One and thirty good-morrows to the fairest, wisest, chastest, richest VViddow that euer conuersation coapt withall.

Oh Curteous, bounteous Widow, shee ha's out­bid me 31. Good morrowes at a clap.

But my Lord Feesimple you forgot the busines im­pos'd on you.

Gentlewoman, I crie thee mercie, but ti's [...] fault in all Lords, not in mee only, we doe vse to sweare by our Ho­nors: and as we are Noble, to dispatch such a businesse for such a Gentleman and wee are bound, euen by the same Honors wee sware by, to forget it in a quarter of an houre. [Page] And looke as if wee had neuer seene the Partie, when wee meete next, especially if none of our Gentlemen haue bin considered.

I, but all your's haue, for you keepe none my Lord: Besides though it stands with your Honor to forget mens businesses; yet it stands not with your Honor, if you doe not doe a womans.

Why then Maddam, so it is that I request your La­diship to accept into your seruice this Gentlewoman, for her truth & honestie I will be bound, I haue knowne her too long to be deceiu'd, this is the second time I haue seene her.

Why how now my Lord: a preferrer of Gentle­women to seruice like an old knitting woman? where hath Shee dwelt before.

Shee dwelt with young Boulds sister, hee that is my Corriuall in your Loue, she requested me to aduance her to You; for you are a dub'd Lady: so is not shee yet.

But now you talk of yong Bould, when did you see him Lady?

But tis strange you should aske for him, yee two were wont neuer to be asunder.

Faith Maddam we neuer were together but wee differd on some argument or other,

He quarrell? Bould: hang him, if he durst haue quar­rel'd, the world knowes hee's within a mile of an oke ha's put him too't, and soundly, I neuer car'd for him in my life, but to see his sister, hee's an asse, pox an arrant asse, for doe you thinke any but an arrant asse, would offer to come a wooing, where a Lord atempts? he quarrell: hee dares not quarrell.

Oh friends, you haue wrong'd my spirit to call [...] backe, I was [...] in Elizium at rest.

But why sir did you sowne?

Well though I die Maister Wel-tri'd before all these I doe forgiue you, because you were ignorant of my infir­mitie, oh sir, i'st not vp yet, I die againe, put vp now whil'st I winke, or I doe winke for euer.

Ti's vp my Lord, ope your eies, but I pray tell mee Is this antipathie twixt bright steele and you naturall, or how grew it?

Il'e tell you sir, any thing bright and edg'd, works thus strongly with me, your hil [...]s now I can handle as bold­lie, looke you else.

Nay neuer blame my Lord Maister Well-tri'd, for I know a great manie will sowne at the sight of a shoulder of mutton or a quarter of Lambe, my Lord may be excus'd then, for a naked sword.

This Lord, and this knight in dogge-collers would make a fine brace of beagles.

But on my faith [...]twas mightily ouerseene of your father, not to bring you vp to foyles, or if hee had bound you Prentise to a Cutler or an Ire-monger.

I a poxe, hang him old gouty foole, he neuer brought me vp to any Lordly exercise, as fencing, dancing, rumbling, and such like: but forsooth I must write and reade, & speake languages, and such base qualities, fit for none but Gentle­men. Now sir would I tell him, Father you are a Count, I am a Lo: a poxe a writing and reading, and languages, let mee be brought vp as I was borne.

But how my Lord came you first not to [...] the sight of steele.

Why I'l [...] tell you Sir, when I was a child, an infant, an Innocent.

T'was e' [...]e now.

I being in the kitchin, in my Lo: my fathers house, the Cooke was making minc'd pyes: so sir, I standing by the Dresser, there lay a heape of plums. Here was hee mincing; what did mee I sir, being a notable little witty coxcombe, but popt my hand iust vnder his chopping knife, to snatch some Reysins, and so was cut [...]re the hand, and neuer [...]ince could I endure the [...]ight of any edge-toole.

Indeede they are not fit for you my Lord, and now you are all so well satufied in this matter, pray Ladies how like you this my Gentlewoman?

In troth Maddam exceeding well I, if you be pro­uided, pray let me haue her.

It should be my request, but that I am full.

What can you doe? What's her name my Lord?

Her name? I know not. What's her name Mr. Well-try'd?

Her name? slid, tell my Lady your name.

Mistresse Mary Princox forsooth.

Mistresse Mary Princax: she has wit, I perceiue that alrea [...]y. Mee thinkes she speakes as if she were a my Lords brood.

Brood Maddame, 'tis well knowne I am a Gentle­woman. My father was a man of 500. per annum, and hee held something in Capite too.

So does my Lord, something.

