SIr, I doo not a litle maruayle that you séeme so to blame Fortune, whose fa­uour, I suppose, you haue sufficiently enioyed from time to time, wherfore (mée séemeth) you shew your selfe very vnthankeful for her good gifts on you bestowed.

In déede, my olde fellow and fréend W. H. (I déeme you are guided by this Prouerbial reason,) Fortune fauoureth fooles, Ergo Fortune fauoureth Fulwell, but all olde Prouerbes are not alwayes true, for then should I be very fortunate, but I will render vnto thée the cause that I am out of her grace and fauour.

Sir, I pray you let mée craue that curtesie at your handes, so may I happely learne the cause why shée is my professed enemy also.

First thou must vnderstand, that I was ser­uant a longtime vnto Lady Hope, who in fine, was minded to preferre mee vnto the seruice of Lady Fortune, & when my sayd Maistres perceiued that this blinde Goddesse was determined to entertaine certaine men into her seruice, & bestow on them very liberally, shée sente mée to Fortune, with her letter of cōmendaciōs, the tenure wherof ensueth

Truely this was a very louing letter, and (in my iudgement) you were happy to haue so freendly a Mai­stresse. I maruaile that vpon the deliuery of this letter vn­to Lady Fortune, shee made not you chiefe ruler & orderer of her house.

Nay nay, one clause of this letter dasht al the rest, and made mee lose my golden seruice.

What clause was it I pray you?

These are the words that marde all, (vtterly voyde of flattery and dissimulation.)

Why? then I perceiue that slattery and dissi­mulation is the way to win Fortunes fauour, and certis now I see plainely the cause that I haue bene alwayes a­lienated Fortune fa­uoreth none [...] [...]atterers from her fauour, and a continuall subiecte to her frownes. But I pray you, had you a [...]at denial at the first, or els by some prety sleight of circumstance.

I wil disclose vnto thée the order of my comming to b [...]r Court, and of my entertainment there. At my first entry into her Court, I set aside bashfulnes, knowing that boldnes hath more free passage into the Court gates. Thē with y^• Courtlikest fashiō that I could, (béeing indéed more cart [...]rlike thē Courtier like) I prest my self into the Chā ­ber of presence, my thréedbare cloke was markt of many, & y^• rest of my attire agréeable therunto, was mockt of most, but specially of them that swinged vp & downe in brauery of other mens cost, and I was thought very saucy and ma­lapert. And amonge the rest, one lusty Courtiour (whose [Page] name as I vnderstood afterwards, was double Diligence) Double [...]. asked of mée how I durst presume to iussel my balde cloake by their braue garments. Sir (sayd I) the basenes of mine doth encrease the beauty of yours. This gentleman was so prowd of his Pecocks plewms, that to ostend his braue­ry by my contrary, was willinge to walke and talke with mée in the Chamber of presēce, vnto whom at last I brake my minde, and the cause of my comming to the Court, and when hée vnderstood that I had letters to Dame Fortune from her Cosin Lady Hope, he welcomed mee very fréend­ly, and with small intreatie became my Soliciter vnto his Maistresse the Lady Fortune: by meanes wherof I was called into the presence of this blinde Goddesse, whom whē I saw, I found the Poets and painters true men and not lyers, for shee was muffled from her chin to the top of her temples, & it so fell out that as I came in, shée was blindly in bestowing of her guiftes, in such sorte, as I haue seene the Préest in time past, deale holy bread, shée gaue to much to very many, but ynough to none, Superfluity sate alofte, but Sacietie was shut in prison, and as did the rest, so did I holde out my hand for her beneuolence. I gaped wide, but other snatched vp the benefits before they fel to the groūd, I stretched forth my arme & opened my hand, but I could [...] finger nothing, shée crossed my hand with many bare bles­singes, but the giftes fell on both sides of my fist and non [...] right: it rayned pottage, but I wanted a dish: there might I sée howe some of William Sommers kynred had their handes full, Pierce Pickthanke filled his purse, Fraunces the Flatterer flourished in wealth, Crispin the Counterfai [...] was compted a ioly fellow▪ Dauy Dissembler had wealth at will and in great estimacion, but to resite y^• detestable crew of fooles, flatterers, and parasites, that receiued giftes o [...] this blinde Lady Fortune, would be to tedious to discribe. At last I espide in a corner all solitarely, a beautifull Lady of cumly feature, in very modest attire, and shée noting my simplicitie, amongst such a sorte of snatching companions, come hyther thou simple foole F. (quod shée) for thou art very

[Page] the second pride, the thirde ambition, and they so preuay­led, that my trayne became freends with her, and rebelled agaynst mée. Thus was shee aduaunced, and I throwne downe, then was I compelled to seeke my habitation a­mong temporal princes, and noble peeres but my enemies were so mighty, that they constrayned many potentates, to haue of mée small regard, yet the deuine power so proui­ded for mee, that I was not, nor am not vtterly fréendles, and béeinge aduertised by a Sister of mine, named Ladye Vertue, that I am had in great veneration at this time within the realme of England, I am determined to addres my iurney, as wel for the singular good report that I hear of the most renowmed Queene of that realme, compar [...] to the godly and vertuous Queene of Saba (Elizabeth by name) as also for the good hope of welcome vnto that fa­mous nacion. And in this wandring pilgrimage, I chan­ced vpon this Pallace of blinde Fortune (as thou now séest wherin I haue noted great liberality with no lesse parci­alitie, wise men beate the bush and fooles catch the birdes, valiaunt men cracke the nuttes, but cowards eat the cur­nels. Thus as I sit, I sée and smile therat. Among the rest, I saw when Homer came vnto this Court, accompa­nied with the nine Muses, vnto whom I stept (knowing [...] hi [...] intente) and like coole Prophet vttered vnto him these wordes.

AND full truely prooued this prophesie, for while he was liuing, hée was litle regard [...]d i [...] this Court, but béeing dead, the great conqueror Alexander spake of him much worship. And so it fareth [...], [...] men are not wanted, till they are lodged in their graues. And although [Page] I know full well, that there resteth in thee no extraordi­nary wisdome, nor scant so much as should serue thy turn, yet the experience that I haue in this Courte, and by the coniecture of thy nature, I dare assure thee thou shalt haue a coulde sute, if thou haue ought to dooinge with Ladye Fortune.

Madame (quod I) I haue attentiuely harkened vnto The Author exhorteth Lady Trueth to come into England. your tale euen from the beginning, and am sory for your misfortunes, which to redresse I would it in mee rested. And if it bee your Ladiships pleasure to repayre vnto the Realme of Englande I will bee your man, and I doubte not but there you shalbe entertayned very noblye, bothe in the Court, Citie, and Countrey. Notwithstanding (good Madame) I will bee so saucy as to beshrew you for your prophesie agaynst mee in this my sute vnto Ladye Fortune, because I know that your woordes cannot bee false, you beeinge as you are (Lady Trueth) notwithstand­ing voyde of all hope. I will approche vnto her with my message, and then will I keepe my promise in waytinge on your good Ladyship. Now fréende Printer, if you list to heare howe I speede, reade this Dialogue follow­inge.

What malapart iacke is it that so saucely checketh my dooings: it were more fit for him to sit by the héeles in the porters lodge [...]linde For­tunes coma [...]on almes. then so presumptuously to prate in our presēce Althouhh I winke, yet am not I so blinde, but that I can perceiue thy bold approching aboue thy degrée.

Deare Lady Fortune, as I am sory for that I haue so sodainly offended you, euen so I am right ioyus for your sodaine depriuation from your blindnes, trusting that your Ladiship will y^• rather vouchsafe to peruse these letters that I bringe vnto you from my good Lady & Mai­stresse, the Lady Hope.

If thou be seruaunt vnto my Cosine Ladye Hope, thou art the better welcome to my presence, and I pardon thy former saucines. But before I peruse this let­ter, tell mee what is thy name, and by what frendshippe thou were admitted into this place, béeing clad in so simple attier?

Deare Lady, the first letter of my first name beginneth with this letter V. signifiyng vnfortunate, and my surname is Fulwell, which béeinge ioyned togeather, is Vnfortunate Fulwell. And as touching my approching into your presence, so it is that I fulfilled the olde prouerb (who so bolde as blinde Bayarde, but I came not to this place without a backe burthen of mockes and tauntes.

While thou hast bin telling thy tale, I haue [...] [...]mon ex­ [...]se I would you had cum [...]. perused the letter, and considered the contentes therof, and I wish thou hadst come a litle sooner, while I was in dea­linge of my doale, that somwhat might haue fallen to thy share.

In déede Madam, as somwhat hath some sauor, [Page] so nothing doth no harm, but I was present at your doale▪ and yet may carry away my gaines in mine eye, and not blemish my sight. I confesse your hand blessed mee verye often, but I feele no vertue to consist therin, so that I can make no great brags of my gaynes at your handes.

Right now thou madest confession of thy bold­nesse, what soddaine bashfulnes possessed thee, that thou fearedst to snatch out of my handes, as well as others.

Truly Madam I was neuer instructed in the schoole of scamblinge, and now I am to olde to learne, but quietly to stand at receit to take vp nothing.

Then art thou vtterly vnable to thriue in Many haue not learned to thriue. these dayes, but now to the purpose, my Cosin Lady Hope hath written vnto mee very freendly in thy behalf, that I should take thee into my seruice, but one clause therin con­teyned maketh mée déeme thée very vnfit for my Court.

May it please your Ladiship to shew me wher­in my vnabilitie consisteth.

As thou sayst, thy name is Vnfortunate Ful­well, so I perceiue thy destenies agrée therunto, for except All sauinge flatterers are vnfit to serue in Fortunes Court. thou bée skilfull in the Eyghth liberall science, thou canst not enioy either wealth or any speciall fauour.

