with hir mates I hope.

[Page] Yet though I haue [...] wife (with ho [...] de [...]ire)

My harte is flamd: burnt am I with loues fire

A loue I haue to whom I will be true

Obserue hir partes, I will discribe them you

My loues pure white hath ne're sustaind a spot

She's wise, [...]ood, rich, faire, chaste, what is shee not?

Hlr eyes¹, grace², speach³; hath¹ fir'd, amaz'd², rauisht³,

My harte¹, sence², thoughts³; with loue¹, wonder², delight³,

But fyr'd¹, 'mazd², sence-rest³; I sought¹, prayde², and wisht³,

To quenche¹, cure², and heale³; loue¹, sence², and eyes³-dymd sight

Thus eyes¹, grace², speache³; hath fyr'd¹, amazd², sence-charmd³

My thoughts¹, sence², witts³, with loue¹, with feare², vnarmd³

Oh my loue's fairelie white without a spott

Such is hir hue noe staine hir hue can blott

Virtue's that Dame in hir sweete grace I sitt

'Tis shee loues me, she'es womans oppositt,

Could I one headles lymb les corp les see

To such a one would I betrothed be

For had shee nere a head; noe tongue sheed haue:

Nor corps; then Ide not d [...]ead the lechrous knaue:

Nor lymb; then should I neuer quiv'ring stand

Fearing my eares remembraunce of hir hand

Of rope or hangman I was nere afrayde

At noe sight quake I but at wife or maide.

Allexander.

OH harsh-sowre, crabby Cyn [...]ick, still I see

To gentle creatures thou wilt stubborne be

If with a girle thast neuer slept a night

Thy soule hath neuer tasted sweete delight.

Such is the femall sex, while wife or maide

As of them, too much good, cannot be saide

Methinkes the skipping bloud (a Virgins grace)

[Page] Which tripps lavaltoes in each maydens face

When mens fowle tongues, o're-flowes with ribaldery

Should make thee loue maides, for theire modestie.

Diogynes.

MAydens modest? what is this modestie?

[...]f t'is in them, it is a vice saie I

Vertue in women is as cold as Ice:

Nothinge is warme in them vnlest be vice.

Thou art a dunce, thou haste noe reatche I see

Why Maydes at all tymes cann faine modestee.

Theil' blush as oft while they liue single liues

As they will weepe, when they be mary'd wiues:

If twas my liste, I could a thowsand name

That would (yf men talke Ill) blush at the same

Y [...]t thy themselues, their tongues shall nimblie walke

Whole nights togeather, all in too-broad talk.

Allexander.

THou wrongst em soore: I doe not think it I

That maydens tongues, will tripp Immodestlie.

Diogynes.

THou doost not, doost? I prithee think soe still:

I think thy witt is like a womans will

But what thou dost not think, I trulie knowe:

What I haue saide of maydes men shall find [...]oe

I fellowe, fellowe, till theire by thems [...]lu [...]s

Maydes in talke are modest bashfull elues

But beinge from the companie of men

The lawes of modestie is broken then.

Twas not longe since I stood to maydens neere

But Lord! thou't ne re beleeue what I did heare

For onelie that same wench esteemd' was well

Which could the ribauldst dreame, relate and tell:

I could relate all what they did relate

But that my tongues, disvs'd to such like prate

'Tis vild obscene; speake younge man wilt you hav't?

[Page]Allexander.

COme, out with't Cynnick, I knowe thy delight

[...]s, all in all to worke faire woomen spight.

DIOGINES RELATES the three wanton Sisters wanton dreames.

Diogynes.

O Yet the fyer, once three maydens satt

[...]nknowne to them, I ouer heard theire chatt

Eache with hir tuckt-vp cloathes, in pleasing plight

(Pleasing I meane vnto fond y [...]unge mens sight)

Satt ore the fyer, soe, as one might see,

From sl [...]nder foote, to round white nimble knee

As thus they satt, I'me sure thou doest thinke what

(When maydes with maydens bee) wilbe theire chatt

Girles (quoth the eldest sister) what shall's doe?

Smal'es my desire, vnto my bedd to goe

Fo [...] yet, I never in my couche could fynd

A sportiue mate to please my mayden mind

Alas, alas, what pleasure and delight

Takes one mayde with an other in the night?

But smale god knowes it, for my owne part I

Ne're tooke anie with whom Ie're did lie.

For loue, noe revells in that bedd doth keepe

Where one girle, by an others side doth sleepe.

[...]or trulye (sisters) there is none that can

Giue maydes delight in bedd, but a young man

And but in dreame (the more vnhappie I)

I ne're with such a beddfellowe could lie

But yet in dreame (oh matchles sweete delightes!)

Iv'e lyne, and lyne, with one whole wynters nightes

The greater greife (you'l saie) 'twas to my mind

When I did wake, and my selfe single fynd.

Oh girles it was! but sisters I doe see,

[Page] It is with eu'rye mayde as 'tis with mee.

Such are our dreames, as wee doe laugh in sleepe

But when wee wake againe, oh then wee weepe.

But what shalls' doe? wee'l not soe soone to b [...]dd

Letts rather tell, howe ne're wee haue beene spedd.

Our merry'st dreames come le [...]t vs nowe relate

Girles gott with girles, their mindes maie freelie prate

What though w'are maides? here are noe men to heare vs

Freelie wee vse to chatt, when th'are not nerevs

W'are by our selues: what ere we talke, is well

Come letts drawe lotts, which first hir dreame shall tell.

At which the youngest, blushing like a rose

Being assignd by lott, firste to disclose

Begynns to tell howe to hir soules delight

Hir sences ravisht' were, the other night.

THE YOVNGEST Sisters dreame.

QOth shee, on bedds softe downe downe did I lie

And s [...]ugd doowne close, to haue sleepe close eache eye

But ere twould bee, I entred in a muse

(I such a muse as all wee maydens vse)

I mus'd (me thought) yf there were sweeter blisse

For maydes, then't lie with men, to clipp and kisse

Me thought, I thought (this thought fetcht out a groane)

It was a hell to lie, all night alone.

At which I sight, and turning me I wept

Desiring, what I knowe not, till I slept

In which my sleepe (oh fancies sweete delight?)