Nay, by my troth, what I hold in capite is worth lit­tle or nothing.

I haue had apt breeding, how euer my misfor­tune now makes me submit my selfe to seruice: but there is no ebbe so low, but hath his tyde againe: when our dayes are at worst, they will mend in spight of the frowning De­stinies. For wee cannot be lower then earth, and the same [Page] blinde Dame that hath cast her bleare eyes hitherto vpon my occasions, may turne her wheele, and at last winde them vp with her white hand to some pinnacle that prosperously may flourish in the Sunne-shine of promotion.

Oh mouth, full of agilitie, I would giue 20. Markes now to any person that could teach mee to conuey my tongue (sance stumbling) with such dexteritie to such a pe­riod. For her truth and her honesty I am bound before, but now I haue heard her talke, for her wit I will be bound body and goods.

V'dslight, I will not leaue her for my hood. I neuer met with one of these eloquent old Gentlewomen before. What age are you Mistresse Mary Princox?

I will not lye Maddam, I haue numbred 57. Sum­mers, and iust so many winters haue I past.

But they haue not past you, they lye forzen in your face.

Maddam, if it shall please you to entertaine me, so: if not, I desire you not to misconstrue my good will, there's no harme done, the doore's as big as it was, and your Ladi­ships owne wishes crowne your beauty with content. As for these frumping Gallants, let them doe their worst: it is not in mans power to hurt mee: 'tis well knowne I come not to be scoff [...]d. A woman may beare and beare till her backe burst. I am a poore Gentlewoman, and since vertue has now a dayes no other companion but pouerty, I set the Hares head against the Goose giblets, and what I want one way I hope I shall be inabled to supply the other.

A'nt please God, that thou wert not past children;

Ist e'ne so my Lord? nay good Princox do not crie, I doe entertaine you, how doe you occupie? what can you vse?

Any thing fit to be put into the hands of a Gentle­woman.

What are your qualities?

I can sleepe on a low stoole, if your Lady-ship be talking in the same roome with any Gentle-man, I can reade [Page] on a booke, sing loue songs, looke vp at the loouer light, heare and be deafe, see and be blind, be euer dumb to your secrets, sweare and equiuocate, and whatsoeuer I spie, say the best.

Oh rare Croane? how art thou endu'd? but why did Master Boulds sister put you away?

I beseech you Madame to neglect that desire, though I know your Lady-ships vnderstanding to be suffici­ent to partake or take in the greatest secret; can be imparted: yet.—

Nay prithie tell the cause, come heer's none but freinds.

Faith Madame, heigh ho, I was (to confesse truly) a little foolish in my last seruice, to beleeue mens oaths, but I hope my example, though preiudiciall to my selfe, will be beneficiall to other yong Gentle-women in seruice, my mi­stresses brother (the Gentle-man you nam'd e' now, master Bould) hauing often attempted my honor, but finding it im­pregnable, vow'd loue, and marriage to me, at the last I, a yong thing and raw, being seduced, set my minde vpon him, but friends contradicting the match, I fell into a greiuous consumption, and vpon my first recouerie, least the intended sacred ceremonies of Nuptials should succede, his sister knowing this, thought it fit in her iudgement, we should be farther a sunder, and so put me out of her seruice.

Ha, ha, ha.

God a mercie for this discouerie ifaith,

Oh man what art thou? when thy cock is vp? come wil your lordship walke in? tis dinner time.

Whose this? whose this?

This is our Land-lord, Master Seldome,

An exceeding wise Citizen, a very sufficient vnderstanding man, and exceeding rich.

Miracles are not ceasd.

Good morrow Land-lord, where haue you beene sweating?

Good morrow to your Honors, thrift is industrious, your Lady-ship knowes we will not stick to sweat for our [Page] pleasures, how much more ought wee to sweat for our pro­fits? I am come from master Ingen this morning, who is mar­ried or to be married, and though your Ladyships did not honor his Nuptials with your presence, he hath by me sent each of you a paire of gloues, and Grace Seldome my wife is not forgot.

God giue him ioy, God giue him ioy.

Sir I haue often heard my husband speake of your acquaintance.

HVsband these gloues are not fit for my wearing, I'le put 'em into the shop and sell 'em, you shall giue me a plaine paire for them.

This is wonderfull, wonderfull, this is thy sweet care and iudgement in all things, this goodnesse is no [...] vsuall in our wiues, well Grace Seldome, that thou art faire is nothing, that thou art well spoken is nothing, that thou art wittie is nothing, that thou art a Citizens wife is nothing; but Grace, that thou art faire, that thou art well spoken, that thou art wittie, that thou art a Citizens wife, and that thou art ho­nest I say, and let any mun denie it that can, it is something, it is something, I say, it is Seldomes something, and for all the Sunne-shine of my joy mine eyes must raine vpon thee.

