The hospitall of incurable fooles: erected in English, as neer the first Italian modell and platforme, as the vnskilfull hand of an ignorant architect could deuise — Hospidale de' pazzi incurabili. English

The hospitall of incurable fooles: erected in English, as neer the first Italian modell and platforme, as the vnskilfull hand of an ignorant architect could deuise — Hospidale de' pazzi incurabili. English

Table of contents

Title page

TO MY MOST NEERE and Capriccious Neighbor, ycleped Iohn Hodgson, alias Iohn Hatter, or (as some will) Iohn of Paules Churchyard, (Cum multis alijs, quae nunc imprimere longum est:) Edward Blount; wisheth prosperous successe in his Monomachie, with the French and Spaniard.

TO THE GOOD OLD Gentlewoman, and her special Benefactresse, Madam Fortune, Dame Folly (Matron of the Hospitall) makes curtesie, and speakes as followeth.

Prologue of the Author to the beholders.

Not to the wise Reader.

Of Follie in generall: the first discourse.

Of Franticke and doting Fooles: the second discourse.

A praier to the goddesse Minerua for doting and franticke Fooles.

Of solitarie and melancholike Fooles: the thirde discourse.

A petition to Iupiter for melancholike and sauage Fooles.

Of idle and carelesse Fooles: the fourth discourse.

An orizon to Apollo for idle and carelesse Fooles.

Of drunken Fooles: the fift discourse.

A petition to god Abstemius for drunken Fooles.

Of harebraind and forgetfull Fooles: the sixt discourse.

A supplication vnto Caron for harebraind and forgetfull Fooles.

Of stupide, forlorne, and extaticall Fooles: the seuenth discourse.

A petition to God Sentinus, for stupide, forlorne, and extaticall Fooles.

Of notted, grosse, and Fooles of light carriage: the eight discourse.

A petition to the Aegyptians Oxe, for notted, grosse, and Fooles of light carriage.

Of dottrels and shallow-pated Fooles: the ninth discourse.

A supplication to the Samian sheepe, for shallow-pated, and dottrell Fooles.

Of senselesse and giddie-headed Fooles: the tenth discourse.

An Inuocation vpon the goddesse Bubona, for senselesse and giddie-headed Fooles.

Of plaine lourdish, and naturall Fooles: the eleuenth discourse.

An inuocation to God Fatuello, for lourdish and naturall Fooles.

Of vicicious Fooles: the twelfth discourse.

A supplication to goddesse Themis for vicious Fooles.

Of malicious and despightfull fooles: the thirteenth discourse.

A petition to goddesse Nemesis, for despitefull and malitious Fooles.

Of ridiculous Fooles: the fourteenth discourse.

A petition to god Risus for ridiculous Fooles.

Of ostenting and vaine glorious Fooles: the fifteenth discourse.

A supplication to goddesse Iuno, for vaine-glorious Fooles.

Of parasiticall or scoffing Fooles: the sixteenth discourse.

A supplication to god Mercurie, for parasiticall and counterfeit Fooles.

Of lunaticall and Fooles by season: the seuenteenth discourse.

A petition to goddesse Hecate, for Fooles lunaticall or by season.

Of carpet and amorous Fooles: the eighteene discourse.

An inuocation to god Cupid for amorous Fooles.

Of desperate Fooles: the nineteenth discourse.

A supplication to goddesse Venilia for desperate Fooles.

Of heteroclite, reuerse, thwart, and headstrong Fooles: the twentith discourse.

A petition to god Vulcane for heteroclite, reuerse, thwart, and headstrong Fooles.

Of scoffing Fooles: the one and twentith discourse.

A prayer to god Fabulanus, for scoffing Fooles.

Of Iouiall, recreatiue, facete, and friendly Fooles: the two and twentith discourse.

A petition to god Bacchus for Iouiall, recreatiue, facete, and pleasant Fooles.

Of testie and fustian Fooles: the three and twentith discourse.

A petition to Tesiphon, for testie and fustian Fooles.

Of outragious, fel, and Bedlem Fooles: the fower and twentith discourse.

A supplication to god Mars for outragious, brutish, and bedlem Fooles.

Of grosse and three elbowed Fooles: the fiue and twentith discourse.

A supplication to goddesse Voluptina, for grosse and threeelbowed Fooles.

Of Fooles obstinate, like to an horse or mule: the sixe and twentith discourse.

An inuocation to god Minos, for Fooles obstinate like a mule.

Of pildpated and odious Fooles: the seuen and twentith discourse.

A supplication to Rhadamantus for pildpated Fooles.

Of irregular and vnbridled Fooles: the eight and twentith discourse.

A supplication to goddesse Hippona, for vnbridled fooles.

Of extrauagant, extreme, and right Fooles indeed: the nine and twentith discourse.

A petition to god Hercules for extrauagant, extreme, and right Fooles indeed.

Of mischieuous or diabolicall Fooles: the thirtith discourse.

An inuocation to Pluto for mischieuous and diabolicall Fooles.

A discourse of the Author, to the beholders concerning that part of the Hospitall which appertaineth to Women, wherein he wittily setteth down all the former kindes of folly to be likewise resident in them.

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[Page] THE HOSPITALL OF INCVRABLE FOOLES: Erected in English, as neer the first Italian modell and platforme, as the vnskilfull hand of an ignorant Architect could deuise.

Ipazzi, é li prudenti, fanno giustissima bilancia.

Printed by Edm. Bollifant, for Edward Blount. 1600

TO MY MOST NEERE and Capriccious Neighbor, ycleped Iohn Hodgson, alias Iohn Hatter, or (as some will) Iohn of Paules Churchyard, (Cum multis alijs, quae nunc imprimere longum est:) Edward Blount; wisheth prosperous successe in his Monomachie, with the French and Spaniard.

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IOhn of all Iohns, I am bould heere to bring you into a guest-house or Hospitall, and to leaue you there; not as a Patient, but as a Patron or Treasurer: I could wish, that vpon this sudden calling to such an office, you would not (like one swolne with the fatnesse of your place) grow bigger or prouder, nor (indeede) more couetous then you are: but like a man within compasse, whose bare (or rather threadbare) [Page] content is his kingdome, tread all Ambition vnder your Ancient shooe soales, now the sixteenth time corrected, Et ab omnibus mendis purgatas. Stay now; for your charge: you shall sweare to the vttermost of your endeuours, without fraude or imposture to releeue and cherish all such creatures as are by the hand of Fortune committed to your custodie, as also to elect and choose officers of good reputation and sincere practise to supply inferiour places vnder you as: a Porter, who shall refuse none that are willing to enter; a surgeon, that will protract the cure long ynough vpon them, and that if any desperate Censurer shal stab either at you or me, for vndertaking, or assigning this office or place, you presently take him into the darke ward, and there let him be lookt to, and kept close as a concealment, till some bodie beg him; all this you shall faithfully protest to accomplish: So helpe you a fat Capon, and the Contents of this Booke.

TO THE GOOD OLD Gentlewoman, and her special Benefactresse, Madam Fortune, Dame Folly (Matron of the Hospitall) makes curtesie, and speakes as followeth.

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IN good truth (Madame) I am at my wits end (ere I begin) to thinke, what Error, or Fury it is that hath so successiuely possest the poore despised Nation of Poets (these many thousand yeeres) still to defame, & traduce your Ladyshyp with the imputatiue slanders of Niggardise and instability; when I (which haue known you better and more inwardly, then a thousand of these Candle-wasting-Booke Wormes) can affirme you to be the most bounteous, open-handed, firme, vnswayed, constant Ladie vnder Heauen. But since it is no other then the breath of such a pitifull family; let it vanish (as one of my owne Mottley houshold notes wel) like Tabacco smoake. And now (most excellent Patronesse) that you may feele (for I know you do not vse to see) the desire I haue to be truely gratefull for so manie Mountaines of Benefits clapt vpon me (since I first taught Adam to make him a suite of fig leaues) I do heere present your La. with the translated Species of an Hospital, & some few Bedred fooles, lately multiplied out of Italian into English, with a most prosperous [Page] and chymicall successe. My hopes are that you (out of your gratious and accustomed blindnesse) will not so much, as deigne to looke vpon their diseases, but passe them ouer with the hand of Fauour, as you haue often done other sicke creatures of their sanguine complexion. They lacke cherishing, good Lady, let them not want it. I know a good plump Foole comes as welcome to you at all times, as the wisest Anatomy in a kingdome; you take no pleasure in one of these leane withered Cato's: & it is much more in the way of your praise, that you should bestow your fauours on such as (with adoration) will weare them on their foreheads, then on those, who (out of their too much knowledge) studie to conceale and make them appeere cheape and contemptible. Well Madame, you haue the happinesse both to consider and distinguish these things without me; and yet if the olde Dutch-man (he of Roterodam) were to be brought to the racke now, he would protest me (though I doubt he were scarce a sound Protestant) to haue too meane facultie in counsell; there was a true trick of my selfe now (if you marke it) Folly must haue a flurt of lightnesse and ostentation euer. I feare nothing more, but that I haue beene too graue all this while, & appeer'd like one dancing in a gowne: If I haue, pardon me; I beg it with as forced a looke, as a Player that in speaking an Epilogue makes loue to the two pennie-roume for a plaudite. But leauing this, what say you? Are my children of the Spittle to be receiued into your good thoughts, or no? they stay on the oher side of the leafe waiting your pleasure. Me thinkes being Fooles, they should be answered according to their folly, which is with silence, which is with consent.

Prologue of the Author to the beholders.

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THe manifest vanitie, euident folly, and expresse madnes of some miserable and vnhappie men, who with a mind puffed vp with pride, a noddle lighter than an oake apple, and more voide of wit, than cockles of meate in the waine of the moone, presume notwithstanding extremely vpon themselues, in that they are of this friendly and pleasant sort of Buffones; (for according to the saying of the Philosopher, where little wit is, thither doe men runne with greatest fauour and liking) being lifted vp to such an height, that like to that memorable gourd in Ariosto, in short space of time they must needs fall: is the principallest cause that I being amazed and astonished at this their so great folly, after my Theater of sundrie humors and inclinations, haue taken vpon me to build this most famous Hospitall, where the renowmed folly of these men may be seene and discerned, written (as it were) in Text letters, and in chambers or lodgings apart, painted and set foorth by me with so beautifull and workmanlike prospectiue, that other Fooles shall flocke about them; and as the Kings of Fooles, they shall receiue an open-mouthed applause of them all, to the ende, that while the pipkin boyleth, the smoak that pleaseth themselues so much, may forcibly come steaming out at the crowne of their owne hats. Yet is this no reason, but that the generall Folly of the world, spurreth me forward to doe the same, besides the kindes of particular [Page] Follies, the which procure me that (all humaine kinde participating of the same) I build for each one of them distinct Cels, wherein they may all commodiously, and with great ease repose themselues. And in this point, it will appeare how godly a man the Author of this frame was; who besides the building, made at the great instance of so many weake and poore in braine, with excellent inuention hath deuised to recommend them all to some God; vnder whose protection they might bee kept, or as far as is possible, defended, and helped of their folly. So he will specially beseech Minerua, to take care of franticke and delirant Fooles; Iupiter Hospitalis, of melancholike and sauage; Apollo, of ydle and carelesse; God Abstemius, of those drunken; Cameronte, of forgetfull and fickle headed; God Sentinus, of stupide, lost, and halfe dead Fooles; the Egyptian Oxe of those notted, grosse, and loblolly-lams; the Samian sheepe, of shallow-pates and ninnie hammers; the Goddesse Bubona, of lumpish and loggerheaded; the God Fatuellus, of plaine Fooles and naturals; the Goddesse Themis, of those vitious; Nemesis, of the malitious and despitefull; God Risus, of the ridiculous; Iuno, of the vaine-glorious; Mercurie, of dissembling and counterfeit; Hecate, of lunaticall or Fooles by season; Cupid, of louing Fooles; Goddesse Venilia, of desperate; Vulcanus, of heteroclite, light-brained, and addle-headed; Fabulanus, of scoffing Fooles; Bacchus, of those pleasant, sweete, sociable, and louing; Tesiphon, of those angrie and froward; Mars, of the furious, brutish, or bedlemsort; Hercules, of extrauagant, extreme, and wilfull Fooles; Rhadamanthus, of the pild-pated; Volutina, of monstrous & three-elbowed Fooles; Hippona, of them vntamed like an horse; Inexorable Minos, of them obstinate like a mule; and [Page] finally, infernall Pluto, of mischieuous or diabolicall Fooles. In the meane while I coniure the housholde Gods, that they will haue a care of this family of general Fooles; and the Gods Tutelar, that they will vndertake the tuition and protection of this new Hospitall. Goddesse Ops, that with conuenient remedies, shee will succour so many infirme, and naked of wit and vnderstanding; Goddesse Medetrina, that she will cure them well; God Aesculapius, that with miraculous Hellebore, he will purge them after some sort; Goddesse Sospita, that she will heale them out of hand; God Ianus, that hee will permit euerie one to enter within the gates of this Hospitall, that they may behold the miserie of these vnhappie and infortunate: and that especially which is performed on the festiuall day of all Fooles, as the Romaines were accustomed, the Author desireth, that the gates may be set broad open, where they may see the Bacchanals of the Menades, a matter pleasant aboue all Or Bacchus Nunnes. others, and rare to behold. With this inuention therefore it hath pleased him to rebate the edge, and rashnes of those moderne Thersites, who thinke themselues Aiaces; of those Pigmeis that esteeme themselues Alcides; of those peeuish Fooles that iudge themselues Nestors; of those field-Crickets that play the parrats so notably; of those pearched Cuckoes that laugh at all the world; of those skinlesse Snailes that lift vp their hornes for nothing; of those Horse-flies of Pigneta, that are bread in dung and durt; of those Lobbellinoes, properly leaden-heeled, but light-headed as a straw: for passing through this Hospitall, they shall see that Folly was their mother, Buffonerie their sister, Ninnerie their companion for terme of life, and that betweene them and Folly there is a iust Logicall equipollence, Phisicall [Page] reference, and a Scotisticall Identitie. These be those that first put it into the Authors head to frame this new building, where the honourable beholders shall haue great solace and pastime, to see the foolish Prosopopaeia of these sauage geese, and will take no small delight and pleasure at the strange and vnusuall follies, which within shall discouer themselues in these men, who counterfeiting other Catoes among the multitude, will in the ende appeere to be nothing, but kings of Crickets, Doctor doddipowles, grout-headed Gratians, or cockscombelike Gratian in their Comedies is the name of an ignorant Doctor or Pedant. Merlins, as in truth they are. Whosoeuer therefore wil go into these pastimes, he shal pay at least a peece of twenty for his part, for this is no two-penie matter, nor no triuiall gridiron growt-headrie, which is performed in the market places and giuen for an Antipasto, before the sale of sweete bals. The first thing shewed, shall be a Or before meales as the mounte hanks in Italy vse, before the solling of their Pomatum and sweete balles. monster with many heads, who with his deformity shall make euerie one amased, neither were Hydra, Medusa, or Python so dreadfull and horrible as he will be: And then one after another you shall see the palace of the Witch Alcina, chamber by chamber, full of people enchanted in braine, and transformed with brutish Metamorphoses into vnreasonable and sottish folke, where betweene laughter & admiration, euerie one shal thinke Or twentie Venetian shillings which is a Lyra. his nine-pence well spent, departing well satisfied with the Author, who with new Magicke will hereafter represent vnto you the castle of Atlas full of Dawcocks, and he will labour to conduct you thither in safety by Logistilla, giuing you Angelicaes ring in your hand, by meane whereof, discouering other mens follies, you Whose history is set foorth in the Poet Ariosto. may shew your selues the wiser. But now retire a little while the monster is loosed, & fixe your eies steedfastly vpon him, if you will woonder at the first sight.

Not to the wise Reader.

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IT being but a Poeticall fiction, that this whole world was in the beginning framed of Chaos, vpon better aduise and reason one may change opinion, or at least haue his owne censure by himselfe: it seeming vnto mee a more probable thing, that from the beginning of Forme, which the philosophers hold to be perfection, this world groweth daily to Chaos and confusion. But if the materiall frame be any waies answerable to him, who is the epitomethereof (man being termed Microcosmos) I am sure this assertion may well be maintained. For Nature (diuine ministresse) contending in the creation of all things, to imprint in them the seale and forme of Diuinitie, shee findeth no enemie nor obstacle to this her perfect worke but matter, which still encreaseth according to the augmentation, and growth of things created. Hereupon commeth the great difference betweene the superiour immortall, and the inferiour corruptible parts of man, the faculties of the soule and minde, being choaked in all her diuine intentions, by the grosse humours and temperature of the bodie, wherein as in a darke and loathsome prison, it is while the gayle deliuerie of death inclosed. And from hence in like manner doth it arise, that this wittie, and worthie Author, obserueth in the tree of humaine conceit and vnderstanding, so many grafts of follie and fopperie inserted, as that no man how mightie or profound soeuer he be in his owne sight, is exempted from some measure or proportion of these dottrell drammes. In religion (which is the [Page] highest action amongst men) is it not a woonderfull thing to see the obstinate opposition of some more fantasticke, then truely zealous: one iudging euerie decent formalitie, deepe and dangerous superstition; another abandoning all true ground and substance, for naked traditionall rite and forme. Next vnto this in the second cure of our bodies, how infinite are the follies of Phisitions in the practise of their Art, into whose hands notwithstanding at one time or other are cōmitted the liues of almen, wading through such a number of incertainties before they attaine to one sound probatum, and making their trials & experiments vpon the poore carcases of men: and yet for all this, looke what through an whole age, hath beene receiued for holsome & healthfull administration, in another succeeding, is reiected as most preiudiciall and pernitious. So that the applications and medicine of their first founders, is now of no woorth, except they haue recourse to minerals, wherein likewise as they confesse themselues they haue attained to qualitie; but of quantitie are as yet altogether ignorant. The like may be said of all Arts and professions amongst men, wherein there is that confusion and incertaintie, as the doings of one are reprehended by another for most vaine and foolish. But if you enter into the particular humours and enclinations of each one, Lord, what a pell-mell of conceit and muention you shall discouer, this seed being so thicke sowen in all their operations, that after their deepe consultations, firme resolutions, and prouident circumspection, of all this their labour, there commeth vp nothing but tares and folly, which the wisest man, after due consideration so often affirmed. One is ambitious, and hauing brought his thoughts and imaginations to a good passe, some instant folly, they being reared to a great height, (like the Babilonian tower) vtterly ouerthroweth them to [Page] the ground. Another puts on the Foxe with temporizing humilitie, and yet omitting some small circumstances in his complots and contriuance, a momentarie error confoundeth all his laboured and prouident deuises. For as violence setleth hatred and disdaine in the harts of men, Nam oderint quem metuunt: so absolute humilitie breedeth contempt; and the Italian Prouer be can tell you, that Chi pecora si fá, il lupo lo mangia. Well, hauing in this Hospitall receiued so good comfort, and succour my selfe; in religious charitie I could not but make knowne vnto you this worthie Italian worke, framed peraduenture vpon their yeere of Iubilee, or grace, and therefore propounded in generall to all men, for reliefe and cure of their giddie maladies. I craue no pardon of my errors or faults (yet are they many, and onely mine owne) beeing but a Foole, in reporting to Fooles what an other hath censured of humaine folly: And therefore you see I neither incite you to gratitude, by Alexanders receiuing a cup of water so thankfully, nor to reward in distributing of your goodwils, by imitation of that noble Prince, who so kindly remunerated the taking of alowse from his garment. Tullies sentences lye dead in my minde, and I haue vtterly lost the memoriall of Lycosthenes Apophthegmes: this I did carelesly, accept you of it as lightly. Yet consider what patience you haue with the wine you drink in Tauernes, and beleeue me (as a poore Traueller) it is all exceedingly bastardiz'd from his originall purity: and euen your Phisicall drams, that are so greedily sought after, suffer a little sophistication by the hands of the Apothecarie. Thinke not much therefore, if so tickle and foolish a commoditie as this is, be somewhat endamaged by the transportation of it out of Italy, but making some pleasant and profitable collection out of the same, let vs leaue all preeminence [Page] of folly to themselues, as I ascribe all due reward and demerite to my originall Author. It is certaine, that there is few names of men or places, in all the moderne examples of this Booke, but haue agnomination or proximitie with the humours & qualities of the partie described: but this would haue made too homely an hotchpotch in English, and obscured so much wit as shineth through this whole miste of folly, by too palpable and triuiall scurrilitie. If any man finde helpe, or cure of his maladie, by deuout inuocation on his proper Saint, or Patron, let him ascribe the principall glorie thereof to him, and yet be thankfull to his earthly founder.

Il pazzissimo.

Of Follie in generall: the first discourse.

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COnsidering, I haue taken vpon my selfe this burden, to manifest to the worlde, the prodigious and monstrous kindes of folly, which with an aspect, and countenaunce more deformed then Cadmus his serpent, more vgly then the Chimera, fuller of poison then the dragon of Hesperides, more hurtful & preiudiciall then Corebus his monster, more terrible then the Minotaure of Theseus, of more horrible presēce then Geryon with his three heads, is come downe into the worlde, to powre out amongst vs the contagion of her poison, like the beast Alcida, to the hurt and dommage of euery one: it is very requisite, that I describe her after such a manner, as that her very countenaunce onely may be of force to daunt & terrifie any one, and that the whole world may be ready to verifie that the Harpies were not so fowle, and vncleane, Hercules his bull so pestiferous, nor the sea monster Hesion so dommageable as she; who entring once into the seate of the braine, she obfuscateth imagination, peruerteth conceit, alienateth the minde, corrupteth reason, and so disturbeth and hindreth a man, that he can neither read, deliuer, nor act any thing as he shoulde doe: but on the contrarie, with turbulent conceptions, wauering and inconstant motions, broken sleep, a sick braine, & an emptie soacked head, like a withered cucumber, he vainely like a blinde mill horse, [Page] whirleth about a thousand fopperies, some of them no lesse lamentable then ridiculous: But the greatest inconuenience that springeth from her is this, that continually weakening the braine, she causeth man to remaine so blockish, and insensate, that he thinketh himselfe wisest, when he is most foole; then deeming, that he is an other Mercury, when he is but a Corydon, or some Menalca, among the vulgar: and this commeth to passe (as Hippocrates in his Aphorismes auerreth) bicause; Hippocrates. Quibus it a mens aegrotat ij dolorem non sentiunt: they whose mindes be thus tossed and transported are insensible of greefe. Folly therefore is she, who being spred and dispersed, ouer all prouinces and countries in the worlde; sorely vexeth mortallmen, and holdeth in subiection vnder her tyrannicall empire, an infinite number of people and men, that saying in Ecclesiastes being too true, that Stultorum infinitus est numerus: infinite is the number of fooles; and euen as Arpiages not impiously onely, but further vnnaturally and villanously did with his owne sonnes braines, so setteth she her monstrous teeth against one and other, coueting to satisfie the greedie humours of humaine fantasie. This pretie peate, spareth not kings, hath no respect to emperours, esteemeth not captaines, makes no reckoning of the learned, regardeth not the rich, feareth not those noble, there is no consideration can bridle, or make her refraine from striking, (like a blinde man) round about, and at randone, on euery side, whole mortall race. Behold the hand that this beast aunciently bore ouer the worlde, so that the people Agathyrses inhabiting neere the Syrtes, or sandie deserts, the first among fooles, in signe of their euident follie, went naked with their bodies [Page] painted of sundry colours, like the Leopards spots: whereupon Virgil in the fourth of his Aeneades saith:

The Cretanes, Drypes, and painted Agathyrsians rage.

The Audabatians being the pictures of true folly, were woont to fight in the warres with their eies closed: The Arcadians (right Fooles) thought themselues more ancient then the moone: and for this cause Seneca in his Hippolytus saith:

Contemning thee, that didst amidst the stars soshine:

A planet placed there: since th'old Arcadians time:

The Himantopoles voide of witte, went creeping vpon the earth with their hands and feete, as serpents do. The Mendesians depriued of all iudgement, performed the greatest honours they coulde possiblie deuise to goateheards. The people Psylli cockscombes in the fourth degree, as Herodotus reporteth, fought with armed bāds against the south wind, being preiudicial to them: The Tonemphians halfe out of their wits, seriously made choise of adogge insteade of a king, and by the motions and waggings of his taile, they presaged empires and dominions, which they were to possesse. But who doth not perceiue what folly raigneth amongst men, when the learned, who shoulde bee wiser then others, shewe themselues otherwhiles more foolish, affirming things which babies woulde scarce beleeue, and all the Magpies in a countrie would hardly vouchsafe to chatter such foppish flimflams as they doe: Is not that of Plinies a goodly gullerie, that Phileta Coo, a compounder of Elegies, was of so light and subtile a bodie, Plinie. as that it was requisite to fasten lead to the soles of his feete, to the end a blast of winde might not carrie him quite away? Are not also those other two famous, [Page] which Ausonius and Pontanus write of; that Seneus and Ausonius. Pontanus. Tyresias, of men, became women, changing their formes euen as a Potter, while the earth is moist, and supple, of a pot, can make a platter. But yet that other of Plinies is no lesse wittie: that in the lake of Tarquinum, there were in times past two groues or woodes which were carried round about, sometimes in forme triangular, then fowresquare, & otherwhiles all round: Neither smels this currant, that the herbe called Achimenes, being throwne amongst the enimies squadrons, is of vertue to make them turne their backs in spight of their teeth. Licinius Mutianus, tels no simple lie, when he reporteth, Licinius Mutianus. that in Argos he sawe a certaine woman called Arestusa, who married her-selfe to a man, and the day of her marriage became male, sprowting foorth a bearde, with members genitall: And afterwardes she also tooke a wife, being thus (as hee saith) for euer conuerted into a man. As in like manner that other deliuered by Celius, is not verie pleasant at the nose Celio. ende, that a certaine sea monster, in his former parts like a man, and behinde resembling a horse, died thrise, and was woonderfully in like manner three times raised from death: Furthermore that of Aelianus is no lesse famous then the rest, when hee mentioneth that Ptolomaeus Philadelphus had an Hart, instructed after such a manner, as that he plainly vnderstood his master, when he spoke to him in Greeke: No lesse fantasticall AElianus. is an other of Plinies also, reporting, that in Limira a fountaine of Lycia consecrated to Apollo, the fishes therein being with an oten, or bagpipe called thrise aboue water, they obey the sound thereof, and appeare without delay. But Peter Messia, as others giue out, Pietro Messia. [Page] recounteth one most palpable, and voyd of sense, saying, that one Cipus, who was a king, hauing diligently obserued the fighting of two Bulles, and one day with deepe impressiō therof, laying himselfe downe to sleep, awaking, he found suddenly sprouted out of his head, the hornes of a Bull. This man, it may be, was a follower of the Philosopher Protagoras his sect, who like a foolish dolt, was so impudent, as to affirme, that whatsoeuer seemeth vnto a man, to be in conceit, is so indeed: so that Plato bestowed a little paines in condemning this Sot, to a thousand gallowes, saying, if this position were true, then he was of opinion that Protagoras likewise had vttered a notable foolerie, this man affirming, that by his owne reason it followed, that he was therfore himselfe a foole. But he that would amply discourse of all the foolish toyes, that by learned men haue beene set abroach, and make mention of all those, which worldly men haue practised, should vndertake a burthen able to wearie Atlas himselfe; much more, the feeble wit, and weake memorie of a meane writer, as I am: It sufficeth that with the wise man, euerie one may iustly exclayme, Vidi cuncta, quae fiunt sub sole, & ecce vniuersavanitas, & Salomon. afflictio spiritus: I haue perused all things done vnder the sunne, and behold all is vanitie, and affliction of minde. The Aegyptians in truth, were most foolish, and vaine in worshipping Onions, Leekes, and heads of Garlicke for their gods, as Iuuenal testifieth in his fifteenth Satyre: The Babylonians also wanted wit, when Iuuenall. they worshipped their god Bell, before whom they set, so much meate to eate, as would well haue serued, a thousand persons: And the Romanes might well bee numbred amongst those three elbowed Fooles, in offering [Page] diuine sacrifice to such an harlot, as was Flora, and adoring Stercutio for a god, no lesse vnwoorthily, then shamfully constituting him a patron, and Protector of Aiax, and his commodities: But what doe I reciting of ancient follies, when this our present age, is a true and liuely representation of Fooles, yea, and the verie store-house of all the vanities, a man can commit in this world? When were the dreames of Alchymistes euer in greater estimation, then they are now, when many great personages will vouchsafe to goe euer into the Stoue, or forge, blowing the bellowes at the furnace mouth that they may become one of Geber or Morieno his sect, euerie one of them hauing as much wit, as an horse: When was Raymonds fond calbalistrie euer more sought after, who with his friuolous art professeth wonders, and that he can make Asses daunce after the Morisco, and those to runne most swiftly, that haue leaden heeles by nature? When were there such a number of these Almanakes or lying weather Authors being to be sold in the Burse, or Rialto, euen to the ridiculous prognostication of one that supped vp an hundred egs in a morning, that he might not be driuen to take Inne, with this charitable Hospitall of Fooles; yet could not this silly wretch auoide the malignant influence of the stars, and planets, and his owne infortunate constellation, for he is forced to enter into the Hospitall of incurable Cockscombs, for a farthing Astrologer, because much after this rate, is his hamper merchandize sold at. When walked there about the world such a number of Pedlers & Quacksaluers, professing some of them phisicke as if they had the vniuersitie certificate, when in the ende they prooue but countrey iugglers, selling [Page] drosse for drugs, and hose of the Irish glick, for sloppes of the marriners cut? who euer knewe such aboundance of them that hunt after strange secrets, insomuch that in Bergamo there starts me vp one that vaunted of a secret he had, which woulde conuert the Turke, and woulde haue solde it to a Phisition, and a friende of mine, for a Or Fryer Bacon of &c. peece of fortie if he so pleased, a matter enough (if he shoulde haue knowne so much) to haue made Fiorauanti of Bologna to dispaire in himselfe, for not placing it amongst his medicinall toies, vnder title of Angelicall & diuine Elixir Fiorauantyne: Who euer saw so many od Mechanicks, as are at this day, who not with a geometricall spirite like Archimedes, but euen with arte, surpassing the profoundest Cabalistes, who in stead of a pigeon loft, place in the garrets of houses, portable, and commodious Aiaxes, in stead of conuenient fish ponds, digging fit ditches for snakes and adders Or close stooles.? To conclude, all the world is matter from head to foote, and one beateth his braines about one thing, another, about some other: this man feedes himselfe in worldly glorie, thinking that in honour, hee is a verie Arke Triumphall, when all the woorth in him, scarcely amounteth to an halfe penie value; another ruffleth in his without-booke-Rhetoricke, as though he had no paragon for Latine and Greeke; one in deep wisedome of the world tags the points of his hose with yron, that he may haue readie crownes in his chest at commaund, for in twenty yeeres past, he gathereth little or nothing; another stands vpon puntoes with his drawen sword, like another Gargantua, in that he is exalted to some catchpoale or hangmans office, as if euerie one knewe not, that to put an office into a Fooles hand, is as much [Page] as we should set an asse to play on the harpe: this man is verie ginger, & dangerous of himselfe, vpon his traine, of three or fower raggie heeld followers, seeming some pompeous proude Pharoe of parasites, amiddest a multitude of Ginnie Monkies: who makes himselfe doctor doddipowle for wisedome, & a pedanticall quaint quanquam for epistles, desiring to appeere like an halfe blowen glasse, as if the play were ended without a plaudite. And thus euerie one sets both good and bad vpon the boord, not considering what the wise man saith, that Vanitas vanitatum, & omnia vanitas: Vanitie of vanities, and all is vanitie: But because we shall the better know in generall, if we discourse in particular, by little and little, let vs examine Fooles in speciall, for thus shal we attaine to the full and perfect knowledge of Folly, we seeke after.