Appeard a youth (Pheobus was much lesse bright)

Gold were his lockes, firye sparkles were his eyne

His browes, cheekes, and chynn were as louelie fyne

I'ns shirte was hee, a shirt soe fyne I wynn

As one might see, what was tweene shirt and skynn

His snowe-white armes, in-laide with azurd vaine

(Mixed with crimson dye) one might see plaine

His full-broade manlie some-what-downye cheste

Dale-like indented tweene two mounting brestes;

[Page]

On which two prettie fr [...]iteles teatlinges grewe:

Not milkie sweete, sweete onelie for the ve [...]we.

I saw's soft slender waste; and sisters well nie

I fawe what grewe beneathe his plump-round bellie:

All what I sawe (sweete w [...]nches) I would tell ye

But that sweete loue coniures me (heres' the spight)

Not to discribe, mans sweetly-sportiue spright:

Oh sweet's the dreame, which yeeldeth such delight!

But come girles come; (fye whether doe I roame?)

Me thinkes bu [...] coldlie I tooth purpose come:

To me he came, and kiste me too; when I

Me thought did faine, I did a sleeping lie

Me thought, I lett him kisse and kisse agenn

And [...]ouche me too (maydes maie be toucht by men.)

I sisters, faythe (me thinkes) that maide's vnwise

That will in private, to hir l [...]ue be nice

Two faythfull lovers cannot synn I weene

Soe what they doe, by others is not seene.

Nowe would the wagg, be stroaking of my face

And nowe my pappes, anon another place

Delighting of himselfe, sisters you can

(Better then I) tell what best likes a man

But fayth-la girles, I cannot chuse but smile

I laie, as yf I soundlie slept the while

Permitting him to please the appetite

Of his too too-fond, youth-last-burning sight

Fayning, I soundest slept, whe [...] hee did steale

To vnhill that which maides should cheifst conceale

But, when as hee'd haue come into my bedd

The feare I had to loose my maydenhead

Awaked me: Quoth thother sisters, what?

I hope we maydens least of al [...]feare that

Beleeue me (quoth the elder girle) should I

With my sweete-hart, on my wedding-night lie

And find him drowsie dull, like heauie lead

Hunting but coldli [...] for a maydenhead:

Twould kill my tender hart: twould murder mee

The blushing morne I nere should liue to see

Oh I should fill the roome with groanes: in morne

With lookes deiected I should seeme forlorne.

[Page] But when you wakt (quoth she) cha [...]t you not then

Oh noe! in that case maides nere chafe with men

Though wee seeme angry, at there boldest partes

Yet seldome comes, our anger from our hartes

For in loues sporte (this is our sexes wyle)

We'el seeme to frowne when most of all we smile

Yet sisters faith (quoth shee) me thought I wept

When I did wake, cause I noe longerslept

For trath-la girles such pleasure in't tooke I

As in like dreame, twould nere greiue me to die

Had I a world, Id'e givt to learne the skyll

Howe I should sleepe and dreame soe at my will

Had I that arte, that matchles pleasing slyght

Fewe daies Id'e haue, eache daie Id'e turne to night:

Lye downe I would, lulling my selfe a sleepe,

Bidding my soule delightfull revells keepe:

Sild would I wake, but alwaies by my will

Ide sleepe, and dreame, and be embracing still.

Nowe second sister wake, I praie (quoth shee)

And in your laste nightes dreame come second me.

THE SECOND SIsters dreame.

THe second sister some what modest bold

Reply'd; my dreame partlie by you is told

Before you slept, me thought, I heard you saie

You in sweete musinge, did a longe tyme laie

You mu [...]ing sigh'd, and sigh'd till sleepe did steale

Vppon your mayden eyes, their lidds to seale

At length you slept and dreamt you sawe your loue

(A dreame indeed, which much vs maydes doe moue)

You kiste with him but when he'ed with you lie

That made you w [...]ke, and out the bedd to flie

But soe (me thought) sweet sister did not I

For I (me thought) did think it was noesym

To lett a youth betweene my sheetes leape in

But yet for fashions sake oft thus I de crye

[Page] Praye gett you [...]ence, seeke some where els to lye

Yet this repulse should still soe faintlie come

As it should feircer whett him on for roome

For coldlie, to denie loues sweete delight

Spurrs to a gallop, thefeirce appetite.

And sisters well you knowe, we maydes doe hold

Those youngmen weake which hunt loues chase but cold

What is it to crye, fye, or praye nowe hence?

Why to a resolute mynde, that kinde of fence

Too open lies: oh! men are desprate foes

Vppon advantage, theile come in, and close,

Ide ne're crye, fye awaie, nor vtter this

But I would closly hugg to him and kisse.

Begone, sur [...]ease, y'are rude, forbeare I praie

Of tymes such wordes, I've gone aboute to saie

But er'e those cruell wordes, could haue their birth

Tha'ue smoth'erd bynn, and all has turnd to mirth

Wagges well knowe howe, to quench our angers flame

Sweete kisses, at first kindling, dampe the same

For (sisters) Loue, his schollers this doth teache

Wee ioyne should lippes, to seale our lipp's from speach

And soe it fard with vs; speachles we laie

Giving to pleasures sweetned streame free waie

Soe longe (me thought) we dally'd in the bedd

As allmost I had lost my maydenhead

But (girles) I curse Dreames false deluding guile

As I was loosing it, I wakt the while

Oh girles! oh girles! who knowes what I did misse,

For I awakt, in midst of sweetest blisse

If euer mayde, toucht Nectar with hir lipp

Then I (in dreame) of that sweete iuyce did sipp

But oh I wakt! oh then (awakt) my spight

For being 'wakt, a sleepe fell all delight

Nowe eldest sister you must wake (quoth shee)

Your turne's to tell, the next dreame after me

And reason to the eldest sister sayde

Else let on me, some for feyture be laide

But, I must tell [...]e dreames you haue told twice

Vnles I should, some fayned dreame devise

Were here more then fiue hundred maydes: yet each

[Page]

Of vs, should in one text and lesson preache

For all we maydes doe dreame alike a nights

Then to our eyes appeareth pleasing sigh [...]s

And then a smack we taste of loues delights,

Oh that Dame Nature, would but heare my sute

Then should our mayden bodies, beare noe fruite.