By your leaue Master Seldome, haue you done the hangers I bespake for the Knight?

Yes marrie haue I Mistris hic & hac, i'le fetch 'em to you.

Z'oones, does not your husband know my name, if it had beene some bodie else I would haue cal'd him Cu­ckoldlie slaue.

If it had been some bodie else perhaps you might.

Well I may be euen with him, all's cleere; pritie rogue I haue long'd to know thee this twelue moneths, and had no othermeanes but this to speake with thee, there's a letter to thee from the partie.

Why how now Mistris, what lack yee? are you so so fine with a poxe? I haue seene a woman looke as modestly as you, and speake as sinceerely, and follow the Fryars as zealously, and shee has beene as sound a jumbler as e're paid for't, t'is true Mris. [...]ipenie, I haue sworne to leaue this letter.

I thinke her Ladiship, my Lord, is not well, and keeps her Chamber.

Al's one, I must see her, haue the other La. din'd?

I thinke not my Lord.

Then i'le take a pipe of Tobacco heere in your shop if it be not offensiue, I would be loath to be thought to come iust at dinner time. Garsoon; fill, sirrah,

What said the Gold-Smith for the money?

He said my Lord he would lend no man money that he durst not arrest.

How got that wit into Cheape-side 'tro, hee is a Cuckold.

Saw you my Ladie to day, what saies shee?

Marry my Lord, shee said her old husband had a great payment to make this morning, and had not left her so much as a jewell.

A poxe of her old Cats chops, the teeth shee had, haue made a transmigration into haire, shee hath a bigger beard than I by this light.

Vnciuillie, mew, can a Lord talke vnciuilly? I thinke you a finicall taffatae pipkin may be proud ile sit so neare it, vnciuillie mew.

Your mothers Cat ha's kitten'd in your mouth sure:

Prithee but note yo [...] Felow, do's he not walke & look as if hee did desire to be a Cuckold?

But you doe not looke as if you could make him one, now they haue dind my Lord.

God saue your Lordship.

How dost thou Coze, hast thou got any more wit yet?

No by my troth I haue but litle money with that little wit I haue, and the more wit euer the lesse money, yet as litle as I haue of either: I would giue some thing that I durst but quarrell,

I would not be abused thus daily as I am.

Saue you my Lord.

Good Maister Wel-tri'd, you can informe mee, pray how ended the quarrell betwixt yong Bould, and the other Gentleman.

T'is strange there was no hurt done, yet I hold the other Gentleman, farr the better Man.

So doe not I.

Besides they say the satisfaction that walks in the Or­dinaries, is counter-feit.

No sweet Maister Well-tri'd, let's haue no fighting till (as you haue promis'd) you haue rid me from this foolish feare, and taught mee to endure to looke vppon a naked Sword.

Well and il'e be as good as my word.

But doe you heare Cozen Proudly? they say my old Father must marrie your sister Honor, and that hee will dis­inherit me, and intaile all his Lordships on her, and the heire he shall beget on her bodie, i'st true or not?

As [...]or you my Lord: I will send to you as soone as I dare fight and looke vppon steele, which Maister Wel-tri'd I pray let be with all possible speede.

Faith I haue a great mind to see long-megg and the ship at the Fortune.

Nay afaith let's vp and haue a rest at Primero.

Agreed my Lord, and toward the Euening il'e car­rie you to the Companie.

Well no more words.

I wonder Sir you will walke so and let anie bodie [...]it prating to your wife! were I a man Id'e thrust'em out ot'h shop by the head and shoulders.

There were no pollicie in that wife, so should I loose their custome, let them talke them selues wearie, and giue thee loue tokens still, I loose not by it.

Sir you may, but if I know what hath deseru'd al this I am no woman, 'cause he kist my hand, vnwillingly.

A little Irish foot-boy, Sir, he staies without for an answere.

S'light, what should be become of her, you sweare she past not forth of do [...]es, and i'th house she is not?

Did you not see her Princox?

This same Bawd has brought her letters from some yonger brother, and she is stole away.

Bawd, I defie you, indeed your Lordship thinkes, you may make Bawds of whom you please, i'le take my oath vpon a booke, since I met her in the necessarie house i'th morning, I ne're set eye on her.

Sh [...]e went not out of dores.

Sure shee has an inuisible ring.

M [...]rrie she's the honester woman, for some of their ring are visible enough, the more shame for them, still say I, let the pond at Islington be search't: goe to, there's more [Page] haue drown'd themselues for loue this yeare then you are aware of.