Of Franticke and doting Fooles: the second discourse.

THe generall opinion of all learned Galen. Phisitions, and especially of Galen in the first of his Prorrheticks touching this matter called Frensie is this: that Frensie properly is tearmed an affection or interiour passion, which being accompanied with a violentague, or sharpe fit, beareth alwaies about with it, madnes in the braine of the patient: And this passion (as Aetius writeth by authoritie of Possedonius) Aetius. [Page] is a certaine inflammation of the organicall parts of the braine, which induceth a kind of dotage, and grieuous percussion of the minde, whereupon they are saide to be franticke and doting, whom such a strong and displeasing passion surpriseth. But Trallianus, that excellent Trallianus. phisition in the thirteenth chapter of his first booke is of opinion, that Frensie is a tumour or inflammation of the braine, or of the membranes thereof: And Paulus Paulus. Medicus. Medicus in the sixt chapter of his third Booke produceth his opinion of the same after this manner; that Frensie is an inflammation of the membranes of the braine; yet so, that sometimes the braine it selfe, seemeth togither with them co-inflamed, and that in it may be perceiued otherwhiles, a certaine heate, besides that which we call vigor, or heat naturall. Galen afterwards in the second of the causes of Symptomes, plainely maintaineth, that the residēce of passion, is as wel in the brain it selfe, as in the membranes: and the greater part of Phisitions iumpe with him, but especially amongst those of late daies Altomar in the sixt chapter of his medicinall Altomar. methode. Yet the Phisitions doe make some difference, betweene Frensie, and weaknes of braine, although both of them are associated with an feuer, or fit, because dotage or braine-sicknes (as Iohn Fernelius Ambianus in the fift Booke of his workes medicinall writeth) is procured sometimes by choler, and otherwhiles, by a subtill effused blood through the braine, or some other cause: but Frensie hath euer his cause, from that inflammation of the braine, which before we mentioned: and besides deliration is oftentimes a Symptome, or after passion of an feuer, or of some more grieuous maladie, but of a Frensie there is no Symptome, it effecting [Page] & causing a fit or feuer; and this dotage hapneth often, whereas Frensie falleth out but seldome; Frensie being a far more violent infirmitie, then deliration or dotage. But because I meane not to intreat of Folly, so much according to Phisitions, as the vulgar opinion, I haue for this cause, comprehended, Franticke and brain-sicke Fooles vnder one kinde, because wee commonly say, when any one goeth about a thing arsie-versie, that such a man doteth, or is Franticke, the same happening to him, which sorteth them, who are properly oppressed with Frensie or madnes: Amongst vs therefore ordinarily, Franticke, and deliring Fooles be those, who with a kind of imitation of their owne folly & Frensie, swarue from al sense, in anything they vtter, being inconstant, and so intricating themselues, that another Sphinx, should haue work enough to explane their conceits, & Oedipus himselfe would sweate, to apprehend the meaning of their words: for there vtterance is readie, and at hand, but then fantasie on the other side in thē, is mounted on a winged Pegasus rouing here and there at randome. Of this kinde of Fooles, two examples only may serue for the learned, the one of a certaine man, named by Seneca in his Epistles, Sparsus, to whom he ascribeth Seneca citeth an example of a foole doting or delirant. these qualities: that amongst schollers, he talked like a mad man; and amongst mad men he discoursed like a scholler: where, in the one, and other, the dotage of his minde was euident to all men: the other is of Caelius (an Caelio citeth another. Author much esteemed) in the ninth Booke of his ancient lectures, recited where he saith, that there was a certaine decrepit woman, called by him, Acco, (and so much the rather it might be a dotage, because the same is more proper to this, then any other age) who perceiuing [Page] hir face in a glasse deformed through olde age, of the discontentment she receiued by this in her minde, she became a Foole; & in this hir mad folly, she spoke to her owne face in the glasse, laughed, and talked to it: sometimes shee woulde threaten, otherwhiles shee woulde promise it somewhat; sometimes shee flattered it, and anone after a franticke manner shee woulde bee angrie with the same; one while shee woulde bee as merrie, as maide Marrian, and by and by, outragious and despightfull like an oysterwife. But Modern examples. amongst the vulgar, the example of one Talpine of Bergamo, an old Dizzard may well be added, who not being able to continue a quarter of an hower, or one minute in a purpose, departing from Bergamo, and going to Venice, before the Signiorie or Magistracie of Quarantia Orsortie. to appeale vnto them, about sentence giuen vpon an house, whereunto he pretended title, as he stood before them, he leaped suddenly out of the house into a well, maintaining with so great obstinacie, how at least yet he would seaze vpō the well of that house, that those signiors, smiling, offered to make him also Lord, & put him in possession of the whole sea, much more of a wel: and thus he gaue ouer his appeale of the well, and carried newes to Bergamo, how this Signiorie had made him patron of the sea, and also of the Buccetor. But A goodly bargs or brigantine wherein the Venetian Signiorie recreate themselues in the Adriaticke sea, neere to their citie. returning againe to his former humors, he had recourse a new vnto them, exclaiming, that he thought it an indignitie, when by his Admiralship he might dispose of so much salt water, for ships to saile vpon, and could not haue the fresh water of a well, for prouision of his galleies: and those Signiors perceiuing his wit at the highest, for solace and entertainment of the companie, they [Page] caused a writing to bee made him, subscribed with a coale, & sealed with an horse brand, wherein they declared, that they made a present vnto him of all the water in the riuers of Sergio, Oio, Brenta, Sile, Piaue, Tagliamento, Grauallone, Adige, & of that part of Pò, which runneth through their dominion, for the vse of this affaire; and yet in the ende, the Foole for all this concluded, that he would not haue so much water, but his house, or otherwise, he meant to raze the towne of Bergamo, euen to the verie foundation, together with the goodly chappell there seated and built. No lesse a dotage is that, which is reported of one Santino of Tripalda, vpon whom an humour came that at threescore and fower yeeres of age, he would needs goe to the Vniuersitie in Padoa, and lighting at an Inne neerest to the publike schooles, there read a Phisition at the same time that was then the most famous man of this Vniuersitie, where he entring into the schooles, at lecture time amongst others, while the Doctor by chance was conuersant in the argument of the braine, this dizzard began to shake his head mightily; and finally, not being able to containe himselfe at the presence of many schollers, who in the beginning by reason of the olde mans graue countenance and apparance, knew not of which foot he halted, he cried out aloud, how he would hold & maintaine this cōclusion, that the oxen of his towne of Tripalda, had more wit, then al the doctors, & schollers that were in Padoa: wherupō, flocking about this apparāt foole, he was presently placed in the chaire with much laughter by the schoolers, very desirous to heare some goodly stuffe proceed from this new archdoctor; and thus entring into the readers seate, whereas they expected [Page] one thing, there succeeded an other, for he began to talke of the meanes, how to set vpon the Turke and Sophie both at a time; and by and by he leapt to discourse of the grace of Saint Paul as some pratling Balletters vse to doe, and withall, heescapes me quite out of the Turkes handes: in the ende growing to this conclusion, that he came to Padoa to be made doctor, and bicause he vnderstood, howe the schollers of Padoa occupied themselues about a thousand matters, he ment to reade publikely in that Vniuersitie Orlando Furioso, and without stipend, so that he might haue preeminence of the head schooles: all in iesting manner consenting therevnto, and crying out with a liuely voice, long liue Santino of Tripalda, for that in his discussion hee shewed himselfe so sufficient, and comming downe from the pulpit or readers place, turning to all the assemblie hee saide: Friends and companions, euery one performe his part, and I giue you place, in the lecture following I meane to returne to my towne of Tripalda, doctorized thus by your grace, and fauour: They therefore of Santino, of Tripalda, and of Talpino, of Bergamos wit, be in the number of those fooles, whom the vulgar terme franticke, or dizzards: and their Cell in this Hospitall, hath hanging out for a signe a Minerua, bicause she is the Goddesse that protecteth this kind of Fooles, wherfore prostrate on the earth, with this ensuing supplication let vs implore her aide, for the cure of these poore bransickes, and witlesse men.

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A praier to the goddesse Minerua for doting and franticke Fooles.

TO thee Tritoniā virgine, worthily adorned with a 1000. lofty epithites, as of Itonian, Lyndian Medusean, Ionian, Scillutian, Alcessian, Scyras, Elean, Pylotean, Polian, Glaucopian, and of the Attean virgine, by the Greekes called Pallas, in that armed with a speare in thy hand, thou art helde for a goddesse of armes, and of the Latines Minerua, bicause thou rightly aduisest them, that haue neede of counsell, I vnfainedly direct these my humble praiers: And if thou beest (as all men esteeme thee) the goddesse of wisedome, borne of Iupiters braine, in all reason called operatiùe, for that all discreete and wise operations proceede by thy meane, tearmed Necina, which is as much as to say, valiant, bicause thou art of a constant resolution, and magnanimous in euerie one of thy deliberations: made knowne of all men by the name of Dedala, which importeth as much as wittie, bicause thou art the mother, mistresse, and ladie of humaine wit, I beseech thee receiue into thy protection, thesemen, who forsaken of wit, and abandoned of conceite, by my meane haue recourse vnto thee, being wholy nothing but pregnancie and wit: Thouknowest, that whatsoeuer they vtter is but rudely by them pronounced, [Page] they being franticke, and distraught in such a manner as any action of theirs is commonly reputed friuolous & rash: Cure this frensie, to the end that with recouered wit, regained wisedome, and conceite retired and called home, they may extol thee, the goddesse, fountaine, beginning, & cause of conceit, and intellect. I no farther at this time instigate thee most wise goddesse, ne sus Mineruam, as the prouerbe saith, least being a foole, I shoulde controule thy wisedome, thou being she, who artable to instruct all the world, and keeping the key of all others knowledge, of all our discipline and vnderstanding: if thou shalt but vouchsafe recouerie to these miserable wretches, in thy sacred temple shall bee consecrated to thee a drie Pompion rinde, which shall hang at thy feet in token of the vnderstāding thou hast giuen to thesefooles, who before were as voide of witte, as this gourd is emptie of substance: Peace be with thee, and preserue them that haue neede of thy helpe.

Of solitarie and melancholike Fooles: the thirde discourse.

THe most renowmed Phisitions, as well ancient as moderne, ioine in this fundamentall conclusion, that melancholie is to be reputed a kinde of dotage, without feauer or fit, which springeth from no other thing then aboundance of melancholike humour that occupieth the seate of the minde, it being a [Page] common thing with all melancholike persons to haue the braine euill affected, either essentially by nature, or voluntarily by their owne consent, as Altomar affirmeth Altomare. in his medicinall arte, the seuenth chapter. And this is Galens opinion in his thirde of the seate of passion: Hippocrates Galen. his censure in the sixt booke of vulgar diseases: Hippocrates. Paulus Medicus. Paulus Medicus assertion in his thirde booke and fourteenth chapter; as also the position of Iohn Fernelius Ambianus, in his treatie De partium morbis, & symptomatibus, Fernelius. where he vseth these expresse words; Melancholica est mentis alienatio, qualaborantes, velcogitant, vel loquuntur, vel efficiunt absurda, longeque àratione & consilio abhorrentia, eaque omnia cum metu ac maestitia, that is, Melancholie is an alienation of the minde, of which they that labour, thinke, speake, and effect things absurd, and farre abhorring from reason or counsell, performing all this with feare and sadnes: the which two last signes Hippocrates setteth downe forsecure and infallible notes of humour melancholike: Although Donato Antonio d'Altomare, by the authoritie of Galen, in his second booke Decausis symptomatum: of Aetius in his particular chapter of melancholie, and of Trallianus in the thirteenth chapter of his first booke, prooueth that melancholike men haue onely their partimaginatiue offended, and not cogitation, nor memorie, they being deceiued for the most part about things to be seene or discerned, wherein the errour of imagination concurreth, and not of the other two faculties. In like manner all generally confesse thus much, that the kinds of this melancholike madnes be sundrie and diuers, the which may well be perceiued in the progresse of this our worke in hande: and amongst the variable effects [Page] of this madnes, they assigne these: that it is accompanied with little courage or valour: they possessed therewith be replenished with feare and sadnes, not able to yeelde any reason thereof: they desire to be solitarie: are in hatred with humane conuersation; they abhorre recreations, and contentments for a time; and then againe (as Theodorus Priscianus in his second booke of Theodorus Priscianus. things medicinall affirmeth) they repent themselues for contemning them, returning often to the same: they desire death, and many times in acte procure it: all which effects concurre not euer in one and the same subiect, but torment sometimes seuerally and apart, and other whiles iointly, & being vnite. Wherfore we may obserue infinit kinds of melancholike fooles, according to the superabounding humor, which inciteth one more then an other to greater and more sottish effects. Galen Galen. amongst others in his thirde De locis affectis, testifieth of one, who imagining that he was become nothing but heade, shrunke from euery bodie he met withall, for feare of rushing against it, and making it ake. And Altomare in his treatise De medendis humani corporis malis, Altomare. maketh mention of other two, of which one hearing a cocke crow, euen as he beate his wings, so did he shake his armes to imitate the crowing and noise the cocke made with his winges: and the other fearing least Atlas, Called at this day by the Africans Bibone. who is saide by the Poets to sustaine mount Olympus on his shoulders, ouercharged and wearied with so greeuous a waight, shoulde shake it off farre from him, and so he being neere might be ouerwhelmed by the same, coulde neuer stande still in a place, but was euer reculing backe, as if this waight had alwaies beene readie to fall vpon his head. And Caelius in the twentie sixe Caelius. [Page] chapter of his ninth booke, recounteth one Pisander amongst these sorte of fooles, who thinking himselfe to be dead, was woonderfully afraide of meeting with his owne soule, which he esteemed to be a mortall enimie to his bodie, and that he might not come to haue anie thing to doe with it, hauing so iniuriously entreated him, and trecherously borne it selfe towards him, in leauing his bodie. But what shall we say to Nicoletto of Modern examples. Gattia, who possessed with this indisposition of the braine, thought one day that he was become the snuffe of a candle, and therefore he willed euery one to blowe vpon him before, behinde, and on each side, fearing he shoulde burne so much while he were all consumed? No lesse sauage and barbarous is the melancholike and salt humour of this kinde, which sometimes one Toniolio of Marastica had, who being in phantasie perswaded, that he was a shooe peece, went vpon his buttocks as farre as Vincenza, holding his feete in his hande for feare some cobler in disgrace, shoulde haue set him vpon the heeles or soles of his shooes. And surely I beleeue that humour to be no lesse grosse which tooke Bertazzuolo of Nuuolara in the head, whose with being ouercast, he one day thought that he was turned into a Chioggia pompion, and so with his head he went iobbing against this and that mans nose, crying out, that in any wise no body should buie him, bicause it was not yet August, when they are ripe. But I wil shut vp the follies of these miserable sort with the ridiculous exāple of Petruccio of Prato, who beleeuing verily that he was a graine of mustard seede, cast himselfe into a great barrell of made mustarde which a chandler had set before his shoppe dore, endamnifying this poore man to the [Page] value of eight or ten ducates, who woulde neuer haue beleeued such a thing. Among these humours of melancholy, the Phisitions place a kinde of madnes by the Greeks called Lycanthropia, termed by the Latines Insania Lupina; or wolues furie: which bringeth a man to this point (as Attomare affirmeth) that in Februarie he will goe out of the house in the night like a wolfe, hunting about the graues of the dead with great howling, and plucke the dead mens bones out of the sepulchers, carrying them about the streetes, to the great feare and astonishment of all them that meete him: And the foresaide author affirmeth, that melancholike persons of this kinde, haue pale faces, soaked and hollow eies, with a weake sight, neuer shedding one teare to the view of the worlde, a drie toong, extreme thirst, and they want spittle and moisture exceedingly: where he also alleageth that he sawe two mightilie troubled and oppressed with such an humour: But in this point Foruaretto of Lugo may serue for a notable example, who suffring this madnes in his imagination and cogitatiue parts (for all men agree not touching the memorie) he went one night into the Iewes churchyard, where there had beene lately buried an olde Iewe, more then fowrescore yeeres of age, he hauing beene sicke more then sixe yeeres of a dropsie, and taking vp this bodie vpon his shoulders, he went to a spatious place before the castle playing with this dead carcase, as if he had beene at Ballown, and crying out sometimes serue, sometimes send it home to me, now strike, then play, he by little and little raised vp all that quarter, and the rumor went from hand to hand, through all the Hebrew families, that this man had disenterred master Simon, (for so was the dead [Page] Iewe called) whereupon there presently grew a Synagogue of immeasurable laughter in their presence, when they saw this Foole, how he tooke one of his legs by the smal in stead of a braser, & the body ful garbadge for a Ballowne, at euerie blow his Hydropicall tunnage issuing foorth, which was a fortnights worke for that people, to alay the stinche thereof onely; many of the more obstinate sort, being ready to pay the penaltie of a Carline, for not making cleane the market place, rather A little peece of money in Italy. then they would purge the perfume of Master Simons carkase, it being no counterfeit, or pedlarie ware. Melancholike and sauage Fooles, bee therefore of this Tribe, who haue in this Hospitall a Cell, much like the Grot, or Caue of Cumean Sibilla, and before the gate thereof, it hath Iupiter for a signe, whom as protector of such like people, we will in this inuocation following call vpon for aide and helpe.

A petition to Iupiter for melancholike and sauage Fooles.

THis troope of weakelings, depriued of all helpe and aduise, directed by thy name & by my meane, haue recourse vnto thee, thou greatest sonne of Opis & Saturne, brother & companion to Queene Iuno, condignlie called Iupiter, in respect of the helpe thou affoords them that neede; the most excellent and greatest, for thy infinite goodnes wherewith thou gouernest the whole worlde, a father, a [Page] creator, altitonant king of the gods, lord of the world, rector of Olympus, corrector of faults & offēces, highest father aetherean, Sceptiger, omnipotent, with many other illustrous titles, bicause al things at the least point with thy finger, are readie to obey: wherefore being moued by so great deitie, & by so great maiestie stirred vp, I request thee by that pittie the Curetians shewed in nourishing thee in mount Ida, to haue commiseration of these poore comfortlesse people: and if the loue of Europa, or of thy sweete page Ganimede comfort thee at the hart, thinking on the martyrdome, suffered paine, susteined and passed vexations of so great pleasures afterwardes ensuing, by the same iudiciall insight, I coniure thee to ease these afflicted, to comfort these distressed, and to deliuer out of vexation and greefe the melancholistes, who are put ouer to thee as to their fauourable star: If thou beest hee that begot Minerua, goddesse of wisedome, purge their heads of so great follie, wherwith they abound. If thou beest truly called Panompheus, for that thou hearest euery mans voice, attēd then not the voices, but euen the shrill cries and exclamations of these abandoned. If thou beest the Hospitall Iupiter, so celebrated of Poets, haue care of these who in a poore Hospitall call out aloude for thy succour. If thou beest that Iupiter Penetrant, helde so deere in olde time, let these mens miseries pearce not onely to the eares, but euen to the bowels of such a pittifull gods hart. If thou beest the Lapidian Iupiter which workest woonders in stones, what greater miracle canst thou performe then this, to remoue from these insensible stones the sauage and obdurate humour they are possessed withall? If thou beest that Iupiter whom all men [Page] call Genius, for the inclination and desire thou hast to be fauouable to all, haue a little regard I beseech thee vnto them who haue neede of thy greatest grace. If thou beest that prodigious Iupiter who hath wrought so many miracles in former ages, performe presently this woonder, that thornes may become roses, thistles lillies, and nettles gilloflowers: and then with liuely voice the whole Hospitall will resounde, euer liue thou great Iupiter Elician, Anxurian, Egyocian, Lycian, Dodonean, Latian, Diotean, Predatorian, Vltorean, Pistorean, Ammonian, Elean, Celean, Atabyrian, Casian, Eleutherian, Nicephorean, Papean, Lucetian, Olympian, Labryandrian, Lapriā, Melionian, Assabian, Hercean, Larysian, Enesyan, Pluuian, Triphalian: and with solemne hymnes they will all runne vnto thy temples, offering to thy image a thousand bunches of wilde rew, for hauing purged these men of so great bestialitie as raigned in them: Confident therefore in thy accustomed assistance, I expect for these impotent, due helpe and aide.

Of idle and carelesse Fooles: the fourth discourse.

IN the tribe of Fooles, it is requisite we also number certaine idle or carelesse men, who seeme alwaies to be asleepe in matters cō cerning themselues, being surprized with such a slothfulnes, that in a manner Diogenianus his prouerbe Diogenianus. [Page] in them is verified, which is, they sleepe Epimenides his sleepe; in their actions and affaires manifesting themselues, I will not saie rude or vnciuill, but euen negligent, sluggish, and altogither sleepie headed. That may well be saide of these men, which otherwise is affirmed by the Cimmeriās, who are ouershadowed with such obscuritie and darknes, that bright shining Phebus hath taken vpon him perpetuall banishment out of their mindes, Homer thus saying of those people:

The sunne on them his beames doth seldome cast:

Nor in his chariot mounts the glittring skie:

To earth descending when the day is past.

And amongst these may we rightly place that Vacia a Romaine citizen mentioned by Seneca in his epistles, Seneca. for a speciall example of carelessenes, who growing old in sloth, gaue orignall to a prouerbe; For when they woulde speake of an idle foole, and one sottishly secure, they woulde say, Vaciahio sit us est; this is a sordid or sluggish Vaciahio. It seemeth also that Ouid alludeth to these men in that verse:

Stulte, quid est somnus gelidae nisi mortis imago?

Ouid.

What other is sleepe but deaths pale image wan?

For questionlesse a foole of this kinde is so drowsie in all his operations, as hemay in a manner be saide to be dead: whereupon master Iohn Dante hauing relation to such miserable people, vtttered these verses following concerning them:

The world of these, no fame, will aie permit:

Mercie, and iustice, hold them in disdaine:

No words: to looke, and leaue them is more fit.

But if moderne examples be of greater force, to discouer Moderne examples. to the world this vnhappie sort of men, we may obserue [Page] that of Cauccio Lupidio, for one most notable, who entring into an Inne, while his companions supped merily, and sat two howers at the table, he was two howers, and a quarter in tying one of his shoe strings; and when the oaste thinking hee had supped with the rest, called vpon him to goe to bed, he yet demaunded a bodkin to make a new hole for his shoe tying, iudging that this shoe sat not yet cleane enough to his minde. But surely that of Marchetto Piombino, is no lesse famous, who going to Rome to seeke a master and to learne some trade wherewith to gaine his liuing, in the way hee light by chance vpon a stone, the which he began to spurne before him with his feete; and before he recouered the neerest gate of Rome, all his companions that set out with him, returning backe, found him yet encombred about rouling that stone afore him: finally in presence of them all, he sat downe vpon the ground, and saide: that when he once came to Rome wals, he would thrust it so farre in, as that afterward, it might neuer more annoy such strangers as trauelled thither. These miserable, and infortunate crew therefore, depriued of wit and vnderstanding, hauing neede of Apolloes illumination and grace, they maintaine the ensigne of him, as of their Protector, before their Cell, whilest they remaine in obscuritie and holes, in this darksome Guest-house of their madnes; wherefore with solemne supplications, let vs call vpon god Apollo in their ayd: saying:

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An orizon to Apollo for idle and carelesse Fooles.

OSacred Apollo, called by the Graeciās Phoebus, who with thy golden haire or beames comfortest both the one and the other Hemispheare, acceptable to all, discourteous to none, cast such a light of thy diuine beames vpon this blind and carelesse retinue of fooles, that they may perceiue themselues by thee in minde rectified, and thus enioying thy diuine illumination, exalt and magnifie by this meanes, that thy vertue and power which slew the proud Cyclopes, wounded the wicked sonnes of Niobe, and extinguished that cursed serpent Python, whereupon thou drewest to thy selfe that glorious title of Pythius: Thou planter of Amfrisus, inhabiter of Parnassus, louer of Helicone; lord of fount Caballyne, patrone of the Laurell, inuentor of the Harpe, master of Astrologie, and prince of Phisicke, helpe these poore slimslacks, who haue need of internal remedies, for the restitution of their disturbed braine, destitute witte, obfuscate vnderstanding, lost memorie: and as thou art called Pronopius, for deliuering the Beotiās from gnats; Lemnius for curing the Sicilians of the plague; Erethibius for healing the Rhodians of the Emeroydes, so I beseech thee by these noble titles correspondent to thy great dietie, with the others of Thimbrius, Cataoneus, Cylleus, Tenateus, Larisseus, [Page] Tilposius, Leucadius, Philleus, Lybissinus, and Symtheus, as also Patareus, of the towne of Patara in Lycia, Cyntheus of Cynthio in the ile of Delos, Cyrrheus of Cyrrha, Clorius of Claria in Colophonia, Lycius of Lycia, Crineus of a woode in Ionia so called, and Marmorius of the castle Marmorio, that it may please thee to adde vnto these epythites this one other of the great Phisition of Fooles ydle and slothfull, to the ende that thy name throughout the whole world, with exceeding prayses, may be extolled and magnified. But if in commiseration thou regardest these men, as thou hast done the former nations, in honour of thee, thou shalt see consecrated before thy image a paire of spectacles of sixtie pound weight in thy Temple of Delphos, as a true signe of thy hauing recouered, and healed so senselesse a people as these were, and alwaies this one honour shall be attributed to thee, that the blinde see by meane of great Apolloes spectacles at their noses: dispatch therefore, and make haste of thy helpe, for thou canst not delay neuer so little, but these now carelesse and ydle Fooles, will in the end prooue absolute dolts, and cockscombes.

Of drunken Fooles: the fift discourse.

IT is an euident, and manifest thing, that amongst the diuers kindes of matter, that procured by the fume, and vapour of wine, is to be placed; which constituteth these kinde of Fooles, whom we commonly [Page] call drunkards; they being of this qualitie, that when they bee heated and chafed with wine, they raise such tumults and noyse, as they resemble herein Steropus or Bruntus in Vulcane his forge: wherfore Atheneus Atheneus. the Philosopher in the fourteenth book of his Gymnosophistes, propoundeth this question: wherefore Dionysius or Liberus is fained by the Poets to be mad, to which demaund he answereth in the first chapter, with these words: Many (friend Timocrates) fayned Dionysius to be mad, because they that vse wine immoderatly, become tumultuous; which matter was also touched by Ouid in these verses:

Beware of brawles oft stirred vp in wine:

Ouid.