Or would it were noe scandall to our liues

To haue our pappes giue sucke, er'e marryed wiues:

Yf with that pleasing graunt, we maydes were blest

Then soner would we yeild to loues requeste

For a my fayth girles were it not for feare

To be with childe, Id'e ne're denie my Deare

Oh then these false dreames fond deluding sightes

Weed ne're care for: we'ed taste loues tr'ust delights

More then tenn thowsand tymes, Ive thought to pyne

This mallenchollie sullen corpes of myne

For sild (alas) we maydes can taste sweet loue

But our owne bellies, doe the tell-tales proue

With [...]ullen puft-vp pride alowde they reade;

Proclayming publikelye our private deed

Happie are wiues, for they are nere afrayde

Of that which terryfyeth moste a maide,

They maie haue boyes and girles, and boies agen:

They maie with husbandes lie, and other men;

Yet nothing noted; but alas poore we

Sild dare doe ought, but what the world maie see,

Eache thinge, it selfe againste vs doth oppose

All thinges are blabbes, our secrets to disclose

For sild we reape loues pleasure in the night

But envious daie (to'ur shames) bringes it to light

Shewing too plaine, at what game we haue beene

Making our sweetlie stolen pleasures seene.

Oh were it not for dreames, I wonder I

Howe we in bedd a nights could brooke to lie

But come, lett these things passe; eyther of you

Your dreames haue told: my dreame beginneth nowe

[Page]

THE ELDEST SIsters dreame.

OH (sisters) knowe you, to my ravisht sight

My loue with's amber locks appeard laste night

Bold boie boldlie hee came as feard of naught,

Shewing in what schoole hee his skill was taught

Scar [...]e speaking ought at all [...]f ought twas this

Where's my Gerle? smothring that too with a kisse

Nor with this kissing spent hee all the night

[...]utt (girles) our pastime yeelded more delight

I dreamt it did doe soe, for you must knowe

I did but onelie dreame, it did doe soe:

To loues embracementes, wee (me thought) fell then

But loues sweete game is coldlie chaste by men.

Yet our sex, workes loues labor, eu'rye daie

With mindes, as willing, as men goe to plaie

I girles I girles, I speakt in heate of bloude

Men too toosoone are ty'rd, with doying good

But oh deare girlis (such is our sexes kind)

One man maie please vs all, except our mind

For yf one man content one woman cann

Then, why should it not be this youthfull man?

His vaines were full, soe stronge a backhee had

As Herculis to him was but a ladd

Yf youth and strength 'tis, quencheth womans fire

Then 'twas in him, as much as Ide desire

But 'tis not Oceans of that liquid stuff

Which lyes in youthfulst men that is enough

To quench the mindes outragious frying flame;

For that once ty'nd age onely dampes the same

Manie a woman 'till shee hath tr'yd twoo

Distasteth all, hir firste sweetehart doth doe

From whence praie comss that Luste, that s [...]wre-sweet smart?

Oh th' ead of that same springes, a divelish harte.

But whether from my text am I uowe fled

My dreame was this, I loste my maydenhead

[Page] To that let me retourne: oh tis delight

Vnto vs maides, to think but on that night.

Him t'weene my armes one while I did infold

Another while, he me, 'tweene his would hold.

Entwindinge leggs (me thought) with me he laie

While I, withs curledl [...]cks, did sporte and plaie

Soe longe plaide we as sisters-well I wisse

Our sportes extended further then to kisse

Soe longe I kiste, soe longe on's looks I fedd

As sure in dreame I loste my maydenhead▪

But (sisters) was it in my pow're to choose

Then such a losse Id'e eu'ry mynute loose

For when we maydes doe lose our mayden treasure

Oh by that losse we wynn a world of pleasure

Fayth Girles, Maydes cannot think what sweet delight

Two louers take which warr in loues feirce fight:

To them loath som's the daie, ouer the night

But nowe I sighe, nowe doe I greiue to thinke

That, that night my eye-lides did euer wynke

For when I wakt (oh dreames! oh dreames y'are theeues

And mist my loue, Iudge then (girles) of my greeues

Oh had I had tenn worldes I would haue than

Gev'n all those worldes (sweete girles) for half [...] a man

Men stuffs their chestes as full as they can hold

With cramb'd-trust bagges of aungell-winged gold:

But what to doe? for sooth to by this land:

Oh would I had that dust of Tagus strand

Ide not buy land or howses with it I

For other merchandize Ide make it flie:

Had I such laden truncks this Ide doe than

For enry night ith' yeare Ide buy a man

For, sisters, I maie speake to you my mind

When I awakt, and lookt my loue to find

Feeling for's neck to claspe that neck of his

For's ruddy lipp, hoping that lipp to kisse

For's wanton legg, for myne with that t'yntwind

And sisters for—oh girles you knowe my mind

When for these louelie thinges I searcht to see

[Page] Du [...] could not find, where those sweet things might be

With bitter passion, I burst out and cryd

Wishinge, with in my mothers womhe Id'e dy'd

Oh sisters! oh sweete sisters, then did I

Wishe, fatall Death attache me instauntlie.

Nowe did I stare aboute; nowe did I call

But when noe aunswere I could heare at all

Vp in my smock I rose and searcht each place

(Oh girles extreames our sex in loues sweete case)

Groping behind eache trunck, feeling vnder bedd

Me thought for him which had my maydenhead

And oft Ide crye sweete wagg, thy selfe disclose▪

For Iv'e another maydenhead to loose

But when noe answere I could heare, oh then

Weeping, I sigh'd and went to bedd agen

Wher'e one while tumbling that waie; other this:

Nowe should I sighe; nowe my poore pillowe kiss [...]

Entwinding it betweene my armes embrace

Ide hug g't as yf my deare duck were in place

Fayning (in that my frying passions flame)

I hottlie chaste loues sweetst delightfull game

But when I found my sence deluded soe

My passions heate, to coldnes then did growe

For myssing him I grewe more cold then stone;

Oh't paynes my heart to telt; come lett's be gone.

Soe vp they rose, but er'e they went I rusht

From where I stood, at which the wantons blusht.

Nowe sir I hope you see what modest chatt

Young maydes will haue when by themselues theire gott.

Graues swallowe them: were all dead I'de be gladd

The best of wiues, or maides, are worse then badd.

Allexander.

COme, come Diogenes, although those three

In private mirthe exceeded modestie

Yet you doe Ill t'accuse soe gennerall;

Cause one is badd therefore must they be all?

In soe concludinge, very Ill you doe

Noe man soe gen'rallie, concludes but you▪

[Page]Diogynes.