Truely Madam, I haue beene a block bedly scholler all dayes of my life, and not vtterly ignorante in some of the seauen liberall sciences, although cunning in none of them al, but certes of the eighth I neuer heard vn till now, wherby I see the longer a man liueth the more hée may learne. Wherfore I pray you Madam voutch­safe The eyghth liberall sciēce the nature of it, & vvherin it most con­ [...]steth. to let mée vnderstand somewhat of this science at your handes.

For thy Maistresse sake I will do so much for thée, it is called ars adulandi, and well deserueth to bée rec­koned among the liberal sciences and may bée called Scien­cia liberalissima, because it hath more liberalitie contribu­ted vnto it then is to any other Art, and of it selfe liberally bestoweth her skill on as many as are willing to study the same. It consisteth more in practises then on preceptes, [Page] and the first principle of it is this, q [...]i nesc [...] si [...]lare nesci [...] viuere. Hée that knoweth not how t [...] dissemble cannot [...] how to liue. Now that I haue directed thee thus farre in this science, go study the same diligently, and practise it effectually, and then come vnto my court agayne.

But is there any vniuersitie wherin this sci [...]e, is studied:

It is both studied and practised throughout the The world is full of such Graduates. world, & thou maist haue enstructers in euery citie, towne, village, and bamlet, yea, & almost in euery priuate house, wherfore learne with speede, or els liue like a very foole, and so farewell, for I can no longer attend thee.

In very deede that olde prouerb is not to bee disproued, for I dare auouch the trueth ther­of, A gentle and true in terpre tation. and yet (gentill s [...]rra) it is not as you vnder­stand it, for I know you consture it as thus: if you meete with mee or such as I am, or with a Fox in a morning (you beeing fasting) that then it prognosticateth yll luck [...] vnto you that daye, but the true construction is cleane contrary, and is thus to bee vnderstood. If you meete with a Fox in a morninge that hath not broken her fast, or a Frier that goeth from the place where hée was harbored without eating any thing, it may well protend some mis­fortune. For a Fox purloyneth all the night, and retur­neth to her Berry with a full paunch: And a Frier issueth not out of the doores without his brea [...]fast both in his bel­ly and in his budget for failyng.

I am right ioyous that I haue met with so noble a Doctor this morning, at whose handes I haue al­ready learned one lesson, and by whose company I hope to attaine more skill. I pray you Maister Frier let mee be your companion this day, for I am already enflamed with the loue of your company.

Is thy businesse so stender, that thou maist in­tend to walke with mée at randon?

My businesse is soone dispatcht, for I haue nought to dooynge this day but to make loytringe pinnes.

In fayth good fellow, then, then is thy occupaci­on and mine much alike, and mee seemeth by thy attire, thou thriuest but slowly with thy trade, or els thou art one of them that cannot thriue for shame, howbeit (because thou seemest to hee a good fellow) I will for good fellow­ships sake teach vnto thee the eighth liberal science, which [Page] is a very profitable art, wherin (I iudge by thy estate) thou art vtterly ignorant.

And are you maister Frier, a studient in that Science?

Yea sir that am I, and in degree aboue a studi­ent, A Doctor in knaucry. for I am an auncient practicioner therin, and thinke my selfe sufficiencie to proceede Doctor in that faculty, so good an opinion I haue of my selfe.

It is like that you are very well séene in the olde liberall Sciences, and in other good studies, that you are so excellent in this new found Arte.

Nay verely, I count him a foole that beateth his braines about many matters, and hath no excellency in a­ny one, wherfore I haue set aside all other studies to at­tayne to the very perfection of this onely Arte, wherby I am welcome whersoeuer I come. The name of it is, ar [...] adulandi, The arte of Flattery. And there belongeth vnto it, glosinge, cogginge, doublenes, dissimulation, iestinge and railinge, with many other branches as in practise is very easie to bee learned. But euery man that weeneth to win credit by his art, may not bée rashe in makinge his Some one to be follovved. choyse of these branches, least hée bée espied, and so discre­dit himselfe. I will not mention vnto thée of the courtiers practise, nor of the homely Country mans handling of his matters, nor of any others, but I will reueale vnto thee which of these branches I haue chosen, and how I vse it.

My eares are prepared to heare your discourse I pray you begin.

Thou knowest that it is my profession to wan­der as a pilgrim, from place to place, and am an authorised begger, my coule is my pasport, and my shauen crowne my credit. And when I first began to wander, I was vtter­ly vnskilful in this art before mencioned, at what time my order was to geue holsome & godly counsell vnto my good Dames of the Country, and would sumtimes checke their wanton children, when I saw them rude and lassiuious, insomuch that at the laste, when I was espied comminge [Page] into any Uillage, the children, yea and their mothers also would shut their doores agaynst mee. I (knowinge the A bold geste. cause of their dislikinge mee) was so sau [...]y as to draw the latch, and boldely entred into the house, for I was as per­fect of the way in, and also of euery corner in the house, as was the good wife her self. This was no poore mans house but a good fat Farmer, and my Dame was a lusty wench and had a rowling eye. And when I came into the Hall, there was shee and her two daughters with her, the elder of them beeing but twelue yeares of age, and the yonger ten yeares olde, and her onely sonne lyinge in the Cradle. God blesse my good Dame (quod I) and God be heare. &c. Let it not offende you (my good Dame) that I rushe in so boldely vnto you, for I was this night warned by God in A counter [...] [...]ait reuelati­on. a vision, to bringe you good tydinges, and the spirite that appeared vnto mee reuealed as I haue already found, the woordes that hee spake were these. Frier Frances, I charge thee that this day about ten of the clocke in the forenoone, thou repaire to thy good ben [...]factor I. G. and will her stedfastly beleeue, that whatsoeuer thou shalt say vnto her, is as true as the Gospell, and at thy first comminge, thou shalt finde her doores shut against thee, notwithstandinge, enter in boldly, & thou shalt finde her & her three children with her in the Hall, but her husband shal bee at Plowe in the fielde (which I new before I came thither) & thou shalt say vnto her, set your seruantes that are about your house, to such worke as they may not come to heare the secretes that I haue to reueale, and also let your two daughters bée [...]ecluded from our presence, and then (Frier Frances) I will sende to thy minde what thou shalt say.

Truely this is a proper ceremonial beginning, but was shée not doubtfull least some body shoulde come in and take you so suspiciously togeather.

Nay, wee Friers are at a good point for such matters we ar not suspected because we are accoūted men mortified [...] fleshly lusts, & are authorised to shreue both mē & womē.

Latet anguis in Herb [...], I doubt least vnder your [Page] cloake of simplicitie, lurketh a huge heape of subtilty, and I feare mee least you be one of them that Saint Paule men­cioneth in the second Epistle to Timothi in the third Cha. who with external holynes, and internal filthines, deuour the soules of the simple, whose wordes are these There are some which créepe into houses, and leade captiue sim­ple women laden with sinnes and lead with diuers lustes &c. And also vnto Titus in the first Chapter, as thus. There are many disobedient and vaine talkers, and decei­uers of mindes, which subuerte whole houses, teachinge thinges which they ought not, for filthy lukers sake. Not­withstandinge (Maister Frier) I praye you procéede with your discourse, and wee will set Saint Paule aside till you haue done.

Tush, tush, I was a preacher of Peter and Paule More profite in flattering, then in prea­ching Gods worde. a great while, vntill the world was weary of mee, but I finde more profit in this Science ten to one, as in the ende thou shalt perceiue. And now to return to my good dame G. agayne, when wée were by our selues, then called I my wittes togeather, how I might set a face of honestye vpon my pretensed Reu [...]lation, affirming that I speak nothing of my selfe, but by diuine inspiration. You are (quoth I) at this present cōceiued with a sonne in your womb, which Hipocrisic cloaked vn­der Religio [...] childe is predestinate to bee a noble peere of this lande, and shall aduaunce your whole linage to great honor and dig­nities, and you shall liue to see those happy dayes. Your selfe shal haue soueraignitie (the thing that women chief­ly desire.) Your two daughters shalbe Ladyes of greate renowne, and haue many suters come vnto thē for to get their good willes in marriage, and that of no meane per­sons, and I trust (as olde as I am to see this litle boy in the Cradle (God blesse him) bee of greate estimation in this Country.

This Newes so rauisht the hart of my Dame, that shee thought her selfe immediatly halfe way to Heauen, suppo­sing that I had beene the Angell Gabriell. Then had I the best cheare in the house set before mee, and who then but [Page] Maister Frier Frances?

Mée thinke this was a blinde policy, and soun­ded in her eares incredible. But to begin a litle (with your lycence) was shée then conceiued with childe.

Yea sir that was shee, for I had heard certayne of her gossips reasoning of that matter before. And leaste shee should seeme incredulous of my wordes, I set in that Caueat at the beginning, whereby she might stand in fear of incredulity, and if any thing should happen contrary to my wordes, I would haue ascribed it to her vnbeleefe, and as for the chéefe effect of my prophesie, I was certain that Sea crafty dissemblers conueyance. in my life time it could not bée expected, so that I forged this matter but to serue for my life time.

But was shée not inquisitiue to know by what meanes this thing should come to passe?

Yes, and I had a proper inuention in a ready­nesse. I tolde her, that when this childe commineth to the age of xxii. yeares, there should be great warres bee­tweene the Emperour, and the Turke, and it should fall to his lot to atchiue many notable Steatagems, againste the Machometicall Emperour, by meanes wherof his glo­ry should be aduaunced throughout all Christian Regions and especially within this Nation. But to see howe For­tune fauored my procéedinges, when I was once entred into the profession of this Arte, it happened, that while wée were at our iolye good chéere, there came in a gossip of hers, (who according to the curtesie of our Country) was inuited to doo as wee did. And when wee had chatced a while togeather, I willed her to shew mee her lefte hand, professing my selfe to bee very cunninge in Palmestry (in which arte I haue as much skill as a horse, and no more) I looked on her hand and would sumtimes name Lineauite Knauery coloured vn­der a sha­dovv of lear­ning. sumtimes Lineanuptialis, but to conclude, I knew neither of them both, nor any other line, but for a shadow to blear her eyes withall. And then I mused with my selfe (as if I had been in a browne study) during which time, I con­sidered with my selfe what daungers are commonly inci­dent [Page] vnto men and women: and at the last I tolde her that shee had hardly escaped the daunger of drowning, shee rati­fied my assertion with an othe, deeming mee to bee rather an Angell then a mortal man: this so flesht mee that I was now a gog.