And of that hand, which striketh out of time.

And Herodotus in this consideration saith, that wine Herodotus. once taken downe into a mans bodie, mad and foolish words are produced. Xenophon also being to giue good Xenophon. counsell to the great Captaine Agesilaus, about abstinence from wine, vsed these words: Refraine drunkennes and madnes; making, it should seeme, no difference betweene a drunkard and a mad Foole: for the vapour of wine mounting vp into the braine, taketh from a man sight, knowledge, and iudgement, and ouerwhelmeth all the noblest faculties of our soule in an instant the which thing Saint Ambrose touched excellently well in his S. Ambrose. booke of Fasting, saying: Cum ebrij fuerint de continentia disputant, vbi vnus quisque pugnas suas enarrat, ibi fortia facta praedicat, vino madidus, & somno dissolutus, nescit mente quid lingua proferat, which signifieth: when they are drunke they argue of continencie, where euerie one declareth the dangerous fights he hath beene in, there he setteth foorth his valiantacts, thus drowned in wine [Page] and drowsie with sleepe, the minde conceiues not what the toong vttereth. Whereupon in the Decretals, not without cause in the thirtie ninth distinction these profitable Gratianus. words be registred: It is farre from a wise mans part to apply himselfe to eating, banquetting, and drunkennes: And in this point our Poet Dante, greatly Dante, commendeth the first Saturnian age, when they went not into cellars to broach hogsheads, but ran with their hands to the fresh water riuers, saying:

The former age which was of purest gold,

Made acornes sauorie, with sharpe hunger sause:

And Nectar sweet, of riuer water cold.

Oh, happie were this our age, if with such abstinence it were endued, but the truth is, they are now adaies no other, but giddie-headed Pyes, chattering after fiftie in the hundred, when the good Rhenish liquor beginneth to worke. Among those of late daies, one example of Margute of Binasco is able to fill the whole world with laughter; for when he hath drunke but three cups of muskadell, then he sleepes like god Bacchus, and thus his wits riding on the spurre, at last he arriueth with the first poste in Lubberland, where at the first setting of foote, he meeteth Tom Tospot, taking him for the best companion in the world: but when the good Canarie gets but vp to his crowne, then like one of the Menades or Bacchus furious Nunnes, he runneth vp and downe the house, filling euerie place with such terrour, as it seemeth, another wilde Baiardo hath broken his halter, no man daring to come in the way of such a headstrong beast as this: yet sometimes he procureth to the companie great solace and recreation, as that night he did, when being drunke, and going to bed, hee beheld the [Page] moone, and thinking it had beene a riuer, he said to his companions and friends; Hold me I pray you, for feare I drowne my selfe in this riuer. Among the ancients, the Scythians, and Thracians are greatly blamed, because the greatest glorie they tooke, was in drinking while they were drunke: wherefore Horace writeth of them.

The Thracians tosse the bowles with merrie glee:

Horace.

And Aristotle in reproch of the Syracusanes maketh Aristotle. mention, that sometimes they continued 90. daies one after an other in this irkesome custome, of being euery day drunke, holding it for a noble & glorious practise. It is written of Nero aboue all others, that he was so addicted to ebrietie, as that for this cause he was ignominiouslie in stead of Tiberius called Biberius; for Claudius, Caldius; and for Nero, Mero, or Wine. But he that knownes not what an euill ebrietie is, let him onely read the description of Bacchus, set downe by the Poets, for by this he shall be cleerely satisfied concerning the errour thereof: For Bacchus was painted in forme of a boy, in that, drunkardes forgoe their wit and vnderstanding: & in womans forme, bicause drunkards performe no operation manlike: disroabed and naked, for that a man can communicate no secret with ebrious men: and drawen in a chariot, bicause instabilitie and inconstancie is incident to them: with an iuie garland about his head, in that, as the iuie weakeneth and ruinateth wals, so drunkards are apt to all kinde of waste & spoile. And thus much may suffice for this race of fooles, who within the Hospitall before their Cell, haue god Abstemius for an ensigne, bicause he is the protector and aduocate of all drunkardes: wherefore let vs haue recourse [Page] vnto him in this petition following, for their fauour and furtherance,

A petition to god Abstemius for drunken Fooles.

WIth fewe words, but with so much the more groaning of spirite in such great need, I come vnto thee O thou contemner of Lyaeus, aduersarie to Bacchus, foe to Liberus, and mortall enimie to Bromius, beseeching thee by that vertue through which thou didst effect, that the Locrians held it for a capital offence, to be drunken with wine, & stirredst vp in Mosco Sophista, and Apollonius Thianeus, thoughts heere from so remote and alienate, they hating the Phigalians aboue any contagious disease, in that their whole life was in the bottome of cellers; that thou wouldest reforme these men of this foolish desire they haue, to be euery day drunke. And if thou grantest them this grace and fauour, we at this present make a vowe, to hang vp before thy image a bottle ful of good Zante cuite, in token of the health thou hast vouchsafed this foolish crew, more of good will, then for any vse thou hast of it. Peace be with thee, and helpe those that haue need of thy assistance.

Of harebraind and forgetfull Fooles: the sixt discourse.

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AMongst the Phisitions of late time, Iohn Fernelius Ambianus, in Fernelius. defining what madnes is, precisely vttreth these words, that, Amentia est vel imaginationis, vel mentis occasus, atque priuatio, qua iam ab ipso ortu perculsi affectique vix inopia mentis loqui discunt; which importeth; that madnes is a priuation, or falling away of imagination or the minde, wherewith they stroken and possessed from their birth, scarcely through this impotencie of minde learne to speake: and he addeth heereunto: In this kinde is a slipperie Huius classis est fluxa, & amissa memoria. and brittle memorie, the losse of which memorie constituteth those sorte of fooles whom wee vsually terme harebrainde or forgetfull; and these men in this one point may easily be discerned; for they retaine with them no discourse at all, nor enioy not the least sparke of meditation, that opinion of Galens continuing true Galen. in the Proeme of his booke of Sects: that Memoriam commendat magna, & frequens rerum meditatio: great and frequent meditation of things confirmeth memorie. True it is that these fooles may spring and arise from some defect in nature, as also from some extraordinarie accident, while a man is adultus, or in adolescencie, [Page] as examples by authors produced giue testimonie to the whole world. Caelius amongst others speaking Caelius of those, who by accident haue lost their memory, saith, that Messala Coruinus a singular Oratour in his time, two yeeres before he died, lost his memory in such a sorte, that he coulde not deliuer fower words togither of one matter, or that might be sensible in the vnderstanding and eares of an hearer. The like Bibaculus writeth Bibaculus. to haue hapned to Orbilius Beneuentanus, he that by Marcus Tullius is called the seuere or rigorous master towards his schollers. Among those so sterile of memorie, Cicero setteth downe the example of Curio the greater, who was of so little and brittle memorie, that Cicero. sometimes in iudgement he forgot the whole cause discussed of. And Seneca writeth of Caluisius Sabinus, that Seneca. naturally hee was endued with so fraile a memorie, as sometimes he would forget Vlysses name, now Priamus, and anone that of Achilles, although before they were setled in his minde. The admirable follie of Corebus, son to Migdo a Phrigian, concerning memorie, is celebrated by Lucianus and Eustasius; for he contended to Lucianus. Eustasius. number the most frequent and often waues of the sea, although naturally he could not go aboue the nūber of fiue. And Plinie for a last exāple reciteth how the Thracians are of so dull a wit, and fickle memorie, that they Plinius. cannot reckon to the number of fower. And of Atticus the sonne of Herode Sophista, he declareth for a certaine truth, that he was of so slipperie a retention, as he could not carrie in minde the first letters or alphabet of his owne countrie language. The intemperature of the braine is the cause of al this (as phisitions affirme) which maketh all the officiall, and functiue parts full of heauines [Page] and indisposition, and so through this hebetude (to vse their terme) vnapt to keepe in minde any thing. Amongst these of our time, the example of one Melchior Moderne examples. of Riuabassa is most notable, who in his time was so forgetfull & harebraind a foole, that when any asked him his fathers or mothers names, he was not sufficient to call them to minde. And this is that sottish Melchior which one day at Bergamo faire demanded of his friend whether the Iewes were Christians or no. As also that other exāple of Marchetto of Toletino is very ridiculous, who being inuited to dinner by certaine gentlemen of Foligno, and by reason of his age wanting teeth wherewith to chew, he forgot certaine artificiall teeth, which bounde fast togither with a siluer wier or threed, he was woont to vse, and returning home, he turned all thinges topsie turuie, euen to a great barne of corne which hee had, thinking that vndoubtedly hee had left them there within. These be therefore giddie headed and forgetfull fooles, who haue allotted vnto them within the Hospitall a roome, which is called the lodge of obliuion, hauing before the gate hanging out for a signe, the image of Caron, as a god propitious and fauourable to their necessities, vpon whom therefore in their aide and assistance I call, with this inuocation following.

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A supplication vnto Caron for harebraind and forgetfull Fooles.

NOw I turn me to old Caron, prince of the Stigian lake, lorde of Cocytus, famous pylate of Lethes, principall keeper of Phlegeton: and by thy boate which ferrieth ouer mortall men to the lake of obliuion, I intreate thee that thou wouldst looke backe vpon this forgetfull rablement, who hauing lost their remembrance of things worldly, stande plunged in the water of Lethes, nay & gorged vp to the very throat: Vouchsafing helpe to this madging, thou shalt before thy graue bearded image, and in the temple consecrated to thy name amongst the Cizenians, see hanged vp a case of crickets, as a signe of thy helping these fooles; who hauing nowe woorse memories then a cricket, shall then discouer so ample remembrance, that blessed Caron to his great glorie, may remember himselfe to drawe out of that Lethean gulph those men, who are now continually drowned and buried therein: Beare vp therefore the helme of thy barke, and passe them ouer at an instant, while the memorie thereof is fresh, and the need greater then euer heeretofore.

Of stupide, forlorne, and extaticall Fooles: the seuenth discourse.

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IN the ranke and number offooles are they also woorthie to be placed, who in their actions, wordes, deliberations, and resolutions, seeme like immooueable and insensiblestones: whereupon, men assignethem the name of stupide, forlorne, and extaticall fooles, they being in a manner halfe dead in all the operations that proceede from them: Of this race were the people Gousofanti, inhabiters of one part of Libya, who were of so dead and fearefull a disposition, that they shunned the meeting with any one, neither coulde they be brought to conuerse with any men liuing, they thinking themselues halfe kilde in other mens companie. The ancient Rhegians are likewise described to be of this nature, who by their slothfulnes and woonderfull timiditie, raised a prouerb, that when men spake of an abiect or cowardly man, they woulde say Rheginis timidior; more fearefull then the Rhegians: Who will denie that Artemon the Grecian to haue beene a stupide foole, and stript of all wit, that enclosed himselfe in a house so long time betweene two wals, and to no purpose, causing two of his seruants to hold an iron target cōtinually ouer his head, to the ende nothing might fall vpon him from aboue, [Page] to his hurt or danger; and when sometimes hee went abroad out of the house, he was borne in a litter with a couer ouer it, brauely accommodated for the same feare. What report Aristophanes and Lucianus of one Aristophanes. Lucianus. Pluto, but that he was so silly in minde, that euerie little puffe of winde made him tremble from head to foote? In our times we haue a memorable example of Monferrino, who being to make an Oration before certaine persons, when he was mounted into the pulpit shut his eies, and with his eie lids closed, and toong trembling like a bubling spring water, he coulde scarcely finish his exordium before hee was in a sort distracted. This likewise once fell out to one Colombino Bergamasco (although he was thought to haue had an excellent wit) that in praying he made very many and often gestures; but his wordes were choaked in the halfe vtterance, for while hee was feruent in gesture, his words as frozen, durst not discouer themselues, there being so little correspondencie betwixt the one and the other. Among these examples, I iudge that of the Salonesian to bee thankes woorthie, who when he was come to the barre to plead in fauour of a clyent of his, was suddenly surprised with a cold sweate, which put him into a tertian feuer, that as it were in poste, sent him headlong to hell, or the region of Rhadamanthus. Now these Fooles are properly recommended to Sentinus, protector of them insensate, and before their Cell in the Hospitall they haue erected his ensigne, because they expect from him that aide, which we in this petition following, earnestly seeke for at his hands.

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A petition to God Sentinus, for stupide, forlorne, and extaticall Fooles.

FRom the patrone of humane senses, life and vigor of these members, and the vertue and power of our spirits, which grauntest conuenient courage to persons timerous and benummed, doe these poore stupide, & forlorne Fooles expect opportune helpe and succour, to the ende the valour thou gauest to Theseus and Pirithous to enter the irreturnable shadowes of god Ditis his house; as also that thou gauest to Iason, and Typhis to furrow the raging waues of the Colchian sea, he to rauish faire Proserpina, and the other to steale away the golden-fleece, so much esteemed, that this vertue (I say) by thy grace being found in them, they may appeere to be miraculously deliuered, to thy great honour and glorie, from the feare and amasement of death. The which if they obtaine (as they hope to doe) they will offer to thy glorious deitie, a faire bunch of nettles, as acknowledging their recouered sense, from the sting of thy diuinitie, and their wit lost happily restored: yeeld therefore to their prayers, if this glorie touch thee so neere the hart, as rightly it ought.

Of notted, grosse, and Fooles of light carriage: the eight discourse.

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THis grosse sort of ignorants commōly called Oxe-heads, who natu rally apprehend nothing, & when they are in the market are so incircumspect, that a man may make them beleeue that an asse is a parrate, are they whom we terme by the name of grosse, notted, & fooles of light carriage. Egnatius to this purpose maketh mention of one Britannio, who naturally was so grosse and blockish, as his Battista Egnatio. master could neuer make impression in him, of the least part of the Alphabet. And Philonides the Miletane, large of body, but of as grosse conceite as a sheepe, was of so dull an apprehension, that men minding to speake of a foolish calfe, they prouerbially vsed to say Indoctior Philonide, more vnlearned then Philonides. In our daies Moderne examples. we haue Checco of Minerbio to obserue for notable stupiditie, who was of opinion one day, that Bologna gellie, or Marmalate was made with butter, and therefore on a fasting day at night he woulde eate none, while the rest of his companions fell harde to the boxe, saying, they had long before beene dispensed withall for this iniunction. Much more grosse then this man did Santuccio of Fermo shewe himselfe, who at a repast of certaine good fellowes at port Fermo, eate a perri-winkle [Page] in stead of an oyster, affirming to all of them, that it was the goodliest oyster that euer was seene in that port. That likewise of Castruccio of Rouigo is no lesse sottish, who was verily made beleeue, that Prester Iohn was no other but the vicar of Bebbe, or Saint Asses: And that other reported of Scarlino of Viadana is as palpable, who was once of irremooueable opinion, that the great church steeple of Pisa, sailed as farre as Legorne, and afterwards returned againe to his proper place. But the truth is, that this last makes vppe the whole matter which is recited of one Andruccio of Scarparia, who one day made a friend of his beleeue, that in the forrest of Baccano were seene fiue hundreth Turkish galleies, which went to take the citie of Rome, & that the Popes soldiers had with fortie thousand Ballown squirts performed such a peece of seruice, that they were all in a manner broken, and ouerthrowne in that woode, the ribbes of them being dispersed all ouer as they went. Of these ninnies, a number are borne in Valtolina, and specially in Valcamonica, and they are so sottishly credulous, that they beleeue whatsoeuer is spoken; as hee which thought the Arsenal of Venice was a shoppe of drinking glasses; and an other who beleeued that the steeple of Saint Markes in Venice, for suspition of treason A village fiue or sixe miles from Venice. was banished for ten yeeres to Lizzafucina: another also being more blockish then a dromedarie, who beleeued that the Buccentor or Venetian barge, booted it selfe, and rid in a night from Venice to Tripolie in Soria; and another huge Oxe or Oarke, that the riuer of Poe had the water of Brenta to wife, and that therefore Adige as a corriuall in this loue, was angrie with Poe, neither would haue any further cōiunction with it: [Page] and last of all, that member of an asse, or Cammel, who beleeued that Montebaldo of Verona, going one day a hunting, light vpon the Banditi, and being by them bid Or banished men. stand, he tooke a crossebow in his hand, and with one shoot, killed twelue of them. Wherfore these men haue a Cell in the Hospitall, which hath hanging out for a signe, the Aegyptians Oxe, because to him, as to their protector and aduocate, they are recommended. Therefore I call vpon him in this petition following, for their assistance and ayde.

A petition to the Aegyptians Oxe, for notted, grosse, and Fooles of light carriage.

THese dull-pated-Calfes haue recourse vnto thee, thou most sollemne Oxe of the Aegyptians, by all men called, Apis, and Serapis, to obtaine at thy hands this fauour, that seeing they be Oxen (as thou art) thou wilt bee vnto them so gratious, that they become not one day more grosse then Cammels. For that honour therefore which is done vnto thee in Aegypt, which farre exceedeth the golden Tortoyse of the Troglodites; the gilded Aspes of the Phenicians; the Assyrians golden Doue; the Thessalians golden Storke; the gilded Lionesse of Ambracia; or those of the Albanes golden Dragon; the Thebans gilded Weazell; or the golden Cow of [Page] the Tenedians, I pray and rebeseech thee to grant vnto them this demaunded grace and fauour. The which if thou shalt doe (as we hope no lesse) in the Temple consecrated to thee, and before thy image thou shalt see placed a bottle of hay, with an hay-stacke hard by, to shew that these men continue by thy fauour in their oxen estate, not growing to grosser stupiditie.

Of dottrels and shallow-pated Fooles: the ninth discourse.

THese Infortunate, and Lourdish sort, that so often haue their wits a wooll-gathering, their heads being as emptie of wit, as an egshel, and that through the absurditie of their gestures, words and cogitations mooue euerie one to laughter that heareth them, in this Catologue of Fooles are termed, dottrels, and men shallow-pated. And such did the Bithinians discouer themselues to be, who (as Caelius writeth) climbed Caelius. vp to the tops of mountaines, and there saluted and talked with the moone, although from her they receiued no aunswere at all. The Boetians, as Authors testifie, retained also this kind of Folly: whereupon the Poet Horace saith:

Boëtians borne in grosse and foggie aire.

Horace.

Amongst those of late daies, the example of Francino of Matelica may suffice, who not forbearing to plaie the foole kindlie, tooke his Mothers rocke euery morning, [Page] she being 70. yeeres of age, & sitting in the sunne, he woulde needes be spinning of varne, but he so besnared the threed & tow togither, as the old woman being starke madde, was faine to breake the rocke continually vpon his head, and thus rating and chiding, she halfe despaired of her sonne whom she sawe to haue so little witte and vnderstanding. Mattuccio of Valuasson poore sillie soule, was also such an one, for when his father sent him into the countrey, to see what the haruest folks did, although he was fower and thirtie yeeres olde, hee fell a playing with the children at Musse and Scailepin, occupying himselfe the whole day in such fopperies: afterwards returning home, without relating any thing to that purpose for which he was sent. There was an other also of Castell Bubano in Romagna, in wit sympathizing much with the name of his countrey, who barren of all conceit, one day when he should haue carried victuals to certaine workmen, by his masters commandement, he went into a corne-field to make of these droanes and oten pipes that children vse to plaie vpon, and consumed the whole day in these ninneries, the workmen expecting in vaine that this hammar-headed dolte shoulde bring them their dinner, being halfe dead with hunger. But this example of Tonino Buffalora, giues life to themall, who in his returne from Rome, passing through the forrest of Rauenna, he filled a wallet full of flies and gnats, being such great ones as that woode affoordeth, and a good large pillowbeere with horse-flies, carrying them into his countrey, where being arriued, hee presently sent to his friendes and kinsfolkes, that they woulde come and see him, for he would present them with certaine strange conceits which hee [Page] had brought with him from Rome; who though they knew him to be but a foole, yet tooke they him not for so very a sotte as at last they found him; for taking them all a tone side into a secret chamber, he powred out before them that huge number of flies, gnats, and hornets, which flewe in the eies and faces of euerie one, with some small disturbance, yet giuing them so great occasion to laugh, as surely for the nouelty of this iest they were readie to burst therewith. Fooles therefore of this broode bee all termed dizzards and shallow-pated, who within this Hospitall haue hanging out for a signe, the Samian sheepe, as their great fauourer: and therefore in this supplication wee will request his aide and succour.

A supplication to the Samian sheepe, for shallow-pated, and dottrell Fooles.

IF the honor which the ancient Samians did vnto thee (O reuerend Sheepe) bee such, as it farre exceedeth that which the Delphians did to the wolfe thy enimie, and greatly surmounteth that which was perfourmed to the Romaines goose, and the Egyptians goate, and if thy glorious worship bee one of the greatest solemnities that euer any people hath religiously celebrated; by this honor, and by such worship, I nowe entreate thee, that of these thy sheepe thou wilt haue that care, which vnto thy selfe being one, seemeth conuenient, [Page] and so much the rather, bicause if thou beest not propitius vnto them now at their neede, thou wilt loose their deuotion, who readily rebelling from sheep wil giue themselues in pray to god Castron: If therefore Calfe. thou vouchsafe them helpe, wee will offer a cheese of sheepes milke, like to those of Gualdo or Rimini, to thy sacred image; which shall giue all the world occasion to speake of thee, and all men shall crie out: Liue sheepe and sheepes-heads for euer.

Of senselesse and giddie-headed Fooles: the tenth discourse.

THere is a nest of certaine Fooles, who vulgarly are called, Fooles Senselesse, and giddie-headed: and by these circumstances they may be discerned: for they neuer speake to the purpose, doe according to the time, performe any thing worthily, nor produce any thing seriously, or with grauity, but in euery speech, gesture, word, signe, & action they are so simple, that they may deseruedly be called of euerie one by the name, of Silly, and Senselesse creatures. Hereupon Marcus Tullius in the second of his Orator, declaring Cicero. the nature & propertie of one these, saith thus: Qui tempus quid postulet, non videt, aut plura loquitur, aut se ostentat, aut eorum, cum quibus est, vel dignitatis, vel commodi rationem non habet, aut denique in aliquo genere inconcinnus, aut multus est, is ineptus dicitur. He that obserueth [Page] not what the time requireth, babling out many things, vaunting himselfe, hauing no respect to the dignitie, or commoditie of those in whose companie he is, or that, (to conclude) in any kinde whatsoeuer, is inseasonable, or superfluous, may be said to be foolish. In my opinion that ancient Amphistides, named by Caelius, may well Caelius. be placed in the number of these men; who was of so flat and rebated a braine, as he knew not thus much, whether he came of a father and mother, as commonly we doe, or no. Acesias the Phisition may likewise be numbred among these senselesse; for this was his propertie, that when he had any cure in hand, he administred to him, in a quite contrarie course, to that he should haue done: whereupon Paulus Manutius vseth this prouerbe. Paulus Manutius. Acesias Medicatus est: Acesias did such a cure. Among those of our time, Franceschino of Montecuculo, Moderne examples. was held for a great Dizzard, who conforming himselfe in actions with the name of his countrey, entring into the court to defend a client of his, alleaged such testimonie and proofe, as was quite contrarie to the poore man. A certaine fellow called Hortensio of Sarni, was by a iudge in some particular cause, reprooued for a Foole of this kinde, for hauing framed a processe, for the Latinitie thereof altogether excellent and Ciceronian yet in the rest of the clauses, so impertinent and out of order, as the Iudge was vrged to tell him, that another time he might doe well, and bring before him some countrey or Scottish Iigs, for such bables would better content him in the reading, then such a bald processe of Piouan Arlotto. That Castelline grosser shewed himselfe to be anotable Foole and buzzard, who when he should haue serued a maide with starche, sold [Page] her in steed thereof, powdred Arsenicke Christalline, who through his folly caused the mistres of the house well neere to die with the fume of the same. No lesse a wise-aker did one Lirone, some applesquier, manifest himself, who when he was willed to scum the pipkin that ranne ouer, not knowing what to doe, put out all the broath, leauing the meate drye in the pipkins bottom, while the Cooke was readie to serue in dinner. No lesse sottish was Bastiano of Monselice, who seruing a certaine Neapolitane Signior, that commaunded him to set vpon the table some citrons and oranges, went into the orchard, and pluckt vp by the rootes the best plants of the same that were in the whole orchard, bringing them all in a bundell to his master, with great dammage, and no small reproche to himselfe. A like example to this, is that of another Bergamascan blockhead, who being commāded by his master, that he should go vp into the Lobby, and fetch some billets to burne, he went with an hatchet in his hand and began to hew hard at certaine beames that sustained the house; when his master obseruing his delay, fetch him downe with sound bastinadoes on his shoulders. But this other example of Lucchino of Fusolara is not altogether thread-bare, for he seruing one of these that sell Malmsie, whiles his master willed him to entertaine a certaine honest man his friend, and that he should taste of euerie hogshead, meaning that hee should broach them, tooke one of those great beetles that wood-cleauers vse, with which he staued more then fower, before his master was ware of his owne errour, or the others simplicitie. Marie this last exāple, is that which carries it, for Bartolo of Calepio in Bergamasco, being seruitor in Venice with a verie rich [Page] chandler, who one day being to make Tapers, the vessell boyling hot, and the waxe beeing melted, demaunded what it was that so boyled in the vessell; to whom his master smoothly answered without laughing, that it was sugar, and honie mixed together to make marchpanes of: whereupon this liquorish cockscomb tarrying while his master would bee out of the way, hee tooke one of the shoppe ladles, and before the waxe was cold, while it was good and hotte, hee suppes mee vppe a ladell full of the same, so melting his teeth, toong, and bowelles, that hee was readie in a manner to brast, and recounting this accident to his master, he likewise with laughing almost splitte himselfe, perceiuing this nyddicocke to bee thus beguiled. These therefore bee senselesse or giddie-headded Fooles, who in the Hospitall enioy a Cell; which hath hanging out the goddesse Bubona for a signe, as one truely fauourable to such like men: wherefore in this inuocation following they be recommended to her.

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An Inuocation vpon the goddesse Bubona, for senselesse and giddie-headed Fooles.

THese Geese of Romagna, Puglian sheepe, and Asses of Marcanconitan, infinitely recommend themselues to the most happie goddesse Bubona, friend to Pan, Ladie of the Flocks, keeper of the Heards, and most faithfull guardian of the sheepfolds: and they coniure thee by the loue of Pasiphaes Bull, Aristo Ephesian his Asse, Cratides the shepheard his goate, and by the mare so deerely beloued of Fuluius, that thou wilt also protect this flocke of the foresaid creatures, little differing from them: and if it fall out that thou shalt vndertake their tuition, as they desire, they will consecrate vnto thee a wild whole roasted Buffle, and therewith sing an excellent hymne, which in euerie verse shal make mention of Bubona, and the Buffle together: Reach therefore thy helping hand to these Buffles, if thou mindest that this inuocation shall be consecrated with all honor, and glorie.

Of plaine lourdish, and naturall Fooles: the eleuenth discourse.

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THere be certaine silly wretches in the world, so blockish in resoning, harsh in proceeding, & in their operatiōs, proceedings, & negotiations so foolish, that in al right they obtaine the title of lourdish & natural fooles in the world, being distinct from al those we haue before made mention of. And if we be content to referre our selues to the examples of ancient writers, we must necessarily affirme, that Miltiades so celebrated by Homere, was one of these archdolts: for he then came to succour Troy, when the citie was alreadie ruinated, and destroyed, and therefore it grew into a prouerbe with Lucian. Mitiadis auxilium, Lucian. the succour of Miltiades: when men would speake of slow aide, or succours, or of a grosse and witlesse man. One Mammachutus also is made famous by Aristophanes for this one point; for in his proceedings of the world, he was so stupide and insensate, as from him it commeth that all naturals and cockscombes, are as it were prouerbially called Mammachutes. This dizzardly crew is made renowmed by Gratianus of Bologna in his Comedies; for when you heare such a like man discourse, you would not wish to giue eare to a more babling matter: and so great is the gullerie thereof as you must needs laugh extremely: for besides that his speech his foolish; his discourse from all purpose; the [Page] ende euill sorting with the beginning; his gesture vnapt; voice harsh, and actions vnseemly: he further maketh such childish conclusions, as the same will make any one that heareth them, to cough with laughing. Giacomo of Pozzuola, is likewise one that illustrateth our moderne age with his fopperies; for when he goes, he seemeth another lame Aristogiton, when he speaketh a man would thinke he had a ball in his mouth; when he gestureth, one would imagine that he deluded Nature, and Arte; when hee reciteth any thing, one would iudge by his laughing that he were playing with a feather; and when hee discourseth vpon any matter, you cannot discerne him from the most notable noddie, and ioult-head in the world. What shall we say of Andreuccio of Marano, that famous lob-lolly, who reciting a lease wherein [...]s comprehended, that certaine fieldes were let for two hundred Venetian Liraes, saide thus in Latine. Moneta autem Venetiana valebat ducentis libribus pro affitandis illis campibus? As also that other foppish Pedante of Saint Arch-angelo, what shall wee say to him, who giuing vulgar construction to that Latine beginning of Cato: Cum ego Cato animaduerterem quàm plurimos homines errarein via morum, hee said in the mother toong to this effect: Althoug I Cato knewe verie well, that many men ranne rouing ouer the land of the Moores? Conformable to that other pedagogicall asse, who expounding that verse of Virgill,

Ille ego qui quondam gracili modulat us auena,

Saide, I Iohn Nicolo, who was condemned for the stinking creuices that were carried to Rauenna. And what say you to that goodly Logician scarce worth three farthings, who expounding those verses of Peter Hispanus,

[Page] Barbara, celarent, Dary, Ferro, Baralipton.