ANd by your leaue sir Il'e conclude soe still

Where one of them is good tenn thowsand's Ill

What I haue saide, I will re-saie agen

Wer't not for them, oh blessed were we men

Into vs men, they eate as rust and moathes

Eates into Iron, and the fynest cloathes

Thou seest this riv'led hollowe-eyd face of mine

Thoudst little thinke it has beene dect-vp fyne,

And tricklie trym'd-vp in a womans guise

Onelie to dive into their knaueries

But dust thou heare (I speake it to their praise)

I haue a mary'd wife beene in my daies

At least wise like one, for th'e [...]le yet confesse

They once tooke old Diogines for noe lesse:

Noe butned dublett, on my back I bo [...]e

A gowne downe to my heeles (wif-like) I wore

And such attire, this head of myne did beare

As mary'd wiues in those daies vsd to weare

Then to my chynn, noe briflye haires were knowne

Nay'thad not entertayned anie downe

But twas soe soft, soe slee [...], as each man sayd

When I past by, there goes a wife o [...] maide:

My curled locks, hang in a careles guize

With which the wynd did plaie in wanton wise

Like to a wanton, I was trymlie drest

But why I was soe, there consists the iest.

Allexander.

WHy wast thou soe? I pry thee Cynnick tell:

Till thou haste told it, I shall nere be well.

Diogines.

WHy then be Ill: in sooth 'tis not my liste

To make thee laughe: for I'me a Satyrist:

[Page] Againe thy companie, I doe brooke soe Ill

As I would haue thee gone, had I my will

Allexander.

WHy tel't mee then, and instantlie shalt see

I will departe, and gett me hence from thee.

Diogynes.

ON that condition I will telt: why knowe

This was the cause I went disguised soe

The Dames of Athens merrye wenches be

And vnto meetings giv'n-are much you see

To gossip't with them, I did long time longe

To heare the verdict of eache womans tongue

For well knewe I when wiues are gott with wiues

There's tryalls to be heard, of husbands liues

False accusations, cruell Iudgments then,

(Vnmercy fullie) passe vppon poore men

To heare all which (tooth hazard of my life)

I tooke on mee, the habitt of a wife:

And well I womand it when I did walk

But when at table, I were sett to talk

Then did my tongue betraye me; for I trowe

It prou'd a Iade in pace; t'was dull and slowe:

I mumping satt: I could not for my life

Make my tongue gallopp, like a marry'd wife

Twas cause I lackt theire arte to spur it vp

Euer anan with a full sugerd' cupp.

Yet wiud I it the best that I could doe

And nowe and then raild on my husband too:

But marke mee nowe; nowe to my tale I goe.

The Cynnycks discription of the manner of womens gossypping.

AS at our meate we satt twas hard to knowe

Whether our teeth or tongues, did fastest goe.

[Page] At tables vpper end in cheifest place

Satt maddam, Will, in reeling drunken case

Light in atire shee was, shees womens god

They hir true subiects be: but she'es mans rodd

Nothing by Will, at anie tyme is saide

But is by wiues, and widdowes still obayd.

VVills Oration.

SVbiectes quoth maddam Will I here am sett

Not alltogeather, to se howe you eate

Nor came I whollie to participate,

With this your freelie-spoken merrye prate

But chieflie why amongst you nowe I come

Is to knowe howe eache wife, fares in hir home

Howe by hir husband shee is dailie vsd

Whether she'es well-entreated, or abusd,

Therefore yf anie of you suffer greife

Know't I am Will, and will yeild you releife

Be bold to speake, I am the wiues delight

And euer was, and wilbe th'usbandes spight

Il'e sut as Iudge vppon these wicked men

Doe you accuse, and Il'e guie s [...]ntence then.

The old vviues complaynt againste hir younge husband.

AT which old Crona with hir redd-bleare eys

From of the stoole she satt did straytewayes rise

And out aloude, to Will, for iustice cryes.

Quothe she, mysou'raygne Queene 'tis not with tongue

I able am t'expres my dayelie wronge.

Three husbandes haue I had; two old in truth

But they the cropping had, of my greene youth

In lewe of whith (to thin'k on't nowe I'me sadd)

They left me all the goodes and gold they had.

With Cattell sto'rd-was all my pasture growndes

[Page] With fyne woold bleating sheepe [...] downes

Crambd'was my barnes, my cheste with in't did hold

Manie a Princes picture in puere gold

and while they liv'd, that thing was wondrous skant

That Crona euer did speake-for and want:

Then in wealthes pleasures I did swymm and floate

But out alas that e're old fooles should doate

For since theire deathes (oh Queene I speakt' with ruth?)

Fond-foolish I sett my loue on a youth

Making him maister and possessor quite

(In hope heed' doe to mee all true loues right)

Of all the golden goodes I were possest

And left-with by theire soules, which nowe doe res [...]e

But (aye me Caytif) neuer wretched I

Vntill this tyme knewe, what was miserie

Oh nowe I fynd, this is the sweeter life

To be an old mans nurse, then a youths wife

For' s loue I wedded him, but he aboue

Doth onelie knowe, who doth enioie his loue

My bedd hee loathes; hee neuer giues me kis

But hee cries, wife, reward my leue for this

For yf younge men old wiues one kis affordes

Tis for the loue th'aue, to theire golden hordes,

Without I buy his loue, heel lye all night

In sullen wise, and discontented plight

Not once soe much as turning vnto me

Vnles a golden lure, his eyes doth see.

And nowe greats goddes Will, for loues intent

Soe longe I bribd him haue, as all is spent

And I am cast-of, wherefore lett me craue

That gainst him, publick sentence I maie haue

At which same periodd, all the wittles route

In hir behalfe vnto dame Will cryd' out.

Dame VVills Sentence.

SVbiect quoth Will, well has thy fluent tongue

Exprest with passion thy too greate a wronge

[Page] The sentence I pronounce against that wight

Is this; thou shalt torment him daie and night

With that same poysned instrument of thyne

I meane thy tongue: then shalt-thou se, in fyne

Howe despratelye, to hang himselfe he'ele gadd

Or els, howe soone he will proue braint-sick madd

My seutence is at noe tyme thou shalt rest,

But with thy tongue torment him still thy beste.

Infeilde, in bedd, at borde, in eache place still

Ide haue thee stying him with thy bitterst skill

Call him vp start, base scumm, the worst of worst;

Ask him who made him, and who raisd him firste?