Pish, you are a foole.

S'hart call him foole againe.

By this light and I will, as soone as euer you haue shew'd me the Swaggerers.

Her clothes are all younder my Lord.

And euen those same she had on to day.

Madam where is your Husband?

Rid into the Countrie.

O' my conscience, rid into France with your sister.

Away, away for shame.

Why, I hope she is not the first Ladie that has run away with other womens husbands.

It may be shee's stolne out to see a play.

Who should goe with her, man?

Vpon my life you'll heare on her at Master Ingens house, some loue past betwixt them, and we heard that he was married to day, to another.

S'hart, ile go see.

Come to the Swaggerers.

Mercy vpon me, a man or a—Lord now?

Heere's a quoile, with a Lord and his sister.

Princox, hast not thou pin'd in that Ruffe yet, ah! how thou fumblest.

Troth Madam, I was ne're brought vp to it, t'is Chamber-maids work, and I haue euer liu'd Gentlewoman. And beene vs'd accordingly.

Because I would haue beene in bed as soone as they, wee are so long vnpinning and vnlacing.

Yet many of vs Madame are quickly vndone some­time, but heerein we haue the aduantage of men, though [...] [Page] they can be a bed sooner than we, i'ts a great while when they are a bed e're they can get vp.

Indeed if they be well laid Princox, one cannot get them vp againe in hast.

Oh God Madame, how meane you that, I hope you know, ill things taken into a Gentlewomans ea [...]es, are the quick corrupters of maiden modestie, I would be loath to continue in any seruice vnfit for my virgin estate, or where the world should take any notice of light behauiour in the Ladie I follow: for Madame, the maine point of chastitie in a Ladie, is to build the rock of a good opinion amongst the people by circumstances, and a faire shew she must make, Si, non caste, tamen ca [...]te Madame, and though wit be a wanton Madame: yet I beseech your Lady-ship for your owne cre­dit and mine, let the bridle of judgement be alwaies in the chaps of it to giue it head, or restraine it, according as time and place shall be conuenient.

Precise and learned Princox, dost not thou goe to Black-fryers.

Most frequently Madame, vnworthy vessell that I am to partake or retaine any of the delicious dew, that is there distilled.

But why shouldst thou aske me what I meant e'ne now, I tell thee there's nothing vtter'd that carries a double sence, one good, one bad, but if the hearer applie it to the worst, the fault lies in his or her corrupt vnderstanding, not in the speaker, for to answere your lattine: prauis omnia pra­ [...]a, beleiue me wench, if ill come into my fancie, I will purge it by speech▪ the lesse will remaine within: a pox of these nise mouth'd creatures, I haue seen a norrow paire of lips vt­ter as broad a taile, as can be bought for money; Indeed an ill tale vnutter'd, is like a maggot in a nut, it spoiles the whitest kernell.

You speake most intellegently Madame.

Ha' [...]t not done yet? thou art an old fumbler, I per­ceiue me thinkes thou doest not doe things like a woman.

Madame, I doe my endeauour, and the best can doe no more, they that could doe better, it may be would [Page] not, and then t'were all one, but rather then be a burthen to your Lady-ship, I protest sincerely, I would beg my bre [...]d, therefore I beseech you Madame to hold me excus [...]d, and let my good will stand for the action.

Let thy good will stand for the action? If good will would doe it, there's many a Ladie in this Land would be content with her old Lord, and thou canst not be a burthen to me, without thou lie vpon me, and that were preposterous in thy sexe; take no exceptions at what I say, remember you said stand e'ne-now, there was a word for one of your coate indeede.

I sweat Madame, you are verie merrie, God send you good luck, ha's your Ladyship no waters, that you vse at bed-time?

No introth, Princox.

No Complexion?

None but mine own I sweare, did'st thou euer vse any?

No indeede Madame: now and then a peece of scarlet, or so; a little white and red Cerusse; but in troth Ma­dame, I haue an excellent receipt for a night masque, as euer you heard.

What is it?

Bores grease one ounce, Iordane Almouds blanch't and ground a quarterne, red Rose-water, halfe a pint, Mares vrine, newly couer'd, halfe a score drops.

Fough, no more of thy medicine, if thou lou'st me, few of our Knights errant, when they meete a faire Ladie errant, in a morning, would thinke her face had lien so pla­ster'd all night: thou hast had some Apothecarie to thy sweet heart: but leauing this face physick, for (by my troth) it may make others haue good ones; but it makes me make a scur­uie one. Which of all the Gallants in the Towne would'st thou make a husband of, if thou might'st haue him for thy chusing?

In troth Madame, I but you'll say I speake blindly, but let my loue stand a side.