Said, that the barbarous soldiers of king Darius had put on their head peeces, murmuring exceedingly: and then declaring the meaning of the other;

Celantes, Dabitis, Fapesmo, Frisesomorum,

Expounded, that those murrions or headpeeces, made the Phrigians and Moores togither astonished: then comming to the other,

Cesare, Camestres, Festino, Baroco, Darapti,

He interpreted, that Caesars men were arriued at Mestra, and that they made haste to be vpon their bones: and last of all lighting vpon this verse,

Felapton, Disamis, Datisi, Brocardo, Ferison,

He expounded, that Caesar said to Philip Anthonie and the rest of his friends; stabbe, and thrust me these men through with your swordes. Was not this of Martinello of Villafranca, an apparant cockscombrie, who making the superscriptiō of a letter that went to his sonne in the Vniuersitie at Bologna, writ thus: To the deuine spirite of my sonne Andrew Scarpaccia, who frequenteth the lectures of the greatest Phisition in all Bologna, who in three yeeres will become an other Falopia, if God of his grace preserue him liuing: with this direction vnderneath: In Bologna neere to asses tower in a womans house that letteth chambers by the moneth. These therefore bee doltes and naturals, and for the same cause are recommended to god Fatuello, partaker and defender with drawen sworde of such like people; wherefore hauing the image of such a like God vpon the dore of their cell, it is requisite that with this inuocation following, we reuerence and call vpon his name.

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An inuocation to God Fatuello, for lourdish and naturall Fooles.

MAy it please thee great monarch of naturalles, the true ghost and spirite of all fantasticks, by the resonance of thy name, conformable to these fooles, with thy genius in like manner to fauour this blockish bande of naturals, in all humility hauing recourse to thee, and by that Temple which thou hast in Valcamonica, where so many lobbes meerely depende on thy dominion and empire; these men beseech thee that though in name thou beest but a foole, yet in their actions doe not so shew thy selfe and power: and thus doing before thy image, they wil immolate some famous niddicocke which shall be a true signe, that by thy grace and fauour they are now no longer fooles. Now this is the rewarde thou shalt haue if thou beest readie and athand with thy succour.

Of vicicious Fooles: the twelfth discourse.

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THere bee in the worlde certaine fooles, who togither with the deminution of braine, and losse of witte, retaine in them certaine vices, which seeme sometimes to proceede from a kinde of dexteritie in them; but in truth they are rather deriued from the defect of a witte corrupt, and depraued, then any thing else; in this maner, like mules kicking at euery one that cōmeth neere them, through the malignant nature and condition they haue: And these kinde of men we thought good to terme by the name of vitious fooles, for that a fitter or more conformable word cānot be found out, to impose vpon them. Some man peraduenture may thinke that one Cippius, named by Lucilius, may well be placed amongst vicious Lucilius. fooles: who indeed in this respect was a foole, for that he suffred others to vse his wife dishonestly: and in this other consideration hee was vicious, who bicause hee woulde not appeere to be a wittall, fained himselfe then to sleepe, when an other watching in Cupids palestra, wrestled hard with her. Hee in the Hospitall of Milan seemed no lesse a vicious foole, who called straungers Moderne examples. to him saying; that he woulde shewe them the valley of Iehosaphat, and by little and little discouering to them his bare buttockes, he made euery one blush for shame that came neere him. Another there was, who requested [Page] euery one that hee might kisse him, and the man drawing neere, either he woulde breake an vrinall vppon his head, bite him with his teeth, or doe him some other kinde of mischiefe. It is recounted of a certaine vicious foole, that standing one day at a window, and seeing a faire yoong maide in an other right ouer against him, as if in an instant hee had beene enflamed with her loue, he saide to her, Signor a lei volete bene adio? Ladie will itplease you my heate to coole? Signor nò, perche sete vn Sier Matthio: No sir, said she, bicause you seeme but a foole: then he replied; Lasciatemi adungue fare il fatto mio: Let me yet furbish you with my toole. Of an other vicious foole this pranke is reported; that one day in the market place he got vp vpon a butchers stall, and gathering about him a goodly audience, hee began to crie out, that al men might come and heare him: wherefore the people being assembled togither he said; Imagine that I am the great beast which calleth a counsell of the other lesser; for my part I will goe breake my faste, goe you and hang your selues if you will: and thus hee deluded the people, departing with laughter and scorne to euery one. This man was much like to an other, who at a time of solemne councell, about a treatie of certaine publike affaires, entred into the counsell chamber, and cried out aloud: I giue my verdite that euery one of you be dawcockes. And one Norandino of Sauignano was not much vnlike these, being a most vitious foole, who at a time, when a great disputation was helde in the citie of Cesena, neere to that towne, and passing by chance through the place where all the disputāts were gathered togither, making roume amongst them all with a good quarter staffe, he spake with a loud [Page] voice: I hold this conclusion, that Sauignano is not distant from Cesena aboue ten miles; and next I maintaine this other, that Sauignano is male, and Cesena is female; as also ile stand to this, that more people will giue eare to me, which am but a Foole, then to you, who would appeare to be wise: And last of all, I will affirme, and prooue this other, that if euer a wiseman went thorough Cesena, I should not be a foole my selfe. These of this kinde therefore are called vicious fooles, and within the Hospitall they enioy a cell which hath hanging without, the image of the goddesse Themis, vpon whom, as their protectrix in this vnder supplication we will call for helpe.

A supplication to goddesse Themis for vicious Fooles.

O Great daughter of heauen and earth, so woonderfully beloued of Iupiter, as thou art desirous of his loue, be not niggardly of thy help to those, who being fooles and vicious, seeke at the handes of Themis, the goddesse of reasonable demaunds, that which is requisite for them to request and sue for: They demaunde therefore this iust and lawfull sute; that of Heauen thy father thou wouldest obtaine wit for their vnderstanding and vertue for their mindes, for if by thy grace and fauour they shall be deliuered from such a defect; in thy temple so much honored by the Boëtians neere the riuer [Page] Celisus, thoushalt see offred vnto thee a Spanish mule, which will be an euident signe of the great victorie and triumph thou shalt obtaine by such a deliuerie.

Of malicious and despightfull fooles: the thirteenth discourse.

SOme men there be, that inwardly haue inserted in thē such a spirit, as if they happē at any time to be offended or iniuried by anie one, with a foolish wilfulnes at one instant, they begin to contend with him; and as of the offenders side, iniuries and offences multiply, so likewise togither with hatred, doe continuall rancors and despightes encrease on their part: so as the matter commeth to this passe, that brutishly thus hammering and boiling in their mindes, they obtaine the name of malitious and despightfull fooles. Amongst auncient examples, that peraduenture of Cleomedes Astipalensis a man of mightie strength, named by Plutarke, may well be placed; who being defrauded of a certaine rewarde Plutarch. due vnto his vertue, entred for this cause into such malice and despight, as one day he laide his shoulders to a pillar which susteined the common schoole, wherein were all the children of the chiefest men of the place, and bearing it furiously to the ground, he killed the master and all those yoong youths togither. In the number [Page] of these also may that Merganore in the Poet Ariosto be reckoned, who for the death of his two sonnes, conceiued such mortall hatred against women-kinde, as looke howe many women soeuer came within his circuit, they were al for this cause rudely scoffed, and hardly intreated by him. For a malicious and peeuish Foole Moderne examples. of late daies, a certaine literate quoy quanquam, is of all men crowned, or such a kinde of peeuish Poul-iobham, that for the biting of a flea, could finde in his hart to kill the whole world, & when he is in his spleene & sir Iohn Chimneis humor, he feares not all the great ordinance of the Tower; for enuie and despight take away from him all foresight, of the danger and blow that hangeth ouer the head of his furie. Wherefore, to this our purpose, it is reported of him, that on a time another calling him, head of a base violl, he was through this word mooued to such choler, that he reached him such a blow, which missing him, & lighting vpon a pillar by, broke all this Fooles owne hand & arme; and when he cleerly saw the dammage which redounded to himselfe, entring into greater furie then before, he threw a flinte-stone to haue hit him on the head, which lighting against the wall, and recoyling backe, tooke himselfe on the breast, so that raging presently with double furie and madnes, he went to runne his head against the other mans belly, who drawing back, he ran his owne head against the wal, & broke it all ouer: and last of all, hauing no otherthing wherewith to shew his spleene, hee indiscreetly out of his stomacke powers a belch in his face, saying: Goe to, take this, seeing I can in no other sort reuēge my self. Christoforo of Crispino was a notable wayward, and despitefull Foole, who because on a time another said vnto [Page] him (he being of rude and homely aspect) you are a welfauoured yoong man; abhorring this mans ironicall speech, hee threw a cheese at his breast, and because he tooke vp the cheese & carried it away to eat, he sent after him a knife which he had; but he taking vp the knife also to serue his turne to cut the cheese withal, being neer to a bakers shop, the other tooke vp as much bread as hee could in his hand and threw it at him; the which in like manner he taking vp to serue him to eate his cheese withall, the other would last of all haue throwen an emptie cup without wine at him, which was readie at hand: but hee saying vnto him: nay gentle brother, but fill it with wine, and then send it after mee in gods name. With these words he grew into such a furie, as running to a fountaine neere hand, he would needes haue cast it full of water at him: but this man smiling, and flying away like a trecherous Parthian, or snearing companion, said: I will haue the knife, the bread and the cheese, and let the cup and the water remaine with thee, for we are now share and share like: and thus did he delude the last blow of this despitefull Foole, who in the end perceiued that he was exceedingly derided for his foolish enterpise. A more famous example of malitious Folly cannot be produced, then that which diuine Ariosto setteth downe in peruerse and wicked Gabrina, especially in that Stanza, which beginneth thus:

Hearke thou (said she) that art so stoute, and fell,

As thou contem'st, and mak'st a scorne of me,

For if thou knew'st what newes I could thee tell

Of her, whom dead, thou dost bemoane I see:

Then would'st thou me behold with merrie glee,

But rather then I will the same declare,

[Page] Thou shalt me into mammocks pull and tare.

For the cursed olde wretch, with all furious despite, sought to wreake her selfe, on miserable Zerbino, not imparting to his lamentable Fortune one onely sparke of pitie or commiseration, like a diuelish and impious witch, as no question she was. These kinde of men are therefore deseruedly called, despitefull, or malitious Fooles; and in the Hospitall they haue a Cell, which hath the goddesse Nemesis hanging out for a signe, to whom in this their so great need, let vs haue recourse, it being that goddesse, who commonly hath care of this kinde of Fooles.

A petition to goddesse Nemesis, for despitefull and malitious Fooles.

WIth all zeale possible, and as great vehemencie as may be graunted vnto vs, we implore thy greatest fauour and helpe, O thou sacred goddesse, by the ancients termed Rhamnusia, because in Rhamnunte a citie of Asia thy image is seene, made by the hand of Phidias, hauing recourse vnto thee, because we know there is no better remedie for these despitefull Fooles, then the assistance and ayde of that goddesse, who punishing and chastising the wicked and offenders, is worthily held for the curer of these Fooles wounds: wherefore if we obtaine that succour, which from so iust a goddesse we may well hope for, be assured [Page] that thankful for thy fauors, we will offer in the Temple of Adrastus consecrated to thee, an hand-flasket of skalions and garlicke, and all of vs will salute the name of Adrastia, belching foorth all despightfull sauours, euident arguments of the recouerie procured to these men, in whose behalfe, we direct vnto thee this present inuocation; heale them therefore, and peace remaine with thee.

Of ridiculous Fooles: the fourteenth discourse.

THere be some fooles, who day by day perform things so strāge, fantastical, & vnusuall, that partly for the raritie of them, and partly for their excesse therein, make anie one laugh that seeth or giueth any eare vnto them: and heereupon it is, that all men call them ridiculous fooles, hauing a name conformable to the actions and deeds they euerie day performe. Iustine the Historiographer, among the ridiculous follies of Sardanapalus, setteth downe this for one, that he being aboue measure delighted in womanlike effeminacies, apparelled himselfe sometimes in feminine habite, and so intruding amongst the girles and yoong wenches, hee vsed the rocke and spindell as they did, performing all those things which women are accustomed to practise. Homers folly also is recounted among parts ridiculous; for it is reported of him, that he woulde miserablie haue strangled himselfe for this [Page] occasion only, bicause he could not dissolue an aenigma or doubtfull question, the which by channce was propounded vnto him by certaine sailers or marriners. This other of the Poet Philemon is verie excellent, who (as Valerius Maximus declareth) seeing an asse Valerus Maximus. that eate certaine figges, which were set vpon the table, laughed so extremely thereat, as hee brust at the mirth he made to himselfe with this matter. A like example to this, is that of Margutte in Luigi Pulci, who laughed while he gaped againe, seeing a monkeie to put on his Luigi Pulci. bootes. Lampridius amongst the ridiculous fopperies Lampridius of Heliogabalus, mentioneth also this, that sometimes he woulde bee drawne in a chariot by fower naked harlots, other whiles he woulde visite all the publike stewes in Rome, giuing rewards to all badde and common women, whom he termed his fellow soldiers; and an other time apparelling himselfe like a strumpet, he discouered himselfe not to be a Romaine Emperor, but some trencher buffon or parasite, to al the world. But yet that folly of Nero surpasseth them all, for he had a desire to bring foorth like women; hee made a stallion and bardasso boie of himselfe at one instant; and touching Sporus his Ganimed, he entred into this notable follie, that he woulde needes see him of a male as hee was, turned into a woman by the Phisitions. Iohn Rauisius Textor putteth Textor. one Zenophantus in the nūber of fooles ridiculous, who was of this qualitie, that the more he contended to refraine laughing, the more vehemently he brust out a gigling. Atheneus in the fift of his Gymnosophistes, while he reciteth the follies of madde Antiochus king of Atheneus. Syria, rehearseth likewise these other very ridiculous: that hee practised and conuersed as well with the basest [Page] vulgar sort, as with gentlemen and great lords; and hee carrowsed more willingly with the vilder sort, then with his barons or knights; wheresoeuer he knew any assemblie of dissolute or vaine yoong men to be gathered togither, thither woulde hee goevnlooked for, carrying with him his cittern or lute; and thus thrust himselfe into their companie: Oftentimes also laying aside his Princelike habite, he went with a lanterne in his hande into the market place, taking this and that man by the hand, desiring them all that they woulde giue him their voices & consents; for somtimes after the Romaine maner, he woulde be made Edile, and otherwhiles tribune of the people; often in the presence of noble personages, tumbling and dauncing like some stage foole, to the great abashment of those that were present at such indignities. Among the ridiculous fooles of our time, wee may well count a cockscombe called Pedruccio of Moderne examples. Biagrasso, to be one, who went vp and downe the streets gathering togither all the horse and cowes dung hee coulde meete withall, and carried it home for prouision saying, that in time of dearth that grut or riffe-raffe woulde be good to make an Italian Torto withal, wherewith A meate made of dow and scrapt cheese, which baked vpon a pan looketh like marchpane. to preserue his life, in despight of all vsurers. Michelino of Papozza is also an other ninnie, that makes all the world to laugh at his follie: for in sommer he wil put a corselet on his backe with some good furred gaberdine ouer it, and aboue all this, a large target after the ancient Romaine fashion, affirming, that he woulde by no meanes that the sunne pearcing him with his beames, shoulde make him to sweate. But Santiccio of Ritonda, is a ridiculous and fower-eared foole, for all the summer he doth nothing else but take frogs and flea [Page] them, carrying all the skinnes of them togither to a furrier, to whom hee counteth them saying; the Romaine Emperours neuer wore so rare and fine skins as might bee made of these his excellent and daintie ones. All such like men as these therefore are called ridiculous fooles, bicause they execute follies for the most part, foppish and ridiculous, and their Cell in the Hospitall hath hanging out for a signe, the image of god Risus, adored of the ancients, they being recommended vnto him, as their peculiar godhead and patrone: wherefore with this ridiculous petition following, let vs solemnlie for their helpe and aide call vpon him.

A petition to god Risus for ridiculous Fooles.

I Can not but with great gigling and laughter turne my selfe vnto thee, O thou sonne of Iupiter, or Bacchus, friend to all Sycophants, constant affectionate to drunkards, enemie to all molestation, more then to contagion or sicknes, nourished by Venus, brought vp by Cupid, & maintained at the charges of goddesse Flora, a braue fellow for thy life, a good companion for thy wit, a mercenarie aduocate for the time, and with olde Democritus in behalfe of these men, make vnto thy selfe a loude squeaking laughter, like them, the tinckling of frying pannes make in Saint Markes place: for if it were not thou that gauest helpe and nourishment to these ridiculous [Page] fooles, all the whole Hospitall woulde be but in a miserable plight; neither woulde any thing but sadnes and melancholie bee discerned ouer all: but these men by thy fauour doing their indeuour, do yet make their followers merrie, and remooue from their mindes that discontētment, which they receiue from humours phreneticall, delirant, melancholike, and sauage, and other such like vnto these: wherefore many men are not a little bound vnto thee, in perceiuing by thy meanes, their harts exhilarated, and mindes replenished with exceeding alacritie, the which fauour and grace if thou continuest, as in these particular sort of fooles, we desire thou shouldest, bee sure that in thy temple thou shalt heare more prodigious laughters, then euer were heard at any of Heliogabalus, or Commodus their banquets: And all this shall be done to please thee, who art the occasion of all laughter.

Of ostenting and vaine glorious Fooles: the fifteenth discourse.

THe greatest number of fooles that wee finde, may peraduenture be these whereof at this present wee discoursing, make cleere and glorious mention of the same to the worlde, and by this glorious title or imposition, we terme them vainglorious or ostēting fooles: for they loue nothing more, contend earnestly after no other matter, nor with greater care and anxietie [Page] couet or desire any thing more then the glorie of the worlde, whereof they are so greedie and desirous, as couetous men of gold, Beares of honie, & bees of flowers; it being the breakfast, dinner, and dissert of all their operations: and by the reason of this grosse matter they haue in their heads, their wits cannot enter into the sayings of the wise, denounced against them: as that of Aristotle, who in the bookes of his secrets to Alexander, saith, that Nulla tanta fortitudo est, vt superbiae pondus Aristotle. sustinere valeat: there is no fortitude so great which is able to susteine the waight and burden of pride. This of Aristophanes who was woont to say; Non oportere in Aristophanes. ciuitate nutriri leones: Lions should not be nourished in acitie. And that other of Demades to the Athenians, Demades. who minding to ascribe to Alexander deuine honours, saide, Videte quaeso ciues, ne, dum ad coelum gloriosum istum tollitis, in terram deijciatis: beware good citizens, least while you go about to extoll this glorious man to heauen, you throw him not downe to the earth; but in such sort are they blinded with this cursed ambition, that euen pearceth and sheatheth it selfe in their harts, that they haue lost all apprehension of vnderstanding, and what light soeuer was therein, running in post haste after the least sparke of this glorie, voluble and inconstant as the wind: the words of these men are perfumed, & odoriferous like amber-greece, neither do they loose them frō their toongs, but as a peece of fine sugar, they come sweet frō their mouthes; all their gestures are by symmetrie compounded in the garden of the graces; their steps be measure & proportion it selfe, like Archimedes his geometrical instruments, that one may not be longer then an other, nor this shorter fetcht then that; [Page] and the carriage of their bodies is like to a peacocke turning rounde about and beholding himselfe: or to a swollen Turkie cocke, ruffling all spred through a yard: the state they obserue is like an other Iupiter vpon his golden throne, amidst all the other gods: their motion resembleth a wagtailes going vpon the ground, the maiestie of their gate, is like to that of a Romagna goose when she goes through the barne yarde; the glearing of their eies is like to a cat, when she glicketh her selfe: their standing still, is like to a swollen toad, when she lies still beaking vpon the earth: his speech makes more haste then an Ante, when he is better laden then vsually: and to conclude, all his actions are so affected and full of ostentation, that a more strange or odious thing then these glorious fooles cannot be mette withall: Among vain-glorious fooles the ancient Aruenians are by writers numbred, who as diuers report, vaūted themselues to be borne of the Troiane race; and therefore they called themselues brothers to the Romaines, Lucan speaking of them in his first booke:

Th' Aruenians that themselues durst brothers faine

To Latians, that of Troiane race remaine.

And like vnto these was one Murrhanus, not hee that makes oile iarres, but an other, of whom Virgill speaketh in the twelfth of his Aeneides saying:

Murrhanus who with loftie words sets foorth

Virgill.

The titles of his auncestors great woorth.

Among other examples of glorious fooles, auncient writers place this of Misenus Aeneas his trumpetter, who held himselfe so singular in that profession, as that he durst challenge the maryne goddes or Tritones, to sound with him: as also those of Martia, who prouoked [Page] Apollo to the selfe same conflict: Thamir is a Thracian, who was so bolde as to thrust herselfe in amongst the Muses to sing; and togither with these that of Araene, who woulde needes contend with Minerua for weauing of wooll: but last of all that of Cassiope daughter to Cepheus, who woulde be preferred before the Nereides: as likewise Niobe woulde haue beene before Latona, Antigona the daughter of Laomedon, before Iuno; and Lychion Deucalions daughter before Diana: and in truth the tribe of glorious, & many-asses is greater then the rest, bicause in all times wee haue seene triall, that the braine hath boiled more on this, then any other side: what shal we say of that inhumaine Remulus, who attributing too much vnto himselfe, and ouer highly pleased in his owne valour, condemned the Troians besieged in Italy, of effeminacie and cowardize, Virgill relating these proud wordes of him:

Before them all, most sturdie he and proud

Went thundring out, vnwoorthy words alwaies

Vaunting himselfe, with clamors, shrill and loud:

Cornelius Tacitus.

What may be thought of that Martus, one of the basest crewe of the Boëtian people, who was so bolde as to make himselfe a god? What of Appion the grammarian, who vndoubtedly promised him immortality, to whom he did but dedicate any of his workes? Menecrates the physicion also, was beyond all measure glorious, who was neuer woont to take any reward for such patients as he cured, but requested this onely at their handes, that they woulde call themselues his humble seruants, and terme him an other Iupiter: Nestorius the heretcike was also one of this number, for in an oration that he made to the people of Constantinople, he soothed himselfe [Page] so greatly, that the next day following hee promised heauen to euery one of them: And Rhemnius Palemon the grammarian or Pedant, is not farre different from these, he being woont to glorie, that learning was borne and came into the worlde with him, as also with him it was like to perish. But why do I passe ouer Paulus Samosatenus, who went through the market places, streetes, and high-waies, vaunting publikely of his learning, and caused whatsoeuer came first into his mouth to bee set downe in writing by certaine registers? As also why do I conceale the Emperour Domitian, who delighted in nothing more then this, to be called a great Lord, and God? wherfore Eusebius saith, Domitian first commanded that himselfe should be called a Lord and God; and a certaine flattering Poet made of him these verses:

The Edict of our Lord and God,

Which doth alliudgements ratifie.

And to what ende omit I the Prince Caius Caesar, who made an Edict, that hee might be numbred among the gods, and that Statues should bee erected vnto him in the name of the greatest Iupiter? Neither will I forget Themison Cyprian, who would needs be called Hercules, haue incense offered vnto him, & be celebrated with diuine prayses like vnto him. And what shall I further say of Nero, who greedie of eternall fame, would in any wise haue the moneth of Aprill called Neronea, and ordayned (as Suetonius writeth) that the citie of Rome should be called Nerapolis? Alexander Macedon in Suetonius. this respect may also be recounted amongst glorious Fooles for one, he taking woonderfull delight to be termed the sonne of Iupiter Hammon. Salomoneus made many fictions of celestiall thunder and lightning by [Page] meane of Mathematicall discipline, to no other end, but to obtaine the title of a god. Varro Pergeus corrupted by flatterers wordes was easily perswaded, that himselfe was the goodliest man in the world, and that hee sung more diuinely and sweetly then the Muses themselues. Hanno the Carthaginian was accustomed to take birds, whom he taught to pronounce these words, Hanno is a god. Sellus was a certaine poore vaine glorious Dolt, who concealed his owne pouertie, as much as was possible, extremely desiring for a worldly glorie, to be reputed rich. Herostratus a vaine glorious Foole in conceit (by report of Aulus Gellius) burnt all the Temple of Aulus Gellius. Diana Ephesian, onely to obtaine an immortall fame in the world for the same: and to conclude, Empedocles Agrigentine being a Foole, one degree aboue all others, threw himselfe headlong into the flames of mount Aetna, to the end that men might vndoubtedly thinke, how he was flowen vp into heauen. In our daies also this number of Fooles is so augmented, as there is no place so little, wherein a great companie of them may not be seene. Out of all doubt the example of that vaine glorious Tuscane like another Thraso in these our daies is Moderne examples. verie rare, who being demaunded by certaine pleasant companions, why, vpon an occasion he layd not about him, saide, the reason was, because he knew himselfe to haue so heauie and weightie a hand, as wheresoeuer it lighted, presently it killed. And that other of Valentino of Castell Saint Pietro is no lesse pleasant, who hauing had a boxe on the eare giuen him in the publike market place, by a certaine oste, wentbrauing and laughing away, vsing these words: This man came vpon me with a flat boxe on the eare, because he durst not strike mee [Page] with his fist, for I tell you if he had strooke me close fisted, woe had beene to him, for I would haue come vpon his nose with such another, as should haue sent him to God or the Deuill. Now Fooles of this order, haue their Cell in the Hospitall, which before the gate thereof hath set forth the image of Iuno, to whom originally they are recommended, and vpon whom in fauour of them, with this subscribed supplication, I doe humbly call.

A supplication to goddesse Iuno, for vaine-glorious Fooles.

O Thou greatest of the Goddesses, Queen of heauen, sister and playfellow to high Iupiter, amongst all the godheads most glorious, euen as the sunne is of greatest glorie among the planets, haue that care I beseech thee of these vain glorious, as standeth fittest with thy deitie: And once againe I entreate thee by these glorious impositions and titles, first of Saturnia, bicause thou wert the daughter of Saturnus; of Aeria, in that thou rulest ouer the aire; of goddesse Guretis, bicause thouridest in a chariot with a speare in thy hand; of Lucina and Lucesia, in that thou giuest light to him that is borne; of Socigena, bicause thou ioinest in matrimonie the female with the male; of Fuga, Populonia, Domiduca, Iterduca, [Page] and Vnxia, for that men imploied about all such affaires, are to thee recommended, and vnder the shadow of thy wings preserued and defended: Thou art yet further that Opigena, who assistest women great with childe: that Februale, or Februata, which by monethly issue purgest feminine sex; that Fluonia, who hast power to restraine the menstruous bloud of women, while they conceiue: wherefore among so many helpes adioined to thy power, assist also these vaine fooles: be vnto them with thy name and power so propitious; as besides the goodly church which thou hast in the Lacinian promō torie, by meane whereof thou art called Lacinia; besides the chappell which thou hast in a citie of the Argiues called Prosymna, and whereupon they terme thee Prosymnia; and besides the aulter which the Hetruscians made vnto thee in the Marquisate of Ancona, through which thou art called Cupra; thou maiest also see in this Hospitall a temple erected to thy name, by meane of which thou maist also be Hospitalaria, euen as thy husband is called Iupiter Hospitalis, and thus to the titles of Pelasga, goddesse Moneta, Castrensis, Caprotina, Sospita, and Calendaris, thou maist adde this other of Gloriosa, for hauing succoured importantly so great a squadron of vain-glorious fooles, who vow, for this aid receiued at thy hands, to erect vnto thee a towre higher then that of Cremona, where tapers may continuallie be light and burne, to make manifest to the whole world the glorie of Iuno, in this one action made more renowmed then in any other precedent, or former operation.

Of parasiticall or scoffing Fooles: the sixteenth discourse.

[Page]

IT is not in a manner conuenient, that these whom we call Parasiticall or counterfeit Fooles, should haue place in the Hospitall of our Incurables, in that they not being really Foolish in minde, as the others are, haue little to doe in this assembly, but it seemeth that they should rather be placed in the number of the wise, sage Cato affirming that, Cato.