Tell him, e're thou mettst with him hee did lacke

Shoes for's feete, hose for's leggs, and cloathes for's back

Such peales at all tymes ring thou in his eare

It is my sentence; doo't, and doe not feare

To doe that hest, awaie did Crona trudge

Praising dame Will, for a moste vpright Iudge.

The younge vvifes complaint against hir ieolous headed old husband.

THat wrinckle-faced drudge, noe sooner gone

But in hir place straight flept-vp such a one

As matchles was in bewties pleasing grace;

One, who exceld, loues mother in the face

Men call hir Youtha: oh-greate queene quoth shee

Since woemens wronges thou rightst', then right thou mee

My couetous parents (not to Natures kinde)

Vnto an old man matcht me, 'gainste my minde

Fortie such men, vnable are to quenche

The firye flames tyn'd in a lustfull wenche.

When burning Luste with's violent scortching fire

Hath sing'd my harte with passions feirce desire

Then in Loues chase I hunt, for in Loues game

Remayneth that which quencheth Lusts hott flame.

[Page] But, tweene an old mans armes what's there to quench?

Still flares the flames, ty'nd in a youthfull wench.

Yet yf that shiu'ring coldnes heate allaies;

Then that in old men, shall we find alwaies

As we are extreame hott, soe still are they

Extreame in that same cold extremytee

But loues feirce fire with fire must quenched be;

'Ells still the more it burnes: so't fares with me.

For 'las, when lust hath heate me, I cann find

His cold embrace, nòe quencher of my mind

My parents might haue matcht me to one dead,

As well as to a sapples old mans bedd:

I cann smale diffrence make: for men one old

Like dead men laye: oh th'are corruptly cold.

Rug'd-wrinckled is his face: his head in showe

Seemes like a hillock, hild with milk white snowe

His humors heauier, then sadd massie lead

His leggs like Isicles doe warme my bedd

Noe signe of heate, is in this aged fire

'Les in his nose, but that resembles fire.

What shall I saie, ther'es none, that doth him see

But saies the picture of cold winte'rs he

Yet I (oh moste vnequall matche!) alas

Enforste to wedd, with this cold dotard was

With whom (greate Queene) I such a life doe leade

As I eache mynute, wishe my selfe were dead.

Soe hath his aged disabillitie

Possessed him, with this feende Ieolosie

As I cann noe waies, goe from sight ofs' eyes

But straitewaies after me, he sendes his spies

Nor cann I talke with anie, but in's head

A riseth some conceipte, Il'e wrong his bedd.

Let but atrech'rous doore in night once creake

Then straight he doubtes, ther'es some with me would speake

Confrence with neerest knin, heel not allowe,

Fearing we plott, to breake our weddlock vowe

Which god he knowes (greate Queene) my spottles mind

That waies as yet, hath neuer beene inclynd

[Page] Smyle I, or weepe I, all is one; for hee

Of wha't soe e're I doe, will ieolous bee

If I doe smyle, then sayes he straight Iv'e had

Sport with my loue; tis that, makes me soe gladd

If I am sadd; then doth hee saie hee knowes

The spring from whence my mallanchollie flowes

Vp braydinge me, I'me onelie sadd for this

Because my loue, of his sett how're did misse

Such is a grislie old mans, faire wiues' state

As ieolous-headed he will deeme she'el hav't

Though ouer hir hee setts a thousand spies,

And eu'rye spie, an Argus is, for's eyes:

Therefore, since (causles) he doth wrong me soe

Teache me revenge against this loathed foe.

Giue sentence (Queene) what shall bee done by me

Againste him in revenge ofs' ieolosee.

Dame VVills sentence in the young wifes behalf against hir old husband.

YOutha quoth maddam Will, with greate reguard

Haue I, this thy sadd information heard

And doe bewaile the same; but Ile' haue thee

Plague thy old husband, for his Ieolosee.

Yet Ieolous-headed men noe plagves doe neede

For in themselues, sufficient plagues doe breede

For looke in what place, Iealosie doth dwell

There are the tormentes, of an earthlie hell.

Yet since for naught, he doubts soe faire a dame

Thus shalt thou sting and torture him, forth' same.

In secrett wise, Ile haue: hee staine his bedd,

And graft faire guilded hornes, on's silverd head

Such glorious spriggs soe well in noe place growes

As in the riv'led furrowes of an old mans browes.

Thou art a woman, therefore canst not want

At all tymes skill, such setts and grafts, to plant

[Page] My sentence is thou shalt him soe beguild

As make him thinke his father to that child

Which thou thyselfe knowst not who it bego [...]t

Togather goodes for whom, shall th'old drudgi trott

Not sparing night nor daie, till's life be done

Howe to scrape wealth, to giue anothers sonn

And cause thy parents, forste thee to his bedd

Thus will I haue thy parents punnished.

Thou shalt, vnto theire skarlet blushing shame,

Bespott them with the spotts, of thy staind name

Soyling thy wedding sheetes, faire I'vry white

With fowle black spotts, of salt lusts loathd delight

Bewteous youtha my sentence nowe is done

See that on them the'res execution.

The gossipping vviues complaint against hir riche churlishe husband.

THis sentence giv'n, the whole route [...]gann to rise

But pert-quicke-tongued Gossippa (whose eyes

Contaynd of brymishe teares a cristall fluude)

Starts-vpp, and praies Dame Will, to hir be good.

Of all thy louing subiectes I (quoth shee)

Haue euer yet beene found faythfulst to thee

And therefore my good Queene, let me acquainte

Thy gentle eares with one petition plainte.

Two thinges I loue; two vsuall thinges they are

The firste, newe-fashiond cloathes, I loue to weare

Newe tires, newe ruffes; I, and newe gesture too:

In all newe fashions, I doe loue to goe:

The second thing I loue, is this I weene

To ride aboute to haue those newe cloathes seene

At eu'rye gossipping I am at still

And euer wilbe, maie I haue my will

For at ons owne howse, praie, who ist' cannsee

Howe fyne in newe found, fash'ond tires wee bee?

[Page] Vnles our husbandes; faithe; but verye fewe

And whoo'd goe gaie, to please a husbands veiwe?

Alas we wiues doe take but smale delight

Yf none (besides our husbandes) se'es that sight.