I think it not fit indeede your loue should stand in the middle.

I say Master Bould; oh, do but marke him Madame, [Page] his leg, his hand, his bodie, & all his members standin print.

Out vpon thee Princox; no, me thinkes Wel-trid [...] a handsome fellow, I like not these starch' [...] Gallants: mascu­line faces, and masculine g [...]stures please me best.

How like you Master P [...]rt?

[...]ie vpon him, when he is in his skarlet clothes, he lookes like man of waxe, and I had as leue haue a dogge a waxe, I do not thinke but he lies in a case a nights, he walkes as if he were made of gyues, as if nature had wrought him in a frame, I haue seene him sit discontented a whole play, be­cause one of the purles of his band was fallen (out of his reach) to order againe.

Why? Bould Madame is cleane contrarie.

I but that's as ill, each extreame, is a like vi [...]ious; his carefull carelesnesse is his stud [...]e, he spends as much time to make himselfe sloue [...]ly, as the other to be spruse, his garters hang euer on the calues of his legs, his dublet vnbutten'd, and his points vntrust, his haire in's eyes like a drunkard, and his hat worne on his hinder part of his head, as if he car'd more for his memorie, than his wit: makes him looke as if he were distracted; Princox, I would haue you lie with me, I doe not loue to lie alone.

With all my heart Madame.

Are you cleane skind?

Cleane skind Madame [...] there's a question, do you thinke I haue the itch? I am an English-woman, I protest, I scorne the motion.

Nay prithee Princox be not angrie, it's a signe of ho­nestie I can tell you.

Faith Madam I thinke ti's but simple honestie that dwels at the signe of me scab.

Well, well, come to bed, and wee [...]le talke further of all these matters.

Dam-me, we will haue more wine, sirrha, or wee'l downe into the Seller, and drowne thee in a Burt of Malme­sey, and he wall the Hogs-heads in peeces.

Hang him rogue, shall he die as honorably as the Duke of Clarence; by this flesh lets haue wine, or I will cut thy head off, haue it rosted and eaten in Pie-corner next Bartholmew-tide.

Gentlemen, I beseech you consider where you are, Turne-bole streete, a ciuill place, do not disturbe a num­ber a poore Gentlewomen, Master Whoore-band, Ms: Bots, Ma: Teare-chops, and Ma: Spill-bloud the Watch are abroad.

The Watch? why you rogue, are not we Kings of Turne-bole?

Yes marrie are yee, Sir, for my part, if you'l be quiet, ile haue a signe made of yee, and it shall be cal'd the foure Kings of Turne bole.

Will you fetch vs wine?

And a whoore (sirrah)

Why what d'ee thinke of me, am I an Infidell, a Turke, a Pagan, a Sarazan, I haue beene at Besse Turnups, and she sweares all the Gentlewomen went to see a Play at the Fortune, and are not come in yet, and she beleeues they sup with the Players.

Dam-me, we must kill all those rogues, we shall ne­uer keepe a whore honest for them.

Goe your waies, sirrha, wee'l haue but a gallon a peice, and an ounce of Tobacco.

I beseech you, let it be but pottles.

S'hart you rogne?

Master Well-tri'd, welcome as my soule.

Noble Lad, how do'st thou?

As welcome, as the Tobacco and the Wine Boy.

Dam-me thou art.

Blesse mee (saue you Gent) They haue not one face among 'em. I could wish my selfe well from them, I would I had put out something vpon my returne, I had as leue be at the Barmuthoes.

Pray welcome this Gentleman.

Is he valiant?

Faith hee's a little faulty that way: somewhat of a bashfull and backward nature, yet I haue brought him amongst you, because he hath a great desire to be flesh'd.

Yes faith Sir, I haue a great desire to be flesh'd: now M^r. Well-tri'd said, hee would bring mee to the onely flesh-mongers in the towne.

Sir, he cannot endure the sight of steele.

Not steele? zoones.

Now I am going.

Here's to you sir, i'le fetch you again with a cup of sack.

I pledge you sir, and begin to you in a cup of Claret:

Harke you my Lo: what will you say, if I make you beate all these out of the roome?

What will I say? why I say it is impossible, ti's not is mortall man.

Well drinke apace, if any braue you out braue him, Ile second you, they are a Companie of cowards beleeue me.

By this light I would they were els, if I thought so, I would be vpon the Iack of one of 'em instantly, that same litle Dame me, but M^r. Wel-tri'd if they be not verie valiant or dare not fight! how come they by such Cuts and gashes, and such broken faces?