Stultitiam simulare loco, prudentia summa est.

To play the Foole in time and place is greatest wisedome sure.

And hereupon commeth it that so much is attributed to the wisedome of Meson the Astrologer, who foreseeing the future calamitie which was like to light on his countreymen the Athenians in an expedition they vndertooke against the Sicilians, fayned himselfe to be a Foole, for that he would not be present with them at so great an ouerthrowe. As also in like manner wee read of Vlysses, who because he would not haue gone to the Troian warre, he sowed salt like a natutall Foole, and yoaking togither diuers and sundry beasts to the plowe, he made all men woonder at his sudden madnes, but onely Palamedes, who discouered him by laying his yoong sonne amongst the furrowes, whom the subtile Greeke prudently shunning, he by this act manifested [Page] that he was well in his wits, and no Foole at all. But because there be some that otherwhiles play the Fooles in iest, with that little folly they haue in their heads, it being a manifest signe of folly, to play the Foole for no purpose at all, to giue other men contentment, by such men I say, we onely meane it, when in this our Hospital we place Parasiticall or counterfeit Fooles. And there is no doubt but that amongst these men, we may well reckon that Gallus Vibius named by Caelius, in the sixt booke of his ancient lectures the fiue and thirtie chapter, who many times fayning himselfe to be a Foole, and iesting in this manner, at last he came to be so in good earnest, growing a starcke naturall Foole, to the ende that whereas he scoffed and deluded others, for chastisement of his folly, he might at last remaine derided and flouted himself. In our daies one Garbinello hath a notable grace in playing of the foole, who as in representing a poore Padoan countrey man, a Magnifico, or some doddipoule Doctor Gratian he hath no fellow; so in this other kind of dissimulation, exceedeth he all others, for whosoeuer heareth or seeth him, by actions, gestures, and words, iudgeth him to bee no other then a naturall Foole. In this point Pedretto of Moiano one like the other, shewed himselfe a gallant fellow: for when the Venetian Signiors, vpon important occasions, pressing ordinarie galleots or saylers in their state, would also haue commaunded this man to goe, although he shunned not to be in the galleies with many others, yet to giue some recreation to certaine gentlemen his friends, with whom he had compacted, he appeared one day apparelled after the saylers fashion with a chaine at his leg before the Captaine of these companies, [Page] and with an oare in his hand hee began a little of himselfe to rowe and sing at the oares as they doe, and afterwards taking the whistle in his hand which they vse in galleies, he made an excellent call therewith as could bee deuised: after this hauing a sacke full of bisket before him, hee began to distribute it amongst the companie, and carried the Captaine a great peece of it, saying how that, and an head of Garlicke, made a gossips feast a ship-boord: and at last taking a Turkish cymitar, and drawing it amongst the companie, he began to crie out allai, allai maumeth russelai, which importeth as much, as God and great Mahumet, and began to flourish therewith against the winde; sometimes striking here, sometimes there, while at the last all sweatie, and wearie, euerie one beholding him, hee fell downe as dead, wrapping himselfe in a marriners rug, and calling a notarie to set downe his last will and testament, wherein leauing some thing to euerie one, he said, that he bequeathed to the Captaine of the companie a great lubber and knaue to be buried, and that being a marriner, he would be enterred in no other place, then in the gallie-pumpe, because that was the most conuenient graue for his knaueship; and while (he dissembling himselfe to be dead) they would haue carried him away, he leaps me vp of a sudden, and said to the Captaine: Signior Captaine, I assure you, that among all the saylers you haue pressed, there is not a woorser then my selfe, wherfore dismisse me at this time (for Gods sake) if you will not haue your galleie to carrie the woorst name of any that belongeth to the Signioria; for which cause the Captaine smiling, and taking great pleasure in this conceit, hee was for this time content to remit him, seeing [Page] he had counterfeited the Foole so cunningly, and gaue him moreouer a mocenigo, or peece of golde So called of ent Mocenigo their Duke, in whose daies they were coyned. about a ducate in value, saying, pray to God that though at this time you scape the galleies, you light not hereafter vpon the gallowes. Now these be Fooles, that in the Hospitall maintaine for ensigne before their Cell the image of Mercurie, as the god of all knaues, and craftie iackes like to themselues, to whom for this consideration, I direct the petition ensuing, instigating him to the protection of such like people.

A supplication to god Mercurie, for parasiticall and counterfeit Fooles.

LOoke what helpe is to be looked for, from the sonne of Iupiter and Cyllena, is expected from thee concerning these Fooles, O thou great interpreter of the gods, because these be properly they that conforme themselues so iumpe with thy genius and humour, as that they seeme to all the world thy coosen germaines. These (as thou seest) be dissemblers, and thy selfe the god of deceit, being he who with such notable cosenage did'st steale away Apollo his kine, from Argos their heardsman. But if this suffice not to mooue thee, why then by the famous and honourable titles which thou obtainest of Poets, & first of Hermetes, that is expounder [Page] of words, of Camillus that is a seruant or nuntio, thou being highest Iupiter his messenger, of Alipedes, for the wings thou hast at thy legs as the celestiall Purseuant of Manigena, for that thou wert borne of Maia the daughter of Athlantes, of Arcades, because thou wert brought forth in Arcadia, of Cyllenius, in that thou wert borne on mount Cyllena, of Lygius, Agryphon, and Nomius; all of them with vehement intreaties beseech thee, to haue that care of them, which to so great a God appertayneth, & seemeth but correspōdent to so feruent & effectuall recōmendations. And the more to prouoke thee to this charitable enterprise, they set before thy eies so many of thy performed honorable actions, as to haue beene the inuentor of the Harpe, of wrestling, of merchandize, and of Rhetoricke; to haue first instructed the Aegyptians in good letters; freed Mars out of prison, and bound Prometheus in mount Caucasus, causing him to be torne into mammocks by vultures: and they beseech thee by these famous former exploites, that it would please thee to adde thereunto the wise and valiant defence of this kind of fooles: The which if thou shalt execute, expect without any delay, before thy image in the Temple of the Phenicians, the oblation of a Foxes skinne, which will be an offering much conformable both to them and thy selfe.

Of lunaticall and Fooles by season: the seuenteenth discourse.

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THere are but fewe that knowe not these kinde of fooles by their name onely, whom at this present we terme lunaticall or fooles by season, who bicause they are not continually vexed with this furie but onely sometimes, and with certaine intermission, haue obtained the imposition or name of lunatickes, they appeering mutable in this infirmitie of their follie like the moone: or rather bicause this kinde of madnes is proper and peculiar to those, that are borne in the eclipse; or else in that in the waining or encrease of the moone, and according to the diuers alterations of it, this infirmitie somtimes greatly aboundeth, and otherwhiles also hath his force exceedingly abated. Wherefore Iulius Firmicus in the fourth booke of his Mathematickes saith; Et siluna male fuerit Iuilio Firmicus collocata, aut spasticos, aut lunaticos, aut caducos facit: which is, If the moone be euill placed, either it maketh men extatical, lunatick, or subiect to the kings euill. For this kinde of argument I may produce the examples of Nicoletto of Francolino, and Lorenzino of Chioggia, of which the first, vpon the newe moone, woulde enter sometimes into an humour that he was become a lobster, hunting out all the neerest waters and brookes whereinto to leape: and an otherwhile, that he was turned into a doade man, putting a couple of tēder hornes [Page] vpon his owne head, the better to imitate his forme and condition: then that he was a leeke, or a yoong garlicke blade, and thus ran among the Herbagers crying out; who will buie fine sallet or herbage: an other time that he was growne a sausage, or dried flitch of bacon, shunning the larderers more then the pestilence itselfe, for feare they shoulde haue offered him some indignitie. The other vpon the waining of the moone, shedde likewise a great part of his wits or braine; for he would run naked through the market places, discouering all his priuie parts: and other whiles all hampered with a great wicker basket, hee went through the market place, iustling all those he met withall; but many times altogither distracted, he woulde lay at men with staues & stones, and sometimes (being a matter exceedingly woorth the laughing at) he woulde disple himselfe vpon the naked buttocks, with a neates garbage, running after the boies, with the filthie and stinking bowels, and casting them at those that came about him, like a companie of birdes about a madge-howlet. Santino of Pietra-mala, was also lunaticke, and being possessed with this indisposition of the braine, one day vpon the ful of the moone he plaied many fonde partes worthie the laughing at, and among others, this one is reported of; that lighting on a tauerne or tipling house, which had a lawrell garland hanging out for a signe, hee put the same garlande on his owne head, and began to say that he was a Poet, singing whatsoeuer came first into his minde, where a companie of people being gathered about him, and perceiuing by chance an harlot whose name was Diana, in the Poeticall furie which then tooke him in the head, singing hee vttered of her these verses:

[Page] Looke on that whipper Digennie I say

That cals her selfe Diana,

Vglie, deformed foule, and filthie

Like a rammish goate, an ape or a monckey:

And beholding else where a certaine appendant, hee sung of him these verses following:

You sir, who teacheth yoong men to be nought,

Shall be for a Corydon taken and thought.

Among these lunatickes we may also put Menegone of Olmo, who thus in the moones waining, tottering in braine, went vp and downe the ditches to gather rootes, bringing many times bundels of nettles and wilde thistles into the market place, minding to fell this baggage in steede of holesome rootes; sometimes he went a fishing for frogs, and filled a trey full of toades, which he knew not: and otherwhiles also playing the Tinker, hee went crying vp & downe the countrie all blacke as a cole, who hath any candle-stickes, dishes, kettels or pans to mend; neither was he like a tinker in any thing, but onely the smeare, and collow of his beard, with a greasie sacke on his shoulder, which for this purpose he carried about with him. These be therefore those kinde of lunatickes wee haue hitherto spoken of, who within the Hospitall haue hanging out before the dore of their Cell for a signe, the goddesse Hecate, whom as their fauorite, according to our accustomed manner, wee will with this petition vnder written salute.

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A petition to goddesse Hecate, for Fooles lunaticall or by season.

BE thou alwaies blessed, and with infinite cōmendations set forth, O thou gentle daughter of Latona, sister to god Apollo, deseruedly termed Hecate, bicause thou procurest that the ghoastes and vnburied walke abroad an hundreth yeers without rest or quiet, through whose power in like sort these poore fooles erre in their wits, whom wee call lunatike, vouchsafe cheerefully to powre downe thy benigne influence vpon this weake fraternitie, which they daily expect from thee with so great desire, O thou threeforme goddesse. Succour I beseech thee, this thy weake and wauering flocke, for when thy helpe shall appeere so readie at hande, for such deere friends, there shal incontinently in like manner in three solemne temples which thou hast, one in Perga a citie of Pamphilia, another in Ephesus, and the third in Persian Tauris, bee erected to thy honour, as most noble Trophes, three Turkish auncients, with the Ottomans crest in the middest, which will euidently possesse all men of the good thou hast done them, and of the euill which by thy grace and fauour, thou hast remooued and taken from these.

Of carpet and amorous Fooles: the eighteene discourse.

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NOw woulde it be requisite that we had the knowledge and practise togither of as many amorous accidents, as haue fallen out both in the old, and this our present age, that we might describe with conuenient solemnitie, all the fopperies of louers, they being manifest causes of a thousand other follies, which from this stock as from their beginning, drawing their originall and essence, cause their life not onely to appeere, but really and in effect to be the strangest and maddest race, that may be imagined. This follie seemeth principally to be rooted, in thoughts, desires, conceites, resolutions, wordes, gestures, signes, and actions, all of which linking themselues togither, make a man in cases of loue so foolish, that the argument heereof exceedeth any other subiect I haue before spoken of: with fonde thoughts the foolish louer goeth about to make castles in the aire of himselfe, imagining daily, which is the breefest and speediest meane to accomplish his incontinencies, which howerly maketh him vnquiet, troubled, afflicted in minde, and passionate out of measure. From hence commeth it, that hee ruminates on treasures, riches, states, dominions, empires, and power, as the readiest [Page] waies whereby to compasse the thing beloued: and with these apprehensions hee ioineth a desire of Craesus wealth, the golde of Media, Caesars power, and the Emperour Commodus his meanes: and heereupon he thinketh on incantations, witcheries, drugs, and all kinde of Magicke practise, desiring with the stone Gyges to become inuisible, or the herbe Eliotropia, to obtaine the secretes of Peter of Abano, or those of Ciecco d'Ascoli, or the other of Antonio di Fantis to knowe how to put in practise Salomons keie; and with coniuration to commaund spirits: of one side he striues after Alchimy, which enriching him with golde and siluer enough, may by this meanes possesse him likewise of his loue; on the other side he betaketh himselfe to deceitfull Cabalistrie, which by vertue of vnknowne names, can dispose of his mistres, to his owne minde: and thus expatiating amidst a thousand imaginations, howe to finde out baudes, panders, seruants, brokeresses, or some olde nurse factoresse, to write letters, conceits, sonnets, madrigals and songs; to sende flowers, nosegaies, newe-yeeres gifts, presents, and bounties, and to set downe by himselfe in effectuall wordes his endured amorous seruitude, he goeth by little and little in this manner, extenuating his wit, and consuming his iudgement and vnderstanding in these fantasies. Amidst these his foolish desires, he coueteth to be a flea, a flie, or an ante, that by this meanes he might enter into the chāber of his beloued: he contēdeth to mine vnder the earth as conies do; for the self same effect he hūgreth after al kind of greatnes, beauty, parts, & fauour, that aboue all the world he may know how to be in her grace, and (which is worst) he would that both life and death should serue his turne [Page] at an instant. In conceite he frameth amorous deuises, wittie and excellent embleames, sweete and smooth falling rythmes, sententious censures, artificiall sayings, ingenious stratagemes: and thus hammereth he in his mind both night and day, about whatsoeuer he thinketh in the end may procure him any assistance; with resolution he determineth to attend the conclusion, and to be firme in his intentions, resoluing with himselfe no more to endure, nor any longer to suffer torment and griefe; but marke what he saith, determineth and resolueth; for by and by he affronteth her with wordes, and courteth her sometimes bitterly, otherwhiles sweetelie, and then in mediocritie: with his gestures hee seeketh to mooue her to compassion, crossing his armes with an high-ho, and if he be cunning in his motions, and actions, hee will make her euen readie to kill herselfe with compassion: to conclude, his carriage is such, that beastes themselues are sometimes wiser and more prudent then one of these amorous fooles: for an onely example of these amorous Fooles Romain Marke Antonie is set downe, who besotted with the loue of Cleopatra Queene of Egypt, lost for her onely cause both his empire, life, and honour. That of Pyramis and Thisby entangled one with an others loue, can not be concealed, who one for the other miserablie died: whereupon Strozzapadre in these verses following celebrateth their Strozzapadre. death:

Of Pyramis and Thesbie, example we may make,

Whom cruell death vnto himselfe, by equall means did take:

And Calentius in his Epigrammes writeth of them: Calentius.

Pyramis and Thisbies loue, was most vnfained sure:

[Page] For both of them with proper hande, did meeke their deathes endure.

The example also of Hercules is most famous, who Iuiled in the affection he bore to Omphale Queene of the Lidians, he was brought for her loue to apparell himselfe like a girle, and spin amongst damosels and yoong maides as a woman: wherefore in the Poet Propertius he thus debateth with himselfe: Propertius.

In long side gowne, I Lydian webs did spinne:

This seruile function following euery day,

My breast was couered with a partlet thinne:

And with these hands I could the girle well play.

And euen so in like manner is that of Theban Hemon, a notable example, who for loue killed himselfe before the tombe of Antigona, the daughter of Oedipus and Iocasta: as also that of Sappho, who threw herselfe headlong from the Leucadian promontorie for Phaoes sake: whereupon Angelus Politianus in his Elegies writeth of her: Angelus Politianus.

Sappho Virago, who in death did oft exclaime,

Of loue: both honour, to Leucadian sea and blame:

That of Phedra who hanged her selfe for loue of Hippolitus, Ausonius saying of her, I haue perswaded what I can, trie nowe some other: tell me whom: marrie let Ausonius. Phedra or Elisa giue thee an halter, or a sword: That of Didoe, who cast her-selfe into the burning flame for Aeneas his loue, whereupon Silius Italicus saith,

Deepe wounded Dido stands vpon the burning pile,

Silius.

Commaunding future Tyrians warre to make:

The treacher Troian he, to mid-seas gets the while,

And spreading saile the shoare doth now for sake:

And last of all, that of Phillides daughter to Licurgus, [Page] king of Thrace, who hanged her selfe vpon a beame for loue of Demophoon sonne to Theseus, whose death is by Pamphilus Sassus described in these verses following: Pamphilus Sassus.

Phillis to me, of death, a noble pattern giues,

Hangd was her bodie, yet her liuing fame suruiues.

Was not that folly of Aristoteles verie great, who offered incense to a concubine he had, as to a goddesse: as also that of Nero, who married himselfe to Sporo a yoong boy, and Doriphoro his freeman? with that of Periander Corynthian, who according to Herodotus, lay Herodotus. with the harlot Melissa, when she was dead? Is not this of Semiramis a wonderfull example of Folly, who according to Caelius in his thirtie seuenth booke, and Iustine Caelius. Iustine. in his first, grew foolishly inamoured with a Bull? Of the shepheard Crathis, who as Volterran affirmeth, was Volterran. taken with the loue of a shee-goate? This of Aristophanes Ephesian, who according to Plutarch in his Parallelles, Plutarch. was besotted with a female asse? Of Fuluius Romanus, who by the same Authors testimonie, exceedingly affected a mare, by whom he had a daughter called Hippona? Of Cyparisso that fell in loue with a Doe? Of Pigmalion and Alchiades Rhodian, who were each of them affected with the loue of a dumbe Statue? And last of all, of Serses, who sincerely loued one Platano? Of latter daies Galleazzo Mantuano (as Pontanus reporteth) being Pontanus. nuzled in fancie with a Pauian girle, at her commandement, when in iest shee bad him goe drowne himselfe, cast himselfe foolishly into the riuer Tesinus. And yet of fresher memory, Tiron Milanese, ouergone with the loue of a fish in a Pond, which hee tearmed il Gobbo, or the bunch-backt, it hauing beene eaten by certaine good fellowes, remained many daies afflicted [Page] out of measure for this losse; neither could he any waies be comforted, he alwaies thinking that the death of his fish Gobbo, would likewise draw speedily after it his owne life. These bee therefore amorous Fooles, recommended to God Cupid his protection, whom to this ende, in their behalfe, wee affectionately sollicite with this inuocation following.

An inuocation to god Cupid for amorous Fooles.

GOD saue thee faire winged child, al haile most gentle son of Venus, liue for euer thou most excellent quiuered Archer, and yet once more Viue, thou discreete warriour in the Marshall enterprises of Loue: All these Fooles taken in thy net, catched with thy baite, and in thy prison captiuated, as humble subiects of thy dominion and Empire, they with all humble submission entreat thee, that thou wouldest be touched with their torments, and haue that commiseration of their tribulations and griefe, which in so tender and effeminate a god as thou art, is not onely thought requisite, but euen proper, and euerie way pertinent to thy deitie. Remooue thy snares, take away thy hooks, put vp thy arrowes, lay aside thy bow, & shew thy selfe vnto them naked, & disarmed, to the ende they may not be affraid of those weapōs, wherwith somtimes offended, they haue sufficiently prooued what hurt they carrie with them. The which thing if thou shalt vouchsafe [Page] to effect, in that notable Temple thou enioyest in the iland of Cyprus, they promise to offer a great peece of flint-stone, without the steele to strike fire withall, to shew that thy flames be quenched, and that fire smoothered vp, which when it bursteth foorth, miserably consumeth euerie ones hart.

Of desperate Fooles: the nineteenth discourse.

THere be certaine accidents which sometimes happen vnto men, through which it commeth to passe, that one being mooued by the bitternes of such effects, hee falleth into so great desperation, as loosing all sense and vnderstanding, he giueth himselfe wholly ouer, as a pray to griefe, and so far yeeldeth to his afflicted and tormented mind, as the heauines of such a mischance foolishly and fondly vrgeth and inciteth him thereunto: and through this malignant effect, he obtayneth amongst men the title of a desperate Foole. For this kinde of passion is questionlesse a plaine madnes in such like men, who not being able to endure crosses, hasten after an ende of the same, altogether vnwoorthie of one wise, or that knoweth how to gouerne himselfe. Of this kinde of argument, the first example which commeth to my minde, is that of Luctus Sillanus, sonne in lawe to Claudius the Emperour, who for that hee was depriued of his wife Octauia shee being giuen to Nero, was suddenly oppressed [Page] with so great anguish of minde, that the verie day of her mariage, the more to make him be enuied (as Cornelius Tacitus affirmeth) with his owne poynard he killed Cornelius Tacitus. himselfe. The second example is of Silius Italicus, a famous Poet, of whom Angelus Politianus recounteth Angelus Politianus. in his booke Nutricia, that being surprised with an incurable disease, he grew into such a loathing of himselfe, as that being desperate, he ended his owne daies: and these be the verses of him:

He died old, and did suruiue his sonne:

By his owne hand, this cruell deed was done.

In the Romaine Chronicles we read of Marcus Portius Latro, who ouercome with the great molestation of a double quartaine, layde himself his owne hands on his backe, and willingly gaue vp the ghoast. Wee finde written in Ouid of Sardanapalus King of the Assyrians, that being vexed with a grieuous war, when hee saw his affaires goe quite backward, hee threw himselfe desperately vpon a burning pile of wood, and in that fire most miserably died, and these be Ouid verses:

These bodies deere thou maist commit vnto the fire,

Ouid.

A death which Sardanapalus did desperately desire.

Biondus and Corius make mention of Ezelino the tirant of Padoa, that being wounded in one of the battailes he Biondus. Corius. fought with Martine Turriano, prince of Mylane, like a madde beast he vnbound and tore open his wounde, giuing vp his life as one desperate, and who as it seemed was borne onely to the dammage and ruine of humaine kinde. Caelius reciteth this notable follie of one Timantes Cleoneus, by profession a champion, who not being Caelius. able through olde age, and partly for want of vse, to draw a bowe, which a certaine yoong man easily welded, [Page] entred vpon this into such choler, that being desperate, with a knife he killed himselfe. Deuine Ariosto in faire Ariosto. Bradamante, describeth an humour much of this kind, yet differing from another spirite, instantly stripped of all reason and sense, in that Stanza which beginneth thus:

Shee saying thus, and eeke prepar'd to dye,

Leapt out of bed, with furie all enflam'd,

Putting her sword, on left side by and by.

With that which followeth: In these our daies that desperate follie reported by Cecco of Brisselli, is questionlesse verie ridiculous, who hauing in the heat of sommer a mightie strong itch, he suffered likewise as great a disturbance, by a swarme of flies, as in such cases it oftentimes hapneth, and so great was the molestation which he receiued from them, as not being able to shake them off, of his nose, forehead, or hands, nor from the nape of his neck, which was all cādied, like a most desperat man, he one day threw himselfe into a tubbe of honie, saying: I hope you will remaine heere catched and taken by the heeles, and afterwards leauing the tubbe, he might perceiue those shamelesse creatures, to be clotted all of a cluster within the barrell to his singular contentment. But now on the other side list a while: for at the smell of the honie, there came a most irkesome swarme of bees and waspes, by whose buzzing and stinging hee being sore vexed, entred into such a rage by this seconde assault, as apparrelling himselfe from hande to foote, like to a man cōpleate armed with his beuer downe, he went and sate in the sunne, saying: now hum and bum, as long as you will, for in despight of flies, and all the bees and waspes in the worlde, I will keepe this my scalde itch to [Page] my selfe: but an infinite armie of these creatures fluttering about him, at the onely odour and smell of his corruption, in the ende, not being able to beholde himselfe thus besieged, he grew desperate, and cast himselfe into a caldron of hot scalding lee, saying; and you loue honie so well, as it seemeth you do, come hither a gods name and fasten vpon me. This sort therefore before spokē of, be desperate fooles, who haue within the Hospitall for an ensigne the picture of the goddesse Venilia, wherefore as their protectresse let vs with dew praiers and entreatie, sollicite her in their behalfe.

A supplication to goddesse Venilia for desperate Fooles.

O Thou which replenishest mens mindes with hope, comfortest with sage meditation the disconsolate, restorest wearied spirits to true & vnfained alacritie, & therefore by all the afflicted arte sedulously called vpon, while others thus groane vnder their burden, and that thou seest the terrible extremities and hart burnings of these fooles, procure that thy mercifull hart may be touched with such commiseration, as that thou causing thy selfe to bee knowne for goddesse Venilia, mother and guardian of the desperate, these men may thus by thy fauour, bee as it were raised from death to [Page] life; for when they shall perceiue their wandring and lost spirits recouered, togither with their dried vp bloud, and colour wan reuiued, they shall in a pleasant bonde and dutie, be obliged to fasten vp in thy temple a hangmans coller, with an olde rotten halter, as a true signe, that by thy fauour they haue escaped death, and that from desperate estate, they are reduced to an assured hope of future life.

Of heteroclite, reuerse, thwart, and headstrong Fooles: the twentith discourse.

THere be certaine fantasticall men in the worlde, who by no meanes can be perswaded, either to equitie, honestie, or truth: obseruing in their operations, neither rule, order, or mediocritie, but are of a spirit crosse & reuerse, not yeelding to dutie, consenting to right, nor cōformable to so much as very reason would require; but are altogither out of the way, & beyond measure farre wide of the true path: which humours are continually termed by the name of heteroclite, reuerse, thwart, & headstrōg fooles. Of this humor that Perseus subdued by Paulus Aemilius shewed himselfe: for two of his domesticall and familiar acquaintance, being desirous friendly to comforte him after his losse, he entred vpon this into such an extasie, that like a beast as he was, against all the reason in [Page] the worlde, hee commaunded that in his presence they shoulde presently bee slaine. Atheneus reporteth of Atheneus. Eurilochus the Philosopher, who was an auditour of Pirrhus Eliensis, that he was a right headstrong foole indeed, for vpon a small occasion hee woulde sometimes grow into such choler, as that he pursued once a cooke of his that fledde before him euen into the market place, running after him with the broch, and rosted meate vpon it all piping hot. Diuers setdowne this woonderfull matter of Commodus the Emperor, that finding once the bath luke warme wherein he ment to wash himselfe, in a mightie rage, he caused the stoue master to be cast into an hot burning furnace, to the end that while hee was in this tepide, or luke warme bath, the other might quite contrarie feele that excessiue heate, which his despightfull furie imposed vpon him. Sansouino writeth of Mahumet Sansouino. Ottoman, that going through a garden, and by chance perceiuing two faire cucumbers that had beene plucked vp, laying this faulte vpon two goodly yoong men of excellent presence and forme (whō notwithstanding he vsed as ganimedes) although they denied the fact, yet did hee cruelly at the same instant cause them both to be slaine. Philagrus the sophister, one of Lullianus his auditors, was also of so heteroclite and peruerse an enclination, that if his disciples chaunced but sometimes of meere necessitie to fall a sleepe in the schoole, he no waies bearing with their imbecilitie, woulde laie his fistes vpon their faces, spurning harde against their bellies, without hauing any compassion in the worlde, euen to nature it selfe in this point. It is an euident matter which Biondus writeth of Vedius Pollio, who was an Biondus. headstrong foole, in all he went about, for those seruitors [Page] which at the table had by chance but broken one of the least glasses there were, he woulde sodainly as a man euen madde with furie, commaund them to be slaine, and giuen to certaine murenaes to feed vpon, which he kept in a woonderfull great fishponde that he had. Cherophon Athenian, a philosopher little known, was so notable a foole in this kinde, that in talking of an exquisite foole, this prouerbe is vsed by Paulus Manutius: Paulus Manutius. In Palladis vestigijs nihil Cherefontis gubernabis: In Pallace her footesteps Cherefon can hardlie treade. The onely, example of this gog-furie is read in Corius, of Corius. Barnabo the Visconte, who caused a poore baker to bee slaine, onely, for that passing by a castle where he dwelt, he waked him sometimes in the night, in calling in with his bread: As also that other is very well knowne to the world, which he performed to two of the Popes legates, whom hee commaunded to eate the letters they had about them, to bring vnto him, onely for a despight to that highest prelate, with whom he was then in enmity, touching matter of state: Neither can I omit the other which hee perfourmed to that parish priest (which for his auarice deserued notwithstanding great chastisement) who vnwilling to burie a poore womans husband for nothing, hee made him togither with the dead carkase to enter into the graue, that hee might paie by this meanes for the publike iniquitie he had in thus dooing committed. So that heteroclite, reuerse, thwart, and head strong fooles bee such as wee haue described them vnto you, and these haue hanging before their Cell within the Hospitall, the image of halting Vulcane, limping with his legs, as they doe in their vnderstanding, wherefore to a god correspondent to themselues, in this [Page] petition following, wee very commodiously recommend them.

A petition to god Vulcane for heteroclite, reuerse, thwart, and headstrong Fooles.