It ioyes our heartes, to heare an other man

P [...]aise this or that attire, that wee weare on

Wee iocond are, and thinke ourselues much graste

Yf we heare one saie, faire wenche, faithe in waste

This straight-girt gowne, becomes you passing well

From other Taylors, yours doe beare the bell:

Oh hee that well cann actt-out such sweete partes

Throwes-vp the sure which wynns our verye hartes

When we are stubborn'st, then let men with skill

Rubb'es well with th'oyle of praise and bend we will

That smoothe-fyne supple oyle doth soften vs foe

As what ist then we will not yeild vnto?

Meetinges and brauerye were my delight:

Those were the two: but (greate queene) he'res the spight

Without greate store of wealth, be dailie gainde

Of all delightes, those are the worste maintaind

And therefore I did alwaies plott in mind

Howe a wealthie, riche husband, out to find

And one I've gott: but such a churle is hee

As scarce a penny will bestowe on mee

And that shall neuer come, but (fore, I ha'te)

The miserable clowne, will scratch his pate

Alwayes demaundinge what with't, I will doe

And then comes out, her'es such a stir with you.

A man had better tidd-be of his life

Then clog'd with such a fydling foolish wife

Such are his tauntes, when I demaund him ought

As what I gett from him is dearelie bought.

I cannot grosslie feede, for I in sooth

Haue a tender mawe, and a daintie tooth

These beeues and muttons, are but homelie fare

My appetite doth thirste-for what's most rare:

Had I vnto my mind, then I would eate

Still of the fynest pallat-pleasing meate

[Page] But fye on h [...]gges! oh! there is none liues, liues

Soe straunglie hatefull as these rich churles wives

For yf I cannot gnawe, a hard drye cruste

Manie a daie, faste-out the tyme I muste.

Iuste like to Tantalus it fares with mee

For what I hunger-for I alwaies see.

All what against him I d'e to saie, Ive saide

Nowe queene I doe ymplore thy counsells ayde.

I cannot gossipp it nor cann goe trymm

Cause I want arte, to worke coine out from him.

Tatling Gossippa here-at holdes hir tongue

With praying maddam Will to right hir wronge.

Silence beinge made, thus dame Will replies.

VVills sentence vppon the rich churle

SVbiect quoth shee I've heard thy Iniuries

And yf they all hee true which I did heare

Then are they too too much for thee to beare

For to vs women these thinges are moste Ill

T'abate our prides, and to restraine our will

If hee bee riche; his harnes are full of graine

Where hee one bushell sells, sell thou still twaine

His swyne, sheepe, geese, henns, ducks, doe thou convaie

I, sell his very shirtes but goe thou gaie,

Of all men, hee vnworthy'st is of life

That will not laste of all mistruste his wife.

A nightes, faile not but pick the churles stuft purse

Yf hee doth sware, I hope thy tongue cann curse

But yf his barnes, purse, yarde, and all doe fayle

Then to th'old vse put thou thy nimble tayle

Lett that worke for thee; for by that same waie

Ther'es manie a woman makes hir selfe gaie

That waie thou maiste the supple sattins ware

That waie thou maiste feede on thee dainty'st fare

Yf noe waie else thou canste make thy selfe trymm

Then that waie, tis my will, thou punnish him

[Page] Whoo'd sweate and toyle for this same golden treasure

When one maie gett it, with the sweetest pleasure

Thou knowst my minde; Gossippa, doe it then:

Fare wenches cannot want, while there are men.

Diogynes makes himself knowne.

AT th'end of which same sentence, all arose

Where at my selfe to them I did disclose

But er'e I did it, I did gett to'oth dore

For had they caught me, they'd haue vsd me sore:

To hold me, eu'rye woman out did crie

But being out theire reache awaie rann I:

Gladd that Id'e seene and heard theire knauerye

Nowe sir, Ive iustlie told, for what intent

I like a woman amongst women went

Yf you on theire behalfes haue ought to saie

Sait'e some where else, or gett you hence awaie

Allexander.

TO what thast' saide, smale creditt I cann giue

For I shall neuer made-be to beleeue

That creatures halfe devine for glorious bewtie

Should soe respectles be to man in dutie.

Thinges eu'rye waie soe perfect faire in showe

In virtues fullie perfect, are I knowe.

Diogynes.

THou knowst it; doost? awaie, thou art an else

What canst thou knowe, that knowest not thy selfe

The golden-skaled snake's, a louelie thinge

Had not that glorious worme, a poysned stinge

Of maides and wiues noe barrell better bee

Would God made none, but what were spoke of mee.

[Page]Allexander.

WHy prithee speake; howe manie wouldst haue then?

Diogines.

FOr one halfe girle, tenn hundred thowsand men.

Allexander.

NOwe fie vppon thee [...]ynnick, why dost bite

And sett soe pure a thing, as woman light?

I am a shamd' of thee; doe what I can,

I cannot think, thou art a perfect man

I doe beleeue that thou at noe tyme haste

That manlie heare, which causeth man to waste

Thou art noe man; for we'rt a man. I'me sure

A womans companie thou couldst endure.

But saie, thou wert en forst vppon thy life

To take thee to some one to be thy wife

What kinde of woman-creature wouldst thou chuse

Yf it were soe thou mighst' it not refuse.

Diogynes.

BY hanginge, Ide chuse rather end my life

Then Id'e a woman haue, to be my wife

But were it soe, that one I needes must haue

And that I had noe waie, my selfe to saue

Then all the world Ide' seeke, but I would fynd

A woman for my wife, dumb, deafe, and blinde

Besides; yf I could possiblie prevaile

Ide seeke the world for one, without a taile

Most men in bodie wasted are by wiues

But such I' me sure, would proue restoritiues.

[Page]Allexander.

FIe man; why what in women doost thou see

That they soe much, distastefull are to thee.

Diogynes.

NOe more then thou maiste see, yf th'art not blind

Why moste of them hudge gyantes are for minde

Pride keepes hir faire in eache faire wantons face

And Luste keepes in theire [...] markett place

Revengefull Wrath theire furious tongues doth swaie.

From labor, drowsie Sloath their handes doth staie

In syns sweete-poysned Iuyce drunken theile be

And Envie others, drunken soe to see

What see I not in them? they are the Inns

Wherein doth lodge those monstrous murdring synns.

Allexander.

FIe Cynnick, thou doste blowe too bitter aire

On tender blossoms, which are sweetlie faire.