But what if shée had denied that shée euer escaped such daunger?

Then woulde I haue sayde that it was in her youth, before her remembraunce, but it fell out better. Then I blundred at other of her misfortunes paste, and some I hit right, and on the rest that shee remembred not so well, I caste such a cloake of cullusion, that shee rather ascribed to it her oblyuion, then to any wante of Arte in mée.

But was shee not as desirous to heare of her good fortunes to come, as of her euill chaunces past?

Yes mary was shee, and there beginneth the sporte. I should haue noted vnto thée before, that while we were in our merimēts as wée sate at our dinner, this wife dranke to all good husbands, and then (quod shée) my bus­bands parte is least. I thought on these wordes, and I per­ceiued also by more of her talke, that there was but small good lykinge betweene her husbande and her, therfore to please her minde by tellinge of good newes, I sayd that as she had suffred care and sorow by the frowardnes of an vn­louing man, so shee should (within short space) possesse ioye and solace by the entire loue of a faythfull husbande, with whom shee should haue her owne will, and wealth at plea­sure, and shee should see her desire vpon her enemies, and beare the swing & sway of al the women of the Parish shée should dwell in, with such lyke. Thus I was among my good Dames estéemed as a very Prophet, because I spake Faire vvorde [...] makes such fooles fayce. vnto them pleasinge thinges, and by these meanes I was more sought vnto then any Dector of Phisicke, or Coun­saylour of the Lawes, and specially of Women.

But could you please all that came vnto you with these practises, or had you other shiftes in store?

Nay. I am not so simple but I can respecte the person, for I met with some women, that I knew loued their husbands full well, and for them I had other deuises. I will flatter some of them in their children sayinge, that as they are of amiable counteuance, and of faire feature, so there are manifest tokens in their faces of wisdome, to­wardlynes grace and good fortune, and what Parent will not delight to heare this of their children, and for the Pa­rentes themselues, I haue a thousand pleasing inuentions in this head of mine.

But will not the foolish Parentes perceiue thy grosse flattery, if they sée no such thing in their children in deede, as thou speakest of?

Neuer a whit, for thou knowest the Fable in E­sop, that the Oule thought her owne birdes fairest, and in this respect parentes for the more part are blinde, and spe­cially mothers. And it is as feate a poynte in flattery to gloze in that which is neuer like to come to passe, as to pro­mise that which a man neuer ment to geue, or would doo him no pleasure to whom it is offred. As I reade once in a prophane story that at what time vertuous Deborah the Prophetesse indged Israel: in the Cittie of Babel was dwel­ling a ritch Lieutenant named Ishewa who beeing presen­ted by a Souldiour, which fought vnder Apollos Banner with a simple peece of worke which he had framed in Mi­neruas Shop: requited him only with a Bezeles manus and fed him with faire wordes, promising him that which nei­ther hee could geue, as hee knew right well, neither the Monstrous promises choake [...]oles. other regarded as did plainely appeare. But as for anye other rewarde the diuell a whitte hee gaue him for his paynes.

I am sure thou aboundest in such good exam­ples, but what neede so farre fet and of such antiquity? I thinke thou maist haue store in the profounde Maisters of your faculty and neuer trauaile to Babell for them. For yee are all of one predicament, both hee of whom thou spa­kell and al the rable of you, a company of cogging coistrels, [Page] howbeit I am sure thou hast taken forth a lesson before thē all, and maist well reade a lecture in the arte of Adulation. For truely thou flattering Frier, I haue heard so much of thée that I am ashamed to he are any more. And that in­uenting It vvas hee o [...] some like godly Cap­taine. head of thine, lacketh nothing but a halter in stéed of a hoode, but yet I pray thee (Frier) between earnest and ieste, was it not thou that preachedst of late vnto certaine theeues by the hie waies side, and approuedst them worthy members of a common wealth, comparing them in many poyntes vnto Christ?

No verely, it was not I, but certes I knowe him and commend him, for hee was a wise fellow & made a learned and profitable Sermon. Hée preached not for six shillinges and eyght pence, the ordinary price: but for ten pound and more. And truely to gaine halfe the mony (although it stand not with my professiō to handle mony) I will affirme that theeues ought to bee rulers, and not to bée ruled, yea and are worthy to bée canonised amonge the Saintes, when the yeare of Iubile commeth.

First I haue noted thy apostacie, in fallinge from thy profession to the filthye trade of Flattery for thy bellyes sake, wherby I condemne thee for a belly god: and before I procéede any further, I will compare thee to that wicked Iulian Apostata, whose ende may bee a Mirrour to the terrible example of all Renegates, of which number thou art a Captayne, most blasphemously belying the ho­ly spirite of God, with thy forged inspiration, not vnlike that falie seducinge Prophet Machomet who with his for­ged inspiracions vnto this day beguileth the Turkes. So Machomet sedu [...]eth the Turkes by a forged reue lation. that thou hast denied Christe our Sauiour who in the ge­nerall iudgement will also deny thee, except (by his speciall grace) thou repent. Secondly, I condemne thy impudēt arrogancy in arrogating to thy selfe cunninge skill in Pal­mestry, thou hauing no more iudgement thē an Asse, wher­in thou art one of the deceiuers of the worlde, foreprophe­sied by Saint Paule, to abuse the latter Age. And also, wher­as thou art vtterly vnlearned in any good arte or facultie, [Page] thou art not to be taken for a member, much lesse a Mini­st [...]r of Christes Church, but to bée whipt out of the same, as one for whose cause the worde of God is euill spoken of, for thou and such as thou art, haue bene the ruin & ouerthrow of many goodly houses, to the great annoyance o [...] pouertie, & of such bussards as thou art, are to many in these dayes, that maketh the worlde in feare of a seconde subuersion (which God forbid.) Thirdly, thy lyking, and allowing [...] [...]phemy. of blas [...]hemous do [...]rine, comparinge Christ our Sauiour to wicked and abhominable theeues, is most stinking, and detestable. Thou knowest, or oughtest to know, that Ihon the Baptist, although he were the Kings Chaplaine, name­ly Kinge Herodes, fed not his Lorde and Maisters eares with slattering doctrine for promotions sake, but reproued A comenda­ [...]on of S. Ihon the Bap [...]st. his sinne to his face, for the truthes sake. Hee rather chose to liue in penury, w^t Locustes & wilde Hony in the desert, then to fare delicately in the wickednesse of his Maisters Court. Hée desired with the Psalmist, rather to bee a doore keeper in the house of God, then to dwell in the Tentes of vngodlynesse. Hée might haue been aduaunced, to bée ta­ken for the Messias of the worlde, but hee put it from him, vnto him who of right ought to haue it. Hee was neither couetous, nor prowde, nor lasciuious, hée was no disse [...] ­bler, but a true preacher, not protesting one thing and per­fourming another: hee was no Simonist, hée hunted ney­ther for Bishoprike nor Benefice, but directed his whole life to the setting forth of Gods glory. When the Phara­sies and head rulers came to his Baptisme, hée called them not gracious Lordes, but generation of [...]pers, and bid them bring forth fruites of repentance, hée was altogether ignorant in thy [...]lthy Arte of Flattery.

When the Publicans came to him to learne their due­ties, hee preached not lyinge Palmestry but learned Diui­nitie. Hee allowed not their polling and pillinge, with a cloake of Custom, because they were receiuers of custom for the Prince, but sharply rebuked their extor [...]ions, and b [...] them take no more of any man then right required. [Page] But the professors of thy arte will not sticke to perswade them, (by wresting the Scriptures cleane out of ioynte) that all their dealinges, what wicked & peruerse meanes so euer they vse, is tollerable. Also when the roistinge Souldiers came vnto him, hée commended not their [...]aly­antnes, nor their couragious stomackes, but [...]eckt and taunted their iniurious violence shewed towardes men, and exhorted them neither actually to hurte any man vn­der colour of true seruice to their Prince, nor wrongfully to accuse any man, which two [...]aults they commonly vsed, and lastly perswaded them to bee contente with their wa­ges and stipend. Finally (as is before sayd) hee spared not the Maiesty of the King his Maister, in respecte of the trueth, which if hee would haue doone, no doubt but hee might haue béene (if hée listed) Princeps sacerdotum, in st [...]ed wherof hee was contente rather to loose his head then re­cant.

Thus (Frier) I haue expressed vnto thée parte of my minde, defiynge both thee and thy detestable Arte of Adu­lation.

I am sory that I conceiued so good an opinion of thee, seeing thou art so contrary to my disposicion, & where as thou saiest thou hast expressed parte of thy minde vnto mée, I assure thée I thinke neither thou nor any man can shewe any more then thou hast rehearsed. And wheras thou hast brought in Saint Iohn against mée, I can alleage for that one a number, that were as well learned as euer was Saint Iohn, who were studients and practisioners of my arte, and I pray you among the reste, what say you of Saint Peter as good a man as Sainte Iohn in each poynt, did not hee dissemble by denyinge his Maister for feare of his life, and I hold him the wiser of the twayne.