Why their whores strike 'em with Cans, and glasses, and quart pots, if they haue nothing by 'em, they strike 'em with the Poxe, and you know that will lay ones nose as flat as a basket hilt Dagger.

Well let me alone.

This bullie dares not drink.

Dare I not Sir.

Well said, speake to him man.

You had best trie me Sir.

Wee fouer will drinke foure healths to foure of the seauen deadly sines, Pride, Drunkennesse, wrath & Leeherie.

I'le pledge 'em, and I thanke you, I know 'em all, heeres one.

Which of the sinnes?

By my troth e'ne to Pride.

Why well said, and in this doe not you only pledge your Mistris health, but all the womens in the world.

So now, this little Cup to Wrath, because he and I are strangers.

Braue boy, Dame me he shall be a Rorer.

Dame me, I will be a rorer, or't shall cost me a fall.

The next place that falls, pray let him haue it.

Well, I haue two of my healths to drinke yet, Leche­rie and Drunkennesse which en'e shall goe together.

Why how now my Lord, a Morralist?

Dame mee, art thou a Lo: what vertues hast thou?

Vertues? enough to keepe ere a Dame me Company in England, me thinkes you should thinke it vertue enough to be a Lord.

Will not you pledg these healths? wee'le haue no obseruers.

Why, Mounser Whore-bang? I am no play maker, and for pledging your healths, I loue none of the foure, you drank to so well.

Zoones you shall pledge me this.

Shall I?

Whats the matter, do'st heere Maister Wel-trid, vse thine owne discretion, if thou wilt not pledge him, say so? and let me see, if er'e a Dame me of 'em all, will force thee.

Puffe, will your Lordship take anie Tobacco? you Lord with the white face?

Heart he cannot put it through his nose.

Faith you haue neare a nose to put it through, dee heart blow your face sirra.

Youle pledge me Sir?

Indeede I will not.

Dame me hee shall not then.

It is as free for mee as you, d'ee here Patch?

I haue paid more for't.

Nay Ile beare him witnesse in [...] truth, his soule lies fort my Lord.

Wel-tru'd, you are growne proud since you got [Page] good Clothes, and haue follow'd your Lord.

I haue knowne you lowzie, Wel trid,

Rorer you lie.

Oh Iesu.

Zoones cleaue or be cleft: pell mell, sl [...]sh armes and legges.

Hart let me alone with 'em.

Why now thou art a worthy wight, indeed a Lord a Lorne.

I am a mad man, looke is not that one of their heads?

Fie no my Lord.

Dam me but tis, I would not wish you to crosse me a purpose, if you haue anie thing to say to me, so, I am readie.

Oh braue Lord, manie a rorer thus is made by wine: come it is one of their heads my Lord.

Why so then, I will haue my [...]umour, if you loue me, let's goe breake windowes somewhere.

Drawer, take your plate, for the reckoning there's some of their cloakes: I will be no shot-log to such.

Gods blessing o'your heart, for thus ridding the house of them.

Why so? these women are the erranst Iuglers in the World, the wry-leg'd fellow is an Asse to 'em. Well I

must haue this wddow, what e're come on't: Faith she has turn'd me out of her seruice verie barely, harke, whats heere, musique.

S'foote, who's this? yong Master Bould? God saue you, you are an earely stirrer.

You say true Master Subtle, I haue beene earely vp, but as God helpe me, I was neuer the neere.

Where haue you beene Sir?

What's that to you Sir? at a womans labour.

Very good: I neare tooke you for a man Mid-wife before.

The troth is, I haue beene vp all night at dice, & lost my clothes, good morrow Master Subtle, pray God the Watch be broke vp: I thanke you for my Musique:

Tis palpable by this aire, her husband and being abroad, Bould has layen with her, and is now con [...]'d out of doores. Is this the Ladie Perfect with a poxe? The truth is, her ver­tuous [Page] chastitie, began to make me make a myracle of her, still holding out to me, notwithstanding her husbands most barbarous vsage of her, but now indeede t'is no maruaile since another possesses her. Well Madame, Ile go finde out your Cuckold, ile be reueng'd on you and tell a tale Shall tickle him, this is a cheate in loue, Not to be borne, another to beguile Me of the game, I plaid for all this while.

You see, we made bould with your lodging, indeed, I did assure my selfe, you were fast for this night.

But how the Deuill came this foole in your companie?

S'foote man, I carried him last night among the Rorers, to flesh him, and by this light he got drunke, and beate e'm all.

Why then he can endure the sight of a drawne sword now?

Oh God Sir, I thinke in my conscience, he will eate steele shortlie, I know not how his conuersion will hold after this sleepe, but in an houre or two (last night) he was growne such a little dam-me, that I protest, I was afraid of the spirit, that I my selfe had rais'd in him: but this other matter of your expulsion thus mads me to the heart; Were you in bed with her?