Diogynes.

YF shee be faire, and a sharpe-witted one

And honeste too; a Phenix she'es alone.

Who hath tenn Herculesses strengths in's loines

And with a faire sharpe-witted wanton Ioyns

Shall be assurd the horne, on's browe to fynd:

Whoo'l quench a wantons luste must quench the mind;

Th'are proude; eache wench would bee an Allexander

And by hir will, ouer a world commaunder.

But yf not proude, nor lustfullie inclind

Then eyther foole, or scold, of hir shalt fynd.

Eyther of them, mans patience soe would alter

As they would make him straight make vse ath halter,

They are all naught, I cannot brooke em I

[Page] [...]ould I were Dea [...]e, then women all should die

Allexander.

NAie fie Cynnick thou railst too gennerall

Thou muste not for some fewe condemn em all,

Thou talkst, as yf thou wert noe womans sonn

I would th'adst trauaild, but as I haue done:

Although th' Athenians givn are to theire will

And liue a life displeasinge (hatefull ill)

Yet since my travaile, (whe [...] I haue beene)

Aboundance vertuous [...] I haue seene.

Diogynes.

OH ya'r a trauaylier; praie are you soe?

Where you haue beene, black swanns you haue seene too

Good trauayler the hearinge I will giue you

But you shall giue me leaue not to beleeue you

Women are naughte: Il'e talk noe more with thee

And therefore naught, because women they bee.

Allexander.

OH straung! yf Allexander heard but thee

For womens sakes (I'me sure) thou'dst punnisht be.

Diogynes.

GOe telt' him goe; I doe as little care

For him as thee; let both doe what you dare.

Tell me of him? I feare him not a flie:

I dread not might: Diogynes am I:

Hees but a man; Il'e ne're fa [...]ne for mans grace

What I haue saide, Il'e boldlie saye too's face

And wer't, he were as badd as women bee

Id'e bite the monnark to his face, shouldst see.

[Page]Allexander.

HE knowes thou wouldst in that I knowe the [...]

For I am hee: for this cause here I came

To heare thy wittie bluntnes, and to see

Whether thy sayings and thy deedes agree,

Come Cynnick burne this tubb and followe me

And vnto noble titles, Il [...]raise thee.

Diogynes.

THou wilt: but I will not: none can raise me;

I'me in my tubb as greate a Kinge as th [...]e.

Who holdes the world and it's vaine trash for flight

He truelie conquers it, giue him his right:

And soe doe I: therefore hudge Allexander

I hold my selfe (ath twaine) the greatst commaunder

I will not begg to rule and governe landes

Onelie thy absence, Ile begg at thy handes.

I prethee pack thee hence and gett thee gone

The companie still is best, where is but one.

Goe seeke thee out an other world to wynn

And putt the women of this world therein

But let that world be farr enough; and then

Learning and virtue will encrease with men

Naught else I haue to begg, graunt but this suite

Then henceforth euer, shall my tongue rest mute.

FINIS.

§

§

[Page]

YOu choyceste creatures, (you which god did take

From-out mans selfmans comforter to make)

Discomfort not your selues nor be dismayd

At what a dogged Cynnick here hath sayde

What though sowre-churlishe-he (too currish blynde)

Hath barkt too broadlye gainste your gentle kind

Yet little doth such clouds keepe from our sights

Your shynninge virtues; this worldes splendanntst lights

Happlye his gally ve [...]aym'd speech proceeds

As grounded byself-doyinge divelishe deedes.

Dead is the dogg, I hope and for your sex

The spirritts doth his spirritt hottlye vex.

Excuse my worke, it paintes the Cynnick forth

And to the wise it nothinge staines your worth.

FINIS.

A MORRALL SATIRE, Intituled the Owles araygnement.

[Page]

WHen fowles could talke with reason like to men

This accydent amongst em happend then:

Before the Prince of fowles the Owle was brought

To aunswere why she did things lawles naught:

Her adversaries were the batt the thrush

With others moe: who night' lie in the bush

Shee ey her scard with skreeking fearefull cryes

Or sodeynlie (ere wake) did them surprize:

Wherefore they apprehending hir did craue

That they against hir might iuste Iustice haue.

Greate Prince quoth they to death put thou this Owle

She is a vildlie living wicked fowle:

Vnfitt to liue: all daie shee sleepes; a nightes

Smale birds shee kills; the best and greatst she frights

Breaking our quiet sleepe with the fell noyse

Of manlike lure and yauling-whooping voice

And therefore sou'raigne Prince wee all doe craue

Since shee deserveth death, death she maie haue.

The Eagle sternlie mild putt them a side

Commaunding silens thus the Eagle cryd

Come forward Owle and free thy hart from feare

Speake freelie bird true iustice I doe here

Before my sword of iustice Death doth strike

Th' accuser, and th' accusd I heare alike

Bribes nor affection maks my cleare eys blind

And therefore freelie feareles speak thy mind

When th'owle did heare this mild speach of hir Lord

Couradg shee tooke in gesture and in word

Chearing hir selfe, shee thus tooth Eagle cryes

Impartiall iustice comes from Maiesties

[Page] And since your highnes doth thus daine to heare

My cause your selfe; my cause I little feare

For what need I quoth shee dread anie thing

Being my cause is heard before my King.

Let murdrers quake when, Iustice shakes hir rodd

The Iust nere feares the Iudgment of Iust god

Noe more will I since freelie plead I must

(In guiltles cause) before a King soe iust

Two accusations are against me [...]ayde

To be a murdrer is the first I'me sayde

The second is that I in sylent night

With manlike voice smale birds and fowles afright

Greate Prince I both confes; but firste Ile showe

The cause and reason which makes me skreek soe

A nightes I hollowing whoop and wondring crye

But gratious Prince this is the reason why

In eache place I doe see proude Babells built

With cloude-braving turretts daubd-o're with gu [...]t

With in those Babells I doe peepe to spie

The princelie presence of your maiestie

But when in steed of you (on bedd of strawe)

I see that tatling bird, the Iack-adawe

With admiration then awaie I flie

Then lo ho ho then wo ho ho crye I.