WE beseech thee O thou great celestiall blacksmith, minister of the great fire in mount Aetna, called Mulciber, bicause thou makest iron tractable & malleable: Vulcan for that thou makest thy flames ascend speedilie vpward: Cyllopodius, in that falling from heauen, by a disgrace thou becamest lame: Lemnius, bicause being cast out of heauen by thy mother, thou didst light in Lemnos, where by Eurymenes and Thet is thou wert nourished, or else peraduenture by apes, as thou thy selfe knowest well; by that pittie therefore which then was taken of thy disaster, charitablie also assist these thy cosen germaines, not lame in their legs, but in their vnderstanding, as thou seest, and as thou didst temper Ioues thunderbolts, and knit the nette for the taking of Venus and Mars: as thou madest Hermions carcanet; Ariadnes crowne; and the wagon of Sol; or as by thy handes in the Cyclopians forge, the armes of Achilles and Aeneas were tempred; euen as likewise were Mambrinoes helmet, Orlandoes Durindana, Rinaldos Fusberta, the enchaunted armes of Mandricard and Argiliaes armour: euen so settle [Page] the braines of these men after such a sort, as that in triumph they may haue cause to hang vp in thy shop a mighty huge dumpling of the Lumbard-size, which may serue in stead of a signe, of these mens braines thus resetled, & by thy means reduced to their right vse & temper.

Of scoffing Fooles: the one and twentith discourse.

TAles, bables, fables, I will not say wittily, but scoffingly related together with correspondent actions, gestures, and operations to the same, constitute those kinde of men, whom we here call scoffing or iesting Fooles, whose intent is no other, but to recreat and make merrie the world, they retayning in their heads a disposition more then Iouiale, from whence inuentions flow abundantly, and a thousand odde prancks they euerie day performe in presence of the multitude: as that Clisophus parasite to Philip K. of Macedonia, of whō Lynceus Linceus Samius Samius maketh mention in his commentaries, who perceiuing that his master by chaunce had broken one of his legs, began likewise to goe limping like him, and scoffingly wreathed his eies, mouth and teeth, in eating any sharpe sauces, imitating diligently and like an Ape, his Lord and master in euerie thing. Of Clarisophus also Dyonisius the Tyrant his iester, we finde thus much written in Hegesander, that whensoeuer he saw his Hegesander. master laugh a part with any nobleman or Baron, hee would also giggle soundly himself: so that one day Dyonisius obseruing this Sycophant, he asked him why hee [Page] so laughed, to whō the Gnato answered, I laugh for this cause: In that I imagin those matters which passe betwixt you deserue no lesse, cōsidering you your selues so laugh at them, as you do. But aboue al M. Varro, & Galba make Marcus Varro. Galba. mention of a certaine base Tarentine scoffer, called Rhintone, who was another Cesco of our daies, for in all matters, how weighty or serious soeuer they were, he had euer a scoffe ready at the fingers end, which peraduēture might well be mother or sister vnto him: as also in this point, Sosicrates in his first booke of the Cretane affaires, Sosicrates. attributeth to the Phestians as a peculiar propertie, that they were scoffers, for from their childhood, they studied quicke and stinging sayings, for the sharpning of their wits, which by such applications are greatly whetned. In ancient times, Mandiogenies and Strato Athenian, were famour Buffons, as Hippolochus Macedon in an epistle which he writ to Linceus testifieth, and Hippolochus. so was Callimidon, Locusta, Dinia, and Menedemus, to whom Telefanes in his booke of Cityes saith, that Telefanes. philip king of Macedonia writ, for their scoffing and pleasantiests, wherein he tooke extreme delight. Among others also Cassiodorus, by Sinopeus the Comicall Poet, and Pantaleon by the Poet Theognes in his louer, Sinopeus. Theognes. are magnified. These be they that sweepe the courts of Princes and great men, who for the most part are greatly delighted with these kinde of Fooles, as sometimes Philip of Macedonia, who tooke in them such contentment, that as Atheneus writeth in the fourteenth of his Atheneus. Gymnosophistes he sent a talent of gold to certaine parasites, which before we named, for their iests and sayings: Demetrius Poliorceta, as Philarcus writeth in the sixt Philarcus. booke of his Histories, was also so great a friend to scoffers, [Page] as that he could neuer haue them an hower from his heeles. The like Herodotus writeth of Amasina king Herodotus. of Aegypt, who desired more the companie of iesters and Buffons, then of those prudent and wise. But yet it is much, that Nicostratus ascribeth this verie genius or Nicostratus. humour to Romaine Scilla, who otherwise was so graue and strickt in all his proceedings. Of late daies, one Gonella was a notable Buffon, as likewise Carafalla; and yet of later memorie Boccofresca the Padoan, who I am perswaded had neuer his equall for Buffonerie, much lesse any superiour: and he was so much the more an ingenious scoffer, by how much he would neuer once smile himselfe, though he made all the rest of the companie almost burst with laughing: for he was not like the Tirinthians, so celebrated by Theophrastus, who being naturall Buffons borne, had on a time generall recourse to the Oracle of Delphos, to know whether there were any meanes, for the recouerie of this kinde of Folly; to whom the Oracle made answere, that I, there was: so they could sacrifice a Bull to Neptune god of the sea without laughing, the which thing not being able to execute, they remained in the same state of Buffonerie, as at the first. Yet scoffers and iesters are good in this one point, for they make men merrie, and expell melancholy from the heart, neither do they eate their bread in treacherie, as flatterers doe, from whom proceedeth nothing but shame, and detriment togither. Now these Fooles haue before their cell in the Hospitall, an image of god Fabulanus erected as their friend and fauourer: wherefore let it seeme no maruaile, though to him, who is protector of these friuolous chatterers, in this inuocation following, we duly & fitly recōmend them.

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A prayer to god Fabulanus, for scoffing Fooles.

THese men O God Fabulanus bee true gnathoes, friendes and affecters by life of thy name: for they neither thinke nor speake of any thing but fables and tales, which spring from thee, and inserted in them, take so deepe roote as that they shewe themselues to be the children and true ofspring of God Fabulanus: and for this cause thy glorious godhead must needes haue a care of thy deere friendes, that are conuersant with the kings and princes of the worlde, holding them in so tender esteeme, as that it may be knowne, how without thy assistance, they coulde vtter nothing sauorie or gratious in any sorte: Vouchsafe them therefore requisite protection, and so effect, that they may be stirred vp to offer at thy aulter, which thou hast amongst the Tirinthians, the tales of Piouan Arlotto, printed in parchment with text letters, to the ende the gift and present which they offer, may aptly correspond with thee their courteous and bountifull benefactour.

Of Iouiall, recreatiue, facete, and friendly Fooles: the two and twentith discourse.

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THese sorts may be discerned from meere parasites or buffones in this point: for buffones at all times without rule, mediocritie, or discretion, are readie to vtter and performe all kinde of licentious scurrilitie, but these facete companions, are not so extreame in their speech nor performance, obseruing further a decorum and decencie in all their proceedings, their mirth also being farre more moderate then that of buffones, which surely is altogither scurrile and dissolute: These sort of men are for the most part stored with excellent pleasant quips, notable tales, recreatiue speeches, merrie prouerbes, and conceited inuentions, manifesting euen in their verie exterior countenances towards all men, a certaine domesticall, friendly, sweete, affable, and tractable disposition. Marcus Tullius in an Epistle to his brother Quintus, declareth Sextus Nemus to bee such an one; and in his second de Legibus, he setteth downe the olde Poet Aristophanes for one of facete dexteritie. So Horatius in the first of his sermons, attributeth to Lucilius this iocund alacritie of spirite saying,

Lucilius was both wise and ciuill sure,

And excellent, the griefe of minde to cure:

[Page] In these our moderne times, Piouan Arlotto was reputed for a woonderfull facete companion, whose sentences and sayings put in print, shew the value of his wit in this kinde of folly. There want not at this day in Rome, and the courts of great princes, diuers fooles of this sort: for more courtiers are conuersant in this studie, then in any other; it being a very conuenient meanes, whereby to obtaine the fauour of princes, great ladies, and gentlewomen, who are sooner many times woone with some cheerefull and pleasant report, then with the long seruice those poore soules emploie about them, for after due examination of their owne errors, they oftentimes sing: O passions lost with thoughts both light & fraile. And an example of this may be obserued in one master Bernardine of Beneuento, who seruing in the courte of a great Italian prince, obtained one day the fauour of a most beautifull ladie, onely for this gentle and wittie retortion: for she saying that it was very hot about his lodging; hee wittily answered by way of admiration: How can that be faire lady, when from Beneuento (which signifieth in Italian good winde) there can not come but fresh and fine cooles! An other courtier called master Andrew of Pomerano, while he serued in the court of Frauncis the first king of Fraunce, with an excellent sudden inuention, got himselfe the fauour of his lorde in an instant, for they being doubtfull in the court, on what side Charles the fift would assaile the kingdome of Fraunce, and some saying about Marcelles, others in Nauarra, and a thirde sorte in Prouence, one saying in one place, an other in an other; this man in presence of many, the king himselfe hearing it, saide, how aboue all other places it was requisite to fortifie Lingua [Page] d'occa, for Languedocke as the French terme it, signifying in the Italian a goose toong, bicause it was likely the rauenous eagle (for the eagle is the crest of the Empire) woulde sooner light there then any where else. And of master Nicholo d'Oruietto this other is mentioned, that seruing in the courte of Pope Leo, a most courteous prince, on a day, in fower words onely, he got his holines fauour for euer; for while on a time they were talking of a benefice vacant (this word sounding neere Vacca in the Latine for a cowe) it being sued for by one of the house of Vitelli (this comming neere Vitulus in the same toong for a he-calf, on whō it might haue beene bestowed) he wittily said: Holie father, all reason woulde that it shoulde in any sort bee giuen to Vitello, bicause shee hath no neerer kinred then himselfe, playing vpon the word Vacante, which commeth neere Vacca, signifying a cow, which is mother to the calfe. Now iocund fooles of this sort, haue a cell within the Hospitall, which hath hanging out the picture of god Bacchus, particular patrone of such like fooles: wherefore as one to them most friendly, let vs cheerefully with this vnder written petition salute him.

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A petition to god Bacchus for Iouiall, recreatiue, facete, and pleasant Fooles.

GOod day, and good yeere God sende thee O father Liber, all the mirth of the worlde bee with thee my deere and honie god; if thou wilt be carroused vnto in Muscadell orbastard, O sweete Lyaeus, then preserue & maintaine this pleasant fraternitie or colledge consecrated to thee: Behold how they expect from thee that iocunditie wherewith the Bachides were surprised, being inamoured with thee, when so willingly they followed thee to the fortunate enterprises of the Indies; from which victorie returning, thou wert the first that in nauale triumph (by thee inuented) didst weare a kingly diademe, sitting vpon the backe of an Indian elephant; if therefore thou holdest thy selfe their friend, as hitherto euer thou hast done, according to the naturall inclination which bendeth thee towards them, they will bee content not onely to call thee Bimatris, for hauing had miraculouslie two mothers in the worlde, Semele, and Ioue, Saturmiter, hauing beene first in her belly, and then in this gods groine: to name thee Nyseus of Nisa Grotta, Anio of Aonia, Thiontis of Thione, Nictalius bicause thou art worshipped & honoured in the night, Mitrophorus, for wearing a myter on thy [Page] head; Orcus, so called of an hill whereon thou art sacrificed vnto, Bassareus of the long robe thou wearest downe to the heele, Dithirambus, Leneus, Briseus, Osyris, and Bromius: But they will further attribute vnto thee the Greeke name of Eutropelus, bicause thou art a fauorite to pleasante, facete, and recreatiue fooles: and besides the Thirsus or writhed iaueline with iuie, which thou bearest in thy hande, they will ioine vnto it a carrowsing glasse of Romagnia, with which thou maist pledge, and doe reason vnto men, when by so good fellowes as they are, thou art sought vnto.

Of testie and fustian Fooles: the three and twentith discourse.

TEstines and furie, bee fonde effects that proceede from certaine fantasticall humours in their heades, whom wee commonly call testie & fustian fooles: & because this whole matter is nourished by choler, and humaine inconstancie, it consisteth in nothing else but in sundrie cogitations and actions, resoluing it selfe in the ende into a toie and humour, according as with such a passion it seemeth well befitting: and of such like disposition bee all those that are prompt to anger, and then as easie to be pacified, wherefore the Poet Horace manifesteth himselfe a testie foole, when he saith; Irasci facilem, tantum vt placabilis essem; ready to be angrie, onely that I might assoone be pleased: And [Page] Ausonius the Poet, was also a froward foole, by his owne Ausonius. witnes, he vttering these verses following of himselfe:

I sought my sodaine anger for to hide,

And for my furie paine I did abide:

For this purpose Corthidis king of Thrace (if Caelius do not fable) knowing his owne testie and froward nature, Caelius. and how violent and headstrong himselfe was, one day when certaine excellent well wrought cups or glasses were giuen him, hee therefore esteeming greatly of them, yet considering they were but brittle, though precious, in deepe iudgement hee broke them all: for if by chance they shoulde haue beene broken by any of his followers or seruants, it coulde not haue beene otherwise possible, but that in his great rage and furie, hee woulde bitterly haue reuenged himselfe on them for the same. Of such a nature Rhodomont in diuine Ariosto is set out to be, for as one furious and fell, he spoke euill in generall of all women kinde, when faire Doralice gaue sentence against him; and yet afterwardes at the sight onely of Isabella, it seemed that he recanted, acknowledging no higher blisse, then her grace and fauour. In these our daies one Claudius of Salo, discouered himselfe to be verie humorous and testie, who hauing an house in the countrey, which came to him by inheritance from his father, he determined on a time to reduce it all into forme of a douehouse; not many daies after being of another humour, that he would haue it a castle, building it in such like forme, with ditches and rampiers round about in manner of a fortresse; and presently it being finished, he chaunged humour againe, and caused it to bee plucked downe euen to the verie foundations, planting in the verie same place, a prettie [Page] yoong set of Orange-trees; which being come to a reasonable growth, in a caprichious toy, he also procured them all on a day to be rooted vp, saying, it were much better to haue it a field of Coleworts; and thus in the ende his house came to be a garden of Cabages. The fantasticall humour of one Zanfardino in our time is also most notable, who being called to a dignity, at such time when Cuckoes were esteemed for Parrats (although at this present also, we may obserue some master like discipline to proceed from his successors) being in his kingdōe installed, he began to sel heards of cattel & buy geese, supplanting his gardens, & making them greenes for these creatures to grase vpon; alleaging for a reason of this his wayward fantasticality, that frō geese came feathers, wherewith to make boulsters and beds, whereof he then had greater need then of flesh, fruits or cheese. There is another by the common multitude called Scarinzo, who of no lesse a peeuish incōstancie then the rest, cut vp a goodly and commodious set of vines, onely to make a vaine prospectiue, for his owne foolish contentment; and when he had nothing to doe, hee would plucke downe an Aiaxe, and make a fishpond in the place; supplant an orchard to make a faire walking greene, or else deface some goodly cloister or gallery to make roume for tame conies. But aboue al peruerse humours, that of Piacentino is most famous, who cast good pistolets or duckates into the water, to make duckes and drakes with them, as children vse to do: and so great was the foppery which transported him, as he perceiued not the dammage he receiued by the eluish arrogancie of his owne braine. And niddicocke vpon cockscombe was that other Cremonese, who putting on the Toga [Page] Pratexta, or long robe of a doctor, hearing one day a drumme that played but badly vpon this instrument, he steps me downe from his chaire of dignitie, and taking the drum in his hand, brased it hard, and in succinct and graue habite, went sounding of it into the market place, drawing after him all the whole Frie of boyes, euerie one gazing at him with so great laughter at his folly, that all men were readie therewith to brust. And yet this other performed by one surnamed Moscouita, was far more solemne and famous, who being to make a funerall Oration to the communaltie of Bracciano, vpon the death of a certaine Doctor, skipping vp in all haste into the pulpit, and being compleat armed, putting his speare in his rest, with a thundring voice hee vttered these words: Whosoeuer dare bee so bolde, to affirme that this Doctor died well, or that the destenies with any reason cutte off the thread of his life, I challenge him to fight with me, and with my lance in my hand, in this pulpit I will die vpon him. For entertainement of the vulgar sort, I will onely declare vnto you this other; that there was one Nicolo of Mount Frustone, who was with so great and peruerse peeuishnes replenished, as that being one day vpon the banck side of Poe, he loosed one of those water mils that stand fast chained together vpon the riuer while the miller was out of the way, and the mill making faire & good way, he followed it in aboate of Stellata, as far as Francolino, where he did driue it a shore all broken and defaced: and here hee tooke order, that there should be a great ditch made to burie it in, waging twelue old beadswomen that should mourne for it, as they doe for the dead, and vtter these words: O poore mill mine, buried here at Francoline, [Page] what did'st thou to good Nicolo, that hee thus loosd, and let thee goe? We will euer lament, and wayle, for of our meale we shal now faile; out alasse and well away, more bread then wit is at this day. All these therefore betestie and fustian Fooles, and haue within the Hospitall for a signe before their Cell a Tesiphon, because shee is the goddesse of their humours, wherefore with this subscribed petition, wee will bow our selues to call vpon her for their ayde.

A petition to Tesiphon, for testie and fustian Fooles.

THou direfull in heauen, furious vpon earth, Eumenides in hell, great daughter of night, and Acheron, remooue a little thy fustian fumes from these men, because many times they are ouer-peeuish and head-strong: euen as thou wilt, that at thy Temple thou hast in Athens, there may by them be offered vnto thee a couple of Westminster pigeons, milde and pleasant, which haue a thousand times heretofore beene vowed to thy seruice, to manifest vnto the world that glorious and peeuish humorists allured by thy fauour, as with a baite, from euill, may sometimes become as gentle as lambes.

Of outragious, fel, and Bedlem Fooles: the fower and twentith discourse.

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AMongst the whole race of Fooles, there are not any more insupportable, then those whom wee call Fell, and outragious Fooles, for the qualitie of their humour is so wilde and vntamed, as it is requisite to auoide them, no otherwise then wee would shun the furie of cruell and rauenous beasts. Neither are they mad and furious onely towards others, endammaging them with the furie they are possessed withall, but this rage turneth also vpon themselues, transporting away their minds to all kind of euill, that may bee imagined. Ancient Hercules is painted with this kinde of furie set foorth, who after he had put on Nessus the Centaures coate, through impatience of griefe, threw himselfe into the flames of Mount Oeta: whereupon Claudian sayeth: Claudianus.

Thou fliest the top of Oetes, flaming all on fire:

And Ouid in the thirteenth of his Metamorphosis bringeth Ouid. in Aiax the sonne of Telamon, rauished with this furie, for the sentence the Graecians gaue, that the armes of Achilles should rather be giuen to Vlysses then him. Euen so doth Ariosto describe very rarely the foolish Ariosto. fury of Orlando, in two particular stanzas, in the first of which he saith:

[Page] Writings I cut, and stone making to flie

There shiuers: vp vnto the azurd skie:

And in the other he saith:

I cast into the water, shrubs, bowes, stones, clods, & trees:

Making it (cleere before) as fowle as any lees:

And this is the cause why in an other place hee describeth, that when Astolphus woulde haue healed him: he bound him with many ropes, like a Bedlem Foole, as nowe he was become. Athamas the sonne of Aeolus is described for so bestiall and furious by the Poet Ouid, as in his outragious humour hee killed his owne sonne named Learcus, and these be Ouids verses in the sixt de fastis:

From hence it grew that Athamas, so cruel did remaine:

And that by fathers hand, Learcus was so slaine.

Herodotus reporteth this of Cambyses, that hauing violated Herodotus. the god of the Egyptians called Apis, hee was after this fact cōuerted into so great furie & madnes, that thorough the very hellish furies stirred vp, he first slew al his whole familie, conuerting afterwards foolishly his fury, and killing himselfe. Propertius also in his thirde booke placeth Alcmeon the sonne of Amphiareus & Euriphile, Propertius. amongst madde and outragious fooles, who for killing of his mother, was by a strong imagination ledde and induced into this kinde of follie, wherefore hee saith of him,

Alcmeons furie or the fastes of Phineus:

Lucanus in his first booke, mentioneth one Pentheus among the Fooles of this kinde, who for hauing contemned Lucanus. Bacchus his diuinitie, was by that god chastised, in making him become foolishly furious like a beast, whereupon he saith:

[Page] In minde no greater rage, or furie euer had,

Agaue or Pentheus, when they were wood and mad.

Of Orestes the sonne of Agamemnon, and Clytemnestra, Caelius Caelius writeth, that after he grewe madde for the killing of his mother, hee rent all the garments off his owne backe, and bitte off one of his fingers; so that in Paulus Manutius a prouerbe did arise, Oresti pallium Paulus Manutius. texere: to weaue Orestes his cloake, speaking of one who maketh present vse of a thing, that in the end is by him spoiled and abused. A certaine soldier of Brisighella, was in these our daies a notable outragious fool, who growing into furie for loue of a Fauentine curtezane, deuoured a whole gauntlet and brest-plate at a time, so mightily did this caprichious humour fume vp into his braine, as that he coulde not discerne his owne defensiue armes from bread to eate. And like to him was Camble king of Lydians, who (if Caelius say truth) prouoked by a rauenous fury, eate vp his wife one night as she lay by him, and finding in the morning one of her handes in his mouth, hee became foolishly madde, euen as a beast that must be fast tied and bound. I thinke not the example of Santin of Villa Franca to bee the coldest, and most threadbare one of all the rest, who falling into furie, about a cowe and an oxe hee had which died, went to a stable of one of his neighbours, where there was an asse, and a sowe with many pigges, where, by this madnes prouoked, hee killed them all, and eate halfe the asse, before hee so much as once drunke. An other called Marchion, of Buffaloura in the territorie of Millaine, being sacristan to a certaine vicar about Varese, he also through misfortune entred into these brutish humours, by reason of a fewe fetches that were stollen [Page] from him by a coosening knaue, wherefore growing by and by cocke a whoope in his braine, he ranne presently into the steeple, and eate an whole clapper of a bell, to the great solace, though losse of that communaltie, when they knew of it. But yet Peter Antonio of the valley of Taro, a gardner by profession, performed somewhat a more solemne beastialitie; for hauing had certaine fruite of his spoiled in the night (as so it chanced) hee fell heerewith into so woonderfull an amazement and furious extasie with all, that with his teeth hee tore and deuoured aspade, shouell, and dung-cart, not being able to mitigate this violent humour, which besides all reason did driue him to madnes. Like vnto this man was Dominicon of Guastalla, who by a mischance in a morning had a bedde of yoong beanes killed and spoiled, and for so small a matter he grew into that furie and spleene, as disposed vpon this no more to plough, he eate vp his fodder stacke, plough, and oxen, in lesse then fiue daies. Let it therefore suffice, that such like men bee called outragious, brutish, and Bedlem fooles, and within the Hospitall they haue god Mars hanging out for a signe, bicause by him they are vpheld in those fantasticall humours that possesse their heades: Therefore let vs haue recourse vnto him, as to that god which kindleth the fire of theirfurie, to the ende that blowing it as little as may be, they may of such follie be healed, and recouer their former estate.

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A supplication to god Mars for outragious, brutish, and bedlem Fooles.

TO thee eldest sonne of Iupiter and Iuno, called sometimes Mars, somtimes Mamers, and otherwhiles Mauors, bicause thou reuoluest and turnest topsie turuey great matters, now Mars the reuenger, Grandeuan god, deere brother in lawe to Bellona, I nowe come to offer vnto thee the recommendation of these outragious and brutish fooles, who daily growe in foolish humours, to the ende that withdrawing from them thy terrible influence, they may gently like lambes suffer themselues to bee tied, euen as thou thy selfe wert sweetely bounde fast with Venus in Vulcanes net. If therefore beside the songs and hymnes of the priests Salij, thou desirest to heare a still pipe sounding in thy Temple: and ouer and aboue the carpe and pike fishes, that were anciently consecrated to thee, thou beest willing farther to see offred the pawe of a great beast, yeeld some hope of recouerie to these poore miserable wretches, who will not faile to offer vnto thee fully as much, as hath hitherto beene vowed and promised.

Of grosse and three elbowed Fooles: the fiue and twentith discourse.

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IT is an vse and custome, to name certaine men in the world, by the title of grosse and three elbowed fooles, when such an extreme iocunditie taketh place in them, or rather a kind of leuity & vnusuall boldnes, which inciteth them to speake and performe some follies, not altogither vnlike the disposition they are of: and these are for the most part a vaine kinde of people, which drawe verie neere to buffones, or scoffers, they vttering iestes that procure laughter, and playing their prankes out of all season, as those who notwithstanding it bee lent, yet make it still Shrouetide; and as well in badde as good times, retaine still their humours of follies, not respecting (as before I saide) neither time, place, persons, nor a thousand other necessarie circumstances. The ancient example of Damasippus Athenian, celebrated by Caelius, Caelius. giueth euident knowledge and testimonie of a grosse and three elbowed foole: for of so pleasant a mould he was, that being euer in his merrie pranks, he had alwaies a route about him, like a Christmas foole, and partlie with his apish gestures, and monkeie girnes, and partly with his scoffes, iests, and other fopperies, he entertained the multitude many howers, playing the knaue [Page] sometimes out of all crie with those that crossed and plucked him by the beard, with answerable crackroperie. It may bee said, that Antonella of Rubia was also in the number of these three elbowed fooles, for he was continually set vpon so merrie a pinne, as it seemed he had some fly, or familiar that stirred vp in him these comical and triuiall merriments: And amongst others, as hee was in presence of a lord of great qualitie, falling into his woonted rie, hee performed so many merrie tricks, counterfeited so well some fooles of his countrie, and strooke so notablie into all kinde of rogerie, as it wanted little, that this great lord had not beene ouercome with laughing at them. Hee which was called the Emperour of Bologna, (although he be not so well knowne to euery one) yet was he also well stuffed with such like matter; and amongst many others, there is one most woonderfull, reported by those that knew him, which is this; that being Vicar one day to a certaine President, who had left him charge, to publish in his owne absence certaine proclamations, which were flatly against publike libertie and his owne, and for this cause were odious to euerie one, like a grosse headed foole as hee was, hee yet plaied the crier himselfe, and after the publication of them, hee saide, that the President had good daies himselfe, and he had thus farre obeied his commaund in publishing them, and they that woulde might likewise obserue them; as for himselfe he ment to keepe no circumstance thereof, and thus with exceeding laughter he left them all, perceiuing the good affection that hee himselfe bore to those proclamations: The other called by the vulgar Mascella d'Asino, was also one of this tribe, for being seruitor to a verie rich Spanish [Page] knight, who one day threatned that he woulde take off his head (vsing badly the Italian worde capezza, which signifieth an halter or head-straine) and he faining not to vnderstande it (though he had it presently at his fingers ends) went into the stable where there were ten or twelue horse head-straines, and bringing them all to his master, hee saide, that his noble Signorie might take which of them he would, so it woulde please him to forbeare that with which his trusse was tied vp; so that the Spaniard was faine to laugh at this fellowes mad cōceit, and thus passing ouer his choler, he receiued him to former grace. They therefore like vnto these aboue mentioned, are called grosse and three elbowed fooles, and within the Hospitall they haue hanging out for a signe, the goddesse Volupta or Voluptina, sometimes so deuoutly reuerenced amongst the Romaines, on whom according to our vsually manner, we will in this vnder written supplication, for their helpe and succour, inuocate.

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A supplication to goddesse Voluptina, for grosse and threeelbowed Fooles.

BY the great alacrities and contentments, which in thy deere bosome are laide vp, O goddesse Voluptina; by Democritus his laughter; by that of Philisto Nicean, who therewith burst againe; by the ioie of Phillipides Comedian, that died with the same; by the exhilaration of Chilo Lacedemonian, that gaue vp his ghost in his sonnes armes, after he had seen him crowned in the game of Olympus; by as manie tigh-hees as euer came out of god Liber or Bacchus his mouth; and lastly by all that iocunditie which is resident in the whole Chore or Quire of the graces: I pray, rebeseech, and once againe entreate thee, that thou wilt but so much bridle the disposition of these three-elbowed fooles to mirth and iolitie, that if not wholie recouered, yet at least that they be somewhat bettered by thy meanes, and fauour; which doing, bee sure they will hang vp in honour of thee in thy temple, a Cimball or droane pipe, much like that of Morrice dauncers in a merrie May day morning, in token that with so readie succour thou hast ioifully releeued these poore miserable men.

Of Fooles obstinate, like to an horse or mule: the sixe and twentith discourse.