In bed by Heauen.

I'le [...]e hang'd, if you were not busie to soone, you should haue let her slept first.

Z'oones man, she put her hands to my breasts and swore I was no maid, now I being eager to proue her words true, tooke that hint, and would violently haue thrust her hand lower, when her thought being swifter then my strength, made her no sooner imagine that she was betrai'd, but she leapes out of the bed, whips me downe a sword that hung by, and as, if fortitude and justice had met to assist her, spight of all argument faire or fowle she forc't me away.

But is't possible thou should'st haue no more wit, would'st thou come away vpon any tearmes, but sure ones, [Page] hauing night, her chamber and her selfe naked in thine armes? By that light, if I had a sonne of [...]4 whom I had help 't thus farre, that had seru'd me so, I would breech him.

S'hart, what would you haue me done?

Haue done? done, done twice at least.

Haue plaid Tarquin and rauish't her.

Pish, Tarquin was a block-head, if he had had any wit and could haue spoke, Lucr [...]ce had neuer been rauished, she would haue yeelded, I warrant thee, & so wil any woman

I was such an erronious heretique to loue, and women, as thou art, till now.

God's pretious, it makes me mad, when I thinke on't: was there euer such an obsur'd trick? now will she a­buse thee horriblie, say thou art a faint-hearted fellow, a milk-sop and I know not what, as indeede thou art.

Z'oones, would you had beene in my place.

Z'oones, I would I had, I would haue so jumbl'd her honestie: would'st thou be held out at staues end with words? dost not thou know a widdow's a weake vessell, and is easily cast if you close.

Weltri'd, you deale vnfriendly.

By this light I shal blush to be seen in thy companie.

Pray leaue my chamber.

S'hart, I loue you as well; but for my spleene, or choller I thinke, I haue as much as you.

Why how now my Lord? who do you call rogue? the Gentleman you name is my friend, if you were wise I should be angrie.

Nothing but this, how many doe you thinke, you haue slaine last night?

Why fiue, I neuer kill lesse.

There was but foure: my Lord, you had best pro­uide your selfe and begon, three you haue slaine starke dead.

You jest.

T'is most true, Weltri'd is fled.

Why let the Rorers meddle with me another time, as for flying, I scorne it, I kild 'em like a man; when did you euer see a Lord hang for any thing? we may kill whom we list, marry my conscience p [...]icks me; ah plague a this drinke, what things it makes vs doe, I doe no more remember this now than a puppie-dogge.

Nay stay my Lord, I did but trie the tendernesse of your conscience, all this is nothing so, but to sweeten the tale (I haue for you) I foretold you this fain'd mischance.

Is it a tale belonging to the Widdow?

I thinke you are a witch.

My grand-mother was suspected.

The Widdow has desired you by me to meete her to morrow morning at Church in some v [...]knowne disguise, least any suspect it, for quoth she,

Bould, I haue euer taken you to be my friend, I am very wise now, and valiant, if this be not true, dam [...]me Sir, [Page] you are the sonne of a whore, and you lie, and I will make it good with my sword.

I am, what e're you please Sir, If it be not true, I will goe with you to the Church my selfe, your disguise I haue thought on; the Widdow is your owne. Come, leaue your fooling.

Arrest me, rogue? I am a Lord ye curs, a Parliament man.

A plot, a trick by Heauen. See Ingens foote-boy, t'is by his Masters meanes, oh coward, slaue; i'le put in baile, or pay the debt.

I [...]le bind your wound vp first, your losse of blood May sooner make you faint.

Well, as you please my Lord, you are witnesse, whatsoe're before

Oh thou faire creature! wilt thou be as false as other Ladies?

Why, by my troth i'le tell you, because you are my friend, otherwise you must note it is a great hurt to the art of whooremasterie to discouer, besides the skill was neuer mine o'th price.

And I cal'd her pretie Rogue, and I thrust my fin­ger betwixt her breasts, and I made lips; at last, I pul'd her by the chin to me, and I kist her.

Hum, very good.

So at the first, she kist very strangely, close, & vn­toward; then said I to her, thinke b [...]t vpon the wrongs, the intollerable wrongs, the rogue your Husband does you.

I that was very good, what said she to you then sir?

Nay, I went on. First quoth I, thinke how he hath vs [...]d you, left you no meanes, giuen all your clothes to his Punckes, struck you, turn'd your gray eies into black ones, but yet—

A pre [...]ie conceit.

Quoth I, these things are nothing in the Rascoll, thinke but what a base Whoore-master, the Rascoll is.