Sometimes I daringlie presume to peepe

With in your Court when all your courtyers sleepe

Where when I see the prating parratt grac'd

And birdes of better worth for him displac'd

Or when I see the plumy peacocks pride

To striue to lie by's sou'raigne Princes side

And se the valiant Cock with swaines to liue

That sight much wonder to my eyes doth giue

With admiration then awaie I flie

Then lo ho ho then wo ho ho crie I

Sometimes I flie ore Neptunes glassie soile

To veiwe the slipps of our set-girt-in Ile

[Page] But [...] they hee

Howe like they are tooth winter-shaken tree

And howe from them all braue sea birds are fledd

Then like a malecontent I hang downe head

With admiration then awaie I flie

Then lo ho ho then wo ho ho crie I

Sometimes ore sto'nd-paud Citties I take flight

Where to my night-cleard eyes admired sight

I see the Cuccoe build in house his neaste

Which ere was wont to be Silvanus gueste:

Baselie brooking each cock-sparrowes rivalrye

Suffrings mate for trash to bath in brothelry

A nights such sights presented to my eye

Makes me with wonder wo ho ho to cry.

This is the cause greate Prince why in the night

I wonder soe: nowe where they doe indight

Me for a murtherer: your grace shall find

I'me leaste of all your-nobles soe inclind;

Guitles I plead; or yf I guiltie be

With me must die your whole nobility

Your Hawkes (dread souraigne Prince) doe dailie kill

And dailie doe devoure eate-vp and spill

Your honest subiects yet theres noe a aint

Laies hold of them `gainst them the'res noe complaine

Greate-peares nere to Princes should not doe soe

By their stepps we track which waie Kings doe goe

As Phebes light from Phebus doth proceed

Soe doth a great Lords act froms Princes deed

Yf Kings encloud with vice their Virtues sunn

That selfe thick-foggye course their peeres will runn

If I doe murther, they doe murther too

What waie I goe, that waie your hauks must goe

Else gratious Prince your lawe giues waye and place

To such as are, or are not in your grace.

Else greate ones open maie your m [...]yes doore

Sucking the fatt from men but meanlie poore

Iniustly wronging poore-poore vnderlings

[Page] [...]

Far fowler acts within themselues they [...]rrish

And consciensles the [...] things cherrish

But soe it should not be my souraigne King

For from a Kingdoms lawes cleere christ all spring

Alike all streames should runn: I eu'ry where

That should spoute water vncorruptlie cleare

Let it doe soe my Prince: let poore mans cryme

Be iudgd like theires: w' are made of self-like slime

All kings are earthlie gods; therefore should Kings

In an impartiall ballance weigh all thinges

The iustest iudge doth soe; and soe should your

Like that corruptles iudg in all pointes doe.

I freelie speake; the cause I speake soe free

Is' cause at first great Prince you licensd mee.

I haue accusd, but not excusd; for still

My faults not lessond for an others ill

Therefore my Prince to this my pleadings tend

You'l quitt my fault, and Ile my fault amend.

The Prince well listning to th' appeaching Owle

Turnes to the hawkes, on whom with wrathfull scowl

He fixt his eyes. Quoth he, speake is it true

My nobles which this owle reports of you?

In guiltles bloud haue you embrud your hands?

T'is monstrous vilde! why your the propps of land [...]

The steres men to your Prince: by you hees lede

By whom but you should he be counselled?

Your heades should conduicts be: cleare cristall springs

From which should powre al wholsom virtuous things

From your braines fountaines such pure streames should flowe

As by that moysture things should florishing growe,

Wherefore enact I lawes with your consent?

I thinke to punish vice was our intente

Will you [...] are parte makers of the lawe

Be breakers of it first? How then in awe

Shall I my sub [...]cts haue? why when they se

You drownd [...] haue they 'le deeme the like of me

Disgracefullie then this they will report

[Page] Howe theirs an extreame famin grown at court;

Of virtuous men theres such a famin grown

As scarcelie one about the Court is knowne

By you shall I growe to loathd infamie

And iudgd the nurse of fowle-fell tyranny

And therfore nobles yf your free and cleare

From these dambd haynos crimes, makt now appeare,

Silence being made, the guiltie nobles

Seing themselues to growe to dangrous trobles

Thus (despratly) replies: oh King quoth they

I hope vnto our murthers youl giue waie

Yf we make spoile and other birds vndoe

We take thexsample souraign Prince from you

We nerest Princes Imitate them still

We be the emblems of your good or Ill

Yf you slaie, we slaie; yf you saue, we saue

All Kings about them manie shadowes haue:

For this our fau [...] we seeke not make excuse

Cause from your selfe sprang firste this faults abuse

And therefore King yf you'l haue subiects awe

You must not onelie make but keep your lawe.

This peremptory aunswere so incenst

His maiestie as twene them wars com [...]st

But while as they were soe at Civill strife

The Owle that malefactour saues hir life

She being loose awaie from keeper scudds

Lusking from sight all daie in thickest woods

But eu'ry night about the outlawe flies

Ioying hir escape; wo ho ho the cryes.

FINIS.

W. G.

Information about this book

Title statement

A satirycall dialogue or a sharplye-invectiue conference, betweene Allexander the great, and that truelye woman-hater Diogynes

Goddard, William, fl. 1615.

Edition statement

1616

Publication

Publisher

Text Creation Partnership,

Place of publication

Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) :

Date

2004-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

ID [DLPS]

A01795

ID [STC]

STC 11930

ID [STC]

ESTC S105741

ID [EEBO-CITATION]

99841467

ID [PROQUEST]

99841467

ID [VID]

6052

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Series

Early English books online.

Notes

(EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A01795)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 6052)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 958:16)

Source

— A satirycall dialogue or a sharplye-invectiue conference, betweene Allexander the great, and that truelye woman-hater Diogynes, Goddard, William, fl. 1615., Alexander, the Great, 356-323 B.C., Diogenes, d. ca. 323 B.C..

Extent

[48] p.

By George Waters] for all such gentlewomen as are not altogeather idle nor yet well. ocupyed,. Imprinted in the Lowcountryes [i.e. Dordrecht :: [1616?]. (Dedication signed: Willyam Goddard.) (In verse.) ("A morrall satire, intituled the Owles araygnement", F2r-end.) (Printer's name supplied and publication date conjectured by STC.) (Signatures: A-F⁴.) (Reproduction of the original in the British Library.)

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Image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. Quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in Oxford and Michigan. 5% (or 5 pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet QA standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. After proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of 100 instances per text. Any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. Understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of TCP data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor.

The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines.

Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements).

Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site.