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THatrace of stiffenecked fooles, replenished with such obstinacie, as they seeme harder then the diamond, and must be entreated fower whole howers togither to yeeld vnto the least iot of that becommeth them, standing naturally vpon wilfulnes, and being as stiffe as a stake, within this foolish Hospitall, are properly called fooles obstinate like a mule. In holie Scriptures, obdurate Pharao was for a most notable example one of these; whose marble hart hath left vnto posteritie a lamentable memoriall of an obstinate foole, of whom it may be doubted whether he were son to Obduracie it selfe, or that he were progenitor or father of the same. Iultan the Apostata, is also by writers set downe for a foole of this kind, who in his life being euer an enimie, and contrarie to Christ, in his last gaspe also most fellonious & accursed hee neuer repented himselfe of his former contempts, for mad with anger and furie against him, (although he confessed that he was plainely subdued) he contended with wordes to despise the victor; saying, O thou Galilean thou hast vanquished: All the auncient cruell tyrants as Dionysius, Busiris, Phalaris, one Hieronymus, Policrates, Creon, and they of late daies, as one Romaine Ecceline and Valentine, with others, are placed in this infamous and reprochfull squadron; besides the base frie [Page] of those, of whose folly there remaineth no other mention in writers, but that they put them into this Hospitall of force, in that it was builte at their sute, and instance. Amongst whom I will mention one, that would make one runne his head against a wall to heare the irkesome, mulish, and Asinaicall obstinacie (as we may well terme it) which was founde in a fellowe woorthie well to be beaten with staues, as they beat down walnuts with long poles, called Bronte of Saint Alberto, who being borne as it shoulde seeme for a spectacle of vnusual wilfulnes, and obstinacie of minde, stoode stiffely one day to it, that whereas Donatus in a place saith, Ianua sumrudibus, I am a gate, entrance, or instruction to the rude and ignorant; this worde Ianua in that place was ment by the citie of Genoa, and for confirmation of this his opinion, hee cited the authoritie of a certaine Phisicall vocabulare, which one master Simon a Genowese, hath made vpon all Galens workes, where he saide, that hee had seene it thus expressed: and notwithstanding there wanted not many learned men in euery corner, who perceiuing this his simplicitie, openly condemned him of his obstinat position, yet would not this Puglian beetle head euer yeeld, or be perswaded, that it signified a gate: there was arguing and debating to and fro, sometimes with this reason, and otherwhiles with that; and at last, resolute in no sorte to acknowledge his errour, he saide, that if it were not ment by Genoa, it was not in like manner vnderstoode by a gate, or porte, but rather by a porter, or gate-keeper so as perceiuing the sophistrie and deepe distinction of this buffone, that argued logically, euery one blessed himselfe for woonder, that hee had but yet yeelded so much to the [Page] honorable assembly that was about him. An other archpedant, and most pedanticall pedagoge, (for that is the head strongst ging of all others, in that it is the blindest & most ignorant) surnamed Blesus; entring one day into disputation with a master of a schoole, being a learned man, of great vnderstanding, and excellently well accustomed, concerning those words of Cato: Trocho lude, aleas fuge: Whip the top, let dice goe hop; hee so obstinaely maintained, that Cato in these words gaue leaue to yoong men to play at snaphaunch, and that in their diet, they in any wise should take heed of garlicke, as this discreet and wise teacher was faine to leaue him to his ignorance, saying, he had reason to doe as he did. This peeuish obstinate Pedant after the masters confirmation, further adding these wordes: See whether I knew as much as I affirmed or no; for I haue read Diomedes, Scopa, and Priscian, more then fower times ouer, and I haue a Dictionarie called Tortello Nouarese, or Dunses drie fat of words and phrases, that cleereth all them of doubt, which stand out in contention, and disputation with me about these points. Suffice it that such be obstinate Fooles like the mule, who within the Hospitall haue for their deuotion the image of Minos, a godhead peculiarly appropriated to them, and therfore with solemne inuocations, let vs haue recourse vnto his helpe and fauour, as being most requisite and beneficiall for them.

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An inuocation to god Minos, for Fooles obstinate like a mule.

OThouseuere, inexorable, not to be entreated, immoueable, inflexible, god of the Stigian lake, sonne of Iupiter and Europa, most mightie King of Creta, husband to that Pasiphae, who through lust enflamed with the loue of a Bull, foolishly prostrated her selfe vnto him, a bitter persecutor of Dedalus, for making that Cow of wood, wherein his luxurious concubine lying hid, he had opportunitie of dishonest commerce with her: by that hard and strickt seueritie which thou did'st not onely vse in this, but in all our filthie enormities, I entreat, beseech, and coniure thee, that with these maner of obstinate, who haue taken to themselues thy image for deuotion, thou wilt proceed in such a sort, that they now blinde, may perceiue how this their obstinacie is far vnlike thine: for thou in circumstances honest, and iust wert alwaies exorable, but they in things inconuenient and vnbeseeming, doe so peruersly perseuere, as there is no proportion in the world betweene them, and thy disposition. Procure therefore thou sacred deitie of god Ditis his kingdome, that the difference of you both may be knowen, & reach vnto them that perceiuerance which raigneth in thee, considering that for the fauour [Page] thou herein shewest to this obstinate crew, thou shalt see offred vnto thee a good clout of leather, such as the Rusticks of Romagnia set vpon their shooes, the which shall be fastened before thy image as an ensigne, to manifest that the obstinacy they haue obtayned from thee, is far more beneficiall then that other they were possessed withall before.

Of pildpated and odious Fooles: the seuen and twentith discourse.

THey are commonly called pildpated or odious Fooles, who taking delight to offende sometimes one, and then another, not being able to containe, their humour applieth it selfe one while against this man, and then against that; so as in the ende it commeth to this passe, that either the most part, all, or those of the better sort ioine together, and seeking reuenge, they cause them to remaine pildpated fooles; for they be those that bear away sometimes the good bastenadoes, and carrie home the blowes vpon their heads, which oftentimes for their blockish importunities they haue deserued. And though sometimes it may be thought otherwise, because they are stout and peremptorie out of measure in their owne conceites, hoping in this sort to beare downe their companion or any man they deale withall, whom they [Page] esteeme but as a withered Tauerne Iuie bush, yet doe they so much the rather remaine taken of a sudden: For it seldome times hapneth, but that he who presumeth so much of himselfe, is at last taken vp for halting, by another as stoute as he, that will stand hard to his tackle, and returne buffe for baffe. Cateline thought to haue taken Marcus Tullius napping, with a notable plot he deuised against him; but this wise and politicke man returned all the mischiefe vpon his owne head, and by meanes of the same woman discouering all his practises, hee hampered him in such a sort, that in the ende (as Salust writeth) he together with all his companions remained as Salust. a pildpated and odious Foole. Lodouicus called Morus (as Guicciardine writeth) thought woonderfully to despite Guicciardine. Ferdinand K. of Naples, by calling in the Frenchmen into Italy against him; but in the ende that fell out, which it should seeme a Florentine ambassador foresaw verie well, who obseruing on a time in Milane his deuise, which was a Moore that voided and swept away all immundicities from before a Ladie, gaue his censure thereof, which was, that he should take good heed, this Moore might cleanse away all impurities from him, for in the end himselfe rested one of these pildpated fooles, loosing together, both his state, life, and honour. In like manner Laurence de Medices, neere kinsman to Duke Alexander, thought he had performed a great exploite (as Iouius recounteth, & Ruscellus more copiously then he) in killing this Duke within one of the chābers of his Iouius, Ruscellus. palace, although no other effect ensued of this fact, but that for this flagition he was esteemed as an infamous treacher of all the world, and hee exchanged an happie contentment for a dayly disturbance, and molestation [Page] both of bodie and minde, while according to his deserts he was at last, by certaine of the others guard, slaine in Venice. And I pray you tel me one thing? Did not that Bourbone so much renowmed for the sacke of Rome, thinke peraduenture to haue giuen some sound blow, in suddenly reuolting against his king, who for curtesie, magnanimitie, and all kinde of vertue had neuer his peere? Whereas in the ende euerie one held him but for an odious traitor, and he gaue occasion to that Spanish gentleman (as Bugato reporteth) being of a generous Bugatus. and noble spirit, to shew the greatnes of his minde, and Castilian haughtines to Charles the fift, for the Emperour demaunding of him in curtesie, that he would lende him his palace or house to lodge Bourbone in, he made answer: that for himselfe he would denie nothing to his sacred maiestie, but so he might be sure of one thing, that he should no sooner be departed out of it, but that he would plucke downe this house euen to the very foundations, to the end no man might point at it, or say: This is the house of such a gentleman, where that traytor Bourbone was sometimes lodged. Did not George Sanese also thinke to haue effected a notable peece of seruice, in minding to deliuer into the French mens hands the Castle of Milane? And yet this treason being discouered, the Traytor lost both the friendship of the one, with his life and good name at an instant. All these kinde of men therefore are called woorthily pildpated Fooles, because they are discouered, and it comes home to them at length, euen as they thought to haue taken others tripping. And these men haue for their signe within the Hospitall a Rhadamantus, to whom I nowe turne my selfe, to demand succor (as vsually I am wont) [Page] for these miserable, ignorant, and treacherous sort, with swoord readie drawne.

A supplication to Rhadamantus for pildpated Fooles.

AMong all the infernall iudges, there is not any more vpright or seuere then thou and Minos, togither with Eacus the son of Egina, and Iupiter: And therefore for this cause thou art deseruedly called vpon, to salue and cure this kinde of vniust fooles, that in the kingdome of Ditis sittest in the chiefest chaire: performe therfore that which is expected from thy office & place, & (as reason requireth) we will offer vnto thee a pilde threadbare gowne, that hath beene in the hands of a Iewe for the space of tenne yeeres, which shall not haue vpon it so much as one nappe or haire, for a testimoniall, to the ende this may manifest vnto the worlde, that there is not any who better laieth open and discouereth these pildpated fooles then thy selfe, they being subiect to that whippe and scourge, which woonderfully chasteneth men of their qualitie and condition.

Of irregular and vnbridled Fooles: the eight and twentith discourse.

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THose insolent sorte, who rashly and licentiously proceeding, vsurpe a libertie to offende others, either in wordes or deedes, they thinking the whole world to be their owne, and that with this abused libertie, they may at their pleasure, bandie against euerie one, are in fewe words termed, vnbrideled fooles, like an horse, hauing naturally inserted in them indomptable mindes, and insolent shamelesse dispositions; neither can you with fitter epithites more aptly describe the qualitie of this foolish crewe, who kicke and wince with their heeles, forwarde, behinde, and on all sides, at euery one they meete withall. It seemeth that Seneca in his Epistles reckoneth one Oscus to bee in the Seneca. number of these, of whom it is saide, that hee was borne into the world to be vnquiet, and a disturber, he with his actions and speeches annoying sometimes one: and sometimes an other, and in fewe wordes, that Momus is by the Poets numbred amongst these men, for of him it is thus written, that, Nullum opus tam absolutum esse poterat, quod non calumniaretur Momus: no worke could be so absolute and perfect, but that Momus would carpe at it: And in token of this, there is produced a very ridiculous action of his, being this; that seeing on a daie that excellent picture of Venus engrauen by diuine Phidias, [Page] bicause he coulde finde no sufficient faulte with the singular workmanship, yet woulde he needes caffle and carpe, that the latchets of her shooes were not very well represented. And these be the men that in their euill nature and condition goe seeking out haires on egge shelles, of a malitious and viperous inclination. Marinello of Gambacorta, was in these our daies one of the number of these licentious fooles; for when as on a time hee had leaue by chance to see a comedie which was plaied in Vincenza, beginning at the prologue, and running ouer all the rest of the parts, he spake euill, and discommended sometimes this, and then that plaier, so that one neere him, through impatience was forced to say vnto him, gentle brother, I praie you giue ouer this scoffing, for wee woulde willingly heare the Clowne to plaie his part. And an other of one Portia, surnamed Cauezza, or Horse-collar, is not much vnlike this, who by a certaine friend of his being brought to see the hall or chamber where the great Venetian Councel sitteth, when it was replenished with so many gentlemen and Signiors, adorned out of question, with comely bodilie presence, a graue maiestie, correspondent to so great Senators as they are, like an huge oxe or elephant as he was, without all sense he beganne to obserue this mans hatte, and that mans nose, the standing still of one, and the moouing of an other; neither did he leaue this sight or spectacle before hee had made a catalogue of all that honourable assemblie or councell, the true honour and ornament, not onely of Italy, but euen of all Christendome: when a circumspect Senatour that was neere, making a signe with one of his gloues, that hee shoulde come to him, he wentimmediately at this becke, and [Page] being by the Senatour demaunded, of whence he was, being giuen to vnderstande that he was of Portia, as also knowing that his surname was Cauezza (or Horse-collar) taking him quickly by the collar, hee vsed these wordes: Master Grunt of Hoggenorton, although an halter woulde well become you, yet I praie you returne againe to yourtowne of Porkington, except you meane to become a collop of bacon: through which wordes, bedawed and gulled as he was, he returned to his companion, and saide, come for gods sake let vs be gone, for the gentleman you saw told me in my eare, that there is a penaltie set downe, of three twitches with a cord, for any that shall stand gaping at this gate. Of these kinde of fooles more lately, were Aretine, Franco, Burchiello, Bernia, and other such like friends of Pasquine, & Marforius; wherefore no maruaile though at length they came to bee sifted out, and by those soundlie bitten, An image with in the court of the Capitoll in kome. against whom they had shewed themselues, out of all measure insolent and impudent. Neither belongeth there any thing more to these fooles, but that a good hempen halter so gagge their throates, as that they may no more bee able to vomite foorth such acerbitie and bitternes, which so hard against their wils they keepe enclosed in their brests. These vnbridled fooles therefore, haue the image of Hippona in the Hospitall, as the peculiar goddesse of their necessities and wants: wherfore with this supplication following, we will labor to pacifie her in such sorre, as that she may not suffer these sauage and accursed beasts, thus to strike and fling at euery one.

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A supplication to goddesse Hippona, for vnbridled fooles.

WHen the auncients (O dunghill goddesse) placed thy acceptable image in sties and stables, it was not in contempt of thee, being thus amongst beasts as one scorned or neglected, but bicause they knew that all creatures haue some god or goddesse their fauorite, as Syluanus is god of sheepe; Miagro the god of flies; Bubona goddesse of oxen; and for this cause also wert thou adored as the goddesse, ouerseer of horses, and their stables, and if Nicholas Cuchiero of Saint Quaranta knewe but thus much, be thou assured, though he be but a poore man, yet woulde he spend three-halfepence in buying of thy image, to fasten on the toppe of his cart, that at all times thou maist be a fauorite to his horses: And therefore for this cause, haue those poore tankerdbearing iades in recommendation, who though they were neuer good for any thing else, yet may they serue to fill three or fower cesternes with water: But if propitius, according to thy accustomed maner, thou shalt behold with a pitifull eie other mensnecessities, thou shalt perceiue that with as much speede as is possible, no trifles shall be offered vnto thee, for when thou thinkest least vpon it, a couple of huge malte sacks like those of Gonella will come, by which it shal be known, that these mē now bear [Page] right downe weight, who before were vnbridled, and without any toleration or retention that was good.

Of extrauagant, extreme, and right Fooles indeed: the nine and twentith discourse.

ALl those by this common terme are called extrauagant, extreme, and right fooles indeed, who performe certaine extraordinary, vnusuall, and strange follies, which exceed ordinarie bounds, and are not heard or seene to be perfourmed by fewe others besides themselues; as that was which Elian reporteth by one Trasillus Esonensis, who fel Aelianus. into this extreme follie, that hee beleeued all the ships that entred into the porte to bee his owne, and therefore before they arriued neere the harbour, hee woulde goe meete them with a ioyfull hart and countenance, being full of contentment; and so in like manner when they departed to make any voiage, either eastward or westward, he woulde accompanie them a good peece of the way, wishing vnto them with a good hart, a prosperous wind & happy voiage. Aristotle also declareth, that there was one in Abydo, who beginning to enter Aristotle. into folly, and so continuing long time, he would go into the Theatre, & reciting to himselfe some Comedie, he would performe all those actions and gestures which Comedians vse vpon the stage. And Plutarch rehearseth Plutarch. [Page] one most solemn and admirable of certaine Mylesian virgines, who were assailed with so great madnes, that without any consideration they all hanged themselues, neither coulde any admonitions of their elders or parents teares withdrawe them from it: In the ende, the Milesians beeing in Senate or Councell, and debating of this action, a notable man amongst them rose vp and saide; that if such like as these perseuered in their foolish determination, it woulde be requisite to enacte a lawe, that they should be all disrobed left hanging naked, and offered to publike view, the which decree being of all approoued, and consequently put in execution, the rest receiued such terrour by the same, as they refrained from their former humours, honest modestie preuailing more with them, like women verecundious as they were, then folly. Like vnto the death of these women, was likewise the endes of Laurentiano Fiorentino, a man learned, and of Leonius an excellent philosopher of his time: For (as Peter Crinitus writeth) without any occasion, or misfortune whatsoeuer, they threwe Peter Crinitus. themselues into a well, where no lesse foolishly then miserablie, they ended their daies. That follie of Theobaldo of Cantiana was in good' earnest most extreme, who verily beleeuing that he was Soldane of Egypt, he went oftentimes vnhosed and vnshodde (as they doe) and with a Turbant on his head, into a certaine vaulte neere the place where hee dwelt, the which he saide was his great Moschyte, or Temple: and he carried with him to the mouth or entrance of this caue or vault, a company of yoong swine, who, saide he, were the Embassadours of sundrie princes, which for honour accompanied him; and thus entring in, he made all the vaulte thunder [Page] againe with these verses, which he chaunted:

You Mahumetans, now giue eare and muse

On that which Soldan Theobald doth say:

If you the Alchor an, doe not peruse,

You can not saued be an other day.

An other called Scarpaccia of Gradisca, had an extrauagant humour in his head, (as it may bee termed) for entring into conceite that he was king of Cuckoes, to euerie one that spoke to him, whether it were good or euill, hee woulde alwaies answere three times, cuckow, cuckow, cuckow: and being demaunded why he answered not to the purpose, he replied againe, I am the king, cuckow, cuckow, cuckow. I remember I haue heard say, that one Alberto of Pietra mala, which is the confines of Bologna, was in deede one of these extrauagants; for entring into conceite that hee was become Lorde of Mirandula, hee writ a letter to those of the towne, that they shoulde render into his handes the fortresse, and receiuing no answere of his follie, in great furie he leapes me a cockhorse, and tooke a drum vpon his shoulders, going from Pietra mala, euen to the confines of Mirandula, to wage warre with them on his own part; in which thing like a foole as hee was, being also flowted, he went vnder the wals of that towne, and laying an hot tourd neere to the gate, said, that if the Myrandulanes woulde not receiue him for their Lorde, yet they shoulde accept of the other whom hee left as his substitute. These be those fooles, who within the Hospitall haue the image of God Hercules for a signe, who is very doubtful, whether he shoulde be protector and defender for terme of life of these kinde of fooles or no, and therefore in this sollicitation ensuing, wee will [Page] tickle him with an Encomion, according to our accustomed manner.

A petition to god Hercules for extrauagant, extreme, and right Fooles indeed.

THou art that strong and valiant sonne of Iupiter, and Alcmena, called Thirintius, bicause thou werte nourished in Therintus neere to Greece; called the Theban god, bicause thou wert worshipped in Thebes; termed the extrauagant god, bicause as a vagaband, thou wentest demanding & seeking out of monsters; named the great Alcides, bicause thou wert nephew to famous Alceus. Thou art further hee, who by thy owne fortitude, and through thy mother who produced thee, so much by Iuno enuied, and exposed to insupportable labours, diddest first wearie her in obeying, before she was out of breath with cōmanding: Thou art also he, who yet lying in the cradle didst kill two serpents, which were put in there to poison thee: Thou art moreouer hee, who being but a childe in yeeres, and yet of woonderfull force, that in one night didst raise the bellies of Thespius fiftie daughters, by whom thou hadst fiftie sonnes, named Thespiades: Thou art he likewise, who in adolescencie of yeeres, didst oppresse with fire and sword, the great Hydra with seauen heades, which continually sprouted foorth one after the losse of an other, neere the marish which was [Page] called Lerna: which didst kill and plucke downe the stagge Eripides, which ranne as if hee had flied, with gilded hornes on his head, neere to the mountaine called Menalus: which in the woode Nemea, didst flea that extraordinarie huge lion, and from that time forwarde didst alwaies weare his skinne about thee as a trophee: who gaue Diomedes king of Thrace to his owne horses to bee eaten, who fedde them before with the bloud and flesh of his guestes and friends: which tookest aliue, and didst carrie to Aristeus, that terrible Bore in Erymanthus, a mountaine of Arcadia, that wasted all the countrie rounde about. Further, thou art he, who didst chase euen to the ilande of Aretiades, the birdes Stymphalides, which were so great, that they obscured the light of the sunne: who in like manner didst tame that wilde bull, which with his furie ruinated the whole iland of Candia: which diddest take from king Achelous of Etolia, his hornes: didst kill Busyris king of Egypt, who eate & deuoured all the straungers which came to him: who in Lybia didst choake and suffocate the giant Anteus, wrestling with him: which didst separate and deuide the mountaines, Calpes, and Abila, which were at the first all one: which didst sustaine Olympus, being before wearied with the heauie burthen of mount Atlas: who subduedst in warre Geryon King of Spaine, carrying away his armes, being a worthy reward for the victor. Aboue all this, thou art he, that didst ouercome the theefe Cacus, which spit fire out of his mouth: that didst kill another called Lacinus, who molested the confines of Italy, erecting vp in that place a Temple to Iuno, which hereupon was called Lacinia: that didst ouercome Albion and Bergion, not farre from the mouth [Page] of the riuer of Rhodanus, who disturbed euerie mans quiet trauell: that didst subdue in warre Pirrhecmus king of Etolia, who made war vpon the Boetians, and didst plucke him asunder at horses tayles. Againe, thou that didst tame the Centaures, and carrie away the two pillars to the Ilandes Gades in Spaine; that didst make cleane the stables of Aurgia, and deliuer Hesion the sonne of Laomedon exposed to a marine Orcke, or monster, by first killing of the Orcke: who beeing angrie when ingrateful Laomedon, denied thee the reward of certain excellent coursers he promised, didst for this destroy the citie of Troy: who didst sacke the Ilande of Con, kill king Eurypalus together with his sonnes, despoyle the Amazons, and tookest prisoner Hippolyta the Queene of them: who descending into hell, didst binde with three chaines three headed Cerberus; and thus bound, didst bring him out. Thou art also he, which didst assist Theseus (according to many writers) to rauish Proserpina, the wife of Pluto: didst lead liuing out of hell Alcestes, companion to king Admetus, to her husband; and beeing returned from hell didst kill Lycus king of Thebes, for that he would haue offered violence to thy wife Megra: who with thy arrowes didst pearce through the Egle, that deuoured the renewing hart of Prometheus, confined by Mercurie in Mount Caucasus: who fighting on horsebacke, didst ouercome Cygnus the son of Mars thy competitor; which subduedst the Cyclopes, whilest as a maide thou didst attend on Omphale Queene of the Lydians: that didst destroy Hebeus with all his familie; wounding also Iuno, who would haue succoured him: and didst kill Eurytus King of Ochalia, ruinating the citie called by his name: And yet once [Page] more thou art hee, which didst by force take vnto thy selfe, and conduct with thee into Euboea Iole, the daughter of the foresaid Eurytus, who was denied thee to wife: that neere the riuer Sagari didst kill a serpent of immeasurable greatnes; didst slay the Dragon that kept the garden of Hesperides, freeing the Oteans from gnats and hornets; and this onely for generation sake, that of two nights there might bee made but one: and with so many of these thy great woonders, and miracles shall it not be true, that thou canst likewise performe somewhat, in the behalfe of these vaine and weake sort of extreme Fooles, of thee true man, but in all thy attempts a god, exceedingly fauoured, that they may remooue the matter out of their heads, which thou in an instant didst purge from the heads of the serpent Hydra. Well goe to, if thou shalt doe them this fauour, I will promise thee, that besides the Temple thou hast amongst the Aegyptians, and Tirians, there shall a great chappell in this Hospitall be consecrated to thy name, and an Oake apple offred at thy aultar, in signe, that it is as easie for thee to deliuer them, as to promote vp so high such a like fruit, amongst all others obserued to be of no worth.

Of mischieuous or diabolicall Fooles: the thirtith discourse.

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THE most brutish, strange, and accursed kind of Fooles that be, are out of al question some, whom we vsually call by this name of mischieuous, or diabolical fooles, the title or imposition, fitting verie well with the infernall and diabolicall inclination they are of; for they are so viperous, and inwardly so swollen with rancour, despite, and all kinde of pride, that any one would sweare, they were the true cosen germaines of another Farfarello, and Calubrino. Neither are the examples of these verie fewe, for the deuill goeth all ouer sowing of them, like the hearbe Dogs-foote, and of themselues they bud foorth like to Hydras heads, and with their flames they set (if it were possible) all heauen on fire, much more the earth. No man can denie but that those gyants were of this race, who by Iupiter for their pride were slaine with lightning from heauen, for the writer or Author of Etra maketh this matter verie euident in those verses:

The ancient Gyants did sometimes contend,

To plucke the stars out of the loftie skie,

And to peruert, Ioues kingdome without end

Imposing lawes on all the world boldly.

In like manner it cannot be denied, but that Mazentius [Page] a contemner of the gods, was of the selfe same race: Virgill setting him downe for such an one in these verses: Virgill.

The first from Terrhene soyle, that went to war,

Was proude Mazentius, who with gods did iar.

And this was he of whom Macrobius vseth these words: Macrobius. Fuit impius in homines, sine Deorum respectu: Hee was wicked towards men, not respecting God at all. I hold it for a thing verie manifest, that Lycaon king of Arcadia was also a notable diuelish Foole, if that be true which Ouid reporteth in the first of his Metamorphosis, that Ouid. hee complotted against Iupiter, reputed amongst the auncients as head of all other gods. Xerxes king of Persia noted by writers of singular impietie, is not exempted out of this number, he being so bold, nay rather so rash and headstrong, as that he durst threaten to depriue the sunne of his light, and put Neptune the god of the sea into prison, with fetters on his heels: And therefore Strozzapadre maketh of him these verses:

Nor as King Xerxes, who did threaten bondes

Strozzapadre.

To Neptune, when with ships he shot the strondes.

Amongst whom in like manner I giue to a thousand diuels, that Plegia king of Lapithes, and father to Ixion; who for rashly setting fire on the Temple of Apollo in Delphos, is declared by Virgill, that for punishment of his offence, he was inclosed in an infernall caue, in these verses:

All Plegian malefactors, with loud voice he doth aduise

From hell, Iustice to vse, and not the gods despise.

Valerius Maximus, and Lactantius Firmianus, assigneth Valerius Maximus. Lactantius. one of the principalest places amongst these men, to [Page] Dionysius Tyrant of Siracusa: for he was so great a contemner of the gods, as he himselfe amongst his friends was woont to say, that he greatly woondred, how the gods were so patient, as to suffer him so long vpon the earth. Biondus in his Historie maketh mention of Euerick Biondus. King of Gothes, that hee rammed vp the gates of Christian churches, with heaps of thorne bushes, wickedly intending to make them appeere like hedges and thickets, because he would be a Foole in this kinde. Corius writeth of Gensericus king of Vandales, that with greater sacriledge, of the same Christian churches hee made stables for his horses, being likewise an infernall Foole of the same nature. What shall we say of Attila, termed the scourge of God, but euen the selfe same? What of Tottila, and Athanaricus? What shall wee thinke of that Duke of the Hauuians, who threatned to cut off the priuie members of all the Deacons that came into his hands? What of those first innouators, who of the great church in Basill, made a butchers shambles? And last of all, what of our moderne Mahumetists, who desperatly make the worst of euerie thing that they can, committing all kinde of rapine, violence, sacriledge, manslaughter, and rebellion that may bee imagined. Now these be truely Fooles, who are mischieuous, and therefore deserue a thousand gallowes, termed properly by the title of diabolicall Fooles, because in euerie respect they are conformable vnto him: Wherefore in recommending them vnto some god, that may cure them, I can thinke on no better phisition then Pluto, who is in hell a perfect Anatomie of their like: And for this cause, I direct vnto him this inuocation following.

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An inuocation to Pluto for mischieuous and diabolicall Fooles.

WHatgod may I more conueniently call vpon, to remooue the folly of this diuelish crew, then thee high Pluto, Prince of Herebus, admirall of the Stigian waters, president of the flames which exceed a thousand times those of Aetna, or Mount gybello? what God if not hee, who is the sonne of Saturne and Opis, brother to highest Iupiter, Lorde of the infernall kingdome, being mightie in riches, and therefore called Ditis, principall amongst the Manian gods, therefore called Sumanus, and of power to inflict vpon them their due punishments, called therefore Orcus, by euery one? what god if not thou, who rentest Titius hart from out his bodie, punishest Tantalus with thirst, makest Ixion to bee turned vpon a wheele, causest Sysiphus to roule the stone, and chastisest Salmoneus with so sundrie torments. Thou I say, the scourge of all extreme cruelties, the reuenger of flagition, the ouerthrower of the wicked, and flaile of all badde men, oughtest to haue a care of healing these mens follie, in the same manner as thou hast before cured so many other by giuing them into the hands of the furies, who incensed against them, may inflict vpon them those torments, which the greeuousnes of their offence demeriteth. The which if thou shalt performe, vndoubtedly with all speede an hornelesse [Page] doad-man shall bee offred vnto thee, for demonstration of the punishment thou hast laide vpon these men, according to their deserts, and the insolencies which so diuelishly they haue committed.