O thou Childe of Perdicion, that so disso­lutely, and desperatly [...]unnest hedlong to the pit of Hell. First because thou sayst I can s [...]yte no more examples to make for my purpose, I will omitte a great many that I might name for the contentacion of my assertion, as well [Page] the Apostles of Christ, as a multitude of other goodly Mar­tirs, and note vnto thee only Saint Peter. For wheras thou sayst that Peter for sau [...]gard of his life dissembled, thou she­west thy ignorance in the sacred truth, and thy exe [...]rable study in wrestinge the same. Peter dissembled not, but the hope that hee had to see his Maisters deliuerance out of the han [...]es of his mal [...]cious enemies, through the entire loue that hée bare vnto his Maister Christe, caused him to reiecte consideration of any former matters, as well his stoute promise, as otherwise, which in the ende hee bitter­ly, with teares repented. Hee so much hated dissimulation that hée could not abide an old grandfather of thine, Simon Magus, to delude the world with his cogging skill, dispise­inge Si [...] Magus grandfather [...] [...]. and abhorringe both him and his money. And as touching his flattery, let the whole course of his doctrine witnesse, wherin I thinke thee to bée ignorant. Of time­rousnesse of death, his end can witnes, for he suffred death for Christes sake.

Mary s [...]r there hangeth the doubte, for I haue heard that hee neuer came at Rome, where it is sayd that hee was put to death vnder Nero, and was Pope there, by olde report.

It is impertinente to our matter to prooue whether Peter were at Rome or not, but whosoeuer affir­meth that hee neuer was at Rome, (in proofe wherof [...]es must condemne some good Authors) yet will hee not saye that Peter suffred not death for Christes sake: and it may well be olde report, or rather olde wiues tales, that Peter was Pope of Rome, for y^• name was ascribed many yeres after Peters death. Thus thou hast abused that holy A­postle by challenginge him to bée of thy Arte, which thou termest the Eyghth Liberall Science. And thus to conclude with thee, I shall pray to God to illuminate thy hart with his holy spirite, to expell that foule F [...]end of Flattery from thee vntill which time, I shall detest and abhorre thy com­pany, as S. Iohn [...]d from Ce [...]inthius that wicked her [...]tick.

Sir I haue heard many men com­plaine of that Lady whom you so commende, for the [...] and happinesse on you bestow­ed, but I see that ec [...]e man speaketh as iust [...] cause him moueth. And sithens you are, by her benefits and bounty, occas [...]oned to honor her: may I bee so bolde as to learne at your handes, what wayes and meanes you vsed to obtayne so highly her fauour & friend­ship, so shall you binde mee vnto you, for I haue beene an vns [...]ilfull suter vnto her Ladiship, and therfore a slow [...] [...]peeder.

Your reasonable request, which seemeth vnto mee to bee tempered with mere simplicitie, shall bee easely graunted, attend therfore and marke wel the euent so thou maist, perhaps, bee directed a more ready & perfect Litle [...] in simplici [...] way to win her fauour by diligent imitacion.

When I first came to the Courte, I liued a bare and beggerly life▪ vsing sundry simple shifts to rub out am [...]gst the rest. I cared not in whose dette I became, so I might serue my present necessity. But at the last I perceiued that this trade could not longe continue, for experience taught mee that easely wonne was lightly lo [...]e, and euill gotten was yll spent. I applyed my sel [...]e to a profitable trade, which was to learne the Eyghth liberall [...], and to practise the same, by meanes wherof I haue obta [...]ed Fortunes special fauour, but before I could bring this mat­ter to perfect effect, I was constrained to vse prety [...] [...]or there are certayne degrees ascendinge before a ma [...] [...] [...] [...] ▪ may come to her grace and fauour. [Page] I presumed not at the first to her owne presence, but ob­serued diligently on whom shee vsed moste commonly to smile, and when I perceiued who was her minion, I also found out which of his gentlemen wayters was greatest in his bookes, and hauing diligently serched these premis­ses, I framed my self to bee very officious and seruiceable vnto Lady Fortunes man, towardes whom I behaued my selfe so pleasantly by skilful insinuation, that (what with my cunninge adulation and déepe Dissimulation) I crepte To publish d [...]ued commenda­cions is no flattery, but aboue mea­sure is folly. euen into the very bowels of his secretes. Then began I to magnifie and extoll the wisedome, prowes, fame, and renowne of his noble Maister, yea, (and I may tell thee) far aboue his desertes, and doubtinge least my woordes in commendinge him should not bee brought to his eares, I compiled a pleasant Pamphlet, and dedicated the same vn­to him, in the preface wherof I fed his vayne glorious hu­mor with magnificent Tytles and termes. But before I would presume to exhibite the same vnto him, I thought it good to vse the counsell and aduise of my yonge Maister and new found friend, whom I knew to haue perfecte ex­perience of his Maisters my patrons inclination. This my industry ioyned with fayned fidelity liked him so well, that (to further my wished successe) he gaue a very good re­port Flatteringe Epistels sum time finde fauour, but vvise men [...] at the folly of such & gene thē small thanks for their [...]. of me vnto his Maister, and by his counsaile I waited oportunity to deliuer my sayd Pamphlet vnto the Patron when I found him in a mery moode (which is a thing spe­cially to bee regarded of all suters) it pleased him so wel to reade his owne commendacions, that hee vouchsaued to peruse the rest, and gaue mee his rewarde and good coun­tenance which was the thinge for the which I fished, and within shorte space I grew into greater fauour then was my first Maister, his man before specified: so that I was not Lady Fortunes minions mans man, but Lady Fortunes minions fellow. And not longe after that, by my daily ac­cesse vnto Lady Fortunes presence, and my cunning skill in Adulation, wherin I was an absolute Scholler, I had the charge of her whirling wheele in my owne hand, to aduāce [Page] whom I liked, and throw downe whom I listed.

Then I doubt not but the Authors of your preferment were at your hands right bountifully rewar­ded.

Certes and so they were, for I not onely depriued them from their former dignities, but also ba­nished them the Court. For thinkest thou that I would suffer any man to bee in the Courte that might iustly vp­braide mée with these wordes? I was the causer of this thy preferment, or thou mayst thank my father or freends for thy dignities? Nay, nay, I will none of that, I ra­ther commend the heroicall minde of him that sayde, hee would rather bee a Prince to rule and raigne, yea though hee had no possessions, then to bee a vassall, or subiect with infinite wealth. What néede I bee ashamed of ambition, sithens to hit the top of Dignitye is the marke wherat all shoote. Doth not the yonge Scholler couet to excell all o­thers in learning, the Musition in Musick, the Artificer in his crafte, and so of the rest.

Yea sir, but (vnder your correction) I déeme that these desires of excellency, procéede from an honeste emulation, but the other from a wicked condicion, and I thinke that neyther the finest Scholler, the most cunning Musicion, nor the excellentest Artificer, with the reste, thinke no scorne of their first enstructors, thoughe you of your first founders.

Tush, tush, who so preferreth honesty be­fore honor shall prooue himselfe a foole.

But experience teacheth, that honor vpholdē with honesty, standeth when honor without honesty fal­leth to decay, and as nothinge is more fickle then Fortunes fauour, so nothing may bee more daungerous then an as­piring minde, who hauinge attained the top of Dignity, by the fawning face of vnconstant Fortune, is forced to sus­tayne a most gréeuous and irrecuperable fall, at whose o­uerthrow, men rather reioyce then lament.

Wherfore I prefer the meane estate, who if hée fall [Page] falleth but in the playne, which he may easely endure, and quickly rise agayne, before the great daunger of the lofty degree, when it liketh froward Foreune to frowne.

I see full wel the Fox will eate no Grapes because hee cannot reache them, so thou mislykest honour and dignity, because thou canst not attayne vnto it, which I haue in thy former wordes obserued, when thou saydest that thou were a suter in vayne vnto Lady Fortune, and in good sooth, I do partly remember thee since that time, as A better [...]de to be applyed. well by thy face, as also by thy balde thread bare robes, as though thy Wardrop were in the Castell of ragges: but if thou wilt apply thy self to the noble Science of Adulation, thou mayst soone come to good prefermente, and set forth thy selfe after a more braue and costly fashion.

Sir, if there be no meane to attaine vnto bra­uery without the exercise of knauery (for I account flatte­ry no better) I wil rather content my selfe to liue begger­ly. A theefe is almost as yll as a vsurer. And as for your brauery and such as you are, it is main­tained with double Theeuery, which is almost as yl as v­sery, for I may well ioyne them both togeather. I heard one say of late, that all worne in the Courte, is not payde in the Cittie, but let the Marchaunt looke to that, and as for the poore Husbandman who toyleth for the liuinge not Note this poynt. onely of himselfe and his owne family, but also of the com mon wealth, findeth the coste of your brauery in his fines and rentes, but the best is, where as hee was wont to in­gurgitace himselfe in your kitchin, by surfeiture, now hee is moderated, and may returne from thence with a good appetite, for your Beefe is on your backe, and the rest of your wonted victuals conuerted by strange Metamorpho­sis into Breeches, and brauery. But as for my Mai­stresse your wife, I wil not say shee weareth in her Kirtle the poore mans Oxe, nor in her Ueluet gowne the Bank­rowtes stocke. If these be the fruites of flattery, for Vincit veritas. Gods sake, sir, learne some newe trade of fresher fashion, and study the arte of Trueth, which God will prosper: for [Page] Trueth in the ende shall preuayle, and so shall God bles your store and encrease, both in the fielde, and in the Kit­chin, in the House and in the Barne, when brauery shal­be turned to beggery, and beauty to baldenesse. And as touching your politicke practice at your first entry into Fortunes Courte, I say no more, but wish that as many as All is well that endo­well. loue flatterers tales had Midas eares. Wherfore, gentle Maister Philodoxus, I bid you adew, with this Motion, or Caueat: Respice finem.

In fayth Dickon, this goeth very harde that wée haue rackt and crackt our credit so longe▪ vntill it is not worth one pot of Ale, and my throte is so drye, that a man may grate ginger on my tongue.