Did you call me Rascoll so often are you sure.

Yes, and oftner, for said I, none comes amisse to [Page] the rogue, I haue knowne him quoth I, doe three lowzie beggars vnder hedges in the riding of ten mile, and I swore this to.

Twas verie well, but you did lie. On I pray.

Pish, one must lie a little, now sir by this time shee began to kisse some what more openly, and familiarlie, her resistance began to slacken, and my assault began to stiffen, the more her Bulwarke decai'd, the more my batterie forti­fied, at last sir, a little fumbling being past to make the Con­quest more difficult, shee perceauing my readines mounted, fals me flat vpon her backe, cries mee out aloud

Which is as much to say: I am a Cuckold, in all Lan­guages, but sure tis not so, It is impossible my wife should yeeld.

Hoyday, ene now, it was impossible she should hold out, and now it is impossible she should yeeld, stay you but heere & be an eare witnes to what followes, Ile fetch your wife. I know he will not stay.

Good faith Sir but he will. I doe suspect some kna­uerie in this.

How full of ghastly wounds this letter shewes, oh, oh.

Good Master Wel-tri'd, I would not buie her face, and for her manners if they were worse, they shall not dis­please me.

I thanke your Ladyship.

Looke, how the old Asse my father stands, he looks like the Beare in the play, he has kil'd the Ladie with his ve­rie sight as God helpe me, I haue the most to do to forbeare vnmasquing me, that I might tell him his owne, as can be.

You're going to this geere to M^r. Bould, vm, vm, vm.

Not to your couching geere my Lord, though I be not so olde, or rich as your Lordship, yet I loue a yong wench as well.

As well, as my Lord, nay by my faith, that you do not, loue a yong wench as well as he, I wonder you will be vnmannerly to say so.

Faith Master Wel-tri'd, troth is I loue them well, but they loue not me, vm, vm, vm, you see, what ill luck, I haue with them, vmp, vmp, vmp, a poxe a this cold still say I.

Where got you this cold my Lord? it can get in no where that I can see, but at your nostrels, or eies, all the o­ther parts are so barricado'd with furre.

It got in at his eies, and made that birdlime there where cupids wings doe hang intangled.

Is this your wife, that (vm, vm, vm) shall be, Ma. Bould, i'le be so bould as kisse her.

Sir, forbeare, I haue one bould enough to kisse my [...], oh olde coxcombe, kisse thine owne naturall sonne, t'is worse then a Iustices lying with his own daughter, but M^r. Wel-tri'd when will the Widdow breake this matter to me?

Not till the very close of all, she dissembles it yet, because my Lo [...] your Father is heere, and her other suitor Bould.

Now she begins, abundant thanks vnto your wid­dow-hood.

But see what thought the Bride-groome takes, my conscience knowes now, this is a most praeposterous match, yet for the commoditie, we winck at all inconueni­encie. My Lord, my Lord.

Vmp, vmp, vmp, I beshrow you for waking of me, now shall I haue such a fit of coughing, hum, hum—

Oh haplesse wife, that shall haue thee, that either [Page] must let thee sleepe continually, or be kept waking her selfe by the cough.

What with a cough? why he would spit, and that's more than you can doe.

Your bride my Lord is dead.

Marrie, e'ne God be with her, griefe will not helpe it, vmp, vmp, vmp.

Looke, looke, the Parson joynes the Doctors hand & hers; now the Do. kisses her by this light.

Now goes his gowne off, hoy-day, he has read breeches on: Z'oones, the Physition is got

o'th top of her, be like it is the mother she has, harke the bed c [...]eakes.

S'hart, the doores fast, break 'em open, we are betrai'd.

Besides, this Gentleman your brother in law well parted, and faire mean'd, and all this come about (you must conceiue) by your owne sisters wit as well as his.

S'light, I am cozend of all sides, I had good hope of the Widdow my selfe, but now I see euerie bodie leaues me sauing vm, vm, vm.

Father, lend me your sword, you and I are made a couple of fine fooles, are we not? If I were not valiant now, and meant to beate 'em all, heere would lie a simple dis­grace vpon vs, a Fee-simple one indeed, marke now what i'le say to 'em, d'ee heare my Masters, Dam-me, yee are all the sonne of a whoore, and ye lie, and I will make it good with my sword, this is cal'd Roaring Father.

Then haue I something to say to you. Haue you any thing to say to me?

Then I haue nothing to say to you, for that's the fashion, Father if you will come away with your cough, doe? Let me see how many challenges must I get writ: You shall heere on me beleiue it.

Why, then all friends, I thought you would not haue had the manners to bid vs stay dinner neither.