A discourse of the Author, to the beholders concerning that part of the Hospitall which appertaineth to Women, wherein he wittily setteth down all the former kindes of folly to be likewise resident in them.

COnsidering (noble beholders) that you haue commodiously perused all their Cels one by one, who diuerslie besotted and depriued of their witte, are become not so much a ridiculous, as a miserable spectacle to other men; and that you haue taken such delight in the subiects of them, as you coulde anie waies looke for, from so strange and vncouth humours, administring at an instant by diuers meanes, both contentment and woonder to your mindes, by the specialties of follie which you haue obserued: I thinke it not much amisse to point out vnto you likewise this other part of the Hospitall, allotted to women, causing you to beholde with your eies, the most ridiculous emploiments of foolish [Page] women, that euer peraduenture you haue seene in the worlde. Bicause with the greater solace you may leaue this harbour, and replenished with greater woonder and admiration, goe all ouer the worlde, declaring and setting foorth the monstrous follies, which shall by me be reuealed vnto you, the which you receiuing from mee, will in your relating them to others, administer speciall contentment: Fixe therefore your lookes I beseech you, on that part, which I will point out vnto you, and cast an eie heere on the left hand, where you see a long rowe of lodgings and chambers, which haue so manie superscriptions, titles, and deuises set vpon their dores; for all those be Cels appropriated to foolish women, to be hold which leisurely, is accounted no smal fauour, it being the custome to shew them seldome, and to few, in respect of the modestie obserued towardes that sexe, naked for the most part as you now see. The first chamber which you see there with that deuise hanging ouer the dore, which is a tuft of wilde nettles, with an inscription, which importeth, in puncto vulnus; is the lodging of a Romaine matrone called Claudia Marcella, which in her youth was the most sweete, affable, Iouiall, and pleasant madde wench, that from the one to the other pole coulde bee mette withall; a rare patterne of comlines, the onely portraiture of curtesie, the image of diuine splendor and beautie, and the very expresse Idea of courtly grace and carriage: and nowe (behold howe lamentable her chance was) slipping one day in her pantofles, as she went to the solemnization of goddesse Bona her feast, shee fell vpon a great stone with her forehead and chinne, and thus loosing both her wit and memorie at an instant, she began to bee lunaticke and doting, [Page] after such a sort, as she became euerie day woorse and woorse, sitting vpon the bedde as you see, al mournfull and heauie, with an vrinall at hande; and as often as you demaund an answer of her, touching this or that matter, so often doth she take the vrinal out of an Hutch harde by, and beholding herselfe therein, she saith, this is the wise prophetesse Sybilla; and thus peereth sometimes on the vrinall glasse, and otherwhiles on the water within it. Whereupon the master of the Hospitall, who is a man of greatknowledge and vnderstanding, about the causes and reasons of the infirmities there raigning, hath framed that deuise, or imprese with the title, minding ingeniously heerein to giue gentlemen strangers to vnderstand, that come to beholde this part of the Hospitall, by the tuft of pricking nettles, and that motto; In puncto vulnus: that as the nettle no sooner toucheth, but it pricketh and stingeth, so that matrone no sooner slipt and fell vpon the stone, but that by the cruell fall she was so affrighted in her braine, as nowe she laboureth and turmoileth her-selfe there within as you see. That other chamber neere vnto it, where you see one standing in the dore, who all silent and sadde, with her eies looking downward, and all disheaueled, to fixe her countenance vpon the earth, neuer so much as looking vpward; but on the contrarie, with her eies drooping, she so bendeth her lookes to the grounde, as it might seeme that her eies were concentred and fast linked to the earth, is one Martia Cornelia, of the countrie of the Insubrians, who from her infancie hath beene possessed with melancholike humours, and therefore you may obserue her so sauage in aspect, and in countenance ghastly. And amongst other humours which oftentimes [Page] disturbe her imagination, this one in good earnest is verie terrible, that many times she takes herselfe to be a silke worme: whereupon she neuer doth any thing else but nibble vpon mulberie leaues, affirming that by this meanes she preserueth her-selfe in life: and therefore you may perceiue that the deuise and motto, set vpon her gate by the master of the Hospitall, be correspondent to her infirmitie: the deuise being a codde or webbe, with a silke worme within, and on the one side a little branch of a mulberie tree, with a motto framed in these words, Et mihi vitam, & alijs decus. But I praie you looke a little foreward, and regard that Cell which hath the gate open, where shee whom you see with a cushinet by her, and a fine wicker basket with cruell and silke, to worke withall, giuing ouer her best emploiment, with that needle in her hande, shee goeth stabbing of flies, and pismires, in steede of working vpon her cushion: she is called Marina de Volsci, so lither and idle, that the whole day in steede of some serious labour, she giueth her-selfe to bucksomnes, & gig-loitry: wherefore the master of the place hath assigned her for a deuise, a graie bearded olde man, pursuing of butterflies, with a motto appertinent to the purpose, Quo grauior, eo segnior. The fourth Cell which next succeedeth, if you marke well (for it hath the gate gaping and wide open) is made after the fashion of a tauerne, wherein a woman lieth prostrate, with her haire loose about her eares, a Thirsus in her hande, and withall a little bell, seruing to ring therewith to god Bacchus his feasts, who Or iaueline wreathed about with Iuie. is one of those ancient Menades, by some called Bacchides, and by others Stimeles, in that by Lycus his fury they were stimulated, where this woman called Teronia Heluetia, [Page] with her head full of good Greeke and Trebian wines, doth nothing else but whirle about, shaking that Thirsus or wreathed iaueline, and ringing the bell with all mirth and iolitie. To conclude, growing drunke, she spreadeth herselfe vpon the floore of the earth, euen as now you finde her; and for this cause she hath a deuise made, with a motto answerable to her ebriety, which is a Magge pie with a soppe in her mouth, and these words vnder-written: Hinc silens, hinc loquax. The other whom you see in the Cell vnderneath, who with her rocke and spindell, taketh a lanterne in her hande to see to worke by at high noone day, and when the sunne with his beames shineth ouer the whole Hemispheare, is a mad forgetfull foole, which can carrie nothing in minde that shee hath to doe, who is called Orbilia Beneuentana: wherefore the deuise and motto fitteth exceeding well with her folly, the denise being a mole, which naturally is blinde, with this motto: Haec oculis, haec mente. But that other miserable and infortunate poore soule, who as soone as she sawe you looke towards her Cell, hidde herselfe behinde that close stoole, couering her bodie with the bolster, and rugge of her bedde, is a certaine prettie tiptoe, called by all men Lucietta of Sutri, who in al her actions is so fantastical and skittish, that when she goeth sometimes to blow the fire, & but feeling the winde of the bellowes, she starts backe three fadome, for feare of that blast; and this tremulent humour can no waies bee remooued out of her head, though diuers & sundrie phisitions haue tried a thousand experiments for her cure: wherefore with good consideration that deuise is set vpon her dore, which is; a conie scraping vp the earth, with a motto that saith; [Page] Huic fuga salus: bicause like a conie she thinkes not her selfe secure, except she hide her-selfe in the same manner as you see. Oh but for gods sake vouch safe to talke with her, apparelled all in graie, that hath so great goll or thropple hanging downe, as she may cast it back vpon her shoulders, if you will heare a right puppie in deed: for this is that Menega of Voltolina, daughter to Roganzzo Panada, and Mathia his wife, who on a time was made beleeue, that a cowe making loue to a frogge, and he mooued with compassion towards her, not knowing any other course hee coulde take to content her, he was willing one day while the cow was drinking at a riuer, to be swallowed downe by her, & thus swimming within her belly, hee entred into that concauitie where the cowe conceiueth, and pissing there within it, hee made her after three yeeres space to bring foorth a creature, which had legs like to a frogge, and all the rest was like to a pied or spotted cowe, such as those of Hungarie be: wherefore the master of the Hospitall seeing her so rounde and plumpe in substance, hath placed vpon her Cell that deuise which you see, it beeing a Buffle, with a ring at his nose, and this motto Quocunquerapior; bicause no deuise can be more conformable and correspondent to her humour then this. In that other Cell which you see, there is a certaine sillie soule, of an addle and weake braine, as any creature you euer sawe in the worlde, and she is called Orsolina Capoana, who is of this qualitie, that if you bidde her sweepe the house, she will fall a paring of her nailes, and yet it will be euening before she haue made an ende of this worke; and sometimes when she hath beene enioined to heate the lie for the bucke, shee put her mouth to the spiggot of the [Page] tubbe, blowing there for the space of three howers like a verie dottrell, and by such like fopperies poore wretch she is so transported away in her senses, that if you shoulde but bidde her voide an vrinall, be sure that like a little childe, blowing of feathers vp into the aire, with a thousande other toies, she will tarrie two houres at the least, and at the last, either bring you the emptie case, or the vrinal al battered and broken, being so simple a drizzell as she is. Therefore maruaile not if the keeper of the Hospitall haue set that deuise vpon her dore; which is a flie houering about a light, and a motto, which in Spanish signifieth, Ne mas, ne menos: for as there is not a more sillie creature then this kinde of flie, which houereth so long about the candle, that at last she burneth her owne wings; so is there not any so sottish a roile, which may be compared to her. It seemeth this other foule flappe-mouth is verie like vnto her, who hath forgotten her spindle, while her rocke is betweene her legges, and nowe much amazed therefore, and staring with her eies, she lookes vpon you, as if she had neuer seene man in her life before: this woman is called Thadia di pozzuolo. And amongst many other of her sotteries this one is very notorious; that when the Guardian of the Hospitall one day commanded her to take a little water out of the cesterne, and set it vpon the table, in steede of vsing the bucket, she tooke a porredge pipkin wherein there were colewoorts a seething, & set the broth vpon the table, so qualified with colde water, as all men that were present conceiued of her minnerie, togither with no indifferent woonder, delight, and pastime thereat: and for this cause she is set foorth with that imprese you there see, which is a goose climbing on the toppe [Page] of an hedge, with her motto, Frustranitor; this imprese with the motto thereof signifiyng, that as the goose is a grosser creature then any other, neither can she so much as flie ouer an hedge; so she performeth foolishlie all actions whatsoeuer she goeth about, bicause she doth not any one thing as she shoulde doe. That foule beetle-headed Margherita Bolognese, remaining there in that Cell belowe, seemeth to be a birde of the same nest, of whose stupiditie though there were no other signe or manifestation in the wolde; yet woulde this one tricke of hirs be more then sufficient, to prooue her so: who being sent by a certaine dame to the shops of the Iewes, about an ambassage of hers, to hier braselets and earerings, as they vse to doe for setting themselues foorth in Carneual time, she going to a casket of her mistresses, tooke there out a paire of braselets which she had in a boxe, with certaine faire earerings, & carried them to a Iewe saying; that such a gentlewoman her mistresse sent thither that ware, to bee let out for vse, and thus she returned of that message to her mistresse, brauely gulled by that wiseaker, as coulde bee possible; and for a good while there was speech of nothing else in that house but of this: wherefore you see that proportionablie the keeper hath placed for an imprese ouer her dore, abroad faced owle, with a motto which saith; Ipse ego & ego ipse. But be holde next vnto her within her Cell, comes that wicked Lucilla da Camerino, who is as vitious us a foole as possiblie can be, and for confirmation heereof, beholde the vessell she hath in her hande: this vessell is full of walnut water, which maketh the skinne as blacke as a cole. Now this woman about noone time besmeareth all her body ouer, and [Page] being naked draweth heere to the maides of the keepers house, when it is about dinner time, so that all of them agast at so foule a sight, runne away, and leaue the table and meate as a praie to that rauenous she wolfe, who without any discretion at all, doth in a manner ordinarilie plaie those prankes, to the children, seruants, and all the rest of the house. Heereupon she hath ouer her Cell a deuise altogither conformable to her selfe, which is a foxes taile that sweepeth a chamber, with this French motto: Parmafoy que liet tanbien. I say nothing to you of that other despightful cockscombe called Flauia Drusilla, whom you see there busied about that little foisting curre, rubbing and combing him so carefullie, as appeereth, who a little while after, calling him to her by the name of Fiorino, and hee not comming, she groweth into such a furie, as that in choler she woulde hang, or presently make him into iellie; and this is her qualitie, that for euerie little matter she is so mooued, as cursed Gabrina, or the wife of Pinabell, woulde haue but an harde match with her. And if there were nothing else, yet is this one part of hers most notable, which happened the other day: for while she was washing out her buck, a little lie by misfortune that fel out, sprinkled into one of her eies; whereupon this despightful foole tooke the bucking tubbe, and threw it against the wall, breaking it all in peeces, carrying away the clothes she had washed, and rensing them in a riuer that ranne hard by, where she let all goe downe the streame merrily, neither had she recouered any of them againe, if a discreete wench had not runne in and tolde them of the house of it, sending downe to the waters side men with long poles to take them vp as well as they coulde: and therefore [Page] since that time, the master of the Hospitall caused a painter a friende of his, to place ouer her Cell that deuise, which is; a Beuer biting off his owne stones, with this motto; Vlcisci haudmelius: which cleerely manifesteth the outragious follie of this beast. Beholde that other swine snowted sowestanding in her dore, which doth nothing but gyrne and laugh, and at the least matter she either heares or sees, sets her mouth wide open like an ouē: She is called Domicilla Feronia, who hath an husband that blockishlie reciprocateth with her in the same folly, nowe bicause her humour consisteth in nothing else but immeasurable laughter, the keeper hath caused to be placed ouer her dore, that owle sitting vpon a whippe, a creature that would make the very stones to smile at the sight of her, with this motto; Haec alijs, & mihi alij: for thus her vanitie is exceeding well notified, she being a coffine replenished with carrionlike matter, but voide of any witte, or vnderstanding at all: I cannot tell whether you perceiue her that sitteth at her dore vpon a seate, with a gowne trailing after her like a peacocks taile, she is called Tarquinia Venerea, then whom there can be nothing more proude and glorious: and this I shall tell you manifesteth as much; for declaring her progenie one day to certaine gentlemen, although it exceeded not two hundred yeeres in antiquitie, yet prooued she her-selfe to bee of the Queene of Saba her race, & shewed therwith a pearle & diamond of extraordinarie value and estimation, which she saide great king Salomon gaue her, when she departed from his court; forcing euerie one to beleeue, that successiuely by inheritance, these iewels came in the end to her. And yet one day she vttered a more notable [Page] one then this, declaring to certaine ladies and gentlewomen who were come to see her, that she had yet in her house a paire of hose of taffata, that belonged to the Signior and consorte of that Queene her kineswoman: wherefore the keeper of this place obseruing the simple follie of this woman, and accomodating a deuise to her genius or inclination, hee placed ouer the doore of her Cell for an imprese, the image of Time, after the same sort as it is by Poets described, which is, by a Dragon eating vp his owne tayle, with a proportionable motto to the same, that saith: Sola aeternitate victa. But I pray you, doe me this one fauour, obserue her well which commeth after, beeing called Andronica Rhodiana; thinke of her as of a craftie and subtile Foole in deed; for questionlesse she fayneth her-selfe to bee distracted for no other ende, but to enioy easie and good daies, who in this point discouereth her selfe; for sometimes shee will goe into the hen-loft, and get her into the corner where the hen sittes, crying, co co co, to shew like an hen that she hath layd an egge; but if any goe to take it vp, she cryeth no more after that manner, brusling her feathers, or cackling like an hen; but with a good staffe in her hand shee will make him stand further from the hen-roost: wherefore the keeper perceiuing these her knauish proceedings, hath set her foorth for a dissembling Foole, and placed ouer her cell the picture of Fraude, with her balance in her hand wanting of waight, with a motto adioyning which expresseth, Ars fortunae salus, because by these trickes, shee obtayneth pleasant and good daies. The other whom you see beholding the moone at a window, is called Liuia Veletri, because sometimes she is in perfect sense, [Page] as if she neuer had beene possessed with this foolish influence; and otherwhiles on the contrarie, she is so stimulated by this passion, as that by long experience they gather that shee is lunaticke: wherefore the other day she seemed in her speech, and discourse another Palace. Now if any man speaketh to her, hee shall finde her altogether out of her wits, tossing and turning like a begger in fresh straw; for as the moone wayneth, so doth her wit decrease: & therefore you see a deuise with a motto proportionable to this humour; the one being a crab which beholdeth the moone-shining, the motto being framed in these words: Nunc in pleno, nunc in vacuo. She enclosed by her parents within the next cell, is the faire Martia Sempronia, where ouer the doore is painted winged Cupid with a light in his hand, and this motto subscribed: Desperatasalus. For shee inflamed with loue, grew foolish not many yeeres sithence, for the loue of one Quintus Rutilius, and not knowing with what to present this ingratfull yoong man, for the mitigation of his crueltie and hard hart, with a needle she let her selfe blood in a vaine, venting a pound of her blood into a golden cup with a little inscription, that imported; Si feris humana prosint: the which present being by chaunce found by her brothers, was occasion of a great tribulation which she suffered: wherefore amidst these vexations and iniuries, shee grew to a desperate degree of louing folly, whereinto being fallen, by the small loue of her parents, shee was confined in the place you see. As a companion to this woman, in another kinde of folly shee there sheweth her selfe, who hath an haulter prepared fastned to that yron hooke: for though her name may presage happily, shee [Page] beeing called Mansueta Britannia, yet are her actions quite contrarie to the same: for like a desperate Foole shee hath three times fastned the halter about her necke, to hang her-selfe, and alwaies some one or other hath beene readie at hand to helpe her: neither can she by the helpe of phisitions any waies be cured of this desperate disposition, bicause she hath suffered this passion to haue too great predomination, the which is so much the lesse excusable, by how much somtimes vpon a trifling occasion, she will needes hang her-selfe; euen as the other day, she prepared that rope in the same manner as you see, onely bicause a needle was taken out of her pinpillow, and so she could not worke on her cushion as she woulde haue done: wherefore the deuise and motto shewe her extreame despaire; the deuise beeing the bodie or trunke of a Cypresse tree, which beeing once cutte, neuer groweth againe, and the motto: Semel mortua quiescam. Who would not say that Hortensia Quintilia, shee whose residence is there a little below, were sister to Hortensia of Bergamo, or Sarnie, she being a starcke noddie as also he was: for if his humour be not included in her, both one and other may goe hang themselues. This woman to shew the veritie of that I haue said, voide of vnderstanding, and of so weake a braine, as shee one day sat idle by the fires side, striking with the tongs vpon a burning logge, she tooke woonderful delight to see so many sparckles come from it, as children doe when playing with their fathers, they aske counters and crownes; when the maide of the house scumming the possenet, let fall some of the broth vpon the blocke, and so depriued this foole of her contentment, and brought her selfe to great trouble: for [Page] she in all furie, tooke vp the billet by one end, and with it went after the maide all the streete ouer, crying out, lay vpon her, lay vpon her, like a queane as she is. Let it suffice, that the matter being afterwards knowne, by the maides owne report, and those of the house; shee growing euerie day woorse and woorse, as it hapned, was by her friends constrayned to enter in here, where the Guardian of the Hospitall fully informed of her humours, composed that deuise for her which you see, and placed it ouer her Cell, which is no other but a choake peare, stroken downe with a great haylestone, and this motto subscribed: Actum est: which concurreth excellently well with her folly, which surely is headstrong and stirred vp by and by. Be merrie a little, and plucke vp your spirits in beholding that notable Cogster Terentia Samntte, who in her gestures, words, inuentions, and carriage is the verie sister of Boccafresca, or Gonello: and for proofe of this, the other day shee sate her downe, and called into the chamber before her all the whole houshold of the master of the Hospitall, they all rūning vp in hast to heare some goodly matter come from her (according to her woont) where many being assembled together, while they expected some discourse, or speech, as otherwhiles shee was woont to make: at this time (not without laughter) shee vsed a thousand gestures, with her hands, and eies, sometimes this way, then that way, seeming alwaies, as if she would euen then haue begun; at last fetching a deepe sigh with a grunt like an hog, she told them, that the occasion of her calling them together, was to no other ende, but that so noble a grunting belch, might bee honored with so goodly an assembly as there then was: so that [Page] verie fitly that deuise is set ouer her Cell, a great iobbernoll, with a large slop after the Dutch manner hanging vpon the nose, and this motto in Dutch Italian gibberedge: Chesta, stare bone compagne. But a most Iouiall and pleasant humour is that, of Quintia Emilia, borne to the relaxation and contentment of euerie one, whose residence is in a Cell somewhat beneath, hauing three gentlemen standing by her, to whom with her speech shee giueth woonderfull pleasure and delight. And not long sithence one of them demanding of her, at what time women are most foolish: shee wittily answered; when you men will but giue them so much time, as to become so: And to an other, who asked her wherefore nature had bestowed so little witte on women, she presently answered, that resoluing his question truely, the answere was in readines, bicause nature wrought like a woman as she was. It may suffise that there is a conuenient deuise deputed for her, which is, a Iupiter in the midst of heauen sitting vpon a throne of gold, with this motto of the poet; Iouis omniaplena: But marke that same fantasticall and capricchious Herminia Bohema, that for a rosted chestnut the other day, set all the house in an vprore, and other sometimes she giues to them that woulde, and woulde not; and the other day for a dried Seruise, she cried for the space of an hower, with her neighbour Marietta, being afterward pacified in a monent: she hath woorthily vpon her dore for a deuise, a great Turkicocke that girdeth forwarde on a sodaine, and presently staieth, with a motto; Tanto lenis, quanto propera. And she who is chained to a bedde harde by, is a certaine beastly foole called Giacoma da Pianzipane, who the other day plaide this fine pranke, [Page] for a boie comming neere to her to haue emptied her close stoole, she tooke the pot and laide it on his head, so despitefully, that the poore lad was three daies after, ere he came to himselfe. And yet not two daies since, she performed an other farre beyonde this, for finding an asse that was brought into the house, with two baskets full of egges vpon his shoulders, she tooke a kneading tubbe, and so persecuted the poore asse, as she made him fall into an hole, which serued as a sinke, to receiue all the immundicities of that place, where the poore beast slumped into the dirt with his pannell, and broke all his egges and baskets: And besides in the market she set vpon the asses master, that came behinde him, and if he had not sodainly retired himselfe backe, out of doubt, she had made a mightie carbonado of his head incontinently: wherefore the keeper considering the brutish humour of this foole, ouer her Cell hath caused to bee painted fit to the purpose, that Megera disheaueled, and with haire about her eares, with her motto, which saith; Accensanil dirius. A little vnderneath marke her, who is so pensiue in view, and looketh on the wall with her minde fixed thereon; she is called Lauinia Etolia, who is an extrauagant and notable foole indeed, and I knowe thus much by this: for not long since shee writ a conceite to a princesse of high place, like to the title of that which those of Saint Marino in Romagna, writ to the Venetian Signorie, saying: To our deere and welbeloued sister, the Venetian Common-wealth, for those of Saint Marino, though they be all in a manner rustickes, and countrie men, yet liue they in a common-wealth like Venetian Signiors; and in that inuention she requested of her a speciall [Page] fauour which was; that withall her Damsels, and wayting maids, she would come and visite her, and stay with her eight daies; for she would for her entertainment furnish a Palace beseeming another Cleopatra, and among other dainties, shee would giue her one of a Beuers stones, not such an one as a friend of mine of Piacenza bought, of a roaguish coosening mate in the citie of Teruigi, but somewhat lesse, which would perfume euen the verie porredge-pot or coleworts within, so precious it was, and peerelesse; and to each of her damsels, shee meant to present an Indian cricket, who wakeneth men without a clock, at what hower soeuer they please: wherfore vpon this worthie fantasie, that deuise you see was cōpounded, which is the image of a monstrous Medusa, with a motto, Extrema peto; because doubtlesse her follies be monstrous and extreme. After her followeth such another driuell, that of all the paines she takes, she gaines nothing but nichilles, and her name is Calidonia da Heppi, who neuer standeth still, or is at quiet, and somtimes she ticketh with one, and then tacketh with another; and after the sport is ended, she returneth home, either with her face all to be scratch, her haire shagged abroad, or her mouth all to be grumbled, for these bee the recreations which she ordinarily vseth after meales: therefore by her deuise which is à Pluckt-hen with this motto, Quid nostra prosunt? a man may straight conceiue, wherein her error consisteth. And that other somewhat beneath her, called Cecilia Venusia, is a notable bucksome, and well pampered Foole, who is continually conuersant in her riggery, neither can a man behold afiner madge-howlet then her selfe, so that she is neuer without a companie of women about her, who without [Page] hir comfort, would certainely bee euen dead, and halfe lost. This woman by her monckeries, singing of riffe raffe rimes and countrey gigs, recounting a thousand merrie tales, far more pleasant, then those of Strapanarola, and by prating more incessantly then a Parrat, she hath brought in amongst them an other Lubberlande, to passe ouer all melancholike and displeasing humours: wherefore you see, that her imprese is a tauerne bush on the toppe of a speare, with this motto; Vndiquerisus; bicause it seemeth that this deuise and motto cannot fitlier concurre with any then her selfe. There followeth after her Armodia Falisca, being an vnbridled foole like a horse, licentious and dissolute in all her actions, in her wordes impudent and lauish, and with insolent libertie she raileth on euerie bodie, as she did the other day; for seeing a great troupe of gentelwomen returne from the feast of some saint, she founde faulte euen with this, that one of them had a needle sticking on her head cawle, in nothing so comely a sorte as was requisite: And therefore her aduise is an horsestraine, with a motto expressing thus much; Nil satiu [...]; she being very well knowne for so viperous a foole, as in truth she is. That last Cell sauing one, belongeth to Laurentia Giglia, in all her affaires being an obstinate foole like a mule; and from this, her obstinacie commeth euidently to bee discerned; for not long sithence being rebuked by some of her friends for talking at a window with I know notwho, departing presently, she as suddenly returned, and once againe put in minde of it by them, she withdrew herselfe a little, and afterwardes shewed herselfe there a fresh; neither could the winde which came with a great haile of stones as [Page] as bigge as an egge, so much as make her bouge from that place, she being disposed to winne the fielde, and haue the conquest of heauen and earth. And therefore in all reason, she hath an anuile with an hammer striking vpon it, set vp for her imprese, with this motto, Nec ictibus: which clearly manifesteth the extreme wilfulnes shee is possessed withall. But she who strikes it vp, carries the game away, and makes vp the feast as it should bee, is Hostilia Mutinense, either the sister of Merline, or daughter of Calcabrine, a woman inspiritate, diabolicall, and stuffed vp euen to the verie gorge with all kinde of flagition and villanie. This diuelish Foole is so monstrous and malignant, as there is no deuise in the world that can sufficiently expresse her peruerse, wicked, and abhominable nature. Therefore amongst all the rest, she onely is left without imprese or deuise; for neither Gabrina for despite, Circes for diabolicall malice, nor any other prodigious monster so much by the ancients celebrated, can woorthily enough represent her strange and enormious properties. So that honourable beholders I conclude thus much, that it were much better for you neuer to come neere her Cell: for if she doe but perceiue your being here about, make account that like another Alcina, she will turne you all into beasts, trees, or stones; and instead of entring into an Hospiof Fooles, you shall finde your selues in that palace, where cursed destinie transformeth men into Asses, and this is all you might gaine by the sight of her. Let vs therefore now put to the gates of this Hospitall, and roaue abroad at large, for that which alreadie you haue seene, is more then enough.

FINIS.

[Page]

Information about this book

Title statement

The hospitall of incurable fooles: erected in English, as neer the first Italian modell and platforme, as the vnskilfull hand of an ignorant architect could deuiseHospidale de' pazzi incurabili. English

Garzoni, Tomaso, 1549?-1589.

Edition statement

1600

Publication

Publisher

Text Creation Partnership,

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Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) :

Date

2003-05 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1).

ID [DLPS]

A01512

ID [STC]

STC 11634

ID [STC]

ESTC S102909

ID [EEBO-CITATION]

99838670

ID [PROQUEST]

99838670

ID [VID]

3057

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(EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A01512)

Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 3057)

Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 384:15)

Source

— The hospitall of incurable fooles: erected in English, as neer the first Italian modell and platforme, as the vnskilfull hand of an ignorant architect could deuise, Hospidale de' pazzi incurabili. English, Garzoni, Tomaso, 1549?-1589., Nash, Thomas, 1567-1601., Blount, Edward, fl. 1588-1632..

Extent

[14], 158, [2] p.

Printed by Edm. Bollifant, for Edward Blount,. [London] :: 1600.. (Translation of: Garzoni, Tomaso. L'hospidale de' pazzi incurabili.) (Possibly translated by Edward Blount; translation also sometimes ascribed to Thomas Nash.) (The last leaf is blank.) (Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.)

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