Well Pierce, as harde as the world goes, I trow wee shall finde some shift or other to quench the scor­ching heate of our parched throtes, with the best Nippita­tum in this towne, which is commonly called Hufcap, it will make a man looke as though [...]ee had séene the Diuel, and quickly mooue him to call his owne Father hoareson.

This thy description of Dagger Ale, augmen­teth my thirst vntill I taste therof, wherfore I pray thee make haste to flatter my Ostesse in the best manner thou canst, and yet I dare i [...]opard my Cap to forty shillinges, thou shalt haue but a colde suite.

I assure thee Pierce, our Ostesse Dame Anne [...] is as freendly a wench as any is in this lande, and shée lo­ueth a good fellow very well, and hath holpen many a one in her dayes, that otherwise would haue doone full yll. I would all weomen were of her nature and condicions, for [...]hee is both honest and liberal with great discretion.

Go [...] to you drunken knaue, that flatteringe [Page] face of thine shall cost mée a glasse of dissembling water. Take heed [...] your oth.

What Ostes, did you heare mee? now I swere by my honesty I thought you had beene farther of. But my good sweet Ostes I pray you keepe in store your dissem­bling water for P. the Promoter, and C. the Counterfait, with M. the Makeshift, and other of your dainty guestes, for I poore Dickon will thanke you more for one pot of Ale of the right stampe, then for twenty your glasses of water.

I sée well Dickon thou art a good Ale oratour, but I cannot pay the brewer with faire wordes, and that thou knowest.

Truely Ostes, I was doubtfull at my first com­minge in, to call you by the name of Ostesse, for I rather A shift t [...] win some simple women. supposed you to haue béen one of the maidens of the house, you looke so yonge and smooth.

Well honest man I will take your woorde for two or three pottes of drinke. But as for Dickon, I am to well acquainted with his condicions to geue him a­ny credit.

How sayst thou Dickon to this? whether of vs two are better worthy of commendacions for the Arte of Flattery.

Truely Pierce, I perceiue that thou hast a very good dexteritie in pleasing the humours of women, Some wom [...] loue to bee counted yonge. whose natures I sée, are most affected with hearinge com­mendacions of their youth, beauty & comly feature, with other the like, in which subtilties it appeareth thou haste perfect experience.

Yea Dickon, thou and I are apte Schollers in the Eyghth liberall Science. And if there bée any Painter disposed to make a perfecte protraiture of two slatteringe knaues, hée shall not néede to séeke any further for his pat­terne then to vs.

In déede as thou sayest, but the best Artisan in Europ cannot depainte thée in thy right kinde better then my selfe can, but I will omit the discription of thy [Page] liniamentes, and display thy condicions.

And to begin withall, thou art an egregious flatterer, a deepe dissembler, a singuler good bawd, a plaine counter­faite, The perfecte blasoning of a knau [...] in grayne. an archerakehell, a naturall varlet, a knaue incar­nate, and to conclude, a passing pickthanke. Thou hast two faces vnder one bood, two harts in one body, two tongues in one head, and finally in all knauery thou art incompa­rable and this is the right imblasure of thy condicions.

Certes Dickon, thou makest mée right prowd of my excellency in these commendable qualities. Wher­fore to requite thy curtesie, I will fulfill the olde prouerb. Muli mutuum scabiunt, and I will shew thee as in a glasse A description of a proper man. both thy proportion and thy laudable condicions. And first I will beginne at the crowne of thy heade, which is so comly knauebalde as the like is hard to bee found wher­vnto is ioyned a beautifull browe, much like vnto the forehead of a faire Cowe, very well adorned with Oxe fe­thers of the right stampe, and a litle beneath that there sitteth as it were in a chaire of estate, and most riche pre­cious and glorious nose tipped with a great bottell of bra­zile, garnished with Rubies, Saphires, and Crincums, beautified with oriente colours much like vnto Scarlet or Crimson Ueluet, indented with motheaten maladies, which beautifull member of thine is circumuented with a flushing f [...]ery face, wherat a man may warme his hands in the colde winter, and light a candell at any time, with many other commodities contayned in that good face of thine, and therwithall hath fixed theron a terrible Tarta­rian bearde, a notable harbour for the Crablouse. And to make spéedy dispatch of the rest, thou art whole chested in the brest like an Owle, an excellent backe to carye my Lords Ape, a graund liricumpanch like a Mare with foale, a bounsinge buttocke of a Carte loade, a paire of lefte legs with the thighes downwarde, and a goodly splay foote iust the length of the [...]ouens last. And now to thy properties thy vse is to counterfaite thy selfe to bee a mad mery com­panion, and wilt not blush to place thy selfe in euery mans [Page] company, and taste of euery mans pot. And if thou per­ceiuest Goodly c [...]n­diciōs I war­rant you. the company to bee delighted with thy iestes, then art thou in thy ruffe, but if they be so wise as to mislike of thy saucines, then thou hast this subtile shifte, with olde drunken Latine, which I haue often times hard thee pro­nounce.

Also thou canst prate like a pardoner, and for thy facility in lying, thou art worthy to weare a whetstone in thy hat in stéede of a brouch. Lo now haue I playde the paynter, by drawinge thy picture in their right coulours.

Well Pierce, let vs now leaue our painting and fall to drinking, for when I haue well swild my soule, then am I a mate for all companies & a Maister of our art.

Thy counsaile is good, wherfore let vs tosse the Can to & fro, with hay iolye Ienkin I sée a knaue a drink­inge. &c.

Although (gentle Reader) I may seeme per­haps to offend thy modesty with this drunken Dialogue, yet I pray thée let me be rather excused, because I swarue not much herein from the vaine of Erasmus of Rotrodame, (although far beneath any comparisō vnto him) who vsed to place pleasant pamphletes in the midest of serious, and graue matters, as well for the recreation of his reader, as also to display and therby to taunt the follyes and trifling fantasies of all sortes of people. And now that these drun­ken drudges, that glory so much in their iniquity are busy in their bibbing, I will play the painters part indifferent­ly for them both, desiringe thee that I may herein vse thy Pacience. The one of them namely drunken Dickon, (vnder whom I comprehend all maner of Roisters, rake­hels, Such impu­dent cou [...] fait [...]s are to well vsed a [...] manye me [...] Tables. and drunkardes) is a saucye and malaperte varlet, who vseth very broad iesting, as wel with men of honour as with meaner sorte, whom they terme a madde mery knaue. Hee taketh all floutes and bobs in good parte, [...]y meanes wherof hee bobbeth many others. [Page] Among the company of lusty swearers, hée will out swere them all. And sumtimes hée will put on the habite of a foole, in which garment hée is receiued in, when wiser & honester men are put backe, & because hée noteth that wise men take sporte to sée fooles in a rage, hee will counterfait himselfe to bée in a mad moode, when hee is nothing at all angry, hee is a common cosoner, and a subtile shifter, the circumstances of which mischeuous practises, I wil here­after note in my second parte, and these are the branches of his Adulation that bringeth forth most bitter fruite, of which kinde of dissemblers, let as many beware, as either feare God or regarde their owne profite. Now as touch­inge A religious dissembler. the other, (namely) Pierce Pickthanke, his condicion is to cloake his hollow harte, with a holy pretence, and his dissimulation is chéefely in matters of Religion, although in very déede, there is in him no more sincerity then in an Ape. Hée will come sumtimes vnto a Bishop, and some­times to others that hée thinketh to bée zelous in Religion and hath vnder his arme a new Testament, or a Psalter, as though his speciall care, and onely study were in the Scriptures, vnder which pretexte hée beguileth both the wise and the learned. Hée will in their presence temper Such knaues would bee better h [...]owē. his talke with such a shew of godlinesse, as though he were rapt vp into the thirde Heauen. Hee is a Saint outward­ly and a Diuell inwardly. And hée will seeme to bee great­ly gréeued in conscience, that papistrie should beare such sway in mens harts, and that such papistes (naming this man or that) are not straitly seene vnto and sharply puni­shed, and will pray God to preserue such good men as they are, vnto whom hée talketh, as by whom Gods true reli­gion is aduaunced and errour suppressed &c. With these and the like practises hee winneth fauour and beneuolence among the Protestantes.

Then hee hath an olde Portas, or some such booke in store, and therwith hee commeth vnto them that hee kno­weth to bee of the olde stampe, and frameth his tale to this effecte.

[Page] A good sir (sayth hee) the great anguish that I beare in my conscience, enforceth mee to seeke for the setlinge and satisfaction of the same at your handes or some such godly learned man, as I know to bee of vpright iudgemente in the Scriptures, the true interpretation wherof hath been wrested and peruerted by the professors of this new Reli­gion. I see and am sory to thinke vnto what penury the worlde is brought since the ouerthrowe of Abbies, to the greate impouerishment of this Realme, and what a sorte of skipiackes are now crepte into the places of aunciente and graue Fathers, by whom the holy Sacramentes are nothing at all Sacramentally vsed, contrary to the institu­cions of the Catholike Church of Rome, our holy Mother. With these and the like wordes, hee is a deepe dissembler in Religion. And also to picke thankes and profit at all mennes handes, hee can frame himselfe to feede all mens humors, so cunning is hee in this filthy Arte of Flattery, from which kinde of dissemblers, and al others, God sheelde vs, and sende vs his grace, that wee may embrace the ho­nest and godly retinue of Lady Trueth, and shake of all such flatterers and dissemblers, as haue hitherunto per­uerted the natures of men in these our dayes.

Sir I perceiue right well that you haue béene accustomed with the flat­tering entertainmēt of Tapsters, vnto whom a mans purse is alwaies better welcom then his person.

In good sooth Tapster, if thou kne­west howe weake our purses are, thou wouldest geue vs but féeble entertainment.

I see you are merry gentlemen and dis­posed to iest, but if it bée as you say, you shal (notwithstan­ding) haue so much credit at my handes as your dinner and horse meate amounteth vnto, for you séeme to bee honeste Gentlemen.

Of our honesty wée will make no great vauntes, but that wee are Gentlemen, and cleane gentlemen, wee will not denye, for I suppose wee three cannot make a stocke of two pence. But I praye thee wherby doost thou déeme vs to bée Gentlemen.

Sir it is a gentle Tapsters curtesie, generally to salute all men by that tytle, which lesson I The tapsters curtesie. first learned in the Schoole of Adulation, in which Arte I haue so profited that I am now a publike reader therof, and by my absolute knowledge herein, I can both prooue A good guest [...] you. you a gentleman, and also emblaze your armes.

Thou art a gentleman like Tapster.

I warrant you hee was neuer be­gotten without the consent of a Gentleman.

But Tapster, set forwardes our dinner, and if we lacke money, I wil promise thee by the faith of a Gentleman, to pay thee when I come hither next.

I take your word, you shall lacke no good cheare. Exit.

Lo here is cretensis cum cretense, a cogginge knaue with a foystinge varlet well met: hée with his her­haltry and you with your hemphaltry, I trust anon will make a good medley.

Holde thee contente fonde fellowe, and giue vs leaue, and so shall thy charges bee borne, for thou hast oft heard say, that Fallere fallentum non est frans to de­ceiue a deceiuer is no deceit. And hée that with his flatte­ry deceiueth a thousand in a yeare, is now like to be mated with his matches, holde thou thy tongue and obserue the euent.

No more wordes, for now hee commeth in.

Gentlemen, I pray you haue pacience yet a litle while, and it wil not be longe vntill your dinner bée ready.

No haste but good, better is a litle ta­riance Tapsters ar [...] maisters o [...] nevves. then a raw dinner. But in the meane season I pray thée tell vs what newes is now stirring.

I haue in my taphouse both stale and fresh newes: yea, & if néede require, I haue there a stamp to quoyne newes at all times.

I pray thee tell vs new newes and true newes.

Sithens you are so greedy of newes I will tell you such as will seeme wonderfull, and incre­dible. First I geue you to wéete, that there is beetweene Sir Morpheus and mée, very great and familiar acquayn­tance, by meanes wherof, we confer togeather somtimes Tom Tap­ste [...] dreame. at noone, as well as at midnight, and béeing this last night past in a deuont dreame, hee led mee vp by the hande into [Page] a pleasant Paradise, where I might beholde wonderfull visions: first I saw how Iupiter sate in his Throne of Ma­iesty callinge all the other Gods to accompt of their offices and Ministeries, before whose royall seate, the pety Gods and Goddesses endeuored with all diligence to cury fauor by sundry straunge and vnacustomed sleights: the terrible and wreckfull God Mars, whose harte was whilom bent [...] altogeather to conquer whole Monarchies and Empires, as an infest enemy vnto peace and tranquility, hath now set aside his warlike instruments, and is become a suter to Ioue, to liue at ease, preferringe quiet before conquest, and golde before glory, hée hath shaken of his harnesse, and taken into his armes in steade of armour, the beautifull Lady Venus, wherat the cunning Smith Vulcan takinge indignation (by his exquisite skil) enclosed them togeather in a net of Wier, for the which, this noble craftsman was had in great admiration amonge the Gods, and well com­mended of Iupiter him selfe. And when Vulcan had playd this pleasant Pageant, in came Appollo (as it were vpon the Stage) to solace Ioue with some kinde of Adulation, wherby I see full well that my science is practised euen a­mong the Gods. Then came in Sir Cupid like a carpet knight, and with smiling countenance and smooth woords, allured Appollo to resigne the Scepter of his prudence and his learned laurel crowne vnto Ioue, wherby to discharge himselfe of a great burthen, and also to please Iupiter with his excellent skill of Musicke, vnto which fond request Ap­pollo eftsoones applyed, to his perpetuall obloqui. How­beit his incomparable harmony found such fauour with the father of the Gods & the rest, that his change chaunced to the multiplication of his gayne, though to the diminuti­on of his credit. Thus Appollo became a Minstrell, and many of the rest daunced after his Pipe. Then came in Mercurius in the habite of a trauayler, and hee tould vnto He that hath trau [...]yled so [...] as none, so far as h [...]e may ly [...]by authority. Ioue wonderfull newes and monstrous lyes, namely En­glish lies, French lies, Spanish, Dutch, Italian, Irish, Welsh, Romaine, Polonian, Muscouian, Babylonian, and Turkish lyes. And to conclude, hée could set out all [Page] manner of lyes, with all manner of colours. But it is a worlde to see how acceptably his newes were receyued, and to consider howe the eares of Gods are delighted with vayne fables, and forged fantasies. But here began the sporte: There stoode a far of, a simple sot named V. F. and when hee saw how Mercury was fauoured for his Fa­bles, and commended for his cogging: perswaded himselfe, that hee by speakinge the trueth should bee right well re­garded. And euen on the suddeine rushed into the place, as though his quill was then to speake, with malapert and sauey boldnesse, vttered these wordes following.

Mary sir this was a very saucy and presumpteous foole, for not onely his boldnesse in preasing himselfe to that place was worthy of reproch: but the sub­tiltie of his Metaphoricall Phrases deserued iuste punish­ment.

Thus wee may see what madnesse it is to permit fooles freely to speake their mindes but much more to suborne them in their taunting talkatiue veynes, whose tongues are alwaies bente to shoote their doltishe boltes at other mens vices; and yet sée not their owne fol­lies, but I hope to sée the daye that such cocscomes shalbe restrained, for they are infest enemies vnto the noble fa­culty of Flattery.

Uerely, if you had heard his words, and beheld his gestures, you would haue wondered at his impudency, for besides that his spéeche, which I haue re­cited vnto you, hée rayled and raged at the egregious flat­tery vsed among the Gods and in Iupiters Court, not spa­ring any state or degree.

Well, well, gentle Tapster, let vs now leaue to talke any more of that daw and of his doc­trine, and supplye the time with more necessary matter, [Page] wherfore sithe [...]s thou art a publike reader in the science of Adulation, I pray thée reade a Lecture of that art for our instruction.

I graunt your request, and for the bet­ter explication and vnderstanding of the matter, you must imagine your selfe to bée the Lorde, vnto whom I reade this Lecture.

Bee it as thou hast sayd, now shew forth thy learning to mée thy Lorde and Maister.

O egregious Schoolemaister worthy of immortall prayse, whose excellent cunning ioyned with Muli mu [...] ­um [...] singular eloquence, meriteth equallitye with Virgill and Homer, verely Maister Tapster you are profoundly lear­ned in this noble science of Adulation.

I haue heard many publique readers in A songe of three [...] in one, wher three flatter­ing varl [...] are s [...]ly matcht. sundry faculties, but the like to him I neuer heard, for hee sheweth himselfe a perfect Rethorician, his wordes are so cunningly cowched that they importe much matter in few wordes, euery worde hath his weight, eche sillable his per­fecte sence, hee is pithy without prolixity, shorte, and yet substanciall. Finally, his wordes, his countenance, his sweete pronounciation, his cumly gesture, with all his o­ther actions, shew forth a grace (in my iudgement) incom­parable, and therfore worthy of admiration. How thinke you freend Fulwell, let vs heare your iudgement.

My iudgement is thus, that for his excellen­cy The [...] iudgement. in his execrable Science, hee shall bee endued with a garland of Hempe, & shal take his degrée of Poetry at the vniuersity of Tiborne, for his presence will become that place passing well. And because that lecture is very vnpro­fitable where out no necessary notes may bee gathered, I will shew you what I haue noted in the discourse of this Lecture. First that this fellow is to be reputed a Maister or Captaine Parasite, which kinde of people are the per­uertors of vertuous affections, and corrupters of noble na­ [...]re, as by his detestable perswasions may appeare. [Page] But let vs sée how these vngracious graffes were trode vnder foote (as pernicious branches, or rather rotten and stinking weedes) euen among the Heathen wise men. Diogenes noting two of most noysom beastes of the world tearmeth a sclanderer the worst of wilde beastes, and of [...]ame beastes a flatterer. Also Plato accompteth him a freende in presence, and a foe in absence, wherof dayly ex­perience is a perfecte witnesse. For as a flatterer wil pro­sesse freendship to thée and thy fréends, with like protesta­tion of hatred towarde [...] thy enemies, euen so will hée (for his bellyes sake) vse the like dissimulation with thy ad­uersaries, and in the ende bewray and betray you both, if any gayne grow vnto him therby. Wherfore hée is right [...]oosin to a dog, whose property is to fawne with his tayle on all men that will rewarde him whether they bée his Maisters fréendes or foes. But what néede I stand vp­on the inuectiues of Philosophers agaynst flatterers and flatterry, séeing the canonicall bookes of the Bible are fur­nished with examples and documents, wherof I will of a multitude, set a few, for the further displaying and iust de­testation of that wicked Science, wherof Satan himselfe was the first Schoolemaister. Wherby I infer that the studientes, and practisioners therof, are fit Schollers for such a Maister.

It appeareth that by the subtilty of this art, Doctor Di­uell Gen [...]. 3. deluded our first parents in Paradice, with his flatte­ring promises of much more then hée could perfourme, the effecte wherof, the worlde feeleth, and shall doo vntill the consummation therof. And now let vs sée what man­ner of disciples this Doctor had, and for auoydinge of tedi­ousnesse, I will pretermit many examples of the old Tes­tament, and come vnto Christe his time

Herode with flattering wordes of dissembled intente, perswaded the Magians to bringe him newes where hee M [...]h. [...]. might finde Christ and how his wordes agréede with his meaning, the texte doth teach thée. In processe of time [...]. when Christ wrought wonders and miracles among the [Page] people, hée was cheefly commended among them for filling their bellyes in the w [...]ldernesse, in which slocke and mul­titude were many Pharasites and smelfeastes, that for their bellyes sakes, would haue proclaymed Christ to bee Iohn. [...] their Kinge, flattering him also with these wordes. This is of a truth, that Prophet that should come into the world. And yet the selfe same flattering varlets, when they sawe no longer likelyhoode of good cheare, cryed out on him Cru­cifige. The secte of flattering Pharises when they ment nothing lesse then truth, came vnto Christ with these glo­sing wordes. Maister wée know that thou art true, and teachest the way of God truely. &c. But their wielfed in­tent Math. 2 [...]. was to intrap him with wordes of treason, wherby to condempne him, of whose pharaseicall conditions are our Maisters of flattery, and thus let these fewe places serue for my first note. Secondly I haue noted by his Lecture, the vnconstant and sond affections of them that bend their eares to the sugred venim of flattery, wherby manye doo dishonor, disworship, and dishonest themselues by putting in vre such wicked attempts as this tapster hath perswa­ded. Thirdly I haue noted in you two a playne protray­ture of a brace of cogging knaues, from whom I will flye as from a Serpent, exhorting al my fréends to doo the same and so fare you well.

If your shrifte haue such vertue as [...] teach men thrift, I pray you Sir Simon take mee vnder b [...]edicitie, who neuer as yet could finde the way to thriue, I thinke it bée for wante of absolution ab omne frugalitate.

I neither vse auri [...]uler confession, nor any kinde of absolution, but certaine infallible precepts to bee obserued, by practise wherof, thrift is obtayned.

And yet (Sir Simon) if the common saying be The [...] of poul [...] ba [...]. true, you haue playd an vnthrifty part your selfe, for you are sayd to bee bee that solde his benefice for a boale of new Al [...] in corns, and what thrift call you that▪

Better thrift then you are ware of, for the boale was spiced with a hundred Duckets, which spice sunke to the bottom that all men could not see it.

Then your name shall bée conuerted from Sir Simon to Sir Simony, but haue you any other benefice lefte to liue vpon, and [...]pe hospitality withall?

I am not as yet vnfurnished of my plura­lity, but if I had not one, yet haue I the feate to [...]ishe an [...] Sir Simon fisheth vvih a gold [...] [...]. catch: so fine a bayte I haue in store.

How longe haue you beene so cunning a [...]sher? When I knew you first you had no such skill, but [...] ­ted your selfe to l [...]e as bar [...]ly as I, and other your poore neighbours.

That I liued barely I confesse, but that it conte [...]ted mee I denye, wherfore I directe my study to the Art of Fl [...]ttery: wherin I found such sauour, that I set [Page] aside al other studies, and dedicate my selfe wholly to that, in which art I am now an absolute Schoolemaister, and if thou once tastedst the swéetenes therof, thou wouldest re­iecte thy stoi [...]all study and become a Philosopher of our se [...]te.

I pray you Sir Simon, for olde acquaintance Honest stu­dies [...]cted in respect. tell mee how you put this kinde of Philosophy to so profi­table vse?

I will rip it vp vnto thee euen from the beginninge. It is not knowen vnto thee how solitary a life I led when I first became a Clergie man, and when I went any where abroade, my onely arrant was to preach, in which my sermons I could not cease to inuey agaynst the abuses of these dayes, not sparing Lorde or Lady or a­ny degree, in reproouinge of sinne and wickednes, so farre forth, that I was counted [...] saucy knaue among Gentiles. And specially of patrons of benefices, whose foule disor­ders, in making marchandise of the Church béeinge Gods parte, would heape vp wrath for them against the daye of vengeance, and that therby the childrens bread was taken This [...] ty is greatly to be [...]. away and cast vnto dogges for not onely they were depri­ [...]ed from the foode of the soule, by selling of the benefice to simple Sir Iohn, vtterly vnlearned, but also the patron must haue the sweetest soppe of the tithe to maintaine his [...]oundes, greyhoundes, and Spaniels, for lacke wherof the poore parson is vnable to keepe hospitalitie: & as Christ whipt out the Marchants from the Temple at Ierusalem, so these Churche Marchantes must looke for a greeuous Let them su [...]ely looke [...] it. s [...]ourge to come on them from God. For this and the like doct [...]ine I was hated of many, and loued of few. On the other side, I sawe how some other Preachers that were my neere neighboures, could cunningly claw the ytching eares of vaine glorious men, and like Pro [...]heus conuerte themselues vnto sundry shapes, by means wherof lyuings were powred into their lappes. I set aside my satirical [...]ous, and became a plausible preacher, I reiected seli­ [...], and became a boone companion: I left my bookes [Page] and [...]ell to my bowles, [...] shut up my study, and sought out the Ale house, and then who so good a fellow as Sir Simon with the Papist I was a P [...]pist: with the Protestant, an earnest gospeller, [...] the newfound Famely of Loue, I was a lo [...]ge companion: among graue men, auncie [...] A Chaplay [...] of trust. with wilde [...]ates, youthfull: among gamesters, a good [...] ­low: and finally, a man at all assaye [...]. Then began my credite to encrease, and those that before spake euil of mee, now gaue mee good rep [...]rte, and in short space I had more lyuings [...] on mee, then law would permit mee to Scoggi [...] do [...]le is [...] ge [...] vvhere [...] is [...] [...] no [...] d [...]ert. receiue, but I would refuse none: for I inuented a proper policy both for f [...]uour and profit. When soeuer any [...]y­uinge came vnto mee more then by law I was capable of, I would either make marchandice of one, or els make ouer my entangled lyuing vnto some man of such Authority as agaynst whom no common promoter durst presume, by meanes wherof, I was sure to haue a good bucklar of de­fence, Such mar [...] chandi [...] haue mard a [...] and a profitable gayne without deserte, so that in shorte space I was taken vp among states, in whose pre­sence, to win further fauour, I could behaue my selfe [...]o pleasantly, that who so great a man as I among [...] Lo [...]des and Ladies. I haue committed to my minde such store An vn [...]it thinge for [...] P [...] to be [...] a lesse [...]. of pleasant denise [...] to [...]eede their humors at the table, that I am called my Lords mery greeke, for the company is the merier that I am in. And on [...]ee attendeth simple Sir Iohn, who is made a dou [...]te and dogbolt of euery seruing [...] A Chap [...] [...] [...] [...]o [...] [...] Th [...] [...] [...]o [...] [...]. man, because of his simplicity, but for all that, I with [...] subti [...], and hee with his simplicity, and my Lorde [...] men with their policy, keepe in our hands many good be [...]ices in the Country, if this bee no thrifte now iudge yo [...].

If such shifting thrift, [...]nd with good thriuing▪ I much [...]aruel, but this mean while, how do you discharge y [...]r cons [...]ence in preachi [...]ge according to your function?

[...] preach very often, and that with great cōmendations, for when I am in Pulpit before Nobles [...] Sir Simon▪ preacht [...] pro [...]. peeres of the Realme, I tende my inuectiues wholly against the insaciable couetousnesse of the Country man, [Page] with the subtiltie that is in them harbored vnder the cloke of simplicity, and how they beate their brayues only about worldly affaires, omittinge first to seeke the kingdome of God, and the rightuousnes therof, accordinge to the com­maundement of our Maister Christ. &c. And like wise of the Lawyers that vnconsionably take fees, by whom con­trauersies are rather mayntayned then ended. And when I preache in the Cittie, and before Lawyers, I declayme against both the Courtier and the Cuntry occupier, whose dealinges are so vnconcionable towardes the Marchaunt, that hee causeth many riche and wealthy Marchants to be­come bankrout. Agayne in the Country, I preach that the pride of Landlords is the impouerishment of the com­mon wealth, wherby also vice is nourished and vertue de­caied, and that disguised attire of men and women, maketh them seeme more lyke monsters then humayne creatures. Sir Simon preacheth dog [...]kes in stead of Doc­trine. And in all my sermons, I haue one pleasant dogtricke or other to delight my auditory, which mery conceyt is com­mitted to memory, when the rest of my dectrine is neglec­ted.

But I pray you Sir Simon, is your life so con­fourmed to your doctrine that it cannot iustly be sayd vnto you Medice cura te ipsum.

Tush that is the least care that may en­cumber my minde, for I haue so bold a tongue, and such a brasen face, that if I bee detected of any notorious crime, I can so hide my wooluish carcas vnder a cloke of Lamskin, that my deserued blame shall rebounde into the bosoms of my accusers.

But I pray you (sir Simon) haue you had frée passage in these your proceedinges without taking of some notable foyle.

Loe now thou dooste vrge mée eyther to ac­cuse my selfe vnto thee, or els to deny thy request, but be­cause I thinke that whatsoeuer I doo r [...]ale vnto thee, shall bee buried in the Sepu [...]chre of thy secretes, I will dis­play certayne finester practises of late I put in vre, to the [Page] vtter Shipwrack of my fame, and greenous wound of my good reporte, which skarre lyeth so open vnto the eyes of the world, that it is shot at with the sharp arrowes of ma­ny mennes tongues, and yet I hope to saue it from feste­ring by a plaster of new inuention as in the end of my tale thou shalt heare.

I couet first to heare your practises (the causes of your wound) and then your chirurgicall policy.

Thou knowest that when I was in the flower Bbelike Sir Simon wa [...] a long lubber of my youth, I was well regarded of many men, as well for my prompe wit in scoffing and taunting, as also for the comlynesse of my personage, beeinge of very tall stature, and actiue in many thinges, by meanes wherof I became a Seruitour, but I was soone weary of that trade, & tooke on mee a habit of holynesse, namely a Friers coule, and was a painfull Preacher. Shortly after I caste of my coule and tooke on mee the office of Preesthood. But with­in a while, I lyked so yll of that function that I shakte of my square cap and my tippet, and became a practicioner of y^t ciuil Law, in the attire of a temporal man, as though I had taken no orders at all more then the. 24. at which time I traded many thinges and cheefely in mineralles. But it is a world to sée how promotion pricketh the minde Sir Simon a [...] [...] all kinde of [...]. of man, as in [...] may appeare a perfect patterne: for it so happened that a certayne Archedeacon in the Prouince of M. dyed while I was at N. a Cittie of the sayde Pro­uince, after whose death I tooke new orders, and became a new olde Préest againe, then I labored so effectually and s [...]ed so finely, as wel with my golden hooke, as my glosing tongue, that at last I got into my handes, not only the sayd Archede [...]nry of N. but also certaine fat benefices in that same Prouince, wherat the worlde smyled and spake of mée much shame. But I bare out that with a brasen [...]ace, and d [...]ised meanes to win new credit, for the oldst was so crackt and wormeaten rotten, that it was nought worth

Truely Sir Simon, I déeme it one of the [Page] most difficult matters in the world for a man to win new credit in a place where the olde is so far past as you haue described.

Nay verely, I estéeme it no difficult mat­ter. For by this meanes that I shall tell thee, I beare a greater countenance then euer I did. For I keepe iolly good cheere in my house, but not for eche poore [...]aue and e­uery rascall, or for the poore and impotent, but for Lords, Knights, Esquires, and Gentlemen. And let them bring Sir Simons almes with them whom they list, yea, euen their very Dogges, Rug, Rig, and Risbie: yea, cut and longtaile, they shalbe welcom, & for this cause I am a companiō among estates.

But I thinke those men of honour and wor­ship, vse you as men vse their waterspaniels: that is, they make you their instrument to fetch and bringe vnto them Sir Simoni [...] [...]ruisable [...]tniell. such commodities, as you by the corrupting of your consci­ence may compasse, and for your labour they spitte in your mouth, and make you their mocking stocke behinde your backe, and if it bée so what new credit doo you win hereby?

It may bee as thou sayst, but I haue not as yet perceiued it. But all this while I haue not tolde thee of one of my practises which sticketh more in my stomacke then all the rest, the wound wherof, though in time it may bee care [...], yet I feare mee the skarre will remaine while I liue. Wherfore, to vnloade my stomacke of that chorasie I will vtter it vnto thee as foloweth.

There is a very honest man dwellinge neare vnto a Towne called D. in the Country where my dignities are, which honest man was my very freend in time of necessity who dwelleth on a lyuing geuen vnto him by an olde Mai­ [...]er of his, sometimes Are [...]deacon of the place that I now possesse, and by my dignity I am now his Landlord, but oh how it greeued mee to see so sweete a sop (as hee eni [...]yed) [...]. out of my dishe, wherfore I sommoned an assembly of my wittes and willes tog [...]ther, and so deuised how to surprise him by the practis [...] of my pro [...]ssed art of Adulatiō, wherin [...] vsed also deepe [...], which is a special branche [Page] of this Art, and to begin, I wroat vnto him a letter in effect following.

Truely Sir, your letter protendeth much Adulation, & yet peraduenture you perfourmed your pro­mise vnto him, and in so dooing your wordes were fréend­ly and not flattery.

In déede I perfourmed the same with shame enough vnto my selfe, for hee (ioyning with another of my tennants) gratified my request, and I requited it in this manner: I refused to receiue my rente of him because the A man of good con [...] ence as by this practi [...] appea [...]h. forfaiture of his liuing, stoode vpon the non paiment of his rent: willing him not to regarde the tenderinge therof at the dayes and place limited, seeing that not only I was his very fréend, but also endetted vnto him far beyond y^e value of my rent. But hereby I see how God standeth with true meaning men, and frustrateth the wicked pollicies of vn­conscionable dealers, to their shame, as in mée may appere a notable example, for I intending to circumuent him w^t my subtilty, was my selfe caught in the snare of shamefull obloqui. For when I supposed y^• he had forfaited his sayd lease for want of tendring the rent, wheras (in very deed) [Page] hée (vnknowen to mee) had lawfully tendered thesame, I came vnto his house as Iudas did vnto his Maister & freend God proui­deth [...] plaine mea­ning [...]. Christ with a trecherous kisse of egregious dissimulation, and brought with mée a troupe of my adherents. And at our comming, (albeit it was on a soddeine) wee found such cheare and fréendly entertainment, as right well deserued great thankes, in recompence wherof, I sent the good man out of the way by a trayne, and in his absence gaue posses­sion of his house to another, which beeing knowen, all the A good turne wel [...]ed. Country cryed against mée Crucifige. And yet hee (by his aboue specified wisedome) preuented my pestilente wily­nesse. And this is the scarre that I feare m [...]e I shal neuer cure.

Certes of all knaueries, cogginges and dissi­mulations, I neuer hearde the like, but I pray you haue you applyed no plaister vnto this so foule a wound, which I thinke stinketh so that it offendeth the sences of as ma­ny as know you or heare of you?

Yes I haue a litle molified the same with A proper ex­cuse to blear the eyes of fooles. the oyntment of smooth wordes, saying vnto him, that my meaninge was to take it into my owne handes, and so to bestow it agayne on him, that therby hee might perceyue how well I loued him, but al this cannot stop the mouthes of the people, and therfore (as I tolde thée before) I cleaue fast vnto the company of worshipfull, trusting that in time it will bée a Scarfe to shadow the scarre of my knauery.

Now to conclude with you Sir Simon, I pray you what is the price of a good benefice in your Country? for I know that you are both a Marchant, and a factor for other chapmen.

Ah sir, that is such a secrete as I list not reueale vnto you for doubt least I bee shent. But if thou wilte study my [...]te, I will bee thy reader, and then thou A [...]ret [...]ote [...]o bee pub­l [...]y [...] shall both kn [...]w the order, and enioy the fruites therof.

Uerely Sir Simon, I doo so much detest and abborre the study and practice of that filthy Science, that I wil rather suffer any worldly penury, thē bee a follower [Page] of thy secte. And now I cannot choose but declaime against all thy practises, as thou hast particularly recited them vn­to mée. And first to begin with. Wheras thou hast ac­knowledged thy returne from grauity to knauery, from holynesse to hollownesse, from light to darkenesse, from trueth to lyinge, and from sincerity to flattery, for this thy notable apostacy, thou deseruost to bée baffolde here on earth, and to bee enstalled the Archdeacon, or rather Arche­deuill of Plutos infernall Court. Also where as thou hast confessed thy impudency, in committing of euill, & bearing A fit prefer­ment for such a Cl [...] p­layne. out the same with a blushles brazen countenance, I assure thee, the day will come when thou shalt stande before the tribunall Seate of Christe, and all thy filthy factes shalbe then layde before thy shamelesse face, and penetrate the brasse therof (if any there bée) when thy owne conscience shall put thee in minde of these words that thou hast often times preached, out of the Psalme: that is. And vnto the vngodly sayd God, how darest thou take my lawes in thy mouth wheras thou hatest to bee reformed, for when thou sawest a théefe thou consentedst vnto him, and hast layde downe thy portion among the adulterers.

And also thou hast read Saint Paules rules vnto Timothi, as touching the framing of his life to his doctrine, and his workes to his wordes, that in the function of his ministery might bée found no faulte. Then wilt thou say, oh that I had so directed my life by the lyne of Gods woorde, that I might boldly and truly haue saide with our Sauior Christ, Quis ex vobis potest me arguere de peccato? But all to late shall it then bee, excepte while thou hast space thou call for Man can not bleare the eyes of God. grace, and without dissimulation turne vnto God, whose eyes thou canst not bleare with all thy cunning in Adula­tion, because hee is scrutator cordis, the searcher of the very hart of man and will not bee deceiued by any art of glosing wordes &c. Now where as thou hast practised to bee bol­stred vp by the countenance of worshipfull Gentlemen, I must needes note, that many noble men & gentlemen are by thee and thy sect vehemently abused. For thou hast ac­knowledged [Page] thy insinuation towardes them, by meanes wherof they commit credit vnto thee, and such is thy wic­kednesse, that whether they bee inclined to to vertue or to vice, all is one to thée: So that if they bee couetous, extor­cioners, prowde, voluptuous or blasphemers of Gods holy name, they are not by thee rebuked, but such shall dye in their owne sinne, and their blood shalbe required at thy handes, and also (as I haue heard of thee) thou haste honest Ezek. 33. termes to cloke these forenamed vices. First, couetousnes is thrifte: extorcion, good husbandry: pride is clenlinesse Clenly terms for filthy faultes. lechery, a spurt of youth: and swearing is lustinesse &c.

And as for Simony, it is but honest consideration, wher­by thou, and simple Sir Iohn, with Sir W. the Weauer, and Sir T. but lately a Tinker, with [...]unce the seruinge man, snatche vp the benefices in the Country. But God bee thanked these disorders are like to be refourmed by the Vnmeet Mi­nisters in the Church of Christ. prouidence of our Noble Quéene and her Honorable coun­sayle, with the Bishops and Fathers of the Church: & then shall Sir Simon bee shaked of from the presence of Noble men, and men of aucthority, and true preachers placed in his roome. And now to conclude with thy sinister and ex­ecrable practise in the Prouince of M. wherof thou sayest God graunt this may bee done with speede. thou art ashamed. Consider the premisses, and liue here­after like an honest man (if thou canst) and that shalbe the best plaister to cure that scar, which otherwise will neuer bée healed, & beeing once whole & sound with continuance of that salue, thou maist then boldly shew thy face, which is, as yet so blemished, and alwaies regarde these wordes, veritas nonquerit angulos. Truth seeketh out no corners, nor searcheth for coulorable shiftes.